#its so much harder to let those walls down especially with all this kickback. ill just talk to my camcorder lol
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how do u even begin to get into the meat n potatoes of a deeply inconvenient personal flaw with someone who isnt used to u being a flawed person in their presence
#racing!#i told her im not really used to being liked or wanted and she was like well clearly but why not??#and for real why not. am i just not built for it#what was i built for then?? surely its not just This. being sad all the damn time#shes seen me at some bad times but she hasnt seen me at my absolute worst. and cant really fathom what that would look like#shes mostly seen me when im still pretending to be optimistic and Good. and so when i let more of my actual self leak through its like#uncharacteristic of me ig#i would like to explain it. itd be nice to have a close enough confidant who would Finally Get It. but also? no#its so much harder to let those walls down especially with all this kickback. ill just talk to my camcorder lol#betsy wont betray me. betsy will just listen and bear witness. better than having nobody at all
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