#ive had multiple things for multiple ppl at work and lived thru them and one was even like. three months

[homingpigecns]

.

[skimblyshanks]

Ok, my thoughts on first viewing:

First, this is something that I always have to remember when watching his videos: A singer/Dancer/actor he is not. While he will vouch for performers against poor direction, he is acquainted with the orchestral side of things first and foremost. This is a glaring flaw in Part V which is probably the most muddled part of the video. While I’ve yet to see him full-on go after an actor alone, he got close this time w/ Corden and Sir Ian, though this was mixed with his general issues about how orchestration was run, I wasn’t a fan of that aspect of this.

I have comments on Part V toward the end of this post.

It might feel like a “Not 1998, so movie bad” argument, but this is based on the score and decisions in music direction

that said, 98 was clearly his primary reference. He didn’t really look at M+R for this reason which I feel was a bit of wasted potential bc if he looked a bit more into the OLC’s score it would highlight how much they screwed Danny over

He used the CATS wiki during his research for this

A lot of small jabs aat the show, but they’re small, scattered, and he doesn’t let his own personal distaste for the show taint his analysis of the score

Very hostile to the film’s musical direction, and calls the vocal performances p bad, but he isn’t knocking the actors on that so much as hooper’s continued decision to put the actors’ performances in control of the orchestra’s tempo to the point they had to set up a 5 track audio system during shoots

I’m forever going to be aware now of the orchestra in Memory and the off-beat cockroaches

related to the above, There is a claim made that most of the singers didn’t properly know the music, due to the level of score mismanagement, and says that the two cleanest numbers tempo-wise, Tugger and Skimbleshanks, are likely so because they are carried by ppl very actively dancing/moving for the most part to the beat of the original piece. He isn’t 100% on that claim, but it’s still one that I wouldn’t give all the weight in the world to.

Personally, I’d say it was more likely that ensemble dance-heavier numbers got away mostly unscathed bc the cast rehearsed those at tempo and came in for shoots knowing them at tempo. He says this himself, bc he talks abt how awkward some of the numbers are for dancing in this portion of the video. so yes, there is still room for his argument, and he was also mostly directing it towards Corden, Wilson, and Sir Ian than all the numbers, but I think it’s worth considering how much of that is also just. You can know a piece, and know it at tempo, but when you’re thrust into a situation where the accompaniment follows you and the click track isn’t the first and p much only line of action while performing this live and seperate from the orchestra like how Hooper does it, the first instinct is to drag, speaking from similar experience.

Still very mad at Hooper

Inadvertently and absolutely unintentionally gave me music-theory tuggershanks justifications

All in all:

Parts I-IV were pure catharsis. He managed to break down and analyze the narrative outline of CATS superbly, and provided it in a way so the unexperienced could understand it beyond “Lol cat ppl cult try to die” and even if he doesn’t care for the show, he clearly understands the story beats and the strengths of the score. I can sit through his negative tone for that. He attacks the writing of Victoria as protagonist, but not because there could never possibly be a protagonist, rather because in introducing her as the protagonist they undermined Jemima’s role in the original story, and saw Victoria touching Grizabella as special because it was Victoria, and not bc for the first time, no one stopped her (All of the younger cats tried to get close to Griz in act I, Vic included, and were stopped. While she is the most visually striking choice, he argues that the impact is meant to be in the fact that this time, she’s allowed freely. Her acceptance is facilitated by the tribe’s acceptance at large). There’s also discussion on Beautiful Ghosts’ placement making her seem unsympathetic, and her generally confused character writing. He addresses how multiple instances of blocking and choreo are directly in opposition to proper breath support. He does a mahor takedown on the way Hooper runs his audio for his movies; having the orchestra follow actor, always.

Part V is the weakest section of the video, bc he ends up spending time arguing that the actors didn’t know the music even when explaining that Having the orchestra submit to the actor was detrimental to all parties back in Part IV. Part V is named dance rehearsal, and you’d think then that he would adress the number of dance rehearsals vs the number of vocal rehearsals, which is where I thought the part was going, but it wasn’t. Good points were raised thru Tugger and Skimble’s numbers; both being fast-paced, dance-intensive, and dancer-led all likely contributed to their objective musical quality being maintained, but there really is a lot to examine in the way of vocal rehearsals, bc for all we know solo actors could have been told to learn their songs at their own pace and not fret the tempo so much, in which case it is ultimately a failing moreso on the director than them.

Part V really highlights Sideways’ distance from the performers’ side of things. While it’s true that when Orchestra enters rehearsal, you should already know the score by that point, this is where an examination of the rehearsal process for this movie would have been most needed, bc for actors there are vocal rehearsals before orchestra is introduced, and if Hooper didn’t have them rehearsing with set click tracks, if he or the vocal director weren’t advising them to practice at tempo, there’s only so much blame to be laid at the actors’ feet. After establishing in Part IV how very muddled the audio system was during shoots, it might also have been good to mention the utter crunch everyone involved in the movie was under, including actors. He ignores that the cast is largely made up of dancers, and in doing so implies that Francesca was unprofessional and didn’t properly learn her song when she had almost no time to learn it. It was a section of wasted potential, basically. He talked in the Les Mis video abt the danger Hooper put his cast in with his directorial practices, but we don’t get a condemnation of the utter lack of proper prep time actors were given before being sent to shoot with a piano and orchestra that weren’t allowed to follow the set tempo.

A reminder that p much all active production for this movie, including dance and vocal rehearsal was done within the year. Times where that works: the 1998 film, where the cast was made of alumni and current cast members, working with largely universal choreography by Gillian Lynne, and all having prior stage experience.

Times that doesn’t really work: When you have a cast with several new ppl, alumni from various casts who learned different choreography, and an entirely new set of choreography to be learned on top of that, along with not casting any alumni in parts that carry large numbers, save for Dame Judi Dench, who instead of playing the role she was once slated for, instead had to manage a role usually played by an operatic Baritone. Francesca and Steven both learned to sing FOR this movie. a good handful of the performers have not been in stage productions before. With the production schedule of this movie, and the convoluted setup for live performances while shooting, it wasn’t fair of Sideways to position it like the actors ought to have known better and shown up with the songs all at tempo, especially when he himself established earlier on and in his Les Mis video that Hooper assumes his actors know what they’re doing and won’t step in.

[ashethehedgehog]

For the writer's ask game, 23 and 50? :3

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

I prefer one core POV most of the time! I like to have a character that has enough time and perspective for the reader to get behind, and also it generally establishes the view of the world and the character in that world nicely the more they have their thoughts bared to the reader. Also, sometimes I dont want readers to be able to know thoughts going thru other chars heads, so in these cases, I stick more to one POV! (like in Currents for example, it’s p much ALL in Yugi’s POV) Multiple POVs does mean its harder to keep stuff secret for other characters I find sometimes, so I don’t do it too often. That said I’ve worked with two POVs back and forth sometimes, and I find that can give the right amount of info for both of them too! So like some fics I have Atem and Yugi swap POVs, especially if they’re in different areas (biggest example is with The Living Daylights, I did this a lot in the second half of the fic), or they clearly have different bias/opinions on events happening, and portraying both of them is important (I do this with vamp AU a lot, because Yugi has Vampire Things only he can show through his thoughts, and Atem is super bias so his POV doesn’t work in the right tone, and also done a bit more recently in naga AU because nagas and location and //waves arms shit is happening in that fic lmao)

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

My GOD don’t ask me this I get RLY WEIRD AU IDEAS LMAO. Okay I guess I’ll have to go with my rly strange anthro fic idea I had once,,,,,,,,

Okay so for context, I’ve always wanted to write an Ancient Egyptian AU, but the time + research to get one to sit comfortably between interesting and accurate is something that,,,,, well, u see im a medieval time period kid, I was never much into Ancient Egypt growing up, so my knowledge of it is basic (except for Deir El Medina I can tell u about that cause school assignment lmao). That’s not really an excuse so much as I’m really lazy sometimes okay and I don’t feel confident enough to find that balance enough to write a full length AE AU xD

SO ANYWAYS this means I kind of have a fewwwww tiny like snippets ive written up before, or ideas I’ve chased for like between 4-8K before I grew bored and let them die off. And one of them was,,,,,, Ancient Egypt AU but everyone is a furry/anthro LMAO. Not exactly the kinda thing I parade around, I’ve shown maybe like three friends before phft. But anyways, it was like this concept where Atem was a lion and the pharaoh, and Yugi was a spotted cat, which was considered an endangered species and was super ancient and v powerful (I dunno lmao). Yugi ends up at the palace one day cause the ppl who were supposed to be looking after him/ giving him shelter were kind of assholes, and he got beat up over something I never got around to explaining/ coming up with lmao. So he goes under the pharaohs protection because of course he’s a RLY RARE species, but Yugi rly hates been treated like a petal because of it, and of course Atem is very much wanting him to like ‘stay in the palace stay safe’ kinda shit and Yugi rebels and sets about annoying the shit out of Atem and there’s  like a bunch of witting dialogue and conversations I wrote up for it but past that ittttt never really had a plot. I think it was going to be some mystery thing, with some underground plot probably involving thief cat king Bakura showing up I guess, but yeah,,,,,, never when further than that. But I’d say thats one of my more weirder plots xD

Thank for the ask!!!

[beastoftheblackhole]

oh this absolute pea-brain of a cishet grad student wrote his dissertation on cannibalism in horror media, but he took the stance that it’s always used as a metaphor for gay male sexuality, and is therefore always inherently homophobic. he looked at the ‘wrong turn’ series, ‘the silence of the lambs’, and ‘ravenous’ and concluded that ravenous was the worst of them all. he misrepresented scenes or outright described scenes incorrectly (reich screaming in the stream does NOT call cold showers to mind, he’s doing that bc he’s a macho shithead, there’s literally nothing to give a sexual connotation to that scene), based a lot of his interpretations on stereotypical depictions/ideas of gay men and likely a good dose of internalized homophobia he never bothered to work thru, and completely ignored the anti-imperialist messaging in favor of his agenda. as a gay man who likes cannibalism media and loves ‘ravenous,’ i am absolutely out for blood :) he’ll likely never see my rebuttal and that’s fine, i’m mostly writing it to hopefully finally evict it from my brain, bc it’s been fucking months and i’m still mad abt it. (i’m sure p much all of his conclusions were flawed for the same reasons his conclusions abt ‘ravenous’ specifically were flawed but i hate hillbilly horror so i’ve never seen the ‘wrong turn’ movies and tsotl has actual problems of its own so i’m focusing on the ‘ravenous’ section.) like. i’m not going to deny ‘ravenous’ has problems (white ppl using ice cannibal mythology, casting a scottish guy as the representation of white imperialism), but homophobia is not one of them.

re exciting thoughts, like. i have so many. god the anti-imperialism really is behind everything in the movie, like every element of the story is in service to that message and i love that for it? like ives having had tuberculosis specifically--imperialism has played a huge role in why it was such a massive killer, why it continues to be one in areas of the world once dominated by colonialism, the fact that its effects were idolized by 19th c beauty ideals (which were informed by racism and imperialism). i’m not sure if that was on anyone’s mind when the movie was being made, but i’m deeply fascinated by that bc i’m also into epidemic history (have been since 2018). and its use of the mexican-american war specifically--it was one of america’s first major forays into expanding its empire beyond its borders, iirc, it was as much a part of manifest destiny rhetoric as our violence against the native americans. (i have a book on the donner party (lmao) that goes into that in detail, so i’m prob gonna reread it for this.) even all the religious imagery, especially the stuff associated w ives the cannibal messiah/prophet, plays into it, given the role christianity has played in white imperialism. like. i’m astounded that dude seemed intent on ignoring all of the anti-imperialist messaging for his fucking idiotic theory, since if u remove the anti-imperialism the movie just collapses. it’d run just fine without the homoeroticism, but it doesn’t work at all without the anti-imperialism.

hell even the homoeroticism has its anti-imperialist angles! ives is The predatory gay, which is a stereotype rooted in homophobia, kind of the embodiment of the 19th c idea that male homosexuality is only based in physicality, never affection or emotional connection; his sexuality isn’t necessarily/entirely abt gay or straight but largely abt consumption. (this is a little ‘room full of string,’ but tb used to be called consumption... *eyes emoji*) hart, who is shown multiple times to be open and friendly w boyd, sharing things abt himself or sharing pleasures like good bourbon w him, is forced to adopt that same kind of predatory sexuality and can’t live with it. (which is actually not originally my idea, it’s from a rly good video essay on the movie, but it’s so right.) hart is the kind and affectionate relationship 19th c society (and its baked-right-in christian homophobia) refuses to tolerate or acknowledge, while ives is a kind of avatar of that homophobia and an example of what happens to someone who internalizes it. and that stance, that homophobia, is rooted in european christian attitudes abt sex and sexuality, attitudes which were used to justify violence against indigenous populations that tolerated, respected, or even venerated what we today would consider queer identities. (notably, imo, the only time anyone calls ives disgusting is when he implies he had sex w a woman. it was prob non-consensual and it’s implied he literally ate her afterwards, but still--he implies he fucked a woman, and boyd calls him disgusting. the only instance of non-homosexual desire, implied or otherwise, is the only time someone gets called disgusting for their desire.)

(honestly now i’m wondering if dipshit didn’t see jeffrey jones in the cast list and go in already biased against the movie; jones’ career p much evaporated 3 yrs after ‘ravenous,’ he had a sex scandal involving possession of child porn and solicitation of a minor. the irony of him playing hart is. it sure is something.)

and i know we get excited over The Hand Scene:tm: but i actually managed to take my shipping goggles off for five min bc of how antonia bird describes it as a metaphor for drug addiction, and like. yes ives is seductive and all that, and it is sexually charged, but also like. remove that angle and it rly is a p powerful description of a high and a crushing comedown. he’s this like. bad boy, seductiveness of evil kind of dude. i’ve always maintained that if ives had let boyd (who bird calls the ultimate junkie) have his blood instead of teasing him, he might have won, or gotten really goddamn close, and taking it as a metaphor for drug addiction rly backs me up i think.

also i’ve come to the conclusion that ppl taking boyd’s freezing in battle as a moral failing are at least a little wrong--to me cowardice is more conscious than what’s happening to him in the battle. like, he’s already covered in blood and in general disarray, so he’s been fighting for some time already; he’s surrounded by men killing, dying, screaming, panicking, all the general chaos of a 19th c battle. he’s not freezing and playing dead just bc he’s scared and unable to move past it, he’s wildly overstimulated and he’s shutting down. i don’t think he was able to stop himself, his brain had to have been a litany of ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck’ and nothing else. frankly i’m surprised that kind of thing doesn’t happen more. (the way the battle scenes are cut thru the first act was a genius move, bc it rly drives home his ptsd and his anxiety much more effectively i think.)

god there’s literally so much going on in this movie, i’m genuinely astounded they put so much into it given how troubled the production was. antonia bird was a fucking goddess. absolute queen. and that dipshit grad student ignoring all of that in favor of his shitty little moral posturing agenda is deeply insulting, and honestly kind of homophobic in and of itself. ives’ biggest issue is not that he’s queer, but that he’s a cannibal, susan! i think the question of what he does in bed is a little moot next to the fact that he literally eats people. (my bf said he might have picked that topic bc it’s a little hard to argue against it w/o looking like a dick, and it’s not like his prof was going to watch the movies he was critiquing just to see if he was right. unfortunately for him, i’m gay and therefore infinitely more qualified to say what is and isn’t homophobic, and i am also full of spite.)

more frivolously, love how when it gets to the scene where ives is naked, in damon albarn’s commentary he goes ‘heh bobby’s bum’. it’s like everyone’s fave bit to comment on. ‘obligatory robert carlyle arse shot’ indeed

So I’ve been rewatching Ravenous and taking extensive notes to write a rebuttal to a rly piss poor take on it from some dude’s dissertation and like. I know it well enough that I don’t need to take notes, but I’m having an absolute *blast* anyway, I’m enjoying deep-diving into a movie I already love and finding new and exciting reasons to love it more. I just. It’s So Good! I’m losing my mind over it (complimentary)

LOVE THAT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!

I’ve never actually gone through and written detailed notes during a watch… I should try that sometime!!

It really is such a fun movie to dig into more deeply, especially considering some of the deleted scenes that get more into the role that economic interests play in the imperialist war machine re: Slauson actively covering up what he knows to be a potentially dangerous situation so as not to dissuade westward travelers with (true) stories of killer cannibals. I really wish that hadn’t been cut, because it’s really interesting and an important Thematic Layer. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and I’ll probs be making a post about it soon!

I’d love to hear what new thoughts you’ve come up with (or old thoughts that you still like or have gotten into more) and I’m also curious to know about this dude’s Bad Take haha… It seems like a movie that it would be quite easy to have bad takes about, but I’m just lucky to be a part of the community on here that Gets It.

[sxdomy]

All numbers

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? not @ all3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? tissues, napkins, sticky notes, random cuts of notebook paper4: how do you take your coffee/tea? two-four sugars w creamer or 1/2 n 1/2 (tea)5: are you self-conscious of your smile? not after i got braces6: do you keep plants? no7: do you name your plants? 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? idk the only art i do is in photography, and i try to do dark/spooky shit.. it doesnt have a meaning9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? i dont rly have a friends group, less drama that way12: what's your favorite planet? smth has always intrigued me abt mars13: what's something that made you smile today? lars (:14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? idc it's somewhere to live.. we can fix it up if we have the money. if so, i would prob have a bunch of shit everywhere lmao15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it says language programming ??16: what's your favorite pasta dish? some plain old penne/rigatoni w red gravy, but it has to be GOOD red gravy .. none of that ragu/preggo shit17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? black and it already is dyed that color, but i do want to experiment a bit and get few pieces red18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. JESUS.. these are endless... once i RLY had to pee, and i was @ school. it was after school hrs. my friend and i were waiting for the game to start. all the doors were locked up @ the school. i think they took out the portapotty from outside, so i said to my friend, "let's go to the lower field" (we have an upper and lower field idk what other schools have lmao) despite it saying there are cameras down there (which IK for sure bc i've seen the computer w the school cameras, and there are ones surveilling the fields), i peed. in 8th grade during lunch, this girl pissed me the fuck off. i can't remember what she did, but i picked up her sandwich and threw it to the ground.another time in 8th grade during gym, my friends and i were fooling around during a fitness walk (walk thru the trail surrounded by woods oooo). i was yelling "IN DA GREENZ" bc i was a rly weird kid, and now we bring it up whenever we see bushes. OKAY lasT memORYYY in 8th grade, i was on the soccer team. i sucked @ it... the ball was coming to me, and i tried to kick it. instead of kicking it, my foot went on top of the ball resulting in my fall19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i used to keep a journal. last winter was the most recent journal i'd had, and my guidance counselor purchased it for me. i was going thru a rly hard time, and it was an outlet from that. after the winter ended, i never felt the need to write in it again.. it hasnt gotten that bad20: what's your favorite eye color? lars' eye color21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. 22: are you a morning person? depends... if my sleeping schedule is just like that, I LOVE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING. if i don't usually, then no fuck it lmao23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? literally nothing, but i do that when i have obligations... i get to it @ some point24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? lars25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? i've broken into my friend's house and my own. breaking into my friend's house wasn't rly that weird. i was out of it bc i had hardly gotten sleep the previous night. i also had permission lmao it wasn't as if i just went in. my friend had forgotten her key. breaking into my own house was actually bizarre ...26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i usually wear my docs, but i switch out. before getting my docs, i wore my all black vans W LITERALLY EVERYTHING. the only time i wouldnt was when i wore a light outfit, which wasnt often bc 98% of the time i wear all black27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don't chew gum. it has aspartame, which is literally poison28: sunrise or sunset? i haven't seen a sunset since i was a child, and i want to definitely see it again29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? monty is my lover30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. socks are good. if you wear them in the cold months around the house, you are less susceptible to sickness. they also work well when you wear them w most shoes bc they prevent sweat. lars take notes (; i love wearing weird socks. i love socks. i usually never match socks bc no one will see them?? if i wear a black sock, i try to match w another black sock tho. i do sleep w socks in the cold months. otherwise, my feet would freeze. sometimes i wear multiple socks in the summer to keep my feet warm. i do wear white socks sometimes32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. i wasn't w my friends, but i found a drunken man in my rm after 3am on st. patricks day two yrs ago33: what's your fave pastry? cannoli34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept this one stuffed animal who was a girl. she had blonde braids, and i used to kiss her on the lips when no one was looking. i knew it was weird bc she wasn't real. i also used to pretend i was fucking her... it was a weird childhood. idk where she is now35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I LOVE PENS!!!! okay im going to sound like a weirdo.. i only love certain kinds. i hate cheap ass pens. my fav pens are the ones that u click on the bottom to get the tip bc the clicking helps me concentrate. it's also fun to just click it. i haven't used a clicky one in awhile bc i bought myself pentels. i love pentels as well bc they come in nice colors, and i rly like the cap for it. i like pens that come from certain companies bc it looks like i've been somewhere.. maybe i have? i've gotten free pens from places and some of them i just found w that lettering lmao 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? nine inch nails (:37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? dont care as long as ik where everything is. my parents call it messy, but i call it my peace38: tell us about your pet peeves! i hate when ppl put things back where they don't belong. idk i dont keep track of this shit39: what color do you wear the most? black40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? none41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? 1984 by george orwell42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! starbucks LMAO43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? no one44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? the last time i was w lars45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yes46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. idk47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? high fructose corn syrup48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? idr what it was then, but now it's getting raped.. ive had this fear since i was 14 i think49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? i dont usually buy that shit50: what's an odd thing you collect? wristbands.. i like to say i've been places51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? lars , peach // the front bottoms52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the yr just started, bUT I LOVE IAN'S (IDUBZZZZ) VIDEO OF "I HAVE CRIPPLING DEPRESSION"53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i want to see rocky horror picture show. i've seen heathers, beetlejuice, and pulp fiction. i love heathers and beetlejuice. i didn't understand pulp fiction entirely, but that could be bc i was spammed by a gc while watching it54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idk55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? idk56: what are some things you find endearing in people? smile57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i never realized that this song sounds like five mini songs put together... i did reenact them in my head58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? nonexistent lol59: what's your favorite myth? black eyed children60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? anything from edgar allan poe61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? idk i hate getting gifts i'd rather give them, but i don't usually give them bc i never have money when it's time62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? ORANGE!63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? no64: what color is the sky where you are right now? grey65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? lars66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i have SAD soooo68: what's winter like where you live? FUCKING HORRIBLE, but it's worse in other places69: what are your favorite board games? ive been missing guess who? lately70: have you ever used a ouija board? no, but my math teacher says u have to make it from a certain wood and put a spell on it for it to work... too much work 😩71: what's your favorite kind of tea? lipton lemon!!!!!72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? i try to note everything down, but sometimes i can remember things w/o writing them down73: what are some of your worst habits? staying in bed for too long74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. bye75: tell us about your pets! i have a dog, and she's old af lmao i never rly liked her idk i hate dogs76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? homework and probably calling up my new job to see when i have to go in.. cant be arsed.. 77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? FANCLUB!!! (:79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?lars gave me cute cat headphones80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white.. i didn't choose it81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i can't rn82: are/were you good in school? i made it into university, so i guess so83: what's some of your favorite album art? the devin n god are raging inside of me // brand new .. cant think of many in particular84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? one in remembrance of my friend who died and a full sleeve85: do you read comics? what are your faves? no86: do you like concept albums? which ones? YES YES YESSSS MANSON 'S CONCEPTS R SO GOOD (: 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? idk88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i just rly like frida kahlo89: are you close to your parents? no90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i want to visit/live in philly so badly ):91: where do you plan on traveling this year? texas92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i only put a little fresh mozz on it if there is quite a bit93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? i just wear my hair the same everyday94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? lars95: what are your plans for this weekend? none96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? omfg i had 20 or so awaiting updates last summer that i had to finally do bc it was fucking up my computer97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? what98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? i dont hike99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. NOBODY'S PERFECT BY HANNAH MONTANA100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 yrs into the future.. why would i want to relive the last 5 yrs of life ?? idk im just fine living w my past mistakes.. they've shaped me

[yourcertainstudentlight-blog]

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

"Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Is there good deals at Insurance Auction Auto Sales?

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Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

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How much does American spend on average on car monthy payments, insurance, gas, and maintenance each year?""

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ABC news did a #realmoney story on How to find affordable dental insurances or plans; Baton Rouge?

How can people save money and still get the best dental care in Baton Rouge. What insurance is best for a family of 5? ABC news did a segment on #realmoney and I am wondering more ...show more

""Insurance rates for a 21 year old male, CA?""

I got my license when I was 19. I've been driving for two and a half years and barely found out I am not on my parents insurance. I was planning on buying a brand new car but I am now worried about insruance rates. I know they'll be high, but how high. I know insurance rates are based on age and experience. Is it likely I will be charged more because I have never been insured? Last time I checked for insurance I got calls for about 5 weeks straight. This time I don't want to give out any personal information. My question basically is will never previously having insurance before affect my rates?""

Driving with an expired insurance in kentucky?

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I just got my license 2 days ago, I don't own a car so I was wondering if I can drive my moms friends car? He has insurance, but do I need insurance to drive that car? I don't have any insurance what so ever. But even though, is it still ok to drive someone elses car?""

Do i need to be on my parents insurance?

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Anybody self employed got medical insurance successfully in usa?

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Pre-existing condition on health insurance?

If I apply for health insurance with a preexisting condition and they give me a 12-month waiting period before covering the condition - does that 12 months start over if I am treated within the waiting period and I pay for the treatment on my own? Or does the 12-month waiting period begin from the date I purchased the insurance, regardless of what takes place during the waiting period?""

Need help with my car insurance?

I will be driving for a year this august and i'm currently paying 105 a month for my current insurance. All the quotes im receiving at the moment are alot higher then i'm already paying but i'm sure it will go down once i've been driving exactly 1 year. Will i get a 1 year No claims discount automatically on the date i finish my current insurer? then just set my new insurance to start the day after?

For those 16-18 with a car in your name?

since ill be getting a car soon my parents wants to know how much insurance would cost me for ive been looking around on internet but i think it would be better if it comes from some one around my age what type of car, make you drive what insurance company age, gender, how long u been driving with insurance how much it cost for you each month THANK YOUU""

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

Health Insurance?

This may be silly, but I saw a commercial the other day on tv that was advertising for health insurance for a little over &5.00 a day. I am currently in the hunt for health insurance so i wanted to go online and get some info. As luck may have it by the time i was able to get on the internet i forgot what the website was. I know the company starts with an e and its right at the tip of my brain, but i cant remember. Like i said this is a bit silly, but if anyone knows what im talking about please let me know! I havent seen a commercial for it sense.... I live in dutchess county, NY. Thanks!""

Do I recieve cheaper car tax or insurance under theese circumstances?

I recieve higher rate disability and middle rate mobility DLA and my dad is my carer

Renting a car for the first time- do I have to buy insurance bc my personal car insurance is not in my name?

My car and car insurance are under my fiancees name. I will be renting a car on my own. Do I have to buy the insurance because it's not in my name?

""Buying used car, no insurance, 18 yr old 2 year driver?""

I just need to know the process before buying a used car, i found a good deal on a car, and it's an 80 mile drive to san diego. I have a nevada license which i'll be changing to a ca license by tomorrow and I'll be getting a temporary license until they mail me the card. What is the process of buying a used car. title and all of those things. Because i'll be driving back with no insurance, and i can't get one until i bring it back to my side of town. Can i get a temp one? or i can use the one that is with the car? do i have to do this process at dmv in san deigo? complicated process""

Gap insurance and warranty on car that was totaled?

I am not sure who is right on this one.... We bought a car in 12/11. We purchased gap insurance and an extended warranty at that time through the dealer. We decided to refinance the car through the credit union were we are members. The gap insurance was 1/2 the price we purchased at the dealer. The dealer and bank said that we should receive a refund. In the process of all of this the car was totaled by my 18 year old daughter in March. 1. We recieved a check made out to us from the dealer for the gap insurance.(pro-rated 4 months) 2. The dealer turned in the paperwork for us for the refund on the warranty and the warranty company sent it to the previous lein holder that we left. The initial bank in turn said it was our money and reissued a check made out to us. Any thoughts appreciated. Is it really our money?

How does this car insurance thing work?

and where can you get car insurance quotes.

Car insurance online?

can i sign up for car insurance online and drive the same day

What's a good insurance company for motorcycles?

I live in Halifax, NS and looking for good insurance rates. Also, what type of insurance should I get? Full coverage? I would like to insure my soon-to-be 2000 Kawi Ninja 250.""

I was stopped by police for no car insurance which I thought was covered on my other car. What's the fine?

I'm 28 and have been driving for 9 years but have no record against me before. It will go to court but does anyone know a ballpark figure of the fine/points, etc...?""

Health insurance in USA?

hello, i have few questions regarding health insurance for americans. 1- What is the average annual cost of health insurance for adults? 2- do children get free healthcare or should they be covered by the insurance? 3- who can benefit from free healthcare in america? 4- if americans pay tax how come theyre not entitled to free healthcare?""

My car insurance company raised my bill because my zip code changed.?

But I thought that in California they passed a bill called prop 103 that says that changing zip code should not be a base to raise the bill... I talked to the insurance guy on the phone who said that prop 103 never passed,yet when I'm reading about it in the internet,it says it passed..Am I missing something? Can I file a complaint to the consumers'affairs and the BBB in order for them to drop back my rate to my previous zip code? It's only a few dollars but it ads up at the end of the year..""

How much money does your insurance go up after a car accident that was your fault?

I am doing an essay on distracted drivers and I just wanted to know the statistics.

How can you get auto insurance after 2 DWI's?

How can you get auto insurance after 2 DWI's?

How much to insure a car?

im a 16 year old girl that is trying to save up for a car. im hoping to get a car at 2500 max. is there an amount that the registration and insurance would cost. I need to know how much i have to save. thank you :D ps. in utah

How much does insurance cost?

Im a 17 old year about to go to 18. I got my g2 and i have a FWD 2002 Mazda Proteg5. How much does insurance cost and is there a way to make the insurance cheap for me. I life in the Toronto area. I didn't take driving school.

Can you get insurance with just the chassis number for a new car/bike?

I'm trying to buy a new bike and in order to register it i need an insurance certificate. The trouble is all insurance companies i've tried getting quotes from online only do insurance with the registration number. Does anyone know of any that do it with the chassis number??

""Good/nice looking first cars for 17 year old boy, cheap to buy, cheap to insure?""

Good/nice looking first cars for 17 year old boy, cheap to buy, cheap to insure?""

If I ask my insurance company to fix my car will my premium increase?

I'm a beginner driver and I have my first car and a new insurance. Today I hit a standing car. My car requires some body work and the other car was not damaged at all. There was no police report filed. I'm 24 and single. I appreciate your help.

Why does the Honda Insight ('00-'05) cost so much to insure? (UK)?

Why does the 2000 - 2005 Honda Insight have group 12 insurance status in the UK?! Its such a shame, I have been looking to upgrading my small car at the moment, and have always liked the old Insight. For some strange reason it didn't ever seem to take off, and it was way ahead of its time, and is still a very good, one of the best ever mass manufactured cars for fuel consumption (may even be the best). It has a 1 litre engine, which produces just 66bhp, but is extremely efficient so achieves 83MPG and has a 0-60 time of 12.1s (top speed: 112mph). Remember group 12. Or I could pick out a Seat Toledo 2 litre Sport - produces 147bhp, 34MPG, has a 0-60 time of 9.4s (top speed: 128mph). This is a group 10. Why isn't the insight lower?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? Any info would be great""

Is Progressive a good car insurance company?

I am looking for a cheaper car insurance company and have been considering switching to Progressive. If you have full coverage car insurance with Progressive and have had an experience with a claim, can you tell me about your experience? Were they good about paying to fix damages to your car? Have you had any problems with them?""

What kind of Certificate of Insurance do I need.?

Hi. I just found a new apartment and in the lease contract there is something about a Section 1940.5 of the California Civil Code. The code basically says that if I have a waterbed or fish tank that is over 5 gallons I need to provide the landlord with a certificate of Insurance in the amount of $100,000. What kind of insurance would I be looking for to cover this? I have a 18 gallon fish tank that I would like to keep. Thank you!""

Does the monthly payment on a lease vehicle include taxes and car insurance?

I am looking to lease a car but I am on a budget. Ive been looking online at some people that want to sell or transfer their lease because I would only want it short term. Since lease cars are usually new insurance would be too much for me to pay, so I was wondering if a monthly lease payment includes it, and taxes.""

""Under Obama's healthcare policy, I can pay for affordable health insurance only when I am sick?ou like to ask?""

Obama said he will make sure Health Insurance companies will offer people with pre-exisiting condition. Right? So... I don't have to pay for Health Insurance now, because I am healthy and plus I can save some money. I can pay for Health Insurance after I hurt myself or get sick. Just pay monthly fee until I am well. Cool... Alright, fine. I guess the Health Insurance companies will have to pay my medical bills.""

Who pays for the home insurance when you are owner financing it? Also in the state of Texas what insurance c?

Who pays for the home insurance when you are owner financing it? The seller or the buyer? Also in the state of Texas what insurance companies provide mobile home insurance?

Are dual sport bikes cheaper on insurance?

Well me being only 17 and only having a minumum wage job. I heard it was cheaper to own a bike. Don't get the wrong impression, I can afford a car and insurance. It's it cost too much money. I have less thsn 100$ every MONTH to myself. I should habe over 650. So anyways. I want to get a bike. Since i'll only be commuting. Social,work,school. Is it worth it. And if so what kind of bike shoukd I get. I'm 6.3 and big. Woukd a 250cc be a good start?""

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

What are some cheap auto insurance companies in Phoenix Arizona?

I have an older car it's a 89 Ford Crown Victoria and I do have 10 points with my current insurance company (Progressive).

Insurance companies will have 32 million new customers because of Obamacare. How is this socialism?

The Affordable Care Act was modeled after a Republican health care plan by the Heritage Foundation and was first implemented by a Republican governor. All this bill does is makes sure that insurance companies have 32 million new customers. I could understand if you called Single Payer socialism (which I highly support), but calling Obamacare socialist is pretty stupid.""

So is there any health insurance for those with serious medical conditons?

My younger brother who's only 20 years old has a host of serious illnesses: crohn's disease, rheumatoid arthritis, irritable bowel syndrome, and a few more conditions that has constantly kept him sick for a good portion of his childhood. He's missed at least half a school year on a number of occasions, and despite his maturation he's still heavily affected by his conditions. Obviously, it's practically impossible for him to hold a steady job, he'll work for a while and then he'll have to take off a month or two just to deal with his illness, with that said he surely won't have employee health insurance. Currently, he's using our state's medicaid, however once he turns 21 he's no longer eligible for medicaid. With the health care system being the way that it is, is there any possibility that he could continue receiving health care despite his ineligibility? He takes a ton of drugs daily, and even takes some of the same medications that our grandparents take lol. I know some of you heartless conservatives believe he should provide his own health coverage, but how? His drugs cost thousands, and he's in the ER constantly, thus making his health-care only affordable to extremely rich individuals. When healthy, he does contribute as much as he possibly can, however for someone in his condition it would be downright shameful if he can't continue to receive any healthcare.""

Why is car insurance mandatory but not health insurance?

Say you have mandatory car insurance but not health insurance and you get in a car accident and get injured; your mandatory car insurance covers your car but what about you?

Possible new car owner with questions about insurance prices?

I'm looking into buying a car. I'm just now about to get my driver's license and I am a twenty year old college student. I need a car to get to work next year, but I need to know if I'll be able to afford one with insurance as well. I live in Georgia, and I just want bare minimum coverage. I'll upgrade if I get a job when I graduate, but until then, I just need something to get me by, you know? How do I go about getting cost estimates? Any time I try to get a quote, I need to already have the car information, but I can't buy a car without knowing how much it's going to cost me...""

How much would insurance cost on a 125cc Skyjet?

Looking to buy a 125cc and want to know how much it would be to tax it, MOT it and insure it. Almost 17 and just want a brief idea about how to do it and what to expect.""

How much would my car insurance cost for under 25 for a multi car insurer?

i am 19 and want to start driving but insurance is a big issue and i don't have any knowledge in that department. So how much would my insurance be on the cheapest car (what car would that be?) as a multi car insurer?

How do I get health insurance while going to college?

I'm a 21 yr old diabetic. Currently I work a full-time job as a fabricator and that's how I have insurance and afford my supplies. I want to go back to school though and get away from the fabrication field. My mother is remarried and is on my step-dads insurance and I don't know my real dad so I can't get on his. I'm kinda stumped here and don't want this to hold me back from going to school. Anyone have a similar problem? Possibly a solution?

Will a sex change from male to female result in lower car insurance?

Females have lower car insurance then males. So if a male gets a sex change does the car insurance company change their sex in their records and lower their car insurance?

How much will car insurance cost me if im 16 and getting a Scion Tc?

- 16 Year old ; Male - Just got my license - From Massachusetts - Took Drivers Ed I'm looking at a Scion Tc. The money I have saved up is there for the car. I am just worried on ...show more

How do I get rid of my car insurance?

I've got insurance on my car, but I am looking to cancel it. And I would like to cancel it without really having to explain myself to the company, seeing as they will want some sort of proof that I've for instance changed to a different company. I will be moving out the country come autumn, and I can't bring the bills with me for when I move away. It will cost too much, and no one will be driving the car anyway. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can cancel it?""

Is there any reason why i can't add someone to my car insurance?

If i add my sister to my car insurance, because she is a woman and older with lots of driving experience it will lower my insurance quote simply because she is on there. But does she need to actually use the car, or can i just get her added to the car for the saving. I know the insurance company wouldn't necessarily check but if i needed to make a claim could they dismiss it if it was uncovered the additional driver never used the car or intended to use it. We also live in different houses, will that make a difference, as from quotes i have done it doesn't usually ask for a second address, could i say she was living with me for insurance basis? Thanks in advance.""

How much does a chest X-Ray cost with no health insurance?

i've been experiencing pain in my chest, and i think i need a chest X-Ray. the only problem is, my insurance papers haven't gone through yet, and they won't for about a ...show more""

Insurance on mustang?

I am 16 years old- male and i am thinking about purchasing a 2002 black mustang( convertible) and i have already spoke to the man selling and all i have to do is go pick it up so i was wondering what would be the cheapest way to go on car insurance. My parents have state farm, and if have my own insurance i would only be paying for liability. Does anyone know how much that would cost monthly or whats the cheapest way to do this?""

Can I have monthly insurance?

I want to know if I can have a policy where I can insure my car for only 2 months? With my insurance I pay $560 per month and it will cost me $800 to cancel it mid-term. Is there any way to go around this because i'm shipping my car to Europe at the end of July but still need to use it here. I live in Canada and a response from a broker or an insurance company or even any one with the slightest experience will be greatly appreciated. Thank You!

How to get lower car insurance ?

I'm 23 and car insurance companies want between $300 - $800 for car insurance because I'm not 25 yet. I refuse to pay that much. Is there anything else I can do .

Car insurance cost for a Infiniti g35 coupe?

I'm 18 and think of getting one, anyone know how much it might be? Oh and btw I live in Hawaii.""

Is it possible to get a good used car for 3000 $ ?

I live in the Los Angeles area and I am a student .. I really need a car but I can only afford 3,000$ at the most .. Do you think I can get a pretty decent looking car for 3000$ ? and I am 25 years old , I never drove before ... How much do you think the insurance would cost approximately considering that I am 25 years old and new driver with a used car ? I really wanna know if I can get a good one for 3000$ Thanks a bunch !!!""

What is the cheapest auto insurance for a new driver?

I'm 23, female, and a new driver. I don't care about the quality of the insurance, I just need CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP. A potential job depends on a car I'm about to get, and I need cheap insurance ASAP.""

Can I open this kind of Insurance Business?

I was wondering if I would be able to offer a secondary insurance just for theft or total of a car. My sister has and resells auto insurance but my idea was to offer to modified imports. Or could offer a guarantee to pay difference from what I value the car then what their primary insurance pays? I know you need a license to sell insurance. Any input will help.

Will my car insurance go up for failure to stop for a school bus in NY? It is my first moving violation?

Also, I am not the primary driver on the insurance, my mother is. Will that make a difference? If my insurance does increase how much of an increase would i be looking at and what kind of fine I will be looking at for the ticket? Any feedback will be helpful...thanks""

What is the average insurance price on a Mercedes Benz CLS class?

I am 16 and I want to know if the car is expensive for insurance. I'm a guy too. And I don't need the I shouldn't have that car crap. I just want answers please I don't need your opinions I can afford the car.

""Does car insurance go down when you move to a different state, if so how do i lower mine? (see details)?""

I used to live in LA and my car insurance was 46.00. Well, I went to progressive and did a quote with my new address which is in TX and my car insurance quote is for 26.00. How do i go about getting these new rates since I no longer live in Louisiana.""

Which car has the cheapest insurance?

Audi A4 (Sedan) Audi A6 (Sedan) BMW 3-Series (Sedan) BMW 3-Series (Coupe) BMW 3-Series (Convertible) BMW 5-Series (Sedan) BMW M5 (Sedan) Cadillac CTS Lexus IS Lexus GS Mercedes-Benz C-Class Mercedes-Benz CLK-Class Mercedes-Benz SLK-Class Mercedes-Benz E-Class Mercedes-Benz S-Class These are cars I want to get but my dad said that he wants me to pay for insurance and gas. I want something with the cheapest insurance BUT ALSO on this list.

What is some cheap car insurance companies?

hey so i'm 18 & i'm looking to insure my car again after letting my brother have ago and he crashed it without being insured, i've been to court & i got a 6 week ban & a fine but im starting to look for insurance 7 i was wondering if anyone knew of any cheap ones to try? cheers""

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

Hickory North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28602

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/blaine-ohio-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-43909-mia-hobbs/"

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth