#its on ao3 too but im making a habit of posting my fics to tumblr as well

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

Fic Writer Questions

Tagged by @squintclover - thank you so much!! Loved your response!!

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

By loving the story so much I wanted to be in it, lol. My first few attempts at writing ff were with self-insert OCs, but that was in my native language and mostly unpublished. Im trying to recycle some of those ideas, but Im not sure how will it go.

As for fics written in english and without OCs - like everyone else, by reading other fics.

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

If we count the first few attempts - I took a look at my docs and counted 7 fandoms. Some parts of those were published somewhere on the web but I genuinely forgot about their existence.

If we count fics published recently on tumblr/ao3 - only HP.

🍈 How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Technically? A decade. But idk if that counts if it wasnt published and probably never will be and had self insert OCs.

I started writing my first fics in english after I got into that one fandom which was during the pandemic, so that would be around 3-4 years - but posting since… December 2023.

🍎 Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Definitely read.

🍌 What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Im not making the characters as OOC as before? I hope

🍑 Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

Trying to fit too many things into one project that do not fit bc they are too self indulgent or just bad writing bc require sacrificing either plot or characterization. Being too ambitious, having too much plot that needs too much effort to make it make sense, and will not pay off bc nobody will read it (bc idk if i will ever finish it. and if i do it will not be written in english).

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Just one? There are so many weird things Ive been researching or googling.

Did they have 3-in-1 shampoos in 1979. Language of flowers. What the ancient roman beds looked like. Names and their meanings. Ancient roman’s attitude towards (homo)sexuality. Phosphorus and phosphorescence (this was literally to check if this one sentence in canon is factually correct). Did ancient romans have pets. Different gems’ looks, usage and meanings. Ancient Roman dog names. Different astronomical events / discoveries in years 1975-1980 and in year 1957. Layout of certain types of houses.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comment is a nice comment <3 tho I like to be let known the person felt something while reading bc its still so abstract and bizzare for me that it happens 😅

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

As you can see from the research question I have an ancient roman au wip. I was genuinely surprised there were only a few ancient roman aus in the marauders fandom.

This one published wip is about a surprise pregnancy that isnt immediately regarded as great news and celebrated (which i think isnt a common way of approaching the topic.) I also wanted to write sth about abortion and miscarriage but i dont know if I will get around to actually writing those.

And Im trying to recycle my old OC-focused long fic which also is deeply unpopular (i understand why but also i feel like im fighting in the trenches)

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Thats about something. Has a deeper meaning and everyone in the comments talk about how deeply they were moved by it. Or how clever the plot was. Or how the deeply and insightfully the characters are analysed. Or how beautiful the language is. Or. Like. Is written and finished and publishable.

🍏What is the easiest type?

All I know is funny dialogue, self indulgent fluff and this one type of hurt/comfort that is also super self indulgent. Also putting all the effort into fitting in as many references / easter eggs as you can that i know nobody will notice.

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

On my laptop, usually sitting at my desk, or on the balcony if the weather permits, whenever I feel like ignoring the things im supposed to be doing instead, I guess.

So far I’ve been using google docs but I’ll be probably moving on from them in the nearest future. For organizing ideas/wips and short fics I use Notion - its good for organizing but not that good as a writing program.

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/ intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

Smut, lol. Also more taboo topics like abortion and miscarriage mentioned above.

🍇What made you choose your username?

I translated my first ever username to English. ok, no, my first ever username was Leila Moonlight and i still think its pretty but now i also think its cringe. Tho I was - what? - 11? 12? So maybe I can be forgiven that it looks like a HP character. Nocturnal Phantom - the username actually use now - is still a bit cringe, I picked it bc I was a night owl (lol) and tried to lean into this nighttime-spooky aesthetic, but also its tumblr so im embracing it. I recently picked a nickname Nyx for my mutuals' convenience - and that is the greek goddess of the night. I commit to the bit.

No pressure tagging: @polaroidcats, @hiddenmoonbeam, @soloorganaas

[judjira]

HI I JUST FOUND OUT YOH WROTE JAMAIS VU 🥹🥹🥹🥹 id read your fics on ao3 before reading them on tumblr, but somehow id never made the correlation until i read your datzu prequel-ish drabble for jamais vu and I just 🥹🥹 I definitely gasped out loud when i realised it was the same jamais vu 🥹 i thibk I've probably took up your entire reblog tab for "breathless" just from how atrociously long my tags are (sorry its a terrible habit 😞) but I still wanted to tell you that i love jamais vu with my whole heart, truly; it's one of the very few fics I often go back to reread, i think about it sometimes and it always makes me so happy just thinking about it, and every reread has always been a delight 🥹🥹 I could go on forever about how much I love it and why, but then I'll be taking up your entire ask box if I do, and this ask itself is alrdy probably too long so sorry for that again but yeah 🥹🥹 jamais vu has my entire heart, there are no words to describe how much I love it, really, it is so so precious to me thank you 🥹

do it 🔫🔫🔫 say why u love jamais vu 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫 this is not a request its a demand /hj

thank u so much for ur support ! jamais vu took me very long to write behind the scenes and im glad so many people enjoyed it, it even made me tear up as i was writing the end, it rly is smtin im very proud of

i have a sequel planned ! (and my friend is supposed to be writing a full prequel 🙄 but they have not gotten back to me abt it so no pressure) but yeah im worried if i post it it might not be as good as jamais vu but yknow !! datzu is very cute so i might just post it anyway

thanks again for ur very kind words !!

[the-holy-ghosted]

Fate Worse Than Death

Regarding some unfinished business jon must attend to.

WARNINGS: major character death, assisted suicide (technically, in the supernatural sense), whole lotta angst

wrote this for tma villains week but they rbed my ao3 link post, i just put these here as text posts anyway, have some Lonely!Breekon content

"Er... Jon?" Martin asked, coming to a halt as the ground changed from dirt to pavement. "What are we doing here?" "What do you mean?" Jon stopped as well, turning around to face his companion. "This is The Lonely, right?" Martin stared out at the cold fog rolling over what seemed to be a vast parking lot. "We did this already, didn't we?" "Oh." Jon nodded. "We did, yes." "Then what are we doing here again?" "Hmm..." Jon thought carefully of how to phrase his words. “I suppose... This is just the way we’re going.” Martin saw through Jon’s thin excuse. “Jon. Tell the truth.” Jon made a resigned noise, "There's something here I need to take care of. Unfinished business." "... Unfinished business." Martin sounded unamused, raising one eyebrow. "With a... Person?" "You could call it that." "Uh-huh..." Martin shifted his feet. "Will it hurt us?" "I don't think it can," Jon pondered. "It has the strength, but not the will." "Great," Martin said, not sounding thrilled. "What- what is this anyway, a parking lot? Are we going shopping in a haunted Westfield London?" "A warehouse," Jon replied, grabbing Martin's hand and walking forward. This clarified nothing, but there was no use in prying for more questions. If there was nothing out for their blood, Martin supposed he could go along with Jon's vague descriptions. At some point, cars started to pop up in the distance. Not quite cars, more like U-haul vans and mail trucks. They were spotty, far enough in the distance to where he couldn't make out the company name. The logo looked familiar, though, the shape recognizable enough to ring a bell in the back of his mind. The farther they walked, the closer they were parked together, rows of idle vans on either side of them into the far and foggy distance. They were untouched and dirty, the company name still illegible. They almost warped somehow, preventing Martin from reading them no matter how hard he focused. He tried to walk towards one, just to look inside. Jon pulled him back along. They didn't need to investigate, he supposed.

Jon was right, Martin thought, as the silhouette of a large warehouse seeped into view through the mist. Its presence grew larger the closer they got, looming dark and dull over them. They approached large garage doors, but Jon took a hard left to a small side door near the corner. The door was up a few steps, two piles of mail sitting untouched beside it. Martin didn't get a good enough look to read the names on the envelopes. "Hey, Jon..." Martin whispered, stepping into what looked like someone's office. "Do we know this place?" "It’s a... It was a relatively well-established delivery service. It's a bit more niche, now." Martin understood where they were, then, and could guess the vague 'unfinished business' Jon eluded to. He caught a look at a broken picture frame on the cluttered desk, the smiling face of a man he didn't recognize staring at him. Jon seemed to not know where to go next, stopping at the office door. "You nervous?" Martin asked. "It's... It's hard to see." Jon replied. "You could try opening the door, usually that helps to see outside of it." Martin joked, and Jon chuckled. "Martin..." He sounded very serious suddenly. "This domain… it plays tricks on you. Just stay close to me and be wary.” Martin gave him a half-smile, unnerved by the ominous statement. Jon opened the door, the creak echoing into the giant warehouse. The lights were high above their heads, doing a poor job of illuminating their surroundings. Fog rolled over the ground, wafting out of their way as they stepped in and closed the door behind them. There was a hum of an air conditioner from somewhere far off. Around them were stacked boxes and crates; containing what, Martin could not guess. The other side of the building was nearly too far to see, blending in with the mist. The far wall seemed to have a door, maybe two at either end. He wondered where they led. "Now, Martin..." Jon whispered, not wanting his voice to echo. "Please don't stray too far. This place will trick you, you'll hear things that aren’t- Martin?" Martin was gone, enticed by a shadow that passed behind one of the box towers. He thought it looked at him, a glance telling him to follow. He couldn't stop himself, already turning the corner to find nothing there. Heavy footsteps echoed in front of him, Jon's voice no longer able to be heard. He waited for the footsteps to be followed by a person, but they stopped suddenly, nobody appearing with them. After a moment of waiting, he kept walking. He felt like he knew where he was going, but to where he wasn't sure. It was dim, but the fog before him showed a path of disturbed mist, curling its way around another corner. Martin turned around, Jon nowhere to be found. Perhaps he didn't need Jon, though, he felt confident enough to make his way alone. He followed the subtle trail, pulled around corners and through dark areas by shadows and faint footsteps. The path it led him down made no sense, but he felt close to something. At some point he looked inside one of the boxes, only to reveal nothing. Tapping his fingers in them as he passed revealed the same thing, they were all empty. The sound of his own footsteps flattened to the left of him, and around a pile of boxes was a door. It was left ajar. Whisps of fog rolled against the wall, suggesting someone had just opened it. The signs were clear, and Martin approached.

The door pushed open to reveal a nearly identical warehouse space. Boxes were still everywhere, but the fog on the ground was untouched. The motion of the door blew it out of his way, almost like a welcome. The air was thicker, somehow, and the hair on the back of Martin's neck stood up. Something was in here. It was dimmer and more difficult to see, every other ceiling light turned off. Martin approached another stack of boxes, tapping the sides of each. All empty. He looked around for any sign of the direction of where to go next. His mystery guide was nowhere, leaving him to wander by himself. He walked slowly, not so sure where he was going anymore. There was a presence somewhere beyond the cardboard maze, a presence Martin assumed he was supposed to find. Which one, though, was a mystery.

He heard shifting from beyond the cardboard, and carefully looked around a corner to find exactly who he assumed he was looking for. In an open circle, sat atop a crate, was a delivery man. He sat forward with his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. As martin stared he watched his shoulders shake, sniffling softly. Which one of them he was, though, was difficult to discern. He couldn't tell, the only noticeable feature being his sheer size. Even from Martin’s distance he was giant, his hands large and covering his whole face. Martin noticed a ring on one of his fingers. He couldn't recall seeing that there any time before. He stepped out from behind the wall of boxes and carefully stalked towards him. The shake in his shoulders stopped abruptly as Martin called out. "He-hello?" He called gently. "Are you alright?" He was roughly 8 feet away now, the delivery man's size more apparent this close. Slowly he pulled one hand down, glaring with one dark, empty eye. He looked at Martin for a good few seconds, sizing him up. His hands slid off his face and hovered in the air, his head turning slowly to stare directly at Martin His movement was unnatural and unnerving. The way he stopped seemed almost mechanical. His eyes bore holes into Martin. "I asked if you were alright." He repeated himself. A moment of silence followed his inquiry. "... Do I look alright?" Said the man in a tone surprisingly deep, Martin took a step back. "You don't... Seem to be having a good time... No." Martin said slowly. "Which- which one are you? If I may ask?" The thing in front of him said nothing, simply staring with an inanimate stiffness. "Like are you Hope? Is that you're name? Or is that the other-" "Breekon." It replied, his voice stopping just as mechanically as his movements. "Hope's dead." "That's.. hm." Martin shifted, crossing his arms. " S' a bit on the nose, innit?" "Are you real?" Breekon asked, sounding genuine. "Am I- yeah? Yeah, I'm real?" Breekon stared disbelievingly, squinting at him. He sneered slightly, bearing inhumanely sharp teeth. "What do you want?" He asked, lowering his hands to hold his legs. Martin noticed an identical ring hanging on a string around his neck. "To find you, I think," Martin replied. "Some, uh... Unfinished business?" "What business do we go- do I got... Do I got with you?" "Oh, uh, not me personally." Martin glanced around, wondering where Jon was. "Jon does, though. Apparently." "... Who?" "You know Jon, the guy you kidnapped and almost got skinned once." Martins tone was sour. "Did that a couple times." Breekon huffed. "Gotta be more specific than that." "Jon sims?" Martin tapped his foot impatiently. How did he not know Jon? Everybody knew Jon. "The archivist? The all-seeing-" "He's here?" Breekon's face suddenly changed, looking the slightest bit hopeful. "Well, yeah, He's looking for you." Breekon looked surprised, with the minimal expressions his face made. He seemed to be considering the unfinished business in question. "Wait..." He started, speaking slowly. "I know you. You're one of Magnus' lot, right?" "I guess... Not really anymore. I don't think." Breekon huffed, sounding like an attempt at a chuckle. "He want revenge?" "I dunno," Martin pondered, trying not to wince at his embarrassingly exaggerated accent. "He'd be valid to." "Whatever." Breekon hung his head and rubbed his face, his gold ring the brightest object Martin had seen in the domain so far. Marting stood awkwardly, looking around for Jon to come and wrap up whatever he was there to do. Martin knew he wasn't in danger, technically, but Breekon's presence still unnerved him. He looked out of place in the warehouse but simultaneously blended in with the atmosphere. Martin thought out loud, "you know, I thought you'd be in a different domain. Aren't you a Stranger or something like that?" "Sure." "But you're... Not in a stranger domain?" "Does it look like it?" "O-kay..." Martin put his hands on his hips, a little displeased with the attitude Breekon had the nerve to have. "You know, one would also think this whole nightmare world is a dream come true for you things. You don't look very happy." "Do you think this is our- this is my dream come true? Do you know what it's like in here?” “I don’t-” “The shadows, the voices… they led you back here didn’t they?” Breekon paused, staring at Martin who timidly nodded his head, “that’s what it’s like in here. Ye’see all these boxes, do you? They’re empty. There’s nothing in there. No signs of life, nothing to deliver. We- I’m… I’m a delivery man. Do you think being led around in nonsensical directions is my idea of paradise? Wandering aimlessly and wishing for something to snap us-- snap me out of it? It always feels like there’s something I could be doing, and I always think the shadow and the footsteps will lead me to it. They never do.” Martin stared at Breekon, alarmed by his eloquence. He didn’t want to feel bad, knowing the horrible things they’d done to people. But looking into his sad eyes and the glimmering ring that looked too empty, he couldn’t help but understand. It lost its purpose. It lost hope. “If I were in another domain, maybe I could be put to use. If we were complete, maybe we could have done something together. But as is? No. Can’t say I want this to be my forever.” Martin furrowed his brow, in contempt but almost in empathy. Breekon hung its head as it quietly continued, “Can’t even remember what he looks like. S’not like his shadow lets me get close enough to, either.” The air felt stale and Martin looked around, desperate for something to end the conversation. It didn’t feel right to feel pity for the thing in front of him. He snapped his head towards footsteps coming from behind him, Breekon raising his head as well. Jon speed-walked towards them both, a nervous look on his face. He recognized Breekon, and the nervousness gave way to distaste. Breekon’s hopeful expression hardened into the understanding of his inevitable end before him. Jon’s pace slowed to a halt at Martin’s side. “Hello again, Breekon.” He said flatly. "Yeah.” Breekon replied just as stale. He hunched over and slowly rose to his feet; he was much taller than he looked sitting down. Martin followed his piercing gaze as it ascended to stare down at the both of them with hatred, and an exhaustion one could only imagine weighing on their soul. “Been told you got unfinished business to settle. Deliver the wrong package?” “Funny,” Jon sounded unamused, “but no. It’s a bit more personal than that. You want something from me.” “So kind of you to come to my aid.” Breekon attempted a chuckle, but it fell flat. “... Maybe.” “Say it.” there was no compulsion in Jon’s eyes, no new thickness in the air. A beat passed like a century as Breekon stared dull knives into Jon’s. “Kill me.” “What?” Martin gasped, not expecting this to be the business Jon had left unfinished. “I should have killed you when you gave me the coffin,” Jon said, his tone almost smug, “would have saved us both some trouble.” “You didn’t, though.” “I didn’t.” They stood in tense silence for another moment; Martin stared at Breekon and tried to comfort himself with strength, not the will. “I know what you’re feeling. This is a lonely place to be… a lonely way to live.” “You don’t know anything.” Breekon spat, “you can’t understand. Knowing is different from experiencing, we’re both aware of that… Maybe I could rip him away from you, see how you like it.” “You can try.” Martin scoffed, Breekon’s harsh gaze turning to him. “I…” Jon cut in, turning its attention back. “I can do it for you. I warn you, though, it will hurt.” “Only until it doesn’t though,” Breekon spoke low, its eyes glistening like the gold ring around its neck, “right?” Jon seemed to choke at the statement, thinking momentarily. “... right.” “Good luck.” Martin offered, stepping back as Jon closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders in preparation. “Whatever.” Breekon replied, not moving.

The air felt heavy as Jon took deep breaths. He spread his arms slightly, palms facing towards Breekon. He looked quizzically at Jon’s strange ritual, but the hair on the back of his neck rose with the static, and he squinted at the shrill ringing in his ear. “Ceaseless Watcher,” Jon began, the muscles in his hands tensing. His eyes shimmered an unnatural green like a cat in a camera flash. “Turn your gaze upon this thing, this lost and broken splinter of fear.” The fog that pooled around their ankles quickly retreated and the lights above their heads began to flicker and squeal. Breekon’s hands shook, his face twisting into fright and pain. He squeezed his eyes shut and emitted strained protests, his voice scratchy. “Take what is left of it as your own and leave no trace of it behind.” Jon chanted, the sputtering bulbs above their heads further illuminating his wide eyes in the unnatural green shimmer. Breekon groaned and shrunk into itself as Jon’s ritual reached its climax. “It. Is Yours.”

Breekon howled in agony, his cry echoing into glitchy static. The ceiling lights flashed a bright green, and Breekon dissipated into the air. Jon lowered his arms and took a deep, shaking breath. Martin put a hand out to grab his shoulder, Jon leaning into the touch. "You alright?" "Yes, yes..." Jon stammered. "You alright?" "I... I will be." Martin cradled Jon momentarily, giving him something to lean on above his shaky legs. Jon wasn't usually this wiped out after a kill. “Was that one… different?” Martin asked carefully. “Was what different?” “Y'know, the speech thing.” Martin glanced back to the dark spot in which Breekon was evaporated. “Your Ceaseless Watcher thing. It sounded different from the other ones.” “Oh.” “I mean, it almost sounded like you felt bad.” “I did.” Martin looked back at Jon, surprised that he would feel pity for something that had harmed him. “Martin, I…” Jon stared somberly at his shoes, “It’s not like the other times. That thing couldn’t have been killed with all the horrors it’s brought upon the world. It enjoys it. It loved the fear too much to be brought down by it. “Okay, but so did Jude Perry, didn’t she? You killed her with her fear imprint, didn’t you?” “I did.” “Why not this one? I mean, god, they’ve been around longer than anybody can guess, why-” “Three hundred years.” “Th- three hundred years, sure. How are three hundred years of horror and misery not enough to kill just half of it?” “Because it's just half of it.” Martin pondered over that for a moment. If it were half, wouldn’t that make it weaker? Breekon sure looked miserable. “You don’t know what that thing felt.” Jon’s voice became sorrowful, almost sharing Breekon’s mournful tone. “There is nothing in this world or any of that thing’s lifetimes more painful than losing its other half. They relished in the fear, it wouldn’t have made a dent. But its loss? Its loss is something greater.” “... huh,” Martin hummed, thinking over it. “I mean, yeah I guess.” “There is something very powerful about having the one thing you love to be torn away from you. Being reduced like that. Killing it was a mercy.” “I’m not entirely sure it deserves mercy, though.” “It doesn’t.” His voice sharpened with his eyes, but after a beat, softened again. “... but I know I wouldn't want to suffer the same fate.” Martin hummed in response as they both glanced back to Breekon’s resting place. The fog slowly rolled back over it. “Has business been taken care of?” Martin tried to liven the mood just slightly. “... Yes.” Jon took a deep breath and recentered himself. “Yes, it has. Come on, let's get a move on.” Jon grasped Martin’s hand and let them quietly away. Jon pondered to himself if he should feel so bad about killing his previous kidnapper. He shouldn't, and he didn't entirely, but the thought of losing what he loved was a fate worse than death that he could empathize with at the very least.

[milky-maid-library]

I Am Sorry, Here is why:

Hello to smut writers on Tumblr,

My name is Milky and in the past others have known me as Miss Hush…and before that I was Shellberry. I intend on keeping Milky longest.

It’s something I really want to get off my page since I’m a desperate believe that kink is not a safe place for minors and minors need to stick to school and real world problems or pg+ 13 fanfiction.

I first signed up to AO3 in 2014. Let that sink in. My birthday is 3rd October 2001 (I’m a libra bishes). It was just after my 13th birthday I signed up to AO3 and began writing my first romance fanficitons under the name Shellberry WITH THE ABSOLUTE WORST PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMAR.

I began watching porn out of curiosity and discovered hardcore bdsm straight away. (Id like you all to note that I had never really used laptops until this point and time, I had started living with my grandparents at the start of 2013 after I ran away from my abusive household.) I was prone to this shit without guidance or anyone to tell me what I was doing was wrong. I also was told most of my life that I was “mature for my age” and believed that gave me a right to be viewing ‘adult content’. I then realised I loved reading and writing more and more than watching porn.

I came across my first Kidnapping/non-con fic and was blown away by the scariness and creativity in the plot. And I saw that smutty fics were getting a lot of attention in views and comments. As a victim of abuse I YEARNED for praise and attention… I then began a naughty habit of copyright in which I would steal and reword smut stories. One day I copied from a book called Mackenzie’s Mountain (still one of my favourite smutty books hehehe) and yea…. I was called out. It wasn’t long before I deleted my account. By this point it was 2016, I was now calling myself Miss Hush. And the habit vaguely continued, I tried writing the spy type genre with a fanfiction (still in my files) called A Game of Love.

Take note 2016, the presidential election was on. And I come from a incredibly conservative household and even though I lived in Australia….I cringe incredibly hard now….I was happy to call myself a trump supporter (but his propaganda is very convincing for young 14-15 year old me). I am no longer a trump supporter as of early 2020. I really started to talking to other people and realising that oh my god I’m a sheltered country mouse without realising it. Where does this play? Well I have been a Christian by choice since I was nine years old….and in 2016 I felt that writing fanfictions were dirty and wrong and if I continued to watch porn or think too sexually before marriage, I would be going to hell…. SO my writing floundered a lot and I couldn’t keep up with my updating promises. It continued to be like this until I gave up in 2018, I stopped writing for a very very, very long time…and then I confessed to a adult smut writer my true age and they were quick to explain to me what I was doing was wrong and needed to be rethought out. SO I deleted my account again.

2019 I came back but organised and under the name Milky Maid no more editing and claiming peoples fanfictions. I was still a minor, aged 17. I vaguely held that “Im told im mature its ok” mentality in my head. I started Yo hoe ho and A Lesson In service, both with girls around 16-19 (I need to recheck their ages).

I’m taking those fics down btw because they need editing and I just don’t feel comfortable with the way I left hem uncompleted.

The year is 2021, I am now 19 and I have upbranded myself to Milky Maid Library. So why am I confessing all of this?

Because of shame. I feel terrible that for so long I’ve lied or made myself appear innocent? I think a apology is due to every adult that I lied to back in the day (what’s ironic is I would say “I’m 19” but now I am actually 19 which is crazy and makes me feel old and embarrassed of kid me). I am sorry to you all, I am sorry to those who I stole from…not that I actually remember the names which could be seen as worse. I am sorry that I attempt to be a high and mighty wise woman when I have coincidentally been in the spot of those I disapprove of. I am ashamed I didn’t stop and live my life appropriately. I am sorry that I gave false hope to readers that didn’t realise I was writing porn and essays at the same time.

I need to make this clear, I don’t believe minors should interact with adults. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from entering this realm too early. I am sorry I did this. I hope I didn’t hurt anyone, but I could have possibly.

I will be sending this post to those who I remember talking too. This needs to be confronted, I want to make amends….lol look at me being Bucky…

Thankyou to all that have read this post, I will not be surprised of have any ill feelings to those who want to unfollow, comment/reply critiquing my choices.

[your--isgayrights]

Okay i actually have no clue on how tumblr works (hope I'm doing this right lmao) but I'm writing my first fic (I still can't really move on from orv so I decided to make my own content lol.), I really love your writing style, do you have any tips??

Hmmmm tips tips tips tips.... First of all I’m really flattered that you like my writing enough to ask me about it! I’ll try to give my best answer... I think that I used to read a lot of people’s “writing tips” but ultimately I ended up not really understanding them until I started writing a lot? Either way it’s fun to read how other authors think... It’s really cool that you’re writing your first fic and you thought to come to me... did I already say that? Okay long post under the cut.

I don’t think this will be all that helpful, but this is just things that I think about if that’s interesting!

For me a lot of writing is like struggling with motivation (I have ADHD so that’s probs why), I really have to pace myself while writing because I can’t just force myself to do it. If I go in every day and think “I have to write today I’m not doing anything so I should be writing” I can get burnt out really easily, even if I really like the thing I’m writing and know how it’s supposed to go. So one of my big things is that when I’m not thinking about writing I’m not thinking about writing. that gives my brain a break and refreshes me when I get back to my google document.

Something I’ve also struggled with having to remember is that there’s like. Never a perfect way to write. What I end up doing is thinking up ideas and fragments and sentences in my head and the very moment I think of something I like I have to write it down in my notes app. Most of my writing process ends up being like. Filling in the blanks and connecting the dots between scene fragments. 

For fics in particular I’d also just recommend rereading your favorite parts of the og work! I’m the kind of person who has a pretty good reading memory, so people may have noticed that I include a lot of little details referencing the text in my fic. Just reading the work kind of helps you remember the voices of the character and the style of the narration, and if you just like. internalize it. you can probably replicate it pretty well if you wanted to.

OKAY I say that but don’t worry too much about replicating things in the og work perfectly. I find that a lot of times when I’m writing I’m inserting a lot of personal touches and putting things that are a part of me in the work. Writing is always going to be like. an extension of your voice, no matter what you’re writing. I think that when I heard about stuff like that from authors in the past I was always like. What? I’m not writing about things that happened to me. I’m writing about grown adult men having emotional issues, silly. But there’s like a lot more nuance to writing about yourself, I guess. Like you don’t have to have like a self insert or be projecting onto a character to have yourself reflected in something you’ve written.

I’d say that like, whatever you write as your first fic is going to be lovely, but when you grow up as a writer and look back on it, you’re not going to remember who you were when you wrote it. I think that’s why a lot of people look back on their first works and are like “I can’t believe I wrote that, what was I thinking, cringe cringe cringe ugh.” Like I definitely do that sometimes, but I’ve found that the old work I’m happiest with nowadays is the stuff where I can recognize myself in it, even if I’m not in that fandom anymore or if there’s old jokes or typos I don’t remember making. 

With that being said, I’m the kind of person who always gives myself a mission statement when I’m writing. I sort of mentally go, okay, I’m writing this kind of thing, and this is why I’m writing it. It can be something like oh I’m writing this fluff piece because I love this character and wish they had a happier ending, or  oh I want to write this multi chapter fic exploring an issue touched on in the original work but I feel like with my own experiences I could expand on it more than the author did. Just something that tells me why it is important to me to write this thing when I’m writing it.

AAAH I feel like I made that sound more dramatic than it really is, that’s just how I think I guess. I’m the kind of guy where its like things need to have like MEANING to me when I do them. I’m dramatic and gay and that’s my personality I guess 😔.

Hmmm maybe it’s also my BIGGEST writing tip tho. Like kind of just thinking things through when you’re writing is pretty important. When I was first learning to write at all (talking about baby baby me here this is like sort of a side tangent sorry) I think that a lot of times I would copy phrases and developments that I had liked in things that I had read without really fully considering why I would include those things other than the fact that that was just what I thought writing was. It’s important to consider what importance every scene and sentence has to do with the flow of the story. Are they just things that are happening, or is there a reason that the audience needs to know these things? The weight of your words should have some sort of consequence as a result of you writing them. Are you telling the audience information they need to know? Is it about how the character feels? What does this say about the character? Etc.

I suppose that’s sort of my own writing style. You’ll probably notice that I don’t write a lot of descriptive prose if you read my fic. The thing about me is that I never want to write something that makes my audience question why they’re reading it, I guess. I’m sort of self conscious and think about the reading experience a lot. All of the things I choose to describe are usually so that the reader can understand where people are in the scene and what emotions they are having. There’s a lot of emphasis that I put in like. A reader’s ability to read into things, which works against me sometimes because I’m not always certain if people picked up on different things that I put a lot of thought into (the curse of being seen... sob).

ALSO use paragraph breaks. In my first fic (that I’m not going to tell anyone what is even though its on ao3 because im shy) the thing I always regret the MOST is that there are big chunky paragraphs that are hard to read through at the start. Like my eyes get lost. I mentioned I have ADHD before but even though I like. physically can’t read a big chunky paragraph I will always write them that way if left to my own devices. Paragraph breaks don’t have to just be broken up by dialogue they can be wherever you feel like doing them. You need a lot of them. This post should probably have more of them... oh my god it’s so long...

OKAY FOR REAL THOUGH IF YOU COULDN”T SLOG THROUGHT THE REST OF THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP IS RIGHT HERE: 

JUST LET YOURSELF WRITE

I have a lot of like. academic trauma, so maybe this is just me, but the reason I didn’t write fic until I was like 16 was because I was always really scared that whatever I wrote wouldn’t be good enough for some impossible standard I was setting for myself. I was always telling myself that I had certain bad writing habits or that I was terrible for never being able to focus on things for very long and all of my projects were doomed to failure before I even started. But then I wrote my first like 8 chapter fic in the summer of my junior year and I was like... oh. that wasn’t so bad. Like. It’s okay to know your limits, but you don’t really know them until you start writing. Like I wrote an 8 chapter fic, and then a few one shots, and then I tried to take on a very complicated project that ended up being over 40 chapters and I had to put it down because I just wasn’t really at the writing level to finish it. I would advise against writing fics that take so long to write that you start hating the way you wrote the first chapter, basically lol. Know how whatever you’re writing is supposed to begin and end before you start writing it.

Nowadays I always have like. plot outlines in my head when I start a fic. Like okay this needs to happen here this needs to happen here etc. I like making lists if it seems to overwhelming when I’m writing something long, just to organize my thoughts. 

OKAY I JUST TALKED A LOT. SORRY IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO READ ALL OF THIS BUT I’M A LITTLE CHATTY IF YOU DIDN’T NOTICE.

Defo feel free to dm me if you have like questions or just want to chat about orv or whatever. I’m a lonely little man out here floating on my pile of words, and I’d love to hear what your fic is about!! 

[quelsentiment]

hi pal!! im sorry it's been a while since you've heard from me - this week got super busy with school & work and i've just been exhausted haha. yay for it being friday now! im bummed that the 2nd message i sent you last time didn't go through but at least i noticed and sent you a summary! how sad would it have been otherwise if you just got the first one sdfsfsdf why is tumblr the worst. I don't have tattoos so honestly im totally unqualified to be writing this au HAHA (1/?)

but i got so excited about the au that i wanted to go for it anyways! and i did watch a lot of tattoo related youtube videos haha. you're spot on about the fic being angsty but im reaching the end now so i'll be writing a lottt of fluff coming up hahaha. i'm so indecisive that im scared of the commitment of getting a tattoo more than the tattoo-getting process itself. but i guess im also sort of a baby when it comes to pain so there's multiple reasons lol! oooh halfway through is GREAT progress on your big bang! thats awesome! you've definitely got this. I have posted some other fics! i had to go check my ao3 to remember haha but ive got 9 works posted :) i've def been around for a while but only really gotten into writing later on. I think i officially joined the fandom in like...2012? wow, that feels like SO long ago now that i'm thinking back on it hahaha. eep! what about you? tbh i think having gotten into fic and writing is one of the main reasons im still around. im a TA too! thats so cool haha! this week is our last week of classes and finals are next week so its been sort of crazy. i taught my last class of the quarter on wed and its so weird to be done. this was my first time ever TAing but i really loved it! how has ur experience TAing been?? im in a phd program in biology/computer science (like sort of combining the two?) so thats what im studying! winter break is coming but i'll still have to work in my research lab, so its not much of a break but i wont have teaching or classes and plus i'll get a real break during christmas & new years! we're locked down again too but our rules for this time's lockdown have been very vague and confusing dsfsdfsd. but officially yes, same here! ive been in the habit of staying in anyways so it hasnt affected me too much hahaha. anyways that was a ton of messages but maybe that helps make up for being gone for a bit too? hope you're doing well & happy friday! any weekend plans? take care! -S xx

hi pal 💕

tumblr is The Worst™ (this time one of your messages came in four times 🤪)

but anyway, it’s nice to hear from you!! and don’t worry if you can’t make it every day, i know it’s a busy time with the end of term and all

oooh angst and fluff, aka the best combo!! it’s gonna be amazing i’m sure! and yeah, i think it’s the same for me, the pain doesn’t scare me that much, but it’s definitely a big commitment, so i don’t know if i’ll ever go through with it... what design(s) do you have in mind?

thanks so much! yeah i feel pretty good about it, i’m writing the majority of it in writing sessions with a friend, and that’s definitely helping with motivation! also i’ll get matched with an artist very soon, and i’m SO excited 😌

oh wow you’re almost an og fan 😳 the things you must have seen jsksjksj but yeah i totally get what you say about writing being the main reason why you’re still here. i only joined at the beginning of the year, but tbh if i hadn’t got into writing and also met a lot of friends here, i don’t know if i’d still be here, or just as a casual fan i guess

oh, what are your all-time favourite fics then? 👀

that’s so cool you’re a ta too, and that’s great you’re liking it so far! i never had to teach, most of what i do is marking and assisting in zoom classes, so it’s pretty laid-back. i’d love to try out teaching though, but it must be nerve-wracking, at least until you get used to it 😅 oh, biology/computer science sounds like a fascinating combo! at what stage of your phd are you? i’m currently finishing up my masters in linguistics. i might do a phd some time in the future, but it also sounds like a crazy amount of work, so idk... plus i have mixed feelings about making a career in academia 😐 did you start your phd right after finishing your previous degree, or did you take a break from studying at some point? oh and a research lab!! i was working at one too until i moved back here, i miss it 😌 idk how yours is, but mine definitely felt like home! it’s still nice you’ll get a break for the holidays though. do you have any plans?

hehe same here, they keep changing the rules about lockdown, but i also tend to stay home anyway, so i can’t say my life has changed that much this year 😬 as long as i’m allowed to take walks outside, i’m good

as for this weekend, my plan is: 1. getting ready for louis’ concert, 2. losing my shit during at louis’ concert, 3. recovering from louis’ concert (with some writing and cleaning and walking in between lmao) what about you? are you gonna be able to attend the concert? 

thanks so much for your messages, it’s really lovely to get to know you 💕 hope you have a good weekend!

[skamfairy]

FIC WRITER MEME

Thanks for the tag @brionbroadway

also no one should read this cos i wrote too much and i just went on a rant about why my writing is bad so asbhjdhbshbajds skiiiiippp

Tagging: @evensdramaticshenanigans @unendeligtid @femmevilde @vorfm95 @crackandcanonships

What is your total word count on AO3?

105046 which isn’t a looot but considering i’m so fickle with writing and a lot of my stuff was posted on tumblr instead, it’s not as low as i thought it would be.

How often do you write?

I have a bit of a yo-yo writing habit like i go through a period where i write every day and then somedays its once a week and then like once a couple months or yeah rip right now im all over the place. writing small things for myself every day but not the fic im meant to be writing BUT IMMA TRY TOMORROW 

Do you have a routine for writing?

again it depends on my mood ajhhadbs i do notice i take a shower first sometimes to get them brain juices flowing. other times i just get this just do it (see gif above) feeling and grab my laptop and write. and then sometimes i jam to music until a boring song comes on and i can write sajhbdhbjsdbh im such a mess

What are your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

fave pairing is evak and evilde. fave tropes are hate to love, forbidden love, angst that ends happy and kinks? i have no kinks i can’t think of any no nope no kinks here im innocent yes

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

oh man this is hard. i rarely like my writing and by rarely i mean never. i can’t even re read any of my own fics which is why they have a shit load of mistakes cos editing them requires reading them back dhjdshj but umm

okay i complain about it a lot but only cos i care about it so much but i think i love I want to love you but i dont know how the most because i really just wrote it for me and for fun and i love that. it has a good vibe and oh my god i just got an epiphany sjhjshbahbdsa i wont share the epiphany cos i’m already writing too much here but yeah i got an epiphany omg. takk bri for tagging me

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

WHERE DO I START oh boy

i hate everything about it. it’s a mess.  it’s too wordy and boring, i throw in all these stupid boring unnecessary descriptions and metaphors that do nothing to the plot and just put the reader to sleep.i spend too much time trying to describe the feelings of characters than the story itself and i just think it becomes a wordy vague lumpy mess of nothing. 

Now something you do like?

uhhhhhh ummmm ahhhh

in saying that, i guess i um..... hold on i’ll think of something. 

okay yes i think i like that i do spend so much time on feelings. that’s why i write in the first place. i want to make people feel things and understand others through my writing and i don’t think i do that but i do like that i attempt it and yeah good on me for trying right?