#itsv oc: orbweaver

[intothespiderverseheadthoughts]

Miguel: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Peter B: I’ve been zoned out for the past 2 and a half hours.

Miles: I got distracted halfway through.

Hobie and Bonnie in unison: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Miles: I'm not even sure if Bonnie likes us.

Pavitr: What do you mean? Bonnie would throw herself in front of a moving car for us!

Gwen: No. Bonnie would throw herself in front of a moving car for FUN.

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Jess: Hey Bonnie?

Bonni: Yes, Ma’am?

Jess: I know this may come as a shock to you, but you know how you’re unhappy everywhere you go?

Bonnie: …yes?

Miguel, interjecting: We’ve both discovered It’s because you are there. And we know this, because I am experiencing this effect. We are now all unhappy together. But I know how you can fix it.

Bonnie: …

Miguel: You can leave. And then we will be happy again.

Bonnie: …Your collective misery makes me happy. I’m inclined to stay.

Jess: Dammit.

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Peni: jellyfish have been living for 600000 years without brains.

Noir: A ray of hope for Hamm.

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Bonnie: If we can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think our bodies will shut down. 

Hobie: She’s right, it’s a legit medical condition, we HAVE to do it!

Jess: NO THE FUCK YOU DON’T-

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Miguel after meeting Bonnie for the first time: Do you ever just look at someone and get annoyed?

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Earth 910 Harry (circa Junior Year of HS): Listen, I know Bonnie is unhinged, responsible for multiple atrocities, and a danger to herself and others. But have you ever considered that she is tiny, sad, and I love her?

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Jess: What do you call sabotage and vandalism?

Hobie: A hobby.

Jess:

Pavitr: ... that we do not engage in.

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Hamm about Miguel: Have you ever looked at an authority figure in your life and thought, "Wow, I respect a well-grilled hot dog more than I respect you?"

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Bonnie: Hey, uh, I just want you guys to know that, out of everyone I’ve ever met, I hate you all the least.

Miles: We love you too Orbweaver!

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Peter B to Miguel and Jess: You think kindness doesn't exist you fucking pathetic nihilists? How about you both look into the big beautiful eyes of my daughter? What do you think now? Assholes!

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Miles: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to solve this

Prowler! Miles: I agree. Except replace “non” with “extremely,” and include the phrase “blood murder explosion extraordinaire.”

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Bonnie: These children fill my heart with some sort of new emotion I've never felt before. They make me feel warm and want to smile!

Peter B: Bonnie, I think that's happiness.

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Gwen: Your task is to piss off an entire room of people. How do you do it? 

Hobie: Show up, usually.

[intothespiderverseheadthoughts]

Miles: I like personality quizzes in theory but in practice I just get irritated by the semantic ambiguity of literally every question. "On a spectrum from scientific to artistic what are you" motherfucker I literally wax poetic about the laws of thermodynamics where the fuck does that land on your spectrum.

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 Ben Riley: due to personal reasons I will be sitting on my bed in a wet towel and staring at the wall for the next 25 minutes.

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Jess: Your future self is hating you for the poor decisions you're making today.

Gwen: Bold of you to assume current me isn’t also hating myself for making the decisions that I am making.

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Bonnie: Beat your depression. Beat it with a fucking broom, beat it into the fucking ground, die, die, die!

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Hobie: Nobody controls what I do!!! Nobody!  Not even me! I'm out of control but only I control that!

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Pavitr: *watching Margo play a video game* In a game, with no consequences, why are you still playing the 'good' side?

Margo: Because being mean makes me feel bad.

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Ganke: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job what if I wanted to be a duck?

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Miles: I hate when people are actually really prepared for a test.  Like, who do you think you are? Someone who actually has their life together? That is not acceptable

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Bonnie: Earthquakes are the weirdest things. Like we're just floating in space and our planet just decides to spontaneously do the chimichanga.

Miguel: Who let her back in?!

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Spectacular! Peter: Just found out my entire personality is a trauma response.

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Miguel: Peter B. is trying to prove that he's closer to the younger spiders than I am but the joke is on him because he doesn't know how little I care for Gwen.

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Jess: Orbweaver! What’re you doing today?

Bonnie: Having my day ruined with whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

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Peni: do you care if i take the skin off of the furby? I want to make him a diety. once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment. he will take care of us. Also I want to softhack his circuits

Miles: i literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again

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Hobie: Who hurt you?

Gwen: Do you want a list or what?

Hobie loading his gun: Actually, yes.

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Margo: I am shattering like glass, but at least I have video games

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Spot: Hello there, Spiderman. Long time no see. Except in my revenge fantasies, where I see you on an hourly basis.

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Pavitr: Miguel sleeps after us and is awake before us. Does he ever actually sleep?

Spectacular! Peter: I think he periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down.

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Hobie: It's your first time being a fugitive, so I made you a watch.

Gwen: Thank you, Hobie.

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Ben Riley: I'm sorry I messed everything up. I guess I'm not cut out for the high stakes world of having friends.

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Miguel: It was reported to me by—

Miles: By your spies?

Miguel: No, no. Not spies. People I have terrorized into doing my bidding and watching other people and places for me. You pay spies.  

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Pavitr: Remember how I have such good luck that it’s almost bullshit?

Gwen: I’m afraid to ask, but go on.

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Miguel: Bonnie, a question — if Jess and I were drowning, who would you save?

Bonnie: You can both swim.

Miguel: True, but it’s a hypothetical question, so who would you save?

Bonnie: My time and effort.

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Margo: Remember Spiderwomen, before you say or do anything, ask yourself: Is this something that would get me diagnosed with female hysteria and locked in the attic by my relatives in the late 19th century? If the answer is yes, proceed.

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Ham: Hey! How’s it going?

Peni: On all levels except physical, I am dead.

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Miles: Top 30 reasons why Spiderman is sorry, number five will surprise you!

Spot: Top 30 anime deaths! Number one: Your fucking ass right now!

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Bonnie, taping a knife to a roomba and setting it loose: Be free, my child.

Miguel, entering the room with a cut on his ankle: WHO THE FUCK—

[intothespiderverseheadthoughts]

Earth 910 HCs

- The history is different from most other multiverses.

- The US and Australia were both penal colonies and The American Revolution happened in 1800 instead of 1776. 

- There was no Civil War, because slavery had been outlawed after the Revolution.

- Treaties were honored, some states don’t exist and are referred to by whatever tribal group they belong to.

- The War of 1812 and The Great Depression are the only fixed points in US history that happen the ‘right’ way according to Miguel.

- Canon is incredibly vague and broken. 

- Peter Parker is Jewish and became Daredevil. Bonnie was bitten by the spider while on their class trip and became Orbweaver. They’re both friends and swap notes on heroing, much to Miguel’s chagrin.

- Norman Osborn still becomes Green Goblin and Bonnie despises him for how he treated Harry. Even now years later, while Harry has no contact, Bonnie will go out of her way to hit Norman. She gets creative with it.

- Professor X still runs his school for mutant children but the X-Men as a superhero group doesn’t exist. 

- The Avengers lineup is: Captain America (Steve Rogers), Falcon, Echo, Moon Knight, Photon, Wasp, Yellowjacket, Jubilee, She-Hulk, Hulk, Dr. Druid, and Squirrel Girl.

- Storm and T’Challa are still married and are heroes for Wakanda. 

- Wolverine is still Wolverine and he’s still the best at what he does.

- Harry never becomes Green Goblin and Bonnie is dating him. Hence the violent attacks on his father.

- Miguel tries to kick start Harry into becoming the Green Goblin and Bonnie threatens his life. He does not try again. 

- This Earth is upsetting to Miguel and Jess, so they avoid it. 

- Miguel tries telling Bonnie Miles isn’t supposed to be Spider-Man and Bonnie then decides that this child is the most spider-man to ever spider man and Miguel is the anomaly. Then she joins the society in order to actively annoy him. They can’t get her to leave, her version of Doorman keeps letting her back in. 

[intothespiderverseheadthoughts]

"Okay, let me introduce myself, my name is Bonnie MacIntyre and for thirteen years I've been the one and only Orbweaver!"

"After I lost my Uncle Ben shortly after getting bit by the spider, I grew up with my Aunt Mei, made three best friends in elementary and High School, punched Harry's dad Norman, saved the city, got hit by a drone, had to do summer school all four years of high school, punched the Green Goblin who turned out to be Norman, went to NYU for Journalism, murdered Kingpin-"

Miles interrupted, "Wait, what?!"

Hobie, on the other hand, fist bumped her, "Nice."

"Hobie!"

Bonnie continued as if they hadn't spoken, "-Saved the city again, graduated college, punched Norman at my graduation party, discovered Peter was Daredevil, fell in love with Johnny Storm-"

Peter B asked incredulously, "Why?"

"Hell if I know. Anyways, I worked for the Daily Bugle, then I quit and started working for the NYT, then I broke up with Johnny and started dating Harry, then I punched Norman in the face on national TV then I got jumped by the Avengers but we're cool now!"

Gwen piped up, "Why is punching Osborn so significant that you had to mention it four times?"

"Because it sparked joy Gwendolyn. Also, I hit him this morning, so it's actually five times plus the ones I didn't mention!"

Bonnie continued, "Then my Gwen became the youngest police captain in history then... well last year she was murdered by one of her own officers. I saw it, couldn't stop it. Peter won't talk to me anymore in or out of costume, Harry has no idea I'm Orbweaver so I can't talk to him, Aunt Mei is in hospice, Uncle Ben's murderer has been released, and I have no close friends."

She seemed to crumple briefly and then straightned up and smiled with her eyes, "I'm not going to say it's okay, because it's not, but I'm not going to fold in on myself! Because Gwen and Aunt Mei would want me to keep going and always get back up!"

There was a long silence.

Peter B. asked, "Do-do you need a hug?"

Bonnie's voice cracked, "No, I'm fine! Its fine, its only the relentless tragedy that seems to plague our very existence! I'm fine. It's fine."

Another silence.

"Anyways, instead of unpacking all that, lets have an alternate history lesson! Follow me children and Peter!"

As she swung away, Gwen turned to Miles, "So, she's definitely not okay."

"Yeaaah, she's not-not doing well. Hobie, where are you going?"

"To find a police officer. For no particular reason, just going to find a specific officer."

[intothespiderverseheadthoughts]

"One of my favorite classes in university had to do with probability. The likelihood of things happening or not."

"Because the fact is O'Hara our existence is down to probability. The original Peter Parker, whoever that poor bastard is, was in the right place at the right time and bam! He's spiderman. Meanwhile, someone else gets bit, Gwen Stacy or a Spider or a random classmate and bam! They're all spider people."

"So it's all down to chance, it's a literal roll of the dice that decides who gets bit when. If those things are true, explain to me, in a way that is not batshit, why the fuck Morales is not really spiderman?"

Miguel O'Hara was strung upside down in Bonnie MacIntyre's (Earth 910s Spiderman) basement apartment. This was what usually happened whenever he ended up in 910 because he was, apparently, "a real sketchy fucker" and could not be trusted around NYC by himself.

He sighed, "He was bit by a spider from another universe and therefore isn't actually Spiderman, the real Spiderman was killed in action."

Bonnie said flatly, "There's a spider who was bit by a pig and he's still Spiderman. The one girl has a spider mecha robot thing and she's still spiderman. I think you're reaching a bit."

"He's not willing to do the hard things! Every Spiderman loses an Uncle and a police Chief and those things define us and made us who we are! It made you Orbweaver!"

Bonnie snapped, "No, my relationships with the people I love made me Orbweaver! My desire to keep people from having to see the same holes in the universe I see made me Orbweaver! Being Spiderman isn't a Bad Things Happen bingo game, its who you choose to be when it gets hard! For example, when things got hard, instead of finding another solution, you've instead chosen to be an asshole who wants a 15 year old to let his dad die!"

"It's canon!"

"Fuck Canon, fuck you, and fuck your high horse you ride in on every time you come here!"

With that, Bonnie cut him down.

Miguel stood up on shaky legs and hissed, "You'll regret this."

"I regret a lot of things but letting you know what a bitch you are wont be one of them. Get out."

[intothespiderverseheadthoughts]

Spiderverse OC: Bonnie MacIntyre.

- Goes by Orbweaver instead of Spider-Woman.

- Irish, has dual citizenship with the US.

- the US was a penal colony in her universe until 1800. The history is very wonky because of this and some events straight up never happened (the Civil War for example, literally everyone that wasn't a glorified prison guard was already a slave of some sort, they just fought for Freedom and made Slavery illegal immediately afterwards.)

- Late Twenties, works as an investigative reporter.

- From Earth 910.

- Other than her best friend being Harry Osborn (who is alive), having an Uncle Ben and Aunt Mei, living in a version of NYC, and losing the police Chief (Chief Gwen Stacy), she has no similarities to Peter Parker at all.

- Bonnie is rarely canon compliant and uses this to confuse and upset Miguel.

- Will use "That's why your uncle's dead" on spider-people she dislikes.

- Loves the younger spider people, Mayday, and Peter B. Parker, instant adoption. She is their bitter misanthropic older sister now.

- Bonnie is dating Harry Osborn, who is Irish/Seneca in Earth 910.

- Deeply sarcastic and tends to be misanthropic.

- Only respected Chief Stacy, dislikes all other cops.

- Openly mocks her version of Jameson on Twitter from both her spider account and her own account. Bonnie's spider account is like Wendy's, people look to be dragged by her

- Speaks Irish.

- Straight up killed her universes Kingpin and the other spider people have to stop her from killing theirs.

- Bonnie has a weird friendship with her Doc Ock. He's a 24/5, 9 to 3 threat, they riff on bad movies together every Friday night.

- Peter Parker exists in her universe but he's Daredevil instead of Spiderman. It's very disconcerting for Miguel the first time he goes and discovers that Peter is Daredevil and Orbweaver exists instead.

- if she comes across any version of Norman Osborn/Green Goblin it's on sight.