#itsacomplicatedlife

[boesehexe-blog]

Is it just sex or is it love?

My wife and I have VERY different views of sex. If you have followed any of my prior posts, you know my wife is a survivor of childhood incest. She has told me that when we were first together she had a very warped sense of sex due to her abuse. To her it was basically a commodity or currency. By withholding it or allowing it gave her power to get what she wanted. She told me, as a child her father would withhold toys until she performed a sexual act. It was a way of getting what she wanted or to make someone like her.

This all meant that sex had absolutely nothing to do with love! I on the other hand have always believed sex was the ultimate expression of love and was meant to be a sharing of oneself with the one they loved. The ultimate intimacy (I do know that sex is not the only way to intimacy).

I had kind of assumed her perception of sex had changed over the years (been together 50 years) but apparently not so. Last night I asked her if her view of sex had changed and if it had anything to do with love and she said not really. So I am left feeling like sex has always been an obligation or a tool to her and we never have truly had a mutual sharing and likely never will.

Is sex truly simply a physical act to get off or to get something from someone??? To simply get off, I can masterbate, it's quick and easy but I want/need something much more! I want that DEEP connection, the intimacy, the sharing!

Yes, before you jump on me, we are in couples and sex therapy and I truly hope we can sort through this and find the relationship we both want and deserve!

Please help me understand Reddit... is sex simply a physical act or something more to you????

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[celestialsq]

Wife feels so guilty it takes so much to get her going

My wife and I have more than our share of struggles in the bedroom, each for very different reasons and way too complicated to discuss here. I am the HL and she is the LL, although she says she wants it way more than her actions would ever indicate. She has never initiated in our nearly 50 year relationship. She never touches me in a sexual way. She never extends any foreplay only takes.

I go to great lengths to "stimulate" her and to multiple orgasms before I even consider entering her. I use toys and vibrators on her, I play with her, I perform oral on her (another thing she never does) and pretty much this entire time she lays there almost non-participating. When I really get her going she may moan or squirm a bit but never verbalizing what feels good or when she climaxes. I must figure all that out on my own.

And so she tells me all the time she feels so guilty for "taking so long to get going" and that she feels bad I have to work so hard to make it happen and that I don't get anything out of it.

I have tried to tell her over and over again I get pleasure from providing her pleasure regardless of if I get any in return. That I am okay with making her feel wonderful! I don't need to orgasm to enjoy us having fun together and in fact often do not orgasm when we do finally have full on intercourse.

How can I make her understand how much I enjoy giving her pleasure?????

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

Any females also need "extra stimulation" to get going? How do you feel about the efforts your partner put in to make you feel good????

Please help me understand Reditt!

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[the-emergingmaverick]

I need to go swing on Nesha's pole...hehe...that sounds dirty. But seriously, I wanna see if I remember the tricks I learned a few months back. :/

[chroniclesofsuperbabies-blog]

itsacomplicatedlife replied to your post: Are any of you guys in a cloth diaper co-op? If...

Sarah F’s facebook.com/groups/…

Thank you! 

[alm-wifeandmother]

itsacomplicatedlife replied to your post: Justin started his second semester today! He’s...

woot woot! so happy for you guys

Thanks!! We're stoked! In debt but stoked :p

[broodleboodlescoodles]

itsacomplicatedlife replied to your post: the-chosen-one-lives replied to your post: You...

oooo draw a lady bug for Kaidence!!

=3

[the-emergingmaverick]

Nesha's posts be makin me all emotional. Stop posting precious children!! lol

[chroniclesofsuperbabies-blog]

itsacomplicatedlife replied to your post: This is probably a stupid question.  We use...

yep you can totally do that

Sweet!! Saving money on a swim diaper! 

[organicmommy]

Tagged by itsacomplicatedlife! if you were on a stranded island and could only take 3 things (not including your kid(s)) what would they be? My phone (provided there is reception), my wieners (they would hunt food and protect me) and a bottle of wine haha mac or pc? why? PC all the way! I despise MAC products. They are too 'simple' and try too hard. who’s your celebrity crush? Anderson Cooper!! The things I would eat off of him what’s your favorite guilty pleasure? A glass of wine on the weekend and baked goods. is it the size of the boat or the motion of the ocean that matters? Hahaha a little of both I think. favorite body part of the opposite sex? same sex? In men I love ankles and calves and eyes are a close second. In women I like butts and lactation stations...lol I mean nice eyebrows favorite sport? Dance favorite holiday? Halloween! do you have an alter ego? describe it I don't really think so, I wish I did though haha. I would be a hot mom with myself put together all the time...sadly I am the exact opposite and always a mess. who’s your tumblr crush? Cookingcaveman. He is hot and loves organic and natural things more than I do haha. A very close second is geoilergist. He gave me Addy....lol OH WAIT!!! The women I am going to marry (not considered a crush obvs.) is Kassie. We have a date set and our dresses picked out.

[alm-wifeandmother]

itsacomplicatedlife replied to your post: I'm not a procrastinator...I swear.

we haven’t started either lol

tisk tisk Nesha :p Nah, potty training sucks.