#its silly and dumb but i never put my phone number in anything

[rainbowbeanstyles]

[daenqyu]

— they walk in on their crush changing

includes: bakugou, kirishima, todoroki, midoriya, and tamaki

warnings: kinda suggestive?? swearing  

a/n: i saw multiple tiktoks about this and wanted to write something about it sooo yeah. some of them are a bit longer than others because i got carried away oops. hope you guys like it !!

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @orbital-audio )

bakugou katsuki:

listen, i feel like bakugou would act like he doesn’t care at all

but he’s definitely blushing and can’t look at you straight in the eye 

he just wanted to let you know that since kaminari and mina forced him to help them study, you could come too 

so he made his way to your dorm room while looking at his phone

and he doesn’t even knock so you’re quite startled

although you don’t blame him because he’s always hanging out in your room and vice versa

“hey we’re gonna have a study session later tonight, in case you wanna come” his eyes are glued to his phone as he talks, but you still feel embarrassed that he’s in the same room as you while you’re changing 

after a few seconds go by with no response from you, he finally looks up from the device

“i’m talking to you-” the breath gets knocked out of him when he sees you’re in the middle of trying on different outfits 

and apparently you were about to try a new one because you’re just in your freaking underwear 

bakugou may be a lot of things, but he is not a pervert 

so he’s quick to turn around to face the door, his eyes tightly shut even tho he can’t see anything as it is since you’re behind him

“you dumbass, don’t you know how to lock a fucking door?! is not that hard for fuck’s sake” 

you almost want to laugh at the blonde’s state

you’ve never seen him like this before so you might as well tease him about it

“didn't your parents teach you it's impolite to enter a room without knocking first?”

oh he can hear the smirk on your face and he wants nothing more than to go up to you and wipe it off himself 

but he knows you’re still in your underwear 

and while it’s true he’s a gentleman, he’s also a man

seeing his crush in her underwear will most definitely get a reaction out of him

he curls his hands into fists by his side, jaw clenching because he knows you’re probably enjoying this

“just shut up and get dressed”

“is my room, i can stay like this if i want”

“put. something. on”

his tone annoys you

who the hell is he to tell you what to do?

“and what if i don’t want to?”

you’re just buffing of course, you’ve already put on one of bakugou’s shirt that you stole from him a week ago

his patience is running out 

and he’s mad at himself because fuck, why does he have to like you so much?

if it was any other girl he couldn’t have cared less and would’ve just walked out

but it’s you, his crush

you’re so different from everyone else and it makes his blood boil because feelings are stupid and he should be focusing on becoming the number one hero, not some silly high school crush

“okay i'm dressed”

a sigh of relief escapes his lips as he turns around, but it doesn’t take long before his eyes are wide open as he takes in your figure

oh

you’re wearing his shirt

it ends just above your mid thigh and it falls around your figure loosely, obviously too big for you

bakugou can feel butterflies in his stomach at the sight 

why are you so pretty? 

“what was that you were saying when you walked in?”

you’re so calm and collected, walking around with only his shirt on 

normally he hates when people wear his clothes, but it looks so good on you he can’t even bring himself to be annoyed

“we’re having a study session tonight,” his voice is low and he fixes his gaze on the wall behind you. “and you can come too, if you want to that is”

“wait that’s a great idea, i’ve been falling behind on english recently”

he nods and you frown at his actions 

sure bakugou can be quiet, when he’s not mad, but he looks  rather…shy?

you smirk once again, knowing what this is all about

“don’t tell me the bakugou katsuki has never seen a girl naked before?”

“the fuck are you talking about?”

“well is either that or you like me because why else would you be so red right now?”

he groans when you say that

anyways he uhhh got tired of you not getting all the hints he’s been dropping and just straight up corners you against the wall

your heart is about to burst out of your chest at the close proximity and the feeling only intensifies when he smirks

he leans down, lips merely inches away from your own

“seeing as you’re not pushing me away right now, i say you like me too, dumbass”

well he’s not wrong soooo

you end up kissing after that✨

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to its rightful owner )

kirishima eijirou:

oh boy, this poor baby

he would be the type to apologize around 100 times and even when you told him it was fine and that you didn’t care, he would still feel guilty

ok so what happened was you were getting ready for your date with kirishima

because yes, he finally asked you out and you couldn’t be happier with life at the moment

and he wanted to know how much longer you were gonna take since he was already done

but you wouldn’t answer his texts

spoiler alert: you were just showering but he was too impatient and also he just wanted to see you again hehe he’s so cute

anyways,,

he makes his way to your room and knocks on the door 

it’s more of like a warning because he doesn’t even wait for a response, he just barges in

you had gotten out of the shower like 3 minutes ago and were in the process of drying your hair in the middle of the room, your back facing kirishima 

“hey y/n how much longer do you think- shit!”

his voice scares you, but you don’t move because you know it’ll be worse if you do 

so you stay frozen in your place

kirishima notices the droplets of water falling from your hair and down your spine before slowly falling down the curves of your-

he flushes completely, his face now matching his dyed hair perfectly, and he turns around with both of his hands covering his eyes

“i’m so so so sorry! that was so unmanly of me. i should’ve just waited until you texted me, but i missed you and wanted to see you so i came over and didn’t wait for an answer and then i saw you and oh god you’re naked and-”

“kirishima,”

he shuts up when he hears your soft voice calling his name

“yeah?”

“calm down”

after that he just stays quiet, trying to calm the erratic beating of his heart and not let his imagination run wild

you should be the one that’s flustered because your best friend and crush just saw your bare ass

but if anything, kirishima’s the one who feels like he’s about to faint from seeing so much skin

he thinks it’s really unmanly of him to see you naked without your consent so he’s on the brink of an existential crisis

meanwhile, as kirishima rethinks all of his life choices, you finish drying your hair and continue to put on your outfit, knowing kirishima wouldn’t turn around any time soon

he’s still facing away from you even when you’ve finished dressing up

you giggle, thinking about how cute he is before tapping his shoulder 

“you can look now, kiri”

even with your permission, he’s still hesitant about his movements

he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything so that’s why he genuinely doesn’t know what to do

kirishima turns around slowly, eyes now focused on the floor

“i’m really sorry about that, y/n. i didn’t mean to i swear and i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable but-”

“kiri, i’m not mad at you”

“you’re not?”

“of course not, i know it was an accident”

well thank god because he wouldn’t forgive himself if he made you upset 

“besides, you were eventually gonna see me naked”

it was a joke

supposed to be

but kirishima whips his head your way and his eyes almost pop out of their sockets 

a part of him is shy sure, but the other part wants to run laps after hearing you say that

“well yeah but that’s different…” he scratches the back of his neck nervously and your heart swells for the boy in front of you

he really is so sweet

he just wants you to be completely comfortable around him

how could you not be in love with him? 

“how about we forget this ever happened, i finish getting ready, and then we go on our date? hm?”

he nods eagerly after hearing you say that, if you’re happy then he’s absolutely content 

you smile at him before standing up on your tip toes and leaving a chaste kiss against his cheek

of course he blushes again

he’ll never get tired of your cuteness 

or you in general

but this time he’s more confident when he pulls you to his chest in a tight hug

“the view was really nice by the way”

“kirishima!”

“what? i'm just saying you should be proud”

“you’re so stupid”

“stupidly in love with you that is”

he’s got a dumb smile on his face after he says that

and it only widens when you take his hand in yours to sit him down on your bed 

yup, he’s head over heels for you

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to its rightful owner )

todoroki shouto:

out of the five of them, he’d DEFINITELY be the most chill about it

sure, he’d still feel embarrassed and what not

but he wouldn’t make such a big deal about it

simply because he doesn’t want to make things awkward between you two

so he decides it’s best if he just keeps acting like he normally would

you texted him to come over so you could watch some movies together 

and he had some homework to do but it’s not like he was gonna pass up on the opportunity of spending quality time with you 

unlike the other first years,

todoroki actually knocks and waits for your response

because he has manners, period.

“come on in!”

you said it was okay to come in

so why the hell are you in the middle of changing shirts?????

he wastes no time in closing his eyes

refusing to keep looking at you when you probably don’t even know he’s watching

“um y/n?”

“yes?”

“what are you doing?”

“i’m changing, isn’t it obvious?” your chuckle makes his cheeks heat up 

was this amusing to you?

because he was seconds away from having a heart attack 

however he doesn’t show it

instead, he just continues to keep his eyes closed while trying to think about literally anything else except your bare skin

key word: trying

because he can’t seem to get the image of your clothed breasts out of his mind and he thinks he’s about to go insane 

he also scolds himself because a gentleman shouldnt do that 

but you don’t seem to care at all and that confuses him so much (???

“why do you have your eyes closed?”

“are you done changing”

“yeah”

when he opens his eyes again you’re sitting down on your bed, laptop placed in front of you as you scroll down on netflix

now fully dressed

he lets out a sigh of relief before clearing his throat and sitting down next to you

and he thinks he’s being slick and smooth

but he’s not

he’s actually almost completely stiff 

and when you subconsciously brush your knee against his, he flinches

you frown at his reaction

“are you okay?”

“yeah, why do you ask?”

“because you’re acting weird”

“am not”

“you are”

the banter goes on for a while until you finally figure it out

the way his eyes occasionally look down on your chest only to quickly look away with a blush on his cheeks it's what gives him away

“wait, are you embarrassed just because you saw my boobs?”

cue todoroki wanting to get the hell out of your room

“i’m not embarrassed” 

“your blush says otherwise, todoroki”

he doesn’t know what to say afterwards so he just sits there with a pout on his pretty lips and his eyebrows furrowed

he’s so shy and cute🥺

“if you want to, you can take your shirt off so we’ll be tied”

your tone is teasing as you continue to scroll on your computer, not really giving much thought to what you said

except you forgot todoroki takes everything quite literally

the grin falls from your lips as soon as you see todoroki, indeed, taking off his shirt 

“w-what are you doing?!”

“you said we need to be tied”

“todoroki, that was a joke!”

the roles have been reversed because now you're the one who’s all flustered and looking away from him

he blinks once, then twice before smiling at you

“now who’s being shy?”

“i- shut up and watch the movie”

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to its rightful owner )

midoriya izuku:

he would die

not literally duh

but he’d want to disappear right then and there

you know that one scene where hatsume is pressed up against him and he blushes a shit ton and is just like “b-b-boobs”?

well yeah he’s like that

except he can barely talk because of how embarrassed he is 

he’d also, like kirishima, apologize a lot

he literally just feels like he committed a crime

and you’re like “midoriya, it’s not that deep”

but he’s just upset with himself 

you had told him earlier that you needed some help with your homework

and since he’s such a wonderful friend, he didn’t hesitate to tell you that he’d be more than happy to help

so now he’s happily walking to your room because he loves study dates with you

even tho they’re not dates at all

but still

he loves them

especially whenever you get a question right and you just look up at him with big puppy eyes, waiting for him to praise you

and he does

because you deserve it

you work so hard and he admires you for that

ok BAcK to the point,,,

(i’m sorry i just love this man so much, he makes me so soft)

here’s the deal

midoriya knocks on your door right?

but you don’t hear it because you’re blasting music on your speaker while singing your heart out

so he lets himself in

tho he wants to run back out when he sees your naked back is facing him

you’re changing; that’s the first thing he notices 

the second thing he notices is that you’re standing in front of a mirror

and you’re not wearing a bra

he yelps before turning around and you jump because you hadn’t noticed him 

“izuku? what are you-”

“i’m so sorry y/n! i didn’t mean to invade your privacy like this a-and i didn’t know you were changing and so i opened the door and then i saw you and oh god you’re not wearing a shirt which isn’t bad you know, i m-mean i'm not saying you look bad because ha believe me you don’t but-”

“oh my god dude, would you relax?”

you laugh as you finish putting on your hoodie 

he frowns, you’re laughing? in a situation like this?! are you okay???

“again, i’m sorry and it’s okay if you want me to go because it’s weird and i don’t want you to feel uncomfortable because of me so-”

“ok izuku, first of all stop talking,” he quickly shuts his mouth, still facing the closed door so you don’t see his tomato-like cheeks. “second, turn around,” you place your hands on his shoulders to make him look at you and he tenses at the touch, but turns around anyways 

you offer him a kind smile, the one that makes him fall harder for you everyday and that’s enough to ease his nerves a bit

“third, quit freaking out. it’s not like i’m gonna kill you or anything”

“b-but how are you so...calm?”

“uhh because i don’t really care?” 

he doesn’t know why, but his heart hurts a little after hearing you say that

is not like he expects you to actually reciprocate his feelings but,,

he didn’t have an effect on you whatsoever? not even a little bit?

“and besides, it’s you so i don’t mind”

“what do you mean?”

you shrug, smirking at the green haired boy, “well you like me, right?”

he almost stops breathing 

maybe he did for a few seconds

he looks at you, a mix of emotions flashing through his expression 

is he relieved? is he scared? is he happy?

he doesn’t  k n o w

neverthless, he nods shyly, looking away from your captivating gaze

“and i like you so it’s okay”

midoriya.exe has stopped working

someone PLEASE calm this boy down

he’s about to explode from feeling so much happiness 

“you do?!”

“of course” you smile at him one last time, before interlacing your fingers with his and sitting down on the rug next to your bed so you can study 

or maybe you got a little carried away and ended up cuddling all evening while eating ramen

but that’s besides the point

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to its rightful owner )

tamaki amajiki:

sweet little baby

he faints :D

no but seriously

he does.

are we surprised? 

nope, not at all

he can’t look at you for more than 5 seconds without getting nervous as it is,

but after he saw you half naked?!

yeah no, that’s too much for tamaki

his body shuts down because he cannot handle it

nejire told him to go check up on you because you seemed off at school

which tamaki also noticed because he’s very observant with people (especially you) but he preferred to not say anything 

of course his first response to nejire is straight up: no

he’s too shy 

and he’s scared because what if you get mad at him? or tell him to go away?

he thinks it’s better to give you your space and if you want to talk to him, then he’s more than ready to listen

but nejire wouldn’t shut up about it

then mirio butted in too and they were just whining a lot and he got tired of hearing them talk

now here he is, standing in front of your room with a shaky hand hovering against the wooden door

much like todoroki, he knocks and patiently waits for a response 

which he receives quickly 

“who is it?”

“tamaki”

“ahh tama, let yourself in!”

he blushes at the nickname and finally opens the door

he’s about to go sit on your desk chair or something 

but then he sees you

you’re only in your underwear, struggling to put on a hoodie 

and then you jump to try and get it on

and that makes it worse because you’re wearing a  b r a 

long story short,

he falls to the floor :D

the big ‘thud’ startles you and even more so when you see tamaki’s unconscious body on the floor

“shit, tama are you okay?”

it takes him a good 5 minutes to open his eyes again 

he feels a cold towel pressed up against his forehead and he frowns at the feeling

when he turns his head around, he notices that he’s laying down on your bed

but you're nowhere to be seen 

“thank god you’re awake” 

your voice comes from behind him and that’s when he realizes he’s not only laying down on your bed, but also on your lap

“you really worried me!”

cue him blushing like there’s no tomorrow and stuttering 

“s-sorry. i was just s-surprised to see you c-changing and i’m sorry i didn’t tell you i was coming b-beforehand”

you shake your head, “that’s okay tama, i’m not mad at you”

he just nods because he’s afraid he’ll say something dumb if he talks

you brush your fingers through his indigo hair and he swears he can feel himself falling more in love with you in that precise moment 

you smile down at him

“what did you come here for anyway? not that i mind, but you know”

“nejire told me y-you seemed down today s-so i came to check up on you”

butterflies flutter in your stomach at his sweet words

“aww you’re so sweet, but i’m okay. i was just feeling sad”

he sits up to look at you better and he doesn’t miss the way you pout when his hair is no longer in between your fingers 

which makes his heart speed up 

“are you okay?”

his question is so genuine and he seems so concerned, it makes you want to keep him in your pocket forever

“i am now” 

he smiles at your response, happy that you feel better

“i’m glad”

“now come here, i wanna play with your hair”

and who is he to deny such request?

[borrovved]

warned you p.sh

pairing: tutor!sunghoon x fem!reader

genre: smut, but at most suggestive for now

wc: 3k

warnings: mature content, cursing, mentions of erection, mentions of casual sex, y/n saying she’s screwing someone’s dad but she doesn’t lmfao

synopsis: y/n needs to pass calculus, and sunghoon needs to get laid

part 1/???

You were going to your snobby and strict private school, just walking to the beat of Sunmi blasting in your headphones. The pigtails got in the way of the headphones but you made it work. You were aiming for the cutesy innocent look today, regardless of if your whole grade thought you were some harlot. You’d rather call yourself a femme fatale, but what you’re really trying to reclaim as a raging bratty feminist is a bimbo.

Bimbos definitely need to keep their head up high with confidence, but seeing the latest AP calculus quiz on your desk with its 37% marked in red severely irked you in that it made you feel dumb, and not the good kind, the very small and insignificant kind. Bimbos don’t like feeling like that. You twirled your pigtail in your hand and tried to keep a neutral expression, holding in the heavy sigh you so badly need to exhale out. That’s when you heard it.

“How did she manage to score that low?” someone snickered.

“All that time spent on her back and not at a desk really paid off.” another person snickered. You really wanted to say you’ve actually got railed by their dad on his desk and that you’re quite adaptable on where you do it, but you didn’t wake up and choose violence today...and plus the teacher would’ve sent you to the office. Giving them attention would just fuel the fire that you can’t put out when you’re up against slut shaming vermin when you’re only a team of one. The bell rang, signaling your next class and before you were able to stand up and go, you were asked to stay for a few minutes afterwards along with someone else. That someone else being Park Sunghoon. You and Sunghoon walked to the desk of your teacher and stood before her.

“Now Y/N, I know that you haven’t been doing well in class so I decided to pair you up with Sunghoon as your tutor. I feel as though you would have great improvement after a few study sessions, considering big chapters are coming up to wrap up the semester, and now is the best time more than ever to get some aid that I can’t provide.” You peek over to Sunghoon and he glances at you briefly before looking back at the teacher.

“Is this mandatory?” you ask.

“If you want to pass this class, I strongly recommend that you let him help you. An alternative explanation could help.” You really had no other choice but to nod your head yes and go along with it.

“Good. Now that both of you are informed, hurry along before you’re late to your next class.” After both of you scurry out of the room, you walk ahead to your next class and feel a tap on your shoulder.

“Hi, I’m Sunghoon, but you already knew that.” he says awkwardly while he hands you a post it note in neat handwriting. You eye it, then look up.

“You’re giving me your number?” you ask. He nods.

“Texting is the most efficient way to communicate with me since I have ice skating practice and student council related things to do.” he iterates. Before you even say a word, Sunghoon is already off to his next class, but you don’t miss the way he turns around to wave at you and yells “Text me!” in the hallway. You’ve gotten many stares before, from the way you carry yourself and from the way you purposely pull your uniform skirt higher because you think it would look best as a mini skirt, but this time, you heard whispers.

“Why is he talking to her?”

“Must be doing charity work.”

You smile. You can’t wait to tell your best friend Sunoo what just happened at lunch.

-

“The ice prince is doing what now?” Sunoo says with fruit gummies in his mouth.

“He’s helping me with calculus. And gave me his number.” you say while grabbing for a piece of candy to which Sunoo lets you grab a few.

“So…what’s the plan here?” Sunoo says with an eyebrow raised.

“I’ll text him right now and have some fun.”

“You whore! What do you mean have some fun?” Sunoo asked not subtly with his booming voice.

You roll your eyes. “You know the drill. I think he’s an easy target. I’ll be my cute charming self and see what happens.”

“You mean you’ll be a man eater and devour that poor innocent boy whole?” 

“You know me so well.” you say, grinning ear to ear. You whip out your phone and compose a text.

You: Hey Sunghoon, it’s Y/N, are you free after school today?

Unknown: Hey, and yes. Where would you like to study?

You: I’m more comfortable at my house where there’s less distractions. The library is too quiet for me and I like some white noise.

Sunoo peeks over your shoulder and says, “He responds fast.”

You smile, “Right?”

You start typing right away, but notice the three dots before you get to send anything.

Unknown: Sounds good, I’ll meet you after school :)

Sunoo gasps. “A smiley? A smiley!” You giggle at his reaction.

“It’s just an emoticon silly.” you say.

“It’s going to be water droplets and eggplants soon though.” Sunoo said in a sing song voice. You can’t help but laugh at your easily giddy best friend. You had big, big plans to get your prey, and you were going to have your fun in the process of passing calculus while you’re at it.

-

English literature wasn’t the most fun class in the world with talking about MacBeth and all, however, the fun part was daydreaming about Sunghoon. You have fancied the boy for the longest time casually but thought he was a little too vanilla for you. And you don’t like admitting it, a little too good for you with being a smart hardworking boy with his head on steady shoulders while yours just bobbled to whatever. Anyhow, you needed danger. A little spice, and everything delectably nice. He didn’t seem the type to be rough enough.

He was however tall, lean, and achingly adorable. Handsomely crafted, so soft spoken, and knew when to shut up unlike every boy you’ve slept with thus far. He’s a nice target. 

The bell rang, and you were quite surprised to see Sunghoon standing by your locker while you’re on your way there.

“Sunghoon!” you say cheerfully, making sure there was a bounce in your step, very glad you’re not wearing a bra today. For some reason the air conditioning wasn’t working today at school so you used this as an excuse to unbutton a few buttons earlier on your white crisp button up. You can see very clearly Sunghoon gulp and you can’t help but do your eye smile at this, and he does a soft grin in return.

“How did you figure out where my locker was?” you say as you tilt your head. Sunghoon couldn’t help but think the simple gesture of a head tilt was so charming. 

He shrugs. “I was going to text you but I knew you would be in class, so I looked at some documents to find out which locker it was. You know, student council perks.” 

“Ah.”

“Please don’t find it creepy.”

“I won’t, you dork.” You bend over to reach your locker since it was on the bottom row. Sunghoon stepped aside to let you open your locker, and his breath hitches in his throat. Seeing the back of your thighs in a skirt that was hiked up higher than it was supposed to was bewitching. He felt like he was in a trance and lingered his eyes on your legs for quite a while. Your skirt was just at the edge of the curvature of your ass, leaving some to the imagination but not much. You knew exactly what you were doing. You had many cheap tricks up your sleeve, and you were going to use them to your advantage. You could practically feel his gaze on you and you can’t help but smirk as you grab your calculus textbook along with your pencil bag, still bent over taking your time putting the items in your backpack. Sunghoon knows he has to stop staring or otherwise this won’t look good for him.

“Ready to go?” you say with a smile. It takes a moment for him to process what just happened and he’s all the while wondering how did your legs not hurt when you didn’t crouch to the ground all the way.

“Of course.”

-

The walk to your home was pleasant, you looked down at your shoes often and Sunghoon mapped out what sections you two were to go over in the textbook, including the homework that was assigned today. You asked him how his classes went and he responded after pausing to mull over his thoughts.

“It’s okay. Nothing exciting happened other than right now.” he says, looking at you while giving you his undivided attention. You can’t help but admire the beauty that is Sunghoon. His soft looking hair that frames his face nicely and the way he has his hands shoved into the pockets of his uniform slacks make him look so boyishly handsome and breathtaking.

It takes a moment for you to respond. “What about right now is so exciting?”

He gently smiles and looks away from you. “I don’t tutor people often. Every once in a while I get asked to help students about a few things but never really spend enough time with them to consider it tutoring. And the change of pace on how I manage my time is much needed. I don’t interact with different people often, so this is...nice.”

Your heart races as the clouds take over the blue sky slowly. You notice just how pretty the cute moles on his face are as your gaze lingers on them for a bit. He does that stupid charming smile that makes you giddy and you blush, picking up the pace. You start turning while walking backwards just to give him your undivided attention.

“We should walk faster, Sunghoon. It might start drizzling.”

-

Both of you entered your home and took your shoes off at the front door. Sunghoon took a quick glance at your home, to which he said “this is a cozy house.” You tell him your bedroom is the coziest spot in the house, and let him trail behind you as you go up the stairs, and he doesn’t miss the way your pretty and dainty hand smooths over the railing as you walk up. Entering your room, he noticed the pink canopy bed right away, and the pink heart shaped pillow on it. There were so many details in just one spot, with the floral comforter and lights attached to the tulle. It was pretty and graceful. Light and airy. Soft.

“You can sit on the bed. Let me get changed out of this uniform, it’s so hot in this blazer.” you say as you start to strip in front of your closet, looking away from Sunghoon. Now, Sunghoon doesn’t see himself as a pervert, so therefore, when he noticed you unbuttoning your white button up and could only see the smoothness of your back and notice there was no bra in sight, his cheeks flushed. He quickly turned the other cheek and looked anywhere else but you. Unfortunately, perhaps fortunately, you had a full length mirror with fake pink roses running along its sides across your room. Sunghoon tried really, really hard to look at the curve of the pink petals and not at the curve of your breasts when you turned to the side slightly, but he failed so horribly. He could see himself and his cheeks were beet red. The bulge in his pants was so noticeable too. He quickly placed his backpack on his lap and winced at how heavy it was against him. Why did that kinda feel good?

You turn around wearing your school uniform skirt still but this time with a bright red crop top and of course, no bra. Sunghoon is dying and he can’t help but stare at how prominent your nipples are through the thin material. You take the pigtails down and he loves the way your hair cascades down your shoulders once it’s out of its confines of a scrunchie. He blinks once, twice, many times. Maybe if he sees only the back of his eyelids long enough he will stop picturing you naked. It doesn’t work, and you just stand with your hands on your hips and a lilt to your voice.

“Are you thirsty?” you say sweetly, knowing your tricks are working.

“Uh, y-yeah. Do you have water? Can I have water please?” Sunghoon is so precious.

“Of course you can.”

-

You really are a chintzy whore at best. Your excuse for not sitting at the desk of your room to study was that there was only one comfy study chair, and that you didn’t feel like bringing the dining room chair upstairs. That’s understandable, right? You could’ve however used the chair at your vanity, but that’s just a padded stool with no back to it. Wouldn’t want you or Sunghoon to forget and lean back too far and fall to your doom. So you told Sunghoon that you would rather study in your bed.

You played a little playlist in the background, something mellow and soft and not too distracting. Every once in a while Sunghoon will ask what song it is, and you respond with a chipper in your voice.

“Oh, this one is Sex and Sadness by Madi Sipes and the Painted Blue!”

“That’s one hell of a title.” he chuckles.

“It sure is. The lyrics are so...pretty? I can’t put it into words. The part where it talks about ‘stained glass loved lace’ gets me every time. And ‘whispering words into the singer’s skin.’ It’s romantic.” Sunghoon notices how there’s a certain dazzling feature in your eyes as you talk about the song. He wants to stare in your eyes, but alas you have to finish this one problem. Sunghoon prioritizes responsibilities over such silly, frivolous things that only he notices.

“So tell me how you’re going to solve this problem.” Sunghoon says swiftly while grabbing the glass of water on your nightstand.

You stare at the problem and try your best to concentrate. You really do. But you can’t help the way Sunghoon’s hand looks lazily placed on his thigh. Without much thought, you trace a finger on the back of his hand and say, “Your hands are so veiny.”

“Y/N.”

“And big.”

Well that’s a first, Sunghoon thinks. He knows he’a good looking, a bunch of girls swoon over him at school and at the rink all the time. The most common compliment he gets is on his eyes, and maybe hair, but not on his hands of all things. You’re fascinated by them, and you won’t stop tracing along the veins. Your touch sets his skin ablaze, and it doesn’t seem like you’re finishing this problem any time soon.

“Let’s take a break. I think you’re getting distracted because your brain is all fried.” Sunghoon says softly, still letting you continue playing with his hand.

“I’m getting distracted because I have a pretty boy in my bed.” you giggle. You finally look up and see how pink his cheeks are from blushing.

He starts to stammer “You’re the one that wants to study in your bed!” His voice is a little pitched and you can’t contain your laughs. 

“Do you want to move to the desk then?” you ask.

He shakes his head and mumbles a “no.” A few moments pass and you almost didn’t hear what he says next because it’s under his breath.

“I’ve never been called pretty before.”

“Gasp.” you say, lightheartedly.

“No but like, I’ve been called handsome, smart, a little weird, but not pretty.” Sunghoon replies. A moment of silence passed, and you started to ponder.

“There’s a song called Pretty Boy in my playlist somewhere.”

You go over to your laptop and click on The Neighbourhood song. You sway your hips gently and get lost into the music. Sunghoon just gazes at you as you move along to the steady pulse of the music and let the melodies feel you instead of the other way around. You do a little twirl and waltze your way to your bed, grabbing his hand.

“Dance with me.”

He obliged, wordlessly.

He takes in the words of the lyrics and closes his eyes. If he can’t see how close he is to you right now, it feels less real. It feels less scary. Not that you’re scary, Sunghoon doesn’t think girls with pink heart shaped pillows are scary. What’s scary is you laughing at his boner because he hasn’t been this close to a girl before since a random winter formal he had in grade school. The girl wasn’t all that nice since she dipped to dance with his friend. You’re much softer and nice. More delicate. You even smell nicer. God, your little hands enclosed together behind his neck and his big hands on your waist feels too good to be true. He can feel your gaze on him.

“Sunghoon, open your eyes.” He does, and his breath hitches and you look down, because you definitely feel something poking you and it wasn’t there before.

“I have to go, I have a curfew and it’s getting late, I’ll walk myself out.”

“Sunghoon I can at least walk you down-“

“No, seriously. I can go by myself. Thank you though.”

He’s so wide eyed and his cheeks are so rosy and he dashes away like his life depends on it. And you didn’t even get to kiss him.

[worldwidemochiguy]

Sweets (Soft Yandere! Jungkook)

You keep being visited by the most peculiar thief…

➵ in which jungkook steals your lip balm and perfume instead of talking to you, you leave a post-it note with your number on it for the strange thief who only seems to take the most inexplicable items and has a strange sense of responsibility for your wellbeing, and the cute boy in your photography class with the fluffy hair and the oversized sweater keeps getting more and more endearing…

➵ Warnings: Soft Yandere Jungkook, Breaking & Entering but without the Breaking, Reader is a bit of a ditz (lol sorry guys) 

➵ Word Count: 4.2K

➵ Masterlist

“Hello, uh, I’d like to… report a crime?” 

Your statement, which had always sounded suitably firm and assertive when you practised it in front of the bathroom mirror, ended with an unplanned upturn, making it sound more like a question than you would like. 

“Please state your name and address, ma’am.”

You did so, listening anxiously to the tap of a keyboard as your information was filed away. The undoubtedly over-worked police officer on the other end of the line sounded like he was two seconds from falling asleep, and you questioned yourself for the millionth time over whether you really needed to report this or not.

“What is the nature of the crime you are reporting, ma’am?”

“Um… well…” 

You twisted your hand into the fabric of your shirt self-consciously, trying to decide the best way to explain the strange little occurrences that had been surrounding your apartment over the last few months. You had not yet found a way to put it without sounding ridiculous, but you supposed there was a first time for everything. 

“I, uh, I think someone’s breaking into my apartment and stealing things.”

“You have an intruder?”

“Uh huh,”

“…Are they currently in your residence?”

“No, I think… they come and take things when I’m not here and then they’re gone by the time I get back.” 

“What items have been stolen?”

You bit your lip. 

“I know it sounds silly, but…”

“No crime is too small to report, ma’am. We are committed to making the lives of everyday citizens safer.”

“Well… they’ve stolen my lip balm like… several times. I keep buying new ones and they keep being stolen after a week or so. And my perfume. And my hairbrush one time, and-”

“Ma’am,” The officer cut you off with the impatience you had been both anticipating and dreading ever since you decided to call the police, “Listen, we don’t have the capacity to deal with prank callers-”

“It’s not a prank call!” You blurted, a momentary burst of desperation overtaking you, “I- um, sorry for interrupting, officer, but this isn’t a prank call. Things have been going missing. I can’t afford to keep replacing my lip balm.” 

A sigh crackled across the line, and you pictured the officer maybe taking off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose like those people in movies always seemed to do when they got frustrated. Personally, you had never found that it helped. 

“Are you sure you aren’t just… misplacing them?”

You gasped, offended that even a stranger could think you so stupid. “No! I remember exactly where I leave things and then they just vanish! I swear!”

“Has anything of value ever been taken from your apartment?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed, excited to be able to prove the officer wrong, “My bunny plushy! Mr Snuggles is extremely valuable to me!”

“…Monetary value, I meant. Has anything expensive ever been taken from your apartment?” 

There was an embarrassing silence. The officer sighed again, with a little more exasperation colouring his tone. 

“If anything significant is stolen, call us back. For now, just… be a bit more careful with your possessions.” 

He hung up. You pressed your forehead against the wall and wished your strange thief had taken your phone in one of his little visits. Maybe then you would’ve avoided making that agonising call. 

The next morning as you were leaving to go to class, you noticed a pile of discarded post-it notes on your desk — the remnants of a redbull-fuelled late night study session. Your newly purchased lip balm lay next to it. Impulsively, you grabbed a pen and scrawled a message on one of the post-its, sticking it horizontally to the curved surface of the lip balm tube. 

it reads: 

pls don’t take this i just bought it and this brand is actually v expensive and i am only a struggling college student with loans and chapped lips (。•́︿•̀。)

It might have been a little too polite considering it’s intended recipient was someone who had stolen multiple items from your apartment, but you figured there was no point in being rude. They probably wouldn’t even read it anyway. 

You strolled out of your apartment, planning to pick up a smoothie on the way to your lecture, and promptly forgot all about it.

 When you returned home to find a pile of newly bought lip balms on your desk — all embossed with the logo of your favourite brand — you were slightly puzzled. But, once you remembered the note you had left- well, the confusion didn’t exactly vanish, but at least you were given some context. 

The note had disappeared, along with the lip balm you had used a scant few times. But, you didn’t understand what the thief’s aim was. Why on earth would they steal small things like lip balm and perfume? And why would they buy you new copies of the product? Wasn’t that counterproductive?

you’re very bad at your job

Your next note read, stuck to your fridge as you left to grab coffee with your study group. It remained there for a few days, and you couldn’t ignore the way your heart sank a little each time you saw it hadn’t been taken. 

After six days, when it finally vanished, you felt an odd sense of happiness bubble up within you. Yes, there was someone routinely breaking into your apartment, but at least now you had an open channel of communication with them. They had left a brand new bottle of your preferred perfume — which had been stolen at least twice before you stopped bothering to buy it because perfume is pricy — resting on your kitchen counter, beside a box of your favourite chocolates. 

As you dug into the box later, snuggled in a blanket and having a Studio Ghibli film marathon, you didn’t even consider the fact that the sweets might be tampered with. If they wanted to kill me, they would’ve killed me already, you reasoned to yourself, sucking the icing sugar off your fingers. Nor did you question how they knew your favourite chocolate. If they broke into your apartment as much as you assumed they did, they probably knew you better than your own parents by now. 

You were the very definition of a broke college student. As far as you were concerned, if this random stranger wanted to buy you things and sometimes clean up your apartment — you had definitely come back to a home tidier than you had left it more than once — then you certainly weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe it was a little naïve of you, but… you had already called the police, and they hadn’t cared.

thank you for the perfume and chocolate <3

You wrote next morning, hesitating slightly before putting the heart. Before you could convince yourself not to, you scribbled another line underneath. 

i wish you’d write back someday…

As you walked to class, you scolded yourself for the butterflies swooping in your stomach. They’re literally a criminal, you told yourself, Stop getting crushes on anyone who shows you the slightest bit of attention. You don’t even know their name. 

Despite the small amount of common sense that you did have mocking you all day, you sat in classes and daydreamed about your mystery home intruder. Would they read the note? Would they be happy about your appreciation? Would they — you bit your lip — would they write back? 

You felt like a dumb schoolgirl, excited by the prospect of a badly written love note shoved in her locker. And, like a school girl, you trudged back home with your arms weighed down by class work, a billion essays and quizzes that had to be completed overnight. Did your professors not realise you had a life outside of college? Not that you did, of course, but like… in principle. 

You were so preoccupied with the coursework that you didn’t even notice the note stuck to your bedroom door. After an hour of studying, you rose wearily to start fixing yourself something to eat, and your eyes snagged on a flash of yellow. 

You squeaked, almost falling over yourself in your rush to get to the door and read the note. 

i’m glad you liked them. i’m sorry i took your things, that was mean of me. i tried to only take things you wouldn’t miss, but i guess that backfired… i just wanted to feel close to you. and these notes… are the closest i’ve ever been. i know that must sound weird, but… well. i’m a weird guy, i guess. i just liked hearing from you. that’s all. 

~ koo <3

You didn’t stop freaking out for a full five minutes. After that, you poured over every detail of the letter, eager to extricate any fragment of knowledge possible. You ended up with a list which you scribbled down in your diary, above which you pasted the note. 

The list went as follows:

They want to feel close to you

They have not talked to you before, since the notes are the closest they’ve ever been, but they must have seen you in person at least once 

They are a he 

(you adamantly did not get flustered about that)

and

     4. He calls himself Koo

When you left your apartment the next morning, you placed your note on the exact same spot he had left his. An indirect touch. 

hi koo !!!!!!!!

i was so excited to see you had written something!! you know, if you want to talk to me more often, there is an easier way…

Underneath you had scrawled your phone number, hastily and not allowing for regret before you flounced out of the apartment. The reason why you were in such a rush was because you were about to go to your favourite class: Photography 101. 

You had taken it as an extra credit, something that interested you but not enough that you wanted to pursue it as a career. You had expected it to be fun, something artistic to break up the monotony of classes. What you had not expected was the dreamy boy who sat in the first row and had full possession of your heart. 

You didn’t even know his name, but you were pretty sure you were half in love with him. With fluffy brown hair that fell over his forehead whenever he leaned over to scribble down notes, and cute bunny teeth that stuck out in a flustered smile whenever the professor praised his work in class, he was perhaps the cutest boy you had ever seen. 

Though you were sure he had many girls sighing after him, he seemed to be really shy, only ever speaking in class when called on, and even then it was in a quiet, soft voice. He was kind of like you in that respect. But that was where your similarities ended. 

Yes, you thought, sighing as you watched him pay avid attention to the professor’s lecture on the composition of frames, his cute doe eyes wide and twinkling like stars were embedded in the pupils, He is way out of my league. 

It took three days for you to lose hope. You hadn’t received a text, nor had you found any notes left for you. You tried not to be disappointed, even as your traitorous sub-conscience mocked you for being able to scare away the one person who arguably paid you the most attention. 

You didn’t really have many friends, and the ones you did have preferred each other over you, and often left you out of activities because of your shy nature. You guessed this whole thing had just been a way to feel like you actually mattered to someone, like, for once, someone cared about you, but-

You were pulled out of your musings as your phone chimed. 

From: Unknown Number

[6:48 PM]

hi

this is koo

The two of you texted every day, and soon enough you were hiding your phone underneath your desk in order to chat to him, keeping your phone on your person at all times in case koo wanted to talk. Of course, the only class you didn’t do this in was Photography, so you could spend a blissful forty-five minutes staring at the boy who played the role of your husband in all of your favourite daydreams. 

Koo still broke into your house occasionally, and he still left you sweet, considerate gifts. Often, you would receive texts like this:

From: koo ✨

[3:24 PM]

sweets i’ve been checking your groceries and your vegetables are not being eaten as often as they should be 

i know you have a sweet tooth and that’s cute but please try to stay healthy

To: koo ✨

[3:25 PM]

but i can’t cook all i know how to make is microwaveable mac n cheese :///////

You came back home that day to discover a bunch of Tupperwares full of pre-made healthy meals and a note stuck to the top of them. 

try microwaving these :)

To: koo ✨

[3:01 AM]

koo are you awake?

From: koo ✨

[3:01 AM]

i am now

what’s wrong?

To: koo ✨

[3:02 AM]

i can’t sleep :////////

From: koo ✨

[3:02 AM]

sweets you need to go to bed

you have an early morning class

To: koo ✨

[3:02 AM]

i knowwwwww

i just… i can’t sleep without mr snuggles :((

From: koo ✨

[3:03 AM]

Mr Snuggles??

???

To: koo ✨

[3:03 AM]

my cuddly bunny :((((

i think you took him a while ago

could i maybe have him back…?

From: koo ✨

[3:03 AM]

Shit

i didn’t know you couldn’t sleep without him 

[3:04 AM]

sweets im so sorry

To: koo ✨

[3:04 AM]

its okay koo

From: koo ✨

[3:04 AM]

no it isn’t

you’re loosing sleep because of me

fuck

i could… bring him to you?

To: koo ✨

[3:05 AM]

you’d do that?

…i could see you?

From: koo ✨

[3:05 AM]

no i’d leave him outside

you’d have to promise not to come out until i text you saying i’ve left

To: koo ✨

[3:06 AM]

but kooooo :(((((

From: koo ✨

[3:07 AM]

sweets 

To: koo ✨

[3:07 AM]

okay :((((((((((

but i expect you to leave a big box of chocolates on my pillow for me to come home to tomorrow evening!!

From: koo ✨

[3:08 AM]

of course sweets <3

im gonna get going now

don’t look outside your apartment

To: koo ✨

[3:08 AM]

okay

From: koo ✨

[3:34 AM]

im gone and mr snuggles is waiting outside for you

he might have a little gift with him

You trudged outside your apartment, rubbing your eyes blearily, and looked down to see your beloved plushie clutching a single rose in its paws. You gasped, leaning down to pick up the flower gently, and you noticed all the thorns had been taken off. Koo must’ve removed them so that you didn’t accidentally hurt yourself. 

You felt warmth flood you, drowning the butterflies in your stomach and replacing them with something much less fleeting, much less shallow. 

It sunk into your bones, into your heart, into your breath as you sighed, squeezing your long-lost Mr Snuggles close to your face. He carried the familiar scent of nostalgia, but also something different, something sharper. You realised with a jolt that you were smelling Koo’s cologne. 

You went back to bed, nuzzled your face into the plushy’s furry belly, and dreamed of fluffy brown hair and bunny smiles. 

Though with Mr Snuggles’ help you were able to sleep wonderfully, you were only able to do so for four hours before your alarm jolted you back into early reality. Honestly, you were sorely tempted to just ditch class, but it was Photography, and if you missed your regular dose of the cute boy in the front row then you thought you might just crumble into dust. 

You dragged yourself out of bed, pulling on your softest oversized hoodie — a gift from Koo which, now that you thought about it, smelled like the same cologne that Mr Snuggles did. You flushed at the thought of him giving you one of his hoodies to wear, though you couldn’t say exactly why that image charmed you. 

You stumbled into the lecture, arms full of textbooks because you knew you wouldn’t have the energy to return back to your apartment to retrieve the relevant materials for your next class later in the day. Your excellent plan was to crash in the library directly after this, have a two hour power-nap, and then make yourself get up in time for Calculus. 

You barely had the energy to listen to the professor droning on and on about… the perfect lense, or whatever. You allowed yourself the indulgence of tuning out, resting your chin on your palm and gazing dreamily at the boy in the front row. He was taking notes, as per usual. What a good student! You praised him in your head. I bet he has the best handwriting. 

Despite your best efforts, you fell asleep within ten minutes. You were woken as the class concluded by the clamour of students grabbing their materials and the scrape of chairs as your classmates stood up, leaving you behind — the only one half-splayed across the desk in front of you. 

You jerked upright, grabbing your stuff in one hand as you tried to tug on your bag, eventually succeeding with much struggle, only to drop it all again as soon as you stood up. You whimpered, watching helplessly as your textbooks fanned across the floor. You saw one of them split along the spine as it landed on an open page. 

That cost me two hundred dollars, you thought absently, and I just chucked it down like a bouncy ball.  

Suddenly, you glimpsed someone crouching down and gathering them all up into a sturdy pile. As he stood up, your vision was full of fluffy brown hair, errant strands falling into star-filled doe eyes. 

Oh. Oh no. 

“H-Here you are,” He murmured, passing you the pile gently, making sure you were able to take the weight before leaving them in your arms. When he leaned close to you, you breathed in a scent that was oddly familiar, and yet new at the same time. As his hands receded, his skin brushed against yours for a second and you swear your vision blanked out. 

“Thanks,” You whispered, your gaze so firmly focused on the floor that you didn’t notice his flushed cheeks. 

As soon as you got to the library, you whipped out your phone, all tiredness banished from your system by that momentous experience. You had talked to him. 

To: koo ✨

[8:47 AM]

koo i think im in love

From: koo ✨

[8:47 AM]

what

with who

To: koo ✨

[8:47 AM]

this boy in my photography class 

he’s just so- 

[8:48 AM]

i can’t even explain it

i dropped my textbooks and he picked them up for me and i stg i almost cried

From: koo ✨

[8:48 AM]

wait

seriously??

To: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

yeah i cry at like the drop of a hat 

From: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

no-

cute 

but i mean

that’s who you’re in love with?

To: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

yeah?

From: koo ✨

[8:49 AM]

gray sweater

[8:50 AM]

big eyes

tall-ish

that’s him???

To: koo ✨

[8:50 AM]

OMG YOU’RE IN MY PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS AREN’T YOU

From: koo ✨

[8:50 AM]

WHAT

NO

IM NOT

To: koo ✨

[8:50 AM]

OMGGGGGGG

YOU SAW HIM HELP ME SO YOU MUST BE IN MY CLASSSS

[8:51]

okay!

are you the frat guy who always comes in hungover???

no judgement

From: koo ✨

[8:51 AM]

NO

To: koo ✨

[8:52 AM]

are you the guy who only ever wears knitwear???

From: koo ✨

[8:52 AM]

NO

To: koo ✨

[8:53 AM]

…are you the professor?

From: koo ✨

[8:53 AM]

NO!!!!!

oh my god lets just meet up or something before i explode

To: koo ✨

[8:53 AM]

WAIT

ARE YOU SERIOUS????

From: koo ✨

[8:54 AM]

…you’re that excited to meet me?

To: koo ✨

[8:54 AM]

OF COURSE I AM

OH MY GODDDD

WHEN?

From: koo ✨

[8:54 AM]

now?

i can meet you at the campus coffee shop in like five minutes?

To: koo ✨

[8:55 AM]

five minutes???

that’s not enough time koo i have to go home and pick out something pretty to wear !!

From: koo ✨

[8:55 AM]

it doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re always beautiful to me

To: koo ✨

[8:56 AM]

you

you think im

b-beautiful 

: ’ ))))))))))

From: koo ✨

[8:57 AM]

…

haha see you there!! 

To: koo ✨

[8:57 AM]

GET BACK HERE WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS-

You sat on an empty table, fiddling with the tea bag tag which hung over the side of your mug. You had bought Green Tea as an effort to calm yourself down so you weren’t too anxious to meet Koo, but it hadn’t worked because you were impatient and sipped it too soon so now you were sat there nursing a burnt tongue like an idiot. 

You knew it was irrational to be self-conscious. He already knew who you were, and seemed to like you, it was just you that was in the dark. You went over the possible people Koo could be, mentally cycling through the boys in your photography class. It was an annoyingly large class, which meant he would be anyone from the guy who smelled like Funyuns to-

Fluffy-haired boy strolled into the coffee shop and you let out an involuntary sigh. He seemed to be cheerful, a smile exposing his bunny teeth and making his cheeks bunch up adorably, with like,  five different sets of dimples poked into them. You had never agreed more with the saying that dimples were caused by an angel’s kiss. 

Well, at least I’ll have something nice to look at while I wait, you thought, just before all your thoughts suddenly tipped out of your head when you realised he was walking towards your table. 

“Is this seat taken?” He grinned, before sliding into the seat across from you. 

You whimpered, and his smile grew devastatingly wider.

“Hi,” He breathed, before his gaze flickered down to your mug of tea, clutched so tightly in your hands that you worried the ceramic might shatter. “You didn’t get hot chocolate? I thought you had a sweet tooth?”

“Uhm-” You choked, before forcing yourself to get a grip. How would Koo feel if he walked in here and saw you sitting with another guy? “I’m actually- I’m waiting for someone. Sorry.”

If it was possible — and it certainly seemed to be — the boy’s grin broadened even more, his eyes crinkling into adorable half-moons.

“Is that so? Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” You blurted, before flushing profusely. The boy across from you seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the display. “I mean- uhm, I don’t know. Maybe? This is our- this is our first actual meeting.”

“Oh?” The boy tilted his head, “Really? How exciting.”

You hummed in agreement, eyes fixed on your slowly cooling beverage. You raised it to your mouth to take a hesitant sip and- nope,  still too hot. You whined quietly, rubbing your sore tongue against the inside of your cheek to try and soothe it. 

“Oh, sweets,” The boy murmured across from you, and you were too distracted to notice the nickname. He plucked the mug out of your hands and placed it on the other side of the table, as if he was trying to make sure it couldn’t hurt you anymore. “Are you okay? Do you want me to take you to the campus infirmary?”

“Wha- no, it’s okay,” You mumbled, lisping slightly on your burnt tongue and blushing when he cooed over you, “It’s- I’m waiting here for someone, and- I mean, I don’t even know your name-”

“It’s Jungkook,” He interrupted cheekily, deliberately ignoring the rest of your statement, “Some people call me Kookie, and really special people call me… Koo.” 

Oh. Oh.

Fuck.

“Really special people?” You asked, your voice small, and not because of the burn. 

“Well, people…” Jungkook- Koo paraphrased, tilting his head slightly, “I guess it would be more accurate to say… one really special person.”

“Really?” You breathed, and Jungkook leaned over the table, close enough that you could smell his cologne, the same scent embedded in the fabric of your hoodie- his hoodie. 

“The most special person.” He murmured, the fervent emotion packed in each word speaking louder than any increase of volume could.

You had never been anyone’s most special person before, but, as you looked into Jungkook’s chocolate eyes, you started to believe you could almost taste it, sticky sweet on your lips. And when Jungkook eventually, finally coaxed your lips in a gentle kiss, you let him in, and found out that happiness tastes reassuringly honey-sweet. 

[astro-nova9]

Feelings

Prompt: How did they realize that they had feelings for y/n?

Characters: Katsuki Bakugo, Keigo Takami, Tomura Shigaraki

Warnings:Mild language, suggestive themes if you squint reaaaaaal hard, cannon death mention. 

A/N: ahhhhhh this is my first written post on this blog, i hope it doesnt suck too bad but dont put too much faith in me! Im not pulling from any kind of request list or anything i’m just posting a couple of prompts or requests that i would ask some other writer but i’m too shy to ask anyone else to take their time writing silly things like this out. 

Bakugo Katsuki:

For him, it was slow and quick all at once. He never really put much thought into things as pointless as romantic feelings. He had no desire to waste his time. Just like he never really intended on making friends period. They were completely useless, but he had them even though he never once lifted a finger to try. That's kinda how he feels liking you started too. He never really had to try. You were always there just… existing? Like you’d always be sitting on the couch in the lounge on your phone it wasn't anything different than what you’d do literally every day but he found himself being happy about seeing you sitting in the spot that you’d claimed as your own. He’d find himself wondering if you’d be thirsty too when he’d get himself something to drink, going ahead and getting you your favorite drink, just in case. It wasn't even anything that he actively thought about anymore. Just like how you didn't have to call out for him to slow down for you to catch up on the way to class, he’d stopped walking ahead at all, saving the time and just waiting on you to get there before setting out. The only time he really realized a difference is the odd occurrences you weren't where you normally were when you were normally there. You had to go to class early so he felt lonely on the walk although Kirishima was with him. You stayed behind to train some more with your quirk and your spot on the couch was empty so he sat in his room because there was no point in sitting in the lounge alone. If you weren't sitting with the others at lunch because you had something else to do he’d carry around that damn drink all day until he had the chance to give it to you. It was one of the days when he was carrying around a lukewarm bottle of soda, craning his neck to look for you in the halls after classes were finished for the day when he stopped himself. Why in the hell was he doing all this? Yeah, you’d do the same for him, but what's the point? He didn't even know if you’d be thirsty and the drink was too warm to drink now anyway so why was he so adamant about giving it to you? Since when did he care so much about making sure you had a drink that had way to much sugar in it anyway? Since when does it matter to him that you walk with him to class or you're lounging comfortably in your spot on the couch? It was on his mind the whole day but what tipped him off that there was something different about how he felt about you was when he actually saw you after wasting 20 minutes trying to find you. The way he physically relaxed and the stupid ass smile that pulled at his lips when your eyes lit up as saw him too, taking the drink he was offering and telling him how stupid it was for him to wait for you to finish talking to your teacher. He did all of these dumb little things because he liked to and because he liked you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takami To be honest it didn't take much for him to realize what his feelings about you were but the fact that he had them were wild to him. At first, he thought it was just the fact that he liked how you didn't seem to bat an eye at him. How you treated him just like he was anyone else. Like he wasn't the number two hero with the weight of the world on his shoulders. You never even called him Hawks, when you first met you’d asked him his name, and that's all you ever called him. When he had bad days you’d never ask him to explain or tell him that's what he’d asked for when he signed up for the hero gig. You’d just comfort him and affirm his feelings. It was like you always knew the right thing to say even if you didn't think so. He’d always thought you were cute and when you started tripping over words or getting flustered because of his flirting or being in your personal space it was nearly unbearable how ridiculously attractive you were. The way you’d never just assume something bad about him or outright reject him made it easy for him to seek you out for comfort. Your arms quickly became a safe place for him to just unload the unnecessarily large amount of shit he had to deal with. It was like you took the negative feelings out of his mind like a sponge the moment he said anything. With a gentle stroke of your fingers across one of his feathers or a soft peck on his temple, they were gone, replaced with warm comforting thoughts about you. He didn't put much thought or energy into how he felt about you until he started catching himself thinking about one very particular thing involving you. His future. He started realizing that he didn't want to deal with anything he knew that he’d have to take care of without you being there at the end of the day for him to run to. He wanted to keep you safe and give you pretty things to see you smile. When he started looking forward to seeing you again before he even left was when he realized the extent of his feelings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shigaraki It was kind of like love at first sight for him. But love was a strong word to use when talking about anything to do with Shigaraki Tomura, the man who wants to watch the world crumble. So putting it more appropriately, you were one of the first people he’d ever met that he didn't automatically contemplate dusting as soon as he laid eyes on you. He didn't necessarily like you, he just didn't want you dead yet. He didn't get it either but that's how it was. He didn't want you dead though, which for any living thing was a start! He didn't get insanely annoyed when he’d walk into the bar and you were sitting in his chair playing on your stupid little handheld game, just slightly. Just like he didn't get super pissed with the fact that you’d find excuses to be paired up with him on missions. He knew it was because with him you’d have a lesser chance of dying but he didn't really mind, your quirk was useful too. He did get a little ticked when you’d bitch at him about taking care of himself, its not like it was any of your business anyway so he never cared to pay it much mind. What he couldn't explain though was the absolute palpable rage when he saw you captive behind Chisaki. The way he wanted to make every other living thing in a hundred-mile radius stop existing was kind of jarring. He didn't understand it and he didn't give enough of a fuck to care. The fact that a piece of yakuza shit would even consider you was enough to sign his death warrant, the death of Magne and theft of compresses arm made it worse. The only thing he could think of while you were gone was how much he fucking wished you’d walk in and ask him to beat a stupidly simple level on your game because you couldn't be bothered, or that you'd bitch about him not eating anything the last couple of days. Every second you weren't around made it all worse. The second he realized just how much he liked you was when you arrived with Toga and Jin after the whole situation was finished and they’d gotten what they were trying to get. Fuck quirk canceling bullets, he was just glad you were back alive. When you ran to him and hugged him he didn't flinch back but he almost passed out when he had to stop his hands from closing around you too. He didn't want to destroy you, everything else maybe, but never you.

[ponds-of-ink]

Stanley Parable Hypothesis/Theory (But Told as a Story, to match the game): “The Narrator Hypothesis”

The title should probably sum it up. Huge spoilers for Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe and a whole bunch of trying to put puzzle pieces together from all the videos/tidbits I've watched/learned. I don't think I've solved anything by any means, but at least I got this off my chest.

All right, from the top!

—

This is the sad story of a man named “Kevin”. 

Of course, I’m not sure I can call him “Kevin” since no one’s found his actual name. Investigating these half-human, half-computers are rather difficult— Finding the factory numbers imprinted on their screen heads…

Oh, yes. Sorry. I forget to keep things short sometimes. Ahem…

This is the sad story of a half-man, half-computer named “Kevin”, who had the voice of some snarky British man who was known for narrating anyway. And yes, I checked that last part. 

Anyway, “Kevin” worked in an office much like the character he would later make. Pressing buttons, filing paperwork, sending the third email explaining to his boss why a certain font would make some document stand out more… Those sorts of tasks. But “Kevin” had an itch he wanted to scratch. Something that he always wanted to get back to, but never had the time.

Writing stories.

If he wasn’t fitted with one of those huge, bulking computers from the 1990s, then his head would’ve certainly been a typewriter. Back when he was young and sharp, he could weave tales of an underground facility watching all of the world’s birds or people cursed to be turned into buckets. Tales that, no matter how silly they were on the surface, always seemed to dumbfound his friends in the best kinds of ways. Stories that made them—and him, at times— think.

But, alas, times changed. Responsibilities shifted. Relationships grew and broke right before his pixelated eyes. Now, bitterly complacent with his current life, he wondered how exactly he could reignite that spark when all he knew was his own office work.

Then, it hit him. “Of course!” ‘Kevin’ exclaimed one day as he sat at his desk. “They always say ‘Write what you know’, don’t they? Well, why don’t I craft a story about office work and then… twist it a bit?”

So, over the course of several weeks, “Kevin” worked on his story. I’d explain the process a bit more, but I’m sure you’re just here for the sad bit I promised at the beginning. I’ll just say Stanley was born out of a customized variant of player model code from Portal, the female narrator was his next-cubicle coworker pitying Stanley and changing some things in one of the endings, and all of the choices were planned out— Yes, even the unplugged phone one, miraculously. “Kevin” just played dumb for that one and… Well… it didn’t really pan out for his emotional state that day.

After all this work, “Kevin” sent his story to a game developer who was looking for promising ideas. The developer loved it, “Kevin” was brought on board as a consultant, and the Stanley Parable (as they know it) was made. Money rolled in, “Kevin” got his narrating paycheck, and him and the company parted ways.

But something was still wrong with “Kevin”.

The itch wasn’t done being scratched, even with the success this Parable gave him.

Five years later, he tells the developer that he wants new endings. “I know the Parable’s done, but I feel like its missing something,” ‘Kevin’ explained. “Some ‘extra lore pizazz’, I guess.” Surprised by this confession, the developer told him that the company was already planning on porting the Stanley Parable anyway. Maybe even adding new content, if they had enough room. Delighted, “Kevin” returned to working on Stanley’s adventures. He mapped out rooms for the modelers, scripted new dialogue for himself to say, and even worked in those extra stories like the one about people turning into buckets! Yes, his creative mind was hard at work, keeping it all under the pretense of an arrogant narrator ready to get Stanley back in line.

Until, one day, something happened during play-testing a new level. A secret one only he knew about: the Memory Zone. This well-constructed building housed all the memorabilia of his prized creation that he recorded in his databanks. Good reviews, replicated rooms that the developers had to cut due to porting issues, all those nominees the original got… Everything was there.

Even the bad reviews, which had somehow slipped under his radar the first time.

I guess you don’t need me to tell you how that all went at that point. At least, in detail. Bad reviews sent him on a self-loathing spree, he invents a skip button that sends Stanley and him seemingly into the future, yada yada. Clearly, it sent him on a downward spiral that was stopped by the other tester resetting the game. And everyone in the studio was thankful for that.

Except, thanks to a few new factors, the reset didn’t exactly work. Sure, the sequel was announced without a hitch and “Kevin” managed to remember where he started from thanks to the Collectible Ending… But the bad reviews still lingered as much as the skip button’s effects. In fact, it increased as soon as the Stanley Parable 2 came out. Soon, the Memory Zone was just a sand-covered husk of what it used to be. And “Kevin”? Well, to paraphrase Stanley’s own sad ending in one section…

And they tried again, and “Kevin” pushed a button.

And they tried again, and “Kevin” pushed another button.

And they tried a third time…

Everything in his room went black.

Is there a moral to this, like a usual parable? I don’t know, really. I just wanted to make sense of all this new information that was shown off from what was left of that original Stanley Parable duology. Is “Kevin” really dead, or did his screen just shut down after so much overworking? Is this Data Collector that’s running the other ‘sequels’ really having everyone’s best interests at heart, or is he planning some sort of comeback in a new story? Are we ever going to find out why that Bucket has such reality-warping abilities outside of some wizard’s control? Is there even such a wizard to begin with?

So many questions, so little time. A shame I’m not the narrator who can answer them.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 3

(Original idea here)

(Master post)

_______________________________________________________________________

Chloé hated this stupid app.

How is Adrien not on her list of compatible matches? Clearly the app was broken and not worth everyone’s time. She and Max have been arguing about it since he overheard her complaining about the app. What made the whole thing worse was that most of the class seemed to agree with him.

“...The whole thing is a trashy internet quiz only for people who have no lives.” Chloé exclaimed to Max just as Marinette and Adrien entered the room.

“It isn't some ordinary internet quiz. There is so much processing of data, use of algorithmic solutions that would take months to explain and you would not even understand a fraction of. I have yet to crack the formula. But I guarantee that it is more then trash.” Max defended vehemently.

Adrien decided to avoid getting involved and tried to slowly move to his seat, but unfortunately, Chloé’s vision noticed his movement and pounced.

“Adrikins.” She exclaimed in a saddened tone as she pushed passed Marinette to get to him. “Please tell me you don't believe all the crap about this stupid app?”

The model scratched his head. He noticed Marinette looking at him, he could tell she was curious about his answer. 

“Why do you think the app is not effective.” Adrien deflected. He wanted to avoid talking about his views on the app until he talked with Marinette.

Chloé gasped.

“So many reasons! For one thing the questions are these weird riddles that make no sense! Like why would I even WANT to touch money that is on the floor? I don't care who it belongs to!” Chloé ranted. “Not to mention it doesn't let you make a new profile if you delete it! I tried making a new one but it just gave me all of the same information and profile I had before deleting.”

“It is a countermeasure to avoid fraud!” Max answered. “Since you already put in your original name, photo of yourself and age, if you tried putting the exact information in, it will simply reconnect you to the old account to avoid people trying to cheat the system. My test accounts got deleted yesterday because they found out I used stock photos for them.

Chloé rolled her eyes.

“But most importantly is that it completely messed up my matches. Look at these losers!” Chloé showed Adrien the list, she had a few in the 70% range. Adrien did believe some of the guys on that list did go to this school. “Of course if this list was legitimate, you would be on the list.”

Adrien noted that as a point on why this app has credibility.

“Its just a dumb app. You didn't buy into this did you Adrikins?”

Adrien took a step back, looking for some way out.

“I... uh...”

Thankfully for Adrien, Madame Bustier stepped in.

“Alright Class, Everyone to your seats”

The class quietly stopped talking and moved back to their seats.

The designer was watching the model in the seat in front of her. What did Adrien think of the App? Did he want to tell her that he believes in it completely and wants to try going out with her? Is he angry about it and feels that she is now standing in the way of his potential relationship with Kagami? 

Marinette shakes her head, this was not gonna turn out like her nightmare from last night. Besides, Adrien wanted to meet her in the locker room, not in the library, her nightmare was now not gonna come true..... she hoped.

She noticed Adrien look back at her.. He mouthed the word ‘lunch’ to her. She could tell he was confirming their meet up that day. She gave a quick nod. Adrien smiled and turned back. The brief smile giving her a touch of comfort.

 I apologize for being late, their was a discussion in the teacher’s lounge about an interesting new phone app.” The red headed teacher confessed.

“Was it Soulmate Searcher?” Rose asked. The blond rising from her seat as she asked.

“I believe that was the name of it. My colleague mentioned that their sister was trying it out and has a date with someone they met on the app.” Ms.Bustier replied.

“Are you thinking of trying it out?” Myléne inquired.

“There will be plenty of time to talk about that stuff after class.” The teacher said with a soft smile. Though she didn't let on She was the one that had tried out the app and was in the teacher’s lounge messaging her date for Friday. 

As class began, in the corner of the room sat a brunette that had interestingly kept herself out of the whole discussion about the app. She looked at the app and at her profile. She had not answered a single question, if she wanted to match up with the guy she wanted, she needed to be careful.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Adrien! Where are you going? I really wanted to continue our conversation from earlier.”

“I am sorry Chloé. I am in a hurry, I have something really important thing to do during lunch. We can talk later.” Adrien answered as he quickly headed out of the class.

Marinette wondered what the model was referring to, she could of sworn that Adrien wanted to talk with her during lunch. Something important must have come up. Marinette got up from her desk and held in her sigh. Maybe it wasn't that important that they talked.

As she was about to head out for lunch, her phone buzzed.

 at the locker room 

Marinette turned red, she was the important thing he needed to do. She mentally slapped her self for phrasing it that way.

“Important message?” Her best friend cooed.

“I well umm.” Marinette stammered.

“Relax Marinette, I am just teasing.” Alya assured.

She went to her ear.

“Don't worry about yesterday, that is staying between us.”

“Thanks Alya.  You are the best.” Marinette whispered back before heading out of the classroom.

“Hi Alya.” a familiar voice called from behind the reporter.

“Oh hey Lila. Hows it going?”

“I am alright, I just wanted to ask if you know anything about the new app that has gotten popular. ‘Soulmate searcher’. I heard Max and Chloé arguing about it and I was curious.” The exchange student inquired.

“Oh its great! Pretty much the entire school is trying it out. Are you thinking about getting into it?”

“Well, I am usually apprehensive about trying out apps that give out personal information. I imagine Adrien and Prince Ali would be the same considering how popular they are.”

“Oh its completely safe. Max has tried hacking into it over a dozen times, their cyber security is solid, and I can assure you Adrien has an account.” Alya eased.

“Oh that is a relief. But do you think the app is just a silly quiz or do you think there is more to it? I wouldn't want to get my hopes up on meeting my soulmate on here if it doesn't work.”

“Well Nino and I have a compatibility of 85% as of this morning, so I would say it matches up pretty well. Ivan, Kim, Myléne, Rose, Marinette and Juleka say that the match ups were accurate.”

“Marinette said her match ups were accurate? Who did she match up with? I am sure they are a great guy.” Lila prodded with a faux smile that would fool most people.

Alya hesitated, she realized she was getting into some dangerous territory. She couldn't just reveal Marinette’s list its personal.

“I shouldn't be talking about who was on her personal list. Everyone’s list is only visible to them and it would be an invasion of privacy unless she told you directly.” Alya answered.

“Of course. I just felt bad that Marinette and I haven't been getting along and I wanted to see if I could help her get set up with one of her matches. Perhaps putting in a good word for her.” Lila lied

“Thats really nice of you Lila. but you don't need to worry about Marinette she will be fine.” Alya said with confidence.

“Thats good to hear. Please let Marinette know that if she does want help she can reach out to me.” Lila answered. “I think I will give this app a go. Thanks Alya.”

“Glad I could help.”

Lila kept up her smile as she left the classroom, once she was out of Alya’s sight. Her eyes narrowed and her smile vanished.

Marinette is someone who has a clear crush on Adrien. Alya telling me that Marinette will be fine with her list means that Adrien must be Somewhere on the rankings. I need to find out how high and Beat that percentage. But to do that. I need to find her list... or I need to see Adrien’s.

Lila smiled at the thought. Adrien was a much easier target, all she needed to do was find him, and then she can find out everything she needs to know.

_______________________________________________________________________

Marinette quickly headed to the locker room where Adrien was patiently waiting.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting.” Marinette answered as she caught her breath from sprinting.

“Its fine Marinette. I am glad you could make it.” Adrien responded with a soft smile that made the girls heart melt.

“So... what did you want to talk about?” Marinette asked with cautious optimism.

Adrien felt himself blush a bit.

“I was gonna ask about what you thought of the app. The one we were both using this morning. You know...” Adrien scratched the back of his head with his left hand. He felt awkward.

“O-Oh! Um, well. I think that its a bit more then just a random set of questions like chloé said.” Marinette starts off. She wanted to say that she believed it full heartedly, that it was as if cupid himself crafted the perfect matching system for her and Adrien. But she remembered the dream she had last night, she remembered how angry he was in her dream. She needed to know what he was feeling about the app. “Though of course its still updating! The profile could change at the drop of a hat while its calibrating. I remember Alya mentioning that it could fluctuate and any number set up now isn't set in stone.”

“Even if its 100?” 

The question hung in the air just as much for her as it did for him. They were both aware of their compatibility test score.

“I never heard of a case like this. Do you think it was a bug?” Marinette asked. internally thinking that he was not pleased that they were both 100% compatible. She felt her heart crack at the thought.  “Alya mentioned that she and Nino were only at 85% and they are super close. So... I can't be certain.”

“I don't know. It might be possible that something glitched out. It did only recently get a global release.” Adrien answered. He looked at her closely, waiting to see her relived reaction that she doesn't need to take this so seriously. Truthfully, he didn't entirely believe something happened. The more Adrien thought about it, Marinette did seem like someone that he could align with on a lot of things. Sure they had different perspectives and even did have some differing opinions, it made them both learn. If he was being completely honest, she was one of the people he is glad was high on the list. 

Marinette tried her best to disguise her sorrow from the thought of their 100% was somehow not valid. It hurt to think about. 

“But considering it was with you. I can believe it was a high a number at least. So it being 100% could be valid.” Adrien answered.

Marinette’s face blushed at his words. Did he just say that he thought she and him were highly compatible?

FUCK! I just said that I honestly thought that Marinette and I were highly compatible. She had given me the chance to dismiss this as anything serious and I messed it up! Why did I say that? Sure I think its true but she will be angry just like in my nightmare and get akumatized. Adrien mentally screamed

“It is possible.” Marinette spoke up. “ I can't see how having someone I already know being compatible with me would be a bad thing.” 

“There is also the course of the profile correction. We still have 13 more days of fine tuning our profiles. So things on the list could shake up, should you want that.” Marinette answered quickly.

“Thats true. No need to jump in on this too quickly.” Adrien sighed with relief. Marinette was handling this rationally, which made sense, Marinette always knew how to clear her head and look at things objectively. That was why she was so good at figuring out how to help people. 

It is one of the reasons I like her. Adrien’s thought surprised for a second but he quickly recovered and snapped back to the conversation to catch her response. 

“Yea... no need to think to much of it.” Marinette agreed, her tone a touch sadder then before.

“Yea. I am glad we both aren't overthinking this too much.” Adrien smiled softly. “I am glad we could talk about this.”

“Of course...” Marinette was doing her best not to let her face betray her feelings

Adrien turned and started to walk off before stopping just short of the door. 

“Marinette?”

“Yes?” Marinette jolted, not expecting anymore words from the model.

“After the profiles are complete, and if we are both number one on the other’s list. Do you want to... give it a shot?” Adrien asked as he tried to keep his tone steady, His face was beat red as he was doing something on complete impulse. “If you want to that is. You are free to say no.”

Marinette felt her face burn at his question.

“Yes! I mean sure. It is worth trying out.” Marinette responded.

Adrien turned to her. He had a soft genuine smile that made Marinette feel as if cupid had struck her in the heart once again. But what he said next made her feel like Cupid dropped a tank on her.

“Thank you Marinette. It would be pretty nice if one of my best friends turned out to be my soul mate.”

Marinette could feel her face heat up.

_____________________________________________________________________

THERE I FINISHED part 3 (I don't know how both Part 1 and part 2 got over 1000 notes. The notes usually start to dip after the first part.)

If you want part 4, please let me know. I love hearing feedback and it feeds my impulsive need to write. And I am just gonna say it. 

[burberryharold]

Alone Together

Part One 

Hello, guys! I’ve finally come around to writing my first fanfic on Tumblr and to say that I’m excited would be an understatement. I’ve had this idea for a while now and I’m hoping you guys like it; Alone Together follows the journey of Ellie and Harry through this rough period of quarantine. It’s just a little something I thought of and decided to have fun with it and make the best out of the current situation, so I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think! This is gonna be a series but I haven’t settled on how long it’s gonna be yet, but for now here’s Part One of Alone Together.

February 25th, Tuesday

Ellie huffed and wiped her forehead, taking notice of the dark strands of hair clinging onto her face from the sweat. She deeply regretted sending off the moving people, insisting that she can handle the rest of the boxes herself. Big mistake. She was by no means weak or incapable of lifting heavy items, but after a long day of moving back and forth from her old flat to her new one, Ellie was absolutely exhausted. In retrospect, she realised that she should not have moved all of her things in one day, but it’s too late, she has to face the consequences of her decision. Damn me for thinking that this was a good idea, Ellie thought to herself.

Staring at the boxes in the hallway in hopes that they would magically move themselves, Ellie failed to notice that someone walked out of the elevator and was heading in her direction.

“Ellie? Ellie Heart? Is that you?” a deep yet familiar voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Ellie’s hand flew to her chest as she gasped at the sudden voice, “Bloody hell, you scared the shit out of me!”

She finally opened her eyes to look at the person as he chuckled; her jaw dropped at the familiar sights of chocolate curls and green eyes. “Harry? What? What are you doing here?” she questioned with wide eyes. 

Her heart fluttered at the sight of him; she had not seen Harry in quite a while and was shocked to see him standing outside of her new flat. “Are you stalking me, Styles? Is that what this is?” she jokingly narrowed her eyes at him, resting her hands on her hips.

Harry ‘s bright eyes twinkled in amusement.

“Oh yes, Heart, that’s exactly what I’m doing, you caught me.” He raised his hands in surrender.

Ellie's smile widened at his words and she started taking in his attire. He was sporting a pair of grey sweatpants and a black hoodie with “Treat People With Kindness” printed on it, despite it being an abnormally warm afternoon. She smiled at his choice of outfit and decided to tease him for it, “Nice hoodie you got there, Harry, I see you’re still your usual narcissistic self.”

Harry threw his head back in laughter at her words, “Good to see that you’re still as funny as I remember you, Ellie, it’s been a while.” He flashed her another bright smile and gestured to the boxed discarded along the hallway, “I take it that you’re just moving in?”

Ellie nodded, suddenly remembering that she’s standing in front of him drenched in sweat and looking disheveled, while he managed to look like he just stepped out of a runway, despite his casual outfit. “Just moved literally all of my things here today, which was a huge mistake if I’m being honest, but yeah.” She paused after taking notice of the grocery bags resting beside his feet, “Wait, do you live here as well?”

There were only three flats on this floor, hers, the one right across from her, and another just at the end of the hallway. “This is me, just moved in here recently actually,” Harry pointed at the door beside him, “My house is being fumigated because of bloody termites and I’ve been meaning to do some renovations, so this seemed like an appropriate time. Can’t go back home for a few weeks so.”

A shy smile made its way onto Ellie’s lips, “Guess we’ll be neighbours for the meantime then, huh?”

She marveled at the sight of his dimples, “I’m looking forward to it.”

Ellie tried to ignore the way her heart started pounding faster at the prospect of having Harry so close to her for a few weeks. It’s just a little crush, El, let it go.

Ellie being a huge fan of Harry is no secret to anyone that knows her, not even to Harry himself she fears. Even as a One Direction-obsessed teenager, she’s always paid Harry a little extra attention. When his debut album came out, Ellie was beyond ecstatic. She had known that Harry was a fan of artists like the Rolling Stones and Fleetwood Mac, and she definitely felt their influences on him in music, both in his solo career and in One Direction. So, despite being absolutely devastated that the band is on a hiatus, Ellie can’t deny that she is enjoying their solo careers.

They had originally met back in 2014 when Julian Bunnetta first introduced them to each other. She’d known Julian for about a year, having worked on a number of songs with him. She was no stranger to his close relationship to the band, but she had never expected to ever meet any of the members. Needless to say, Ellie was floored when she saw Julian approaching her, at the party he dragged her to, with the tall, handsome boy beside him.

Julian smirked at her wide eyes, “El, this is Harry, but you already knew that,” he sent her a wink. “H, this is Ellie, the songwriter I’ve been telling you about.”

Had she heard him correctly? Did he just say that he has talked about her to Harry Styles?

Ellie had to pull herself together as the boy smiled in recognition, “Hello, Ellie, it’s good to finally meet you! Been hearing a lot of things about you, this guy won’t stop talking about how insanely talented you are.”

Ellie thinks she’s about to faint.

She’s met a couple of celebrities from working alongside Julian, but she has never been this starstruck before. And the fact that Julian has been praising her songwriting talent in front of Harry does not help ease her erratic heartbeat.

“I- uh- thanks?” She wanted to facepalm. “You too- I mean, um, thank you, I’m such a huge fan of you guys.”

Harry chuckled at her response, “Thank you, Julian may or may not have mentioned that before.”

She narrowed her eyes at Julian, who had an amused expression on his face. “Oh yeah, told him all about your crazy obsession with him.”

“Julian!” Ellie groaned and covered her face with her hands, feeling the warmth rushing to her cheeks, “You bloody knobhead, I hate you.”

“Don’t worry, love” Harry laughed, “he only had good things to say about you, and if anything, I’m flattered.”

Ever since that night, they’ve only ran into each other two other times, which Ellie was disappointed about. Once when she had worked with the band on What A Feeling, and another back in January 2019. Ellie was surprised when her friend Tom Hull called her one night and invited her to the studio, saying that he and a friend of his were struggling with a song and he wanted her help. She hadn’t hesitated and went to meet him the following day at a studio in Malibu. What Tom had failed to mention was that his friend was Harry Styles, who was working on his second album.

Her eyes had noticeably widened when they fell upon the tall figure standing in the corner, talking to someone on the phone. She immediately darted towards her friend and pinched his arm, “You didn’t think to tell me that Harry was here?” she whispered-exclaimed. A wide grin painted Tom’s lips, “Thought I’d surprise you.”

Since then, after spending a whole day helping them with the verse and the bridge on a song called Canyon Moon, Ellie hasn’t seen the rockstar. Until now.

She didn’t even think it was possible for him to look any more beautiful than he already is, but he’s managed to prove her wrong. The light stubble and mustache that graced his face made him look more mature; she remembered how he had once complained about not being able to grow any facial hair, but it seems like that has changed.

Looking that good should be a crime, she thought to herself.

Harry cleared his throat, pulling her out of her thoughts yet again, “D’you need any help with that?”

Ellie was about to shake her head and refuse, but then she bit her lip and paused. She doesn’t know if it’s because she’s exhausted, or if she just misses his presence and wants him around her for a little bit longer. She figured it was a combination of both, and that’s why she found herself saying “Actually, yeah, I’d really appreciate that.”

“Hold on a minute,” he pointed to the bags in his hands and gestured to his flat, “gotta put those inside first.”

Ellie was busy hauling a box that held her cutlery and plates into her kitchen when she heard Harry calling out for her. “Love? Where do you want me to put this?”

She tried not to think of the pet name, assuring herself that that’s just who Harry is; he’s always friendly and charming, calling people around him “love” or “sweetheart”, but it makes her heart skip a beat nevertheless.

The box had “Bedroom” messily written on it and so she pointed towards the hallway on her left, “Just down the hallway, first room on the right, please.”

His short curls bounced as he nodded his head and carried the box to her room with ease. She couldn’t help but stare at the way his arms flexed holding the box; he’d changed from his sweatshirt into a fitted black t-shirt, emphasising his muscles.

Ellie silently scolded herself for staring and went back out to the hallway, carrying yet another box. This one, however, was much heavier than the rest. She had packed all of her vases together and now sees how it was a bad idea. God, Ellie, you’re just making dumb decisions left and right, she thought silently.

She groaned as the box weighed her down and struggled to not drop it. “Hey, hey, let me.”

Harry suddenly appeared in front of her, reaching his hands out to take the box. In the process, his hands brushed hers and it took everything in Ellie to not drop the box. She felt like a silly kid, freaking out over touching a boy’s hand, but this was Harry. The same Harry who she admired and has had a crush on for as long as she can remember; she can’t just ignore the feeling of his soft hands against hers.

Get it together, Ellie.

“Thank you,” she flashed him a guilty smile, “careful, that one’s heavy.”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing,” Harry smirked and held the box as if it was as light as a feather, flexing his arms in the process, “see these guns over here? They can handle anything.”

She stopped herself from staring at his arms yet again and instead rolled her eyes, “Okay then, Superman, go put that in the living room, please.”

Harry let out a laugh and made his way towards her living room, making a show of flexing his arms and looking at her over his shoulders.

Ellie really missed him.

Once Harry and Ellie had finished moving everything into her flat, she invited him to have a drink and a little chat, to which he delightfully agreed.

After settling comfortably into the couch, with a bottle of beer in his hand, Harry turned his body towards Ellie’s and smiled, “How have you been then? Haven’t seen each other in a long time now, haven’t we?”

Ellie relaxed into her couch and nodded, “Yeah, a little over a year since I last saw you and Tommy at the studio.”

“I’ve worked on a few projects since then,” she took a sip of her drink then shook her head, “no, actually, I have worked on a lot of projects and I’ve decided to just take a break from it all.”

“A break? How come?” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “I remember you saying you loved writing all the time, in fact, think you said that you couldn’t go on a day without writing at least a few lines.”

Ellie’s insides almost melted at his soft, slow voice; she’s always loved the way Harry spoke. 

“I did yeah, but everyone needs a little break sometimes,” the corners of her lips turned a little upwards, surprised that he remembered. “I didn’t feel as inspired as I used to be, felt like I was just a machine producing lyrics, so I figured now is a good time to take a break and be free of any pressures.”

Harry held her gaze for a second before nodding his head. “Yeah, I get that,” he said with a soft tone, “sometimes even the thing you love doing the most can get exhausting.”

Ellie breathed out a soft sigh, knowing the meaning behind his words.

“Well, look at you now, you’re the one in complete control, aren’t ya?” she nudged his thigh with her foot that was resting on the couch. He smiled at her words.

“Loved the new album, by the way,” she sat upright, as if she suddenly remembered that he released his second album not too long ago. “Never got to congratulate you on that.”

A bright smile graced Harry’s face. “Really? You did?”

She hummed in affirmation, “How could I not? It’s so fucking good. The lyrics, the melodies, everything. You were amazing, H.”

Ellie didn’t realise what she called him until the words were out of her mouth, but Harry didn’t seem to mind. She was well aware that they were not exactly friends, having met only a few times, and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

Harry avoided her gaze and bashfully stared at his lap, “Thank you, means a lot coming from you.”

A blush burned its way to Ellie’s cheeks, wondering what he meant exactly by that, but she didn’t question it.

“Uh,” Harry cleared his throat before continuing, “what’s your favourite song then?” He asked, looking up at her through his dark lashes.

“Oh that is a tough question,” Ellie set her drink down on the coffee table and turned to him, a serious expression etched on her face. “This is gonna take a while.”

After an intense and thorough explanation of why she can’t simply choose one favourite song off of Fine Line— because, Harry, I love every song too fucking much— Ellie noticed that she’s kept Harry busy for the last two hours.

Ellie started panicking. I wasted so much of his time! What if he didn’t even want to hang out with me?

“Oh God, Harry, I’m so sorry,” she started apologising, feeling her hands getting clammy, “I’ve wasted two hours of your time and you probably had things to do-”

Frowning at her words, Harry abruptly sat up from his previous laid back position on the couch. “’course you didn’t waste my time, love, don’t say that,”

“I didn’t have anything else to do today. Went out to do a shop and I planned to stay in and watch movies, so I’m glad I ran into you.”

Ellie’s shoulders visibly relaxed and a smile made its way onto her lips, “I’m glad I ran into you too, it was nice catching up.”

She had definitely missed the curly-haired boy; she was still having a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that he’s sitting right here on her couch, but she knew he had to go soon.

“It was, and I really hope we don’t spend another year without seeing each other again.”

Warmth coursed through her body. Me too.

Harry‘s mouth opened and closed, seeming as if he had something to say then decided against it. She noticed he was playing around with the rings on his fingers, twisting them around.

“Tell you what,” Harry started, turning his focus towards her again, “how about I give you my number? You know, in case of emergency or anything since we’re neighbours now.”

Ellie mentally cursed her genes as she could feel herself blushing again, for absolutely no reason. She’s always been the type of person to get flustered and blush at everything, just like her father. Be cool, Ellie, or he’s gonna think you’re weird.

She merely nodded her head in response and mechanically handed him her phone. Harry chuckled at her and grabbed the small device. He put in his number and gave her the device back, having put his contact name as “H. Styles”

“Just text me so I know it’s you, yeah?” he rose from the couch, stretching his muscles from sitting for too long. Ellie stood up too and walked him to the door, watching as he made his way into his own flat across the hall.

After unlocking his door, Harry turned back to face her. “Have a good night, yeah? Don’t hesitate to call or text me if you need any help, okay?”

Ellie wanted to take a picture of him right then and there. The dim lights in the hallway cast a soft glow on his face, making his features look even more ethereal and soft.

“You too,” She pulled a few strands of her hair behind her ear and leaned her body against her door frame. “And thank you, that’s very sweet of you.”

He flashed her another smile and put up his hand in a small wave, the both of them backing up into their own flats and ready to close the door.

Ellie wasn’t sure if it was just the lighting or if Harry was really blushing, but she likes to think that it was the latter.

Once she made it back into her living room, she picked up her phone and typed in a new message.

“Hey, it’s me, your weird neighbour across the hall :)”

And that’s all for part one guys! What do you think about it? This part is short because I’m just introducing the story and our main character Miss Ellie Heart, but the next ones are gonna be longer so brace yourselves.  I’m so glad to finally get back to writing! Everyone is quarantined at home because of COVID-19 and I have more time on my hands now to write. Let me know what you think about this and if you’d like to read the next part, I’d really love to know what you guys think!

Remember, stay home and stay safe xx

[ashtheshortstack]

take my scars & make them stars - ch 7

Rating: M Ship: Kristoff/Anna Chapter Seven

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sick Fic, Cancer Fic, Chronic Illness, Chemotherapy, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Angst with a happy ending, Mutual Pining, Mentions of Character Death

Read on Ao3

Previous Chapter/Next Chapter

TW: Blood, Character Death, Depression Mention, Grief

Kristoff was terrified when his mother told him she was pregnant. He ran away to his room, slamming the door behind him. Curling onto his bed, hot tears trickled down his cheeks and over his nose. It wasn’t fair, he thought. It wasn’t fair that he was finally happy and it would be taken away from him. 

Bulda slowly cracked open the door, peaking in. “Kristoff?” 

He sniffled in response, not daring to look at her. 

“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” she asked as she made her way to his bed. 

Scooping him into her lap, Bulda stroked his blond locks. Kristoff tried to take comfort in her touch, but it only made him feel worse. 

“You’re having a baby. That means you’re going to give me back, right?” he murmured as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. 

“ What? Honey, what on earth would give you that idea?” 

Pulling away, he tilted his head at her. What was she talking about? Shouldn’t she know exactly why? 

“B-Because you got me because you couldn’t have a baby. And now, you’re having a baby so you don’t need me anymore.”

He watched Bulda sigh, her shoulders sinking as she shook her head. “No, Kristoff,” she cupped his cheek with a smile. “You’re my baby, too. My first one. This baby will be your little brother or sister.” 

Kristoff blinked. “Really?” 

“Of course, honey,” she tugged him back into her arms. “No one could ever replace you. You’re mine. And you’ll never be able to get rid of me.” 

“I’d never want to get rid of you, Mama.” 

She chuckled at that. “Tell me that again when you’re a teenager.” 

  When Pepper was born, Kristoff’s world tilted on its axis. Things were so different afterwards. Sometimes good and other times really bad. The constant squawling kept him up at night, making him cranky at times. He tried his best to put on a happy face, but it could be difficult at times. But Bulda always checked in. She always reassured him that babies were just like that and it would get better. She was right, of course. As Pepper grew older, Kristoff found himself by her side all of the time. 

Despite being ten years older than her, Kristoff was able to relate to her. Able to help her with drawing and reading. When his parents bought him a guitar, he started playing and singing to her anytime he could. It made him smile when she’d giggle and clap along. 

Pepper was full of attitude, and definitely kept her brother on his toes. When he was in charge of babysitting when she was four… somehow they both ended up soaked and covered in bubbles when she had tried to draw her own bath. Or when she shook a soda can, unknowing of the consequences. 

Then blamed Kristoff for it. 

  The diagnosis came from nowhere. One minute she was a happy and healthy little girl… then she wasn’t. How had he not known? How could he not tell she was suffering all that time? Was she in pain? Had she been hiding this from him? 

Kristoff was grateful that the hospital in Arendelle had such a great cancer treatment facility. They did everything for Pepper. Doing everything they could to give her a happy life. 

During the weeks she’d stay at the hospital, he was there every single day after school. Kristoff sat on her bed, and each day he’d read her a new chapter of her favorite books. Princess themed tales weren’t exactly Kristoff’s cup of tea, but they were Pepper’s and he’d read them all damn day if she wanted him to. 

“Hey, Kris?” 

Pausing, he glanced at her. “Yeah?” 

She gazed up at him with those wide chocolate eyes. “Do you think happily ever afters really exist?” 

Kristoff smiled with a laugh. “Sure, why not?’ 

“What about love at first sight?” 

He shrugged. “That one is a little more far-fetched, don’t ya think?” 

Pepper pouted. “Why?” 

“Uh, I dunno. It’s hard to believe that you could love someone just by looking at them, right?” 

Poking him in the cheek, she gave him a look. “You’re a party pooper, Kris.” 

“Hey, you asked me what I thought!” 

“Well, you’re dumb.” 

He scoffed, turning back to the book. “Maybe, you’re the one that’s dumb,” he muttered. 

Pepper went silent next to him. Sparing her a glance, he saw her gazing out the window with that far away look in her eyes she got sometimes. Kristoff often wondered if the chemo messed with her attention span. It already messed with her appetite, her taste, the feeling in her fingers and toes. It wouldn’t surprise him if it messed with her head too. 

“I hope you find it…” she sighed. 

“What?” 

Pepper smiled, still gazing out the window. “Happily ever after.” 

Kristoff’s heart tightened. He hated it when she got like this. There was way too much wisdom in her voice for a six-year-old. It was frightening how mature she’d gotten in the last year and a half. He assumed that fighting to live could do that to a person, no matter what age. But still, it scared him. 

Placing a hand on her bare scalp, he smiled at her when she glanced up at him. “You’ll find it before me… but any prince that wants your heart has to go through me first.” 

“Kris, you can’t beat up my boyfriend.” 

“I can and will.” 

She laughed and shook her head. “No. I won’t let you.” 

He was going to retort, but she curled into his side and looked at the book expectantly. With a sigh, he brushed off whatever else he had to say. Fine, Pepper could have the last word that day. Instead, he continued reading. Glancing at her occasionally as she dozed off. 

  She got worse. Kristoff wasn’t ready for her to go downhill so quickly. She had gotten to come home for a few weeks at a time, then she’d go back to the hospital for treatments. Pepper had even gotten to start kindergarten, which they hadn’t expected would happen. So why? 

Why was she suddenly not okay? 

The sound of harsh coughing echoed through the halls, gaining his attention. Then his mother was suddenly shouting from Pepper’s bedroom. Sharing a look with his father in the living room, they both jumped to their feet. Kristoff’s feet moved on their own as he sprinted through the house. 

Pepper lay curled in Bulda’s arms, her little hands splattered with blood as she hacked into her palms. There were tears running down her little cheeks. Oh, God. Oh, God. Dread washed over him as his father was instantly on his knees beside them. 

“Kris! Kris, grab the phone! Call the doctor,” Cliff shouted over Pepper’s horrendous coughing. 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he nodded. He ran to his parent’s room and snatched the phone from the nightstand. Scrolling through the contacts, he found the number. 

“Hello? Dr. Mattias? Something’s wrong with Pepper.” 

  Seeing Pepper so frail… it brought out an emotion Kristoff couldn’t describe. It wasn’t sadness. No, it was beyond that. It was deeper than grief and anguish. This wasn’t an emotion that could be described. There was a heaviness in his chest that held him. The feeling trapped him. Made it hard to breathe. 

They were left alone when his parents left the room to speak with the doctor. He’d never seen her so full of tubes… An I.V. dripped into her arm, tubes stretched from her nose… a feeding tube pumped her stomach. Her own body was betraying her. Refusing to work. Refusing to breathe. Refusing to let her eat without pain. 

Kristoff grabbed her tiny hand. It was so small compared to his own. His family teased him about how he just continued to grow like a weed. It was then when he really noticed what they were talking about. Her palm pressed against his as he rubbed his thumb along her skin. 

“I love you, P. You know that, right?” 

Her eyes remained closed, but she squeezed his hand in response. A small smile touched her lips. 

“Love you too,” she whispered, voice barely there. 

After that, he remained silent. Kristoff leaned his head against her own. There weren’t any more words necessary. Just comforting her with his touch was all he could offer. When his parents returned to the room, the grief stricken gaze of his mother spoke volumes. 

  Pepper never returned home. She had good days and bad days. Sometimes she’d be up for venturing around the hospital. Kristoff picked her up, tugging the oxygen tank along with them as she chatted to him occasionally. The nurse snapped a picture of the two of them. He tried his best to smile, but Pepper simply waved. 

When she was younger, she was a camera hog. She’d jump in front of pictures with a huge, silly grin. But as her energy tanked… it was hard to see that smile at all. Kristoff tried his best to get the occasional giggle out of her as he tried to tease and joke like they did before. But… as the days went on, Pepper didn’t say much of anything anymore. 

She didn’t want to go anywhere. Instead, she’d lay in her bed all day and sleep. 

In an attempt to cheer her up, Kristoff read her fairytale books to her again. They hadn’t gotten to finish the latest installment because of what had been going on. And Kristoff would be damned if he didn’t finish that book for her. 

“‘The princess stepped into her royal duties and became queen. Her love stood by her, and the two married. And lived happily ever after. The end,’” he read. 

“The end…” she sighed. 

Kristoff glanced at her. She hadn’t moved from her laying position, eyes still closed. Her breathing was slow and even. 

“When you… meet your princess… know that I told you so.” 

A smile cracked along his lips. “Yeah?” 

“Mhmm. She’ll be pretty.” 

“You think so?” 

“Yeah…” 

  Pepper didn’t say much in the following days. She was sleeping soundly when her heartbeat slowed. Bulda noticed first. The thumps on the heart monitor became more and more sparse with every passing minute. 

His mother held her head, slowly petting her head. 

“You can let go, baby, it’s okay,” she whispered against her daughter’s head. 

Kristoff couldn’t stay. He stood and left the room as the heart monitor went flat. His mother’s sobs echoing through the room as he saw Cliff cross the room from the corner of his eye. He moved outside the doorway, leaning against the white brick. Kristoff slid down the wall, tucking his knees to his chest as he hit the floor. 

She was gone. 

  The funeral was a blur. It dragged on but went way too quickly all at the same time. He was numb. And silent. 

He was polite to those who shared condolences. It was nice to see his family, though the circumstances weren’t ideal. Why hadn’t they come to visit her more? Had they even cared about her at all? 

Her kindergarten class was there… along with her teacher and a few more staff members from the school. She’d hardly been there most of the school year. But Pepper was so excited for the days she’d gotten to attend. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep her happy. To keep her smiling. 

Her teacher spoke, his father said a few words as well. Kristoff couldn’t. His mother had asked, but he couldn’t do it. There was no way he could stand before all these people and mourn his sister in front of them. Frankly, it wasn’t for them. 

The time he spent with his sister was private. Not to be shared. 

He stood at the casket alone, gazing down at her small face. She just appeared to be asleep, and as much as he wanted to believe the false thoughts, he couldn’t. As much as he willed her to just wake up, she wouldn’t. 

He was an only child again. 

God, how he’d forgotten how lonely that was. 

Grieving people do strange things sometimes. He didn’t know why he felt compelled to take a sunflower from the display around her. Pressing it to his chest, he gave her one last look, accepting that this would be the last time he saw his sister in the flesh. 

“Let me know when I’ve found her, okay, P?” 

A chill went up his spine. 

  Depression was different than he expected. He didn’t know it came with anger and aggression. Didn’t know it meant he’d be in fights at school. Didn’t know it meant he’d push everyone around him away, including his parents. 

They let him have his space for a while, until Bulda tried to coax him back to life. 

She gave a tiny knock at his door before cracking it open. “Hey, hun. You awake?” 

“Yeah,” he murmured, sitting at his desk. 

“Studying for the SAT?” she asked. 

“Yep.” 

Bulda crossed her arms coming to stand beside him, leaning her weight onto the desk. “How do you feel about it?” 

“Dunno.” 

Sighing, she closed her eyes. “Okay,” she smacked his notebook closed. 

Kristoff reared back. “Ma, what the hell?” 

“That’s enough, Kristoff Bjorgman, do you understand me?” 

Fist clenching, he turned away from her and crossed his arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“This! I’m talking about this!” Bulda gestured to him. “Do you even remember the last time you smiled?” 

Kristoff spared her a glance, but said nothing. He really didn’t want to hear this shit. 

“It’s been a year, Kristoff, don’t you think your father and I miss her too?” 

“I didn’t say you didn’t,” he muttered. 

With another sigh, she pinched the bridge of her nose. When he heard her sniff, Kristoff felt a rush of guilt flash through him. He didn’t want to hurt his mother. Or anyone else for that matter. But that didn’t mean he wanted to talk to people. He didn’t want people. 

“What is it? Why have you closed everyone out, hun? You never talk to your friends anymore. I haven’t seen you do anything but scowl for months. ” 

She was right, of course. He didn’t talk to anyone. It felt like too much. It hurt too much. Why should he be allowed to live a normal life without her? Why did he get blessed with a future when Pepper didn’t?

“I just… I don’t know.” 

Bulda stared at him, that worried expression only making him feel worse. “I feel like you do.” 

Kristoff slumped in his chair. “Why should I just… move on? Like she was never here?” 

“Oh, Kris… Moving on with life isn’t forgetting her. Moving on isn’t wrong. In fact, don’t you think Pepper would want that?” 

He stared down at his lap with those words. 

“I hope you find it… Happily ever after.” 

Yes, that’s what she’d want. She’d want him to live happily ever after. And yet, there he was. Denying himself what he promised his sister. 

“Yeah,” tears pricked in his eyes. 

Bulda moved from the desk, wrapping him in her arms. “It’s okay to feel, baby. It’s okay to miss her. You don’t have to shut everyone out.” 

“B-But what if I have someone I love again and lose them too?” 

Kissing his temple, she murmured into his blond locks. “Isn’t it better to have loved and lost… than to not have loved at all.” 

A sob escaped him then. Reaching up, he gripped her shoulders. “Please, help. I don’t--I don’t know what to do.” 

“We’ll get you better. Together.” 

  Therapy did wonders for him. Kristoff had no idea how liberating it was to get all of his emotions out of his mind and out into the open. Though, he still wasn’t fond of making friends or talking to people… he slowly was able to communicate again. 

When Bulda and Cliff brought Sven home, Kristoff had never felt happier. The companionship of the pup was all he ever needed. And God, he was grateful. 

He’d never admit it aloud, but that dog saved his life. 

                                                       o~o~o~o

  It’d been three weeks since he’d heard from Anna. There were no calls. No texts. They’d lost their snapchat streak… The guilt ate him alive. Yes, he should’ve just told her. But when Pepper had heard of another child dying of cancer, the look of horror on her face always stuck with him. God, he didn’t want to make Anna feel that way too. And in his effort to protect her, he only fucked up. 

He wanted her to forgive him so badly. When she pointed out the sunflowers at the park, Kristoff thought he knew. Thought that maybe she was the one. But fuck, he messed up. 

Despite how miserable he felt, Kristoff continued to push through. He went to the coffee shop, went to the jobsite, did what he was supposed to do. It was better to have cared--maybe even loved--for Anna than to have not had her in his life at all. 

He hated how petty he’d been when she was angry with him. Pulling that crap about how she didn’t tell him about her fiance? Of course, she didn’t. They’d only had a few dates. Weren’t  “official” yet. He wasn’t entitled to her dating history. But… Anna was entitled to his past. That he hadn’t told her about. Shit, she’d had every reason to be mad. There was an entire part of his life he’d kept from her. It wasn’t right of him. It wasn’t fair to Anna.

It wasn’t fair to Pepper. 

Damn, he was a fucking asshole. How could he mess up so badly?

As he wiped down the counter, the door chimed. Really? They were closing in four minutes. Was the need for coffee that urgent? Ryder had already started picking up the chairs for the day. 

“How can I…?” he glanced up, stunned to see Elsa Anderson standing before him. 

She gave a nervous smile with a half shrug. 

“E-Elsa? What’re you--wait. Uh. S’more latte? I mean, is that what you’re here for?” 

Waving a hand, Elsa brushed him off. “I might as well buy a drink since I’m here.” 

Kristoff nodded. “Y-Yeah, uh.” 

“But I need to talk to you.” 

Ryder walked over, tapping Kristoff on the shoulder. “Need some help?” 

“Uh, yeah. 12 oz S’more latte.” 

With a nod, his coworker headed to the machine. Thankfully, they hadn’t started the intense cleaning yet. 

Clearing his throat, Kristoff glanced away. “B-Before we talk, I just need to know if you hate me, so I have an idea about what type of conversation this will be.” 

She laughed, shaking her head as she handed Kristoff her card. “I don’t hate you.” 

He relaxed, putting in her total and swiping the card. “Oh, good,” he chewed his lip for a moment. “Uh, does Anna hate me?” he asked as he handed her back the credit card. 

“No,” Elsa said with another small smile. 

Kristoff’s shoulders slumped. “Thank God. I really messed up, Elsa. She has every right to--” 

Elsa held up her hand. “Hey, you don’t need to explain yourself to me. I get it. It’s just… Anna has spent her whole life being ‘protected’ by other people. She just felt betrayed that you would hide something from her.” 

Rubbing the back of his neck, he let out a guilty sigh. “She has every right to feel that way. I just--I didn’t want her to think that would be her outcome.” 

“I know. I know it’s just because you care about her, Kristoff. Anna knows that too.” 

Grinning slightly, he nodded. “Yeah, I… I really do. No one has ever made me feel the way Anna does.” 

Elsa placed a hand over his. “I want you to be with my sister, Kristoff. So, you made a mistake. Everyone does. Anna’s made plenty. I just--I had to remind her that your heart is in the right place. And she realized I was right. B-But she just… collapsed,” she said with a grimace.

“W-Wait, what?” he asked, leaning over the counter.

“She’s been emitted into the hospital. Her doctor said she just got overwhelmed, but they’re keeping her sedated and keeping her overnight.” 

Ryder, who had apparently been eavesdropping, slid the coffee to Elsa. Clapping a hand on Kristoff’s back, he looked worried. “You gotta go, dude.” 

“Woah, what? What about you?” 

“I can close up. Go see Anna.” 

Kristoff didn’t need to be told twice. The hospital wasn’t far, but he didn’t want to leave his truck behind. Elsa jumped in the passenger seat and they headed down the street. 

                                                         o~o~o~o

  He followed Elsa down the all too familiar halls. Being there brought up a lot of memories… a lot of feelings Kristoff hadn’t thought about in a long time. 

When they reached Anna’s room, Dr. Mattias emerged from the door. Kristoff assumed the stunned expression on the doctor’s face was mirrored on his own. 

“Kristoff?” 

Elsa quietly excused herself into the room, walking past both men with a hesitant smile. 

“Hey, Dr. Mattias.” 

“What’re you doing here?” he asked. 

He gestured to the door. “I’m here to see Anna. She’s my… well… not really--uh.” 

Dr. Mattias chuckled, raising a hand and shaking his head. “You don’t need to explain anything to me,” he paused looking over him. “Man, you’ve really grown since I’ve seen you.” 

“Um, thanks. I think.” 

“How are your parents?” 

Kristoff bobbed his head. “They’re fine. Ma is working at the pre-school, and Pop is still working odd jobs here and there since he retired early.” 

Dr. Mattias smiled. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad they’re well. What about you?” 

With a shrug, he glanced away. “I’m alright. Could be better, I guess. But I’m working at Adrendelle Roasts to make money while I’m training at the jobsite.” 

“Oh, you’re going into construction, huh? That’s suited for you.” 

He laughed. “Yeah, Pop said so too.” 

A silence washed over them. Kristoff desperately desired to cut the small talk. He just wanted to see Anna. 

Dr. Mattias seemed to mual over something before sucking in a breath. “Kristoff, I just want you to know that I did everything I could for your sister.” 

A sad small twitched to his lips. “I know.” 

“And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. If there was one soul I wish I could’ve traded my own for, it would’ve been that little girl’s.” 

Kristoff shook his head. “I know. But you’re here… and I’m glad. Because Anna needs you.” 

Dr. Mattias smiled with a nod. “Yes, of course. I won’t keep you then,” he held out a hand for him to shake. 

But Kristoff tugged the doctor in for a hug instead. Dr. Mattias was stunned, but the blond just patted him on the back. “I can’t thank you enough for what you do,” he said before pulling away. 

The doctor gave him another nod with an emotion Kristoff couldn’t quite read. Dr. Mattias gave Kristoff a tap on the shoulder before heading down the hall. 

Kristoff turned to the door, taking a deep breath before he walked in to see Anna lying on the bed. Seeing the tubes in her nose as she slept sent a familiar dread shooting up his spine. But it was okay, he assured himself. Anna was asleep intentionally. He had to remember that. 

He looked to Elsa who sat in a chair in the corner of the room. “Is it safe for you?” he asked. She had since put a mask on after entering the room. 

“Not entirely. Being exposed to an illness could send me in here myself for a couple of days.” 

Rubbing his palms, he glanced back to Anna. “You should go home. I can stay with her.” 

Elsa’s brows shot up. “Oh, no way. Kristoff, I can’t ask you to do that.” 

“I want to. I messed things up so badly… it’s the least I can do. Anna would want you to worry about your health too, you know? Anna can’t lose you too, Elsa.” 

The flaxen blonde twiddled her thumbs for a second before standing. “Okay, but I’ll be back tomorrow to get her.” 

Kristoff gave her a smile. “Alright. She’s in good hands, I promise. I--I want to make it up to her.” 

Elsa stood, giving him a small pat before walking to Anna. She stroked her head, glacning back up at him. “Are you sure?” 

“I can handle it.” 

“What about Sven?” 

“I’ll call my mom.” 

Sighing, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Kristoff waved as she walked out the door. Carefully, he made his way over to Anna and placed a small peck to her forehead. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’ll do better from now on.” 

He made his way to the chair and took a seat. He gazed out the window with a sigh. 

“You told me so, P. Just help me get this right…” 

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 3 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Notes: Hello everyone. I will get to writing another chapter of Irked, but for now, here’s a mini crack fic. Should be good for a laugh or two.

Thor was bodybuilding to a song by Right Said Fred, when his phone rang. ...'I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy, it hurts…' "Hello?"

Tony held the phone from his ear and yelled. "DO YOU…" The music suddenly stopped. "...ever look at your call display?"

"Sorry, flying human. Was working my gluteus maximus."

"To the detriment of my earius drumius."

"Oops. How's life?"

"Riveting in the last twenty four hours. You alone?"

"Jane's in Vegas with Darcy."

"Perfect. Think you can you put aside selfies with groping seniors and visit me ASAP?"

"The cougars are more troublesome. Their claws resemble a bilgesnipes. Bloody frightening."

"Buy Hulk bandages. Well?"

"Sounds serious."

"It is. I've a friend that wishes to meet you and it's mandatory you oblige."

"Who?"

"Can't say until you agree to abide by our terms of said meeting."

"Tony, are you in cohorts with an enemy?"

"Thor, are you on crack?"

"Don't know what that is."

"The universe is grateful. Please listen. You cannot hitch a ride with Mjolnir, or come by plane. You must drive here and take every precaution to avoid being recognized or followed. Most importantly, keep it secret."

Thor gave his word and was blown away by what he learned. "Spoil her rotten if need be, I'll foot the bill. Do 'not' let her leave."

"I'm a billionaire ya silly arse, remember? Start packing."

After gathering his suit pieces from the sixtieth floor, Stark went to tell Brianna, but she'd fallen asleep following a bathroom break, halfway through the movie. When Pepper went in there to clean, it looked like a photo from Architectural Digest.

Upon waking, Little Warrior was thrilled to hear the news. "Thanks, Iron Man. Where's Pepper?"

"Out buying you clothes."

"Yaaay!" *****

Thor arrived two days later and instantly fell in love with the girl. She showed him similar acts of magic Tony saw, but still wouldn't reveal anything more about herself. Her abilities and resemblance to Loki were so uncanny, he was ninety percent convinced she was his.

"Your quite talented, Brianna. Why is it you wish to meet my brother?"

"Based on in-depth research, I believe he's a sorcerer, yes?"

"He is."

"Good. I was hoping to ask him some questions about my abilities. Do you think he'll come?”

"I'm sure of it. Will you please stay with Tony and Pepper until we return?"

“I’ll be here.”

Tony rode the elevator down with him.

"How did she know Loki is a sorcerer?"

"I'm questioning the same. Only Fury, his bosses and the other Avengers know. None of us would spill the beans. I suspect Brianna's abilities are more extensive than she's letting on. How will you convince Prince Jezebel?"

"Who?"

Tony deadpanned. "Loki?"

"Threaten to tell Astrid."

"If it comes to that, have mercy and offer the guy some earplugs. Her drama queening is like fingernails down a blackboard."

"My sister in law's wrath will be a walk in the park compared to our Mother's. She's my backup plan."

Stark recalled Ellen Ripley's experience with an angry, Alien queen then pictured a seidre in its hand. "Have a nice trip, big guy." ***** On the morning Thor returned to Asgard, Astrid woke early to find Loki pensively staring out their bedroom window. "What's wrong?"

"There's no easy way to say this, my lovely. You continuously speak of longing to start a family, but this sneaking off realm without a word..it's left me hesitant to believe you're ready."

"Why?"

"Your temper flares and you often act without thinking. I keep questioning had we children…"

"They would've stayed with your Mother." She angrily started searching for attire. "But no problem. I'll stay on the pill."

"Is this reaction not a perfect example?"

"Maybe I'm insulted you think me so dumb!"

She slammed the bathroom door, started the shower and he walked out. "Nice talk, Astrid. Love you too."

Following a meeting with Odin, Loki saw Thor hastily approaching within the corridor. "Brother!" He called in a disingenuous pronounced tone. "How art thou?"

Loki was dragged by the collar into a side room and assertively shoved him off. "I've repeatedly warned your bullying days are over. Do that again and find yourself in another dimension. Painstricken."

Thor locked the door. "I'm disappointed in you."

"I've an extensive list of mutual sentiment. Make an appointment and we'll talk."

"We'll talk now. Stark and I believe you've fathered a child on Midgard."

Loki proceeded to laugh. "Impossible...ludicrous. There isn't a female there nor here I haven't used a termination spell on."

"While they slept?"

"Precisely."

"What about the time you woke naked in a dumpster in California? With no recollection of how you arrived there after leaving a club with three women? Which one did you fuck?"

"None. The last thing I remember were two pleasuring each other on a bed while the third was on her knees pleasing me, when everything faded into blackness. Crazy bitches drugged me. I never saw the route travelled, the house number, nothing, but the inside of a bedroom and then the dumpster when a pigeon rammed its beak into my nostrils."

"You aren't making sense."

"I let them blind fold me in the car."

Thor choked back a laugh. "Midgardian females tricked the trickster?"

"Do I look amused? That was the last time I drank from a bottle I didn't personally open."

"Just listen?" ~ A half hour passed. ~ "I understand your lingering skepticism. At least come help the child. If you don't, Tony fears she may leave without him knowing."

"Fine, but what exactly am I to tell Astrid?"

Loki returned to his chambers to find a note on their bed; 'Gone to my parents for a week to cool off seeing as though you think I'm always angry.' He tossed it in the trash and left one for her; 'My turn to disappear. Janes on vacation so I've returned to Midgard to bond with big brother. Do say hello to your parents, my lovely. Kisses.'

"Satisfied, Thor? Now how do we keep Heimdall from tattling?"

"By leaving immediately. His new trainee is on duty."

"Maxome? That nincompoop will send us into orbit."

"Don't let appearances fool you. He looks like a troll, but knows his job. And Maxi Waxi takes bribes."

Loki's eyes narrowed. "Who are you? Impersonating a Prince of Asgard is punishable by death." *****

The bifrost vanished and Thor's phone immediately rang. "Slow down, Tony. We can take portal taxi to…" The call suddenly ended. "...the Towers underground."

Stark exited the elevator in hyperdrive. "Holy shit, am I glad to see you guys!" He poked Loki's arm. "E..specially..you, fornication fabler. Whatever big guy here told ya? I've an update. Not only is my guest up there adorable and a bonafide genius, but definitely of a life form I've yet to encounter."

"Have you been eating Count Chocula again?"

"No, but I know what you're thinking and get in line. Pepper already threatened to duct tape me to a wall."

"Relax, flying human."

"I'm relaxed every second I'm around that kid. Can't a guy unwind a little? This is me unwinding, okay? Stop talking because I'm talking."

Both Gods locked their lips with imaginary keys.

"The day after you left, Thor, I suggested Brianna and I bake cookies with M&M's, but asked she not tell Pepper as I get in trouble for sugar highs. Then I jokingly asked if she'd ever hidden cookies in her pockets and she said yes. 'Interdimensional pockets'."

Loki cocked a brow.

"Pshh, yeah, hello? The next day, she demanded to know where the clothes she'd arrived in were. Pepper had put them in the wash and Brianna raced to the laundry room, swung opened our front loader with magic, gathered them into a ball and screamed at us while her skin turned blue and eyes Ruby red. 'DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF! DON'T 'EVER' TOUCH MY STUFF!' I just about fucking shit myself!"

The God sighed. "You 'have' encountered that life form."

"Notta, buddy boy. I would've remembered."

"Are you wearing a diaper?"

"Huh?"

"Maybe you should be." Said Thor.

Loki stepped away and partially revealed himself. His skin turned blue, but remained human in texture and eyes reddened like Brianna's.

Stark backed into a pillar. "What the hell are you?"

"Remember I said he was adopted and later educated you on the nine realms?"

"Uh hu."

Loki returned to Aesir form. "I'm a Frost Giant from Jotunheim."

"Ha! I'm not a loon, after all!"

"No one thought you were."

"I knew Brianna was yours and Pepper wouldn't believe me! Wait, isn't that realm mostly ice? Can you conjure it out of nowhere?"

"Yes to both questions, but it's exhausting without the Casket of Ancient Winters. Why?"

"Whatever that is. Little Warrior can too."

"What did you just say?"

"After yelling at us she ran into her ensuite and we followed to find ice crystals forming around the edges of the closed door. It wouldn't budge and with our calls going unanswered for a good ten minutes, I panicked, took an axe to it and hacked into a thick inch layer of ice on the other side. Brianna was out cold in the tub, slept through the hacking to reach her, then for another seventeen hours. We were frantic."

"Take me to her, now." He commanded.

"Why the sudden urgency?" Asked Thor.

Loki had a foresight he opted not to share. "Shouldn't we both be eager to meet a child so skillful without the casket?"

The trio entered the elevator.

"You better not be thinking of turning Heimdall into an icicle again."

Loki bypassed him and eyed Tony. "Eh he he he."

"Screw you, Snowflake. These are jeans and a shirt. Not a silk, pink robe and yes I'm wearing underwear."

Thor smirked. "Ah, the Boopsicle story."

"That's nice. I'll bet he told you the pink fishnets story too."

Loki pursed his lips and Thor stopped smirking. "No. No he didn't."

Stark tried a witty save. "Pepper looked great in them. Sucks to be you for missing it."

"You let my brother see your lady in fishnets? I'd never let another guy see Jane in lingerie."

Thor was being so daft, Loki laughed harder and Tony frowned at him. "Asshole."

They exited and as Virginia approached with Brianna, amusement never left Loki so quickly. Thor had said she was young, but this child craning her head to look up at him barely reached the height of his hip. From everything learned of her, he'd imagined one sturdier, yet she resembled a miniature ballerina. So delicate and beautiful, how was she the daughter of a Frost Giant? Yet the evidence couldn't be denied. He was staring into a mirrored image of himself in female form. Her body structure, ivory skin and elegant features. The striking eyes, thick lashes and hair so black, hints of blue danced upon it like the feathers of a Ravens in daylight.

'"Hello. I'm Loki."

She offered a tiny hand to shake which vanished amidst his as her voice invoked a strange sense of familiarity. "Hi. I'm Brianna."

'Og Min Lille.' He quietly whispered. Then as overwhelming guilt struck from not knowing of her existence, she made him chuckle.

"Mythology states you're the God of Mischief, right?"

"Correct."

Her smile was enchantingly impish. A perfect replica of his own. "Then I believe we'll get along splendidly." She addressed the others. "Kindly excuse us. I wish to speak with Loki alone. Right this way." Brianna closed her bedroom door gesturing to a chair, then sent a blast of light from her hand towards the ceiling.

He watched it spread in a clear ripple down every wall and politely asked. "What did you do?"

"Created a special sound shield. We'll hear them, but they can't hear us. Unless I allow it." That and bypassing Jarvis, was how she'd snuck back to the sixtieth floor the previous night to retrieve a backpack hidden there.

Loki concealed astonishment as he hadn't mastered that trick until his early teens. "Very impressive."

"Thanks and for coming."

"A worthy venture to meet a fellow magician."

Brianna sat on the bed and gave him the strangest look. A combination of curiosity, bewilderment and resentment were he to guess. "I did tell Thor my questions regarded sorcery, but those can wait. First, tell me everything about your ancestry."

She couldn't have asked an odder question based on his secret foresight. "Why do you wish to know?"

"Because you're the only person who can explain exactly what I am, 'Dad'. Now start talking or Jarvis bites it."

[longhornmarley]

A Night In || Roseberry

Who: Marley Rose & Rachel Berry

Where: Waxahachie, Texas, hotel room

When: April 17th, 2020

Notes: After getting to the hotel, Marley and Rachel spend some time together and get emotional.

MARLEY

Since the moment she found out she was pregnant, Marley had barely talked. She smiled when she was just being polite and the whole trip had her using her headphones and listening to music. She kept just thinking about the baby and Finn and Rachel. It was all so crazy and she couldn't believe it was happening. She wanted to just stay at the dorm, but couldn't come up with a good reason to so she came. 

 Once they got to the hotel, she went with Rachel to check in before going to the room and just getting on her pajamas. She kept the headphones in her ears as she got under the covers and laid there for a bit. She didn't know what to do or say. Soon, she got hungry and was craving pizza. She bit her lip before stopping her music and getting up to talk to Rachel for really the first time all afternoon.  "Um, are you hungry? I was thinking of ordering pizza." She said quietly and played with her hands nervously.

RACHEL

Marley had been acting strange all afternoon and Rachel didn't like it, one bit. She wanted to make her feel better but she didn't know exactly how to do that if she didn't know what was going on. But they had went together to the Faire and checked into the hotel room.  Marley had been in her bed for most of the day and Rachel had spent the time doing her homework and studying so she could really spend her time with Finn this weekend without worrying about anything else.  Finn.  Just thinking his name right now made butterflies flutter crazily in the pit of her stomach. She really liked him.  Really wanted to see where things could go with him.  She could definitely see a future with Finn...maybe even the whole thing.  She had been playing a game on her phone when Marley finally spoke and she smiled brightly at her fellow brunette.  "I'd love to!"

MARLEY

She gave the other a small smile and sat down near her. "Is pepperoni, pineapple, and green peppers okay? I... I feel like that." She said a little louder than the first question and avoided using the word 'craving' in her sentence. She didn't want any hints of pregnancy in the room right now. "Maybe some breadsticks?" She suggested as she pulled out her phone and looked up the closest pizza place to order online from.

RACHEL

Rachel nodded. "Yea I could be down for that" she said with a smile as she looked over at Marley. "Will you order some Sprite too?" she asked putting her phone down, pulling her knees up to her chest in the chair.  "I brought some face masks we could do while we wait for it to come?"

MARLEY

Sprite. That actually sounded good. And maybe it would help the morning sickness she was feeling. She really hated that it was called that. She nodded as she put in the order and the information for what room number and the payment before tossing her phone onto her bed and looked over at Rachel. "Sure. That sounds nice." She couldn't avoid her the whole trip. And she didn't want to. Rachel was her best friend and this felt normal. She needed that right now.

RACHEL

Rachel smiled and clapped her hands going to her bag to pull out an array of sheet masks and a couple jade rollers.  "Pick your poison" she said with a grin. "I want to make sure I look good tomorrow so that way all the regulars are jealous" she teased with a laugh

MARLEY

She watched as her roommate pulled out all sorts of things. If it wasn't for Rachel, she wouldn't have any kind of skincare routine or even know what the rollers were. Her face fell a little about the talk of the weekend to come and she nodded. "That won't be hard. You're beautiful." She assured her before grabbing whichever mask was closest to her. "And Finn is going to love seeing you all dressed up."

RACHEL

Rachel looked between all the masks trying to decide which mask she wanted to use. When she had decided she opened it, putting it on smoothing it over her skin.  "Stop that..." she said giving a shake of her head to her friend.  "You're beautiful too and this is going to be a great weekend...we'll have to go shopping at some of the booths" Rachel said with a grin, glad that the mask covered the blush that covered her cheeks

MARLEY

She opened up her mask and started putting it on as well. They always felt so nice and cool on her skin. After her day, she needed this. "It's true. Trust me." She said and threw the trash away. "We will. I'm not doing much this weekend. I have a plan with Sam, but otherwise, nothing. That's if you have time, though. You don't have to make time with me." She told her just like she told Finn when he said he wanted to spend time with her this weekend.

RACHEL

"Of course I want to spend time with you Mars Bars," she said with a smile. She sat on her bed and started to use the roller on her skin, enjoying the feel of it pushing the serum in the mask into her face.  "What are you and Sam gonna do?"

MARLEY

She smiled a little at the nickname the brunette used for her and slowly started to use a roller herself. "Well, I'm free whenever you are." She didn't want to refuse. She had to act like nothing was bothering her. "We have plans to learn court dancing. I'm not too sure I want to do that still, but I don't want to cancel plans with him."

RACHEL

"oh my god, that sounds like so much fun!" Rachel said with a smile.  "I want to do that too!" she said with a put on whine laughing as she did so. "I think we need to buy all the things at all the booths and get everything out of this...we deserve it"

MARLEY

Marley was glad she couldn't see her alarmed face before nodding. "Yeah. I'm sure it's going to be great. You and Finn should check it out." She suggested, but regretted immediately. "Maybe. We'll see what they have going on." She said. "But it'll be worth it to see."

RACHEL

Rachel laughed and shook her head.  "I don't think that's Finn's thing..." she said with a shrug.  There was a knock on the door and she went over to the door to get their order, giving the delivery boy a 20 before turning and holding the boxes up to show Marley.  "We have been delivered" she teased, putting the boxes down. She went about taking her mask off, and rubbing the excess serum into her face before going to wash her hands.

MARLEY

"I'm sure he'll do it for you." She commented and watched as Rachel opened the door and got the food. She stood up and started taking off the mask and such as well. "Have you guys discussed what you'll be doing while at the fair?"

RACHEL

"I believe that we're going to go to the jousting tournament...he talked about wanting to go to the haunted house," Rachel scrunched her nose. "I think I'm going to end up Shaggying him but if that's what he wants to do why not" she said with a shrug.  "I mean it won't kill me right?"

MARLEY

"Oh, I can see him liking both of those. He seems like the type." She commented before washing her hands and going back to get some pizza. "I'm sure that's why he would want to go." She said and took a bite of the pizza. Exactly what she wanted.

RACHEL

Rachel took a piece of the pizza taking a bite. "Maybe..." she said, covering her mouth as she chewed.  "I'm excited to go though cause I've never been to something like this"

MARLEY

She nodded. "Neither have I. It seems fun. Part of me wishes we did this a different weekend, but it was nice for us to get this chance to have a little break." She took a breath. "I noticed everyone got outfits. I wish I had done the same, but I'll be fine."

RACHEL

"I totally understand" she said with a nod. "I wasn't sure about it either but when Finn asked me to come I figured I could give it a go...I mean...I really like him...like a lot...and I'm scared, but I'm really willing to try you know?" she asked. "We can go early and get you something at the faire!"

MARLEY

It was getting harder to keep bringing up Finn. She took another bite if the pizza to hide her frown and took a breath. "Why are you scared?" She asked curiously before shaking her head. "No. I'll be fine. Besides, Sam and I are going from the bus to the dancing." She explained.

RACHEL

"I mean what if he's the one?" she asked licking her lips.  "Like I know that's silly cause we haven't started dating dating...but this isn't like being in high school you know?  This could be forever...and what if we aren't and I lose him? It's scary...but it's this scary that I want to go for...Like I feel like I would regret if I didn't try" she shook her head.  "That's dumb though...But you and Sam are going to have an absolute blast"

MARLEY

Suddenly, Marley felt sick. More sick than before and she honestly thought she was going to lose it. Rachel felt this serious about Finn and here Marley was pregnant with his child. This could ruin their relationship and what kind of person was that going to make her? She felt a tear come to her eye and quickly wiped it away. "It's not dumb. It's something I think about too sometimes. Not about Finn, but in general." She lied of course but there was more than one guy she had to think about. More than just herself. "Its normal. But you have to try or not trying will be worse."

RACHEL

Rachel sighed and nodded, opening a can of the Sprite that had been delivered and took a sip.  "I know...and I'm trying so hard to do that...to do the not thinking thing about it, because it could all be nothing you know?" she asked looking over at her.  "I could just be seeing something like this cause I dream of my own Disney movie love" she teased with a laugh.

MARLEY

Marley nodded and sighed. "I think we all do that. Girls at least. We all dream about fairytale love and when it doesn't turn out, we break." She shook her head and finished off her slice if pizza. "I wouldn't worry about Finn, though. You two are kinda perfect for each other."

RACHEL

Rachel blushed and brushed her hair behind her ear. "I don't know...but I know that I like what we're doing right now and I'm glad to see where it goes...whatever that may mean in the end is...what it is" she said trying to be as calm as she could be.

MARLEY

Part of her wanted to run and lock herself in the bathroom to cry. Or puke. Or both. It was all becoming too much, but she had to be calm. "That's all you can do, I guess." She said and looked down at the floor while fighting her emotions.

RACHEL

"Are you okay Mars?" she asked biting her lip.  "You look a little green around the gils"

MARLEY

That was one way to put it. She was definitely not okay, but what could she say? She was going to have a baby with the man her best friend might consider being the one? How well was that going to go down? Besides, she told herself she wasn't going to ruin their weekend. She wanted to give them that. "Yeah. Just that bug still bothering me. Maybe pizza wasn't the best idea." She lied.

RACHEL

"I'm sorry," Rachel said, quickly boxing everything up to put into the small fridge to try to get the smell out of the room.  She went over to pull open the window to get some fresh air.  "I should have realized you wouldn't be completely up to this yet...Do you need anything?"

MARLEY

She watched as Rach hurried about to clean up and try to get the smell out. She was truly the best person Marley knew. Along with Finn. And she was going to hurt them. "No, it was my idea. I wanted it, but I guess it didnt agree." She looked at her. "Just a Sprite. It should calm me, right?"

RACHEL

"Totally" Rachel said grabbing a can and taking it over to her.  "Here...drink this and lay back"

MARLEY

"Thank you." She said and opened it before relaxing back on her bed. "Rach, I just want to say I appreciate you. You... you're truly the best friend I have." Tears lined her eyes and she bit her lip.

RACHEL

Rachel smiled at Marley and squeezed her hand.  "You're mine...no matter what, we're sisters and we stick together for forever" she said holding her pinky up to the brunette.  "I don't know if you know this, but pinky promises are the most important form of contract in the world...you can't go back on a pinky swear"

MARLEY

She smiled a little and locked her pinky with Rachel's. "Good. Because I wouldn't want to go back on this." She said honestly and wiped her eyes.

RACHEL

"Good...it's agreed...we're sisters for life" she said with a shrug and smile at her

MARLEY

She nodded. "For life." She echoed and took another sip of the Sprite. This was really a mess she got herself into and she hated that she may lose Rachel because of it.

RACHEL

Rachel smiled and turned to go grab her own sprite before sitting on her bed. "Hey Mars..." she said to the brunette.

MARLEY

Marley looked over at Rachel. "Yeah?" She asked and played with her can.

RACHEL

"I hope you're happy...really happy...with whatever it is you want out of life..."she murmured. "Like I hope your dreams are better than mine...."

MARLEY

She thought about what the other girl had said. She was confused now, yes, and didn't know where here dreams were now, but was she happy? That was still unknown. "I don't think we can compare that, but I'm sure you will get yours, Rach."

RACHEL

"Yea...but I hope you get yours"

MARLEY

She nodded. "I hope so too. Even if things are changing." She sighed and still looked at Rachel. "Is everything okay?"

RACHEL

"Things always change...that's the good thing about life..." she said with a shrug. "Yea, I'm okay...I guess...things just seem off and I don't know if its just me feeling something that isn't real, but I guess I just worry that...I don't know" she murmured, looking at her hands

MARLEY

She let out a little laugh and nodded. Good thing was questionable at this point. "I guess." She sighed. "You can talk to me. About anything." She sat up. "What's bothering you?"

RACHEL

Rachel shook her head. How could she talk about the fact that she felt like Marley was pulling away from her? And that sounded like Rachel thought she owned Marley and she didn't.  "Did I tell you...Dad thinks he found the perfect loft for us to buy"

MARLEY

She was concerned. She wanted to know what was going on, but didn't want to push. She couldn't do that right now. Her face fell at that. She forgot they agreed to live together for the summer with everything going on. Would she still want to when she found out about Marley's condition? "R-really? Where?"

RACHEL

"Downtown!" Rachel said, happy to have something else to talk about. "It's this beautiful building and Dad's going to actually buy it...he said its really nice and that it's bright and airy"

MARLEY

"Buy it? So it'll be like permanently ours? Well yours?" She asked and felt pale again. "I can't wait to see it." She forced a smile.

RACHEL

"Dad loves buying real estate...Daddy says he's always been like that," she said with a shrug. "Its ours Mars Bars...it's going to be your home too"

MARLEY

"That's great." She said and couldn't help but smile and she moved to hug Rachel. She felt tears start to go down her cheeks and she squeezed her eyes shut as she hugged her. "Thank you." She said softly and held in a sob.

RACHEL

Rachel wrapped her arms around the brunette, feeling the tension in her body.  "Marley, what's wrong?" she asked, not letting her go

MARLEY

She shook her head and the sob she was holding back came out anyways. "Nothing." She lied as she held Rachel tighter. She wanted to tell her. She wanted someone to know, but now wasn't the time. She just felt like she was breaking right now.

RACHEL

"Marley," she said pulling back to look at her.  "That's not true...What happened, who do I have to murder?"

MARLEY

She looked at her and shook her head. "No one. It's really nothing. I'm just having a hard day." She said and cried harder.

RACHEL

Rachel pulled her back into another hug, squeezing her closer to her.

MARLEY

She held her tight and just cried. She didn't know how much she needed to just let go until right then. It was coming out and she didn't try to stop it.

RACHEL

Rachel smoothed her hand up and down Marley's back just wanting to help her best friend feel better

MARLEY

It was several minutes before she started to calm. She took a deep breath and let go of Rach before wiping her cheeks. "I'm sorry." She apologized.

RACHEL

"Don't be...tell me what's going on"

MARLEY

She shook her head. "Its nothing." She said again. "This week.... month has been so crazy. Everything feels different and scary and I'm so tired, Rach." She said and took a shaky breath in.

RACHEL

"How can I help? There has to be something I can do to help lighten the load"

MARLEY

"There's not. I have to deal with it myself, you know? But it's so hard." She sighed and wiped her eyes again.

RACHEL

"Why do you have to do it alone?"

MARLEY

"Because I got into this mess myself." She explained. "I did this and it's going to effect so many people." She closed her eyes and shook her head.

RACHEL

“I can’t imagine you did anything with the intent to hurt anyone!

MARLEY

She took a breath. "I didn't mean to, you're right. But it's going to happen." She said. "I don't know what to do."

RACHEL

“Let me help you. That’s what you’re going to do”

MARLEY

She looked at Rachel. "I can't. I can't ask you to help me. It's too much."

RACHEL

“No it isn’t” Rachel said fiercely.

MARLEY

"It is. You've already been so nice to me. I can't do that to you." She swallowed. "Can we stop talking about it?"

RACHEL

Rachel bit her lip and frowned but nodded. “Okay...”she murmured.

MARLEY

She moved back to her bed and bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I... I'll tell you when it calms down, okay? You'll find out anyways, but not now."

RACHEL

“Sure Marls...whatever you need” she said softly.

MARLEY

She nodded and didn't say anything else. What else was there to say other than the truth? She would tell her within the next week, but Finn had to be first. That's how it had to be.

RACHEL

Rachel sat there in silence for a moment before sliding under the covers of her bed and laying down.

MARLEY

She hated doing this to Rachel, but knew it was better for now. Or was it? She reached over and turned off the light before laying down herself.

RACHEL

Rachel let out a small sigh rolling to her side away from Marley. “Goodnight Marley...”she whispered.

MARLEY

"Night." She said and closed her eyes tightly.

[blushing-kenji]

Kat had never thought of herself as a lucky person. Every time her and Shane would hunt for four leaf clovers she came up empty handed. Every guess made on the number of jelly beans in the jar was always wrong. Every competition entered she never even placed top three.

But Kat had learned a lot of things in the past few months of her life, mainly that her luck dispenser must have been pretty clogged up for 22 years because all of a sudden she was getting lots and lots of it.

Within a week she went from your average every day girl in a banana costume working her ass off to sell smoothies to Karen's and Chad's, to being mentored by her role model, Avery Wilshere, and winning One in a freaking Million.

It really was insane to look back on all the progress she had made within such a short amount of time.

One of the biggest milestones she had overcome due to her rise to fame was getting all of her firsts out of the way. Her first kiss, first boyfriend, first time... Her relationship was supposed to have been a fake one, but nothing she did with Raleigh Carrera was fake, not to her. And it turns out, it wasn't fake for him either. He was the first person she ever fell in love with.

And now, after the American portion of her world tour, things were starting to set in a bit. She still loved the performing and music writing, but it had become an obligation rather than a passion. Meeting fans and being able to inspire people was a dream come true, but the invasiveness of it all made her a bit uncomfortable sometimes. She loved Raleigh with everything in her, but the fact that they couldn't really be together was getting to her.

Like on one of the supposed best nights of her life here she was getting upset over a post of Raleigh and Yvette, his newest "girlfriend" and also runway model, kissing in front of the car he just bought her. Kat told herself not to let it bother her, she knew that Raleigh really did care for her and that being a playboy was sort of his thing.

She bit her lip in annoyance, leaning against the bathroom sink and staring into the mirror. Kat definitely wasn't as skinny as Yvette as the haters she had managed to collect very kindly pointed out to her. It was also brought to her attention that her teeth weren't as white as Yvette's, her hair not shiny like Yvette's, her skin not flawless like Yvette's...

"Katherine?" the posh voice of one of her closest friends (and also an extremely famous singer/ her ex-celebrity crush) Avery interrupted the critical inspection.

She turned, shoving her phone in the pocket of her black corduroy jeans in what she hoped was a subtle way, and quirked an eyebrow at him as he walked into the girls bathroom without any sort of reservations.

"Avery," Kat folded her arms across her chest an put on an over exaggerated british accent, "I'm not quite sure if you've noticed, darling, but this is the ladies restroom."

The accent elicited the usual reaction of the eye roll, head shake, and smirk which brought Kat a little joy. Even though she wasn't pretty like the girl her boyfriend was spending all his time with, at least she could make international pop-star Avery Wilshere laugh.

"Kat, darling," he replied with an equally obnoxious british mockery, "I'm not quite sure if you've noticed, but the party you're currently hiding from is missing its hostess."

She inhaled and counted to ten nice and slow. Fiona had an "end of American-start of European tour" party thrown and Kat could not feel any less festive if she tried. All she wanted to do at the moment was pout about her boyfriend making out with the hottest girl in the world.

Avery put a comforting arm around her shoulder, "there's two options here. One, you tell me what's bothering you and I do my best to comfort you. Two, you don't tell me what's bothering you and I pester you until you do."

"There's nothing wrong, Avery." Kat sighed, half trying to convince herself.

He replied with a disbelieving scoff. She planned on being offended by this but the second she met Avery's eyes she knew that there was no way she was going to be able to lie to him, his blue eyes saw straight through her.

"Okay okay," she held up her hands in surrender. "I just... I'm am feeling a little self conscious after seeing this." She slid the phone out of her pocket, not having to do anything more than turn it on for the post to be on the screen.

Avery took the phone, brows quirking up as he took in the picture. When he glanced back up at her, Kat just shrugged. She couldn't help her feelings of inadequacy, but she also couldn't help but feel a bit silly in them when she saw Avery's face.

"Katherine," he muttered, reaching out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You know as well as I do that Raleigh and this Yvette girl are in a contractually beneficial relationship. It's not real like what the two of you have."

The bit of confidence in her relationship brought tears to her eyes. At least someone had some confidence in it. She certainly didn't at the moment.

Avery hummed disapprovingly and wiped away a tear with his thumb. "Why don't you head home for the night. It's your last night in New York for a while after all."

The simple display of kindness brought the opposite response of the intended one, Kat leaned into Avery's embrace and let of a choked sob, wrapping her arms around his middle and nuzzling into his chest. She was glad that someone was here for her.

She wished it could have been Raleigh that was rubbing a gentle pattern on her back... but he was off with Yvette, probably breaking into abandoned buildings and racing together on his motorcycle through the streets of New York. Avery was next in line as her assigned emotional support while Raleigh was off with his true love and Shane was back home visiting family.

The bathroom door swung open, a drunk partygoer with hot pink hair and a gold slinky dress stumbled in, her heavily lined eyes went wide at the sight Katherine Fairfield crying in Avery Wilshere's arms.

The two made their quick escape after Avery made a show of being charming and polite as usual. Fiona sent Kat home the second she saw her puffy eyes and mascara tracks. Zadie was mad that Kat let said mascara track all the way down to the white cashmere turtleneck sweater she had so carefully picked out.

None of that mattered though. Once she was in the back of the limo she was free from the pristine appearance she was supposed to be upholding as a rising star. Hank was probably one of her biggest supporters and he knew when she needed a bit of privacy so he had the divider up. She was alone for the first time in a while in the back of that limo.

She cradled her head in her hands as she tried her best to rationalize her feelings. Avery acted as if she was being ridiculous, but Kat did have some self respect! Why was she letting herself believe in love when the boy who gave her that belief was running around with a different stunningly beautiful girl every other week! Sure, they face timed a lot and whenever fate allowed it they spent actual time together, but didn't she deserve better!?

But so did Raleigh...

He deserved to have someone in his corner offering him genuine love and support. Every part of his life was fake but at least he had her.

Kat wished she could believe what she was telling herself, but hadn't she and Raleigh gotten together after a fake relationship!? What was stopping him from liking one of these other girls better than he liked her!?

She was just so confused...

"Shit!" Kat jumped at the shrill sound of her ring tone.

She wiped at her eyes as she brought the phone the phone up to her ear.

"Hello?" she asked, realizing how dumb it was to not check caller id first. She was a celebrity after all. It could be a stalker, or someone calling to point out all her flaws, or demand money, or-

"Katherine what's wrong?"

Her racing mind was brought to a stop by Raleigh's worried voice. She wanted to be relieved, she had thought that maybe talking to him would bring her some sort of peace but all it did was make her feel nauseous.

"Princess?" Raleigh asked, still concerned.

Kat cleared the sadness out of her voice. "I'm okay Raleigh. I just really want to know how your date with Yvette went? A brand new car. That's pretty big."

Although she was able to keep the sadness out of it, she was doing an awful job of keeping the bitterness away.

It was silent on the other end of the phone.

"It's just... if I'm going to be your girlfriend I want to feel like I am. Right now I feel like a complete idiot while you're off with a new model every week."

The silence persisted for a moment, well, until Kat sniffled trying to keep herself from crying.

Raleigh sounded surprisingly panicked for someone quite as unflappable as himself when he finally spoke. "Kat, I'm on my way to your apartment right now. Let's talk about this face to face. Please don't cry." A note of desperation rang out near the end, making Kat cry even harder.

"Raleigh I can't keep feeling like second best to you. Every time you get with someone new, everyone compares me to them. And how do you think I come up? I'm always the uglier one. How do you think that makes me feel!?"

"Kat, you're not making any sense right now! Let's wait to talk about this till I'm there!" Raleigh practically begged.

She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, thought it didn't do much to fix the mess of makeup. "Raleigh I-"

"Please," he whispered, his voice sounding strained. "If I've ever been good to you, even just once, please just wait until I'm with you."

Kat took a deep shuddering breath. She knew that she loved Raleigh and that she shouldn't allow her insecurities to get in the way. She would be home in ten minutes and then she and Raleigh could talk in person. And even if it was just for them to break up, it would be better to do that in person rather than on the phone.

"Please."

She brought her phone away from her ear and looked down at Raleigh's contact photo. A rare moment where the camera didn't catch him smoldering. He looked completely carefree, his thick brown hair sticking up in all different angles as he sat perched on the end of her bed, a goofy grin on his face because she caught him in the middle of putting his shirt back on. Kat smiled softly at it despite her confusion.

She really did love him.

"I'll see you in bit, Raleigh."

She let her phone drop to her lap as she ended the call. She didn't even know what she wanted when all of this was over!? It was clear to her that she still loved him, that picture of him on her bed brought back the warmth and pure joy she felt when she was with him. Did she even want to break up with him or was that just her insecurities talking?

Fiona would tell her to drop his ass. That she deserved someone who would understand her busy lifestyle and who would take it like a women. Hank would tell her to do what was best for her, that she deserved to feel like the queen she is. Zadie probably wouldn't care too much, though Kat knew that definitely wouldn't take shit from anyone.

But what would Shane tell her to do? Or Avery?

Shane would support her with whatever she decided to do, that her feelings are valid. Avery would do the same of course...

But what was she going to do!?

Kat jumped as the car door opened and took a second to collect herself before taking Hank's hand and stepping out of the limo. She scanned the street for Raleigh's motorcycle and sighed in relief when she couldn't see it.

"Here kiddo." Hank held a tissue out to her and she took it, not meeting his eyes as she dabbed at her face.

"Word of advice Katherine," Hank said as he held out his hand for the used tissue.

She shoved it in the pocket of her jeans, placing her hand in his rather than the tissue. Hank smiled softly at her and squeezed her hand as he moved to rest his sunglasses up on his his head.

"Do what's right for you. Not him. Not the fans. You. You're all that you have at the end of the day, and when the right person comes along, you'll have them too. Don't force yourself to be with someone who makes you cry like this."

Was Raleigh the right person? Or was he the wrong one? She just didn't know!

Hank put a comforting arm on her shoulder as the roar of a motorcycle made its way up the street. Kat felt the pit of dread in her stomach grow at the sound.

There was no putting off this conversation. She had never been this close with someone and so, naturally, she had never felt the heartbreak she was inches away from feeling.

Time seemed to slow as she turned to watch Raleigh drive up to her. The limo driving off was just white noise behind the motorcycle engine. Funny. She didn't even realize Hank had walked away?

Everything was a blur but Raleigh as he rushed over to her, her heart pounding a mile a minute in her chest. Of course he hadn't been wearing a helmet. She really should force him to wear one.

He stopped short in front of her, reaching out for a moment as if he wanted to touch her before forcing them to stay at his sides. Kat's heart hurt at his desperate look but she was feeling too dizzy to dwell on it.

She placed a hand on his wrist, shaking as she did. “Can we go inside?”

[turning-the-kaleidoscope]

Ahhh it’s been a while but I wrote another hug prompt!! unfortunately I can’t remember exactly who had requested this prompt in particular jklsdfsdf, but have some soft Teru + Shigeo + Dadreigen at the end, sickfic style bc 1) i can and 2) soft hurt/comfort is so therapeutic so heck yeah!! i hope you guys like it! :D

hug prompt 17: a hug where one muse stops the other from collapsing (with Teru and Shigeo) 

Teru likes the company. After being alone for so long with only a collection of fake friends, he enjoys all the company he has with Shigeo and the others. He treasures every moment. 

So he invites them over regularly for games and movies and snacks all the time. Sometimes all at once. Sometimes one at a time. Tonight is one of those latter times, when it's just him and Shigeo. He likes Shigeo a lot, more than he's able to put into words, and his company is always welcomed. 

Except this time, in the middle of the visit and quite suddenly, Shigeo comes down ill. And looking back on it, Teru should have seen the signs, even if Shigeo thought he was fine. It took him way too long to figure out what the problem was. 

But as soon as he knows what's wrong, he's in full caretaker mode--a mode he only knows after being looked after by Reigen while sick himself. He isn't glad Shigeo is under the weather, but he's been waiting for this opportunity to take care of his friends like they've done for him, and he approaches it with what might be a bit too much enthusiasm. 

"Reigen told me that you feed a cold and starve a fever," he quotes as he reads over a bottle of fever relievers from last he got sick. "And he made me take these, they're supposed to help."

"Are they?" Shigeo asks, and it isn't snarky, but the exhaustion in his tone brings it across that way. "I don't think my fever is very high, Teru���"

"Any fever is high enough to be taken care of," Teru says resolutely. "Trust me, I've got this."

"It's not that I don't trust you," Shigeo says, "but I really do think I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me."

"Listen, Shige." Teru pauses, long enough to look him in the eyes. He looks miserable, a lot more miserable than he seems, sitting on the edge of Teru's futon with a blanket around his shoulders. He isn't flushed (yet) but there's a glossiness in his eyes that speaks of a festering fever. 

He sighs. "You, Reigen, everyone… you've always looked after me, yknow? Always took care of me, made sure I was okay… and, I never really had the chance to repay that, properly. So… let me worry about you a lil, alright? It might sound silly, but I want to."

"Okay."

"Huh? That quick?"

"I mean," Shigeo fiddles with the blanket, "I think I understand what you mean. So if you really want to, I don't have any trouble with it."

Teru blinks, but it softens into a smile. "Alrightee!" He salutes without really thinking about it. "Leave this to me, then!"

Shigeo cracks a smile, and Teru sets about measuring the proper dose of medicine. 

It's easy, really, it is. 

Until that night. And it's around that time when things start to go from manageable to scary. It occurs to Teru in the most unpleasant of ways that he really, really doesn't know what he's doing. 

At all. 

And he should probably get in contact with someone who does. 

It isn't that Shigeo is sick in obvious ways. He isn't throwing up or unconscious or delirious or anything like that, he's just… very, very still. Quietly miserable and hard to rouse. Lethargic. Feverish, and very. The medicine didn't do its job. It's done nothing but rise since earlier that day and Teru is scared of giving him a second dose. 

"Hey, Shigeo?" He shakes his shoulder, and hates the heat he can feel, even through the blanket. "Dude, wake up, I need to take your temperature."

Shigeo doesn't stir at first and Teru's mind leaps to the worst of conclusions, but finally, his eyes slip open. He's flushed now, red in the cheeks and pale everywhere else. His eyes are glassy like marbles and carry only what light is reflected in them from Teru's phone flashlight. 

"What?" He sounds groggy. Not entirely there. 

Teru kneels by the futon and nods. "Temperature. Think you can keep this under your tongue?"

Shigeo nods and Teru hands it to him, and while he's doing that, gets up and retrieves a fresh cold plaster from the bathroom. He doesn't expect it to do much good, but it's better than nothing. 

He returns just as the thermometer beeps, and he kneels down and takes it from Shigeo's clammy fingers. Through the light of his phone, he examines the reading. 

39.4

Teru swallows down the bile in his throat. Shigeo doesn't ask him what it says, just shuts his eyes again and curls his fingers by his throat loosely. Teru peels back the not-cold-anymore plaster from his sweaty forehead, brushes his damp hair out of the way, and then replaces it with the fresh one. 

He needs to call someone. Someone who'd know what to do, someone who's done this before. Like Reigen. Or Serizawa. Serizawa lives closer, it's be faster, but Reigen might know more, might be able to stand in a crisis better--and Teru still doesn't know Serizawa very well, Reigen is a better bet. Plus, now that he thinks about it, he doesn't even have Serizawa's number. 

He checks on Shigeo one more time, makes sure the plaster is properly set on his forehead and the blankets are around his shoulders before he gets to his feet and steps down into the hallway, already dialing and holding the phone to his ear. It's only around 11pm; he doesn't know how late Reigen typically stays up, but--

“Yo, Teruki, what’s up?” 

He doesn't sound like someone who'd just woken up. And it only took two rings, too. But Teru doesn't let himself breathe a sigh of relief yet. 

"Hi, Reigen," he says, and forces the guilt away before it has the chance to start. This is for Shigeo. "I-I know it's late, I'm sorry, but--Shigeo's at my place, we've been hanging out, but he's sick and his fever spiked and I…” He has to stop and take a breath, suddenly lightheaded. “ I don't know what to do."

Reigen swears under his breath. "Okay, okay--how long's he had the fever?"

"Since before he got here, I think." He's calmer now than before and regains the steadiness of his voice. "But it's gotten a lot higher since then."

"How high?"

"39.4."

Another swear. “Is he awake?” 

"On and off. Usually I have to wake him. I gave him medicine earlier, the medicine you brought over last time--I don't think it did anything, though, he's just--he's really sick. I'm--I’m worried. About him."

"Okay, yeah, I'll be over there soon, okay? Give me five minutes."

It's such a relief and Teru can't help but feel the urge to laugh. "Th-Thank you," he breathes. 

"Don't mention it, it's alright. Keep an eye on him until I get there, okay?"

"I will, thank you."

“No prob, kiddo. See you in just a minute.” 

He hangs up and Teru's hand slumps down to his side, a breath escaping him. It's fine, Reigen will be here soon, it's okay--

"Teru? Was that Reigen?"

"Yeah?" He turns without thinking, and sees Shigeo standing in the doorway on untrustworthy feet. It clicks a second later than it should. "Shige, what are you doing up? You need to rest, come on--"

Shigeo is incredible, he really is. Sweet, clever in his own special ways, golden-hearted and gentle while simultaneously being a force of nature that Teru would never want on his bad side. 

But he can also be so, so incredibly dumb. Even when his body sends him every signal it can telling him to stay down and leave the walking to the non-feverish ones, he does it anyway without realizing it. 

Teru sees it coming probably before Shigeo knows it is. He sways, the glass in his irises becomes thicker and more heavily clouded, and then--

"Shigeo!"

He teleports, actually, without thinking, and still only just barely catches him before he faceplants the floor. Shigeo slumps and Teru holds him easily; Shigeo doesn't weigh much; but his skin is burning, and his forehead digs into Teru's collarbone and sends him into a panic. 

"Hey, are you okay? Are you with me? Hey, Shigeo."

"Sorry." He sounds out of breath, worn out. Sick. "I thought it'd be fine…"

Teru tries to get a better hold, tightening his arms around his shoulders and gripping his shirt with curled fingers. “You're sick, Shige, you need to stay in b--” A shift in Shigeo's weight, and Teru takes all of it. He slips. “Okay, okay we're going down--”

He lets them down as gently as he can, but his knees still hit the floor too hard and he winces, not excited about the bruising. But for now he focuses on Shigeo, who is still a too-warm, too-limp weight against him. It's easier to support him from the ground, though.

Teru maneuvers himself into a somewhat more comfortable spot, legs criss-crossed with Shigeo tucked close and secure. “Damn it, Shige, you need to rest…” 

“S… Sorry...” 

Teru sighs and rests his chin on the top of his head. “As soon as Reigen gets here, you’re going back to bed and you’re gonna stay there. Okay? You can’t get better if you keep pushing yourself like this, dummy.” 

Shigeo nods, and Teru feels it more than anything, but it’s enough for him, for now. If he wants to pursue the argument later (if it’s even worth it), then he can do it later. Right now he really does want Shigeo to rest, so he stays quiet and lets him. His fever is still much, much too high and not getting any lower. 

When Reigen knocks at the door, Teru opens it with a flick of his powers and Reigen is on them both immediately. His first question is why they’re on the floor--and of course that’s a valid question--and once Teru’s finished explaining, Reigen wastes no time. He’s gone full mama-bear mode now and it’d take more than Claw’s entire arsenal to stop him. 

He carries Shigeo with a brisk powerwalk and Teru jogs to flank him. After that, it’s like a routine. Reigen gets Shigeo to wake up, has him take another dose of medicine, uses a wet rag instead of a plaster (“Easier to deal with. Plus, ice water’s a lot colder.”), checks Shigeo’s fever (39.4 again, holding), and after that there isn’t a lot left to do. Reigen assures Teru that he’s got it covered and he’ll look out for Shigeo now, but it still takes a good hour or two before Teru finally falls asleep. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Admittedly, the armchair isn’t the best place to sleep, but Shigeo has the futon and for one night, Teru doesn’t mind. He wakes up with a crick in his neck and the feeling that he hadn’t slept at all, but forgives it and sits up. Reigen glances over at him in acknowledgment before returning his gaze to Shigeo. Reigen doesn’t look like he pulled an all-nighter, but there’s no doubt in Teru’s mind about it. 

Teru gets to his feet and quietly makes his way over. “How’s he doing?” 

“Better,” Reigen answers, scooting over. Teru sits down on the floor beside him. “His fever broke pretty quick after spiking, I’m just letting him rest now.”

Teru nods and looks over Shigeo for himself. He’s still flushed, as to be expected, but it’s lesser now and he’s definitely sleeping more peacefully. The tension in his shoulders ease, and he finally lets himself relax. 

“Hey, Teruki.” 

“Yeah?” 

He turns, and at the same time, Reigen’s hand lands on his shoulder. “I’m glad you called me,” he says with a soft kind of smile that’s a bit uncharacteristic for him, but still perfectly and entirely Reigen. “Actually, I’m proud of you for calling me. It would’ve been easy to just pretend you knew what you were doing, so… thanks, for letting me help out.” 

Teru blinks, first at the hand on his shoulder and then at Reigen, but before long he's smiling. 

"Thank you for being there," he returns. Reigen's smile redoubles and he ruffles Teru's hair. 

It's been hard to train himself out of that mindset of handling things himself, no matter how devastating, but he's gotten better at accepting others' help, whether he wants it or needs it. He isn't perfect yet, but they're getting there. They'll get there. 

[emeraldwaves]

Title: Start of Something New Chapter 15 Pairing:  Todomomo, side Kamijirou Rating: T Word Count:  3,077 Summary: Momo is thrilled to be spending her winter break on her family ski vacation. Even though she’s anxious about graduating in the spring, she’ll have time to relax, enjoy the slopes and hang out with her best friend. Shouto is not thrilled to be stuck with his father for the entirety of his winter break. It’s anything but a vacation. Even with his siblings there, everything reminds him of his past and he just wants to get back to finishing school and moving on. When the two continuously run into each other at the lodge, both of them realize their vacations aren’t going to be what either of them expected. Read on AO3 Thanks to @amaisenshi and @its-love-u-asshole for reading this over for m!

"I don't know what I'm going to do."

Momo's chest heaved, her hands trembling.

"What happened?" Kyouka asked, her brow furrowing as she looked at her best friend. Momo was certain the dark-haired girl was most likely confused. Momo had shown up out of nowhere; with no phone to text her, she couldn't warn Kyouka she was coming, but she also couldn't bear to meet up with her parents.

"I, uhm, my... my mother..." she stammered, her eyes trembling. "S-She took my phone because of T-Todoroki-"

"What!?" Kyouka gasped and quickly shook her head. "Come inside for now," she said and ushered Momo into her room. "It's gonna be okay, we're gonna... figure something out."

"B-But... I don't know what room he's in and I don't know his number by heart so I can't use someone else's phone to let him know. He's going to think I hate him now!"

Momo was in full panic mode. Without her phone there was no way to contact Todoroki. She didn't know his number, nor did she know what room he was staying in. The front desk wouldn't tell her, so she would have to rely on dumb luck to meet him up with him again.

"I doubt he'll think that. You ran into him a lot at the beginning of the vacation, so who's to say that won't happen again! It's a tiny resort," Kyouka offered.

The girl did have a point. The whole reason her and Todoroki had started to spend time together was because they kept running into each other. Maybe it would happen again.

"But what if I don't!" she exclaimed, trying her best not to cry. "I-I just... I know we kept making jokes about not having crushes but I-I... I really like him!"

A few tears dropped from her eyes. She had never felt so strongly about anyone before. Boys in her high school had confessed a few times, and Momo had always turned them away, not wanting to be distracted by anything, just as her parents were constantly warning her about. Besides, none of those boys had ever caught her interest. Many of them mentioned how beautiful she was in their confessions and never said much more. None of them even knew her.

Not that... Todoroki knew her exactly, or rather they hadn't known each other for very long... but Momo had such a strong pull towards him. She could tell he wanted to know her, he cared about listening to her and learning who she was as a person.

"Okay, okay... let's just take a deep breath," Kyouka said, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"I-I'm trying... I just... I can't-"

"Why did your mom take your phone because of Todoroki?" Kyouka asked.

Covering her face, Momo shook her head. "She saw my messages with him. She saw we had kissed... her and my father have been constantly concerned about boys and distractions and I basically proved them right!" she whimpered.

Kyouka rubbed her forehead. "There has gotta be someway we can get around this. If you... explained who Todoroki was or had them meet him maybe you could get your phone back because they'd see he's a nice guy."

"It's not about that," Momo said. She shook her head, her dark ponytail brushing up against the back of her neck. "They think any boy would distract me!"

"Hm..." Kyouka sighed. "Do you know where your mom would put it? Maybe you should work out a covert operation to get it back!"

"There's no way that would go well," Momo whispered. "My mother would surely notice it was missing and then I would get into even more trouble. Even right now I feel like she would be mad if she knew I wasn't in my room."

"Damn," Kyouka said, folding her arms over her chest. "Your parents are so much worse than I ever imagined."

"I know," she said. "I can't get them to ease up. No matter what I do, it will never be enough. "

Kyouak frowned and sat down on the bed next to her, nudging her side. "Don't say that. I'm sure your parents are proud. You already got into the top school in the city and they know how hard you work. You never break the rules to the point where it's tiring. Do they really think you having one boyfriend would change any of that?"

"I don't know," Momo said. "If she hadn't read my text messages, neither of them would've known anything."

"So maybe you just need to say that."

Momo raised her eyebrow at her best friend. Kyouka was incredibly talented and very intelligent, but she had no idea how Momo's parents operated. Momo was terrified to leave this room to go meet them, scared of how her father would react.

"I can't."

"Maybe you should. Momo, you're 18. If you're living in the dorms or in an apartment, are you really telling me you'll listen to everything your parents have always told you? What about after university and you have a job?"

"I-I dunno..." she whispered. "They're paying for so much and helping me in so many ways. I don't want to sound ungrateful. I just…" She paused, her heart shaking with anxiety. Were her personal wishes so horrible? "I just want to enjoy things too."

"They can help you and not treat you like shit!" Kyouka snorted. "I mean, is it really so bad to talk to a boy? Or kiss him?"

Momo shrugged. She knew Kyouka had a point. "When... my mother took the phone from me, I kept thinking over and over about how she and my father had to fall in love at some point. They weren't an arranged marriage so... why can't I meet someone?"

"I mean you can. You are an adult," Kyouka smirked, nudging Momo playfully.

"I know I technically can but... I don't know... Lately, every time I start to talk to them, I get so nervous. I start thinking about my future and how I feel like a complete and utter mess before anything has even begun!" Even now as she ranted to Kyouka, her chest felt tight as her clouded future began to take over her mind. It was so rare she couldn't see the path, but everything about her future felt so confusing and jumbled. A haze she couldn't see through.

And Todoroki understood that, or so it seemed. He understood her parental frustration and she knew their situations were so different, but she felt oddly close to him.

Losing her only way of contacting him was... devastating. She knew it was so ridiculous to be so attached to someone, but she couldn't help how strongly she was pulled towards him.

"I just wish you had gotten his number too so I could tell him I'm not ignoring him and make sure he didn't text anything weird while my phone is trapped in parent prison," Momo sighed.

"I'm sure he'll understand once you get your phone back."

Momo swallowed. She really hoped so.

Her watched beeped, signalling the alarm for her to leave for breakfast and she pushed herself up, her head pounding. "I guess I should go meet them."

"I wish you didn't have to."

"You know if I don’t go it’ll create more issues," Momo said, standing up to smooth out her dress.

Kyouka nodded. "Well if I see Todoroki, I'll be sure to get his number and let him know what happened."

"Thanks, you're the best." Momo cracked a small smile. "I'll see you later. I'll uhm, come to your room. Or you can come to mine."

"Totally."

Speaking to Kyouka did make her feel better, but seeing her father loomed on the horizon and she grabbed her small purse, heading to the brunch area.

The man was sitting at a table, reading the newspaper, his eyes completely focused. Her mother had open some book while sipping some tea. Just seeing the woman made Momo's arms tingle; she wished to yell and run the other way.

"Well," her father began, "look who decided to join us."

"Good morning, Father," she said, bowing before taking a seat.

"Your mother has filled me in on her confiscation of your phone."

"I see," Momo said. "I do wish to explain-"

"There's nothing to explain. The messages were very clear," her mother said, anger slipping through her tone.

"But I-..."

"Momo, please do not make excuses for your behavior. You shouldn't be having silly little flings with boys you have just met."

"Mother," Momo said, clenching her fists by her side. "It's not a fling. We've barely kissed-"

"Momo!" Her mother said, letting out a shaky sigh. "I saw the messages."

"I know, Mother," Momo said, glaring. "Todoroki-san is a good person. We have fun together and he's become an enjoyable friend. I know you and Father are worried about distractions but after this week we probably will never see each other again," Momo declared.

"Probably?" her father asked. "See this is exactly why we decided to take your phone. There are too many variables. You will be needing the utmost focus."

"I understand, Father-"

"No, I don't think you do. You wouldn't be off kissing boys if you did."

"It was just one-"

"It doesn't matter," he snapped. "You will not be getting your phone back for the rest of this trip. I hope you understand the consequences of your actions."

She turned her gaze down to the table, her lip trembling. "Yes Father..." she said. She clenched her fists under the table, wishing she could make more of an argument, knowing it would be absolutely useless.

~~

It was odd.

Before Yaoyorozu, Shouto had never thought much about women. They didn't interest him. There were a few girls at his high school he spoke to, usually by proxy; for instance, Uraraka Ochako, the best friend of his friend Midoriya Izuku. However, he was never particularly close to any of these people.

He didn't think much of girls who 'confessed their love' to him randomly out of the blue. It made no sense. How could they say they loved him, when they barely even knew him? It was utterly baffling.

But Yaoyorozu was completely different.

It was impossible for him to stop thinking about her. Her hair was so stunning, her lips were a beautiful pink color and so luscious. If he could kiss her everyday, he could only assume it would make every day brighter. Her skin was pale and smooth and above all else, he adored her smile.

It would pull across her lips and illuminate her face with such a beautiful sparkling glow. It was impossible to look away, it was impossible for him to imagine anyone ever could.

He knew it was far too early to consider himself in love with her, and he knew he would be a fool to wonder what they would be beyond this trip.

But right now... he was happy.

He woke up, a small smile on his face when he saw a message from her and when the two went back and forth a little, the smile only grew wider.

Shouto wasn't usually a 'smiler' but Yaoyorozu made him want to do crazy things.

"What's that doofy look?" Natsuo smirked. "You talking to your new girlfriend."

"Mmm..." Shouto hummed, not offering any more information.

"WAIT!? So she is your girlfriend?!" he asked, his feet stomping on the floor as he leaped out of the bed.

"No," Shouto said flatly, not wanting Natsuo to inquire any further.

What a fool Shouto was, to think Natsuo would ever leave anything alone.

"Okay, but you've kissed her yeah? Please tell me you at least are having a winter fling with this chick," Natsuo said, coming around to the other side of Shouto's bed.

"... It's none of your business."

"Oh ho ho!" Natsuo hummed, snickering and pursing his lips. "That means you either didn’t and don't want to tell me or you did kiss her and it was so bad you're embarrassed to tell me."

Shouto rolled his eyes. "I'm not embarrassed, it's just not your business. I don't know what girls you've kissed."

"Well, there are about 4-"

"No," Shouto stated flatly. "This wasn't an invitation to tell me about your previous relationships."

"I guess it was more like 4 and a 1/2-"

"One... half?" Shouto said without thinking.

"Yeah, I was drunk and I sort of missed," Natsuo snorted, laughing. "It was hilarious I promise. Don't look so mortified."

Shouto lifted his eyes and frowned. "You're an idiot."

"You're stuck up."

Shouto ignored Natsuo as he continued on. He swiped his finger over the screen, surprised Momo hadn't texted back. Normally she was speedy, but maybe she was getting breakfast with her parents. He didn't want to ask her if she was uncomfortable, or seem needy or clingy.

He just wanted to talk to her. More than anything else. It was strange. Shouto had never felt the strong pull to make friends or befriend people in general. But Yaoyorozu made everything different and turned things on their head.

"Do you think Dad is gonna come skiing with us today?" Natsuo asked, starting to slip into his under armour.

There was a beat of silence. In all his time on the roof, Shouto had forgotten his father was so mad.

He swallowed and pushed himself up, putting the phone down since Yaoyorozu seemed busy.

"I don't know. I hope he doesn't."

"Same," Natsuo's voice was clipped, the anger from the previous night returning. "That man just doesn't get a damn thing."

"No," Shouto agreed, standing up to get ready for the day.

"You would think he would have sympathy for his children but... alas!" Natsuo snorted, dramatically posing before returning to his preparations.

Admittedly, when their father didn't show up, Shouto wasn't surprised. Why was that man such a child? All of his children were far more intelligent than he was it seemed.

Currently, Shouto was eagerly awaiting a text from Yaoyorozu. She had seemed fine that morning, so he chalked it up to her most likely being busy.

"Morning you two," Fuyumi smiled, leaning her poles against the back wall. "Is Father here?"

"Nope!" Natsuo smiled.

"You probably shouldn't look so happy," Fuyumi muttered. "We all need to talk to him."

"Like hell I'm gonna do that!" Natsuo snapped.

Fuyumi let out a long sigh. "You can't keep this up.." she sighed.

"I can and I will as long as he's a dickbag to Shouto and the two of us-"

"That's why we have to talk to him," she urged.

"Yeah right, like he'll talk. He couldn't even show his face this morning," he snapped, folding his arms over his chest.

"I-I know but we're family..." she sighed.

Shouto wished he could tune them out. He was so tired of listening to the people around him fight and argue. It was another reason he enjoyed Yaoyorozu, because she was calming and fun, there was no negativity or fighting when it came to her. Just playful banter and interesting conversation.

He hoped she texted back soon.

"How about we ski?" Shouto muttered, interrupting the two of them. "We can deal with Father tomorrow."

"Alright," Fuyumi sighed softly.

The siblings spent the morning skiing together, and admittedly without their father, it was a much more enjoyable experience. There wasn't a strict schedule they had to follow, and they broke for lunch when they all felt hungry. It was refreshing, and it actually felt like they were on something of a vacation.

If only their father could understand this was exactly what they wanted and needed. He never would. The man hadn't changed in all 18 years of Shouto's life. He couldn't imagine a few outbursts on a ski trip was going to make him reconsider his actions.

By the end of the day, Shouto was exhausted and he was mostly shocked Yaoyorozu still hadn't texted him back.

He had been the last one to message, so it felt desperate to text again, but... could one message really be so bad?

[Text Yaoyorozu]: Hello Yaoyorozu-san. I hope you had a nice day skiing with your family. I was thinking about going up to the roof again this evening and would love to see you there. I hope you don't mind me spending time in your secret spot.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited some more. Even at dinner with his siblings she didn't text back.

"Is something wrong Shouto?" Fuyumi asked. "You seem a little distracted."

"Mmm..."

"He's waiting for his girlfriend to text him back!" Natsuo teased. Minus the 'girlfriend' label... Natsuo wasn't wrong, but Shouto had zero desire to talk about it further.

Shouto huffed out a long breath of air. "I'm going to bed," he said, pushing out from the table.

Admittedly, as relaxing as the time without their father had been... it oddly felt like the calm before the storm. Shouto could only assume Enji was going to come back, angrier than ever and ready to strike.

"O-Oh! Okay... goodnight Shouto!" Fuyumi said, waving as he left the table.

Though Yaoyorozu hadn't texted him back, he still made his way to the roof deck.

Empty.

His heart sank, unsure of why he had expected anything else.

A gentle, chilling breeze blew through his hair and a shiver rolled down his spine. It was freezing... though Shouto had never noticed it before. He always felt so warm when he was around Yaoyorozu.

He sighed, leaning against the railing as he stared out at the illuminated slopes. It really was beautiful up here. He loved that Yaoyorozu had helped him see that. As sad as he was his mother never got to see it... he knew Yaoyorozu was right; he had to experience this place to the fullest on her behalf.

Maybe he had said something strange to Yaoyorozu... but it was odd... it didn't seem like her to fully abandon him or their conversation. But she still hadn't texted back.

He waited on the roof alone... wishing the door open and he would hear her call his name in her smooth, silky tone... but no one came.

Shouto was alone, and it killed him to admit how disappointed he was. He just hoped nothing was wrong or that he didn't somehow ruin things completely.

[the-observant-frisbeetarian]

Chapter 5

The Tiger and the Dragon by George deValier

Chapter saved by fluffchemy ♥

For the second morning in a row Yao was woken by his mobile phone. This time the display read Incoming Call… Kiku and he let out a deep breath.

"Hi, Kiku."

"Brother. You have a boyfriend."

"I do?"

"Don't you know? What is all this about receiving flowers at work?"

"You've been speaking to Feliciano."

"Of course I have. Why was I not informed of this little development?"

"Kiku, honestly. I don't have a boyfriend. Someone sent me flowers. Do I have to tell you every little thing that happens in my life?"

"Yes."

"I have to go, I'll speak to you later."

"Yao, if you hang up…"

Yao hung up, wondering briefly if he should get rid of his phone. He suddenly shivered as he remembered that he had a date with Ivan that afternoon. He jumped out of bed, skin tingling, and realised he was actually excited about it. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way. He looked at the bunch of sunflowers in a vase by his bed and smiled. It was going to be a difficult morning to get through.

It wasn't until the afternoon that Yao remembered that Ivan didn't even have his address. Yao put on a jacket, pulled his hair back into its customary ponytail and threw Ivan's scarf over his shoulders. He fought the desire to ring Ivan and tell him the address, instead deciding it would be far more interesting to see if he would figure it out on his own. After all, he seemed to have found out Yao's phone number and work place. Yao wondered why he didn't feel as freaked out as he probably should have.

Yao stared at the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster and to stop at the same time. His stomach felt tied in knots and he drummed his fingers against the kitchen table repeatedly, wondering exactly what would happen when… the clock hit three and his doorbell rang at the exact same moment. Yao nearly fell off his chair. Instead he took a deep breath and reached into his pocket, grasping his little Buddha statue for luck. He went and opened the door.

"Good evening, sir!"

Yao looked down at the young man in confusion before recognizing him as the boy from Ivan's bar the other night. "Oh… Raivis, isn't it?"

The blonde nodded, smiling carefully. "Yes, sir. I've been sent up for you."

"All right." Yao locked the door behind him. "So Raivis, are you Russian as well?"

"No sir, actually I'm from Latvia." Raivis stared at the floor the entire time he was speaking.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Latvia, really?" Yao thought carefully, trying to remember what he could from an old Baltic phrasebook. "Man vienmēr domāju, ka latviešu ir ļoti skaista valoda."

Raivis's looked up at Yao and his face and eyes lit up. "Liels paldies! Vai tu runā latviešu valodā?"

"Nē, piedodiet.* I only speak a very small amount. But it's true, I do find your language beautiful. I would love to learn more." The phrasebook was one of the only reminders of a European holiday Yao, Arthur and Alfred had never ended up taking.

"I can teach you sometime sir, I would be very happy to!"

Yao smiled, the little Latvian's happiness contagious. "I'd like that, Raivis. And please don't call me sir, my name is Yao."

Raivis laughed. "You're nicer than he said, Yao."

Yao stopped short. "Than who said?"

Raivis's face fell. "Um, never mind. Forget I said anything. Mr Braginski is waiting downstairs for you, we should get going."

"Raivis, one moment. Do you have any idea how Ivan… er… Mr Braginski found out my address? I never told him."

Raivis's eyes fell to the floor again. "I never ask that sort of thing, sir."

"It's Yao."

"Sorry… Yao. Come, we shouldn't keep him waiting."

Yao followed Raivis as he rushed down the stairs and out the building, coming to a long black limousine parked in the street. Ivan was standing by an open door, holding out his hand and smiling at Yao. Yao felt his heart skip a beat. He'd forgotten the intense effect Ivan seemed to have on him.

"Good afternoon, little Dragon."

Yao smiled back and took his hand. "What time do you call this?" he asked, borrowing a phrase Arthur used often. "Expect me to wait all day?"

Ivan furrowed his brows and looked at his watch. "Is only just 3pm, da? I was expected earlier?"

"No!" said Yao hurriedly. "It was just a joke… because you were right on time, you know… sarcasm."

Ivan just looked confused, even as he kept smiling. "Silly Yao!"

"Er… never mind." Note to self: don't use dumb jokes in front of Ivan. 

Ivan held the door open for Yao and shut it behind him. Yao glanced around, impressed. He hadn't been in a limo since his prom. "I'm surprised you wanted to see me so soon," he said when Ivan got in the other side. Or ever again…

"Well, our last meeting was cut far too short, don't you think?"

Yao's ears burned and he looked down. "Um… sorry about that."

"Please, do not be. You look charming in my scarf."

"Thank you. Here…" Yao started to take the scarf off but Ivan took his hand to stop him.

"Wear it today. It may be cold where we are going."

"And where would that be?"

"It is a secret!"

Suddenly the screen separating them from the driver went down and Raivis turned to them. Yao gaped in shock. Raivis was the driver? He looked about twelve years old!

"Everything is ready, sir. Shall we proceed?"

"Please." Ivan waved a hand and the screen went back up. Suddenly Yao's anxiety came flooding back. He was sitting in the back of a car with someone who had managed to find out his phone number, work place and home address without even knowing his last name. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But when Yao looked up at Ivan and felt his stomach flutter and his pulse start to race, he decided he didn't care. He was falling hard and fast.

"Thank you for the flowers yesterday," said Yao, fidgeting with the scarf.

"You're welcome. Sunflowers are my favourite."

"Yes, they're beautiful, it's just… how did you find out where I worked? I'm sure I never told you…"

"Do you know…" interrupted Ivan, leaning forward and brushing Yao's cheek, "…you would look lovely with your hair free." Yao stiffened, breathless, as Ivan's hand trailed up his neck, leaving goosebumps in its wake, and pulled the band from his hair. Yao's hair fell loose over his shoulders and Ivan gently pushed a strand back from his face, tucking it behind his ear. Yao looked up into Ivan's eyes, inches from his own, and forgot that he had been worried about anything at all. Ivan smiled and leant back. "That's better."

It was the last time Yao asked about the flowers. It did not take long to reach their destination and Yao looked around curiously as the car started to slow… he could barely see out the darkened windows. But he was thrown off guard and gasped as a cloth was placed over his eyes. He reached up, panicked, but Ivan grasped his hand and whispered against his ear.

"Ssh, I said it was a surprise, da? There is no need to worry."

Yao shuddered at the warm breath against his ear, nodded and clutched onto Ivan's hand. The car continued at a slow pace for a few minutes more while Yao's chest tightened and he hoped Ivan would not feel his palm starting to sweat. Eventually they came to a stop and Yao heard the car door open. As Ivan helped Yao from the car he stumbled slightly and felt a steady arm wrap around his waist. "Do not worry, little Dragon. Remember, I will not let you fall."

Yao nodded again. "Um, can I look yet?"

"No! I will tell you when," said Ivan, sounding almost gleeful.

Yao let Ivan steer him along the unsteady ground, gradually growing confident that he wouldn't fall flat on his face. Deprived of sight, Yao felt his other senses heightened. The feeling of Ivan's arm around him and Ivan's body against his, Ivan's scent that was already so familiar from his scarf, the comforting press of Ivan's hand still in his own, the sound of a low roar… Yao froze. What?

The blindfold finally lifted from his eyes and Yao blinked in the bright sunlight. Then he nearly fell over at the sight before him. Still gripping Ivan's hand, Yao's other hand flew to his mouth. They were standing on a low grassy rise overlooking what looked like part of a forest, complete with open grassy areas, tall pine trees, a flowing waterfall… and several enormous tigers.

"Oh… my…" Yao had no idea what to say. It was surreal… and one of the most beautiful sights he'd ever seen. "Is it safe?" he asked finally. They seemed to be incredibly close to the animals.

"Is completely safe. I promise. They cannot reach us here." Ivan led Yao to the edge and they looked down at the stunning creatures lying in the sun. The tigers took no notice of them. "I thought you would like to see the tigers!"

"It's… they're… wow. This is incredible!" said Yao. It really felt like they were in the middle of a forest, but when Yao looked around and noticed fences he realised they must be at the zoo. Of course… There was, however, no one else to be seen.

"They are Siberian. Russian tigers… like me, da?" Ivan broke into a smug grin and Yao laughed. "Unfortunately endangered. Very beautiful. Very dangerous."

"How did you manage this?" asked Yao, looking back at the tigers. It almost felt like he could reach out and touch them. "This area must be restricted."

Ivan waved a hand dismissively. "I am a friend of the zoo."

Yao raised an eyebrow. Ivan must have been a very good friend to have the zoo closed off and be allowed into the tiger enclosure. "Well I must admit, this isn't what I expected." He glanced up sideways at Ivan to find him staring not at the tigers but back down at Yao. But then again, neither are you…

"Come, sit."

Yao turned to find a blanket laid out behind them, complete with cushions and a large picnic basket. This really isn't what I expected… Yao sat down and Ivan lay beside him, resting on his elbow. They still had a perfect view of the tigers.

"You know, this has to be the most unique date I've ever been on. I mean, if that's what this is… and not that I've really been on very many, it's just, you know, I was sort of expecting a restaurant or something, not a private viewing area at the zoo and…I mean, this is amazing, really, how did you…" Oh here we go… "Aru." Damn! "Sorry," he said to his feet.

Ivan laughed softly. "Yao, you are most charming, funniest man I've ever met."

Yao's eyes went wide as they met Ivan's. That violet gaze was as magnetic as Yao remembered.

"Why are you surprised? Silly Dragon. I have another secret."

"You do?" Why am I not surprised…

"I am also, how do you say, cooking master," said Ivan, his eyes twinkling.

Yao's mouth twitched into a tiny smile. "Really?"

"Da. And today I prepare a very special menu." Ivan pulled himself up and reached for the picnic basket. Yao looked on expectantly as Ivan opened it with a flourish to reveal… row after row of sandwiches. Yao burst into laughter.

"You must tell me what you think. You are expert, da?" asked Ivan merrily.

"I'm not an expert," laughed Yao as scuttled closer to the basket and took a sandwich.

"Ah, but you will be, this I am sure." Ivan beamed down at him.

Yao bit into the sandwich. It was peanut butter. He made a show of chewing thoughtfully. "Hmm. I would say, excellent presentation, elegant construction of flavours… all in all, a culinary triumph."

Ivan placed his hand to his chest and bowed his head. "I think you flatter me. I am afraid, though, I must apologise. I do not cook much. This is all I can make."

"Well actually, they are very good," said Yao. The idea of Ivan in the kitchen preparing peanut butter sandwiches was somehow hilarious and endearing.

"You make me happy to say so!" said Ivan, reaching for a sandwich. "I am sure you cook even better than this!" Yao laughed. "Will you show me?"

"You want me to cook for you?"

Ivan nodded eagerly. "Da. I would love this."

"Well…" Yao shrugged. "Why not. Alright. What would you like me to make?"

"I will make you a challenge. Make me something… traditional Russian."

Yao nearly choked. "Russian? But… I've never cooked Russian before."

"This is why it is a challenge! You will do well, I know you will." Ivan nodded decisively.

"Very well. I'll try."

This second meeting couldn't have been more different from their first. It had to be one of the strangest moments of Yao's life, sitting over a tiger enclosure, eating peanut butter sandwiches with a man who he was very quickly falling head over heels for. The time passed quickly as they talked non-stop. Ivan promised to show Yao around Moscow one day, and Yao promised the same about Beijing, which would be interesting considering he hadn't been there since he was fifteen. Yao talked a little more about his friends but quickly changed the subject, and Ivan told Yao about his three invaluable 'advisors' as he called them.

"Raivis seems very sweet," said Yao, avoiding mentioning Toris. "I haven't really met Eduard though, only briefly the other night… is everything alright with your computer problems? He was mentioning something about a hacking, or…"

"Please, do not think of that, Yao. It is not your concern." Ivan's voice turned cold and the smile fell from his face. Those eyes that could be so terrifying flashed and Yao quickly looked down, mumbling an apology. He felt a flash of fear in his stomach. He reached up to push back his hair nervously and jumped when Ivan's hand took his. Looking up, he saw Ivan was smiling again. "It is an old problem… we will solve it."

Yao nodded and changed the subject. "I still can't believe you managed all this. I've never been so close to tigers before."

"Next time I will take you to see the dragons!"

Yao smiled again, feeling the knot of fear start to dissipate. "I imagine that would be rather difficult."

"Ah, you just have to know the right people." Ivan was still holding Yao's hand, twirling his thumb over Yao's palm.

"So where are these dragons kept?" asked Yao shakily, hoping Ivan couldn't feel his hand trembling.

"That is a secret."

"You sure are full of secrets."

"Just one more… close your eyes," said Ivan, releasing Yao's hand and jumping to his feet.

"Huh?" Yao stared up at him in confusion.

"Close your eyes!"

"Um, okay…"

"Do not peek," said Ivan, his voice moving away.

Yao sat in anticipation, unsure what to expect. After a few minutes he was starting to get anxious when he felt something warm and heavy placed in his lap. His eyes flew open and he nearly squealed. "Oh my GOD!" he cried in surprise as a little orange tiger cub crawled on his lap.

Ivan sat beside him, holding another cub as it squirmed in his grasp, trying to get free. Ivan let it go on the ground. "Meet newest members of tiger enclosure!"

"Wow… they're incredible. This is amazing! How are you allowed to do this?" Yao laughed as the two cubs crawled over his leg. He tried to resist grabbing and hugging them.

"I told you, I am a friend of the zoo."

"You must be a pretty darn good friend. They're adorable!" Yao was still trying not to squeal. He had a huge weakness for anything cute.

"Almost adorable as you, Yao!" grinned Ivan.

Yao rolled his eyes at Ivan. The tiny cubs didn't seem to be scared of them in the slightest. They crawled over both Yao and Ivan, yawning widely, and batting and scrambling over each other as they fought.

"They are four weeks old. Cute now… they will quickly become dangerous." Ivan reached over and scratched one of the tiny cubs behind the ear.

"It's hard to imagine when right now they are so tiny! Oh you're the sweetest little thing in the world yes you are!" Yao gently patted the little tigers, still rather amazed. He knew that this zoo had a fairly famous tiger breeding program. How Ivan had ever managed to be allowed access to two of the little cubs was unfathomable.

They spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and playing with the tiny cubs. Yao couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so cheerful and relaxed. There was no longer any trace of anxiety…it was hard to think of Ivan as scary when he was lying on the ground tickling a tiny tiger cub.

When the sky started to darken Ivan took the cubs back to wherever they had come from. Yao and Ivan talked until well after darkness fell. It was becoming easier and easier to be with Ivan. When it was just the two of them, and Yao stopped worrying and analyzing, he found himself surprisingly more comfortable than he had felt in a very long time. The slight edge of uneasiness seemed to disappear. It felt right somehow. Later in the limousine they sat in silence the whole way home, Yao's head resting on Ivan's shoulder and their hands entwined. Yao was falling deeper and deeper.

Finally the car pulled up outside Yao's building and he reluctantly released Ivan's hand. Ivan followed him as he stepped out onto the sidewalk. Yao stared up at him, caught once again in those violet eyes.

"Thank you for today."

"It was my pleasure, Yao."

"Oh, here." Yao took off the scarf and placed it around Ivan's neck. His hands lingered and he felt suddenly overwhelmed and reckless. Forgetting himself for a brief moment, he pulled on the scarf, bringing Ivan down to him and kissing him wildly. It took only a second for Yao to come to his senses but Ivan responded just as quickly. He grasped Yao by the waist with one arm, crushing his body against his own while he ran his free hand through Yao's hair. Ivan kissed Yao hungrily, thoroughly, and Yao moaned, surprised at the strength of Ivan's response. Throwing his arms around Ivan's neck, Yao pressed himself as close as he could to Ivan. He clung to him tightly, head spinning, hardly noticing or caring that he could barely breathe. Yao felt Ivan's hand drop lower on his back and finally Yao broke the kiss, gasping, when he felt an unmistakable hardness pressed against his stomach. He went bright red.

"You are too much, little Dragon," laughed Ivan, but he sounded nearly breathless.

"I… I …" What's wrong with me, I was about to make out with him on the street… "I'll see you later, won't I?"

Ivan took Yao's hand and kissed it gently. "Of course you will."

"Good – goodbye," Yao managed to stutter before running into the building, feeling almost dizzy. It was amazing how fast the afternoon seemed to have gone. He walked into his apartment like he was walking on air, and no longer cared about any of the things that had worried him about Ivan. All he cared about was seeing him again. Yao took off his jacket, pulled the tiny Buddha statue from his pocket and kissed it. He didn't know if it was bringing him luck, but it had brought him Ivan. And that was more than enough.

.

Next Chapter

Disclaimer: This story belongs to George deValier. Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. I own nothing.

THANK YOU FLUFFCHEMY FOR SAVING THIS CHAPTER!

[mtemplex]

Little Baby Faulkner

# 1

My girlfriend Sashi used to hate it when film crews used her neighborhood to film. She hated it because her neighborhood was quiet—and then come all these film people noising it up, blocking roads, leaving colored tape everywhere. But mostly she hated that she was the insider, and they were the outsiders, and shooting a film was their pass to become tourist in her neighborhood, where she was a native.

Also: Sashi went to film school. And somehow that figured into her hatred of film crews.

I went to film school too. Sashi’s was in New York. Mine was in LA. She studied lighting. She liked to be on crew. I studied directing. If I never pick up another light or calculate line voltages in my head it will be too soon. I think Sashi held it against me that I liked the heady work while she preferred the grunt work. Sashi was smart enough to direct. To write. She considered it more pure to haul cord, to respond to the cinematographer bark orders. When she worked on a movie, she *preferred* not to read the script. She and her fellow crew members would go to Starbucks after filming and talk philosophy—not the casual kind that most people talk, but real philosophy, the kind that to keep up with you had to be read up on every last work by Derrida. They didn’t *want* to know anything about the movie: Their way of filmmaking was *pure*. The less they knew the better.

This story I’m about to tell you took place over one weekend in September (or maybe October). It was senior thesis week and as a director I didn’t have any interest in helping out some classmate by holding the boom microphone—which is what I liked to do when I was required to be on someone else’s set. Much for the same reasons Sashi worked lights: I could be there and not be there. Just get the mic in the right place and my brain could wander to infinite places other than *here*.

I lived right up the street from my school. Three blocks. And right between block two and block three was a restaurant with no name (as is popular in LA). It had a black door and a red carpet and I had never been inside but I had walked past it every day for a year and on Sunday and Thursday the red carpet was rolled out. If I got drunk my apartment was one block up the hill. I could walk there and see the homeless man sleeping on a couch someone had literally thrown out their window. Hollywood is like that: Lamborghinis and rich people live on the same street as homeless ones. There is no plan to help the homeless ones. They wander, move, die.

I had seen people enter the restaurant with no name. In couples or quads, guys and girls, all dressed up. And disappear behind the door into relative blackness.

Now I stand here, ready to knock—realizing what a silly gesture that is—and I’m not dressed up, instead wearing my brown cargo pants that I used to swear by as a film person (due to the extra—the third—side pocket almost to the cuff at the bottom of the pants). I’ve never seen that pocket before or since. Only on the ones sold in a surplus shop on Hollywood B.

I pull open the door, walk a few steps in. I almost leave because no one is in there. The tables are stood on top of each other like they stand when a restaurant crew closes for the night. There was a bar—no one at it, no one behind it. I look around the place:

I see a bar with nine stools. An area in the back with a stained-glass skylight. Tiles on the floor underneath that: Forming the structure of a wave, patterns never lost on me. I think about texting my film school buddy but decide I want to be alone. At the top of the Ave is the Alto Nido building, where I live. Sashi lived with me for a while. Then I threw my phone across the room, shattering it, glass everywhere. Then I kicked her out. I feel bad about it but me throwing that phone was the last in a line of incidents tracing us from Arizona to Ohio and then to LA. I have never met anyone who made me as mad as that girl.

Other than the skylight, there were no windows in this place. The ceiling was packed with cinema lighting, stage lighting. Even underneath the floor, which was glass block, a parade of colors went by as though I was standing on a river.

I went and sat at the bar, put my laptop bag on the floor, leaning against my stool. Maybe there was an underground chamber and *that’s* where everyone who comes through that door went to..some *Alice in Wonderland* in the basement or sub basement where all the kids in Hollywood (not the students, not the ones without money) would go to dance and hook up and go home and fuck and come back next Sunday or Thursday and ignore everyone they had taken home before.

“Excuse me”—that was the bartender.

I smile in a familiar way, as though we know each other.

“Is this place open?”

“We open at seven, actually.”

“Do you have a kitchen?”

“Yes,” he says deeply. “I’ll get you a menu.”

“That’s ok,” I say. “Do you have a ribeye?”

“Yes sir we do.”

“I’d like a rib eye. Extra rare. With blue cheese crumbles on top.”

“Sure thing,” he says.

“Also? Could I have serrano peppers and two eggs over easy on top of that blue cheese?”

“Sure thing? You want a drink?”

“Yes, a glass of Syrah if you have it.”

“We have it! Totally. We have it. I guess it’s ok if you sit here. There’s a party later.”

“I’ll be out of here by then,” I say (having no intention to leave).

The bartender pours me a generous glass of wine in a glass with a thin lip (important if you’re me). He goes into the kitchen.

I flip through my phone book. Almost all the way to the end. I pretend to consider each name, each number, but really I’m looking for a certain name all along: Roberts, my fuck buddy from Ohio. Don’t ask my *why* I picked Roberts. It may have had something to do with my having tried cocaine for the first time a few days ago, and something in me knew that Roberts had done it, or could help me with her sexy words. My sex with her was the best ever—she said our sex was amazing. After our second bout of soap-suds squishy sex on the floor of my apartment in Ohio, she said, “It’s not that our sex is amazing. I just always wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a genius.”

I refrained from asking her what that was like.

Now in LA, in my empty restaurant, I called her.

“Well look who it is,” she says.

“Hey, pretty girl.”

“So what’s going on?”

“I’m on a coke binge and I need a break.”

“So you called me! Ha ha.”

“Have you ever done it?”

“Matt. You will not believe your synchronicity with me and my house right now! We—me and my roomie Hannah—we just got this house. To rent. And we are breaking it in with a whole weekend of coke. The whole weekend. You know what I think would be great?”

“If I fly to Dayton and participate in your coke weekend?”

Silence.

Then Roberts’ voice: “Would you?”

“Umm..”

“Oh please! *Could* you?”

“Ahh..”

“Oh my god we could do coke and have sex all weekend!”

“Ok!” I say. “Tell me about this house.”

“I will,” she says. “Hannah and I live here—the lease is in our name. My grandmom lives here. And Hannah’s boyfriend name of Rambuncto is getting out of jail on Saturday.”

“They let people out of jail on Saturday?”

“You’re my smart boy. As in: Anyone else would have asked me *What is he in for?* but you ask *Will they let him out on Saturday?*

“Well: What is he in for?”

“Assault. On a stranger in a Walmart.”

“Is he guilty? I mean: Did he do it?”

Roberts’ laugh gets two steps louder.

“I’m pretty sure he’s guilty, yeah.”

“Is he gonna be there this weekend?”

A pause from Roberts.

“Matthew, don’t worry about it. Rambuncto may talk some shit but he’s harmless.”

“Not to the person in Walmart.”

“Don’t worry about it, Matthew. You spend so much of your head worrying it’s a miracle you’re not losing brain celluloid whenever you wake up. Come over. Can you afford it? I can send you money if you can’t afford it.”

“I can afford it.”

“Ok, good. ‘Cause I can’t really afford it.”

We both laugh.

“And I have enough money for coke.”

“Ok, this is what I think we should start with: an eight ball,” Roberts says. Then we can get more eight balls when we run out. I don’t know if you remember, but I always wanted to get a Snoop doggy dog and—guess what?—I have one. Do you want me to tell you his name?”

“Hold up. Before that. Is Rambuncto—? Is Hannah—? I mean, are they ok?”

“You’ve *met* Hannah before.”

“Did she go to Colonel White?”

“She went to Stivers. She’s fine. Don’t worry! The house is cool, ok? Say *The house is cool*.”

“I just wanna—“

“SAY THE HOUSE IS COOL!!”

“Ok. It’s cool. The house is cool.”

“We’re gonna have so much fun when you get here, Matt. We’ll fuck *all weekend*. I know you like that slippy little soap suds fucking we do. Look. I gotta go.”

“Can you pick me up from the airport?”

“Guess what my dog’s name is. Just text me the details. What’s my dog’s name? Baby hurry ‘cause I gotta go.”

“I don’t know. What’s its name?”

“Faulkner.” She lays it out like carpet.

“Why did you name him that? Have you ever *read* any Faulkner?”

“I gotta go, my wayward king! Hannah says we have a dead-ish baby in the crib room.”

“Alright, girl—“ I say, but the line goes dead.

Just then the bartender returns with my steak. It is cooked extra rare. With two eggs, blue cheese, and jalapeño peppers instead of serranos. I decide to eat it anyway.

# 2

Roberts and I had a history. From the first I saw her practicing color guard with the school’s JROTC program—her face so smooth, her hair: an angels!—to the time I followed her across the gym floor during a science exploration—projects everywhere, and none more important to me—I tracked her down and we spoke and she did seem kinda dumb to me. But I liked her anyway, and over the years we’d become fuck buddies. From that time watching *The Great Gatsby* (Robert Redford version) sitting in the dark of the basement where her apartment was, her dog outside listening. And Roberts and I moved deliberately to a lying down position and kissed in the dark—and all we did was kiss—but the seed was sewn, and it wasn’t till a couple years since *The Great Gatsby* that we hooked up in my place on Second Street in Dayton Ohio (with the help of a bottle of Aftershock) that we finally took it all the way.

Fucking Roberts had become an exalted experience. Full of imagination and the fulfillment of imagination. Her puss was so red and so tight..it was unimaginable. Truly, the best sex of my life, right there. Soap suds—the works. Tight as a flower mate by a honeybee, the bee shaking his tail feathers to get in there. Before we had stood in the light of a street lamp visible five floors below..and when it turned red we stopped touching each other and when it turned green we started again.

My friend Julian was mad at me when I told him Roberts and I had fucked. He asked me to describe her vagina, which I did. Red. Redder than the purest red in a box of Crayons, a set of oil paints. Tight as a honeybee. Wet and snug and so tight she made me cum in her after five strokes, even after she asked me not to cut. We never used a condom. Kept it clear and functioning. Lord of the *Flies*. The next morning she jacked me off with two hands while she waited for her mother to pick her up. Then it was off and on, whenever one of us happened to call the other. And it never seemed off-limits, even when one of us was in relationship—it was never cheating, with us.

This is the girl I was flying from LA to Dayton to meet. This is the girl when I showed her picture to my film school buddy, he said:

“You fucked *that*?”

To which I said, “Yep.”

And that was the end of the conversation. The end of Mike’s constant pestering me about getting a girlfriend, about everything he pestered me about, right down to the bottom of why I took showers instead of baths. Right down to the end of who my Christmas present was: A girl who I woke up in my LA bed to see. A girl I fucked during film school: brown hair, lovely petite, screaming sex in her chokers and all blackness and pink panties you could see above her back. Her back hurt. She needed relief. Any way I could provide it, I was willing. Fucked that girl in the equipment room, just, like, that.

I don’t remember that film school girl’s name—believe that? I don’t remember my Christmas present’s name. She was a costume girl for Adam Sandler. And the fact that I didn’t remember her name isn’t really an act of pathological sport fucking—more an act of casualty that we all engage in. Fuck one girl, forget her name. Forget her phone number and wake up the next morning with more unknowns in your address book: “Molly, 323.818.9544”—total unknown. Don’t remember a Molly—don’t remember anyone. No one new, no one old. A real bright way of living, there.

But on that night Roberts and I decided to invite each other to spend a coke weekend at her house in Ohio..on the night I invited myself into this anonymous dance and supper club, on that night I stayed sober enough to remember two cute girls a few years older than me who danced and opened up their world to me.

“Do you wanna dance with us?”

These women were formally dressed and I with my six-pocket cargo pants they grabbed me me by the hands and took me to the place under the skylight and they freak-danced me, holding me in the envelope of light where each of them plus the skylight made a triangle of importable lust, striking jealousy in the eyes of the boys more normal to this party. Soon they picked me out as the threat, the tall nail which is inevitably hammered down, and the girls were saying goodbye and the bartenders and bouncers were telling me goodbye and the street lamp having just come on was guiding my home across the street with the intersection of the homeless man sleeping in a couch that had been thrown out the window and my school was far behind me and I let myself into the Alto Nido—it’s the building shown in the opening shot of *Sunset Boulevard*—and I took the stairs (down) and I struggled with the lock and soon was in the wood-flooring studio apartment where I had the pages of an entire screenplay (one I was writing) placed end to end across the floor.

This and some squirrel puzzles (dubbed thee by my friend Michael). They were stacked on the writing desk with a bunch of cocaine stacked next to them. I was reaching for a result and I thought coke could help. It seemed to speed up my thinking, but no result came. These were some mathematical puzzles that had been puzzling me and I didn’t know whether it was more in the problem-solving *vein* to take them to Dayton on my Roberts weekend or to leave them here and take a break.

I thought of the dead man out there on the sidewalk—he seemed dead to me. I had never used enough drugs to make myself actually *homeless*. I didn’t have sympathy for that man. This was what happened when you couldn’t control your addiction. When you lost your job and lost your wife and lost your nerve to walk into a job interview on LSD or walk into a job interview on meth and coke—if you couldn’t make that work, then you couldn’t *make it work*—period.

The idea that there were people out there who had never tried drugs was empty to me: I did not understand how that could be. My cousin divorced her husband after he 1) had back surgery 2) was prescribed opiates 3) became addicted to those opiates and 4) went to rehab to end his addiction. To me that seemed like the best-case scenario, minus the divorce. But, I mean, how in this first world of ours could anyone live for long without coming into contact with drugs. We live on them, can’t function without them. Anyone who has tried alcohol knows that if this drug was introduced today that it would be illegal. Same with cigs. The most dangerous drugs are on the street, legal to get. And a couple of the most transformative drugs are listed as the most restricted in our world. The real problem is you have people walking around with no general knowledge of drugs and their actual dangers and benefits.

I set up a line of coke, snarfed it.

I set up another line, banged it.

Mmm. Salad wenches of lines spreading before me the remnants of ecstasy flying, colliding. Rummaging in my mind tailwinds of stories I had yet to tell. Yardley dangers of Pluto, planets banging across each other to form craters, my jizz the center of the galaxy, girlfriend gone, somewhere at a Starbucks sitting out front talking with a homeless man, treating him better than she treats me (I have seen this) and her going home to some weekly hotel where she barely makes the rent, has to eat off the employee shelf—all she had to do was not wake me up at night, not engage me in impossible swirls of arguments that never end, there is never a truce, never a peace of the day, but me waking up with her kneeling over my body *yelling* at me. Never stopping. One who wants not to live together, not to love each other, but to be one end of a debate course, for us to work it all out *and for her to be right*! I could not take anymore of that.

I punched up my ticket—laptop, coke—making sure I got the flight times, origins and destinations, correct. Making sure I had the times correct. Enough room for changes to and from Dayton Ohio. I’d pack my bag tomorrow. I called Roberts.

“Hi y’all” (said in an English accent) “I hope you have been following my YouTube channel as of late where myself and my house mouse—we will call her ‘H’—move into a *fabulous* house in East Dayton. This weekend we have a guest, my old friend Matt from Colonel White. Anyway—*any who*—he’s coming for a visit. A sortie. An exportage. If you will. I” (sound of a smooch) “you, fuck boy! I smooch you I smooch you I smoooch you!!”

# 3

Listening to Roberts’ voicemail prompts were always like this: spinning in infinity, telling a tale. You could get a glimpse of her, through this medium, that gave you information you could only get in this way. If you saw her grandmother die and then asked Roberts if it saddened her, Roberts would say nothing. Then you’d listen to her voicemail and hang up before leaving a message, she would say the truth right there: she was sad.

Boarding the plane high on coke scared me. I had done a lot of coke before taking a cab to the airport, and I spent the whole ride there wiping down the corners of my bag, licking clean my normal coke holder and burying it in the bottom of my clothes. LAX is a trip within itself, messages of the white zone and the orange zone. I passed through the white zone thinking of all the white I had done, hoping those drug-sensing chemicals wouldn’t expose me—all to everyone. I took off my shoes and put my laptop in its own bin and walked through that fucking machine with the facial expression of the Dalai Lama and the shluffing feet of a would-be LA party goer—I would be a party goer except after that first impression I came across like a kid just broke into a candy store. I had the all the nerve but none of the money: real LA party people had rich parents and bottomless trusts and multiple parts in small movies.

They were the chosen ones. I was the nothing one.

I got through security. Got through the boarding process. Sat with my carry-on beneath my seat, leaned my head against a window, and I’m sure snored all the way through the flight.

During my sleep, I dreamt I was on a bicycle touring a school that was close to. There were a hundred black people in a small gymnasium watching a basketball game that was in cable—only—not on regular TV. I ride through that room and back outside, nodding to a guy who is riding *his* bike and he has crystal meth on him and while my nod means nothing to me, it means that I want some crystal, to him. Soon enough I’m riding my bike, high on crystal, around this park and some people hold a phone out to me:

“This is Paula Abdul. She wants to talk to you.”

I stop my bike and talk on speakerphone.

“Hey Paula!”

“Hey, my bro. How are you doing over there? Where is *over there* for you, anyway?”

“Over there? I think I’m in a poor neighborhood, traveling like a flashlight across the country by air, and my shadow casts a spot over poor neighborhoods across the country. Whatever the plane’s shadow touches, I am there. We’re somewhere in the Midwest now. That’s all I know.”

Paula Abdul continued the dream:

“Look there on your TV. There I am—see? Now tell me what to do.”

I looked at the TV in front of these hundred poor kids here to watch the game. It was an old-fashioned one, SONY, with no inputs but for one—the antennae—and skipping past the part where I wondered how they could see *anything*, I told Paula Abdul to make a heart shape with her hands and fingers and as soon as I said that, she did it!

Paula Abdul, right there on TV—right there for me.

I rode out of the gym and saw the meth guy again and I remembered (in the dream) something that seemed at the time to be a remembrance of another meth experience but which seemed at the time to be a remembrance of *another dream*, or a remembrance of dream—just created!—a memory of a memory, the second memory created *at the time!* to *seem* like a waking-life memory *of* another dream—I don’t know how I seem to you but this tangle tripped me solidly upon waking and it was a few minutes more before I took this dream within a dream to consist of another waking-life dream accessed by myself from within this secondary dream. It’s confusing, I know.

Somewhere in there was a stop to change planes. I stooped around this large airport sitting in a circular intersection of hallways, desperately checking that my carry on was beside me.

I sat down, removed my laptop. It had some of the snail puzzles on it—plus the code to generate them. I tapped this way and tapped thus, there was nowhere else to go with them. I had spent a lifetime (it seemed) in Tucson in front of a white board deducing what originally seemed a system of *two* states and *two* rules to what seemed now to be a system of *four* states with two rules. I could generate, with my new set of pieces, the table of 16 binary Boolean operators just by *copying* them with your hands, with visual pattern matching (and that’s what made this second rule set superior) but I could not generate the actual snail puzzles from them.

This concerned me as I sat alone in—which airport I can’t remember—working out the pattern matching, the visual copying of four rules which allowed *computation* to be known as simple creation and unfolding of patterns. They didn’t even have to be visual!—They could be calculated by a blind person—Even a person with no senses could *sense* this, deep in their brain, I had determined.

That and nervously picking at my coke pill: silver with a keychain and a screw-tight lid. I had carried it with me since I first started doing coke. It came from Amazon. In the airport I unscrewed it and tried tapping its (hopefully non-empty) contents onto my laptop cover. You’ve never lived until you’ve done coke off your MacBook. I was hoping to do some here but the silver pill box had nothing to offer. If you could somehow get your coke over the security points, doing coke in airports would be ideal: it would be a safe environment, no one would imagine you had coke on you and you could tap out lines in clear sight of everyone and they would go: *What? Is that what I just saw?* and they would say *Naw* and keep going.

I had a dangerously long layover—one could say a dangerous hangover—during which I could easily have exited the airport and ended up in Nashville, or Atlanta, or whatever city I was in. I could have easily met up with party people in an airport bar and from there gone off on some other adventure, something far more dastardly than the one I was on. Filled up my coke reserves and re-filled my silver pill box.

On the second leg of the flight I wasn’t fortunate enough to have a window seat. I was in the aisle and this meant there were duplicate waitresses-cum-stewardesses rubbing on my super-sensitive sides. Everyone seemed like they were on coke and everyone seemed like they could sell it to me.

I had a panicky moment wherein I doubted my entire goal: sleeping with Roberts was doubtable, unlikely: she had gained weight and had a child before our last meeting and I had been telling myself this time would be different: she would have lost weight (at least to her high school level) and the child wouldn’t be with her (that was a London baby that Roberts and her boyfriend had given to adoption)—when she had that baby and given her up, Roberts had suckered me into listening to her whole sob story, how they named her London and they *insisted* to the adopting couple that they keep her name and the adopting couple said *Sure, sure* and they obviously were going to change the baby’s name—*obviously*.

Roberts told me that story while I was pinned to the bar stool in a Dayton Thai place. Roberts always did that: kept you on the phone too long, long past when *anyone* would insist the conversation must end! She did it to everyone—I was one of the only people who would still talk to her (listen to her) and so my punishment grew. From a virgin boy who wanted to have sex with her to an experienced man who had sex with her and a lot of people, Roberts was always wasting my time. Always making a two-minute conversation into a ten-minute one. Always driving me crazy with superfluous monologues, over-emphasizing small points which Roberts claimed were big ones!

Years after this trip, several moves from city to city for me, Roberts found my number on Facebook and called it. I was on my last few minutes of cell time and that wasn’t even a factory when I finally said to her, “Stop. Roberts, stop. You always call me and dangle all this bullshit in front of my face, how your kids are doing and how this new man in your life is finally the perfect one..but then there is this unmatched thread where you introduce that he’s a wife beater or a drug addict or a crazy Christian. And you never get to it! You’re dragging me on for years with a story that could be told in a minute! Just stop, Roberts—please, stop. This is the last time we talk together. I have seen you for the last time. Don’t find me on Facebook. Don’t call this number—in a minute it will change. I love you—in a way. Were a high school thing. That turned into a fuck buddy thing. I had fun and I truly like you and I will always remember you well. You blew my mind—truly. And I appreciate that Dallas and Caycee have me as their godfather. That was nice if you—more than nice. But I’m not your children’s godfather. I’ll never see them. I’ll never see them, Roberts, as few or many years as you and I and they will pass. I will never see you, Roberts—never again.”

# 4