#ive been in meltdown mode for at least a week now but i cant find a solution

[abcooper]

OK so this year I am teaching four (4!) different classes - which is a pretty huge workload, most teachers at my school teach 2 different classes and some lucky ones only have 1 and they just teach it 5 times in a row and their lives are fucking easy or something, I imagine.

But the annoying thing is that my bosses are pretending REALLY hard that they only gave me 3 classes to teach, and here’s how they’re doing it. They gave me the 10th grade Software Engineering class, and they gave me a random software engineering elective full of random kids, and they said, “just teach it as the same class!” 

EXCEPT YOU KNOW

10th grade software engineering - students who applied for our Software Engineering program and were selected based on their entrance exams, and who have already taken 9th grade software engineering!

Software Engineering Elective - kids who have previously failed enough math classes that they need to cram an extra math elective in if they’re going to graduate on time, and this is what we came up with.

THESE ARE NOT IDENTICAL GROUPS OF LEARNERS.

So I’m like - supposed to teach them the same things, and I TRIED at the beginning of the year, because I’m teaching them a visual library of javascript called p5.js and it’s new to both groups, and with a little modification it seemed almost possible.

No. Not possible. My 10th grade kids are acing it, and my elective kids are like, “what is a URL? What is an icon? What fresh hell are you asking me to do right now, how do I open an internet window, what the actual fuck” 

So obviously I have slowed way the hell down, but I’m still trying to teach the elective kids p5.js, just slower, but that does mean I am WRITING SEPARATE LESSONS for them, WHICH TAKES TIME. and still, on this project, one kid mutinied so hard that his answer to the reflection question, “what were your challenges with this project?” was, “trying to follow a set of steps and directions that are not really meant for beginners” and I’m just like, “KID I CAN’T FAULT YOU, BUT I AM TRYING MY GODDAMN BEST OVER HERE ALRIGHT” 

and i would just like to state for the record how RESENTFUL I am that my boss has the gall to insist that I have only been given THREE classes to teach.

Translation: “Well, if you’d just do a bad job and not try to actually teach the failure-kids anything new, you’d have less work to do, wouldn’t you” 

I hate my job, I am going to quit lololololol

[larissaloki]

Larissaloki homelife rants

Ok this is a major rant to get things off my chest and f have trigger warnings for suicide and depression and such things, dont read. Ps this post i an absolute mess of a rant.

Ok so I’m only 2fucking4, and i am already wanting life to just bloody end. Literally life is killing me. Not to be a whiny millennial but life is fucking difficult for any singular person to get by. Everything in governments are pretty much based (at least it seems in the uk) on relying on a good network of people around you.

I have a loose network of people and none i can depend on financially. I mean this as nicely as possible and ill explain why. My best friend that help me is dealing with trying to find her own way in life and save money and i working nearly all the time to get by. All grandparents are either working full time still at their age or medically unable to help out.

When i was childless i had an ok life but i was still with mum unable to save up to move out. At least not by myself. But i had plans for uni out of my home county. Courses that require me to not be pregnant.

I fell pregnant as contraception failed me. The guy i was with didn’t want kids but I’m against abortions unless needed. I was medically healthy and at the time i had lots of support from my mum so I made the decision to keep. I managed to get a fairly good job that worked around my lifestyle and my mums hours and was coping great.

Then things slowly fell apart. My mum kept changing hours to the point i was unable to have a stable baby sitter for when i needed to work. The other grandparent works full time and so would be unable to help. So i regretfully had to resign from work to stay home.

Now a lot of people see to think people on benefits live great lives and have lots of money. No we don’t.

Bills still need paying. They rack up while your waiting for said benefits to go through. I already suffer anxiety and depression and this just really set me off. Ive only been on benefits for 1 year and a half but i can already see the difference in spending. When i first started i could spend 30 out of my 60 I get a week for minimum amount of food and the rest for bus fair for appointments or to get around as i had a child in a buggy. The rest went on bills and replacing things that seemed to keep breaking and my rapidly growing child (i got a further 70 from another benefit a week which wa used on the stuff i just mentioned) i never had extra one so Christmas was a far off dream and pretty much sucked. I never felt so bad as unable to get anything great for my kid other than a few small items or cheap stuff or had my mum help me with.

Over the course of my time on benefits I’ve ended up spending more on food weekly as food prices (often nearer to 60-70 a week now) or bus fair rises (3;50 to being 4 pounds). My benefits don’t. From before where i had no extra money to begin with I’m nowhving to try and rebudget.

Over the course of the year my laptop broke that i use to battle depression by writing and job searching. My phone has broken and at the moment I’m burrowing old models from my best friend. I own literally nothing. Yet these things are required to be able to function in everyday society. I cant use library much as it requires bus fair to get to each day if i wanted to go and. Can’t go in each day anyway with a child that refuses to stay still. My son is energetic and even at 3 doesn’t sleep through the night. Wakes up 5;30 each morning at the moment.

As it is I’m sat at home each day every day wondering how the fuck am. Going to adjust next week money to pay so so bill?! Im already spending nearly 15 on jut electric alone at the moment. 12 for tv license, 40 for water and 10 for gas and finally 20 for council tax. Take in what i earn above plus adding once a month I get 80 which. Use for my water bill and bus fair each month.

All this is before i even get to my actual tv packages which are basic and my phone contract to be able to keep on the net and contact with family members that all live outside of my county.

If I didn’t have my son right now i honestly would have given up on life. I’m just tired of just fuckng going hungry to make sure my kid if healthy and happy. My body has pretty much gone into survival mode where every bit of food i do eat is stored in me making me actually gain weight even though i eat like a mouse!

I’m fucking tired of government trying to make it worse by cutting back certain benefit and yet giving themselves wages that rival footballers.

My son i what keeps me going his cheeky smiles and love and innocence gives me life to keep on. My bet friend also deserves thanks as without her support despite her own struggles and buying me food every now and again i would not be driven to do certain projects or would of had complete meltdowns. Bless zach’s other grandma that helps us as well when she can an buy’s us food occasionally.

Don’t take those that help you for granted. Cherish those that offer a hand despite everything else.