#ive been crying about the complaints my job gave me for like 3 hours i feel like ripping my organs out of my body

[lycanwlf]

now that im aware my job hates me and im in trouble for not doing a good enough job i doubt im gonna have the courage to call out next week to go to a concert but all tickets are nonrefundable so

[ughitsnic]

Do You Still Love Me?: Tom Holland

Tom Holland x Reader

Finally after nearly a week and with the help of the prompt list i finally finished this. its kinda sad I wont lie, so im sorry im currently very heart broken so yes i hope you enjoy, requests are open :)

Driving down these familiar roads was always hard, you drove in silence fighting back tears as you think about the last 3 years of your life, how you gave everything to one man. How you moved in together, traveled the world, sacrificed everything for his career. You slow to a stop at a red light. You let out a long shaky breath, you had not been back in so long. You look out of the window at the handful of people walking down their streets, how you and him once walked down the same streets hand in hand, not a care in the world your whole future together ahead of you. You swallow the lump in your throat as you look at the old apartment building. A smile forming as you thought back to the time where you both locked yourself out in the middle of the night to get a pizza, it was so cold, and he was freezing but despite that he gave you the sweatshirt off his back just so you could be warm. He was so caring, so loving with all the little things he did. You wipe your eyes as you drive down what seemed like a never ending road. The break up wasn't mutual, he believed it was. You didn't understand why but you were afraid to ask. Especially now because you see him having fun on social media. It had been 7 months but the wounds were still fresh, only for you it seemed. It appeared as though it had never happened to him. You spent so many nights in tears wishing he was lay next to you as you drift off to sleep, more often than you would care to admit. It hurt so much, you wish you could just forget, like he had. Was it ever real? Did he think of you? Did he read back on your texts? Did he still have all of your pictures, did he look at them every once in a while? It was dumb, you felt stupid that you were still hung up on him. You couldn't even look at his friends- your friends, but couldn't bring yourself to unfollow him on twitter. You were not fine, at all! You wipe your eyes as you parked up outside of your parents house. You check your phone, your heart racing as his name lit up your screen.

Tom: im back in London this weekend maybe we could hang out like old times

Tom: no pressure ive just been doing alot of thinking lately and I miss you

Whilst you were surprised to see his text, you couldn't bring your self to reply you couldn't hurt you self again… could you?

Throughout the week you looked back on the relationship, not only the good, but the bad. How you guys would get into fights about how you didn't want pizza again for dinner or how he would complain about you having to sleep with the TV on, or that he would go out drinking 3 nights in a row and he would reply that it was no big deal and that he was just living his life. Was all of the heart ache worth it for the good times. Cuddling in bed in the mornings stealing kisses as you would watch the sun rise, picnics in the park which would last all day watching movies and sharing headphones, karaoke nights that turned into karaoke mornings with multiple complaints from neighbors.

Of cause you had to text him back, you had to see him again and not just his pictures on Instagram. You wanted to hold him again, closer than you had ever done and not let him go. It was foolish, and you knew it. But here you are, sat in your car waiting outside of the cafe you spent so many hours together just talking about anything and everything. You see him get out of his car so you follow, adjusting your top as you step out. Your heart pounds as you lock eyes, forcing a smile you walk over, unsure of what to really say, Tom struggling too.  Neither of you spoke until you had gotten your drinks and sat on a table outside in the sun. you rest your sunglasses on your head.

“So” you clear your throat, “how have you been?”

“Good, really good actually” he breaths. “Well, honestly not great but good. Does that make sense, like I'm happy, I'm making movies, partying, meeting so many people but I could still be better” he rambles on, his hands moving as he spoke. You nod.

“I saw far from home the other day actually” you spoke slowly, his eyes lighting up.

“Did you like it?”

“Yep” you take another sip of your drink. “That mysterio guy was cute” you trail off, his smile fading quickly.

“That's not funny”

“It wasn't a joke. We aren't together. I can look at other guys Tom” you quickly regret saying anything, the tension was thick in the air making it almost impossible to breathe. You wanted to show him you were doing more than ‘good’ without him, that you were great, that you had moved on.

“What have you been up to?”

“Working mostly, i'm doing good though, Ive been saving to get my own place and maybe a cat… how Tessa?”

“She misses her mum” Tom confesses

“What?” you felt your palms sweat. His brown eyes full of sadness, like he could burst into tears any second. He quickly clears his throat.

“she can roll over now" he forces a smile, quickly moving on from what he had said.

"I don't believe that" you try to joke, thinking back to how hard it was to get her to sit and give paw. 3 full days you both spent sitting on the kitchen floor trying to get her to sit on command.

"I told you she was a smart dog. She's so hyper nearly all of the time. At night she brings a toy to bed" he gets his phone and shows you a picture. "She will only lie on your side of the bed now" you felt your eyes sting with fresh tears.

“Its her side of the bed now” your voice is quiet and full of sadness.

“Do you still love me?” tom questions. You were taken back, you couldn't even look him in the eyes. You open your mouth to speak but no words come out, quickly you wipe your eyes.

“Of Course i still love you, and I hate myself for it” you struggle. “You hurt me so bad Tom. I never wanted to break up, i never wanted to fight with you, i was willing to sacrifice so much more for you but none of that was ever good enough for you, i dropped out of university to come to america with you, i left my family, my friends, i quit my job. I sacrificed Christmases and birthdays to spend time with you and your family and your friends” your voice grows louder and louder the more you get worked up to the point where you were now crying, you dont bother to wipe the tears, ignoring that your makeup is now a mess. “Would i do it again? For you? Always” you voice cracks. “Because i love you. Do you love me?” you finally look up at him to be greeted with red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

“I- I” he struggles, both of your hearts breaking all over again. “I physically cannot put into words how much I love you and exactly how much I miss you y/n. I'm sorry I was so selfish, I was a shitty boyfriend and I was lucky for those 3 years and I should be grateful for those years but I want more. I want to wake up next to you, I want you to be the first person I see in the morning and the last I see before I close my eyes. I don't expect you to say yes, but i would love to take you out to dinner tonight, on a date at least 1 last time”

“Tom” you breath.

“I need an answer” he begs

“It's never going to be the same” you cry.

“That's the point!” he stresses. “That's the point! This time, i'm going to put you before me like i should have done before”

“I don't want you to put me first, I want to be your equal” you wipe your eyes with the back of your hand.

“So what do you say? dinner?”

sorry idk what that was either

[connors-heart]

to be human: [ch. 4: i wonder why]

playlist - ch. 1 \ ch. 2 \ ch. 3 \ ch. 5 \ ch. 6 \ ch. 7 \ ch.8

[ being a DCPD detective, your job was relatively normal - that is until androids came along, more specifically, RK800 ]

pairing ⟶ connor x reader

fandom ⟶ detroit: become human

warnings/a.n. ⟶ [no warnings] ; quick disclaimer, apologies for how long this chapter took to get out. ive been working the longest shifts these past couple of days aaand this was a really detailed (and long) chapter, but here it is nonetheless. thank all of you for the endless support you’ve given this series, i for sure wouldn’t be scrambling to write if it wasn’t for yall so (≧◡≦) byyy the way, i put together a little playlist of songs that remind me of this fic, and they’re mostly sad so if you wanna listen to it and cry a little feel free.

w.c. ⟶ 3.5k

tags ⟶  @dragoste-lunes - @swagfeatpayne - @erinacg - @thequirkyn3rd - @the-witch-in-silence - @odd-otter - @randomgrove254 - @johnmulaneyslut - @fanworrior - @sophster1881 - @wowowokapowie - @glyxiebear - @snooper1 - @nefelislytherinpride - @madammarkiplier - @losersunitetonight - @ashtonmichaelhoran - @attackonmikaelson - @deviantly-gayy - @yuckybarness - @drastically-here - @100kindsofblake - @di-the-happy-psychopath

Awaking to an all too loud alarm clock, you outstretched your arm, slamming your hand on the snooze button. Along with a throbbing headache came the impending regrets from your decision the night before to believe you could out-drink Hank Anderson.

The attempt to even try to remember what had happened made your migraine even more agonizing. You peeked out beyond your covers to check the time, realizing you had to be at work in an hour and a half, as well as noticing the glass of water on your bedside table, prompting you to remember Connor’s help the night before.

As if on cue, a wave of nausea hit you, causing you to push your feet as fast as they could go to the bathroom, throwing up any remnants of alcohol into the toilet before flushing it down. You grimaced at the bitter taste in your mouth, leaning back against the wall.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” The sudden sound of Connor’s voice filling the room.

You looked up, Connor’s brows pulled in with concern, “Peachy,”

“I made you breakfast, I assumed you wouldn’t have the energy to do so yourself,” he spoke as you went to stand.

A pained expression crossed your features as a wave of dizziness fell over you, immediately leading to Connor rushing towards you as he wrapped a hand around your waist, leading you back to your bed. “Can you get me some Tylenol or something from the bathroom?” you mumbled as he handed you the warm plate of breakfast. The android responded with a nod, making his way to the bathroom once again.

You stuffed your mouth with the food, the sudden question of how Connor even knew how to cook popping into your mind, but not lingering for long. You watched as he sat the pill bottle onto your bedside table before sitting next to you, his weight shifting the bed.

“I also took Cleo out and fed her, she should be fine while you’re gone,”

You nodded, looking over at him, “You’re the best Connor, thanks,”

You noticed the faintest of smiles line his face, making you smile in return. In the slightest of ways, it gave you a warm feeling to see the way Connor would light up upon someone appreciating him and his efforts, knowing that it was a rare instance for him to receive gratitude from others.

There was always a thought that found itself residing in the back of your mind whenever Connor had come around, the thought that maybe these androids had the ability to care beyond fulfilling missions or following orders. That these androids, let alone deviants weren’t as bad as society deemed them to be.

That just maybe, one day, the growing fondness for Connor you continued to dismiss, would have the opportunity to be returned by him.

Fidgeting with the eggs on your plate, you hesitated for a moment before looking back at Connor. “Are you ever gonna tell me what happened back at the cafe?”

He dropped your gaze, his eyes falling to the floor, “I just… froze, that’s all,”

Your brows creased in confusion, “Why?” you pressed.

He paused, sitting in thought before looking back up at you, “I don’t know. I just-... I just felt something. And I didn’t know how to respond to it,” he admitted.

You stared into his eyes, a seeming glimmer of life resting within them. “What did you feel?”

He stared back at you, a cross of something between hope and adoration written on his face. You swallowed down the urge kiss him, knowing whatever you’d been feeling was anything if not irrational.

As for Connor, he would’ve only hoped to know what your lips felt like, if they were as soft as they appeared, if the taste would linger on his own. He would’ve hoped to know what it felt like to hold you against him, to become familiar with the feeling of your warmth, the living beat in your chest thumping against his own.

To know what the feeling of a living being, capable of loving him, felt like at his fingertips.

The sudden sound of Cleo’s barking shook you both out of your trance. A sigh escaped your mouth as you stood, setting the plate on the bed as you grabbed the Tylenol from its spot on your bedside table, swallowing two of the tablets before downing the glass of water.

“I’m gonna go shower get dressed, I’ll meet you downstairs in a minute,”

Connor nodded, making his way to the door as he took his leave.

“Hey, champ,” Hank spoke, the slightest of smirks playing on his lips as both you and Connor approached his desk.

You took a gulp from your water bottle, your obvious restless features saying enough. “Fuck you,”

Hank’s brows raised with astonishment, an amused look still on his face, “Woah, detective. Language.”

Nodding slowly, you bit back a grin as you fastened the cap on your water bottle, taking a few files from the abundant stack on the lieutenant’s desk, “If I die before my shift is over, you’re not invited to my funeral,” you mumbled, making way to your own desk as Hank’s faint chuckles lingered in the air.

Connor’s eyes remained on you as you walked away, watching as you slumped into your chair and flipped through the files. “By the way,” the low grumble of Hank’s voice grabbed Connor’s attention, “Thanks for getting her home last night.” The older man spoke genuinely, something neither Connor or himself were too familiar with.

He nodded, “No problem, Lieutenant.” He watched as Hank glanced over at you, an irritable look on your face as you rubbed your forehead, almost reminding him of himself. “How about you go and help her for the day? I’m more than certain she needs it more than me,” he suggested, nodding toward you.

Connor looked back over at you, almost ecstatic at the thought, before nodding, “Understood.” Hank watched as the android swiftly made his way over to you, no complaints whatsoever. It left him curious. If he didn’t know any better he’d assume the android had a crush on you. Nonetheless, he dismissed it, assuming he was only so keen of you due to your kindness towards him.

You looked up from your paper to see Connor standing beside you, a soft look on his face, “What’s up?”

“Hank suggested I should help you today, since you’re not feeling so well,”

You simply nodded, handing him half of the files before tending the best you could to the papers in front of you. Only at it for ten minutes, your eyes fell heavy, the thump at the back of your head barely residing. After a while, you sat the paper down, rubbing your face as an exhausted sigh passed your lips.

Connor looked up at you, “Are you alright, Detective?”

You shook your head slowly, “No. No I’m not.” you stated flatly, the remark muffled by your hands.

“Is there anything I could get you?”

You peeked at him through your fingers, “Can you get me a coffee, please,” you muttered, earning a stark nod as he stood, making his way to the office break area. It was apparent that Connor’s mind had began to become infatuated with none other than you, so much so that he failed to even recognize he was veering farther and farther away from his main priority - putting an end to the deviants.

He knew Cyberlife had sent him, let alone created him for one serving purpose only, but the few days prior seemed to prove that single purpose wrong. The thought alone simmered in Connor’s head, the possibility that him feeling the emotions and doubts he did were only leading him furthermore towards deviancy.

While in the midst of contemplation and pouring in an abundance of creamer into your coffee, a familiar voice broke Connor’s thoughts. “Well, well, well - look at you being a good ol’ assistant,” Gavin spoke, his footsteps filling the small hum of the break room. Connor turned, a neutral expression on his face as Gavin approached him.

“If you didn’t catch on by now, bringing her coffee isn’t gonna get you between her legs, trust me, I’ve tried,” he chuckled, a hostile look growing on his face, “Plus, I’m uh, pretty sure no real woman wants shit to do with a plastic fuck like you.” He punctuated his last sentence with a harsh push at Connor’s shoulder.

The android rolled his shoulder, unaffected, “If you’ll excuse me, Gavin,” he spoke, picking up the coffee. The detective stepped in front of him, “And if I don’t?” he growled.

“Fuck off, Gavin,” you spat, slamming the door open as you made your way towards the two of them. Gavin’s gaze lingered Connor for a moment, scoffing as he turned on his heel, he looked at you as he backed away from Connor. He raised his arms in defense, “Sorry, sweetheart. I was just having a little conversation with your chewtoy over here,” he turned, glaring at Connor as you made your way over to him, grabbing your coffee.

“Do you ever shut the fuck up? Genuine question.” you asked, your brows pressed together finely as you stared at the man. Ignoring your question, he looked you up and down, noticing the jaded expression on your face. He chuckled, “Sorry - sorry, I, uh - looked at you and for a moment there I could’ve sworn Anderson’s alcoholic tendencies were starting to rub off on you,” he spoke, a grin growing on his face.

You stared at him blankly, watching him laugh at his own joke for a moment before throwing the steaming coffee in his face, discarding the cup at his feet. A howl of pain left his mouth as you left the break room, Connor staring at Gavin in astonishment before making his way to your side.

The usual hum of the room ceased, uneasy murmurs filling the air instead as multiple officers turned their attention towards the both of you, looks of both confusion and shock written on their faces.

“Was that absolutely necessary-”

“Yes.”

Contrary to your blunt answer, you were sure of the fact you’d most likely regret your actions sooner or later. But for now, the only regret you had was wasting your coffee, especially on a prick like Gavin.

Connor watched as you slumped back into your office chair, an evident sigh of annoyance passing your lips as you swivelled in the chair slowly, locking eyes with the many concerned officers in the room. One of those many being Hank, who’d made his way over to your desk.

The two of you locked eyes, a notable confused expression written on the older man’s face, “What the fuck did you just do?” he asked blatantly.

You swivelled in the chair once again, an echoic squeak meeting your ears, “I threw coffee in Gavin’s face,” you murmured, resembling the look of a guilty child.

Hank squinted, staring ahead at you blankly, “Why?”

The squeak of your chair stopped with a halt of your movements as you tilted your head slightly, “You’ve never wanted to throw a cup of coffee in Gavin’s face-”

“That’s not what I said,” Hank retorted immediately. Before another word could pass his lips, the sound of Captain Fowler’s rumble of a voice calling your name shook you out of the conversation.

“In my office. Now.” he spat.

Your lips drew into a hard line, sitting in thought for a moment as you dug your nails into the arms of the chair. Surely he wouldn’t fire you, you were too skilled of a detective for him to let you go over an split second decision, not to mention, a good amount of your colleagues hated Gavin’s guts. It was only a matter of time until somebody lost their patience and put him in his place. It just happened to be you out of all people.  

“Now! Detective.”

You jolted up from your chair, meeting Fowler’s scowl of a gaze, “Do you think he’ll fire me for giving Gavin third degree burns?” you muttered to Hank, turning to him as he raised his brows, glancing over at the Captain, “I think you’ll be just fine, kid,” he reassured, giving you a pat on the back as you trudged into the man’s office.

Connor stood in place, wringing his hands as he watched you close Fowler’s office door behind you, your mannerisms obviously tense as you sat across from his desk, shrugging and nodding in response to every question the stern stained faced man had thrown your way.

“Jesus, Connor, she’ll be fine,” Hank said, watching as Connor’s expression grew more and more worrisome, his brows drawing together as he stared. His gaze lingered on you for a moment more, before darting to the older man beside him, his arms crossed as he looked at Connor with a look of confusion.

“I know,” the android responded simply, peering at you once again.

Hank’s gaze remained fixated on him, shifting on his feet as he tilted his head, a look of contemplation on his face.

“Do you like her, Connor?”

The android whipped his head towards Hank. A scoff of a laugh passed the lieutenant’s lips, the deer-in-the-headlights look on Connor’s face revealing the answer to his question with ease.

Hank ran a hand over his aging face, sighing heavily, “Jesus fuckin’ Christ-”

“No. No, it’s not like that,” Connor quickly spoke.

Hank stuffed his hands in his pockets, biting back the shit eating grin on his face as he prepared his ears for the excuse Connor began to stir.

“I do like her, of course, just as much as I like you. We’re partners,” he explained, earning a squint from Hank. His gaze bounced from Hank’s knowing gaze, landing on the floor as he searched through his thoughts for an acceptable answer, before looking back up at his partner.

“I’m a machine, Hank. I’m incapable of feeling emotions,” he paused, glancing over at you, “I can’t feel anything.” he murmured, his plastered, convincing expression all if not but disintegrating as his face fell.

Hank decided not to say anything, a twitch of sympathy almost crossing his features as silence enveloped the two of them, not lasting for long as Fowler called the two into his office as well.

“Should I be trusting you to drive my car?” Hank asked, a look of worry written on his face. Instead chewing the three of you out for the lack of progress on the case, Fowler wounded up sending you to the scene of a crime where a deviant and a child were spotted the night before.

“If you ask me that again I’m gonna deliberately run over every pothole I see, Hank,” you retorted, clicking on the radio to drown out the silence in the car. A grimace crossed your face as the sound of screaming and clanging instruments filled your ears, immediately changing the station. “Can you explain to me how you listen to death metal and remain sane?” you half teased, throwing a look Hank’s way.

He threw his hands up, “Sounds nice, expresses how I feel inside,” he drawled out sarcastically, earning a chuckle from you.

Connor looked between the two of you, watching as you began to hum along to the song on the radio. It seemed to be Hank’s turn to make a face of disgust, “Dion and the Belmonts?”

You only smiled, tapping your hands on the steering wheel, “I wonder why, I love you like I do. Is it because I think you love me too?” you sang, obnoxiously squishing Hank’s face.

“Please stop,” he groaned, pushing your hands away. Connor watched, becoming lost in the way you smiled. The way your giggles transformed into fits of laughter in response to Hank’s grumpy remarks. The way your nose scrunched up and eyes squinted closed when hitting every note incorrectly, but it was all so seemingly perfect to Connor.

“When you're with me, I'm sure you're always true. When I'm away, I wonder what you do,” you turned to Connor, cupping his cheek as you sang to him. You noticed the look on his face to be the same one from that morning, and along with it came the hopefulness that had settled into the back of your mind, front and center of your thoughts as you locked eyes with Connor.

A groan passed Hank’s lips, “Can you please focus on driving instead of getting all lovey-dovey with robocop over here? For fucks sake,”

A faint chuckle left your mouth as you turned back to face the wheel, singing along to the song as Hank slumped against window, resting his head on his hand as Connor simply continued what he did best, admiring you from afar.

After arriving at the scene and getting a synopsis in full from Officer Collins, you made your way up the street, looking out for anyone that matched the description of the suspects.

A shiver raked its way down your spine, the unrelenting chill of the rain getting to you as you paced down the sidewalk. You looked up to see Detroit’s unforgiving grey clouds, knowing the weather rarely found itself to be in anyone’s favor.

Your thoughts were ruling to be plagued with more than simply Detroit’s weather, as the familiar peaked smile of an android threw your mind into shambles. You were anything if not showered with doubts that’d beaten down every hope you had, but even that wasn’t enough to keep Connor from crossing your mind.

Of course there were plenty of people who found themselves in intimate relationships with androids - no thanks to Edens Club. But a genuine, loving relationship with an android was unheard of. Who knew if any androids, let alone deviants, were even capable of loving. The thought seemed impossible to most - as for you, you’d only hoped it wasn’t.

Suddenly, the feeling of another person colliding into you withdrew you from your thoughts.

“Shit - sorry, I wasn’t-...” you trailed off, slack-jawed as you recognized the woman. It was the android, the familiar child at her practically glued to her side. You looked between the two of them, an obvious look of fear stricken across their features.

Before a word could pass your lips, the woman spoke. “Please. Please just let us go, I’m begging you,” she pleaded, a clear waver in her voice. You looked down at the little girl once again, her grip on the woman’s hand tightening. Blinking, you bit your lip, shaking your head slightly as you thought to yourself for a moment.

“They’re patrolling the whole block, take every alleyway you can find and get out of here,”

Relief flushed over the woman’s face as she nodded, going to turn around before a rushed thank you left her mouth.

You watched as the two hurriedly made their way down the sidewalk before disappearing into an alley. Sighing, you turned around to make your way back to the scene, only to be met with Connor. His eyes distinctly followed the woman and child, his brows drawn together in thought as he processed them to be the suspects.

“Leave it, Connor,”

He didn’t react, his eyes still lingering on the alleyway almost as if he didn’t hear you. Before you could convince him otherwise, he began walking past you and towards the alley. You turned immediately, grabbing his arm, “Connor, stop,”

“They’re the suspects, why are you letting them get away?”

“She has a kid.” you hissed. His gaze lingered on you, a seemingly confused look on his face.

You sighed, “There’s plenty of other deviants we can find and question. But-... not them, Connor. Okay?” You looked up, met with a look of conflict as his gaze fell, focusing on the ground in front of him.

He found himself at odds with his orders, and the yearning feeling to please you. It was as if he was met with a barrier, the demand to fulfill his mission blocking him from the desire to do otherwise. He met your pleading gaze once again, before finally, deciding to break the barrier. Tearing it and beating it until ultimately it disintegrated.

You watched as he blinked for a moment, a sigh passing his lips as he looked over towards the alley.

“Okay,”

[artificialqueens]

Trixie's day out 3- Return of the jedi (Trixya) ~ hobnob

A/N: Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Solo from the clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt. Little does Luke know that the galactic empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy.

“TRIXIE” Katya screeched, spazzing out on the floor.

“Tf cunt” Trixie awoke, rubbing some of those crispy yellow balls out of her eyes graciously.

“We’re out of milk go get some” Kathua cried, looking down at the milk she just spilled.

Trixie couldn’t believe her ear nubbs. She’d have to pop down to Tesco extra and miss Antiques roadshow on telly.

“Not today satan, im having…Trixie’s day in” she spoke softly, sneezing into katyas wig.

“You have to what are we going to eat with our weetabix” Katya said, stealing a pack of haribo from the mini fridge.

Katya did make a compelling argument. Every morning they would talk about last nights Britains got talent and eat weetabix.

Trixie grabbed her Jacamo coat and wellies. She was out the door like a vegan in maccies.

The streets were surprisingly quiet apart from a few D list queens sat on a bench, making audition tapes. Today she may actually achieve what she set out to do without any wacky antics.

Just then Trixie fell, making sweet tender love to the floor as her dentures fell out.

“Ur mum drinks spaff!” Trixie yelled in pure unadulterated rage, getting up and dusting off her boy body.

She looked around to what caused the accident.

It was the head of ivy whinters, rolling around in panic. “Woo0ooah!” She tumbled, blood spewing everywhere as her decapitated head made circles on the ground.

“Hows ur head” Trixie said drenched in blood.

“Ive been having some complaints” Ivy cried, licking a garden snail. “Somebody stole my body-ody-ody!”

“I could get you 2 litre bottle of tizer” Trixie said sympathetically, picking up ivy’s head. Tizer always made her feel better.

Ivy, shook her head, though it was really more of a vibration because she had no neck. “I want you to find who did this to me”

Trixie nodded, throwing the decapitated ivy to the floor as she rolled down a storm drain. The dairy goods would just have to wait.

Trixie walked over to the bench of D list drag queens, they all eyed her down apprehensively. She needed information.

“Wott do you want?” Vander von odd spat, sticking our her forked tongue.

“Yeah, piss off!” Evah destruction hissed, ripping trixies skin with her talons.

“Tf u doing you rat bastard?” Trixie said slapping away eva’s hand. “I just need to ask if-”

“We ain’t saying nothing!!” Soju snarled, lifting her microphone to Trixie’s face. “However, do something for us and ill give you answers”

The girls on the bench nodded in agreement, going back to making audition tapes.

“What you want”

“Im out of alcohol to give to my guests” soju cried, her fake microphone crumbling apart. “Im under 18 so i need you to go to get me some bevs”

“Im about to pop into tesco, i could get you the latest beano and a kopparberg” Trixie offered, dressing her open wound in spongebob plasters.

“Yh peng”

A few minutes later and a quick chat with pete behind the till, Trixie had a bag of cheap booze. She slammed it into soju’s belly.

“Ah” soju thumbed up, clasping her chest in pain. “Rad, how can we help u”

“There was a decapitated head rolling around”

“Word on the street is” Evah destruction leaned in “there’s been a body snatcher goin round, nabbing queens!”

“I saw a shadowy figure jump into that there bin” Vander van odd pointed, taking a puff oh her novelty oversized pipe.

Without hesitation, Trixie leapt into the bin. It smelt of old gum and used condoms, much like katya. It was nothing but a plain bin! She’d been dooped!

Before a disgruntled trixie could react, the lid was slammed shut. She heard cackling as the bin moved. She was going on her biggest day out ever!

After about 7 hours of squatting in a bin, the lid lifted. She found herself in an underground science lab surrounded by tubs of body parts and leftover curry.

“Nice of you to join us miss mattel” a shadow figure said, all intimidating like.

“Wasn’t voluntary was it you daft cunt” Trixie retorted. At some point her hands had been tied up.

Trixie looked over to the table. An abomination of human limbs and makeup lay on there, covered in blood and wig hair.

“Intrigued?” The shadow stepped forward. Making them not a shadow. By teresa may’s sagging ballsack, it was karen from finance!

“Karen you old slag! Let me out ill be your bff”

“No trixie, i shan’t fall for that again. See i need your body-ody-ody for my experiment”

This wasn’t an ideal situation, Trixie just wanted to watch Antiques roadshow with weetabix.

“You see, we are the forgotten queens!” Karen monologued “None of our shows get booked because of people like you!! But thats about to change. I am creating the perfect queen, to outbook all other shows in england!!!”

Trixie nodded.

“Ive used the legs of Naomi smalls, the body of Courtney act, the collar bone of Alaska, and i was going to get ivy’s head but she got stolen by sewer rats idk where she is”

“Karen m8 i have to call the police this is well messed” Trixie said, busting out her phone and contacting the authorities.

“How in the dickens did you escape from the rope?”

“You tied me up with strawberry shoelaces you berk”

That very second, Laganja estranja slammed down the laboratory door. Her half reptilian body shone in the UV lamp rays.

“Oh yall wanted a rescue??” She deathdropped, making her way over to karen from finance. “You going straight to jail you best believe mamawww”

“Im in a secret location, how did you find me” Karen panicked.

“I got my snapchat location services on” Trixie said, getting out the bin and giving laganja a scooby snack. “Were in the middle of sheffield”

“Im young and hung and clearly march to the sound of my own drum” Laganja shrieked. without hesitation, she whipped out a gun and shot karen square in the face.

“Shit thanks laganja you can go now” Trixie nodded, poking Karen’s lifeless dead body with her foot.

“Okuuuuur mamaw” Laganja sashayed. She really hadn’t been the same since the accident.

Another job well done. The killer had been caught, with a little help from her friends of corse!

Trixie looked over to the rotting pile of flesh. Karen was some form of mentally disabled, it would never of worked.

She made her way back to camden. She spotted evah, vander and soju still on the bench, chuckling to themselves menacingly.

“Lads that prank was shit” Trixie said, shaking her head.

They all began to cry, hanging their heads in shame. “We had to let karen slice you up. How else would we get money?” Evah sobbed.

Trixie gave them all a knowing smile “investment…”

They all nodded in agreement, looking into the sunset. She would be seeing more of these girls, possibly on bbc news in some form of scandal.

Trixie bought the milk and got back to the hotel room. Katya was sat on the bed watching the biggest looser on telly.

“Its been about 5 days trixie where you been” Katya said, her eyelids peeled back from dehydration.

“I had to walk from sheffield to london :/”

They both sat together and watched telly, eating weetabix as the day came to a close.

“We not only have a parliamentary democracy, but on questions about the arrangements for how we’re governed, there are times when it is right to ask the people themselves, and that is what we have done. The British people have voted to leave the European Union, and their will must be respected.”

-Rupaul