#its only the end of spring so summer is gonna be 💀

[original-punks]

this heat is nuts 😵‍💫

[alltomevibes]

Summer 2024 Watchlist

It is officially summer which means I am out of school and have time to just sit !!! watch !!! and do nothing !!!

which means - here's my drama watchlist & my thoughts on everything so far:

Dare to Love Me - i started this yesterday and let me j say I flew through those 2 episodes. I decided to brave the comments on MDL to see what people were saying, and then i ignored them LOL because yeah. this show is highkey silly goofy but i love it! the FL is endearing to me and i hate how nowadays every woman has to be Strong and Confident to be loveable and it's like - no. i love the fact that she gets choked up, that she tries and fails, that she is mad clumsy, that she's clearly talented but has been burdened by lack of self-esteem like yes!!! she's human i love it give me MORE. and don't get me started on the ML. i love him - i love THEM your honor. currently at a 9.0 rating for me, we'll see if it keeps up.

Dating in the Kitchen - this has a 8.0 rating for me and i want to keep going (i only watched 1 episode and it's been two weeks since then) because i watched This Isn't What I expected THREE (3!!) times and i LOVE that movie and when I saw there was a drama based on it, i wanted to give it a go but i am STRUGGLINGGGG. imma keep it pushing because, look. i watched the movie 3 times. it's def worth it. (maybe)

Fight for My Way - this has a 9.5 rating rn, and i am stuck in the middle of episode 15. i have been stuck on the middle of episode 15 for a HOT minute. my interest in this show dropped like crazy, i am trying to hold on.

Good Morning Call - my roommate for two years (and sadly no more a ha ha) recommended this show to me and we watched the first episode together and it was cute! i liked it, so it's on my list. currently has a 8.5 rating, but it's low on my priorities (when it comes to dramas), so im gonna pirate it whenever i have time💀

Lovely Runner - don't even talk to me about this show if you want a short conversation - I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS SHOW BRO. look at my tumblr, it's all lovely runner rn and I HAVE NO REGRETS. 9.5 rating - won't get a 10 because it ENDS SOON. this is my type of show, i LOVE this type of show the cinematography and everything IM EATING IT UP. it got me out of my drama funk its so nfjsdfhdsifsd

The Midnight Romance in Hagwon: let me just say! i watched this yesterday and i flew by the two episodes. lovely runner x tmrih on my tumblr? yes. this show is a much slower-pace show and I LOVE IT. YEs! Give me real life, give me real conversations! I love this show, i love the micro-expressions, i love the fact that WHJ is the MAIN LEAD FOR ONCE LIKE YES SIR, GIVE ME ALL THE BUTTERFLIES and i've never seen this actress before JRW but she is absolutely gorgeous and i love the FL! these people are not acting, they ARE the characters and im so !!!!! 9.0 rating because i skip the intro every time (sorry)

Will Love in Spring - this is on pause on episode 15 because the ending actually has me severely messed up rn. i have been in love with li xian's acting since gogosquid and i absolutely adore chen mai dong. i adore the way zhuang jie says his name ALL the time like she can't help it. I adore zhuang jie and just the way she operates through life - she's so clearly flawed when it comes to romantic love, but she is so clearly filled with love and always tries her best and !!! zhou yu tong is eating her character up rn, i've never seen her act and this was such a good intro to her BUT WHAT ZHUANG JIE SAID TO MY BOY IN EPISODE 15????? locked up. i have never felt so disrespected in my life and i had to give it a pause because i know she's gonna apologize but i needed that on the train. not the next episode. actually, not even on the train!! IN THE STREET BEFORE HE DROVE OFF AFTER DRIVING HER HOME AFTER SHE ACCUSED HIM OF FORCING HER!!!! That's when she should have apologized, but fidjofdshifudsf i love her so much i know why she couldn't IM JUST IN AGONY RN. anyways, let me breathe lol cause the way i was holding my breathe writing that is,,,,,. yeah. has an 8.5 rating rn, will probably go up to 9.5 because the fact that i actually had to stop watching because of emotional damage is crazy.

thats my list (and crazy descriptions, so sorry) that i'm watching rn! i would 10/10 recommend these to everybody (except dating in the kitchen im highkey struggling)! if you guys have any recs based on what i shared or wanna be friends on MDL j let me know :)

[villystinka]

self-reflect

this is not a rant

So I'm going to try to reflect on the lowest period of my life - end of 2019 to spring 2022.

The only way I can remember it is with what phases I went through like for example October and November 2019 I was obsessed with Avril Lavigne, December I was obsessed with Star Wars... I felt really down but don't really remember why. I'm pretty sure it was seasonal depression though

We going into 2020... God. First two months I was still obsessed with Star Wars and then Shameless but then quarantine started in march. I was 14 btw. Anyways .. I was living with my dad at our cottage which is in the countryside since in our apartment there wasn't enough space for me and my brother to study online. I had my own room at the cottage so it was perfect and I felt really free. I was obsessed with Harry Potter and 5sos and whatnot OHHH and Doja cat. Summer 2020 I went to the national round of the English Olympiad in my country and it was kind of exciting except there was covid and we didn't go to another town ... But it was okay. I think that was the last major competition I ever went to, I just didn't have the energy since then. Also summer 2020 I started anime LMAO. My first ever anime was orange❤️❤️❤️ it still has a special place in my heart and I watched it one night and it was 5th of July idk why I remember it. Anyways I had a very major phase with black clover and that's what I connect summer 2020 with. Except that I was almost every day third-wheeling but still going outside because I just couldn't say no to my friend (she's toxic btw and we're not friends anymore) when she called me to go outside with her fucking boyfriend. Keep in mind she was 14 and her bf was 20 at the time... We not gonna talk about that lol it's not my life anyway but she was Hella groomed and she had nothing against it, she was actively encouraging this kind of age gap in relationships .... Its not like she was suffering. Anyways. We going into September 2020. What I connect it to is my big phase with Naruto and then I watched fullmetal alchemist and then november-ish I watched death note but like in September we started school right and the separation between me and my friends started to feel real, although I kept contact w them throughout spring and summer 2020. Then we went back online in October-ish if I remember correctly. That's when it really started to feel bad but not really. That's actually when I downloaded discord and the reason was that when I was reading fanfics on wattpad I saw one of the authors I followed link to their discord server and I was like ok I'll join it! Met some ppl there but I'm not talking to them anymore but I was addicted to mudae 💀. Winter 2020 I connect to meeting a certain individual called David (he was 23 at the time and I was 15) and I fell in love with him but then I was ranting about it to my online friends in that server and they were like girl you're not normal HES 23. that's when I realized that age gap wasn't normal. Yeah anyways.... I also connect winter 2020 with haikyuu and Yuri on ice.

We going into 2021.. worst year fr. Started off with my jojo phase, and then MY AOT PHASE. I swear if I hadn't watched aot so many things wouldn't have happened. I joined a certain server and met so many of my current online friends and we've been friends for almost two years. They helped me ALOT throughout this period! Honestly I started drift off my irl friends and NOT because of my online ones but because of another reason.

Guess I should explain my whole relationship w my friends, that's exactly why I wanted to do this self reflect thing. Now that I'm doing better I can do a whole summary and look at it more objectively. They all already had build a lot more connection among themselves than I did with them even before I met my online friends. They were texting me at some point asking why I'm not texting them but they always made me feel like I was OBLIGED to do it and made themselves the victims and not actually considering the event in which MAYBE I'm not feeling well. Actually I'm still baffled whether I felt bad or not. I feel like the only thing keeping me alive was consuming media just to feel something. While sometimes I was feeling great there was always something missing you know? I knew I was isolating myself from everyone but I was rarely feeling bad about it until one point when I started feeling lonely. Before I didn't feel that way... Until like start of 2021 I didn't feel lonely at all. I felt almost free tbh. I felt like there wasn't school and I was in my own bubble "paradise" in which I was reading, drawing, watching shows, movies, anime etc. Man idk anymore. Then I met my online friends and I was sometimes talking to my irl friends about online ones and that was such a big mistake. It turned to the point when my friends would insult those people even without knowing them, just because they felt replaced or something??? You werent there, Emily. I'm quoting her: "If you keep talking to them, you're gonna lose all your REAL friends"

Yes I'm still holding a grudge about that. She wasn't there for me not even once and you expect me not to find a way to fill the void?? And when this solution worked for me at the time? I didn't have to look good to be friends with them. My past didn't matter, my anxiety didn't matter. We bonded over games, memes, shows, anime like??? Exactly what my existence was all about, the consumed media that we had in common was what bonded us, and we were doing fun things, like karaoke nights, dubbing over anime scenes, sharing funny stories from our lives, learning about each other and the fact that we were (are) living in different countries and could talk different languages was interesting. I learned a lot about different cultures/religions, I even fasted during Ramadan 😮. Anyways. One of my friends always said this:

Translation: "I'm surprised that you've ever went outside and not being on discord 🙃"

"I'm even more surprised you opened that message instead of being on discord 🙃"

Out of every possible way to approach this situation, in his place I would never say this. By the age of 15 aren't you supposed to be able to feel sympathy? Not even empathy, sympathy. Someone could've asked if something is going on and I would respond normally and I wouldn't feel so bad but this is not encouraging in ANY WAY, like no this is not encouraging me to go outside and hang out with you???? What were you trying to achieve??? And if I bring up this this to the person rn he wouldn't even feel bad. Explain to me how this is right lmao I'm not going crazy right??? He's wrong right???? I'm not all bad right????

Because that's exactly how I felt, I felt like it was all my fault. I didn't even vent to anyone irl, I realized I shouldn't burden anyone with my own problems (family) but exactly cz they didn't know anything they were assuming I just did that on my own whim, because I felt like it. No? But no one really asked what happened. That's why you don't know 🤦🤦 and now it's too late, I don't need comfort now. The real reason I felt so bad was my own thoughts, my own brain. If someone had told me that the battle within myself should be won by ME and me only, if no one could actually help, it would've kind of been different. If actually realized it.