#ive been identifying as arospec for awhile now. maybe ive got shit wrong in my head and mixed up but

[hopefullyababe]

yeah actually i decided i can do it rn so here we go

hes had several struggles in the comic with romance. hes very interested in the idea of romance and he is a huge fan of shitty romcoms as we all know. but everytime hes attempted any variety of relationshipping with ppl shit just didnt work.

maybe his standards are too high. his whole life hes been filling his head with extravagant and extraordinary ideas of what its like to be in quadrents. that it changes your life. that when you have quadrents filled it will finally make you feel fufilled and at your safest. its a necessity. you need it to be happy.

and all his life hes been craving intimacy. he wants someone who cares about him and loves him. makes him feel complete and whole and fufilled. craving soothing touch and comfort.

so. quadrents are the answer arent they.

he spends a good amount of time trying to find a kismesis. nothing pans out though. he questions many times if hes even capable of hating someone like that. if hes fucked up and broken. because he doesnt have it in him to hate.

he squanders opportunities with terezi to make advances even though they both like eachother. and karkat cant put his finger on why he cant ask her. other than maybe there werent any good times to bring it up. especially when she had her eye on another boy.

it still made him upset to see her with another boy. but only in the way where he felt like he needed to be. thats what you do when youre pining. and he was pining. he was. he also coulda been upset that she wasnt spending as much time with him.

he was not at all comfortable being gamzees moirail. it coulda been that he was pushed into it via obligation and literal lives on the line- paired with the uneasiness of having to spend so much time with a guy who went off the shits and killed half his friends. but it was also uncomfortable in a way he couldnt place. a wrongness that he didnt have a name for.

he could functionally be a pretty okay moirail but he didnt. Feel it. or like. he didnt know what he was supposed to be feeling. it wasnt like how it is in the books. no grand all encompassimg emotions. the world didnt change color. he wasnt happier now that he had a quadrent filled.

but maybe its just the wrong person. maybe hell find someone someday that makes him feel big love feelings. he will have so many quadrants just you wait fuckers. itll be over for yall bitches

alright over to the post retcon now and dave nd karkat are friends. over the couple years theyve slowly tuned to the same wavelength. the whole meteor crew have been bonding and spending time together and theyre a bigass family now. karkat learns how 2 knit with rose and he gossips with vriska and terezi and him and kanaya are closer than ever and whenever he needs a hug from anyone he can just ask for one.

him and dave are best friends. they spend late nights together sometimes just talking about shit. laying on the floor and spillin their guts to eachother. sometimes one of them says something that makes them both crack up and laugh hysterically for half an hour. they have inside jokes and secrets and promises and all the things you have with a person you trust and a best friend.

and sometimes karkat wonders if this is supposed to be what falling in love feels like.

if when youre in love you think about someone alot of the time but not all the time. if you make them drawings and poems and offer to sew up the hole in their shirt. if you tease them and they tease you and you bicker back forth like assholes. if you feel safe enough to fall asleep around them. if you think about what kind of house youd live in together. if they send you a funny text and you grin to yourself for the next 3 minutes. if you talk everyday. is that Love?

and karkat wonders why he doesnt want to kiss him then. why he isnt nervous or jittery around him. thats what Love is supposed to feel like right? why does he want to spend his life with this guy but he doesnt want to be his matesprit.

why cant he just be in Love. this is the perfect opportunity. the perfect person. so why cant he just feel it?

and yeah. maybe he figures it out eventually. that theres a word. maybe he learns that what hes got is all he needs. that its okay to just have friends. that its okay tk be okay with just having friends. that its okay to not want romance. its okay to not Love. that love will suffice. that love is what matters. fuck that Love shit thats what i say.

so karkats aromantic. and he always was. he loves the family that he built on a rock in the middle of space. and that is all he needs.

maybe sometime ill be able 2 write up my thoughts abt my aromantic karkat hc