#ive done. one of those things. teehee.

[geee-three]

why are you still awake. go to sleep.

you are also still awake. go to sleep.

[void-dude]

Sup dude, just wanted to day that i really enjoy your art!! Your lines are so fluid and i really like the way you make shapes! Gives the art as a whole a really nice flow that makes it do pleasing. Also, you've made me read by the skin of your teeth and holy shit wasnt that the best GF fanfic ive ever read. Do you have other fic recommendations?

OK FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU OH MY I feel so flattered teehee THANK YOU!!! SECOND! I SURE DO! But they are all kinda ... Stan Twins related! A bunch of ANGST and plenty of brotherly companionship!!!

I reblogged a list before that made me sob happy tears with wonderful fics, check them out as well!! But here are some of my favourites anywas:

By Any Other Name

Stan's life hasn't always been great. He's done some not so nice things, got caught up with the wrong kind of people but just because you can't remember the past, doesn't mean it can't come back to haunt you. In the most terrifying of ways...

hide and seek

(THIS ONE IS FERAL FORD AND IS ONE OF MY FAVS)

Stan’s next shout feels more like a scream, desperate and frightened and tearing his throat on the way out: “Ford, please! Come on! Stanford, you can’t do this to me, not again—Stanford!” Something slams into him, and he hits the deck hard. His first instinct is, naturally, to punch—but he doesn’t get that far.

hero

Stan is a hero. He wonders if that's the only reason Ford suddenly wants to be his brother again.

none of those phds is an md, you dumb idiot

In which Ford's interdimensional universal translator breaks, and he realizes just how much he's lost. Turns out thirty years of dimension-hopping aren't great for language retention

Breaking Point

Accidents at sea happen, however careful you may be. Unfortunately for Stan, some can dredge up memories with them

How Old Are Babies Again?

When Mabel and Stanley went off into the forest for something or other, Stanford didn't think any of it. Stanley was a grown man, he's able to handle himself. Right? Except... Stanley was definitely older when he left, Ford is sure of it.

[notiddygothgf]

1/2

★ pairings: choso kamo x f!reader

★ synopsis: Yuuji Itadori truly was the best friend a girl like you could ask for, but he wasn't the only reason you came to visit. (His older brother, the devilishly handsome Choso Kamo, had always been the apple of your eye).

★ c.w.: slow burn, friends to lovers, eventual smut, childhood sweethearts, kinda, mutual pining, choso with a tongue piercing, rough sex, cunnilingus, backshots, unprotected sex, regular people au, two year age gap, PWP.

★ a/n: hi pookie dookies!! ive been wanting to write choso for a while!! this is a one shot I split into two chapters bc its like, 11k words.... but! if u guys request it, I might add more chapters!!! thank u for ur support as always, muah muah!! (btw if u like tokyo rev go check out my other shit teehee).

★ w.c.; 4.5k

best friend's brother ; chapter index

YUUJI ITADORI WAS truly the best friend a girl like you could ask for. The two of you were kind of like childhood friends, though you hadn’t been close for a good portion of it. You didn’t remember the exact day Itadori had invited you into his home – though you knew it was some time in elementary school. The two of you had been practically inseparable ever since. 

There was one thing about the pinkette’s home life in particular that seemed to catch your young eye. 

His older brother, Choso.

He was two years your senior – dark hair, dark eyes, he looked nothing like his brother. He had this scar over the bridge of his nose from an accident that had happened when he was younger. He was an elusive figure, something of a mystery to your young mind – he was always there, but never there.  

He was content to dwell in the background like some sort of side character. 

The first time you’d ever met him had been at one of Itadori’s baseball games. He’d invited you to show up – and at this point you had to have been no older than 8 or 9 – and show out for him. And show out you sure did. 

You had your mother do your hair up real nice in those cute little pigtails you used to love wearing. You had scribbled his jersey number onto a plain white tee the night before, donning some hot pink leggings beneath.

And you screamed for Itadori, cheered as loud as your little lungs would allow you to. He won, of course, but that’s not the point here. You’d gone up to him after the game, wrapping your short arms around his frame – and at the time he was no larger than you were – and telling him he’d done great. Itadori grinned at you, faint blush dusting his cheeks, and thanked you. His smile was a thousand suns in one.

A hand on his shoulder had shaken the two of you out of the moment. A bigger hand.

It was his 11-year-old adoptive brother, Choso Kamo. An angel of the darkness, as corny as that sounds, but in that moment you swore the gates of heaven resided in those dark eyes of his. He stood out against the bright backdrop of the September afternoon. The sunlight filtered through his short black hair, reflected off of his pale skin, shooting rays right into your stomach and sending a horde of butterflies fluttering.

“This your girlfriend, Yuuji?” He commented with a half-grin.

You remember turning red at his comment, waving your arms around wildly. You remember the way his eyes creased as he laughed at you, one of the few times you recall seeing him laugh.

So what if you had heart eyes for your best friend’s older brother? It was harmless, just a little crush you had formed on the guy you felt had stolen your heart away. Harmless. 

At least, it was until the two of you grew older. You started junior high, you started puberty , and as your body changed, so did his. So did your feelings, morphing from a butterfly crush to something more akin to desire as you began to see him in a different light.

He lost the baby fat around his face. His eyes had darkened, shoulders broadening. His hair got longer, falling into his boyish, scarred face in a way that rendered you entirely breathless. 

He was becoming a man.

You were 13 and 15 now, stealing sneaky glances at him whenever he would pass by his brother’s room. Yuji, who had just been boasting about how he was starting to get taller than you, would pay it no mind.

It was just a crush. He was two years your senior, after all. You had no chance.

You were 13 when he would poke fun at you and his brother. He was 15 when he would laugh at the way your face would go red. He didn’t know that it wasn’t his brother you wanted.

14 and 16 when you first began to notice the subtle slope of his shoulders become more pronounced, more defined. When you began to notice the way his muscles would strain against the sleeves of his tee shirt. 

He had always been a large guy, having hit quite a few growth spurts along the way. He had to have been about 5’10 at that point, practically towering over you. But lately, you thought he must have been hitting the gym. He would walk past Yuji’s open door – and in their house it was a family policy to leave the door open when you came over, even if Yuji was only a brother to you – with gym gear on. He would come back with sweat-slicked hair plastered to his forehead, chest rising and falling steadily.

Something about that made your hormones go wild for him. Inappropriate thoughts began to chew away at you from the inside, images of what he could do to you with such strength, even if you weren’t too certain what ‘doing’ even entailed at that time. The scent of his pheromones, something like that – or maybe it was the way his gym clothes hugged his body while he marched towards the bathroom to take a shower – it made you feral for him.

He was so much bigger than you now. It made your head spin with feelings you didn’t quite understand. It was just a crush… so why did you stay awake at night imagining him panting over you, sweat trickling down his bare chest? The way his muscles might ripple under your hesitant, inexperienced touch? The warmth that would bloom over your face when you imagined his lips on yours – this man who you had never gotten close to.

A man who you remembered having a late night conversation with in the kitchen while Yuuji slept right down the hall one night.

He was ransacking the cabinet for snacks when you found him. He relaxed once he’d noticed it was you, the two of you eventually falling into sugar-fueled conversation after he cracked open a pack of double-stuff oreos. A conversation about the taboo , about the things you had been told to keep quiet.

“You don’t have to be all flustered ‘round me, y’know,” He had told you rather softly. The two of you were separated by the kitchen island, but it felt like he was way to close to you. “You can ask me anything you’re curious about.”

“I’m not curious!” You had whisper-shouted back with a roll of your eyes. “I don’t want to know about your sex life, you whore.”

“You just asked me what it felt like, liar,” He noted, quirking a brow at your outward reaction. He loved to get under your skin. Lived for it. “And for the record, I’m not a whore. Most of the times I’ve been touched have been with my own hand.”

“I’ve never tried… that, ” You mused quietly, head low. Your face burned with the heat of your admission. 

He popped an oreo into his mouth, dusting his hands off carelessly. “What, masturbating?”

Your heart did a weak somersault. “Quiet!” You hissed at him. “Now what if Yuuji heard you talking to me like that?”

“Calm your shit,” he told you. “You’re too young f’me. Relax.”

He only chuckled at your words, shaking his head quietly while he resealed the oreos. Still, if he was thinking anything about your reaction, he didn’t voice it. You were glad.

But it hurt. It hurt, hearing him talk about you like you didn’t have a chance. Like none of the effort you put into your appearance around him had any effect on him because you were too young to steal his attention away. None of it mattered – the push up bras, the low cut tanks, the cherry lip balm. 

In his eyes, you were only a kid.

“I’m a virgin,” you had blurted out, for some odd reason you still didn’t quite understand.

The pause that befell the two of you was one that you remembered years later. 

“I can tell,” He had said, slim waist swinging side to side as he walked around the kitchen island, towards the exit behind you. He sauntered over to you with a smirk on his face and a plate in his hand, dark hair pulled back into a bun while his layers fell around his face. He was breathtaking, handsome, tantalizing build towering over you.

16, A man whose voice had dropped again in the last few months whispered those words, the ones you would never forget, “‘S fun. You should try it.”

You didn’t know what he had wanted you to try – having sex or performing it on yourself.

Either way, that night when you went home was the first time you ever tried to touch yourself. Fantasized about him whispering in your ear, holding you down, talking you through – while your pink-manicured fingers worked you up to your first orgasm.

Two years had never felt so far apart.

Choso had a girlfriend at one point. It was only for, like, four months – he was 17, you were 15. You only found this out when he’d come home after a pretty rough night with her. He looked pissed, lips pressed into a thin line, arms crossed over his broad chest.

You knew he was too old for you, that you weren’t old enough for him, more specifically – but, still, you batted those lashes of yours up at him while you asked him what was wrong.

You didn’t tell him about the way butterflies erupted in your stomach like a hundred angry guisers when he told you his girlfriend had cheated, left him for another man. 

You hugged him instead, telling him that it would be alright, telling him that she never deserved him anyway. You were the one for him, and one day he would see that.

Instead of turning to you – who had been right there all along, he had just been too blind to notice – he took his anger out on everyone else. He became cold, emotionally closed off. He became a serial heartbreaker. 

For a while, whenever you came over to Yuuji’s, his bedroom would be vacant. Open, dark, just as he had left it. For a while, he would spend his nights with faceless hookups and meaningless dates. Itadori would call you to complain about it, about how “we’re home alone for dinner tonight and Choso just walked out”.

Your heart broke, too. He just didn’t know it.

He didn’t know you were waiting for him to come to his senses, for him to see you as a woman .

You were seated in the kitchen across from Itadori enjoying another late-night snack, sharing some hearty laughter. You had always adored your conversations with him, the ‘After-Hours’ talks, as you would often refer to them. 

Your night had taken an unexpected turn when Itadori’s brother burst through the kitchen door with a giggling girl in tow. The late hour suggested that this was no ordinary visit.

Still, even though you couldn’t pry your eyes away from her, you didn’t say anything. You stayed quiet while your heart shattered into one hundred million pieces inside of your tight chest.

Itadori’s laughter had died down, giving way to an awkward silence. He greeted his brother with a smile, “Hey, bro. Who’s she?”

Choso shrugged, dark hair shifting over his eyes that seemed to glint beneath the dim lighting as he replied, “Company.”

His mischievous tone and the girl at his side left little to the imagination. Your cheeks flushed as you exchanged another quick glance with Itadori.

You felt frozen in place. You couldn’t move. No, all you could do was sit there like a dumbass and stare at him, watch the man you loved liked guide her by her hand up the stairs. 

Of course. You had been naive to think that he would wait for you. He would be 18 next year. 

He was out of your league.

Feeling the need for a momentary escape, you had excused yourself, muttering something about needing to use the bathroom. You had stood up, heart racing, and made your way up the stairs and towards the bathroom.

Conveniently, of course, it was located just down the hall from Choso’s room.

You crept down the hall slowly. As you passed by his door, you caught a sound. Something unmistakable – two people in hushed conversation uttering words in between kisses. 

“Choso, baby.” 

Another quiet kiss. Their lips separated.

“I’m ready.” 

“You brought protection?” 

Your embarrassment grew as you realized the intimate nature of the encounter happening on the other side of the door. Quickly, you averted your gaze, face burning, and ran off to the bathroom.

It took you a moment to catch your breath. You couldn’t believe the awkwardness of the whole situation. Shit, you didn’t even know how to approach him after this.

Worst of all, you didn’t even know why you were still only able to imagine it was your voice behind that door instead of hers. That it was him pressing butterfly kisses to your lips. Him asking you if you were ready for him.

With your cheeks tinged a rosey hue, you resolved to keep yourself locked away in the bathroom until the thoughts subsided.

It seemed like it was a new girl every time you came to visit. A blonde, a brunette – he didn’t seem to have a preference. Every time you would watch him walk another girl to the front door, bidding her safe travels on her way home, your hope would wither away.

But the feelings never subsided. No, even when you would spend a little more time walking past his room on your way to the bathroom to eavesdrop. Not even when you would hear hushed whispers and quiet moans from the other side and imagine what kind of lover Choso would be. Would he leave marks? Talk dirty to you? Was he a giver or a taker? 

Not even when the two of you would cross paths in the kitchen after his plans for the evening went home. He would turn to you with a knowing smirk, hair down and messy even though it did nothing to hide the red and purple love bites that littered the valley of his neck. 

And he looked so good that you often found yourself wishing it was you who had left those marks. 

It was as if he knew you were dying inside. Like something was beginning to change inside of him after all of these years. Like he took some strangely cruel pleasure in showing off to you.

No, you would have to remind yourself in vain. I’m too young for him. 

You were just a girl in his eyes. That’s what you maintained.

So you went out and retaliated by losing your V-card to some kid from your class. Well, in your head it was retaliation. He was none the wiser about it, but it gave you a sense of satisfaction knowing you were able to fuck people who weren’t him. 

Take that, Choso. 

Yuji groaned, laying spread eagle over his carpeted floor, arms spread out on either side of him. He had grown so much – you could hardly contain the way your eyes wandered from his pretty face to his new physique. Like his brother, Itadori was a well-defined man.

God picked favorites, and it wasn’t you.

There was an open notebook splayed over his face. He gripped the spine, tossing it to the side. 

“I’m over this chemistry shit,” He sighed.

You couldn’t possibly have agreed more. Still, you continued to sketch the rough outline of a circle onto the sheet of construction paper in your hand. You would need to make it perfect, just right, so that you would be able to incorporate it into your group project.

You turned the pencil over between your fingertips. “We’re gonna need more supplies.”

"Like what?" Yuuji asked, his frustration still evident. "I’m pretty sure we’ve purchased, like… every craft supply on the market."

You quirked a brow at the thought. "Scissors…?"

Yuuji pursed his lips, his brow furrowing. "I don’t have those."

"Of course you don’t," you sighed, shaking your head. "Who the hell doesn’t have scissors?"

"I lent them to Choso," he retorted with a hint of annoyance.

Your heart dropped at the mention of Choso. You couldn't help but picture his face, his body, and wondered if he was asleep. You didn't want to disturb him.

Yuuji sat up, nudging you with his foot playfully. "Hey, why don't you go over there and get them? Make some goo-goo eyes, bat your lashes. I’m sure he wouldn’t say no to you."

You hesitated for a moment, considering your options. "I'm sure I can find some in my backpack," you said instead, trying to avoid the suggestion.

"Come onnnn, you know you wanna go over there," Yuuji teased with a sly grin. He leaned in closer, cupping his hand around his mouth, and whispered, " He just got back from the gym. "

Another nudge from Yuuji finally made you relent. "Fine," you said with a playful roll of your eyes. "I’ll be back."

Only moments later, you found yourself standing in front of Choso's door, a mix of anticipation and nervousness coursing through you as you raised your hand up to knock. You rapped twice against the wooden surface. There was a shuffling sound on the other side of the world, one that made your heartrate pick up, and then the door cracked open.

He had one earbud in his ear, the other dangling over his chest. He wore a black wife pleaser and some grey sweats that hung loose over his hips – leaving little to the imagination. He looked so strong, muscular arm braced against the doorframe while the other held it open. His waist was thin, toned, so much so that you could see it through the fabric of his shirt.

He smelled like he had just hopped out of the shower – like cherry and musk. His wet hair was done back into a messy bun. His eyes raked over your trembling form.

With a gentle, familiar grin, he said, “What’s up?”

Your throat felt dry. You swallowed anyway, with a great deal of discomfort, averting your wide-eyed gaze. Ignoring the way your eyes lingered over the pale skin of his toned navel revealed where his tank had ridden up, over the v line that dipped down into his waistband, over the neatly trimmed trail that led down south . 

“Do… Do you have scissors?” You asked him. You didn’t like how timid you sounded, or the way your stomach churned at the sight of him.

He paused for a moment, and somehow you knew he was looking at you. You were suddenly very glad you had worn a fitted v-neck tee shirt today, one that would have provided him with a bird’s eye view of your cleavage.

He’s looking at me. 

“Yeah,” he muttered quietly, stepping away from the door and into his room. You had only wandered into Choso’s quarters a few times with Yuuji, usually to steal something from him while he wasn’t home. You had never really taken the time to notice the band posters taped up over his walls, the black sheets on his bed, the clothes scattered over his floor in typical teenage boy fashion.

You poked your head in, taking a quick look around while his muscular back was turned. Ultimately, it was him you wound up gawking at, hungry eyes following the well-defined curve of his back into his slim waist, the curve of his bubble butt.

You looked away just as he had turned around. If he noticed you staring, he didn’t say anything. A red pair of scissors dangled from his curled finger. 

“Here,” was all he said, offering the tool to you. 

You didn’t know when conversations between the two of you had gotten to be so tense, so strained. It used to come effortlessly. These days, however, it seemed as if you were always trying to run away from conversation with him.

You took it from him gently, dying a bit more inside when his large fingers brushed against yours, offering a slight nod in return. “Thanks.”

16 and 18, now.

You had texted Choso asking for his help on a particularly difficult math assignment. He was older, after all, you didn’t doubt that he was better equipped to complete the homework than you were.

That was the first time you had ever hung out alone with him. Without Itadori. 

You would never forget the way the atmosphere changed when he sat close to you at the kitchen table. The way your skin prickled with electricity beneath his hesitant touch. He poked fun at you and your incompetence. You didn’t even care, not when he was sitting so close to you.

Alone.

The possibilities that filled your mind were less than holy.

Tensions were at an all time high. He had leaned over to help you, breath ghosting over the shell of your ear, when it finally snapped.

When you met his gaze with uncertainty in your eyes, making no real effort to put any distance between you and the man you had been pining after for so many years. In that moment, you saw it – saw him, saw that he finally looked at you as something more than just a girl.

Saw the way his gaze softened as he leaned into you. You let him get closer, close enough that his nose brushed against the tip of yours. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” You remarked, even though you ached to be trapped in this moment with him a while longer.

He licked his lips, murmuring, “You’re probably right.”

Nothing compared to the delicate brush of his lips against yours as the two of you finally met in the middle, The way fireworks blew up in your gut. The way he cradled your cheek gently in the palm of his hand, crossing that unspoken boundary that the two of you had been toeing for so long.

Though you had made out with a few guys before, in your eyes, you had shared your first kiss with Choso in the kitchen that night. The first of many to come .

The summer between 16 and 17 was spent sharing secret moments with him behind doors, between appearances. 

You sat on the couch next to Itadori, trapped in the second installment of a film series the two of you had been watching yesterday. You were wearing a zip-up hoodie over your school uniform. 

You had come over to do homework. Just like yesterday, though, you wound up fucking around. 

Itadori was far too engrossed in whatever was happening on screen to notice his brother leaving the kitchen just a few feet off to the side. He looked you up and down, dark eyes reaching into your soul and picking you apart at the seams. With a barely noticeable motion, he nodded towards the stairs.

You nodded back, heart thrumming wildly in your chest.

Choso gripped the meat of your ass in his hands, throwing your legs around his waist while his mouth danced against yours. You tossed your arms around his shoulders, head reeling from how effortlessly he had picked you up. He walked the two of you backwards until your back hit the door. 

He continued to ravage you against that surface, too, tongue slipping in between your lips and exploring your mouth. You trembled against him, trying your best to keep up with him.

It felt so good – being pressed up against him, being given his attention. You wished it was more than secret kisses here and there, of course, but you would take what you could get.

“Missed you,” he hummed against your lips. 

You didn’t even care if that was the line he used on all of the other girls. In that moment, all that mattered was his lips against yours, his hands on you, his attention.

You snaked your hands up the back of his neck and into his hair, twisting some of the dark strands between your fingertips. “I should really get back soon,” You gasped, relishing in the way his kisses felt up and down your neck.

He relented, letting you down. You pressed one more chaste kiss to his lips.

“Didn’t mean to keep ‘ya,” he chuckled lowly, breaths still heavy from the makeout session you had been having only seconds before. He nodded towards the door behind you. “Get back out there.”

You nodded wordlessly, opening the door. With one final smile, you slipped behind it. You felt like you were floating as your legs carried you down the stairs and into the living room. You didn’t even care how disheveled you looked.

Thankfully, Yuuji didn’t notice the way you were wiping your mouth on the back of your hand as you plopped onto the couch beside him. He also didn’t notice when his brother wandered down the stairs a few minutes later, or the way he smiled knowingly at you before disappearing into the kitchen.

You were 17 when Choso left for college. He was 19 when his brother had thrown him a going-away party.

There were 10 of you in the living room, a few of Yuuji and his childhood friends all gathered around the coffee table. A movie was on. Some of them were engrossed in a card game in the corner of the room. 

You and Choso lingered behind the group, situated comfortably on the couch behind all of the action. He was sitting so close that your thighs brushed against his, so close that it felt like he, too, wanted to savor the moment before interacting with you became a rarity. Before he moved out and started a new life somewhere hours away.

He didn’t voice any of these feelings, keeping his dark eyes unreadable and steady on the movie that Yuji had put on in the background. Selena Gomez was playing from a speaker somewhere behind the couch.

You almost wanted to lean your head on his shoulder. Almost. Never mind the fact that everyone would see it.

You distinctly remember the way he shifted closer to you when you pulled out a blanket. You let him make the bold move, seemingly unfazed by the potential audience only feet away from the two of you. 

He tossed the plush blanket over his legs. The lights were dim. Dim enough that they wouldn’t see the way your face flushed at the proximity.

Sixteen minutes passed. You felt like you were going to explode.

Somewhere along the way, though it’s all a bit fuzzy now, you remember feeling his hand creep down beneath the blanket to rest on your thigh. You fought to remain composed, even though the darkness undoubtedly shrouded whatever it was that Choso was planning to do.

He lingered over the skin on your thighs left bare by the shorts you had chosen to wear. His finger traced over you, igniting fire in your nerves. Again, you said nothing, letting him go about tracing shapes on your thigh while his face remained stoic and composed.

You glanced between him and the blanket. You couldn’t see the imprint of his hand moving, somehow, but you could practically feel the heat radiating from beneath it when his index finger slipped between your thighs. 

19 years old. Two years had never seemed so far apart. When he was the age you were now, you recalled his voice being quite a few pitches higher. The same voice that had dropped even lower over the last year, now drawing you closer to him as he murmured into your ear, “Can I touch you?”

Parting your legs infinitesimally, you wordlessly granted him entrance. His fingers dipped down, ghosting over your cotton panties in a way that had you wondering how well of a disguise the dim lighting really was.

“What if they see us?” You had whispered back, even quieter. None of them had bothered to turn back. Even still, you wondered if one of them had X-Ray vision.

His voice seemed even deeper as it vibrated against your side. “You’ll be quiet for me, won’t you?”

The moment his fingers dipped beneath the waistband of your panties, you knew you were in no position to disagree.

Yuuji and his friends were none the more wiser. Yuji didn’t notice when you whined quietly, letting him slip two fingers into your aching cunt, or when his brother worked you open on his fingers. 

He didn’t notice when the two of you had left to make out heatedly in the pantry, right against the box of assorted chips, right where anyone could walk in, turn on the light, and see you there pressed up against him disappeared to the pantry for ten minutes. 

Though the moment you returned to see him glancing at you with a curious brow raised, you knew he had finally caught on. Even if he didn’t say anything about it.

It would be another three months before you would see Choso again.

I obviously do not own jjk or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

taglist: @missphanosaur18 ,

wanna join the ' choso kamo ' taglist?| bfb; chapter index

[cerealmonster15]

I’m gonna do something so cruel.

I’m gonna ask you to pick your favourite Twst rarepair of all time

HELP okay ive spent some of my downtime thinking about it but omg.......... having to pick is h a r d......... like if you asked me a few years ago i def wouldve said jamiazu FULL STOP, however, i think it has since graduated from its rarepair status especially after engtwst got going. it's still an absolute fave but that knocks it out of the running for rarepairs...

I'm not with my laptop currently, otherwise i mightve spent time pulling up pixiv and ao3 numbers to compare and contrast lol. but i dont feel like doing that on phones and tablets so we're going off vibes from what i remember.

so there are a few i considered and all the immediate ones that came to mind were cater related [im cheating and yapping about a bunch but i think i have one picked by the end lol. i was doodling it out....

honorable mention to silver/kalim who i LOVEEEEE but i forgot i had considered til just now and i dont feel like drawing more lol. but i find them very underrated. still, as much as i love them, i still think my pick will be one of theyse ^ cay ships lol. so running thru my choices, i was also considering idia/cater, which i havve been HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMing over whether or not it still counts as a rarepair too. i feel like it's sort of in that gray spot of like, i see more of it than i used to but also still not a super updated one, maybe slightly behind jamil/azul lol. ^ azul and idia r makin faces at each other in that doodle bc idias like "teehee you cant win this competition bitch" and azuls like "fuck u that means we r more popular" um anyway.

and then of course one of the firstones that came ot mind and is DEF a rare pair is my beloved cater/jade lol. they get a few instances every few events that make me go bonkers and even tho it's few and far between i love them,,,, still, i had to consider a few more...

cater/vil is also an og ship that's like, surprisingly underrated i feel like??? like, i see it now and then but it def feels like only really a handful of people making stuff for them. fuck like even i dont draw/write them much bc i find vil oddly hard to draw jkLFHSKDLFJ and ive just strangely never written a fic for them? despite the fact that ive def written down fic ideas and concepts for them. iive just never sat and done it i dont think, even tho theyre one of my earliest twst ships. that was the case w/cater and idia for a while too til i got a prompt suggestion so maybe i gotta reblog some of those prompt posts again and get some assists lol.

cater/leona is one thats been fucking haunting me for like 2+ years now lol. like i feel like especially lately ive been thinking about them a LOT so i thought they could use honorable meniton here as well.......... tho they are more based on vibes and headcanons and a few instances in the game.

i could ramble about all of these in more detail but i dont feel like getting into it rn and anyay i think my winner is probably.............. well also cheating kind of bc it's a weird blend of CAYRID!!!!!!!!! but also treycayrid which i am NOT SURE If that counts. both bc it's not technically a pair and i dont know how rare the trio is considerd - but i feel like they kind of are??? like theyre depicted in canon and fanworks together a lot, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUT i feel like in terms of a threeway ship you dont see it as often. like i think it's usually cater/trey [my beloved!!!!!!!!!!!] and i think also trey/riddle but people sleep on cater/riddle both in the ship way AAAAAANDDDDD in the platonic friendship way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile they make ME absolutely bonkers bananas and i think about them so often every day those are my little son boys i love u heartslabyul omg........... heartslabyul in general really touches my heart and makes me feel things, and the bonds they all have with each other, even w/o shipping, just wjlfkhefkljdslhf theres so much there. im kind of tired so i guess i wont go into it/ive probs rambled deeply about them already somewhere on here but like. cater and riddle man. there's a lot of love to be explored there. cater being presumably riddles first friend outside of trey and chenya. cater being essentially a second vice housewarden in terms of being the other guy riddle trusts with helping lead dorm prep things and is always by their side. cater and riddle working together in book 2 to help figure out what's going on with who tried to sabotage riddle and trey, both of them being referred to by trey as getting fussy over unbirthday decorations lol, theyre just jflwjlfhewflkj theyre a unit whether you ship them or not and i CAAAAANT let go of it. i think theres a lot of overlap of friendship and shippy-ship romance whatever both in fiction and reality and oughghghghf i feel it when i talk about my funny little guys. i like how i said i wasnt gonna get into it and then i kept talking lol. i could talk about them forever tho but i'm sleepy and dont want to go into full analysis mode right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but sure i will say either treycayrid or just cayrid for my final answer. but to me any combo of trey cater and riddle even as a one pair ship has to include the other as an ultimate bff present in their life FOREVER cater i s2g you will learn to have long term bonds in your life it can happen it will happen. also chenya. hes not here but i think putting him in the mix is also fun.

anyway yay i love to yap forever. sorry for any typos i dont really get spellcheck when im on this tablet and also using my bluetooth keyboard / tumblr app doesnt rotate sideways when im using it so im not reading as closely. but u get what i mean. teehee <3

[softhairedhotch]

no, thank YOUUUU <3333 and it's okay HEHE remember to take it easy!!! 🫶 i can tell u for sure i will be here ready to absorb and consume n love anything that u create <3333 ive already read ur new fic Too Many Times . it struck sooo many chords like . I WOULD REALLY DO ALL THAT 😭😭 n ya fr there's too many good ideas out there to explore n there's only so much you can do at One moment. i personally have this long standing problem of starting sooo many things that i cannot finish bc i'm a master procastinator... so the only way i function is with looming deadlines ☠️ wish i was getting paid to just sit down n think about aaron bc man... i'd be a millionaire by now 🗿

TEHEEHHEE OMGGG PLEASEEE PHONE SEX . another big weakness of mine . idk how many times ive said smth is my weakness BUT like there's just some tropes that NEVER GETS OLD ... also sometimes i focus so much on aaron n how he makes you feel that i don't think about how HE would be so affected by everything about you GOSSHHHHHH please . like you're captivated by him but he's literally also soooo smitten and down bad for you to that he has to fight his urges to just give into anything that u want 😭😭 but unfortunately he can't always magically teleport to wherever you are so he just talks you through it and gives you such clear instructions BRRRR IMAGINE IF HE USES HIS WORK VOICE BC HE WANTS YOU TO LISTEN TO HIM EXACTLY STEP BY STEP . like my god i can't believe how i can giggle n kick my feet whenever cm has a scene of aaron giving instructions n delegating work to the team... like it's just so hot . n when he shows off his intelligence WOWOWWEEWW major turn on . n wooooof.

AND??!?$$;&; him sending pictures of himself 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ also i love the idea of aaron being away from u but being soo pent up that he takes the initiative to surprise you with a special video of him jerking off or using a toy <333 and u BET he knows to send it with sound so you can hear all the sounds he's making <333 bc what is nut videos without SOUND 😤😤😤

omg.. i luv daddy kinks BRRRR n sometimes it just especially HITS SO HARD . like omfg got me actively looking for those daddy asmr porn audios 😭😭😭😵‍💫😵‍💫 sometimes it takes awhile to find a good one but when i strike gold... Wow . GODDD i know aaron would say such filthy things that are downright insulting n degrading... BUT HE DOES IT IN THE SOFT AFFECTIONATE VOICE sparkled with some praises... AGRGRHRHHH .

omg REALLLL he's SOOO the type to make you say what you want directly in words. he isn't going to budge if you're just whining n hoping he'd take the hint bc he himself also loves to hear such filthy things come out of your mouth <3333 "you know daddy really loves to give you whatever you want... but not if you don't use your words. come on, does your pretty little mouth only function as daddy's cocksleeve?" HARGRHRHEHEJE i am Dead . n STOPPPP ENCOURAGING MEEEE ure gna make the can of worms EXPLODE ABOUT ALL THE FILTHY THOUGHTS ABT AARON'S CUM PLSSSS (not actually complaining ! i am Egged)

also omg... TEEHEE... i will tell u more abt my lovely male oc soon!!!! omfg im SO EXCITED . bc i literally have never talked about it to anyone even though i've thought abt it in such detail LMFAOOOO its just hard out there to find someone who shares the same brain ... damn 😭 i'm really glad i happened to stumble across ur page n decided to send an ask <333 bc i rly enjoy talking to u too!!!!! <3

-🤲

you're so sweet bless <3 hehe i'm glad you liked my new fic!! and YEAH I GETCHA omg that used to be me, like i couldn't do stuff without deadlines, AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN DO THINGS WITH DEADLINES LMAO. sometimes i can, but if i set it myself then you best believe it ain't getting done. i procrastinate sooooo much it's painful. like i could sit here and write for most of the day because rn i currently do NOTHING ELSE in my life (rip, i'm working on it lol) but do i??? no!! i mean that's just a lot of effort innit lol, writing constantly sounds exhausting even tho it's all i wanna do

phone sex my beloved <3 and awwww yeahhh he'd be sooo so so in love with you and he'd wanna do anything and everything you ask :') but GOD YEAH him using his work voice?? all stern and professional and demanding?? goddd i need that so bad. and YESSS when he shows of his intelligence it's soooo hot, like that one scene where he does the maths and penelope goes "is this reid?" and he goes "what, you impressed?" YES I AM BABE I LOVE YOU SM

i loooooove the idea of his sending pics <333 that's why i love looking at nsfw stuff sm bc sometimes i strike GOLDDDDD and its like the most aaron pic ever and it makes me lose my mind. once i found one that was so him i fully forgot to breathe and was blushing like mad (this one i think!). it was... a lot LMFAO. but god god GOD him sending a video of him jerking off when on a case??? i need that soooo so so much. and yes FR there needs to be sound in nut videos. once was sent one from a guy WITHOUT SOUND like babe? dude? what are you doing? where's the fun in that? i mean it was hot don't get me wrong but i was like "buddy wheres the sound at 🤨" LMAOOO

YESS I KNEW YOU WOULD BE INTO DADDY KINKS LMFAOOOO. and omg real, they're sometimes so good and for what. or any video of someone with daddy vibes,, godddddd sometimes it just HITS FR. YESS HIS VOICE WOULD BE SO SWEET AND GENLTE AND LOVING BUT ALSO DOMINATING AND THE STUFF THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH IS SOOOO FILTHY N HOT

yessssssss he'd looove to hear you say what you need. "come on, little one, let daddy know what you want, hm? i need to hear you say how much you want my cock" and "you want me to ride you, sweetheart? want daddy to ride you until you can't cum anymore? hm? let me hear you say those words, baby, i need to hear you say it."

and yayyy i'm so excited to hear about your oc!! i can't WAIT it's gonna be soooo good i just kNOW IT. i'm also really glad you stumbled across my page too <33 thanks for sending me all these asks!!!!

[gizdathemxel]

so twomad died while I do not think he is a good person nor I do think he should be celebrated that’s honestly kind of a scary death to me. scary because as a black person w mental health issues and issues w social media, i often worry about spiraling and things like that. like a bit of giz lore but back when i was active on edeetwt (which is why i have pr04n4 content blocked teehee) I was only on Twitter for abt 4 months yet i had over 3-4K tweets. I was a severely lonely, insecure and isolated kid (since i was 15-6 then) and i fell into the rabbit hole of social media bc it was the closest thing i had to genuine human connection. and it made everything so much fucking worse. even though i (can confidently say) have grown from this, there are still echoes of the kind of person i used to be in my life. i still find myself being addicted to social media (though I try to take breaks and once did a one month stint off tiktok!!). i still find it hard to communicate and interact with people bc those feelings from that time are still in the back of y mind.

now PLEASE don’t get me wrong, I have never harassed, assaulted or threatened anyone, or done anything twomad has. Worst thing ive ever done in that era was like purge, and listen to yagami yato unironically. but what scares me is that i COULD spiral like that. I COULD become the kind of person that repeatedly hurts others and finds no fault within themselves. I COULD literally die and no one would give two shits about it until my corpse started inconveniencing them because I wasted my life being an awful irredeemable human being. And that’s literally my worst fear.

but honestly thank god that I’ve got loving family and friends who see me and care abt me. Thank god I can actually give enough of a shit abt myself to realize when I’m hurting myself. Thank god I’ve got my life of art and fashion and culture and learning and the world at large to keep me going. Thank god that I don’t want to leave this planet knowing that I didn’t do anything to help anyone in need.

[joshriku]

hi!! I saw a rec list of yours where you were like, "i actually have more but some of them are just the real popular ones so im like. Yeah youve read it." -- but I HAVENT!! I'm brand new to cherik and looking for those ultimate recs, those smash hits. could you rec some ultimate cherik fic, if you have the time? i'm not big on fluff but anything too cutesy but otherwise I'm totally open!!! thank you in advance!

hiii :D i would absolutely recommend you to also browse the tag filtering it by kudos because i tend to filter out some things and i also tend to be picky with stuff so there's probably Smashing Hits(tm) i overlooked bc i was like 'nahh im not in the mood today' and my god there are so many good authors and fics that probs go undiscovered by ME. so do make sure you don't miss out on Those Hits

that being said i went through my bookmarks and i'm grabbing those ones with thousands of kudos (bc to me A Lot of Kudos are anything over 100 but i know some cherik fics have liek 5k or more so. i rec going thru the tag fr) so if i repeat myself from the other recs im very sorry but teehee here you go!!!!

these are all like. well. they don't have major trigger warnings or bad endings so enjoy

two lonely souls in a fish bowl by blarfkey: this is really more centered around pietro and erik but the cherik in it is mmmmmwah and also it's jsut so fucking good if you need to scratch that itch of 'damn i wish pietro had told erik he was his dad' like the rest of us. it's so so so good and IT'S A WHOLE SERIES SO CHECK THAT OUT THEY'RE ALL SO GOOOOD.

been there, done that by asyouwish: time loop fic! fucking love that. erik gets stuck in a timeloop before the cuba thing happens. i love seeing littl emen suffer trapped in time

i don't want to wake up on my own anymore by pocky_slash: my bookmark tag here says 'something about erik sleeping' so i reread it and i was like oghggoghg erik sleeping....so YEAH.

orphans of forgetting by pocky_slash: AHGP okay this one's fucking good listen to me. i like men going through emotional trials that fucks them up but gives them an emotionally fulfilling result. this fics good

the pretender by clocks: au where erik fake proposes to charles to get free food. they're still mutants. apparently i bookmarked this one saying 'im going to cry' and now i remember i was jsut really emotional that day and there was no reason to cry as it is a very good and funny fic. help

the whole world wants what we're on by waketosleep: and there was only one bed!

mi casa, su casa by zairaA: i love this one. it's so fun to read. charles moves into his new apartment only to find out erik already lived there. i love this fic.

shalom malakh by zairaa: ive read this oen so many times and only now ive connected the dots that it's the same author. david haller is in this fic. 10/10 showstoppin gi love MY BOYYYYYY !!!!!! but other than that it's so fucking good. what's better than coming back from the dead to haunt ur loved ones AM I RIGHT..

still life with cookies by ren: this one's cute. like a romcom. the pining on this one is so good and enjoyable i liked it so much

a nice boy (the family matters edition) by pocky_slash: IVE RECCED THIS BEFORE. BUT LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO I REREAD IT AND I CRIED SO LIKE HERE IT GOES AGAIN

x marks the spot by the hoyden: i fuckign lvoe this fic. every time i reread it i blink and it's over even though its like 20k words but it's jsut THAT good!!!!

the courtship by danveresque: what's better than canon characters cherik. REINCARNATIPON FICS . fuck my life thsi fic stresse dme out so bad but it was so good. i love it.

never too late to be who you might have been by acetamide: charles and erik wake up in the future (the 2000s timeline movies) and only remember up until what they know before the cuban missile crisis. chaos but also sweet shit :)

tessellation by nekosmuse: i feel like ive mentioned this one before. no MATTER. it's GOOD. IT FUCKS ME UP SO BAD. it does messes with comic canon and also the xmen animated series so it's PERFECT FOR ME and i really do feel it's a classic. liek. 3k kudos should attest for a classic yeah. magneto is a charles xavier enjoyer. they meet. fall in love. Shit Happens. but like it's my favorite.

i think those are all the fics i have that are over 1k kudos long weeps.. again i SUPER encourage you to filter it by kudos when you go the charles/erik tag bc there are SO many fics with SO much content so please enjoy! i accidentally opened the tag and filtered it on august 2021 and i keep going through it. 2 years later yeah. i'm in like page 157 of it. we all make mistakes. but thank you for the ask and i hope you enjoy! :)

[darkclouud9]

okay Secret Life's over and I've only watched Cleo and Skizz's finales.

but I wanna rank the seasons just bc.

Secret Life is honestly 1 for me. it had my favourite alliances yet, I loved the Cletho + Grian team (I refuse to call them 'Roomies'), the Heart Foundation was amazing, the Mounders were pretty cool, I actually really enjoyed Lizzie and Scar being alone, no matter how sad it was. Big Dogs were amazing actually, one of the best pairings, most fun base in all the seasons just off the top of my head :]

but I have to say. first half of the season was my absolute favourite. silly tasks, BigB gaslighting everyone, Lizzie, Mumbo, Jimmy alive, etc etc. it's probably up until the episode they die where it felt like it decreased in enjoyment for me. the zombie apocalypse task was ehhhh, the vibe was cool, very LL energy, but I overall didn't like it all that much (I understand and appreciate it still, but the whole cancelling out other tasks was sad :[)

the vibes of this finale seem... weird.

and you might say I have no place to say that, having only watched two finales and getting spoiled on who the winner is yet again, but I personally didn't enjoy it. everyone felt extremely rushed and fumbled so hard. Joel in particular on his Skizz kill. Cleo didn't get a chance to defend herself, and neither did Etho, and presumably Grian. all the group ups felt off to me. I feel like the Heart Foundation should've stuck more to Cletho + Grian, they all could've done a bit better them I feel.

the massive group of people just sticking together and killing everyone else was a bit ehhh to me, but as Cleo put it, they'd have to kill each other eventually (ive watched it twice and I can't remember exactly what they say. I am a failure :[)

second is Last Life, I was insane over Team BEST for a while, but I'm more insane over Team TIES now (I have reasons I won't say teehee)

Mumbo and Lizzie are here!! they're cool!!

loved the mechanics for this season. boogeyman was very cool, and the random life count was epic. favourite mechanics actually.

lot of favourite deaths, Impulse's final death was pretty cool to me, betrayal deaths make me bite the bars of my cage, not looking at anyone in particular *ahem* BigB, Martyn's stupid yellow(?) death, Scar and BigB's final deaths were insane (Operation Bubblevator!!)

Fairy Fort was an insane alliance I never was that big on them when this season was active, but hooooollllly hell these guys. (Do me a favour. Die for me.)

the music disk, Etho freaking everyone out with it. the "Bogeyman", Southlands. Southlands just in general.

episode 6...........................

the final 8 survivors (-one. you know who they are they won it.) Pearl's boogey kill, her protecting Cleo, Joel's double kill, the final 2 battles. ough. this season had everything man. I hate the cold and winter but the wintery vibes of this season were immense and I loved it so much (no thanks to the Snow Fort...)

a lot of the final yellow kills were cool, in particular Etho and Cleo dying together, in the same order (twice in a row!!). Etho trying so hard to at least kill Ren before Pearl killed him is one of the most memorable moments for me.

and Mumbo screaming as Etho fishing rods him up into the air. and then the dogs.

and the lotion throw at the beginning of session 6.

and Lizzie's first death after failing to kill her husband. those are all extremely memorable moments :]

3L is next for almost no other reason than "nostalgia" purposes.

one thing I liked about this season was how innocent and pure everyone was.

idk about anyone else, but, except for its burning. s. I really enjoyed the Wool Castle. the swamp. and Etho trying to become Shrek or something. what was up with them

my favourite character from this season was undoubtedly Joel though. I LOVED his base, his dead bushes, Cleo dying to his roof, his roof constantly burning. with him. his army of dogs. first dog boy. Gerald. ine. I feel like he forgets his red skin at some point in this season and I really enjoyed the skin changes between colors.

also feel like him n Cleo tease Renchanting for being so loyal to Ren. (oh my go d they're actually calling him king!)

4th is Limited Life.

listen. I feel like I should like this season more than I did. I was sort of falling out of the Life Series at this point so I don't have much to say let alone remember.

but let me tell you.

Skynet.

5th is Double Life.

another season I feel like I should've enjoyed more. I loved Team Ranchers at first, but the way everyone sort of treated them was... whatever, and them people talking about Boat Boys made me live Boat Boys (I didn't feel much for them at first, but oh my gosh) but those two are my top two pairings (I can't pick between them rn)

I have no hate for this season

Scar and his allay buddy, being oblivious to who his soulmate is, Mickey Mouse. Scar was a pretty fun character, plus all his skins for this season were really cool!! insane over them still

all the pairings were really cool, I loved the Divorce Quarter, the Vultures. they were cool, I loved how they just refused their fate. (and how Martyn literally killed himself. and how Cleo was the only person to have died all three times while Martyn was partially responsible for all of them in some way.)

the pillar outside the Midcentury Modern Home or something. the fishing rod party. (Joel and Etho's demise-) one thing I feel like was overlooked with them was that Scott was like. wrong. about them. sure having the both of them pulled up so they take double damage was stupid. but it was Joel. who. died. and took all of their hearts. Etho didn't even hit the ground. in fact I think he barely even left it.

also one thing that makes me bite and tear at my cage is that Etho and Joel were the pairing to have died at the midpoint. 3 pairings died before them. 3 pairings died after them. and, despite Joel losing their earlier 2 lives, Etho being the first to die on their final life splits them into top half and bottom half, with Etho being 8th this season, and Joel being 7th.

also the Ranchers' Warden was-

[unlimitedtrees]

thinkin about 'Evil Mode' from 'Among the Others' , my last rom hack

so, after beating sylvie lime yesterday ,it got me thinkin about silly precision platformers and kaizo stuff ... U see , despite me being a Sonic CD-loving freak , i do like to play trial and error crazy platformers , such as N++ and celeste some other games im too lazy to think about right now . i just. like a fun and silly challenge sometimes. However , as i established in me last post , i am a Picky Bitch when it comes to platformers and i tend to prefer the controls and movement of the classic sonic games compared to every other platformer out there . i just Love the unique movement and interactions u have with environment in stuff like Sonic CD ... its something that no other game feels like and is something ive always wanted to see be experimented with in something like a kaizo sort of game .. but it hasnt really been done much before aside from a kaizo sonic rom hack that i thought handled the level design Very Poorly ..

there is also a rom hack named Sonic VR which i Really Really like ... but im probably gonna save that for its own post , teehee !!

Anyways. along with Sonic VR being a Huge Inspiration for me , and also seeing all those crazy kaizo mario hacks over the years , its something i wanted to try making myself for a Long, Long time . and well ... i finally got the chance in 2018, with my rom hack named 'Among the Others'.

so. Among the Others was a rom hack of Sonic 1 that i made. there is a Lot of history behind it that i wont get into for this post , but basically it was supposed to be my final, ambitious rom hack that eventually got cancelled and then i put a wall of text at the very end complaining about the rom hacking community. i then released it to the sonic hacking contest and then left the community .. but a few months before the contest begun, i still had a bunch of free time and the main game was already complete, so i decided to just add a bunch of random extra stuff just because .. and in the end there ended up being a Lot More content for a game that Was Technically unfinished...

one of the thing i added into the game was the secret 'Evil Mode' , something which not many people have played and is what im gonna get into in this post ... click da Read More thingy if u Dare !!!

So , in the level select (which u can just access by using the normal Sonic 1 level select code) , there are 3 evil mode levels in the game. these are basically extra levels based off the normal levels in the game, except these are completely redesigned to be Very Difficult and Evil. i wanted to make a sort of kaizo like thing ,where u have to get past all sorts of Deranged challenges that take advantage of the unique controls and movement of this game (which, btw, in case u dont know, this game has special abilities unique to it that make the movement Very Crazy , Lol !!).

There Is One Big Problem However... and it has to deal with the limitations of Making A Sonic ROM Hack When You Are Just A Dumb Little Creature Who Does Not Understand Assembly Programming.

You See, designing kaizo levels for a sonic rom hack is way more difficult than you may think. there comes a lot of Limitations to making sonic rom hacks that, combined with my limited skill, made making these levels very Annoying and Difficult to Create.

First Off, the game can only handle so many objects on screen. Which, well, i Suppose is fine. after all, im sure that's the case with mario world rom hacks. But In The Case Of A Sonic ROM Hack ... Well . Not only are you limited by having few sprites on screen, but you Also are limited by how many Types of objects can be in a level. You See.. all of the artwork for the objects are loaded in by 'pattern load cues'. each zone in the game has their own table which lists all the artwork thats loaded in ,including the level art and all the art for all the objects . not only was i limited by how Much art could be loaded in a single zone .. but Also i was limited by My Ability To Program. i could Not understand how the pattern load cues worked At All. getting objects from One Zone to work in Another Zone was Nearly Impossible for me ... idont know how to describe this fully. Basically , Most of the time , i could Not bring over another object from another zone Unless it used the same amount of tiles as an object from the current zone .. if that makes sense. idont know. All I Know Is ... I Was Greatly Limited by What objects i could use , and that's on Top of worrying about having too many objects on screen .

But That's Not The End Of It. you also have to worry about objects just. Disappearing in the game. sometimes , an object will just Not Load In and i have No Idea Why. i dont understand how any of it works .. all i know is that i was Unable to fully rely on building the level out of objects ,as id constantly have to worry if an important object would Unload , making progressing in the levels difficult.

because of all this , i was Severely Limited by how i could design the levels and what hazards i could even make . i couldnt even have too many spikes anywhere like a kaizo mario level ... it was very Limiting . and thats not even getting into the Level Chunks . you see, the levels themselves are also built out of Chunks of 128x128 pixels ,which have all the level art and collision. but i was also limited by How Many Chunks a zone could have , and these zones already were using the chunks from the normal levels which already used most of the chunks .... so i couldnt design much unique areas for these levels ...

despite it all , i tried my best to make levels that would be an interesting challenge ... and u know what. i am Kind Of proud of what i managed to accomplish , especially considering all the limitations i had to deal with. there's Definitely a ton of stuff i wish i couldve done with these levels, and theres stuff i probably couldve done better ,but Damn. playing through these dickish levels is kind of fun sometimes. Lol. i tried my best to make these levels use the physics and unique abilities to their fullest potential ... i just wish i coulda done More with em.

something i am pretty proud of that i think No One has done is playing the evil levels in Encore Mode. you see, in the game there is a secret encore mode that can be accessed by entering '81, 82, 80, 80' in the sound test ... and aside from letting you play as Pepsiman it also gives every level entirely different object layouts, along with new palettes and music. The Evil Mode levels in particular were fun to make Even More Evil , with The Core Zone specifically being made to be Actually Deranged , with its palette being Pitch Black and the evil mode level being Longer than the original one . and ,while i was also a bit limited with making these encore versions as i could only edit the object layouts , they were still fun to make and i am pretty proud of Encore Mode as a whole .

anyways. if you want something insane to go through, try the Evil Mode in Among the Others if you wish. you can download the game and its source code on github, if you wish.

anywayz thats all. there is so much about Among the Others ive ought to talk about .,,,, so much about this game that people dont even know about . maybe someday i can share more about it with you all ....

[bigboobyhalo]

hey neon homestuck anon here very very silly guy i know..... straight to the point........ how do you feel about angst? i see so much fluffy stuff on your page that it just cancels out whatever angst-y (even slighty) stuff youve talked about or maybe even drawn ive seen on here !!!!!!!!!

hello again homestuck anon !!! you always ask the greatest questions �� anyway I actually do really like angst! I think it just has to be done right, y’know? like, I think angst should always have a purpose. as much as I love when c!BBH is put thru the horrors and putting him thru the horrors myself, I try to make sure that when I put him thru the horrors there’s always a reason and that it’s not just torturing him for the sake of torturing him. and ultimately I do want him to get to be happy and safe with his family. like uhmm I think conflict for the sake of angst can be interesting and I like it, but I’m more of a “conflict for the sake of humor” kind of guy ultimately, if that makes sense. I think being funny is the most important thing ever <- hyperbole. does any of this even make sense cuz I’m one of those guys where I don’t like to go back and delete sentences once I’ve already typed them so you just end up with a big stream of words that I try to make coherent. teehee !!

[tetzoro]

AIMS!!! um i think we’re telepathically communicating…

THOSE ARE MY TOP 3 BLORBOS!!!! literally on point exactly, i actually squealed. finally a sanemi lover oh my goodness >.< (TEEHEE HELP ur so right, i wanna be one of those wives!!). rengoku reminds me so much of bokuto so i think that’s why i love him so much!!! (can you tell i love thick eyebrowed men)

my love for those 3 is quite strong, im even collecting figures of them (tengen figs are SO expensive though) but i have obanai and a BUNCH of sanemi figs teehee.

as far as other favs go, tanjiro is just so cute i love him!! and also obanai hes a cutie :3 but yes WE SHARE THE SAME BLORBIESSS!!! supa excited for the new movie this month cuz i get to see all my favs in action <3

that’s so fun that you got a new office!! im sure it’ll look soso cute with ur new stickers aweeee :3 im glad the donut was yummy!!!!

no plans for the weekend other than studying hehe, but i hope your weekend goes GREAT!!! smooches and hugs back to you, ILY!!! >o<

(MY ASKS ARE ALWAYS SO DARN LONG HELLO THATS A WHOLE ESSAY T^T)

- :3

OMG GIGGLING RN ! you and me 🤝 sharing a braincell when it comes to blorbos.

I LOVE THAT WE LOVE THE SAME LIL GUYS !! there’s just something about sanemi that i want to explore so badly, he (almost violently) keeps everyone away and at arms length ! i would do anything to get close to him and learn the secrets of his heart . i want to give him so much love he hardly knows what to do with it but he lets it in and discovers how beautiful it can be . sigh .

rengoku is bokuto coded ur RIGHT !! there’s magic in those eyebrows methinks … draws us in like little moths to a flame (hehe pun intended) and keeps us all captivated ! he’s so easy to adore ;(( i miss him everyday .

then tengen .. oh tengen . i truly think everyone feels something for him . love or hate, there’s a strong feeling there !! that’s so cool you are looking for figures for him !! i’m not surprised they’re expensive >_< he’s so desired fr !

i bet the sanemi figures are so CUUUTE !! i only have one lil guy for him and it’s the teeniest tiniest one that you pop onto a phone charger lol !! i would like more for him :( i have rengoku, tanjiro and nezuko tho !

i def wanna see the new movie :3 ! i saw the last one in theaters too and that fight scene on the big screen was seriously one of the coolest things ive seen in anime in awhile LOL it was SO well done and having the surround sound + amazing animation .. yeah !! i was sat !!! (plus tengen and his wives .. yeah ᰔ)

i hope studying goes well for you <3 i’m bringing u lil snacks during ur breaks !! smoochin u and giving u the biggest hug in return ^_^ ILY !!!! ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

[thesugarhole]

so i think it was saturday i had a free two hours or so and since i was done with 2kki updates then (i know i saw dont mention it im waiting it out till the end of the week) i thought hey lets finally go finish dd2, i left the campaign right outside the 5th mountain

so i go in there and have a much easier time because i remember the gimmicks, and i reach the hateful god. and i painstakingly whittle down the hp from 999 to about 100 without once getting face your failures. and im like hey! what gives! did not dawn on me once that maybe i had to kill those two babies at the same time first.... and im still not sure if that was what didnt trigger it because when i finally got a ghost it only took up one slot since hateful god is strictly in the middle. but well, its nice to know for the future runs. so i defeated them! (me?)

the ending cinematic is alright but i think the one from the first game impacted me more. i think, might be rose tinted glasses, havent gone back and compared. ~85 hours total, first game i think was ~92 hours before i went into dlc and achievement hunting

so here comes the real meat of dd2, which is completionism and achievos. i highly doubt ill be able to unlock every single item thats not bought at the altar of hope, but theres nothing really quantifying them anyway so im not that bothered by it.

first achievo i want to get after completing the game is defeat death, since ive only ever seen her in the flashback. so i go at it in denial since its one of the shortest chapters, and as im reaching the brain, having gone to every single fight possible, im thinking mhm. what are the actual chances of getting her? 6%. bad idea to have started with this one, and i only got to 1 shrine too for the characters i havent finished the stories yet, so this run might have been a waste.

the very last battle, before the inn before the mountain, she shows up so yay! i got good luck. and of course, promptly got her ass kicked, so i unlocked the chievo. teehee

forgot to party wipe to denial so im gonna have to do it one more time with that in mind. also, i think this was the first run i was able to complete with a hard difficulty flame on (the very first on the list, i think infernal?, im currently in the process of unlocking stuff by 1 cheapest / 2 useful) and i wasnt trying very hard, so maybe ive finally gotten decent at the current mechanics.

i decided to look at what i hadnt gotten yet and make a list from easiest to hardest so i dont risk like, going for the worst thing first while disregarding easy wins. after that, my next run my goals were:

master 5 skills in one hero: fairly easy in a fuck-it run. surprised i never did it before i finished the game, even. i guess i distributed mastery points as evenly as possible.

heal disease, remove negative quirk, lock positive quirk: it was at the top for easiest, but a lack of money and lack of disease getting could make the going tough. at the first inn, i got a slime mold: it has 5% chance of giving a disease. i thought hmm... i never got a disease from this thing though. oh well theres no more food so eat up occultist. (he gets a disease) :)! and i had an hospital scouted right away, so this one was easy peasy

defeat a lair boss (killing blow) with the bounty hunter: his poster also showed up right away, so i replaced him with the jester and went.... to the tangle. yeahp. was actually very easy because i took zero chances: everyone either buff up teammates, attack the roots or move around. bh is the only one damaging the general (save a starting move or two from highwayman/occultist). surprised very few people have this one, but id bet its hard to unlock naturally.

defeat 3 lair bosses in one run: i was aiming for this one too but then i realized the first confession only gives me two regions. oops.

hero shrines: wip. currently trying to finish alhazreds. otherwise my team is *my* usual suspects (V, J, HWM, FreeSpace).

party wipe to all confession bosses: wip. im with the lungs denial again atm but still at the start of the run because i wasnt able to touch the game since.

i guess im sharing because being able to do all this in rapid fire succession was good rng and luck and made me feel happy. made me feel like the guy smiling with its hands on its knees. AND it has the jester outfit on. imperative. hold on let me get it

^ i named this image silly.png

here's my list, easiest to hardest (to MEEEE):

i have (x?) next to some inn names because im not sure if ive already been there or not, since the images/names sounded familiar when looking them up. but this one is not something i can control (and am also surprised i havent unlocked it during mainline gameplay, guessing i got many repeats- they might have rarity variables that i currently have no idea if they can be influenced or not) so its play until it unlocks. i like to keep 'missing' lists just because

i dont have a shamblino (shambler + bambino, hope you like it) equipped in my current run because i didnt want to make things unnecessarily harder when going for the other ones, so that one will have to wait until all my heroes get breathed on too hard by resentment. pass their turns to death. its actually a bigger effort to die to denial than it is killing it jesus

thats all i guess. have a good week everyone

[notiddygothgf]

PROLOGUE

★ pairings: nanami kento x f! reader

★ synopsis: In the search for solace, Nanami stumbles right into the arms of an exotic dancer. In the search for money, an exotic dancer finds more than she bargained for. In the heat of the moment, a contractual relationship turns into something more. (or; the one where sugar daddy!nanami is sweet on his girl)

★ c.w.: drinking (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: OMG! im so excited to finally start publishing this fanfic. ive been sitting on it for a minute. DISCLAIMER LOL I dont condone the behavior observed in this story (even if I myself would have done it in a heartbeat) anything for papa nanami. im so normal about him (I have daddy issues). if ur new around here, say hi! if you've read my other ffs then welcome back teehee. chapter is not beta'd. we die like men. (I would recommend listening to the song while u read)

★ w.c.; 3k

my kinda love; chapter index

THE HORRORS. He dreamt about them often. Most of his dreams were of a similar nature; long, detailed, brutal. Bloody, at times. When he wasn’t kept up by the memories, he was dreaming about them – as if they had followed him into his slumber. When he woke up, his burdens were heavy on his shoulders. He would repeat this cycle every day.

He was compensated rather well for his traumas. Well was an understatement. Maybe it wasn’t… after all, no amount of money could ever possibly make up for the things he had seen.

He repeated the same cycle every single day.

“Nanami?” A soft voice shook him out of his reverie. It was his therapist – a woman of short stature with long, brown hair and a business-casual outfit on. 

He raised his brows, doing his best to appear as if he had been listening the entire time. “Yes?”

“I asked you if you’ve had any romantic pursuits recently,” She answered. Her smile was warm, patient, but the clipboard in her lap said otherwise. He was paying for her time. “Any efforts to let new people into your life…?”

Nanami’s face wore a blank expression. He fiddled with the hands folded neatly in his lap. “As in… dating?”

“Dating counts, yeah,” She nodded. She tapped the edge of her purple pen against the page rhythmically while she awaited his reply. 

He thought of the innumerable faceless women he had spent the evening with. He thought of warm mouths, soft lips, and supple bodies; Countless beautiful women he had tricked into thinking they had a chance at something more than a one night stand. Every time a potential suitor came along, he found himself being scared away by intimacy.

Not sex. He was no stranger to that, nor to its remarkable ability to take his mind off of the stress. It was what lurked in the shadows that daunted him – the lingering touches, the good morning messages, the heartfelt gestures. He could handle it when he was the one dishing it out, but the moment the energy was returned, every single time, he would find himself running away.

It was a dangerous game. He knew he was an evil, cold-hearted, bad man. A part of him wished he could have done right by those select women he had courted (for rather brief periods of time). The more sensible part of him knew he simply didn’t have the time nor the energy to confront his issues and commit to a single woman. 

So he continued to ignore his problems – finding comfort in a warm bed and a warm body whenever he could. Sex made for one hell of an emotional crutch when it was the only thing that seemed to make you feel anything other than indifference.

Indifference. That was the only thing he felt these days. That, and the rush – the pursuit of animalistic passion in favor of neglecting his personal qualms. The temporary escape from his permanent issues.

“I’ve had quite a few,” He answered after a pause that seemed to stretch on for a moment too long. “Commitment is a bit of an issue for me, still, but I’m making an effort to work on it.”

Only partially a lie.

“That’s great, Nanami!” She smiled. She clicked her pen against the page, scribbling something down before she turned her attention back to him. “Tell me more about that effort. Have you been letting those emotional walls down?”

He fought the urge to grit his teeth together at her inquiry. If you can call ghosting three women in the last month and a half letting walls down.

“I’ll be honest,” He sighed. Sitting back in his leather loveseat, he crossed one leg over the other. “I’m starting to believe I’m unable to open up to another person on that level.”

“Don’t say that, Nanami,” She scribbled something down. Her eyes weren’t even on him when she uttered this. “I think you just need to put yourself out there a little more. Ease yourself into that intimacy you typically shy away from.”

Put myself out there.

He thought again of the countless women he had been with.

“Forgive me for being vulgar,” He admitted. “But I think I have enough sex.”

“Not that,” She laughed quietly, shaking her head. “Intimacy and sex are two completely different things, Nanami – though they often intersect. You should try exploring non-sexual intimacy with a partner.”

“Non-sexual intimacy…” He reiterated. The term felt foreign as it rolled off of his tongue. “What do you mean by that?”

Was that what he had been missing? Non-sexual intimacy?

“Letting someone be vulnerable with you – being vulnerable with someone. The softness, that stuff that makes a relationship more than just physical. Other than love, that is,” She answered. Her manicured fingers smoothed over the page before flipping it. She was like clockwork. “There’s something healing about having a soft and, in your case, feminine presence in your life that you can be vulnerable with.”

“I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never acted,” He said. Casting a sideways glance at the analog clock on her desk, he asked, “Does that make me selfish? Shying away from non-sexual intimacy because I don’t understand it – even though I allow myself to indulge in sexual intimacy?”

“It makes you human, I think,” She smiled softly, writing something else down. Her brown eyes flitted up to meet him with unfounded warmth. “You should try letting someone in, Nanami. Might be worth a shot. What do you have to lose?”

Everything, was his first thought.

“I suppose you’re right,” He sighed anyway. 

The faint buzz of the neon sign before him grew louder as he approached it. It was hardly audible over the deep buzz of the bass coming from the other side of the door. The words “Cat House” blinked periodically, illuminating his tired face in its glow each time.

“You’re taking him to a strip club?” Nanami grumbled. Still, shutting the door of the sleek black vehicle behind him, he glanced at the glowing pink sign. “The kid is turning 21.”

After his white-haired-blue-eyed long-term-acquaintance stepped out from the other side of the SUV, the driver pulled off. Gojo wiped his hands off on the fabric of his suit. “Not just any strip club! My favorite strip club!”

“You’re a regular,” He sighed, shaking his head. “Of course you are.”

“You, my friend, need to learn how to have some fun,” Gojo hummed. He brushed past Nanami, making his way to the stairway that undoubtedly descended to the entrance. “Yuuji’s gonna love it!”

Nanami followed after Gojo, flicking his cigarette onto the ground below his feet. His footsteps crunched against the gravel pathway. “If this is what your definition of fun is, I don’t think you should have been the one planning out his birthday.”

“What would you have done? Take him to an arcade?” Gojo waved him off. He nodded towards the door the two men now stood in front of. “Kid’s 21, not 12. Let’s go inside.”

"Hard pass," Nanami answered calmly. He straightened his tie out, suddenly feeling rather overdressed for the occasion – especially considering the kind of establishment this was .

"Yes we are."

"I have better things to do."

"Like what? Moping and pouting at home?" Gojo interjected, reaching for his  arm – which Nanami quickly pulled out of his grasp. “It’s Yuuji’s birthday. Go celebrate with a lapdance, or something.

Gojo grabbed his arm again. Getting the strong feeling that he would simply try again if he pulled his arm away, Nanami let him.

“I will be doing nothing of the sort,” He grumbled. Still, he allowed Gojo to pull him into the entryway.

A low and seductive saxophone medley poured out from the speakers, and Nanami nearly considered turning back there and then. Gojo – with Nanami in tow – approached a rather scantily clad woman near the door. 

“Hi, doll. Party for Itadori?” He asked.

The hostess nodded. Gathering a few menus, she stepped out from behind the counter – wearing nothing more than a micro skirt and a bikini top. “Right this way,” she said.

The two men followed her into the club. Everything – everything – was pink. As pink as Yuuji’s hair, with red chairs and booths scattered throughout. It looked like the place had been designed by fucking Cupid himself. There were dozens of dancers strutting around the place – all of which wore tiny skirts and tight tops. 

Nanami didn’t miss the way Gojo’s eye’s trailed over the hostess’s ass while she led them over to their booth.

“The dancers here are phenomenal," Gojo said to him, raising his voice so that he was louder than the music. The stage was surrounded by at least 15 tables, all of which were packed with very excited-looking men. Conveniently enough, their table sat front-and-center to the stage. 

"Can I get you started with something to drink?”  The woman said, gesturing to the booth. “Or would you like to wait for the rest of your party?”

Gojo sank into one of the cushiony chairs at the table, and Nanami did the same. The cushion was a bright red velour. It was soft – he really didn’t wanna think about what sort of stories the chair could tell. 

“A strawberry margarita for me, please– extra dirty,” Gojo answered. He didn’t even have to look at the menu. Fuckin’ party animal.

The lady nodded, then turned her gaze to Nanami.

He had to think for a moment before he asked. “Do you have wine?”

“Yeah,” She hummed. “What kind?”

“Merlot, please,” He answered. “Bring the whole bottle.”

The lady nodded, and again, he caught the way Gojo shamelessly stared at the woman's ass as she walked away. Once he was certain they were alone, he asked his eccentric friend, "The drinks any good here?"

"You ask that after you order a whole bottle of it?" The man chuckled, crossing one leg over the other and rather conspicuously nudging Nanami’s leg with his foot. "They’re alright. The key is to get wasted enough that they taste better.”

That’s terrible advice. Nanami knew better than to try to argue with Gojo. He had long since learned his lesson. Instead, he tried to see the bright side of the whole situation. Perhaps this night out would help him take his mind off of everything

Yuuji and his friends had arrived only thirty minutes earlier, and they were already drunk. They were cackling loudly – so loudly that they were beginning to draw attention. Gojo, wiping away tears from laughing so hard, was clapping his hands together in amusement.

There was a brief moment of silence, during which Gojo went for the tequila bottle and poured everyone another round of shots. The clear liquid seemed to catch the light just slightly, just enough that it glistened as he raised his glass.

“Lovely students, gather ‘round!” He slurred, a drunken sparkle in his eyes. He tapped the side of his glass with a metal fork – the resulting clink cut right through the laughter.

The group hushed as all eyes focused on him. “I want to make a toast!” He announced after a dramatic pause. He glanced at poor Yuuji, with his “birthday girl” sash and matching tiara, and proclaimed, “I wanna thank all of you for gathering here to celebrate our beloved birthday girl’s special night!”

All eyes turned to Yuuji, who wore a dopey, beaming grin.

Gojo stood up from his chair, bringing the glass of tequila with him. Nanami watched with moderate intrigue – only because there was a 50% chance that his alcoholic beverage could wind up all over his shirt. 

“To Yuuji!” he declared, raising his glass high.

The group raised their glasses together. For a moment, Nanami felt a warmth in his chest – a rare moment of contentment amidst all of the chaos. Everyone was okay. They were here . Happy.

“To Yuuji!” They echoed.

He raised my own glass a moment too late, then threw it down the hatch. The bitter taste of the liquor as it flowed down Nanami’s throat and warmed his chest was not unwelcome. 

 Yuuji, however, nearly gagged on his, swallowing slowly before erupting into a fit of coughs.

Laughter erupted once again, and Nobara affectionately patted Yuuji on the back. As the group continued to revel in the celebration, the lights dimmed.

"Oh shit, I think the show is starting," Yuuji exclaimed.

"Quiet down, everyone! Gojo chimed in, his usual exuberance heightened by the alcohol.

As the lights dimmed even more, the atmosphere shifted. The group settled into their seats, anticipation filling the air. Yuuji, still wearing his birthday girl sash, looked around with wide eyes, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

The curtains gracefully rolled open just a moment later, ushering in a pulsating beat as a shadow emerged from the stage's depths. Gojo couldn't help but nearly roll his eyes at the sheer absurdity of it all. Gliding effortlessly to the stage's forefront was the dancer, adorned in a fetching ensemble—a pretty pink G-string paired with a matching corset adorned with little embroidered hearts. Her hair was styled into two low pigtails, and from where Nanami stood, he couldn't deny she was, well, kind of pretty.

The rhythmic beat filled the restaurant as the dancer began to sway her hips, accompanied by the provocative lyrics.

‘Tell nobody I control you

I broke you just to hold you,’

She placed a hand on her shoulder, trailing it around her neck before seductively sliding it down her glimmering, scantily-clad chest. The spotlight painted her feminine silhouette with hues of pink and red, and Nanami couldn't resist letting his gaze drift a little lower.

‘They can’t tell, but I love you,’

Grasping the pole behind her, the dancer executed snakelike hip movements. Her hands remained wrapped around the pole as she pressed her back against it, biting her bottom lip in a tantalizing squat. Legs opened, hips gyrating, she beckoned the audience forward. Nanami's eyes dropped below the belt once more as her body rippled enticingly to the beat.

‘Cause you’re loyal, baby,

I love when you’re submissive,’

She was undeniably gorgeous. Her attire accentuated her curves, and her movements exuded confidence and sensuality.

‘Love it when I break skin,’

Gojo, in his usual flamboyant manner, clapped his hands and whistled at the dancer. Nanami turned to him, eyebrows raised in surprise, as if silently conveying, "She's hot." Gojo simply smiled in return.

‘You feel pain without flinchin’...

So say it…’

She stepped around the pole, so that her long, athletic legs were spread in front of it, her back was straight, and her hands were clasped around the pole above her head. She demanded attention – something reflected by the hoots and whistles resonating throughout the room.

‘Give me tough love,’

Slowly, she slid into a squat.

‘Leave me with nothing when I come down,

My kinda love,’

From there, she crawled onto her hands and knees, arching her back, rolling her hips against the floor in a way that had Nanami’s eyes blinking rapidly. She grinded and crawled, eventually transitioning onto her back, where she backbended and then cartwheeled onto her feet again.

‘Push me and choke me ‘til I pass out.’

His jaw would have been on the floor if he didn’t have an image to uphold.

Returning to her confident strides around the pole, she stopped to roll her body against it, smoothing her hands over her smooth bottom, eyes scanning the audience. Sliding her hands up her inner thighs, she flipped her hair up and then rolled back up slowly. She dropped down into another squat, then – spinning on the balls of her feet – she rolled over the floor, kicking her legs up into a split, hands on the ground, back arched.

‘ We don’t gotta be in love, no,

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

She’s amazing, he found himself thinking.

She rolled onto her stomach, pushed herself back onto her knees, and arched her back – all while running her hands over her torso, her waist. Her hips rolled forward, making a little riding motion that made Nanami reconsider his harsh words towards his comrade earlier in the evening.

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight’.

Spinning around to face the crowd on her knees, she crawled onto her hands and knees. She arched her back slowly, sensually – in an almost feline fashion – with her ass and heels pointed up.

She pushed herself onto her feet, hands holding her heels, rolling up slowly again – this time dagging her hand up the length of her smooth, long legs. She reached for the pole, rolling her body against it.

‘Push me down, hold me down,

Spit in my mouth while you turn me out,’

Is she even going to use the pole? Nanami wondered. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. It looked difficult – something he could never imagine himself being able to do. And, shit, for what it was worth, she was putting on one hell of a show without it.

‘I wanna take your light inside,

Dim me down, snuff me out,

Hands on my neck while you push it out,

And I’m screamin’ out’

She hooked her leg around the pole – as if she had heard Nanami’s internal inquiry, and flipped up onto it. In one smooth motion, she seemed to defy gravity. Her legs were pointed up, straight towards the ceiling as the pole rotated slowly. Then, before Nanami could catch his breath, her legs split open.

‘Give me tough love,

Leave me with nothin’ when I come down.’

She looked so fucking… perfect, so remarkable. He found himself entirely hypnotized by her. Her back was arched, pressed up against the pole – hell, her whole body was bent backward. He had never seen someone do an upside down split in mid air with only their hands as support, let alone do it so effortlessly.

‘My kinda love,

Force me and choke me ‘til I pass out.’

Her eyes scanned the shouting crowd with a seductive expression. She wrapped her legs around the back of the pole. Then, still upside down, she relaxed her grip on the base of the pole, sliding down until her hands met the ground. 

He was surprised her breasts hadn’t spilled out of their containers by now.

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no,

I just wanna be one of your girls tonight.’

In one fluid motion, she opened her legs and cartwheeled away from the pole. She sauntered up to the front of the stage again, sliding her hands up her hips, her stomach, her chest, her neck. Nanami’s eyes followed her hands hungrily on their journey up, and then again on their way down, down, down. With her hands on her knees, she sunk into a squatting position. 

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

Nanami gaped at the stage. She was absolutely stunning. Her body moved with grace, and her long legs worked those heels in a way that left his head spinning. The way her hands gripped the pole ignited a desire in Nanami's fingers to reach out and touch her.

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight, oh.’

Strutting to the stage's front, she sank back down to her knees, this time facing away from the audience. Slowly, she bent over backward, bridging off the stage into the audience. What struck Nanami the hardest wasn't the sparkle of her chest or the way her hair framed her pretty eyes; it was the way she looked right at him.

‘ Lock me up and throw away the key,

He knows how to get the best out of me,

I’m no fool for the world to see, 

Trade my whole life just to be.’

And Nanami, normally a man of composure, felt the blood rush to his face. He felt something stir deep within his chest – a sensation he hadn’t felt in years. Her half-lidded, smokey eyes gazed into his with the intensity of a thousand wildfires—unwavering, unrelenting, glimmering. She was fucking beautiful.

Droplets of sweat slid down her chest, and she smirked before extending her arm towards him. An unfamiliar, small hand gently caressed the side of his face. Nanami's heart raced, the scent of sweat and perfume leaving him reeling for more.

Then, as if nothing had transpired, the dancer pulled herself back onto her knees and continued with her routine.

Nanami's head spun, utterly captivated. He felt Gojo tap him on the shoulder. 

“She’s good, ain’t she?” He shouted over the sultry beat.

As the bills rained down around the captivating dancer, Nanami found himself unable to tear his gaze away. Gojo's words still echoed in his ears, but a stubborn sense of restraint kept him from joining in the display of buffoonery.

Gojo, undeterred by Nanami's refusal, slid him some bills anyway. "Tip her," Gojo insisted. Before Nanami could protest further, Gojo walked away.

Left alone, Nanami hesitated, his gaze alternating between the bills in his hand and the dancer on stage, who continued her mesmerizing routine, seemingly unaffected by the cascade of money around her.

‘We don’t gotta be in love, no

I don’t gotta be the one, no’

He yearned to be closer to her. It was a strange feeling – one that he hadn’t felt before. He yearned to see her, to hold her, to…

The bills felt weighty in his hand, a tangible representation of the internal struggle Nanami was experiencing. After a moment of contemplation, he made a decision. With a determined look, he rolled his thumb over the bills one last time, then threw them up into the air.

Dollar bills danced around the woman as she moved, and she seemed to lock eyes with Nanami, a subtle smile playing on her lips. 

‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight’.

He wasn’t enamored.

No, he definitely wasn’t enamored with the absurdly pretty exotic dancer on the stage. That’s what he told himself.

And even though he had slandered Gojo for being a frequent patron of the club before that night, he joined the rank of regular himself not very long after.

a/n: hi pookie cookie bookie butts! I didnt like this specific chapter, but I never like my first chaps. thats why I make prologues lol!! the story will get much better I swear. tell me your thoughts, requests, remarks, etc in the comments, as always!! love u all <333 -Leo

comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

I obviously do not own jjk or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

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wanna join the taglist? | my kinda love; chapter index

[sporesgalaxy]

WELL GAMERS I told myself I should get more of the sequel done first. I told myself I should draw a new picture. But ive never been famous for my self control or patience, have I 💚

If I regret my writing choices after watching the finale later this week, thats between me and God.

•••

quick reminders abt how this is Canon Divergent:

1. Philip never directly witnessed the portal, and/or something happened that forced Circe to suddenly stay in the Demon Realm a bit sooner than in canon. The point is Philip never made it to the Boiling Isles.

2.

ok teehee time to get sad.

CW: Philip's never outright transphobic but like. Some of the things he says about refusing to accept witchcraft may sound like it.

•••

?: [distantly] Philip?

?: [closer] Philip!

?: Philip Wittebane!!!

P: [weirded out cuz hes in the middle of the woods] What in the--

C: [running up to him excitedly] Philip!!! It's SO good to see you again!!!

P: [backing away] Er, excuse me miss. Do I...know you?

C: !

C: Come on, Philip!

C: Surely the King of the Witch Hunters can recognize the Dread Witch Beezelbella when he sees her!

---

P: ...

C: [smile falters nervously] Erm...Philip?

[Philip bolts]

C: Wh- Philip!

[He sprints through the woods as fast as he can, but weaving between the trees is slowing him down.]

[Circe suddenly cuts Philip off, riding on her staff]

P: [nearly falls over] GAH!!

C: What are you running away for?!

P: [shielding his face, peeking at her erratically, as if afraid to look directly at her for too long] You're not real!! You're some cruel illusion!!

P: Sent to-- to torment me, or tempt me to forfeit my soul to the devil!

P: Well it WON'T WORK!! So-- gh-- [flails his hands in her general direction] BEGONE!

--

C: [trying not to laugh] No, no...! I promise, no tricks!

C: [REALIZES SHE IS LEVITATING] Ah!!! Er...

[she jumps off the staff and holds it behind her conspicuously, too frantic to remember to store it as a palisman]

C: [smiling nervously] I meant to save that for later.

P: [incredulous] Did you?!

C: Yes, but-- really, it's harmless!

[gestures for emphasis, but is still holding the staff in one hand, and ends up accidentally waving it between them.]

[Circe realizes she's still got the staff out. Philip is staring at it like it might explode. She reduces it to just the bird and pockets the palisman in her cloak]

C: Er-- mostly harmless!

C: [smiling apologetically, holding up palms to show she's unarmed] I'd never dream of hurting you, anyhow!

P: [mentally recalculating] ...Is that so?

C: [beams] Of course!

P: [less defensive body language, but still clearly a little wary] Hm...

--

C: Before anything else, I'll need to re-introduce myself!

P: Re-introduce...?

C: [trying to stay chipper but looking more stressed] I told you! It's...it's me!! [she pulls her hair back into a ponytail, looking a bit uncomfortable] See?

P: The...Dread Witch Beezelbella.

C: [frustrated] Your s-- your sibling!!! You know, the one who raised you?? Who spent all those years putting gruel on the table??

P: [playing dumb but also being mean] The one who died seven years ago?

C: Er-- well-- yes and no! I had to go away for a while, but I'm back now!!

C: [trying to bulldoze through it] And hardly anything has changed!

C: But I HAVE learned I'm much happier being your sister! That's not too complicated, is it? You understand, don't you?

P: I...suppose--

C: [bulldozing again] Spectacular!!!!

C: So, you'll now call me Ci-- [seems to realize something] Er...just C.C. is fine for now! [smiles nervously]

[Philip gives her a perplexed look]

C: Probably easier and, er...good for an Adjustment Period! [nods to herself]

P: [mostly just baffled] ...C.C.

C: You've got it! And none of my old name, pretty please? [before Philip can reply] Great!

C: Now, with all THAT out of the way: It's YOUR turn! Tell me everything! How are you?! What's happened while I was gone? Tell me all about what you've been up to!

--

P: Oh. Er...

P: I'm...doing very well. I... ["thinks", bringing a finger to his chin a little too theatrically]

P: ...Goodness, so much has changed, I'm not even sure where to start!

P: Perhaps you could just visit the house with me and see what's changed for yourself? [grabs her arm and gently tugs]

C: [Withdraws, very nervous] Oh, no no no, I reeeaaallly shouldn't go into town.

C: You and I of all people know how they are about--!

C: ...!

C: [Squints]

P: ...Is something the matter?

C: [Squints harder]

C: It's been a long time, but I haven't COMPLETELY forgotten what it sounds like when you're LYING, Philip.

P: >:| ...

C: >:[ ...

P: ...I have no idea what you're talking about.

C: UUGGGHHHH.

C: [crosses her arms] Well, I've no plans to set foot in that town ever again, so it's no use to try.

P: Then perhaps you could wait here, and in just a moment I'll return and we can-- [beginning to walk away]

C: [Grabs his arm to stop him leaving] [exasperated] I'm not an idiot, Philip!

C: [sighs] Look, I know magic is going to be a lot for you to take in, but it's really not so bad!

P: [MAIDENLESS STARE]

--

[Circe continues holding Philip's arm to keep him there, and for now, he lets her.]

C: As it turns out, you DON'T actually have to sell your soul!

P: [no longer hiding that he's not buying it] Is that so?

C: [frustrated] It's true! I could prove it to you!

C: Well, I guess I can't PROVE that I still have a soul. Not that I know of. [to herself] I wonder if there's a spell for that...

P: [extremely sarcastic] Perhaps we ought to enlighten the entire town to the existence of this fascinating *benign sorcery*.

C: You're making fun of me. >:T

P: Nonsense. Since you can *prove* that it's harmless, then why wouldn't you prove it to everybody, hm? It would make our lives *so* much easier...

C: Philip.

---

P: Why, no one would have to do chores ever again.

C: Philip!

P: Maybe we could all be in one big witch's coven together.

C: Philip, STOP!

C: I'm not here to waste my time on them!

C: I'm not even here to talk about magic!

C: [taking his hand in both hers] I'm here to talk to *you*!

C: I...I need to tell you-- That is, I *should've*--

C: [squeezing his hand, struggling to find the words] What I mean to say is, I never explained that I--!

P: [Rips his hand away from her, furious] Enough of this!!

-----

P: I'm no idiot, either!!

P: You expect me to believe you're here to *talk?!* [scoffs]

P: Just where in the world could have you gone, that you'd *vanish without a trace,*

P: and then-- *reappear out of thin air,* only to TALK?

P: [facetious] I suppose you could have *dropped by to chat* at any time in the last seven years, but you weren't in the *mood!*

C: Well...perhaps, but I--

P: [more outraged] What?!

C: Now, hold on--!

P: Then where have you *been??!!!*

C: I *wanted* to visit, Philip! But I couldn't-- I couldn't just-- it's complicated!

----

P: So you just LEFT me here to assume you were DEAD???

C: Wait--

P: I spent YEARS trying to hunt down that *witch*--

[Circe grimacing/wincing rxn shot]

P: [gesticulating wildly] YEARS hopelessly wondering what might've become of you!!!!!

C: I was--!

P: I WASTED my LIFE searching for answers, when you could have just TOLD ME!!??

C: Please--!

P: I suppose you were too busy learning WITCHCRAFT in-- in-- WITCH-LAND!!

C: 😟

--

P: [still angry, but also tearing up] And what a cruel joke, that you'd finally deign to visit *now!*

P: [reaching subtly for his knife, which is holstered on his belt] After I'd finally managed to give *up* on you.

[Circe hugs him. like that portrait oooo!!!!! he freezes, hesitating over the knife]

C: I'm *so* sorry, Philip.

C: I *do* care. I *did* want to tell you.

C: But...

[she squeezes tighter]

[Philip, over her shoulder, looks desperately lonely.]

C: Truthfully...

[She steps back to look him in the eyes, still holding his shoulders.]

[Philip regains his composure before she sees his face again. His hand twitches over his knife.]

C: ...I thought you would be better off without me.

---

P: [genuine confusion. His hand looks less ready over the knife.] What...?

C: [drops her arms, steps away][bittersweet amusement] I was the one always getting us into trouble.

C: [sitting on a fallen log] And you were so smart! You could accomplish anything you put your mind to!

C: You could...fit in.

C: I never could. Not really.

[Philip seems confused that she'd say this about herself, and about him.]

C: [sighs]

C: I told myself that leaving you was a sacrifice I could make to give both of us everything we wanted.

----

C: ...But it wasn't just my sacrifice to make.

C: I don't regret leaving Gravesfield--

[Philip's expression darkens momentarily]

C: --but I regret leaving *you*.

[he's taken off guard by this]

C: I'm sorry, Philip.

[He tries, but can't hold on to the anger. His hand falls slack, no longer considering going for the knife.]

C: [brushes her hair out of her face] You don't have to forgive me. But you deserve to know.

C: And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

[Philip looks at a loss for words]

C: [gazes into the woods, fidgeting] ...I-if there's a way I could ever even *begin* make it up to you... I'll gladly try.

----

C: [looks sadder] ...But if there's nothing I can do, I understa--

P: [sudden, desperate] *Come home.*

[Philip looks alarmed that he blurted that out]

C: [wide eyed. that was the last thing she expected him to say, too]

P: ...*please.*

C: [sadly] Philip...

C: I can't.

P: Why not?!

P: If-- if witchcraft really doesn't cost you your soul, then-- couldn't you just...*stop?*

--

C: [serious] It isn't about magic.

C: If I'd never used a drop of magic in my life, my days would still be numbered here.

P: What??? Why???

C: [thinks for a moment.]

C: ...I was always scared in Gravesfield.

P: [concern, confusion]

C: I tried not to let you see it-- I was supposed to protect you. [rueful amusement] I wasn't supposed to be *scared.*

C: But the older I got, the more terrified I became.

C: I knew that I would eventually do something... wrong.

C: Too wrong for just one humiliating punishment.

--

C: The moment that anyone found an excuse...I would be judged unfit to even *exist.*

C: Because I couldn't...

C: [as if it puts a bad taste in her mouth] I couldn't be who *Gravesfield* thought I should be, *flawlessly.*

C: And if I couldn't be a *perfect* witch hunter, or *stay* a perfect witch hunter until the day that I died--

[shot of Philip with next line. He looks like he understands, and wishes he didn't.]

C: Then that would make me a *witch.*

[back to Circe. Looking very serious]

C: Magic or not.

--

C: Most of all, I was scared I would bring you down with me.

C: I was rash. And stupid. But I only ever wanted you to be safe.

C: Truly, I did.

[Philip looks conflicted, frustrated, trying to find his anger and righteousness again]

P: I...

[He gives up. Looks upset-- sad, frustrated...tired. Sighs, pinches bridge of his nose.]

P: [plops down next to Circe on the log]

[Circe watches him, wondering what he's thinking now.]

P: [closes his eyes tighter and leans forward, resting his elbows on his legs. He presses his forehead against his clasped hands.]

P: [whispering] Lord...give me strength...

[shot of Circe looking at him sadly]

P: [offscreen, over shot of Circe] [quieter] *please*...

P: [in frame now] [very desperate, and quieter still] ...**please**...

--

C: ...Are you happy in Gravesfield?

P: [Hands still clasped, but eyes open, looking into the woods] ...

C: Philip?

P: [flatly] That doesn't matter.

C: [Leaning forward, trying to look in his eyes] ...It matters to *me*...

[Philip unclasps his hands and instead holds his elbows, which still rest on his legs. Does not look at Circe.]

P: [cold resentment] Does it.

[Circe shrinks back]

[the two sit in silence for a moment. Birds chirp, and the bare tree branches sway in the breeze above them.]

--

C: [quietly] ...are the trials as bad as they used to be?

P: ...

P: [even tone] Less frequent, maybe.

C: [hopeful] That's good.

P: ... [furrows his eyebrows]

C: Do you still--

P: Yes.

C: [guilt] ...

P: I've prevented what happened to you from happening again a dozen times over.

[Circe pales with horror. Philip still is not looking at her.]

P: [clearly bitter about something] And *I'm* actually *careful.* [seeming more vexed than proud] I've done more research than *anybody.*

C: [examining his face] ...Research?

P: ...

C: [dawning realization] Do they...*understand* that's what your doing?

P: [intensely, looking only at the ground] It doesn't matter. I can prove it to them.

C: [putting the pieces together] Philip, are you in danger?

P: [breaks a twig off a branch on the fallen log with his left hand] [curtly] *No.*

P: [looks annoyed at the stick momentarily. passes it to his right hand] *I* am not a witch.

P: [slightly hesitant] ...obviously.

----

[Philip starts doodling in the dirt with the twig]

C: [losing patience with his stubborness] Do you honestly still believe that only real witches get accused? Get *punished?*

P: [stops drawing. gives her an angry sideways glance. then glares at the dirt again] ...

P: ...*Yes.*

P: As long as you do it *correctly.*

C: [furrows eyebrows] ......

[Philip resumes, scratching the dirt more forcefully.]

C: But--

P: Witches die because they are born doomed.

[as he says "doomed," Philip finishes drawing The Belos Mask with a final, forceful scratch]

C: That's what we were *told*! That doesn't mean it's true!

[Circe looks at Philip, expression somewhere between frustrated and pleading, but he won't look up from his sketch]

------

P: [darkly] What does that mean for you, then?

[Circe is taken off-guard]

P: Do your witch-friends know what you used to do?

P: Or are you lying to them, too?

C: I--!

C: ...

C: [quieter] ...Not all of them know.

P: [snidely] Hmph.

C: [with a bit more conviction] But, the ones that *do* know...

C: They know that I was scared. And trying to keep us safe.

C: There are people who understand that I truly thought I was doing the right thing.

C: [guilt] That I would give anything to undo it now...

C: [focusing on Philip again] They trust me, and love me, even though I've made...terrible mistakes. Even though I'll *always* make mistakes.

C: [trying REALLY hard to get through to Philip] *Gravesfield isn't all there is.*

P: ...

[Philip scratches out the doodle forcefully.]

P: [unhappily] Good for you.

----

[a prolonged beat of silence, save Philip's stick scraping against the ground as he scribbles slowly, randomly on the spot where the doodle used to be]

C: If you want...I could show you--

[suddenly, Philip throws his stick to the ground and turns to Circe]

P: [frustrated noise] Would you get this over with already?!

C: What?

P: I don't care what you want anymore! Just take it already!

P: You win! So stop tormenting me with this awful vision!!

C: [taken aback] Wha--! I-I'm not--! You still don't believe that I'm real?!

-------

P: You *can't* be!

P: [breaking a little] I only *want* you to be real!

P: I *want* you to be *alive*!

P: I don't *want* to be *alone* any longer!!

P: But you insist on making me offers that I have *just* enough clarity of mind left to refuse!!

P: [becoming more desperate than angry] Why won't you just lie to me?! Tell me you'll come home? Tell me that nothing's changed?

P: *Something*-- *anything* that's easier to convince myself to accept!!

[Circe looks deeply hurt]

P: Won't you at least let me die thinking I was reunited with-- with you?!

P: [losing steam] ...What could you possibly want that you haven't had the chance to take from me already...?

[a beat. Circe's expression has closed off considerably. Philip holds his head in his hands.]

P: Please. Get it over with.

P: Or for God's sake leave me be.

[wide shot of them sitting in unhappy silence]

------

C: [very quietly] ...Alright.

[Circe stands, brushes her skirt off. Philip remains sitting, not looking at her]

C: I suppose I've done all I can.

P: ...

C: I won't disturb you again.

P: .......

C: I'm still thankful that I could see you one last time.

P: ...........

C: [trying to keep composed] Please...stay safe. Take care of yourself.

P: .................

---

C: I love you.

P: ............. . . . . . . . .

C: [offscreen] Goodbye, Philip.

[she walks away]

[a beat passes]

[Philips resolve breaks. As he looks up--]

P: Ca-- C.C., I--

[--he realizes he is alone again.]

P: ....

P: [slowly, he stands. brushes his jacket off. walks away.]

-----

been trying really hard to do things with my spare time over the last week besides rewrite the circe clawthorne au intro but youll never guess what happened

[gayspock]

im literally like crichton at the end of the finale now (fr struggling to putwords together) but i was being patient and polite with d'argo and chiana but

rightso ifr am struggling with putting things into words tonight i feel fucking . braindead and have done for the past two nights

BUT this is one thing i can sorta express i think like

firstly: i totally dont buy the marriage thing sorry. i dont get why theyre rushing this relationship so much. i just dont fucking buy any bit of it & idc... LOL... LIKE-

im not even against-against them (or i wasnt). BUT i think chiana and d'argo could work if done right, ive said that. or at least theyd be an interesting exploration even if they didnt end up together-together. i can see a version of events and miscommunication, done right, where they do gravitate towards each other since theyre travelling in close quarters like that and they have the wrong expectations and theres fallout and such- but all the way up to marriage? i dont know... i do not see it... like

i can seeeee chiana maybe panicking and just. agreeing to marriage even if she doesnt actually yknow with d'argo but i dont see d'argo proposing this fast. like this is crazy..... give it more than like. half a season of fucking background work, holy shit, yknow? eve n if theyhave been through so much together, like... i think i heard they got married at some point but i seriously expected that to be like s4- bringing it up now?

and like

also

ok

soheres the thing

i dont know how old jothee is. sigh. + i think, even if we did have an exact number... WELL thatsa whole other ramble, but tbh one of my pet peeves in sci fi is people insisting that alien ages would always strictly correspond exactly to human ones wrt maturity (emotional and physical) which makes no damn sense like..they wouldnt even have to linearly correspond, or have the same structure, or same concepts (of adolesence, of being elderly, etc) and i mean they could, but its very much the same as like. only ever envisioning aliens as being strictly humanoid with face bumps like . i do nottt get it....

which i SAY because like. ewww!!! i strictly DONT want to be one of those ppl who is like "teehee, age doesnt matter, its arbitrarryyy to this alien culture [uses it as an excuse]" BUT i also dont want to be like one of those ppl who like "haha, well technicalllyyy this alien is 18 sooooo!<3" bc like . with the hypothetical extraterrestrial race yep! it does become completely arbitrary & banging on about it like that its like... ur completely losing sight of it, doing the math to try and check whether the fucker is legal, is completely, trying to gotcha "haha, its fine if i ship these two" &... missing the point ... of WHY weird age shit is wrong in the first place

bc its abt power dynamics... & its insaaaaane u have to point that out to people sometimes... but its like. p*dophilia is wrong bc young people are . extremely vulnerable. and do not have the power in that position; they are taken advantage of, and the are not capable of informed consent, and its sick in the head, yeah..

+ so WITH alien stuff. like fictitious species and things like that, yeah? its very much down to the precedent writers create, and what they construct and what they build...

andthats all to say iliterally. do not know what to fucking think of chiana necking with jothee because like....

literallyyyyyy. my honest 2 god truth. in my opinion? IF d'argo and chiana had never been a thingl; IF you wiped the slate clean, and never had even entertained it... chiana and jothee? they would actually make a HELL of a lot more sense to me.

like i always saw chiana as a very young adult. probs my ageish - maybe like a year or two younger?

and so i think jothee... again. shrugs. idk how luxons would age; fine, if he's technically younger in years, but like... FROM what ive seen of him, he reads like someone also of that age range, maybe a touch younger. but definitely close enough that i can see them very easily gravitating towards each other.

and again. like i think i said before, initially i read chiana and d'argo as more like... a parental dynamic, if literally anything? which is why i wasnt totally onboard with them to begin with- but was willing to, like, go with it because i understand that was my initial interpretation, not the canon gospel - and hey, if they can convince me otherwise then cool. i'm the one who misread it, yeah?

(bc also i will say like: ithink d'argo IS like a good example of being very alien in terms of age, in combination with him also being a bit off, i suppose, bc like... they say he's young multiple times in the show, and they say it was odd he went off and had kidsyoung- so like? to me... i again figure, like, a very young dad who just seems a hell of a lot older. i know guys likethat irl-plenty of them- who matured v fast even if theyre really still. a lot younger, in honesty. and i think thats fair enough.)

BUT YEAH. LIKE. ITS SO FUCKING.., EVEN THEN IT- IT JSUT KINDA FEELS .ughhg. RUHGHGH. like

in isolation. if we had one or the other i THINK it wouldnt be fucking weird. for the reasons i said. i really dont think it would; the writers could make the either or work. but like- both of them...? yeah no- thats what makes it strange, even if you do play fast and loose with how ages work here, bc its like.. that DOES feel like a really freaking. icky shift to me even if i dont think chiana is taking advantage of jotheee or d'argo is taking advantage of chiana necessarily. theres just a strange dissonance, here, and its like.. mmmnn. noo :(

bc like again i said. i dont find chiana and jothee that weird by themselves and thats whatkinda makes it a shame bc i do think they actually suit each other better and especially frustrating bc. i just fucking wish they hadnt done chiana and d'argo at all at this point, bc it hasnt really done much to give us anything at all. and, like i think d'argo and her just feel like an unfolding misunderstanding- and not in the "oh, we balance each other out; we will work towards it" kinda way, but just like a. these ppl dont fit and they tried it butits just not meant 2 be way and thats fineee i LIKE it when you explore stuff like that man but eek they really... ARENT taking the time to explore it in that way. are they. theyrejust kinda botching it and

BC MEANWHILE LIKE. IF WE WERE TO TALK "OH, WHO WOULD BE AN ACTUAL THRIVING COUPLE?" from what ive seen thus far... jothee and chiana have a lot in common that i could easily see them connecting with quite strongly andi think... with the both of them in another environment, it could be messy, but with the rest of the moya crew grounding them it could actually be really sweet for them to find sth in each other. but like any potential of that- yeah. no . its gross now. because of the kinda setup presented

whichis to say

I DONT FREAKIGNGGG LIKE IT WAHHHHHH I DONT LIKEEEE IT I DOJT LIKEEE ANY OF IT. >:(

[fearowkenya]

it's the time of year where I feel very like...boxed in??? okay hold on

so like everyone else who has adhd mine has its own exclusive flavor and weirdness that manifests itself in its own Cute And Quirky Teehee ways that arent universal to everyone w adhd. mine specifically makes it so that the amount of energy / willpower i have to put effort into literally anything is directly proportionate to how much light there is outside. it doesnt have to be SUNNY , just naturally bright.

anyway as you may or may not know im up in canada where it is currently 4:41PM and is nearly dark, and will continue to get darker earlier and earlier until like three quarters through december. so already , not great for me and my fuckign plant-life-wannabe of a brain .

to compound this, i also slow down when it’s cold. that part is normal i think. its not uncommon to want to swaddle yourself in a nest of blankets when temperatures start to drop esp if its like -40 but it DOES make moving around a little more challenging. so like not only do i have to put in the effort to like, do each step of whatever task or activity i am attempting to do, but i also have to pry myself out of Soft Warm Bed which becomes an additional step in making aforementioned whatever the fuck happen. and if u are at all familiar w adhd you know that when the step count gets too high your odds of doing anything other than staring at a wall get slimmer and slimmer unless youve got a damn good workaround for your own brand of brain nonsense

im also one of those ppl who constantly has cold hands , so stuff that requires fine motor skills like art can be tough to start working on when my fingers have the mobility of two fistfuls of freezies.

ive gotten fairly good at finding ways to do things that accommodate my adhd but once winter hits thats when i get boxed in. it’s dark out early, so getting anything done after sunset is like wading thru sludge. then the sludge fucking freezes solid because its cold out, and even if by some miracle im able to like idk draw, my hands feel stiff bc of the cold and makes everything harder. so its like this uphill battle to do fucking Anything when im a sludgecicle. its way easier to do Nothing instead of trying to fight my way out, like the amount of effort it takes is SO frustrating.

‘hey idiot have you tried turning the heater on’ yeah dude i know but i still gotta get outta bed and wait for my fingers to not feel like a bunch of frozen baby carrots before anything gets done, and jsut the thought of that when im nice n warm in blankets is an enormous deterrent and it fucking sucks!!

im super fed up w that happening to me every damn winter so i guess i’ll start to work on throwing together some kinda coping mechanism and hope smth sticks.

since i moved my furniture a while back, my heater is right next to my desk so at least i’ll warm up faster when it starts to be like minus a billion degrees. i have no fucking clue what i am going to do about the uhh (checks notes) reliance that my brain has on the literal actual sun. i have one of those sun lamps that i suppose i can try to use more often?? idk if thats going to trick my brain into thinking it’s actually bright outside so stay tuned i guess. or dont im not your dad