#its to a lemon demon song if that is cringe then let it be

[orphetoon]

people gotta stop rbing my animatics with nice comments cause it makes me want to make more. anyway ygo animatic. perhaps.

[nerves-nebula]

I know this might be kinda stupid but. do you have any music recs. specifically of the child abuse variety because I'd be very interested in that.

*sweats* ok so here's the thing- I have a playlist called "Abuse" and its full of music that is either explicitly about abuse, related to abuse thematically, or just has Abuse Vibes to me (some of which is likely inexplicable to other people)

im also kind of self conscious about my taste in music, cause sometimes it's like. i dunno. the steven universe soundtrack or a fnaf song i really like. and thats CRINGE! and really any genre of song can be about Child Abuse so it's like. idk if you'll like any of the things i recommend.

THAT BEING SAID, here's a selection i guess!! because I'm flattered you would even ask haha. a lot of these are pretty well known already tho so idk how helpful this will be. anyway this got hella long so. under the cut!

songs explicitly about or including themes of child abuse/having shit parents/having familial issues:

Guiltless by Dodie

Black by Okkervil River (narrative about a guys girlfriend telling him about her dad sexually abusing her. one of, if not the first, song i ever heard about CSA and it holds a special place in my heart)

The Mute by Radical Face

Ripple Effect by Scott Helman (kinda more about generational trauma & healing if im honest. i dont listen to it as much as the others on this list)

Poplar St by Glass Animals

Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood

Twin Sized Mattress by The Front Bottoms (classic i know)

The Family Jewels by Marina and the diamonds

Family Line by Conan Gray

Christmas Kids by ROAR (ok technically not about the kids but i find the subtext of how the kids are used in this abusive relationship horrific. also, it reminds me of my parents)

Drift Away - Steven Universe (OK I KNOW ITS NOT TECHNICALLY ABOUT THAT BUT TO ME IT'S ABOUT MY MOM. IT TRACKS TOO EXACTLY TO NOT INCLUDE HERE)

Other Abuse songs:

labour by Paris Paloma

This Hurts by Mindless Self Indulgence (my ex wife says i listen to this song to go joker mode and i hate that because i know she means Straight Joker and not Camp Joker but i do really like the song)

I'm your puppet by Gregory And The Hawk

Eric by Mitski (REAL GOOD)

Believe Me by James and the Shame (more about spiritual abuse sort of)

Girl Anachronism by The Dresden Dolls

Thermodynamic Lawyer esq GFD by Will Wood and the Tapeworms

We'll Never Have Sex by Leith Ross (less about abuse and more about, like, a healing relationship. still i think you can easily read into the alluded past abuse or sexual issues going here)

Fuck About It by Waterparks

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths (this is just such an abused person song)

This Hurts by Mindless Self Indulgence (my ex wife says i listen to this song to go joker mode and i hate that because i know she means Straight Joker and not Camp Joker but i do really like the song)

Sex With A Ghost by Teddy Hyde

I Cant Handle Change by ROAR (obviously)

rotting by vivivivivi

rook by sardonica

My favorite "Abuse Vibe" songs (NOTE: some of these songs might be about abuse or toxic relationships but um. im not very smart or good at sorting so. they ended up here):

Take a Slice by Glass Animals (PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS ONE FUCK THE REST OF THIS LIST EXCEPT ANIMALS I LOVE THOSE TWO)

Animals by Stomach Book (SEE ABOVE)

Youth by Daughter

Duck Or Ape by ROAR

Million Dollar Gold Digger (idk what it is about this remix im not even a huge fan of either of the songs its mixing. this is the VIBES part of the rec list i don't have to explain myself)

I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young

Gooey by Glass Animals

Breaking Down by Florence & The Machine

Moby Dick by Jakey

Aurora Borealis by Lemon Demon (hard to justify but this song just brings such vivid "abused kid failing to be normal while hanging out with someone and further isolating themself" vibe. yes im projecting. leave me alone)

The Dismemberment Song by Blue Kid (sometimes you just wanna kill your parents)

I'M GONNA WIN by Rob Cantor (this one just feels like anger and bitterness and being suspicious of anyone who tries to help you. I listen to it when im fucking going through it. its also a bop but you prolly already know that, i think it's pretty popular? idk)

It's Alright by Mother Mother (stereotypical i know)

South Dakota by Jakey (honestly i dunno. i dont even know where south dakota is)

My Blood by Twenty One Pilots (for all you sibling havers out there)

My Play by AJR (my parents arent divorced but man i wish they were. Also, this just brings up very vivid memories for me trying to show my parents things and it is fucking crushing haha)

Best Of You by Foo Fighters (idk just more shit that reminds me of my parents)

The Woods by San Fermin (this one is just very "I should have died as a child"-core to me)

JUVY ft. Julia Bard by Nnamdi Ogbonnaya (this guy is weird and i didnt like his stuff at first but then... i came back... and now he holds a place in my heart)

Grape Gil by Nnamdi Ogbonaya (i think this is my favorite song of his. I nearly made an owl house animatic to it)

Obsession by OK GO

Better Than Me by The Brobecks

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS by Tyler The Creator

Dumb Dumb by Mazie (honestly this one just reminds me of thinking "i hate it here everyone is so dumb" and then maladaptive daydreaming for hours to escape the situation hah)

Stone Wall, Stone Fence by Gregory And The Hawk

Never Wanna Fall in Love With U by Nelward

Another New World by Punch Brothers (this one is such an explicit and straightforward narrative i really can't explain it other than like. the emotions.)

Julep by Punch Brothers (once again, the emotions)

Always Sayin' by The Littles Man Band

A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH by Waterparks

Consequences by Lovejoy

Scum by Lovejoy

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SECRETS by lil boodang (another hard to justify one. idk. it just feels like it ok. sue me)

anyway i'm sure there's more but thats just a quick selection from my Abuse playlist. and by quick i mean you better appreciate this cuz i put way more effort into this than i needed to.

[cyraspirit]

Fanfic of our favourite angel and demon who cause us emotional pain! Enjoy!

The lift to heaven was pure white. Its doors mirrored the pristine quality of freshly fallen snow. The ceilings were white, the floor was white and three of the walls were white. ​

Leaning against the back wall was a figure of black and red. Their fringe grown long from lack of caring was a perfect substitute for their glasses, though they still sat on their reddening nose. Beside the demon stood a tiny angel, her hands shaking.​

“You okay,” Crowley said, hoarsely.​

“Yes. Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” the trembling angel giggled, “More excited than nervous! I’m excitavous!”​

“Good, good,” Crowley grinned.​

The lift continued upwards, carrying an angel who was letting a demon into heaven (again) and a demon who was trying to find their love. ​

Though there was no music to be heard out loud, Crowley’s ears rung with the sounds of a long-ago melody, one which had played thousands of times in their head but only once out loud. Their heart ached for others, one other in particular, to share in the bliss this song brought, the bliss this song preserved.​

Light leered at the pair as the doors opened. Crowley’s fists clenched and they ground their teeth together like the hellhound named “Dog”. Muriel, however, was grasping and ungrasping her hands, making them turn an apple-red. ​

No one was there to meet them, or stop them. Crowley strode out the door, Muriel following closely behind them. They did not change their appearance to suit the setting this time; they were going to flaunt their identity to all those who would cringe at the sight of them and they would enjoy it. ​

“Umm, where are we going Crowley?” Muriel asked.​

Crowley didn’t answer. They merely kept facing forwards. ​

In the distance, Muriel could make out a tiny dot. It radiated control, joy and a zest for helping others. But, underneath the persona of complete fulfilment, a feeling of loneliness was being supressed.​

Aziraphale was grinning at their latest project. Those forget-me-not eyes alight with an overwhelming sense of pride in their achievement: if only they could call someone to tell them of something clever they’d done before they popped. ​

“Who’s that?” came the voice of the aged Metatron.​

Aziraphale looked around from the globe of wonder and their eyes came to rest on a figure sauntering towards them.​

Sunglasses fell to the floor with a clatter. They shattered and shards of glass flew through the air, piercing the tension which was growing between the deity of heaven and the demon of earth. ​

All movement ceased when they came within a few metres of each other. For the first time in months, Crowley’s eyes became a soft yellow-brown, reminding the world of the gentle demon living behind the mask of defeat. Water began welling behind two pairs of eyes; one for the flood of regret, the other for the wave of sadness. ​

“Crowley,” Aziraphale whispered.​

They ran towards their demon, arms outstretched. Crowley stepped back. Muriel backed away into the Metatron. No one said a word. Even the song which had been running rampant in Crowley’s head for months died in the silence pressing in on them.​

“Crowley?” Aziraphale repeated.​

Neither could stop looking at the other but only one truly saw the entity before them. ​

Crowley noted the golden laurel sitting upon Aziraphale’s curly head and the cleanliness of their sharp suit mirrored that of the Metatron’s.​

“So, how’s ‘heaven’?” Crowley air-quoted the last word with disgust in their lemon eyes.​

The Metatron’s eyes narrowed. Muriel looked at the ground, silently agreeing with her friend’s gesture.​

“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale sighed, “It’s wonderful! You would love it…” they stopped at the demonic laughing emitting from the demon.​

“Oh, so you do know what the word “love” means. And you can say it,” they emphasised the penultimate word with every fibre of their being, still reeling from the final words of their lover in that bookshop.​

Aziraphale looked confused, their eyes misting to mirror a cloudy day. ​

Crowley shifted their hair from their eyes, better displaying the agony emanating from their soul: it had gone from a stunning yellow to a murky substitute over the last few weeks when they realised they had not dreamt the bookshop episode. ​

“I-,” Aziraphale fumbled.​

Daggers were ripping at their heart strings, letting their heart fall to the pit of their stomach. It crashed there, breaking into a million pieces. The flying ruins stabbed their insides, replacing the elation they had felt mere seconds ago with excruciating agony.​

“I poured my heart into those words; you poured your pride into yours.” ​

As Crowley spoke, Aziraphale caught the scent of alcohol on Crowley’s breathe. Mixed with utter loss and betrayal, the smell was intensified. The realisation made Aziraphale’s eyes water; they truly began seeing the Crowley of the present rather than the Crowley of the past. Their clothes were crumpled and had streaks of brown on them. They were slightly torn in places as though they had been clawed at in fits of fury. ​

“What… happened?” the angel asked.​

“Someone killed my best friend,” the demon replied.​

At these words, Crowley lunged at the Metatron, lifting the tiny man from the floor.​

“Crowley! Crowley, don’t,” reasoned Aziraphale.​

The radioactive yellow of the eyes glaring at the Metatron dug into the sharp-suited man’s eyes. They were full of hate and unforgiving.​

“Whatever you did to my friend, I will do something six thousand times worse to you Mr Floating Head,” Crowley growled.​

“I look forward to the attempt,” he smirked. ​

Crowley was so absorbed in making this man feel as much guilt as godly possible they didn’t see the look of horror on Aziraphale’s face.​

“Crowley!”​

They let go.​

Crowley looked around at the angel who had, once, always taken their side, regardless of how reckless. No understanding could be found in either pair of eyes, only abandonment. Little to no hope remained in the angel’s fragmented heart or in the dying soul of the demon.​

The silence seemed endless.​

Crowley groped for a spare pair of sunglasses, realising showing their true feelings was a mistake; they found none. Instead, they flattened their hair against their reddening forehead and turned away.​

“I…,” Aziraphale stuttered.​

“Don’t. Just, don’t,” Crowley yelled.​

As they sauntered towards the lift door, they took a phone from their pocket. It was playing a stunning melody of blissful joy. ​

Crowley let it slide to the floor, allowing the music to reverberate through the halls of ‘heaven’.​

The lift doors slid closed; Crowley didn’t look back.​

Aziraphale started towards the phone. They stopped mere inches from the screen.​

There, lighting up the cracked glass, was a picture of a Nightingale.