#ive been pondering making myself a new messenger bag for a While now but have never done anything along those lines

[criminal-sen]

This is like thinking you've found a.. friendly and cute false coral snake.. but oh no it's the real kind and you're Venommed (I can never remember the pan flag so I was like !!!! That's gotta be the right sequence of colors in there SOMEWHERE right? Nope wrong you FOOL!!! this is just a regs ol cishet.. grandma wants a colorful quilt.. 'reminds me of summer at the beach😃' fabric square smh)

Bitch ass fake ass.. I'm gonna fucking make it work, just you watch>:(

I suppose this owes an explanation, um I'm making this fuckin.. ugh this little pouch thing.. and don't even ask me why cuz any reason I once had no longer holds up:) anyway here's the unfinished outside (will get trim and prettier fabric to cover all the messy shit, plus a pan flag perhaps. With my stupid Not pan flag fabric)

And the inside

Which I put a layer of quilting between the fabrics to uh. Well to pad it, obviously. Cuz originally this was gonna be a xmas gift for my partner who has a glass weed pipe. But without long winded explanation for once, I changed my mind and now it's.. well maybe I'll see if they want it? Or maybe my bff would use it? And maybe I wind up keeping it, who tf knows. But it Must Be Finished... the pouch calls to me😩😩😩 (this is just a thing I do once in a blue moon idfk, sometimes u just gotta make a weird little pouch amiright guys😏 #relatable #justguysbeinguys #thepouchbeckons

[platinumshawnn]

strong | Shawn Mendes

Synopsis: Shawn having a talk with his premie daughter in the NICU.

A/N:  I have been trying to think of some sort of way to re-enter the world of writing about Shawn as I took a long hiatus (writer’s block and lack of motivation) and only just finally decided upon an idea of dad!Shawn to welcome myself back.

Word count: 1,538

 She was puny and red under the harsh fluorescent lights, fists barely the size of two of his fingertips and covered in wires that monitored her everything; white tape across her upper lip to hold a breathing tube in place up her little button nose. Her mouth was slightly parted, a slight frown on her face as she turned her head away from him, causing her hat to fall out of place on her head as it was way too big yet for her -- with a small smile, Shawn reached into one of the holes designed for arms to go in and out of, the closest to contact he had yet come with his daughter as he adjusted her hat back onto her head, his index finger lightly brushing her right cheek. Everything was too big for her yet. She looked preposterously small in the heated incubator, surrounded by hospital blankets that kept her in place, directly in the middle of the machine that was one among probably a hundred others; some occupied, a few he had noticed on his way in the very first time. But none of them were nearly as tiny as the little girl whose legs kicked around, eyes still closed as he carefully found one of her hands, holding it between his fingers, careful not to hurt her.

 She was fragile, Christ, was she ever. Both of them knew what to expect when they found out there was no postponing this, no way of getting her just to stay put for a little while longer when the doctor had finally come in and checked his girlfriend over, his face saying everything without words. She would be seven weeks early. Shawn had immediately started to think about how small she would be, would she fit her clothes back home? They never expected her to be this early and had bought for 0-3 months, some even 3-6 months so she could grow into them and when his eyes landed on her for the very first time, he knew it would be a long time until she could fit anything that they had gotten her; any of the clothes that were neatly placed away in her drawers. Shawn had lingered on the sight of little Gianna’s going home outfit that had been packed in the baby bag, holding it and looking at it as he pondered every possible question and scenario, wondering how his little girl was doing while his girlfriend slept; still hooked up to an IV drip, exhausted and worn from hours of sobbing and distraught cries, asking if Gianna was okay, what was going on, blaming herself like she had done something wrong. Like she could have prevented this somehow.

 They had allowed (Y/N) a few minutes to hold her after much consideration, her skin still pink and tiny as she laid against her chest, toes wiggling and little fists un-clenching and clenching with her eyes still closed. The time had gone by too quick and then she was being whisked away, leaving the two teenagers to stress over her well being and watch from a distance, leaving her in a bunch of stranger’s hands while nurses played messenger. Shawn, despite being exhausted, had remained awake long after (Y/N) had fallen asleep, tired out from all the crying and the long, grueling day today had turned into. He had waited to pull out the little wool outfit that consisted of brown leggings with hearts all over them and a wool sweater and a matching brown hat that his mother had bought them for her during the tiny spontaneous baby shower (Y/N)’s friends had thrown for them just a week earlier; head tilted and sighing.

 He had sat there like that a few hours longer, waiting until seven while (Y/N) was still asleep to go get himself a coffee from the cafeteria before making his way to the NICU; tired eyes and soft smiles as he bid good morning to doctors and nurses, other hospital staff, as he left his coffee on a table near the door and sanitizing his hands. He’d had to be shown to her bed, having never seen her yet, realizing much less had he not even held her -- he’d been too scared when they’d offered her to him before she was taken away, afraid he would mishandle her, hurt her because of how much bigger he was to her. He could easily just hold her in her hands and she would perfectly fit. It had sank in how real this was when he had held his hand over her, her body just a bit longer than his hand, skinny limbs and unable to breathe on her own yet.

 The smile was wiped from his face immediately by the realization, sitting back in his chair with a blank, glazed over look as he watched her, the room quiet aside from the beeping of monitors throughout the room that hung over each of the beds for each infant.The comments from the nurse earlier, explaining how she was doing had kind of gone in one ear and out the other because he just wanted to see his daughter, judge for himself how well she was because he was so desperate to say she was fine so they could just go home, he really hadn’t realized… it was about more than just her physical being. She wasn’t in the worst condition but it was an unpredictable case because things could go south in seconds, and the best place, despite his want to be selfish, for her to be was right there. In that bed.

 Shawn let out a soft, short laugh suddenly. “You...incredible, strong being you…” He said in a quiet voice, his exhaustion weighing heavy on his shoulder. “You are quite the wonder. The nurse said yesterday was rough for you. Had to have a lot of shots, said you stopped breathing a couple times but you came screaming back to life every time. Your mom and I have been worrying about you all night.” He tiredly rambled, reaching in hesitantly to find her left hand; tiny fingers grasping weakly and twitching around the digit.

 “You were quite the surprise, you know.” He admitted, head tilting left and eyes still on Gianna. “Your mom got sick right all over my brand new shoes during tour and we just had this funny little feeling, you know...maybe it was you. Maybe you were in there. We didn’t know for sure because I was on tour and there just wasn’t many opportunities to go to the doctor’s or grab a test, but over time, it became obvious. I might have been a mess in ways and super naive before but the minute we found out about you, your mum whooped me into shape. Straightened me out.” He said, recalling the memory with a soft laugh.

 “She’s a strong woman, your mom, you know. I bet you know that already though. Probably better than anybody because I mean, she made you, like she carried you and gave birth to you all on her own. She’s always been tough.” He said, shaking his head and slipping his hand out of her grasp to gently stroke her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “You got that from her obviously. Your strength. It’s incredible, you’re barely a day old and you’ve already inherited her strength and done some pretty big things. And look, if you’re scared, because they told us you may have to have some surgery to help you out...I’m scared too, but you gotta be strong for us both. Just this one time, because once you go in there, I can’t do anything for you. I’ll be stuck in the waiting room worrying and losing my mind so you need to be strong.” He quietly said, sighing.

 “You can’t understand me I realize, not yet.” He said, laughing stiffly at himself. “Still. We’re gonna need you to come right back out, alive and well, you gotta promise me. Your mother especially is going to need you, she can’t put up with me forever on her own, she needs more common sense at home. You just gotta promise you’ll come right back out, just as you are -- maybe a little better, maybe stronger. And even if it gets really scary in there, you have to...and know that when you come out, you’ll have someone right outside those doors who loves you. Me and mom will be here waiting for you.” He finished, going silent and swallowing thickly, leaning back in his chair and taking his hand back. With a yawn, he sighed and stood.

 “Should probably get back to your mom, she’s probably up now and I should try and get some sleep too.” He said, hand resting on top of the incubator and inhaling deeply, deeply sighing. “I’ll be back later, both of us maybe. Love you, little bear.” He softly said, hesitating before he turned to retrieve his coffee from the table and exit, bumping into other entering parents who were arriving to visit their own kids, nodding them a ‘good morning’ on his way out.