#ive had this ted talk boiling in my head since i first became interested in nel tbh

[nelithic]

acanthus :   is your muse deceptive ,   or willing to lie or deceive to achieve certain means ?   why or why not ?

▀▀ 　BOTANICAL HEADCANONS　₊　

the short answer is yes absolutely.

the long answer contains fell xenologue spoilers beneath the cut.

the long answer is gestures at all of chapter 4 of the fell xenologue. as much as i would have liked for some of the writing decisions in that chapter to be different from what they were, it's easy to see that nel has no issue keeping things from everyone else, even people she trusts, when she feels like the ends justifies the means. her decision to take out the corrupted rulers of each of the nations was one she made without consulting the winds or nil, or even letting them know that most if not all of elyos was corrupted already to begin with.

　——— ⟢　why?

her reasoning for it in canon is simply:

nel: i thought it would be best to conceal such an unpleasant truth.

to which alear pushes back that nel is always making decisions on her own judgment without consulting others ( which is true ), and while i think this is part of her reasoning for doing what she did, i don't think it's all of it. it's true that the protector side of her wanted to safeguard the people she cared about, alongside alear, who is the recipient of nel's projected desire to posthumously safeguard her own world's divine dragon, and to have any necessary ugliness be entirely her own problem to take care of — this is a habit likely originating all the way from her upbringing in fell!gradlon, where the work of killing that was necessary for survival was a rite undertaken by the strong, and strength was something possessed individually, guarded jealously, and not to be shared.

　——— ⟢　why, pt. 2

but i think what nel says out loud here is only the part of her reasoning that she knows would be forgivable to a listener. i think the other, equally deeply-ingrained rationale behind why nel tends to make independent judgment calls is because she believes in the efficiency of a singular unquestioned authority.

if she had told everyone that they were fighting corrupted, everyone might have lost crucial hope that there was ever a hope of victory to the fighting.

if she had told everyone her plan to take out the leaders of each nation, there would have been pushback, maybe even sabotage. in particular, she feels she can't trust alear, who does not come from this world and does not know how things are done in it, but who seems to push their morals into a situation to which they are an outsider and feels the need to approve every action the group takes — and because of their status as the divine dragon, nel has to take into account that there's a very real chance others would instinctively listen to them instead.

nel sees a real risk to the group's ultimate goals if she doesn't lie — or at least conceal some truths where it's needed. she knows that far-away goals often get lost and forgotten in the crossroads of individual wants, gripes, discomforts, etc. at the very least, any discord, tension, or loss of morale within the group as a result of knowing her plans would be additional things to have to navigate, and very likely jeopardize some aspect of the effort, making things a lot more difficult to accomplish effectively even if it didn't outright put a stop to anything.

given that there's no surprise or protest at all from anyone else but alear about anything she reveals as well, it could also be assumed that everyone else is very used to this being nel's way of doing things for a long time now — although the four winds answer to both her and nil, it's pretty clear that it's probably been primarily nel calling the shots and making most of the final decisions. so that aspect of being used to doing things this way and not wanting to fix it if it ain't broke is probably part of it too.

　——— ⟢　rai fistfights intsys' easy friendship writing

because of all this, i don't personally think nel would have apologized as readily as she did to alear in that scene for her deception. it's especially difficult to match the same nel who, 2 chapters prior, says:

nel: and it is is not your choice to make, divine one. while it is true that we summoned you for help, this is not your army. whatever authority you are accustomed to in your own world does not apply here.

to the nel who now apologizes as soon as she's accused by the same person of being autocratic in how she makes decisions she sees as being in the group's collective best interest.

even if nel recognizes that she has a tendency to railroad things ( which i think she does, even if subconsciously ), i don't think she feels particularly sorry for it — its why their 6-person guerrila force been successful this long; her judgment is usually sound and born of experience, and she's making these decisions for everyone's benefit. we've also seen plenty of times throughout the xenologue by this point that nel has no issue being plain about that even when she can see that someone would be upset to hear it.

in her mind, when you're an authority in charge of everyone's wellbeing, you don't go around asking every single individual for their thoughts and worries and two cents about every little choice and consideration; that just muddies the water. you stay mindful about their needs while you weigh the factors, and then you make the decision and follow through.