#its very difficult for me to deal w these new feelings of depression & (passive) suicidal ideation that dont stem from mental illness
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#its very difficult for me to deal w these new feelings of depression & (passive) suicidal ideation that dont stem from mental illness#but just abject despair from the world around me.#how can i want to live in a world where suffering and loss and evilness has permeated every corner of life?#when my existence depends on the suffering of others & there truly is no way for me to stop#sure i can mitigate it somewhat. but every coffee i drink has been touched by slaves and underpaid workers#by children abused by the system. that i stand atop of#when the fruit i eat has been picked by people who only want to live in peace and comfort yet who are hunted by my goverment#i dont want to die. i want to be alive so much. but it is almost unbearable to live like this.#i can only say that this feeling wont last forever#that tomorrow i will live in the same world i have always lived in and yet i will be capeable of hope and joy#i wish i could go out and lay down in the road and dissolve in the rain#okay.#okay#soon nathaniel will be over and i wont be alone
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