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charkyzombicorn · 3 years ago

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Okay but what if luffy got his devil fruit a bit younger? Like he was 4ish when shanks brought it. Garp gets pissy earlier and decides to tie some balloons to his grandson and let the sky handle him while he makes arrangements with dadan.

But then it's a particularly bad day for luffy, and a strong wind carried him away from his island, he ends up falling right into one of the newer slave trader's ships and well fuck. He tried to fight them off but one of them has a collar with sea stone that the big boss person gives to every ship, even the smaller ones. So now luffy's fucked.

Since he's got a devil fruit, he's taken to the big boss child slave distributor asshole (put that on a business card) and then eventually gets taken to judge, because of course that dickhead would buy superpowered children. Judge gets him purely because rubber boy can take a hell of a walloping and also is stronger than the average four year old.

The vinsmoke brats and Sanji end up being pitted against Luffy and luffy does not win, but he doesnt die either so that's a plus. Sanji hates beating up a four year old, his brothers seem to love being able to punch something as much as they want without them being taken away or dying.

Luffy ends up learning how to fight by force, and eventually he's dubbed Sanji's fighting partner since they're both the weakest, which sucks because if sanji loses he gets locked up and if luffy loses then judge gives the other three brothers sharp objects and free time with luffy

Eventually luffy befriends sanji because of course he does, and loving food as much as he does he becomes the taste tester for sanji's cooking endeavors, and sometimes luffy manages to limp away to talk to sanji when he's in his cell.

When they escape, they escape together, and sanji becomes a bus boy and luffy just carries shit because he cant really do anything else but he could deadlift a ship at 10 so hey

When the attack happens, sanji's trying to save luffy, but zeff has to save him. Sanji sits on that rock almost certain that luffy's dead.

Luffy didn't die tho, because no, and he got saved, idk how, this is a writing prompt u figure it out, and they end up growing up apart for a bit after that. Luffy doesn't find his island again, but he does a bit of bounty hunting to get by and ends up making a name for himself because apparently his 'training' with the vinsmokes was a little more brutal than he thought.

Sanji works hard, he feels he owes a debt to both zeff and luffy, both of which helped him in some of his worse moments, and ends up a bit more edgy than in canon because he thinks his only friend is dead (push him to the edge🎶)

But then luffy gets blamed for something that was only really half his fault and half the random bandit he was fighting's fault, and he ends up with a bounty. It isn't a big one, just about 10000 berri, he kinda destroyed a bit more marine property than is recommended. But then sanji sees the bounty in the paper and he doesnt know if he should be glad his friend is alive or angry that luffy let him think he was dead.

But then luffy comes to the baratie when hes about 15-16, and then he sees sanji again and now he's super fuckin happy because how would luffy know sanji was alive?? They both came to the conclusion of mutual misunderstanding and lack of information after a bit of angst, because its sanji and luffy. But they get over it because they were both on the bottom end of the vinsmoke hellhole and does it really matter when they're reunited?

Zeff let's luffy steal sanji because it's been over a decade but luffy still wants to be the motherfuckin king, okay? And sanji's gonna be the cook for the pirate king and find the all blue because

Sanji becomes luffy's first mate and then start a sailing. Luffy attracts friends like a magnet, they get usopp next, and luffy kills kuro because luffy isn't as not-killerish as he is in canon because tragic backstory and if you leave a kid alone to be a bounty hunter long enough with only their own brain to make the morals, what do you expect will happen? Usopp joins because 'UwU piwate' is his opinion on the matter

They get nami, and sanji's a bit more chill than in canon because growing up with a guy that was also nice along with his sister and mother had a bit of an impact. He's still a bit if a french goth and treats nami better than other people but he isn't being a douche about a lady fighting or making faces quite as stupid.

Zoro joins but Does Not like sanji, which is mutual but luffy likes him so sanji must deal. They make their way toward the grand line, going back to the baratie, or what's left of it.

Sanji gets another thick layer of angst learning that while he was gone, don krieg destroyed the ship trying to steal it, and then they go to find don krieg, postponing grand line for a hot second because luffy wont leave until he gets to personally kick the ass of whoever made his cook so extra angsty, and sanji seconds that.

They find don krieg in Cocoyashi island, after crashing there with his broke ass ship. They fight him, the ruckus brings out arlong before Nami can attempt to lie to save them.

Sanji gets off one angst and gets it replaced with another when he can barely do shit because he was cooking all this time and is no longer as strong as luffy, who was only really working on fighting. Luffy almost dies because he has to fight both those shitheads back to back, but he wins.

Sanji starts getting more aggressive with zoro, and zoro only stays because he saw the fight and respects his captain, but that's a bit of a loose thing, ready to snap with a wrong move. Or maybe zoro leaves because he needed that fight with mihawk to realise this was serious and he was a pirate now, to each their own.

They stay in the east blue a little longer because luffy nearly died and they dont have a doctor, but he's fine. Sanji gets more guilt tho because that's how he is, and starts treating luffy nicer, which leads to luffy instigating a fight between the two of them because luffy wont swallow that shit. It helps things because violence is sometimes the answer

They head to the grand line, up reverse mountain, meet the whale, the whole shebang. Sanji might catch feels by this point because honestly who wouldn't?

Nami gets sick, and luffy doesn't know how to deal with that because back when he was being carted around with a sea stone collar and 30 other starving children, they just shot the ones that got sick. Ptsd time and guess who gets to help because zoro isn't first mate/here? Sanji! Which definitely puts things into perspective because for as long as he'd known him, luffy's tried his hardest to make sanji smile, and keep him company, even though after being bought luffy's only purpose was to be a stepping stone in sanji's development. So sanji finally being smacked across the face with the brunt of bottled up traumatized child luffy, he needs a fuckin smoke.

They find drum island and then same shit as canon, except it hits a bit harder with luffy carrying a dying nami and a heavily injured sanji up sheer rock because that's the only person that luffy had when shit got rough that he's holding between his teeth.

When sanji wakes up he probably notices how injured luffy is and can estimate the ringer he's been through because Sanji had to personally find out how luffy's healing factor worked because he was a good fraction of the reason luffy needed to heal so much.

They acquire a chopper :3

This is getting long and it's pretty much the end of my idea, sorry for the long informal post.

#one piece #lusan #i will take my leave

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uncloseted · 3 years ago

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there's a part of me that still thinksa bortion is murder. i act like i support it to fit in but deep down i dont. please just listen. i think forcing someone to go through a pregnagncy they don't want is inhuman but it also feels inhuman to kill a baby and i dont like thsi idea that if youre 4 weeks pregnant and you want it its a baby but if youre 4 week pregnant and dont want it then its just a clump of cells thats just not how scence works. so theres this woman who was forced to get an .

Anonymous asked:

abortion and she was 6 months pregnant and apparently th baby waws born alive but it died shortly after from ashpyxia and i just dont know what to think. i know forcing smeone to get an abortion is just as bad as forcing them to give birth and that theres no such thing as a six month abortion and at least wher e i live abortions are only available until week 14 but like wwhat if someone is 15 or 16 weeks or 7 months, do they not have a choice anymore? please dont think im a bigot im not im so

Anonymous asked:

sorry i just dont want to be brainwashed by ANYONE, pro life or pro choice and im just so easily influenceable i just want to support whats right you know

No worries at all! I don't think you're a bigot and I'm glad that you want to engage with this issue critically. I'm happy to give you the facts as they stand and offer you my perspective on the issue. Apologies in advance that this is a bit long, but please try to stick with me until the end! All of this is important in understanding the different sides of this discussion.

There are a few main categories I want to talk about in this answer: legal, science, politics, and culture. For now, I'm going to avoid delving into any religious or metaphysical questions about what is and isn't considered "a person", since while those conversations are interesting, I don't think they're particularly useful in the context of discussions about abortion. As Harry Blackmun wrote in the court opinion for Roe v. Wade, "we need not resolve the difficult question of when life begins. When those trained in the respective disciplines of medicine, philosophy, and theology are unable to arrive at any consensus, the judiciary, at this point in the development of man's knowledge, is not in a position to speculate."

Legality

Starting with legal issues, there are a few points I think it's important to make in order to get a sense of how we relate to abortion. Abortions are legal in 98% of countries. 34% of countries, including the US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand most European countries, and China, allow abortions on the basis of a the pregnant person's request, without needing to prove that there is risk to life, risk to health, risk to the fetus, economic or social reasons that abortion is a necessity, or extenuating circumstances (such as the pregnancy being a product of rape or incest). The vast majority (93%) of countries with highly restrictive abortion laws, such as outlawing abortion except in cases where the pregnant person is endangered, are in developing regions. There are five countries that completely outlaw abortion. These are: Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Malta, Nicaragua, and the Vatican City, all countries where the Catholic church has significant influence.

Of the countries that do allow abortion, there is always a limit on how far into a pregnancy a person can be when they choose to terminate. Beyond that limit, the person doesn't have a choice anymore, and must carry the pregnancy to term (except in extenuating circumstances). The most common limit is 12 weeks (3 months), although some countries allow abortion up to the point of "viability", where the fetus can live outside the mother's womb with artificial aid. Typically, the point of viability is around 24 weeks (6 months). In the US, 87% of abortions are performed before 12 weeks, and 92.2% were performed at 13 weeks or fewer. For reference, pregnancies are typically around 40 weeks long.

Forced abortion is illegal in almost every country, including the US and the UK, and it is considered an act of violence against women. It is just as bad as forcing someone to give birth, which is why all countries do their best to prevent it from happening. While forced abortions can and do happen, particularly to victims of sex trafficking, I think the solution to this issue is to put policies into place that protect vulnerable women, instead of trying to ban abortion entirely.

Science

So, most countries allow abortions up to 12 weeks. What does that actually look like in terms of the fetus? Here's a timeline of fetal stages of growth:

Weeks 1-4: at this stage, the "baby" is actually an embryo. It starts out as just a fertilized egg. The amniotic sac forms around it, and the placenta develops. The eyes, mouth, lower jaw, and throat are in very early development. Blood cells are taking shape. By the end of week 4, the embryo is smaller than a grain of rice. It is very literally "just a clump of cells" at this point.

Weeks 5-9: the "baby" is still an embryo. Its facial features begin to develop, folds of skin that will eventually become ears grow, tiny buds that will eventually grow into arms and legs form, the neural tube, digestive tract, and sensory organs all begin to develop. Bone starts to replace cartilage. At about 6 weeks, a heart beat can be detected. After week 8, the baby is considered a fetus instead of an embryo, at which point the fetus is about one inch long.

Weeks 9-12: the fetus' arms, hands, fingers, feet, and toes are fully formed. It may be able to open and close its fists and mouth. Ears are formed, and its reproductive organs begin to develop. By the end of week 12, the fetus has all of their organs and limbs, and their circulatory and urinary systems are working, but everything needs to continue to develop in order to become functional. At the end of week 12, the fetus is about 4 inches long.

It is important to know that the miscarriage rate is highest in the first trimester (before week 12). Among women who know they're pregnant (typically further along than 6 or 7 weeks), 10-20% will miscarry. 30%-50% of all fertilized eggs miscarry.

Other important developmental markers include:

During month 4 (weeks 16-20), you can see the sex of the fetus.

During month 5 (weeks 20-24), the fetus starts moving around.

Between week 22 and week 24, brain waves appear in the cerebral cortex.

At week 24, the fetus may be able to survive if it is born prematurely, provided it has intensive care.

Somewhere between week 26 and week 30, the fetus may be able to feel pain, although we don't know that for sure.

A fetus is not capable of thinking, communicating, reasoning, self-motivation, feeling emotions, or consciousness. They don't have a concept of the self, and they don't know that they exist. They are essentially sedated for the entirety of the pregnancy. Since we use "brain death" as the primary criteria for death, it makes sense to me that we might consider "brain life" (the point where a fetus exhibits brain activity) as the point at which a fetus becomes a person.

While some people will refer to an embryo as a "baby" from the time they discover they're pregnant, scientifically, it is a clump of cells, whether that clump is allowed to continue to grow or not. It's not something we would recognize as a baby, or be able to interact with as if it were a baby. An embryo is a precursor to a baby, kind of like how a seed is a precursor to a plant.

Some other arguments

I want to quickly touch on some other arguments for abortion rights that people make. I'm not going to delve deeply into them, but it didn't feel right to leave them out entirely. These are arguments that don't depend on whether or not a fetus can be considered a person.

Bodily Rights

There are many situations in which we prioritize individual bodily rights over the right of someone else to live. For example, we don't force people to donate organs to people who are dying, even though a donated organ would save their life. Advocates for abortion rights argue that those same bodily rights should be extended to a pregnant person.

Deprivation

This argument usually looks something like, "but what if that fetus was going to cure cancer when it grew up!" Basically, it's saying that abortion is morally wrong because it deprives the fetus (and the world) of a valuable future. To me, this completely ignores the deprivation that already exists by forcing a person to carry and birth a baby they don't want, and potentially the deprivation that comes with raising that child. People who make this argument never seem to ask, "what if the pregnant person was going to cure cancer?"

Slippery Slope

Some people argue that normalizing and legalizing abortion may lead to people also accepting euthanasia. I am unconvinced by this for two reasons. 1. Slippery slope is a logical fallacy and 2. I absolutely do think we should legalize euthanasia for certain situations.

Religion

I don't want to dig too far into this one, but what I will say is that the US is a country that (at least nominally) has a separation of church and state, and the religious beliefs that other people hold should not infringe on a person's rights to make choices about their own life.

History and Politics

The practice of abortion itself is incredibly old. The Sanskrit epic Ramayana, which dates to the 7th century BCE, describes abortion being practiced by surgeons and barbers. In the Assyrian Code of Assura, circa 1075 BCE, a woman is allowed to procure an abortion except when it's against her husband's wishes. The first recorded evidence of induced abortion is from the Egyptian Ebers Papyrus in 1550 BCE. Japanese documents show records of induced abortion from as early as the 12th century, and it became more prevalent during the Edo period. It is considered to be unlikely that abortion was punished in Ancient Greece or ancient Rome. All major Jewish religious movements allow abortion in order to save the life or health of a pregnant woman, and often support abortion for other reasons as well. Christianity has a more complicated relationship to abortion, for reasons that I'll go into in a bit, but for now let's just note that there very much were ancient Christians who believed abortion was morally permissible at least some of the time. Before the 19th century CE, first-trimester abortion was widely practiced and was legal under common law throughout the English speaking world, including the US and UK.

The reason I bring all of this up is because the political debate over abortion isn't really that old, and the debate tends not to actually be about the morality of abortion as an act so much as it is a proxy for other issues. The first backlash against abortion in the English Speaking world was in the 19th century, and was a direct reaction to the women's rights movement, which was starting during that time. In the US, anti-abortion laws began to appear as early as the 1820s, but picked up in earnest by the late 1860s. These laws were introduced for many reasons, including the fact that abortions were being provided by untrained people who were not members of medical societies and concerns about the safety of abortifacients. By 1900, abortion was a felony in every US state, but they continued to become increasingly available. By the 1930s, licensed physicians performed an estimated 800,000 abortions a year.

Jumping forward a little bit, let's talk about the history of abortion in the US just before Roe v. Wade. It's estimated that in the 50s and 60s, between 200,000 to 1.2 million abortions were being performed per year, even though they were illegal. Throughout that same time, the second wave feminist movement was growing, and was increasingly advocating for birth control and liberalized abortion laws. As a reaction to second wave feminism, a number of anti-abortion organizations, primarily led by Catholic institutions, cropped up to mobilize against the legalization of abortion. It should be noted that, at the time, abortion was not an issue for evangelical Christian groups. In the 1960s, 17 states legalized abortion for a variety of different circumstances. Then in 1973, Roe v. Wade happens, ruling that a pregnant woman has the right to choose to have an abortion without excessive government restriction. The ruling was 7-2 in favor of legalizing abortion. Even after Roe v. Wade, Christian Evangelicals were neutral to positive on the ruling. It's only after 1980 that Evangelical Christians started to organize around abortion as a political issue and joined the Catholics to form what we now think of as the Christian Right. There's a lot to say about that and why that switch happened, but for the sake of brevity, just know that the evangelical backlash against legalized abortion in the US started not as a moral crusade, but as a way of convincing people to vote for Ronald Regan instead of Jimmy Carter (who wanted to de-segregate schools). No political debate happens in a vacuum, and it's important to understand what other factors might have been at play when looking at where these debates come from and how the sides formed.

Culture

Lastly, let's talk a little bit about the cultural impacts of banning or legalizing abortion. The right to have or not have a child is necessary in order for women to achieve equality with men. Countries with high gender equality, such as Iceland, Finland, Norway, New Zealand, and Sweden, also have easily accessible abortion options. Criminalization of abortion disproportionately impacts poor women and women of color, and does nothing to address the systemic issues that may cause them to require abortions in the first place.

Researchers from the WHO and University of Massachusetts found that banning abortion is an inefficient way to reduce abortion rates; in countries where abortions were restricted, the number of unintended pregnancies actually increased, and the proportion of unintended pregnancies ending in abortion also increased. When abortion is banned, women aren't not having abortions; they're having illegal abortions that are done unsafely.

There is also some evidence to suggest that legalized abortion actually decreases crime rates. 20 years after the legalization of abortion in the US, there was an unprecedented nationwide decline of the crime rate (including murders, incidentally). The drop in crime is thought by some to be a result of the fact that individuals who had a higher statistical probability of committing crimes (people who grew up as unwanted children in poverty) were not being born.

Which brings me to my next point- the majority of people who are "pro-life" (at least in the US) aren't really pro-life. They're pro-birth. If they were truly pro-life, they would be interested in making sure that all of those babies had their needs met after they're born. They would be interested in making sure those babies can lead long, healthy, safe, and productive lives. They would be for universal healthcare, expanded social safety nets, parental leave from jobs, universal basic income, raising the minimum wage, mandated vacation time, increasing funding for public schools, decriminalizing drugs, abolishing prisons or at least reforming the police. They would be against the death penalty (ironically, some of them are actually for the death penalty for women who have had abortions), and for increased access to birth control, comprehensive sex-ed in schools, increased gun legislation, against war and nuclear weapons, for enforced mask wearing to prevent people from needlessly dying from a global pandemic... but those issues don't factor into their "pro-life" stance. They're for "the baby gets born and then has to pull itself up by its bootstraps like the rest of us."

Closing Thoughts

Look. I'm not super jazzed about abortions. I understand how they can feel like an ethical issue. I think we should do what we can to reduce the number of abortions that are performed- teaching comprehensive sex-ed in schools, making birth control and emergency contraceptive options widely accessible, letting men know that reversible vasectomies are an option. I think we should make abortion easier to access, so those who do need it can make the decision early in the pregnancy. But I also think that it's a very personal decision, one that's irreversibly life altering, and the person who's going to experience the life altering event should be the one who decides what happens. 65 year old conservative, Christian white men who will never be pregnant (and frequently don't really know how the female body works) shouldn't get to make that decision for them. As someone for whom pregnancy would be life threatening, I want to know that I have options should that situation present itself someday.

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lokisasylum · 3 years ago

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Saw this tag last night and thought it was pretty cool, but was passing out from exhaustion from the vaccine so I couldn’t do it.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). see if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag some of your favorite authors!

1. No Ordinary Love [BTS, yoonmin - Still in the works, but I wanted to add it because I really like the Prologue]

When I entered the club that night… I wasn't expecting anything to happen beyond a casual conversation and perhaps sharing a few drinks.

I knew very well how delicate the situation stood between us after a disastrous breakup years ago, followed by a bittersweet reunion that ended anything but friendly.

No, I wasn't there to beg nor did I want him to take me back. Jiminie had his life and I had mine.

All I wanted was someone to talk to… and he was there for me.

Can you blame me for that?

2. Forever, You Said. [BTS, jikook, vampire au]

All my life I wanted nothing more than to get away and live my life the way I want. So why… does it suddenly not feel enough? Why do I feel like I'm missing something? - Jungkook

3. Lunatic High [BTS, fantasy au]

The sound of his own harsh breathing echoed loudly in his ears, only matched by the sound of his erratic heartbeat as he ran half blindly through the field.

4. Heal My Heart [BTS, jikook; historical au]

"Did you come here to yell at me too?"

Jimin rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop the smile that was already forming on his lips at the sight of the young knight sulking in the corner of the room like a child.

"Of course not. I’m your physician not your squad leader or Seokjin-hyung for that matter." The elder reassured him while placing the bowl of water, rags, ointment and bandages on the nearest table. "So obviously I’m here to treat your wounds… just like I always do." He added in a smaller voice, more to himself than to Jeongguk.

5. A Promised Scenery [BTS, vmin; canon]

It was 4:00 AM, but they hadn't gone inside when they said they would half an hour ago.

Or rather they had meant to.

But the minute that their hands were clasped so tight, like they never wanted to let go, and their eyes met in a whirlwind of emotions, shy smiles and embarrassed laughter. That moment was the first time where the world stopped spinning for them.

6. You're my Tear/You're my Fear [BTS, jikook; songfic]

A broken home.

A sad song.

The curtain rises, but its the same old story from before. Different scenarios, but always the same ending.

7. Yoongi's Confession [BTS, yoonmin; canon]

Our entire relationship, our love, our life can only be compared to a violent car crash on an empty road at night under the pouring rain.

Lots of dark moments, heartaches, blood, sweat and tears.

It’s how it started... and ended.

8. Love Cravings [BTS, vminkook; a/b/o]

Jungkook groaned as his phone rang for the 20th time that night when he had finally gotten into his car.

All he wanted was to get back home, to his warm bed and SLEEP like he deserved. Was that too much to ask?

9. Dirty Habits [BTS, jikook; labeled as “late valentines smut” LOL]

Jungkook stumbled through the front door of his apartment, nearly tripping on the ‘Welcome Home’ mat that never quite made you feel as welcome as it was intended to.

10. So Trust Me [BTS, vminkook]

--Words of love, encouragement, good health, best wishes, and strength continued to flow in waves every minute into his cell phone. Lifting his spirit and filling his heart with joy little by little though not as fast or as overwhelming as it normally should.

It’s been a hard year, not just for him, but for everyone.

Even with all the happiness and beautiful memories being created around him, there was still sadness lingering in his heart. But he wouldn’t let it show, not yet, not here.

11. The Reason [BTS, vminkook]

“Jimin-ssi, keep your defense up!!” Jungkook barked out without breaking his stance as he watched the other male stumble backwards on to the snowy ground with a loud thud.

Taehyung watched from the side, leaning against the wall next to the glass sliding doors to their apartment. Worry etched on to his features behind the large scarf half covering his face to protect him from the cold weather. It’s not the first time he’s come to watch his two lovers spar, but as to why the two insist on doing it at such an early hour in the morning where it’s the coldest its beyond him.

12. Peppermint Kisses [BTS, vminkook]

Something was up in the dorm and Jungkook didn’t like it one bit.

And that something was related to two particular members of Bangtan.

The 95z.

13. UNSTEADY (Prequel to All or Nothing) [BTS, jikook; canon]

I watched him lie through his teeth again today during practice. But it wasn’t just today, there had been many other times where I had watched Jimin do the same; skipping meals, sleepless nights, and when nothing else worked he’d wear himself out with excessive practice hours in the studio by himself.

But I’m not blind, I know it’s on me… yet he still insists on taking the fall by himself for what happened that day.

14. The Sleepover [BTS, vminkook]

Taehyung was the first to stir awake that morning with a long groan. His lashes fluttered weakly against his cheek as he tried to fight off both sleep and nausea from his system.

The hangover making its presence known with a vengeance.

15. All or Nothing [BTS, jikook; canon]

The door to his and Hoseok’s shared room slammed so hard that he could have sworn the thing would come off its hinges any moment.

How dare he?

How fucking dare he?

16. Beautiful Tragedy [BTS, jikook; soulmate au]

When I was four my mother used to tell me stories about Soulmates and how they were always bound to find each other no matter what. Because they were destined to be.

Born and made for each other.

No distance was too far, no language became a barrier, no obstacle too high or low to overcome. No hardship was too much to bare. Because soulmates were two halves of the same soul who's primary purpose was to find their way back to one another and therefore spoke their own language in their hearts.

17. Private Show [BTS, jikook; canon]

“You’re late.” A voice scolded from somewhere in the still dark room.

His hand immediately left the doorknob to reach for the light switch, revealing a figure leaning on the farthest wall, against the mirrors. His pink hair hidden by a cap worn low which also hid his face, a jean jacket over a black buttoned up shirt, dark ripped jeans and boots.

It was Jimin.

18. Sin For You [BTS, vmin; AU]

He was singing our song again at our favorite karaoke bar.

Our secret song… the one nobody knows about. That keeps us connected even at times when we had been involved with someone else.

19. It's all in your mind [BTS, canon with some subtle jikook]

It felt strange to be back home after being away for so long while filming the second season of Bon Voyage, and with a new comeback sometime in September, the schedules were sure to be tight for the rest of the year. So everyone at the dorm tried to make the most of it by getting organized and rest.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I mean... it said favorite opening LINES, in PLURAL.

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY, KIDS?

That I need to work on my entries better =_=

Repeated patterns I may have noticed? Hmm... that I usually start the opening scenes with someone walking into a room (usually angry and throwing shit LOL), or describing sounds/smells/feelings.

And that in most cases its JK walking into said rooms and literally walking into some unknown chaos 😌😅 (said chaos being Jimin).

Tag... I don’t know if any of my favorite authors are here on tumblr, much less if I’m following any of them because lately I’ve been checking out authors who announce their work via twitter.

But if any of my moots are authors, go for it.

#tag #tag game #tag meme #bts #bts fics #jikook #vmin #vminkook #AO3 #ao3fic #bts fanfics #bts fanfiction #fanfiction tag

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cerulienne · 3 years ago

Photo

hullo! i was fucking around at work and came up with a way to generate RPG maps from stock photos. here is a tutorial. sorry for my tiny handwriting. it looks long but i promise it’s super simple

this is specifically written for photoshop, but i assume you could adapt it for other programs if you know your way around them!

full text instructions below! you should be able to follow these w/o the pictures if they get chunched by tumblr compression lol.

for reference, my canvas is RGB, 5000 x 5000 px, at 150 dpi.

1. start with any stock photo -- look for organic shapes and defined areas of light & dark.

2. adjustment layer: brightness/contrast! max contrast, small adjustments to brightness. my settings: brightness +30, contrast +100

3. adjustment layer: black & white! just mess around until you get rid of most of the medium greys, and you have a good proportion of light masses to dark masses. it’s really all to your taste

4. adjustment layer: levels! move the highs (far right arrow) to the center, then move the mids (middle area) to meet it in the center. this should eliminate your greys. to adjust, move that combined mid+high arrow along the slider.

5. merge all your adjustment layers with the image

6. filter > pixellate > crystallize. select a relatively large cell size at first. mine was 145.

7. repeat crystallize few times without changing the settings.

8. adjust areas with a black or white brush. clear out areas with too many lakes or peninsulas or islands, mess around till it it looks like land, then crystallize again

9. once your general shapes look good, crystalize again at a smaller cell size. smaller = more jagged edges. i chose 41 for my final pass.

10. select > color range, select white background with 0 fuzziness

11: delete white background -- it should now be transparent.

12. alpha lock your map layer and fill with black to remove all gray cells. the map is done! from here on out is how i personally style it.

13. add a light beige background. fill the map layer with a darker beige.

14. layer style: stroke! 9px, dark brick red

15. layer style: outer glow! same color, opacity 100%, noise 100%, spread 0, size 68px or to your taste

16. create a new empty group. add ONLY the map layer. then add a layer style to the group -- this lets you layer outer glow effects!

17: outer glow on the group: same color, opacity 48%, noise 100%, size 103px or to your taste

18. add a paper texture and mess with layer effects until you like it! i chose linear burn, opacity 100%. my favorite paper texture is this one lol

all done!!!!! im gonna make a million of these probably. its so fun to try different pictures and see how they turn out!

#artythings

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avocadogirl216 · 4 years ago

Text

Sparkling Blue

AN: This was requested by lizzz47 on Wattpad. I’m so sorry that this took forever to come out and I am sorry if it is crap.

Summary: While your brothers and yourself are looking for Jack, you run into Clark Barker, who you can’t help but feel attracted to.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x sister!reader, Sam Winchester x sister!reader, Jack Kline x reader, Clark Barker x reader

Warnings: Flirting (Is that a warning?), Violence, Fluff, Underage Smoking, Language, Depressed Reader, Kissing

Word Count: 3,263

(I do not own this GIF)

You groan as you wake up on the floor of the nursery. You sit up and immediately try to find your brothers. Sam and Dean were a couple of feet away from you, also starting to gain consciousness.

“What the hell happened?” Sam asked as he started to stand on his freakishly sized legs.

“The kid. That’s what.” Dean said as he followed suit of his younger brother.

“Are you guys okay?” You asked as you started to look over yourself for any injuries.

“Other than the skull splitting headache, I’m freaking fantastic.” Dean replied in a sarcastic tone as he made is way over to you and extended his hand. You put your small hand into his large one and he hoisted you up onto your feet. “We need to find that kid.” Dean stated as he found his gun on the floor and holstered it into the back of his jeans.

“Yeah, but how?” Sam asked.

“He couldn’t have gone far.” You stated.

“Unless he can teleport.” Dean replied back while running his hand down his face in a frustrated matter.

“Well let’s think of the smaller picture right now. Okay?”

“Fine.” Dean grumbled.

“Let’s say that Jack can’t teleport, the next best thing for him is to walk. So we can look around town and ask of they have seen him.”

“Yeah, lets just go around town asking if anyone has seen a naked newborn nephilim. Good plan.” Dean said as he started to make his way out of the house.

You and Sam shared a look. You just lost Mary and Cas all in the same hour and now Jack, who possibly has the power to end all of humanity with the snap of his fingers, is roaming Chuck’s green earth. You understand why Dean is pissed, hell you were just as pissed as him, if not more. Every time you seem to catch a break, something happens, proving to you that you can’t be happy. As you and Sam made your way out of the house, Dean has already started the car and was waiting on you.

After 20 minutes of driving towards town, you spot a burger place on the side of the road. As Dean pulls in, you and Sam both volunteer to ask the people inside if they have in fact, seen a naked newborn nephilim.

When you walk in, Sam immediately goes to the counter, which is occupied by a clearly drunk woman who was moaning for fries. You start to look around the small burger place with way too much pirate themed decor. You look at the menu screen to see that all of the menu items were changed to where their names had butt in them.

Immature

“I want fries.” The woman demanded yet again while setting her high heels on the counter.

“Lady, I’ve already told you, I can’t give you any fries before lunch. Rules are rules.” The kid said in a annoyed tone. He couldn’t have been older than you, 16.

“Screw the rules. I’m outta here.” The woman moaned as she stumbled out of the burger joint.

You and Sam approached the counter.

“Welcome to Pirate Pete’s Jolly Treats! What would you like today?” The kid asked, his mood already improving since the drunk woman left.

“Umm we won’t be ordering anything. We’re actually looking for someone. A kid, around 17, not exactly clothed.” You said.

The boys eyes widened. “Yeah I know who you’re talking about. He stopped here asking about his father or something and Clark called his mom, who is the sheriff and she came and picked him up.” He explained.

“Oh okay. Could you point us in the direction of the police station please?” You asked kindly.

“Uh yeah, sure. If you take the main road through town and turn on Greenly Avenue, its just on your right.” The boy explained.

“Thank you.” Sam said as you two made your way out the door.

Once you got on the car with Dean, Sam repeated the directions to the police station and you made your way there. It took about 10 minutes before you pulled into the parking lot of the small station. As everyone made their way out of the car, you all started to walk towards the front door with caution. When Dean opened the door for you and Sam you could immediately tell that something was wrong. The lights were flickering like crazy and the floor was vibrating. You pulled out your gun along with your brothers and you started to make your way towards the voices in the office portion of the station.

When you entered the room you could see three people, a woman who was obviously the sheriff, a teen boy with a red jacket and Jack whose eyes were glowing a vibrant gold, clearly angry. You needed to take Jack down before he hurts anyone, so you made a quick decision. You ran to the sheriff and stole her taser out of her belt, which got you a confused look, and you shot it at Jack.

Jack hit the floor with a thud, clearly unconscious. You handed the sheriff the taser back and holstered your gun in the waistband of your jeans. The teen boy gave you an impressed and shocked look.

“Dude!” He exclaimed while raising his eyebrows.

“Who the hell are you?” The woman asked, confusion written on her face.

“We’re the ones who just saved your ass.” Dean replied.

The sheriff looked between you, your brothers and Jack on the floor. “Umm, what just happened?” She asked.

“Look, we can explain everything but right now we need to get him to a jail cell for your safety and ours.” Sam explained.

“Fine, but after we are going to have ourselves a nice, long chat about what the hell is going on.” The sheriff said.

After Sam and Dean both carried Jack into a cell, they were lead into a large office. “Don’t go anywhere.” Dean said to you before walking in.

“Yeah, yeah I get it.” You said as you leaned against a desk.

Once the door to the office was closed, the teen boy looked at you again, awe still in his eyes. He was attractive. He had slick, black hair that was almost as long as Sam’s but was curly at the ends, blinding white teeth and sparkling blue eyes.

“Who are you? Like some superhero or something?” He asked.

“My name’s Y/N and I am a hunter, which is almost like a superhero if you think about it.” You said as you crossed your arms across your chest.

“Cool. I’m Clark.” Clark said while a smile growing onto his face.

You returned the smile as best as you could, which turned out to be a depressing grin. Clark noticed this.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked while tilting his head.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just...” You sighed while looking at the floor. “Things haven’t exactly gone great for me lately.” You said sadly.

There was a moment of silence before Clark spoke. “I know something that might help.” He said with a mischievous smirk playing onto his lips.

You shot him a questioning look. Clark grabbed your hand and started to lead you to the back door of the building. When you made it outside, Clark put a fruit basket in the doorway, preventing you two from getting locked outside. He then reached into his bright red jacket and brought out a pack of cigarettes. You raised your eyebrows at him.

“You ever smoked before?” He asked as he started to pull a cigarette out of the box.

“No, not really.” You said in a shy tone.

“Wanna try?” Clark asked as he held one out to you. “It’ll calm your nerves.”

You hesitated.

“Hey, I’m not pressuring you or anything. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I just thought that it would help you calm down a little.” Clark explained.

You bit your lip before taking it out of his hand. Clark gave you a wide smile as he pulled one out for him and took out a lighter.

“Ladies first.” Clark said while winking at you and lighting your cigarette at the same time. You blushed a little while feeling fluttery in your stomach. When he lit his stick, he started to talk again. “All you do is bring it to your lips and inhale and after a little bit you exhale, like this.” He said as he took a drag from his cigarette. After a few seconds he blew the smoke out of his lungs and into the air. “You think you got it?” He asked while raising his eyebrows.

“I think so.” You said. You copied his movements and followed his instructions carefully and inhaled from a cigarette for the first time. There was a burning sensation in your throat and in your lungs. You immediately started to cough and choke on the smoke. Clark quickly made his way over to you and put a hand on your back, rubbing reassuring circles.

“Yeah, I forgot to warn you, the first drag is a bitch. But it will get better, trust me.” Clark said once you started to breath normally, his hand never leaving your back.

“It’s okay.” You said as you started to wipe your eyes of tears that were starting to form involuntarily.

After a minute you stand up straight again and catch your breath. You notice that Clark's hand still hasn't left the small of your back and you give him a questioning look. Once he gets the message, he retracts his hand and puts it to his side as he clears his throat.

"So.... You good?" He asked, clearly trying to clear the awkwardness from the air.

"Yeah, I'm good." You said as you took another drag from your cigarette, noting that it went down easier than the last time.

Clark gave you an impressed look while copying your actions. After a couple of minutes of comfortable silence, he decided to speak. "So, your job is to what? Control people with super powers?"

"Kinda. I hunt the things that lurk in the dark."

"Like ghosts and vampires and stuff?" Clark asked with a chuckle. You have him a serious look, confirming his question. His eyes widened in realization. "Wait, you're serious? Those things are real?"

"Yep". You said as you looked away from his face and took another lung full of smoke.

"Damn. That makes you like ten times more attractive." Clarke said. Your eyes widened as blush made its way to your face and neck. Clark noticed this and smirked, which made your stomach fluttery.

You cleared your throat, trying to think of something to say. As you were looking around, you noticed that Clark was wearing a Pirate Pete uniform under his red jacket. “So, you work at Pirate Pete's?” You asked.

Clark looked down at himself, seeming to notice the stupid costume that he was still wearing. “Yeah, my mom made me get a job there since I kept getting into trouble.” He stated. “Like that would work, I make my own trouble.” Clark said as he stomped out his cigarette.

“Were you the one who changed the menu earlier today?”

“Yeah.” He said. “Not my finest work, I’m better at other things.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” You asked as you threw your cigarette down and stomped it out with the heel of your boot.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He said while wiggling his eyebrows at you.

A small smile made its way to your face.

Clark’s smile widened while stepping closer to you. “Maybe I can show you some of my talents later, huh?” He asked.

“I would but people who get close to me seem to get hurt or worse. I think that you’re a nice guy and all but I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.” You said, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Hey I get it. I just thought that I would shoot my shot, its not everyday that I meet a superhero.” Clark said as he leaned against the wall behind him.

Before you could say anything else, you heard a foot steps approaching. You whipped your head up as you saw three people, the woman from the burger joint who apparently wasn’t drunk anymore, a man and a woman, both of whom you didn’t recognize.

“Well well, if it isn’t the youngest Winchester.” The not-so-drunk woman said as she started to pull out her angel blade.

You took out your own blade as you stood in front of Clark, swearing to yourself that you would protect him as much as you could against these dicks that called themselves angels.

“Aww, young love, adorable.” The woman sneered as she started to step closer to the two of you.

“Clark, run.” You said as you met his wide, fear filled eyes.

Clark made a break for it to the back door of the station but the angels were faster. The man grabbed him and held his blade to Clark’s throat, nearly breaking his skin.

“You seriously didn’t think that would work, did you?”

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” You said but before you could make another move, the other female angel came up behind you, knocked the angel blade out of your hand and held her own blade against your throat. You held up your hands in surrender, seeing that there was no way to get the upper hand without getting your throat slit.

The angels seemed to share a silent conversation with each other and after a couple of seconds, the lead angel opened the back door and lead the way into the building. You were lead into the office sector of the police station along with Clark.

“Anybody home?” The lead angel called out. Shortly after Dean and the sheriff came out of the small office. You noticed that Sam did not exit the office along with his brother and the cop which meant that he was more than likely in the jail cell. When Dean took in the scene before him his eyes widened double their size. Sheriff Barker drew her gun on the angel holding her son hostage, not knowing that it would do nothing to him.

“Hey Deano. Care for a chat?” The woman asked.

Dean pulled out an angel blade that he had hidden in his jacket, anger showing in his forest green eyes. “Let them go.” He commanded.

“What’s the fun in that?” The lead woman asked.

“I won’t ask again.” Dean said in a deadly tone.

“You won’t have to, all that I want is the nephilim. Give him to us and these two will walk out of here without a scratch. I promise.”

“Why should I trust you?” Dean asked.

“I never asked you to. Just give us what we want and everyone walks away happily.”

You watched as Dean considered taking the offer.

“Dean I know what you are thinking. Don’t do it.” You said.

“Shut up.” The angel who was holding you captive said as she pressed the blade deeper into your neck, drawing blood.

“Maybe we can work something out. Just let them go and we can talk.” Sheriff Barker said, putting her gun back into its holster and putting her hands up in surrender.

The lead angel scoffed. “You humans don’t get it do you? If that abomination walks the earth, that can be the end of all life. We are trying to help.”

“Then that’s a risk that I am willing to take.” Dean said, giving you a signal to get ready. You quickly gave one back saying that you already were. Before the angels could register what was happening, Dean aimed and threw his blade at the head of the angel who was holding you. As the blade went through her skull and killed her, you quickly grabbed the blade that was being held at your throat. You make your way over to Clark and attacked the angel who was holding him. You stopped the angel just before he could stab Clark in the neck. You took the blade out of his hand, throw it towards Dean and you stab the angel square in the chest. Dean gets the upper hand and kills the lead angel in one quick movement, catching her off guard.

You make your way over to Clark.

“Hey, you okay?” You asked as you stashed the blade into your jacket.

“Not really.” Clark responded with fear in his voice. “I almost died.”

“But you didn’t.” You assured him while putting a hand on his shoulder. “That’s what matters.”

“Yeah.” He said while putting his shaking hands into his jacket pockets.

Sheriff Barker made her way over to the two of you, looking over Clark to make sure that he was okay. As they started to talk to each other, you walked towards Dean, preparing yourself for the lecture that he was going to give you.

When you eventually got to him, you crossed your arms and looked at the floor, avoiding Dean’s gaze.

“Y/N, look at me.” Dean commanded. You sighed, lifting your head to look at your oldest brothers face. “Are you okay?” Dean asked, anger melting from his eyes.

You were taken back by his question but you quickly get yourself together. “Yeah.” You answered.

“Good.” Was all that Dean said before he started to walk towards the jail sector of the station. You quickly followed. When the two of you got there, you saw that Sam and Jack were in the same cell. You shot a look to Sam, silently asking if he was okay. He gave you a single nod before standing up with Jack and walking to the cell door.

“What happened?” Sam asked Dean.

“I’ll tell you about it later.” Was all that Dean said before opening the cell door and letting your brother and Jack out. “We need to get out of here. The sheriff called for backup and they can be here any minute.” Dean explained.

Dean started to lead the way out of the station but you were quickly stopped by your name being called.

“Y/N.” Clark said, beckoning you to come over to him.

“I’ll catch up.” You told Sam, making your way over to Clark.

“So, this is it huh?” Clark asked with a sad smile.

“Yeah, I guess it is.” You said while sharing his expression.

“Well, there is one thing that I want to do before you leave.”

“And what would that be?”

“This.” He said before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. Butterflies were fluttering in your stomach as you kissed him back with as much passion as you could muster up at that moment. You two kissed each other for what felt like eternity before you broke the kiss.

Your eyes met his with love and wonder. “Wow. You weren’t kidding when you said that you were an expert in other areas.”

He threw his head back, chuckling. After a moment, he calmed down and met your eyes again. “Guess not.” He said.

There was a moment of comfortable silence before you spoke. “Goodbye Clark.”

“Bye Y/N.” He said back with a smile.

You returned the smile before turning around and walking out of the station and towards the impala. As you climbed into the backseat beside Jack, you couldn’t help but hope that you would run into Clark Barker again.

#spn #supernatural #fanfic #reader insert #dean winchester x siser!reader #sam winchester x sister!reader #clark barker x reader #request #kissing #flirting #fluff

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cinebration · 4 years ago

Text

By My Rules (Quentin Beck x Reader) [Part 13]

A month later.

Warnings: none

Gif Source: gyllenhaaldaily

You weren’t prepared for how it felt to be alone again.

It crept up on you, insidiously snaking its way beneath your skin and into your subconscious first. Your nights were spent wandering idly through the house, waiting for something to happen.

Waiting for Quentin.

A month after you had left him, and you were still waiting for him.

Not for him to arrive or to admit the error of his ways, though the latter was completely unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. No, you were waiting for him to fuck up.

Plain and simple.

What Quentin didn’t know was that Plan A had only been Plan A until it reached Plan B. Plan B had simply arrived earlier than scheduled due to the unforeseen circumstances surrounding Fury’s current identity.

Plan B had always been to abandon Quentin to his own devices.

You had kept careful watch over him over the four weeks since that night, the cameras you had set up in the house still connected to your laptop. It felt strange watching the footage of him, especially so late at night. He wandered the house, destroying things in fits of adolescent rage, consulting the paperwork you had left behind.

Deliberately left behind, of course. It featured a tame version of Plan A, one that he would eventually try to enact on his own, ensuring his arrest.

Only he hadn’t followed it yet.

That perplexed you most of all. You had expected him in his indignation to proceed with the plan, hoping to accomplish it alone as a big ol’ fuck you. That’s what he should have done.

Instead, he moped around the house, raking fingers through his hair, letting his clean-shaven face grow stubbly, then unkempt, his beard returning.

It wasn’t quite what you had intended, but at least it was more incriminating that way. His similarity to Quentin Beck—Mysterio—could be forgiven with the clean-shaven face, as it looked narrower and younger. But with the beard, it was a dead giveaway.

As the fifth week began, the clock ticking over into midnight, you sat at your desk in the house you had secretly rented out, staring at his face through one of the cameras. He looked like you felt: Exhausted.

Alone.

There it was again, that sensation. The new house, considerably smaller and lacking a second floor, felt somehow larger than the other one.

Because Quentin’s personality isn’t sucking up the air, you thought to yourself. The thought made you snicker, but only half-heartedly. The words weren’t quite genuine.

Your mind wandered as you watched him slump onto the couch. Most nights, he had sat you down beside him to watch a movie, one arm slung around your shoulders. At first, you had minded, but as the weeks had passed, you had gradually relaxed—to the point, you realized with a start, that you had begun sitting beside him automatically and sidling up under his arm.

Occasionally he had cooked. It had been decent, but what you most remembered was sitting at the table beside him. He had done most of the talking, telling you about his day and his grand plans, should yours be successful and he got to be where he wanted to be.

One night emerged from the fog of memory with the clarity of a hewn diamond. He had ordered in food, neither of you up to cooking. Eating off of proper plates rather than out of the containers—“We should always dine in style,” Quentin had said—the silence between you had been longer than usual but not necessarily uncomfortable.

“I want to ruin Peter Parker,” Quentin had suddenly said.

You stopped midchew and glanced at him, frowning. “You already have.”

“Not like how he ruined me. I want to make him suffer.”

“This shouldn’t be about him.”

“Why not? If it hadn’t been for him, I would be the next Tony Stark.”

Exhaling heavily through your nose, you let your fork drop onto the plate, the clack of it against the ceramic echoing sharply in the quiet. “Goddammit it, Quentin. I told you. You have to move past it.”

“Why? I deserve to be angry! He took my idea and turned it into garbage. He got to fly around and play superhero and endanger us all because he was an overgrown brat! And then he dared to give that power to another brat!”

“And you, a third brat, want the same thing!”

Quentin’s fist slammed onto the table. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Or what? You’ll hurt me? Kill me? I’m your only fucking ally on the planet. The only useful one, anyway!” You stood but remained there, your fingertips pressing hard against the table. You glanced down at Quentin. “Get your priorities in order.”

The memory dispelled just as suddenly as it arrived. Leaving a bitter taste in your mouth, it nevertheless left behind an idea.

Picking up your cell phone, you blocked your number and called the landline you had installed upstairs in the old house.

The phone rang.

Onscreen, Quentin’s head jerked up.

RIIIIIIIIIING.

Leaping to his feet, he scrambled up the stairs. You tracked him across the different screens, watching him nearly slip on the carpet runner down the length of the upstairs hallway. Fumbling his way into the study, he snatched up the phone, slammed it to his ear.

“Is that you?” he asked.

The desperation in his voice made your mouth go dry, your heart thudding hard once against your ribs. You almost answered him in the affirmative,

“Please tell me it’s you,” he said.

Swallowing thickly, your tongue feeling swollen, you forced yourself to say, “Alyssa Margrove knows where Peter Parker is.”

Onscreen, Quentin’s face went white, his back straightening. Hand clutching the receiver, he stood for a moment in silent indecision.

You pulled the phone away from your ear, your thumb hovering over the button to end the call.

“Wait.” His voice emerged through the speaker, tinny. “Come back.”

Chest constricting, you forced yourself to end the call.

The audio in the video feed picked up Quentin hesitantly calling your name, then his curse when he realized you had hung up. He slammed the handset back into the cradle, nearly destroying the phone, and sunk into the chair at the desk, burying his face in his hands.

You shut the laptop. Something in you couldn’t bear to see him like that.

Hoping he would take the bait, you strode out of the room.

You only slept an hour that night, your dreams tormenting you with Quentin.

#Quentin Beck x Reader #Quentin Beck #Quentin Beck imagine #Jake Gyllenhaal #Jake Gyllenhaal imagine #Spider Man Far from Home #Spider-Man: Far From Home #FFH

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avengersassemble-fics · 5 years ago

Text

Lost and Found

part 07/10 “a flagship assault”

masterlist

previous part

word count 6.7k HAHA

an: um..... smut warning oop. i don't have anything else to say besides enjoy hehehe

spotify playlist to listen to while you’re reading!

here’s the AO3 link if you are on mobile and it starts being fucking stupid

The realization that the Chancellor was in fact not the intended target made Anakin’s frustration grow more each day that passed. Probably what irritated him more was the fact of not only the Council’s delay on a plan of action, but the Senate’s as well. When the days turned into a week, then more than that he grew even more angry. It was getting ridiculous when day 16 rolled around, and you were still missing. Not only had a plan not been formed, but he couldn’t feel you in the Force anymore. And that’s what worried him the most. 16 days and he couldn’t feel you during any of them. He walked, or more so nearly stomped, next to his Master towards the Council meeting.

Anakin’s behaviour over the last two weeks made Obi-Wan worry, and also grow frustrated that a decision had yet to be reached. Frustration didn’t come easy for him, but having to deal with Anakin’s tantrums were starting to wane on him a bit. Not that he would ever admit that, especially to his Padawan. Obi-Wan was the first to enter the Council room but slowed his steps when his eyes laid on the Chancellor. How strange, the Council normally didn’t allow non-Jedi in on these types of meetings.

“Master Kenobi, Padawan Skywalker - join us, we thank you,” Yoda greeted. Obi-Wan and Anakin nodded in respect, and Obi-Wan was the first to speak.

“Has there been a development?” Obi-Wan asked, and he could feel Anakin’s anticipation radiate next to him.

“Indeed there has,” the Chancellor spoke, standing tall beside the smaller green Jedi, “we believe we’ve located where your friend was taken.”

The casual term made Anakin unsure if he was directing that at him, or to all the Jedi. But he nodded in understanding, but the Chancellor glanced down at Master Yoda, which made Anakin start to rub this thumb against his palm nervously.

“A problem we face,” Yoda said, “Dooku’s flagship we believe she is on. Not seen for weeks it has.”

Obi-Wan glanced between the two men, and spoke first before Anakin could get a word out, “You said you think you know where she is though, Master Yoda.”

A small hmm noise left the older Jedi, “His ship we are sure. But where it is we do not know,” he looked to Anakin, and motioned for him, “felt anything have you? Through the Force?”

Anakin’s frown only seemed to grow as his head fell, “I’m sorry Master but no. . Not since that night.”

Another hm left his mouth, but he gave a reassuring nod, “Try again, you must.”

The electric shock that coursed through your body felt like you were on fire. Pulled forward off the hard metal table against your restraints you held in your cry despite wanting to give in. The current that swept over you lasted for what felt like minutes before it stopped and you flattened against the table once more. Breathing heavily, you opened your eyes to watch Count Dooku circle you.

“This would be much easier on you if you just answered my questions,” he said. You pulled a bit at your wrists under the lock that held them down and scoffed.

“You’re asking me stupid questions,” you threw back. Dooku’s face never faltered, but he turned back to you fully.

“Where are you from?” He asked you once more, though he kept throwing more questions your way, “What is your purpose? Who do you serve?”

You laughed a bit, though it felt forced coming from your weak body, “What am I supposed to say to that? That I serve Banthas?”

“Your childish remarks are beginning to tire me,” he replied, folding his arms behind his back, “we shall see how long you can hold out.”

“Good,” you glared, “because you haven’t managed to break me yet.”

He grinned, “That’s where your hope fails you, child. I will break you like the filth you are, and maybe then you will see the true power of the Dark side.” With the wave of his hand, the droid in the room activated the shock wave again, and pain burst through you once more.

Another day had passed. Maybe. You didn’t know that was true but when Dooku grew bored of your lack of respect and foul mouth, he ordered for the droids to take you back to your cell. One of the droids mentioned to Dooku the head from the captain of something happening down on the planet below when he was leaving. That’s the only time you could tell that some amount of time had passed. They bonded you in some kind of cuffs that hindered your Force abilities, and had to painstakingly drag you back to your humble abode.

It was cruel, to say the least. You began to question how in any way the Sith were right about anything. This was inhumane. It was even soul crushing a bit. The way the droids practically tossed you back into the cell, and the ray shield closed behind you, you were met with the same cold feeling of metal on your face. You groaned as you hit the floor, though it was only to yourself. The last however many days had taken its toll on you. Not just your body but your soul. You rolled over so your back laid against the floor and you stared blankly at the ceiling.

You laid there with your hands bonded on top of you, and your body bruised. The blast you had gotten long ago (how long ago again?) never had time to fully recover. Maybe you should have stayed in that medic wing after all. It felt fresh and ached all the time, you just knew it was infected by the way you were covered in sweat all day everyday (y’know, forgetting the fact you were being tortured).

You cursed Dooku’s apprentice in your mind. He had gotten the better of you that last night on Coruscant. You hadn’t felt him hovering over you until before his hand gripped your neck. If you got out of here alive, you were going to pay him back for that.

If. You hadn’t really thought about that big glaring reality. If you got out of here. You kind of laughed at that, albeit it was a sad laugh, you laughed either way. If you lived. If you somehow escaped (which seemed unlikely everyday), if you were rescued (maybe the Republic didn’t see it fit to come for you?), if you lived. It all hinged on that if.

You shook your head, still staring up above you. Your breathing even out and your mind started to wonder. You were drifting when that familiar voice whispered in your ear.

Call out.

It was so quiet you would’ve missed it. Maybe. Who knew. Your eyes opened more as you focused on that voice. Again, please say something again.

Call out to him. He will hear.

Anakin will hear you.

You nearly wanted to cry. Anakin? That was funny, yet hurtful all at the same time. Your last interaction with Anakin wasn’t exactly the fondest. Well. . It started off fond, but didn’t stay that way. The laugh in your chest turned to something sadder, and your smile fell. No. He couldn’t hear you. He wouldn’t.

Call for him.

The voice whispered again in your ear and you caved into it’s wishes. A tear slid from the corner of your eyes down to your ear, but your lips whispered out in caution. Fear. Weakness.

“Anakin.”

Anakin’s head snapped up from looking at the ground. He was alone in his quarters, but the voice rang very much clearly around him. He stood from his position on the floor, from meditating, and looked around him.

Your lip trembled as another tear fought its way out. You didn’t hear or sense anything, and you didn’t hear his voice reply. You squeezed your eyes shut and said it more forcefully.

“Anakin. . Please.”

Anakin heard it now, it was muffled like it came straight through him. He blinked once and everything was dark around him. He looked around quickly, not seeing anything in front of him anymore, not until he looked into the distance, and saw something on the floor.

His heart dropped. It wasn’t something. It was you.

You were about to give up, feeling a sob come from your throat until something touched you. Your eyes shot open and you gasped, before feeling Anakin scoop you into his arms. Oh he looked so perfectly distraught, but under that scrunched face was those familiar blue hues and his hair gently touched your skin. No this was very much him. Your Ani.

“Ani,” you whispered again as he bundled you into his arms. You saw his eyes water, and he shook his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-”

“Ani, I can’t hold on to you much longer,” you whispered again, gripping his sleeve in your bound hands. He looked down at the tug and then met your gaze once more. He used his left hand to hold your cheek, and you closed your eyes at the sensation.

“Tell me,” he whispered, “tell me where you are. Please. While we have the time.”

You had to think back to that short conversation Dooku had with a droid. You had to fight through that haziness to hear what his lips had said.

“His ship,” you said and Anakin nodded.

“Do you know where?” He asked, and your eyes opened to lock with his gaze.

“Dathomir.”

You could feel Anakin’s grip start to fade on you, and he saw you starting to slip through his fingers. He begged for you to stay, but you faded away almost as quickly as you had appeared. He kneeled on the floor in his room, holding nothing but air. He had to look around his room to make sure what he just experienced and felt was real.

No you were real. He held you and he knew you were real, even if you weren’t there with him. It wasn’t the Force he felt in his arms, it was all of you. Anakin stood from his spot on the floor and stormed out of his quarters. It was like he was on autopilot as he headed back to the Council. He didn’t care if the Masters were in session right now, he burst through the door and they all stared at him in surprise.

“Dathomir,” he breathed, coming to a halt before Master Yoda and Master Windu, “his flagship is over Dathomir.”

Master Yoda glanced to Windu beside him who only nodded, and Yoda looked back to anakin, “To Dathomir, Obi-Wan and you go,” Yoda commanded, and in a few second Obi-Wan was by his Padawans side, “the 501st you will lead once more.”

Another day had passed. You groaned when two droids pulled you off from the ground you had laid on over the duration of several hours. At least you were sure it was several hours since your encounter with Anakin through the Force. You hissed in pain as you were pushed along through the corridors of the Separatists flagship, to your familiar destination. Straight past two intersections, then a left down another, until you came to a holding block. This time you were shoved against the wall once more, but when you turned around a containment field blocked you from retaliating. You glared at the droids before you when the door you entered opened, and in walked Dooku himself.

“I see we’re switching it us today,” you goated, not earning much of a response from him

“Do you not tire yourself out from your own lack of self worth?” He asked, and you smiled a bit.

“I’m not the one who has someone else locked in a containment field,” you pressed your back flat against the wall, “I think that says more about you then it does about me.”

He chuckled a bit, though you didn’t know if it was from enjoyment or irritance, “What do you think you’re getting out of the Jedi?”

You shook your head, “I didn’t ask them for anything.”

“Ah yes, but they seek something from you,” he took a step closer, “tell me. Do you really believe they would have taken a lowly slave in to train under their ideals, if it didn’t warrant them something in return.”

You twitched. You despised the reference he often liked to throw in your face, the glaring truth of your past was not what you wanted to discuss with a Sith lord, “It doesn’t matter what I believe.”

He looked you over in pity, “The anger inside of you is compelling,” he commented. You glared at him.

“Uh sir,” one of the droids spoke from near the door. During your heated exchange you hadn’t noticed it open, and Sooku turned from his spot to look at the hunk of metal, “there’s a situation on the bridge.”

Dooku seemed to think his choices over before giving a nod to the droid and disappearing from the room. You slowly peeled your back from the wall and moved closer to the ray shield closing you in to look around.

“Stay back, prisoner,” one of the droids said to you in a monotone voice.

“Alright, alright,” you said, easing yourself down to the ground to sit criss crossed. You took a heavy breath in and closed your eyes to focus on something past you. It was harder to do now, to calm the pain of nerves under your skin and the refining cuffs didn’t help with this either. But you tried to press forward, to get a gauge of things and-

That familiar warmth tickled your fingers first, like it was reaching out to you as well. A small smile crept over your lips, and your eyes opened in sync with the first shake of the ship.

They were here. The Republic was here to fight for you. Anakin was here to fight for you.

The rattle of the ship made the droids look around in confusion, and your eyes went to the terminal that they lurked around and you focused on it to feel for the buttons. You couldn’t help the grin that came over your face when you were able to flick the switch with your mind.

The containment field lowered and the droids looked to you in surprise. You had risen from the ground and your shackles fell from your wrist in a loud thump on the floor. You took a step past the line where they could have locked you again, and glanced between the four droids, who all raised their blaster at you.

“Hold it right there,” one said, taking a little step towards you. You raised your hands up in surrender, and another one spoke as you pressed your hands to the back of your head, reaching out into the force once more for something.

“The Jedi doesn’t have their lightsaber,” the one joked, earning a couple roger’s in response.

You latched onto something and slowly pulled your hands from behind your head so they rested at your sides, and the droids looked at what you grasped in one of your hands.

“Oh no,” a third one quipped, and with the push of a button you ignited your familiar weapon and slashed through each one easily.

The ship shook again but you stood straight, collecting yourself as you stared at the door. It was time to get out of here, and you had vengeance on your mind. The closer you stepped to the door it opened up to the hallway before you, but the sight of more battle droids down the hallway made you groan. There was only one way out of here, and it was going to be in a fight.

Anakin’s ship weaved in and out between the Separatists fighters with ease. He evened his ship out and flipped a couple of switches above his head as he flew closer towards Dooku’s flagship. The rumbles around him were no match for him in this state, though Obi-Wan’s ship beside him did make him weary.

“Rex and Cody, we haven’t lost you two out there have we?” Anakin asked over his headset, narrowly avoiding one of the enemy bombers.

“We’re right behind you, sir,” Commander Cody answered.

The plan was simple. With the amount of firepower they had brought, getting these small crafts to Dooku’s ship was going to be easy. The fleet behind them had exited hyperspace and automatically began firing on the two flagships above Dothomir. While Anakin hadn’t expected the second flagship, the plan still was running relatively smoothly.

“Any idea where our captive friend is?” Obi-Wan’s voice came over the comm.

As Dooku’s ship neared more and more, Anakin briefly closed his eyes, trying to reach out to find you amongst the chaos. Vulture droids and starships engaged one another all around him, but he could see you clearly. Your body looked tired but the look on your face screamed determination, brows low and a bit of hair in your face. All he could see were droids all around you, but sparks flying past your face.

“I have an idea,” he replied to his master.

You sliced through another battle droid and held your lightsaber to your side. The white light contrasted the dark metal of the hallway you stood in and you dashed down the corridor, trying to find your way off this crap ship. You were careful before rounding each corner until the heavy door before you opened and two commando droids faced you down the hallway.

If you managed to make it off of this junk of metal, you would be glad to never have to step foot in one again.

Anakin and Obi-Wan finally managed to board the flagship (it was more of a desperate maneuver, but Anakin wouldn’t ever admit that). Destroying the droids in the landing bay was easy, but finding their way through the ship was another story. The small battalion of clones they had brought with them worked tirelessly to aid the Jedi to the detention center of the ship.

But the amount of droids they encountered was more than they expected.

It wasn’t until the lift they were headed for opened did the group come to a grinding halt. The two Jedi watched as Count Dooku stepped out of the lift, looking at them smuggly. Obi-Wan stepped in front of his Padawan, and Anakin raised a brow.

“Go,” he commanded him. Anakin looked at the small group of men behind him and nodded, running back down the corridor to find another way to you.

Commando droids and battle droids were totally, completely different as far as attacking. Commando droids seemed to be able to adjust and press harder against a foe than the average battle droid. Which wasn’t the best scenario for you, not in your weakened state. The pair had managed to push you back enough that you took cover back near one of the corners you had rounded earlier, a stray blaster shot shooting past where you had just stood. Frustrated you tapped your head back into the wall as you tried to think. One thing you had over them was a brain. You looked down at your lightsaber and changed the grip on it slightly, pushing back off the wall to face the droids again. They trained their blasters on you and you cracked your neck, charging at them once more.

Anakin and the Clones raced down another corridor towards the detention center. He kept checking his comm to see if there was any word from Obi-Wan, but he knew he could handle himself against the Sith. Anakin slowed his run and looked around, in the middle of an intersection, and he didn’t know which way to go. But the choice flew from his mind when up ahead, they say blaster fire. The shots echoed and the Clones took a defensive position next to anakin, who pulled his lightsaber from his hip and ignited it.

A hissing sound filled the air, and the body of a destroyed commander droid launched from one side of the hallway past the other, with a flash of light with it. Anakin squinted to see that white fly back the direction it came from. A couple more blasts sounded, but he heard it bounce off something. A lightsaber.

Suddenly the other droid that was firing was thrown in the same direction of the first one, this time not followed by the lightsaber. Instead, from the direction the blasts came from someone walked into the middle of the hallway, a lit white lightsaber in hand. Anakin straightened his back as he took the sight in.

You looked disheveled, staring at the heap of metal you created before shutting your lightsaber off. The Clones beside Anakin lowered their weapons and the sound made you look over. Anakin sheathed his weapon as he took in the details of your face. Dirt covered your cheek, your hair was a mess, and you breathed heavily. But the smile that spread over your lips made one appear on his. His group was quick to meet you when your feet started to take you towards him.

“Glad you could finally join the party,” you managed when you were close enough. You tripped a bit over your feet and Anakin caught you in his arms.

“You call this a party?” He asked, throwing your arm over his shoulder as one of his arms went around your waist to keep you upright. A laugh escaped your lips.

“No, I’ve just been saving that joke for a while now,” you admitted. Anakin looked down at you and couldn’t fight the smile from his face.

“Let’s get you out of here,” he said, and looked back up to Rex and Cody, “have them ready the transport ship.”

Rex spoke something into his comm and they started back the way they came, Anakin holding you up against his body. He was so relieved to have gotten to you, to have you by him again. Now all they had to worry about was getting back to the hangar in one piece. The ship around them shook once more tilting to one side and Anakin braced himself against the wall. That was not a good sign.

“Anakin,” a voice came in over him comm, “Dooku escaped.”

It was Obi-Wan. Anakin wasn’t surprised and when everyone was ready on their feet once more and moving, Anakin lifted his free hand to his mouth.

“Should’ve expected that, he’s a runner,” Anakin said. You grumbled a bit beside him. Your revenge would have to wait it seemed.

“The ship is nearly destroyed, I hope you found what you were looking for,” Obi-wan quipped again. Somehow they had managed to make it back to the hangar without any more conflict. The ships were in sight when a sudden explosion knocked everyone to the ground. Everyone flew in different directions, and you impacted and skidded against the ground hard. You blinked as the ringing in your ears started. You coughed at the sudden smoke in the air, flakes of black in front of you. The ringing continued even when you pushed yourself up from the ground to take in the scene around you.

The transport you assumed brought the Clones here had been destroyed, and only three of them remained. Anakin was pulling one up from the ground when he desperately looked around for you. You squinted through the smoke as he rushed over, before something else caught your eyes.

Through the ashes someone was emerging. Someone you hated to admit was far too familiar. Their sight was set on you and the red lightsaber in their hand was enough for you to react. Without hesitation you felt for the one on your hip, flipping it over and using your other to send Anakin away as you ignited the saber to meet with Dash’s.

The scene before him was almost in slow motion. The clash of the weapons sizzled before you as you tried to plant your feet firmer below you, but the fatigue was finally getting to you. Dash’s glare on you was evident as he pressed firmer, your sabers disconnecting as he pushed you back. Panicked you allowed your feet to carry you backwards, blocking each slash he threw to you. The crashing of each strike rang in the air as Rex helped Anakin back up to his feet.

He took a few steps towards you when your eyes went to him again. He was coming to your side when you stretched your arm out to him again, knocking him back once more. He grunted, sliding across the ground. What were you doing? He shook his head in protest as he pushed himself up again from the floor. Another crash rippled through the air, as Dash pressed his saber against yours.

“They’ll never accept you,” he growled behind the flicker of light, “my Master knows it. You know it.”

You breathed, pressing firmer against him, “Your ignorance misguides you, as it does Dooku’s.”

Dash’s glare deepened, “Then you’ll face the wrath of the Dark side.”

The Force pushed you in a direction opposite direction of Anakin. You hit the ground roughly and your lightsaber flew from your hand. Gasping for air, you looked up at just the right moment before Dash was to swing his lightsaber down to you. Desperate, you reached forward and shut your eyes.

You waited for his strike but it never came. Careful to open your eyes, you were met with a sudden, frozen image of his attack. His arm held his lightsaber high above his head, but couldn’t bring it down to kill you. His whole body was frozen in this movement, but his eyes flickered around. Looking at your hand you realized what you had done.

Or maybe it was the other voice in your head that had done it.

But you stood from the ground, your chest heaving heavily as your eyes locked with the man before you. Neither of you said a word, so you stepped aside, making your way back to Anakin. You reached out for your lightsaber and it flung back into your grasp, and you hung it to your hip. Anakin watched in awe as you made your way over to him, a slight limp in your step.

“Sir,” Rex broke him from his daze, “we can use one of their transports. But we need to leave now.”

Anakin nodded, and when you made it back to his side you faltered, but he caught you. He would always catch you, he would make sure you knew that. As he helped you turn the Separatists transport, Obi-Wan appeared from the other side of the hangar. He glanced back at the still frozen apprentice, then back to Anakin, who only shook his head.

He figured his Padawan would tell him later.

- - - - - - - - - -

Seeing Coruscant again was like a dream come true. You never thought you would see it as such but right now it meant the world to be back. The noise, the people, seeing the people you knew was what you needed right now. You had to go over every detail you could remember to the medic team, and then every detail to Obi-Wan and Anakin. It was an excruciating process, but the longer the meds were in you, the more you felt like yourself. And your exhaustion had started to settle in.

Obi-Wan was the one who insisted on there being higher command Clones to watch over you, until they felt the threat was gone. Not that the ones who once protected you weren’t fit, bless their souls, but Rex and Cody we’re also adamant on being the ones to watch over you. There was some kind of joke over never having to see Count Dooku again, and it made you laugh.

Though the feeling of anger at his name did cross your mind.

Night had fallen once more, but you couldn’t bring yourself to lay in that bed again. You paced in front of it as you let every rampant thought cross your mind. From how the last time you laid in it you were strangled and kidnapped, to how you watched someone behind the assassin strike down the two innocent Clones, and it made you rub at your neck. Those were just the beginning of your trainwreck thoughts. You could still see it in your head.

How you had finally fallen asleep and at the last second you woke and the hand was over your throat. How you gasped for air and your hand reached for your lightsaber, only to be crushed by what you could assume was a knee. How the person had climbed on top of you and enveloped your neck with both hands. And how you couldn’t fight the darkness that overtook you.

There was a light rasp on the door behind you that made you jump. Still rubbing at your neck you looked to the door and gulped at the lump in your throat. Because of your rambling you hadn’t even noticed the small steps behind it. You took a couple steps over and pushed the doors open, only to reveal the one person you didn’t think would be standing there.

Anakin was staring at you with some kind of look in his face. Your arms fell to your side as you registered it as irritance for what you had done to him in the hangar.

“Anakin, I’m sorry for what I did-”

Your sentence was cut short when he took a step closer to you. You glanced him up and down as he closed the gap between you, and your heart raced in your chest. Anakin’s lips parted as if to say something, but closed again. Instead his hands lifted to grab your face, his eyes not leaving yours for even a moment. You sucked a breath in as he neared, but it all came loose when his lips met yours.

It was soft and needy, the way he kissed you. You felt yourself bring your hands up to hold onto his arms and his thumbs felt like they pressed a little more into your cheeks. Anakin’s lips separated enough for you to feel his hot breath hit you. But you shook your head in denial.

“I need you to tell me you want this,” you whispered to him, “that you want me as much as I want you.”

Your eyes fluttered open when he didn’t answer, and his eyes locked with yours, and a small graced his lips, “You’re all I want.”

The sentiment made you melt, and he kissed you again. You let him steer you backwards until your legs touched the bed. You halted for a moment, and his lips disconnected a bit to gauge your reaction. His hands trailed down to your hips, and he shook his head.

“If you don’t want to-”

“No I just,” you chuckled a bit, and threw a glance over your shoulder, “the last time I was in that bed. . Y’know.”

He pressed a quick kiss to your lips, “I won’t let anyone ever hurt you again.”

His words made you bite your lip, and you carefully slid each strap from your dress past your shoulders. When you shimmied them down your arms your dress fell in a heap on the floor, and Anakin looked you over in wonder. He grazed his hands down the curves of your side and made a small hissing sound in appreciation.

You smiled at him, and this time you grabbed his face in your hands and brought him back down for a kiss. He let you guide him forwards as you eased yourself onto the bed and his arms held himself over you. His tongue danced with yours and he felt your leg draw up on one his sides and he grabbed hold of it. The way his metal hand gripped at your thigh made you gasp a bit as you felt him press into you. The sudden noise made him trail a kiss down to your chin and you sighed happily. Your hips squirmed under him as you felt the fabric of his pants press against your tender folds.

A grin played across his lips as he kissed at your neck. Feeling you squirm beneath him made something ignite in him like never before. He used his metal hand that gripped your thigh to his body press it open, and he felt your breath hitch as he brought his fleshed one to your core. You squirmed a bit more and he caught your lips in his as he slid two fingers down your folds. The noise you released in his mouth made it even more enjoyable as he slid two fingers into your hot, wet core and pumped them in and out.

You gripped onto his shoulder at the sudden movement, and he grinned against your lips. You were unfolding before him and it was marvelous to feel. His thumb started to rub against your clit and you suddenly disconnected from his lips to gasp. You sounded so beautiful in his ear when he nibbled on your neck, and even more so when he slid a third finger in you. Your head fell back into the soft blanket and he kissed down to one of your breasts, grabbing a hold of one in his mouth.

Anakin knew how to make you squirm, as you were learning. The way his fingers curled into you made the thigh he held onto quiver a bit. Feeling his hot breath against your skin made your heart rush under him. But he was so caring in this moment. The way his eyes looked over you like you were the most precious thing in the galaxy to him, how he grinned when you made the tiniest of noises, and the way he kissed your skin. You were suddenly very aware of the fact he was completely clothed and you itched at pushing his robe off of him. When you made the move he quickly released your thigh and pressed your arms above your head.

“Not yet,” he commanded. You found yourself nodding in response, and you felt his thumb pressing a little firmer against your clit, his fingers pumping a little faster in and out of you. You whimpered and he grinned in the night.

You clenched around his fingers and he let out a satisfied sigh. His bulge was pressing into your leg, he knew that, but you were too beautiful to stop. He could watch you come undone before him all night, but when you whispered to him he couldn’t help himself anymore.

“Please,” you had whispered, and he nodded to himself more than you. He brought his fingers from your slick folds and licked them clean. You watched in awe and worked at pushing his robe off, and he took over by practically throwing it off. You pulled the hem of his shirt up and he tossed it somewhere as well. He had to peel himself from your body to push the bottom of his clothing off, and he looked you over as he did.

You fidgeted under the moonlight, and he smiled to himself. That hunger in him turned to something else when he climbed back onto you. The air had changed as you grabbed his face in your hands again and kissed him deeply. When you separated from one another neither spoke, but the look that was exchanged said it all. Anakin braced himself before he entered you, and quieted your gasp with his lips once more.

You felt even better like this. Your walls clenched around him and it made his mind race with thoughts, but he let you settle against him. As he pulled out and pushed back in you moaned into his mouth and he let your lips go. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he let his head come down to your neck as we pushed in and out from your wet core. When his hisp met yours you bucked in time with him, and Anakin couldn’t help himself pump into you a little harder. You dragged your nails over his shoulder as he quickened his pace, and he felt you shudder under him.

You were unraveling way quicker than you wanted. The snap of your skin meeting his felt so good, feeling Anakin fill you and press into your body was intoxicating. But you couldn’t handle that, not right now. You had no self control in your body. It was all him. You felt yourself tighten around him and you knew he felt it too when he slowed down a bit, adjusting his body so he could hit just the right spot like with his fingers.

He wanted to watch you, really take in the sight before him. The way your breasts bounced with each of his pumps and your eyes rolled into the back of your head. Gods he would never be able to forget that look on your face. He was close, but he could never finish before you--

“Anakin-” you whispered and he nodded.

“Come for me,” he nearly growled. Your hips bucked him in response as he pushed in and out of you harder.

“Ani-” you weren’t even able to finish his name when he watched you gasp, and felt you twitch around him. Behind your eyes you thought you were seeing stars, and he lowered himself to kiss your chin again as he pushed himself over the edge too.

You felt amazing coming undone for him. Your hand rubbed his back as he pressed into you and you felt his pulse inside your walls. He slowed his pace as he rode it out and nothing but hot and heavy breathing filled the room. You savoured this moment as not only your bodies became one, but the connection between you two did as well. Anakin’s energy felt so peaceful at this moment, and you kissed his shoulder gently.

He pulled himself out of you and looked down at you in awe. His hand traced down the side of your cheek and he pressed another soft kiss to your lips. He lingered for a moment before he peeled himself off your body once more. He couldn’t help but still look over your body and he offered his hand for your to grab, and you happily did. He pulled you up from the bed and put his hand to your back to lead you to the refresher.

Anakin took great care in washing your naked body down under the steam. The smile on your face was enough to make him forget everything in his life for once. He was just living happily in this moment. His hands glided over your body with soap and he took the time to work shampoo through your hair. Anakin tried his best not to notice the many bruises that covered parts of your body, but he worked gently over them so you didn’t twitch from pain. You rolled your head to one side as your back faced him and he took the chance to kiss you again in the exposed curve. Your giggle made him smile against your skin.

You also took care in him. Washing his body with soap and running your hands through his long hair with shampoo. Anakin was tall and broad and watching the soap run down his body was a show all on it’s own. The little jokes you both shared was what made this moment perfect. Even when it was over, he took great care in you. He picked out a fresh set of clothes from you and pulled his pants back on from earlier. In a different manner than before you pulled him into bed with you and he pulled the blanket over you both.

As if in perfect motion, he laid on his back while you crawled under his right arm, resting yourself on his chest. He placed a soft kiss against the top of your head and your arm rested above his heart, perfectly. Anakin brought something to your chest you had never felt, but one thing was clear as the two drifted off to sleep.

Things would never be the same after tonight. And neither of them would complain of that.

- - - - - - - - - -

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flirting-with-psychology · 4 years ago

Text

Stayed single almost the whole year? 2015: You fucking know it

2016: Same

2017: Almost

2018: Almost, no official relationships or anything

2019: I was taken for most of the year!

2020: Nope! I had a boyfriend the whole year :)

Were involved In something you’ll never forget? 2015: Yeah

2016: Yeah, band

2017: My film class

2018: Yeah, Macy’s and the film stuff I did and my house

2019: The B Flat

2020: My relationship, other than that this year was uneventful

Tripped over a coffee table? 2015: Most likely

2016: I can’t recall but probably

2017: There’s like a 98% chance I did

2018: Definitely

2019: Yup, and all the tables at work

2020: Hit my toe on a table leg and it hurt for weeks

Dyed your hair? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No but planning on it

2019: Kinda but it didn’t really take

2020: No

Came close to losing your life? 2015: No

2016: A car cut me off at a crosswalk so maybe

2017: Probably not

2018: No

2019: No

2020: Not unless I was exposed to covid

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: I saw some musicals live

2020: No

2015/16/17/18/19/20: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…

Did you meet any new friends this year? 2015: Yeah I did, and I got closer to old friends

2016: Yeah

2017: Yeah

2018: Yeah

2019: A couple

2020: I met some friends online in an Among Us group

Did you hate anyone? 2015: Not really hate, but dislike

2016: Same

2017: Yeah kinda

2018: I really didn’t like a coworker (but now we are friends) and a friend’s girlfriend (who I still don’t like)

2019: Not actively

2020: I hate Trump and Mitch McConnell

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? 2015: I wish I could have found roommates

2016: I wish I had gotten closer to people on my study abroad. But my roommate was nice and I still talk to her every so often, so that’s cool. A note on last year, I’m glad I didn’t end up living with the friends I was thinking about living with because their apartment got condemned and they had to move to a suburb and commute to school, then one got a girlfriend and moved out and the other one is with her boyfriend a lot so I would have been stuck all by myself out in the middle of nowhere

2017: I kind of regret not getting closer to my roommates

2018: I regret that I don’t value some of them as much as I should

2019: Not spending more time with them once I got a boyfriend. I swore I wouldn’t be that person who ditches their friends once they get into a relationship

2020: I wish it hadn’t gone to shit in my house because of covid

Did you miss any friends? 2015: A little

2016: A little

2017: A little

2018: A little

2019: Yes but it turned out she was just out of the country

2020: I miss all my friends

2015/16/17/18/19/20: YOUR BIRTHDAY…

Did you have a cake? 2015: It had a piece of cake

2016: No, I had IHOP

2017: No, I had pancakes

2018: No, I had chocolate mousse

2019: Yes

2020: Bundt cake

Did you have a party? 2015: No, I went to Vegas

2016: No, I went to brunch with my parents then played in my last home football game as part of the band

2017: Kinda, we did an escape room and then went to dinner

2018: No, just a couple of friends out to dinner

2019: We went to an escape room a couple weeks later because my actual birthday got snowed out

2020: No because of covid

Did you get any presents? 2015: Yeah

2016: Yeah, and a win

2017: Yeah

2018: Yeah a few

2019: Yeah

2020: Yeah

2015/16/17/18/19/20: ALL ABOUT YOU…

Did you change at all this year? 2015: I believe so

2016: I’m sure I did

2017: I’m sure I will always change

2018: Yes but not as much as I had hoped or in the ways I wanted

2019: Probably a little

2020: I got worse

Were you in school? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: For part of the year but then I gruaduated

2018: No

2019: No

2020: No

Did you own a car? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: No

2020: I bought a car in September!

Did anyone close to you give birth? 2015: No

2016: Not really close, but my mom’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter did

2017: No

2018: No but I’m starting to be friends with people who have kids

2019: No

2020: No

Did you go on any vacations? 2015: Yeah, I went on 2 road trips and I think a couple others

2016: I studied abroad in Italy and went on 2 away trips with the band, and about to go on a third

2017: I went to London, New Orleans, and Wyoming for the eclipse

2018: I went to Las Vegas for a film shoot

2019: I went to Israel and a few smaller trips

2020: I went to Harry Potter World with my boyfriend

2015/16/17/18/1920: WRAP UP…

Was 2015/16/17/18/19/20 a good year? 2015: It was better than 2014

2016: Not as good as I hoped, but some things were good. The football team had a really good year

2017: It was pretty good. The football team did not have as good a year

2018: Overall I think so

2019: It was alright

2020: No

Do you think 2016/17/18/19/20/21 will top 2015/16/17/18/19/20? 2015: I hope so

2016: I hope so

2017: I’m not sure, but I hope so

2018: I hope so, I kind of have a good feeling about it

2019: I hope so

2020: God I fucking hope so

IN THE YEAR 2015/16/17/18/19/20 I CONFESS THAT I…

Kissed in the snow? 2015: No

2016: Still no

2017: No, but there’s still time

2018: No

2019: Yep!

2020: I can’t remember

Done something you’ve regretted? 2015: Slightly

2016: Some things, but nothing big

2017: Probably

2018: Yes

2019: Probably

2020: Nothing major

Painted a picture? 2015: Yes, with watercolors with some girls in my hall

2016: I can’t recall

2017: No

2018: No

2019: Yes, with wax

2020: Don’t think so

Wrote a poem? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes. Only one or two though, not nearly as much as I used to

2017: I don’t think so actually

2018: I don’t think so

2019: No

2020: Don’t think so

Ran a mile? 2015: Nope

2016: I probably did cumulatively, in all of 2016, run a total of at least a mile. But not on its own, no

2017: Maybe on the elliptical

2018: On the elliptical

2019: On the elliptical probably

2020: No

Visited a foreign country? 2015: No

2016: Yes, Italy

2017: Yes, England and France

2018: No

2019: Yes, Israel

2020: No

Cut in a line of waiting people? 2015: Probably by accident

2016: Probably

2017: Probably

2018: Probably

2019: Maybe

2020: Don’t think so

IN 2015/16/17/18/19/20 I…

Broke a promise? 2015: Probably

2016: Probably

2017: Probably

2018: Probably

2019: Probably

2020: I’m sure I did

Lied? 2015: Probably

2016: Probably

2017: Yes

2018: Yes, but just little white lies

2019: Yes

2020: Maybe just little white lies

Disappointed someone close? 2015: Probably, I know I disappointed my parents a couple times

2016: Probably

2017: I know I disappointed my parents a couple times

2018: Probably

2019: Probably my boyfriend a few times

2020: I’m sure I did

Had a secret? 2015: Not really

2016: A couple

2017: Not really

2018: Maybe kinda

2019: Not anything big reallyy

2020: Not really

Pretended to be happy? 2015: Yes

2016: Sometimes

2017: Sometimes

2018: Yes, when I needed to

2019: Sometimes

2020: Occasionally, but didn’t really try

Slept under the stars? 2015: In a tent

2016: Don’t think so

2017: In a tent

2018: No

2019: In a tent community

2020: No

Kept your new year’s resolution? 2015: Some of them

2016: Probably a few of them

2017: Probably some

2018: I don’t even remember what they were

2019: Some of them

2020: A few of them

Forgot your new year’s resolution? 2015: I wrote them down

2016: Yes

2017: Yep

2018: Did I even make one?

2019: I wrote them down

2020: I wrote them down

Met someone who changed your life? 2015: Yes

2016: Probably

2017: Yes

2018: I’m sure I did

2019: Didn’t meet him this year but he has

2020: Not that I know of

Changed your outlook on life? 2015: I believe so

2016: Maybe for the worse. Hopefully I’ll get over that

2017: Maybe

2018: Idk

2019: Not really

2020: I think I got disenfranchised with capitalism and feared death more

Sat home all day doing nothing? 2015: Yup

2016: Yup

2017: I’m sure I did

2018: Probably but not enough

2019: Yup

2020: Like most days

Learned something new about yourself? 2015: Yes

2016: Probably

2017: Maybe

2018: Maybe

2019: I learned what I’m like in a relationship

2020: Probably

Met great people? 2015: Yeah!

2016: Yep!

2017: Yep!

2018: Yep!

2019: I think so, I honestly can’t remember who I met when

2020: Didn’t meet a ton of people

Kissed someone that means a lot to you? 2015: Yes, unfortunately I don’t mean a lot to him anymore. Not even sure if I did then

2016: No. I mean, I kissed one of my friends drunkenly, an she means a lot to me as a friend, but no one romantically

2017: I’m not sure yet how much he means to me. But we are dating

2018: Yes, but so far I’m not sure whether he means a lot to me as a friend or as a romantic interest

2019: Yes!

2020: Yes :)

Stayed up till sunrise? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: Yes, on my film project. I couldn’t even see the sunrise, I just walked outside and it was daytime

2018: Yes on a film shoot

2019: Probably

2020: Yes

Cried over the silliest thing? 2015: I’m sure I did when I was PMSing

2016: Yes

2017: Yes

2018: Yes

2019: Too often

2020: Yes

Had friends who were drifting away from you? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: Yes

2018: Yeah Kylie kind of did

2019: Kylie and Shaina

2020: Yes, especially my roommates

Had a high cell phone bill? 2015: Not too bad

2016: It increased a bit, but my parents pay most of it

2017: It decreased because the phone itself got paid off

2018: Lol I still have to pay that

2019: I think it’s the same

2020: No, I don’t remember if I even paid my dad

Spent most of your money on food? 2015: Quite a bit

2016: That and clothes I don’t need

2017: No, rent

2018: No, rent and shit from Macy’s

2019: Not most of it

2020: Mostly rent

Had a fist fight? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: No

2020: No

Gotten sick? 2015: Yeah for like half this entire semester. Also got shingles over the summer

2016: Still dealing with my immune system’s decision to just fucking walk out

2017: yes, but not so much now that I’m not in school

2018: Yes, I had a cough that lasted 2 months

2019: I had the stomach flu

2020: I think I had a cold once, it was kind of nice not getting sick every month this year

Liked more than 5 people at the same time? 2015: Not seriously. I had brief little interests that overlapped but I don’t think more than 3 at a time that I really liked

2016: Yeah I think so

2017: Not sure

2018: Probably

2019: Not really other than fleeting attractions

2020: No

Became closer with a lot of people? 2015: A few

2016: Not really

2017: A couple

2018: A few

2019: With a couple people

2020: With my boyfriend

Song that reminds you of summer 2015/16/17/18/19/20? 2015: Can’t Help Falling In Love

2016: Bring Him Home

2017: In A Crowd of Thousands

2018: Moving Out

2019: Some jewish song?

2020: Epiphany

Lost any friends this year? 2015: Yes. One because she was a bitch

2016: A friend died in April, and I found out about it in June. I don’t know how he died, we had not been close in awhile

2017: Temporarily

2018: My last roommates

2019: Not really

2020: Probably my roommates

When people say, “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked shit about anyone” do you think it’s possible? 2015: Possibly but probably not likely. For awhile I used to think I wasn’t judgmental before I realized I actually am

2016: Unlikely. I’m petty af now

2017: Probably not

2018: Probably not, they probably do even if they don’t mean to

2019: Probably not

2020: Probably not

How do you feel about gay marriage? 2015: So glad it’s legal!

2016: Same

2017: Same

2018: It’s great!

2019: Great!

2020: Great!

Give me a random lyric from the song you’re listening to: 2015: I can’t really make out lyrics

2016: I’m not listening to anything

2017: I’m not listening to anything

2018: I’m not listening to anything

2019: Not listening to anything

2020: If the shoe fits, walk in it Til your high heels break

Do you think you’re approachable? 2015: Not as much as I would like to be

2016: Haven’t solved this problem yet

2017: Not as much as I would like to be

2018: Not as much as I would like to be

2019: Only by customers

2020: Not lately, I would like it if people did not approach me

Do you make sexual innuendos about everything? 2015: Kinda

2016: Not as much as I used to

2017: Only on occasion

2018: Sometimes

2019: Not as much as I used to

2020: Not as much as I used to

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? 2015: Not unless it’s like my parents or something

2016: No

2017: Not really

2018: Not really

2019: No

2020: No

Who is the last person you texted? 2015: My friend Kylie

2016: My mom

2017: Guacamole

2018: My friend Sara

2019: The art director from the shoot last year

2020: My boyfriend

Song playing right now? 2015: Because We can

2016: Nothing

2017: Nothing

2018: Nothing, but She Used to be Mine is paused on Spotify

2019: Nothing

2020: Epiphany (but the song that was playing when I answered the lyrics question was Long Story Short)

#survey #new years

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things2mustdo · 4 years ago

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Bigger muscles, fat-loss, and a heightened sex drive are probably the first things that come to mind when you think of testosterone. But did you know that your testosterone also determines your mental health? Or that it determines your risk tolerance and how you show up against competition? That’s right.

In this article, I’ll discuss 4 little-known benefits of having optimal testosterone levels. See which ones affect you and which ones don’t.

Sign #1 – Sharp memory

In this study, men with higher levels of testosterone scored significantly better on tests of visual and spatial memory. These results were mirrored in another study where researchers randomized 37 subjects to receive either a weekly dose of testosterone or placebo for 4-weeks. After 4-weeks, the men receiving testosterone treatments scored significantly better on tests of verbal fluency.

How does testosterone impact brain health?

Well, preclinical observations assert that testosterone protects brain cells against damage and decay. This is why brain fog, memory loss, and difficulty concentrating are some common symptoms of having sub-optimal testosterone. This is also why men with lower levels of T have an increased incidence of Alzheimer’s disease.

To ensure that your brain maintains optimal health and function into old age, it’s important that you start taking the steps right now to achieve and maintain optimal testosterone levels for years to come.

Sign #2 – Positive outlook

Have those Monday blues turned into an everyday thing? If so, chances are that sub-optimal testosterone levels are a contributing cause. In this meta-analysis spanning over 16 scientific studies and more than 900 subjects, researchers came to the conclusion that testosterone exerts a significant positive impact on mood.

On the flip-side, low levels of testosterone have been found to be a major contributor to depression. And when depressed men are given testosterone treatments, they report significant improvements in mood.

All-in-all, your testosterone has a significant impact on your mood. If you feel like you’ve lost your zest for life, it’s important that you get your testosterone level measured to figure out your room for improvement moving forward.

Sign #3 – Increased risk tolerance

In this study, researchers brought in 154 subjects (78 men, 76 women) and had them engage in a gambling task. Blood samples were collected before the experiment. Across the board, both the men and women with higher levels of testosterone engaged in a greater amount of risk.

In this study on MBA students, the ones with the highest levels of testosterone chose the riskiest careers. And finally, in this study on financial traders it was revealed that a traders early morning level of testosterone accurately predicted his profits for the day. High risk equals high reward, and the traders willing to engage in the highest amount of risk also set themselves up for the greatest amount of profit.

Now, of course taking risks comes with a potential downside – that’s what makes it a risk – but without risk there is no growth. Taking risks is what’s allowed mankind to conquer the world, build nations, and even land on the moon. No great feat was ever accomplished without some element of risk being involved. What risk are you procrastinating on that has the possibility of taking your life to the next level?

Sign #4 – Competitive drive

In this study, men were brought in to compete in a rigged 1-on-1 competition. Blood samples were collected before and after each loss. Results revealed that the men who experienced a spike in testosterone after the loss were more likely to choose to compete again compared to the men who experienced a drop in testosterone.

In a study on university tennis players, it was revealed that the players with the highest pre-match testosterone levels reported the most significant positive effects on mood. Also, the post-match T-levels rose higher for the match winners compared to the match losers. Furthermore, the rise in T induced the winners to be even more focused and motivated for the next round of competition.

In biology, this is referred to as the winner-effect and it was first demonstrated in mice. Right off the bat, a smaller and weaker mouse is unable to overcome a larger and more dominant opponent. But, when a smaller mouse is allowed to win against a drugged mouse of similar size, his chances of overcoming the larger and more dominant mouse in the next round of competition increase – despite no improvement in fighting ability. The reason? Winning the first round of competition causes the mouse to experience a spike in testosterone, which increases his focus and drive for the next round.

The winner-effect occurs in humans as well. Overcoming obstacles and setting personal records induces a testosterone increase which, in turn, makes us more focused and motivated in the next round of competition.

Testosterone is the fuel to your competitive drive and the winner effect is a feedback loop that feeds into this drive to make you more aggressive and dominant in each subsequent encounter.

The winner-effect could, however, easily go the other way. Each winning encounter could spike your testosterone levels to the point where your estimation of your abilities become exaggerated and impair your decision making. This is why media commentators have mentioned the winner-effect as a possible cause of the 2008 financial crisis.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mP6Th1Gi-lQ

Conclusion

Yes, testosterone determines your ability to gain muscle, lose fat, and express your sexuality but its true impact extends far beyond just these three areas. Your mental health, your outlook on life, your tolerance for risk, and your ability to show up against competition are all factors impacted by the amount of testosterone running through your veins. Maintain optimal testosterone levels and you’ll maintain your health, well-being, and virility well into old age.

https://www.returnofkings.com/163166/5-myths-about-testosterone-that-seriously-need-to-die

Testosterone is what makes a man, a man. In a society that’s increasingly lacking a positive masculine identity, testosterone has become a hot topic of discussion. Today, I will dispel five of the most common myths associated with the master male hormone.

Myth #1: Declining Testosterone Is Primarily a Result of Aging

Although older age is correlated with lower testosterone levels, aging is not the cause of low T.

I’m sure that you’ve read or heard about the, now famous, Massachusetts Male Aging Study. If not, here’s a quick recap: Researchers found that average testosterone levels in men across the American population dropped by 1.2-1.3% every year from 1987 to 2004 (1). Assuming that this trend has continued at the same pace, the average 40 year old in 2018 has 40% lower T-levels than the average 40 year old did in 1987. In other words, the generational decline in testosterone is taking place independently of age.

In another study, Australian researchers recruited 325 men between the ages of 40-97 with self-reported excellent health. Nine blood samples were collected from each participant over the course of 3-months. When looking at the data across the entire sample size, age had no effect on testosterone (2).

The lesson? You can maintain optimal testosterone levels, no matter how old you are.

Myth #2: Only Older Guys Have to Worry About Low Testosterone

Just like older men write off their “low T” as an inevitable part of aging, younger guys think that youth is what keeps them immune to it. The truth is guys as young as 20 are suffering from sub-optimal testosterone levels.

There is currently no published research on the decline of T in men under 30, but there’s no shortage of anecdotal evidence:

Scott had a total T-level of 273 ng/dL at the age of 25 (source).

Oskar had a total T-level of 297 ng/dL at the age of 18 (source).

At 24, my total testosterone level came out at 564 ng/dL. This is a level that falls well within what’s considered the “normal range”. Still, I could barely crawl out of bed each morning, I was skinny-fat, and my sex drive was nowhere to be seen. Since taking the steps to naturally optimize my T, all of these symptoms have completely disappeared.

Any man, regardless of age, can have sub-optimal T. I highly recommend that you have your blood work done at least once per year to get an idea of where you stand and where you need to be.

Myth #3: The Only Way to Increase Testosterone Is With Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT)

Is TRT effective at raising T? Of course. Is it the only way to raise T? Hell no.

I naturally increased my total testosterone level from 564 ng/dL to 902 ng/dL and it was all by making simple changes in my diet and lifestyle. My beef with TRT comes down to the fact that it’s basically a band-aid approach. TRT addresses the symptoms of low T while completely ignoring the root cause of low T, which is usually a sub-optimal lifestyle.

When something as simple as sleeping more can boost T-levels by more than 60% (3), is it really wise to jump the proverbial TRT gun before taking the steps to optimize your lifestyle?

Now, I know that a lot of you have had great results with TRT. The thing is, though, that your body is still unable to produce testosterone. And with so much exogenous T coming in, your body has completely shut off its own natural production.

In other words, once started on TRT, you’re effectively chained to using the treatment for the rest of your life – or for as long as you care about getting a boner. Before trying to get a prescription for TRT, fix these 5 lifestyle factors.

Myth #4: Having High Testosterone Increases Your Chances of Developing Prostate Cancer

In the early 40s the medical community began to ascribe prostate cancer as a result of high testosterone. This assumption came from a single medical case study where a patient’s prostate cancer regressed after he was castrated.

Since then, a meta-analysis of 18 studies involving 5,091 patients with prostate cancer and 11,930 controls has reported that there is no link between endogenous testosterone levels and prostate cancer (4).

Myth #5: High Testosterone Makes You Angry

This is a myth mostly peddled by effeminate SJWs and feminists, but it could not be further from the truth. In a study of adolescent boys, researchers found that the boys with the highest levels of T were considered the most socially adept amongst their peers.

And the boys with lower levels of T? They were the ones most prone to the expression of aggressive behavior. They were also failing in school and unpopular with their peers.

Researchers concluded that testosterone levels are positively correlated with social success rather than with physical aggression (5). In another study, men suffering from low T were given testosterone treatments after which they experienced a significant reduction in tension and anger (6). All of this brings us to the conclusion that it is in fact low T that leads to the expression of negative emotions.

This shouldn’t be surprising given the fact that depression is a known side-effect of low T (7) and that anger, hostility and irritability are frequently observed in men diagnosed with depression (8). Could it be that low testosterone is a contributing factor to the expression of toxic masculinity? That low testosterone is contributing to the violent outbursts of anger we so commonly see in the news?

Conclusion

Age is not an excuse. Prescriptions aren’t your only option. High testosterone won’t give you prostate cancer and it won’t make you angry. The fact that you’re reading this right now means that you’re unplugged from mainstream consciousness.

As such, don’t fall for these mainstream myths. Take charge of your hormonal health and become the man you can be.

https://www.returnofkings.com/68664/3-reasons-low-testosterone-is-dangerous-for-your-health-and-what-you-can-do-about-it

The following article was sponsored by Bill Hamzi

Some of the common signs of low testosterone are fatigue, lethargy, erectile dysfunction, creaky joints, irritability, depression, difficulty concentrating, and loss of muscle mass combined with weight gain. If you are experiencing these symptoms, you may need to get your testosterone checked. In fact, there is an ongoing low testosterone epidemic in many Western countries: 50% of men over age 40 have low testosterone, and that skyrockets to 80% of men over 50. Most men are not aware of this, accepting these symptoms as “getting old.”

I personally started having symptoms including erectile dysfunction when I hit 30. My personal low testosterone horror story then ensued and left a shattered marriage in its wake. Fortunately, my story has a happy ending.

I got on a proper Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT) regimen, and my erections are back, stronger as ever. I dropped 30 pounds. I bedded more than a dozen young nubile women this year alone, with no “technical difficulties” whatsoever. I have more energy now at age 35 than ten years ago. My mind is sharper as ever.

I’ve been through hell and back, and lived to tell the tale. I wrote a book about my experience, and how men can combat low testosterone without wasting precious time and money: The No Nonsense Guide To Testosterone Replacement Therapy.

By now, it should be clear what low testosterone can do to a man. But it gets worse: Low testosterone is not just an inconvenient malady to bull through. It is a very real and insidious medical condition that, at best, severely stunts your masculine potential. At worst, it ruins lives, destroys relationships, rips families apart, and ultimately increases your risk of heart attack, diabetes, brittle bones, and cancer. Here are three surprising reasons low testosterone is dangerous for your health:

1. Erectile Dysfunction Is The First Warning Sign Of Heart Disease

You may have heard that testosterone increases the risk of heart attacks. This is completely false. It’s a myth and I blow it to smithereens in Part 3 of my book. The longer your testosterone remains low, the higher your risk of heart attacks climbs every year.

Let me explain: heart disease begins when arterial plaque build up begins. It starts out slow, just a few little buildups along the arteries. A little plaque here and there is no big deal and won’t impede any blood flow through the biggest arteries.

But, the blood vessels in the penis are extremely tiny compared to the big coronary arteries around the heart. A “little plaque” within those narrow vessels may just be enough to gum up the works during a hot date. While blood flow remains perfectly unimpeded through the rest of the body, blood flow through the tiny penile capillaries may not be optimal even with smallest bits of plaque. So a “little plaque here and there” may seem like no big deal, UNTIL it starts affecting you in the bedroom.

Testosterone has a profound effect on a man’s lipid profile by increasing fat metabolism and optimizing endothelial function. Low testosterone decreases fat metabolism, impairs endothelial function, reduces the production of HDL, a good cholesterol. These cascading effects allow LDL, a bad cholesterol, to increase as well as enlarge LDL particle size. This promotes arterial plaque in many men beginning as early as age 20 to 25. In fact, recent studies (like this and that) show that by raising your testosterone from below 350 to over 550, you decrease your heart attack and stroke risk by over 30%!

2. Lower Testosterone Levels Increases Risk Of Prostate Cancer

The testosterone-causes-prostate-cancer is a widely-believed myth that has been disproved by recent studies. In fact, the lower your testosterone levels are, the higher your risk for prostate cancer. Recent studies thoroughly debunk this long-standing myth. A report in the Urology Times by Wayne Kuznar also asserts that there is no link between TRT and prostate cancer.

As Dr. Yassin puts it, we’ve experienced a “paradigm shift in the last decade that testosterone replacement therapy does not cause or increase the incidence of prostate cancer.” Prostate cancers are sensitive to changing concentrations of testosterone when the testosterone levels are very low. However, once the prostate tumor is saturated with testosterone, adding more testosterone will have little, if any effect, on the tumor growth.

In addition, nearly 45% of men with hypogonadism had prostate cancer in Dr. Yassin’s study, “meaning that hypogonadism offers no protection against prostate cancer. Patients with lower testosterone values had higher staging and higher [prostate cancer grade] scores,” he said. Furthermore, his study concludes that testosterone replacement therapy is safe in hypogonadal men.

3. More Men Are At Risk Of Osteoporosis Due To Low Testosterone

The fact that we have lower testosterone than our own grandfathers shows how sad the state of affairs are today. To make matters worse, osteoporosis is becoming an increasingly important public health problem. The main cause of osteoporosis in men is testosterone deficiency, according to this WebMD article. A NIH publication also lists low testosterone as one of the causes of osteoporosis in men.

An essential hormone to support bone density is estrogen, and in men, some testosterone converts to estrogen in order to maintain strong bone mass and density. When testosterone falls too low, there isn’t enough testosterone to be converted to estrogen, so bones begin to weaken. Given that testosterone usually decline by 1% per year in aging men, it is not surprising that bone mineral density also declines by 1% per year as per this study.

As a young man, osteoporosis may be one of the last things in your mind right now, but with low testosterone levels left unchecked, you can look forward to a future of unexplained fractures, being confined to a wheelchair, and watching your retirement savings get drained by a constant stream of five-figure medical bills. Sustaining your testosterone at healthy levels help maintain strong bone density to support an increased muscle mass, along with experiencing a myriad of other immediate benefits. Multiple birds with one stone.

How I Fixed My Low Testosterone

Now, you cannot just walk into a doctor’s office, get on testosterone, and be done with it. So many men do TRT all wrong, making their condition even WORSE than before they started.

First, some doctors may not order all the necessary prerequisite baseline tests before starting their patients on TRT, or will they adequately monitor patients on TRT. This is a grievous mistake that may mask other health problems or root causes of low testosterone until it’s too late. Second, many men are on ineffective and/or expensive forms of TRT such as gels or patches. Third, many men are dosing testosterone incorrectly, potentially causing their estrogen levels to climb to unhealthy levels, leading to man-boobs or an enlarged prostate. These problems arise from doctors who don’t really know what they are doing with respect to TRT:

In my book, I explain how to do it the right way, and make it work for YOU. Indeed, one of the hardest parts of getting on a TRT protocol that works is finding a good doctor who knows what he is doing. Here’s a brief recap of what you get from my reading my book:

A thorough explanation behind low testosterone levels: causes and symptoms.

Lists of blood tests to help you and your doctor make a full diagnosis and treatment plan.

Options for your TRT regimen, and how to tailor them to yourself individually.

How to navigate a broken healthcare system to find the best TRT doctor for you.

Your TRT Toolbox: An information-packed system to manage your own TRT.

The No-Nonsense Guide to Testosterone Replacement Therapy is currently available on Amazon, and will soon be available in other electronic formats as well as in print. Also visit TRT Guide for more information on Understanding Lab Tests, and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog for periodic updates on the book’s availability, new studies on testosterone, and how TRT has been working for many men around the world.

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dragonclef1 · 4 years ago

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Global Biosimilar Therapeutic Peptides Market Report 2020-2030 - ResearchAndMarkets.com.

Posted: Fri, 08 Jan 2021 12:22:16 GMT [source]

Glucagon-like peptide 1 comes from a family of hormonal agents called the incretins, supposed since they enhance the secretion of insulin. Glucagon-like peptide 1 is a product of a particle called pre-proglucagon, a polypeptide which is divided to generate lots of hormones, including glucagon. Due to the fact that they originate from the same source, these hormones share some similarities, so are called 'glucagon-like'. Cells located in the lining of the tiny intestinal tract (called L-cells) are the major resource of glucagon-like peptide 1, although it is also produced in smaller sized amounts by the pancreas and the main nerves. Glucagon-like peptide 1 encourages the release of insulin from the pancreas, boosts the volume of cells in the pancreatic that create insulin and also holds back glucagon release. Glucagon-like peptide 1 additionally increases the sensation of volume during and also between meals by acting upon cravings centres in the brain as well as by slowing down the emptying of the stomach.

Puori Cp1 Pure Collagen Peptides (300g).

Unique peptides which assist to part the trend for the remainder of the 30% peptide mix solution to penetrate with the skin. MATRIXYL ™ 3000tricks skin cells into producing even more collagen, while Argirelox blocks signals for contraction to minimise the look of expression creases. Each "designer" peptide can be created to particularly activate a younger element of skin, as an example a peptide to make more collagen, or shut down a trouble in skin, like stop making so much unusual melanin. Hey there, I'm Paula Begoun, founder of the skincare line Paula's Option, and also today I begin my function as the Marie Claire Skincare Master. In my columns I will certainly be de-bunking skin myths, allowing you in on skin care tricks and telling you exactly which active ingredients the skincare industry is currently stressed with and why.

This is what causes the skin becoming thinner as well as tackling a crepey, extra wrinkled appearance.

As you age, protein production in the skin weakens as a result of both age as well as external environmental factors.

Numerous peptides can be incorporated in one product, as well as the majority of are discovered in anti-ageing products for skin that has actually started to show a decline in the production of those vital healthy proteins.

Various kinds of peptides have different impacts, from smoothing creases or fixing obstacle function to enhancing firmness and also hydration.

In skincare peptides are made use of to aid reinforce those proteins normally happening in the skin, consequently renewing and preserving it.

There are so many different kinds of peptide that it's hard to popularize, but some may trigger irritation for certain skin types - so do your study prior to investing, as products including them can be expensive.

On collaborating using highgrade-labs UK s4 andarine Sarms look for words that finish in "peptide"-- numerous additionally begin with "palmitoyl".

This regularly up-dated page offers a summary of the artificial processes involved in manufacturing of stomach peptides, and guideline of these procedures. Pharmaceutical items which resemble the effects of endogenous peptide ligands are call peptidomimetics. Some instances of peptidomimetics and also their matching endogenous ligand consist of desmopressin-- vasopressin, octreotide-- somatostatin, and insulin glargine-- insulin. Medicines which block the receptors for endogenous peptide ligands can be peptide or non-peptide molecules.

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In the context of a peptide, the amide group (Carbon Monoxide-- NH) is referred to as the peptide group. CoVs enter the host cell by means of the endosomal path and/or the cell surface area non-endosomal path and release their genome right into the target cell. The S glycoprotein assists in viral entry right into host target cell by directly binding to the angiotensin-converting enzyme 2 cellular receptor. ACE2 is a zinc metalloenzyme and also carboxypeptidase which is very expressed lungs, kidney, endothelium as well as heart.

The peptides can also be made use of to deliver cytotoxic agents to tumours with profound effectiveness. Incredibly, the peptides show very rapid tumour penetration as well as retention coupled with quick clearance from systemic blood circulation. Professor David Craik offered an interesting presentation on cyclotides - cyclic peptides generated by a selection of plants.

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Subsequently, permitted ɸ worths will be fairly limited compared with other amino acids. The peptide bonds that connect amino acid residues in a polypeptide are developed in a condensation response in between the acidic carboxyl group of one amino acid and the basic amino group of an additional amino acid.

Eyebrows have actually grown back out and also I think it's to do with the peptides. Extra pricey that TO items but it is worth it, it's much better than the initial Buffet serum. Collagen as well as elastin production is enhanced, great lines as well as wrinkles are smoothed and also the skin's natural shops of hyaluronic acid rise.

What Are The Side Effects Of Sarms?

A beta sheet types as a result of hydrogen bonding interactions in between peptide foundations of parallel or antiparallel beta strands, which as the name recommends are primarily linear. On the other hand, the 'polar zipper' system refers to hydrogen bonding communications between the amino acid side chains on nearby beta strands. In 2019 Vapourtec developed a cooperation towards peptide synthesis with Teacher Peter Seeberger and also his Team at Max Slab Institute, Berlin. This work has actually been published in the paper shown right away listed below. The side-chain of proline is covalently bound to the N of the amino team, so in polyproline, there will certainly be much less freedom of rotation regarding the Cα-- N bond than with various other amino acids.

Extremely efficacious, its sheer power is maximised by a cutting-edge drone-based shipment system that guarantees every peptide is activated within the layer of skin that it is needed most. This packed, 30% peptide mix utilizes an introducing drone shipment system to target visible indicators of skin ageing. Neuropeptides are little proteinaceous cell-cell signaling molecules created and also launched by nerve cells. They vary from peptide hormonal agents because they are secreted from nerve cells and also act in your area on neighbouring neurons, whereas peptide hormones are secreted in to the blood by neuroendocrine cells and act at distant sites. Neuropeptides are one of the most diverse class of indicating particles in the brain, and are involved in a wide range of mind functions, consisting of analgesia, recreation, learning and also memory, benefit, food consumption and more.

Ostarine.

These peptides, consisting of three disulphide bonds that form a "knot", are both different and also durable. Prof. Craik provided a summary of these peptides and also their utility as a foundation for the shipment of therapeutic peptide epitopes. The peptides can surviving the digestion system, making oral shipment of peptide drugs a genuine possibility, although presently the bioavailability of such orally-administered peptides is reduced. If you have any inquiries or worries about the services and products provided on connected 3rd party sites, please speak to the 3rd party straight.

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We are additionally offering expedited distribution times for Covid-19 related projects. Whilst the generation and also distribution of peptide rehabs represent significant difficulties, the easy storage space of peptides can be problematic. Hao Luo from Merck clarified the trouble of peptide fibrillation as well as methods for alleviating the dangers of fibrillation. It ends up that a super-fast heat and also high pH treatment making use of circulation chemistry can dramatically postpone the onset of fibrillation with no significant deterioration of the peptide. The generation of new highly discerning peptide-based medicines is being resolved by Bike Therapeutics Ltd as well as Liuhong Chen gave understandings right into the exciting advancement of Bicycle peptides. These bicycle-shaped peptides can be generated in chemically-constrained phage-display libraries, which makes it possible for the selection of peptides with high target specificity. Conjugation of the peptides to imaging representatives enables high-contrast, tissue-selective imaging.

Host support peptides are additionally referred to as anti-microbial peptides, although more lately they have actually been revealed to demonstrate a number of other immunomodulatory functions. They were initially recognized as having antibiotic results on a variety of germs, fungis as well as infections. Many HDPs are cationic, and also this is believed to moderate their anti-microbial activity by hindering microbial membrane layers.

The Best Peptide Skincare Products to Help Build Collagen and Elastin - Coveteur

The Best Peptide Skincare Products to Help Build Collagen and Elastin.

Posted: Wed, 23 Dec 2020 08:00:00 GMT [source]

Generally, attempt to liquify peptides in sterile pure water or clean and sterile dilute acetic acid (0.1%) remedy to give a stock solution at a greater concentration than that required for subsequent usage. If the peptide persists as visible bits, sonication might confirm of help as it boosts the price of dissolution. If, after sonication, the 'solution' has actually gelled, has a persistent haziness, or has a scum floating on the surface, the peptide has actually probably not liquified but is simply finely put on hold. Never be without your much-loved Boots products with our international delivery choices. UK rad 140 testolone Sarms which is anti-bacterial, making it really good for oily, spot-prone skin types, as well as any slightly a lot more fungal-type problems. I have actually written extensively concerning my love for NIOD CAIS, yet it is that excellent-- copper peptides are likewise anti-bacterial and also splendidly revitalizing on the skin. A safety peptide that is normally created in the body, carnosine blocks skin-damaging sugars from binding to collagen in the skin, protecting against the development of creases.

Nonetheless, they are additionally able to secure host tissues from proteases and also control innate as well as adaptive immunity using both pro- and anti-inflammatory activities. These activities include immune cell activation, recruitment, chemoattraction as well as guideline of immunomodulatory particles such as cytokines and also complement. Peptides help to bolster the performance of this retinol night lotion. Packed with a rich mix of ceramides, peptides and oligopeptides this glamorous moisturiser assists enhance the skin's structure while reducing the appearance of great lines as well as wrinkles. Created with a mix of 9 peptides, this giant moisturiser restores diminished and tired skin to its previous splendor. " Peptides are pieces of protein and it's these healthy proteins that are the foundation of the skin," states Dr Ewoma Ukeleghe, medical and cosmetic doctor at SKNDOCTOR. Zentraxa uses the power of engineering biology to make peptides which are as well challenging or pricey to create utilizing existing innovations.

Can you mix retinol and peptides?

Do Mix: Retinoids + Peptides Dr. Mariwalla says it's a great idea to use both a retinoid- and peptide-based night cream at bedtime. “You get the collagen-building effects of the retinoid, but it also works to improve the penetration of the peptide cream, which can help improve skin's firmness,” she explains.

The patented microbial platform presents modifications in the peptide series and also prevents several of the constraints of existing artificial chemical as well as completing biological techniques. This enables quick turnaround of new peptide layouts in addition to budget-friendly scale-up. Crucially it likewise provides the opportunity to find previously inaccessible biosuperiors. The worldwide peptide therapeutics market is anticipated to be worth $24 billion by 2020.

Serums have a lightweight structure as well as a high percentage of energetic ingredients, so they're a wonderful means to obtain a dose of peptides, attempt Radical Skin care Advanced Peptide Antioxidant Lotion. A fine example is copper-- a normally taking place mineral within our body that assists to bind collagen and elastin with each other. A copper peptide is a peptide, combined with a trace quantity of copper, which, when related to skin can help to boost the recovery procedure by delivering copper where it's needed to restore damaged skin.

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whimperwoods · 5 years ago

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29-Day Whump Challenge - Day 16

Day 16: Filmed Whump || Sleep Deprivation

Local Anemic Bitch writes about exhaustion, news at 11. Prompts are by @yuckwhump and found here.

This one’s a continuation of my starvation post from day 9, but set both before and after it. (That’s right, more flashbacks. This one’s less violent and more narrative!)

tw: starvation, tw: slavery, tw: trafficking, tw: conditioning, tw: neglect, tw: electrocution, tw: torture, tw: brainwashing (attempted), tw: people as pets (werewolves as pets but like... werewolves are people), tw: collars

*****

Drew sat in his new owner’s lap in just his underwear, freezing cold and leaning into the man for warmth, his master’s arms tight and warm around him.

He could breathe easier, now that he’d had a little water, small sips when his master said he could have some, before it was taken away again because the man didn’t want him being sick.

Before she’d handed the water over, the woman who worked here had wrenched Drew’s chin away from his master’s side, forcing him to look her in the eye. Her eyes had been cold, and she’d told him that if he bit his new master, he’d be going right back into the cell before the paperwork could go through.

He’d shivered, the trembling in his whole body intensifying in a freezing cold flood, but he’d forced himself to nod, even as the motion made his head spin.

It was strange, thinking of this man as his master, after he’d fought so hard against the whole idea. He remembered more now. He remembered talking back, saying he wasn’t an animal, wasn’t a pet, would never let himself become one.

His whole body hurt, and his stomach felt like it was going to churn itself apart trying to get the water in it out to the rest of his limbs. He was too weak to sit on his own, too weak to hold his head up, much too weak to stand, and everything in his world was the slight, slight chance that the man holding him might be better than this place, and he hadn’t understood, before, but now he did. Now he did.

“Very good,” the woman said, “There’s the first set of paperwork done. He’s yours. We’ll still need to finish the other set, liability and such, but we’ll go ahead and get him settled with his complimentary collar and all that, since you’ve already got him here.”

Drew leaned away from the woman, pressing farther into his master’s side, but she didn’t react, and his master didn’t stop her when she pried his head away from its place beneath his master’s chin and wrapped a cold, metal collar around his neck.

His heart skipped a beat when he realized what it was, when he recognized the smaller plates of a different metal settling against his throat.

“No,” he begged, “No, please. Please.” His voice was hoarse and broken, his throat barely wet enough to make a sound, and his master’s arms tightened around him, making him bite his tongue and whine instead.

“What is it? I don’t think I’ve seen one like this.”

“It will administer a mild electric shock. For control. Of course, our hope here is always that you won’t need such a thing, and our premium pets behave themselves with only a cloth collar, or even with none at all. This one - well, it’s better safe than sorry.”

His master’s arm left his side, reaching toward the woman.

“Here’s your remote control,” she said, “You can test it out if you like.”

Another jolt of fear went through Drew and he closed his fingers as best he could in the front of his master’s shirt. “Please,” he gasped, “Please.”

His master ran the other hand all the way up and down his back, stroking along his spine. “That’s alright. I trust you. And anyway, I can already tell he’s gonna be a good boy. Aren’t you, fella?”

“Yes sir!” Drew panted. “Yes sir, please sir, please.”

“See? If it doesn’t work when I want it, I’ll just come back.”

Drew shivered again, a sob working its way audibly out of his throat and surprising even him. His master held him closer, the side of the remote pressing into his ribs as his master brought that arm up around his body again, and a second sob burst out of him, louder than the first.

“Please sir,” he begged between wracking sobs, “Please.”

“Take it off,” his master said, “I can just get a taser instead.”

Drew retched, vomiting water against his master’s collarbone, but he was actually relieved by the thought of the taser, and the wrongness of that, the wrongness of the feeling he could make sense of but couldn’t stop, turned his empty, weakened stomach inside out.

*****

Drew’s eyes fluttered shut in the chair, and after a few seconds, a jolt of electricity shot through him, the plates of the shock collar burning against his neck as every muscle in his body tensed, wrenching at his bones as the pain rolled jaggedly through him, before stopping again just in time to let him scream.

“I told you not to fall asleep during your lesson,” the trainer said, taking out a remote from his pocket and pressing a button on it, sending a shorter, sharper jolt through him that almost stopped the breath he was still trying to catch.

Drew moaned, keeping his head up to prevent another shock.

The rubber cuffs around his wrists, binding him to the wooden table, wouldn’t let him reach up and wipe away the drool that always seemed to accompany the shocks, so he twisted his shoulder as far as he could to wipe the spit off on it.

He didn’t know how long he’d been here, but he did know, as the audio in his ears started up again, whispering insidious lies, that he couldn’t give them what they wanted. He couldn’t.

The longer the ‘lesson’ went on, the harder it was to stay awake and the more he found himself on the receiving end of the double shocks, the automatic ones from the collar responding to the change in his breathing and heart rate, and the trainer’s shocks growing gradually longer as he followed the automatic shocks up with manual ones.

He’d thought at the start that this seemed like a milder ‘lesson’ than usual, but now it had been hours and hours of the same words pouring through his brain, the same shocks burning through him each time he was asked who he was and he said his name again. Now, he had drool dripping down his face he couldn’t even hope to wipe away, and as he waited for the audio to finish and the trainer to ask him questions again, he wondered if defying them again would actually kill him.

Finally, there was silence, and the trainer came over to the table and wrenched his head up to look into his eyes. “Who are you?”

“A-andrew. Andrew Michael Green.”

The man slapped him hard across the face, and he almost cried with relief because it wasn’t another shock. “Wrong. What are you?”

“I’m a person.”

Another slap, a backhand hard enough to drive his head sideways with it. “You’re a filthy werewolf. Where do you belong?”

Drew gritted his teeth, working up the guts to answer only when the trainer picked up his remote control. “I belong at home, you bastard!”

He wasn’t surprised by the shock, but it still made him feel like the life was being torn away from him, shredded from the inside out. The current went on and on, longer than it ever had before, until he started wondering if his muscles were actually going to tear with the force of the tension on them.

When it stopped, he’d barely managed to gasp in a new breath before the trainer backhanded him again, snapping his head to the side. “We’ll try again tomorrow. The lesson isn’t over until you learn it.”

He’d been dragged away by his arms, too weak from the shocks to stand, but he’d been relieved to get away from the remote control. He’d been a fool.

*****

The woman lifted Drew out of his master’s lap and dropped him callously onto the floor, and Drew felt his side bruise and his bones strain under the force of the landing. She fussed over his master, dabbing at the mess on his chest, and making excuses and offers, one right after the other.

His master waved her off, got up, and knelt over him. He leaned down, whispering right into Drew’s ear. “I’m sorry.” Then he hit Drew in the back of the head, slapping him hard enough to force his head forward, his chin moving toward his chest and his cheek sliding across a little bit of grit on the tile floor.

Drew whimpered.

His master straightened up. “See? He’s not so tough. Take that thing off. I’ll look for a better one over here, yeah? Something more me. Not so utilitarian.”

The woman’s hands weren’t gentle as she removed the shock collar, but Drew sobbed with relief anyway, turning his face into the floor so his master wouldn’t have to look at him, and he wouldn’t have to look at any of this.

*****

Alone in his cell, Drew laid down on his thin mattress and closed his eyes.

The moment he fell asleep, another jolt of electricity ran through him, waking him. It was brief, automated, and weaker now that the trainer wasn’t standing over him turning the power up. He grunted in pain, sitting up.

Fuck.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew what this was, what it meant.

It was still hard to wrap his brain around. They weren’t going to let him sleep. They were going to keep him here, awake, and then drag him back in there, awake, to do it all again, and they were going to do it until he gave in or died, and he was going to be shocked all night, the whole time, and that was - he closed his eyes, sighing. That was something he couldn’t just think his way out of.

There was no convincing himself that they’d get bored with hitting him, bored with the shocks, bored with the insults and the mantras and the whole damned system.

This was a computer, and it didn’t get bored and it didn’t care and he didn’t know how to get the collar off.

By the time the guard made his midnight round, Drew was pinching himself to stay awake, his body warn out from a day of electricity coursing through him, his muscles aching and his nerves frayed.

By the 3 am rounds, he knew he’d tell them anything they wanted to hear, tomorrow. He’d been shocked twice more, in spite of his best efforts, and without sleep, all his other aches and pains were getting worse, instead of better.

Breakfast time came and went, and no one came to his cell to get him. The people in the neighboring cells were lead away, and he was still here, exhausted and waiting.

He fell asleep three times before lunch. 5 before dinner. 6 before lights out. He hummed every song he could think of, pinched his arms in a thousand little places, stood up and wobbled to and fro in his cell, and he still kept falling asleep.

No one came, and he sat back down on the bed as the room went dark with a loud, sudden clunk.

36 hours. It had definitely been at least 36 hours.

Everything hurt. His eyes felt like sandpaper, and his head felt too light, reeling as his body tried to fall asleep and he had to force his own head up. His eyes leaked tears, even as he knew, deep inside himself, that he wasn’t crying. They flowed silently, painlessly, unchecked, pooling against the puffy skin under his eyes before they dripped away. They stuck in his eyelashes when he blinked, glinting in the faint bio-luminescence of the woman in the cell across the way.

By midnight, he was falling asleep with his eyes open, only aware of it when another jolt tore through him. He sobbed quietly in the dark, but all of the prisoners slept heavily, their bodies trying desperately to repair themselves in the night, and he was alone.

The guard walked past. He didn’t know what time it was. He didn’t know how long he’d been awake. He didn’t know how to do the math anymore.

He had thought his body hurt before. Now, every blink felt like it might tear the surface off his eyes, and the pain of the shocks sat over a bone-deep, soul-deep ache that he knew wouldn’t heal, that he knew would just grow and grow and grow until it swallowed him alive, unless he was allowed to sleep.

He kept his eyes open. He was shocked. He was shocked. He was shocked. He tried to cry, but he had no tears left, and no energy left for sound.

The lights came on. 48 hours.

No one came.

He was shocked. Shocked. Shocked. His head reeled, lolled, shot back up, and he knew he was going to die like this.

The others got breakfast. The guards passed his cell like he wasn’t here, and he didn’t have the strength or the voice left to call out to them. He kept seeing faint echoes of the guards when they weren’t there, drifting in front of his eyes with no accompanying sounds of footsteps and vanishing into nothing when he blinked and forced his eyes farther open.

Something was coming. Something. He couldn’t remember. Couldn’t remember. Couldn’t think. He tried to pinch his arm, but his fingers didn’t line up right and slid past each other, leaving just an ineffectual scratch.

He kept his eyes open, but even the light did nothing to keep him alert. He was shocked. He was shocked.

His trainer came with lunch, with the remote, and increased the power on the collar before he slid the food through the bottom of the bars. Kyle stared, his eyes dry and blank, and knew staying alive was all that was left to him. He had to stay alive. His body screamed for sleep, the only thing that might keep it whole in the face of the shocks, and he knew he was going to answer the man’s questions the way he wanted them, this time.

*****

Drew’s master picked him up again, scooping him into his arms like he was nothing, like he weighed nothing, and he went willingly, leaning back up against the damp cloth of his master’s shirt and hoping the man could tell he was being compliant.

The man wrapped a strip of something bright green around his neck, a stiff canvas collar that he secured almost loosely, and Drew fought back more tears.

“Thank you, master,” he whispered, “Thank you.”

He had nothing left. Nothing. No flesh, no hope, hardly even a name. But even in the cell where he’d starved in his chains, he’d been able to sleep, to put himself back together in increasingly small increments, to knit together the frazzled nerves even as the rest of his body tried to shut down.

“I’ll be good,” he whispered.

His master ran a hand up and down his back again. “I know. I know.”

The woman gave his master more paperwork, and the man started filling it out.

Drew closed his eyes, tucking his head back under his master’s chin, curling into his side, and trying to be small and out of the way. Maybe, maybe he could still keep that. The sleep. The only thing left to him to make any part of him whole.

Between the forms, his master rocked just slightly back and forth, just enough that Drew could feel it, pressed against him. It was soothing. Reassuring.

Drew breathed. His master rocked, barely perceptibly. He calmed down. His eyes grew heavy. His master didn’t wake him, and the canvas collar sat, inert, against his skin.

By the time his master signed the last page, shook the woman’s hand, and stood up with Drew still cradled against his chest, Drew was almost asleep, and almost convinced that wherever he was going, he might be allowed to heal.

#whump #creature whump #monster whump #creature whumpee #monster whumpee #conditioning #electricution #sleep deprivation #shock collars #brainwashing #slavery #master/pet #(but not really if you read part 1)#trafficking #i wanted to get to the part where things get better but... nope

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