#ive always found it so weird how joe is the only kid in his school to not wear the uniform

[vh-rasz]

this movie is so ugly

[doc-pickles]

it’s nothing funny just to talk (p. 1)

What happens when you text that random number graffitied on a bathroom stall in your favorite bar? Jo Wilson is about to find out. - In which Bar Princess and Doctor Evil Spawn meet via text.

More Jolex on your timeline because y’all seemed to love what I posted before! Also I’ve posted this whole piece on AO3 as well so it might look familiar.  

this idea came to me in a fever dream and i am not sorry that y'all have to deal with it. 99% of this fic will be in "texting" format, so be prepared for that. 

Jo is regular Alex is italics

Saturday 11:04 PM

heeeeey is thiss doctor evil?

I gotta say ur phone sex namee needs sum weerk

u soud like a comic book village 

fuck

village

VILLAIN

Who the hell is this? And how did you get my number? 

i’m just a girl at thee bar!!!! 

Joe’s Bar?

noooooo

i’m at enerlad city bar

You didn’t answer my question. 

u asked a quesitoon?

whata was it?

i’m goos at takifjg tests 

How’d you get my number?

it qas in the bathrooom!!!

it said “for a good tiem txt dr evil spawne” 

so I did

I am ready to havee fun

You’re drunk, obviously, and I’m going to have to kill Cristina for putting my number up. 

ooooooh is thatt ur girleifnd?

hirlefiend 

girlfriend**

Wow you’re really gone. And hell no, she’s my roommate. One of them. 

ooooh how many do u hav

roomees not girlfriends 

Three. Two girls and a dude. 

intereeesting...

well it’s tome for fireball shoots

steph is yeeling at me 4 txting too much

goodbey doctor eviel apawn!!

Oh lord. Tell Steph you need water. Or an IV. 

I’ve got her. she’s throwing up on her shoes. thanks doctor. - steph

  Sunday 10:11 AM

You know you’re pretty funny, Bar Girl. 

jesus christ what fucking time is it?! 

10 AM

I’m assuming you have a massive hangover. 

hold on I can’t hear you over the sound of me vomiting

TMI as the kids say these days. 

what’re you a grandpa or something?? 

No I just don’t know how to use text lingo. Except WTF. I know that one very well. 

quick question

who the fuck are you?

Dr. Evil Spawn. You found my name graffitied in the bathroom of Emerald City Bar. 

holy shit

I thought I dreamed that... WHAT THE FUCK

Nope. I’m real. 

holy shit i’m so sorry

my texts were so annoying

Who hurt you? I mean you were shitfaced, I’m assuming someone broke your heart into tiny pieces. 

the opposite actually, I was at a bachelorette party

not mine, i’m so single it hurts

Ahhh that makes sense. So you got shitfaced in solidarity? 

exactly you get it

you seem like you’d be the DD at a bachelorette party

Well seeing as I’m a dude I don’t do Bachelorette parties. 

Well I did go to one, but that’s a different story.  

hmmm you seem like a very interesting man doctor evil spawn 

going to bachelorette parties, living with women who aren’t your girlfriend 

OMG ARE YOU DATING THE GUY YOU LIVE WITH?!

George? No absolutely not. And before you ask, my other girl roommate is gay. 

so you’re single?

i’m only asking so when you murder me the police have as much information as possible

Haha very funny. I would be a terrible murderer. 

you didn’t answer my question

Fine. Yes I’m single. 

i’ll note that in the “serial killer file” i’m building 

gotta go, I have to do work :/

Have fun, don’t die. 

  Sunday 8:38 PM

Arizona is trying to set me up on a blind date. 

who’s arizona?

My gay roommate. She wants me to meet this “bubbly blonde” she knows from her pilates class. 

ahhhh. why don’t you go?

Bubbly blonde is not my type. Sounds like she’ll spend the whole date talking about how much she loves dogs or her knitting hobby. 

Plus she does pilates, that tells me more than enough. 

you’re making some good points. I don’t pity you. 

You better not. How was work?

the longest day of my life

it was just paperwork, I don’t actually work on the weekends

What do you do?

hmmmm that’s exactly what a serial killer would say

i’m an elementary school teacher

Oh so you sing and dance and paint pictures all day?

what school did you go to?

were working on multiplication tables and basic photosynthesis tomorrow

Wow that sounds like a lot.

it’s may, ive got three weeks of school left so I have to cram all the crap we didn’t cover into these last few weeks 

Ahhh that sounds more accurate.

and what do you do? 

besides text strangers that you don’t know

I’m a pediatrician. 

oh so you make kids cry and wipe snotty noses all day? two can play at that game

Well we both have to deal with snotty noses sooo...

I GET IT!! Doctor Evil Spawn!! 

why evil spawn though? 

I wasn’t this nice when I started med school. My personality is an acquired taste. 

ha! that’s a funny joke. 

so if you’re a fancy schmancy doctor why do you live with three other people?

I’m only a resident, not making the big bucks yet. Everyone else is a doctor too. 

are they all pediatricians?

No. Arizona is too but Cristina is a cardiologist and George is a trauma specialist. 

interesting!! I too live with my coworkers. it’s not fun. 

the table is always covered in craft supplies. 

Well I can never read the grocery list on the fridge. Stupid doctors script...

oh that’s a classic. you’re pretty funny Dr. Evil Spawn

Thanks Bar Girl. 

I gotta go. monday tomorrow and you know how fourth graders can be. night!! 

Night . 

  Monday 9:47 AM

there’s not enough coffee in the world for monday mornings. 

  Monday 10:52 AM 

Sorry I was yelling at the interns. We have a decent coffee cart here. Keeps me alive. Are you texting in class?

no it was recess

now they’re at spanish class

i’m not totally irresponsible 

Oh good to know the future of America is in good hands. Teacher Princess is “not totally irresponsible”

teacher princess?

Well, Cinderella lost her shoe, you puked on yours. Same thing. 

wooooooooow

that was so uncalled for...

I thought it was funny. Gotta go set a broken arm. 

broken arm vs. adverbs... can we switch? have fun lol

  Monday 3:26 PM

I don’t even think I know what an adverb is. 

how did you become a doctor??

Don’t need to know adverbs to fix a couple broken bones and snuffy noses. 

oh darn I should’ve gone to school for seven more years then

Haha. How were the adverbs?

better than expected, grading papers while I wait for my roomies to be done

we carpool, saving the environment and shit

Okay Eco Warrior.

you text like a 60 year old man

you’re not a 60 year old man are you?

No I’m a 28 year old man though

28 a doctor and you’re single? your personality must be worse than you described 

I’m a busy man, I don’t have time to settle down. And I have no desire to. 

yet you have time to text a complete stranger? 

hmmmm interesting...

Ouch, that one hurt Princess. 

steph is making me socialize with the other teachers

if I don’t respond, they killed me or dragged me to an essential oil party

Hahahaha

  Monday 5:18 PM

Did you get roped into a pyramid scheme?

nooo but therew as wine

I should sotp drunk texting you so often 

It makes your presence that much more entertaining. And bearable. 

woah woah dude

i’m a gem 

I can tell. Elementary school teacher with a heart of gold. 

awwww your too sweet tome

It’s a Monday. Who the hell gets drunk on a Monday?

teachers

we deserve it

You’re a teacher and you’re single and still going to Bachelorette parties. You’re what, 23? 

i’m 25 and i’m doing greta thanks you very nuch 

cnat believe that i’m supplying my perosnal info to a serial killer

What makes you so sure that I’m a mass murderer? 

ur weird nickname and ur intimate knowledge of the himan body

Mmm yes well a good amount of women do find themselves screaming around me often. Or under me. On top of me...

omg are you sending me dirty jokes

you’re crazy 

What can I say. 

Gotta go, I’m on call tonight. Get to bed safe, Bar Princess. 

mmmkay thanks Doc

  Wednesday 11:29 AM

What do you think is worse: School lunch or hospital food?

hospital food, no doubt

thursday is mac and cheese day here... I could bathe in that stuff

We have Spaghetti Wednesday but that’s the only good thing here. 

mmm how depressing

the teachers do a pot luck once a month and that’s always good

the art teacher next door to me makes the BEST blueberry muffins. 

Lucky. All I get here is vending machine cookies. Anything interesting happening in the elementary world? 

a first grader got lice last week so naturally we all have it now

I had to chop off six inches of my hair

Holy crap. Lice can be vicious, be thankful you didn’t have to shave your head. 

it feels like I did, my hair hasn’t been above my shoulders since the backstreet boys were still touring

Wow. I’m glad to know you’re well cultured. 

of course I am

gotta go, kids are back from music class

Don’t be too hard on them, they deserve a break every once in awhile. 

  Thursday 3:06 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Jenna you forgot your lunch pail. Have a good day!”

“Hello?”

“Hi Mrs. Peters. I didn’t grade Henry’s test yet, I’ll have it tomorrow. Thanks bye!”

“Helloooo?”

“Steph I gotta grab my things, I’ll be there in a seco- oh shit. Hello?”

“Bar Princess?”

“Doctor Evil Spawn? I must’ve butt dialed you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay I... I don’t mind the interruption. Are you leaving work?”

“Just about, we’re wrapping up the solar system and I have to bring home the diorama.”

“I was never good at the models, I prefer working with the real thing.”

“Oh ho, a man that works with his hands. I can appreciate that.”

“You know now we’re officially talking and we still don’t know each other’s names.”

“Well around here I’m Miss Wilson, but you can call me Jo.”

“Jo. Hmm I like chicks with dudes names. I’m Dr. Karev but you can call me Alex.”

“Well nice to kinda meet you Alex. I’ll talk to you soon, I gotta get out of here.”

“Talk to you later.”  

  Thursday 4:34 PM

I wouldn’t mind if you were my teacher.

how did I know you’d send me something along those lines

I’m predictable. I’m still calling you Bar Princess. 

as you wish doctor evil spawn

I get to assist on a surgery today. Tonsillectomy. 

like removing tonsils? that’s awesome

for you, not for the kid

Oh she’ll be fine, she gets ice cream and jello for a week.  

okay yeah I might be jealous of her now

id love to be off work for a week and have you waiting on me hand and foot

the ice cream is a nice bonus

You think that’s my job?

well you said you aren’t making the big bucks yet so.... yeah 

Keep dreaming. I’ll talk to you later, gotta scrub in. 

have fun!!!!

[1pepsiboy]

Newness (PT 1) - Colby Brock Blurb

POV: First person (Y/N)

Word count: 2163

Warnings: Colby fucking Brock, swearing, light smut

A/N: So...here’s part one of the new two parter blurb I’ve been working on for a couple weeks now. Part two definitely has more of the smut so...stay tuned babes ;)

@topthis808 ,  @j-ust-l-ive​ , @imprettysleepyhonestly​ , @themichelledavis​ , @cold-hearted-bish​ , @prettypattie , @sometimesiimaginethings​ , @i-am-just-trash-sorry , @almostelegantfire , @space-magick, @charliecynthiia 

Sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged! (There’s a couple who wanna be tagged, but it won’t let me?? I’m sorry about that!) And if you wanna be tagged next time I update, just let me know! <3 

***

I adjusted my black, ribbed, criss cross front crop top that I wore with maroon, high waisted, skinny jeans and quite beat to shit, white, low-rise Converse. There was a sudden impact against my side and I stumbled a little before regaining my balance. I looked over at my giddy friend clinging onto me in a side hug.

“Hiiii Y/N.”

I laughed, reaching to brush out some of her bangs. “Hey, Jenni. How you feeling?”

She detached from me to throw her hands in the air. “I feel fantastic!”

“And how much have you had to drink?” I questioned, taking a step forward in the line for Joe’s, the main bar near campus. I’m a senior and this is my first time coming here; it’s a ritual I guess to come at least once, may as well do it now. It’s not that I don’t like to party, I’ve always sort of been against school spirit… doesn’t matter where I’m going; I was like this in high school too.

“Uhm…” She began counting on her fingers, but then gave up. “Enough so I don’t have to buy a lot here.”

I pointed a finger to my temple and then at her. “Logic.”

It’s what my other friend, Syrena, and I did, but also, she’s not 21 yet. I’m not saying I approve of underage drinking, but she’s so close and we were responsible about it.

“ID in your left hand and cash in your right!” The guy at the front door yelled.

“I don’t need the cash.” I mocked and Syrena sent me a small glare.

“Shut up, I’m almost there.”

I nodded. “Mmmhm.” I handed the girl my ID, she checked it and stamped my hand.

Syrena took my hand and guided me into the front entryway; it was slightly smaller than I was expecting to be honest. The small entryway had a pool table, then there was the only bar to the left in front of us, some high tables and stools to the right, a higher platform with seating that’s on the left, and then the dance floor was next to it.

“I’m gonna get a drink.” I stated. “Want anything?”

“Red Bull and vodka.”

I nodded and went over to the bar, resting my elbows on the counter as I waited. It was like midnight and this place was just getting started with how packed it is; the vibe felt great, not gonna lie.

“Hey, you’re Y/N.”

I looked in the direction of the voice. It was Cross, this wrestler I’ve had a couple classes with. He’s kind of cute, kind of sweet, but I don’t feel it with him. Not that I ever have with anyone.

I brushed back some of my hair. “I am, and you’re Cross.”

He laughed, licking his lips, and then did a lip bite. “Didn’t think you’d ever come here.”

“Talk about a wrong thought.” I replied, finally waving down one of the bartenders. I leaned in so he could hear me and ordered Syrena’s drink and a Malibu and Sprite. I held out a ten for the guy to take after he set down the two drinks. I picked up Syrena’s and handed it back to her as the bartender was distracted, then took my change from him and my drink.

“Nice talking.” I took a sip and held up my drink up in the air for a moment before taking a step away.

“Wait,��� he reached out to grab my upper arm, “dance with me later?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.” I lightly tugged my arm from his hand and met back up with Syrena and Jenni.

Jenni somehow had another drink; it’s not like this place is 100% fool proof or checking age at the bar. “Let’s go dance!” She squealed.

I nodded. “Yeah!” I took another sip as we weaved through the kids. It got hot fast with how crowded it was in general, but the dance floor was the most infected with people. I could feel the beat of the music I didn’t know in my chest and had so much pleasure letting loose.

I ran a hand through my hair as I grinded with this random girl, feeling a layer of sticky sweat on my skin. In a normal state, it’d probably feel gross. Right now, it felt fucking amazing. I leaned back into her as her hands held my sides and a few seconds later her lips were grazing my neck. I closed my eyes and bit my lip.

There was now another body up against my front and my eyes shot open to see who it was; Cross. He’s kind of ruining the girl on girl here.

“You two are so hot!” He yelled, his breath reeking of beer.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, losing my horny mood a little.

He smiled, trying to grind closer to me. “Mind if I join?”

The brunette’s hands squeezed on my sides and she yanked me ever closer, her lips actually placed some butterfly kisses on my neck before licking up and she nipped my ear. “She’s mine.”

His face deadpanned. “Are you two like a thing?”

“Yeah.” I replied, laughing. Sure we are.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know.” He backed up and turned around to go find someone else.

I turned around to grind front to front with the girl and leaned in close to her ear. “Thank you!”

Her lips trailed my chin until they pressed against my lips. “Of course, baby. Girls gotta stick together.”

I was horny again. I downed the rest of my sour apple pucker and sprite and pointed towards the front. “Need to use the bathroom?”

She bit her lip as she trailed her hand down my front and placed it over my heat. She gave a small rub and nodded. A simple yes would have sufficed, damn she’s good.

I grabbed her hand and we hurried into the bathroom. I was going to check to make sure no one was in the one stall bathroom, but the girl pushed me up against the wall without warning and kissed me.

I’m fine with this.

***

“Call me later, baby.” The brunette winked, handing me my phone, and walked off.

Fuck that was amazing, but I won’t be calling her later.

I got another drink, Red Bull and vodka this time, and went to find Syrena and Jenni. They were up on the small stage, dancing. I’d lost them earlier, but it worked out. I walked through the higher platform area, stepped up onto the booth like seating, and got up onto the stage next to Jenni. I know Syrena was giving me a look, but I ignored. She knows how I am.

“Ayeee!” All of us cheered and rythemed together on display for everyone to see.

I felt hands lightly rest on my waist and pull me in. I smirked, biting my lip, and started to move my hips with whoever it was; just by the presence, it was definitely some dude.

I did any good hip movement and butt pushing into this dude’s dick area as I could. Even bent over to get a full ass shot in and snaked back up. I went slow now as the guy brought ring covered fingers to grip my hips and he moved them to my torso area, not getting too close to the breasts or vag; respect bro. When I brought my free hand to tangle into my hair, the song ended. I could finally look back to see who I’d been dancing with.

His piercing blue eyes were still looking at me as he was giving me a handsome, yet sexy smile.

I felt someone tap my shoulder so I flipped around. Syrena pointed towards the front. “I’m ready to go!”

“Don’t Stop Believin’” started to play now and I was pulled back into strong hips. Colby Brock wants to keep going with me? Oh my God, that’s unreal. I don’t even know why he’d be around here; I don’t want to question it too much.

I held up one finger. “One more song. Here, take my glass.” I chugged the rest so I’d have both hands free.

Both of us were laughing as we belted the chorus, still keeping our hips connected. But when it wasn’t the chorus, Colby was focused on getting me closer and I happily leaned back against his entire upper body, bringing both hands to run though my hair.

I felt my heart drop when the song ended, which was sort of weird feeling to me, and I knew Syrena was going to drag me out. We promised to stick together; if the other wants to leave, we both leave. I took a deep breath though and decided to shoot my shot, trying to play it cool; I’ve literally never done this before.

I turned around, keeping my body close and brought my lips to his ear, which he seemed to oblige to. “Wanna switch Instas?”

He pulled back, clapping his hands once. “Yeah!” He whipped out his phone from his back pocket and did something before handing it to me. He had his Instagram finder pulled up. Calmly as possible, I found myself and hit the follow.

Holy fuck.

He smirked into a laugh. He rested a hand on my upper arm and leaned in to rest his lips on my ear. “Hit me up later.”

His voice sent chills down my spine and I swallowed with a nod. “Okay.”

He did a lip bite smile before jumping down from the ledge and joining some unruly curly haired brunette guy; Eli, I think. I didn’t know that his friend was around here, especially not around the Burg.

“Earth to Y/N! Come on, let’s go!” Syrena yelled, obviously getting irritated from being tired.

I was on a high now and knew I’d be up for a while. I hopped over the cushion seating onto the carpet and she hooked her arm with mine. The cold rain felt good on my hot skin from all the dancing, hooking up, alcohol intake, and pounding music.

“So...was that who I thought it was?”

I looked over at Syrena as we began to power walk back to our dorm. “Uhm...I’m afraid if I say yes, it won’t actually be real.”

She laughed, small white puffs leaving her close by. “What did you talk about before we left?”

“Eh,” I dragged in a high pitched voice, brushing back some bangs, “he followed me on Insta and told me to hit him up later.”

“Later, as in tonight?” She raised her eyebrows.

I shrugged. “No idea.” She shot me a look and I shook my head. “I really don’t, but I highly doubt it.”

“Really, Y/N? You’re gonna play that game? You know everyone was watching you two, y’all had some hot shit going on. I bet you’ve already thought about fucking him.”

I snorted. “No shit. It was just the mood in the bar, and I hooked up with that gir-” I pulled my phone out for a second and stopped short. “Or maybe not...”

I showed her my message and she made a teasing face. “I was gonna go to Chuck’s anyways. The room is all yours.”

I pressed my lips together in a thin line, but excitement was rolling through my body and I couldn’t help jumping up and down. “Holy fuck!”

“Hells yeah! Look at us go!”

Getting back to the room, I looked like an absolute mess. My hair was tangled and clothes were soaked from the rain. I found a pair of black, booty short panties and disposed of everything I was wearing before putting them on. Then, without thinking, I pulled on my grey Take Chances hoodie. I brushed my hair out the best I could and then set it up into a messy bun, the bangs are just gonna have to be.

“Have you replied to him yet?”

Syrena was now in a dry pair of black joggers and a pink, long sleeve, jersey style shirt.

“Not yet. I will.”

“Good.” She smirked, eyeing my attire. “Is that all you’re gonna be wearing when he comes?”

“I don’t know...probably... It’s comfy, okay?”

She raised her eyebrows up and down. “Mmmhm. You’re not wearing a bra, are you?”

I flipped her off. “Go get your booty call.”

“I will.” She turned around, opening the front door to our small two person dorm, but we had our own private bathroom. “Get that second course, okay? Be safe though, I love you!”

“I love you too.” I called before I watched her shut the door. I picked up my phone to respond to Colby with where our room was at. Then I grabbed some saltine crackers to munch on to soak up some of the alcohol that I barely felt; I’m not even drunk, which a normal person would be with how much I had.

Next and last part.

[More stuff]