#ive been doing really well since i started my meds and now schools stared again and i was stressed but mostly ok

[thisaliennerd]

hi everyone i am not! doing! well! for the third day in a row and it is seriously fucking with me

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love and Medicine ~ 1

MASTERLIST

Word Count: 2,300ish

Summary: You begin your intern year at Avengers Medical Center

You let out a little groan as you turned around. You immediately knew you were naked as the cold wood floor sent chills down your bare body. Slowly opening your eyes, you took in your surroundings. You were home, in the house you had just inherited, boxes still pilled high around the living room you were laying in. Suddenly, someone else groaned beside you. You teased, clenching your eyes shut. The headache you had been ignoring since you woke finally broke free and you realized that your late night drunkenness must have caused you to bring a guy home.

You let out a long breath as you reopened your eyes and looked over at the hopefully-still-asleep man beside you. He wasn’t bad looking at all. You had really done well. He was blonde with a chiseled body. He had to have been at least six foot, which didn’t hurt. He was naked though, all out in the open on your living room floor. Cringing, you sat up, pulling one blanket from the couch to quickly cover yourself before standing and pulling one over him. You stood up silently, and began making your way out of the room. It was your first day of your intern year as a doctor, you couldn’t afford to be late.

You successfully made it to the doorway of the living room without a sound before the floorboard beneath you creaked. You should there, frozen, closing your eyes in hopes that the man sleeping behind you wouldn’t wake. You could hear him turn over, letting a small moan out of his mouth. Waiting a few more seconds, you started going again.

“You know…” the man started, clearly in his morning voice, “it’s usually rude to disappear on someone after spending a night with them.”

You quickly spun around to see him, still laying on his stomach, looking up at you with a sly grin.

“Well,” you cleared your throat, “it’s my house, so it’s not that rude.”

He stood up, not grabbing the blanket as quick as he should have, letting you have another look at him. When you met his eyes again, it was clear that you had been caught staring and that he was enjoying it.

“Why the rush to silently get out of here?” He asked, tucking the blanket around his waist. “Have a husband or a boyfriend you have to hurry and get ready for?”

“Neither,” you responded, tightening your hold on the blanket covering you. “I’m running late for my first day of work. So, if we’re done here, you should go.”

“We don’t have to be done here.”

“I think we do.” You kicked up his shirt, grabbing it, and throwing him at it. “You need to go.” He caught his shirt, slipping it on slowly over his clear cut abs. “So, um, goodbye… um…”

“Steve,” he reached his hand out.

“Steve. Right,” you shook his hand. “Y/N.”

“Y/N.” He smiled. It almost took your breath away, but you couldn’t let it show.

“Yeah.”

“Nice meeting you.”

“Yeah. Bye, Steve.”

You fled up the stairs, hoping that by the time you were done getting ready, Steve would be gone.

~~~

You made it to the Avengers Medical Center just in time to meet up with the other interns in your year. The Chief of Surgery, Dr. Nicholas J. Fury, was leading a small tour to the ORs. He started talking as the interns took in the OR.

“Each of you comes here hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors,” Fury stated. “The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you.”

He then told each of the interns which resident they were assigned to. You got Dr. Gamora. All of the interns were then taken to the locker room, where each of you were assigned a locker and given scrubs to change into and start your long day.

“Only ten women out of thirty,” you muttered as you slipped your scrubs on.

“Yeah,” the woman with fiery red hair next to you responded. “I heard that one of them was a model. Seriously, like that’s going to help with the respect thing?”

“You’re Natasha, right?”

She nodded. “You’re Y/N?”

“Mhm,” you hummed.

“Which resident did you get assigned to? I got Gamora.”

“Me too.”

“You got Gamora?” A male intern repeated beside you. “So did I. At least we’ll all be tortured together, right? I’m Clint Barton, uh, we met at the mixer. You had a dress with a slit up the side, those shiny heels…” You and Natasha exchanged looks. “Now you think I’m gay.”

“Uh-huh,” Natasha hummed, heading out the door.

“No, I’m not gay! It’s, ah, it’s just that, you know, you were, I mean… You were very unforgettable,” Clint rambled as you both followed after Natasha. You shot him a sympathetic smile before hurrying to catch up with Natasha. “And I’m totally forgettable.”

“Barton, L/N, Romanoff, Valkyrie, Lang,” a doctor called at the door way.

“Gamora?” Natasha questioned that doctor that called you.

“End of the hall.”

The five of you that were called began walking. At the end of the hall, you saw a pretty woman working on paperwork. She didn’t look as threatening as you had heard she was.

“That’s Dr. Gamora?” Natasha wondered.

“From what I heard, I thought she’d look scarier,” the other male in your group of five said. You guessed it was Scott Lang.

“Yeah,” Clint agreed. “I thought she’d be… well, bigger.”

“Same,” you added.

“Maybe it’s professional jealousy,” a woman in your group suggested, Valkyrie, you presumed. “Maybe she’s brilliant, and they say things about her because they’re jealous. Maybe she’s really nice.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re the model,” Natasha said.

“Wait…” Clint said, looking at Nat. “I thought you were the model.”

Valkyrie shot Natasha a look before turning to Dr. Gamora with an extended hand. “Hi, I’m Valkyrie, but everyone calls me Val.”

Gamora looked her up and down, not even moving to shake Val’s hand. “I have five rules,” Gamora stated, clearly unimpressed already. “Rule number one, don’t bother sucking up, I already hate all of you, that’s not gonna change.” She turned and pointed to things on the counter. “Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run, that's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours.” 

Gamora began walking away with you and the others quickly following, after each of you have grabbed the things off the counter. 

“You’re interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain, you run labs, write orders, work every second night till you drop and don’t complain!” She continued. Gamora led you to a door, opening it to reveal a room with bunk beds. “On call rooms. Attendings hog them, sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me, unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woke me for no good reason, we clear?” There was a brief pause before you nervously raised your hand. “Yes.”

“You said five rules,” you tried to hold back a cringe as you spoke up. “That was only four.”

Suddenly, Gamora’s pager beeped. “Rule number five. When I move, you move.” She ran down the corridor, followed by you and the other interns. “Get out of my way!” She yelled at a few doctor’s blocking the hallway.

You had the others followed Gamora to the ER. There was a bustling trauma room that the six of you entered. There was a young female on the stretcher, already being hooked to the machines.

“What’ve we got?” Gamora asked.

“Savannah Chase, fifteen year old female,” the paramedic still in the room stated. “New onset seizures, intermittent for the past week. ID lost en route. Started gran mal seizing when the ambulance pulled up.”

“Alright, get her on her side, Val, ten milligrams Diazepam.” Val started to do as she was directed while the rest of you watched. “No, no, the white lead is on the right, righty whitey, smoke over fire, a large bore IV. Don’t let the blood haemolyse, let’s go!”

Val injected the young woman with the diazepam and she stopped seizing. A new Doctor entered the room.

“So I heard we got a wet fish on dry land?” The man asked.

“Absolutely Dr. Banner,” Gamora responded.

“Dr. Gamora, I’m gonna shotgun her.”

“That means every test in the book, CT, CBC, chem seven, a tox screen,” Gamora clarified for the interns. “Natasha, you’re on labs, Clint, patient workups, Y/N, get Savannah for a CT, she’s your responsibility now.” Gamora began to walk away.

“Wait,” both Val and Lang called out. Gamora turned back around.

“What about us?” Val asked.

“You two—honey, you get to do rectal exams.”

~~~

You were currently in an elevator with Savannah, the patient, trying to find your way to CT. Since it was your first day at the medical center, you didn’t know where anything was and you were too stubborn to ask.

“You’re lost,” Savannah stated.

“I’m not lost,” you defended. “How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I’m feeling? I’m missing my pageant.”

“You’re missing your pageant.” You wheeled her out of the elevator and around a corner, still not knowing where you were headed.

“The Manhattan Teen Miss? I was in the top ten after the first two rounds. This is my year. I could’ve won.” Savannah sat up as she was wheeled back around the same way. “Hello? You’re so lost. What are you, like, new?”

“I’m— just tell me what happened.”

“I twisted my ankle. I do rhythmic gymnastics, which is like, really cool. Nobody else does it. And I tripped over my ribbon, and I didn't get stuck with someone this clueless. And that was like, a nurse.”

You gritted your teeth, trying not to be over-the-line rude to a patient on your first day. It took you almost another forty five minutes to find CT. You helped her with the scan before taking her back to a room. Before you knew it, it was lunch time. You grabbed some food from the cafeteria, finding your group of interns alone at a table.

“Savannah Chase is a pain in the ass,” you grumbled as you sat down with your tray. “If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic oath, I'd Kevorkian her with my bare hands.” The others around her just stared. “What?”

“Good afternoon interns,” a new doctor came up. “I’m Dr. Maria Hill. It’s posted, but I thought I’d share the good news personally. As you know, the honor of performing the first surgery is reserved for the intern that shows the most promise. As I’m running the OR today, I get to make that choice. I’ve been watching you all and I have to say, you’re all something. The intern I’ve chosen is, Scott Lang.”

Scott coughed up the drink he had been taking. “M-me?” He questioned.

“You’ll scrub in for an appendectomy this afternoon. Congratulations.” Then she left.

“Did she say me?”

“I can’t believe you were chosen over me,” Natasha grumbled. “It’s already clear that I’m a better surgeon that you.”

“Did she say… I’m sorry. What?”

~~~

After lunch, you went back to Savannah’s room to take care of her. As you did, a man and a woman, not doctors, came in.

“Savannah, honey, mom and dad are here,” the woman said, coming over to Savannah’s bedside.

“They gave her a sedative for the CT scan, so she’s a little groggy,” you informed them.

“Will she be alright?” The mother asked.

“Our doctor at home said she might need an operation, is that true?” The father wondered.

“What kind of operation?”

“She’s, um, well, you know what,” you tried your best to sound professional through your nervous stuttering, “I’m not, I’m not the doctor, uh. I am a doctor, but I’m not Savannah’s doctor, so I’ll go get him for you.”

You quickly left the room to go find Gamora. Thankfully, she was at the nurses desk just outside of the room. You hurried over but were too nervous to start speaking.

“What?” Gamora questioned, not looking up from the paperwork she was doing.

“Savannah’s parent’s have questions,” you responded. “Do you talk to them, or do I ask Banner?”

“No, Banner’s off of the case. Savannah belongs to the new attending now, Dr. Rogers, he’s over there.”

You follow in the direction that Gamora gestured to. You only made it a few steps before freezing. The man Gamora gestured to was talking to another doctor. But that wasn’t the reason you froze. Dr. Rogers was none other than your one night stand, Steve. Your eyes widened and you turned to go, but it was too late. Steve glanced your way, having to do a double take. You quickly left, feeling his eyes on the back of you.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

next chapter >

NOTES: Yes, this has been posted before, but I deleted it. I’m trying again. From now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2​. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[joontier]

Subliminal in Scrubs | V1; report iv 

pairings: dr. jeon jungkook x female reader

chapter rating: NC-17 | genre: humor, romance

warnings: swearing

word count: 2.5k

g/n: Send me your thoughts?

[taglist] @nottodayjjk @ditttiii​ @zeharilisharaban​ @btsbunny07​ @turquoiseandplaidinautumn  @aamxxrii @codeinebelle ​

Subliminal in Scrubs (the records) |  navi. | m.list

Your phone blares at exactly 6:45AM, and a memetastic image of Chohee lights up your phone screen as you’re brushing your teeth. When you swipe to answer the call, you don’t even manage to get a word in when Chohee chatters you out of your sleep-deprived soul.  

“Just as practiced, I’m punctual, and you’re late.”  

Garbling out a reply about how it’s still five minutes prior to your agreed time, you tap your toothbrush loudly against the sink, likewise spitting out the foam from your mouth. “Fine, just hurry because I’m starving!”  

Being the gold-hearted person that she is (although that fact is not known to the public), your best friend had offered you a ride to the building where you’re scheduled to take the Korean Medical Licensure Examination today.  

The moment you settle yourself on the passenger seat, she greets you with a cheery “Good morning!” - one that was too cheery this early in the morning, and all the more way too cheery for a certain Kim Chohee. The two of you share a look and you lean in for a hug. “Hey, we’ll do just fine, okay? We’ve been studying our asses for this.”  

You don’t let go at once, looking up at her with a kissy face. She pushes your head backwards with a disgusted expression, keeping your face at an arm’s length. With an unattractive snort, you lean back in your seat, laughing your ass off at your poor attempt to lighten the mood.  

“Seriously, _______, I know you’ve been lusting after me for years even when you’re well aware of my ‘strictly beef’ diet,” Chohee states, dusting your imaginary germs off her shoulder. Turning on her Benz’s engine, she checks her reflection on the rear-view mirror before driving off.  

With both your hands occupied with the sandwiches you’d ordered from Subway, you use your pinky to connect your phone to play some Mozart via bluetooth. You try not to talk much about the test, knowing it will only cause unnecessary anxiety on both your ends.  

As Chohee leans towards you, you tilt her sandwich in her direction, letting her take a bite from her sub. “Hey, what’s an abscess again?”  

“Isn’t that more commonly known as boils? Built up pus within or below the surface of the skin?”  

Kim Chohee chokes on her BLT.  

“Pus?” she repeats, swallowing her bite with great strain. “Seriously? While I’m eating a sandwich? Couldn’t you be more subtle perhaps?”  

Equally just as surprised as she was, you narrow your eyes at her. “We’ve been studying medicine for the last six years! It shouldn’t be a surprise by now...and besides, we’ve heard and see a lot worse too...Would you rather have me say purulent exudate then? And waste my precious saliva on a six-syllable word rather than the common term for a liquid form of inflamm-”  

“Okay!” Chohee throws an arm up in defeat. “Sheesh _______! Don’t I deserve at least some gratitude for driving you to our exams?”  

“Plus we’ve already seen a cadaver too, which was supposedly one of the peaks of our med-student lives! What’s all this hype about some viscous mass on the surface of the skin?”  

Your best friend peeks at you from her peripheral vision, absolutely mortified. You love it.  

“Can you please remind me how we became friends in the first place?” Chohee shakes her head and increases the volume of the player as the droplets of rain start pouring down the windshield. “Anyways – I was meaning to ask the histological meaning of it.”    

“Oh, right,” you nod, recalling your notes, “well, it’s a localized collection of neutrophils and necrotic debris. Basically, it’s a suppurative inflammation which is associated with pyogenic bacteria and characterized by edema fluid admixed with neutrophils and necrotic cells. Staphylococcus aureus usually produces abscesses because it’s coagulase positive and coagulase helps the production of fibrinous material that localizes the infection.”  

As soon as you finish, silence takes over the car, and suddenly, a sniffle comes from Chohee’s side. With a matching frown, you best friend looks at you with shiny eyes. “Oh _______, what would I do without you?”  

With still half an hour to spare, you decide on relieving your bladder first before all the toilets get occupied later a couple of minutes before the actual exam. You take your time with it, even managing to put some effort in fixing your hair in clipping your fringe back so as not to eliminate all distractions possible during the exam.  

While looking through the large panel windows on your way back from the comfort rooms, you spot a familiar face – the last person you’d want to see on such an important day. Perhaps your prayers weren’t loud enough to actually reach heaven.  

There Jeon Jungkook was at the end of the hall, walking like a newly-canonized saint in all his glory. Most (if not all) of the female onlookers stare at him as he passes by, with Jungkook seemingly unbothered by their unwavering attention. You aren’t one for exaggeration, but these women look like they’re willing to worship the ground he walked on.  

Your nerdy, anti-Jeon Jungkook ass quickly hides beside a nearby locker, not wanting to be ‘graced’ by his presence, just as some girl coined a few moments ago as she headed to the toilets with her friends, collectively gushing over the boy.  

The popular kid turns to his right and you swore you’d never prayed harder and faster than any other time in your life. Your room assignment was just the one by the corner...and if he could just make a few more steps and head straight to the next classroom a-and...nope. It’s official. The universe loved shitting on you.  

Jungkook enters room 132, the very same numbers indicating your room assignment for the licensure exam. You ball up your fists in your spot by the lockers, releasing all your pent-up frustration in the simplest and least violent way possible: a long, tedious exhale.  

Gathering up all your self-control, you re-enter the classroom with an inward grimace, desperate to not have Jungkook’s eyes meet yours. He’s looking for a seat, and with all the back rows already occupied, he’s stuck with picking one from the first two rows.  

He’s already stood near the seat you’ve picked and you bore holes into the back of his head with your fake telepathy, silently ordering him to pick a chair on the other side of the aisle instead.  

Just as you had not wished for, Jungkook plops his huge ass backpack on the chair next to yours. You tread back to your seat as discreetly as possible, avoiding his gaze at all times as he rummages through his military backpack. What the fuck is in that thing in the first place? You won't be surprised if he manages to pull out a whole microwave inside – and yet funnily enough, he can’t seem to own a single damn pencil.  

As you were minding your own businesses (hopefully it stays that way for the rest of eternity), you catch the other students discussing surgical cases last minute.  

“Hey, which artery is the one for transection for an epidural hematoma?”  

“Was this the kid that got hit by a fastball in the head?”  

“What happened?”  

“Poor boy got hit in the temporal area during a baseball tournament. Remained conscious during the rest of the day but during the same evening he gets a severe headache with vomiting and confusion. When they got to Severance he got scheduled for immediate surgery for epidural hematoma.”

“That sounds awful…”  

“I’m not sure which artery it was again though…”

If that were the case...then it’d be the transection of a branch of the middle meningeal artery...but then you wouldn’t want to answer that out of the blue and get mistaken for being too snoopy…

Instead, you reach for the bottle of water by the legs of your chair, likewise hearing the same answer coming out of Jungkook’s mouth in a whisper. Huh. You raise a brow. Well, there was a major chance he knew the case since he came from Yonsei too, just as you had speculated from some of your roommates who seemed like they came from the same school after mentioning Severance Hospital.  

The group continue discussing their answers when this girl, who had an obnoxiously unnatural high-pitched voice, approaches Jungkook.  

“Jungkook-oppa?”  

Oppa? OPPA?!

You wanted to throw up. This girl looked at least two-three years older than him. At the least. Guess Jeon was really more of a fuckboy than Chohee would ever admit. “We were just discussing something and we’re really unsure of our answers, maybe a smart oppa like you would know?”  

With as much discretion as you could muster, you adjust in your seat, leaning a little bit towards their conversation as you eavesdrop like the nosy person that you are.  

“The surgery was a transection of the meningeal artery,” says Jeon nonchalantly like it’s the most basic thing in the world, still scrolling through his phone. Silence ensues after that. That’s it?! He’s not even going to bother explaining-  

Jungkook exhales as he puts his phone down. “Epidural hemorrhages result from a rupture of one of the meningeal arteries, as these arteries supply the dura and run between the dura and the skull. Plus you said temporal area right?” he asks, facing one of the guys.  

“The artery involved is usually the middle meningeal artery - a branch of the maxillary artery, as the skull fracture is usually in the temporal area. Since the bleeding is of arterial origin, symptoms are rapid in onset even though he seemed normal for a few hours. If they didn’t bring him to the hospital that same evening, he could’ve had tentorial herniation and would have eventually died.”  

As much as you hate to admit it - you’re beyond impressed. Chohee always stays true to her word, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was still a jerk for clearly cutting the line at the subway.  

The girls coo over him, praising him over how cool he looked by explaining his answer. Jungkook settles back on his seat like he hadn’t just perfectly given an on-point pathological explanation for a neuro case.  

The group continues their review, until they’ve come to another question they’re unsure of. “Jungkook-ssi, would you know where the rupture of a berry aneurysm of the Circle of Willis would likely produce hemorrhage?”  

With only ten minutes left, you’d usually be preparing yourself mentally but this group and Jungkook’s intervention has you all ears once more. Nothing wrong with some last minute review, right?  

“It’s the subdural space.”  

Wow. Okay, quick and close but wrong. Impressive wit though.  

You open your mouth to say something but you hesitate as it dawns on you that you really aren’t part of this group and you’re not the one being asked. Jungkook not missing a beat gets a collective ‘ooh’ from the group, who’s clearly impressed at how quickly he’s answered the question.  

Meanwhile, your conscience is making you contemplate on your earlier hesitation with the voice of the angel on your right shoulder telling you it isn’t right to let the wrong answer pass just like that, especially on a day like this. The devil on your left, however, tells you otherwise. You go with the former.  

Amongst their murmurs of mutual praise for Jungkook (you bet this man is rejoicing inside with all the attention he’s getting, despite looking nonchalant), you take a deep breath and say the correct answer, voice coming out louder than expected.  

“Excuse me?” another ‘spectator’ says, jutting her chin towards you.  

“I said,” you look up at her, “it’s actually the subarachnoid space.”  

“Are you sure?” she retorts.  

Seriously? Just because you’re not some fuckboy jock who smolders at all boobed humans means you can’t be sure with your answer?  

“Hey! I know you!” Someone exclaims from the side, causing everyone to turn their heads toward him, “You’re the foreigner valedictorian at SNU!” Similar to their earlier praises directed towards Jungkook, the same dudes marvel at your most recent accomplishment. You give a shy smile in return, quietly thanking the stranger for the sudden confidence boost.  

“Jungkook-oppa is also the valedictorian at Yonsei.”  

Well, that didn’t last for long...somebody has always got to rain on your parade. You won’t allow this girl though, not today.  

You purse your lips, collecting your thoughts first before explaining it to them. “Subarachnoid hemorrhages, although they are much less common than hypertensive intracerebral hemorrhages, but the former are...more often than not...resultant of a rupture of a berry aneurysm.” You pause momentarily when someone drags his seat closer to yours, “Go on please.”  

“Right, um...berry aneurysms are most commonly found at the Circle of Willis, usually by the junction of the communicating artery and the cerebral artery. Chances of rupture increase with age and cause marked bleeding into the subarachnoid space and produces severe headaches.” The same dude earlier blinks at you, urging you to explain further, “uh...additional symptoms may include vomiting, pain, stiffness of the neck, and papilledema. Death may follow rapidly as well.”  

A few from the people gathered around your seat clap their hands, along with compliments and offers along the lines of marriage and organ swaps.  

Someone mentions seeing the proctor approach the room and the group immediately disperses, everyone rushing back to their seats as quickly as possible. A middle-aged man enters, tells everyone to bring out their pencils and place their stuff by the platform, then momentarily leaves for the restroom.  

Jungkook fishes through his bag, turning each pocket inside and out over and over again. There’s no way this kid actually-- “Shit, where did that pencil go?” he murmurs, going through his bag once more. Looking away, you bite your lip to stop yourself from snickering. Jeon Jungkook is definitely on a different level.  

As expected, your entertaining seatmate calls you and asks for a pencil. With a deceivingly enthusiastic nod, you retrieve a pencil from your case just beside your chair. Your life after meeting Jungkook at the subway had finally led to this moment. He clears his throat and you figure it’s signaling the coming of another obnoxious comment.  

“Oh, I’m sorry, this wasn’t meant for you,” you look at him with the most apologetic look you can muster. Then you look at him, down then up, just as he had done back in the library, you smile widely before winking at him, making him hand your extra pencil over to the guy sat next to him, “Thanks, babe.”  

Jungkook scowls hard and you rejoice inside your head, making sure that your face doesn’t register the slightest bit of jest. His  scowl however, does not last for long. “Hmm, you’re the girl from the library, right? Smart and feisty...maybe you are my type after all,” he murmurs, tongue poking his cheek. You scoff loudly, scrunching your face in disgust. “No thank you.”  

“Oppa,” the girl’s shrill voice calls him one more time and you face forward to freely roll your eyes. If you aren’t mistaken, there’s even a hint of mild annoyance on Jungkook’s features. “Don’t mind her, oppa. You can have my extra pencil instead.” She tsks. “Some people just don’t know when to quit.”  

At least she got something right this morning: you don’t know when to quit. 

© joontier 2021

[staywritten]

A Love That Lasts│Epilogue

A Love That Lasts │ Epilogue

Synopsis: You’ve spent the last two years, helping your very handsome next door neighbor raise his adorable daughter. The two of you fell into a routine before you knew it. And now you had this little family. You couldn’t help but fall for him.

Genre: Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au, Smut

Word Count: 3044

Part I │Part II │Part III │Part IV │Part V

A Love That Lasts Masterlist

Masterlist. AO3

“Today’s the day! Today’s the day! Today’s the day!” Minseo jumped up and down on her father’s bed, waking him up with a belly flop. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around his daughter, kissing her hair softly and pulling her back into bed.

“Why are you so full of energy?” he smiled into her fluffy hair. “I’m the one getting married”

“Because after today I have a Mom!” she chimed. 

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes to look at his daughter. “You’re really happy about this aren’t you?”

“The happiest!” she beamed. “This is gonna be so cool! I get a Mom, and two new grandparents and it’s the best” She hugged him as tight as she could “And grandmas helped me pick out a dress and it’s so pretty!”

“Baby a lot is gonna change, I want you to let me know if it gets overwhelming.” he looked down at her sincerely.

“I’m fine!”

“You’re getting a mom… I’m getting a wife...we’re moving into a new house...our family is getting bigger- wow in laws… in laws that probably hate me...” he mumbled to himself, a frown forming as it finally all sank in just how much his life was gonna change in the matter of a few hours.

 “You ok Daddy?” you pouted pressing the furrow between his brows.

“I think I’m getting cold feet…” he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“I’ll get you socks!” she chimed, wiggling out of his arms.

You were prepared for a stressful wedding. The planning process proved to be more challenging than all your years of med school and your residence. Dealing with not only your overbearing mother, but also Chan’s. Every decision you made followed by another five. You were happy to get this wedding over with.

You wanted nothing more than to just legally call Chan your husband and Minseo your daughter. “Just a few more hours” you sighed. 

You frowned looking down at your phone while getting your hair done. The last time you saw him was yesterday afternoon since your mom was so superstitious. She made you stay in your childhood, not wanting Chan to see you until your wedding. You texted him the moment you woke up but he hadn’t said anything back. You know he read the message, it was so unlike him to not reply but it was your wedding day perhaps he was just overwhelmed getting ready. 

Minseo ran inside the hair salon with your mom trailing behind her. “Today’s the day!” she cheered running into your arms. 

A smile instantly appeared on your face as you kissed her cheek. “Today is the day!” you grinned, nuzzling her nose. “You ready to get your hair and nails done?”

She nodded “Can I have matching nails with you?” 

“Of course you can Baby” your eyes softened, squishing her face. “I missed you, did you sleep well?”

“Mhmm! But I wish you were home”

“Me too” you pouted “How did your Dad sleep? Was he ok this morning?”

“He slept well~ But he has cold feet! I gave him extra socks before I left”

You frowned “Cold feet huh?” she smiled, shaking her head. “Well you were super smart to give him extra socks” you touched her nose. “Thank you”

“Minseo, let’s get your nails started” your mom called out to her walking her over to the nail tech, to sit with Chan’s mom. 

You sighed when your mom walked over to you, crossing her arms over her chest. “Mom please don’t start” you knew exactly where this conversation was going. 

“The boy has cold feet, what are the chances you think he’s actually going to show up?” she whispered to you not wanting to make a scene. 

“Here we go again” you rolled your eyes “Mom it’s a wedding, everyone gets nervous. Stop making this into a direct attack on Chris”

“Maybe you’re rushing into things”

“And there it is”  you looked to your mom and shook your head. 

You introduced Chan and Minseo to your parents not too long after you started dating. They always knew about them since you talked so fondly of your neighbors but they weren’t too surprised you started dating. Your mother just wasn’t too fond of you dating a man that had a child. She instantly fell in love with Minseo the moment they met, who couldn’t? She was a bundle of joy. But she always looked at Chan like he wasn’t good enough. Both your parents were Doctors, you were their only daughter and sure, your relationship with Chan wasn’t conventional, but it never was. You knew she looked down on him, even if she didn’t explicitly say it. 

“Mom I’m not having this conversation again, especially not on my wedding day.” You glanced down the salon and looked at Minseo animatedly speaking to her grandma and smiled. “I love Chris and Minseo so much…And I know it’s not what you wanted. I know that you would rather me marry some doctor with no kids and that we started a family once we got married but I chose this. I fought this feeling I had for him for years and I’m tired...I just want to be with the man I love. Chris has been my family long before this wedding”

“Look, I understand that you have feelings for Chris, he’s a nice young man, but-”

“No buts. No more buts.”

“What about the girl's mother? Is she really out of the picture? Who abandons their daughter?”

“The girl has a name. And Minseo is my daughter now. As for her mother, Chris will tell me when he’s ready I’m not pushing him on this.”

“But”

“No. Who I marry is a nonnegotiable.” you stood up, moving over to the makeup artist table. 

Bickering with your mom was nothing new, especially when she got a little too pushy, But you did wish that Chan would at least respond to your text to ease your mind. 

After a few hours of hair and makeup, you stared at yourself in the mirror, a little speechless. You were really doing this, you were gonna be married. You smoothed down the dress, running your hand over the embroidered lace. You had that ah-ha moment when you were dress shopping but there was something about seeing it all put together. 

Hearing the little chime of your ringtone you frowned. There was no reason that Felix should be calling you a few minutes before the wedding. Taking a deep breath you answered. “Hey?”

“Hey~” his tone a little too casual given the timing. “Um… so you must be wondering why I’m calling”

You sighed heavily “Felix what is it?”

“Ok, don’t be mad but-”

“Don’t start with don’t be mad!”

“See now you already sound mad and I’m too scared to tell ya”

“Felix!”

“I may have misplaced something…”

“You’re the best man Felix! Did you lose the wedding rings?”

“I’m offended! Those rings cost more than the down payment on my car” he scoffed. “They are safely tucked away in my blazer”

“Then what did you lose? Oh no, was it Chris’s tux?”

“Nah, I lost Chris”

“You what?! What do you mean! Felix!”

“See I asked you not to get mad, and yelling sounds a lot like being mad”

“How the hell did you lose a person?”

“I don’t need the attitude, he’s a lot faster than Minseo and can cover a lot more ground, I didn’t know he was a flight risk” he sighed “Look Jisung is calling him, and I’m checking around the venue, I’ll keep you updated”

“Please do…” you shook your head, hanging up. 

Well this was a turn of events. Your wedding planner made sure you had at least three back up plans for any other decision you made but there was no plan for a run away groom. You looked at the time, there was still thirty minutes before you had to be in the wedding hall, so you figured you’d look for your fiance. You needed to make sure he was ok, especially since he never shut you out before. You switched out of your strappy heels and into a pair of sneakers, hiking up your dress so that you could see your feet. 

There was a small knock at the door before it cracked open. You looked up and your eyes met a very tired Chan. He chuckled seeing you slip on your sneakers. “Runaway bride?” he grinned leaning on the door frame. 

You released a relieved sigh. “I’m not the runaway! Your groomsmen said you left?”

He laughed before walking inside and closing the door behind him. “I literally told Changbin that I was going to the venue first because I needed to talk to you” He took your hands into his rubbing his thumbs over your skin. “You look so beautiful…” his dark brown eyes practically twinkling as he looked at you. “Wow…” his cheek dimpled as his smile widened, he spun you in his hands as he took you in. 

You shyly looked at him, the warm way he stared at you making you more embarrassed than ever. “Should I be concerned that you wanted to talk to me before the wedding?” you frowned a bit “You’ve been ghosting me all day”

He gave you a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry...I just needed some time” 

“To think about us…?”

“No, not us” he smiled “We’re solid. I love you...but” he brought your fingers to his lips. “I just...I felt a little guilty. I wanna give you all of me...but I just..I’m a little worried that all of me isn’t enough...”

“Chris…” you frowned, taking his hand and bringing him over to the couch to sit with you. “You’re more than enough...if you didn’t know that then I’m...I’m not showing you how much I love everything about you…”

“I have a ways to go...but I always try my hardest...I’m not there yet but I’m trying-”

“You are perfect.” your tone, absolute. There was not a single thought in your mind of how perfect he was for you. 

“Your parents must hate me...They raise a beautiful, independent kind doctor and she settles for a single parent who make music-”

“Hey, that’s my soon to be husband you’re talking about. I’m not gonna let anyone trash talk you Chris, including you.” you squeezed his hand “And that last time I checked, I was the one marrying you not my parents.”

“But-”

“No buts. Yes you’re a parent. A parent of the literal light of my life, I can’t imagine my life without Minseo...I love her so much and you being her father will never be a negative...and yes you make music, you pour your heart into your passion and I love watching how you light up when you talk about it…. Chris I’m not settling for you in any capacity. I chose you to be my partner, my best friend, my soulmate, and my husband”

He let out that shy sweet giggle he had that you loved so much, his shoulders shrugging along with it. “I still don’t think I’m good enough but I’ll try to be…”

“Then I’ll spend the rest of my life as your partner, showing you that you are more than enough” you leaned in pressing a sweet kiss against his lips.

“I love you...and I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure that you always think I’m enough.. I’m really happy you’re gonna be my wife” he grinned at you pressing his forehead against yours. 

“Any more concerns? I want to rid you of your worries” you smiled lovingly at him. 

“I want to give you the world…”

“Chris you already have… You and Minseo are my whole world”

He pulled back, lacing his fingers with yours. There was something else that’s been weighing in the back of his mind, he always pushed it away because there was never a proper time to bring it up. He wanted to get married once, and to be fair to you he figured he should finally come clean about his life. “I wasn’t planning on telling you this minutes before we got married but...About Minseo’s mom…”

“Chris you don’t have to” you were always curious, but there was just something about his eyes that made you not push further. 

“But I want you to, I want to be fair to you...To know me” he took your hand placing it over his heart. “Know all of me…”

“Then, I’m here for you”

And for the first time in five years he opened up to someone. Felix and his parents were the only people who really knew the details. But there was something about coming clean to you that made him feel like a huge weight was lifted. He told you about his first love. The first person he gave his heart to, and the first time he dealt with heartbreak. She was stubborn, strong, independent, and dedicated to her job. Everything that he loved her for became the reason they broke up. 

“We didn’t plan for Minseo, but we did everything to prepare for her. To make sure she was loved. I was surprised at first but the moment I heard her heartbeat I knew I was going to do everything I could to protect her….As I got more invested in all of the prenatal care, my girlfriend seemed to lose a part of herself… It was like she powered through it… She was never the type to want to be a mom but I thought she changed her mind...But as soon as Minseo was born she left. Gave me full custody and a goodbye letter.”

Your eyes watered hearing his story, seeing the pain in his eyes. You pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back softly. 

“Despite that… I don’t hate her... Because in the end, it was just so her...She couldn’t be tied down and I used to love her for that… And I thought I could change her... that maybe she’d pick me and our child and stay with us” he let out a broken and bitter laugh. “But if she stayed we would have been miserable...She would have resented me...Minseo wouldn’t have had a happy home, and for that I have no regrets” he looked up at you sheepishly, giving you such a sad smile. “If you’ll still have me… I’m all yours.”

There were no words of comfort you could offer him. Because this was a wound that he’s already healed. It was just one that he’s kept hidden. There was nothing more you could do to heal it, but you could show him that you love him, and everything he came with. “Christopher, I’ve told you before… I'm your partner, I’m not going anywhere”

“Promise?” and there was something about how he looked up to you with his big, warm, brown eyes. The vulnerable look of hope as he held his pinky out. You couldn’t help but smile at how similar he was to Minseo. 

“Promise” you wrapped your pinky around his, pressing your thumbs together, sealing the promise. “You ready to get married?”

“Absolutely” 

“I’m gonna go wait for you down the aisle” he pecked your lips again before heading out. 

You couldn’t help but smile, practically beaming and watching him leave. It was go-time. You changed back into your heels and took a deep breath. One final longing look at yourself before your father came in. “You ready?” Your dad watched you warmly, a smile never leaving his face. “You look so beautiful” he pulled you into the biggest warmest hug. “I can’t believe I have to give you away”

You laughed leaning into your dad as he walked you toward the hall. “You and mom both”

“Your mom means well...You know how she is?”

“I do but I just wished she wasn’t so hard on Chris...He works hard, he does what he loves and makes sure that his daughter wants for nothing. I appreciate him...I fell in love with his kindness first...Dad, he’s my home”

“I’m gonna be honest I thought he was an opportunist, and I didn’t see what he offered you at first but...the way you look at him… the way you stand up to your mother...how you are with Minseo. I see it.” he smiled, rubbing your back softly. “You chose your home and I’ll love and respect you for it.”

“Thanks Dad…”

He kissed your forehead as you reached the wedding hall, the music from the piano chiming as they anticipated you. “You will always be my Baby… but you’re gonna be that man’s wife, and that sweet little girl's mom.. You ready for that responsibility?”

“I am” the sureness in warmness in your voice was all the reassurance he needed. Your mom would come around eventually, but for now having your father's support and the love of your new family gave you the strength to support Chris.

As the doors swung open your eyes instantly went to your fiance standing by the altar, Minseo in his arms, eyes practically sparkling as she happily whispered to him, pointing at you. Even Though he’d spent the past twenty minutes by your side with you in your wedding dress, it really didn’t hit him until this moment that you were going to be his wife. 

The nerves finally hit you as you walked down the aisle. It wasn’t that you were anxious, you were just excited to finally start this part of your life. Your new family was waiting for you. 

And although you knew that you guys weren’t perfect, and there will be obstacles in your way. You were sure that with Chan you two could overcome anything. 

End.

Thank you for sticking with me all this time, we’re finally saying goodbye to this series. I’m sure I’ll make a oneshot for it here and there, just because I really like writing Minseo.

And *cough* I’m also *cough* maybe working on a short series/one shot for Minseo’s mom as the reader >.>

∘Tags List:

@skzsprinkles @tophuphu @hugs4chan @channieboyo  @cobbiebaexqueen @minnieskz  @em0cleo  @chwrryeols​ @binki-g @mythicalamphitrite

[therealpussybangs]

I miss you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: TW- Death, Crying, Yelling/Screaming, Illness (Untold), Grave visiting, Meds, Needles.

NOT MY ORIGINAL IDEA THIS STORY IS MINE BUT THE PROMPT HAS BEEN USED MANY MANY TIMES BEFORE!!!

You might like listening to this song while listening to the second half of the story T^T ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“Koutaro-san!!” Akaashi yelled as Bokuto collapsed onto the cold tile of the hospital floor. 

“Keiji...! I-I’m okay! Help me up and we can go to your book signing!” He looks at the man he loves so much, with such happy and hopeful eyes, and that’s when Akaashi broke. He remembers his high school days when he would look at him the same way after a powerful spike. But it was different now. His eyes used to be so much brighter, and his dark eye bags gone...He misses the old, healthy Bokuto, and he will never forgive god for the things he has thrown at his lover.

“You,, you have to stay here and rest. It’s not healthy for you to leave here Koutar-” He was cut off by Bokuto grabbing his arm and looking down.

“Please can we go to the signing... I really want to be there” he pleads, helpless and he knows it. He hates it. He hates how lifeless hes become and how he can’t get up and do things for himself. He’s sick. And he will be forever. Until its over. He misses playing volleyball, he misses the energy he once had, he misses the fun times and the memories. 

“No Koutaro, I wont let you” The nurse interrupted, and sat him back down and gave him some meds. “You need your rest, just like Akaashi-San said” She side-eyed Akaashi and went on with tending to bokuto. Re-adjusting Iv’s and giving him more medicine and food.  

“Bye love! I’ll be back right after...” Akaashi said right before he left for his event. Right before he left, he heard the nurse say something to Bokuto and she walked away. Akaashi arrived back to the hospital around 8 where he heard the buzz of his lover’s pule tracker. He sighed in relief and crawled into bed with Bokuto.

“Mmm Keiji, cuddle me..” He says, muffled by his pillow. Of course Akaashi snuggled close to him, whispering sweet nothings to his soulmate. Around 3 hours later, Akaashi was all snug and warm, asleep. Bokuto wasn’t feeling very well, so he was still awake.

“You never told me how the signing went..” He trailed off as he just stared at the man in his arms lovingly, until he felt tingly, and faded. He started to feel dizzy so he wanted to go to sleep. He kissed Akaashi’s soft bedhead and whispered one last “I love you” before slipping into a deep sleep. Or so he thought.

That morning Akaashi woke up to a flat line on Bokuto’s pulse machine. For the first time in his life since Bokuto was diagnosed, he lost his cool. He began screaming at the machine, telling it was wrong. Asking for Bokuto to wake up, and shaking him trying to make him regain consciousness. The nurse ran into the room and activated a code blue, and everything started to get blurry and it all melted together. The next thing he knew, he was sitting in a waiting room, face tear stained and wet. 

“I am so sorry for your loss Mr. Akaashi...” Some irrelevant mam said to him, wearing a suit, hair slicked back, sounding so monotone it made him sick.

“He was such a bright, happy person...” He said before making a realization. “I never told him about how the signing went... I..I NEVER TOLD HIM!” He yelled to the man, who stared at him blankly and shocked. He was beyond confused as to what was going on, while Akaashi started yelling and screaming and crying.

“Sir you have to leave, it’s time to go home now” The man said to him calmly and again, in that disgustingly monotone voice.

“HE IS HOME!! MY HOME IS IN THERE!! HES OKAY YOU’RE LYING TO ME!! HE WAS FINE!! HE IS HOME!! Take me home...”

That was the last time Akaashi cried until his husbands funeral. That dreadful day, he never wanted to come. Bokuto was supposed to be smiling, with tan skin and a glow around him, but it was as if he was in black and while. No smile, no glow, pale, thin skin. It wasn’t Bokuto...it couldn’t be. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                     5 Years later, Akaashi had realized it in fact was Bokuto. He was really gone, forever. He visited his grave everyday, with a volleyball. He would set it over and pretend they were in a match. Finally, today, he was going to tell Bokuto how the signing went that day. 

“Hey Bokuto...I want to tell you how the signing went...!!” He takes a deep breath in and sits down. “It went really well....We got a lot of new book orders too...and I bought us some silly sniff couples shirts because i know you like those so much...” He puts the shirt at his heavily decorated grave, and sits there crying, looking at the ground. 

                                      “I miss you”

[burntmcnuggies]

A Hopeless Fight

Yandere Levi x Reader

Warning: this story contains blood, gore, and suggestive themes such as kidnapping, murder, non-consensual touching, forced sex, and drug usage. You guys have been warned! Now all of you who wanna read! Please enjoy! :D

Chapter One: Hopeful

“Morning (Y/N)!”

“Oh good morning deary!”

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Have you brought us treats again?!”

I laughed and smiled at all of the people greeting me as I walked into the hospital. I kneeled down to the kids and dig into my purse, pulling out their favorite candies. “Now don’t eat it all at once, small bites ok? And don’t make Dr. Zöe mad alright? Be good.” They thanked me enthusiastically and hugged me. I smiled warmly and hugged the poor little cancer kids back. A special connection was between me and those sick kids. My little brother had sadly passed away from cancer, and I promised myself one day I would help in the search for a cure, and help others. “There’s my favorite little visitor!” I looked towards the eccentric voice of my friend and gave her a teasing grin. There was something strange about her though, I couldn’t put my finger in it. “And my favorite doctor! How’s it going Hanji? Busy today as usual?”

“You know it! I really need your beautiful talent of manipulating people to help me get through some stubborn patients!” I sweat dropped at her semi-rude perception of my so-called “power” she believed I had. I was just honest, and respectful to all of the families with loved ones who are sick. Of course as I mentioned my brother had cancer, and the doctors did everything they could. If I had a chance, I would save others too! “An odd way of saying it, but yeah! Let’s go! I’m ready!” She gave me a grin and turned on her heel confidently, holding her clipboard and marching over to the elevator. I followed after her, looking around and smiling at the children and patients of the hospital. “First patient! 24 year-old woman in a coma. We need to do brain surgery but the mother won’t consent.”

“Come on, Hanji.” I took the paper from her clipboard and then grabbed another from the nurses desk. I was still only a med student, but my messy haired friend had already given me permission to visit and discuss procedures with patients and administer IV’s. “Give me something more challenging.” She chuckled and smiled before walking off to go see another one of her many patients. I walked into the room and closed the door slowly. “Hello ma’am.” I greeted the older woman who sat beside her daughters bed, just staring and holding her hand. She looked up and quickly wiped her eyes, squeezing her daughters hand tighter. “My name is (Y/N), and I’m a nursing med student in the area... I wanted to talk with you one last time about your daughters condition...”

—

“(Y/N)!!! You’re too good! You got the consent in under 5 minutes! That HAS to be a new record!” I grinned and laughed talking a sip of my water before picking up my sandwich again. I had visited at least 7 patients in a little under 2 hours and gotten the consent for major surgeries from all of them. I guess i really did have some sort of gift, or it’s just my way of persuasion. “Well I’m glad they all turned out to be ok. The first patient you gave me finally woke up from the coma... now some other nurses are giving her steroids and observing her.” I smiled warmly down at the table, feeling a warm bubbling sensation in my heart. It was that beautiful feeling of knowing I’d helped someone in need. I knew this was where I belonged. “Dr. Zöe, please let me be an oncologist here once I graduate med school!”

Hanji looked at me surprised, not expecting me to be so straight forward with her in asking such an important question. Honestly it was more like a statement. She smirked and set her food down. “Alright. Sounds good to me.” I looked at her surprised and started to tear up a little bit. Finally, the dream I’ve wanted ever since my brother passed was finally going to come true soon. All I have to do is finish med school in a couple weeks and I’ll have it! “Thank you so much Hanji... you have absolutely no idea how much this means to me...” She smiled and leaned over, patting my head as if I were some kind of dog. I continued to smile and cry in happiness, but my happiness was short-lived once I looked up at the news. It seems I wasn’t the only one paying attention.

“And now onto Chief Erwin Smith for a very important segment.”

“Goodmorning Trost. Heartbreaking news: the ashes of Dimo Reeves was found in the Trost landfill this morning at 3am by a nightly worker. All blood was drained from the body, and it’s clear there was evidence of torture and mutilation. There is also no sign of the other man that’d been missing for two weeks. If you knowing anything about their deaths or disappearances, please contact the number at the bottom of the screen.” My eyes widened in surprise. Dimo Reeves? He ran the largest chain of market in the states. Sina, Maria, and Rose! Without him then who is going to be the CEO of the Reeves company? And they still haven’t found the other guy? “I wonder why the police aren’t getting involved. I mean, shouldn’t they be investigating? People have been going missing and turning up dead left and right... the town is in a panic.” I looked down in sadness that all of those people had gone missing. It also scared me. None of the victims had anything in common. They didn’t even know each other. Rumor was the killer was possibly a hitman. I have no doubt that’s true. “In response to the many civilians wanting answers. We’ve put our best officer on the case, Corporal Levi Ackerman.”

“Oh I’ve heard of him...” Hanji mumbles and glares at the screen, pouting a bit while she sipped her drink I looked back up at the screen and watched as a rather short handsome young man walked onto the screen, standing beside the blond-haired chief. “Rumor is he’s the strongest man in the world. He’s cracked over a hundred cases and is very skilled in combat. Looks like they are stepping up the game.” Strongest man in the world, huh? He doesn’t look the part of the strongest man in the world, but I can’t judge much since I haven’t seen underneath his navy police uniform. There was something that unnerved me about him though. His eyes. A beautiful color indeed, but deep within, he was hiding something. But what? “Nobody stands a chance against him. He’s basically an S+ class detective.”

“My team and I will find this murderer, and bring him to justice. As a precaution we ask everyone to limit themselves of how much time they spend outdoors. Until we’ve caught the killer, it’s advised that every household has an armed weapon nearby.” I understand the need for that, but wouldn’t that cause suspicion and caution between neighbors? Knowing that the person right next door has a lethal weapon and can discharge it at will. Maybe I’m overthinking it. “Officers will be placed in every area as security. Thank you.” Shouts of gratitude and encouragement were thrown at the ebony-haired man as he walked off stage with his commanding officer. Something about him just wasn’t right. Murmurs filled the food court with gossip about Corporal Levi. Some praising how strong he was, others discussing how safe they felt with him being on the case of the murderer. “He seems confident... perhaps a little too cocky don’t you think? I don’t know... something just feels off about him.”

I failed to notice my friend flinch from across the table. “How exactly?” She asked in curiosity. I shrugged and stared at the man walking out of the view of the TV camera. What did i see him that made me so uneasy? “It’s his eyes. There’s something deep within them. Something almost... sadistic if you know what I mean? I’m probably just being paranoid.” Hanji clenched her fists and laughed off my explanation. She casually brushed my accusation to the side after that and picked up her phone to check the time. “You’re overreacting. He’s helped a lot of people. We should probably be heading back now. I have a surgery to oversee in twenty minutes. Think you can visit some of the cancer children while I’m away?” I nodded and picked up both our plates, kindly disposing of her food as well to help her save some time. When I turned around to say something she was gone. I raised a brow and gave a quick glance around the room. She must’ve gone to the OR already. Well, looks like I can go start my task too! I walked down the hallway with a smile on my face to give hope to the many ill patients. Sometimes a smile can give people hope and set them at rest.

Waiting for death is cruel. But giving people hope, can help them live up those last moments of presumed hopelessness to make themselves happy.

Hope makes people keep pushing. Which is why I will never give up.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Levi, we might have to do something about her earlier than I expected. She’s too smart for her own good.”

“Tch, couldn’t have let me prepare? I’ll be there in 20.”

[tonystarkissist]

How about... tony is jealous of happys role in peters life?

Thank you very much for the prompt! I actually had a lot of fun with this one :D It’s been a while since I’ve written something so simple and short and it was actually pretty nice!

Word Count: 1879

It didn’t really bother Tony all that much at first. He saw it as more of a blessing than anything else that the kid had decided to subject Happy to his ramblings and elaborate voice messages instead of him. It kept his phone message free and his mind sane. 

Though, as time passed by, the lack of direct communication just seemed to piss him off more and more.

It was like the kid deliberately took every possible alternative just to avoid speaking with him directly. Heck, the kid had his phone number… his phone number. He never even gave Steve his personal phone number. So, there was no valid excuse for the kid not to call him. Yet, the brat felt the need to make it difficult and relay all his messages to Tony through Happy. And, yeah, okay, Tony might be a bit more understanding if Happy didn’t have the forgetfulness of an elderly man suffering of Alzheimer’s, but he did, and it was quite literally like pulling teeth when he needed to pry information from the man. 

“Hap, where’s Peter? You were supposed to drop him off here an hour ago.”

“Oh yeah… the kid’s real sick. He called me this morning and told me to tell you he couldn’t make it. Sorry, I forgot. The kid’s Aunt had me runnin’ all around town trying to find this special Tylenol medicine for him. Oh, by the way, the kid was wondering if you had any super meds leftover from Steve. He kept burning through that over the counter stuff in like 5-minutes.”

It even got to the point where Happy would simply just forward any voice messages he received from Peter straight to Tony because it was such a hassle for him to remember important things. Tony even told the kid that too, suggesting that just maybe he might consider calling his phone to give his after-patrol reports just to make things a little easier, but the kid grinned sheepishly at him and shrugged his shoulders with a simple “I don’t want to inconvenience you Mr. Stark.”

Tony, of course, had rolled his eyes and insisted there was no inconvenience at all. Still… the kid never called and he never texted. The only communication he received directly from the kid was their twice a week meetings in the lab after school got out.

Even then, Tony got the vibe that the kid wasn’t all that comfortable being around him. He refused anything Tony offered him and he wasn’t at all the rambling motormouth Happy made him out to be.

“Kid, you want something to eat?”

“No thank you Mr. Stark. Happy took me to Burger King after school. He even let me get a shake too!”

Tony wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t. Jealous was a very strong word. And he wasn’t jealous.

And besides, there was no reason to feel jealous. He was Iron Man. An Avenger. A billionaire. The owner of a multibillion dollar company ran by his stunning fiance. He had no reason to be jealous of his hot-headed, grumpy, slightly delusional head of security who was oh-so desperately in need of a girlfriend. No reason.

Except, maybe he did feel a little prickle of green against his skin when he was reminded of the developing relationship between his mentee and good friend. It was inevitable, really. It should be expected they grow at least a little close. Happy picked him up from school twice a week. Drove him to the Tower and back. More often than not, the man stopped to grab food, per Tony’s instruction, so the boy could eat his fill. Heck, all the things Tony really knew about the kid were via the channel Happy Hogan. 

“Y’know, the kid had braces a year ago. Has the retainer glued to the back of his teeth. The kid hates popcorn, ‘cause the kernels always get stuck.” The man had told him while Tony was trying to brainstorm bonding activities for him and the kid and got the idea for movies and popcorn…

“Yeah, the kid hates peppermint. He says it’s ‘cause of the Spider bite. Spiders hate peppermint.” Happy had told him when Tony started freaking out after the kid dashed out the penthouse, hacking and gagging all the way. It was near Christmas… and Pepper loved her Christmas candles.

“You sure about that Tony? The kid’s kinda paranoid when it comes to creepy crawlies.” Tony had learned when his resolve to bond led him to an idea involving spiders, behavior studies, and perhaps a little learning of Peter’s spider-like idiosyncrasies.

Tony liked the kid. He liked the kid a lot. One of best he’d ever met… and the kid obviously worshiped the ground he walked on. And every so often the kid’s shy, tentative exterior would break away and he’d be able to catch a glimpse of the snarky, fun-loving teen beneath it. But sometimes he wished he had more time to spend with him. Maybe then a level of trust and comfort could develop because at this point he felt very out of the loop when it came to important matters.

He was a busy man, he understood that. He understood that he couldn’t always be the one to run to his aid when he got into some trouble. That’s why he had Happy keeping an eye on him… He just wished the kid was more inclined to confide in him rather than the body-guard working under his payroll. Many times, he’d get a call from Happy in the middle of the night, half asleep and exhausted, to tell Tony the kid had found his way into some trouble again and he was requesting back up. It wasn’t that Tony minded the 2am wake up call… he just would have preferred listening to Peter’s voice instead of a grumpy old man’s with sleep apnea.

“Uh, Tony… the kid got hurt again. Just wanted to let you know… I’m bringing him to the med bay and he should be fixed up and back to business before you and Pepper get back from your trip.” Tony had listened to the message and immediately raced the suit back to New York, leaving a confused Pepper alone in their hotel room with a promise to return. And sure enough, as soon as he touched down on the landing pad and made it to the medical wing, Cho was already pulling out the IV from his arm and Happy was helping the kid stand. Tony remembered the exact moment the kid spotted him in the doorway. He was hoping for maybe a little surprise or excitement at his sudden appearance, but all he received was dread. “Mr. Stark,” he had said, “you didn’t have to come. I told Happy not to call you. It wasn’t a big deal.”

But the thing was that it was a big deal! A very big deal because the kid had been hurt and the kid hadn’t wanted him to know about it. 

Tony eventually just waved it off with an excuse claiming the kid just hadn’t wanted to inconvenience him again. It didn’t mean anything. Happy was the most logical person to call since Tony was out of the country. It didn’t mean anything. The kid wasn’t picking favorites… so that meant he couldn’t be jealous since there was no reason to be jealous.

Then, one evening while Happy was driving him and Pepper back to the Tower after their date night, a realization hit him. He was tired. Pepper was tired. And they were both drunk off their asses from the champagne and whiskey. Tony doesn’t remember what he said, but he does remember the sharp laugh that emitted from the front of the car. Happy had laughed… he had never heard Happy laugh before. That sound alone broke his drunken, giggly trance with Pepper and he was staring at Happy suspiciously, suddenly concerned that his driver had been guzzling some drinks of his own while he wasn’t watching, but Happy had waved him off. “It’s nothing Boss. I just remembered some silly joke the kid had texted me the other day.” The kid had texted Happy a joke… not because he was hurt, or needed to be picked up…. He hadn’t told Happy a joke simply to fill the silence in the car as they rode together to the Tower, or ate burgers and drank shakes at a lousy table in Burger King. Nope… the kid had gone out of his way to share something with Happy. “He calls ‘em Memes. They’re actually pretty funny.”

Pepper wasn’t so happy with him that night. His feathers had officially been ruffled and he brooded the rest of the night. Pepper had called it pouting, but so what?! Peter had picked a favorite and it wasn’t him… 

Despite his growing aversion to the sprouting relationship between Happy and the kid, he didn’t do anything to stop it. That is… until the last straw had been pulled when Happy tried taking a couple hours off. 

“The kid’s got a science fair today. He asked me to come and watch since his Aunt had to work.”

Long story short, Happy wasn’t the only one that went to watch Peter win first place.

“Mr. Stark,” Peter squeaked in surprise when Tony approached him, wearing a proud grin and eyeing the trophy in the kid’s hands. “What are- what are- what are you doin’ here?”

“Well, a little birdie told me about your science fair being today. I couldn’t miss out on that, could I? And really kid… really? You didn’t invite me? That one hurt. A stab to the back that was.”

Peter stammered out a long string of apologies and Tony clapped his shoulder with a lighthearted laugh, dusting off the trophy in Peter’s hands with the side of his index finger. “Don’t sweat it, kid. Now how about I take you out for some ice cream? I’ll break you outta this joint and we’ll have some fun.”

“Uh,” the kid’s eyes flickered over to Happy and Tony felt a small wave of jealousy rake over him. There he said it. He was jealous! He wanted the damn kid all to himself. He wanted to be the favorite. Was that so much to ask? 

“Nope. Don’t look at him. Just you and me. It’s my turn.”

Peter’s face breaks out into a shy smile and Tony can barely hear his answer over the loud chattering of kids surrounding them. “Uh, yeah… that would… I think that would be kinda nice.”

“Great,” Tony grins, throwing an arm around the boy’s shoulders to pull him closer. “I got the feeling that this is the start of something wonderful kid. Let’s go all out, huh? Ice cream, then back to the Tower for pizza, movies, and some more ice cream. We can watch Star Wars.” 

Tony didn’t think it was possible, but the kid’s smile grows even wider. “That sounds awesome Mr. Stark.”

“Sure does,” Tony smirked in triumph and shot Happy a patronizing wink over his shoulder. The man just rolled his eyes and Tony lead the kid out of the gym.

***

Tony’ would also like to happily report that after a month of his incessant demands for Peter’s attention and love, the kid felt it necessary to text him his very first 4 in the morning meme… 

… and Happy didn’t get one.

[iphoenixrising]

For 800 Followers!  Broken Trust: Continued

So. SO. The original Broken Trust was pretty traumatic, but I got so many wonderful comments on the post that I did write a second part. Just a warning tho, the previous part to the story contained a suicide attempt.  Here’s the aftermath.

A bit of a warning: one of my babes cried when she read this. It will hit your feels.

**

Raven and Gar stand behind Cassie when they firmly tell the Batfamily no, none of them can come to the Tower right now.

Nightwing and the Red Hood exchange a look while B is the usual silent and stoic, the darkness of the Cave behind them.

“Wonder Girl,” N hold up placating hands palms up, noticing the way Gar doesn’t look directly at the camera, and Rave is almost completely hidden by her cloak. He gets the impression of things not good. “We only heard Red Robin is in critical condition! Can you tell us anything about what happened if at least one of us can’t come see him?”

The family of detectives can pick out all the tells.

“My hands are tied until he wakes up,” the de-facto leader of the Titans goes with, as diplomatically as possible, “right now he’s being monitored twenty-four seven while he’s comatose–”

Because Kon and Bart won’t leave him alone for a second.

“–and we’re taking care of him–”

As we have been since he finally called out to us for the fun time against the League of Assassins in Gotham.

“–I’ll keep you updated with the latest news.”

“Comatose?” All three Bats on the screen echo with different pitches to their voices.

The sigh coming out of her is just on the edge of her patience.

“How?” Dick chokes out, “what the hell happened to him?”

Cassie just stares back, lips pursed.

“That ain’t good ‘nough, y’ feel me here?” The Red Hood’s helmet is turned toward the screen, arms crossed over his chest, “Baby Bird’s a Bat first n’ foremost–”

“Not in the last few years,” Cassie counters gently, firmly, “and the last instructions he gave us? Back when there were assassins all over your city? It was to keep the Bats out of his business. I’m only calling because–”

The Batman holds up a hand, “Wonder Girl, I’m grateful you did. But. I’m still Tim’s mentor and the only legal family he has. I’m asking you, please at least let me in the Tower to see him.”

“Batman,” and she massages the bridge of her nose, “I can’t. Not until he wakes up and tells me what he wants. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

She looks at the screen again, “please don’t try to force this. Gar’s family still owns Titans Tower, and I will authorize the security system to activate if you try anything. If–” her breath hitches, “when Tim wakes up, I’ll let you know.”

Gar finally seems to be able to move, stepping around Cassie to grin half-heartedly down at the camera. “You heard it from here. We’ll keep in touch. Tower, outtie.” And flips the button to cut the feed.

**

The monitor beeps steadily, the only comforting thing in the room.

Kon doesn’t need the soft noise to assure himself Tim is still alive.

He can hear it through his Robin’s chest.

For the last seventy-odd hours, he’s been sitting, laying, floating right in this spot next to the medical bed where his best friend is stretched out, comatose. He’s only takes short breaks to run to the bathroom.

The team keeps close tabs on them, bringing him food, someone always trying to stop by and stick around to keep him company.

(He knows what they’re trying to do.)

Food makes appearances and things get tucked away in the niches of the room. Tablets, books, a half-done knitting project, old school Playstation hooked up to the television, origami cranes all over the place.

The team is worried about both of them, and Kon still hadn’t told everyone what really happened out there, how he came to be flying madly in the Tower, sobbing while he carried Tim’s body, limp and still, blood everywhere. They’re worried because Kon’s been exhibiting signs of shock, white as a ghost, and quietly crying while Raven, BB, Cassie, and Miguel sprinted into action, getting their former Robin into the medical bay and working fast to try saving his life.

Kid Flash had watched from behind his working teammates, holding Kon tightly in both arms to keep the super on his feet, eyes wide when he catches glimpses of Tim’s slack, white face, blood on the pillow, on gloved hands, making everything more red than the old Robin tunic.

Since then, Kon’s been a wreck, unable to talk about it without breaking down, his immeasurable strength utterly useless in the face of whatever had happened to Tim.

(Raven and Gar went into the Safe Room of the Tower to talk it out, wondering if Luthor had some tech still hidden in their Superboy, if it was just like the time he’d broken Tim’s arm–)

So, the Titans absolutely close ranks, stay on edge, monitoring, waiting, watching, trying to be there for their teammate, trying to console him when Kon admitted he couldn’t stop Tim in time, he couldn’t stop him, didn’t know what he was going to do until it was too fucking late–

It’s enough to put the pieces together without forcing Superboy to come out and say it directly, keeping the pressure in the room for if...when Tim finally woke up.

New Protocols start appearing in the database the very next hour.

**

When he comes to, his mouth is so dry and his head is killing him.

Seriously.

The familiar room in the Tower’s Med Bay is soothing at least, not like he wants to be caught by the Joker right now or anything because that? Would not be conducive to Good Morning, Robin.

His senses gradually come back online, and turning his head on the pillow is just short of agonizing.

Conner Kent, Superboy, is sitting by the bed, head in his hands, shoulders shaking gently and Tim Drake’s eyes go wide, all the pain in his head forgotten when he sees his Superboy look up with red, watery eyes.

Tim shoots up in bed, can’t look away, can’t focus on the pain rolling down his spine with the movement.

“Kon?” Is a whisper, a broken sound, “Kon is it really you?”

Because fuck, he’s going to cry too, isn’t he?

(Oh yeah. Yeah, he is.)

“Tim! Oh my God, you’re awake! Tim, you’re awake!” The super barely has enough time to get to his feet before Tim Drake launches himself out of the medical bed, wires and IVs be damned, hurling himself straight at the red S shield against the black t-shirt.

Just like he expects, Conner Kent, Kon-El, Superboy, his best fucking friend–

–catches him.

Kon’s knees give out and they’re on the floor, sobbing against each other, Tim’s arms tight around him, holding on like he thought Kon would disappear the second he let him go, and all Tim is saying sounds vaguely like, “you’re alive, you’re alive! How the hell are you alive?!” where his face is buried in the side of Kon’s throat.

The camera are apparently working just fine because KF is in that room in the two seconds it took for Tim to launch himself out of bed and send the two sprawling all over the floor, ripped out wires all over them.

The speedster, his own eyes wet with relief, is gentle when he kneels next to them, when he touches Kon’s shoulder and lays a hand softly to the center of Tim’s back.

Bart’s mouth opens, ready to say something smarmy to cover up the emotions, something like, “hey, hey. Almost dead guys have to be in bed,” when Tim’s watery eyes are looking up at him and his expression is utterly fucking broken.

“Bart?” Cracks in Tim’s hitching chest, his eyes wide and wet and spilling over, and hands shaking but moving so fast to reach out and grip Bart’s shoulder. “Bart, you...Oh my God, you too! You’re back? You’re alive! You’re both alive.”

He has every intention of leaping up to throw both arms around Kid Flash as well, to bring him down and hold on to both of them forever, but when he tries to stand this time, his legs won’t hold his weight.

It’s only because the two of them are so super that he doesn’t go falling back down to the ground, both muscling a shoulder under his arms, sliding free hands around his waist. This time it’s Tim’s shoulders shaking while he bites down on his lower lip hard and tries to stop his eyes from spilling the fuck over, tries to keep the sobs trapped in the center of his chest where it won’t come out.

(Because he’s Robin, and that shit doesn’t happen…

And yet, here we are.)

He totally fails, and now they’re never going to let him live it down.

Bart darts across the room, viciously slams the intercom and yells for everyone to get to the Med Bay because their bird is awake, and someone needs to come down and put his damn IVs back in!

Then he’s hot-footing it back across the room, sliding on his knees to be right on Tim’s empty side, squirreling both arms under Tim’s since Kon’s is around his shoulders.

“I can’t believe it,” Tim sobs against the side of Kon’s face, wrapped in both of them. “I can’t...I can’t–”

“Tim, my bro,” Bart frees a hand to wipe across his eyes, “that’s our line. For fuck’s sake, you’ve been a coma for days. Do you have any idea how worried everyone is? Cassie is might literally punch you hard enough to break your head open again.”

“After you’re okay,” Kon’s voice is muffled and watery against his shoulder.

“After you’re okay,” Bart parrots back, “you asshole, you stupid, stupid asshole.”

“Asshole,” Kon chokes out, “how could you be so fucking stupid? Why didn’t you call me? Why...why didn’t–”

“You were dead. Both of you were dead, Kon. How could I have–”

And it’s a whoa moment right there.

Something very not crash.

“Tim what are you talking about? We’ve been back almost–”

With a terrible feeling in his gut, Kon cuts right in, “what’s the last thing you remember?”

With wide eyes, the super grabs both of Tim’s shoulders, “Tim. What the last thing you remember?”

“I...I moved to Blüdhaven. Because Steph. Steph...and you and you right after my dad,” He falters, pulling back, being Robin, trying to keep it the hell together.

(But he was literally the only one left standing. Just him and Dick and B, but that still didn’t make it better, didn’t make the pain go away, didn’t fill the void, didn’t bring them back.)

“What?” Kon mumbles, numb, not realizing his grip has gotten tighter and tighter until Tim flinches in his hold and Bart is pushing the center of his chest.

It takes a minute. A very long minute for him to breathe because Kon has such a bad feeling about where this might be going.

It takes Bart just a few more seconds than Kon. “Tim, Stephanie Brown isn’t dead. She’s alive.”

“Wh-what?” And even if his head is starting to hurt again, even if the nausea is building, he can push it all away with that sentence, with someone else he loved apparently alive. “She’s–she’s what now?”

Bart and Kon are looking at him intently from both sides, noticing how his expression crumbles, his shoulders slumping in shock, his eyes are blown wide, and he’s pulling back from them both, looking pale and unsteady.

Unconsciously, they tighten their grips around him, ready to catch, ready to hold him up, ready to be what he needed.

(It’s time to stop running.)

When Cassie slides almost past the door to the Med Bay, beating Gar literally by a hair, the small leopard gets with the program and leaps over her shoulder effortlessly transforming so they come to the three idiots on the floor.

“What the hell are you doing? Why isn’t Tim in bed?”

“Totes pulled out your IVs, man,” Gar tisks at him, the trembly kind of relieved to see one of his besties, a good teammate, a good leader, look up at him again instead of unmoving and unnaturally still. “Rave’s gonna get moody, right? No one wants to see that.”

He and Cassie are gentle, keeping in mind he’s the only one on the team that could get this fucked up and not die, while they get him back to bed.

Their resident supernatural specialist and part-time nurse comes in more serenely than her teammates, eyes warm when she spots Tim’s dazed eyes just watching them reinsert his IV and put patches back on his chest, a tube under his nose.

Looking up at Cassie, sees her I’m relieved you aren’t dead expression and just smiles dopily up at her (he can’t help a flash of awkward because, well, he’d kissed his best friend’s girl – they thought he’d been dead at the time, but...wait, does it still count?). His brain is fuzzy with the crazy emotional rollercoaster since he’d woken up and see his best friends alive, is still reeling a little bit from Steph. It makes him literally itch to get back to Gotham even if he’s sinking further down into the softer-than-it-should-feel medical bed with most the team scrambling around them.

He glances up when he catches Raven injecting something in his IV, smiles at her too.

But, it’s fine. He’s going to stay long enough to let them take care of him because he doesn’t have to go back to Blüdhaven and that shitty hovel he’d been holding up in after things went so, so wrong. Bruce had taken them training, had worked with Dick to bring Tim back from a terrible edge.

The three of them were working better together, and he’s staying at the Manor instead of his...his parent’s house or the Carriage House where he’d passed the heck right out more than once in his tenure as Robin.

Things are finally better.

And now? Now that he’s got Conner and Bart back, now that he can head back to Gotham and Steph...his Steph will be alive–

He’ll have cases to work and school to eventually go back to, or at least the GED test to take. He’ll have Gotham, dirty and dingy, corrupt and cold and cruel while being a beacon to the best and brightest and the dreamers and the innocent. He’ll have the Cave and his room down the hall from Bruce. He’ll sign the paperwork to change his last name–

(Drake-Wayne, who would have thought?)

–and try to make friends with Damian, again.

When it gets too much, he can come back to the New Teen Titans, and work it out with his team.

Life? Life is finally going his way.

(And if he doesn’t remember anything from before clearly enough to explain how he got hurt, well, that’ll wait until he wakes up.)

*Note: I imagine Tim’s memory is stuck on the One Year Later arc where after Tim, Bruce, and Dick went on some kind of training journey and afterwards, he comes back to reform the New Teen Titans, Cass is in the wind, probably not even Black Bat yet, and he’s sporting a red and black suit. It’s after he tried to clone Bart and Kon? I’m a little fuzzy on how the events fall, so I’m pretty much making it up as I go along :D

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

Whumptober Prompt 21 - Laced Drink

Read on ao3

Summary: Penny goes with Tony to a charity gala

TW: hospital

“You’re coming with me to the charity gala on Saturday,” Tony says, walking into Penny’s room without preamble.

Penny, who was previously working on homework at her desk, turns around and asks, “What did you just say?”

“You’re coming with to the gala,” Tony sits down on Penny’s bed, facing him. “Pepper doesn’t want to.”

“And I do?”

Tony rolls his eyes, “It’ll be good for you. So this week we’ll get you a dress, or a suit if you want, I don’t want to assume-”

“Tony,” Penny interrupts. “I can’t go to the gala.”

“Why?”

Penny sighs and leans back in her chair, “Tony, I have a lot of anxiety especially around big social events,” she says softly. Two years ago she never would have been this upfront with Tony about her anxiety. Oh, how things change.

Tony’s face softens as he reaches out to take Penny’s hand, “I know, Pen. I get it.” Tony squeezes Penny’s hand, “I’ll be with you the entire time. If you start feeling super anxious just tell me and we’ll leave, okay? It’ll be okay.”

Penny bites her lip, contemplating, “You won’t leave me alone?”

Tony shakes his head, “Not for a second.”

Penny thinks for a moment before quietly agreeing, “Okay.”

Tony smiles at her, “You’re the best, Penny.”

So that’s how, a few days later, Penny is standing beside Tony in a too expensive dress, staring at a room full of people she doesn’t know. Tony’s hand is on Penny’s shoulder as they stand just outside the gala hall.

“You good?” Tony asks softly. Penny nods, takes a deep breath, and lets Tony gently push her into the room.

The gala passes by in a blur.

Penny meets so many people she doesn’t remember and shakes so many hands. She answers the same questions over and over. Yes, she works for Tony Stark. Yes, she’s in high school. Yes, she’s an intern. Yes, she’d heard of your business. No, she’s not looking for a new job. Working with Tony is great. You have a good night too. It repeats over and over and over. She tries to remember everyone’s names, but no lymric or memorizing sequence helps her remember the dozens of white businessmen she meets in an hour.

“How are you doing, Pen?” Tony asks, pulling Penny to the side after they meet one last couple. He hands some money to the bartender as he pushes two glasses (on brandy, one water) towards them.

Penny shrugs as she takes the glass of water, “I’m okay. I’m just anxious about forgetting names and stuff.” She takes a small sip of water to ease her nerves.

Tony smiles at her, “Well I’ll give you the good news, you don’t have to remember a single one of them.”

Penny looks up at him with disbelieving eyes, “Really?”

Tony nods, “Yep. You’re never going to see these people again, so no. It doesn’t really matter.”

Penny grins, now that stress is gone she is able to relax a bit more, “Then I’m doing okay.”

Tony smiles, “I’m glad.”Tony nudges Penny’s shoulder, “I told you it wouldn’t be too bad.”

Without warning, Penny suddenly coughs into her arm. She coughs painfully three times, before lifting her head. But on her elbow is a dark patch of red against her pale skin. Penny gingerly touches it. She turns her hand to see blood staining her fingertips. Blood.

“Tony...?” She turns to face her mentor who wears a petrified look on his face. She presses a hand against her stomach, it’s painful. Her lungs aren’t taking in enough air.

“You’re okay, Pen,” Tony says, but he sounds uncertain. He wraps his arm around her waist to help support her. Penny leans against him, her lungs stuttering. Tony quickly takes out his phone and talks to FRIDAY, “FRI, get med staff in here, now.”

“Got it, Boss.”

Penny’s skin is sickly pale and her breathing sounds impeded, almost wheezing. Her hands are clutched tight to Tony’s suit coat. “Tony,” she whispers, her voice is hoarse.

“You’re going to be alright, kid.” Tony looks into Penny’s petrified eyes. “Med staff is on their way.”

Just as he says that three people in white uniforms run towards them. “Mr. Stark?” One of the women asks.

“It’s Penny,” Tony explains. The woman steps closer to Penny, looking her over, taking in the blood on her arm and lips. “She was coughing blood and she’s having trouble breathing.”

“Okay, Penny,” the woman gently takes her arm. “We’re going to take you up to the med bay.” Penny gives them a delirious nod and pulls away from Tony. She moves to follow after the med staff, but before her foot can touch the ground, she crumples to the floor. The doctor is instantly kneeling at her side, taking her pulse. Tony gasps and leans over, he doesn’t want to hover over the doctors, but he needs to know if she’s okay. Penny’s eyes are closed and she looks almost like a doll, or Snow White. Her lips are stained red with blood and her skin is porcelain white.

“She’s not breathing enough,” the doctor says. Tony thinks he’s going to have a heart attack. With the help of one of the others, the doctors lift Penny off the ground and carry her quickly to a stretcher waiting in the hallway outside. Tony follows them without hesitation. He can see the rest of the guests watching them, but he’s too worried about Penny right now to even care what they think.

One of the doctors puts something over Penny’s nose and mouth and starts to run, pulling the stretcher behind them. It seems that Penny doesn’t quite understand what’s happening because she reaches out for Tony, her chest heaving with panicked breaths.

“I’m right here, Penny,” Tony says, catching her hand and gently squeezing it. “I’m right here.”

They quickly make their way up to the medbay. The doctors get her attached to a heart monitor, and IV, and some antibiotics.

“What’s wrong with her?” Tony desperately asks the doctors as they rush around the room.

“We’re not sure,” one of the doctors says. “We think she’s been poisoned.”

“Poisoned?” Tony repeats in a daze. “Why on earth would anyone poison her?”

“That’s not our job,” the doctor says as he rushes out of the room. Penny reaches out for Tony again, making a soft noise to get his attention. Her breathing sound awful to his ear and her heartbeat sound too fast.

Tony takes her hand and sits on the edge of her bed, “It’s going to be alright, Pen. I promise.” Penny lets out a soft whimper and coughs violently. Tony gasps and jumps back as her breathing mask is suddenly covered in blood.

The heart rate monitor beeps like crazy and the doctors start to run around the room quickly going from one thing to another.

Then Penny starts to shake, her eyes rolling back into her head. “Shit!” One of the doctors yells. “She’s having a seizure.” Someone pushes Tony back, his hand pulls out of Penny’s. His hand comes up to cover his mouth as he stumbles back and hits the wall.

“Sir,” one of the nurses stands in front of him, “we need you to leave the room.”

Tony shakes his head, “No, no...she’s-she’s my daughter. I-I need to be here.”

“Sir, you can come back once we get her stable we’ll let you back in,” the nurse says kindly. She tugs on Tony’s arm until he stumbles after her. Once Tony is in the hallway, the door shut.

Tony sinks to the floor, covering his mouth as he cries. Then he hears rapid footsteps running down the hallway, “Tony!” He looks up at Pepper as she runs down the hallway. Since Pepper didn’t go to the gala, she’s wearing sweats and a t-shirt, but her hair is done up neatly. She crouches down beside Tony and pulls him into a hug, “Poison?” Tony nods sadly into Pepper’s shoulder. “Why on earth would someone poison Penny?”

“To get to me,” Tony whispers. “I did this to her.”

Pepper smacks Tony’s shoulder, “Don’t you dare say that Tony, this is not your fault.”

Tony is about to respond, but the door opens before he can. “Mr. Stark?” The kind doctor asks. “You can come in now.” Tony and Pepper are immediately on their feet. “We have her stable and we’re working as quickly as we can on a cure.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Pepper asks the nurse as Tony pushes past them and into the room.

The nurse sighs, “We don’t know yet. In all honesty, ma’am, if she has another seizure within the hour, her chances are low.” Pepper’s face falls as he glances to where her husband is holding Penny’s limp hand. “But things are looking good,” the nurse adds. “We were able to trace the poison to a glass of water she drank at the party and we have our best people working on an antidote.” Pepper thanks the nurse and sits beside her husband, “Did you hear any of that?”

Tony nods grimly, “I tried to tune it out.” He keeps his eyes on Penny who lays motionless in front of them. Tony thinks back to an hour ago, Penny had been so nervous to go to the fancy party, so worried about remembering names and faces. She had trusted Tony to take care of her.

Tony doesn’t say anything to Pepper, he just watches Penny breathe. The mask on her face is no longer covered in blood, but there is blood on her chin and the front of her dress. He wishes he’d brought her a change of clothes. The doctors whirl around them, but Tony seems to be frozen in time.

After what seems like days, a doctor runs into the room with a wide smile. Tony whips up to look at him as he quietly converses with the nurse before injecting something into her IV bag.

The nurse walks over to the couple with a pleasant smile, “We found a cure.” Tony and Pepper exhale a simultaneous sigh of relief. “We’re giving it to her now, and we’ll know if it works within twenty minutes when she wakes up.”

Tony nods with a soft smile as he turns his eyes back to his daughter, “You hear that, Penny? You’re going to be okay.”

It takes fifteen more minutes, but finally Penny’s eyes open. She looks over at Tony with a small smile. Tony feels like he could fly, “How you feeling, sweetheart?”

“Good,” Penny mummers around the mask. “‘M I okay?”

Tony squeezes her hand, “Yeah, honey, you’re going to be just fine.”

Tag List:  @just-the-daydreamer, @irondad-is-cannon-bitch, @anxiousangstyangel, @wicked-starlight-collector, @bookstorebunny

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[flyswhumpcenter]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you may have sent me requests according to this marvelous card!

We've always been fucked up because nature is, in fact, a dirty little bitch who enjoys itself with abnormalities. She gets amused by giving birth to men in women's bodies or does the opposite, sometimes.

This story absolutely isn't for the faint of heart. It openly and severely deals with gender dysphoria. It may be phrased with my usual dose of purple prose bullshit sparkles, but that's kind of it. It's still raw. Needless to say it's based on personal experience. Also, hahaha, guess who got stuck with his stupid ideas. I don't even remember why I picked "Forced Out of the Closet" back in August. I think I was planning on making this an original work thing, but it ended up never panning because I switched fully into fandom mood shortly thereafter. I'm pretty sure I was saying that about my first card back in April for "Panic Attack", no? Well, it ended up becoming this thing. I don’t know what to make of it yet.

It's a really weird note to end my 2nd BTHB card on. Until now, compared to the first card, I've been much more focused on physical pain. This has none of it and only 2nd POV narration and angst. I originally started it in a 3rd person POV, but it didn't work out and I thought it'd be worse if I wrote it in a 2nd person POV. It is. It's vivid and it's painful. I love it. Again, thanks to my Writing Crew for the support despite me being an edgy-ass bitch. I guess yiu can also call us the Derek Suffering Crew?

The title of this was what I wanted to give to the sixth chapter of Earth Never Stops, but it ended up not really ringing right with that chapter in particular. I feel like it fits here much better. And of course we gotta go with a rewritten Angie because, y'know. Canon Angie is canon Angie...

-------------

Like Honey in a Cup of Acid

Summary: You may have explanations to give to your assistant now that she's discovered something wasn't exactly normal, Derek. (You may also like not to do so because you want to forget).

Fandom: Trauma Center Relationship: Pre-rel DerAng

Wordcount: 2K words

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo​ (Thank you so much for having me for a second time!)

AO3 version available here.

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A sort of weight immediately hits you when Angie asks you if you can have a little talk now that your thoughts aren’t just a painkiller-induced mishmash of words and incoherent thoughts with neither head nor tail. She looks concerned and perplexed, puzzled even, her eyes never truly looking into yours. Almost as if, for once, the fierce and daring Angie is intimidated by something about you. Sounds farfetched, right?

Well, there could be a number of reasons. You did almost just die on her a couple days ago and surely you can’t look much better than your own patients at the moment. You know, the usual: pale face, dark rings under the eyes that look like trenches, reddened eyes… She could just be very concerned for you like Kimishima has told you before when checking if you were still amongst the living.

 When you finally have the “little talk”, it’s in your hospital room, with you still bedridden and her on a chair to your left, next to the IV drip still inserted into your wrist, her hands pinching her skirt or clutching a notepad against her chest when she holds it. You’re not sure if there’s something even written on the thing, wondering if it isn’t just her way to cope with stress and whatever is making her anxious. Her fingers are shaking and the hair on her exposed forearms is risen. How come she’s so terrified? Do you really look this awful?

“What did you want to tell me about, Angie?” You ask, in a gentle tone, making sure you aren’t forcing on your throat so you don’t worry her even more. The tense silence in the room and the lack of noise in the later hours of the evening helps your low voice to be heard.

“I… Huh… Well, it’s just that… I was curious!”

“Curious? About what?”

 Angie looks away, red creeping on her cheeks, breath hitching in her throat. She gulps, shakes her head, takes a deep breath in, another out, and finally, looking at the ground, starts speaking again.

“When Dr Kimishima started the operation I…” She hides her face in her hands, her notepad and pen clicking against the ground. “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing, but I haven’t stopped thinking about it since your operation!” Well, this sure is going to be a dirty secret, as Tyler would have said. “But, when she started the operation, I noticed something on your chest, and…”

Your heart skips a beat. You forgot about that, haven’t you? You forgot she’d notice such a thing, didn’t you? Alas, it’s a bit too late to pretend like she didn’t see what she must have seen. Kyriaki nor Paraskevi are known to leave stains on one’s skin, they aren’t Tetarti.

“What did you see?” You ask, feigning ignorance.

“Ah… I don’t know how to describe them well… But they were two weirdly shaped scars around your pectoral muscles. They kind of looked like –”

“—crescents, right?”

“Yeah!”

 Angie picks her notepad back into her hands, avoiding eye contact, much to his satisfaction. You really, really don’t want to have this conversation, this awful, rotten conversation you’ve had a couple times already. If it’s never ended too badly, even with your own mother, you still don’t want to live through it again. Alas, did you really think you’d escape it forever, especially with someone you hold so close to your heart (and in more ways than one too)? You’d have had to tell her one day anyway, so better get on with it, right?

Wrong. Your hands are trembling and your throat is tied into a knot. You don’t want to utter these forsaken words. You want that part of you to remain a secret from the entire world. But, alas, you also don’t want to lie to your trusted nurse, to your best friend during surgery procedures. In any case, she’d eventually guessed you lied to her, so popping the bubble off now or later is kind of the same. But, even with that knowledge in mind…  It doesn’t make what’s about to happen any less dreadful.

 Derek?

What if she isn’t as accepting as she seems? What if she stares at you right in the eyes like a freak, like a circus monster, like a broken doll that was badly stringed back together, like something that shouldn’t be, like, like…

Huh… Derek?

And, hey, what if she thinks you’re not fit for you job because of this? You’re technically experiencing a state of distressed triggered by the littlest things. It’s about faraway childhood memories, whenever you see a father with his biological child, when someone mentions a monthly event you’d have rather never known… Hey, what if that happened during an operation?

Dereeeeek? Are you still here?

You can’t ignore the existential dread coursing through your veins. You know, the one that happens when you remember that your father never called you by your right name, what was written on your birth certificate, what they called you in high school, how you look on all the pictures your mom won’t set fire to like you wish you could do… Yeah, that dread. That toxic, lava-like dread.

Hey, Derek, what’s wrong?!

 Her urgent tone makes you snap back to reality. She’s staring at you with big, full of concern eyes, her hands on your shoulder, gently shaking it.

“Ah, sorry, I… must have zoned out. Sorry for worrying you, Angie…?”

“Are you alright? You’ve got tears in your eyes…”

You realize you have to look dumb and weird, so you take your glasses off and rub the water away.

“What were you saying, then?”

“Ah, huh… I was talking about the scars you had on your chest… I’ve never seen such specific shapes before. So…” Her hands tangle together. “I was curious, that’s it. Feel free not to reply, if it throws you in such a state of distress…”

“No, it’s… It’s fine. It’s just… difficult to explain.”

 Your voice breaks when you try to push the words out of your tangled throat. You aren’t ready for this. You’ve not found your way out of there yet. You’ve been pushed into a corner and the only way out is to find the right words at the right time while not knowing how she’ll react. Maybe she’ll really think you’re the error of nature you are, you whose brain and body weren’t able to match, you whose chromosomes and spirit never agreed before your birth, you who has had to fight your way out of the mess your own biology threw you into before you were even born.

Her fingers are cold against your feverish skin, against the goose-bumps that your medical gown doesn’t hide well. You’ve made it this far only for your world to perhaps crumble again and the existential dread appears again. What if she never accepts you again? What if she calls you “Mr Stiles” again, starts staring at you with an amused glare? What if this supportive glance she gives you and the kind words she’s offered since you got over your differences disappeared as soon as she knew? Why is it that you always have to throw a shot in the dark when the truth of your story comes back to bite you?

You need to trust in Angie, don’t you? She’s been kind of your guardian angel until now, would she give up on you for this? Do you believe so little in her for that to happen? Aren’t you too harsh on her, aren’t you getting too caught up in your own web?

 “I… got them from a surgery I had in med school. As far as I know, only Tyler and a couple other people are aware I have them.”

“From what kind of surgery?”

Here it comes. The nausea’s already here, twisting your stomach, squeezing your heart as it increases in pulse, choking your throat shut. If you weren’t in this bed, surely your head would spin.

“…Top surgery.”

Angie seems fairly confused, until her eyes snap open, glimmering in realization.

“You mean, like a mammectomy?”

“…Yes.”

Your voice almost fails you again. You feel tears you want to dry again burning your retinae, blurring your vision and the candid face of the nurse who’s just realized what you really were. You fucking liar.

“For…”

“Part of gender dysphoria treatment,” you reply trying to pretend to be an encyclopaedia, to be the internet pages you read in your teenage years when puberty got confusing and warped into a lucid nightmare.

“Oh my God…”

 Angie’s face distorts in what you can only qualify as distress, horror or disgust. She tries looking at you, fixating on your bandaged chest, her gaze struggling to even meet with your face. You wish you could pat her head, tell her it’s fine, that she didn’t know, that you’re sorry for being that and not telling her before, that she’s right to feel betrayed if that’s the case; but your hands are numb and dirty, covered in acid and black mud, and you can’t dirty her like that because you, yourself, are a special kind of a biological and anatomical failure. She’s a collection doll, you’re a broken toy.

“I’m sorry, Derek, I’m… I… I shouldn’t be like that!” She stumbles on her own words. “You’ve just told me such an important thing and I… I…”

“It’s fine…” You try to sound reassuring, but the truth is that you’re still shaking, terrified and apprehensive.

“I should’ve known! It’s such a sensitive topic, I… God, Angie, you need to pull yourself together and stop being so noisy!”

He clutches her hand at last.

“It’s fine, really. I’m… at least glad I could tell you by myself…”

That’s not entirely wrong. You just wish you didn’t feel backed into such an uncomfortable corner. It’s not her fault, of course, she was just concerned for an abnormal thing about you… A lot of you is abnormal, after all.

 “I’m still me, though.” He wants to assert that with that shaky voice of his. “It’s just something I don’t like… talking about, per say.

Angie takes a deep breath and focuses back into a state of stability.

“Of course you’re still you, Derek. You’re still the surgeon who saved the world from GUILT. I would never stop thinking that. You’ve always been Derek to me, why would that change now?”

The warm smile he gives her make the hair on his skin calm down, little by little. It’ll be okay, eventually.

“I’m just… so sorry I forced you to confess like that.”

“I’d have had to tell you anyway, one day, I suppose…”

“You didn’t have to. At least, not this early…”

“It’s fine anyway. I forgive you.”

“Thanks…”

 For the first time since she’s entered the room, you can exhale with a relieved heart and a normal pulse, profit from the rainbow that shows up after the rain. The dread is still there, hiding like a snake in your stomach, ready to bite into your throat at any moment of vulnerability you show in front of it; but, now, you have a new ally to help through the storms.

“Just promise me you’ll never tell anyone, okay?”

“I never planned on having that secret exit this room. Not even the walls of Caduceus will know about it!”

You chuckle.

“I like your spirit.”

 You want to thank her again, but it feels like overkill, and you want to have the snake finally resting, asleep in the pit of your abdomen. For now, a serene silence is enough. It’s more than enough after all this trouble, all the turmoil and all of the acid rain that drenched the both of you…

There’s no need to worry anymore when you have nothing left to hide and no one but a guardian next to you; so relax, now. It’ll all be fine, from now on, now that the lead prison around your chest is gone…

[smallerinfinities]

Eleanor: Nine Years

a/n: Hello! I decided that with my time off from my series I’d write something I’d been thinking about for a really long time. An update of sorts but one that’s not ever really requested. I quite love Dad!Shawn and I hope you like this one too. 

Previous parts linked in my masterlist!

warnings: just a whole lot of fucking softness and dad!Shawn feelings

“We need some help!”

Shawn crashed through the emergency room doors, cradling his half-conscious daughter in his arms. Her braided hair was matted with blood that ran down her cheek and mixed with the dirt still covering her face. He rushed to the registration counter, eyes wild, and met the doleful gaze of the ER triage nurse.

“Sir, what’s your emergency?” She asked in a flat, bored tone, like he wasn’t holding his nine-year-old daughter, who went limp a few minutes ago. He stared at her unblinkingly, barely straddling the line between calm crisis and blind rage. The bundle in his arms, more child-like than she’d felt in years, moaned in pain. Pleading with the nurse, he tried to summarize what happened the quickest way possible.

“M-my daughter, Eleanor,” he spewed out impatiently, “she was playing softball and collided with another girl. Her head has been bleeding for the last hour and I think her arm is broken.” He leaned over and showed the nurse the arm couched against his chest, bruised and at an unnatural angle. Her eyes widened and she picked up the nearest phone.

“Yes, I’m going to need an ortho consult in the ER, please. Yeah, neuro too.” She hung up and ushered him behind the automatic doors and into the ER bay. People seem to move with efficiency once the emergency one claims to have is deemed an actual emergency. The nurse led them into a private room and he deposited Eleanor onto the gurney.

“Okay, sir,” a different nurse came in with a rolling computer cart and stopped dead when she saw him, “I-I need to take some b-basic information from you so we can get things going with...her paperwork.” She looked at her shoes and then back to him three times over the course of her short statement. He knew she recognized him, but he was too laser-focused on the nine-year-old in the bed to notice her fierce blush. He shook his head to clear the anxiety, taking a few slow breaths. The nurse still hadn’t asked him anything so he stood up and started to pace.

“Are they going to bring her anything for the pain?” He ripped his fingers through his already disheveled and dust-caked hair. His eyes turned to her. She was still staring and blushing with her mouth open, unable to make anything come out. He closed his eyes and focused on the calm light blue color of the room. Deep breaths.

“Yes, I’m Shawn Mendes,” he says, tightening his jaw at the unprofessionalism, but maintaining the cool candor he’d always used with fans, “what information do you need from me to start caring for my daughter?”

That seemed to snap her out of it.

“Oh! Uhm, I just have a few forms for you to sign. I’ll send in the doctor right away.” She handed him a tablet and he started filling out information while she headed to the nurses’ station to page a doctor. He heard various acronyms like “VIP” and “ASAP” that made things move a little faster than normal.

Twenty minutes later, Eleanor had an IV pumping her full of pain meds and was happily humming one of Shawn’s old songs when they came and got her for x-ray. She swung her head around, lagging like her neck was devoid of bones, and looked at the radiology tech with glassy, drug-fogged eyes.

“He wrote that one for me,” she whispered, bringing her index finger on her good arm to her lips like it was a secret. Never mind the fact that the song was titled, “Eleanor.” He smiled wide as they wheeled her out, sliding his phone out of his back pocket. You picked up on the first ring.

“How is she?!” The panic was evident in your voice. You were at a conference across the country and had been eating lunch with an old graduate school friend when he’d called to tell you he was taking Elly to the hospital.

“She’s...” he chuckled, “well, she’s high as fuck right now. They just wheeled her into x-ray.”

“Oh good,” you exhaled the breath that had been festering in your chest since this afternoon. “What did they say about her head?”

“They’re keeping her overnight for observation, but she hasn’t shown any signs of concussion. She needed some stitches on her forehead though. I’m sure she’ll love showing that to her friends.” Shawn rolled his eyes at his tomboy daughter. Elly kept a detailed history of her scrapes and bruises like they were trophies. These stitches and the cast she was likely to get were going to go down in the hall of fame. He’d have to get Josiah to take a picture of her and immortalize it forever.

“Okay, baby, keep me updated,” you picked up your bag to leave your hotel room, “I have a networking drinks thing tonight...should I skip it?” He smiled against his phone pressed up against his face while he paced to diffuse his nervous energy, his dad hat sitting backward on his head.

“Honey, there’s nothing you can do three thousand miles away,” he looked up when he heard a bed rolling down the hallway toward the room, “go get drinks. Network. Be a badass. It’s what Elly would want you to do.” He heard your audible sigh.

“I’ll go...but I swear to God, Mendes,” you stood up and made sure your hotel key was in your pocket, “if anything happens you call me. She’s our baby girl.” The emotion in your voice was evident as you dropped a hand to your growing belly. You worried all the time what it would be like with the two of them so far apart.

“Loud and clear, Mendes,” he made a mock salute even though she couldn’t see him, “and hey?”

“What?”

“She’ll always be our baby girl.” You grinned at the way he always knew exactly how to put you at ease, exactly what to say when the anxiety started to build, “we’ll just have a baby boy to look after too.”

Hours later, Eleanor was fast asleep, her new sky blue cast reaching above her elbow and immobilized against her chest. Shawn couldn’t sleep with her little hand sitting limp in his. He needed her to be out of this hospital bed, awake and laughing at his dad jokes. The stillness scared him, even though he knew she was going to be fine. She hadn’t show any signs of concussion, just a few bumps and bruises on top of the arm and stitches.

He pulled out his phone to snap a photo to send you as an update, knowing you’d be just as sleepless as he was. Forgetting to turn off the flash, the room lit up momentarily and he cursed when she stirred.

“Daddy?”

His head shot up. She rarely called him that anymore, usually opting for the older and more distant “Dad,” which he kind of hated but would never tell her. Her face was scrunched and a light sheen covered her forehead. He knew she’d rather die than admit that she was hurting, so he took the liberty of calling the nurse in to administer some more pain medication. He was her dad after all, and dad’s really did know best. When the nurse left, she settled back into the pillows, waiting for it to pull her under again.

“Did you tell Mom?” she asked, a little bit of panic in her voice.

“Shhh, yes, sweetie. She knows everything,” he cooed, running his fingers through her hair. Eleanor hummed in quiet contentment, the meds making their way to her brain. Her eyes were already starting to close and he could tell she was struggling to stay with him.

“Daaaaaddy?” she stretched out the first syllable, her tongue slow to catch up.

“Yes, honey?”

“Turn off your flash.”

It was the last thing she said before a soft snore left her lips. He grinned, turning off his flash and taking another photo of her. Opening up his text with you, he sent it, an ellipses popping up almost immediately.

You looked at Elly in the photo, fast asleep with all the machines and her new cast and what seemed like half a world away from you. It was the most acute pain you’d felt since childbirth. The only thing keeping you from rushing to the airport was that Shawn was with her, keeping her safe.

The reply dinged just as he was closing his eyes. He peeked at the screen to read her message, his cheek pressed against Eleanor’s warm hand.

You: Our baby girl 💙

Love you guys!

permanent tag list: @justanotherfangurl272  @siennarossi @trustfundshawn @alone-in-madness @rodneywaber @harryandmolly @thatindiannerdygirl @the-claire-bitch-project @mendesromano @fromthicctosticc @esoltis280

[queen-of-seventeen]

My favourite drug

So my posting date was yesterday and I did post it on ao3, linked to my artist and all, but I also wanted to share it here on tumblr for everyone who didn’t see. 

ao3

the art by my lovely artist who was a wonderful person to work with and bounce ideas off and shoutout to @thespacebetweenworlds for betaing this and calling me out on rythm, word choice and plot. You’re an angel.

Also thank you gabriella for making  @aftgreverse and moderating, this wouldn’t be here without you!

Andrew washed his hands. First rinsing with water. Top, heel, between the fingers. Then with soap and rinse it all. He never missed a spot. He didn’t feel like trailing blood everywhere he went. Not today, not ever. If only Aaron hadn’t forgotten the beeswax again for his hands. His skin wasn’t keeping up with all the washing.

Done.

He stepped out of the room. This should be the end of his work day. He’d have to make dinner for Aaron and prepare for Nicky’s visit from Germany. He should give Katelyn the week off, he didn’t know if he’d given her a break since he hired her years ago. Nicky could take over some tasks and Andrew would be off work a bit more. His cousin was at least notorious in that.

Andrew was already getting a headache when he thought about it. He didn’t hate his cousin but like was too strong a word. At least Erik and his hot chocolates were coming also.

The family of his patient hugged him when he told them their husband and father wasn’t going to die. Why did people feel the need to hug strangers? It was nauseating. Too bad he couldn’t stab them, it wouldn’t do his reputation good. He did have to be a “good” doctor in the end and not kill anyone. Like the man who had lain on his table.

Would he react the same way if it was Aaron or Nicky on that table?

No. He hadn’t cried like that after Aaron’s accident. He just had to crash the GT, hadn’t he?

He told the family that they would be updated by a nurse from now on and Andrew’s day was over. Besides, nurses did more work than he did, he just had to cut people open and stitch them shut. Easy deal.

Someone screamed outside. Probably a woman who would barely make it into one of the delivery rooms. Nothing for him to do. He made his way to the staff room when someone called his name. It was Boyd. He worked at the ambulances and was always too curious for his own good.

“Hey, Andrew, we kind of need your help? Someone has to stitch up Neil and he won’t let anyone but you do it.”

Andrew remembered Neil. He never forgot anyone, but least of all that auburn haired man that could always be found near Boyd. And if people knew little about Andrew they knew nothing about Neil. Which might be why Neil had picked out Andrew to stitch him up. The young man was full of dumb reasons.

Andrew waved a hand to make Matt follow him to an exam room with Neil.

“You’re doing it?” Matt asked. His jaw dropped and he ran a hand through his hair. “I mean great. Please do it quickly. I have no idea how much blood he already lost. Some freak outside stabbed him and he doesn’t even want to take his shirt of so we can put pressure on it.”

Another thing about Neil that didn’t add up. Andrew followed Boyd to one of the smaller examination rooms. He made Boyd wait when he went inside. The glass matte to keep from onlookers.

Neil looked up when Andrew walked in. Andrew’s face turning into a scowl. “You really had to be helpful today of all days?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow and got his supplies from the different drawers. Needles, thread, antiseptics, gauze. From the still spreading blood stain on his arm. He spread them out on the small table and leaned back on a stool. “I get paid to stitch you up.”

Neil remained silent. His eyes flitted to the door and back. Flighty little thing, wasn’t he? “I can stitch myself up.”

“Everyone here can stitch you up.” Not a lie. They all went to school for some form of medical programme. Andrew was certain that only a couple of the desk clerks didn’t know how to stitch up a simple wound or put a couple swallows on them until someone else came to close the wound. “I have a proposition for you. Either I let you stitch it up yourself, wait until you faint from blood loss then still do it myself and hook you up to an IV.”

Neil turned white. “Or? I only heard one option.”

“You let me stitch it up and you can be out of here in a couple of minutes with doctor patient confidentiality, of course.” Andrew crossed his arms. He missed his knives. Too bad they couldn’t go with him into surgery. He could just as well incapacitate Neil with a scalpel.

Neil stilled before taking a deep breath. “Okay.”

Neil took of his coat. He didn’t seem bothered that Andrew wasn’t helping. Andrew was almost certain that neither of them wanted to get close to the other right then. Neil with his reluctance to be helped and Andrew just not wanting to be touched after surgery when he could still feel the blood under his nails.

He had washed his hands right?Rubbed them raw under the streaming water. Top, bottom, between the fingers. Then with soap, top, bottom, between the fingers. Rinse again. Rub them in with beeswax or hand lotion. Take better care of yourself, Andrew. You’re useless if we’re both stuck in wheelchairs.

Andrew blinked twice before he rolled his chair closer to Neil. His skin was pale and sweaty. Not attractive. Not at all. Neil stayed quiet as Andrew numbed the skin and picked up the needle. He didn’t flinch when Andrew stuck it in. “Staring.”

Neil hummed but didn’t look away. He didn’t look at his arm either. He was lucky that the knife hadn’t gotten stuck in one of the bones.

“I didn’t think you would agree,” Neil mused. “Everyone is always saying that you stick to yourself. That you only got in because you know the shrink and stuff.”

“And you believe them.” He said it like a fact. He knew that was what others said about him. One of the nurses, Renee, told him about it during their sunday brunch.

“I like getting my information from the source.” Neil didn’t ask anything else. He kept quiet for a bit. “This is the first time I’m getting stitched up by someone who isn’t family.”

Andrew fought not to react and tied off the thread. His fingers tied the bandage without touching Neil’s skin again. Tight, but not too tight. See Aaron, I know how to tie a bandage.

Neil cocked his head a poked at the bandage. “You’re already done.”

“I don’t waste time.” He started cleaning the equipment and threw out the needle. “Keep it clean but don’t get the wound wet under the shower. If you have any questions, but I doubt the hospital would make hiring decisions that bad, you can ask one of the nurses on the third floor.”

“You work on the third floor?” Neil’s eyes widened. They were too blue to be true. Maybe someone had slipped something in Andrew’s drink and he was making this all up. Like he made up half of his teenage years before Aaron came into the pictures. All the good memories fell under that category.

“Kevin never told me that he works with you.”

“We don’t.” Neil stayed quiet. “We both have our own team. Kevin is the best neurosurgeon this hospital has. My office is on his floor but I work in transplants and amputations.”

“What if I’d come to your office for advice on how to clean this?”

“I get paid to humor everyone with an appointment.” Andrew was finished with cleaning. Why didn’t he leave? Why hadn’t Neil left already? He should be gone. Should go up in smoke. Gone. Out of Andrew’s sight. “Make one and you’ll see what happens. I’m leaving.”

Andrew didn’t look back when he left the room. He certainly didn’t think he should get Neil’s phone number. It’s not like he’d need it for anything. Not like he wanted to speak to Neil or any of his stupid colleagues again.

**

A surgery is a series of complex steps to make sure you don’t accidentally kill someone for a service they asked of you. In other terms: People ask you to consensually stab them in places where they’ll survive.

In this instance Andrew had been needed to do a liver transplant. The woman who got it was lucky. Some guy before her on the list had drunk alcohol. Stupid mistake. There’s only so many rules for a transplant and he messed up an obvious one.

The lady of the transplant hadn’t drunk even once in her life she said. Andrew had no reason to believe her but the blood test came out clean so it was good enough. Good enough for the hospital and good enough for Andrew to stab her in name of his brother. Minyard. How did he even get settled with such a stupid name? With a dumb twin and a dumber cousin who was sleeping in their guest room with his kid and husband from Germany.

Why was family important enough to come visit so far? Andrew wouldn’t do that.

He poked his mashed potatoes with a fork. The texture was wonkey. It wasn’t smooth like it should be and Nicky would be horrified at the bland taste. How unfair life could be to get paid so much but still have such lousy food. He doubted that prison food tasted better. Even with perfect recall, tastes were always difficult to remember.

Like that one piece of chocolate he filched of a younger foster sibling, or the cookies he hoarded before they would cut off his dinner. He deserved better. He might be an angry midget but everybody deserves food. It might be why going to med school in Aaron’s place wasn’t that bad. He already had the credits and Aaron was his motivation letter. This way he could save someone in the same way he had failed his brother.

Telling himself it was just a car accident was both a lie and the ugly truth. Andrew knew what tempered breaks looked like and that Aaron was never supposed to drive in his car. If the police hadn’t found the guy responsible, Andrew would’ve killed him with his bare hands. Nobody touches the people Andrew promises to protect. Except for that time.

The chair opposite of him made an awful screeching sound before Neil sat down. He had to grace to flinch. A steaming ceramic cup warmed his hands. The last remnant of winter had probably seeped in his clothes during his shift.

Why was Andrew thinking of this? It must be the blue eyes.

“I got an appointment,” Neil said. “During lunch hour because you have real appointments of course but I know you still get paid during breaks. Kevin told me.”

Kevin was a traitor. Andrew knew that already. Kevin always had to talk to other people and complain about Andrew. When he wasn’t complaining about Andrew, his apathy towards mistakes, and his poor social skills, he was complaining to Andrew about people. Now Andrew would feel bad for those people only he didn’t like those people and zoning Kevin out mid rant was part of his poor social skills. Now that he was looking at Neil he noticed some things. Neil was a short, flighty, redhead. Which was part of the description Kevin had given at the beginning of his rant. Some stupid red headed midget who always claimed the trackmill in the gym.

Andrew would ask if that’s how Neil knew Kevin. But that would imply Andrew was interested in it. He wasn’t. Not at all.

“I don’t think you have an appointment right now,” Andrew said. “For one, I’m eating and didn’t ask for you to be here.”

“I didn’t see anyone else sitting in this chair.” Neil grinned and ran his finger over the rim of his mug. A real mug with what seemed to be real hot chocolate, with milk, not water.

“The chair’s reserved for my doppelganger. Ask him if you see him.”

“There could never be two of you.”

“That’s just a lie. How did you graduate if you don’t know about twins, triplets, quadruplets, need I go on?”

Neil cocked his head and smiled. He ran his fingers over the rim of the mug again. “How hard must your parents have had it with two of your personality.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. He watched the smile slip as Neil looked over his shoulder.

“I have to go.” He stood up. The mug still on the table. He hadn’t drunk from it even once. “Matt’s signaling.”

“You’re forgetting your drink.”

Neil looked back over his shoulder, that damn smile back. “I never liked hot chocolate. Consider it a thank you.”

Andrew’s fingers wound around the mug, lukewarm by now, to throw it at Neil’s head. He didn’t do it. Only because he needed this job. Needed the big sums of money to keep paying for Aaron’s care. For Katelyn and the wheelchair, the special shower, all the medication and physiotherapy.

He took a swallow as he didn’t watch Neil walk away. Didn’t watch his ass like he was back at Eden’s with his brother at his side and his cousin on the dance floor down below.

When were Nicky and Erik coming over again? He still had to hire somewhere to clean the house. Someone to pick up the cigarette buds and empty bottles. He never noticed if Katelyn threw them out or not. He didn’t like to spend time at home at all.

He should visit Bee again. See if she could figure out what was going on in his head. He wasn’t able to. Not now. Not when his life was catching up to him.

He would have to figure that out soon enough, but not when he was a mess. Not now. Not now.

**

Home was a mess. Everything was dirty and Andrew didn’t want to clean everything. Even if Nicky was coming that evening. Andrew and Aaron were going to pick them up in a couple of hours. He couldn’t believe he had taken two whole days off for Nicky. Aaron would be able to entertain him way better.

Aaron leaned forward out of his chair, almost sliding out. His fingers just touched the knight enough to scoot it a bit.

“Be careful,” Andrew snapped. “We should’ve sat at the kitchen table.” That way he wouldn’t have to pick his brother up from the floor.

“I told you, I like the view better here. It’s a great garden. Katelyn offered to plant some flowers. You know it being spring and all that.”

“Bulbs have to be planted in the winter. We wouldn’t have tulips if we had to wait for Katelyn to plant all of them.” He didn’t like Katelyn. Didn’t like how she pried in all the cupboards when he already told her where the meds were. How she insisted Andrew had to clean more because it was better for Aaron.

He didn’t need a stranger in his bathroom. It was his bathroom, his bedroom, his home, his brother. The only reason she was here was because Andrew was living Aaron’s dream. He could’ve been FBI or CIA or just a regular cop by now. He had studied for it in the first years of his college education.

Then came the car. Andrew became a surgeon and Aaron was bound to a desk at the newspaper two days a week. He was a better writer than he first thought, at least. Imagine all the threats they’d get over false news otherwise.

Aaron leaned forward again and this time actually managed to move the knight without knocking over the whole board.

“You’re setting yourself up to lose.” What was his brother doing? They had played together for years now. Aaron knew what a losing move looked like.

“If I can win from this position I want you to do me a favor.” Andrew looked over the rim of his reading glasses. Contacts were for work days, and the dates he couldn’t go on anymore.

“No,” he said. It couldn’t only be bad if Aaron was asking that of him. Maybe someone at his work asked him out out of pity. The guy that can’t walk, only has so many fingers. Must be fun to see if he can get it up, right? He wouldn’t allow for someone to use his brother like that.

“You didn’t even hear what I want to ask of you.” Aaron let his wheelchair bump into the table before he moved a piece.

“I said no. I won’t do you anymore favors.”

“When have you ever done me any favors?” Andrew could almost imagine his twin standing up. He always wanted to be taller when he got angry. It was why Andrew stayed seated in the low chair.

“The last time I did you a favor you got yourself hit by a car and destroyed mine, remember?”

Aaron visibly flinched and sunk down in his chair. “I wanted you to drive me to a restaurant, okay. Katelyn asked me to try out some icecream with her.”

“You want to go on a date?” Aaron nodded. Andrew folded his hands. He had to say no. He had to protect his brother. Protect him as if they were thirteen again and Andrew was the only thing between Aaron and his mother’s hands. Between Aaron and another hit. “If Nicky is still here by then you can get him to drive you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“You’re thirty-two. I’m not driving you.” He stood up. His hands itched for a whiskey he hadn’t drunk in years. They didn’t mix well with Aaron’s meds. He could almost taste the burn in his throat.

He grabbed water with ice instead. A second glass already in his hands filled with lemonade before he thought of it.

The stool felt warm and gross when he sat down again. Why didn’t chairs ever just feel neutral?

His fingers moved his queen in reach of Aaron’s knight. He knew he was setting himself up to lose also. Aaron gave him a look like he understood. He could never. He had never given up the last shreds of what he wanted for someone just because he made a promise. Aaron never kept his promises anyway.

It took ten more minutes before Andrew’s pager went off. Buzz, buzz. He reached for it in the same moment that Aaron got him checkmate. The queen was gone and Andrew had nowhere to go.

Emergency. Ambulance incoming in 20 minutes.

Aaron looked chagrined. “Hospital?”

“I could ask them to page Kevin.” Andrew took a sip from his drink.

“You could save someone’s life.”

“Or end it.”

Aaron gave his brother a cold look. “You’re going to save them. I’ll call Nicky to drive Erik and him over here or I’ll call Katelyn and she can take us to and from the airport. We both know she doesn’t have much other patients with the amount you pay her.”

“I wasn’t the one who said I couldn’t have more than three sports cars.” This didn’t improve Aaron’s look but Andrew’s mood went a bit up. Today was supposed to be their brother day after all and the surgery was messing it all up. “Call Katelyn. See if she still likes you after meeting Nicky.”

He pulled on his coat and closed the door before Aaron could reply. His brother was going to get his heart strings pulled. No big deal. It wasn’t like their agreement was still running. Aaron had broken it one to many times. And Bee said it was time to let things go. They were both thirty-two after all.

The Maserati wasn’t his normal work car but he needed to be there quick. The nurses and other surgeons on his team were probably already prepping the room. He still had to dress and clean. He was too slow.

His feet pressed on the peddle a bit more.

The doors slid open in front of him and he didn’t remember half of the trip there. That wasn’t a good sign. It was never a good sign when he was losing time like that. He should get it checked out. There probably was an explanation for and Bee wouldn’t put it in his report if he asked it during a friendly dinner.

The blue scrubs he wore were still clean. His head was still full. There was so much that could be happening at the moment. What if his patient had already died in the ambulance. Then he’d have left Aaron alone for no reason.

Andrew let someone pull on his gloves. It was long ago that he didn’t dare pull his arm guards off but they weren’t hygienic enough for a surgery. He had no choice. No choice but to almost flaunt all his scars to his team. He saw Renee in a corner. The blatant lie that she didn’t want to be a surgeon. He knew she’d had the training. He knew that she only became a nurse because she got more contact with people that way. It was why the boss was so reluctant to give her a raise, fucking Joan of Arc didn’t care for it. Stupid.

In the end a surgery was just as much the use of the right equipment and team. Andrew knew he had both.

It was a surprise for him when it turned out that he hadn’t known everything from the start. He knew it had been a car crash. Look out for internal bleeding, for ruptured organs, for anything. He hadn’t seen the blood at the start. It was a body, there was blood everywhere, always. Robin was good at suction and watching over abnormalities and he was glad Jack had been transferred to Kevin’s team.

There was more blood than planned. At the bottom under the liver there was a small gap. A rib had punctured it and nobody had told him. He’d have told them how low the chance of succeeding was if they had. Now he had to save the dickwad on his table because someone else forgot to tell him stuff.

No time to think. He had to act. To save the man.

He did. He did save the man. Barely. He wasn’t sure how much of the spine was messed up during the drive, the stretcher, the man handling and the surgery. He could’ve just messed up the man’s chance at walking. Not his fault. Not his fault. Not his fault. He told himself.

This is nothing like Aaron’s accident. He had no control over Aaron’s accident or surgery. Aaron was already done for before the medical team arrived on scene. It was a miracle his brother was still alive. If Andrew believed in miracles. He didn’t. Miracles were for the hopers and the hopeless. He was neither. Faith was a waste of his time and had never gotten him anywhere.

It had only gotten his hopes dashed. A very visual imprint of you don’t deserve this . He hated it.

**

The steps at the back door were cold. The only time they were warm was when your butt would melt into one of the steps themselves. At the moment they just turned Andrew into a popsicle. It wasn’t good for him to sit there. He might get a UTI or some other disease from the bacteria that lingered there. The bacteria that would seep into his lungs and might finally make an end to his misery. Long ago he had thought it was his time to go. The world hadn’t agreed with him. Instead they’d tried to take his brother away.

He hated the world and the people in it.

He pulled his last packet of cigarettes out of his backpack. The flame already leaving the smoke he so desperately needed in his lungs. Starting to smoke had been a mistake. A mistake from 13 year old Andrew. Now he had to live with it. He craved the ashes on his tongue as much as he craved control. Maybe becoming a surgeon hadn’t been so bad an idea. He now controlled life and death after all.

Who was he kidding? It was awful. He much preferred singling out murderers and criminals faster than any other in his class. Yet another thing taken away from him.

He blew out the smoke, watching it cloud his sight of the Maserati. The car bought from his first big paycheck. The others had all gone to Aaron. No. No more thoughts of Aaron. He let the smoke billow around him before inhaling again. Let the smoke fog up his mind and cloud his judgement.

His thoughts became fuzzy. He needed fresh air. Clean of the nicotine to keep him alive. Bee would tell him to breathe.

“You’re a smart man, Andrew. You could do everything you want. Yet you follow your brothers dreams.”

But Betsy was a fool. She didn’t know anything of Aaron. Mostly because Aaron didn’t want to talk to the psychiatrist. She also didn’t know of their little agreement to look out for each other and stick together. One that Andrew was slowly loosening up as he let Aaron go out for a single date. Okay, he did it because Nicky would be nagging too much otherwise but still. Andrew would put his brother in first place even if he only ever got second, or third, fourth on a bad day.

Stupid.

The door opened with a whoosh and slammed shut. Andrew glanced sideways to see Neil sit down on the steps a careful arms length away. He always seemed to do that. Staying a careful distance away. Hmm, what would Bee say about him? He should ask her during their next lunch. As far as Andrew knew Neil wasn’t a patient so Andrew should be able to ask her.

He blew out a big plume of smoke before locking his gaze on the Maserati. He could feel Neil staring, those big blue eyes burning. Andrew allowed himself one more sideways glance. Neil was sitting on his hands. Andrew was barely able to stop himself from wondering about those strong thighs. Damnit, maybe he shouldn’t have given up Roland those years ago. He could’ve gotten a decent fuckbuddy out of him.

“Staring,” Andrew said. He put the cigarette down. It didn’t taste good, nor did the one after that. He had three left in the package before he gave up. It wasn’t a good time for smoking anyway.

Neil hummed. “Looking at you is better than Matt’s face. He gets these big sad eyes every time I tell him I haven’t done something.” When Andrew didn’t react he went on. “Like ice skating, or to the cinema, taking pictures for your own apartment. I didn’t even have an apartment before this job.”

Andrew looked at Neil as he leaned over his knees. Neil’s hair lit up in the early evening sky. It made him look like a fire and Andrew was the one getting burned if he kept at this for any longer.

“My mother left my father when I was eight,” Neil continued his monologue, “both of them died before I was eighteen. Lived in England for a while. Got my drivers license. Lost it again. Got it again in America. I’m very determined to not lose it a second time. Maybe keep to the speed limits a bit better.”

Andrew snuck glances at him while he rattled on. They were small bits and pieces about Neil’s life and while they seemed logical it didn’t add up to the person he tried to be. The Neil who was friends with Boyd. To be friends with Boyd you had to either be a puppy or as close to it as a person could be, or a kicked one. He was beginning to think Neil was the latter.

“I’m thinking of a getting a pet,” Neil said. “Matt says I should get a dog. It could go on runs with but to be fair I don’t want it to chew up my couch.”

Neil caught Andrew’s eyes and smiled. Too sharp for a puppy. He grabbed Andrew’s cigarettes only to get the matches out. It sparked and the flame lit up his eyes. A strange blue, not yet grey but very light. Like a midsummer sky back in California. It made Andrew dislike him a bit more. That the sunset set Neil’s hair aflame did not help his case. It looked brighter than the fire of the matches. He looked more addicting than the nicotine. Neil would probably kill him faster.

Andrew squashed down the small bit of want that went with his thoughts.

“Would you like to come with me to the shelter?” Neil asked.

“No.”

“Okay. I’ll ask Dan. She’s a bunny person so at least I won’t end up with something like a snake. No good memories of those in Australia.” Neil scrunched his eyebrows. “Or maybe not. I should take Allison and get her to buy all the toys for me because I won’t be spoiling the pet enough.”

“A pet is a bad decision. They need attention and you work irregular shifts. We all do. You can’t care for others like that.”

“I could if I wanted to. Something like a cat doesn’t have to be taken out. Although you might be right with all the litter.” Neil leaned back on his hands and looked up to the sky. “My break is almost over. Can I leave you here or should I get someone to stay with you?”

“Need to get home. Cousin is staying over for the week.” Andrew huffed. “This was supposed to be my week off. They owe me a night.”

“If you’re not here who will stitch up my wounds?” Neil’s smile was almost as blinding as his hair or the shine in his too smart eyes. Andrew wanted to punch him. Hard. Right across those cheekbones.

Andrew didn’t get why Neil was still sitting on the cold steps. Why he hadn’t so much as blinked when the flame had reached his fingertips. He was an enigma. A problem. Something Andrew wanted to solve. Somehow he thought he might be better off not trying.

Neil had to stop being so interesting.

Only, his brother was going on dates now . Bee would say to give it a try. People aren’t distractions. They’re a support system if you give them the chance. But he did have a support system. Aaron, Renee, Bee and Nicky, even if Nicky knew just about nothing. He didn’t need a fifth person to come into his house and eat his ice cream.

His hands itched for another cigarette and before he could deny himself Neil was already holding one out.

“I know what it feels like to be addicted to something. For me it’s running, and sometimes that’s more dangerous than a pack of cigarettes.”

Andrew took it and ignored the shiver down his spine when Neil’s fingers touched his. He ignored the burn of two blue eyes. Ignored the questions for the redhead. Ignored it when Neil said bye and jogged to the ambulance.

He ignored all the strange crawling feelings in his stomach until he got home and got distracted by his cousin and brother who had been waiting up for him.

**

Nicky, Erik, and Aaron were sitting in the backyard when Andrew came home. Nicky grinned when he saw him. A glass of wine in his and Erik’s hands, an untouched one in Aaron’s. Alcohol didn’t go well with his medication.

Andrew bypassed his cousin to pluck the glass away from his brother and drank it dry. Maybe not the smartest move as he hadn’t drunk in months either. “No more wine for Aaron. We quit drinking years ago.”

We. We. As if they had grown up together. As if they had those weird twin coincidences like being allergic to the same food or being able to read each other's minds through osmosis. Aaron didn’t like his twin enough to allow for that much. Andrew had started to care too much over the years that he wanted it. Like he never wanted anything but to keep his brother safe.

Nicky moved from his chair to Erik’s lap. His fingers disappearing in blond hair. Curly, like Neil’s, only Neil was a wildfire and Erik was a firefighter. He’d squash down the easy wit that bordered on antagonism. Andrew couldn’t have one. His only two joys in the hospital were tea with Renee and Bee and watching Neil burn someone to the ground.

He had to stop this. Had to stop looking at Neil and thinking of Neil. Had to stop anything to do with Neil. Next time Andrew would let him bleed to death at his front door.

He sat down in the chair Nicky abandoned. The wicks poked his back. Aaron always forgot the pillows. Apparently Nicky didn’t even assume they had them. As if he hadn’t been the one to raise Andrew during his teenage years.

“How was work?” Erik asked. His voice was much lower than anyone else in the backyard. If he hadn’t had such a pretty face and Andrew hadn’t had years of therapy he would’ve punched Erik at the associations his voice brought up.

“Nobody died. I’m still employed. Kevin is still the jerk who gets paid more than I do. ‘Best surgeon in South Carolina,’ don’t make me laugh.”

Aaron’s lips quirked up and Nicky was beaming. It wasn’t often Andrew made a joke. At least not a joke that didn’t border on antagonism.

Erik tapped Nicky’s thighs before making them both stand up. “I’m happy you like your job, Andrew. It will lessen Nicky’s grey hairs. Can’t have Camilla not recognizing her dad.”

Camilla was their six year old. They had adopted her back in Germany and she was tolerable for a little kid, Andrew presumed. Totally terrified of the wheelchair one second and fascinated the next. Too bad she wasn’t able to come as she was the funnest of his relatives but it was only her second year in elementary so Erik’s mom was watching her.

The couple wished the twins a good night before retreating inside of the house. It was quiet for all but a minute before there was a loud crash and a scream - surprise and pain. Nicky came running outside, eyes wide.

“Erik broke his arm. The bone is poking out and all. And… shit, fuck, our health care doesn’t cover american hospitals! Oh my god.”We don’t have money for an ambulance or health care outside of Germany.”

Andrew heard Aaron calming down Nicky as he went inside the house. Erik was laying at the bottom of the stairs and Nicky had been right. That was a bone. But no way in hell was Andrew  calling an ambulance for a broken arm.

Andrew grunted. Hopefully the big lump didn’t have a concussion or any other unnecessary trauma, but there was a big chance that Andrew could help his cousin in law. He crouched and took the pen light out of his shirt pocket. It helped that he’d gone straight into the garden from work. It wasn’t like he normally changed into sweaters when he got home. He never knew when he would be called in again or if Katelyn was coming over.

“Look right, look up.” He gave a couple more orders and checked his neck and head before letting Erik sit up. Both Nicky and him said he hadn’t hit his head. Just a poor fall.

“We have to get you to the hospital to set your arm. I haven’t set one in a while but I know someone who does. I can ring her up.” He looked up at his cousin and brother. “I’m taking Erik. Can the two of you stay at home. Get some tea into Nicky. Erik and I will be back in an hour or two depending on Renee and the amount of available rooms.”

Nicky nodded and helped get his husband off the floor. Erik’s arm was put in a sling made out of two kitchen towels. They put him in the car and Nicky didn’t even threaten Andrew to bring his husband back safe or to not kill himself on the road. Maybe he finally started trusting Andrew some more. He definitely hadn’t finally gotten a brain.

Andrew dialled Renee during the car ride. He was steadily ignoring Erik’s stare and focusing on the road and on getting a room and personnel ready. If only someone on his own team was used to setting bones. But no, they were all stuck with the knowledge of how to cut open a living body and close it before it died.

Useless knowledge. For anyone that wasn’t a surgeon or encountering life threatening situations that is.

Renee met him at the door and let Erik straight into a room to get pictures taken. She was good at this. It was one of the reasons he befriended her at first. The second was that she was less stupid than his other colleagues. Renee came in with the pictures and started explaining the wound. Andrew saw Erik nodding, almost as if he was either going to fall asleep or faint. He pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and handed it over without diverting his eyes from Renee. He absolutely did not see the grateful look when Erik ripped it open with his teeth.

She set the bone like it was her job. Which it was. In the end it only took her forty-five minutes for everything and send them off with an order for Andrew to buy him a coffee.

They sat down at one of the tables with gross, steaming cups. Erik was texting Nicky the news. There was probably some other stuff in there that Andrew didn’t want to know. He’d had enough of their sex life during their college years. Phone sex was not something you wanted to witness. Especially not when it’s your cousin.

Andrew felt eyes burning into him. From two sides. One was Erik who was trying to talk to him. Even if Andrew was close to passing out from a tough work day and having to drive his cousin back to said work. The other pair of eyes were from Neil. He was looking almost thoughtful and started coming over.

Andrew almost started believing in Nicky’s god just so he could pray for Neil to stay away.

Of course it didn’t work. Neil stopped next to the table and smiled. Andrew had seen that smile. Had almost walked into a wall because of it. Still he hadn’t had it turned on him ever before. He would’ve fallen out of his chair if he wasn’t Andrew Joseph Minyard.

“Hey, Andrew. I thought you’d gone home.” He bit the inside of his cheek. Andrew did not notice that. At all.

“To your boyfriend,” Neil added hastily.

Erik started laughing spitting his coffee back in the cup to keep from choking on it. Andrew just grimaced. That was gross. He had to admit Nicky didn’t have a bad taste in man but the thought of dating Erik left a bad taste in his mouth.

“I live with my brother. My cousin and his husband came to visit from Germany. This is his husband.”

“Guten Abend, Andrews Cousins Ehemann. Wie geht’s Ihnen?” Neil adressed Erik in fluent German.

Erik responded back in German. A lesser man than Andrew would’ve been shocked out of his mind. He never would’ve thought that Neil could speak German. Especially that well. The only reason Andrew could were because of Erik, Nicky and Camilla. He didn’t expect the little girl to speak English after all. He’d rather her learn Spanish anyway. Even if Nicky’s Mexican mom was a bitch she was less so than her husband, so her language should come first in her repertoire.

Andrew drank the last sledges of coffee before cutting into the conversation. “Nicky will start bothering me if I don’t get you back soon.”

He stood up and pulled on his black coat. Neil’s eyes didn’t so much as roam his body as train his eyes on Andrew’s face. Especially his mouth and his own eyes.

“You owe me a cigarette,” Andrew simply said before dragging his cousin in law out. He didn’t miss the quirk on Neil lips nor the one on Erik’s. He also pointedly ignored Erik’s questions about Neil and how much they saw each other. If they worked in the same department. He didn’t say anything.

At the end of the ride Erik had stopped asking and Andrew had started thinking that Neil might be more than just an itch he’d wanted to scratch. Neil was more interesting than Andrew had expected and he didn’t like that thought.

**

Nicky and Erik were almost set to go home. It’d been a little over a week already since Andrew had seen Neil in the hospital that night. They’d smoked behind the building on some days when their breaks coincided but Neil hadn’t said anything about the German. Andrew knew he wouldn’t. Not until Andrew asked and he wouldn’t. Neil had the right to his secrets. The same right Andrew had to his own.

Nicky was trying to get Aaron to wear a suit instead of the T-shirt. Erik was trying to get Andrew to borrow Aaron the car. Andrew was trying to ignore them.

He didn’t lend out his car to anyone. They only got to ride in it as a passenger. It was the only way he could make sure there weren’t more accidents.

More people like Aaron.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and send a single text.

“Come on, Andrew. Aaron hasn’t had a date in years. It’s only one night that he needs it,” Erik said.

Andrew felt the phone buzz and checked the screen. “I can’t lend Aaron the car. I need the car.”

He stood up and began towards the stairs. “Why do you need the car? You were staying home.”

Erik almost followed him up the stairs and Andrew saw Nicky leaning over the balustrade upstairs.

“I’m meeting a friend.” His face blank. Andrew kept walking up the stairs. He made to swerve around Nicky, it wouldn’t do him well to throw his cousin off the stairs, but Nicky stayed in his path.

“Just a friend?” Nicky asked.

“Is it pretty hospital guy?” Erik followed up. Oh, those two were made for each other alright. Both annoying.

Andrew didn’t answer and went into his room.

Neil probably wouldn’t understand that this was technically a date. Andrew had send him a time and an address with a show up if you want to. A bit ominous but quite Andrew.

He pulled on his normal clothes. Things like his black turtleneck and skinny jeans, his combat boots should be somewhere in the back of the closet. Behind the box of all the old study books he didn’t have to read anymore. They were clothes that he couldn’t wear to work. The clothes he felt most comfortable in.

He almost didn’t bother with his hair. Neil probably wouldn’t notice the effort anyway. Still he did it. He wanted to impress Neil for the not-date. O god. Neil didn’t know it was a date. If the guy was as oblivious as Kevin always implied he might even show up in track pants. Well, here’s for hoping. It wasn’t like Andrew couldn’t leave him in the restaurant if he showed up like a hobo.

He walked down the stairs. Passed his brother, straightened Aaron’s ugly blue tie, and let Nicky pat him on the shoulder. It was a step up from the hugging. Not great, but okay.

The doors shut behind him. Knowing he was coming back there to his brother and cousin was the only reason he didn’t freak out at the change. It had been them, the two of them, for so long- He didn’t know if he liked adding people to the mix. Although he had to admit that Erik hadn’t been that bad of an addition.

Maybe Katelyn wouldn’t be an atrocity either. Neil would probably be awful if he finally figured out it was a date. Maybe Andrew should tell him. Yes, he should. He would. That’s right. Just when Neil arrived, to clear the air between them.

Andrew did not get a chance to broach that topic. He was already sat at one of the tables in the too fancy restaurant when Neil walked in. He was wearing skinny jeans, for god’s sake, and a long sleeved shirt that showed his muscles off too well.

Neil sat down opposite to Andrew and immediately took a sip of the champagne. “Matt said this is a date.”

He took another sip and swooshed it around in his mouth. “That you’ve been eyeing me for a while and I was oblivious.”

“Did he also make you wear those jeans?”

“He did,” Neil smiled, “do you like them?”

“They’re less terrible than your usual attire.”

Neil smiled again. A big, toothy grin that took Andrew’s breath away like a stolen cigarette. Neil put his glass aside and grabbed his menu. “Oh, they haveEscargots, one thing I never want to eat again.”

“Jean from oncology said they are better in France anyway.”

Neil hummed. He closed the menu and tapped his long fingers on top of it. “Tried them there. Didn’t like them. The texture just isn’t for me. I think I’m going with hare steak. Have you ever tried that?”

Andrew shook his head. He picked out his own dish and closed the card. “My cousin made me promise to never eat bunnies. I don’t go back on my promises.”

Andrew looked down at the embossed letter on the menu to avoid Neil’s face.

“You never answered my question,” Neil said.

“You didn’t ask one.” Andrew raised a single eyebrow.

“Is this a date?”

“Yes or no, Neil?” Andrew finally looked up. He found the blue and thought of the hottest part of a flame. Looked at Neil and thought of all the secrets shared on dirty hospital steps. He hoped for an answer and wished Neil would say no. Andrew had been a danger to everyone for years. He didn’t deserve someone like Neil. Someone who gave those secrets away like they were loose change and Andrew was a beggar.

He’d promised himself to never beg again but he thought that he might cave a single please to never find his brother in a hospital bed again.

“Yes, Andrew. I want to be on this date with you.”

Andrew nodded. His eyes back to the embossed letters and his fingers tracing the curves until Neil’s hand came into sight. Close but not touching.

When Andrew looked up the waiter was waiting for his order. “The salmon.”

Neil smiled like he had known what Andrew was going to say before the words had even left his mouth. Andrew didn’t know if he liked it.

Conversation with Neil wasn’t like anything Andrew had with anyone else. It was wild and quiet and outrages and calming and so many different things. Sometimes it was completely silent but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Neither had realized just how used to each other they had become with all those hours.

Hours Andrew got the evil eye for when he got home late for Aaron. He realised they those hours had been worth it. Having conversations with someone who treated him like just another human were worth it.

Someone other than Bee or Renee. Someone he could actually like over time.

If he’d ask the ladies they’d say this was good. In all honesty, and Andrew despised lying, he was terrified. Limiting Aaron’s sexual and romantic endeavours had also meant staying on his own himself. He couldn’t feel sorry for that but he was glad he could feel the fear after all those years.

Was glad to have Neil sitting at the table with him when they already trusted each other.

And if Andrew fantasized that night about Neil’s lips on his he wouldn’t tell anyone himself.

**

Andrew crossed his legs. He counted to sixty before uncrossing them. Nicky was supposed to be here already. Andrew had forgotten the burritos at home and Nicky had sworn he’d bring them. Andrew had forgotten that Nicky was always late.

Finally the doors opened to let Nicky in. His dark skin looked sickish in the hospital light. Then again who didn’t look ill in a hospital? Maybe Andrew because his completion was already as pale as that stupid Edward Cullen guy.

Nicky didn’t just hand over the burritos and left. He just asked if they were allowed to eat where they sat and started unpacking his bag. He pulled out drinks and food and sauce and-

“Nicky, you said you were bringing a single burrito.” Andrew raised an eyebrow.

“I’m bringing lunch. I’m leaving soon and I’ve barely seen you because of your work. Which great, you’re saving people. I even saw the girl that patched Erik up outside. She said you have a picture of us and our little girl.”

“She’s lying,” Andrew deadpanned. “Renee doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

Nicky started arguing but fell silent. “Is that redhead who I think it is?”

Andrew turned around to stare in the same direction. Neil’s hair was almost brown under the hospital lights but the smile on his face made him light up from within. They stared for a minute. Neil’s laughter echoing through the hall.

  His head turned and his eyes fell on Andrew, than on Nicky. His soft smile spread across his face as he waved and started walking over. Andrew wouldn’t have minded it if Nicky hadn’t been sitting next to him. Nicky had in no way brought enough burritos for all three of them.

“Is this the husband of mr. My Cousins Husband?” Neil said. He was just standing there. Right next to him. His hair a mess of auburn curls and his hands hung loose by his side. He looked great, even in uniform. That might even help.

“What are you doing here?”

“I asked first.” Neil smirked and extended a hand. “I’m Neil.”

“You are the date!” Nicky’s grin took up his whole face. “I’m Nicky, grumpy’s cousin. I hear you’ve met my husband.”

Neil nodded. He pulled his hand back a little too quick. Nicky probably didn’t notice. Andrew noticed everything.

“Join us for lunch?” Nicky looked a bit too hopeful but Andrew already knew Neil had to get back to work in a couple of minutes.

“Only if this counts as our second date, or should I just text you an address for tonight?” He was pretty sure that if he lifted his eyebrow any higher they’d disappear in his hair.

“Tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Text me the address and get back to work.”

Neil’s smile was sharp and shark like but Andrew thought he liked it. Nicky certainly did. Andrew didn’t feel sorry when he kicked his cousin over it.

**

Andrew was waiting in his car. Neil said he’d get there in about ten minutes. Apparently the loser didn’t have a car. He should’ve mentioned it. Andrew would’ve picked him up. Too late for that now. He said Boyd was bringing him. Nicky had said they sounded like high schoolers. Andrew as the cool guy in his car and Neil being brought by his unofficial dad.

His phone rang and the vibrations made an annoying sound in the cup holder. Or phone holder, as Andrew used it. “Minyard.”

“Andrew,” Renee said. “We need you to get here for an emergency, all the other surgeons are unavailable.”

He turned his key in the ignition and drove off. Neil would understand.

“Tell me who and what,” he ordered.

“Young man, no allergies or prior surgeries. There was nothing wrong with him but well-”

“Spill it, Renee.”

“It’s Neil Josten. Matt was driving him to a date and they got into a crash. Matt was fine but someone drove into Neil’s side of the car. There’s some glass shards in his upper body and we’re afraid he might have a collapsed lung.”

Neil. It was Neil. Neil who was supposed to be arriving at that same restaurant in three minutes.

Andrew tried not to think about the similarities between his brother and his date. Tried not to think that Neil might already be dead before he even arrived at the hospital.

Andrew had never gotten to the hospital that fast.

Getting ready for surgery was a blur and it might not be the safest thing to let him operate half in shock. It wasn’t like they had any other choice. Kevin and the other surgeons were all busy or out of the country or too far away to be able to save him.

There were scalpels and blood and flat lungs and almost flat liners and glass on its way to Neil’s heart to stop it before Andrew could save the one person willing to date him. The one person he was willing to date.

Neil had always respected his boundaries and now Andrew was breaking all of his to save Neil’s live. It was worth it. Even if Neil would hate him for putting him on display, at least he’d be alive because if there was one thing Andrew was good at it was saving life. Stitching skin to keep someone from bleeding out and dying on his table.

The surgery took too long and too short and Renee pumped sugary drinks and food into him when it was done to try and get him out of the minor shock. He was a mess and he knew it but he didn’t talk. Couldn’t say anything. Not to Renee, not to Bee, not to his brother and cousin when they came by in the hospital room to see if Neil was doing any better.

Only there were no signs he was getting better. Yes, his wounds were closing, but Neil was still asleep. His right arm and leg still broken and his mind dormant. Andrew hated it every time he set foot in that stupid room.

His reprieve was work. Work and Aaron. His brother who saw Andrew much the same as he had been years ago. His brother who must see that this was no different than when Aaron lay there much the same way.

A car accident. A couple broken bones. A heart so close to stopping that Andrew was willing to give his own. He wouldn’t die to save Neil but the feeling came close enough.

It took a week for Neil to wake up. Andrew was sitting next to his bed, his head propped on his arm as he read.

“Andrew,” a soft voice croaked. Andrew quickly set down his book and moved the glass of water with a straw to Neil’s mouth.

“Spare your voice. You’ve been out for a week. You could’ve just told me if you didn’t want to go on a second date.”

Neil almost missed the quirk of his lips when he said that. It was a sad one.

“I did. Fucker in the other car ran through red. Must’ve.”

Neil was right. Andrew didn’t want to know how he could still remember that.

“Take a nap, Neil. You need to rest.” Neil nodded but moved his hand to grab Andrew’s. “Stay, yes or no?”

“It’s always yes with you,” Neil said before passing out again.

Andrew turned to his book. His heart started beating again. A shade so dark it was almost black. Rotten from years of neglect and disuse. Years in which he was denied love and care. A heart so dark he thought nobody would see through but his friends had grabbed candles and flashlights and decided they would be his light until he found his own. Now there was enough light. Not a lot but enough. Light for his family, for Bee and Renee and now for Neil. Because Neil wanted him to stay. For however long that was Andrew would take it. He would stay for Neil.

[negasonicimagines]

Gladdest (Soulmate AU)

For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.

warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.

I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.

You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.

It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?

“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.

“What’s up?” you ask.

“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”

“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.

“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.

“No, can’t be,” you agree.

“Could be,” she reminds you.

“It’d make sense,” you admit.

“I hate everyone else but you.”

“We could try to find out,” you suggest.

She pinches herself.

“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.

“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”

You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.

“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.

“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”

“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.

“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.

“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.

“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.

“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”

“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”

You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.

“Oh, so now you’re shy?”

“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.

“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”

“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.

“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.

“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”

“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”

“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you.  “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”

“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?

“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.

“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.

“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”

You blush again.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”

“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.

“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”

“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.

“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”

“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”

You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.

“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”

“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.

“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”

“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.

“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.

You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.

“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”

You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”

“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.

“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”

“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.

Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.

“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.

“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.

“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”

Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”

“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.

“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.

“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.

“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”

“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.

“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.

“I think that’s how that works, babe.”

Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.

“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”

“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”

She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.

“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”

“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”

“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”

“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”

“I’m gladder,” you tease.

“I’m gladdest...”

[lil-bita-everything]

What were you thinking? (Part 2)

•••Where Sonny and his partner Rowan get themselves into a situation while on the job and Rowan puts herself in danger much to Sonny’s dismay•••

———————————————

I came to after backing out from the adrenaline to people rushing into the apartment. I felt someone tugging at my vest and tried sitting up to see who it was but I got pushed down my a hand on my shoulder. It hurt and I groaned in pain.

“It’s okay doll, it’s okay. It- it didn’t go through. Only grazed your shoulder.” I heard Carisi say. He was fumbling as fast as he could to get my vest off my to check where I got shot. I heard him shout that he needed a bus then I felt him pick me up.

“Rowan? Row? Stay with me now okay? We’re gonna get you to the hospital okay?” Carisi was carrying me downstairs to meet the ambulance as fast as he could. I had one arm, my good arm, around his neck. It was still hard for me to breathe. I groaned as I moved the arm the had an injured shoulder. I moved my hand up to my shoulder and pulled it away to see blood. It felt like the bullet more than grazed it.

Finally, Carisi got outside and I was put on a gurney. I heard a bunch of people saying stuff around me and I saw all the lights and different teams that were called in on the street. Suddenly I was inside the ambulance and the medics were moving quickly all around me. I had an oxygen mask on and I felt someone hold my hand. I turned my neck and saw Sonny smiling at me. He was saying something but I was tired and closed my eyes.

The next time I woke up I was in the hospital. I looked around and didn’t see anyone in my room so I hit my call button. Soon a nurse came in.

“Detective Becker, nice to see you awake. Do you remember what happened?” The kind nurse asked.

“I was talking to- to a suspect. He was holding a hostage at gunpoint. I was with my partner.... Sonny. Oh my god! Where is he?! Where’s Sonny?! Is-is he okay?!” I asked starting to try to get out of my hospital bed.

“Detective! Detective! It’s okay everyone is okay! You got shot. Twice. One bullet hit your vest towards the left side which made it hard for you to breathe and the other bullet severely grazed your left shoulder. It required a couple stitches just to be sure and it’s going to be sore for awhile. Your Lieutenant made your partner go home to change because your blood was covering his shirt.” The nurse said trying to get me settled back in bed.

I suddenly made the realization of my left shoulder being patched up and in a sling. I also felt the tightness of the bandage wrapped around my torso from being shot in the vest at almost point blank range.

“When can I go home?” I asked the nurse who was now checking things on my chart.

“Well we would like to keep you overnight to keep you on oxygen but if you would like you can sign yourself out and go home now. Your lieutenant is in the waiting room if you’d like me to get her.” The nurse said smiling. She was really nice and made being in a hospital better. I absolutely hated hospitals.

“Could you please? And also get whatever papers I need to sign to be discharged as well?” I asked hopefully.

“No problem. Right away detective.” The nurse said taking my charts and walking out of the room.

I started to sit up and tried to see if I could find any of my clothes but had no luck. I swung my legs over the side of the bed as a different nurse came in and took the IV out of my arm and turned the oxygen off and put it away and gave me my discharge papers to sign. As she was leaving with the papers, two people walked into my room and I started smiling.

“Already starting your case that fast Raf?” I asked the ADA who was following Liv into my room.

“No actually. I got a call that my best friend was shot twice and I decided to make sure she was okay. I also brought you some clothes because I figured you’d be leaving tonight.” He said holding up what looked like a black T-shirt and gray sweatpants.

“Well whatever you brought me to wear looks way better than one of your colorful suits I can say that much.” I said laughing.

When I first started working at SVU I had just moved from Living in Chicago and working at the intelligence unit there. I had worked with the SVU squad before and when I needed to leave Chicago I asked Liv if it’d be possible for me to transfer into her department. Somehow the ADA for Special Victims Unit and I got along well when I first started making fun of his suits and would tease him talking him how the didn’t match and we hit it off. He was somewhat like a father figure to me and he was always there for me since I didn’t get along with the ADA in Chicago very well, getting along with Barbs was nice. We’ve been friend ever since then.

“The nurse said you’re discharging yourself. Are you sure you want to leave? I mean you’re more than welcome to stay with me and Noah tonight if you’d like-“ Liv was interrupted by Barba saying “or me”

“Guys. I promise I’m fine. Right now I’d just like to try and get dressed so I can leave. Liv would you mind helping me though? I’m not sure how much movement I’m gonna get out of this shoulder right now.” I asked her with a pleading look.

“Of course. Rafa do you mind giving us a sec?” Liv asked him.

“No problem. I’ll go get the car and pull it around to the front.” Raf said handing Liv the clothes he brought me and leaving the room.

Liv started to help me get the hospital gown off and get the T-shirt and sweatpants on. As she was helping me she started talking.

“You know. Carisi told me what you said in the apartment with Mark. What you said so he would let you stay and let Carisi leave. I-“

“No offense Liv-“ I cut her off. “But I’m saying this to you as my friend and not my lieutenant, we both know that Carisi is already gonna bitch me out for what I said in that apartment. I’d rather only hear it all once.” I told her as she helped me put the sling back on.

“No problem. And you’re right. It took absolutely everything to actually get him to leave.” Liv said.

—————••••••••••—————••••••••••—————

After Liv and Barba dropped me off at my apartment with strict instructions to call if I needed anything and to not forget to take my meds. I finally took the pain meds for my shoulder and threw the bottle away with the rest of the pills for personal reasons. Afterwards, I sat down on my couch and turned on the tv.

In a couple minutes, I heard a key rattling in the lock of my door. I started to mentally prepare myself for what I knew was coming as soon as the person I knew was behind the door came in.

The door opened and in walked Sonny Carisi. He had no expression on his face as he took off his shoes and locked my door. He had a bag from our favorite Italian place. He walked into my kitchen and dropped the bag off. I heard his footsteps walk back towards my living room and he stood in the doorway pulling his “detective stance.” One hip pushed out, his hand on that hip. It didn’t have much affect when he’s wearing a sweatshirt and jeans with no gel in his hair compared to when he did it at work in his full nice suit and gelled hair. I was waiting for him to speak still.

I watched as he opened and closed his mouth. Dragged his hands over his face and stared at me.

“What in the hell were you thinking?!” He said with his voice slightly raised. There it was. I looked at him. He had his hands raised in questioning.

“Listen Sonny...” I started to say but he cut me off.

“No Rowan. I’m not gonna listen. Because the things you said in that apartment earlier bother me still! You completely lied to Mark, you switched our life stories just so he would keep you in that apartment with a gun pointed at you instead of me! You said no one would care about someone like me when you have me your life story! Is that how you really feel Rowan?! Do you really think that no one would care if you got killed?! Is that really how you think?! That’s stupid! Rowan do you realize how many people would miss you? Liv and Amanda? You’re their kids’ aunt and Fin? He calls you kid everyday and you always tease him back and when you aren’t at work his mood changes because you’re not there for him to call kid! And Barba? Have you ever even thought about what would happen to Barba if you died? He wouldn’t make it! He’d blame himself somehow! You’re his best friend!” Sonny just progressively got louder as he spoke. I’ve never seen him like this.

“Listen Sonny I-“ I tried to cut in but he kept going. When he started talking he was calm.

“No Rowan. Did you even for a second think how I would feel if you died? Did it cross your mind for one second before you said what you did? I would care the most Row. We’re best friends. You’re the best partner I’ve ever had. Since the day you walked into the precinct we hit it off. We’ve told each other things we haven’t told anyone else. We trust each other and we always have each other’s backs. I wouldn’t make it if you died Row. I would probably end up quitting being a cop and finally put all those late nights at law school to good use. You know the late nights where you helped me study for my bar exam? I can’t live without you Rowan. I love you.” Sonny stayed finally.

I started crying in the middle of his rant and got up and hugged him. I saw some tears in his eyes too.

“I’m sorry Sonny. I really am. I didn’t think.” I sobbed out.

“It’s okay doll. It’s okay.” He said carefully placing his arms around me to not hurt my shoulder.

“Please just never so it again.” He said kissing the top of my head.

“I won’t.” I promised him.

After we quit hugging. Sonny told me to sit in the kitchen with him while he heated up dinner. After we ate we sat on the couch and watched a movie. We fell asleep cuddling with each other and I realized how much I really am loved.

—————————————-———————————

I’m so sorry that this is so long. I didn’t mean to do that but let me know how you like it and if you’d like me to write more

[falconsandfishes]

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

[fandom--desires]

Try To Fix You - Chapter 4

Fandom: Marvel

Rating: T Character(s): Loki Word Count: 2,249

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

You phased in and out of consciousness throughout the flight home. The pain would wake you up, only to become too much and push you back under again. You had been vaguely aware of the jet landing at Stark Tower but the doctors quickly administered the general anesthetic and you were put out of your misery.  

It was three days until you were able to regain full consciousness and you’re body hated you for it. Your head was heavy and your chest hurt every time you dared to breathe. The entirety of your torso was wrapped tightly in bandages and a breathing tube and IV line protruded from your body. The lights above your bed were exceptionally bright and you slowly became aware of a steady, rhythmic beeping from next to you.

You had never been a patient in the med bay but you had been a visitor enough to know that somewhere on your left was a call button. You felt around blindly until you found it and summoned the doctor on call. A grizzled looking doctor arrived and checked your ECG monitor before speaking to you.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Like I got shot.” You replied, becoming acutely aware and slightly embarrassed by various ‘waste management’ tubes emerging from under the sheet.

“Well you’re not wrong. A single entry wound between your 6th and 7th ribs. It chipped the bone on your 7th rib and punctured your lung. Thankfully it was far enough down the lung that your breathing wasn’t greatly affected, however you will still experience some difficulties over the next month or so. Do you want to try standing?”

You nodded, eager to get rid of the waste management tubes before any of the others come to pay you a visit.

“Visiting opens in an hour.” The doctor explained, as though reading your thoughts. “You’ve had quite a few over the last three days.”

You groaned internally but there wasn’t much you could do about that now. You waited patiently whilst the waste tubes were removed and the breathing tube was detached. You were told that you would need the IV until tomorrow, when they were sure your body was taking care of itself again. Standing up and moving around was a slow process and incredibly painful. It took you nearly an hour to go to the toilet and sponge yourself off in the sink. You were just brushing your teeth when a nurse popped her head around the door to inform you a visitor had arrived. You thanked her and finished up before shuffling back towards your bed.

Loki was waiting for you, sat rigid in the chair next to your bed, staring at a spot on the wall. “Hi!” you smiled, shuffling towards him.

Loki stood and hurried to you, taking your elbow and leading you back to the bed. “Should you be standing so soon?” he asked, concern colouring his voice. He helped you back onto the bed before returning his seat.

You took a moment to take him in, noting that he looked a little more tired than usual. It looked like he hadn’t showered in a few days either. “The doctor assures me I will make a full recovery if I’m careful.” You informed him with a smile.

Loki sighed, leaning back in his chair. He really did look tired. “I thought you said you weren’t in immediate danger on missions?”

“Like you said; all danger is a concern. Nothing ever goes 100% to plan. Something happened and I reacted. Clint needed help and he would have done the same for me.”

“Perhaps they should invest in bullet-proof suits.” Loki muttered darkly, a frown on his face.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “You look a little bit worn out? Have the others been putting you through your paces?”

“I have... had some trouble resting.” Loki admitted. “It appears that I was quite concerned about your injuries.”

You smiled, a familiar warmth filling your belly. “Well, I assure you that I’m fine and I’m not going anywhere.”

Loki smiled and relaxed a little in his chair. The two of you spent the rest of the afternoon talking about books, with only the occasional interruption from another visitor. Loki returned daily throughout the two weeks of your hospitalisation. He was always the first guest in and the last one out. You looked forwards to his visits and soon found yourself counting down the hour until he was allowed in the ward. On several occasions you’d subconsciously scooted his chair closer to your bed, so now he sat within arm’s reach. It wasn’t until the day before you were discharged that you truly realised you had started to develop romantic feelings towards him. You almost laughed aloud at the realisation. Trust you to fall for a God. A God who had sworn to never love another after Sigyn. You certainly knew how to pick them!

But now that you had acknowledged your feelings, there was no stopping them. You found yourself embarrassed to meet his gaze for too long, giggling at anything remotely funny and blushing every time he looked at you for longer than ten seconds. “Are you feeling alright?” Loki asked the day of your discharge, after you had failed to look at him for more than five seconds.

“Yes.” You answered a little too quickly, gathering up your belongings and dropping them into your bag.

Loki regarded you quizzically but didn’t push you any further. He took the bag from you without a word and placed his hand on your back, gently guiding you from the room. You passed Natasha and Thor on the way back to your room, both of whom took quizzical looks at the hand Loki still had resting on your back. “I’m glad you are okay.” Loki said once the two of you were back in your room and your animal companions had departed. “I was concerned.”

“Thank you, Loki.” You smiled gingerly sitting on the edge of your bed. “It is genuinely nice to know that you care.”

Loki returned your smile, sitting down on the edge of your bed and placing your bag on the edge of the floor. “It is nice to have a friend again.” He confessed. “It has been some time since I last had anyone other than my brother to talk to.”

“It’s nice to consider you a friend too.” Although honestly you’d much rather consider him more. You leant your head against his shoulder and was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t push you away.

Over the next few days Loki was sure to meet you at your bedroom door and stay by your side until you retired for the night. He waited outside your hospital room when your bandages were changed and made you any meals that you wanted. The two of you were almost oblivious to the others and they gave you a wide berth. Meanwhile you only fell harder for Loki and your school girl crush turned into something you could call love.

Loki contained to guide you with gentle hands on your back and allowed you to rest your head on his shoulder but he shied away from anything else. On your fourth day of release, after he’d walked you to your quarters, you absent-mindedly hugged him. You weren’t really thinking, just wound your arms around his waist and gave him a light squeeze. He was warm and smelled truly heavenly. For just a moment he instinctively returned the hug, only to realise what he was doing and step away suddenly. He stared at you for a moment before turning on his heel and hurrying away without another word.

You were still internally kicking yourself the following morning when Loki failed to meet you at the door. He wasn’t in the kitchen either, much to your disappointment and Thor’s surprise. “Y/N, where is my brother?” he boomed. “I thought he was your second shadow!”

You sighed, seating yourself at the dining table. “I appear to have offended him.”

“Nonsense!” Thor laughed, passing you a mug of coffee. “My brother does not offend easily!”

“He practically ran away from me last night.” You deadpanned. “Didn’t say a word, he just ran.”

Thor frowned, taking a seat opposite you. “What happened?”

“I hugged him.” you admitted sheepishly. “I wasn’t really thinking, I just sort of did it.”

“Ah.” Thor nods as though he holds all the knowledge in the universe and knows exactly what happened. “I believe you may have confirmed my brother worst nightmare and most fervent daydream all at once?”

“What, do physically assault him?” you laughed, stirring your coffee half-heartedly.

“He’s in love with you.”

You laughed loudly, pulling the muscles in your chest uncomfortably. “Don’t be ridiculous Thor! He doesn’t love me! We’re just friends and I overstepped a boundary, that’s all.”

“No, he loves you. He told me so!” Thor puffs his chest as though he were a teacher’s pet handing in extra credit.

“I’m sorry Thor, but he must be lying to you. He told me himself that he could never love another after Sigyn. What happened to her destroyed him and he doesn’t want to go through that again. He’d certainly never fall in love with a mortal.”

“And I am sorry to tell you that he is most certainly in love with you! You’re right when you say he didn’t want to love again, but love works in strange and mysterious ways. He’s in love with you and that’s final. Only he never thought you would return his love.”

“Who said I do?”

Thor raises an eyebrow and you roll your eyes.

“Fine, okay, yes. I’m in love with your brother.”

“Wonderful!” Thor booms. “Now go tell him!” Thor pours some coffee into a thermal flask and presents it to you like a trophy.

With a sigh and a sense of foreboding you took the flask and began your search of Loki. He wasn’t in the library and his quarters were empty so you headed up to the helipad. Sure enough he was sat behind the pillar on the ledge you had found him on so many weeks ago. “Hey!” you called out over the wind.

Loki flinched and his eyes widened when he saw you leaning around the pillar. “What are you doing here?” he cried, jumping to his feet and pulling you away from the edge. “It’s far too dangerous for you to be up here when you can’t bend properly.”

“I brought you coffee.” You smiled, brandishing the flask. “And an apology.”

Loki took the thermal in one hand and pushed you back towards the airlock. “Apology for what?” he asked once the two of you were back in the building.

“For hugging you last night.”

“Oh.” Loki’s posture loosened up a little and became less defensive. “Did you not mean to?”

He sounded almost disappointed, but that may have just been you reading too much into it. “I meant to, but I should have asked you first.” You explained. “I forget you’re not human and that you’re technically a God. You have different customs to us. I’m sorry.”

“It merely surprised me.” Loki smiled almost sadly. “It has been some time since anyone chose to hug me.”

You took a deep breath, deciding to just take the plunge. “I know, and I’m sorry. But humans have this amazing habit of letting their emotions control them and my emotions just make me want to hug you and hold your hand and kiss you and just spend every moment with you. I’m sorry for that because I know you swore to never love anyone else but apparently I just can’t help myself falling in love with you.”

Loki looked at you with an expression of confusion and amusement. “Humans really are a strange species.” He mused eventually. “I have done nothing to deserve your love, yet here you are laying yourself at my feet and opening your heart to me.” Loki chuckled and shook his head. “You love me knowing that I caused the death of the last person to love me. You tell me it’s not my fault and refuse to let me punish myself accordingly.” Tentatively he reached up and ran the tip of his finger down the side of your cheek. “And yet I find myself falling in love with you in return, despite all of my best efforts. If I didn’t know you to be a fragile human I would accuse you of being a sorceress.”

You smiled, gently wrapping your finger around his wrist and keeping his hand against your face, enjoying the feeling of his cool skin against yours. “So it’s agreed? We’re both a little bit foolish.”

Loki stepped forwards so that your chests were touching and he towered over you. “I have but one thing left to ask you. One opportunity left for you to save yourself and walk away.”

“Never.” You breathed, breath hitching in your throat.

Loki smiled, leaning down so that his lips brushed your ear when he spoked. “Will you permit me to kiss you?”

You nodded wordlessly and felt your heart skip several beats as he gently pressed his soft lips to yours. It was a fleeting moment but the feeling would linger for hours to come. Loki smiled and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close and placing a tender kiss on your forehead. “I love you, you silly human.”