#its super odd for them that surface people make themselves small and weaker for their pantheon

[zelreedsandwrites]

The Thoughts. they are haunt me

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 20: Short people are moody or bipolar?

In which Sans behaves like a prick at first.

*Frisk's POV*

I looked over the mirror in my room and smiled. I was wearing a plain purple sweater and a pink skirt, along with my wonderful brown boots and a small pink ribbon in my short hair. I was ready to see them all. To have the day of our lives with them!

I sighed, knowing it will probably won't be that exciting. Everything in my life makes me feel empty and... incomplete. That's why I kept on resetting; so I could finally be able to find the path I wanted. However, I haven't, and...

I can't reset any longer.

It's probable that Sans will throw a party after knowing, but I? I simply don't know how to react. The resets were the best power in my life, the only thing that made me feel special. And now, all of that is gone... because I have stayed in the Surface for too much time. That's why I never did a "Pacifist" route, I always killed at least one monster.

oR sOMEtIMeS i wOUld vAnISh tHEm aLL.

It's... quite funny, you know? It interests me how far someone can get thanks to the curiosity we eventually deal with. Also boredom. The kind of power a simple human girl like me can have due to her personality is also quite impressive. But how does it work? How a single trait is able to determine (get it? because mine's determination? *wink wink*) a whole person? Everyone has a lot of backstory, ideals, dreams, hopes, and problems. How can only a word represent all of it? It's just amazing how souls work and how their power depends on each person individually. I have a theory, though...

I think that the trait is settled only in the Underground thanks to the huge concentration of magic the Surface lacks. In that place, it was able to see the purest and original trait of the person, but in the Surface, thanks to all the experiences, this trait is slightly modified, changing its color into a combination of the first one and others. That would make more sense, and each soul would be different, just like our fingerprints.

That, however, won't explain why all monsters have the same color and, therefore, trait. All of their souls are white and, according to some reading I made, the color means more than a simple word. No. Their souls are made of love, hope, compassion... or so the books say. The whole consistency of a soul is unknown, still. After all, humans' souls have proven to don't need these things to exist. Then what is exactly a soul?

Monsters are... way too attached to their souls. If they are afraid or not willing to fight, then their defenses will grow weaker. If they are mentally unstable, depressed, or with another problem in their personality and mind... their hp will be way too low. That's why I suspect that Sans has problems of this kind and that he has lost all hope in continue living. Hp means "hope", so it makes complete sense. He has only one hp, but also only one of defense, which must mean he is vulnerable.

Mmm...

Vulnerable, huh?

Is he like that because of what I've done these past timelines?

Unfortunately for me, I have not found the way to make a True Reset. For that reason, Sans remembers all the timelines I have created since I fell in the Underground. He also remembers Flowey's timelines, which is quite odd. Where did this guy find the secrets of determination? How has he been able to remember everything if he lacks determination? Sans, in none of the timelines, has been the most determined monster in the Underground. Besides Flowey, Undyne was way too determined. But why she doesn't remember? I must ask Gaster about this...

After all, he is the one who experimented with Sans...

The mere thought of someone using their own son as a lab rat makes me sick but thrilled at the same time. That's I've always found a fascination for how Sans still lives, after all the experiments he has suffered. Of course, he must be enduring some psychological trauma, but that doesn't erase my fascination at all. In fact, thinking that Sans's hope and defense are down because he may have some mental disorder at this point is... is just amazing! Think of the possibilities! Sans is like an experiment himself, all modified in soul and powers. He is the only one with the ability to make artificial magic invented by a monster mind. The Gaster Blasters are a creation of his father, but Gaster himself doesn't have them. He only implemented them on Sans, and amazingly, that unnatural project can be popped up with the same effort as regular magic requires.

Oh, c' mon. You can't tell me it isn't intriguing!

I've... I've been fucking up Sans's mind for oh so long...

But that's a funny sight.

The face he made when he realized I knew everything was priceless. After that encountering, Flowey and I laughed our asses off. He is so... alive! Unnaturally alive! Most of his magic and abilities are artificial (not all of them, don't get me wrong), and still... he is alive! I mean, he was born naturally, but... his strength? His strength wasn't normally developed. His ability, "Karma", is artificial. No other monster has it...

Do you know what's the best of it?

Gaster didn't create "Karma".

Sans did.

He is a living being, and thanks to that, his feelings of dread, revenge, and displeasure created that ability. He... he can even KILL  his father in the blink of an eye! However, Sans is totally unstable in his mind. I can even say he is way too mad and crazy at this point. He's probably waiting for the next reset. Poor thing.

Maybe, and just maybe, Sans has an artificial determination created by that ability of his... that thought is more exciting! He may have a strong determination, but since it's artificial, he has never possessed the powers over time and space. That's funny! He looks so frustrated about me being able to do so!

Or well, when I was able.

I noticed myself being daydreaming about Sans's incredible aura again, and I immediately went up from my bed. Sans is a nice pal, yes, but his power is way better than what his personality could even reach with the maximum of effort. Since he never efforts at anything, I know that his mind will never surpass the amazing magic he has been blessed with.

The possibility of having artificial power is endearing. Just imagine it! If we open our research with human advanced technology, we'll be able to create a new form of life that is COMPLETELY not made by a god or nature.

Oh Jesus! Imagine when that happens!

My life won't be boring anymore!

It'll be like a sci-fi novel!

And I will never have the urge to reset again!

I'll finally... finally-!

I'll finally feel complete...!

"My child!" My mom screamed, her being downstairs of our huge house "Undyne and Alphys have arrived!"

"Gimme a minute!" I answered, and enthusiastically went out of my room. There are high probabilities that the skeleton family will come today, and I'm super excited about it! Gaster is super nice when he's around me, Arial is a sweetheart, Papyrus is a cute cinnamon role and Sans... well, his power!

My OTP, Alphys and Undyne, greeted me at the moment they saw me. They looked... a bit tired. Nothing I can't understand, of course. The house changes and the new step of their relationship can surely make someone feel devastated. That feeling of dread... what I've been feeling since two years ago...

Maybe the hormones are responsible for that.

But I don't care.

I don't deserve to feel empty and without a purpose. How can someone feel like this and not die? Two years have been enough. I bet no one has passed over five.

It's stupid.

Really stupid.

People who feel like this for five years have killed themselves by now.

After some minutes, the rest of our guests arrived. (Y/N) was quite punctual...

Oh, (Y/N)...

She is... interesting.

That strange glimpse of DETERMINATION I saw on her eyes the day she met us has caught my attention. I... I don't think I could define her with a single trait. She is too diverse, too deep of a person. I bet she hides things. I can see it in her desperate look, like if she's trying to escape. Is she bored like I am of regular life? Oh, I bet we'll be pretty good friends if that's the case! She's really smart... she'll understand the concept of time and space manipulation. And when she hears it, she'll be as fascinated as I am. No doubt about it.

I should investigate her more.

When I saw the skeleton family arriving, my heart skipped a beat. But... I think Sans wasn't that well. Did he tire himself? His own powerful existence tires him up a lot.

"SANS! BEHAVE!" Papyrus scolded him after the short skeleton punched Mettaton on the arm... quite roughly.

"fuck this robot" Ok, this isn't like him at all. He's normally pretty laid-back and with an "i don't give a shit" attitude. But now? He looks like cares! This isn't the Sans I know! "actually, fuck everyone"

"SANS!"

"papyrus"

"STOP IT! I KNOW YOU ARE ANGRY AND ALL THAT STUFF, BUT PLEASE! DON'T ACT LIKE A BABYBONES! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS!"

Sansy groaned loudly which worried everyone in the room. Something bad must have happened...

Hope it doesn't involve his magic.

We started our evening by playing an old board game that Sans surprisingly loves: Yahtzee. Minute by minute, the madness of the short skeleton started to go away until he said the first pun in that evening. Everyone knew then that Sans was back.  

Honestly, he is the perfect definition of "messed up teenager". He is pretty... bipolar, and sometimes he is just too... childish. Too mature and, at the same time, too stupid. How can someone like that exist?

How?

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*Papyrus's POV*

Thanks to a bit of effort, Sans was back to his usual, punny self. And well, I also have to thank Yahtzee. He loves that game with an unhealthy passion. And I say unhealthy because he mostly played it on the bar of Grillby...

Talking about bars...

Remember when Sans left the house all angry? Well, guess what?! He went to a freaking bar!

I was so disappointed when I found him there, unconscious and on top of a table. He had a small glass on his side, which I think it's for smaller beings than him (which it's weird since he is pretty small. He is only 5'1 feet tall!). Anyways, he was just there, obviously passed out thanks to that horrible thing called alcohol. Seriously, the life of my brother would be way better if that thing didn't exist in the first place. That's something that messes up with him as well. He just doesn't want to admit it.

After finding and scolding him when he woke up, he became really mad at us. No, I don't think mad... more like moody. It is said that short people are moody! That must explain it...!

Sans has been pretty bipolar these last days. He is at first happy and then he's angry. Sans wasn't this moody when we were younger. I have the theory that all these sudden changes and how often does he see our parents now are the major causes of this problem. This is becoming so overwhelming for him that he needed to feel at home again... and that's why he went to a bar.

I don't pity him, but I know he's been through a lot. He doesn't even know how to express or even call his own feelings, something that interests me. I'm quite good at expressing myself, but him? Maybe he never was good at this, but I recall those days that he used to interact with a lot of people. Now he's closing his world and he's not letting new people come in. Not even the ones he used to care about are allowed to enter there anymore. When we were younger, I practically knew everything about my brother. I can't confirm that now. He's been pushing everyone away, including me. I don't know his thoughts, I don't know how he sees life. I only know his likings, and there's where I'm trying to base myself on my research.

After a few of board games later, my favorite star (Mettaton) caught everyone's attention with his marvelous and robotic voice. Sans seemed a little annoyed, but he quickly joked about it...

I'm worried.

I think Sans has been using these jokes to despise us and make us think he is fine when he clearly isn't. Thinking about it, (Y/N) smiles a lot and tries to show a positive image when she may be struggling with her problems. She shows a bit of confidence and clear kindness, but is that all she wants to let us know? According to what I've seen with my brother, he hides his feelings until he is on the edge. Is she the same? Is she trying to hide her mind from us? Why in the world do they think it's a good idea?

...

I don't think I'll ever understand them.

"Beauties!" Mettaton exclaimed glamorously, like always! "My creative and artistic mind has settled the next activity: A KARAOKE CONTEST!"

"OH MY GOD!" I gasped happily, with the hope that my brother would sing again "THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING!"

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*Your POV*

Yeah, now I was really regretting this.

A lot of the people present thought it would be a wonderful idea. Some were more hesitant about it, and a certain someone was... scared?

"oh hell no. i'm not doing this"

"C' MON SANS! YOU SING REALLY GOOD! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE!"

Wait, so he sings? Or well, sang?

Papyrus kept on complaining that his brother had a real talent for singing. I was not the only one dumbfounded at this statement. In fact, the only one who was not surprised was Mettaton, confirming what the tall skeleton was saying.

For destiny reasons, I had to agree with joining the competition. Mostly because everyone was going to join (except Flowey). It was about to get awful, I knew it. Thank God that Sans wasn't angry anymore. He was more like... anxious and having a panic attack. He...

ohmygodheisnotdoingfinehelookslikeheisgoingtocollapseohgodaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Em pal...?" I tried to sound as confident as possible. I failed. "Are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost?"

"i... i'm fine, kid" I sighed in relief when he seemed to be more relaxed. "by the way, what do ghosts have to do with all of this? i just saw napstablook and i was pretty much okay"

Oh right, ghosts are indeed a thing...

I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

"So... is it true that you used to sing?" I asked, trying not to fall into the dark hole of awkwardness.

He remained silent for a moment, and his expression was pretty... shocked. I thought I may have touched a complicated topic, but when I was about to apologize, he answered.

"i used to. i just don't have the guts to do it anymore"

...

Oh my God, I'm going to kill this guy.

He remarkably smirked while I rolled my eyes, feeling like a complete idiot. At least I was sure of something: I didn't hurt his feelings at all. That made me feel peaceful and sort of... angry? More like pissed off, actually. After all, I was the only one worrying, and Sans? Oh, he never gave a shit.

So...

Mettaton went first on this stupid contest. Said he had to "make the beginners feel confident". He sang REALLY good, yes, but...

"INSIDE MY HEART IS BREAKING! MY MAKE-UP MAY BE FLAKING BUT MY SMILE... STILL, STAYS ON!" Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddd he struck a dramatic pose on top of a table. Again.

I couldn't help but cringe at every time he did so. A wonderful Queen song, ruined by dramatic actions between lyrics. I kept my cool and hummed the song silently, trying not to punch the robot on the face. I don't hate the guy, but Jesus, he was starting to flirt with everyone! The song is not even flirty!

"MY SOUL IS PAINTED LIKE THE WINGS OF BUTTERFLIES! FAIRYTALES OF YESTERDAY, WILL GROW BUT NEVER DIE! I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MY FRIIEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" And he jumped from the table and fell on his metallic butt...

Before I could tell myself what was wrong and what was right I laughed loudly. He gasped in fake horror, and soon more people started to laugh as well. He finished the song more dramatic than ever, and after that, he punched me lightly on the arm.

"Dude, what the-"

"You don't have the right to offend me, darling!" He laughed mischievously " And, as a consequence, now is your turn!"

Oh no.

I felt how my heart stopped for a moment, and then, how fast it started to beat.

I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.

...

Yes, I can.

I took a deep breath and let the song picker choose. You bet I was shaking, but... I somehow felt sure about myself in that place. They have shown nothing but kindness and support, so I went along with it. What a silly song would change?

And so I sang "Dream" by Imagine Dragons. It's such a powerful song, and I let myself get lost on it. They applauded me, just like they did with everyone else, and it was really good actually. I was having fun, I felt really welcomed. My singing wasn't spectacular, but still, I received a couple of compliments.

How can they be so nice?

Everything went well, the rounds started to pass by and more applauses came in the end. That, until it was Sans's turn.

"do i really need to do it?"

"SANS! JUST FREAKING DO IT!"

Sans sighed and stood in front of all of us. It doesn't matter how hard he tried to hide it- panic was still visible in his eyes. His posture was normal, his smile as well, but his eyes said everything. He was scared of people not liking his voice. He felt overwhelmed because he was overrated. He had our expectations high...

He just didn't want to disappoint anyone.

It's kind of scary how relatable I see Sans. He shows a smile and a laid-back personality, but in reality, he cares. His look says it all.

And just when things were not bad enough, the song picker chose "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses. And oh, that's a hell of a song. However, he didn't complain. In fact, he was looking pretty dead at that point.

And before he was ready, the music started.