#its prob gonna be like how i feel about my autism. I dont care about it until i have a breakdown and then suddenly →

[bugwolfsstuff]

So I think its now clear im Aromantic

Yay? I guess?

I dont know what to feel about it. Is it bad I wish I could feel romantic attraction?

[asterlark]

heyy long time no personal post. ive been thinking a lot lately and i think i might be autistic and the more i think about it the more it makes sense? theres certain things i do that arent explained by my anxiety or depression that really make sense if i think about autism like

i have extreme food anxiety bc i have such bad sensory issues when it comes to food so i only eat things i know i like and i get super anxious at the prospect of eating new food especially when it’s in a place with other people

im a stickler for routine and i like to do things the same way, going outside of this makes me feel weird/anxious and i feel super panicky if i dont have a plan when im going somewhere or doing something

i cant stand ambiguity like i cant do like “yeah maybe we’ll do this thing maybe we wont” i need to know if it’s going to happen or not, i need to know whats going on so i can plan accordingly

i have a really hard time focusing on some things and it makes me so overwhelmed i cant do anything

i always need to either be eating something, chewing gum, or doing something with my hands/body i literally cant be sitting still and quiet

im literally never not thinking which is why i have insomnia bc i cant fall asleep without thinking over 2343253 things; i talk a lot around people im comfortable with but i still feel like 99% of my thoughts are internal bc im just constantly processing

work is hard bc i never know if im acting ‘normally’ if that makes sense? & like this is partially the anxiety too but i have a script for what i say to customers and if something happens to where i have to stray from the script i get super flustered and it takes me a second to readjust

idk thats just some things, theres more stuff i cant really articulate here but i basically just dont know what to do bc.. i really dont care about a professional diagnosis lol like i just dont care. i know they’d look at my other illnesses & be like you already have these things, you just think you’re autistic shut up go home. and i 100% dont wanna talk to my family either bc my brother’s autistic & very different from me so they’d prob look at him & me and say no way could i be autistic. which sucks bc autism diagnoses are super skewed towards boys and it makes me question what im feeling even more and idk

i guess what im looking for is like, if anyone who follows me is autistic wants to offer advice or resources? i’ve been looking at resources online for women with autism (even tho i dont necessarily id as a woman thats the closest i got lol) and so much of it really, really resonates with me so i feel like im not just being ridiculous here? but i wanna have some other perspectives from folks themselves and maybe if you self diagnosed like how you came to that conclusion and how you knew and stuff like that. idk its not like im gonna use this info to go to therapy or get meds or anything bc like i said i do not care about a ‘professional’ opinion i guess i just wanna know for myself? so yeah. idk. help would be very much appreciated and thank u in advance <3