#ive been rotting abt him all day i hate him

[poisson-davril]

His beloved Kiyo-chan :,)

[b1mbodoll]

gabi every time u post what ur thinking abt i am condemned with incurable brain rot :( ive alr sent u an ask abt puppy jake so im here to talk abt sungkitty ! who manhandles u to sit between his thighs so he can ‘clean u’ after a long day, hard in his shorts where he’s been practically edging himself grinding against your lower back, licking at your cheeks and neck and everywhere else. he tuts at you and growls against your neck when he realises what a mess you’ve made a mess of ur panties, pins you underneath him and spends what feels like forever licking at the sticky, milky-white mess you’ve left for him. sucks the sodden material of your panties and pockets them, claiming it’s been forever since you got him a new toy, the least you could do is let him keep these. palms at your boobs and asks what he has to do to have you leaking for him there too, mumbles against your clit that he’s gonna breed you til it sticks. sometimes he hates the way jake is always yipping at your heels, and takes it out on u :( hits your toothbrush when you’re brushing your teeth to watch you gag n tear up, glaring at him so cutely it makes him want to push you to your knees and give you something else to gag on. he always messes with the thermostat in your apartment, he’s a kitty, he doesn’t like the cold all that much, but it gives him an excuse to drape himself over you, knead your thighs and pinch your nipples because they’re poking through your shirt :( shoves jake out of your bed at night because he wants to be the one watching when your pretty tits slip out of your shirt, wants to bite at them when you stop stroking behind his ears, but also suck and lick at them when he’s drowsy and wants to be a little affectionate :(( tells it’s so gross that jake is always peeing on you or in you when you fool around to mark you up, scoffs and skulks around the apartment scoffing abt how a pretty, refined kitty like him would never do something so disgusting, but he will ! has you sucking his cock when you feel his grip tighten in your hair, and suddenly he’s tilting his head to the side, frowning that the first thing you tried to do was pull away when you feel his warmth trickling down your sore throat. you let jakey mark you with his piss, but you won’t let him do the same? he accuses you of playing favourites and makes you swallow every last drop, so hard that it’s painful watching the few droplets that escaped around the girth of his cock trickle down over your tits :( (ik my asks are alw soso long gabi so please don’t ever feel any pressure to answer them or write smth in response, i js wanted to share my thoughts + i hope ur resting well i miss seeing u on the tl :( from ur fairy anon !)

pairings: park sunghoon x f! reader

warnings: hybrids + kitty! hoon + puppy! jake mentioned + masturbation + lactation + oral + anal ment + omorashi

💌: my fairy… i dont even know what to reply to this. i fear i’ve gatekept this for long bcs its quite literally perfection.. i think m gna pass out.

mean kitty hoon is such a little pervert n ur so right he would steal your drenched panties :( takes his time dragging his rough tongue over your clothed cunt because he loves how wet n messy you get 😵‍💫 such a nasty lil thing he 100% uses them to jerk off later 😖 or better yet, uses them to tease puppy! jake :x

“hates the way jake is always yipping at your heels” oh… my god. poor jakey he’s just a little himbo :( feel like sunghoon would try to distract the poor mutt with your messy panties n it works 😓 yunie jerks his cock with your panties n completely misses out on fucking you bcs that’s what hoonie wanted :( whines n begs you to let him breed your overstimulated hole bcs your kitty was sooo mean to him!!

god him asking what he’s gotta do to get your tits leaking… im gonna pass out!!!!!! once he realizes knocking you up causes your tits to leak milk, he’s not stopping until you’re bred properly n his cum fills your womb 😵‍💫 hoonie’s so fucking desperate to taste your milk he doesn’t even care whose cum it is that sticks.. when his cock is spent n the poor thing’s shooting blanks he doesn’t stop… he lets jake be the one to fuck you but he talks the puppy through the whole thing. hisses when jake cums too early n pulls harshly on his fluffy ears to get his attention.

when they’re finished, an obscene amount of cum is steadily dripping from your cunt n it makes hoon’s ears lay flat against his head as he glares at your leaking hole. purchases a plug immediately n every time after they’re done with you, he never forgets to slip it inside, not wanting any more to go to waste before you’re knocked up.

im so weak for omo, you’re soooo twisted for this part… gosh just prim n proper kitty hoon that’s disgusted by jake pissing on or inside his owner :( joins you in the shower n helps clean you off because he absolutely Hates that your filthy mutt is able to get away with such depraved asks.. always sneers at him n complains to you that you’re too nice to him n that you jeed to put your foot down every once in a while.

you listen, n ask jake not to do it for at least a little while bcs your kitty doesnt like it 🥺 jake’s whiney but ultimately agrees n sunghoon’s behavior changes. rather than wrinkle his nose n tell you that you smell too much like jake, he becomes more possessive because you smell like you again. curls his tail around you as you deepthroat his cock n when he cums in your mouth you swallow all of it, peering up at him through wet lashes as you noisily suck his tip.

the sight’s too fucking much for hoonie, you look so pretty on your knees for him n he’s dying to ruin you. uses his thumbs to wipe your tears before placing his big hands on the back of your head and forcing you to take him all the way inside your mouth, the tip hitting the back of your throat n making you squirm n struggle to pull off. warmth floods your mouth n you choke it down, some of his piss dribbling down your chin and tits, making you moan around his cock. hoon’s soooo upset that you even struggled in the first place and pouts his way into fucking your ass full of cum next, somewhere you havent even let jake use yet <3

[jwowwsboobs]

9, 13, 22:))

HI HI HI :))) i got very chtty w these SORRYYYYY so its under the cut 🫂🍻 sending u lots n lots of love !!

9. 3 things you like doing on a rainy day

definitely reading, ive got this big ol book of alexander pushkins prose (supposedly the complete collection but i dont always buy tht) n a bunch of other stuff i hvnt started on 💔💔 sometimes ill reread hillbilly elegy by jd vance or the collection of ftwillz stuff it just depends on my mood; writing also ofc, im always working on stuff whether it’s poetry, prose or a song just depends on my mood but its still writing 2 me LOL; n watching either tv (probably xfiles, sometimes trailer park boys or girls next door) or a bunch of movies tht hve been rotting on my tubi watchlist LOLLLLL

13. 3 classes you used to hate in middle school

HATED english, my teacher sucked so unbelievably bad N she was a disney grandma. she retired when i was in 7th n moved 2 florida outside of disney or smthing. hated science cuz the teacher was awful, couldn’t teach at all kept like. giving easily checked false information. n hated hated hated religion (went 2 a priv catholic. the priests were cool (favorite memory is when the class clown asked abt black metal n the priest was like. do not EVER listen 2 christian black metal is SUCKS. listen 2 real true black metal. tht priest was super cool he played guitar n did fencing n collected swords n was trying 2 get the bishop 2 let him grow a super duper long beard. he also went paint balling as chaperone w a bunch of kids from the parish. i got 2 go (was the only girl💔💔) but it was really fun!) but it was. catholic religion class. in 8th grade we were supposed 2 do sex ed yk? like state mandated n whtnot. ours was a vid abt how women were created 2 b submissive 2 men in all ways, how marriage protects the sanctity of sex n its only btwn a man n woman whtnot. it was super cute🩷(sarcasm) 

22. 3 movies/books/tv shows that made you cry

so idk if this is well known abt me but i am a MAJOR crybaby ill cry over anything (it my cancer moon LOL) like i went 2 the senior nite soccer (trve football) game n this guy who im guess his dad died scored a goal n his family had a little yk framed headshot of him n when he scored he ran over 2 side n grabbed n tht made me cry 4 a good five minutes. crying rn writing tht out !! but anyway. xfiles made me cry (scully wanting kids n not being able 2 hv them got me 😭😭😭😭n also just mulder like in general. he looks like a kicked dog sometimes) miami vice made me cry (sorry 4 falling 4 the copaganda but their CLOTHES. n the CARS……..), secrets of playboy made me cry but like. in anger. also in sadness n sympathy. but the root was anger. i hvnt watched a lot of movies recently the last one tht made me cry was kill bill vol 2 but beyond tht idr like i said i cry over anything LOL. most of the books i read r nonfiction n but the last one tht i read was give me some truth by eric gansworth 4 english class n i cried from frustration reading tht 😭😭 but beyond tht, like w movies, i dont remember 💔💔

[chryzure-archive]

whenever you ask for asks my first thought is ALWAYS aus… so which chrysimordred + chrysijacks au is currently taking up the most residence in your brain? >:) also, because i like to imagine chrysi all dressed up… what’s the difference between how jacks would dress her up for a fancy/formal event and how mordred would dress her up? what kind of clothes do they like seeing her wear the most? likewise, what does SHE like to see them wear the most? :3

THIS IS EXCELLENT BC MY BRAIN IS ALSO ALWAYS THINKING ABT AUS.

for chrysimordred, im boring rn… im jst thinking abt their modern au and im fleshing out their canon storyline (where i pay homage to quest for camelot by taking away mordred’s eyesight—to hurt chrysi specifically, because it IS partially her fault 💔💔💔). BUT IN THE MODERN AU, mordred is SOOO flirty and chrysi does NOT know how to deal with it. they’ll show up to the same coffee shop to do hw and when he’s in front of her in line, he’ll say his order, then turn around to her and be like, “and what did you want again?” chrysi is torn because she doesn’t like accepting help much BUT ALSO her drink is expensive and she doesn’t want to pay for it 🤧 the beginning of a meaningful relationship right there! that, and also mordred is chrysi’s model for her art and.. he does model things 🥰 for her! and there’s also ghosts around too + mordred can still speak with animals, so they bond over their crazy wild gifts while also running around the college campus doing random little cases!! also chrysi believes mordred doesn’t ACTUALLY like her because he’s still not over his sorta-ex (keeping the weird age gap between him and his uncle, where he’s a year older than his uncle, because wow… imagine trying to explain that to ur crush. it’s like modern family fjdkcjdksjcjfks). BUT NO, MORDRED IS IN LOVE. fell in love the moment chrysi was like “i love hiking in the woods and trying to find dead bodies” HELLO??? WHAT A BATSHIT THING TO SAY, MORDRED WANTS TO KISS HER DIRECTLY ON THE MOUTH.

chrysijacks au i’m thinking of… oh god, i think of so many at all times of the day, UMMM—CURRENTLY i’ve been thinking abt my hercules au because i’m drawing it!! i’ve been thinking abt the scene where jacks backs up into cupid’s bow and he’s like “… oh god, i am in love with her.” constantly thinking abt his sinking dread whenever he falls in love with chrysi in every single au. he’s so horrified and he’s also so deeply in love that he can’t do anything about it. OH, IVE ALSO BEEN STRONGLY THINKING ABT MY LAST APPRENTICE AU BCUZ JACKS WATCHING CHRYSI DIE AND ALMOST GOING ON A RAMPAGE (almost tries to kill luna rune, but simeon was NOT fucking having that. then jacks tries to kill simeon, but luna rune reminds him that he’s holding chrysi’s dead body in his arms and she doesn’t deserve her lover hurting others in his grief. instead, he stays with chrysi’s body for the next week—since it can’t rot, as she’s not human!). then chrysi coming back, but she’s slightly different… THEN AZURE COMING BACK AND RUINING EVERYTHING MORE!!! always thinking abt that… BUT i’ve also been thinking about the before all that happens—where chrysi and jacks make their home one for the two of them, and where he gets to help her hunt ghouls and monsters and he kisses her and they walk around her garden and ignore the fact that they have buried ghouls alive under all the flowers 🖤🖤🖤 yeah…. i’m incoherent rn because i love chrysijacks and i don’t know what else to say other than they love each other so much.

WAIT. also thinking about chrysijacks vnc au because i canNOT get over the mental image of jacks trying to get advice “for a friend”, only to be told, “sounds like your friend loves this girl” and jacks to go “HUH?????????” also, this is the au where azure’s the one watching chrysi and jacks flirt and he hates it..,,., how the turntables…….. chrysijacks warming up scene lives in my heart rent free at all times, where they’re so vulnerable and naked (hehe) and jacks finally starts letting himself hope that he might have another chance—cause i LOVE my aus where chrysi and jacks are exes that never officially dated, but jacks wants to win chrysi back so badly… it makes my heart happy 🖤🖤🖤

OKAY, so jacks dresses chrysi up in lots of bold and flashy dresses and he doesn’t frequently think very far ahead about how she can fight in dresses (he’s thinking solely about how very pretty she will be and he thinks of nothing else… well, maybe how fun it’ll be for the dress to be taken care of by the end of the ball 🤔 slutty bitch.), whereas mordred likes seeing chrysi in her more comfortable dresses that she can run in!…. if it so happens that she has slits in her skirts so she can run and he happens to see a bit of leg w her dagger strapped to her thigh, then so be it 🤷‍♀️ he isn’t one to complain! but preferably, mordred likes her being dressed up the way she was up in his alcove 😌

basically, jacks thinks solely abt aesthetics, whereas mordred will think abt the logistics of chrysi moving around in her dresses!!

examples for jacks:

he’ll always give her low cut dresses like this, then he’ll couple them with long skirts like this:

somebody steps on that thing and chrysi’s going sailing backwards. or, more frequently, she’ll jst tear the skirt and leave what was stepped on behind. jacks can’t get mad at her because he messes up his own clothing frequently too. but he’s still irritated.

mordred gives chrysi lighter dresses, something easier to move in, and much more of a goddess aesthetic than jacks’s princess one:

OH GOD, hmmmm, chrysi likes seeing mordred in clothes like these!

the hint of collarbone and the poofy sleeves going into tight cuffs??? HIIIII, she’s GONE. esp when he wears green. she doesn’t know how to function. oh my god. oh my god.

chrysi likes seeing jacks in this

[xenofork]

Grabs you

What's this Will AU bestie

I am politely asking you to spill all of the information about this !!!!!!!!!

OOOHOO I am so glad u asked ive been dying to talk abt them forever!!!!

LONG POST //

in short, my au basically revolves around a scenario in which William is attending college (like late 1960s-1970s?) studying mechanics/engineering etc and meets Casper, one of my old ocs that I repurposed cuz I missed him LOL ^^ anyway long story short they end up dating after will realizes that he was gay after being uh. homoph*bic to cas (cas still continued to like him. like an idiot but whatevs!!!) and their relationship spans over the course of about two years, their last years of college. cas goes home to hurricane with will for summer vacation and hangs out with him at his parent’s house while he works on prototypes for animatronics he’d been drawing out designs for. cas loves to watch him work and will loves the company, so it’s perfect.

I’ve had a few random ideas for events, but there’s no structured timeline just yet as I haven’t sat down to build it! but cas does have an ex bf from highschool that was his childhood best friend (and who he still is in communication with/close with), oscar, and when will finds out about him and meets him irl he is at a point of extreme obsessiveness and jealousy regarding cas so he automatically hates oscar. this is the point where will starts to fall into insanity and the broken parts of him start to show, and while cas is oblivious to the toxic and ab*sive parts of will bc of his infatuation with him, oscar sees it clear as day and tries multiple times to warn cas. this starts upsetting cas bc he thinks that oscar is trying to separate them etc etc and William freaks and thinks that oscar is evil etc (obviously warped in his mind bc smthn is seriously wrong with him) and he kills oscar and stuffs him inside of a prototype wolf suit that he’d been working on with cas. time passes whatever whatever casper is devastated at the loss of his best friend but now spends more time around will bc he is lonely. around the end of their relationship cas starts to get antsy and talks about going separate ways bc he wants to travel the world and will wants to stay in hurricane and start a business with his animatronics. they get into arguments and it comes crashing down on will that he’s about to lose cas, so in a fit of rage and confusion and grief he kills casper and stores his body inside of the other prototype animatronic, an animatronic cat; casper’s favorite and one that had been modeled after his personality etc. will immediately regrets this and obsessively takes care of this animatronic and visits the storage room every day to like clean him and repair him and while cas stays in almost pristine condition, oscar slowly starts to rot away. anyway obvi the suits get possessed by their spirits cuz this is fnaf and cas is constantly upset and sulking and is terrified of will whenever he comes to visit. he sticks around oscar bc he is so scared, and that’s really all I have planned out so far, of course many things r subject to change but!! yeah!!

CW BLOOD : here’s some sketches i dug up of their designs:

above: Oscar’s current design, human design TBD / one of will’s first visits to “help” cas and cas freaking out

oscar and casper’s animatronics!

college age / end of relationship

and some old drawings from last year! first: mashup of cas and will, mostly focusing on the abusive and toxic parts of their relationship. second: casper’s initial animatronic design, he used to be a wolf! third: image of the grand opening of will’s business, back when the idea was to have them open it together and the murders to take place afterwards. I have not taken this idea off the table completely yet, so who knooows!!!!

I’ve got a spotify playlist for them, it’s still a wip but the songs help to set the scene for their relationship!! >> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3rnnbwERE9TDTZ1gbI9SSo?si=aFijIqVVRIK-aHi5TVG4WA

That’s about all I have on me rn, sorry for rambling so much I am just very passionate abt these ocs bc I project onto them a lot and I just enjoy writing their story and repurposing oscar and cas sm! thanks for reading, if you got this far! <3 if anyone is interested I can totally post more abt them, but if not I’ll probs keep it more of a personal project since I know some of the topics it touches can be sensitive, even to me!!

[smalltragedy]

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out). 

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse. 

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts. 

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now. 

[timextoxhajima]

NOO i swear you're not taking any of my time huhu i love talking to you😭😭 tbh i usually have time at nights but i'd rather use them to sleep or watch some tbz content bc my a test every 3 weeks schedule is still going but i have a lot more to do now so i'd usually spent the first 1 weeks with taking as much rests as i can 🥲

and no worries ur not making me feel pressured to reveal myself!!!! im just saying this bc i really wanna be friends w u,, but if i ever leave tumblr then i WILL OFC I WILL TELL U

hehehe yea i love trying new hobbies no matter how bad i may be at them just to find the feeling of joy when i feel like im truly enjoying them, and with writing even when what i write has nothing to do with my thoughts it really help in keeping my minds busy instead of drifting away into bad thoughts🥲🥲 i do video editing too sometimes, photography, but its kinda hard thanks to the pandemic so yeah,,, editing sunwoo video it is for me😭😂 i hope you found ur getaway too!!! or did u already?

I C THE NEW ENHYPEN POST OMG IVE BEEN SEEING THEM A LOT LIKE A WHOLE LOT EVERYWHERE not to mention im also a shawol so i know that ni-ki was one of the shinee kid?? in shinee's japanese concert😭😂 but i havent found the time to know abt the other members yet so--

ANW I RLLY LOVE THAT FOR UU its good that you're getting a lot more comfortable❤️ so does that mean you are currently on a holiday? yea coming back to uni really sucks sometimes i hated it a lot too but these days i've gotten a lot closer to my friends and i miss them so much now that we havent seen each other for months🥲

i'm pretty good! all the preparation has been kinda a lot and my research supervisor has been kinda laterep lately which is making me super anxious most of the time bc i really need to get everything done by august😭😭 but yeah writing has helped me A LOT in shifting my thoughts and making me feel better, i hope i am taking care of myself enough

how about you dana? are you taking care of yourself ? - 🍋🍋

omg just sleep LMAO just fkin sleep it's fine tumblr isn't worth your physical health HAHAHAHHAHA yeah your 3-week test schedule sounds disgustang fam idk how you do it so props to you

omg... tbh photography is a great way to ?? learn about life?? does that make sense lol i started photography in 2013 and now i've shifted more into filming, writing and editing so it was a very nice shift and transition for me. i guess my getaway definitely includes writing fics, i'm on a video production intern right now too so i get to shoot in studios and edit the footage later on. i was supposed to go on a chill photoshoot with a friend but covid said fuck you LMAO but i might get paid to help my freshies do their committee photoshoot at the end of the year so that'll be a blast. i love brainstorming themes for photoshoots and like templating designs - i think i'm an all-rounded creative person, as in into creatives [not boasting about... my creativity] but i definitely love the freedom in expression and i'm starting to realise that i'm picking up every single medium i could possibly utilise to exploit this freedom of expression thing: writing, dancing, filming, photography, creative designs, you name it LOL

yes niki was a shawol!! he went for a tokyo dome concert of shinee's and key hugged him while he cried LMAO he said it was like 2014 or smth which meant that niki was fucken... 9... stanning enha has been a JOURNEY for me because all this while i've been stanning groups that are generally older than me. even with skz jeongin i began to feel a tad awkward because he's younger, and with txt i basically couldn't whole-heartedly stan them because 3/5 of them are younger than me... then you have enha whose maknae is younger than my sister?! like... fam... how... why... am i that old now... omg

yeah i am on holiday! my sem ended in late april and since then i've been pretty much rotting at home, handling my intern projects, writing, learning some choreos for more covers and sobbing over kdramas owo the tissues wasted LMAO i love this break for myself honestly cause the sem was such a shitshow and i lost a friend or two over some nonsense and i had conflict with a couple of others too so while i do miss their nonsense, i really need the time away from these idiots who act like 5 year olds sometimes

omg i hope your supervisor knows not to pressure you too much, like work-life balance is a thing there right... >.>

i'm so happy you're writing that shit out. back before i began to write i felt so suffocated and i can't imagine my life if i didn't go into writing so i'm glad you found this portal to escape, even if it is for a moment!

i'm taking of myself... by keeping myself at home LMAO i haven't seen friends for like... weeks now, which is pretty surprising given the circumstances, because we're not on lockdown and you can still go out in pairs and i've had friends trying to get me out of the house to hang but i'm... so lazy... and frankly just uninterested in a social life now. idk how i shd feel about that, it's like the introvert rlly hopped the fuck out after i spent majority of the past sem acting like an extrovert.

if you consider sleeping at 4am every night taking care of myself then HEY i guess im fit as a pickle HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

[wincore]

AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔 

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

[stunt-lads]

Go off about richie ecks. Tell me about Richie Ecks. Gimme the good food, Ecks! Please, I'm starving. 😢

god 

fucking

richie tozier 

i love richie tozier so much lock, i love him to bits 

but that boy is so fucked up and he needs a hug 

lets operate under the assumption that richie is well loved by his family, like in book canon, he’s loved and appreciated 

but like the thing is...they live in Derry 

and we know how things are amplified in Derry, the good becomes bad, the bad becomes worse

and i imagine even good parents are gonna be distant in Derry. because that’s just how Its influence is. and let’s assume his well meaning and loving family is just a typical all American family, happy and healthy, but...richie’s afraid of going missing and that makes sense right? compared to Bill’s ‘deny and repress’ parents and Bev and Eddie’s ‘love is a means of control’ parents...yea richie has it pretty good. even if his parents maybe forget he exists sometimes. maybe wish he was someone else. maybe indulge him but it always feels superficial. 

and that’s Its fault right? lets say yea, thats the reason they’re distant. 

but like i feel like there’s a bigger reason we saw richie’s main fear as the missing poster. i know he said clowns scared him, and like sure, clowns are terrifying. i hate clowns and maybe richie shares that fear with me. idk

but i do know that when a kid like richie, one who has spent his whole life trying to make jokes, to make friends is afraid of something 

its usually a fear of abandonment 

i think richie is afraid of being abandoned because ‘what if they see the real me?’ and ‘if i don’t make jokes and keep them around are they going to want me to leave?’ seem like fitting fears for someone who makes jokes and can’t be serious for more than 10 seconds

and it also makes sense 

for a closeted kid

and 

like i know this is everywhere but like 

heres the thing, we see richie being locked in a room with clowns but that...that’s not the main focus is it?

the main focus is richie’s own dead body in a puppet form right? sure the clowns are scary but, a missing poster?, a puppet that is decaying and rotting?, being told someone knows his secret?

richie is afraid of abandonment for being gay (or bi/pan, i’m going off my own headcanon here for simplicity’s sake) 

and i think abt that a lot in regards to Ch. 2 (which yes ok ive seen 1 Time and i wanna rectify that as soon as my ps3 is unpacked) 

i imagine as an adult, losing the memories of Derry, forgetting abt the crushes he had on a couple of boys, how much his friends meant to him, probably left a lasting mark on his ability to form meaningful relationships 

but specifically friendships 

he makes a joke and expects a retort that never comes from a person who’s name is on the tip of his tongue but he can’t, no matter how much he wracks his brain, remember

or he’ll turn instinctively to make a joke or receive a high five and catch himself because he doesn’t know why that muscle memory is so fucking intense and people see him and think he’s weird (bc hes not famous yet so he can’t be eccentric) and don’t want anything to do with him

and then when he gets his memories back, after mike calls and he goes on stage and just fucking tanks it, those memories, those fears are resurfacing 

no one is going to want me around if i can’t make myself useful 

and he’s right right? i mean it would be nothing for him to just tank and become a meme before disappearing into obscurity. so when he sees his friends, remembers everything they’ve been through, he’s probably overwhelmed and terrified and he goes back to that easy “make stupid jokes to pretend things are fine” mindset

especially when he sees the men he had a crush on. 

and he

can

do

nothing

about it 

because they’re both married.

imagine that.

it’s no wonder he wants to be the center of attention. it’s no wonder that in 27 years his fear hasn’t changed at all 

because while this time he reads an obituary, it’s still the same isn’t it? 

because maybe it wasn’t him going missing that really scared him. maybe it was facing his own death. his own mortality. being forgotten. 

and he doesn’t want that. not even for others 

like he made a point to visit the synagogue even though he didn’t have to when they were trying to find their tokens. he reminisced about stan. did anyone else? 

no.

not while on their own. not really. not the same way richie did. 

and at the quarry, after It is defeated, they all miss eddie, of course they do, but it’s not the same is it? none of them cry about eddie being gone like richie does.

and sure, unrequited love or whatever could play a factor, but richie probably doesn’t want eddie to be forgotten. imagine how terrifying that would be to deal with, living your own fear of being forgotten and forgetting people important to you and then you lose someone you care about and you wonder ‘is this going to disappear again? am i going to forget again?’ as much as richie wants to believe he wants to i dont think he does want to

i think he wants to remember them. all of them. 

WHICH REALLY leads me to the whole heart of it!! 

richie tozier got the worst deal from the whole fucking thing didn’t he?

bill is married, he has a lovely wife, a nice home, a (somewhat) stable career that he doesn't have to worry about when he returns to his life 

mike gets to leave derry, finally, and travel and get away and not have to be the lighthouse for them all anymore

ben and bev get together, they’re childhood sweethearts, they get to ride off into the sunset together, have children maybe, definitely a dog, they get their happily ever after

and what does richie get?

a dead friend and a dead love interest. 

a tanked comedy career (because lets be real, it would be tough (if not impossible by todays standards) to come back from that).

a fear of forgetting the two most important people to him.

and the ever-looming reality that he’s going to die too one day and disappear into obscurity. 

[comapill]

hi i havent posted personal shit on this blog since like. 2015 maybe so sorry im being gross but im just having a fucking time tonight

i dont even know what to say but i have so much sewage blocking every crevice of my brain it’s impossible to function

i feel like tumblr is dead enough so that no one i know will see this but if you know me irl i apologize, probably dont read the rest of this unless you feel compelled to read abt sexual trauma and me being utterly broken in every sense

anyway i was raped when i was 18 and i havent been a functioning human being since every day i wake up and i feel empty and soulless and i cant find joy in anything and if i do its very rare and very brief, i rely on nostalgia and the mask of intoxication to feel anything at all except for the gut-wrenching, eye gouging love i have for asher. if i hadnt met him last year i would probably be dead in a ditch no lie he is almost ethereal in the way that he navigates life and interactions and ideas and. everything, i love listening to him speak i love laughing with him he makes me so fucking happy i have no words to describe the emotions he invokes in me, maybe once trauma therapy actually does something for me ill be able to describe things more coherently but jesus christ on a fuckin cross i do not know what i would do without him. i feel guilty because i dont have the words to explain all that hes done for me but i hope that once i begin to be a person again ill plague the earth with praise of him.

every waking moment is a fucking task everything is grayed out blurred out i dont know how ive made it to nearly 21 years old

i wish i could be my complete self with no barriers, im such an advocate for true self expression and i feel like the worst hypocrite because im just this blob of self hatred and blame and wallowing in my own bullshit and im almost? to the point of breaking and doing whatever the fuck i feel but i know my ass will always revert to the safety i find in being in the background. when i was younger i was so creative and inspired and i didnt pay attention to the “no you cant do that”s and “that would be weird”s and now i feel so restricted and i cant help but blame myself for all of it.

back then i wanted someone, i craved affection to a disgusting extent, i put myself out there and i felt good about it because people wanted me. i showed you every fucking part of me and every fucking part you tore into and i hated it even if i didnt know what to think at the start i was so fucking young and i thought i was the world. i was 18, i was an adult or so i thought, and you ripped everything from me before i could even process that it was wrong, you didnt care if it hurt, you didnt have to stand in the shower wondering why you wouldnt stop bleeding, when would it end, it seemed like fucking hours, i laid in bed until the sun went down and just thought about it, and even then i didnt realize everything that you did. i went back to you a second time and im always scared because im not completely sure that that was the last time. id like to think it was, and im pretty sure it was the last time but i cant trust myself anymore was it really november did i really finish out my senior year like that did i really pretend like i liked it did i really fucking go back and moan just because i knew you liked it i just wanted to be wanted so badly you knew all of it you knew all about me and you didnt even buy me cigarettes you lying fuck you didnt buy me shit if i fucking saw your face in a crowd id pick it out and pick your eyes out your fucking head id rip your tongue out of your head with my toenails you despicable rotten soulless cokehead i hope youre fucking dead by now guess what your number is still in my fucking phone i hope youve been rotting just as i have i hope its worse for you but i know its not and thats what drives me fucking wild if i saw you id gnash my teeth into your jugular and beat your head into the ground with my hands gripping your greasy fuckin hair and just banging your head into the concrete past the point of unconsciousness past the point of death i wanna see your corpse decimated, pulverized beyond recognition

if you read this jesus fuckin christ on a goddamn cross sorry bout it

[sorikkung]

at this point im not gonna bother w tag rants unless the chapters are rly short no point hiding in the tags when you already know how insane i am <3 lets get to it <3

finding out abt what happened to seonghwa and aisha had my eyes fuckin boggling out of my head HELLOOOO trapped down there for WEEKS next to her family's rotting corpses?? oh my fucking god thats horrifying. i dont even Want to know what/how she was eating n drinking down there enough to stay alive for longer than a week. or maybe just drinking since you can supposedly last three weeks without food. i think. yeah i dont doubt that even a couple hours down there would be traumatising jesus fuck 😭😭😭 seonghwa my poor baby

"Fortunately, it appears he sleeps better having someone to hold onto." both made me so soft and filled me with an overwhelming dread knowing that one day probably soon he will be waking up to an empty bed. unless san and woo finally do smth abt their feelings for him which i Doubt. this scene was so pretty and bittersweet :')

"You suppose if you’re already being selfish, a little more couldn’t hurt." could it. could it really. :::::::::::::::::::::::::)

ok wait i went back to read the mimic chapter because i highkey forgot abt the scene where san holds mc and wanted to reread it and YOOOOU SNEAKY MF YOU.. THE RAT PROBLEM... I DIDNT EVEN THINK... I THOUGHT SEONGHWA WAS ACTING WEIRD HERE BC HE WAS ALREADY THE MIMIC BUT NOW THAT I KNOW THE MIMIC TOOK AISHA FIRST... HE SAW THEM DIDNT HE... it looks like such obvious foreshadowing in hindsight but i didnt catch it. damn, you're good.

WAIT IS THAT WHY SEONGHWA WAS SO MEAN ALL OF A SUDDEN WHILE AISHA WAS STILL THERE. DID HE FIGURE OUT SHE WAS A MIMIC ALREADY AND THAT SHE NOTICED HED SEEN TOO MUCH AND THAT HED BE NEXT SO HE ACTED DIFFERENTLY SO THE OTHERS COULD BE SET OFF... WAIT A DAMN MINUTE U GENIUS... wait or was "aisha" another mimic. i just got to the part where woo slams aisha against the wall and asks abt the rats and where seonghwa is. ok so cool this was not a big reveal and my memory is just bad. dont mind me. nothing to see here, sDFJKHSDFJKHDF so wait then do we know When seonghwa switched places w the mimic? was it from when wooyoung first left him outside and he was looking into the window to check on seonghwa, or was that still seonghwa and he played up his frustrated at woo and kissed mc so that the mimic would get the wrong impression?

ok back to this chapter. as soon as it was another sparring session w san i was like SOMETHING lgbt is going to happen here (i cant say homoerotic bc this is an m/f pair but i refuse to believe that mc is straight so they are going to be looking at each other extremely bisexually. besides whats the het equivalent of "something lgbt just happened to me" anyway.) and LO AND BEHOLD... ive been waiting for san and mc's relationship to get a kickstart after hwa and woo's has had so much development and i am VERY pleased with where this is (was? :') ) going. like i am ALWAYS here for a "apprentice gets the best of the mentor" moment but with the added sexual tension??? DELICIOUS.

i also love how we had an entire scene of san just internally freaking the fuck out in bisexual. like that is so fucking real. but i also love how he acknowledges hes not suddenly in love w mc, he just needs to feel needed and now that she gave him that its starting to hit a bit different. and the way his second thought is abt what woo or hwa would think... boy you are down HORRENDOUS. i respect it deeply.

yk at first i was like is this gonna be another Jealousy Moment™ cause while i usually hate those u manage to make them so delicious somehow. but then i was like its kinda hard to imagine yeosang of all people being this flirty and forward. as soon as he said kuroku tho i was like OH. FUCK. HE KNOWS. here they come. GODDD that fight scene was so TENSE!!!! one of my first thoughts was now mc is going to have all sorts of new burn scars from him. but aw man, woo being the first to find her and come to her defense despite being the one who only Just stopped actively hating her... ohhh that timing... :')

the way that woo obviously figures it out before the fight ends but he STILL fights them off anyway... also is "Then he begins." a callback to seonghwa describing using his gift as just Beginning? bc if so that was incredibly subtle and incredibly clever and packs one hell of a punch i love it. then he Begins. AW YEAH BABY, SHITS ABOUTTA GO DOWN.

and then mc kicking some absolute ASS thanks to sans sword training?? FUCK YEAH!!! SLAYYYY GIRLIE <3 THATS MY GIRL <3 her pride was almost contagious that was so satisfying lololol

ngl when woo ran off w her i thought for a moment like. wait is he going to try and keep it a secret from the others to spare their feelings? like goes "you better be able to still get us a reward in kuroku, so i can play along for now," n then they have to tip toe around why their relationship became so antagonistic again... BUT THEN HE DIDNT. THEN HE. THEN. THEN,

"How your father is dead and there is no money in Kuroku, meaning San could be as good as fucked.

How he completely unravelled himself for you, only to find it was your family that had tied all the knots in the first place."

"You bet he wishes the beasts had finished the job."

"His tears were sad, but they were of the gentle kind, the trusting kind.

These tears are just as raw, but they are born of nothing but fury, of hatred in its most pure form."

i mean, i cant really fault woo for how hes reacting at all, but also bro maybe you Should hear her out like she had a pretty good reason,,, SKJHSKDFHKSDFKG but i mean yeah after growing up in the elemental orphanage i dont expect him to give a shit abt the royal family LMFAO.

hm. would he Really kill her and enjoy it if not for them? his hesitation was quite loud. but then again its believable that that really is why. just think thonking.

"No she's not." OW. OW. AHAHAHAHA, OW. HIS INSTINCTIVE REACTION... NO ONE TOUCH ME.

“Ah,” he says at the realization, setting the sword down on the ground in front of him. He gives you another glance, and you cannot understand his reaction. He does not cry, he does not scream, he does not do anything but smile sadly. “I should have known.”

THIS PART IS FUCKING HEARTBREAKING??? THAT HIS REACTION WAS TO SMILE SADLY??? ngl i thought san might have known or at least Suspected ever since the sapphire, but... aww mannn. aw MANNN...

“How could you not tell me that?” He asks, and his tone is plain. Numb. “How could you go all this time keeping that from me?”

THIS. the implication here that she couldve told him. i feel like this speaks VOLUMES. cause at least to me, it feels very obvious why she didnt tell him - to stay alive, she her best bet was getting to kuroku. they were helping her do that. if she told them she couldn't actually guarantee their reimbursement, what reason would they have to continue with her? telling them would be basically signing her own fate to be left on her own. but he doesnt say "you lied" or "you only ever cared about yourself" or even "you were using me," he says "how could you not tell me?" as if she should've. as if she could've. as if she could've told him and he'd still take her to kuroku, or even keep her secret. or maybe he wasnt and hes just betrayed bc of how close he thought they were but like thats how i read it

“You couldn’t let your guard down but you could sleep with me." i mean, okay, he's rightfully hurt but this feels a little out of pocket, like, i thought we established after their first time in the tavern that sex didnt equal trust or love or anything SKJDFHKFDG but i suppose thats just the easiest way to address the relationship theyd built that was not really platonic in nature?

“You weren’t a fool-”

“Oh, I am,” he cuts you off, lips pursing together. He finally looks at you, and his eyes have begun to glisten, rimmed with tears he does not let fall. “I am because even now I hate to see you cry.”

"If that means there’s a way you can get San the money, come back. If there’s not…”

He trails off, gaze drifting to your sword on the ground, he sighs. “If there’s not then don’t bother.”

you dont even understand. i have a folder of reaction memes ive been building up for years. it has over a thousand images in it. but i dont have a single one that expresses how loud i am screaming over this. like the one i just used was my most insane looking one of this mood i am literally googling new ones bc words are not enough i need to bite someone.

there we go. made this just for u <3 im not going to admit how much effort i put into that <3 anyway! thanks for the brain damage queen you always serve 😊💞💝💘🤪 im going to go eat glass now.

Not all that Glitters is Gold -> 08

series pairing: (fem) princess!reader x seonghwa x san x wooyoung. eventual polyamory.

series masterlist | previous chapter

Part Eight: shame, hot buttered rum, and a rude awakening

series rating: 16+

series genre: action and adventure. romance. angst. fluff. suggestive. fantasy au.

series warnings: character death, blood and violence, weaponry, injury, suggestive content, mxm content, elements of misogyny, language, monsters. (will only be using chapter specific warnings for things not included on this list.)

summary: as a princess fleeing a royal assassination attempt, you have no choice but to put your trust in a band of three thieves in order to reach the kingdom of kuroku alive. however, amongst magic, deceit, and the bounty hunters that are hot on your trail, you realize that you might have stumbled upon a relationship far more complicated than what meets the eye.

chapter details beneath the cut ->

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[sxdomy]

all letters biotch

A- Who’s your favourite serial killer/mass murderer? eric harris (;B- What serial killer do you think most deserved to be found insane? this is a hard one, but probably ed gein C- What serial killer do you feel most sorry for? he isnt a serial killer but charles manson. many label him as a killer, but he wasn't involved in the killings. yes, he was involved in conspiracy, but he did absolutely nothing to those people who died. everyone who followed him had the choice to start following him. everyone who was in his cult chose to agree to killing those people. those who actually went thru w the killing CHOSE to kill. those who did drugs CHOSE to within that process. it angers me that people blame manson. yes, he couldve stopped it, but he isnt a fucking murderer. if it were any other person, they wouldve been out by now. yes, he's currently in the hospital, but he's still technically incarcerated. it also rlly bothers me that some of those who have took part in his cult actually continue to walk free till this day. yes, there were so many in that cult that it's hard to incarcerate them all, but i strongly pity manson for being in there for life when he hadn't killed anyoneD- Do you prefer Dylan or Eric? ericE- If you were to kill someone how would you do it? honestly don't know.. there are so many great fucking ways... maybe gun?? i love guns, but i also want to be able to say, "ive killed someone w my bare hands." i want to feel strong. guns seem like a cheat ... F- Who do you think is the hottest killer? ERIC HARRISG- Do you care about the victims of your favourite mass murderer/serial killer? if theyre innocent victims, yesH- Do you think mental illness is an acceptable excuse for murder? honestly, i think anyone who has committed premeditated murder is mentally ill. having said that, no i don't think so. there are so many people who do that, and it would be outrageous to give them all a "pass." yes, they didn't ask to be mentally ill, but so many mentally ill people don't resort to killing others despite being plagued with homicidal thoughtsI- Who do you think is the most intelligent serial killer? jeffrey dahmer??? when i watch his interviews, i think i'm watching someone quite intelligentJ- Do you think that serial killers are born or raised? both ?? depending on the situation.. someone could be born w mental illneess due to their genetic makeup. someone could've had a bad childhood that led them on a bad pathK- Who are you most surprised evaded capture for a long time? probably ted bundy or jeffrey. ted for having so many victims and jeffrey for having run from the police for years. also, he persuaded police to leave his apartment after they'd received a phone call.. there actually was a victim inside of his apartment @ that timeL- Is there any situation where murder would be ok? self-defense yesM- Do you think drugs can play a part in creating a killer? drugs fuck up everything in your life so yesN- Do you think rapists are worse than murderers? YES OMG fuckkk if you rape someone, the victim has to live w that trauma forever. people around them (who are aware) suffer as well. when someone dies, they no longer have any trauma or stress.. death releases them from that. yes, their family members are suffering, but they'd suffer in both situations. personally, i'd rather be killed than raped. if i ever were raped, FUCKING KILL MEO- What serial killer made the stupidest mistake which resulted in their arrest? JOHN WAYNE GACY !!! THAT WAS THE WORST SPOT EVER YOU DUMB FUCK, AND THEN THE FACT YOU DENY IT?? DUMBASS!P- Do you think impotency is an acceptable excuse for murder? noQ- Do you agree with what school shooters do? honestly fuck that sandy hook shooter who kills kids. anyway if i were to shoot up a school, i'd shoot people who bullied me (literally no one lmao). i wouldn't shoot some random fucks, but that's just me.. sorry eric n dylan R- What age should the age of criminal responsibility be? 10-13S- What murderer do you think showed the most genuine remorse? edmund kemperT- What serial killer/mass murderer do you think most could have gone the other way? ERIC AND DYLAN BOTH!!!!! i think abt this all the time! both had so much fucking potential, and NO ONE GAVE A SHIT. THERE WERE SO MANY FUCKING SIGNS PEOPLE IGNORED. IF ANYONE STEPPED THE FUCK IN, THE COLUMBINE SHOOTING WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED. also, fuck, they had two months of high school left. they couldn't stick it out??? idkU- Do you think torturers are more evil than killers? yes, same opinion as the rapists are worse than killersV- Do you think the parents/carers of young murderers should be punished? it depends.. with something like columbine, yes.. literally all the signs were there.W- Do you think people with typical serial killer/psychopath brains should undergo preventive measures? YES! they should be in some kind of therapy or smth. we have seen it occur time and time again a person goes thru w their homicidal thoughts after people ignoring the signsX- What mental illness/disorder most excuses murder? ehh maybe schizophrenia?? idk im not too much in favor of not guilty for being criminally insaneY- Do you think that fame is an attraction for serial killers/mass murderers, especially now there is so much media coverage? idekZ- What are your views on death row and the death penalty? FUCK THAT SHIT FUCK IT SO FUCKING HARD !!! it is so FUCKING hypocritical. you imprison someone for life, and then tell them that YOU will kill them? hey, wasn't murder illegal in the first place? if you're thinking of having them killed, isn't that mentally insane? if you and others agree it should be done, isn't that CONSPIRACY??? hahaha you just fucking contradicted yourself. god fucking dammit i hate the death penalty. also, if you want someone to REALLY suffer, let them do their time in prison. let them fucking rot in prison. it's not a nice place. death is the easy way out