#its raening💛

[renytherat]

MAI EMBROIDERY IS SO FUN!! I'VE DONE LIKE 7 HOURS

[renytherat]

ok bc im a list-orientated person and i love posting random shit, here's all the things i need or want to do in no particular order just what comes to mind as i type. (green is done, yellow is partly, orange is waiting for me to be financially stable, red is i decided not to)

Need to:

figure out loans bc im part-time in the winter now

stop spending unnecessary money (haha good luck)

fafsa 24-25

work out daily (at least half an hour. a bike ride maybe. a walk or two)

continue eating as healthily as i can with minor complications (:[])

drink more water

talk to dermatologist about scalp

set up dr. appt

set up eye dr. appt

brush teeth and take vitamins everyday

shop for vitamins im missing like zinc and vc and find some vd supplements bc i hate going outside but that sun vitamin really does help with depression lol

Want to:

get comfy yellow desk chair

chelsea style boots

finish/catch up with mine and vampys playlists

put up my posters omg -> take down posters and clean walls

put up my fairy lights. get led? two different vibes.

!!get more black light lightbulbs

finish unfinished tangible craft projects. (ouch)

get roller skates (learn how)

dye my hair red

get industrial piercing/ tattoo

get septum piercing

finish finalizing my style and acquire clothes that fit it.

get colorful converse (yellow/pink)

keep up with journalling

daily tarot pulls

write more creatively for myself and maybe post if i wanna share it

[renytherat]

Went to breakfast with father. Had apple juice. Made tiny airplanes, boat hats, and a froggy out of those silverware paper wrappers. Left the froggy for the busser 🐸

[renytherat]

Whether I vote for stray kids or not does not correlate with how much I love them. I'm their fan and I'm proud of their work, I do support them in the ways I can. You can't tell me I don't love them if I don't vote. I try to stay updated as much as I can, but sometimes I fall behind. I have a life outside of being a stay. It isn't my full time job. I'm just one person too. My vote won't make or break their career. Besides I have no idea how the fuck to work whosfan and I don't really have the time to figure it out rn

[renytherat]

fic trope

rules take this uquiz to see what trope you get

tagged by: @haylo4ever and @hanniiesuckle17 thank you both sorry its taken me so long

tagging: again not anyone rn but maybe later

[renytherat]

Yall know jisungs bubble profile right? The black cat. Didnt minho have a white cat picture exactly the same. They showed it in the bts but idk if he posted it anywhere or not. I kinda want it :(

[renytherat]

Listen, all i wanna know is where jisung gets his clothes okay. We have similar styles and im jealous of everything he wears. Faahionchingu is really shit at finding the pieces of clothes i wanna wear. It only does really memorable outfits and im not abt to wear red and black stripes ok

[renytherat]

I like my moots. They're very friendly. Like complimenting their work and getting happy reactions. Shall do it more often

[renytherat]

Update

so im stressed. if you cant see that or havent heard that from me yet, here it is. school is a huge leap for me considering i took a yr off after graduating hs and then went to a community college and then proceeded to take another yr off after finishing two semesters there. I really feel as though im still not ready. but my family is very pushy and i cant live off them forever without mentally destroying myself and having them be disappointed in me forever. so im going to school for the only thing thats mildly interested me in the past 7-8 yrs.

tl,dr: I'm taking a break from social media. (I'll be active in the sense that I am a bored person and do nothing but go on social media) but I will not be writing or making moodboards or reblogging content and I'll probably ignore asks if I don't feel like I could answer without sounding like a robot. also i still love you guys i just feel like a floating rock. I'm sorry

growing up ive never wanted to go to school. im not a social person so i didnt go for the ppl. im not smart so i didnt really like the studying and tests and homework. im not althletic and would really rather do nothing all day so I didn't go for the sports or after school activities. school was just mandatory and dear god I was not going to get homeschooled by my mother thank you.

with that thought in mind and my parents financial situation when they sent my little sister off to a boarding school I decided id rather let my sister use my college money to go and do/be something great in the future. so I just never dreamed. i never imagined myself going into further studies. i never imagined the future. i would sacrifice everything for my brat of a sister who doesn't even have any work ethic. i would.

but as parents are they expect something of me. get a job and grow up yk. but I'm scared of literally everything and myself so that's impossible. I'm also stuck in my past and cant get over trauma lol. i sabotage my life on purpose and I know it. i think so negatively its become who I am. i wont get help for my mental problem bc I'm so sick and just don't want it. i don't want to rely on meds. i don't want to have to talk to somebody abt all this shit going on inside. especially bc id have to pay them.

in the end it really just all comes down to money. and I have such a spending problem too. I'm scared of the insecurity i feel. my dad is financially fine. in fact we're better off than I know, it's just that at some point in my life we weren't and I was a kid when I learned that. so I developed a fear of never being able to do what I want bc I didn't think id be able to afford it. and the world is ruled by money. but again I cant always live with my dad and especially not my mother. I cannot depend on someone my entire life and yet I need to. Im not independent and I never will be. i suffer from loneliness and dont take care of myself if Im alone. i barely even do it even though my dad is right downstairs.

I'm scared of the future bc i never thought i had one in the first place. I'm scared of myself bc I'm the one that has to take care of me and idk how to. nobody has taught me and I have the inability to learn how on my own. I'm stupid in the ways of life and I don't ask for help in fear of looking dumb and having ppl hold that over my head. I'm completely lost and no one is going to hand me a compass bc who tf owns a compass.

[renytherat]

My main goal today is to not fall asleep until it is bedtime. So i can wake up and do it all again tomorrow

Everytime i try to fix my sleep schedule i just fall asleep right after lunch and its still fucked

[renytherat]

Sorry for the spam tonight. Im all over the place. ANYWAYS i havent worn a cap in a while bc my hair is always up in a bun or pony of some sort, but recently its been in low buns and i havent fixed it in three days so its a rats nest, but i just put a cap on (backwards) bc i bumped it off its hook and i just felt really good. Like wearing caps backwards has always made me feel good genderwise i guess?? But i was just like zooming by and didnt have enough energy to put it back on its hook so i put it on my head and i literally stopped and FELT the rush of serotonin lmao.

[renytherat]

emailed my advisor just now at 3am. will email again tomorrow before i go "up north". need answers for very confusing financial aid stuff that mother keeps rightfully nagging me about

also put in application saying im interested in becoming a life guard at uni... not sure how thats gonna go, but i love swimming so im good at it. ive learnt before how to put my arms around a drowning individual, but it wasnt a full cpr class or anything.

need to email teachers for official class meeting times bc they havent put that out yet and i need to apply for another job on campus but i need to know when id be available for that. so,, in a loop here lol

[renytherat]

ok be honest which han jisung personality feels like peter to you? cuz idk j.one is the cocky rapper who knows hes good and shows it off. han is the other stage persona but hes a little more reserved yk? hannie is still on camera but not on stage. jisung(ie) is more like the face calls as well as just hanging in the dorms. sung(ie) is for goodnight and sweet "hey yous'"! (honorable mention: hanji is lino's "hey hey hey").

where does peter go exactly? i need answers pls. is peter the fun and silly friend when they go out? is he the soft lyricist in the corner of the room behind the couch? is he the late night national geographic fanatic? is he the mood maker in the english interviews?

or do you not even think of them all separately? they're all han jisung. (I mean duh of course they are) but like yk what I mean right?

[renytherat]

👉👈 ..greaser lee know...soc mc

A modern romeo juliet mixed with one of the best school readings ive ever had. And kingdom's lastest teaser photo is serving the perfect look

[renytherat]

Can someone send me an ask abt something they love and just talk about as much as they want? I want to hear some cute shit

[renytherat]

its raining both here and on my island :))