#ive done my laundry and food shop so i have the rest of my sunday afternoon free but i dont even want to do anything

[phagodyke]

I wish I knew ppl irl who had experience of the same issues I have so I could talk to them abt it and they could empathise and maybe give some advice in a safe + non judgemental space when I'm particularly struggling again bc it comes + goes. but no I can't bring up half this crap even just as a topic completely unrelated to myself without ppl demonstrating theyre incapable of understanding/compassion + hold opinions that make them unsafe for me to talk to. great.

[watersuncharted]

hi! its january 8th now, just a few days after setting in and man, things are insane! 

so, lets rewind. so much has happened since we last spoke. i cannot believe that right now im in spain! SPAIN! currently actually living my best life. im on the rooftop of my building, i can see the mountains i can see the water i can see sagrada in all of her glory. i see buildings and hear the bustle of the city below me. 

today was my first day alone and i must say, it’s been much needed. i woke up pretty late, around 12, and no one was home. as i got ready kay and betsy and melissa came back and got ready for class and went on their way. my class got cancelled, so pretty happy about that one. i got dressed, took out the trash, and went on a little walk. 

one thing to know about me is that i LOVE walks. they clear my head and they give me clarity and help me think better. they ease my nerves and calm me down.  although i didnt need too much calming, after this jam packed last few days i feel way better. 

i went to a cafe, which turned into a lunch spot apparently after 12. they had delicious coffee and i had a queso y jamon torta hehe the waiter was very nice and accomdated my english but i tried to speak to him in spanish. its weird, ill be thinking in spanish and then they’ll respond in english so then my english comes out wrong. kinda funny honestly. 

the weather was perfect so after i stayed there a while i wandered around to sagrada and throughout the neighborhood a little. absolutely gorgeous weather and im glad i got to see all the shops. 

 i took a lot of time to think today. im really happy about that. i think whats hard right now is that theres really no set schedule. i dont have my classes, everything i do is group and im not super super comfortable on my own. i mean, i am comfortable dont get me wrong. i dont really feel like this is a new place, which is weird, its just i dont really know what to do with myself, whats appropriate, where i can find wifi and things like that. i love it here so much, and although last night i did feel kinda homesick for my friends, i wasnt too down and out about it. 

if we rewind to the last few days, things have been crazy. i think last time i journaled was night one. after that, we did a bunch of things. the next night we went out to this sports bar and we ended up hanging out alll with americans and it was fun, dont get me wrong, but it was disappointing. it was nice to see the comfort i have in spain but i think im ready for the all immersive dive. i hope my classes aren’t all just international students and i hope that i meet others soon. we also went on a hunt for a striaghtener and i used my spanish skills to find us a huge mall. im so happy we did that because not only did we find a mall, we explored and found a cool residential area that seemed like the real deal. we walked over a highway, almost got ran over by a tram, but in the end we bought a plancha de pelo! im so happy my spanish is pretty good and people can understand me, it makes me kinda feel better about almost failing spanish all those years. aunty would be proud. then, we went to this AMAZING restaurant. l’oliviera i belike was the name. there was AMAZINGGGGG sangria, not strong but absolutely delicious. my first real sangria, and it was delicious. seriously ive never had better alcohol than i have here. but it was so sos o good. the tapas were divine and everything im pretty sure was under 10 euro each. INSANE. the food here is to die for, especially the seafood. we took a nice walk home and ive never been more proud. the girls are scared of walking at night, which is fair, abut in a group i feel like we’re fine. i dunno, maybe im crazy. 

sunday we didnt do much since it was kinda the eve of la dia de los reyes magos. there was a huge parade but jet lag got the best of us and we ended up passing out for the whole thing. the streets were packed though and im super short so im sure that i didnt miss anything too crazy, im kinda upset about it because i did want the cultural experience, but hey you win some you lose some. 

monday was the holiday but we decided to go to park guell. let me tell you, it was stunning. i cant wait to go back and walk around more and just sit there sometimes. it was a PERFECT beautiful day outside, sun was shining the wild was a slight breeze. the architecture looked fake. it was like a dream land. gaudi never ceases to amaze me and his art work is unreal. i cant wait to see the rest of what hes built, its going to be insane. i wis i would sit there for hours. its absolutely gorgeous. i love my girls here but sometimes we’re not super on the same page. afterwards we went to this AMAZING tapas restaurant. this restaurant is i think my favorite so far, besides the one we went to along the beach, sal cafe. the sangria here was stronger but still good. we were pretty much buzzed all day. i dont think ive laughed so much for so long except with these girls, i kinda hope im fitting in with them! theyre super sweet and normal, and theyre learning about me fast because i dont have time to ease them into the craziness of my family. 

anyways, we then chilled for a little bit, i made dinner for everyone, and we went to opium! in order to program opium we went to this bar where I RAN INTO ALYSSA PAULY AND ETHAN DAN. WHO I HAVENT SEEN SINCE 6TH GRADE AND SINCE BP SOPHEX THIS SUMMER. insane!! we linked with them and we went out. this going out experience costed us no more than the taxi charge, thank god. everything was FREE. we left a little early but nothing to crazy, opium sobered us up a little faster than expected. im glad we got a huge group going though, it was way nicer than going alone. happy about that. we came home aroudn 3:30, kinda like a uiuc night, and had orientation at 11 next morning. i think something funny and notable was on the way back from opium tipsy me loves to blurt out my spanish! the taxi driver LOVED me and told me i had good spanish, no idea if he was being genuine but i was happy about it :) kinda happy about that one. anyways! 

orientation was POINTLESS. we learned nothing, got our IDs and tried to change our classes. weird, but i guess thats how they do it here. i hope i get the class i absolutely need—otherwise im truly screwed. i give that into your hands God. 

i have a long laundry list of things to do today, so im hoping I can get that all done before we hop on over to razzmatazz tonight! i kinda wanna just stay in but i think its a move to go out i guess 

i need wifi now, its like 3:40pm so i think its time i get started on my day, but im happy that i have gotten to explore, be up her eon the rooftop and to just be present and reflect. i think i need more of this soon. i love it here, i really do. 

xx