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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 4 years ago

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Hayloft (p.2)

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Abuse, drunkenness, misogyny, reader’s mother is dead, decapitating a chicken, reader is kind of emotional in this chapter

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: My first slow(er) burn fic! Let me know what you think!

Part 1

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Work had passed fairly quickly as it always did when you had the opening shift. It sure sucked having to arrive at five o’clock in the morning but at least you got off earlier and you knew that that way you could grab groceries before your father got home and could yell at you about an empty kitchen again. By two o’clock in the afternoon, you were home again, hopping out of your truck and grabbing as many bags as you could in one go.

The loud sound of metal slamming against metal shook you and you flinched, looking between your door and the frame to see Arvin walking out towards you. It hadn’t occurred to you that his car was even in your driveway. After so many years of having busted broken down old cars sitting there that your dad had been swearing he’d fix for almost ten years, cars in the driveway seemed normal. “Let me give you a hand,” he offered as he got closer, lifting the canvas bags from your hands before you could object.

“Oh!” You exclaimed as you felt the weight suddenly taken off your own arms, “Thank you.” You dove back into the truck to grab the last two bags before slamming it shut with your hips. The two of you began your stroll towards the front door, the dirt driveway kicking up around your feet. “You’re back early.” You noted, looking over at Arvin.

He shrugged, “Yeah, uh, Wallace had me on the early shift today.”

You fumbled with the bags as you tried to unlock the door, kicking it open with your toes when it finally gave in. You walked into your home and Arvin followed, closing the door behind him. “Been here long? I didn’t see you in the driveway.”

“Not too long. I just didn’t want to let myself into your home without nobody there.” Arvin set the bags on the counter next to where you set yours.

You began to unpack the bags and put the groceries in the respective places. Arvin watched off to the side, unsure of how your kitchen was organized so he was worried he’d do more than good if he stepped in. “My daddy got the late shift?”

Arvin shook his head, noticing that his beat up old hat was still on his head despite being indoors and took it off immediately, his tousled brown curls parting messily down the middle. “No, we went in at the same time. He ‘n some buddies said they was goin’ to some bar in town.”

He watched your shoulders fall a little and you sighed, “Figures…. You didn’t go?”

Again, Arvin shook his head, “No. No offense to your daddy but I don’t like to drink the way I get the feelin’ he does.”

You snorted, turning to him with a knowing chuckle, “Let’s just say that I’m sorry in advance for whatever he says or does when he gets home, if he gets home. Sheriff Pike might end up callin’ in the mornin’ tellin’ us to pick him up.” Though it was stated as a joke, Arvin could hear the tragic reality behind your words.

Arvin then noticed the pack of beer bottles that you were pulling out of the bag. As if you could feel his eyes looking at you with worried curiosity, you glanced over at him, noticing the way his eyes flicked between you and the beer in your hands. You offered a sad shrug, “I know what you’re thinkin’ but trust me. Sometimes it’s better to have him drunk and possibly content than sober and angry there’s nothing to drink. Besides, the beer is better than the hard stuff with ‘im.”

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to be makin’ faces. Your business is your business,” Arvin backpedalled, giving you an apologetic nod.

You shook your head, “Don’t worry. I know how it looks. I’m sorry you gotta see all of it. I been tryin’ to keep to keep him calm but if you end up stayin’ a while, I’m sure you’ll get to see him at his worse times.”

Arvin chewed his lip as he contemplated whether or not to bring up what had been going through his mind but he had to make sure you were alright. “I-I heard you ‘n your dad talkin’ last night… right after you left my room.”

Your face fell as you realized what he was talking about, “You weren’t s’posed to hear that. I’m sorry.” Shit, this was what you were hoping to avoid.

“Are you alright?”

Gentle. Caring. His tone was something that had been long lost to you in this house and it took the words out of your mouth for a moment. It was embarrassing, the way your heart welled up with… well love wasn’t quite the right word but the warmth of being cared about. Not since after your mother had passed had you heard somebody actually care about how you felt.

You just nodded and gave a forced smile that you could tell was easy to see through but it was the best you could muster. For someone who was able to take so much shit from their father and was able to look the man who would throw things at you and grab you by the hair dead in the eye with nothing but contempt, it was compassion that made you crumble. It had been so unexpected, especially from Arvin, the stranger living in your house.

“Shit, ‘m sorry! I didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to overstep. I only…” He stammered over his words and at first you were confused until you felt the single hot tear tracing its way down your cheek.

You were quick to wipe it away, shocked at your own uncharacteristic show of vulnerability. You hadn’t realized until now that you had zoned out on the ground while Arvin’s words repeated in your head but now a flash of embarrassment ran through you. “No, no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You sniffled once before giving a small laugh of disbelief. “It’s just… It’s been a long time since anybody asked that.”

You straightened up and ran your hands through your hair, eyes closed as you thought of what else you needed to do. Thankfully, if your dad was at the bar, you had at least another four hours to just you and Arvin, all night if you were lucky, though you seldom were. That was when the feeling of dread set in. Your dad had requested chicken roast for dinner tonight and whether he came home early and only a few beers in or you had to drive him home hungover in the morning, the man would be furious if there weren’t at least reheated leftovers for him. You had to kill Patty and prep her for dinner.

“You okay?” Arvin asked again, though this time it was in reference to the way a heavy look fell over your features. It wasn’t a profound deep question like it was earlier.

Your head wavered from side to side and your lips twisted, “My daddy asked for chicken roast tonight. I gotta go out and fix Patty up.” You tried to put it lightly though it felt anything but. “I’ll be out in the coop. You’re more than welcome to clean up in the shower or do whatever you’d like ‘round the house. The radio is in the livin’ room if you wanna tune into somethin’.”

You pushed yourself off the counter and walked to the door in your kitchen that led out to the backyard but Arvin made a few steps to follow, “Is it alright if I keep you company? It don’t feel right bein’ in your house without you or your daddy here.”

You smiled at the thought of him staying with you and you nodded, continuing out the door, “Sure, c’mon.”

The hen house wasn’t very far from the back door. From there, you could see the several acres of land that your father was wasting. Your grandparents had bought this land in the late 1910’s and had started up a little farm of their own to sell locally, though your father had abandoned the farming portion after they died. It was where your daddy had grown up and then where you had as well. God, how you missed your grandparents. Your grandmother’s soft words of love and kindness but sternness and willingness to swat your butt with a wooden spoon if you got an attitude (though she would yell at your father if he ever tried to discipline you - “Now you leave that poor baby alone!”). Your grandfather had looked like a rough and angry old man from years of hard work but he had the softest heart of anyone you’d ever met. How the two of them had raised your father was beyond you.

When you approached the wired fence and jiggled the lock open, the chickens inside stood surprisingly still. They trusted you. You could see it in their little brown eyes. You were safe and warm and didn’t want to harm them. You came in for the unfertilized eggs they laid and left, oftentimes with some seed and a soft pat or two on the head. Patty, a fat white hen with black specks, walked comfortably around your feet, nuzzling her head against your leg. She was the nicest hen you’d ever had. She trusted you.

God, you were about to cry again. You bent down to pick her up and you held her against your chest, trying to look her in the eye, though it was difficult when she kept jerking it in different directions. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” you murmured low. Usually it was your father that would slaughter the hens if he really wanted the meat that badly. You had never done it yourself but he’d made you watch every time so that you knew how if the time ever came. Each time it made you sick to your stomach.

Already, you felt green. The unassuming hen that you had been friendly enough to for her not flip out when you held her was none the wiser that her life was about to end by your hand. You glanced over to the large wood round just ahead and the axe that was leaned up against it.

Your face contorted as you realized how much you disliked the placement. The way your father would slaughter chickens right in front of their friends made your heart break. It was barbaric.��

You walked over to Arvin and held Patty out towards him, “Would you mind holdin’ onto her for a second?”

Though visibly confused, he took the chicken from your hands, drawing back when her wings fluttered out at the contact with the new strange man. Arvin watched as you walked towards the large round and tried to push it with all your might. “What’re you doin’?”

“I’m-” you grunted, feeling it slide slowly, inch by inch, “trying to move it where the other chickens can’t see.” You took another moment to use all your force against it before standing up straight and breathing heavily, “I know it sounds dumb cause they’re only chickens but it feels cruel to make ‘em watch, y’know?” You went back to pushing the round and Arvin approached behind you.

From here he could see the blood stains in the wood. It looked as if the blood had been washed off but the wood had been stained crimson regardless. There was also a divot where an axe had clearly been driven down many times over the years, chipping away at the wood.

Arvin’s heart actually warmed a little at your attempt to show mercy and your willingness to go out of your way to spare some chickens’ feelings. It wasn’t something he was sure he’d do himself but when he heard you say it, he realized you had a point. It was cruel to imprison a bunch of animals and then lead them out one by one to be slaughtered in front of everyone, each animal waiting their turn. “Here, take ‘er back. Let me.” Arvin stepped in, handing Patty back over to you and bending down to lift the round onto its side with much effort. The wood had to weigh at least a hundred pounds and had long since settled into the ground where it had been placed when you were a child.

Your eyes widened as you watched his biceps bulge, straining the material of his blue t-shirt. You’d never seen a man with muscles like that before and you found your eyes trailing along his arms, following every popping vein from the tops of his hands, up his forearms, and onto his biceps until they disappeared beneath his shirt. It was something you hadn’t expected to see in him. Arvin looked like a quiet, polite, hardworking young man but you never would have imagined the immaculate muscles he possessed. You found your mind wandering to what other surprises laid in store beneath all those layers he wo-

You needed to calm yourself down. If only he could hear your thoughts, he surely would be furious and disgusted with you. You hadn’t had such impure thoughts since that one time you had been messing around with Jimmy Bates in the backseat of his old car back in your senior year of high school. The two of you didn’t even go all the way but you went far enough and the guilt ate you alive since the two of you were never officially together anyways. He was just the cute boy from high school that you had pined over years that had finally given you the chance right before he shipped off to join the war.

“This alright?” Arvin asked, shaking you from your fantasy, and you snapped back into reality to realize he had rolled the wood round around the side of the coop behind the wooden wall, outside of the other chickens’ views.

You nodded and walked over to him, “That’s perfect. Thank you so much for doin’ that. I know it’s sorta stupid.”

Arvin shook his head, putting his hands on his hips, “If it means somethin’ to you, it ain’t stupid at all. Besides, now that you pointed it out, it was a little barbaric.”

You smiled up at him, one which he returned. How was this boy so damn nice? Was this some cosmic way of the universe finally giving you something good in your life? You’d become so calloused to your father’s harsh words and barked commands that you had forgotten how nice it was to feel cared about and validated. And you barely knew him.

“‘M glad you think so.” You looked down at Patty in your arms and any good feelings you’d had melted to sadness and fear. “You been a good girl, Patty. I know you struggled with layin’ eggs for a while but you were always a good girl. Never bit me once unlike some of them other hens.” You weren’t often very soft and vulnerable but you were about to take something’s life for the first time and you couldn’t help but feel the weight of that on your heart. If this were a life or death situation, you would feel better about it, but it wasn’t. The only reason Patty had to die was because your father would throw a fit if she didn’t.

You carried her to the log and gave her a little kiss on the top of the head, “Please don’t hate me but I understand if you do. Say hi to my momma for me, will you? Tell her I love and miss her.” You set her down and got her in the position you always saw your dad put the other chickens in before he chopped their heads off. Arvin handed you the axe with uncertainty but watched on as you struggled to bring yourself to finish the deed.

You held her down and you could tell by the way she was flailing that she was panicking now. Patty was well aware of what was happening. “I’m sorry!” You choked, tears welling up in your eyes as her panic began to turn into your own panic. How did people do this? Why was this so freaking difficult?

Tossing the axe slightly in your hand, you readjusted the handle and just as you went to swing, Arvin piped up, “I can do it.”

You looked over at him, the afternoon sun reflecting the tears in your eyes and making the color of your irises stand out in tragic beauty. “I-I- Would you really not mind?” You breathed out in relief.

Arvin stepped forward and you handed the axe out to him, “I don’t mind.” You held onto Patty until Arvin could position her just right as well. He had no idea what he was doing - he’d never had to slaughter a chicken before. He had heard that all you had to do was cut their head off though and then he’d heard the rumors of them running around like crazy even after their head hit the ground. How hard could it be?

Once he had the hen pinned down where he wanted her, he looked up to see you chewing on your thumb, brows knitted in discomfort. It wasn’t the first chicken you’d watched get slaughtered but it was far from something you enjoyed observing. Arvin signaled to you with a nod before raising the axe above his head and you shut your eyes tight, flinching at the sound of the old metal head thudding into the old wood.

You had the carcass sitting in the sink while you pulled off the blood soaked feathers, depositing them into the trash bin by the handful. This part was easier for you, something you’d done many times in the past. “Thank you for doin’ that. I’m sorry I’m such a baby.”

Arvin sat at the kitchen table behind you, “You ain’t a baby just cause you don’t like to kill things. I’d say it’s probably rather normal.”

The time was inching closer to four o’clock now and the sun was beginning to hang ever so slightly lower in the sky, the precursor to sunset. It was warm outside and a cool spring breeze blew in through the open window above the sink. You snickered as you pulled another handful of feathers out, “Yeah? That mean you ain’t normal?” You looked over at him with a playful glint in your eye but your smile fell when you saw an uncomfortable look cross his face, almost like he’d seen a ghost.

“I ain’t never said I liked killin’ either.” Arvin attempted to match your joking tone but it was pretty evident there was a weight behind his words.

“Hey, I‘m sorry. I was only jokin’.” A pang of guilt washed over you but it was only that. A joke. You hadn’t imagined teasing him over something like killing a chicken would set him off, especially since he volunteered to do it for you, but apparently you were wrong.

Arvin sniffed and scratched his nose, “I know.” After a moment of awkward silence, he stood, “Let me give you a hand. What do you need done?”

You scanned his face once more to make sure he was really okay but you decided to drop it when you saw his insistent look. You shook your head, “I got it. It ain’t much after I get this all gutted and cleaned.” You picked up the mostly featherless carcass by the wings and plopped it back down into the sink.

“Well ‘m sure there’s vegetables or somethin’ else that goes with it, right? Let me start cuttin’ those up.” His persistence was adorable, making your heart flutter in the most wonderful way. The idea of a man actually being helpful was unknown to you before Arvin. Your life had been filled with your dad’s drunken bossings since you were twelve years old. You couldn’t remember the last time a genuinely kind voice offered you anything more than a smile on the street, not that you took that for granted. Arvin was just different though. Noble and helpful and kind.

“You really don’t have to-”

“Yeah, you keep sayin’ that but I really do want to help. So what can I do to make things easier on you?” He took a few steps closer to you until you felt the beginning of what could have been sparks if he stepped any nearer, like when you hold two magnets a few inches apart and you can feel the energy between them, that hint of attraction, but it’s not quite close enough to pull them together.

The blush in your cheeks at his simple gesture made you break the eye contact with a nervous laugh of retreat, “Okay, fine. If you’re gonna be so insistent,” you drew out with a teasing drawl, “you can cut up veggies. There’s potatoes over there and carrots and zucchini in the fridge.”

Arvin’s lips turned up in a small smile when you finally resigned your stubborn ways and he went off to find the vegetables where you had directed him.

Needless to say, when your father came home from the bar to find you and Arvin talking over a song by the Platters playing on the radio with Arvin cleaning up the dishes while you tossed together the vegetables and the seasoning, he was less than pleased.

“What the hell is going on here?” His slurred speech made your eyes widen in fear. He was supposed to get home later like he always did. But then you found yourself chiding your irresponsibility. Why the hell would you take that chance? You knew better than to let Arvin help out and now you were gonna pay.

Arvin sensed the way you tensed up beside him and watched as you spun around to face your father with haste, “Just finishin’ up dinner now. Should be ready by six so you got more than enough time to take a sho-”

“Why the fuck is he doin’ the dishes?” You father was leaning against the wall, clearly relying on the structure for support. This wasn’t the time to test him, not with Arvin here. It was times like this when he’d start throwing stuff at you.

Before you could say anything, Arvin piped up firmly but respectfully, “I offered, sir. It’s no problem at all.”

Your dad pointed at Arvin, “A man ain’t got no place with his hands in a sink of dishes. You leave that shit to her and she’ll just grab you a beer.” He stumbled over his own feet before catching himself ungracefully.

Arvin’s jaw set tightly and you gripped the countertop with white knuckles behind you. Times like this, you weren’t even sure what to say anymore. No amount of standing up for yourself got you anywhere with him. You never made any headway with your dad’s sexist views on gender roles. It was pointless. The only thing to do was try and work your way to supporting yourself so you could get the hell out of dodge and never look back.

Arvin’s voice surprised you, “A man’s place is helpin’ out the women in his life when they need, not leavin’ ‘em to do all the housework themselves.” You nearly choked on your own tongue at his words. It was a bold statement for a man to make, especially to the head of the house that was being so gracious as to host him free of charge, but he didn’t back down. It appeared like the jab was lost on your drunken father but Arvin continued with a slightly less accusatory comment to diffuse the situation regardless, “I grew up helpin’ my grandma with all the house chores so I really don’t mind at all.”

You watched the way your dad eyed Arvin and then you before scoffing and grumbling incoherently as he shuffled his way into the living room. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “I don’t want you gettin’ kicked out ‘cause of me. You didn’t have to say nothin’.”

Arvin glared at where your father had disappeared and nodded, “Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve all the shit he gives you.”

You suddenly found yourself avoiding his eyes and twisting your lips. He was right and you were well aware of that fact. The abuse your dad put you through was uncalled for at best. The fact that Arvin had actually taken the time to not only notice the same fact but acknowledge it and stand up for you was something you never thought you’d hear someone do. It made you uncomfortable. You’d been fighting this battle by yourself for so long that letting somebody even know it was being waged was enough to make you want to sink away. Even so, a part of you wanted to let Arvin keep standing up for you. It made you feel weak after having to stand up for yourself for so long but also validated.

Your eyes flicked up to meet his for only a moment before turning back towards dinner that sat in a roasting pan on the stove, “Thank you.”

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Taglist:

@thisisparadisemylove

@justapurrcat

#arvin russel imagine #arvin russell x you #Arvin Russell #arvin rus #arvin russell x reader #arvin russel #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel x y/n #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #The Devil All The Time #tdatt #tdatt imagine #tdatt fics #Hayloft

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maggotmouth · 3 years ago

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hillo sexthy legends !! i’m nora and i’ll be writing margo colby n probs sm1 else bcos lets be real, i lack self-control. u can find her pinterest here n some info abt her sexy self below the cut. plot with me on discord ( hot girl midsommar#8664 ) or in my ims !! x o x

* CAMILA MORRONE, CIS WOMAN + SHE / HER | you know MARGO COLBY, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ELEVEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole BLEACH WHITE SNEAKERS POUNDING ON A GYMNASIUM FLOOR, USING THE SAME BLUNT SCISSORS TO HACK THE SLEEVES OFF AN EXES T-SHIRT THAT YOU USE TO CUT YOUR 3AM FRINGE, A WALNUT-SHAPED ACHE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH FOR THE PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 8TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nora, 25, gmt, she/her )

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR SEXII GOOGLE DOC!!

bullet point summary of margo.

— born margaret but NOBODY calls her that. its colby, coach or margo, and go to the privileged few. margo grew up in the creek commune n then dropped out of school cos of a teenage pregnancy so she was a bit of a cautionary tale back in’t’day (said tht in my yorkshire accent). she now works for summer camps coaching pee wee soccer and pee wee cheer, as well as helping out her beekeeper dad on his honey farm, which is jst north of abernathy creek, and working at scuba on the off seasons.

— its just her and her dad, and has been for as long as she can recall !! everything she knows about her mum could fit on the back of the weathered passport photo she keeps in her wallet of a stranger who shares her face - her name’s melody, or at least tht was name she used when working as a dancer, she’s from argentina and dropped mag’s dad as soon as someone w more money came along.

— margo’s father is a beekeeper with his own organic honey company. margo and her dad moved to irving in the early 00s, the summer between grade school and middle school, because her dad had heard about the communal living in abernathy creek and wanted to lend his skills there and live off the fatta the land in a very lenny from of mice and men kinda way.

— for a few years of middle school margo was bullied for living with the ‘freaks from the creek’, but when they realised how chill her dad was with underage drinking, margo ‘keg-bringer’ colby soon gained popularity among the more renegade students. every so often, the high school parties would happen at her end of town, occasionally with members of the commune even offering the high schoolers a spiritual experience they’d never forget (often in the form of mushrooms) which meant people tried to stay on her good side. to get an invite to a margo colby party handed you a free pass to make up the most ridiculous shit about the commune you liked and nobody else could say anything, because they’d never been to the creek.

— at school, margo had a lot of ‘behvioural issues’ bcos of undiagnosed adhd, she found it difficult to sit still for hours n write down huge chunks of information n her restlessness was seen as laziness. she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who weren’t that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up surrounded by bee houses and he who runs slowest gets stung, baybeyy!! so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.

— she had sex with sutter at a house party when she wasnt really ready because it felt like the right thing to do at the time and everybody else was doing it. she’d attended health class, she’d seen the corny videos. she knew about all the statistics, but she also knew that it had never happened to anyone she knew and the pull out method was basically safer than the morning after pill and way less expensive.

— a teenage pregnancy knocked her out of the runnings for prom queen and meant she had to leave school early. she didn’t go to college when her friends did, instead she spent the time interviewing potential foster candidates and eating her weight in lindt chocolate while marathoning love island in her room.

— she had a son, who she passed off to someone else a couple of towns away. it was a closed adoption which seemed like the best idea at the time, but she now wishes she had access to his life.

— after peaking in high school and jumping between jobs for a few years, she got a more permanent role at scuba which she loves with all of her heart and soul, but unfortunately a bar job doesn’t pay the rent.

— she works at summer camps coaching junior soccer and netball on the side. she’s extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach colby n write her longwinded letters about how they’ll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when she’s feelin depressed.

— enjoys surfing and worked for a number of years on resorts like mila kunis’ job in forgetting sarah marshall. she went on to work 18-hour days as a stewardess on luxury yachts which is a part of her backstory i added after watching season one of below deck because i guess i really am that fucking impressionable. met most of her surf friends doing tht but said she’d never in her life do it again bcos it was mostly just picking up after rich white ppl for shit pay. she came back to irving n thats when she started doing the summer camp jobs so she could move out of the creek n get her own apartment.

— she never actually finished senior year so she’s currently going to night school at the community college to get through her exams and is trying to save to go to college or open university. she wants to major in criminology. she’s super ambitious but also super adhd so she fluctuates between thinking she can achieve anything to just feeling like a failure n thinkin whats the point

— used to shoplift to feel joy and as an act of resistance to her hippy commune routes, but now sees herself as a reformed, bin-diving freegan (sims 4 eco living can i get a hell yaaaa). also she thinks it’s totally wrong to steal when you have enough money and clearly don’t need to steal to survive, ppl risk imprisonment for basic necessities, so for her to do it for a brief thrill and some new shades felt a bit derogatory

— was raised jewish. became a vegetarian as a child because it seemed, at the time, easier than having to explain which foods she was and wasn’t allowed to eat together, so she just cut out meat entirely. still a vegetarian now and dabbles in veganism, although its become less about not eating certain meats in the milk of their mother and more about her global impact / carbon footprint

— nurses little animals to health in her garden. has a hedgehog name OJ short for orange juice not the other one filthy pig. her and her dad have always been huge animal rights activists and existed on a vegetarian diet. the only one in their house who isn’t vegetarian is their cat, auggie. (short 4 augustus gloop)

— has a lot of stupid ass stick and poke tattoos. there was a phase during her years as a barmaid where she wanted to train as a tattoo artist n would mostly practice on herself or any friends who would let her

— she doesn’t form many long lasting friendships cos she tends to be super excited when she makes a new friend and just see them all the time but then it wears off and she can ghost a bit. she’ll always coming pinging back but she’s not the most predictable or loyal friend, sometimes she’ll sleep in your house every night for a week and then you won’t even get a text from her for a month. her best friends are elderly neighbours and houseless people she meets when volunteering at the foodbank. she thinks they’re more authentic than most of the ‘fake posers’ she meets down the vela pier

— calls herself a butch lesbian but still has sex with men when she wants validation. sexually attracted to some men, especially effeminate men, but only romantically attracted to women. very possessive of the gals in her life.

— stopped giving a shit about getting older or adhering to anyone elses bullshit standards, realised it was all fake p much as soon as she dropped out of school and one by one her friends just stopped texting her

— lives in one of the lofts in port apartments. it’s open plan with rugs and lava lamps everywhere. she has a palette bed. its all very ‘sustainable chic’. like, oh wow, a pallet bed that im supposed to think you made from scratch but i KNOW you got it off ebay because you thought it looked trendy

— constantly says shes poor but still buys clothes from urban outfitters. sus.

— frequently found at fannies flirting with the cute bisexual bartender with a choppy black bob.

general vibe / personality

vibrant, vulgar, self-absorbed, tenacious, veers bewteen apathetic and dogmatic, temperamental, flighty, unreliable, magnetic, charismatic, passive aggressive, likes to play devil’s advocate, takes the moral high ground. estp and a leo

likes: 70s music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms,, deep red lipstick, lacrosse sticks, smoking weed from a bong, dogs, karaoke, pet rats, kate moss, late-night strolls, hawaaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, skinned knees, thai food, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not the practical application of it, decorative lamps, LGBTQ+ pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

dislikes: girls who call other girls ‘pick me’ girls, woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, quentin tarantino, ironing, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, ‘dump him’ feminism, wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like they’re better than you, indie softbois, the general mentality of cheerleading squads.

aesthetics

orange peel, the smell of bleach, skeleton drawings in the margins of a journal, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, setting dumpsters on fire for the hell of it. a hit flask of vodka decorated with hello kitty stickers, split knuckles, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, a child in an oversize bee keepers suit, scabbed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

hoo boy this is getting LONG AS FUCK but here are my wanted plots

wanted plots

ok margo’s been in irving since she was like 10. she’s quite a vivacious person?? she dresses completely instinctively without any sense of cohesion so she stands out. a guy once told her she was wearing the ugliest outfit he’d ever seen and he thought that was so cool and brave of her. but anyway where was i going.. she grew up in the abernathy creek so stuck out like a sore thumb,,,, maybe ppl who were super interested in the creek or maybe poked fun at her bcos of it idk.....

b4 she dropped out, margo used 2 b in with the cool kids at school bcos her dad would buy them booze and rarely ask for the money. maybe a fun plot cld b with some of the ‘it girls’ she used to hang around with b4 she got pregnant n dropped out and they all went off to college n stopped texting her.

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! some1 she feels like she knew before irving ???

since margo literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships. fwbs. enemies with benefits. all the angst. all the slow burn mutual pining we hate each other narratives

locals who play sports. margo wld be all over community soccer n take it way too seriously. maybe ppl she plays hockey with. girls who she’s like, weirdly intimate with but its not a thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

she works part time at scuba. i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry.

she's also a surf instructor and occasionally works as a lifeguard!! gal has like 7 jobs ik but regular swimmers hmu

ppl she coaches at the gym !! she wants to be a personal trainer

i reckon she might have recently started meditating to try and calm down her mind cos its always bustling with thoughts, n i think she’s p interested in buddhism so if anyone’s a buddhist hmu

someone she’s trying to make a zine with on female empowerment and women in film and art, etc. just a very feminist zine.

TLDR: angry sports gay, former high school track prodigy turned drop out, who likes feminist literature, wearing leather jackets over slip dresses, and smudged red lipstick.

this was so long !!! im sorry !! if you’ve read this far have a biscuit, love x

#aaaaaaa #we back boys #irvingintro #hmu for plots bayybeyyy

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violetnotez · 5 years ago

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Actions Are Louder Than Words- Pro Hero! Deku x Reader

So Im currently StruGgling through a Bakugo fic rn, which Im so mad about...so here’s a quick Deku rewrite of mine until I post that fic!

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2500+

Warnings: mentions of wounds

Summary: Izuku comes to your home mysteriously one night, injured and in his hero suit- and you’re the only one who can fix him up.

One Shot

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

For some reason, your room was extremely hot.

It made sense, in the middle of July, but you hated it. Your clothes stuck to your body like glue, making every movement feel sticky and humid.

You had decided to go to sleep at a late time, hoping that maybe when the sun went down, the coolness of night would suppress itself into your room.

You had opened up your window just a little to help with that, which brought the sounds of the city to your room. You were on the 4th level of your apartment complex, so the sounds weren’t so loud that you couldn’t stand it. You looked out, feeling a luke warm breeze, imagining your best friend, Izuku Midoriya, doing his daily hero rounds, that infectiously warm grin plastered on his face. You smiled to yourself.You secretly loved Izuku, every since he told you about One For All. The fact he trusted you with something so important, and finding out he was the one doing all those good deeds pushed your over the edge. You had began to like him before that moment, because of his sweet and respectful demeanor (not to mention he was extremely attractive), but you were in the awkward of stage of where you didn’t know where your heart stood. But now, it knew exactly where it wanted to be: standing next to Izuku.

You sighed, feeling reality sink in. Izuku would never go out with you, you thought. Izuku was too good for you- you were his loyal best friend, nothing more, nothing less.

This thought made your chest throb, but you would get over heartache. You always did.

You left the window open, the curtains billowing slightly in the warm breeze. You crawled into your sheets, feeling the soft cool of the material, knowing that they would soon turn warm due to your body heat. You thought, drowsy from staying up so late now, that it would be best to go to sleep soon, and with that, a wave of slumber took over your body.

You felt as if you had slept for 10 minutes when you abruptly woke up to a loud crash in your room. You jumped up in your bed, feeling your shirt sleeve slip down from your sleep sluggish body. You looked around for the source of the noise, fear clawing your stomach in an iron grip. You almost screamed, but your throat closed in from terror. There was a dark outline of a body on the floor, looking like it jumped into your room from the open window. You stared at it, not believing what had just happened. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness, hearing the cars below you honk and the engines whir.

You began spotting details: a gloved hand, red boots, teal fabric… “Deku?” You asked thickly, your voice sounding groggy from your nap.

The body pushed itself off the floor, laying itself against your dresser.The person sighed in relief, looking at you with huge eyes that glinted in the street’s warm light from below.

“Hi y/n,” the person chuckled nervously, the voice immediately soundly like Midoriya when he was flustered.

You heard a grimace in his voice as he grabbed his side.“Izuku!? Are you okay!?” you asked in shock, feeling way more awake than before. This was one of your worst fears- him getting hurt. It was bound to happen, with all the shady characters he’s always fighting, but you couldn’t bear the thought of Izuku getting attacked- or worse.

“Yeah Im fine- just- mmph- got a little scratch, nothing bad, Im fine...please don’t worry-.”

You jumped up , tearing the sheets away from you. You crouched next to Izuku, seeing the light scratches littering his face, illuminated from the streetlights below.

“If you were fine, you wouldnt be in my room.” you replied with a sad smile, trying to keep your voice down in order to not wake up your neighbors.

You freaked out inside- Izuku Midoriya was in your room, hurt, but in full hero gear. Izuku Midoriya. Had to be in your room. Your crush. You felt the heat rise in your face, cursing yourself for always acting like some love sick school girl around him.

“I’m sorry, you know I wouldn’t want to put you in any danger on purpose, its just I needed a quick escape, and I just saw that your window was open, so I-

”“Jumped in?” you finished his sentence.

“Yeah- something like that,” he laughed quietly, looking slightly at the floor, but laughing seem to be too excruciating because he made another painful grunt.

“Izuku,” you pleaded, losing your weak joking manner, “what happened? Where are your hurt?”

“No, no, I’m fine!” he insisted, looking at you with fear, failing at convincing you.

You gave him a look that clearly showed you didnt believe a single thing that had just came out of his mouth.

“Izuku,” you told him sternly, “tell me. Please.”

“Im okay I swea-”

“I swear to God Izuku Mirdoriya if you say your ‘fine’, which your clearly not, I will call your mom.”

You knew the last person he wanted to drag into this was his mother, and you didn't want to either. She was a sweet woman, but extremely overprotective of Izuku, for all the right reasons. You knew Izuku didn’t want to worry her, and even though you felt a little guilty for being unable to tell his mom all the things she should probably know that happens to Midoriya, you couldn't bring yourself to break your unspoken promise.

You didn’t want to play the “Mom” card on him, but you could tell Midoriya was in alot of pain- anything you could help him with, you were going to do it. Whether he admitted to it or not.

“No y/n, please,” Izuku said quickly, fear suffocating his voice. Guilt rose in your stomach, but you shoved it down as he asked, “you wouldn’t, right?”

“Izuku…” you sighed as you hugged your knees to yourself. You didnt want to- but there was a considerable difference between want and need.“You know I wouldn’t tell her unless I needed to- if your hurt only a little, we can fix it- but if you need medical attention, of course Im telling her. But for right now-if youll be quiet and let me help you-I wont say a word to her.” you added the last part as a slight joke, smiling so Izuku knew you weren’t trying to intentionally be mean.

He chuckled, stating softly, “You always are the one that wants to fix me up.”

“It’s what I do best,” you smiled.“Alrightie Deku-lets check the damage.”

You quickly changed the subject, seeing that you had brought Izuku’s wall down and you could easily sneak in to get to what you needed to do.

Izuku sighed hesitantly, stilling holding his side. He raised his hand slowly, showing a cut in the side of his suit, the fabric fraying back. You gulped, suppressing panic, and this time, anger.Who could do this to Izuku? YOUR Izuku?

You quickly got up to reach for your nightstand, feeling Izuku’s eyes follow you. You grabbed your phone, bringing the flashlight to its brightest level. You were focused and nervous at the same time, your hands trembling at the thought of touching Midoriya.You sat back down in front of him, pointing the light at his chest. You didn’t look at the angry gash across his chest, but at those big green eyes that somehow always make your heart stop beating.

“Is it-okay-if I….” you stumbled, nerves coming through thickly in your voice.

“Sure,” Midoriya replied an octave too high. He cleared his throat, trying again. “I mean-yeah yeah, go for it….”

You smiled to yourself, thinking how much of a cute dork Midoriya was, even when he was injured.

Even though Izuku was hurt, he could only focus on you. He felt comfortable with you, but extremely nervous. He never had a girl so close to him before, especially one he liked- the “like like” kind. He hated himself for thinking it was a good idea coming into your room at 1 in the morning, dragging you into his problem, and the fact he was actually, in some ways, enjoying this- you giving him your full attention, the feeling of your hands brushing his skin- made him shiver in the best way possible.Your hand shook as you gingerly reached to pull back the ripped fabric on his chest, while the other held the flashlight as steady as you could.

“Tell me if I do anything to make it hurt, Kay?” You instructed.

Izuku simply nodded, and you braced yourself for the worst.

Your expression was as if made of steel, determined and persistent.You gently drew the teal fabric away more , showing more skin. The slit of fabric was a clean one-it was hard to see what was under. All you could really make out was bruising and a cut-but couldn’t really assess the damage.

“I can’t see anything- the cut is too covered in the suit,” you exhaled as you moved away from Izuku, making him feel almost cold without your hand on his side.You looked at him, hoping he couldn’t see the red rising in your face. You had just thought of a solution to your problem, but didn’t know how Izuku would take it.

“So-I’m gonna grab a first aid kit- but I’m gonna need you to-um,” you cleared your throat, nerves coating your throat like a thick film, “I need to you to-take off.. the suit-“You wanted to kick yourself for actually saying this out loud. You sounded stupid! Asking him to take his suit off! This was too intimate, too weird for your relationship dynamic- but you secretly hated yourself more for wanting it to happen.

You panicked, trying to revise what you had just said, “You don’t have to take off the whole suit- just to your waist-you seriously don’t have to do this, I don’t even know why I said it, we could figure something else out-“

“I’ll do it,” He interjected quietly, looking straight at you, making your heart jump.

Izuku was terrified to say the least at the thought of showing his bare chest to you, but- he liked the feeling of your skin on his. It felt like such an adrenaline rush. He was intoxicated by the feeling- it was like everything was at peace with the world as his skin tingled with a charged energy he couldn't describe.

“It’s better if we do it like this,” he added, “If I have to go to a hospital, it’ll be all over the press tomorrow. I dont really care to see myself all beaten up on the news,” He smiled weakly, attempting at making the mood lighter so you wouldn't feel as nervous..

“Okay,” you exhaled, smiling back, relieved Izuku didnt take anything you said the wrong way, “if you say so.”

You stood up, trying to avoid Izuku’s gaze.“I’m going to go get the first aid stuff, and you just-” You waved your hand around Izuku, motioning up and down at his body. “So- yeah,” you added in a nervous laugh, brushing your hair away from your face.

He smiled at your obvious flusteredness, grateful he wasn’t the only one.

Walking to your connected bathroom, your head swarmed with doubt.Maybe- this was a bad idea. Maybe he should go to the hospital- he could be really injured and you both would never know until it was too late. But… Izuku didn’t want anybody to know… and you promised you would help him until he needed actual medical attention. Worst comes to worst you could call All Might- he’d know what to do. Until then, you’d take care of Midoriya yourself.

You entered your bathroom, and rummaged in your cabinets until you found a white plastic case with a large red cross emblem on the front. You grabbed the handle, pulling it close to you and tiptoed out of the room, praying your neighbors didn’t hear you from the other side of the hallway.

Izuku was in the same position as you left him, except that his suit was gathered around his navel. You could make out Midoriya’s bare shoulder, a shadow in the dim glow of the streetlights below. You quickly looked down, feeling heat rise to your face, not knowing what to do.

You sat back next to Midoriya, rummaging in the box, trying not to look at him. You never really thought of it, but Midoriya was super fit. Like- to the point that you wondered how the hell someone could have so much muscle. Midoriya was built extremely thin and lanky- how was that even possible?!

Your cheeks instantly got redder.

“You alright?” Midoriya asked sweetly, making your pulse jump up.

“Yeah, Im fine- actually I should be asking you that, youre the one with the injury,” you stated, trying to keep your voice under control as you looked for stuff- god, you were a mess right now.

“Im fine if youre fine,” he answered innocently, giving you a reassuring smile which made you think you couldnt love him even more- he was injured, and he was making sure you were okay.

God why was he such a good person?!

You gave a small smile thanking him.

”Thanks,” you said, as you tied your bed hair back.“Im sorry I cant turn on any lights, I just dont want my annoying neighbors complaining about me again, there honestly crazy…”

“Oh, youre good!” he whispered, “Just- thanks for doing this for me. You really dont have to do-”

“Midoriya, please, you literally cant walk.” you stated sarcastically, knowing full well Izuku could probably take the pain but you werent letting him go home over your dead body.

“Thats true,” he chuckled, wincing again from the pain. You went to touch him, not knowing what to do to leviate the pain- except, fix it.

“Alright, we need to see what’s wrong- ready?” you asked hesitantly, trying to sound strong.

Midoriya nodded his head, a determined look on his face.

“Ready.”

----------------

Requests open!!!

#bnha #bnha hc #bnha x reader #deku x reader #bnha deku x reader #deku hc #deku #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku hc #bnha izuku x reader #mha izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya x you #bnha midoriya x reader #bnha izuku midoriya x reader

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iris-ymir · 5 years ago

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Guilty or Innocent - Iris

Asked someone to marry you?

“No. Not mi thin’. The whole... damn idea about marriage and shite? I dunno. Like... spending rest or yer life with the same person? Absolutely! Its just... Dont get mi wrong here! But the whole mess about marriage, and such.. It sounds so damn artificial. Do I wanna live with someone for the rest of mi years? Sure! But I dont need a fockin’ ring to prove it to anyone.. Then again.. If someone was to ask mi to marry her? Yeah, why not? If ya want a damn ring, lets get a damn ring!”

Kissed one of your friends?

“Shite... Well, yeah. About that... I have kissed many of mi friends actually.. And let mi tell ya. It always ends up into a fockin’ mess. One way or another! I... guess I should stop kissin’ mi friends..?”

Danced on a table in a bar / tavern? “You.. happen to know what Im doin’ for livin’? Yeah. Basically that.”

Ever told a lie?

“Just show me a fockin’ person who has not, and I’ll show ya a bastard who’s lying right there, on dat very damn moment! We all lie... Some more than others, but thats not the point, righto?”

Had feelings for someone you can’t have?

“Yeah... Ya remember I just told ya about kissin’ mi friends and shite? Well dat. I messed up real good. Like... the royal mess up! I still have feelin’s for her... Could rip mi damn heart out for her... But I think she just might be lost for mi for good... Im not giving up though! But as thin’s are.. What happened between us... Heck. It might be a lost fockin’ cause.”

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?

“Im... so very much a bean flicker, ya know? Never had interest in opposite sex... Does dat answer yer question?”

Kissed a picture? "No? Seven hells, why would I be suckin’ on some damn piece of paper?”

Slept until 5pm? “Im a night owl.. I wake up sometime durin’ the afternoon. So yeah. I will sleep until 5pm, if you dont come and wake mi up. Which is fockin’ annyin’ by tha way.. Just let mi sleep..”

Worked at a fast food chain / restaurant “Nope.. And dont have a slightest interest in such! ...I would make a fockin’ horrible restaurant worker... Now this.. may sound rather miserable, but my current job is actually mi first real day job ever! ...Or well.. A night job? Anyway.. Yeah.”

Stolen something? “I would say... Try living on streets of fockin’ Limsa Lominsa for good 10 summers, and then... if yer still alive and kickin’, try asking yaself dat question! ...Yes. I have stolen for livin’.”

Been fired from a job? “As I mentioned just a moment ago, this is mi first day job ever... And I have been able to keep it so far! ... And Im about to keep it! I want to see the faces of every poor bastard, who ever said I could not get, let alone keep a job! And well... I actually kinda like mi job, so there’s also dat. And I get a decent money out of it.”

Done something you regret? “... Really? We need to go back to this again? I had.. a really bad week some time ago, ya know. I did.. lot of shite.. The whole thin’ is just.. so foggy in mi head, its annoyin’! But yeah. I think I almost slept with mi friend.. broke lot of stuff.. a damned heirloom notestand.. And in the end, I went and kissed another friend against her will... The... one I fockin’ love.. Damn, I miss her. But it was not mi damn fault!! I had just like the shittiest week ever! ... I dont know... Maybe some of it kinda was.. Can we just go on? I focked up, okai..?”

Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose? “Nnno. Cant remember such thin’. Sometimes a drink has gone like... into mi nose for one or another reason... But actually out of it? I dont think so. Then again, who am I to say! One just cant remember everythin’ ya know?”

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? “No, I have not. Tha Shrimp does it, so.. technically I have? But as miself? No. I have not. On purpose at least.”

Sat on a roof top? “Used to do that in Limsa Lominsa. It was.. an awfully calming feeling, ya know? To get away from all the shite, going on down on the streets. Just... sit alone, watch the ships getting loaded.. Watch them sailin’ away. I dont do it anymore though.. The roofs in Ishgard are fockin’ slippery.”

Kissed someone you shouldn’t have? Iris gives the other a long, dead stare. “... Fockin’ really?! Didn’t I just told ya dat. Ya want some heckin’ details?! Right! So, yes, I was wasted... I shouldn’t have to... And damn yes, it was foolish of mi! Silke. The gal I fancy.. Ya know the type that just... puts damn butterflies into yer tumtum.. rises yer head up to the fockin’ pink clouds faster than anythin’ ya can buy from the streets of Ul’dah.. A damn purdiful fockin’ lass... Damn best thin’ that ever happened to mi... And I focked it up by hecking going and kissing her! So... Ya happy with dis subject now, or are ya gonna poke dat infected wound some more? If so, Im done with dis...”

Sang in the shower?

“Ummm... No.”

Been pushed into a body of water with all your clothes on? “Pushed? I... dont think so! Thrown into water with mi clothes on though... Yes! And I tell ya now! That damn merchant had a heckin’ cart full of those apples! Most of dem would have gone on waste aniway! But nooo.. I get thrown into sea, for one damn apple! One apple!! And it was not even worth it. The apple was dry like Sagolii sand the merchant’s fockin’ muffin-hole was propably full of!”

Shaved your head? "Well, I did not!! Blacksoul did durin’ the time he fockin’ kept mi as his personal damn doll or somethin’.. So yeah! It is growin’ back now, but if it looks like a damn rake-raped crow’s arse to ya, its not my fault!!”

Made a boyfriend / girlfriend cry? “I... dont know, actually! Not during mi time with her, no. We kiinda only had a fleetin’ moment though, so did not ‘ave like... too much time to make the lass cry! ... I guess she still believes mi to be dead though. So its possible she cried for mi presumed death in the hands of her husband’s underlin’s... I hope she did... Yeah.”

Shot a gun? “I did, yeah! Ya know... One of those Ishgardian ones. Loud... lot of smoke... A decent kick. Kinda like a bar night to live for! You know, Im actually even rather decent with guns.. Not my style, though.”

Still loved someone you shouldn’t? “You gotta be kiddin’ me!! ... Oh wait. Someone I shouldn’t? I dont think so... Seven hells, we heckin’ belong together!! ...She has just... yet to understan it... She will! Sooner or later... Hopefully sooner. Fock’s sake, I miss that silly gal and her nice ass...”

Have / had a tattoo? “Yeah, the one around mi eyes. I also have another one on mi thigh... Iris flowers and thorns... Four of dem. For four kinda important people in mi life. From which, I have actually lost... every single one... Fock’s sake, whats wrong with mi?!”

Liked someone, but will never tell who? “Nno. I have... some difficulties in the ‘never tell’-thingie. Im more of a... ‘tell too much’-type o’ person. But ‘ey! Kinda honesty is a good thing, right?”

Been too honest? “If bein’ too ‘onest means kiinda colorin’ the truth a little to make it hit on the mark better. Yeah. I guess so. I just may overact a bit time to time! But den again... Makes the truth more interestin’ huh?”

Ruined a surprise? “No, I hardly part-take in suprises in general...”

Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? “Actually... No. I dont know!! Well, mi first girlfriend did, but did she totally mean what she said? Damn, I dont know... Considerin’ the fact she... most likely kinda sold mi out not too long after, it makes it heckin’ hard to believe anythin’ that ever crossed those sweet crimson lips of hers! I wonder why no-one has ever said it though... Im smokin’ hot!! ... So tell me. Am I beautiful..? Hm?”

Stalked someone? “If we call people watchin’ stalkin’ here, then Im damn guilty as a plague rat! But like... in the creepy wai? No! Why the heck would I do somethin’ like that. Dats just sick...”

Thought about murder? ��If someone has just taken a royal shite on ya, sweet damn, thats reason enough to just shank the bastard, and scatter the innards into the sea! Most people are so fockin’ rotten though, I dunno if even damn fishies care for their foul organs... Could always make dem into a bagpipe and gift it to their family and friends... Maybe then they could actually get a taste of whut kinda shitebag they been hangin’ around with...”

How about mass murder?

“... Well, as dey say... Apple does not drop far from a tree, and sometimes those apples are rotten before dey hit the ground. So yeah. The last question in mind, why not?”

Cheated on someone? “No! Think anythin’ you want of mi, but Im fockin’ devoted!! ... Well, I have only had one relationship, that lasted for like... couple of months... But damn I was devoted... Up until she choose her husband over mi...”

Gotten so angry that you cried? “Happens time to time... Cryin’.. cleans the system, ya know. Just... Get into middle of nowhere, and scream yer lungs out!”

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good? “... Im kinda doin’ that right now. Dey will be better off without me. She’s got her damn hero dere, taking care of her... Where does she even need mi anyway? Heck, we barely even knew eachother... ... I think Im better off without dem too.. Shite.. Dey were awfully nice towards mi though.. Do I really miss dem? ... Maybe. But it all went down in flames and bloody sheets, can we talk about somethin’ else?”

Thoughts about suicide? “Sometimes the road just rises up against you... I kinda understand it on some occasions! But overall? Kinda waste...”

Had a girlfriend / boyfriend? “Yes? That one mess I mentioned earlier? Ya payin’ attention to dis?”

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday? “Used to... Especially in Limsa, it was kinda mi way to get over the holidays. Hated to see bastards walking around all merry and shite. So I drowned mi holidays in a glass. Last Starlight was different though.. Blacksoul kinda forced mi to stay sober over the holidays... Well.. Mostly sober... Dont ya go tellin’ the old goat, but I... I think I kinda liked it. The whole Starlight with Blacksoul and Gramps... I had never really celebrated it with anyone... As miself. Heck, I just wanted mi Silke to be there, heckin’ messin’ around... I wonder if she ever got mi gift...”

Tagged by wonderful @mai-takeda!! 🌹 This was lot of fun..

Tagging @umbralich (Silke) @sharkycatsifoh @hangedemperor @kyrie-silverwings @under-the-blood-moonlight @alun-ura @isuke-ejinn @ishgard @torr-sceadu @lydha-lran @glorysworn @lavender-hemlock @kazexvoss @glorified-thieves @captainkurosolaire @illia-ast @thefreelanceangel @sdavi-kitanni @kitsune-kirei @violet-warder @desimirffxiv @unatobajhiri @gildedandgolden @eo-sul @robyn-sawyer @eitur & anyone who wants to do it! Cansider yourself tagged!

#the Iris within #guilty or innocent #rp #viera

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mieczyhale · 6 years ago

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this is just.. a hot mess of words thrown together as my single brain cell tries to work @hellomyguru

klaus’s dancing? the most klaus thing to ever klaus next to his fashion sense

dave’s dancing? the cutest fucking thing w hat even are those moves

klaus is all flowy and open and feelin it and dave is an awkward wiggly worm

they contrast each other in so many ways, so many perfect ways, but the difference in their dancing has gotta be like.. the most subtle?? or maybe its just my dumbassery idk but i never gave their dancing in that scene a thought until a couple of days ago and now im like yEAH HEY. THEY WERE BOTH AWKWARD BUT DIFFERENT ABOUT IT. they approached dancing differently, as they did all things, and on anyone else it would be uncomfortable to watch but it was so natural and fitting that it didnt draw attention?? like?? i mean everything about them is like one gayass soulmate puzzle, they fit together in all the ways, but idk just something about the differences in their moves on the dance floor and then the way they react to bumping into each other during??

did klaus know about dave’s feelings before then?? did dave HAVE feelings the- yeah no of course he did. did dave know about klaus’s feelings?? i go with No. but by like 2 hours into that night he sure will. hcs:: their first night out with the squad was a few months in, they were friends with crushes on each other but they’re both hopeless and scared - yeah even klaus is scared bc dave fucking matters and he doesn’t want to risk his safety just bc klaus is like 95% sure he’s in love. maybe 100%. he’s the All In type. did dave know about the future or klaus’s powers before that night?? again - i go with No. but i imagine it wouldnt take long for klaus to open up after he learns that dave is serious and doesnt want him just for some fun (a strange concept to klaus but dave is an angel. hello yes i’d like to report all of my depressing klaus hcs regarding his past “relationships”…) does dave believe klaus?? fucking. duh. is there a fic out there where he finds out and doesnt believe klaus?? probably fucking not. because dave was voted Most Supportive Boyfriend eight years in a row and i will stand by all of this until the day i pretend to die

so how is that relevant to the start of the post?? im not gonna lie, fam, i do not know. i have lost track of what i’m talking about like seven times already but there was a point in here… somewhere….

YAH

OKAY

were klaus and dave dancing the way they were because they were aware of each others feelings?? how many eye-gaze-athons did they have leading up to that moment in the middle of the dance floor after bumping into each other? sidenote: dave wasnt even really near klaus before that, he kind of just.. was suddenly there. almost like he did it on purpose… hmmmm. why did they act and react the way they did after turning to face each other?? was it just a moment of drunken staring or was it one of those life-destroying ‘i laid my eyes on you and couldn’t breathe bc im love you so much and you’re beautiful’ kind of stares?? does it matter?? not really but that will never stop me from wondering. do i have a personal hc about it?? always. im calling it a cheesy in-love moment, folks, they were drunk but not drunk enough to be unaware of each other. do i call klave a ‘love at first sight’ otp?? Y E S. ABSOLUTELY.

hhhhhh in conclusion

they took to each other instantly

they cared about each other

they loved each other

they were attracted to each other (keeping my sex hcs to myself)

they were aware of each other every second they were at that disco

that was some 1960′s gay mating ritual shenanigans

and it worked

because eVERYTHING ABOUT THEM WORKS. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SHIP KLAUS WITH ANYONE ELSE I AM TOO ATTACHED TO LIKE 2 MINUTES OF A NEARLY YEAR-LONG RELATIONSHIP WHERE ONE HALF IS NOW A GHOST (THEY STILL IN LOVE THO)

;LSDFSKLSDKD

#does anyone else see where im coming from / going here??#i was super fucking high when i wrote this djsfdhj negl. that's why its... yeah #still stand by it tho lmao #mytuaposts #hellomyguru #klave

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ramblingshit · 6 years ago

Text

Fright Night - 2011 - 2/5

we start , very, very high. its ominous to begin, the dreamworks opening dark and spooky and slow. scrawled font glides across dark stormy clouds and we're over a small square, isolated suburb. a house is on sale. that's the Charmed font.

oh my god what is that david tennant what the fuck was not expecting that.okay so this is a modern Fright Night. and david tennant sis peter vincent. okay what a jump scare just happened the dog is scared, and this girl is dead and he's covered in blood and holy shit its the senator. wow the bed was bloody where his dad was scrambling for the gun hidden beneath the mattress that the boy finds. oh his dads body is sliding away and what the fuck is that im scared what the hell holy shit. ohh cool title card. nice symmetry in the birds eye. just a happy, normal small neighbourhood, everyone is diverse and happy and the kids are playing outside. holy shit its that dead guy poor ol mate.oh its hereditary mum. they got a chill equal relationship just chatting like friends more than parent adn child. and the mum's intelligent and assertive and smart and a real estate agent. this is very very different from the original fright night. is it really the same movie? is it oh its the girl from 28 weeks later nice she's hot and eyy pumped up kicks is playing damn. I'm pretty sure they're both like 25 and playing as oh holy shit its like zac efron's brother. trumping all over stereotype. what the hell its the weird super bad creepy guy comedian dude 'Brewster' it's the weird cackling kid. they've got relationship issues they're both geeks but brewster got hot and with the hot girl and rose through the 'social ranks' and they had to stop being friends. weird kid is threatening to show all his new friends embarrassing stuff from the past. oh my fucking god oh my god colin farrell. holy shit. oh my god. and damn she is Amy I'm forgetting everything cause its so different. he's charming and fucking hot and buff with like a paled face.being all charming and neighbourly. wife beater and silver necklace and damn the way he bit that apple. what are they doing here crawling through the doggy door who's adam. outta nowhere weird kid tells him jerry's a vampire, like a 'by the way' situation where are they going why does he have a cross and stake? they just added a stock door opening noise. they're telling the realisations of hm being a vampire without actually showing any of it and the weirdo kid is the one interested and telling brewster that jerrys a vampire like what first he's not even met him he hasn't been involved or around him at all and now he's adamantly trying to argue that he is a vampire?? in the original brewster was obsessed and found out quick to the start all by himself and half the trouble was trying to convince everyone else too. now one of his friends is trying to convince him?? what?? and they're mentioning Twilight and weird kid is saying how he's not broody or whatever like show us what his personality is like why are you saying this it's like this long ass dialogue chunk in the middle of a completely irrelevant situation, all about Jerry. fucking weird man what the fuck. we've seen the guy once. he's got evidence? why are they in this house? why is this happening? this was the Charley show - his journey from fear to sorting Jerry out and his tension with the guy the weird kid was basically comedic effect now he's premature exposition guy? and he's the one who thought of peter vincent cause it showed him watching him all the time but now its the weird kid convincing him and now they're having relationship problems and brewster fkn pushed him damn son use your words wow he's a fucking asshole like die dude the fuck. oh damn what the fuck the bully just grabbed him off his bike fr riding down his street like its his turf what the hell there's like four streets in this suburb and now they're fighting who wrote this why bother calling it fright night its a whole nother (fkn messy shit) story he's literally chasing him over the fence like he wants to kill him damn this isn't bullying fuck. what is this movie? oooooh jerry is hottttt i love me a murdererous manly man. weird kid is in big trouble. oh my god. oh my god did they get him to play fake grindelwald because of his role in this. damn he's turning weird kid and the cross falls dramatically from his hand. ohh he's a fuckin dick to his friend and now he's feelin all guilty and worried and reminiscing about the time he wasn't an asshole to his friend. wow we're not even half an hour in and half the original movie is gone and replaced by whatever high school drama movie this is.he walked into weird kid's room and didn't turn the light on? yeah alright. what the fuck. why is peter vincent fkn that 'sexy' emo magician man who was popular -Chris Angel Mindfreak. he found a laptop with evidence that jerry's a vampire videos on it. and here's Jerry and what's happening ahaha he's not gonna invite him in and its physically uncomfortable standing at the door he's literally stuck at the door and it's really really obvious. damn that was cool though passing the beer through the doorway and the communication in their eyes and now he's perving on his mum is this acting intentional? like he looked really unsure what to do with himself was that in character or?? he's looking around all paranoid he's perving on all the girls he's threatening him really obviously i can't tell if i like it more than the smooth suave chilling conversation that was driving charley mad at the start of the other one. jerry telling him to 'manage' the women in his life cause its his job to keep them safe. now they're doing the distracted disinterested in Amy play and she's the one coming onto him strong and what are we gonna see this. this is literally worse acting than the screaming kid in the first one it's like halfhearted. now the movie's settling in for like a spookier, much darker version of the nah nevermind its like a padded retelling. there's no billy in this one, just Jerry - who's gonna cover him during the day? original was a squad effort movie - bunch of kids and an old man going up against a vampire. not anymore its just this obviously mid 20s guy sneaking around in a dark house to quiet, eerie music. wait he's in Jerry's house? oh cause Jerry drove off. ooh Jerry's got awesome creepy office with spooky drawings on the walls why is this place so dark goddamn turn on the lightswitch. he's got costumes for hunting damn that's cool. and here he returns uh oh run charley run. try escape the vampire now that you're in his lair. a secret door to like a jail block in the wall? what he's letting himself be close in? what is he doing how did Jerry whip this up?jumpscare lol lame it's Doris. you telling me he's gonna lockpick the lock okay he's never done it before but okay. god he's hot. the swooning blond in the arms of a vampire. it's like hella horrific oh my god she just shushed Charley where he hid in the other room. drinks from her all orgasmic and tosses her back in the room. damn he looks good with a bloodstained mouth lickinn his lips and shit. good luck picking with a bobby pin you're hilarious holy fuck she's tiny, like a limp ragdoll. ew why is he watching skanky girls on TV. tryna tell me he's watching the TV so loud that he can't hear they panting and crying. yeah he can he's outta the chair - there's no reflection and he's like crying damn this is tense. such a nice house. strutting around, drinking beer, vaguely amused at everything. he just caught an apple. it's like he knows something amusing no one else does. but does he actually kno-- oh my god yeah he does that's awesome. oh holy fucking shit holy shit holy fucking shit she was a vampire she fucking exploded in the sunlight. his jumper s covered in her ash that's messed, Jerry stood inside listening and laughing to himself as he bit into the apple. now he's out here being the one looking up peter vincent - that entire start was completely pointless they should've cut out all of the weird kid stuff. now he's snubbing his girlfriend too this is how it should have all begun here comes david tennant. what the hell he's pulling a secret swipe identity thing to try get in to see vincent and vincent is a gross slimeball of a david tennant why are all these men slimy he's pretending to be a reporter she's walking around in a bra, vincent is an expert on vampires and the lot - not just using what he learned from doing his show and now she's using 'little girl' as a derogatory term for vincent. okay not the most attractive bod and i hate tattoos tbh at this point its true. god this whole thing is so edgy and wow okay here we go his hair is so much betterokay damn holy shit. it was the hair the hair was fucking me up okay holy damn all his facial hair is fake. and thank god his eyebrow piercing - wait nevermind all that 'expert' stuff was bulll? or is he mucking around? okay no its bull he isn't an expert. i can't believe how much hair affects someone. oh and his tattoo are right as well. damn he sounds schizo and vincent is fkn cold and that is some bad cgi and trying to be so dramatic its just a filter over the shot. oh and here's zac efrons brother and eternal grunge guy. ohh he's got creepy long nails and oh damn eating them and there's the blood oh fuck why is that hot im so disturbed. he's shaving stakes and its mum who confronts him and he's awwkard about it and now they've referenced 'Dark Shadows' as well as Twilight. these highschoolers are so serious and mature tryna talk to each other and here's Jerry at the door.this is a game to him but she's sticking up for her son and Jerry thinks its awesome or is it just oh damn he's coming back with a shovel and a power saw?? what's he doing??? where's he going oh my god what's he doing the girls are slowly realising that he might be right what is he digging up.flinging huge chunks of earth around. oh uh oh oh FUCK THAT:s GAS HOLY SHIT are you serious Jerry no holy daaaaaaamn he's blowing up their house I love it ahahaha 'dont need an invitation if there's no house' that is hilarious oh my god as if they're going to get out with what really he's gonna oh wait he''s gonna take the dirt bike what the fuck he just threw the bike at them what is happening is this Michael bay. and now he's ramming them fuck he really wants them dead damn oh ahahah they have a tank of a car driving getting hit by a bike, smashing through a vampire and his big ass car. is he-- he's under the car that's amazing yeah okay like they survived that too oh he just lifted up the car oh what the fuck he looks like that shark guy from batman oh no why does he look like that who made him look like a shark he's eating that guy blood squirting, he's very animalistic like twitchy and shit too black eyes eats a guy, morphs into something evil blood stained mouth cars all fucked up and he turns around 'hey' he greeted jovially, the girls run away - the mum just leaves her son to face off a vampire? yeah, okay. - and he calls 'catch you later!' damn some of this is gold and other bits are trash but so far they're evening each other out. he's oh damn he grabbed the cross and it lit on fire and he's got charley and was gonna stake him but mum popped up and shanked him through the shoulder with one of her real estate signs that's so lame, but he's screeching and flinging himself around making growling noises and now mum's fainted and hit her head and jerry's twitching out with a oh okay he hit him with his car again. jerry's all kinds of fucked but he heals up fine soon enough. vincent isn't charming; there's too much sex and money and cynical and assholey and its grotesque compared to the teenageriness of the original. and now mum's out for the count at the hospital lol what's happening. he's shitting on the idea to call the police that's hilarious he wouldn't stop calling them in the first. i dunno i keep comparing them because these are the bits i 100% liked better in the other one. now he's talking about weird kid who disappeared ages ago. he's a loser - she likes him cause he's different; she's the popular girl who didn't want an ass bully to date. vincent's a drunk on top of everything. but he does know his stuff about vampires. there's different species different breeds - Jerry's a tribal snacker who keeps his victims alive for days and oh damn its weird kid he's a black eyed vampire and he's mad Jerry got him Vincents in his panic room the bra girl is dead weird kids arms off and now Jerry's coming and weird kid's twitching out and he looks like a wolf shark and they're being vulgar again he's hunting them down this is a serious relationship drama issue. if they're strong enough to like bend metal how did grabbing him hard around the neck not immediately crush it. they're fighting - like what; charley just took a deep clawing across the chest they're blocking and slashing and every ones smashing stuff and he just got weird kid at the neck and uh oh she's in trouble but she's got a gun but he's barely flinching oh what. how did she know that was holy water the cup was up too high for her to see there was even any water in it. dude they're strong when its plot convenient - how do these guys know how to fight with weapons he's just so chill with that slash across the chest. ahaha what the fuck she's like urging him to kill him aha he stabbed him all drama and she's in survivor mode like fuck outta the way everyone oh good he's pretty again. i'm disappointed no jerry/amy stuff though tbh she's spicy, he thinks this is a great time. he's just hunting them and its nightclub time are they gonna do the jerry amy thing no he grabbed her by the throat oh damn oh okay no that was pretty hot he's got a slash on his chest and the bouncers just grabbing it and he doesn't react fuck sake 0 that was pretty cool if not exactly what i wanted - he properly vampired her: blood on his lips he kissed her and it drugged her enough to take her neck in the middle of the club. and now a vampire killed vincent's parents and that's why he's a drunk but how'd he become a magician what's that got to do with anything. damn highschooler dropping moral truthbombs that immediately make adults change their mind immediately and wanna help him. how does that car still drive. this is so gay like he is overreacting he's dressed to go to war - i forgot he burned their house down he's got a fucking crossbow and he's dressed in like military shit and he's swinging the crossbow around like he's in the military, did they tell him to take this serious or like he shoulda been an awkward stumbling kid oh what the damn they'res a secret like basement damn he just broke a hip how is all of this under his house didn't just move in???he switched on the first light in the whole movie and it barely lit anything up so lame. so extra oh damn that tiddy damn nice just dodged an arrow oh fo real really is he the vampire who killed vincent's parents are you serious that's so lame. and now Amy's what the fuck why is there like an entire institution beneath this house what is this. oh its the tribe?? they live in the dirt whoop her eyes are black but vincent's got a dramatic black leather jacket and a stake gun that just fucked up and he's just gonna stake her straight up they barely gave her time for her scary wide face he just stabbed her and ran and now she's eating her own blood and whoop vincent's being eatenoh really how did he know there was sunlight up there aren't we in the base meant isn't this place made of cement. damn he's hot with his shirt open. he just hissed at the beam of sunlight. even his fingernail burns oh that's cool he's in teh shadow and charleys in the sun beams as he taunts him about Amy and vincent's turning ahaha and they're gonna wait til the sun goes down and in the meantime he's gonna like fuck amy in front of charley ahaha nice drinking bloods like sex. oh yeah okay what he's gonna what he's expecting to go up in flames what the fuck he'd oh no okay what the fuck as if. as the fuck if. first of all, charley is human and a crazed vampire is not and are you joking me that charley could survive being thrown around plus he's fucking on fire that should have destroyed him by now fucking burned to a crisp oh im so disappointed and okay yea being a vampire was just dark spirits? and now everyones free to die of their wounds aha jesus. his clothes would have seared into his skin, his goggles would have melted but no, completely unscathed. so lame. oh that was such a slow awkward dialogue. weird like one liner jokes throughout are we in vegas? oh nice they're fucking i really don't care i don't wanna see these 25 year olds why do we care what happens now Jerry's dead. jesus that was bad. please im so upset. oh well sometimes 1980s camp horror is better than cheap rushed or at least badly edited modern ones. disappointing man.

#anton yelchin #imogen poots #colin farrell #horror #comedy #horror-comedy #rambles #rambingshit #shit #movies #fright night #2011 #commentary #review

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triumphorce · 6 years ago

Text

under umbras of bundles of stars,

canopies of leaves & branches that shatter-scatter sky image held indirect

as a gleam in eyes

as conscious lay in fabricated gardens watching memories, & desires in dream form

from across highway covered by

blue-white,

yellow,

& orange lights

sound of tires, mufflers, sirens,

amidst a higher sense

attuned to

muffled far cries muffled while crossing empty lands

filled with chilling wind howls, stealing hope,

which

kickstarts the power on survival mode..

ups& downs

drown the cries further,

that

war, warn, or cheer..

or just sing..

maybe

a hymn made by souls for souls under same umbra to set free to lead to wonder & beauty beyond the surface of senses directly to free to seek love loss between me and me

buried beneath road of longest journey to reach

turn feet all around

all about a world I have no idea about

just mad ideas about Kept in journals i turn over

to all but from in front of views not yet exploited by value of which is, views are power, & are the will in word- to-page transaction

self diminished to substantiate

entries from entrails, not shown to be conquered

win or lose is how I never saw things.

win or win, only optionss, only progress..

yet..,always over complicating;

marathon sprints from start to finish

as I choose, If i choose, to continue to choose to overlook slopes in existence, where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition

contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,

burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,

in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million

but when I open eyes from trance

I'm forever face to face with today is today

not then not later...

just

changes who changed how I changed regret and anger to compensate for blaming everybody but me

now I stare afraid at dilemmas mass effect decisions

daily in-and-out-terventions

to keep from falling back into resentment.. spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle, almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,

all the time, just like everybody.. everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him

attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me to learn to teach myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses, set internal standards to never get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal & question everyone, everything, every word, every whisper, shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner, do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet.. remain tied up being alone, wondering.. whether I'm right to do any god damn thing 'cause if I don't do it right.. was I right to think I could, wrong to think I understood

am i wrong not to try?

what of what's sacrificed ?

how do i keep count

how did I end up here in standby...

standing squeamish & deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but when will I be ready will eyes be ready to comprehend right or wrong

only me, here. only us, on planet.

only who's responsible? how is who is affected by, afflicted by? when is too late? when is just right, always too soon to tell and.. if I don't do it now, then why expect change..

why, why, why

'cause I expect anything at all

anger toward unmanned vehicles imminent to collide with mine

driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride, where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past where fallen intentions decompose to ignorance and wisdom sprouts in the mean time.. I'm in between times, feelin down, down down down down by the way

a trail thru fears past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit

a past I try an' forget..

but remember out of reluctance

to accidentally revisit regret,

stand next to biggest fears, see if facing them uproots soul

rolls ideas in head, non-stop

like trolls troll under bridges

to which billy goat gruff temper charges like crono's katana on zenan crossing,

lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded, aimed at negative minded sapiens bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always, even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper still just construct wrinkles in time via hairs stand, ovation, and encores to

helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now, shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition, trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents, trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is braided circulation goin in circles, time wasted pet peeve number 1

a nowhere never felt before but something seems familiar.. overlooked, under yards, under pressure of bone leverage, give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched behind chest and ribs

a heart glows in

hot coal hues hearth warmth under carbon sheets

till blood boils till steam coils from pores to kill the cold along roads

sun or none

no light above, isn't lack of..

(look inside)

----

harsh heat of reality hot enough to feel cold

make me go ghost in dark times..

friction strong enough to spark moist..

continue until i sear nerves disembody fromm pain till im felt by meta-form of others

heartfelt arcs between soul and soul-mind 2 mind

light releases thru iris folds spectacle in spectacles----

spectrum wheel of emotions spins &spins to understand self an urge that intensifies the more i live life as well as I can Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever

wherever i go, a voice in mind goes

that keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough

and I still got a lifetime

to either solidify or fuck it up

gradually let go of

to concentrate on life's finest moments i build to build form in appreciation, saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn; gett off yo butt and do what you know what you taught you to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again, never stall in the middle of takeoff stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it, crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge of nega, into rivers, into blue sky.. bordered by white clouds and linear silver

a safe place, work space, desk clerk sifting day to day thru file cabinets memories in memos in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think say what i want like im eight, glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars, to escape judgment, hatred,

anxious surrounded by bad vibes

above an Earth, below expectations; over a self under surveillance by approval from inside, crazy dimensions, On the fence between people and myself I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..

see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines

&10thousand songs later, 10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.

can't wait for the next chance

supplied energy through lines to hidden gracelands.

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