#its. okay its always the worst in the june/july holidays bc i have 2 go back to a super cold city + like. honestly i think its moreso like
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oh my gosh the going back 2 uni/leaving home again anxiety is settling in with moreeee than a week until i have to leave whatt is wrong with me ENJOY THE MOMENT GIRL!!!!!!!!
#its. okay its always the worst in the june/july holidays bc i have 2 go back to a super cold city + like. honestly i think its moreso like#the anxiety of uni and life etc plus the sort of. sadness of leaving home again idk mixed together#oh my god this needs 2 stop i'm not even in a dangerous situation why is my body reacting like this. heart rate stupidly high and its 10am#in my garden. more than a week until i have to goooo like stopppp#anyways sorry guys xx dash is empty at this time anyway though so hehe
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my boyfriend never texts first
Remus just wants to not be the first one to send a message every once in a while. Thatâs not too much to ask, right?
relationship: romantic remrom, background remy and emile (also romantic)
warnings: major character death, extended mourning (secondary warnings- brief discussion of religious holidays, brief underage drinking mention, a lot of all-caps) notes: unrelated, human, hs/college au. virgil, emile, and remy are here too. If you need anything in the secondary warnings (or one of those latter three characters) edited out, please let me know and I can put that up for you!
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Remus always texted him first. Always. It didnât matter the situation, didnât matter the time date place name face. Who what when where why. It first started when he texted hi roman :) when they first got phones; for whatever reason, Roman just never texted first. Either heâd call or theyâd talk in person.
No matter. Remus could cope.
May 1:
8:37 PM tody i saw you by my locker 8:39 PM *today 8:42 PM why didnt you say hi?
May 2:
9:30 PM a teacher talked to me today 9:30 PM wanted to talk about how iâm doing after 9:52 PM well you know. heâs a sick bastard
Really, it wasnât too much to ask for, was it? He just wanted to see him text first once in a while! May 7:
3:32 PM: by the way idk if you got this last time 3:36 PM: my class ring size is the medium 3:44 PM: hopefully you order it by the deadline :P 4:03 PM: no idea when the deadline is 4:20 PM: bLAZE IT 4:24 PM: sorry i have like 0 money so i got it from the consignment shop 4:31 PM: i hope you like synthetic rubies!! leaving them with ur dad 10:40 PM: update. i cried for four hours with your dad.
June 2:
7:30 AM: gRaDuAtIoN dAy!!! 7:32 AM: thereâs cookies in the reception menu 7:35 AM: snickerdoodles your favorite [eyes] 10:02 AM: iâm getting some for u 10:05 AM: [kissy face] 7:40 PM: the announcement was Weird 7:43 PM: anyways i have the snickerdoodles (Remus couldnât go over to where Roman was staying, so he left them in the living room. He knew Roman would appreciate them. Hopefully heâd come over (wait, probably not, given...))
Well, actually, he could understand why he never texted first. June 11:
12:14 PM: roMAN 12:16 PM: [Attachment: Remus_Picani-Kleitman_Acceptance_Letter.pdf] 12:18 PM: YEAHHHH 12:24 PM: Iâm sure you got in too SEND ME YOURS WHEN YOU GET IT 12:32 PM: WE MIGHT SHARE A ROOM YEA 12:35 PM: [Attachment: celebration.jpg]
Everyone was probably saying that he ought to just move on, but to be honest, he couldnât... Actually, to be honest, no-one had told him to move on to his face yet. In fact, everyone was surprised he was doing so well, given how bad the circumstances were! The situation was stressing him out so much, even his dads were gently advising him to rethink things. (Well, that was part of the territory with one of them being a therapist and the other being a barista.)
âI got yâall some kouign-amann from the cafe,â said Dad, putting it down on the counter. His shirt had SLEEP scrawled on it with a Sharpie; it was the one that Remus had made for him as a joke. He still wore it. Huh.
âSweetie, whatâs a queen amahn?â asked Papa.
âItâs a... er, itâs like a... this is kinda like a croissant that had dreams of a muffin tin and salted caramel. One for you, babe.... then one for Doodlebug-â
âCan I leave some for Roman?â asked Remus.
They exchanged a glance.
âOf course you can,â said Papa with a smile. âYour candleâs on the table. Also, I got the news about being accepted into university? Good job, kiddo. You know, that was your fatherâs alma mater.â
âAre you sure you want to go to school right away after...? No problem taking a gap year.â
Papa glared at Dad. âBe nice.â
âIâm sorry, Remus, itâs just...â Dad put down his coffee. âIf youâre not ready, if you need more time-â
"Iâm sure,â said Remus with a grin, trying to get rid of what he just remembered. âTrust me.â
âPlease find a good way to put away the snickerdoodles, theyâve been there since last week!â shouted Papa.
June 12:
12:12 AM: its twelve twelve make a wish 12:15 AM: hey when does your phone bill go out? 12:20 AM: im just saying that would Explain some things 12:22 AM: i know your dad pays Everything like a year in advance 12:34 AM: tell him i say hi 12:34 AM: 12:34 MAKE A WISH
July 12:
3:30 PM: guess whoâs a double major in bio and theatre!! 3:32 PM: marine biology babey 3:53 PM: itâs good for the SOUL 4:04 PM: this cute octopus reminded me of you by the way 4:10 PM: [Attachment: for_roman]
August 14:
6:24 PM: moving in is the Worst 6:32 PM: by the way i got a single 6:35 PM: no roommates 6:41 PM: still have the bunk tho 6:44 PM: also got ur favorite pillo
August 30:
2:12 AM: roman it is like two oâclock in the morning what the Heck are you doing here, 2:15 AM: if u see me wave Hi 2:32 AM: ok >:c 2:42 AM: dont mind Me just studyin on top of the planetarium 3:15 AM: tbh i didnât even know we go to the same campus? havenât seen you around or anything 3:17 AM: shit phones gonna di
September 28:
2:20 PM: i failed my test 2:22 PM: idk what to d 2:24 PM: *do
September 29: 7:30 PM: remember that octopus you gave me that eats negative emotions? 7:32 PM: it works!!
October 3:
1:10 PM: Â Youâd like the theatre program, really 1:15 PM: just so u know theyâve listed your name as an âhonorary member of the class ofâ 1:19 PM: thatâs really nice of them. idk if your dad knows
October 23:
9:45 AM: i had to explain one of our inside jokes 8( 9:52 AM: i canât Explain the deodorant thing that was One Time 9:55 AM: also why iâm called The Duke 9:56 AM: its bc you said it. not my fault 9:58 AM: its still cute pls call me that still 9:59 AM: pancake brunch pancake brunch pancake brunch October 31: 6:12 PM: sunâs down! joyous samhain 6:15 PM: i remember when you sewed me that octopus btw, the one that eats ucky feelings 6:19 PM: how long did it take you to get the laurel sachet into it?? 6:34 PM: also thank you thank you thank you for helping me find a friendly church to celebrate all saints day 6:47 PM: that year was a NIGHTMARE because you forgot to get your white candles and carnelian, and i forgot my holy water, so we were driving around town like Madmen 6:59 PM: it was worth it though 7:03 PM: i left you a script, i think youâll like it.
November 9:
11:19 PM: i miss you so so much.
November 10:
12:20 AM: ignor this i drank like 12:24 AM: a lot 1:15 AM: iâm sorry i shouldâve been with you 1:22 AM: i shouldve been there With You. 1:45 AM: but i wasnât 2:20 AM: i didnât know thered be a 4:11 PM: shit i just saw these. Sorry to bother you December 2:
10:10 AM: hey roman, been a bit. yea sorry about last time. too much of the Alcohol 10:13 AM: gonna go over to my parentsâ house 1:00 PM: if you wanna come over, you can. dadâs making snickerdoodles and papaâs gonna watch atla (yes i still have that dvd you got me do not @ me itâs with your candles on your table just like everything else) 1:03 PM: that was on the dot, iâm happy.
December 21
8:34 AM: hey, itâs snowing 9:13 AM: couldnât help leaving you some hot cocoa. and snickerdoodles of course 10:12 AM: i love you Remus went to go help his dads with making breakfast, but by the time everyone was done cleaning and they had finished watching some shitty Hallmark movie, he remembered that he had left his phone upstairs. Going upstairs and looking at it, he felt something in him break.
[2 Unread: Roman <3, bfâs dad]
10:22 AM, Roman <3: Why are you texting this number? 11:15 AM, bfâs dad: Remus, disregard that last, Iâm so sorry. I just found his phone and I saw only the recent message first
The phone started ringing. Remus answered it as quickly as he could.
âIâm so sorry Mr. Sanders I didnât know that someone was actually getting these messages I thought the line was out,â he said within a few seconds before the person on the other side sighed.
âNo, itâs quite all right. And Virgilâs all right, by the way, if you prefer. I... I was just looking through his things for the first time. You know, it being a holiday and all... Memories, things like that.â
âYeah, I understand.â
âI just turned the phone back on, Iâm getting a lot of messages.â
âOh.â Remus stared at the wall, trying to come to terms with everything. âWell, I--â
âIâm not going to stop paying for his phone. Iâm sorry, I just... I still have his voicemails on it, and I canât stand the thought of it going offline either.â
âRight, I... I listen to it too.â
âI happened upon the last one he sent to you.â
âYou looked at the messages?â
âI only looked over when I stopped getting new ones, but I saw the last question he sent you. For your ring size.â
âYeah? He asked my ring size so that he could--â
âThereâs no easy way to say this, but.. I found something of his. Can you come over?â
âIâm sorry, I canât, but can you please tell me what it was? Please?â
âI really think I should tell you this in person.â
âPlease, Mr. Sanders. Please, I... I canât manage that.â
He sighed. âAll right, Remus. I found an early acceptance letter to SJAU, and... and a ringbox.â
Remus felt his grasp on the phone grow weak. It fell onto the bed, Mr. Sandersâ voice still clear.
âI think he was going to ask for you to....â
âNo, we... We were just out of high school, I-- that doesnât make sense.â
âHe always was one for those romantic gestures. Thereâs some poems here, too. A life-plan. Iâm not sure exactly what malacology is, but--â
âMollusks. Like octopi and squids.. Sorry for cutting you off, what was that?â
âSome of itâs in your handwriting, but one of the entries is âask himâ, for the day after... you know.â
God, he could hear his sad smile through the phone. He knew exactly how Mr. Sanders looked right now just talking to him, probably wearing that hoodie that was too big on him, in a dusty room full of things that used to belong to the most vibrant person that Remus had ever met.
But then Roman had died.
He was the most wonderful person, and he had just died.
âIâll come over to deliver the ring to you. Is that okay?â
âYeah. Yeah, thatâs... thatâs fine. Uh, call my dads first, though. Theyâre still not convinced Iâm doing okay.â
âI understand. Iâll talk to you later, Remus.â
âThank you, Mr. Sanders.â
The line went dead in his hands.
Remus held himself and wept.
December 28:
12:30 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Mr. Sanders, would you like to come over for our New Yearâs party? 12:34 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Itâs a tradition we had. You donât have to if youâd rather not. 12:45 PM, Virgil Sanders: Iâd love to go.
January 1:
12:00 AM: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! 12:05 AM: [Attachment: :)] 12:07 AM: we are all smiling in this photo and for that i think we deserve a hug. 12:10 AM: this rings the most beuatifl thing iâve ever fuckign seen. thank you,, 12:14 AM: never gonna get rid of it <3 12:16 AM: it looks Good on my finger 12:30 AM: jsyk your dadâs asking my dads for the kouign amann recipe 12:32 AM: thats a pastry, i left those for u a while back 12:39 AM: okay iâm crying a bit but honestly, i love u 12:44 AM: I love you so so so much, Roman
Somewhere out there, whether it was from some wonderful paradise or beyond the veil or even only in wishful thoughts, Remus knew that someone was saying I love you too.
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