#ive been so scared to post these idek why LMAO

[bigtomo]

GIANT OC DUMP INCOMING!!!!!!!!!

[kiwidotcom]

ok this is like a legit blog post lmao. my sleep schedule is bizarre right now. so 4 am life blog post like its 2014 lmao

so many friends and people i know have been completing big projects in their lives, meeting huge goals, or just doing remarkably well for themselves recently. Of course im so happy for them but its been fucking with my head. for the last 8 years (minus the last 8 months lol) ive just been working full time or more, thinking that eventually id figure out what i want to do in life. but not only did i not figure out what i wanted to do, a pandemic hit and it completely fucked up the weird kinda path i had been on before. i feels like ive lost more than a year and a half it feels like ive lost an entire part of myself.

But pandemic right? i shouldnt feel bad about struggling when were literally living through something whose name the average person probably said four times before 2020. right?? except...

those people arent?? and not to say theyre not struggling. i know everyone has been through it these last 18 months. but seeing people my age, or more usually, a year or two younger than me, painting murals, or publishing magazines, or falling madly in love, its hard. Its hard when the greatest accomplishment ive had in the last few weeks is replying to an email from last october. i wish i was hyperbolizing. I mean its a seriously good day if i get out of bed and eat food that wasnt frozen. and if i clean the kitchen after?!! forget about it, im writing home about that. (i have yet to produce any such letters)

if money wasnt an issue, i know what id be doing. id be travelling all over the world. id be meeting people in hostels and letting them tell me where to go next, id try to learn new languages or be introduced to new cultures, id be using a plane ticket as a bookmark and a favourite food from every place.

but that was 2019 emma. sure she was scared of everything but she clenched her fists and ran toward it. now she cant even get out of bed enough to see out the window.

ok honestly this took a much darker turn than i expected. i actually feel ok right now. ironically, i would never have been able to write about any of this when the depression is really at its worst. which i think is why it all just fell out, because im finally able to verbalize this. because these last 4 or 5 days ive felt ok.

ive realized its ok to be starting my life at 25. as sad as i think that sounds. and that maybe im not as incapable as i think i am. (though, some things i am incapable of and sometimes its not just a matter of pushing through it, sometimes its a matter of recognizing that im brain damaged and to go easy on myself)

its only been for the last day but i think im genuinely considering going back to school. to work on a social work diploma but also maybe take like one art class at a time to finally finish my fine arts diploma???? i did a whole year, like, the pain of being an art school drop out is rough.

but anyway. my sleep schedule is MESSED AGAIN. idek why. it wasnt that bad until 2 nights ago. so im 3 melatonin in and its 4 am and im about to finish love island which i started earlier today. a guy on the show made a joke about his fiance finishing multiple shows and it burneddddd. i dont want to be this person. i dont think i am this person. oh my god i have so much more to say but i gotta stop because im going insane. why do i have so much energy at night ??!!

ok thats all. goooooodnight good morning

[protectmarkjin]

idk why my stomach is doing fucking backflips rn jksfjkdjf hi guys!!! it’s abbie :-)

sooooo I feel like I owe an explanation for bouncing like nearly a year ago even tho I probably don’t but I still do? lol so basically it was my last year of university and I was Shitting My Pants and really focusing on making sure I get a good grade and it was all going really well. But then in February my grandad got diagnosed with a combination of Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia and, after a series of really scary incidents, he was hospitalised for 8 weeks which... fucking sucked there’s really no other way to put it. He’s good, he’s home which is the most important thing, has his up days and down days but i’m just enjoying every second I have with him. Obviously with that going on I honestly just completely forgot about both this blog and a lot of my hobbies tbh because my grandparents don’t have wifi at their house so I just... haven’t gone online in a really long time? and whenever something shit is going on in my life, I tend to pull away from got7 bc I don’t want them to get associated in my mind with negativity? does that make sense? idk it’s been... a Stressful year to put it lightly lol but I finished university a couple of weeks ago and have been trying to relax and catch up on my sleep and just generally sort my life out and, funnily enough, my dad of all people mentioned “that kpop group I like” a few days ago and I was like FUCK WOW I HAVENT KEPT UP WITH GOT7 IN MONTHS so I came here a few nights ago and just scrolled on my dashboard without posting anything because I was too scared kjfkjdsf idek so idk who’s still active anymore or how the ahgafandom has been doing but this is me dipping my toe in and seeing how it feels I dont want to rush back into being active because i’ll probably fail lmao but it feels so good seeing the boys again literally i’m tearing up every time I see a pic of them sjdfksfd ive missed them so much. Sorry to anyone who may have tried to reach out, I just couldn’t do it. TLDR, the first half of the year has been horrific but now i’m doing okay! it’s nice to be back :-)

[chenderellastrash-blog]

82 Truths

Tagged by @withnosuchgrace who should be washing the dishes while ditching me but know I see what she up to smh... and @dragonsfire as well (I followed her a couple of days ago and omg such good quality content)!!! 

Thanks for the tag, too long but yeah Im too bored so that must do lol.

rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

name: Angela

blood type: am I supposed to know that??? lol

nickname(s): Tange, Tangela, Tonks, Ann, Annie, Ange, Angel, Angelita, Angelain, Angelé, Angelik... this could go on and I wouldnt be alive to finish smh... 

r/s: engaged to my bed

zodiac sign: leo

pronouns: idek how this works and it’s weird to me but i guess it’d be she/her??? dont ask me Im still clueless

favorite tv shows: Im currently rewatching Digimon Adventure and after 18 years it’s still mah shit tbh. Besides that Im The Flash trash (even tho the last season was indeed trash) and I love Criminal Minds and basically any kind of crime solving shows... 

long or short hair: long, I cut it higher than my shoulders 7 years ago... NEVER AGAIN

height: 1,70m but every time i go to the doctor they keep taking cm away from me so... i might be 1,30m by now

do you have a crush on someone: Lee Minhyuk like a legit crush man... I dont sleep thinking about that fucker.

what do you like about yourself: hard question... nope... Ive been thinking about this for too long and nothing ycomes up... I guess I like it when I make people laugh even with my lame ass jokes, and the fact I can remember most of my dreams.

right or left handed: right

list of three favourite colors: pastel pink, light green and any shade of grey.

right now: eating: nothing I had dinner a couple of hours ago drinking: water how sad is dat i’m about to: watch digimon listening to: I Smile by Day6 kids: hell no (at least rn i dont think i want them now or in the future) get married: It’s not my dream but yeah why not? career: Im one semester away from finishing uni and I honestly have no idea about what Im doing with my life tbh

most recent: drink: water again... phone call: my friend, I wanted them gossip but she told me she wouldnt tell me till we meet up next tuesday :(((( song you listened to: Dumb Dumb by Red Velvet what a fucking jam

have you ever: dated someone twice: yes been cheated on: no kissed someone and regretted it: nah lost someone special: lots of times been depressed: Idrk I think not but maybe I have??? Once more, clueless been drunk and thrown up: ew no... I hate throwing up kissed a stranger: too picky had glasses or contacts: glasses had sex on the first date: not my shit broken someone’s heart: I dont think so????... at least not intentionally turned someone down: ???? cried when someone died: yeah fallen for a friend: the dude wasnt even my friend lol but I still fell for him lol

in the last year have you: made a new friend: yes!!!! esp on tumblr bc irl I havent tbh (unless my boss counts lol) fallen out of love: nah laughed until you cried: hell yes I have not as often as before but yeah met someone who changed you: idek how to answer this question Im just dumb found out who your true friends were: saddly yes, now I see I have really few but they are all worth it :))) found out someone was talking about you: my mom... all the time and some “friends” talking shit kissed someone on your fb list: yes

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes (but if we are talking about Lee Minhyuk, lips, eyes, cheeks and everything) hugs or kisses: both lol, but Im a hoe for backhugs so I think I’d go for hugs if I had to choose???:((( shorter or taller: I rather taller but if it’s shorter like Jinho I die bc if they smol they cute af romantic or spontaneous:  romance makes me throw up so you know the answer sensitive or loud: LOUD AF!!!!! hookup or relationship: relationship, I fall in love with the dude just by seeing him... like just imagine that... once more Im dumb troublemaker or hesitant: idk... I like none

first: best friend: on kindergarten, her name was Valentina but then she moved out of town, I havent heard from her since then :((((  surgery: none sport i joined: Judo bc I didnt have to run lmao  vacation: I think it was to Santa Marta with my aunt and cousins if Im not wrong????

do you believe in: yourself: pffff what’s that? miracles: yes!!! Im hoping for one actually love at first sight: well I tend to get obsessed at first sight does that count? heaven: yes

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: I think maybe an 80 or 90%??? There was this time when I added random people from YouNow and shit hahahahaha for the third time, I am dumb, and I have some internet friends Im really close to. do you have any pets: not anymore :((( My mom made me give my cat away :(((((((((((( do you want to change your name: nah what did you do for your last birthday: invited my friends over and we ate cake and danced to hsm bc we are cool like that what time did you wake up today: 10.30am what were you doing last night at midnight: writing a monsta x fic lol  something you can’t wait for: to meet @withnosuchgrace in person next month and hopefully @hyungnu too!!!!! last time you saw your mom: at dinner a couple of hours ago what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: boy just one?  have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes this dude from YouNow hahahahaha why am I like this what’s getting on your nerves: that I usually beg for friendship. Don’t be like me, that aint something you must beg for.

Okay this was long hahahahaha. Time to tag peopleeee!!! Imma tag @hyungnu, @akpopinhoe, @kpoplover4life  (hi, my side blog is @kookievmyoppa, so dont be scared bc im tagging u, we are the same person lol), @itsurtradegygurl, @fornarniaandforthefandom and anyone else who wants to do it!!!!

[smolgorl]

#01. actually typing my feelings onto this meme infested blogsite

do i have to have an intro here???? No anyway so i'm turning 18 (just thought i put in my age there so later on whoever the heck reads this just idk puts it as reference ig whatever) and i've grown up to be known as one of the "optimistic" girls in school. Like... ok. True. But people would mostly associate it of me being all "ITS FIIIIIIINE WHATEEEEVEEER" but its actually just me trying to escape everything its not optimism omg xD ! (Thats a fuckin sarcastic ass emoticon shut the fuck up) anyway idk what the point of this text post is peace uhhhh so yeah.... i guess i just want to? Talk about myself? Idk... i dont know what i want to hide from? Like first of all i have a nice life, better, actually. If it weren't for my mom. And idk why but i keep disappointing her. My grades arent.. the best. And yes, i have fucked up during the school days. But. The only excuse i have for it is because i want to have joy in the present (and also bec im fucking lazy lbr) but my point is That i still do/did (cus my grades this semester is on point bitch) try my best to get the best grade i deserve? Yeah that. Oh dear god i just remembered i failed my economics class last semester and im gonna retake it next semester and i dont plan on telling my mother :D i mean... telling her would only break her heart and would break our stable relationship Again and maybe for good.... like this 2017 me and my mom rarely?? Had??? Any misunderstanding?? i felt like i was loved by her again, like she still cared like she always had when i was younger.... and to think that i'm lying to her right now (as it feels) that i didnt fail any class.... i just cant... ... . . Idk..... i cant do that to her anymore but the guilt slowly eats me alive BUT LIKE I SAID its not that big much of a big deal because i really... tried my best... on that damn class.... but i still had low scores on my tests and whatnot so i failed ! Fuck. But anyway. The only thing i'm scared of is her knowing about it, anyway. After i saw that i failed that class i have been doing NOTHING but trying to keep myself studying (like......50%) and the results ?? Were?? Pretty ok??? Compared to my last semester grades??? that failing class really just..... gave me a big DONK on the head and it was some sort of awakening like STOP SLACKING BITCH YOUR MOM PAYS EVERY CENT SHE GETS JUST SO YOU COULD GO TO COLLEGE AND ACTUALLY FINISH IT BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT TYPE OF STUPID LIFE YOU'LL END UP IN IF YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING PAPER SAYING YOU FINISHED COLLEGE EVEN IF UR FUCKING STUPID AND DONT HAVE ABILITIES BECAUSE THIS COUNTRY WEIGHS UR EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND MORE THAN UR PRESENT ABILITIES so yeah.... ive made it a decision that i wont tell her it ! Ever ! Not that i have to anyway...so... lol... now im just focused on getting NOTHING LOWER than a 2.5 (thats like 80-82 and the highest is a 1.0) low standards, right . Thats how fucking dumb i am in academics that a low ass 2.5 would make me proud. So long as i dont fail anything honestly im good. Dont get me wrong though, i love learning about new things. Doesnt matter what about (except everything that has calcuations fuck that). Idk how to end this text post idek what this first post is supposed to be about this topic in particular isnt even supposed to be brought here it was a different topic that drove me into finally typing my sadness bullshitty on tumblr BUT i guess ill do that tomorrow lmao

[dankpaladin]

Heyo!! OMG MY OWN TAG! I feel very honored! Well I do have Google with all its extras and Skype(all these to talk to people directly) but ive been debating whether to get tumblr or Twitter. I don't which to get both have their merits and downsides so... Idek any more :// I saw the content you've been posting, IT IS AWESOME! You go tell em! I found ur blog on a Voltron Directory Blog they had u listed and said it's ship free so here I am! ~Z

Part 2 (bc I talk too much): I LOVED THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! It was beautiful (Lance lacked in that department tho but I feel like they’re building him up for S3) I wish they would regard Coran as more of a caring character than a comic relief one (so much potential flashbacks w/Altean past!). The Keith arc tho. My soul cannot take it anymore. Hunk and Keith bonding! (It’s precious)! ~Z

P3(shut youp Z!): I want a direct opinion on how to call Pidge? My siblings, my bestie (i brainwashed them in joining the fandom *cackles*)and I regard her as a she but the fandom say that we are against gender fluid characters and I got scared cause I didn’t mean that!? But Pidge was awesome! (Leads on her bro!!) WHERE IS SHIRO HE BETTER BE ALIVE DREAMWORKS OR THIS GIRL WILL BE MAD! All in all I love Voltron more. Ur opinion? ~Z

Yes! you have your own tag! :-) a good way to file our discussions in one place! and oh ok that makes a lot of sense. my sister doesn’t have social media either but she has a fair idea of what’s going on in fandom thanks to me & bcos of her own lurking as well. and thats totally fine! there’s no need to force yourself to make either! OH lmao I completely forgot abt the directory. the description is sorta inaccurate now since Im not Lnce biased anymore so. though I will still be ship free! Thank u for your support and kind words! 💓

I agree abt Coran. tbh he is the True Space Mom, like I really enjoyed his moments with Lance in S1 like when he consoled him on his homesickness & then when they were both cleaning the cryo-pods. and like.. how he cares about Allura so much!?! ok and also, Im sure you’ve heard this already bc i dont think anybody was impressed lmao but I wasn’t a big fan of how they shoehorned Hunk into a comic relief role either, like the food jokes were just.. poor taste. I don’t think the creators meant to demean him in any way, but with the more serious & weighty tone of the main arc focusing on Keith and his heritage, they needed to have that comic relief to balance it out. Not justifying Hunk’s treatment he rly did deserve better but I can see why they did that. I dont like it though.

Lmao the fandom is SO harsh Im sorry you were made 2 feel that way. I think both she & they pronouns are fair game. though its canon that Pidge identifies as a girl—whether trans or cis is all headcanon territory—thanks to that one scene where she was told to ‘man up’. To add though, I see her as sort of on the spectrum... like a demigirl. i don’t think she feels strongly about gender.. as in.. she doesnt seem to hinge a lot of her identity on it? not saying that gender unimportant to her, but compared to the grand scheme of things: the whereabouts of her brother, being a paladin of voltron etc, I doubt she puts a lot of weight into it. but when she is confronted with it lmao like that little scene in the space mall and how confused she was.. Pidge is still young and like, gender is fluid, like you said. she’s probably trying to get a grip on her own gender identity herself .. and thats very much an ongoing process. I think its really open to interpretation, so either one is all right. I think he/him pronouns would be misgendering though since she did express discomfort*

Pidge was really endearing throughout the season THOUGH! I have a little. bit of criticism. but its not about her, but how her intelligence was framed? it was poor taste how the show needed to make Lance & Hunk look dumb to make Pidge look smart. considering race and all, it’s really REALLY! poor taste having to discredit two brown boys’ intelligence in order to elevate a white person’s? Like i know the creators probably didn’t mean to do that, but thats what happened when they made both Hunk & Lance the comic reliefs! I’m sure there is a way to frame Pidge as her genius self without degrading H&L, like u could have them nodding along & extending upon her ideas. HUNK at the very least who’s supposed to be the engineer of the team should have been 😕. I read somewhere on a twitter that they could both be like translators lmao, and like explain Pidge’s rambles in layman’s terms to Shiro and Keith (who prob know nothing abt engineering and all that, being solely pilots and all) and Allura and whoever else is lost lmao. Like i don’t think making them look dumb was necessary at all 😔

Im super concerned about Shiro as well 😭 Other fans are guessing he’s stuck on that astral plane which makes sense of his really really abrupt disappearance. im really curious abt whether his stay in the astral plane will involve more black lion flashbacks + more fleshing out on the history of Voltron? That would be really interesting.

And no! dont shut up! Ever!! I’m eager to read & discuss as u can see w my own long response lol! This was really enjoyable to reply to!! 

*note: I’m not an expert on gender identity.. like I do relate to Pidge abt this a lot lol so if I said anything offensive/incorrect, please let me know so I can improve upon myself!