#ive just been an emotional roller coaster the past few days but go figures since i ended up started my period today lmao!
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decided to see how many mutuals i have bc i never knew but iowojgfwjg theres 114 of you ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა <3 ily guys im sorry im still shy and might not interact much (also since i half run on queue bc most days my mind runs elsewhere) but i try spreading the love whenever im actively on like what ill do now
#personal#by filling my queue with mutuals works/reblogging stuffies#ive just been an emotional roller coaster the past few days but go figures since i ended up started my period today lmao!#im noticing its happening to me everytime before i start pmsing the last 5 times i just hope this isnt forever#the cycle that is of being emotional beforehand its really annoying like really
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Title: little delinquent pt iii
part ii | part iii | part iv
Warnings: Female!reader (bat!sis), mostly family fluff, AU, hurt/comfort, Jason’s language
Word Count: 4700~
Synop: It had Bruce and Dick sharing a look for a moment before the latter spoke up, “It’s not like I’m against continuing to expand the family, but…” he eyed the child you held nervously, “please don’t start bringing home every child you find…” he tilted his head, “he’s bad enough.” Bruce settled a light glare at his first son (that definitely wasn’t what Bruce was thinking), though Dick was stilled by the way your eyes narrowed at him instead.
“His name is Terrence,” that was all you said, brushing past as they were suddenly on guard at the inherited Wayne-scowl on your face.
-
A/N: tbh I cut the last chapter in two, this is the second half ee;;;; but I rewrote it to be it’s own chapter tho haha. Hum… this doesn’t pick up exactly where the last chapter ended, but it’s still all here. c’: Also, if you wear glasses, just know grumpy ol’ Bruce would probably force contacts on you in public (he’d see them as more ‘professional,’ and glasses as a danger/hazard in the field). Glasses are for home only sighs.
Ngl I see lexcorp similar to westworld’s delos, lotsa fancy designs ee;;;; Cadmus like nasa test rooms, clinical as heck with little to no windows, and wayne ent with Alien franchise’s archaic but advanced spaceship tech, or dracula’s castle with cubicles lmao
-
“Hey, Jaybird…”
Normally he knew what to expect, normally he’d open the door braced for a tackle, so when the rush of wind never came, he was at a bit of a loss. There you were, dressed like Bruce for some irritating reason. A size-too-big of a jacket, zipped up over a uselessly thin black turtleneck, a pair of black gloves, pants covering everything, and a pair of black lace-less… boots… with red… soles…?, and a suspiciously familiar-looking kid in your arms…
There was a slight guilty look on your face as you gauged his reaction, he could tell, you were nervous.
Wait.
He eyed the kid something scary, his voice grounding out, “so, who do I have to murder?”
“You weren’t gone that long, you know.” Snorting, you pushed past him into the small safe house, frowning at the bareness of it all before situating Terrence on the floor mattress. “How you sleep on this thing is beyond me…” he just shrugged, “too used to it? Answer the question,” he pointed at the kid while closing the door, “who?”
Agitated.
“Terrence,” said child was looking around, but there was only so much that would grab his attention, as empty as the room was.
“His name is Terrence, and he’s no one else’s, he’s… mine.”
“You just said it hasn’t been that damned long—” his frustration was building; he wasn’t liking where this was going, not that you were aware which direction his head was headed at the moment, you’d just gotten here.
You shook your head, “don’t tell me you…” his anger settled into a dark scowl, but you refused to look at him, “you can’t seriously bring more kids into that fucking prison.” He was so conflicted, it was you, but you were still a Wayne. It scared him to think of more children stuck in that lonely mansion, becoming bitter like he had.
You remembered what Dick had said days earlier when he first saw the child,
“Jason—” you began, a slight warning to your tone.
He didn’t care,
“Don’t be like Bruce.”
His voice was so cold.
Terrence had crawled his way over to the legs of the table in the makeshift kitchen, eyes on a prize as he began trying to figure out how a chair worked.
“You know, that actually hurt.”
You didn’t hate your father like Jason projected, but you knew the way he spoke about him, the way he expressed his feelings, that he ‘hated’ him. It was a half-truth, you knew. Jason preferred not hurting you, next to Alfred, you were more tolerable than the other family members.
Somedays Tim and Dick made that list. Somedays.
But that didn’t mean he was actively trying to be kind, he wanted it to stab.
Petty. Resentful. Haunted.
He went to say more, but stopped, fists shaking slightly from anger.
You were staring him down, that same look of disappointment Bruce would give him when he made an obviously stupid decision, as if he were still a Robin in training. Like your father, you could read him like an open book when you tried, it made him feel vulnerable, guilty, small.
Fucking frustrated.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he was at a loss for words, “…shit.” He turned away from you, coming back to the moment as he tried to reign in his temper, “it’s just…”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
Instead of continuing to argue the point, too used to his outbursts (Alfred and your family primed you too well for dealing with the unstable emotions of others), you walked over and wrapped your arms around him, head resting on his clothed chest, “missed you, Jay.”
Almost hesitantly, his arms returned the hug, his head burying itself in your hair, “sorry…” he breathed out, almost too quiet. He was tense as you pulled back a bit, reaching up to grab his face in your gloved hands as you leaned up on your toes, pulling his head down to yours. You touched your forehead to his, making certain to be gentle, “Honestly, it’s okay Jay. I forgive you, okay?”
“Cold,” his hands cupped your (oddly chilled) gloved ones, eyes searching your face before he shifted, head nodding slightly, rubbing yours. A heavy sigh escaped him, an awkward smile forming, “so, how’s my cutest little sister been?”
Glad that he was trying to get past his guilt, you shook your head, “a roller coaster. Dad’s upset at me.”
He just snorted in amusement, relaxing a little as you continued, “And how was California? The Titans? I miss Kory…” you blinked at his flat expression, “what? You were at the Tower, right? With Kory and Roy, and the others?”
Wow you ruined the moment fast.
“Aaaand that’s where you stop being cute. I swear this family is full of creepers. I think Dick’s the only normal one,” you tilted your head as he kept his hands firmly on your shoulders. “Honestly, you and Tim are terrifying, your brother is a demon, and I don’t even want to describe Bruce.”
“Glad you didn’t include yourself in that, zomboy,” he groaned, “that’s hurtful,” then he pouted, finally getting a good look at you.
Terrence was old enough to stand on his two legs as he held onto the chair, but he kept stumbling as he moved uncertainly. His eyes were focused on his mission as he started trying to climb further up.
Something clicked in the back of Jason’s brain, sudden realization dawning, “what…” you sighed, his hand moving from your shoulder, “is this…?” You refused to meet his stare as his fingers hooked on the zipper of your jacket, “uhm…” you flushed as he pulled it down, a bright red bat in his face.
There was a sudden sparkle in his eyes.
“Huh, didn’t expect you to be that much of a fan.” You were burning from head to toe now, refusing to look at him at all, rubbing the back of your neck with a thick swallow. “That… that’s kind of the problem…”
“What, that you’re walking around with my colors?” His grin seemed disappointed, but turned a bit more concerned at the frown you leveled at him, “it… let me explain… I think I need help…”
“Definitely gonna need explanations. A lot of them.” The kid was one thing, this outfit was another. He made to sit down, and you followed, leaving Terrence to his own devices for the moment.
It’s not like there was much trouble to get into, everything of worth or danger was out of his reach.
“…yeah.”
“…”
“…”
“What is it?”
“…Why’d you think I slept with someone? When you first saw Terrence in my arms?”
He leaned away from you, chin resting on his palm, propped up on the arm of the couch with his elbow, “I’m your brother, and he looks like… it’s… I’m supposed to get upset about that… just… answer…” he did his best to keep a straight face, but eventually he had to turn away, looking at the wall, ears burning.
“Hm…?” you leaned towards him and he didn’t have to look at you to know you had a less than innocent smile on right now.
“Creep.”
You just laughed as you leaned into his side, causing him to crack a small smile, still not looking at you.
-
[“So… How to start this…”]
[“The suit, first, Terry after.”]
[“Terry?”]
[“The kid. Just explaaaaain already, uuugh I have patrol in a few hours…”]
[A heavy sigh, “Okay, then... So, you know how Lex helps fund the Society’s shenanigans?”]
[“…oh.”]
[“Yeah.”]
-
When it came to most places, breaking and entering was always easier at night, but for the LexCorp building? Nighttime came with problems, it came with heightened security, rigorous control, and the easy ability to spot something that was out of place. There was also your youngest brother who had filled you in on his adventures with Jon once, not a single detail of the LexCorp building having been left out; he was a thorough kid.
It was far easier to infiltrate during the day, the number of staff on the security team, the cliques of scientists and researchers, and the average workers meandering about made it easy to blend. You had donned a pair of (older prototype) smart glasses, normal from the viewer’s perspective, an integrative matrix mapping AI system from the wearer’s. Well, it could do more, but this was what you needed, the constant reconstruction of old building plans for more accuracy as you walked around.
Tim’d made some amazing things over the years, such as his matrix encryption to keep your work phone quiet, scrambling any noticeable connections that could be traceable. But this one was probably the coolest in your opinion, and he had yet to see the return of said glasses since you wouldn’t give them up, and he could never find where you’d put them. The glasses were a useful subtle change from the norm, a quick disguise, the security barely giving you a glance-over as you entered the passcode for the ID tag you wore, walking into the building.
With a slight wave from you, and a “Good Afternoon!” from them, getting in the backdoor was always the easy part. There were two more women next to you chatting in excitement and you made to stick close to them, parting only when you came upon the women’s locker rooms. The badge number Tim’d tracked down for you was useful until it wasn’t, Lex’s problem was needing levels three and above extensive background checks on anyone hired, and Tim knew exactly where to look.
-
[“Like I said, terrifying.”]
[“You do the same thing.”]
[“That’s a bit above my paygrade, usually I ask Tim for help when I need information from behind top-of-the-line security walls.”]
[“Oh.”]
[“Yeah.”]
-
Next was invasion of personal privacy and property, and a lot of it. You’d have felt worse if it weren’t for having been raised this way, “you’ll find out that people are just that, some sick and twisted, some happy and kind-hearted, but in the end, we’re all the same. Eventually, nothing will surprise you,” your father would say.
It didn’t take long, going through a few lockers and purses, letting your glasses do most of the work. They were able to see in a three-dimensional matrix, constantly being constructed behind most any material or metal. There were plenty of lab coats in varying sizes to choose from, and you spotted one badge and wondered who the dumdum was. You had plenty of electromagnetic strips for your ID if you needed a switch, but it seemed unnecessary. Some people left their everything when they clocked out, too.
You’d secured your purse around your stomach and under your shirt, the bulge flattened at your side, tying the ends in place. It would uncomfortably dig into you, but you couldn’t leave it behind and it would only be for a short time.
No one had paid you any mind, too busy rushing to get in and out of the locker rooms, and you made to escape with a group of women in the same coats as yourself. The group and yourself came to an elevator, and you let them do all the work. One of them scanning their ID for the group, the rest blurting out the number of the floor they needed to get to, and yourself joining in. A strange calm settling as you got more into the coworker attitude.
Seventh level Research and Development wing.
-
[“Not his office?”]
[“Why?”]
[“I dunno, there’s probably some terrible top-secret info in there.”]
[“I mean, I was on the main R&D floor, how much more top secret can you get?”]
[“Touché.”]
-
The entire R&D area was made up of floor to ceiling glass window dividers, a white and chromatic color scheme, and a lot of tightly sealed doors. You honestly didn’t even need the glasses to find the head researcher’s office, it was written in huge bold letters next to the dumb door on a plaque.
Weaving through a few people with their eyes busy reading clipboards and cellphones, you eyed each inch of the floor, and wondered if the other stock standard R&D floors at LexCorp were similar. No one paid you any mind as you stood in front of the group of office doors, all packed neatly in a little corner, and each leading to a different R&D office. They were mostly empty, only one occupied, most of the techbros and techgals were out and about doing work.
Again, the glasses did the decoding work for you, getting you the set of numbers you needed to enter the room. Unlike the rest of the lab, this office had less windows, though the few it did have were still large. Though they faced out rather than in, and it also wasn’t as large and as roomy as you’d have imagined. The Wayne R&D offices being waaay bigger in comparison.
Taking out two small flash drives, you shoved the sticks into the lone computer on the desk, booted it up, and just let them do their thing. Having the computer start with the flash drive, it acted as an executable program, letting it bypass any needed passcodes or security clearance for now.
One for unlocking the system, the other for information storage.
No doubt someone will notice that.
You wondered briefly if this was how the Cyborg felt, only ever having gotten to see him briefly before he utterly devastated an entire operating system. He then rebuilt it to his preferences, all in the matter of seconds. Tim had always lamented not getting to watch when you described it.
Notably, it was quite lovely how LexCorp’s researchers had everything organized in a folder subsystem so well. You were able to track down the needed information in less than a few minutes through the root directory.
Gotta be faster.
However, as you stared at the processing bar on your information download, there wasn’t a whole lot to do. Clicking the monitor’s sleep button to dim any light, you stood up and strode over to the door.
Being the lookout for a computer program was a new one.
-
[“Pfff.”]
[He snickered behind his palm as you smacked him on the shoulder.]
[“At least you got in without needing to hack anything yourself. Get dunked on, Dick, Damian.”]
[Light laughter echoed.]
-
Nothing had happened by the time the computer let out a small ding, indicating the download had finished. With both flash drives now pocketed, you turned to the next problem: getting out.
It really shouldn’t have been that hard, it was so stupidly easy to get in, thank you new temporary coworkers, but as you eyed the group of security detail by the elevator, you made a hard turn to the side.
Had you gone through the front doors instead of the employee entrance, you would have seen a ton of security. Through the back however, they really were only at certain check points, it’s not like just anyone could get in. So of course, there was no way they would have been able to get so far as the head office of any department.
How long had you been gone from the others? How long did you still have on Tim’s encryptions?
Oh heck.
The options were now trying to squeeze by the security, which was doubtful, they were checking everyone, or figure out a way to base jump without any gear. Neither option sounded appealing, you had no wings or grappling hooks with you, and it was still midday.
The corridor you turned into went from full on glass to a partition supporting windows, half and half, split horizontally to allow for more privacy, probably.
This was also exactly where you didn’t want to be.
Frick.
Most of the rooms looked like chemistry labs, charts everywhere, huge gravity convection and forced-air ovens, and thermo-freezers that looked like they belonged in meat markets. It was almost overwhelming at how cool some of these things looked as you searched for an exit. So filled with anxiety and adrenaline as you were, you almost missed it out of the corner of your eye. It was the red shimmering of a glass bowl on your face that made you notice it, the barely-there stream of sun that caught it just right.
You wasted no time getting to work, the door just as easy as the others, passcodes, they were all passcodes. Where were the fingerprint and retina scanners? Hell, where was the facial recognition scanners? You’d come prepared for so much, so you were incredibly confused at the lax security features. But again, this wasn’t the ground floor and security clearance was stricter this far in, your badge did most of the infiltration for you.
Was your dad that paranoid that now, so were you?
-
[“The civi world is full of sub-par idiots.”]
[“You sound like Dami.]
[“Gross.”]
[“…it’s uncanny, really, he said the same thing.”]
[“Shit.”]
-
The room looked similar to the others, less windows, more wall, plenty of graphs and charts, but there were a few different things as well. A few of which you pocketed; the only expensive looking laptop was also grabbed straight off a table to the side of your quarry.
The most notable thing however was glaring you boldly in the face, all black and a giant red bat on the chest.
A batsuit.
-
[“Yeah, I’m gonna want to know why baldy even had this thing.”]
[“Tim’s going through the drives right now, Dami dropped them off…”]
[“Damn.”]
-
Why did Lex have a batsuit? Where did he get it from, or did he help develop it? Terrence was part of all this, and what about your fa… the Batman? Why was Cadmus part of all this? Why was Lex? Were there more suits? More clo— children?
Shit shit shitshitshitshi—
To say you were freaking out a bit was an understatement.
Hearing heavy footsteps, you panicked and grabbed the garment from behind it’s glass case and took a dive behind the nearest desk. They hadn’t come in yet, they hadn’t gotten to this room, there was still time, but… still time to what?
You eyed the suit in your hands, it’s size horribly different from your own body type (but you could probably still fit it) and you decided to make a really dumb decision then and there.
You were gonna get caught regardless, might as well suit up and try to fight your way out. If you were lucky, you could get out of this without ruining your father’s reputation (or Batman’s identity.)
You began stripping behind the desk, fully intent on donning the batsuit. If nothing else, these things usually came with masks, even though you hadn’t seen a single one near it.
The moment you pulled the fabric over your legs, heels sliding effortlessly into the red soles, you watched almost in amazement as the fabric melted to your skin, reshaping to fit you. There was going to be a lot of bagginess in the suit when you wore it, a lot of tightness in weird places, too, and it had looked fitted to a larger male. So you hadn’t expected the suit to fit perfectly on purpose. It even had a built-in utility belt. Suddenly you were a bit giddy.
Again, what the hell was Lex Luthor doing?
“So freaking cool.”
The material felt almost like a second skin, there was also no sensory loss from wearing it, you could feel the floor as if you were barehanded.
You’d never thought about it before, but now you couldn’t take your mind off Dick and his skintight suit. You felt almost nude in this suit, not used to something showing everything off like it was.
Did Dick enjoy this?
Your ears burned brightly as you finished suiting up, no longer able to think about a large portion of superheroes and villains.
How could you ever face some of them again?
How could you ever look Dick in the eyes again?
“Oh no…”
Perverts. All of them.
-
[Loud laughter.]
[A very red face.]
-
You had to admit though, it was so much cooler than your heavier and bulkier recon gear. It didn’t weigh you down and the sensory adaptation was something you’d never come across before. Speaking of, reaching up, you took the glasses off to get a clear view of your surroundings and immediately regretted it.
The suit seemed to come to life on it’s own as something came out of nowhere, engulfing your head in complete darkness.
A silent scream, too terrified to let out any sound.
You about died then and there.
The suit wasn’t that cool anymore.
Without missing a beat and calming your fears of being bagged or worse, the darkness faded, and you could see your surroundings. Blinking for a moment to adjust, you tried to get your bearings on what the hell just happened, your hand gingerly coming up to feel your face.
[Booting...]
Were you hearing things or did the suit just...?
Unfortunately, that was the exact moment the door to the room you were in opened, and you panicked. It was a dead-end room, you weren’t as good at fighting as your brothers, and the security here could be scary when hunting down an intruder.
Stupid Lex.
Without thinking, you grabbed your things now bundled up in the labcoat like a bag, slung it over your shoulder, and bolted towards one of the windows looking out.
You were so used to recon jobs that you hadn’t taken into consideration that you had none of your gear (but your brothers did this kind of stupid thing constantly, so you’d be okay, right?).
You were too caught up in the moment.
You hadn’t heard the sound, mind too blank, but the glass falling around you was enough indication of just what you had done.
Base jumping it was.
You were in a batsuit, after all.
Falling seven stories was terrifying, but definitely brought you back to reality. Securing the makeshift bag on your back, tied around your neck, you began thinking as fast as you could. Claws? The suit had them, you had noticed, but you were too far from the building, having jumped a distance, then... The suit had a built-in utility belt, right? Maybe there was something useful in one of the —
[Servo-Motors engage…]
[Checking system function…]
[Loading protocol…]
…huh?
[84 feet till impact.]
…wait—
[75 feet till impact.]
“Yeah I see that.”
[71 feet till impact.]
“Thanks.” Sarcasm, “What else can you tell me other than my unfortunate demise at the hands of gravity?”
[Thrusters not online.]
[68 feet till impact.]
[Grappling gun unavailable.]
[Batarang lines unavailable.]
[67 feet till impact.]
[Retractable wings availa—]
“Yes, that one, wings, please! Wait… thrusters?” you had little time as your whole body suddenly started tumbling, a set of red wings expanding between your arms and the sides of your torso. “Shitshitsh—” and then you were gliding, your arms having spread on their own from the force of the fall. “Oh… Oh my…”
The suit was cool again, “Dang this is… nice… Like a bird or… him.” You reeeaaallllly didn’t want to chance him hearing you say his name.
You wanted to try this higher up now, in a sea of clouds… It was like floating, an almost weightless feeling taking over. The wind currents were a bit to get used to, but it wasn’t terrible, having imagined it would be worse higher up, in them dang fluffy clouds... sigh.
[23 feet till landing.]
The suit helped guide you to an area with less people, something akin to your own Gotham alleyways (to a point, Metropolis’ worst streets were like Gotham’s safest ones). The small alley that led to several businesses’ back doors was rather clean, and there weren’t many places to hide. The best you could do was a growing shadow next to an empty dumpster.
“Alright then…” you sighed aloud, hands doing their best to find any seam in the suit, and after a few minutes, your—
[Heart rate at 142bpm.]
[Heart rate rising.]
[Blood pressure at—]
“—No kidding,” you thought, mind racing, and unfortunately, there wasn’t a single seam on the suit.
Anxiety was building in your chest,
“Frick.”
-
[“Wait, the suit talks?”]
[“I think it has an OS on it? I haven’t tried the cowl since…”]
[“You should.”]
[“…Nnnn”]
-
“Why do you look like Nightwing?” All you did was take the clothes from Damian and began to dress yourself over the suit, not certain at all on what you could say to this situation. You’d called Damian the moment you lucked out and made the cowl… come off?, and in his eagerness to leave Jon behind, he showed up quickly.
“You will tell me,” he was sounding just like dad.
“Dami, I uhm…”
“…I won’t tell father.” he could deduce a few things this pertained to, including but not limited to the child you had brought home, and how you avoided Bruce.
You could only sigh and nod at him, resigned. You really hope this didn’t come back to bite you in the bottom.
“What are you two doing?”
The clothes you had couldn’t cover most of the suit, the clothes Damian had brought you were able to do just that. Strangely, you weren’t feeling overheated, even though you looked like you were ready for cold weather.
“Ah, Jon.”
“You look silly.”
“…thanks.”
[“…”]
[”...”]
-
“Nightwing? Screw that brat.”
“Please don’t speak like that…” you sighed, your head in your hands.
He just huffed in annoyance, “I wear the colors better,” he muttered, “it sounds like a lot, what's your next plan of action?”
You let yourself slump forwards as he pulled you into a side-hug, arm slung over your shoulders, “it’s this suit. I can’t get it off, and—"
BAM
You and Jason about had twin heart attacks.
Without missing another fraction of a second, the larger male was on his feet, flipping over the back of the couch ready to attack before he swore at the sight in front of him. Striding over to the table in two long steps, “What the hell, Terry.” He haphazardly picked the kid up, a red helmet falling on the table with a clang, and turned to you, “your kid just tried to kill us, you realize.”
Having slid to the ground out of need to instantly roll to the side, you stopped, staring at the smoking gun that’d been pushed off the table, lying on the floor near you. Your eyes then shifting to the hole in the safehouse’s wall, “Uhm… The safety…”
He just snorted, “I don’t always have it on.” He wasn’t great at taking care of himself, sadly. You did your best with your busy schedule and budgeted time constraints, but when he wasn’t here, he easily fell into old habits.
“Please don’t let the demon spawn near him.”
“Please keep the damned safety on your guns.”
-
Batman was straining so hard that it looked like he was in the middle of a fight, an obvious aura of unrest around him.
“Whoa, you gonna punch yourself in the face? Wait, wait a minute, I gotta…” Batman groaned, irritated as a red blur came into the room, jabbered on too quickly, then took his phone out and pointed it at the big bat.
“Okay, I’m recording now, do it!”
It took a moment as Batman thought, rubbing his temples.
“I trained my kids too well,” at that, Flash put his phone down, tilting his head in confusion, “and that’s… bad?” He looked up at the League’s computers in front of him, noting the blinking [[ALERT ALERT ALERT]] off to the side.
“Because,” Batman reasoned, “I have to deal with them,” he ground out, glaring at the sign of intrusion.
“Ooooh, your kids hacked into the system again, huh?” Flash let out a low whistle, clearly amused by Batman’s misfortunes. Batman did his best to ignore the red nerd, calling on Cyborg to assist him, even though he had already been on his way, noticing it moments prior.
“Family, amirite?”
Batman said nothing in response,
Tim almost got away with it.
Almost.
#tim drake x reader#dick grayson x reader#jason todd x reader#stephanie brown x reader#duke thomas x reader#bat!sis
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Game of Survival
Chapter 3
Jay awoke and shifted his head. He looked to the side to see Hailey and Will sitting next to him. Hailey was asleep but it seemed as though Will had been watching him sleep. A little creepy, but Jay couldn’t blame him.
“Hey.” He was surprised by the scratchiness of his voice.
“Hey.”
“What time is it?”
“A little past 12:30 in the morning.”
“Hmm.”
“Jay, I need to tell you something.”
“Did you get arrested? Who do I have to bribe?” Jay attempted to deflect Will’s serious tone. Will cracked a smile.
“No one. But, uh. Your neck.”
“Yeah?”
“They’re gonna have to do another reconstruction surgery. Finish repairing the muscles. The bullet did a lot of damage to your skin as well. You might need a skin graft. That may mean a third surgery. They may do it during the next one. It depends.”
“On what?”
“How long you’re under. If they have time. If your cbc comes back good from the transfusion. If it doesn’t then you risk bleeding out if you’re under too long. If they need things to heal up a little bit first.”
Jay shifted his jaw.
“So I won’t be able to go back to work for a while.” Jay observed.
“No.” Will sighed. “Not for a few months.”
“When are they planning on doing it?”
“It’s scheduled for the morning after tomorrow. Or tomorrow morning technically, I guess.” Jay sighed.
“Does Hailey know?”
“No. She doesn’t.”
“Can I tell her?”
“Yeah.”
“Do I need to shave before?” Will smiled.
“They will do that for you. But, I have certain contacts that made sure you were fully shaved last time instead of getting half a beard.” Will said mischievously.
“They would really only shave half of someone’s face?”
“If they didn’t need to shave the other side.”
“That’s just awful.” Jay laughed. Will smiled.
“Anything to make sure my brother remained a baby face.”
“Shut up.” Will smiled at his brother doped up on pain meds.
“Alright, now that that’s out of the way, we can both go to sleep.”
“Sounds good to me.” Jay said, closing his eyes.
He woke up late in the morning. Hailey was whispering something, so he decided to be nosy, and keep his eyes closed and listen.
“I love you so much, you know that. I love your freckles. The way that they’re all different sizes. And I love your curly hair. It’s so thick and soft and beautiful. And I love your hazel eyes. I love that they’re multicolored, I love that they change colors. I love the scars. I know you hate them. They remind you of Afghanistan. And I know you think they’re ugly. I think they’re beautiful because they’re a part of you. And I don't know how to tell you all of this. And you almost died and I thought I missed my chance to to tell you how amazing you are. I wish I knew how to tell you that you’re everything to me when you’re not asleep-”
“Just like that.” Jay said softly, opening his eyes. Hailey was perched next to him, sitting on the bed. She gasped and a horrified look crossed her face.
“Hailey, you’re beautiful, strong, brave and so many other things but most of all you’re everything to me too.”
“You heard that?”
“Yeah.”
She stared at his neck, wrapped from his chin to his shoulder with gauze sticking up on one side. She felt as if the air was stolen from her lungs.
“How bad.” She squeaked out.
“Huh?”
“How bad did it hurt.” She said slowly reaching out and touching the surface of the bandages. Tears welled up quickly in her eyes and her vision started to blur. He could see the guilt in her eyes and it broke his heart.
“Hailey” he whispered, grabbing her hand. “I’m still here.” He said, putting her hand over his heart. “I’m gonna be okay.” She put her head down and nodded.
“I should have had your back.”
“You did. You were there and pressed on the wound. You made sure I didn’t bleed out. If you hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here today. You saved my life.”
“Hey,” he tried to soothe. “It’s gonna be okay.” Hailey wiped her tears and forced a smile.
“Yeah.” She pulled her hand away like it was burning. “I’m sorry. It’s just, you mean alot, so it sucked to watch you almost die.” Jay looked at her beautiful figure as they sat in silence. He didn’t know how to respond.
“Will says I’m gonna have another surgery tomorrow morning.” Jay broke the silence.
“What for?”
“To finish the reconstruction from the first surgery. He also said I might need a skin graft which could potentially be a third surgery if they can’t do it during the second surgery.”
“Huh.”
“I- uh- Can you tell the team? I don’t want to drag them all the way down here.”
“I’ll call Trudy and tell her.”
“And tell her what?” A female voice from the door startled them.
“Sarge!” Jay said as Hailey jumped up from her spot.
“I don’t know if you’ll like them, but I brought flowers because it's a custom practice in the United States when visiting someone in the hospital.”
“Thank you,Sarge. You can put them wherever.” He quickly realized how sore his neck was as he strained to turn his head and see her.
She pulled up a chair and sat next to Hailey.
“How are you feeling?” She asked sincerely.
“I’m sore all the time. Hurts really bad when the meds start to wear off.”
“From what I heard, you took a hell of a blast.” His eyes flickered over to Hailey before looking back at Trudy.
“I guess. I don’t really remember. It’s kind of a blur.”
“Everyone’s worried about you. People keep coming up to my desk to ask how you’re doing.”
“What have you been telling them so far?”
“Well, you were in surgery, you were out of surgery. You were recovering and stable. Stuff like that.”
“Hmm. Well, uh, Hailey was gonna tell you that I have another surgery tomorrow morning. They gotta finish fixing everything. I was wondering if you could tell the team for me.”
“Definitely. I can do that.”
“Thankyou.”
“Alright then, let me head back to the district before it turns into a mad house.Do you guys need anything before I go?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“No, thanks.”
“Hang in there, Halstead.”
“See you, Sarge.”
The rest of the day was tense. Both Jay and Hailey were nervous about his upcoming surgery. Rojas stopped by for a visit, and Will came by in the late afternoon, forcing Hailey to go home and freshen up. She came back in the evening and spent the rest of the night with him. Jay didn’t sleep well that night. He was anxious and restless. Jay did finally manage to fall asleep and was woken up by Will.
“Hey buddy, we need to start getting you prepped.”
“What time is it?”
“A little past six.”
“Can you wake Hailey up?” Will did and Hailey quietly stroked his hair as they started setting a new IV up and getting his catheter in and transferring him to a stretcher.
“Hailey, I’m scared.” He admitted in a whisper once all the nurses had left.
“I know. You’re going to be okay. Will is gonna be with you the whole time.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?”
“I promise.”
She slowly bent down and their lips connected.
She pulled away slowly.
“Good thoughts only, Jay.” She whispered, her lips twitching up into a smirk. Sadly, she couldn’t comb her fingers through his hair because it was covered in a hairnet.
“Good thoughts only.” He echoed as their fingers intertwined.
“The team wanted me to have us call them before you went in.”
“The team?”
“Well, call Adam. Who would have the team there.”
“Oh. Ok.” Hailey pulled out her phone and dialed the number.
“Hello?” Adam answered.
“Hey, phone’s speaker. Jay’s here.”
“Guys, guys. It’s Jay.” The heard Adam say in the distance. There was some rustling before a chorus of greetings.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Kim asked.
“I’m feeling good. Just want to get it over with.”
“Not nervous though, right?” Kevin said.
“Nah, man. Never.” Jay joked back.
“Stay strong, Jay. We’re sorry we couldn’t be there but we wanted to make sure you knew we were all rooting for you.” Rojas said.
“Yeah man, you got this.” Adam said.
“Thankyou guys so much.”
“Hang in there Jay. We need you back here.” Hank’s gravelly voice said.
“Thank you.” They said their farewells and ended the call. Will made his way from the door to Jay’s bed.
“Aright, Hailey can’t walk with you the whole way but she can walk most of the way. I will be in the OR with you the whole time. Perks of being a doctor here. I will try to get Hailey as soon as the operation is over. There may be a chance that you will be sedated overnight to rest.”
“Okay.”
“Are you ready brother?”
“Yeah.” The started the journey to the OR. They stopped at the double doors that only staff could go through and Hailey gently kissed his forehead.
“Good thoughts only.” She whispered.
“I love you.” He whispered.
“Tell me that after.” She gave his hand a long squeeze before nodding to Will.
From there he was quickly transported, sedated, and the operation started.
She went back to the waiting room. It was like déjà vu. She waited and waited. She let a few tears fall. She let herself be angry at the shooter. She let herself ride an emotional roller coaster. Finally she was just exhausted and fell asleep in the chair. She was gently awoken by Will.
“Hailey...Hailey?”
“Huh?”
“Surgery’s over.”
“It is?”
“Yeah. They have him in his room already. He did really good. His vitals stayed steady throughout. And they were able to complete the graft already. We’re gonna keep him sedated overnight so he can rest.”
“So no more surgeries?”
“No more surgeries.”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah, its really good. The only downside is that there will be a lot of scarring and rehabilitation will hell.”
“Wow, way to kill the mood.”
“Sorry. Uh, we have him on an NG tube to feed him tonight and tomorrow. His stomach will be sensitive from the anesthesia. I can take you to sit with him.”
“Thankyou.” He escorted Hailey back to the familiar room.
Her partner lay there once again. He was sleeping peacefully despite the bandages and the icepack. A small yellow tube coming out of his nose was taped to his cheek and tucked behind his ear. A mask rested over his nose and mouth. Hailey smiled.
“He looks so peaceful.”
“I don’t think he’s slept like this since.. well… since before he enlisted.”
“Yeah…”
They sat with Jay for a while, occasionally cracking jokes about Jay getting plastic surgery, before Will went out and got both of them some supper. After, the team visited when they were done with work. All night Hailey slept holding Jay’s hand. The morning was pretty dull. Jay was given meds, an NG feeding, and taken off the sedation. The mask was removed and replaced with a cannula. The team dropped by again, whispering and chatting while Jay slept. They missed it the first time Jay blinked his eyes open because he was asleep again in a matter of a handful of seconds. The second time was a little different, because Jay made a noise when he awoke. Adam nudged Hailey who was at Jay’s side as his eyes cracked open.
“Hey, big guy.”
“I love you.” Hailey froze, Jay probably didn’t realize that the rest of the team was there. But, then again, it wasn’t like the team didn’t already know they were dating and had been for a long time. Jay took a breath before talking again.
“You told me to tell you after the surgery.” Hailey smiled. Of course Jay would be the one to remember something like that.
“Awwwwww… how cute.” Adam teased.
“Jesus...” Jay whispered under his breath, realizing he had an audience and reddening with embarrassment.
“That might be one of the cutest things I’ve seen all year.” The team giggled.
“Shut up, Adam.” Jay and Hailey said in unison.
“Man, someone’s cranky.” Adam retorted. Jay rolled his eyes.
“Glad you’re awake, man.” Jay fist bumped Adam. Jay was met with a chorus of greetings. When asked how he was feeling he answered that his neck and his thighs were sore, to which Hailey had to explain that that was where they took the skin from to graft it in. Jay lasted for all of about thirty more seconds before falling back asleep. Will woke him up in the afternoon to pull his feeding tube. It was a terrible experience that made Jay tear up and sneeze and cough from the tickling sensation in his nose and the back of his nose. Jay rubbed his nose aggressively to try to get rid of the feeling. Jay fell back asleep shortly thereafter. He woke up and was covered in his favorite blanket. It was a fleece blanket Will had bought him once that was camo with the 75th Rangers insignia on it. It was soft and Jay had frequently used it. Someone had obviously picked it up from his apartment. Will, who was sitting next to him, smiled and held up a container of red jello and a spoon.
“Wanna try it?” Jay smiled. It reminded him of his mom. When he would get sick as a kid, his mom would cover him in his favorite blanket and give him jello. Granted, Jay mostly got stomach bugs as a kid so that would be one of the few things he could keep down.
“Yeah.” He said, gladly accepting it.
He quietly opened it and took a bite before looking at Will.
“Hey Will?”
“Yeah?”
“What do you think Mom would say if she was here? About me getting shot, again? Do you think she’d be disappointed?”
“No, no. I think she’d be worried. But more than that, I think she would be proud. Not that you got hurt. But that you were pushing a civilian out of harm’s way when it happened. You were being selfless. I think she would tell you that it was a good call. But she would probably also tell you that she would want you to be more careful. Even though you couldn’t control it.”
“It’s hard going into the field sometimes. I know that it’s my duty as a cop to protect, but I worry. Because I don’t want to leave you here alone. I mean, I became a cop because I didn’t think it mattered if anything happened to me. Mom was gone, Dad had disappeared, you were in New York. But now I have you, and I have Hailey, and the team.” Jay set down his Jello container and finished his last bite.
“I don’t even know what I’m saying. I think I might be a little high.” Will laughed at him and Jay smiled.
“Oh brother. I love you so much.”
“Ditto.” Will rolled his eyes.
“Mom would say she loved you no matter what you did or what you were going through.”
“She loved us.”
“Yeah.” Will rubbed Jay’s leg.
“You wanna stay awake. We can turn on the news or something.”
“Oh that sounds good.”
They flipped through channels until Jay stopped Will.
“Go back.” Will did to see Deputy Superintendent Miller on a podium, holding a press conference.
“Turn it up.”
“During the shooting, however, the responding officer, Detective Jay Halstead, sustained a life threatening injury. The offender fired multiple rounds at Detective Halstead using a shot gun, one of which unfortunately hit Detective Halstead’s neck. He underwent life saving surgery and is now recovering from a second surgery. Detective Halstead acted humbly and heroically, trying to protect a civilian from danger, and the CPD commends his efforts.”
“That made it up the ranks quick” Jay commented.
“Yeah.”
“Can you put something else on?” Jay asked after a few seconds. “I don’t really feel like listening about my own near death experience.”
“Yeah.” Will put on some documentary before sitting back down. They didn’t speak to each other but enjoyed each other’s company. Hailey came with dinner for her and Will which they mercilessly teased Jay about. As the night fell, Will decided to go home that night, knowing Hailey would call him if anything happened. They talked until they both decided to settle down to sleep. As Hailey was about to doze off, Jay’s voice startled her awake.
“Hailey. Hailey?”
“I’m here, what do you need?” She said standing up.
“I don’t know how to ask this. But, I’m wide awake. And I thought maybe it was because I’m used to sleeping with you at home. I - I don’t know- I - can you lay with me. Please?” Jay held his breath waiting for the answer. Hailey carefully sat down on the edge of his bed.
“You just had surgery, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. And if you do, I’ll tell you” Hailey gave him a look, knowing he probably wouldn’t.
“I promise.”
“Scoot over, then. My ass is not that tiny.” Jay smiled and complied.
She fit right next to him, her warmth was comforting as he put an arm around her. She avoided touching his neck and instead scooted down enough to put her head on his chest.
“Your sweatshirt smells good.” He whispered.
“Mmm… it smells like hospitals.”
“It smells like you. Perfect.”
“Oh shut up.” They both chuckled at his cheesiness.
“I had to try.” He said, pulling the blanket up.
“Nice blanket.” Hailey commented, noticed the logo.
“Yeah, Will got it for me years ago for Christmas or something.”
“This year I think I’ll get you bubble wrap for Christmas. And that way, you’ll have an extra layer of padding when you go out in the field.”
“Oh really? I can’t wait.” Hailey snickered and rolled her eyes.
“All I want for Christmas is for you to be safe.”
“That would be nice. Stop having to be in hospitals.”
“Why do you hate them so much?”
“Uh-Afghanistan. I uh- injured my back- broke a few vertebrae. Spent five weeks in a hospital in Kandahar.”
“That’s where you were stationed?”
“No, I was actually stationed in the Korengal valley. But it was the closest hospital.”
Hailey set a hand on Jay’s chest.
“You don’t have to talk about it, but was that after the explosion?” Jay nodded silently.
“It was scary, and unfamiliar and everything just seemed so uncertain. I woke up and I couldn’t walk for close to six months.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine. I mean, it was horrible. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever been through. But it’s over now. It’s healed. I’m just grateful that I can walk.”
“The more I know about you, the more I realize that I have no clue who you really are.” Jay immediately caught on that she was quoting him.
“Good, my plan is working.” He quoted her without skipping a beat. He squeezed her closer.
“Goodnight, Hailey Ann ‘hopefully in the future Halstead’”
“Oh my gosh, goodnight, Jay ‘I love saying the cheesiest stuff to my girlfriend’ Halstead.”
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COLA | cory.
If there has been one thing to stand out about Cory Osada, best known by the moniker Cola, it’s his tenacity. From the beginning of his roller-coaster career, Cola has met controversy, hate and hyperscrutiny largely with witty retorts and a self-assured insistence on keeping forward. Cola has grown up in the public eye, evolved from a precocious teenager mumble-rapping love songs in his bedroom to an international pop star, with over a hundred song-writing credits to his name and a kingdom of his own in form of Chapel Records, a label collecting the misfits of the Korean pop industry and giving them their deserved platforms. Many love Cola, many hate him; but one can not imply he hasn’t put the work in- from his debut album in 2015, he’s put out a full-length record every year since- until 2020.
“2019 was the best year of my life until it wasn’t.” Cola said in an interview earlier in the year. And it certainly did seem like everything had finally come up Cola. He Has been nominated for Best Male Soloist at MAMA 2019- his first ever nomination, and his pre-singles for his fifth full album were skyrocketing up the charts. The fifth record, ‘Richer Than God & Twice As Pretty,’ was all set to be his third in a row to score a number one on the charts- Until, almost immediately after it’s release, 10 out of 12 tracks eligible for single release were banned from radio and broadcast with no option for alteration- and for reasons largely considered vapid by fans and the general public alike. And unlike previous instances of controversy, Cola had no smirk for the cameras, no wink nor nudge. Cola’s TV appearances to promote the record were brief and his spirits appeared broken, and he publicly wrote a message online to state that he was on the verge of giving up completely. His angry performance at MAMA later in the year was only punctuated by his loss of the award. Cola looked, and would later describe feeling, like he had finally been defeated by the industry that seemed so against letting his hard work and undeniable talent be rewarded.
And so, come July 2020, after dedicating the first half of the year to the star’s push into acting and directly following his performance of a bombastic 33-song setlist at Lost Land 9 times over three weekends, Cola has once more pushed against convention as he drops his sixth record and first ever mini-album, simply titled ‘cory.’
‘cory.’ contains five songs, including the track ‘La Vie En Rose’ which had been made available on streaming services ahead of his festival tenancy, and ‘So That’s Where Your Face Went,’ which was performed as untitled throughout his set list. However, despite the EP dropping in the wake of the most public dark patch in the young singer’s career, ‘cory.’ carries a largely hopeful overtone; ‘I Got Hope (Cause Yesterday Is All Over)’ dares to look at the future as it celebrates what is perhaps Cola’s biggest personal strength- his ability to stand up, dust himself off, and keep going.
Cola will not be promoting ‘cory.’, and no single from it have been sent to radio. “I wrote it for myself,” said Cola. “Because I needed to remember that this entire career I have started cause I just love to write music. It’s really, really fun. And it’s gotten me through a lot tougher things than what I’m going through right now. And I wasn’t going to put this record out, cause it was just... therapy? But performing at Lost Land, I saw kids in the crowd crying as they sang along to my songs. And I think, more than any award or number one single, that validated me. And then, I dunno. I guess I remembered who the fuck I am.”
tracklist
i. La Vie en Rose ii. So That’s Where Your Face Went iii. Dreamlove iv. Waltz v. I Got Hope (Cause Yesterday Is All Over)
EXCLUSIVE: Cola gives a track-by-track explanation of cory.
LA VIE EN ROSE
La Vie En Rose was the first song I wrote out of the five on this EP, and I knew straight away that it had to be the sort of... intro to the record? I’ve recently had a huge episode of poor mental health, and that was worsened by both the way that my last record, Richer Than God, was... kind of sabotaged by people with more power than me. But on top of that, I also saw the end of my first real serious relationship. The negative side of experiencing the type of, like... intense, meaningful, love- the kind of love where you’re like “Okay, I thought I had but I’ve definitely never been in love before this” is when it all comes to an end, and then you have to realise “okay, I thought I had but I’ve definitely never fucking had my heart broken like this.” And so I was in a really dark place, where every day I’d wake up and before I opened my eyes, my first thought was that my heart was broken. And so I think I wrote La Vie En Rose in response to how low I was feeling, because it’s such a peaceful song. La Vie En Rose translates to The Life In Pink, which is a very Me phrase, but it’s also a saying similar to “looking through Rose-coloured glasses.” The lyrics reference that idiom, because I think above anything else, La Vie En Rose is a song about choosing to look on the bright side. It’s not as easy as just choosing to be happy, but wanting to recover is the only way you can start recovering. In the bridge, there’s a line about “crafting my new armour.” Ive grown up in the media, and so I definitely built up a tolerance to negativity. But for some reason, the Bans from last year really, really hurt me. They wounded my spirit, and for a while I was ready to just throw the towel in, especially as it sparked up all the old accusations of noise-marketing and doing things for shock value. It’s only been seven months. I needed some time to breathe and let myself feel what I was feeling and figure out how I deal with it this time.
SO THAT’S WHERE YOUR FACE WENT
This is a difficult one. So That’s Where Your Face Went just kind of happened, as a song. I think I came up with the melody of the hook in the car, and I just started singing “It’ll pass, chill. Stay alive, it kills.” This was the last song I wrote for the record, and it almost wasn’t going to be on it because I didn’t think I’d finish it in time. I think I was very influenced by the character I played in the drama True Beauty. I saw a lot of myself in that character, which is a really difficult thing to feel considering how his storyline ended. And so I think a lot of this song is complicated emotions. I’m definitely singing to myself up until the last little outro. But I think like... to sum it up, the song is strange and weird and I don’t really know how to explain it succinctly, but it’s ultimately about being in a shitty and scary situation and dealing with that in unhealthy ways.
DREAMLOVE
Dreamlove is definitely one of the sweetest melodies I’ve ever written. More than anything, it’s about the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. I’m not in a new relationship, and actually, I’m currently getting over a breakup of a long term one. But it’s more of a metaphor of where I’m at in life now. I think Richer Than God and everything that came from that, for better or worse, marked a turning point in my life for me. It’s been a really rough few months ever since, but I’m at at the start of a new chapter and I’m excited, which is why I wanted to write a honeymoon phase song. I had my first heartbreak but it’s healing now, and I’m pretty excited about the future. Even if things inevitably get hard again, I’m enjoying feeling hopeful.
WALTZ
Waltz is an escapism song. It’s kind of similar in sentiment to my song “Barbie Jeep Getaway.” It’s about just wanting to run away and separate myself from everything going on around me. I think I’ve been craving that more than ever. I promised myself a break after what happened with my last album, but then while I guess I gave myself a break from music, I totally worked the entire time. Waltz was kind of this... wish fulfilment that I could just run away and not look back for a while, because I don’t feel good enough and want to be relieved of that pressure, at least for a little while. “I just wanna waltz around it, then it never hurts” is kind of the attitude I’ve had to all the negativity I’ve had to face in my career. I haven’t really given myself a breathe to deal with it, and last year a straw broke the back on that camel. Laughing it all off and basing my image around how much I don’t care about what people think of me may make me look really cool, but it doesn’t do much for my mental health.
I GOT HOPE (CAUSE YESTERDAY IS ALL OVER)
I think the title of this song is pretty self-explanatory. I think that this song is the one that kind of best delivers the thesis of the album in the same way En Rose does. Which is why I knew as soon as I wrote it that it had to be the last song on the record. This EP is about a rough patch, and a broken heart and a sabotaged album that I poured my soul into, but it’s not negative because I think I started writing this as a means to cheer myself up. Performing at Lost Land the past weekend really showed me that no matter what, I do have worth as an artist. That’s what I was struggling with. I was considering never releasing another song again because I didn’t think there was space for me in this industry anymore, and when all those songs from Richer Than God were banned, I felt like I’d been essentially told to just give up. Lost Land really reminded me why I love this, and having all those people sing along to all the songs I wrote, to see faces in the crowd crying because I had made them feel happy, that meant more to me than any number one or any award I might have gotten had I been allowed to promote my album properly. I think the theme of this EP is just... I’m still hurt. I still have a lot to work through, I still need time to heal, but as things stand right now? I feel a little bit better. And I’m willing to count that as a win.
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