#ive been gaining weight on T and like body image wise it's been fucking with me but the clothes thing is making me lose it

[marsti]

my 2 favorite tops dont fit me anymore i think i might cry

[vamptastic]

lost like ten pounds for no reason and im wondering if its testosterone or metformin. i know thats a not a lot considering my weight (250) but i have literally never lost that much weight in my entire life lmao, i basically constantly gained weight for no reason until i started treating my pcos. i started metformin a few months earlier, but it would make more sense since it initially halted my constant weight gain, maybe it just took a while for my blood sugar to get fully under control? when i last had bloodwork done, it'd been a few months on metformin and my blood sugar was better but my lipids were mostly the same. curious to see what my results will be when i get more bloodwork done in a couple weeks.

i also don't look/feel like ive lost any weight? ive put on a little fat on my upper abdomen, before T i had some fat on the lower stomach but my fat distribution was mostly butt, thighs, boobs, and hips, and my stomach was far from flat but relative to the rest of my body, not a lot of fat went there. if that's weight transferring from somewhere else on my body, can't really tell which part it's from cause my butt and thighs look and feel the same. think my face looks a bit slimmer, i was starting to form a little bit of a double chin before (my face was basically the last place for weight to start showing) and now the bit of fat under my chin is kinda still there but it feels like, tighter? and my face is looking a bit different, more masculine and older, but that could just be because i'm 18 and i'm still growing a bit.

anyway, whatever it is, i'm liking what t is doing for me appearance wise and it'd be nice to keep losing weight without doing anything. once i stopped constantly gaining weight and could just exist in my body and get used to it, i stopped caring so much and ive made peace with it. i still don't have the best body image, always hated seeing full body pictures of myself at every size i've been, but i'm not like, actively fighting off an eating disorder anymore. id basically just decided that every attempt to lose weight had failed and was miserable, and being fat was better than being slightly less fat and way unhealthier, so fuck it, let's learn how to be okay with what we've got. if i lose weight from T, cool, if i don't, this size is fine. probably always going to be medically "morbidly obese".