#its very possible that they do appear in other stuff in the logs but Ill have to double check

[arolesbianism]

Jean may barely be a character but I love them for what they are. We truly need more cranky old farts who are nonbinary

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

A Place Like This 2

Warnings: this short series will include dark elements including noncon, possible violence, mentions of mental illness, and other explicit content. I’m not your mother, curate your own consumption.

This is dark!Lumberjack!Andy Barber and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start asking questions but you might not like the answers.

Note: I’m a filthy liar and this is gonna be obv more than two parts and I dunno what I’m doing.

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Your office was the room across the hall from Andy’s, just beside the bathroom and furthest from your mother’s.

You had a routine; it helped you keep on track. You woke up, had a coffee and a small breakfast, and climbed back upstairs to begin your work. At noon, you took a break, you went for a walk or just sat on the porch with your mother if she wasn’t in her room. You returned to work and later in the afternoon you came down to remind your mother about her pills. Then you started dinner as the day was in its final decline.

Andy only changed that slightly. He woke earlier than you did and was on his way out as you got up. He came home around dinner time and you left a plate for him in the oven if he was late. He was quiet, he ate, and went upstairs. The first week went by as such. You almost pitied him for living in what seemed a crowded isolation.

Then the weekend came. Like the other lumber workers, he had those two days to himself. It would be the first real test of your arrangement.

You woke at your usual time and went down to make your coffee. You only wrote for a couple hours on weekends. Breaks were good. You measured the grounds into the percolator and filled it with water. You turned on the decades old stove and turned as you heard the old stairs groan.

Andy appeared in the door. He wore jeans and a thick knitted sweater. His hair, overgrown and shaggy, was pushed away from his face, his beard a shade darker and starting to puff out from its length. You suspected that as a lawyer, he never looked so unkempt and yet even now, he still managed to look refined.

“Hate to be selfish but you think there’s enough for me?” He crossed to the table and sat. 

“Should be,” You rubbed your hands together. You wore an old sweatshirt with a grizzly on the front and your old faded jeans with the bleach stain on the knee. Unfashionable but warm. ‘“Cream, milk, sugar?”

“Black’s fine,” He said as he scratched his chin. “I was thinking today I could stock us up on wood for the fireplace. Since it’s snowing now, it’s better to get it done before the winter is really here.”

You squinted at him and played with the frayed cuff of your shirt. “So, you got a lot of snow in the city?”

“Not as much as here, I’m sure.” He let out a long breath and you saw the cloud in front of him. 

You paused and listened for the rattle of the furnace. “Fuck.” You pushed yourself away from the counter. “I gotta light the furnace.”

“Where is it? I’ll do it.” He offered. “Since you made the coffee.”

“You sure?”

“Think I can handle it,” He stood. “City boy and all.”

“Basement door’s outside. It’s a pain but this place is old and not very well put together.” You said. “There’s a lighter in the drawer.” You pointed at the counter. “Thanks. Oh, and the key too. Hanging by the door with the green tag.”

“Alright,” He crossed to the door. “Think I’ll figure it out.”

He disappeared down the hall and returned with his big boots. He put them on before the back door and unlocked it. He tramped down the steps as the door clattered behind him and you listened to his crisp footsteps. 

You wrung your hands as you thought. Nice enough, you surmised, but evasive. Maybe he wasn’t running from some heinous offense but he was trying to get away from something. You could tell by the way he always seemed to direct the conversation, especially when it turned on him.

You heard the sudden rumble of the furnace and the vents hissing. You turned as the percolator began to shake almost in tandem and the small glass knob bubbled with brown coffee. You took it off the burner as the basement door squeaked and the jingle of the key accompanied the snowy steps across the yard.

Andy kicked off his boots and slipped through the back door. He hung the key and he shook the snow from his hair and smoothed it back. He left his boots on the mat as you poured two mugs. He approached and you slid one to him. He took it with a soft thank you.

You added milk to yours and sat at the table as he did the same. You regretted it almost immediately. You should've taken it up with you and hid in your office. 

"Any plans today?" He asked. You blinked and he rested his palm against the hot mug. "Sorry, it's none of my business."

"Nah, nothing planned," You replied. "So you just plan on chopping wood on your day off?"

"Not much else to do up here. It's nice. Mindless." He shrugged.

"You have a lot you don't want to think about?" You wondered.

His jaw ticked as he eyed you and his lips curled slightly.

"Don't we all?"

"You'd have to to come all the way up here from wherever you're from." You commented. 

"Hmm," He chuckled under his breath. "You'd make a good prosecutor. You don't miss a lot."

"I'm a writer. I write about people, so I gotta study them closely."

"I thought you wrote about animals."

"That's what I'm paid to write about but… I have my own projects." You lifted your mug and tasted the rich brew.

He sucked his bottom lip in as his thoughts wrinkled on his forehead. "Uh huh," He uttered carefully. "Guess that's true then."

"So… is it too much to ask why you ditched being a lawyer?" You asked.

"You do anything long enough and you get bored."

"And you never did anything else? Never got married?" You prodded.

"Well, what about you?" He challenged as he hooked two finger through the handle of his mug. "Not many fish in this pond, huh."

"Touche," Your lips slanted, "You definitely are the lawyer type."

🍂

Later that day, after you gave your mother her second round of pills, you ventured out into the forest that skirt around the old property. The snow was only just past your ankles, the powder fell in spurts but didn’t seem to get much deeper. When you were met with a block or an impasse in your writing, you always came out to the trees to clear your mind. You were done for the day but you had a long week ahead of you.

You kicked the snow of a fallen tree by the river and listened to those critters not yet in hibernation in the blanket branches above. You thought about the man staying in the room next to yours and the answers he would give you; the questions you were too afraid to ask him. 

He wasn’t telling you everything, perhaps he didn’t owe you everything, but the lines in his forehead, the crinkles beside his eyes, the depth of his irises as they watched you. There were things you needed to know about a person and you feared you didn’t know enough about this stranger you’d invited in. You had been too intent on the money, on your own keeping.

Or maybe you were paranoid. You were starting to sound like your mother when she claimed the birds were listening to her and taking the messages back to the monsters of the forest. When she had barricaded herself in her room and refused to come out for fear you were one of them in disguise. The day it had all fallen apart.

Your nose was numb and tingling. You pulled your scarf up over your face and turned back. The snow was crisper now. The temperatures fell with the sun and that happened quickly in the winter. The sky was a dark grey as you came back to the house, the chimney billowed up toward the quarter moon and a soft amber light shone between the curtains of the front room.

You dusted your boots off before you stepped inside. The voice didn’t stop as you took off your coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. You slid your boots off and listened. The scene was unexpected as you peeked into the front room.

Your mother sat with her favourite blanket over her legs before the fire. A fresh stack of wood sat beside it, the basket full of split logs as well. Andy bent to poke at the embers and send up sparks as he got the fire going higher.

“So, this book you’re reading,” He said as he set the poker aside. “Did she get away yet?”

“I don’t think she’s gonna,” Your mother replied as Andy stood and brushed off his jeans. “I don’t think that’s what the story’s about.”

“That’s too bad.” He looked up and his eyes met yours. You moved so that you stood in the doorway. “But I guess that’s truer to life. Not everyone gets their happy ending.”

“Well, I’ve been taking my time because it doesn’t have an ending. Yet.” She explained. “I’m waiting for her to finish.”

Your blood went cold. You crossed your arms and cleared your throat.

“What book is this, ma?” You asked.

She looked around the chair at you and blanched. Andy sat on the sofa and you pushed yourself away from the door frame. Your mother shook her head. 

“I told you not to read my stuff.” You grimaced as you came closer. “It’s a first draft. Unfinished, unedited. It’s… personal.”

“From what she says, it’s pretty good regardless,” Andy offered. “Can’t blame her for her curiosity.”

You looked at him sharply and sighed as you dropped your arms.

“Whatever. Just don’t look at it again til I’m done.” You reprimanded. “Please. I’ll give you a look when I’m ready.”

“Dunno why it’s such a big deal. You write for the magazine all the time.” She grumbled.

“Because this isn’t an article on leaf fauna, ma,” You rubbed your cheek. “You already eat?”

“Just about to. Andy put a casserole in the oven.” She smiled. “Never knew a man who cooked. Your father, he couldn’t even salt his own eggs.”

“Mmm,” You sniffed as the smell of the burning wood melded with another more savoury scent. “Well, thank you, Andy. That was considerate. I’m sorry I waited so late, I was a bit distracted.”

“No problem,” He shrugged. “Really, the least I can do.”

You glanced between him and your mom. She hadn’t been this awake in ages. Her meds usually had her napping until dinnertime and asleep just as quickly after. She was vibrant and more friendly to this man than people she’d known for decades. You felt as if you’d walked in on something. 

“Well, let me know. I’ll be upstairs.” You backed up. “There’s some strudel left from yesterday we can have for dessert.”

You left them and stopped at the bottom of the stairs as you looked back into the front room. Andy’s voice droned as he spoke to your mom and as she chuckled his eyes found yours. They narrowed for just a moment before he turned back and smiled at the older woman. 

Nice enough, you presumed, but why didn’t you believe it?

🍂

The next day, you watched Andy through the window. The snow was thicker, a harbinger of the storm that had been brewing for over a week. He crossed to the trees, his boots barely higher than the blanket below. He sank down with each step. Only a fool would venture out as the windows billowed and flung the snow errantly.

You tore yourself away and pulled the curtain shut. You crept out into the hall and listened. Your mother slept late that day and when you gave her her pills, she’d just rolled over and fallen back to sleep. 

You neared the door of Andy’s room and your hand hesitated on the knob. You took a breath and twisted it. You entered and were struck by the man’s smell; of his sweat and the deodorant that always lingered around him. The bed was made and the room barely looked lived in. 

You walked slowly to the closet. Flannel shirts and jackets hung within above a single suitcase.

You felt a pang of guilt. Had you not just chided your mother for her snooping? You bent and unzipped the bag. It was empty. You checked the pockets; empty too. You stood and slid the door back into place. You went to the bed, the table next to it with the drawer that didn’t quite shut all the way and you wiggled it open.

The bible your mother left in there as if it were a hotel and pack of smokes. You’d never seen Andy smoke, never even smelled it on him. You took the carton and flipped open the top. Inside, a folded picture. You tiptoed to the window and looked out. His footprints faded into the trees.

You slid the photo out and opened it with shaky hands. It was Andy, shorter hair, trimmed beard, smiling, his arm around a dark-haired woman and a young boy in front of them. You folded it quickly and pushed it back behind the sticks in the pack. You placed it as you had found it and forced the drawer shut. 

Was he running from his own family? Or maybe, what had happened to them?

You fled his room and closed the door guiltily. You were only more confused than before. You descended the stairs and hastily pulled your coat from the hook. Your hat was pulled on carelessly and you tied your boots without thinking. You pushed your hands into your gloves and angled yourself out the door. It was fucking cold; the fleece lining of your coat made little difference.

You grunted as you forced your boots through the snow and followed Andy’s tracks as they filled with a new layer of powder. You weren’t sure what you were doing, why you were doing it. What could he be doing all the way out in the woods which would be incriminating?

You went on, even as the questions floated in your mind. You followed his large boot prints, placing your feet in them as you followed his path. You came to a stop before the river, the overturned tree showed where someone had brushed aside the snow. The tracks veered off away from the log and you looked around.

You were forced back into an upright trunk, the breath knocked out of you as Andy pinned you with his arm across your chest. His eyes seared into you as he leaned his weight into you and you gasped for air as you smacked his shoulder.

“Why are you following me?” He growled.

“What? Andy, let me--” You gasped, barely able to breathe, the snow clumping in your lashes. “And--”

“Hmm? I see you watching me. I see the way you look at me.” He hissed. “I help you, help your mother and what? What do you think I am?” He grabbed your chin, his hide glove rough against your skin. “Am I that villain you write about? Is that what you think?”

“No, I…” You smacked him again and again. “I was just---” He let off just a little as you gulped for air. “There’s a storm. You shouldn’t be out here--”

“You think I can’t handle a storm?” He snarled. “You’re not a very good liar and trust me, I’ve known a lot of liars.”

“Let go of me.” You pleaded. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I followed you, okay? I was just… curious.”

“Uh huh,” He turned you and forced his arm around your neck as he bent you over. You kicked as he dragged you through the snow towards the river. “WHat do you think? I’m hiding some big secret like one of those books you read?”

“Let--go,” Your feet slid through the blanket below. “Stop! What are you--”

“You think I’m what? A criminal? A murderer!?” He pulled you up and spun you away from him. You stumbled backwards as you faced him. 

Your boots slid beneath you and you hearth the hard thunk of your sole against the the ice. Thick but not thick enough. You held out your hands as you looked down at the river coursing below the brittle surface. Your heart raced in your ears. You tried to take a step forward but he was at the bank, watching you.

“Ah ah,” He raised his hand. “You stay where you are.”

“What are you doing?” You pushed your feet apart. “Andy--”

“Terrible accident you falling through the ice like that. There’s just so much snow, you can’t really tell where the water begins.” He smiled and tucked his hands in his pocket as you heard the slow crack beneath you. “Your mother will be devastated.”

You swallowed as your eyes wetted and you looked between him and your feet. You lifted your boot and the snap below you had your heart in your throat. You plunged into the freezing water with a shrill shriek, your arms flying up to grab onto the ice. 

The frozen sheet broke as you tried to latch on and you kicked as the water soaked your coat and dragged you down into the depth further. You flapped helplessly and spun in circles in the waves. The water filled your lungs and you choked and you stared up through the frigid foam, the blurry shadow staring down at you.

The cold bit deep into your flesh and your limbs weakened the more you struggled. The water smothered you and your body spasmed in the thralls of finality. Your eyes rolled back and the dark water flowed around you in welcome.

[its-afucking-mess]

A little guide on ao3 (by an ao3 user and writer)

Friendly reminder for mobile users! Ao3 is a website. It doesn't have (as far as im concerned) an official app for mobile, so better get comfy with using crome on your phone.

Some video links ill leave for people who prefer video and audio:

- navigating the fanfiction sites

- popular fandom terminology part 1 and part 2

- shipping etiquette

i really reccomend coley's videos if you want to get to know more fandoms, or get an inside look to how some stuff works. There also might be more vids about fandom's and fan works, so don't hesitate to look through some of her stuff!

the explaining under the 'read more' ao mutuals wont kill me :)

(also tagging @ethanesimp since they asked for this advice )

So, what is Ao3 really?

Ao3 is a website made by fans for fans. There are no ads, and all content is free on Ao3. Anyone can post (with some age restrictions) and they can post anything.

How can I browse Ao3?

Ao3 does not require an account to view stories. You can easily browse as an anonymous user. You just are not able to view certain works, as creators have the ability to show their works to registered users only. Some cases, commenting is possible while anonymous, but again, it's up to the creator of the work.

If you want to be a creator and share works, you need an account.

An account also gives you the ability to bookmark works, so you can re-visit them, mark works for later, keeps a history of the works you've visited and allows you to favourite tags.

How do I get an Ao3 account?

When you first open the site, it gives you the option to "Get Invited". An invitation will be sent to your email anywhere from 24hrs later to a week later, depending on the amount of people in the automated queue.

After the invitation, you are able to set up your account like any other social media account. Pick a username, pseuds (name), description and bio. You can have a profile picture as well.

How do I navigate the site?

There are few ways to do so efficiently, but there's countless of ways you can experiment with to find which is more comfortable.

1st option: As the website loads, you can go to the 'Fandoms' tag.

Then, after clicking on it, this column appears. Through there, you can pick which media your fandom is from and from there, browse the huge list of different fandoms until you spot your own.

The list is in alphabetical order, so if your fandom begins with an "C", it shouldn't be too far down.

2nd option: At the top right, under your profile, and the options 'Post' and 'Log Out' should be a white oval search bar.

(im using my own account for demonstration)

When searching, there are many ways to work around it.

Personally, I press search as it is. It will lead you to a page where all the fanworks of the site are listed. (i believe its easiest, but always feel free to experiment)

From there, you press the 'Edit Your Search' button, located near the top right.

It will then lead you to a page with multiple fields.

Don't panic when you see all the fields. Only half those are of interest when you want to browse works for a fandom.

The most important ones are those under the Field name 'Work Tags'

Whatever you select under this field will be included in the works the site presents you with.

What are the work tags? What do they do?

Lets go through the options.

Fandom(s): when typing on this option, multiple fandom names will autofill in a list under the white space. If your fandom shows up, you can just click on it.

example:

From there, you can select the fandom you want to see works from. If your fandom doesn't show up, it can mean one of two things:

-there are no works for it

-it isn't popular enough to be picked up by the algorithm

After selecting one fandom, you can select another fandom, or more, to see works that are crossovers over universes.

Ratings: Ratings are selected by author. It defines the level of maturity it has in the work

- General audiences is the tag you want to use when nothing bad happens in the work. No swearing, no sexual activities, no violence or gore. It wont contain scenes that minors are not allowed to see.

- Teen and up audiences is the tag used for most works on the site. It is what would be used when you have mentions of/vague sexual content or violence. Normally, the most extreme stuff on there is excessive swearing, heavy angst and hurt/comfort with no excessive details

- Mature is the tag that is for 18+. It is mostly filled with one of following : Violence, Sexual Content, Ab*se, R@pe, Death and SH.

Reader descretion is advised by looking at the additional tags the author has provided, especially for those with triggers.

- Explicit is like Mature, but contains more graphic content. Works rated explicit mostly fall under the 'Graphic depictions of sexual content', 'Graphic depictions of Violence and Gore' or 'Graphic depictions of Ab*se, R@pe, or Self H*rm

Reader descretion is advised, stronger than mature, since it can be much more triggering. The works are scarily detailed sometimes.

- Not rated: the author has not given this work a rating because none of the other ratings fit the work. Pay special attention to the tags.

Warnings: Also known as Archive warnings by older users. The trigger warnings of Ao3. There are 6 archive warnings:

-Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings: The author didn't use the warnings, either because none of them fit the work's theme and warnings, or to avoid spoiling the story. Pay attention to the tags for any warnings.

-Graphic Depictions Of Violence: It is pretty self explanatory. Can contain any sort of violence, from wars, to simple fights, to ab*se of any kind. Can and often contain death. The type of violence is in the tags.

-Major Character Death: A main character in the story will die in this work. Pay attention to the tags always. The name of the character will be mentioned, as well as the way they die.

-No Archive Warnings Apply: None of the warnings apply. It is most times a perfectly safe work. Check the tags to make sure though!

-R@pe/Non-Con: The work contains non-consensual activities. Ranges from non-consensua sex to non-consensual use and ab*se of substances. Very close attention to the tags!

-Underage: The main character(s) in this work are underage/minors. This is normally tagged along sexual content so be aware and pay close attention to the tags!

Categories: This regards the relationships in the work:

- M/M, or better known as mlm or a relationship between two non-woment (men mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- M/F, a heterosexual relationship (is inclusive of trans characters too!)

- F/F, or wlw, or a relationship between two non-men (women mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- Gen, no sexual or romantic relationships are in this work, or if there are any, they arent of main focus.

- Multi: Polyamorous relationships, or multiple relationships are included in this work (this is also where threesomes+ are tagged in sometimes)

- Other relationships: One of the two people in the relationship is non-human (mostly), or the relationships are platonic/family.

Characters: The characters you want to be included in the story. This works just like the 'Fandom' filter, so the same things apply. You can tag as many characters as desirable.

Relationships: The relationships that you want present in the work. This includes both major and minor relationships. It can also include ended relationships (tagged Past x/y) and implied/referenced relationships. This works just like the Characters and Fandom filter.

Additional Tags: These are things the author has included to give potential readers an insight to the story. 'Angst', 'Fluff' and 'Smut' are additional tags. Works like the Relationships filter, so all same applies.

Is there anything I have to avoid/ I should avoid?

There is this very infamous tag, 'Dead Dove: Do not eat.' This tag is a warining to readers that the things in the work are really messed up, and can include anything illegal in it. PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE REST OF THE TAGS IF YOU STILL ARE INTERESTED.

How else can I filter works?

You can choose how they are:

sorted (Titles, Authors, Hits, Kudos, Comments, Bookmarks, and Best Match)

the word count (from 1 word to millions)

the language (most are on there)

the amount of chapters

if the work is complete of not

when it last updated/when was posted

and if there are crossovers.

These are all options that author has to include, and therefore you can sort freely. Most are bulletin options you can click on.

What if I want to find a specific work?

If you happen to know one of these: Author, Title, Fandom or Rating, you will find it. If you were reccomended one, it's better to ask for the author or the title, to make looking for it easier.

Can I find a specific author/ user?

People search is for finding users on the site

Bookmark search helps you look through other people's public bookmarks. Not really used.

Tag search finds works that include this specific tag you searched. Also not used a lot.

People can see my bookmarks?

When bookmarking a work, you are able to do a lot.

if you do not want your bookmarks to be visible to the public, make sure to check off the Private bookmark box at the bottom left.

Common terms thrown around by Ao3 users:

-tags: the additional tags of the work

-kudos: liking a story

-bookmarks: saving/saved stories. makes it easy to revist. you can see your bookmarks from your profile

-hits: the amount of people that have clicked on a story. Isn't necessary they liked it, but they did click on it.

And those are the basics! If you had to take one thing only, its ALWAYS READ TAGS

I hope this helped the clueless souls even a bit :)

Im open to reply to any other questions, and you can send me them in my asks, messages or comments of this post

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL: Tell me! Secrets Q&A

Last post of the month! so I’ll once again end by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi, through paypal or patreon for access to my blog post translations or just to support me. …. also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that i can share...

This is the thing that i left as ???? on my March update post... and the thing that i accidentally posted the title of back in may when i was planning out my queue (oops?). 

I think I should start by saying that I translated this for amusement.... though I won't deny how this is a fascinating piece of reference for writing hahaha......

Unfortunately since this is only limited to the main six, I really wish I had some of Yamazaki’s responses to these....

Favourites by character order: Hijikata's answer to Q4, Saito's to Q5, Harada's to Q7 and Kazama's to Q7.

Only for references purposes. LMAO. 

enjoy!

Hakuoki SSL: Tell me! Secrets Q&A

From 『B's-LOG別冊 オトメイトマガジン vol.9』

Translation by KumoriYami

Q1: What is the first thing you wash when bathing [text can be interpreted as either bath or shower]?

Q2: Where would you want to go for a date?

Q3: At Hakuo Gakuen, who do you have the best relationship with?

Q4: Where do you want to go most now?

Q5: What words and actions/behaviours from a woman make you feel a rush of excitement/moves you ["feel a rush of excitement" is an idiom. can be also interpreted more literally as 'move your heart']/excite you the most?

Q6: What are your favourite school activities [roughly says: fond of school activities]?

Q7: What do you wear while sleeping?

Q8: What are your best and worst subjects?

Q9 What happened recently that made you happy?

----------

Hijikata Toshizou

A1: Hands should be washed first.

A2: This...... How about going to a Buddhist shine that has snow in its surroundings. We can recite poetry [either that or songs]....... No, I didn't say anything.

A3: Kondou-san.

A4: I don't know why, [but], no matter what happens, I want to see Hokkaido [says reckless/regardless of everything].

A5: Rather than saying affecting the heart, perhaps it might be better to say that [I'm] not good at dealing with a woman staring into my eyes without fear [or something like that...?].

A6: Although it might cause misunderstandings, that would naturally be writing exams [conducting exams to be written...?].

A7: I sleep in Western style pyjamas.

A8: The subject I am good at is classical literature, [and] I'm not good at chemistry.

A9: Probably when I met with that guy who listened to listened to me without getting tired.

----------

Okita Souji

A1: Hey, after learning about this, what do you plan on doing?

A2: Of course, it needs to be a place where you can go have fun and be happy. That's How about an amusement park, or something like that?

A3:……This question is very difficult to answer. Who knows.

A4: Now? During winter? Oh...... somewhere that isn't cold.

A5: Heheh...... you're probably just wanting to secretly watch me while thinking I haven't found anything out, and of how surprised I'll look when I do.

A6: Club activities.

A7: What will you be wearing? If you want to tell me, I'll tell you after.

A8: I'm actually not particularly good at anything, [but] I dislike classical literature the most.

A9: I saved quite a few pictures of someone recently.

----------

Saito Hajime

A1: Ah, probably the feet.

A2: Da-date!? Then...... a place to go together with a woman? For me/As far as I'm concerned, as long as we're together, it doesn't mater where we go.

A3: Well, when it concerns time spent on school activities, that would be Yamazaki.

A4: I don't know why [but] I look forward to winter, and would like to see snow as soon as possible....... I want to go to a place where I can see snow. 

[Personally, i don't get why people like summer lol. I seriously hate summer. and the heat. Snow is soooo much better than the heat. i absolutely can't stand hot weather lol]

A5: Does this question have to be answered? Really...... then, when she shows/exposes her ear...... Ah.

A6: Probably school trips. It's nice to go learn and study new things in places you wouldn't normally go to.

A7: I personally feel that tight sweatshirts are very good.

A8: I'm good at classical literature, [but] I'm not good at math.

A9: When two equal partners people share their lives...... when you hold your other half's hand, you will immediately feel that you are not alone.

----------

Toudou Heisuke

A1: If taking a bath/shower....... of course it'd be the head, the head!

A2: Obviously going to the game centre! Eh...... ah, for a date? Then, is going to karaoke OK? [ok is ENG here]

A3:  The person that I have the best relationship with, that'd be Souji since we're constantly together. However let me say beforehand, that this doesn't mean I have a good relationship with him.

A4: This period [Right now]...... it'd be nice to participate in a snow festival? I'd like to go somewhere where I can play with snow.

A5: This....... Ah....... Is it that just that I'm defenceless, or was I just relieved..... [to be able to show her my] sleeping face like that? [I think??????????????]

A6: The cultural festival!

A7: Sleeping in a skintight sweatshirt/sports jersey?

A8: Subject that I'm good at, I can fill in the blanks for modern language [i'm assuming this means a version of Japanese characters but since I don't feel like looking it up right now, I'm just going to leave that translation as is for now.] during an exam, but I'm completely unable to understand stuff in English.

A9: Er...... Well...... after being going into that room again after many years...... I found that the inside arrangement/layout had changed a lot so I was surprised. However she was really happy to let me in.

----------

Harada Sanosuke

A1: Hey. Do you know the common sense of bathing before taking before taking a shower?

A2: Date...... as long as it's the two of us together, it doesn't matter where we go. After she turns 20, there are many places that I'd like to take her to.

A3: Rather than saying that it's a good relationship, it might be accurate to call the relationship with Shinpachi and ill-fated one/ It's not so much a good relationship as a bad one between myself and Shinpachi.

A4: It's rarely winter, I want to go with a country with lots of snow. During the day I'll ski and take a sled/sleigh/bobsled, and in evenings I'll go soak in a spa/hot spring, while also enjoying other foreign culture.

A5: This....... [Seeing] the view of your back while [you're] in the cooking for me in the kitchen.

[the wording in this sentence reaaaaaaally threw me off since it kinda (more literally) reads as "in the kitchen as I cook from behind" ]

A6: All the activities conducted by the school, they're unbelievably exhausting. However, being able to watch how all the students grow and mature, is something to enjoy.

A7: Regardless of what is said...... pyjamas will ultimately become an obstruction. [ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) pfft...]

A8: This, since it's my specialty [referring to subject taught], I'm fast[? and?] good at using my body. Subsequently, I'm not good at every subject that requires lots of thinking.

A9: How can I say this, there's a line that absolutely must not be crossed when I'm together with her...... If I'm not resolute, this line would easily be crossed...... I've been thinking about this lately.

----------

Kazama Chikage

A1: Bathing......? The first thing to do, shouldn't that be immersing oneself in the bathtub?

A2:  First tell me where you want to go. I will bring you there.

A3: This way of describing the relationship is very literal [??? well something like that. either that or something along the lines of: That is a good adjective that literally describes the relationship]. It goes without saying, that would naturally be my wife.

A4: Where my wife and I get married.

A.5 Hesitating while wanting to say something with beautiful and delicate eyes while gazing at my appearance, hahaha......

A6: Of course that would be student council [activities].

[it's either that or student assemblies depending on how the words after ‘student' are interpreted, since if they are translated as verbs instead of noun/adjectives, it can mean something to the effect of 'complete gathering of students'... which is also why im kinda leaning towards 'assemblies' though.]

A7: What is meant by this question? Isn't it common sense to sleep while naked?

A8: I'm an expert at every subject. No subject exists that I am not an expert in.

A9: Fufu....... This year I will surely be able to graduate. I've been waiting for so long...... waiting for far too long!

----------

this probably felt longer to translate than it actually did lol... too many questions and answers.... also i don’t know if this was reprinted in one of the ssl books. maybe when i’m bored i’ll mtl the jp to double check some of this lol.... or not.

[edge-lorde]

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post. 

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical. 

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of  a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote. 

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now. 

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i  dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team.  this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle. 

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs. 

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad. 

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!  

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.  

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such. 

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left. 

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots. 

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

 the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u. 

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart. 

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O. 

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie. 

until next time, remember.......

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

In which I nerd out about PS and portal windows.

THE GREEN TEXT WAS ATTRACTIVE. NOW VIEW THE RED TEXT AGAIN.

Oh god we’re going back to TG again.

John is 1000% done with all these huge logs.

TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption" TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentioned EB: aaaaaarrrgh!

Oh my fucking god TG was still going on and on with his reality-shattering godraps. That is amazing.

He is creating the perfect pop culture amalgam in there, too! I said it before but TG, you are a treasure.

TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention

I’m having an astral journey reading this.

TG, what in the actual fuck are you talking about??

You are the god of rambling I swear

EB: stop rapping for a second you horse's ass! EB: i have something important to talk about. TG: whats up EB: rose is in trouble and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy! TG: ok

Horse’s ass is a good insult.

Yeah I guess TG now has to bail her out after the car fuckup

EB: also she lost battery power. if she can get back up and running, she'll need someone with the game to get her out of there before her house burns down. EB: so i think you should use your copy of the game to help her! TG: my copy? TG: thats going to be tough

Oh no what will the shenanigans be this time.

EB: why? TG: i lost it TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it TG: shit be embarrassing yo

Oh fucking hell.

Why are all the copies of this game getting lost so easily??? Take care of your videogames!!

What did you do to lose it, now I’m scared of whatever bullshit sequence of events transpired

EB: i thought you said you had two? TG: well yeah TG: one is my brothers copy EB: ok, well get his then! TG: alright TG: but hes not gonna be happy about that

Is this going to be like a Dad situation where there is an interactive boss? That was really great so I hope it is!

EB: whatever. EB: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this. TG: oh man EB: what? TG: nothing really TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know? EB: /ROLLS EYES

Embrace the purple prose TG! Let it envelop you in its glorious overwritten radiance!

Ooh we’re back with the purple lady herself!

She needs to find an alternative energy source asap, to help John and be able to stay communicated, before she burns to death!

Your LAPTOP is out of BATTERY POWER. There's only one thing left to do. Time to make your way to that BACKUP GENERATOR.

Yup, figured it would end up being relevant.

Rose: Knit laptop cozy to shield your laptop from the rain.

...really?

Time managment is not really your strong point it seems.

Oh you already had one made!!

The heart octopus is just the best.

I remember her inventory system to be an unholy nightmare.

That would be such a waste of time! Besides, you already knitted one a while ago. You retrieve it from your KNITTING BAG and apply it to your LAPTOP. You captchalogue the LAPTOP PLUS COZY.

Cozy laptop is cozy!

Rose: Equip grimoire to strife specibus.

Ooh.

That could either result in getting arcane eldritch powers that man was not meant to know... or just a book to bludgeon people to death with.

Both seem worth it.

NOPE

I change my mind this just screams death.

That would be incredibly ill-advised! There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most. You put the book down.

I like the fact that Rose has an object with such dark and terrible powers even the inventory system  and the narrator are advising us to put it as far away as possible from anything resembling a weapon slot.

Was I correct in the eldritch powers thing??

Rose: Recaptchalogue your items!

Oh hello again you terrible, terrible captchalogue system.

You grab the KNITTING BAG and the GRIMOIRE, in that order. It's always a logistical puzzle with your TREE MODUS. The tree AUTO-BALANCES, leaving the KNITTING BAG accesible in the ROOT CARD.

Imagine having one of this in a real videogame.

Seems the kind of move Yoko Taro would do.

................That rithym minigame

Rose: Allocate knitting needles to strife specibus.

Eesh, that seems like a very nasty weapon by necessity.

You feel a lot more comfortable with this as a weapon. You're so handy with those needles, you feel like you could probably use them to filet a sword fish.

Damn, Rose could be fucking deadly with those.

Say goodbye to all the tender spots of flesh in your body.

John has it lucky with his captchalogue thing.

You lose the ROOT CARD in the process, severing the tree. Hey, careful with all that stuff!

Yeah let’s not break the laptop. Or the Necronomicon, Or both.

Rose: Knit plush cuddle-cthulhu to soothe nerves.

Greatest idea so far.

...it’s the actual necronomicon isn’t it.

That would also be a preposterous waste of time!!! Besides, you're quite sure you've never heard of this creature called "Cthulhu" before. There are however many other specimens of the ZOOLOGICALLY DUBIOUS you're familiar with. Such as...

Or this universe’s version of it at least.

Rose: Consult the grimoire.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S FLUTHLU!! WITH A BUNCH OF HORRIFYING BEASTS AROUND IT.

IN THE IMAGINARY CITY STREETS

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU GOT STABBED BY A VERY CHARISMATIC DETECTIVE AND BEHEADED BY A WINDOW PORTAL.

IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE REFERENCE.

FLUTHLU, FOUL PATRICIAN OF MISERY. To hear his mammoth belly gurgle is to know the Epoch of Joy has come to an abrupt end

:D

Oh god, we get to see even greater elder gods now!!

Nrub’yiglith.... is that a reference to Shrub-Niggurath? Seems the most likely one to me.

And NRUB'YIGLITH, SHAMEBEAST KING OF GROTESQUERY, WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD. Hearing his melodious chirps and tongue-clicks causes one's bones to explode.

WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD!!

These descriptions are fucking amazing.

Oglogoth....Ok, this is definitely Azathoth, the daemon sultan.

Nice!

And of course there's OGLOGOTH, THE DEEP ONE. Whenever he grinds his teeth, all the children of a random galaxy somewhere will frown continuously for a nine thousand year span.

These fucking descriptions.... Holy shit give me 500 of these.

He is the first and smallest of the SMALLER GODS, appointed in servitude of a vile, unfathomable pantheon of MIDDLING GODS which caters to the whims of the NOBLE CIRCLE OF HORRORTERRORS, an omniscient, omnipotent order of the elite few, forever cloaked in the darkness of the FURTHEST RING.

What the fuck???

So in the homestuck universe, Azathoth is just a scrub! There are a whole three tiers above him in power!

The noble circle of horrorterrors, cloaked in the darkness of the furthest ring...

Someone should make a story with all this lore, or use it in a DnD campaign. Some of this is legitimately really good.

OH MY GOD

THE WINDOW PORTALS. THEY ARE OUTLINED HERE AS WELL.

And then there's this strange page containing some rather mysterious notes on summoning procedures. You've never been quite sure what these diagrams are getting at.

.....of course they are the summoning rituals!!

They lead to the imaginary city and if you cut their power while you are outside an eldritch being appears!!

Flutulhu was summoned after a city-wide blackout, so I wonder what would be needed for oglogoth... I was going to say a planet-wide blackout, but the imaginary city is.....all that exists over there, alongside the four realms and the cathedral/brothel/sun and moon/GPI, and all the other cosmology.

Maybe if you were outside a window during the last supermassive black hole?? That is probably the most pitch black you could ever get while in the imaginary world....

[roswellroamer]

Day 12. February 10, 2020. Te Anau day ride. 155km.

Woke to low 40's and gray which made me question the Carrot and Weather Channel apps which had shown 72° and sunny. But closer inspection revealed a marine type layer probably due to the massive lake's shores which was projected to burn off by 11. The kitchen came stocked with farm fresh eggs, bowl of assorted fruit, milk, butter, juice, yogurts, cereals. We set about making some eggs and toast and then of course after finishing off yesterday's blog we grabbed the two frisbees and the "golf course diagram" and headed out. A half life sized chess board on the sprawling manicured lawn provided the tee for the first hole. All the bikes were truck tires with the hole number painted on the rubber. Got to explore their grounds and have some fun tossing the 'bee. We then got into our GoreTex gear and headed towards Milford Sound after a CalTex has stop in town. Knowing we couldn't get to Milford due to road closures/flooding we were aiming for a swing bridge made of three cables. One for your feet and one for each of your hands that spanned the west branch of the Eglinton River. It was featured in one of the NZ touring books I had bought last summer. We saw that the trail sign to identify the turn off was the Earl Mountain turnoff and headed that way. We wound a bit away from the water and gained some elevation and then came to a construction zone. Not being sure if this was related to the recent flooding we got in mine behind a few cars and waited. Maybe less than ten minutes and the opposing truck, bus and camper passed us then we were allowed to proceed. Usually the 120km up to Milford takes over two hours due to the heavy traffic. Top tourist destination in NZ, one road in and out. Lots of buses and cars jockeying to get parking at the roadside attractions. One huge benefit of having the road closed about 75km ahead was that there was hardly any traffic! Great road and scenery as jagged Teton-esque peaks wound into view between the nearly sheer yet forested canyons as we gained elevation. After passing through a few more, wait, take a wild guess... sheep farms 🐑 we came to a diversion. Funneled into a lane off the road to what appeared to be a toll booth, explained to the gal we were in search of a cable bridge off the Earl Mtn. Trail before the closed section. She allowed us to pass. So far so good.

You can tell when you enter Fiordland NP. Sure, there's a sign off to the left (but placed behind a farmer's field/fence so inaccessible for a reasonable picture). But immediately farmland disappears and you are envelopes in the eery dense tunnel of what seems to be darned close to tropical forest. With the 21 feet of annual rainfall being lush shouldn't be a surprise but the immediate drop off in brightness is dramatic as well. Almost like going in a cave. There are some open "flats" but much of the area along the one road there is heavy forest. The other concern for vehicles but especially bikes involves the encroaching algae/moss on the roads. Two tire tracks are largely clear of it but the center of the lanes and the road as well are mostly a bit greenish with the slippery stuff. Lots of "slippery when wet" signage and it wasn't for the Bon Jovi album. I imagined it could be taxing to stay in the worn and clear tire tracks on one of the 250 rainy days. With clear blue sky and dry along with no traffic, the 55,65 and 75kph turns were superb sweepers and we had a ball carving up that road. One of the stops was at Mirror Lakes. Aptly names and even though a couple of fish had disturbed the surface, the pics are keepers. We rode up into Fiordland a ways and then there was the Earl Mtn. sign. We pulled in to the parking area and saw the line of yellow tape across the entrance to the trail. Also no other vehicles were there. The sign said it was closed and also had a few poison signs around the lot. They described the poison that was dangerous to animals and people to attempt (as is often done here) eradication of a non-native predator. In this case it seemed to be some sort of weasel that was endangering a bird that lived on the ground. We had discussed this cable swing bridge and yellow tape and warnings weren't gonna stop us! We worked around the tape and stepped into a dense forest trail. The first 10 minutes took us along an occasionally muddy trail. Tons of tree roots. Most of the deep mud had sticks or small logs tossed in to provide steps but a few ill advised steps resulted in 6" plunges and lovely boot pulling sucking noises to dislodge my Alpinestar SMX-6 from the muck. Then found my way down a thirty foot hill by treading solely on exposed tree roots from one tree! (Pic above) After that, following the well marked red triangular plastic blazes into the heart of Frodo land, the forest was a magic pliant spongy floor. It took a while to figure out that about 6-8" of moss has somehow grown over a network of interconnected tree roots. When I stepped, the entire ground in a five foot radius would give in and move a bit. It was weird and beautiful. After another 10' we heard the Eglinton River and were blocked by some fallen trees and yellow tape. A work around brought me to the river just above the cable swing bridge. A very large tree had fallen on the bridge from our side and collapsed it. Instead of a V shape, the 3 cables were mostly flat but still spanning the river. Ugh. No go. Managed to work our way with some difficulty through the dense brush to get close enough for a pic on the first rung of the bridge which was also the last possible one to reach due to the tree and damage. Pic above. There was a cute little bird on the ground by the bridge remnants. He seemed happy to see us. Wasn't afraid of people evidently as he strutted about watching us, walking under the branch I was balancing on without flying away. He seemed to enjoy company. Said goodbye to my new friend 🐦 and found the blazes trail which included a half dozen improvised detours to avoid deep muck. Scaled up the root ladder which must have been connected to Eywa as the whole forest seemed a bit magical. 🌳 One couple was following our lead to enter the forbidden enchanted forest as we exited. They were disappointed to hear the wire bridge was out. The entire trail from there is about a three hour hike.

I must comment that tons of serious hikers (trampers in local speak) come here and cover long distances. Temps are good. Views and scenery fantastic. None of those deadly spiders and snakes one may encounter across the Tasman Sea in Oz. I get it, just don't love hiking that much to spend days or weeks doing it. This area shows why Peter Jackson used it for LOTR. Nearly pristine and just overwhelmingly stunning. With boots and Klim pants properly mud coated, we were now sweating quite a bit. In fact while holding my Latitude jacket I believe I finally lost my first set of reading glasses on this ride. I have a couple spares but oh well. Think they fell out as I was scaling some of the hill or tree root sections. 👓 I opened up all the vents on my jacket and pants and started the bike to stand and let the 65° breeze do its job. Turned around a couple kilometers further at Lower Holyford Rd. as the heavy machinery was at work. Estimated repair on the sign said that the road would reopen on Friday, four days from now. We stopped a few times on the way back for scenic spots that were too good to pass by. One of the files above is the .gif of some chopper footage. Stopped to watch him load and fly away with a few tanks of what may have been fuel? Most likely bound for Milford Sound which was still isolated from the rest of the country's road system. On one of the last stops Ted must've not closed his bag since when we pulled into Te Anau town center his right saddlebag/pannier was open! Ba quick inventory revealed his polartec jacket and a plastic bag with a wipe were missing. The chain lube that Kiwi gave us as well as a helmet lock were still in the pannier. Those darned side opening clamshell designs! I said I'd get a table at the Ranch outside and wait for him to hopefully retrieve his stuff. I showed him how to flip up on the iPhone to reveal exactly where that last pic was taken. He was just putting on his helmet when a white car pulls up. A guy walks out and hands him his stuff! So lucky. They are bikers and saw his stuff and followed us into town. Nice. After some thank you a they drove away and the day got even brighter. The Ranch delivered me a couple Cokes and an interesting prawn twist dish. 8 shrimp individually wrapped in a long thin dough sheet and fried so the whole 8" long finger is edible and 3 sauces to dip accompanied the serving. Then a calamari salad. 😊 Back to the homestead for some blogging (so I won't fall asleep tonight trying to get this down) and rest before we scored a reservation at the top place in town. The Redcliff cafe. Ted was here last year and unable to get in! We rode to town and were walking down the street when Ted recognized the Aussies who returned his stuff at lunchtime. We turned around and flagged them down. They were perfectly willing to join us for a thank you beer and had a nice time talking with them. They were riders but here to scatter ashes of a friend up north and had received money and were encouraged to make a great trip out of it. They had been to Burt Munro as well. Our appointed hour arrived and we were seated on the back porch of the Redcliff cafe. A few tables of Americans nearby and some conversation with a California couple by us and an excellent meal. I had a salmon tartare dish followed by venison which was amazing and a date and ice cream dessert which were each remarkable. Redcliff did not disappoint. Probably the biggest culinary splurge of the trip. Even with a couple drinks my total ended up being just over $50 and it would've been 50% more for that same meal at home. Had a great evening and got back to the homestead in dusk around 10. Ready to roll northward tomorrow. 😴

[hotegg]

my weird fae connection (pt 1)

ive has a weird relationship with fey my whole life, even when i didn’t believe they existed.

my earliest memory regarding faeries was when i was reeeaaallly small. baby toddler age. i had this lovely little book about faeries that had beautiful and captivating illustrations. it was a little kids book, so i imagine its contents were sweet and bedtime story-ish. yet, when i looked at it, i got such a weird feeling. kinda like... i got uncomfortable? i wasn’t sure why, though.

fast forward many years until i started my craft, so about a year and a half ago. i learn a bit about the fey/fae but only really basic stuff like don’t give them your name, don’t make deals with them unless you’re really prepared, don’t thank them, they are dangerous, ect ect

other than that, i didn’t spend too much time focusing on them because i was busy learning other things.

one day i was feeling generous and in a giving mood. i wanted to become a bit more friendly towards whatever forces or spirits resides on and around my land. so i left a very very simple offering and told them to enjoy. part of the dedication was to the fae that might’ve been around.

it was kinda a one-time thing. i didn’t leave any other offerings after that. but then, oh boy, a week or so after, i had a shit week. all of my stuff kept going missing in the most INCONVENIENT of times. sometimes the things would turn up at the end of the day, sometimes not. it was extremely frustrating and it made me real upset real fast. at the time, i just didn’t recognize that a spirit, or even the fey, was messing with me. the idea only really hit me last month out of the blue.

as i’m going about my path, learning witch stuff and doing magic, i meet a lot of amazing people online. i also got some energy readings done. from what i can remember, i’ve been told i have fey/fae energy twice now. the first time was by a friend here on tumblr just briefly starting that my energy reminds them of fae. huh, weird. it was interesting, but nothing clicked when they said that.

even after a year of practicing magick, i still didn’t learn much about faeries. in fact, i kinda avoided them. actually, i definitely avoided them. i’m not sure why. kinda like the book when i was small, i just kept getting weird vibes from fey that i didn’t wanna mess with. especially after i realized that the week of hell i had experienced might’ve been due to the fact that i didn’t give the fae more offerings when they wanted it.

now, i honestly can’t remember if this next event was before or after my friend mentioning the fae vibe in my energy. but i remember one night, definitely a handful of months ago at least, i was falling asleep. but it wasn’t... it wasn’t a normal way of me falling asleep, if that makes sense? yes, i was laying down, i was comfortable and tired and ready to rest, but my energetic being was like “nope! we want to go to the astral!!!” and it was hard for me to stop.

it felt like i was diving head first down a chute. i keep going deeper until i remember seeing an oddly blank background that had a reddish tint to it? and standing before the strange backdrop, i (blurry) saw a handful of small beings. they were short (and if i’m remembering correctly, kinda squat) and had wings, and looked like they had human bodies. other than that, i couldn’t make out the details.

they seemed really joyful and jolly. kinda like any creature dancing and singing in Shrek. to me, it was like watching the cheesiest play.

they were singing in these high pitches voices and i understood they were smiling and acting happy and whimsical. but their dancing seemed to be leading me to somewhere. they were inviting somewhere. they were trying to lure me in.

now, a couple things to mention here.

1. i trust my deep foundation of my soul to save me in odd circumstances. i feel somewhat confident that i could kinda auto-pilot around in the astral and trust my core being not to be stupid. and i trust that in dangerous or odd situations, my consciousness will awaken, like it did in the situation, and i’ll be able to try to make my way out.

2. i understand that what i was seeing could’ve been a glamour. probably was a glamour. but the question is by who? were fey trying to appear more inviting? or was some other entity trying to completely fool me by portraying something vastly, vastly different from what they truly are? who knows. i guess i will never find out. but for now, we’ll say they were faeries because they appeared that way to me.

alright. so. these little faeries things were dancing and singing and speaking to me like an overly enthusiastic tour guide. when i noticed they were moving in a way that looked like they were trying to lure me somewhere, my consciousness woke the fuck up.

the creature were saying things like “come on! join us! it’ll be fun!” all that kinda bs.

and i kept yelling and trying to pull away from this... deceptive force that was trying to bring me in. i just kept yelling “no! i don’t want to!” over and over again, louder and louder, until i woke up with a jolt.

........ 🤷🏻‍♀️

so! after that!!! REALLY avoided fae.

fast forward to now. maybe last week or this week? i get an energy reading done by a blog on tumblr i’ve never interacted with before.

they mention that i’m connected to fae. not that my energy reminds them of fae, but that i’m connected somehow. weird.

still not sure how i’m connected to them, but once i read that, something seemed to lock into place? like some sort of subconscious meaning clicking that i couldn’t grasp yet. and ever since, my relationship with fae has appeared to become weirder.

ever since the diviner told me that, shit started in my house. specifically, my things. but only when i was looking for them.

okay, cat. that’s normal. you’re forgetful, clumsy, messy, and you misplace things often.

but... it was getting to a really strange point. as if, whatever happening was intentional.

the only example i can really remember clearly (because it happened AFTER i wondered if my shit going missing again was fae) is the other morning. maybe yesterday or the before?

i was sitting on my floor in front of my mirror in my room, doing my makeup. i needed to use my toner before i did anything. i had sat down after purposefully placing my toner next to my makeup bag after taking it out of another bag.

so, i layed all my cosmetics out before me and then reached for my toner.

which wasn’t there.

????????????????????????

i sat in place for a moment with this face: 🤨

and proceeded to carefully observe my surroundings. the bottle (about the size of a shampoo container) was no where on the floor with me. nor was it in my bedsheets. or on top of my only shelf.

i went out of my room and looked in each bathroom in my house bc i know how absolutely terrible my memory is and how easy it is for me to misplace things.

it’s nowhere to be found.

i go back to my room, now kinda frustrated, and i look everywhere in my room. i lift more things up, move all my makeup, shake my sheets, i do it all. still nada.

so. i sigh. then, knowing what i had to do, i spoke aloud and said, “please, toner, reveal yourself to me.” a simple spell that is kinda reliable in my experience.

when i said those words, i silently aimed it towards any spirits that may have been around. that were most likely around.

what do you know. THREE SECONDS after the words, i don’t even look around my room. i just plop myself back in front of the mirror, ready to give up on the toner, and the damn bottle was sitting on top of my makeup.

😐

so, ever since that. this fae relationship connection thing has.... caught my attention.

the odd thing is though. this week, as my stuff is being moved around (there were multiple other instances like the toner), my possessions seemed to turn up almost immediately after i asked for them back.

which is making me think... if this is fae shenanigans, they don’t seem to be doing this out of anger. but rather as... some sort of sign to communicate with me? or confirm something that i can’t even process right now.

anyways. i’m going to continue to try to understand what is happening and why with as little direct communication to fae as possible.

does anyone have thoughts in this????

ill be sure to keep an uodated log on this fae connection journey.

OH! the whole reason i wrote this in the first place!!! lately- before the weird fae stuff started happening within the past couple weeks- i’ve noticed that i cannot let a diviner do a service for me without giving them something in return. at first, i thought i was doing it to be nice. and i am. but. i can’t help but wonder if it’s fae influenced...

update: i also remember that last night i went to bed with my retainer in and in the morning it wasn’t in my mouth and i haven’t been able to find it! that’s too weird if that’s fae influenced!

i also remember that i was trying to count something, but for some reason it was extremely hard to count up to ten and my mind and tongue felt twisted. i have no idea if they do stuff like that, but i couldn’t help but think about the fae.

[lore-a-lie]

Chapter 3, Act 11: Divining Revolutions

CLASS TRIAL- RESUME

As Kaede gave her silent approval Angie took the moment to meditate before responding in kind. Not that she wouldn’t be willing to lead the cross-examination thingies, even if she wasn’t as familiar with how to really do so.

And it was comforting to see Kaede’s earlier attempt to give up her position of authority was genuine. Or if not, that it was able to become genuine for this moment at the very least.

But still, it wasn’t Angie’s place to make such a call just yet. There was a reason she tried not to be so compelling during these debates. If Atua saw no need for her to act, who was she to act against Him?

Awwright Sugah, ‘Tis the Time to Start Speaking Thy Piece. Ain’t None of Thy Allies Willin’ an’ Able to Surpass the Impasse as Thy art to Bring this Shindig to its Most Unrighteous of Conclusions.

And with that command His Prophet gave the pitiful pianist the acknowledgement she sought. She gave a bright and possibly too eager (or too quick) nod in reply, as Angie tried to see what He needed of her.

The most obvious thing to do is make Kiyo stop being stupid. But Kiyo really liked being stupid, and has never not wanted to talk this much, so that will be tough. Second most obvious is to get Tenko to shed more light on how she could have possibly missed the demon’s attempt to attack him or what happened.

I don’t think my involvement there matters until we clear that up, I only saw the tail end of it. So me talking about it now might just make things even more messy, and harder for everyone else to follow.

But maybe being so obvious was the problem. Maybe Kaede was right to try and bring things back to Ryoma.

“Hey-hey, Tenko? You said Ryoma was okay with you and Sissy-Cersei’s “replace Kiyo” plan right?” Angie asked, with a vague sketch in her mind of what she needed to do.

“Y-yeah. What about it?”

“Was he really okay with you being involved with it?” Angie tilted herself at an angle, to see if it would help her catch any small details or help catch Tenko off-guard. Not that it ever really worked on Tenko (or anyone here really) before, but it was also just fun to see if anyone would react period.

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Tenko tried to ask, to brush Angie’s oddities off as if it was just her being silly. But Kokichi saw through it, like the ridiculous over-thinker was prone to doing even if he was wrong.

“Well gee Tenko, I don’t know.” Kokichi drawled, and Tenko immediately started to cringe. And not in her normal “Ew-why-is-this-pest-known-as-a-male-trying-to-speak-to-me-can-I-kill-it” Tenko cringe-face. The “Oh-no-I-didn’t-think-this-through” type of cringey-face as he tauntly pulled apart her bluff. “Why on earth would the guy who offered to die immediately when put in a murder game to help buy the rest of us time have a problem with a strong, justice-loving, “innocent” girl like yourself trying to get away with “technically” murdering a man? As opposed to say… Offering to take your place in this plan?”

“Wait. What would Tenko’s place in the plan even have been?” Kaito asked.

“Well, it doesn’t make sense for Cersei to use Kiyo’s avatar, since hers and his look so similar.” Kaede started to explain in her teacher-y sorta way she’d do sometimes. “So maybe the plan was for Tenko to use the outdated Kiyo avatar? Like if they were supposed to switch so it was actually his sister who was the “Tenko” Gonta was with when looking for “Cersei”?”

“WHAT?! But that unpossible! Gonta make super sure it was Mini-Tenko that Mini-Gonta was with!”

“Try to think of it like why I was a suspect in the first trial, Gonta. Remember how I was accused because I’m good at dressing up as people? Kaede thinks that they wanted to dress up as each other to trick you.” Tsumugi simplified the situation as best she could, even hand talking to a degree in hopes of helping for once. “But they didn’t! So it IS impossible in that it didn’t happen. But Kokichi’s trying to say that maybe when you and Tenko were looking for “sister” in the woods, that was really Ryoma. Or something like that, I think?”

“So the body by the river could have been Ryoma’s? And we just didn’t see Kiyo’s sister at all before we left?”

“I mean, it’s not like we thought to check if saying anyone’s names would have logged that body out. So it could have been, since we assumed Ryoma was last seen headed to the mansion to leave the sim. Kibo could have seen him heading to the wardrobe instead or something like that.” Kaito suggested.

“Kiyo’s sister would need to be alive then right?” Kibo asked with concern, and hissed at Kokichi to shut it when he started being technical about her “living” status again to continue. But in a twist he looked to their judge. “Monokuma, would it be possible to bring up the simulation’s log? It’s not really “fair” you didn’t give me a chance to check it before the trial in hindsight. I want to see if Kiyo had to log his sister out before he could leave.”

“What, and make this mystery easier for you? Not a chance, this is waaay more interesting! I believe in you~” The bear mocked him with a laugh, and Angie amazed herself once again at her ability to refrain from flipping him off. Even if it meant no one would, with Kokichi not being the right sort of vulgar and Kaito being the wrong sort of immature to fill the void Miu would have gladly filled.

One of many voids Miu would have gladly filled come to think of it! Nya-ha-ha~ I hope she’s watching us with a smile and sassy commentary, wherever she is. And giving this bear the bird he’s asking for. No matter how much it would make Shuichi squirm or Kirumi needed to chide her for it.

I wonder if Rantaro and Himiko are getting along? They’re both laid back people. Or the way we knew them they were. I’m sure no matter what state Ryoma’s in from this that Maki’s already by his side!

I wonder if they appreciate seeing me pray for them so often, even if I was mean to them when they were still with us? Or I’m making them laugh, seeing what I do as being silly or stupid despite my intentions?

… Prophet, the Trials Ya’ll are Still Facing are a Bit Mo’ Important at Present, Are They Not?

RIGHT. Whoopsie-daisy~ Thank you, O’ great and wise Atua for Your divine inspiration!

Snapping out of her trance that was most definitely not a nap, Angie made sure she looked as attentive as she could as she checked to see where the conversation was at.

“-So you think Ryoma wanted to get Kiyo and Angie out of the church to give them an opportunity to perform a kill-and-switch?” She heard Kaito say.

“No, he didn’t want me involved at all. And Ryoma didn’t seem too keen on actually seeing if Cerci would be safe on her own. You know how he can get. The only switching he would have wanted to try was using Kiyo’s appearance to get close to either sibling to see if they could be killed, and then pretend to be the dead one to repeat the process on whoever was left.”

“So you think he was just trying to take a chance to go after either of them?” Kaede asked Tenko.

“Yeah, but it’s not like it sounds like he made contact if Cerci never died! I mean Kiyo said his sister spoke to him when she attacked him, and avatar switching wouldn’t change Ryoma’s voice, right?”

“Right. If they could, we never would have realized Kiyo’s sister was a person instead of an illness.” Kibo agreed.

“We don’t know that she isn’t-” Tsumugi tried to point out, only to be cut off by an offended Tenko trying to keep the point of discussion to the forefront.

“That doesn’t change the core point here!”

“The point that relies on Kiyo being honest? ‘Cause that’s a pretty shitty one to bet our lives on.” Kokichi prodded again, trying and failing to get Kiyo to lash out.

And that was still a problem Angie wasn’t sure how to solve yet.

She knew his sister was still in there, and she thought everyone else did too enough for him to stop being so cagey about her presence. But for once that “edgy” zipper on his face suited how tight lipped he was.

He must have noticed how she kept looking at it too, as Kiyo narrowed his eyes at her and leaned more to Tsumugi’s side. Like he half-expected Angie to try and leap over the boundary between them to yank it open. Which probably would get him to at least say something, but Angie figured getting a human reaction out of him probably wouldn’t lead to a useful one. (But it’s something I can try later I guess!)

So she was left trying to sort out how Ryoma fit in. “Tenko, how do you know Ryoma wasn’t just going to go along with your plan?” Angie slapped her hands to her cheeks in shock, “Could it be Tenko already knew it wouldn’t work because Kore is evil? How mature of you!”

“Hey!” The whine came as expected, “I’m already plenty mature! I know because Ryoma told me so. He thought it’d be safer to kill both of them, but even if he didn’t-” Tenko cut herself off as she started to rub at her arm while looking down with a look of shocked realization.

“If he didn’t?” Kaito anxiously repeated to urge her on.

“If he didn’t get them both then he said he’d still confess if there was a trial.” She numbly repeated, barely blinking despite the tears Angie could see starting to well at the corners of her eyes. But when Tenko got ahold of herself she shook them off and desperately looked to Kaito. “But he wouldn’t have actually meant that, right?! He… I thought you and Kaede were helping him through that stuff! And this couldn’t have been… THAT, right? So we wouldn’t be forced to watch him suffer for my stupid idea?”

“Of course not!” Kaede said seemingly in spite of herself. Perhaps more a reflection of her hopes than their reality. “If he did that wouldn’t explain his cause of death or being found in the pool. We already established that!” (Ah, good point. That does reflect our reality pretty well… Maybe that’s the problem!)

We’re focusing on our reality, when we should be testing Kibo’s reality! He should have some idea of what could “kill” in the sim, even if he hasn't said so yet. And he was there for the wardrobe stuff to some extent from the sounds of things. But I don’t want to spook him, so he doesn’t get stage fright.

“Wait… Kibo, how much of this did you know?” Angie asked with a cutesy and quirky tilt of her head with her hands in place as if to tighten screws to help her think straighter. “If she and Ryoma talked about this in the virtual world near your wardrobe thingy are you suuure you didn’t overhear something about it?”

“... Enough?” Kibo said, avoiding eye contact with everyone as he twiddled his fingers. “I mean I didn’t know Miss Shinguji was involved in this! And I thought Ryoma’s plan was what Tenko had intended…”

Kibo turned to bow to Kiyo in a near panic, voice shaky and air puffing as if his throat was closing up even though he didn’t breath. “I’m very sorry! I knowingly conspired to help murder your sister, and there’s no excuse for that! I completely understand if you can never forgive me for that. Or if none of you can.”

“I… I was worried she was going to kill someone. I had no idea who or how, so I didn’t know what to do! So I thought that since she was your original motive, that getting rid of her could be to your benefit.

“Seeing how you two were fighting, I wasn’t sure if she was going to kill you and use my program to hide it! I didn’t know Tenko was trying to HELP her do something like that!” He shouted, nearly hysterical. “So when I found that avatar by the river I… I panicked. I got out of the sim, to make sure everyone was okay, and while Kiyo was okay, Ryoma… Ryoma wasn’t.

“I thought he succeeded in killing Miss Shinguji and then chose to kill himself rather than risk being executed or making Kiyo worse. If there was no trial for a “murder” like this Kiyo might have done something drastic to avenge her, or hurt himself so I thought it made sense! And I did something stupid.

“I… moved Ryoma’s body, hoping it’d help make what happened clearer.” Kibo confessed at last, staring so hard at the floor it was like he was testing out a new laser vision feature. “Maybe it was also just me being selfish, trying to hide how people could physically die in my simulation despite my best efforts. I took him to his lab and tossed him into the pool from his window, since I thought paralleling the other murder would make his intentions clearer. I’m so so sorry everyone. I didn’t intend to hurt anyone…”

“And what if you were wrong, huh?!” Kaito snapped at him, making Kibo flinch. “You don’t have proof that’s what happened, and you messing with the crime scene doesn’t help anything! Do you even know how Ryoma “killed himself” in your scenario?!”

“Uhhh…”

“Back off Kaito, Kibo said he panicked so it’s plainly obvious he wasn’t thinking straight! I mean who could in a situation like that?” Tsumugi snapped back, taking some pressure off of the robotic boy.

“How exactly did he “die” in your Oh-so-safe virtual world anyway, Keeboy?” Kokichi drawled, but there was a vindictive glint to his eyes and his smug smile was all teeth. “You know something we don’t?”

“I… I mean, he could have taken one of Shuichi’s poisons-”

“BBBZT! Wrong, try again!” Kokichi interrupted with a raspberry in place of an incorrect buzzer, getting more manic in his malice. “Kaito and I were in Shuichi’s lab when the Monokuma file says he died, and I made sure all those poisons are accounted for every time I visit! If he swiped one earlier I’d know.”

The Child Panics, Guilt Turns To Fury, Fanned by Failure and Fear. The One with False Leadership Would Claim Responsibility for This Crime an’ all Crimes Previous if They Only Could. Thy Needst No Reminder of Where They Fall Short. Each Night the Denied Truths Return, The Worst Plague of All.

Ummm, I think you used “Thy” wrong there?

An uncanny echo of silence resounded in Angie’s head, the type that would normally mean Atua had fallen asleep again. But it turned out to be but a pause as she heard His wondrous words return to her.

Ah... My B. I Grant Thee My Most Sincerest of Apologies, Sunspot. Perhaps ‘tis the Sound of Sleep Beckoning Me to Her Bodacious Bosom Once More that Distractith Me So.

“Distractith”? Now you’re just teasing me, there’s no way you used that right!

“Fine! Yes, he died in the simulation but I don’t know how!” Kibo broke down. “There shouldn’t have been any way for him to prematurally sever the connection between his mind and his body. But he was brain dead so it must have happened somehow. I’m not sure if he did it on purpose, or if he had help-”

“Wait,” Kaito said to pause the panicking robot. “Let’s just narrow down what could cause that then, okay? I mean we know where his avatar was found in the simulation, so that can help. Just because he died in there doesn’t make you the killer, so no need to freak out. Just be honest with us! No more lies.”

“So you think the river might be part of it? But he didn’t drown or suffocate.” Kaede pointed out.

“Maybe it like how Mini-Gonta gets scared at the Low-ding Point? Is that what being “brain dead” like? Like sleeping without dreams?” Gonta suggested with a shutter at the thought.

“Maybe!” Tsumugi replied, and put her nerdy knowledge to good use. “Video games would often have water act as boundaries by making you die or respawn if you touch it. Were there any rules like that, Kibo?”

“I… I don’t know.” He quietly said. “I never checked, I never considered anyone going for a swim. I mean even when we have a pool no one really uses it, so I didn’t think there would be any interest.”

… Oh. I get it now. That’s what You’re sorry about.

It’s not Your fault! You were asleep at the time.

But her words sounded like they fell on deaf ears as the void Atua used to be in gave her no comfort.

Angie wasn’t sure if she should share her findings just yet though. It’d be more convincing if she could get Kiyo to lead the others to it first, since he also saw what happened, but she wasn’t sure how to get him to work with her. He seemed far too content with taking the blame for this case, and it rattled her.

They both knew if he was found guilty it would only get him and everyone else who was innocent killed.

If he still wanted to die there were easier ways to do it! Ways that wouldn’t hurt anyone else physically.

I’m not really sure how I would take it emotionally though. I mean, am I to blame for this any? I don’t think I am, I think he enjoys making me mad and how I try to get back at him. He’s annoying like that.

Still, Kaito wants us to help him and Atua agrees with that! Even if Kiyo’s such an ignorant know-it-all.

Is he trying to die like this to save the blackened? To repay them for interfering in Ryoma’s attempt to kill him? Or is this just so he makes sure that even though his “Sister” isn’t real he still makes 100 friends for her? I mean it sounds like he’s close enough that three “admirable” girls would more than met his goal.

Assuming the mastermind isn’t a girl I mean. Technically they’d survive in that case too, wouldn’t they?

If our lives are in real danger, despite what we’ve seen before, how can he accept letting THEM survive?!

Maybe I can use that to talk some sense into him!

“Kiyo, are you sure you heard your sis speak to you when you saw her on the bridge?” Angie tried as a direct question, one he might be more open to answering now. “Or any chance that was Ryoma who was trying to harass you? Or someone else? ‘Cause I know what I saw, but I didn’t hear anyone say anything.”

“... I hardly see why it would change anything,” he muttered. “Even if she didn’t say them aloud we’ve proven her intent and that of my assaulter is one and the same, yes?”

“What happened after the fight?” Kokichi prodded and Angie winced at how blunt he was being. She could tell he was trying to use his tell-y trick again, but with Kiyo like this what good would it be?

But despite her concerns he did confirm some of their friends’ assumptions. Just not in a helpful way.

“She fell in the river. Clearly that much should seem obvious at this point.”

“Did she now? Or was she pushed?” Kokichi pushed again, before Angie could butt in.

This time Kiyo acted more like she was expecting, and only gave a bitter shrug. “Who can say?”

“Come on, out with it!” Kaito snapped.

“And why should I? To what benefit is there? Is it not enough to merely narrow down suspects?”

“Have you really lost it?!” Tenko shouted. “We’ll all die if we get this wrong!”

“As will we all, in due time-”

“Well, what are you being so cagey for then?” Angie asked with a forced brightness in hopes of putting him off guard and cut to the chase. “Do you really want the mastermind to win?”

And while it didn’t work he had no answer for her, which gave her enough satisfaction.

“That’s what’ll happen, won’t it? We all die but the blackened and the mastermind? The killing game will only ever end with two survivors, right?” She continued to needle, and Monokuma began to act like he was getting hot under the collar at her questioning. Despite the whole not having a collar thing.

“No comment!”

“Huh, huh? Who asked you? I was obviously talking to Kiyo, silly!”

Tsumugi giggled a bit at that, probably a case of nerves giving her the flutterbugs, which got some others to laugh between her ensuing embarrassment and Monokuma’s indignation. Still, the levity helped raise Angie’s spirit a little, in light of what Kiyo was showing she would need to reveal.

But Tenko cut in before she had the chance.

“Stop trying to deny what you did then, you degenerate! We know you killed him, and we know that while you want to die, She doesn’t! It doesn’t matter if it was self-defense, or mistaken identity, or anything else! You’re not going to go sliding on another loophole, you murderer!” Her ranting was so non-stop that even Kaede couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

And as she watched her friend try to make her case against Kiyo, without any regard to the other voices trying to be heard in her misplaced fury, Angie felt something not unlike Atua’s artistic urges.

The Ultimate Artist could see it. A lovely set of armor that could reflect the soul of the Ultimate Aikido Master, as ill fitting and out of place such a garment was for the martial art. But for Neo-Aikido it’d work just fine, and invoking the style of the Samurai would be done in the spirit of the great Tomoe.

Such a warrioress deserved nothing less than an armor that would reflect her heart of hearts. And Tenko herself warranted feeling not like a princess as Tsumugi had tried, but a queen ever at the ready to strike.

Layers of lacquered wood and pristine porcelain, woven with leather into skirts for the light flexibility western metal armor could never match. Each strip made the shade of sweet sakura petals so light that the girlish pink would be nearly wedding white under the rising sun. An ill omen for any man who tried to wed her, but their foolish blood would turn it a lucky and evil-banishing crimson soon enough.

Not that it was like the martial artist to seek marital bliss. Her bliss came in simpler, smaller forms daily. But if Angie could make this even half as beautiful as what Atua was proposing, Tenko would adore it.

Still, she tried to will the beautiful image away, before she could get lost in details she would never be able to bring to life. If she didn’t stop now, before the issues of a masked helm could arise, she might not manage to later. It hurt to ignore such god-given artistry that could bring such joy to one close to her.

It was one of many things she’d never be able to do with Tenko again when all was said and done.

There’s only one way to stop this. This must be why Atua’s been so quiet aside from this last vision.

He must be so ashamed of me. I should have realized it sooner.

“So how can you say for sure the degenerate isn’t our real culprit Angie?!”

Four little words is all it should take.

“BECAUSE”

But it’s okay!

“I”

I can do this!

“PUSHED”

I’m sorry Tenko.

“HIM!”

Angie had to take a moment to regain control of her breathing after making that dreaded confession. But at least all of her friends should be safe now. If only from the fate she needs to face for the time being.

“I saw him try to attack Kiyo on the bridge. I didn’t know it was Ryoma, I just saw Kiyo’s Sister picking on him so I wanted to help and it looked like things were getting dangerous! So I snuck up on her, err him, and poked not-Kore’s back to pause them. But Kiyo wouldn’t move, he musta been in shock or somethin’,  and I couldn’t move Kiyo off of the dumb narrow bridge to somewhere safer and keep Kore paused!”

“So you pushed her off the bridge, to keep her away from Kiyo?” Kaede pressed, but thankfully her eyes were understanding. There were no bitter feelings to be found in them, only the pain of true sympathy.

“Yeah! I thought the river’s current would make sure whatever shore she swam to would be far enough away to either get help or snap Kiyo out of it! It’s not like she hurt him yet as far as I could tell, but still...”

“You didn’t know we can’t swim in Kibo’s world.” Kaito numbly supplied as his features at last softened with this final closure. “Ryoma fell out of bounds, breaking the mental connection, and you had no idea.”

“Yes! Angie thought it was harmless! Everyone where she’s from are super good swimmers, she didn’t-” Angie caught herself and tried to slow herself so she could be as clear as possible. So there was no doubts about her words, and her reasons wouldn’t change the truth they had all suffered for. “I didn’t think there was any reason why a river that narrow would be dangerous. Kibo did such a divine job making everything there safe! Atua thought he covered everything. I forgot it could be deadly.”

And with the painful truth laid bare Angie took another look to her friends, trying to gauge their reactions. It didn’t surprise her to see Kokichi held no pity for her, only frustration. She knew his qualms with murder, and he had heard her suggest reviving the dead as sacrifices, firmly setting him against her.

It’s surprising how much more hollow this feels than what I expected getting someone killed would be back then. Maybe this is meant to be a sign Ryoma really isn’t dead! Or maybe that’s wishful thinking.

The others looked at her with different levels of somber airs and hurt understanding. Though Kiyo seemed shocked enough by her willingness to confess that even with his mask he appeared slack-jawed.

And that slack was all the give his mental parasite needed to claw the mask away, giving Angie a second witness if any wanted to argue against her unwitting guilt. Because while Kiyo may have still had a death wish, setting his objective against their own, Kore made it clear she was a very different story.

“It’s true! I’m sick of being considered “dead” or accused of things I know nothing about!” The banshee screeched. “I never saw Kiyo on any bridge, and I only spoke to him after he logged us both out!

“I wasn’t even in the mansion when he did it! It was extremely rude of him, not like my Korekiyo at all.” She snorted as she crossed her arms and gave Ryoma’s portrait a glare, trying to reclaim her usual frozen facade. “Even more so for him to try and drag us all down with him over such minor grievances.

“Honestly, you all you should be ashamed of yourselves! After all that progress, all our work to get him past these frivolous urges, what do you cretins do? You drag my brother’s spirit low enough to relapse, despite all the flimsy excuses he gives to defend you people!” The haughty haunting hussy huffed.

“Huh~ Since when did he need us for that? You seemed to be doing that fine enough on your own.” Angie called, leaning over the railing of her podium as she taunted so she could better aggravate the monster beside her. It’s not like she had anything left to lose anymore with her Lord’s silence, and if she didn’t shut this bitch up herself no one might.

“EXCUSE ME?!” (I can definitely feel Atua’s desire to make an ice sculpture of her, if only to curse her. Not that He can now. It’s probably just out of habit He let me feel this at all. Unless He feels my guilt is lacking and is trying to make me more repentant?)

“That’s why you wanted him to go after Kaede, isn’t it? Somebody was jealous~ Ya meanie.”

“Nonsense, that was his choice-”

“Liar, Liar, pants on fire~” Angie sang over the false specter. She could feel her anger seep over into her smile as she laid her rage bare. “If that were true, Kiyo would have asked me to be the medium before. And Angie probably would have said “yes” like a real dummy! Atua was too busy rage napping to give Angie his divine protection and I wanted Kiyo to mess it up! ‘Cause he acts like Atua isn’t the only true god. But Kiyo didn’t! And then mean ol’ missy sissy got all hissy over him just wanting her to make normal friends with us. Because you don’t want “friends”. You didn’t want him to have any, yes?”

At least Angie wasn’t the only one pissed off any more. Even if she had to quickly swing herself back to avoid the monster’s attempt to slap her, which nearly caused Angie to stumble back over the opposite railing. (Maybe copying Kiyo’s obnoxious way of talking was a biiit much. But that look on her face tho!)

“How dare you accuse me of something like that?!” She seethed, as if letting out steam to reveal how shallow her cold “cool” demeanor still was, no matter how fitting it was for her heartlessness.

“You’re only mad ‘cause she’s right, aren’t you?” Kaede challenged with an accusing point. “You chose the “friends” you wanted, not him. No point backtracking on that, with how you keep pointing out how much lower his “standards” are than yours. And if he got too close to others, he wouldn’t need you anymore, right? You don’t want to risk him moving on with his life, so you’d have to move on too.”

And that was all it took to make Kore really snap. Kinda sad how easy that really was, now that they could fairly safely gang up on her. (But not much more pushing than it takes to set me off either, is it?)

“I won’t let you take him away from me! He’s not allowed to abandon me now! I won’t let him throw me away again, to ignore me while I rot alone like everyone else did! I won’t forgive him. I won’t forgive anyone, no matter how many apologies I hear! Apologize all you want, but I won’t. I won’t. I won’t!”

An’ Thus His Parasyche Shows Her True Nature. The Ghost of a Broken Memory, a Revenant Remnant of a Dying Girl. Desperate to Forget She Was Not But a Child’s Guilt an’ Self Loathing Made Manifest, Grown Willful an’ Proud Feeding from Every Bit of Bitter Bile of His Soul He Thought Suppressed.

Angie was taken aback by His voice, but she knew it best not to question it. If He graced her with His assurances of conclusions she suspected, that was His choice. She had no right to address Him anymore.

She failed Him as His prophet, and everyone He wanted to help by acting through her.

As Angie shook off her brief shock she heard Kaede quelling the sins of Shinguji, with all others quiet. And with discussion settled Monokuma declared it was time for the votes to be cast one last time.

Well, last for her anyway. Though Angie felt no real need to condemn herself to her fate, she did so nonetheless. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to fear if they thought a third soul would be lost tonight. A glance to her side eased her own concerns, as Kore was quick to vote in her brother’s stead.

The last thing I want is for Kiyo to throw his life away after Ryoma died from my attempt to protect him. O’ Atua, I’m really going to die for HIS sake aren’t I? Please show mercy upon me my Lord, I messed up baaad this time. That prick isn’t worth all this harm and heartache! … I mean Kiyo, not Ryoma. Oh well.

Please watch over them all, okay Atua? Even if I wasn’t able to convince them of Your blessings. Amen.

Again, she felt only a sense of emptiness that equalled only the resounding silence where Atua once watched over her as the results were shown. No matter how much guilt Tenko may have felt for her role in setting the tragedy into motion, it was Angie’s face that was lit up in the end.

She tried to handle herself with as much dignity as she could, now that her end was before her. But she had one last thing to do before her execution began.

“Ah. Oh well. I guess I’m going to need to go on ahead. Sorry everyone, but it’s been fun!” Angie said with as much energy as she could, and twirled to give everyone one last looksie. “May Atua protect you all, and may you live long happy lives when the smoke clears,” she offered as a final prayer.

“Whatta bunch of bullshit,” She heard Kaito hiss to himself, and he looked far more conflicted now than he had in previous trials. He was a fair bit paler too, and hearing the way he coughed concerned her.

But before she could draw attention to the ill-boding red flecks she saw on his hand, Tenko drew her into one of the tightest bear hugs she’d ever been given. And considering Tenko’s previous hugs that’s saying a lot.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It was stupid! If I hadn’t-”

“Hey, hey~ It’s okay, it’s okay! You couldn’t have known, and I don’t blame you or Ryoma! It was my mistake.” Angie rubbed at Tenko’s back, not wanting to make anyone’s stress worse just yet. She knew Kaede also saw the proof of Kaito’s injury, wherever it was. So they’ll be able to settle that later.

For now, Angie needed to try and lessen the damage she was about to do.

And a bit of tradition felt fitting in that moment, so Angie wiggled out of her raincoat and plopped it on Tenko’s shoulders, using the sleeve to uselessly wipe at Tenko’s mucky face. Tenko quickly caught onto what she was doing, as the waterproof material only moved the tears and gross boogers around rather than wipe them up, which got some very wet laughs from those around them as Tenko shooed her away.

“There! You look like you need it more than me, just look at how much rain you have on your faces already!” Angie stuck her tongue out at them in faux-mockery, hoping her own tears wouldn’t be brought up at her tease. “So take good care of it, m’kay? It’s important to keep parts of a person alive, and objects can hold memories just like brains do. So even if it stops being a raincoat, don’t get rid of it!”

With her parting piece said, there was no reason to postpone things any longer. Before Monokuma could snatch her away to meet Atua, and how he would try to break her spirit as he did, she squared her shoulders and gave everyone one last wave.

It was only then it occurred to her that blackeneds didn’t know what their executions were called.

Somehow not knowing made what was to come all the more nerve wracking than the anticipation a title left for those on the other side of the curtain. But she would never let that weakness show. If Monokuma wanted to make her frown or scream in “despair” she’d make that as difficult for him as she could.

That made the setting set before her all the more anticlimactic.

It was a snowy field, with a river nearby much like how the Virtual World’s setting was, and the sky above looked stormy. Angie wasn’t sure if lightning was possible during snow storms, but regardless of it was possible or artistic license that’s the direction it looked like things were going.

And as snake-like ropes bound her struggling form to a post like a lowercase t at the center of a pile of kindling she felt like she was ready to vomit, seeing the blasphemy he was going for.

Around her christianity based cross-of-a-lightning rod she saw ruined depictions of other faiths too. Everything from wooden sculptures like totem heads or scrolls of pagan gods were ready to burn.

Her thoughts were torn between Himiko’s lifeless corpse and the words her other self spoke before:

I’d rather avoid something witchy if I can.

So Monokuma made her take on the role of Joan of Arc (Joan d’arc? I don’t do french! Sorry Kaede) and was going to make the heavens “smite” her for her insolence. The crimes born out of best intentions and poor judgement, including those that happened long before Ryoma may have come to harm.

While there was no true being supporting Monokuma’s murder, Angie took a breath and prepared to accept it nonetheless. She felt an odd calmness within her as she saw the lightning flashes and resulting flames draw near her. As if it was Atua protecting her from the full brunt of her torture.

But when an all too human weight tackled into her, if this was His doing she wished he had forsaken her.

As kind as it is to keep her from dying alone, it was cruel to do so at the expense of one of her friends. But as her would-be savior tried to untie her, urging her to escape the stage, she couldn’t bring herself to voice those feelings. She simply tried to smother the pure gratitude that welled in her chest, and prayed for both of their souls as the thunder kept crashing down.

----

Tenko could only watch in silent horror as Kaito shoved Angie out of the way of the first strike. She watched as he struggled to untie their most innocent murderer, but as hard as she tried Tenko couldn’t hear anything over the sound of Monokuma’s thunder at this point.

But shouldn’t I be the one trying to save her? Or at least be helping him now? There’s only one Exisal left, so this would be as good a time as any to strikeback, wouldn’t it? I promised to protect Angie, didn’t I?!

Would she have ever done the same thing for you?

Tenko could only clench her eyes and teeth as shut as she was able to and looked away in frustration at that insidious thought. But only because she knew the answer.

She knew Angie wouldn’t even have considered saving her had their positions were switched. So in a way it was for the best that Tenko did the same thing, wasn’t it?

Unlike Kaito she had things she could still lose. Opening her eyes gave her a harsh reminder of that.

Gonta was beside her looking as torn and lost as she felt, standing on the sidelines as a “degenerate male” did what she couldn’t bring herself to do. And she knew that if she lept in to help Gonta would have followed her without question, because like Kaito that was the sort of man he was. A noble one.

And Kaito only had to die to prove it to you, didn’t he? Just like Ryoma did. Just like everyone kept saying. But you never wanted to listen, did you Tenko? This is all your fault. You failed Angie, and you’ll fail Kaito.

Her head felt like a mountain as she lifted it and shook her head at Gonta. The heartbreak and failure on his face would be forever ingrained in her memory. Because failing Kaito was the best they could do.

If we try to save him now we both might just end up dying out there with them, even without the Exisal. There’s nowhere for us to run to and he knew that going in. And if we all died who’d protect Kaede or Tsumugi!? Kibo? Even if he could, who’d protect him? He can’t save everyone on his own! He needs us.

Both she and Gonta could do nothing but weep as they saw Kaito try to pull Angie to a safety that didn’t exist. He couldn’t even see where the others were standing in all the chaos of the execution’s set. It was only a matter of time before the cruel god of this hell struck them down, as it gave up on avoiding him.

She almost thought Kaede and some others even began cheering him on, trying to help lead him back to them. But since even standing closer to the stage was enough to nearly drown them out, if that hadn’t been Tenko projecting her own feelings, there was no real point to it all.

So instead of joining in, or risk starting this chant of false hope if her mind was playing tricks, she just went close enough to hug Gonta as the watched. But with the way he held her she figured he was the one really doing most of the comforting. She could only hope she was helping him back in some way.

A part of her hoped the thunder would help mask her own wailing as the inevitable happened, only belatedly realizing a lot of that noise was now her other friends making similar screams. (But not Angie.)

It was only when she felt Gonta lift her that she noticed both of her knees had given out at some point. He still held her protectively, like this was still just a clingy two way hug to him, and carried her back to the group as she shoved her face into his chest to keep him from hearing her babble and whimper.

Not that any of it stopped when he cautiously put her back down, but she thought it would be better than hearing her incoherently try to blame herself for everything that happened. (Keeping him from correcting you for telling the truth was just another selfish benefit. You were just too scared to help.)

As he set her down Tsumugi was the first to cling to her as they sobbed together. A glance to Kaede quickly answered the question of why she wasn’t joining them.

The pianists eyes looked glossy with unshed tears as she blankly stared at the spot they could last make out Kaito and Angie, lost to the flames. She was on her knees, but looked broken in a way the previous trials hadn’t managed.

No one had expected Kaito to interfere, least of all her. Unlike Shuichi, his death wasn’t one Monokuma’s vile rules had forced upon them. He just threw his life away at the last minute.

But why did he do that?! He even cast a vote like the rest of us did, Angie’s guilt was unanimous. Was it just to spite Monokuma, dying in a way he didn’t want? He didn't even like Angie that much! So why-

“What the hell was that moron thinking?” She heard Kokichi cuss to himself, but he made no attempt to snap Kaede out of her traumatized trance. So Tenko decided to do what he didn’t think he could.

Tenko left Tsumugi’s embrace with a pitiful hiccup of an attempt to reassure her, and stretched Angie’s raincoat over Kaede’s far shoulder like it was a blanket for them both. (Is that how shock blankets work?)

Kaede made no indication she noticed, but with how much both girls were sobbing at this point Tenko didn’t mind. And Tenko took notice of how little the dying flames left behind of either of their friends.

It’s not fair! How can a person just… disappear, like that? Like if I didn’t have Angie’s coat it could be like she never existed at all. And everyone else who died in a trial left something behind, so why didn’t Kaito?

Maybe I should try making a momento for him? Like how Angie made her wax memorial figures.

Kaito never went without that printed jacket of his. I could try making the inside of Angie’s coat look like that. It’d be a lot of work, but I think it’d be worth it. Maybe it could help some of the others too...

Tenko distantly heard Kokichi try to stir the pot, something accusatory at either Kibo or Kiyo. She couldn’t be sure which. Whatever it was, she focused on trying to bring Kaede back to them mentally instead.

The two only moved when Gonta helped get them to their feet, so everyone could leave this cursed place in the elevator. But the ride up was deathly silent and as tense as a taught bow-string.

Kibo was the first to go and took off running, with Tsumugi’s lighter footsteps following after him. But the farthest Kaede could get was five paces before crumbling back to the ground and screaming loud enough for the stars to hear her. So Tenko did the same, rather than leave her like this alone and in so much pain.

Tenko looked up to see what Gonta intended to do, and assure him he could go if he wanted to, but the words caught in her throat. He looked to Kokichi, but the boy made it clear he wanted nothing to do with the misguided gentleman. Seeing the heartbreak on Gonta’s face as the small boy swatted a hand away and stomped off in the direction of their dorms, she chose to keep out of it. She’d probably just make more problems otherwise.

Hopefully Kokichi’s not going to hold this against him for long! Kokichi has more reason to hate me for planning a murder than Gonta. Mine got farther than his did, and Gonta deserves better than this.

She turned to see where the cause of all of their misery went off to, but as it turned out Korekiyo stood at the edge of the restored fountain as if he had barely moved since exiting the elevator. He kept… twitching, in a way that definitely wasn’t natural and his eyes were scrunched tight.

When they opened it was Shinguji who looked back at her, and when she removed the mask she was scowling at both of them. As if Kaede and Tenko had played any role in her own mistakes, much less her brother’s mental state.

She strode forward, trying to keep her distance from Gonta showing she was still wary of him, but couldn’t bring herself to leave the area. And not just in a figurative sense.

The hand that reached for the exit instead turned and pulled the mask back into place, and Korekiyo stood idle by the door as he faced them.

“My apologies if I am mistaken, but I am still not to be roaming about campus unsupervised, yes?”

Gonta startled at first, and guiltily looked at the floor before nodding his agreement. “It be better, yes. Gonta not know if Tsumugi go with Kibo or go to her room, so Kiyo could be threat to her.”

“Understood,” Korekiyo replied with a short nod of his own. “If it is not too problematic, should I help you escort our fair companions back to their dorms?”

“We can stand!” Tenko snapped at him after wiping away what tears she could, and refused to feel any guilt at seeing him flinch away. She tried to pull Kaede to her feet alongside her to prove her point, but Kaede’s legs were far less stable.

“Sorry, I-”

“It okay!” Gonta assured Kaede, flushed with humiliation as much as it was from her crying. “Kaede want piggy back? If Tenko can walk, Gonta can carry Kaede easy!”

“O-oh. Sure? I mean I don’t really remember the last time I got carried like tha-AAAAT” Kaede panicked at the end seeing as he was quick to prove true to her word. But even after she got herself situated her embarrassed blush didn’t die down. “Thank you?”

“You’re welcome!” Gonta smiled as brightly as anyone could after their hell of a night. “So we back to dorms now?”

“By all means, lead the way.” Korekiyo agreed, holding the door for the other three, as much as Tenko was loath to accept any “help” from him after all the confusion and death he’d caused.

Sniffling aside, the walk back was quiet, and there were no signs of any of their other friends. But that may have been for the best, as it encouraged going straight to bed if nothing else.

Not even she was ready to offer a “sleep over” after this. Tenko just wanted to sleep and hope this was all a stupid dream her mind cooked up out of guilt over her conspiring with Shinguji.

But it wasn’t. It never was in this horrible place that Angie had wanted them all to consider “home”.

Hell, she couldn’t even remember having a single dream in this prison. But thinking of dreams brought her mind back to her key. It felt like it was so long ago now, but it couldn’t’ve been more than three days. The thought and memories made her stomach do a flip without her in grief, but she held herself firm.

She had to try to appear strong. To help Kaede. To protect Gonta. To keep Korekiyo at bay.

Speaking of that bastard...

“Hey, Gonta, can we talk real fast? I know we all need some shut eye but I have a question first.”

Gonta gave a nervous glance to Korekiyo, who merely nodded and headed for his room for the entomologist’s peace of mind. But while her friend went off to the side so Tenko could hopefully keep Kaede from overhearing and make her worried, the murderer didn’t close his door all the way.

She tried not to think about it too much when she saw Kaede notice that too, and had a few quiet words with the unstable man which netted a nod to whatever she asked of him. Likely just to make sure he would still be breathing when the morning announcement sounded, knowing Kaede.

It would be wasteful for him to die now, wouldn’t it? I don’t know how to handle this. He doesn’t DESERVE to be forgiven! But at the same time… Maybe I should try, to make up for trying to kill him?

Is that what Angie would have wanted? Or would Ryoma rather I not leave the job unfinished?

Since when have you cared about what either of them really thought? Stupid selfish Tenko!

She shook her head to clear her thoughts as she made her offer. “Do you think it’ll be okay for me to help keep an eye on Kiyo? Since without Ryoma and Kaito, we…” The words caught for a moment in her tightened throat. “I don’t want you need to feel like you have to handle him all by yourself.”

“But it not safe! Kiyo sneaky person, could try to hurt Tenko without noticing.”

“I know. But if things with his “sister” really are different now, like if she’s all in his head, we don’t know how that could change things! He could try to hurt you too! Or maybe he won’t be killing anyone else-”

“Gonta can handle Kiyo! Tenko worry about Tenko, okay?” Gonta asked with a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and it took a lot of willpower to keep herself from trying to toss him on reflex. (Though tossing a guy THIS big could be hard even for me. He’s real good about keeping himself grounded and balanced.)

“But-!”

“Ladies shouldn’t talk about butts!” Gonta laughed at his attempt at a pun to try easing her worries. “If Gonta need help, Gonta ask for help. Gonta promise.” He swore as he crossed his heart with his hand.

“Alright. And I will be one of the people you can ask for help, whatever you need, okay?” Tenko reaffirmed, and didn’t allow him to break eye contact with her until he nodded his understanding. “Good! So, I guess that’s settled for now. We can work things out in the morning.”

“Okay. Goodnight Tenko! Don’t worry about bed bugs biting, Gonta already checked and no one has signs of those! Hope you sleep good.” (GAH, WAIT ARE BED BUGS REALLY REAL?! I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!)

“I-... Thank you? Sorry if you were hoping to find some I guess.” She nervously laughed as she headed for her door. “Goodnight!”

Tenko didn’t open her eyes once she entered that room, relying on muscle memory to reach her bed unimpeded. Anything to keep from seeing things that would make what happened that night harder.

But try as she might, the memories came to plague her all the same. And despite her best efforts, sleep refused to come easily. It was only until after her pillow was soaked from her futile fury and endless replays going over everything she could have done differently to avoid her current reality did it take her.

And it would feel like no time had passed at all when the next morning came, unrested and longing for just one night to allow her to dream and escape this hell on earth. Or wherever it was they were.

Not that the truth would help us any. Even if we were in space, Kaito wouldn’t have wanted it this way.

End of Chapter 3: We Lived and Let Them All Die Young

Surviving Members: 7

[rossmallo]

I'm going to start with the main point of my discussion, as a sort of pre-emptive TLDR. After 12 years of playing, I am now done with Runescape, and Menaphos was the straw that broke the camel's back. It has shown, in no uncertain terms, what the future is going to hold, and it is a future I do not want to pay to be a part of. Jagex needs to learn its limitations, not overwork their employees to the point it results in inferior, sloppy work, and focus on quality over quantity. Because if the current trend of updates continues, I won't be the last to quit over it.

So yeah, that's the TLDR – Be warned, I am going to go into total ramble / Purple Prose mode here, because this has been on my mind for a while and I just want to process it by getting it out in writing.

Runescape has been a game I have had an interesting past with, my interest and liking for it ebbing and flowing as time went on. I've loved it, I've hated it, and everything in between. But, after several things just repeatedly chipping away at me, my faith in the game has now completely evaporated. I want to like the game, I really do, but the truth of the matter is no longer ignorable – The game is floundering, partly in spite of – or possibly due to - Jagex's best intentions to give us as much content as possible, instead of focusing on realistic, achievable goals.

Now, anyone who knows me on the Official Forums will know that I am kind of infamous for being very vocal against microtransaction stuff (Don't click off. This isn't what this is about). This rather touchy subject had worn me down quite a bit, making me eventually feel very cynical and apathetic about the game, eventually causing me to drift away, only logging in once or twice a week to get a few daily things done or check in with people.

Eventually, though, I made a snap decision which caused me to play the game a whole lot more. Skip to about a month ago, and this increased play-time had paid off - I got my Max Cape. I also completed Sliske's Endgame – I used the lamps from that to utterly skip Magic 98-99.

I had wanted to do this to get closure on Runescape. It had devolved from a game I had loved to play, to a game that I only felt I had to... To a game that I felt I had to expunge from my consciousness in order to know peace. Every time I looked at my skills, I knew that Completion Principle would not let me go until I had finished what I had started. I wanted to finish the Sliske Questline and get Maxed, and be done with it all.

However...As I pushed on with the quests, I felt the old embers of love for the game spark back into a flame. The story I had grown up with, the feeling of progress, it all felt right again. And for just a week or so, I felt like there was hope for the game once more. Sure, there was a lot of patchiness with the updates recently, but it was going to get better, right?

...Nope. Menaphos happened, and it made me finally snap awake.

Something I had predicted from the very first day of expansions being announced had shown itself to be very, very true. Allow me to quote myself from back then.

“I'm looking at these expansions, and I'm worried. I'm going to straight up say this: When expansions come, the game is either going to fly, or going to die. There will be no middle ground.

Jagex is suggesting that they can do a normal weekly game update at the same time of doing a huge expansion-style update every three months. No. In their current situation, there is NO way they can do this. That is an unpaid increase in workload that is utterly untenable – Something has to give.”

And give, it did.

Let's not kid ourselves here. Almost all of the updates, from March onwards, have been shoddy, buggy, broken or otherwise substandard. Let's quickly run through them...

March 6th – Lumbridge Crater rework and wardrobe change. Simple graphical update, UI change which had mixed reception.

March 13th – Ninja Updates – Several good QOL updates.

March 20th – Agents of Fury, Runespan reward rework and Arc changes. Another Currency Event, and the cynic in me sees the releasing of the Runecrafter Robes via Runespan as an effective admission that they've given up on Great Orb Project entirely.

March 27th – Luck Rework – An incredibly confusing, ill-explained, convoluted and broken mess of a system that could have been done so, so much better.

April 3rd – Gemstone Dragons. Due to their huge cost for entry, difficulty, lack of justifiably good drops and the bizarre decisions around their slayer level, these were effectively dead on arrival due to bad planning.

April 10th – Easter Quest – This was the point I really began to notice the damage. The quest was as basic as it could possibly get, with no new graphics, no new areas or music, and effectively all done through text boxes and bare-bone fetchquests. The event looked like a project that had to be done for Monday morning but was only started on Sunday night, and just stunk of laziness and cost-cutting. Needless to say, the “They're working on Menaphos!!!1” people were out in full force this time. I'll get back to that later.

April 18th – The new Achievement system. A rework of a system nobody needed reworking, turning it into a broken, rickety, barely-functioning pile of warped coding that caused far more problems than it solved. This was a mess, pure and simple.

April 24th – The Spring Fayre - When I was complaining about the Easter event, I was usually shot down and told that this would be the actual Easter event. Interestingly, those people got very, VERY quiet when we saw what this actually was. Without wanting to go too far into detail, this was a carnival of MTX greed the likes of which we had never seen, with a massive air of open contempt wafting over the whole thing, due to unfairly balanced reward systems heavily weighted towards spending money. This was eventually improved somewhat, but the initial damage was just...staggering.

May 2nd – Shattered Worlds - This was an update I had been waiting for for years, and initially, it looked like this was something that made up for a lot of the pain the players had endured...But it soon became apparent that this was a terribly-balanced mess which is still very much not worth playing. Disillusionment set in very high for me here.

May 8th – Gilenorian Giving – Charity or no, this was still a Currency Event.

May 15th – Skyboxes. A lightweight update that effectively boiled down to giving us admin commands for changing skyboxes, but it was still pretty nice.

May 22nd – Patch notes, followed by a week of no update, presumably to polish Menaphos.

So all in all, we saw a massive downswing in the quality of updates, ranging from average at best to unusable or contemptuous at worst. But every single time anyone tried to complain, an echoing cry would be heard all through the forums and on Reddit.

“They're working on Menaphos! They have to direct resources from other areas to get Menaphos done! Menaphos will make this all worth it!”

Uh huh...Right. Here's the thing. Jagex has worked on big projects before. Prifddinas. Summoning. Dimension of Disaster. Mzcab. All of these are far bigger projects than this. But none of those crippled the quality of their weekly releases like Menaphos did. None of them ever needed to siphon resources like Menaphos apparently did. They allowed themselves the time to make big, intricate updates, while going along with smaller, more manageable projects. They didn't try to work on multiple big things at once. For instance, I get the feeling that if they shelved Shattered Worlds and the Achievement rework and done some smaller, more feasible updates, they would have been more able to work on Menaphos, to bring it up to a decent standard. But no - They tried to do a bunch of big projects at once, and, well, we can see the results.

Now, admittedly, the resource-siphoning may have been necessary this time...But even if it is, it's entirely Jagex's fault. They are the ones who put this demand upon themselves. If they couldn't hack it, they shouldn't have made that promise. Nobody was asking them to stretch themselves as thin as they did (Hell, the whole reason the poll went the way it did was because we wanted bigger, more polished, less rushed updates). But they did, and as a result the game suffered, and the players suffered. Call me a jerk if you want, but I feel that even if Menaphos was good, we shouldn't just brush all that under the carpet.

But in the end, we manage to get into Menaphos, and after all the bluster and hype, after all the poor updates justified by its very existence, what do we get?

A rainbow reflected in a puddle. Wonderful to look at, but when you get close and actually step inside, you find it's as shallow as it gets.

Menaphos has, when you get down to it, maybe about the same amount of utility as Falador. MAYBE Ardougne if you want to be generous. The only particularly interesting / noteworthy things added with the update – The Slayer Dungeon and Slayer Pyramid - aren't even in Menaphos themselves. Other than that, it's more than a little basic, and other than the appearances, doesn't really do much to actually set itself apart from other cities.

Well, I'm being unfair – I should have said “The only particularly interesting/noteworthy long-term pieces of content”. Because there IS interesting short-term, one-time-only content - four new quests!

…

...Yep, I'm bringing it up. The rep grind. For the uninitiated, in order to actually access the quests there, you need to do an arbitrary reputation grind. The only way to do this is by skilling on the below-average skill plots there. For hours. Some estimates put it at somewhere between 30-50 hours. I know this has been improved with the various patches...But let's face it, if someone's forcing you to eat a turd, but out of the “kindness of their heart” they cut some of it off and dispose of it, you're still having to eat it, you just need to eat less. A vast majority of people don't want to in the first place.

Because most of us can see what this boils down to. The needless rep-grind, the fact there's a passive EXP buff there, and the darkly hilarious Currency Event they have put in there as of this week...To me, it points to two things, clear as day.

Padding, and Desperation.

Rather than making the city somewhere we want to be, with interesting, engaging activities and sights, we are effectively being forced to be there in order to “enjoy” the city, to endure subpar exp, and to engage in constant, tedious grind in order to get to do the quests. No other city has had this treatment - New / Overhauled cities were allowed to just exist, and prove their own worth. All that will be achieved by forcing people to stay in a city when they could be doing other things, is simply breed enormous amounts of contempt.

Because look, you can argue that you are “Forced” to get levels in skills you don't want to for quests sometimes. You can argue you're “Forced” to get combat levels up to get to certain places. Yes, you are. But you can go about it in any way you want. You can go to all sorts of different locations to train skills. You have lots of options on how to train most of them. But with Menaphos, you ARE forced to do things as they want you to. Unless you want to go completely insane by doing bankstanding skills and getting tiny bits of rep, you are effectively stuck looking at a tree you're continually cutting until the game finally says you can do what you want, because they don't want you finishing the content you want and then moving on. To me, this whole combination of things totals up to one thing.

“Spend as much time as you possibly can in the new city. Justify the time it took us, the developers, to design. It doesn't matter how much you're enjoying it, just so long as it looks populated so we can say it's a job well done.

Because you're going to skill in Menaphos and appreciate every last crack in the pavement we textured, dammit.”

And I look at all of this, this sun bleached, shining city of cardboard, and think to myself - “This is going to keep happening. Weak, shallow expansions backed up by shoddy weekly updates. This is not going to get better. They're committed to this business model now, and backing out will damage them even worse. This is how things are now.”

I'm done.

I can't keep this up any more. If this is the normal standard of the updates now, I cannot justify paying for this any longer.

I have enough money for a few bonds. Perhaps several years in the future, I may check back in to see what's going on in the game, assuming the game is still running, and is still recognizable. Because I hate being a cynic, but...The way that this is going, if the quality of updates continues along these lines, and the depravity of the investors continues to balloon like it has been...I don't know how much longer RS will last.

…

I want to finish this ramble fest on a more positive note.

Runescape has changed my life for the better. I could honestly argue it's saved my life. I still remember back when my friends in school were talking about Shilo Village like it was the promised land. I fondly recall my first ever month when I was a Member – I distinctly remember exploring the Gnome Stronghold, getting a full set of the light blue robes and being surprised by the impressive-at-the-time Magic Trees. Hell, I even feel a slight twinge of twisted, bitter-sweet mirth at the fact that I got hacked very early on in my RS lifetime, and deemed too worthless to even get my password changed. (My only indication I'd been hacked was that I was in Falador without my 11k GP on my next login.)

It was a game that I took solace in. I live in a rather remote area of England – As I graduated, the amount of friends I had evaporated – all moving away from this place, looking for better places to go. I was very soon left with nobody but the people I met online. I am proud to admit that one of the best friends I have ever made, I know from Runescape. It's kind of staggering that if I hadn't been making Body Tiaras at the time I was, I would never have got to know him. Runescape was the rock upon which I managed to cling to, to help me keep my life in order, when everything else seemed to not make any sense.

This is honestly a reason why I get so utterly agitated about all that is going wrong with the game lately. It feels...almost disrespectful, the way that the game is just being defiled, broken and twisted the way it is now. Like watching some community club building from your childhood become ruined and dilapidated.

So...That's why I'm opting to quit now, as opposed to waiting for my membership to run out. I want to leave while I still have some respect for the game, and before the memories I have of the game become permanently tainted.

If there is indeed anyone that's still reading...Thank you for that. I know that this is just me letting out one final yell before I turn my back on this, but...I just wanted to speak from the heart for a while, about the game that I used to love – and on some level, still do. I understand if you feel my reasoning is flawed, and I don't mind if you want to tear me down about it. I know this could probably be an unpopular opinion.

I'll probably still lurk on Reddit and the forums here and there, but nowhere near as much as I used to.

To all the people who have better tolerance and restraint than I do, I hope Runescape improves for you once more. I hope with everything I have that the next expansion actually does live up to expectations this time. You deserve better than what you're getting.

[halleywars]

no breaks no readmore

Introduction

There were balls everywhere.  Many myths have been spun about god, but i am the chronicler, and i am here to dispel all bullshit creation stories once and for all. The story you are about to hear is not myth, however if it is easier for your feeble mind to take as such then so be it. Before all else, before women, before the earth and time and space, god created man , and to mankind he gave balls. To each man a flaw, and to each man a ball. Within these balls god gave each man what it took to become more god like, a key to unlocking his true potential. If you are of a foolish type you may be thinking that the balls are a metaphor for something more like a way of thinking, but i assure you the meaning is quite literal. These balls were dubbed the "element balls" and their manifestation in your world is quite physical. The truth behind the disappearance of your balls is the tale i spin today. This tale begins with a man following his own dreams, who would set into motion a chain of events that would fart in the face of the world. This is the tale, of the element balls.

           The desert sun beat down on steven universe, the earth red and fucked surrounded him. It was the year 2048, and steven was pissed. He was quick to crack wise and his face showed it, however people did not put up with this shit on account of him being 50. Nowadays steven stuck mostly to his job as an archeologist. He tapped the fingerprint scanner on his space watch and the robot hologram on it informed him was almost 8 in egypt time, which was where he was at, egypt. He was digging in egypt, doing archeologist stuff, is what im trying to get across, also its the future. Steven looked up from his space watch to a lanky man standing above his dig site. The man stunk of cum and checkers hamburgers, his white and gold suit reflecting off the sun like something really bright white and gold. The man had a shit eating grin on his face as he chomped a big cigar like it was a gay dick that he was suckin'.

"Steven you cocksucker, its almost 8 o clock in egypt time! You really need to pack up your shit and hit the road, when it gets dark the giant scorpions come out."

           Steven wiped the sweat off his brow and chuckled to himself while shaking his head. He continued digging as if he hadnt heard a word.

           The suited man was pissed. "Steven you got egypt dirt in your ears? Did you perhaps forget im the money behind this trip? and i didnt pay millions of dollars to get a top archeologist out here in egypt so he can find nothing for three days and then get killed and buttfucked by giant desert scorpions? "

           Steven chuckled and graced the angry man a response, "You wouldnt know shit about passion Lars, youve never worked a day in your life. Look bakery tits.. im not out here jerkin off... im gettin close to finding some info on those damned balls... i can feel it in my gut."

           Lars was pissed because of the backtalk, but he knew what to expect from steven. He lit a cig, gayly. He had hired steven because he was a master of archeology, the backtalk was to be expected of someone who was the master of his craft. But Lars knew if anyone could dig up some information on the balls, it was steven. Lars looked back down at Steven and tightened his fancy white gloves. He held up one finger.

           "Youve got until 1 o clock, any later and ill have the boys come out here and drag your ass out of the dirt. we clear?"

           Steven hadnt taken his eyes off his work. "crystal" he shouted to the gay millionaire as he continued digging.

           Lars noded his head and flicked his cig on the hot egypt dirt, it burst into flames. He whistled for his hoverboard and it flew over to him, Lars hopped on and flew away, leaving steven to continue his work in peace.

A Discovery

The sun was setting, and with it the insanity of Lars sprung forward.  He took off the mask and looked for a long time in the mirror- at the scars.  That day.  That day when Ocean Smith burned it to the ground.  I’ll never forget that day.  Lars slammed his fist onto the counter top and screamed with rage.  His bones, indeed his very existence was rattled.  After some time he remembered.  I’m bitter again.  I’m angry again.  Then he remembered his medication.  He lit up the obama kush and inhaled deeply, feeling the tension evaporate off of his body.  He had a curious mental condition indeed.  A single thought warped his mind and sent him into a state of being not unlike that of a raging bull.  

Chill dubstep was playing.  He layed back onto the couch with the back of his neck curved around the top of the couch cusion, just staring.  Thinking.  About her.  She was an angel.

Steven universe was toiling in the black of night with only a torch.  These transcriptions are fucked up!  I need to decode… ah yes.  The emerald tablets of Thoth springing into being from the angelic horsemen?  The….balls….into existence from the….source?  What source?  Lets read further into this mystery.  The archaic….tomb of Xerxes….Ramses trine to the seventh equinox….on the first of May?  Ah!  And with these thoughts he realized it.  He must go to the tomb of Xerxes to retreive the key, and then to the tomb of Ramses to put it in the lock!  Then the mystery will be revealed.  

Connie Maheswaran was eating grapefruit.  Her house was luxurious, yet barren.  Cold stones.  She liked the stark reality of the stones.  Jean Michel Jarre was playing on the speakers nearby.  Connie’s eyes were closed, and she was in another world.  Then the phone rang.  It was Steven.  

“Yo”

“Connie, you need to come to Egypt, right this minute.”

“Bro.  I’m tryin to chill here.  I was about to snort some Zaka.”

“Zaka is about as useless at this time as poop!”

“What’s all the racket?”

“The element balls…. I know how to get the element balls.”

“Still believe in the mystery school teachings?  Come now.”

“The plane is paid for, my friend.”

“Well…. Money’s not an issue for me, but fuck it.  I’ll snort a double and be there on the double.”

“Cya pal.”

“Cya.”

Connie was looking out the window, Arkansas below.  Ah, the Ozarks.  If only I had a log cabin out there.  The lady beside Connie was eying her sternly.  

“Are you on something?”

Connie looked her in the eye until she quickly turned her head in the other direction.  That’s more like it, fat bitch.  

Connie farted hard.  Then the plane came to a halt.  The fatass held her nose and Connie sneered.  Hope the vacation’s fun, retard!  Steven greeted her as she exited the plane.  Before leaving, she waves bye to the pilot, who she gave some speed so he could stay awake.  

Lapis Lazuli was in a hot tub.  Smoking a joint, snorting zaka.  I am so high.

Zaka

Lapis’ iPhone 4k rose out of the hot tub and started spinning. Lapis was pissed. She shouted.

“Siri who the fuck is disturbing me at this hour?”

“It is steven universe master”

Lapis raised an eyebrow

“Not a fucking prank i hope, if this is some mindless bullshit ill fly over there and shove my boot up his ass.”

“It appears to be urgent master”

“Shut the fuck up and put me on the phone with him robot voice.”

The phone flashed millions of different colors before displaying a hologram of steven universe, flashing his balls.

“You proud of those? They're about to be hung on my wall shrimp dick.”

The cackling of a hyena could be heard from the phone, but Lapis stayed stone faced and silent. The hologram spoke

“Long time no see Lapis”

“I’m assuming you called for more than to show off your shitty old balls?”

“You assumed right”

“This wouldn't have anything to do with those damned element balls you’ve been going on and on about would it?”

“I’m nearer than I’ve ever been. I need your help. Were on our way to Xerxes tomb.”

“I’m not much of an archeologist Steven.”

“This is big Lapis, I have a feeling whatever happens in the next 48 hours, you’re gonna wanna see first-hand.”

Lapis shook her head and sighed.

“I assume you’re on your way over here then. Fuck!  You payin’ my way?!”

Bromos

“You’ve got the money!”

“Spent it all on Bromos.”

“Fine.  Yup.”

“That’s more like it.”

Lapis ended the call and sunk back into the water with cool contemplation.  

The three hoodlums were finally together again after long, long years.  And they weren’t happy.  They all went their own neurotic loner ways over the years, Connie always loved tracking what the government was up to, Lapis loved cool meditation and Bromos, and of course Steven was the obsessed one, the one who delved in research. They were all seated around a pretentious fire with spoiled faces.  Connie simply stated, “I’m gettin’ bored here where are the balls of power?”  

“I called you two here to ask for you assistance with possibly…. Dangerous ruins.”

“Mummies?”

“Very possibly.”

Connie leaned back into her lawn chair and sneered.  A skeptic at heart indeed.  Lapis was not amused.  She was craving bromos.  

“Remember that gay town on the east coast?!” Announced Lapis.

Steven replied, “Oh, yep.  That was the dumbest town I’ve even seen in my life.  What a gay selection of things to do.”

“Beach… City… Beach City… horrible ass place.”

“Oh I know.”

Lapis spoke, “What must we do to find the element balls?  I would like to taste of them.”  

“We must go to the Tomb of Xerxes to find the key.  What this key is, I cannot say.  I will have to read the transcriptions at the site.”

“And of Lars Barriga?”

“He’ll never find us again, that idiot.”

“Good, he’s a nuisance.”

Connie spoke up, “I don’t trust him.  Don’t consider him merely a weakling.  What if he’s hiding something?  He walks with the air of chaos.”

Steven replied, “True, but we could kick his ass.”

“To that, my friend, a line of Zaka.”

A uniform AYE! Sounded between the group.  

Three lines were laid out, and Connie became all the rage.  Lapis became a mastermind of the void.  Steven went crazy and kept on smacking himself on the ass.  The three of them were violent, and farting at that.  The three of them formed a sort of united dance.  Waving, heaving, jumping, farting.  Yelling, vomiting, flashing lights from the distant night formed in their vision.  Their minds were like fireworks- the zaka was working.  

It was the next morning.  The sun seared the optic nerves of Lapis when she opened her eyes.  She spit the sand from her mouth.  Collapsed, still exhausted, and very thirsty.  And also, unpleasantly surprised.  His friends were missing.

“What in the fuck!”

Lapis’ mouth felt all the more like cotton when she spoke.  She started to panic.  It was just her now, him and the depressing, impractical ruins.  Lapis was the practical sort- not particularly fond of jokes unless it meant making sport of another being.  She started to truly panic, and felt a lump start to swell up in her throat, a lump that massaged the sand into his throat.  

Egypt

Lapis looked up to see a devious grin spread across Steven’s face

 “Still got bromos on the mind Lapis? Welcome back to the land of the living.”

 “How long was I out?”

 “All of last night and well... Its eight thirty at night now, didn’t know you of all people couldn’t handle your bromos”

 Connie spoke up “that’s what you get for mixing your bromos with zaka. You shoulda known better”

 Steven nodded in agreement, “yes bromos and zaka… the bromonium ions in the bromos binded to the tert butyl carbons in your blood stream. Mix that with the high levels of selenium in the zaka and…”

 Lapis cut him off, once Steven got on a tangent he became more annoying than a school teacher named mrs scroggs. Fuck you ms scroggs im glad youre in jail you fucking moron pedo fucking dumb ass

 “So then were at the tomb of xerxes correct?”

 “Something like that, this is what’s open to the public, the true tomb is underneath”

 Lapis raised an eyebrow, “underneath?”

 Steven coolly smiled and instructed Connie to move away from the golden statue of xerxes she was leaning on.

 “Observe”

 Steven dusted off the statues dong area to reveal a golden dick. He jacked it off and sperm shot out of it onto Lapis’ face. Lapis was not amused. Suddenly the ruins started to shake and the floor spread open beneath them. Lapis slipped on the cum and fell on her ass.

 “As if the hangover wasn’t bad enough!”

 A laugh track played. The floor opened to reveal a set of stairs down a deep dark passage way.

 “This way ladies” Steven squawked in his gay ass voice. He lit a torch with his vape pen and they headed down the tunnel. Steven looked back at Lapis and stopped, smiling.

 “What?” Lapis inquired

 “Like that?”

 “Like what??”

 “Xerxes ruins cum in your face”

 Lapis delivered a quick blow to Steven’s face but Steven dodged it, laughing and dancing away down the stairs like some kind of fucked up jester. Anyways it was a long passageway, really long, nothing really happened on the way there. Anyways they got to the bottom and it was like, a egypt tomb. Hiro gliffs on the wall.

 “Hmm…” Steven inspected the hiro gliffs

 “These Egypt writings are telling me where the key is, everyone wait back there, and watch my back for mummies or something”

Lars and Jamie

Lapis, Connie and Steven woke up at about the same time in a dim torch-lit room in the tomb.  Sleeping gas?  They each thought of this as they rubbed their eyes, slightly bewildered.  Then they writhed.  With their hands tied behind them, and their legs wrapped with strong ropes, it seemed as if decisions were impotent.  

Their timely plateau of panic was greeted by two gentlemen coming onto the scene.  Steven could make out Lars, but not the other person.  

“Hello Steven.  Since you did not obey me, after I provided you with an opportunity to wet your scholarly appetite with translation, it would seem as though you’ve gotten yourself into a mess.  Your role is not of your choosing.  The time of so called “freedom”, “freewill”, and “staking your claim” is over.  Humanity is advancing into the role of guardians, and leaving the previous title of beast behind.  No longer do we compete!  No longer are we individuals!  Now we become us.  The united.  The one.  Success is not real without contrast against other individuals.  So this artificial and bloated man-made concept must be destroyed.  So, any last words?  Have you read the beloved, ‘A Cask of Amontillado’ from ages ago?”

Steven simply answered, “Do what you must, you fool.”

“Why, I am simply shattered.  What cold words.  I must insist however; it is time for action.”

With that Lars and the other man started sealing Connie, Lapis, and Steven in the small room with bricks.  Lapis decided to comment to the other man.

“You are Jamie, are you not?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“I remember your theatre performance in Beach City.  It really was retarded.”

Jamie was shaking with rage.  He was brutally insulted, and as a result, accidentally knocked some bricks off the wall being built.  Lars slapped him.  Lars removed his mask and pressed his charred forehead against Jamie’s, staring him in the eye.  Jamie was tearing up.

“You see my face?  You are so stupid.”

Jamie was sobbing and screaming.  His legs were shaking.  And, in this amount of time Connie was able to free herself.  She stared them both in the eye.  She told them to fuck off.

Lars started sprinting, but Jamie was so shaky that he fell to the ground and started sobbing uncontrollably.  Connie knocked down the bricks and started beating on Jamie’s face until he was unrecognizable.  

Connie, Lapis and Steven were all aboard the Hawk, their space ship.  Hawk was custom built and very fast.  Jamie walked in the main hall from his healing tank.  The threesome looked him over and said, almost at once, “What in the fuck?!”  Jamie looked like a barbarian.  He had to apologize.  He told them that nobody ever gave him what he really needed in life, and asked if he could be the cook aboard the Hawk.  

“Fine” said Connie.  “As long as you do push-ups every day, and eat ghost peppers to keep the inner pussy in line.”

“Will do.”

Vengeance and Spirits

Connie and Lapis, high, retired to the “drunk tank” as they liked to joke about, were pissed off.  The subject matter- the key that Lars has in his possession.  Their faces somber and drunk, Lapis broke the silence.

“It’s simple really.  We show up at his mansion and stomp his gay ass into the dirt.”

“Hmm.”

“Eh?”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking Steven?!”

“Come now, I’m the brains here.”

“That is off subject, but go ahead and ask what I’m thinking.”

“Eh?”

“I’m thinking we put steroids into Jamie.  And, I’m thinking we get him to hate stomp Lars.”

“Ohoho!”

“Hehehehehehehe!”

Both of them rubbed their hands together, took two shots and lit a cig in that order.  When they entered the main hall, they noticed Steven schooling Jamie in philosophy.  “I’ve never heard a man drool that much.” proclaimed Connie.  “Seen a man drool?”  “No, his face is shaped fucked up from where I beat his ass.  You can hear it slurp out like pouring water from a jug.”  Steven slapped Jamie.  And he proclaimed-

“I guess you don’t wanna be the cook, eh?”

“N-no.  I mean yes.  I do.”

Steven snapped his fingers together.  “Ah!”  Connie produced a ghost pepper.  Jamie started twitching in anticipation.  Connie was grinning, zooming slowly the pepper closer and closer to Jamie’s mouth, as he started to tear up.  “It’s a plane!  Open up, lad!”  Connie started to laugh.  Jamie held his mouth open like it was about to receive cock, but unfortunately for him this is bigger than any he’s ever encountered.  The plane landed.  

But it was a rough landing.  Jamie was convulsing, crying.  Snot exploded out of his face.  The pressure blower was applied to remove the biological matter.  Jamie is a fuckin fag.  Steven spoke up-

“I thought you WANTED this chance.  This chance- to be a part our team.  Or maybe you didn’t know what you were getting into, boy.  You still have some demons inside of you, eh?  Either we wipe those out- the hard way- or you take care of them yourself much easier.  We’ll even allow you to dip your feet in the water before you get in so to speak.”

Connie crammed another pepper down.  At this point the lad looked like a fuckin’ frog.  He even stopped making noise.  I guess the threesome know a good pacifier, eh?  Well that’s funny, a pepper pacifier to prevent pepper noise, but he talks to much anyway.”  

It was morning, and the third day of Jamie’s training.  His alarm clock?  Need I say anything but the fact that he was an utter frog?  But he was getting used to it- and he was gaining muscle since he was wearing an anabolic oxygen gas mask while he was designated to work out his shoulders for five hours.  He was big, simple as that.  Lapis gave him the look.

“You’re ready boy.”

“For what?”

“To beat Lars’s ass.”

“Ah.  Will do.”

You see, normally Jamie would cry at that point- but the threesome also administered scolopomine for heightened suggestibility from Jamie.  He was their thrall.  Needless to say, he wasn’t ball material.  Well, that’s a bit hasty- the threesome hasn’t got any balls yet.  But Jamie’s got negative two balls.  

“Colloso” from the Golden Sun soundtrack starts playing(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbOVd642FJo).  The Hawk landed on top of Lars’s mansion.  Laser beams commenced attack, but the hawk was too strong.  Before two minutes were up, all of the puny soldiers were bleeds.  Jamie was screaming- this time his pitch was UNDER 2000 hz.  More like one.  He was all hyped up on steroids, and jumped on Lars, flailing his arms and turning his already burnt face into a shit face.  All while the threesome aboard were getting the same treatment- in a different way.  They used a giant electromagnet to pull the key aboard from Lars’ pocket.  Oops!  It was in his back pocket.  Tore a hole in the poor bastards gut.  He was finished anyway.  The ship left behind the two freaks.  There was a vibe of, “I take my leave” in the air.  The last the threesome saw was Jamie…. fucking Lars.  What an ordeal.

We Can’t Believe the Psyche of Some Human Beings!

So now the threesome were telling jokes about Jamie fuckin’.  It’s the seventh of May.  Time for Ramses tomb.  Can we skip all the, you know…. drugs- let’s fast forward to the tomb.  

In the burial chamber.  Long story short, Greg was inside of the coffin, unconscious.  “What the fuck?!”  They cast him aside.  The keyhole- sorry, my consciousness is simple because I’m in character with the threesome, who are all intensely wasted.  The keyhole and the key.  Turn.  Bright.  Shimmering lights.  Colors flashing in the face.  The ball, in all of its glory.  Lazuli addressed Steven-

“You did the translation.  It’s for you, friend.”

“Don’t worry, there will be some for all of us eventually!”

“Agreed!”

Steven grabbed the ball as it absorbed into his skin.  He started hovering over the ground.  

Greg Ambassador, and his Apprentice

As the threesome were prodding along on the Hawk, they gazed upon quite the poor spectacle of a space merchant outpost. Steven was curious, the rest said fuck it. The spaceship rocked its way downward onto the platform provided, a spaceship parking lot. The threesome couldn't tell if it was brand new or just unused. The put on their suits, and entered the door to the shop.

They went inside and saw a dorito haired, short, leprechaun resembling woman behind the desk. She looked up and said in amazement- “Ah, customers. This is an engineering shop in case you’re looking to tweak your ship.” Connie and Steven, fans of ships, perked right up. Steven spoke up-

“We are looking to make the Hawk faster, better, and more destructive than all other spaceships.”

“I'll get my boss Greg then.”

An old bearded man with a Beach City tee shirt entered the room. He had a hollow glare and an agape mouth. To break the silence, Greg shouted-

“You want it, I make it! Now what's your offer?”

“We want the most powerful spaceship in the universe.”

“There's only one way to do that.”

“How?”

“You must have an unused element ball.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Ahahaha! Fools! Bring me an element ball and I'll sell ya my soul!”

“Don't give us ideas, now.”

“Lets not joke here. I'm not easily humored. Unless It's Kat Williams, I aint laughing.”

Steven Universe brought an Element Ball out of his pocket. Greg looked like a spooked raccoon, and licked his lips with a certain disbelief. Greg's long white hair was pushed in front of his face by the air conditioning, but when it receded he held an expression of determination.

“It's been a long time.” Greg said.

Steven replied, “You were once known as the inventor of real Bionicles using the balls, you brought automatons to life with the balls, correct?”

“Mmhmm, thats right. But hold on one sec-”

“You must, lest the universe as you know it ceases to exist.”

“As I know it? Go head and press the red button then.”

The Gay Peedee

“Alright Peedee… you can do this… deep breaths…”

Peedee struggled to hold the vape pen to his mouth, his hands were trembling.

“Deep breaths… theres nothing bad about this… nothing bad about this at all…. Its just gonna make me relax… its not illegal… ugh….”

Peedee put the purple dildo shaped contraption to his mouth and pressed the button on the side. He closed his eyes and took a big suck from the vape pen.

“My lungs are on fire!!! Some one help!!!!!!”

Peedee dropped the pen and began crying and coughing intensely. He fell to his knees and started gagging between sobs, he vomited up arbys on the carpet, and onto the vape pen, causing it to shortcircuit. The spark from the pen caught Peedees shirt on fire. In a panic he took off all his clothes and stomped them into the vomit. The door flung open, and Lars appeared.

“What are you doing?”

Chandler stood there in his underwear with boogers running down his nose, silent.

“Piss your pants?”

Chandler looked down, he had indeed, pissed his pants, his white underwear had turned a bright yellow. Chandler drank a lot of soda. He decided to speak up.

“I was… trying to vape….”

Lars raised an eyebrow and made a :I face with his mouth.

“Sorry…. I was trying to relax myself… it made me dissociate… i didnt know what was going on.”

“Its vape dude”

 Strife With KillQuest

“God damn parts.” cursed Steven as his still unrefurbished ship glided forth.  The crew was headed to the planet Azragath to mine some kind of special metal for the remake of the Hawk.  “You sure this Greg figure isn’t some kind of fraud?  Did that even occur to Y’all?  What if he’s chuckling as we speak over this mess we’ve fallen for?” he went on.  But Connie wouldn’t have it.  “I know real when I see it.  He’s an engineer.  He’s got neutral eyes.  Eyes that don’t see what they want to see.  Eyes that see what appears in reality.” she parried.  “Fine.  Guess I’ll have faith.”

As the ship slowly landed, the threesome got a glimpse of the dense jungle below with feelings of elation.  There’s nothing like the sight of a previously unseen alien world to the imagination.  The ambience in their minds ever scintillating.  

As they stepped from the ship, strange noises were heard.  The alien lifeforms around them seemed to gawk.  Then they noticed the men with long beards, five in total.

“What business have you with us?” the oldest looking among them asked in a grounded way.

“We are here for precious metals.” replied Steven.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVNkr6OAads starts playing.

“Well then, you have come to the right planet.  Follow us.”

And so they traveled dirt roads of passion, lined with old stones and garnished by exotic fungi.  The oldest wizard lit a joint and passed it around.  The threesome never remembered being this stoned in their life.  The sun was huge and glimmering.  Their faces were animated.  The wizards weren’t phased, but were reminded of their past.  The threesome was told of the stroke of luck that the wizards experienced as boys, being taken into secret societies in their teenage years to resist the brainwashing of the media.  Then Steven realized that he was being quiet from getting too entrenched in the joint and trance of life, so he asked the oldest wizard a mundane question.

“Hey man, what happens to be your name?”

“Just call me Weedo.  Weedo Beerbeer Fourtwenty to be exact.”

“I’d guess you love beer and weed?”

“Oh bud.”

With that the five wizards chuckled.  Weedo went on and on about the ‘old days’: “I was once naive enough in my youth to believe that one day a generation would come who would not even understand the lyrics to War Pigs. I once believed that peace was attainable, not in my lifetime, but a realistic goal nonetheless. I thought that war would one day be a foreign concept. Time has only spat in my face, proving me wrong time and time again. This, of course, does at least speak for the timeless nature of Black Sabbath. Speakers of truth, and they will continue to be so long after the original line-up has passed from this realm.”, “The Who were prophets. Every four years I'm reminded of ‘meet the new boss, same as the old boss.’ Sadly, what they got wrong was the "won't get fooled again" part!”, “Don't give in to apathy. Don't settle for jack shit. You're a human. You're worth something.”

Eventually the dense overgrowth of insanity parted and made way for an orderly forest of green.  Marijuana plants far and wide, with trichomes apparent from any distance, reflecting the sun’s light.  The wizards looked behind them to glance in our eyes.  They were not surprised to see astonishment.  They won’t fathom the experience they’re about to have thought the wizards.  And so they walked through fields of joy.  It seemed to go on for miles beyond, when another brain-splitting beam of astonishment caught them in a time rift.  A temple was now before them, composed of blue shining rocks, many vertical Athenian grooves, some Japanese influence in various curved side overhangs, apparent Reptilian dome and cone roofing style, Grey alien ordered black windows checkered around the entire sanctum, and grey alien style spindly towers rising from the four farthest corners of the building which, if one averts his gaze up, apparently support a great porch in the clouds.  Connie beheld this porch in astonishment, and requested words of description for it.  One of the wizards simply exclaimed,

“You shall soon find out!”

Turns out the porch was bigger than the threesome thought, for though it appeared as though the towers holding it went straight upwards, they were designed specifically to appear as though they went straight upwards.  These towers actually curved ever so gradually outward, and this porch was positively gargantuan, and blatantly in outer space.  This porch is where the wizards go to smoke DMT.

When the DMT is smoked on the ground, the soul is taken to the center of the earth where clusters of souls old and young kindle in communion.  When the DMT is smoked in outer space, one goes into a terrifically fast orbit around the earth, creating a charge in the body once bursts of spiritual energy catch up to the body and pierce through.  The body is charged.  The mind is on fire.  The soul is in “freefall”, but never makes it.  This trip lasts five days.

The threesome were transported to this porch in magnet boots and gas suits.  The time was near.  Once they felt ready- the DMT would be circulated in their space suits.  They looked around and noticed the ambient blue, the darkness of space, and the feeling of helium flesh.  They were ready.

Lapis’s Trip

Like glass, the image of the world shattered into hundreds of shards of glass, then into thousands of speckled stars, then into dust.  Beyond reality, lay before her a castle of granite.  Torch sconces lit with bizarre flames illuminated many goblins.  The goblins were dancing and jumping, and their necks stretched and snapped back into place at a rhythmic pace.  Lapis was swallowing over and over again bizarre psychedelic fluids.  Her body was a soup, no, light.  Her ululations were becoming to the goblins.  Intrigued, they snapped themselves into place beside her, and started doing some sort of violent dance that made her euphorically cackle.  Her mind afire, she joined the dance.  She realized now that she was a God.  She took pain to create objects with her mind.  She kneeled into a ritualistic surf, and pulled suddenly a plasma sword from her throat.  The bolt of energy protruding from the hilt waved like a snake.  Lapis shouted like a warrior and stabbed the sky with her sword.  A bolt of energy went into the atmosphere and broke it into glass shards once again.  This time she was in the clouds, though clouds made with the divine, not base matter.  What these clouds and air were made of was some sort of pure mathematics and infinity.  Continuous, lacking discrete particles whatsoever.  The Creator’s head sprang from the infinite reality of the moment onto the scene.  In a single instant she flew information into Lapis’s brain.  

Connie’s Trip

A pause.  Then, suddenly, a dim screaming.  It was the sound of humans in apathy.  The chorus seemed to grow in both number and amplification.  The chorus was growing.  Once she heard strange interferences in the noise, rapidly changing and screaming in their own right, becoming in and of themselves entities, Connie crouched toward the ground.  Oh pain!  Give me pain so that I may learn!  Then the noise ceased so abruptly that the comfort was almost painful.  The cessation of noise was like the pain of a terrible orgasm, so intense and ear splitting that it causes apathy not through circumstance, but from an absolute perspective.  Now she fell gently and slowly, an opiate.  She could not see, nor hear, nor formulate a woman holding her, but she was.  She was a goddess.  Her consciousness ran towards the flesh of her tits.  It was a delight, and all of her being was pounding through its limits, transcending to kiss her own soul.  She was blue colored.  She smiled as Connie’s eyes met hers.  Her gentle womanhood turned into a determined, noble soul and she advanced.  The moment touched upon eternity.  Connie reached and grabbed her shoulder, and at this moment she looked her in the eye like a confused rodent.  This Connie adored.  “A poem first, my love.”

“Ah!  Mmmm.  Oh yeah baby!”

“What spheres, sisters of the moon, pull the tides of the soul?

What red dab indicated a violent tug from God’s brush?

Her eyes that do lull,

Her lips that so hush.

What mass of detail defiantly reached after her soul in sleep?

What domes of lust turn pink with ale?

Her hair that makes me weep,

Her cheeks that sacred burial mounds in comparison doth pale.

What meek little shape of flesh picks up the vibe?

What tender enunciation against the starry night?

Her nose that probes a gentle bribe,

Her neck that rises to tame my fight.

What globes hang from a mighty purse nailed to a wall of delight?

What poundcake quivers at the brush of my callused, evil hands?

Her breasts that caused my soul a light,

Her belly the great beast that shakes these lands.  

I am but a fool compared to thee!”

With that they began violent sex.  The whites of her eyes showed to her that eternity poured into her mind, through her stomach, through her eventually.  She too began to look like a righteous zombie.  Connie, out of breath, struggled to get out these words- “A poem to sex!-

The destruction of the earth is at hand!

A beam of light splits my mind in half!!

I am now righteous as your soul brings my body to sleep!!!

Cursed be nothingness!!!!

A light brings my brain...into...power!!!!!

I am Zablewgonad!!!!!!”

Connie started screaming.  From her mouth, shockingly, arose the chorus of apathy heard earlier.  But now it was welcomed.  This time it was louder than reality, and brought her utter bliss.  Infinity was at hand.  Suddenly her heart sank.  She was being ripped away by reality.  She exclaimed, “Come back for me!!!!!!”

“I shall fuck you again!!!!!!  Harder!!!!!!”

Steven’s Trip

Machines.  Machines everywhere.  Is this a dream?  Suddenly a robot jumped into him.  Steven was frightened.  He was not controlling his body.  Suddenly the scene of the great porch passed onto the right of him as the real Steven turned around.  He was on the computer the whole time?  Then who IS Steven?  “He” scrambled around the room, fearful and sobbing.  Suddenly the advanced computer room passed onto the right of him as he turned from the magnetic resonance brain signal interpreter.  Steven was screaming.  The scream destroyed reality, and his- soul he guesses- God knows what the hell anything means anymore- tumbled forward in a space that wasn’t space.  Then this space spiraled into a mathematical point and inverted itself into the inverse world.  He then sprang into reality, yet everything was reversed.  

Connie got punched in the face by a cyborg.  While she was seeing stars, and while Steven and Lapis were seeing empathic stars, the cyborg proclaimed, “I am Killquest, pleased to meet you.”  KIllquest was approximately seven feet tall with a slight resemblance to the “Somewhere in Space” Edward, the Steel Maiden mascot- only meaner.  As he looked steven in the eye in anticipation for a response, it was if his bionic eyebrow was raised.  Then weedo sternly spoke up.

“What has happened while I was gone?!”

“None of your business old fart.”

“I guess you could say I’m proud of my old age; you see, half of you hasn’t even lasted, and how old might you be?  Scarcely any older than forty, and you won’t last the rest of the night if you continue to compromise the safety of my colleagues.”

“You best hold your tongue you stale old Munchoe.  Do you know who I am?”

“Yes.  An immature and rambunctious fool.”

“Guess again.”

“A naive and annoying pest.”

“Wrong.  I am Killquest.  And I am here to kill you.”

“Who sent you?”

“Admiral Bloodborn.”

“Well he must not care about you.”

With that, weedo started casting telepathy spells at the cyborg.  It was a strange experience for Weedo to overpower the mechanical side of his enemy using only the biological.  Is Killquest’s brain also part robot?  To this Weedo was certain.  Weedo started sending messages of sadness, depression, and doubt into Killquest.

I am a big idiot!  What am I doing on this planet all by myself!  This wizard is too powerful for me!  BEWARE OF MALFUNCTION.  COMPUTE.  FIND LIMITS IN THE TARGET.  Computation is growing too difficult for me!  I used to get bullied in school!  THOSE DAYS ARE GONE.  FOCUS NOW.  OBEY ADMIRAL BLOODBORN.  Why does Admiral Bloodborn treat me like a dog?  Am I only a slave to him?!  ONLY A LITTLE LONGER AND YOU CAN PLEASE ADMIRAL BLOODBORN INTO COMPLACENCY.  THEN STRIKE HIM WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT AND TAKE HIS ELEMENT BALLS TO HEAL YOUR BODY.

In reading the robotic thoughts, Weedo got a cunning idea.  But this spell would be difficult.  In essence, Weedo would have to send whole memories into Killquest’s head of him killing the entire party and completing his mission.  Killquest would then perhaps kill Admiral Bloodborn.  Weedo did so, but the spell was so powerful that he remotely ejaculated upon its completion.  

 Powerful Lust

Weedo was in his study.  He smelled fresh weed, then he remembered he was smoking weed.  He remembered an article from earlier that morning.  “Government declares weed has no medicinal value yet again. Suck my dick!” he said aloud to himself.  “You give someone more time than they give you? Why? Whatever hole is in your life, those people sure as fuck ain't gonna fill it. Shit on them!  Stop waiting for something to happen! Cut out all the pieces of shit who are sucking you dry…  It's called give and take. Some people only TAKE. So tell them to fuck off!  It wasn't until I split with my first wife that I realized Led Zeppelin II is more than just one of the hottest batches of thick, sexy blues rock put to record. It's a concept album. Hear me out, lovers of all things rock - the prevailing theme throughout each track is being a fucking man and making your own way. Not depending on anything or anyone for your happiness except your goddamn self. Some two-timing gal broke your heart? You let it happen, bud. You keep on ramblin'. Through times both good and bad, you gotta keep searching. Searching for love, happiness, prosperity, knowledge - Zep were seekers. They might have sold their souls to black magic and heroin in the end, but in their fresh days they were wide-eyed lads with an insatiable hunger. They set out to take over the world, and they fucking did it.  Some people cry and some people die by the wicked ways of love…” Weedo continued, to himself.  He didn’t know that Connie was listening.  Weedo turned to her, alarmed.  Connie quickly said, “No worries bud.  I feel your pain.”  

“Hmm.”

“I just came to request apprenticeship on the ways of your psychic ability”

Weedo paused.

“Answer exactly as your gut would have it.”

“You just said it.”

“What?”

“You just learned the ways of magic.  You just need a way of polishing…”

“Forgive me.  I simply don’t ‘get it’”

“Simply get it!  Just… ah um.”

Connie slapped herself in the head.  Her first lesson began.

Peedee gets a dildo

Lars straightened his tie.

 “Peedee, I need you to run some numbers for me”

 “What is it sir?”

 “The element ball, the ones those men procured, how far has it traveled?”

 Peedees fingers typed like, uh, like a race horse.

 “Lars… it appears their ship… well… no this cant be right….”

 “Out with it you fucking cock sucker bitch”

 Peedee turned the his computer monitor to show Lars. A puzzled look came across Lars’ face. He cleaned his glasses on his shirt and took a closer look, as if he couldnt believe what he was seeing.

 “I cant believe what im seeing!”

 “Me neither Dr. Lars… it is… perplexing…”

 “This much be a glitch… Peedee have you defragmented the solid state magnets?”

“Of course sir… like i do every morning… i even took apart and cleaned out the dust inside the cyber cube battery.”

 “Wow really? … then theres no way this can be wrong….”

 “I keep refreshing the page and it stays the same.”

 “If what were reading is true….then their spaceship is…. Right above us?”

 “That appears to be correct… let me see if turning the computer on and off again fixes it”

 Lars scratched his chin and walked to the window. Frustrated, he opened the window and took a look outside, finding it hard to believe the element ball could be right over his head. As he craned his neck out the window, the spaceship crashed into Peedees office, ramming itself right up his ass. Connie stepped out of the ship, element ball in one hand, laser gun in the other.

 “Looking for this? :y”

 Lars was furious, and Peedee was screaming in pain.

 “You fools would be smart to turn over what doesnt belong to you!”

 “Ok”

 With that, Connie threw the ball really hard and hit Lars in the nuts.

 “Hows that for element ball lol”

 Lars was doubled over in pain holding his nuts, and Connie took a shit on Lars’ head. Then she shot him.

 “Thatll teach that bastard”

 Connies attention was drawn to a scream coming from where they had landed their ship.

 “Oh sorry, looks like we got our ship up your ass”

 “Please... help….”

 “Hmm… steven… Lapis… little help here?”

 The three tried their hardest to pull Peedee free, but they couldnt, because it was too far up his butt hahahah

 “Oh well, leave him there, it looks kind of funny lol”

 And with that they left.

 Silent Hills

 “All done.  How do you feel?” asked Greg.  Peedee was rigged with an oxygen machine and an intestine redirection.  He was now in fusion with the Hawk, a literal figurehead of the ship.  BADLY was the text that appeared on the Hawk communications screen.  Greg waved his hand as a gesture to waft away the negativity.  “All done boys.  You’re welcome.”  But Greg saw a look of malcontent on their faces as they stood at the ship’s entrance.  “What… what’s wrong.”

“Why in the hell is there biological muck on the inside of our ship.”

“That’s a natural consequence of keeping Peedee alive.  His lifeforce spread throughout the ship.  His guts are stuffed in the boiler room, out of your way.  You’ll literally be inside him, you see.  He will consume asteroids of his own accord.”

“We are not happy with this business.”

“Because you are ignorant.  Where’s the fuel tank?”

“We don’t know.  Good fucking point.  What have you done to our ship?!”

“‘Your ship’?  Oh bud, that’s Peedee.  He says he’ll go by Hawk Peedee.  And as I was saying, now asteroids are all that’s needed to refuel. Now, about that ball…”

“Enough Greg.”

Steven was typing away on the computers keyboard, familiarizing himself with the ships new consciousness.

“Enough?!”

Greg was incredulous.

“You know how much it costs to reroute a mans nervous system into-“

In one swift motion Steven pulled a test tube from his pocket and dangled it in front of Greg face, almost as if to taunt him.

“This is what you wanted right? Bromos?”

Greg was mesmerized by the glowing bluish purple gas in the test tube. His man breasts hung as he watched the gas swirl around the test tube. However to Greg, if there’s one thing more important than bromos, its money to get more bromos. He shook his fat face to snap himself out of the trance and looked Steven in the eye.

“Th-the deal was!-“

“The deal was we get you bromos in exchange for ship repair.”

“That’s not how I remember it! You specifically stated an unused element ball!!! And connecting a man to your ship goes far beyond a simple pit stop! This isn’t a gas station! Ive got mouths to feed!”

“Your green bromo addicted Apprentice? Maybe you should learn how to share your food better… you seem to not be going hungry…”

Steven chuckled and poked Greg in his man tits to taunt him. Greg slapped away stevens hand and got red in the face.

“Ive got a gland disorder!”

“Oh?”

“And besides that! You specifically stated an unused element ball!”

“And whats a man of your health going to be doing absorbing an element ball? The thing would tear you to shreds.”

“I… I don’t intend to absorb it! I simply want to… rel-“

At this steven laughed

“Don’t tell me… relocate? Youre planning on selling something this powerful to the highest bidder? For what? So you can spend it on pizza and bromos? “

“Youre telling me you never intended on paying me?!”

Greg had tears in his eyes. Steven sighed and shook his head.

“You failed the test Greg. You blew it, from the start I thought you might be in this for selfish reasons but… well, it was disappointing to be proven right. I was hopeful that you had some greater plans for an unused element ball but… I guess that’s what I get for being optimistic.”

“B-but…”

“Connie… please escort this man off the ship… Peedee keeps sending me pain signals… Greg is… heavy…”

Connie put her hand on Greg’s shoulder. Greg’s disappointment turned to anger as he turned around and pushed Connie away.

“You wont get away with this!!”

Steven simply shook his head and turned away. Connie punched Greg in the back of the head and began to drag him off the ship.

“Oh and Connie, don’t forget his payment.”

“Ah”

Connie picked up the bag of bromos and took it with her. Steven turned to the monitor as the doors shut behind Connie.

“Now… lets get you talking..”

With a few quick keystrokes Steven downloaded a voice synthesis program from the space internet and loaded it into Peedees mainframe.

“How’s that work for you Peedee, can you hear me?”

A robotic voice came from the speakers.

“It hurts…”

“In pain? Wonder if there’s a way to shut that off… hmm no… you shouldn’t be feeling anything Peedee, your nerve endings are off right now.”

“My ass… my ass hurts…. “

Steven chuckled

“Nonsense, its all in your head, a phantom pain. Should go away after you get used to this, sucks but hey, it just lets you know you’ve got a bit of your humanity left.”

“What do you mean? Humanity? Where am I? Where is Lars?”

“Lars is dead, you’ve been transformed into a… cyborg… of sorts…”

“Cyborg?”

“Well… you’re more of a decoration for our ship… you’ve not got much control, but for all intents and purposes, you’re our ship now.”

“I see…”

“Welcome aboard… Hawk Peedee…”

“Jesus Christ....  Is this even real?!”

“Yes sir.  Reality is painful.”

The Pains of Reality

Connie looked particularly miffed.  She spoke up.  “Peedee won’t stop sobbing!”

“He’s undergone a rough transformation…” said Steven.

“Ah yes.  He’ll never have a life, a wife, or kids.”

“Actually…  Greg arranged for his children, as a passing gesture of kindness.  A wife however?  She’d be quite bizarre…  But hey!  Remember that girl from psychology class that was in love with the Eiffel Tower?”

“I see where you’re going with this…”

“Yep.  Wanna find Peedee a wife?”

“Strangely, yes.”

“Ok, lets find an asylum planet.”

So off the threesome, ah yes, foursome went.  To Zherghaba-z.  They conversed with many women there… many rejections, yet they found a girl called Sadie.  Sadie was surprisingly hot, and she didn’t care that Peedee was a spaceship at all.  She was what the asylum committee called “too smart and radical for her age.”  And her age was 20, a lucious lass indeed.  She also suffered from “chronic sexual compulsions.”  Long story short, she had to use a dildo in her cell over 20 times a day.  Good thing there was a console in the back with Peedee’s dick intact, on a pedestal in fact.  

Peedee vibrated the ship from then on, 10 times a day, shivering with ecstasy from having his sensory modules amplified.  The other 10 times was split unevenly between the threesome.  Needless to say, the ship started to reek of hormones.  The whole crew started smoking cartons of cigarettes to cope with the smell of fish and wet dog.  And the crew noticed tumors welling up on the inside of the ship as a result of this- although Peedee barely noticed since we was too busy shivering in ecstasy.  He couldn’t quite maintain his dignity-

“You guys are the best!  Did I ever get laid in a body?  Nope!  Who needs one?”

“That’s the spirit Peedee.  We must improvise in life.  A bit of this and a bit of that.  A bit of Bromos, a bit of cigarette.”

The whole crew was looking more and more disheveled.  They couldn’t quite discern what kind of trance they were in, but they were surely in one.  Here’s a hint, dear reader- this was no ordinary girl.  She seemed to suck the life out of the crew- for at a glance they were looking more and more negligent.  What they didn’t know is she used to be a parapsychology specialist… and she hungered for the balls.  No, the other ones.

Giant Rodophontaleus and the Escape to Ghondalob

Sadie finished swallowing.  Peedee recited a poem for the descent from the heights of ecstasy.  

“Bulbous protrusions brush my insides

Tickled with the faint footsteps

Of an angel.

Lips of Dionysus wreak havoc on the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Breasts that springly leap

From the squeeze of the latex zipped shirt.

As you ready the saddle of your monumental moment of naive prodding image

The ship at space rocks with chaos.”

Lapis started sarcastically clapping and walking in on the scene.  She was not happy.  She sensed something amiss.

“A bit of privacy, Lapis?”

“Privacy?  Ridiculous.”

“Hmm?”

“I am inside you.”

“Ah yes.”

“Sadie, I’ve got my eyes on you.”

This distressed Sadie.  Does he know?  

The Golobranchielios

I pooped my pants.  My name is Golobranchielios.  I come from Ziergobrehliebrieskielos.  I’m a poor man, but what I make is well-earned.  What do I do for a living, you ask?  I sell bromos.  Shh, don’t tell nobody.  I’m about to sell to Connie and Lapis.  But this bromos is poisoned.  I’m getting big money for this.

The Rage

Connie took a sniff from the bag.  Her eyebrow perked up.  She stared into the bag for a period of time which distressed Golobranchielios.  She impulsively sniffed it again.  This caused Golobranchielios to wince and act ahead of himself, so he yelled out, “I said, that will be fifty galaxos!”  This was just the que Connie needed.  She knew something was very wrong.  But she has a plan to take out two birds with one bromos.  

“Sadie!” yelled Connie.

“Yes, babe?”

“I’ve got a salesman here, wantin’ more than we’re willing to give.  But we’re willing to trade.”

“Oh please!  Don’t do this!  I love Peedee!”

“Oh, Sadie.  Please.  I meant sex.  I thought you spoke one language alone!”

“Ah.  That’s more like it.”

But one look at Golobranchielios and she thought it was more hate it.  He’s an ugly bastard.  

“But, Sadie, the great threesome only sells used goods.  Golobranchielios, would you please excuse us?”

“I-I don’t even know what’s going on.  Do what you’re gonna do.” replied Golobranchielios.  

Connies face was close to the budding rose.  It smells of the faintest sea breeze.  Then he sailed the seas of vitality.  She groaned as he and she felt groan through their bodies.  The ache of destruction grabbed their muscles and squeezed the lemon.  The nerf hit the target, and the subtle sound of a pig barn roared through the ship.  The moment of the first vital drop of black coffee hitting the bottom of the pot.  The fresh influx of messengers through the body when greeted by the morning cold.  Then Connie exploded.  And the ship disembarked.  In an instant, the earth, and cares, were delicate and spindly.  As they should be.  

Connie came back out, and everybody turned around as if they were waiting.  Golobranchielios had his finger on his chin as if he was trying to stop himself from distressing.  Connie poofed the edge of his tuxedo.  He felt swag.

“The whore is used.  Your turn.  But first, I think you should know that there is but one condition for Sadie to have sex with a stranger.  She always wants to get both fucked in the anus and vagina at the same time.  And considering that there is none here willing to partake, besides maybe yourself, a “dildo” will do just fine, would it not?”

“Fine, I just want to cum!”  Golobranchielios was getting a feeling of exponential bizarrity.  

“Ok, good.  Let me show y’all to your dildo.  You get the ass, by the way.”

“I prefer anus!”  Connie raised her brow.  

Connie pointed to Peedee’s dick.  She then whispered to Sadie, “I’m counting on you.”

While Sadie, Peedee and Golobranchielios were fucking, Connie injected bromos, which acts as a potent aphrodisiac as a side effect, into the walls of the Hawk while sporting a devilish grin.  Peedee became so massive that he crushed Golobranchielios, who bled to death soon afterwards.  Then Peedee, in turn, exploded.  As for Sadie, she was basically elastic.  Though Steven later commented on the length of her neck…  So, Connies plan of taking out two birds with one stone was a success.  Peedee knew about the plan, and being tired of his inability for a real relationship, had Connie use artificial insemination.  He wanted to pass on his legacy.  And that, dear readers, no doubt will happen.  

Greg Peedee

“Wahhh.”

“I’m so glad I have a son.  I hope he doesn’t look down on his father.”

Sadie, holding young Greg, looked up at the speaker.

“Surely not, Peedee.  You’ve had… quite a legacy.”

“That’s right, now that you mention it…  Say, why don’t we rename this ship…  “The Legacy!”

Devil Dick

Zaga was pooping. He heard a knock on his door.

“Dont come in, im pooping”

The door opened anyways.

“Zaga, weve recovered Jamie, youre going to want to see this.”

Zaga squeezed out his shit and left the bathroom without wiping his ass. He opened the door to find a gay looking man in a wheelchair wearing a stern expression. It was his subordinate, the infamous Lars Lars.

“Sorry, i was pooping. Whats this then?”

 “Jamie sir, hes alive”

 Zaga raised an eyebrow and began to walk down the hallway with Lars.

 “I sure hope you’ve been wise enough to wipe his brain Lars. I dont want to end up in a wheelchair like you.”

 Lars looked down as flashbacks of getting fucked by jamie shook him to his core. The beast had been let loose on Lars for an element ball scam gone wrong, his own coworker turned against him, fucking him in the ass for a whole day before Lars was able to get the upper hand and shoot Jamie in the chest. He was lucky to be alive, however the accident had left Lars paralyzed.

 “Restraints were… ineffective once we pieced his brain together and he regained full consciousness Lord Zaga... “

 “Regained consciousness? Isn’t that what we have sedatives for?”

 “He was metabolizing them at an alarming rate, doctors say he was pissing it out as they pumped it in”

 “My god.”

 “Indeed. It really begs the question…”

 “What the fuck were they doing to him on that ship? Running experiments on him?”

 “Not likely sir, the crew aboard the hawk appears to only specialize in engineering, they're not stupid but I certainly wouldn’t call them biologists.”

 “Then what the fuck happened to him?”

 “Based on old intel on the crew sir, the answer appears to be… LOTS of drug parties, also some sort of training regiment…”

“You mean to tell me jamie became this monster out of sheer willpower? What the hell did you find in his blood? Any type of steroids or…”

 “No sir. Nothing in his blood but large amounts of bromohydrin. Also an intense amphetamine known as… zaka… you uh, you snort it….”

 “No doubt that played a role in his “training”, but still… zaka alone doesnt make a man into this…”

 “Thats all we found sir… aside from habanero seeds in his stool….”

 Lord Zaga was pissed and frustrated. He stopped to ponder what kind of men he was up against and punched a wall because he was so pissed.

 “God damnit Lars! If these men are anything like Jamie… FUCK!”

 “I agree sir. Were fucked.”

 “And these men have the majority of the element balls?”

 “We’re simply not sure. Theres a good chance they have at least one.”

 “Jesus Lars…. At least one?”

 “I know sir I know… the damage they could cause…”

 The two arrived to the cell where Jamie was being kept. He was naked and rubbing his shit on the walls. His head was bandaged up and covered in specks of poop and blood. Jamie noticed the two men from the window and made a face similar to that of an angry chimpanzee. He pounded the ground with his fists and began to charge at the window and beat on the glass. His loud screams penetrated the thick walls of his containment cell.

 “How the fuck are we supposed to get any information out of this thing?”

 Just then, Lars’ phone rang, and zaga grabbed it from him.

 “Who is this?”

“It is I, killquest.”

  Zaga dropped the phone.

[10oclockdot]

10 New Interrogations

1. "Out West" and "Back East" are common enough phrases, but I rarely ever hear "Out East" and never "Back West." It's as if the spatial teleology of Manifest Destiny is still embedded in our language.

2. Already Google, Facebook, Netflix, and basically every other online platform tailor our user experience -- that is, what they show us when we do a search or look at our wall -- based on our past user experience. Which is to say that we don't really know what we like. We just know what we found acceptable from the limited options which the algorithm presents us based on what we found acceptable in the past. Log on to somebody else's Netflix and you'll see totally different streaming options -- probably stuff you didn't even know was on Netflix -- and you'll say, "Hey, I like Jurassic Park! Netflix, why didn't you ever tell me you had Jurassic Park??" or something similar. To be fair, when all we had was Blockbuster, we were still stuck with limited choices. Whereas Blockbuster limited their choices simply by what they thought the public would rent, Netflix limits their choices twice again: first by what they can purchase the rights to (and it seems like they're losing to Amazon and, dare I say it, Hulu big time these days), and then again but what they think YOU (personally) will stream. Simply put: you're only a couple ill-advised thumbs-ups away from thinking that there's nothing good to watch anymore, when in reality you just tricked Netflix into thinking that you have terrible taste. Same as it ever was -- with respect to the culture industry hemming us in and digital bubbles replacing shared reality -- it's just that nobody ultimately benefits here.

3. Thus, maxim: the new technology will not solve the problem you think it will solve.

4. Life is a pretty incredible meme. But even with its remarkable reach, variety, and durability on earth, still only a very tiny percentage of the earth's matter has been converted into life. I don't know what this "biomass" limit is, but it's clearly low. Is there another form of material organization which could yield a higher percentage of conversion into living matter? Would machine consciousness based on a silicon substrate be able to convert more matter into life? And if so, does that mean that it's destined to become ascendant in the future? Are there other systems of organization which can convert even more matter? What about capitalism? Is there a limit to the amount of matter that can be converted into capital? If so, what is it? Doesn't it, in fact, seem limitless? But if it is limited, by what is it limited?--- and, does that mean that there might be an ascendant system, capable of converting more matter into some other economic substance, which will one day overcome capitalism?

5a. Some time ago, I got into a debate about abortion with my former Baptist pastor. I pointed out to him the several documents from the early 70's in which the SBC or prominent Baptist writers came to the defense of abortion in certain instances or argued that it was not right for the church to oppose the Roe decision, since, after all, it did not compel anyone to get an abortion. He replied that church leaders must have been mistaken then because "God's Word is clear" that all abortion is wrong in all circumstances. Here I let the debate end, but now I wish that I had continued it at least a little bit longer. "Wait, so if you and the 1970's leaders of the Baptist Church are both taking inspiration from the same playbook [teh Bible], what made them wrong and you right? And if it was possible for the Church to get something wrong in the past -- as you just admitted -- then wouldn't it be horribly supercilious to claim that you've got everything right now? And if, as is overwhelmingly likely, you've got some things wrong in Church doctrine now, by what process are you going about finding them and trying to set them right? And how do you know that when you change something you're becoming more RIGHT rather than more WRONG? I mean, if God's Word is 'clear' and changeless, shouldn't you have gotten this right all along? And since you didn't, what changed? Did you find a new Bible verse or correct a botched translation... or did a concentrated national campaign create the pro-life movement as a means of making Christians the tools of conservative political power?" Anyway, that got a little off the rails, but the point is this: if you're going to say you were wrong in the past and right now, you need to A) admit that you're probably still wrong (about something, or maybe a lot of things), and B) examine the process by which you changed your mind and prove that it's actually moving you in the right direction.

5b. Because if that process of changing one's mind exists outside the text of the Bible -- that is, if perfecting Christianity is all a matter of hermeneutics, and much of it utterly eisegetical to fit a changing social context -- then why even have the text at all? If a historically-situated interpreter decides the ultimate meaning of the Bible, then Christianity isn't really based on the Bible. It's based on historical context, with the Bible in service to it. So why even have the Bible? Because if you can have pro-war and anti-war Christians, as well as pro-welfare and anti-welfare Christians, as well as pro-choice and anti-choice Christians, as well as pro-gay-marriage and anti-gay-marriage Christians (etc), then the Bible isn't really deciding any of these arguments.

6. The folks who want to do away with gender, right now, immediately, probably don't have a very good grasp of how the dialectic plays out historically. So many people think that Marx's point was revolution, but I think that Marx's elaboration of Hegel was, in essence, a pragmatic philosophy. He believed that certain cultures were ready for certain kinds of revolution, and others weren't. With that in mind, consider this: a person believes that there are only two genders. What's easier? To get them to believe that gender doesn't exist at all, or to get them to believe that there are MORE than two genders? I propose the latter, if only because it allows them to keep some aspect of their belief (that gender does exist, just a different number) and, moreover, it doesn't force them to forfeit their own experience of gender (even though it does force them to re-situate it somewhat). I say we multiply the number of boutique genders and micro-identities until there are as many non-binary appellations as there are people --- because when we've done that, the concept of gender will have merged with the concept of individuality, self-definition will have superseded the constraints of gender norms, and gender, the oppressive social tool, will have lost its utility to oppress, and it will just naturally fade away. By the way, look at how the same thing has happened, historically, with religion. Sure, there were atheists many centuries ago, at a time when most people only knew about one or two religions, but look at how much easier atheism is now. Not simply because we live in an age of science and evidence-based belief, but because we live in an age where you're only a click or two away from a list of every religion, every sect and denomination divided by some pointless hyper-specific quibble, and every deity that a culture once believed in but no more. Atheism does not flourish in an era of one religion and one god, but in an era, as we have now, of thousands of religions and thousands of gods. The more there are, and the more we make, the more constructed and fake they all seem, and the more useless they become.

7. Another paper I'll never write but wish I had time for: Gendering Deixis: 2nd-person narration in POV pornography and Choose-Your-Own-Adventure. Because the "you" of both genres is always a gendered "you." What effect does this have?

8. Evolution has designated childhood as a site of curiosity: a space where the mind orients itself to the world, discovers will, interest, and desire, and as such develops its sense of self even as it playfully learns how to learn. As long as this curiosity remains self-directed and volitional, the child will appear to be scatterbrained, flitting from one question to the next, from one object of attention to the next, from one subject to the next. Children appear utterly incapable of the comparatively simply adult task of sitting still and focusing attention on one thing. But they are perfectly capable of focusing their attention, perhaps with more acuity than some of us have as adults, on objects or events which have high interest to them. As a kid, I remember visiting the Indianapolis Children's Museum and being fascinated for literally hours with an interactive display that taught how erosion worked using sand and water. And this is very good for the mind as long as the child directs this process (with supervision, of course). What isn't good for the mind is when this line of interest and attention is dictated from some source other than the child. And that's why so much children's TV and internet content is absolutely ruining children. Ideal children's television might consist of a special TV with thousands of channels, all on different topics, with information presented slowly and methodically, and the child could change channels at will or decide not to watch at all. The more boring the programming, the more the child would be master of their own curiosity, and the more the child would direct learning and identity-formation (as it should be). Instead, what we have is television which puts children in a constant state of alarm, full of intense sound and visuals, bright colors, fast editing, and unpredictable shifts in content. The child is made to feel as though they can't look away, and thus, their innate sense of curiosity, a good thing when it is self-directed, is hijacked by a corporate product and directed from the outside, in service to a profit-model. Every time the child is about to volitionally change their attention, the program anticipates this and introduces some new surprising stimulus, grabbing their attention right back. Which is to say, the program thinks FOR them. This bombardment of images stops the process of identity-formation, probably in a similar way to how famine experienced in childhood changes health outcomes for the rest of life. This is very bad.

9. Boredom may in fact be the most crucial crossroads of childhood: a moment in which you must either find a way to engage yourself, and thus become a subject with interests and will, or resign/consign/abandon yourself to the status of an object, forever allowing other forces to choose your mind for you, forever allowing others to craft, cultivate, use, extract, and deplete you. And since, of course, capitalism wants people to function as commodity-objects -- reservoirs of exchangeable labor-power -- it serves capitalism perfectly well to inundate children with programming that subverts their acquisition of full selfhood.

10. And that's really what media studies is about: how do media use the user?

[gh0stpkmn]

ok uh. yooran gaming channel au - part 2

@misfireezreal reblogged the ‘yoosung has a gaming channel au’ post and wrote a really cute lil addition that inspired me to add some more ideas to this mess of an au..... and i got really carried away

their addition / reblog post is here !!  tho i’ll also put a screenshot of it under the cut... along with more headcanons/ideas/whatever for the au/scenario

 god this is so cute omfg. ok so..

●  yoosung liking comments that say nice things abt saeran?? so good. honestly the sweet comments probably rlly do a lot of good things for saeran’s self esteem!! they cheer him up when he’s feelin sad i would think? definitely helps a lot on his rougher days.

●  misfireezeal mentioned donations so i started thinking about what donation money would go towards... when theyre not goin towards yoosung’s tuition (if he even stays in university at this point?? idk??)  or his cost of living, or equipment for the channel, they go to charities.

yoosung wants to help animals so they donate to animal rescue organizations and stuff like that. he wants to contribute help to other causes too so... he wants saeran to have some say where the money goes (and i mean saeran is the meme bringin in a lot of it so. ye.)

it’s important to saeran that they donate to organizations that provide help for mentally ill people--especially mentally ill youth. also organizations that help children in foster care or like... help kids that have been abused idk.. idk! idk...  things that can help young people that are going through some of the same things saeran went through

yoosung doesn’t announce the donations or anything because like... he doesn’t really feel the need to???? neither of them see a point in posting/talking about it. it just feels good to do nice things.

other stuff:

●  it comes up in passing that like. saeran as a knack for hacking and everyone’s like “how could u do this?? cant believe ur a dirty hacker”

saeran’s like “ lol dont worry. i only cheat at games when i play against my brother because he’s a shit and never plays fair ”

chat is like “whoa we didn’t know you had a brother!!!”

and they talk about it a little and yoosung is like “yeah his brother is ____”  (whatever his username is? i forget. hacker god i think?)  “he usually plays on the shooting star server “

viewers are Shocked that yoosung knows #1 on shooting star. they demand to have him as a guest star

it’s... debatable whether saeyoung agrees to it or not?? he has to lay low and stuff.. either way, they tell saeyoung about it and he’s so amused omfg. he watches yoosung and saeran’s streams sometimes (and is so proud of his bro. he cries probably) but not super often? when he does watch, he also uses a random throwaway name

but after the chat asks for him, he logs in once or twice w/ his LOLOL screen name and people are all over omfg. chat goes wild and saeyoung is Living for the attention omg

saeran is like “you’re so dumb god i hate you”

and saeyoung’s like. “ok but are you actually planning on coming home some time soon??? tomorrow maybe? becaaauuuuuse..... i miss you”

it’s cheesy and lame and Embarrassing. saeran’s just.. “GO AWAY asshole im doing a thing....................................... also, yes. please order pizza for dinner”

yoosung thinks its funny n cute and so do the viewers.

●  and ok even if... saeyoung is never a guest star, they probably bring like. mc or zen on once or twice and it’s great. a lot of viewers recognize zen (i imagine he’s a bit more famous at this point) and they are... so excited and surprised that he’s friends w/ yoosung and saeran.

i can’t really see jaehee or jumin on the show but like..........

..... the idea of them tricking jumin into trying to play a video game on the stream is so fucking funny to me????

like Somehow they manage to convince him to come over?? idk maybe by asking him to  ”help them work on a big project that’s essential to yoosung’s career” or smth “that requires nothing less than jumin han’s skill and expertise”  and because he’s a good friend he agrees. then they just. put a controller in his hand and he’s like “what am i supposed to do with this”

and ok jumin has probably owned a gaming console at some point but i honestly, truly can’t bring myself to believe that he uses it for anything other than like.....netflix

so he has no fucking experience and it’s. so good. yoosung and saeran are trying really hard not to laugh (and yoosung is failing)

idk what they make him play specifically but for some reason wii sports is flashing through my mind holy shit..... but actually its probably LOLOL or fallout 4 or something. idk. either way, he’s bad at it and they struggle to teach him how to even hold the controller properly

●  saeran likely moves in some time after they’ve started the channel where both of them play games together. which happened pretty far into the relationship anyways i think?

and even then it happens quite a while after they start the channel. maybe when it’s been going for a year or something? maybe two??

(i have no idea???? idk how long these kinds of channels stay big??? i only watch like... fairly well known youtubers like game grumps that have been around for a long time. and mcleroy stuff on polygon idk.)

anyways

how they decide to move in is basically like... ok.

i imagine they probably get questions about their relationship a lot when they come out as a couple or when new viewers first find out about them. the flow of questions dies down after the initial reveal that they’re together but they still pop up every now and then

sometimes the questions get slightly intrusive like asking about their plans for the future which they kinda just ignore those until it becomes a really frequently asked question so they Have to answer it.. so they just say they don’t feel comfortable talking about it for the time being (because tbh they dont know lol)

and so...

probably a specific question that people ask A LOT (and have since saeran’s early appearances)  is if saeran lives with yoosung, or if he’s planning to.

because he’s at yoosung’s place so often. he has been since the channel’s early days, and they post videos and stream together fairly regularly, i guess?

there’s obviously more content of just yoosung doing his thing because it is his channel after all but content featuring saeran is definitely a frequent thing (even when it’s not their duo let’s play channel or whatever... saeran can still be seen in the background in a fair amount of yoosung’s usual LOLOL streams, too. )

so uh

at some point they’re just hanging out.. (off stream, not on video or anything. just them together.. like a date night or just to spend some time together. i dunno)

maybe cuddlin’ in bed or on the couch watching a movie, having a nice time. there’s comfortable silence

and yoosung never really gave it a lot of thought before, but lately... he and saeran are just really close and their relationship is so GOOD and he loves him a lot. he’s thinking over all this stuff and how often people ask if they live together and...

i mean, he thought about it on his own before he really took the viewers’ questions seriously.... them bringing it up isn’t what sparked it necessarily. 

he considered the possibility before, but he was always scared that bringing up moving in together would be too forward or pushy, and that saeran wasn’t ready for it, and that they would be rushing into things--going too fast. yeah. 

he got that ball rollin’ and was trying to take it slow but recently, everyone bringing the idea up jsut. fuckin. kicks that ball. so hard. it’s going full fuckin throttle. max speed. it’s out of control and he can’t stop it

and so in this... really comfortable quiet moment he just kinda blurts out

“why haven’t we moved in together yet?”

saeran is surprised obviously. he wasn’t expecting that at all

he has briefly entertained the idea of living with yoosung before, because he’s over so often anyways, and he wants to spend even more time together.... but he’s also scared for various reasons? 

such as his mental health issues, obviously. he’s also anxious that yoosung will get sick of him, or that he won’t be able to handle being around yoosung 24/7 and vice versa. he doesn’t want to get so easily annoyed and snappy like he does at home with saeyoung? he also doesn’t want to rush into things. idk. there’s a lot more reasons but those are some of them.

so when yoosung says this, he has no idea how to react??? so he just kinda mumbles “oh... uh.......”

yoosung panics like

 “god, im sorry, that was so stupid. um. it’s just... been on my mind a lot lately, i guess..? god! ah... forget about that! it was dumb...”  

he covers his eyes and kinda... hunches over. all embarrased and nervous and a little guilty because he doesn’t want to make saeran uncomfortable. he can’t even look at him. poor boy omg

saeran stays quiet for a long time, furrows his brows and chews the nail of his thumb and looks like he’s concentrating on something. after a while he pipes up, so quietly that yoosung can barely hear him

“i don’t think it’s dumb”

yoosung is. shocked. but also immediately hopeful! he perks up!!! looks at his bf incredulously like “you don’t?” 

saeran kinda... talks slowly bc he’s thinking hard about his words and says that he didn’t expect yoosung to bring it up really but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before

so they have an Important, Serious conversation about it and they both make sure that the other is %100 on board with it and ready to just. jump in and do it.

celebratory smooches ensue because they’re cute and happy and excited.

... i forget if yoosung’s place is a dorm or not. if it is, he gets his own apartment.

if it’s not, he stays in his apartment and saeran moves in there.

it’s small and kinda cramped and very far from a “forever home” but they make it work for now!! they’re happy that way... (maybe in the future they get a bigger place, which is nice because it makes it easier for saeran to have some privacy when he needs time alone.)

●  yoosung definitely takes short little videos or vlogs all the time and posts them on youtube and other social media

he takes one the day after they have the conversation mentioned above. and it’s just. “you guys.... i asked my boyfriend to move in and he said yes!! god, i was so scared! tell them how scared i was, saeran!” he points the camera at saeran who is reading a book and he just. 

idk he either just flips off the camera bc he’s busy and doesn’t want to be disturbed...

or

he looks it right at the lens and says “he was scared shitless. he literally shit his pants. it was gross. i had to h---” 

cue video going blurry as yoosung turns the camera away real quick paired with. shocked, loud shrieking. “SAERAN!!! DON’T SAY----” and then the video jsut kinda. cuts off there. 

(he still posts it but with some caption along the lines of “that didn’t actually happen. saeran’s just being a dick”)

and of course, there’s definitely multiple videos of the day they move saeran’s stuff in. yoosung records a bunch and puts them on his snapchat story or w/e... other social media too, so they can look back on them later... 

just cute little clips, like one of saeran’s room with all his stuff in boxes..... one of saeyoung and saeran (and maybe mc) loading stuff up into the car.... one of them putting the boxes in yoosung’s apartment....  a dumb one of saeyoung goofin’ off at yoosung’s place and mc doting on him..

one of saeyoung giving his brother the biggest bear hug ever. just. completely squeezing the life out of him and dramatically pretending to be all emotional (even tho he really is genuinely emotional inside omg) and saeran being annoyed and trying to push him away “god, let me go! you’re suffocating me!”

one where... they’re bringing in the last box.

and finally like. one w/ yoosung turning around to show his whole apartment, boxes everywhere, some of them already half unpacked. “phew... finally finished! the hardest part, anyway”

it’s cute.

●  the little videos are probably a thing that happens every now and then, even after that... he probably snapchats a lot of things in general bbbut a lot of the time it’s just. dumb, random videos of saeran.

some of them are stuff like:

 a close-up of both of them, taken with yoosung’s phone where they’re like “streaming in fifteen! we’re gonna play ____ today.” .... real cute stuff.

or just. shitty phone videos yoosung takes of saeran where like… yoosung says something really sappy joke or pickup line? idk. something really cheesy and terrible and wants to film saeran’s reaction.  and saeran looks over and his expression is just. dead inside. the camera zooms in real close on his face and he whispers “………………. im so sick of this Shi–”  the video cuts off there

probably lots of them chillin and having fun with the whole rfa crew

and. maybe one where the two of them are hanging out with saeyoung and mc and other pals and.. idk. one of them says something funny and they’re all laughing but yoosung zooms in on saeran who just.........ok i imagine that sometimes his more subdued laughs come out as like?? this huffy, kinda wheezy little giggle. he covers his mouth w his hand. and the video captures that. when yoosung posts it, ppl Freak out about it because it’s so uncharacteristically adorable...

there’s videos of them going on trips or just new places in general... going for hikes and exploring maybe.. idk. lots of cute stuff.

saeran takes one of yoosung when they’re at the spca?? or some place like that. idk (i dont like pet stores but maybe a pet store).. and.. yoosung just has his hands and face pressed to a glass partition/window/whatever that has a puppy behind it. maybe multiple puppies. and yoosung turns around w/ the Most desperate, pleading expression anyone has ever seen. (saeran knows he has to say no but it’s so hard omfg)

and obviously there’s lots of little clips of video game stuff. teasers of the game content itself or their playthroughs. maybe a video of one of them sitting on the couch or a computer chair playing a game and getting angry lol.... (or saeran getting frustrated w/ a handheld game that’s supposed to be really calm like... animal crossing. idk sorry i just love the idea of saeran having a 3ds and playing chill games like that to help him relax when he’s anxious omg)

.... there’s also lil videos yoosung takes but he decides that they are private, for his eyes only... little moments like one where they’re getting ready to stream and saeran’s adjusting one of the microphones 

and yoosung quietly says hey to get his attention, and saeran looks over and smiles real big and genuine w/ lots of love and tells him to “Stop goofing around. C’mon, put your phone down and help me finish setting up.” and it’s. sweet and happy and cute... yeah.

.

BUT uh...

yeah!

that’s all for now !!

[organicdietguide]

COVID-19 | COVID-19 Grocery Shopping Guide

Grocery Shopping Tips in the Age of COVID-19 :

Grocery shopping during the coronavirus pandemic can be overwhelming. How much food should you be buying per trip? How can you get what you need without hoarding supplies?

The Real Mom’s Guide

Take stock of what you already have.

Before heading to the store, check the pantry, cupboards, fridge and freezer. “This is a good time to take inventory and to make sure we’re reducing food waste,” said Kirsten Straughan, a registered dietitian and director of the University of Illinois at Chicago’s nutrition science, kinesiology and nutrition program. “See what you have and then plan meals around that. This is a nice time to use those pantry staples.”

Create a shopping list based on your meals, and stick to your list.

Not only does this reduce food waste, but it ensures you’re only buying what you need, says Straughan. “Having a shopping list makes you more efficient and minimizes your time spent (at the store),” she said. A list may also help you resist the temptation to buy things just because other people are. “If you see other people engaging in hoarding behavior, you may be thinking, ‘Should I be doing this too?’ even though it’s not a good idea,” she said. “Having a shopping list helps you avoid those pitfalls.”

What Is The Paleo Diet?

Buy only what you need.

You don’t need a month’s worth of groceries. Buy one to two weeks’ worth of stuff at a time, says Straughan. “We want to think of what everyone else will need too – just as with social distancing, we need to have a public health view of grocery shopping habits as well.”

Slowly add to your supply of nonperishable goods.

COVID-19 | COVID-19 Grocery Shopping Guide

Build up your stock of frozen foods, canned items and whole grains. “Don’t buy too much of one thing,” says Straughan. “Instead of getting one can of beans, get two or three cans. Or instead of one pasta, get two – you don’t need six pastas.”

If supplies of a particular item are low, only buy what you need for that week, she said. One way to add to your stockpile responsibly is to buy items that are well stocked at the store.

Secret Anabolic Recipes | Cook Healthy | Muscle Building Meals

Limit the number of people going to the store.

Not everyone in your home needs to go to the grocery store. Some stores have limits as to how many people are allowed to shop at once, so bringing the whole family could increase wait times for all shoppers, according to Straughan.

Get your groceries delivered, if possible.

Skip the store and order your groceries online. “Not only does this help with recommendations for social distancing, but it also helps you plan better, and prevent some panic or impulse buying,” Straughan said.

Melt 7 Pounds Every 7 Days

Grocery Shopping Tips in the Age of COVID-19.

Creating a weekly meal plan and using it to devise a grocery list can limit your time in the grocery store and keep your basket filled with nutritious foods. During the stay-at-home order, designate one person from your family to go to the store once a week. This limits your family’s exposure as well as the number of people in the grocery store!

paper products, such as toilet paper, paper towels, and facial tissue

menstrual products

diapers and baby wipes

baby formula

over-the-counter medications and medical supplies, such as pain relievers, cough and cold meds, electrolyte drinks, and thermometers

prescription medications

cleaning supplies

disinfectants

pet foods and medications

Why you should avoid hoarding

Belly Fat in Women

It’s not necessary or advisable to hoard large amounts of food or water, according to Holmes.

Olive Oil

Unsalted butter

Grains

Brown Rice

Quinoa

Whole Wheat Noodles

Oats

Flour

Condiments

Low Sugar BBQ Sauce

Dijon Mustard

Hot Sauce

Balsamic Vinegar

Low Sodium Soy Sauce

Salsa

Pesto

Low Sugar Marinara Sauce

Sweeteners

Honey

Healthy Diet Plant-Based Diet

Maple Syrup

Dried herbs and spices

Paprika

Onion Powder

Garlic Powder

Chili Powder

Cumin

Cinnamon

Thyme

Chives

Nut Butter

Olives and Capers

Lemons and/or Limes

Low Sodium Stock/Broth

Canned Goods

Low Sodium or No Salt Added Canned Beans, Tomatoes, Tuna

Eggs

Frozen Fruits and Vegetables – whatever your family enjoys and eats regularly!

Frozen Chicken Breasts or Fish Fillets

Mix and Match Plan.

Many things can be made with basic staples like these. For example, you could have oatmeal with peanut butter and thawed frozen blueberries for breakfast and whole wheat noodles mixed with pesto and topped with steamed frozen broccoli for lunch.

Once you have your foundation ready, set a day to create your meal plan and build your grocery list. There are many ways to meal plan. I like to pick a handful of recipes from one cookbook or website that uses similar ingredients so I can mix and match with less waste. For example, I’ll pick two recipes that use chicken, two that use sweet potatoes, and two that use broccoli. Try to pick recipes that use lots of plant-based foods to increase the amount of antioxidants you are consuming.

Lifestyle Changes to Improve Your Cholesterol

Author: Brooke Schoonenberg, Registered Dietician Nutritionist.

Stay at home: guidance for households with possible or confirmed coronavirus (COVID-19) infection

Contents

Symptoms

What do we mean by possible or confirmed coronavirus infection (COVID-19)?

Main messages

Who is this guidance for?

Will my household be tested if we think we have coronavirus (COVID-19) symptoms?

Why staying at home is very important

While you are self-isolating, make sure you do the following things

Ending self-isolation and household isolation

After ending self-isolation and/or household isolation

Symptoms

The most important symptoms of coronavirus (COVID-19) are the recent onset of any of the following:

a new continuous cough

a high temperature

a loss of, or change in, your normal sense of taste or smell (anosmia)

For most people, coronavirus (COVID-19) will be a mild illness. However, if you have any of the symptoms above you must stay at home and arrange to have a test to see if you have COVID-19 – go to testing to arrange.

What do we mean by possible or confirmed coronavirus infection (COVID-19)?

A possible infection is where a person has coronavirus (COVID-19) symptoms and is currently awaiting a test result.

Confirmed infection is where a person has tested positive for coronavirus (COVID-19).

Main messages

Best Diets Weight loss Diet plans

If you have symptoms of coronavirus (COVID-19), however mild, OR you have received a positive coronavirus (COVID-19) test result, the clear medical advice is to immediately self-isolate at home for at least 7 days from when your symptoms started. Do not go to a GP surgery, pharmacy or hospital. You should arrange to have a test to see if you have COVID-19 – go to testing to arrange.

Consider alerting the people that you have had close contact within the last 48 hours to let them know you have symptoms of coronavirus COVID-19.

Following a positive test result, you will receive a request by text, email or phone to log into the NHS Test and Trace service website and provide information about recent close contacts

After 7 days, or longer, if you still have symptoms other than cough or loss of sense of smell/taste, you must continue to self-isolate until you feel better.

You do not need to self-isolate if you only have a cough or loss of sense of smell/taste after 7 days, as these symptoms can last for several weeks after the infection has gone. See the ending isolation section below for more information.

If you live with others and you are the first in the household to have symptoms of coronavirus (COVID-19), then you must stay at home for at least 7 days. All other household members who remain well must stay at home and not leave the house for 14 days. The 14-day period starts from the day when the first person in the household became ill. See the explanatory diagram.

Staying at home for 14 days will greatly reduce the overall amount of infection that people in your household could pass on to others in the community.

If anyone else in the household starts displaying symptoms, they must stay at home for at least 7 days from when their symptoms appeared, regardless of what day they are on in their original 14-day isolation period. The ending isolation section below has more information, and see the explanatory diagram.

If you have symptoms, you should stay as far away from other members of your household as possible. It is especially important to stay away from anyone who is clinically vulnerable or clinically extremely vulnerable with whom you continue to share a household.

The simple lifestyle shifts in the Eat Sleep Burn ugly belly fat…

Reduce the spread of infection in your home by washing your hands regularly for 20 seconds using soap and water, or use hand sanitizer, and cover coughs and sneezes.

The World Health Organization (WHO) said it was moving to update its guidelines on treating people stricken with COVID-19 to reflect results of a clinical trial that showed a cheap, common steroid can help save critically ill patients.

Trial results announced showed dexamethasone, used since the 1960s to reduce inflammation in diseases such as arthritis, cut death rates by around a third among the most severely ill COVID-19 patients admitted to hospital.

The WHO’s clinical guidance for treating patients infected with the new coronavirus is aimed at doctors and other medical professionals and seeks to use the latest data to inform clinicians on how best to tackle all phases of the disease, from screening to discharge.

Although the dexamethasone study’s results are preliminary, the researchers behind the project said it suggests the drug should immediately become standard care in severely stricken patients.

For patients on ventilators, the treatment was shown to reduce mortality by about one third, and for patients requiring only oxygen, mortality was cut by about one fifth, according to preliminary findings shared with WHO.

The benefit was only seen in patients seriously ill with COVID-19 and was not observed in patients with milder disease.

The positive news comes as coronavirus infections accelerated in some places including the United States and Beijing canceled scores of flights to help contain a fresh outbreak in China’s capital.

“This is the first treatment to be shown to reduce mortality in patients with COVID-19 requiring oxygen or ventilator support,” WHO Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus said in a statement late on Tuesday. The agency said it was looking forward to the full data analysis of the study in the coming days.

“WHO will coordinate a meta-analysis to increase our overall understanding of this intervention. WHO clinical guidance will be updated to reflect how and when the drug should be used in COVID-19,” the agency added.

Health and Pregnancy

Pregnancy Tips on Health, Your Body

Preparing for A BabyWeight Loss Tips

Diet Guides

[shirlleycoyle]

‘Yoga With Adriene’ On Her Rising Popularity During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Living and working in a New York apartment 24/7, sitting in various cross-legged poses on the bed or curled over an ill-fitting desk, I'm stiff and sore all the time. Without a physical gym to go to, my usual workout routine (not to flex, but it involved getting up at 4:45 a.m. most days and doing some form of grind-out on weights or cardio) is absolutely shot to shit.

These days I roll out of bed, make a bleary cup of coffee and Log On to the hell portal of Twitter. Also like a lot of people, I've been tamping down anxiety and hypochondria for weeks, and seasonal allergies aren't helping.

Moving my ass from bed to a yoga mat isn't going to cure the anxiety that comes with living through a deadly global pandemic, but it's something. If I'm stretching, breathing, and un-crumpling to the sound of a yoga YouTube video, I can trick my brain into feeling like things are normal for 20-40 minutes at a time. If you've ever turned to YouTube for a free yoga class, chances are that you've come across Adriene Mishler, the star of the "Yoga With Adriene" YouTube channel, which has exploded in popularity since people around the world started practicing social distancing.

In the world of online yoga, Yoga With Adriene dominates. In the eight years since its launch, the YouTube channel by the Austin, Texas-based yogi and actress has amassed more than 6.6 million subscribers and 543 million views. When you search YouTube for "yoga," her channel is the first to come up, with recommended videos. When you Google "yoga," her videos appear in the top results.

Now that the whole world is looking for ways to keep moving and stay healthy—inside—Mishler told me that her channel's seen a jump in numbers bigger than even New Year's day, typically the busiest day of the year.

I reluctantly tried yoga at home for the first time years ago, around the time Mishler first started allowing her dog Benji, the now-indispensable background character and unofficial mascot of the channel, into the studio. Back then, it was a respite from a tough time in my personal life, when going to the gym seemed like an impossible journey, but unrolling a mat in a slice of my tiny room was at least doable.

I'm back there now, a little older and with a slightly larger room, but many of the same sorts of anxieties and fears for the future—and everyone in the world seems to be in a similar place. So I spoke with Mishler about how she's coping with a massive public health crisis, how it's affected the way she runs Yoga with Adriene, and got her advice for people who are returning to their practices or arriving for the first time.

VICE: Of course with everyone staying home, we're all trying new things, or coming back to old practices. Has the channel seen any jump in subscribers or engagement in the last few weeks? Can you share any insights into where, around the world, people are tuning in?

Adriene Mishler: We have seen a significant jump on all platforms. The amount of traffic across the board is mirroring what we normally do at the top of the year in January, likely now surpassing that of our busiest day of the year which is usually January 1st. We started to receive direct emails from folks in Wuhan, and scattered about Italy starting several weeks ago. People are tuning in from all over the world. This morning I received a photograph of four people practicing Yoga With Adriene from Scott Base, Antarctica.

How are you doing, personally? Are you holding up okay, self isolating, etc.?

How kind of you to ask. I am personally doing okay, things are going pretty good at my house. The first week of quarantine was a bit of a rollercoaster but now I am feeling a bit more grounded as I continuously circle back to focus on my work. I’ve also invested some time in growing my own current practice and contemplation, which is both a blessing and challenge, even for me. It’s hard to strike a healthy balance from day to day when the world is going through such tumult outside my home in which I’ve been asked to stay put.

How's Benji?

Benji is doing great! He is recovering from a ACL [anterior cruciate ligament in the knee] surgery that had him resting at home for eight weeks, and boy did he pick a good time to do so! He is very happy for mama to be home and is an excellent quarantine companion—reminding me to smile, enjoy the little things, love unconditionally, and stretch! Benji is also receiving a lot of emails from friends, new and old from all over the world. I must admit, I am happy to share Benji with so many people—he really is a gem.

How has your practice, and your daily life, changed in the last few weeks? What ways have you found to cope with this stressful and uncertain time?

When I am not on the road, I work from home. We have not had an office space here in Austin for quite some time. We hold our weekly team calls on Zoom year round, with a team of 7 including me and hailing from three different states in the US. So we are used to this work from home formula.

Though this is a dark time, I also recognize this as a special time. I have always been a cheerleader for the incredible benefits and even healing powers of having an at-home yoga practice. Really, there is nothing like it. For me, it has always harkened back to the origins of yoga contributing to the relationship with one’s self and one’s ability to sit with oneself.

I think that if we are to prioritize one thing right now while seeking balance at home—yoga is a good option as it has the elements to tend to all parts of the self—the physical body, the mind, and the heart. When we prioritize this kind of self care, it doesn’t take a lot. I like to remind myself and my friends in our community that “a little goes a long way.”

A little bit of yoga at any time of day can transform one’s energetic state which can have a valuable ripple effect on the rest of the day.

This is not a new message for me. This has been on my mind since we started the channel in 2012. However, this experience certainly has shined a light not only on how at home yoga can be such a valuable ritual to incorporate into one’s daily life, but also it is shining a bright light on WHY.

Something I've noticed is that despite it being all over the news and at the top of everyone's minds, many of the biggest YouTube channels that are focused on things like yoga, meditation and ASMR aren't putting a direct focus on tailoring content to coronavirus or quarantine/isolation—yours included of course. Is that a conscious decision? What's it like to make those kinds of choices about when it's appropriate to address the news, versus carrying on as normal as possible?

I suppose it is a conscious decision and I find this question a smart one. The amount of mindfulness and integrity that you put into the roll out of your offerings will be felt, if not seen, by your audience or your community. I think this is an important piece of the relationship that is constantly evolving. I like to move from a place of respect.

For myself, for the community, for the practice, the craft, the world—even the dark stuff. Maybe it’s a personal preference but a 14-Day Corona Challenge is just a major turn off for me.

What advice would you give anyone who's feeling stressed out or anxious, beyond their yoga practice? And what would you say to people looking to get into yoga for the first time ever right now?

My advice to myself and to others is to be gentle, give yourself a little time and space each day to notice how you feel and pay attention to what you are nurturing.

For those who are new to yoga, I would lovingly remind you that you do not have to be good at yoga, nor flexible to practice. Just hop into something comfy and meet me there.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

‘Yoga With Adriene’ On Her Rising Popularity During the Coronavirus Pandemic syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[tune-collective]

Why Jay Z's '4:44' Is the Perfect Album for the Twitter Era

Why Jay Z's '4:44' Is the Perfect Album for the Twitter Era

What you about to witness is my thoughts Just my thoughts, man — right or wrong Just what I was feeling at the time

The hardest thing to achieve as a world-famous, millionaire-going-on-billionaire rapper is a sense of spontaneity. JAY-Z has been a businessman and/or business, maaaan for such a long time now that nearly every move he’s made has long felt inherently workshopped, focus-grouped and plotted to the finest detail — when the stakes are so high, you can’t leave anything to chance. In 2001, a still-ascendant Jigga could advertise his album as an off-the-cuff collection of disparate trains of thought and the idea was at least mildly plausible; in 2017, such rawness seems like it should be impossible from Shawn Carter.

The few glimpses that we have gotten in the past few years of a relatively unfiltered JAY-Z, though, have come in the form of sporadic Twitter splurges he’s indulged in from his @S_C_ account — like the #FactsOnly Q&A spree he went on after the release of Magna Carta Holy Crail in 2013, and just a couple weeks ago, the “people that have inspired me” series of shoutouts he offered before his induction into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. They’re disorganized, they have tons of typos, they show the level of Twitter mastery of somebody who only uses social media a handful of times a year — but they more or less feel real, which for someone of JAY-Z’s stature is an increasingly rare and refreshing thing, especially for longtime fans who’ve felt increasingly disconnected from the MC along his journey from Marcy to Bel-Air.

At midnight on Thursday (June 29), JAY-Z released his 13th solo LP, 4:44, as a TIDAL and Sprint exclusive, and the most immediately striking thing about the album upon first listen was its conversational directness. JAY makes up for lost verses over the four years since his last LP by addressing everything from his tarnished relationship with Kanye to his infamous elevator video with Solange to his Lemonade-inspiring unfaithfulness to Beyonce — all within the first track, “Kill Jay Z.” Making Jigga’s bars hit even harder is the fact that there are barely any choruses, big hooks or even major guest appearances on the set: The three credited guests on the set are Frank Ocean, Damian Marley and Jay Z’s own mother Gloria Carter, with full-album producer No I.D. by far the biggest other voice on the set, interjecting it with samples from Stevie Wonder, Lauryn Hill and Nina Simone whenever Shawn seems to need a breather.

It’d be easy to view the album as defiantly uncommercial, if not downright experimental in its practically free-associative nature. But while the set will almost certainly be a non-starter at radio — ask JAY what the first single from the set is, and watch him cackle in response — the rapper has wisely learned, probably from no one more than his own wife, that the FM dial has been replaced by the Internet as the most important space for pop music to own. And that’s the way that 4:44 is designed to be consumed, debated and evaluated — as a shared social media experience, with JAY-Z firing off tweets-as-bars about O.J. Simpson, Steve Harvey, and Prince and you can practically see the likes and RTs being racked up by the thousands as you’re listening.

The new album feels like one of those just-my-thoughts Twitter deluges, S Dot caught in a (relatively) unguarded moment, sharing his feelings on topics as close to home as his mother’s closeted homosexuality, the possibility of his daughter one day discovering his infidelity, and the legacy both real and intangible that he’ll leave behind when he’s dead.

And like those sprees, it’s occasionally messy — JAY’s notes about “why Jewish people own all the property in America” are pretty ill-advised, as is his “Marie Antoinette, baby, let ’em eat cake” message to his mother at the end of his otherwise affecting “Smile” verse. But the occasional lack of editing-for-content has the ultimate effect of making the set more endearing, since they seem like moments that the MC let slip because he didn’t even give himself the chance to overthink things. It’s like catching a pop star in a live vocal crack and feeling grateful to know that at least the performance isn’t lip-synced.

4:44‘s framework also made its manner of debut particularly powerful. An incidental function of the age of streaming and Global Release Fridays is that a wide number of highly anticipated releases end up being listened to for the first time in informal midnight listening parties, in which the Internet is able to react to an album in real time, the same way users would provide running commentary on an awards show or sporting event. Many of those albums aren’t really optimized for such man I should’ve gone to bed hours ago listening, but JAY-Z’s latest certainly is, allowing fans to hear it for the first time in the same mindstate that Jigga presumably recorded it, contemplative and vulnerable. It felt like a revelation, even more so because it was clear that it was dawning on so many fans around the globe at the same time and in the same way as it was dawning on you.

The second-most-immediately striking thing about 4:44 is just how quickly it ends: Ten tracks, 36 minutes, and it’s out. In the playlist era of artists pushing their albums’ run-times well past single-CD constraints — both Drake and DJ Khaled’s latest sets very casually ran past the 80-minute mark — for JAY-Z to revert to Illmatic lengths for his latest is certainly jarring. But it makes perfect sense for 4:44: Like any good social-media bender, when you’re out of stuff to say, the move is to just log off. And all the rest of us can do is set a Twitter alert and go back to sleep.

This article originally appeared on Billboard.

https://tunecollective.com/2017/06/30/jay-zs-444-perfect-album-twitter-era/