#ive drawn carla a lot but not the other two as much

[yandereshingeki]

(prev posts tags) Carla (Eren) still holds second place in my heart though. followed shortly by Harumi (Keigo)

[lopithecusfanfiction]

Blinded in Chains: Chapter Three

Author: Lopithecus Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4752 Alternate: AO3 Author’s Note: Bit of a longer chapter this time! Enjoy! Tag List: @justsmilestuffhappens @tkandbuck @poppy3019 @mysepticheartfan1 @idealuk @irrationalyperfect @claire-nyc​ @javachik

Buck does manage to eventually sit by Eddie’s side without causing a panic attack. In fact, he stays there the whole night, keeping constant vigil and obsessively reading his vitals. One of the downsides of being a first responder is knowing what they all mean. Maddie even brings him a change of clothes so he can change out of his turnout gear in the bathroom. Maddie hadn’t looked happy when he had handed her the heavy uniform and told her to bring it back to the station, that Bobby would know what to do with it. She ended up calling Chimney, who then showed up to retrieve it.

Eddie had spiked a fever during the night. Buck can’t drag his eyes away from the screen that is telling him Eddie’s temperature at the current moment is 103°F. The doctor, who had stopped by because of this, told him that it is most likely caused by shock. He orders a battery of treatments for it, including things to help stabilize Eddie’s blood flow and blood pressure, as well as changing some of the antibiotics they already had him on. He also informs Buck that the nurses will keep their eyes out for any of the burns becoming infected.

The next day, Eddie’s parents show up. Helena enters the room first, gasping at the sight of her son, followed by Ramon who frowns. “Oh my God,” Helena exclaims, reaching for her son’s face but stopping abruptly. She looks over to Buck. “Can I touch him?”

Buck nods and swallows. “Yeah.”

She lays her hand down on his cheek gently, right over a bandage. “My poor baby.” She sounds like she’s about to cry.

“We would have been here sooner but the earlier flight we booked got canceled,” Ramon informs him. He, too, approaches Eddie but doesn’t touch him. His eyes glance over to where Buck’s got a firm grip on Eddie’s left hand.

Buck follows his eyes, refuses to be ashamed by it, and says, “It’s probably best to not touch his right hand. It got pretty badly burned.”

“How bad?” Helena asks, not even looking away from Eddie’s face.

“Third-degree with nerve damage.”

“Nerve damage?” Ramon sits down in a chair next to where his wife is standing. “What kind of nerve damage?”

Buck shrugs, watching him closely. He’s glad Ramon has hopefully decided now is not the time to bring up why Buck is holding Eddie’s hand. Not that Buck would ever admit his feelings towards Eddie to his father when Eddie doesn’t even know how Buck feels. “Not as bad as it could have been.” He shrugs. “The gloves, they’re made for fires but this… our gear isn’t made for explosions hence why he got burned on his hands and chest.”

“So his left hand is burned too?” Helena finally sits down as well, pulling a chair over next to Ramon.

Buck nods. “Yeah, but not as bad as the right. No nerve damage as far as the doctor can tell.”

“And his face?” Ramon asks.

Buck hesitates, glancing at Eddie’s bandaged face. “Yet to be determined. Also, the thing about burns, is they can start out as a mild burn and then become worse. So a second-degree burn can become a third-degree burn.”

“Why?”

“Because the heat from it continues to do damage. Luckily, the doctor thinks they got to the ones on his chest quickly enough to make sure that doesn’t happen,” Buck informs them, lessening some of their worries.

“Why is his right hand worse than the left?” Ramon inquires.

Buck shrugs. “Who knows. The gloves were almost melted onto his hands. The right one probably… melted more.”

His parents don’t comment on that, looking more worried than before now. Helena is stroking Eddie’s arm while blinking away tears and Roman stares at the ground, scowl set in place. Buck wonders if he’ll cry about his son or if he’s too “manly” to do that in front of Buck. Buck has no qualms about crying in front of them. He would do it if he hadn’t exhausted himself earlier from already crying so much.

“Has Christopher seen him?” Helena speaks up, her voice jarring in the quiet of the room. They don’t even have the monitor that reads all of Eddie’s vitals making the beeping sound to go along with Eddie’s heartbeat.

Buck shakes his head. “No. Isabel, Carla, and I thought it best for Christopher to not see him for now, but he’s going to have to eventually. We don’t know how long they are going to keep him in the coma.”

Helena nods at that. “Maybe wait a few days, a week maybe.”

“You can’t keep a son from his father,” Ramon argues.

Helena turns to him, anger present in her eyes. “He’s nine years old, Ramon.” She gestures towards Eddie’s prone figure. “This will terrify him.”

“He’s still his father and he should see him.”

“Yes, but in a few days,” she snaps. “We don’t even know if Eddie is going to surv-” she cuts herself off, choking on the words and tears start streaming down her face. She tilts her head down and places a hand over her mouth to try and stifle her sobs but it doesn’t work well. Ramon is scowling in distress again but he doesn’t touch his wife or try to comfort her. So Buck does.

He gets up out of his chair, lets go of Eddie’s hand, and walks around the bed to kneel down next to her. He places a hand on her back gently and rubs up and down. “Eddie is going to be fine.” She shakes her head in protest, opens her mouth, but a sob only escapes, body jerking with the noise. “He is. He’s strong and a fighter. He’s not going to die. He’s not going to leave his family, especially his son. He will fight his way back for that kid. I’ve seen it before. He’ll do it now.”

Helena is looking at him now, tears falling across her cheeks every time she blinks, and her eyes are red and puffy. She nods, grabs Buck’s hand, and squeezes. “He will.”

Buck nods in affirmation and squeezes back. “And I think you’re right. We’ll wait a few days before Christopher sees him, give us time to explain what’s going on and prepare him. But I do think he should see him before the bandages come off.” Buck shakes his head regrettably. “I’ve seen a lot of burns in this line of work. It’s going to be scarier without the bandages than with them.”

“Okay,” Helena agrees and Ramon doesn’t say anything.

When the quiet starts to become deafening, Buck stands back up and goes back to his own chair, sighing loudly. “How long are you two staying?”

Ramon answers him. “About a week.”

Then Helena pitches in, as if she has the urge to explain themselves. “It’s not that we don’t want to stay longer and be here when he wakes up but we have work. We can only stay away for so long.”

Buck nods in understanding. “I understand.” He smiles at her, trying to convey that he’s not judging them. “I have a shift to go to in a couple of hours.” A twenty-four-hour shift to be exact and Buck has gotten zero sleep since yesterday. He’s going to have to chug gallons of coffee before and during the shift. He shrugs. “Life has to go on.”

Helena is frowning. “He’s our baby though.”

“The doctor is probably not going to wake him for weeks, Helena,” Buck informs her. “You can always try to come back when they do and in the meantime, Isabel and I will keep you informed.”

She smiles back at him but the look is sad. “I appreciate that, Buck.”

*~~~*

The next few days go from bad to worse, to back down to just bad. By day three of being in the hospital, Eddie’s fever spikes dangerously causing hyperpyrexia. Despite already pumping Eddie with antibiotics, the doctor suspects one of his burns might have gotten infected and caused sepsis. He takes some blood to test for it all while urgently telling nurses how he wants Eddie’s fever to be treated for now. Since they aren’t positive that it is sepsis, the doctor ups Eddie’s fluid intake to keep him hydrated, gives him fever-reducing medication, and tells the nurses to put some cold, ice packs around his body but to avoid the bandages. They also take out the feeding tube just in case Eddie ends up having a seizure due to the fever, which does end up happening and scaring the shit out of Buck who had just come to visit after his twenty-four-hour shift. After that, they give him some dantrolene to relax his muscles.

The treatments help reduce Eddie’s fever back to a more manageable temperature and, in the end, the doctor determines it is sepsis. The doctor switches Eddie off the IV and instead places him on a central line that will make it easier to give Eddie medication and nutrition for several weeks. He then begins treating Eddie for the sepsis by giving him, yet again, a different regime of antibiotics, vasoactive medications to increase Eddie’s blood pressure, insulin to stabilize blood sugar, and corticosteroids to reduce inflammation. The doctor also starts Eddie on dialysis to assist the kidneys and hopefully prevent any damage that could be caused by the sepsis.

Once Eddie is back to being stabilized and receiving all his treatments, the Diaz’s and Buck decide they should probably let Christopher see his dad sooner rather than later. The decision, to Buck’s heartache but something he can’t deny, is stemmed from the fact that Christopher has the right to see his dad one last time in case Eddie doesn’t make it.

In case Eddie dies.

So Isabel and Carla bring Christopher to the hospital after school where he meets up with Helena, Ramon, and Buck outside Eddie’s room. The curtain is drawn over the door so the nine-year-old can’t see inside yet, but Christopher glances over to it nonetheless. He looks nervous and scared. As soon as the three reach them, Ramon and Helena immediately start arguing on how they should approach and handle the situation.

“Stop!” Buck interrupts them, holding his hands up. “You’re just making this worse.” He gestures towards Christopher who has been standing there silently, biting his bottom lip and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “You’re scaring him.” Ramon opens his mouth to reply but Buck ignores him, shaking his head, “Just let me…” Buck kneels down and places his hands on Christopher’s shoulders, turning the boy to face him. “Hey, Buddy.”

Christopher tries to smile at him but it doesn’t reach his eyes and it’s the saddest thing Buck has ever seen. “Abuela said that Dad got really hurt. Is he okay?”

Buck doesn’t know how to answer that question. “He’s fine,” he tells the boy, deciding to not go with the full picture. Eddie is fine… for now.

“Why couldn’t I see him before now?”

Buck tries to give Christopher his best reassuring smile but he knows it doesn’t help. “Because the doctors needed to do their job and take care of your dad without a lot of people here first.” He pokes at Christopher’s chest gently. “But, now that they’ve gotten your dad all settled in, they say more people can come and see him.”

“Like us?” Christopher asks.

Buck nods and sniffles, feeling emotional. “Yeah, Buddy, like us.” He briefly looks over to the door to Eddie’s room and then back to Christopher. “Listen, Chris, when we get in there, it’s going to look really scary, but your dad is in the best hands possible, okay?”

“Abuela said that Dad has a lot of bandaids on.”

Buck squeezes the nine-year old’s shoulders. “Yeah, he does, and it’s okay to be scared but everything that is on him or attached to him is there to help him get better.”

Christopher is frowning. “Abuela also said Dad was going to be sleeping and that he will sleep for a long time.”

Again, Buck nods. “That’s also to help him get better. It’s so his body can focus on healing instead of him worried about us worrying over him.” That makes Christopher genuinely smile and Buck takes the win. “You ready, Superman?”

“You’ll stay with me?”

“I’ll be right beside you,” he reassures and Christopher nods bravely.

Buck stands back up and walks beside Christopher as they enter Eddie’s room, the rest of the family behind them. All the preparation in the world couldn’t have stopped Christopher from crying as soon as he saw his dad and Buck is immediately crouched beside him again, wrapping him up in his arms. Christopher encircles his arms around Buck’s torso, crutches smacking Buck in the back hard but he doesn’t mind. His only concern is comforting Christopher at the moment.

Christopher cries for a while and he won’t let anyone else touch or comfort him except for Buck. So Buck lifts him up and walks back over to the chair that he usually occupies. Christopher sits on his lap, crying into his shoulder, as Buck runs his fingers soothingly through his hair. After several minutes, he finally calms and glances over to Eddie, sniffling loudly.

“Do you want to sit with him?” Buck asks Christopher.

Christopher shrugs. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

Buck shakes his head and picks Christopher up as he stands. “You won’t, I promise.” He carefully sets Christopher down on the bed next to Eddie. Christopher almost immediately settles himself down into a lying position, pulling himself close to hug his dad and burying his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck.

Buck looks up at Isabel and the rest of the family to see them all watching Christopher with sad expressions on their faces. He exchanges a concerned look with Carla before he hears a knock at the door. Turning to face who it is, he’s not surprised to see Bobby standing there. Bobby has been visiting Eddie and Hammond every day just as Buck has been.

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” Bobby asks as he visibly swallows at the sight of Christopher lying with his dad.

“No, of course, not Bobby,” Buck answer.

“Actually, he is,” Ramon then speaks up, turning to face the two. “This should be family only.”

Carla crosses her arms. “Excuse me?”

Ramon scowls. “It should be family here to comfort Christopher, not the aid and,” he looks towards Buck, eyes narrowing and Buck knows he’s thinking about when Buck had held Eddie’s hand. “Some random adult friend of his father’s.”

Buck swallows down his anger as Isabel starts talking. “Buck and Carla are just as much Christopher’s family as the rest of us here.”

Carla looks just as pissed as Buck feels but before she can say anything, Bobby is stepping into the room more, holding up both his hands. “How about we don’t discuss this in front of Christopher?”

Buck’s heart plummets into his stomach as realization dawns on him that the kid probably heard that whole thing. He turns to Christopher who has sat up now to watch what was going on. Tears are streaming down his face at a steady pace. “I don’t want Buck or Carla to leave.”

Helena and Ramon share a glance but it’s Buck who makes his way over to Christopher, sitting down on the edge of the bed and hugging him close reassuringly. “We won’t leave if you don’t want us to.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Buck?” It’s Bobby again who has approached. “I do need to talk to you for a second.” He looks around the room. “Not in here.”

Letting go of Christopher and looking him straight in the eyes he says, “I’ll be right back, I promise. I’m just going to be right outside that door.”

“And I’ll still be here,” Carla inputs, coming to take Buck’s place on the bed beside Christopher.

Christopher nods and when Buck is sure that he’ll be fine, he follows Bobby outside the room. “What is it? Is it Hammond?”

“No,” Bobby says, shaking his head. He swallows, not unlike before when he had first arrived and seen Christopher, and then continues. “The funeral for Briggs, Garret, and Sinclair is tomorrow.”

A lump suddenly forms in Buck’s throat. “Oh…”

“All of the crew is going to be there but you don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Bobby continues.

Buck shakes his head. “No, I’ll be there. Definitely. It’s just…” He peers over at the door to Eddie’s room. The curtain is drawn closed so he can’t see anything. “Eddie’s going to hate that he missed it.”

Bobby’s eyes are shiny when Buck looks back at him again. “Well, let’s focus on not having one for him as well.”

He nods in agreement, licking his lips and trying to swallow past what is lodged in his throat. “What about Hammond?”

Bobby sighs heavily, swiping a hand over his eyes. “No, change.” He then shrugs. “But as long as Eddie is still alive, Beth refuses to pull the plug.”

“Yeah, she basically told me the same thing.”

“If Eddie pulls through this, Buck…” Bobby doesn’t finish, shoulders slouching and Buck can see how much this whole situation is affecting Bobby. The older man looks tired with bags under his eye and a perpetual frown set in place. But Buck doesn’t need Bobby to finish. He knows what is being unsaid; that if — and Buck doesn’t even want to think about that if — Eddie survives this, Bobby is going to have to talk to Beth about finally saying goodbye and letting go of her husband and father of her child. Because they all know that Hammond is already dead, being kept alive by machines, whether Eddie makes it himself or not.

“I can do it,” Buck volunteers because he can’t stand the look of anguish and guilt and responsibility on Bobby’s face.

Bobby shakes his head. “Buck, no. It’s my job.”

“I can do it, Bobby,” he reaffirms, making it clear in his voice that there is no room to argue. “I’ll do it. I’ll tell her.”

Bobby watches him closely with so much pain in his eyes that it’s almost unbearable to see. He doesn’t argue with him though and instead nods minutely, resigning to Buck’s offer. Licking his lips one last time and taking a deep breath to steel himself, Buck turns back towards the room. “Come on, we better get back inside.”

Bobby follows silently and once back in the room, Buck goes and holds Christopher tight as they both sit on the edge of Eddie’s bed.

*~~~*

Buck decides he hates suits. Whenever he has to wear one, it’s either for something bad or something bad happens (when he choked during his date with Abby, the lawsuit hearing, and now the funeral of three of his crew members.) Everybody is dressed in nice outfits while Bobby is dressed in his Captain’s uniform. The universe even has the decency to rain as if it were crying right along with them in the most cliché way.

Buck also hates when funerals are depicted in movies and TV shows because it’s never realistic. Not everyone dresses in black and not everyone has a black umbrella to bring along with them. As Buck looks around the people gathered, he sees blues and purples and even a goddamn rainbow umbrella. But one thing the movies and TV shows always get right is the sad faces, the crying, and the sullen atmosphere. The air is so heavy with sorrow and grief and loss, that it makes it hard to breathe.

Buck holds his dark blue umbrella over his head, eyes downcast as he listens to the funeral conductor talk. He stands with Chimney and Hen while Bobby stands towards the front with others that have a higher standing than them. The three caskets upfront each have their own U.S. flag draped over them and when the funeral conductor is done, each one gets carefully folded and handed off to a family member.

It’s the first time Buck has had to go to a colleague’s funeral, let alone three of them with a possible fourth — Buck refuses to acknowledge there might be a fifth one to add as well — colleague in the future. They each are given the opportunity to say something but Buck doesn’t and neither does Hen or Chimney. Bobby makes a speech given that he’s the Captain and is expected to but Buck can tell it’s difficult for him to do so.

Eventually, the mingling starts, and Buck somehow managed to make it through the whole ceremony without crying. He briefly talks to Briggs, Garret, and Sinclair’s family, telling them his condolences. They all have sad, haunted eyes and it makes the heavy weight that has placed itself on Buck’s chest since the funeral started, even heavier. He feels like he can’t breathe and he’s getting too emotional he knows this, but these were three of his friends and it could have been — still could be — Eddie and Buck can’t handle that.

So he sneaks off a little ways away, rubbing a hand down his face and taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down. He sits down on the ground, under a tree, and draws his knees up, tilting his head down between them. This is all becoming too much and he’s feeling too much and doesn’t know how to handle it, how to cope.

“Hey,” Buck jumps at the sound of Beth’s voice. He had seen her at the funeral but hadn’t had a chance to talk to her. “May I sit with you?” Buck nods. She has obviously been crying. With a heavy sigh, she lowers herself down next to Buck, leaning against the tree. “You okay?”

Buck shrugs. “I just needed a breather.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They sit there in silence for a long time, long enough to watch the crowd for the funeral start to disperse. Buck turns to her, frowning. “Beth, listen-”

“I’m not ready,” she says, cutting him off as if already knowing what he was about to say. Buck supposes she does, seeing that they are at a funeral for people who were in the same explosion as her husband.

“Beth, he’s gone,” Buck tries, voice gentle and soft.

“Eddie’s not.”

Buck shakes his head, twists to face her better. “That doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change Isaac’s situation.”

“Situation.” Her frown deepens and her eyes glisten over with fresh tears. “You make it sound so simple.”

“I know it’s not, Beth, but-”

“How?” She turns to him angrily, tears rolling down her cheeks. “How could you possibly know? Chloe is crying herself to sleep every night because she misses her daddy. I met Isaac when we were both in high school. He is my best friend, my husband, the love of my life, and father to our beautiful daughter. So, please, Buck, tell me again how you know how hard this is!” She yells the last part, standing abruptly.

Buck scrambles after her, standing as well. “Okay, so maybe I don’t understand completely but Eddie means a lot more to me than you think.”

“Yeah, and you’re giving him a chance to get better! Why can’t you give Issac the same?”

“Because he’s already dead, Beth!” Buck didn’t mean to say it as harshly as it came out but he’s feeling overwhelmed, hurt, mournful, and depressed. Taking a deep breath, he tries to calm himself and says more gently, “He’s gone, Beth. The machines are keeping his body alive now and once they turn it off… his body can’t do it for him. I’m sorry, Beth, but he’s too far gone to get better.”

Her eyes are fire, the glare she is shooting Buck filled with hurt and fury. Beth shakes her head, takes a step back. “No.” Another step back and she points at Buck. “No. Why does Eddie get to live while my husband dies?” She shakes her head again, tears slipping down her face. “I am not giving up on him.”

“Beth-”

“Stay the hell away from me!” she yells at him and then turns on her heels, stomping away.

Buck chokes on his heart that is beating in his throat and everything goes blurry as tears fill his eyes. They fall down his cheeks when he tries to blink them away. Everybody is gone now, having left the funeral, and Buck is standing there all alone.

Crying.

*~~~*

Weeks go by, Buck doesn’t talk to Beth and gets news on Hammond through Bobby or Hen or Chimney, and no one is surprised that he hasn’t gotten any better. Eddie’s parents also go back to El Paso, with Helena telling Buck to keep her informed and up to date on Eddie’s condition while Ramon barely says two words to him. It gets easier and easier for Christopher to see his dad and the kid now comes by almost every day after school with Carla to read a book to Eddie, either sitting on the edge of the bed or in Buck’s lap. He’s also staying with Eddie’s Abuela for the time being and sometimes with Buck when Buck actually bothers to go home.

It becomes routine for Buck, a habit now, to go see Eddie whenever he can. If he’s not working a shift, then he’s sat next to Eddie’s hospital bed, obsessively watching Eddie’s vitals. They spike and wane, spike and wane, and Buck swears he’s going to have a heart attack if Eddie doesn’t stop scaring him. He will sit there, next to Eddie, for hours just talking nonsense to him, rambling about anything and everything possible while holding onto Eddie’s left hand like a lifeline. Sometimes he joins Bobby in the cathedral, despite not being religious himself, but can tell on the really bad days that Bobby needs the company. Maddie becomes concerned about all the time he’s been spending in the hospital (he hardly ever goes back to his apartment now, only to take a shower and change his clothes. He eats at the hospital and sleeps in the chair next to Eddie’s bed), but he brushes off her worries and tells her he’s fine.

Because he is.

Maybe he’s a little stressed and maybe he’s having nightmares and so terrified to leave Eddie for more than an hour that he is practically having panic attacks at work, but he’s fine and managing. He manages to hide his anxiety from his coworkers and has his panic attacks in the bathroom instead of where he can be seen. Buck will call the hospital every hour while on shift to get updates and he’s sure the nurses are getting annoyed with him but he doesn’t care. It’s the only way to lessen the anxiety he feels while at work.

He doesn’t know what he would do if Eddie died while he wasn’t there with him.

But eventually, Eddie does finally stabilize out with his vitals looking more normal and the doctor is starting to actually look hopeful instead of his usual melancholy expression whenever it comes to Eddie’s outcome. To Buck’s relief, Eddie improves day by day. His fever finally comes down, his broken bones start healing nicely in their casts, and the burns are even starting to slowly but surely heal into pale scars. The nurses eventually take off the bandages on Eddie’s torso, leaving the burns out to get air and some of the bandages come off Eddie’s face. They leave the bandages on Eddie’s hands and over his eyes though, as those were the most significantly burnt areas. Overall, Eddie’s prognosis is looking better and better each day and the relief Buck feels at that is unmeasurable.

And then finally, one day, after seven weeks of being in the hospital, the doctor tells Buck on one of Buck’s many routine visits, that they are finally going to wake Eddie up.

In two days.

Buck’s heart almost beats out of his chest with the anticipation while at the same time he’s nervous. What if something goes wrong before then? What if something goes wrong after? There are so many different possibilities. But one thing Buck knows for sure.

It’s going to be a hard road going forward.

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A/N: Thank you all for reading!! ❤❤