#its okay though when the Q&A stuff comes out people will see hes innocent

[plan-3-tmars]

how are we feeling inno kazui truthers

[zoopzopp]

A post for some BAMF Izuku fics <3 (more of these will be added and the list will be updated as i read them)

Fics i've read:

The Secret Ingredient is Crime- Izuku only had a whole month to further prove himself worthy of Yuuei's golden acceptance, and he was going to do whatever it took to make it in. Yuuei would never truly know what hit them until it was too late. (The secret crime AU in it entirety is fucking amazing and what wouldn't i give to read more stuff with it)

Deku the Villain Hunter: Support Hero - We all know the story: After being told he couldn't be a Hero by All Might, Midoriya Izuku still wandered over to a supervillain attack where he could save Bakugou Katsuki. But what if he had made the other turn? The answer is a butterfly effect that would lead him on a path to paving his own future. A path of revenge, finding his own moral compass, and doing the impossible. (OKAY MANY THOUGHTS. Very cool story and aspects. I binged it overnight and lost a bit of sleep the next night as well.)

The Story of How Midoriya Izuku Asserted His Dominance (And Traumatized Japan) - The Sports Festival was supposed to be a break from stress. Shouta should have known there is no such thing as a break with his class.

making it right (for real this time) - - Izuku is a support course student at UA, and Katsuki's neighbor, best friend, and former bullying victim. After Izuku's performance at the sports festival, Katsuki realizes something. He has to make things right. -

Hero Fall (UA Civil War Exercise) - It's now the end of the first year of UA for our students. Nedzu had decided to bring back the annual Heroes vs Villain fight. The fight shall last 5 days and the villain leader is Izuku Midoriya, with the commanding officer of the hero team being Katsuki Bakugo. But, what happens when Izuku is left alone?

Hero Class Civil Warfare - Heroes lead by Bakugo. Villains lead by Midoriya. Seven days prep time. Three days for Izuku Midoriya to show why they should be glad he's not a real villain.

"I Didn't Know You Had It In You." - Midoriya goes feral rage mode in his fight against Overhaul. The beat down still happens, but with Eri no longer at his back, he gets more violent. One For All reacts in an interesting way and Midoriya commits a terrible and unheroic act - the cold blooded murder and maiming of Chisaki Kai. Shigaraki is there to watch it all unfold.

Plan C meets Plan A - Even if All Might is right and Izuku can't be a hero, Izuku refuses to be useless. So Izuku uses his analysis skills to develop Plan C: Consulting in order to help the heroes. Eraserhead is impressed by this mysterious new consultant but alarm bells in Deku's behaviour quickly have Aizawa recruiting help for Plan A: Adoption.

Q. A. B. - One month after @hawks_unofficial's initial viral post, the blog titled "Quirk Analysis Blog for the Future", otherwise known as "Q. A. B.", has gone from an average of 10 views per post to an average of 20,000 views per post. Midoriya Izuku does not know how to view the impressions analysis for his suddenly popular blog, and only notices that sometimes, people actually comment on his posts now. He does not google himself or his moniker and thus does not see the rise in online articles and speculation. He is unaware that the "kyuu-ei-bee" he begins to hear about in passing refers to his own blog. He does not have a Twitter account. At the time, Midoriya Izuku is 15 years old.

How to murder your father - It's dangerous to be a bad father when you have a life insurance. Just saying.

Negation - Passive Quirks are a bitch. Izuku is reasonably done with the situation.

Thanks For Your Support - Izuku has the talent and the intellect to be the first Quirkless pro hero, and everyone at UA knows it. Unfortunately, his desire to become a hero has long since been buried thanks to the words of his childhood friend and childhood hero.

Policed To Meet You - Izuku takes All Might's advice and becomes a cop.

Vigilante Work And Other After School Activities - Izuku is a vigilante, Aizawa likes cats and therefore kids who help cats, and sometimes breaks must be forced upon overachieving teenagers.

When the Commission Lost Total Control - The hero polls have a small part where one can suggest their own hero. This is done just because of the amount of heroes is to great to name them all. This creates a little problem for the commission because a vigilante is assumed to be a brand new hero by the public- and ranks pretty high. Because of that, this vigilante now is too popular to hide and they can't come out with their mistake either! Think of the chaos that would bring.

Izuku being Badass but like in not that grand of a way but still tearing-people-down-in-some-way kind of way

He Was Quirkless - Midoriya get's sick of discrimination against the quirkless and decides to do something about it. It leads to some interesting situations. A trilogy.

bloody, but unbowed- It's Advocacy Week for Yuuei's hero students and it gives Midoriya Izuku a lot to think about about what kind of hero he wants Deku to be.

Called Out - When Izuku is hit by a quirk that will cause him to call out the first person to be rude to him on the way to school with every mistake they've made in the affected persons presence or have otherwise effected said affected person, Aizawa is in for a rough ride. In other words, with some help from a quirk, Izuku rakes Aizawa over the hot coals until he gives out. (a great fic but i've got mixed feelings on this one because on one hand, izuku is badass but on the other its Aizawa bashing and really like him skhdskdb so yea! Read it as per your tastes!!)

The time when everyone learned that izuku respects Bakugo more than all might. - I didn't like how Bakugo was tied up during the sports festival and so izuku didn't. Badass izuku roasted all might and midnight.

Villainous Sunshine - After an innocent question, Class 1-A learns just how terrifying Izuku's analysis is. Nedzu's along for the ride.

Never understand ( and you can't ) - Midoriya is sick and tried of his classmates bias and prejudice against the quirkless community and finally breaks

Mastermind: Strategist For Hire - Izuku Midoriya never got the chance to save Bakugo from the sludge villain and impress All Might. With his dream crushed, Izuku becomes bitter and angry. It also doesn't help that he faces discrimination at every turn. All he ever wanted was to be appreciated, so when the villains are the ones to recognize his talents rather than the heroes, well, Izuku just can't resist. He might as well help those who actually want him around. Mistakes were made, and now society must face a villain of their own making: Mastermind.

Malignance - Deku is far scarier than anyone gives him credit for.

Fics in my to read list which has/probably has BAMF izuku

Young Midoriya - Izuku Midoriya couldn't help himself when he saw someone in trouble. Even at 12 years old, his instincts drive him to help those in need. So when he sees Kacchan and his goons about to ambush another student, he has to step in, right? It's not like this hasn't happened before. What is different this time though, is that he's never had an audience that consisted of the Number One Hero.

Heroics and Other Things That Don't Require Superpowers - Izuku doesn't have a quirk. That's the long and short of it. After being told his whole life he can't be a hero, General Education at UA is the best he can hope for, right? Wrong. Dead Wrong. So super wrong that his best friend from Gen Ed, all of Class 1A and a whole mess of Pro Heroes are going to prove to him how wrong he is. Izuku has the makings of a hero, and his lack of a quirk only throws those qualities into starker relief. After all, who wants to be as strong as All Might when you can be the cleverest hero in the business?

Cases of More Than - Izuku is known as Deku online. He's an analyst of quirks, sometimes even working with the local detective, Tsukauchi, on a case. He meets new friends, builds a few relationships, and slowly crushes on his best friend. But then he's thrown into the General Studies Course at U.A. It doesn't help that All for One is showing an interest in him at all.

No Regret - In this world there is no hard set villain or hero. No victim and aggressor. Everyone is at fault for something and Izuku, with his own villain group, will make everyone pay. Even the bystanders who did nothing. This is what society gets for abandoning it's people. Deku will manipulate everyone and be the greatest villain, all so the world can be a better a place. With the stakes so high there is no time for regret.

We Are a Different Kind - Mirio doesn’t think he can be a hero anymore now that he’s quirkless, Izuku calls bullshit.

Live a Hero - "You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." Or, you're raised a villain, rebel when you're nine, and fight against the odds to become a hero anyway. That's how it is in Izuku's case.

Prodigal - After being convinced to give One for All to Mirio, Midoriya Izuku must rebuild his shattered dreams with bloody hands.

Two Sides of the Same Coin: Vigilante - Izuku is orphaned at the age of four and is sent into the Japanese Foster Care System. After multiple failed attempts at finding a forever home and some unfortunate circumstance, he ends up on the streets. Eventually, the vigilante, Deku appears. Eraserhead must gain his trust to bring Deku back to the right side of the law. If he he does, however, the untrustful but pure-hearted boy may just be a bit more than Aizawa Shota can handle.

From Muddy Waters - - but the sleeve of his tracksuit was bulging, tearing and ripping and a mass of twisted flesh, nearly as big as the boy himself and nauseatingly familiar (the arm of the man that had torn a hole in his side with a grin and left him a frail shadow of himself) swung forward and slammed into the flat face of the giant robot. Izuku wants to be a hero more than anything.

Pieces are easily sacrificed when they're nameless - Nobody ever thought quirkless, weak, weird Midoriya Izuku was dangerous. This perception carried over to his first year high school class, because really despite the super strength Midoriya didn't have it in him to be dangerous. That was their first mistake. And the one that would see them fall.

Not exactly BAMF izuku but i just wanted to rec these fics <3

In the shade of a sunflower - Being biologically quirkless came more with an extra pinkie joint in the toes and a stunning lack of vestiges mutations. It came with smaller things, like extra teeth that did virtually nothing, exploding organs, and weird exposed nerves that weren't designed to feel pain.

Throat Punch - In which Aizawa attempts to teach Izuku how to use various battle tactics and it goes just about as well as you'd expect. At least Shinsou is there with his fantastic commentary. (just a fun lil thing where izuku is really stronk and trains with shinsou and aizawa)

So Be It - He could still do good. Midoriya could show them all what a hero without powers looked like. If he had to break a few rules to do it, so be it. So be it… (as stated not exactly BAMF but its a vigilante izuku so ye-)

Never Enter a Drinking Game with Bakugo or Izuku - Izuku walks in on Kirishima and Kaminari having a drinking competition (no alcohol involved). And it reminds him of an old story.

5 Times Midoriya Taught Class 1A about Memes and 1 Time they Found a Villain that Understood Them - After being diagnosed as quirkless, Midoriya gets into pre-guirk media and finds memes. He shares them with Class 1A. Aizawa doesn't get paid enough for this. (THIS FIC???? FUCKING AWESOME. LITERALLY WHAT I WANTED TO SEE)

Midoriya: JD Version - Nedzu has decided that a play should be put on so that the students can learn how to "go undercover", an idea which Aizawa thinks is utter bullshit. They're putting on Heathers and when Nedzu chooses to cast Midoriya for JD, everyone objects. Midoriya is a much better actor than they thought.

that is a lot!! I hope you have fun reading it!!!

[deathfrisbeeinthetardis]

Dark is the Night, but You're Safe with Me

People seemed to like the first one I wrote Light on the Hill, so here’s a sequel, @q-unsolved I wrote a second one to the dream-inspired one :)

Summary:  

They shoot a three-parter episode to get the fans familiar with Shane. The flashlight turns on a second time against Shane’s smile, and the dots connect in Ryan’s head. or What if they stayed the whole night.

Read below or find it on Ao3! 

“I don’t think they have the power to turn it back on again frankly. I really think they don’t”

He doesn’t think he’s breathing at the moment, that’s how tense he is. His nails are digging into the rubber gip of the camera extension and the door handle is a sharp pressure in his side as he leans back as far as he could, away from the stupid kitchen counter and the stupid flashlight.

“Ryan?” Shane’s grinning, tone almost chiding as he knelt down to get a closer look. How the fuck was he not freaked out by this?

The flashlight turns on.

Ryan screams, of course he does, it’s a sensical response. Shane’s laugh rings out at the same time, face illuminated on one side by the glow of the maglight, eyes curving into crescent moons.

Something in the back of Ryan’s mind clicks. He knows those eyes. They belonged to the warmth on a cold streetside when he thought he was losing his mind, years ago. But this is Shane, has always been. And a demon just turned the flashlight on a second time.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ryan half yells as he crosses the short distance and sticks his face up against the innocent-looking flashlight, looking it over under the glare of his own. There has to be a tampered switch, remote control or something , anything that wouldn’t suggest a demon is here. Even though the whole point of their three-part trip was to find some evidence of the supernatural, he’s not sure he wants it now.

“Keep in mind that we have to spend the night here.” Shane says with a smirk, and yes, that is definitely his friend. No one knows how to get under his skin that well.

As if it wasn’t already enough, a metallic scraping noise behind him has Ryan whipping his head around, just in time to see the light cut a bright arc across the dark counter.

And yes, maybe what Shane says about the thing being cylindrical is a good point, but it doesn’t necessarily mean Ryan’s mind hasn’t already conjured about a thousand ways they could die if the demon can move a flashlight.

“It shouldn’t be rolling back and forth like that.” Eric says, and it really doesn’t help.

Ryan’s starting to regret bringing along the paranormal investigator. He had thought it would help since they didn’t know much about ghost hunting yet, but having even him get unsettled is just adding to Ryan’s panic.

“You should have never talked to it dude, what is wrong with you?!” The words come out harsher than he means, and Shane tilts his head a little. The act almost looks predatory.

When Shane lays down on the black splotch on the basement floor, Ryan is beginning to see a trend in how these sorts of supernatural investigations are going to go.

“Rock and roll buckaroo!” The dude is enjoying this way too much for his own good.

Ryan utters some mild protests that increase in intensity when Shane starts offering him up to the demon as well. The spot where the pentagram was supposed to be didn’t really bother him, it just looked like someone poured some questionable stuff on the concrete, or possibly even lit a few small bonfires. But he didn’t like how he felt in this house, and being in the basement is just adding an extra chunk of distance between him and the front door.

 "The light’s on Ryan! Look at the light!“ Shane exclaims happily, finger pointing. On his part, Ryan’s brain is struggling to process the phenomenon without damaging his sanity.

Ryan bolts out of his seat cause there was no way he was staying near a spot of demon activity. The simultaneous movement of all three of their flashlight-holding hands plunges the room into a mess of light and stretched out silhouettes. Combined with the stress of the whole situation, Ryan was starting to lose confidence in his eyes.

Because for a split second as Shane fixes his gaze on the chair, it was like a piece of darkness extended from the edges of the room to engulf his face in shadow, his eyes looked almost entirely black.    

“Demon, we got ‘em.” Shane’s looking at him with that mischievous curve to his mouth, and Ryan leans against a wall to slow his heartbeat. These investigations are going to give him a heart attack some day, what was he thinking when he signed up for this?

It makes you feel alive , his brain supplies, with a voice that sounds way too much like Shane.

Ryan sets up an extra camera on his side of the living room, cause if he was going to get demon-murdered for the internet, there’d better be footage of it that the crew can use to tell everyone.

He lies in his sleeping bag next to Shane, and gets struck with intermittent irritation when he hears his friend’s breathing smooth into light snores between sentences. Everything’s so quiet, and the lack of sensory input is getting to him. Living in LA means there is always someone making noise somewhere, music, traffic, the occasional scream or two.

Here in the suburbs in an empty house, there’s nothing.

They had turned the lights off, and the moon’s not having its brightest time through the windows, so most of the room blend together. Ryan’s neck muscles are on the verge of revolt with how he keeps craning his head to look around. Shapes keep popping up in his vision, and the rational part of him– that had done research on human eyes before the trip– knows that’s a signal from his eyes that he needs to chill out for a second, but he just can’t bring himself to.

One of the many cons of having an active brain, he can barely shut it off when he needs to. Maybe that’s a good thing, he thinks, at least he’ll see them coming.

“You won’t.”

“Wha-?” He sputters a little, the sudden interruption to the silence jolting him half out of his sleeping bag, a hand clutching at the little plastic bottle of Holy water. Its just Shane, looking up at him from where he lay, head pillowed on his hands. He couldn’t have just said that, that would be like, like mind reading. Had he missed a question from Shane?

He tries again, more coherent this time, “what do you mean?”

“You won’t see them coming, not here at least.”

Cold sweat is starting to break out across Ryan’s face, and the bottle in his hand crinkles. “Okay, what? I swear Shane if you’re fucking with me right now I’ll, I’ll kick your ass tomorrow.”

“Very scary, Bergara.” Shane shoots back, and Ryan groans, gently easing back down to the ground. His whole body is going to be sore tomorrow.

“Shut up Shane.”

He’s pretty sure he’s said that more times on this shoot than he has the past two years of knowing the man. It would seem that ghost hunting exacerbates Shane’s sarcasm and goof level. The fans are probably going to love it, which means they’ve gotta up the level even more. He stifles another groan and rubs his face with a hand.

“Nothing is going to happen to you.”

“How can you be sure?” Ryan’s never heard his voice that small, he’d be embarrassed if he wasn’t so scared.

“You know how.” Shane looks at him for a long time with the same smiling eyes and the smallest tilt to his mouth. It’s too much, the quiet and the fear and the listing familiarity of it all. Ryan shivers a little, and it has nothing to do with the chill.

“It’s you.” he breathes, and the memory of warmth and light dig its way into the forefront of Ryan’s mind.

“It is,” Shane’s still smiling softly. Ryan searches his eyes, bracing for a change, but they stay their normal brown. “It’s certainly a risky situation here, but you don’t have to worry, you’re safe with me.”

There is a part of Ryan’s brain that starts to freak out about the confirmation of the danger here, but the majority’s still reeling at this realization, and the strange not-changes they made to the situation. A glance at the red dot on the camera confirmed it’s existence. Good. He’s going to need footage of this to convince himself it wasn’t just a dream.

“Hey, come ‘ere.” Shane holds out an arm so Ryan can scoot closer, tentatively laying his head on his shoulder. “I’m proud of you Ryan, you knew all this existed and yet you’re still willing to explore, the bravery of the heart doesn’t falter.”

“And what about you? I mean, you can see it right?” He feels calm settle over him like a blanket, Shane’s hand on his shoulder a gentle pressure grounding him to reality.

“Oh yes, and let me tell you, it is one ugly fucker,” Shane chuckles under his breath, and Ryan could feel it rumble through his side, “I meant every word I said down there, we’re a package deal. If Sallie wants a piece of you, it’s gotta get through me first, and the demon’s got nothing on me, my friend.”

“You’re insufferable,” Ryan grumbles into Shane’s shoulder, but he finally manages to close his eyes against the dark room. The fear is still there, but it’s dulled, pushed back by whatever powers Shane wielded. He’ll deal with all of this tomorrow. He’ll talk to Shane, figure out what this meant, and come up with a plan.

The darkness doesn’t seem as threatening now.

They sleep there for the full night, a successful end to their three-part episode.

Coffee and some serious editing magic later, their watch count rockets through the roof, a rapidly increasing fanbase clamoring for more of the nuanced pairing of the skeptic and the believer.

Ryan finds himself smiling at Shane at the next desk, it’ll be a tough fight not to tell the world, now that he has a piece of evidence right at his side, but he can live with that.

Better the devil you know after all.

[rynhaswritersblock]

tiktok famous (hc) - part four | p.p.

summary: episode four of tiktoks with y/n and peter ayooooo

warnings: cussing. what's new LOL

+ + +

- BACK AGAIN

- these are the imagines that i can pretty much just pump out because the plot line is like already layed out for me

- in conclusion i like writing these lol

- okay SO

THESE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO GAVE IDEAS::: spideybparker starbabez mrose12623 elliedevotee lilcassipuff buckybigbutt

THANK U! <3

^^ if you've changed your username i'm so sorry whenever i get requests i write down the username and it's lowkey difficult to track who is who and if they've changed it ahhhhh

- aight

- lets get into it

- yuhhhhhh get into itttttttttt

- i'm gonna be saying yuh get into it so much in this imagine i apologize in advance

- like it's kinda bad

- oops

- so y'all know those audios that are like the fake calls

- it's like that man's voice he's like "hey whassup shorty your man around?"

- THAT ONE

- so naturally

- y'all know where this is going

- you and pete are just chilling (this is how all of them start. i feel like a broken record. help)

- you're like FUCK IT LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS

- you start recording

hey whassup shorty

- peter goes into FIGHT OR FLIGHT MODE

- he's just playing video games (fortnite aye) but the  S E C O N D  HE HEARS THAT RANDOM MAN'S VOICE

- fuckin RIPS OFF THE HEADSET

- EYEBROWS FURROWED AS HE LOOKS AT YOU HE'S LIKE

- huh wHAT NOW

- ????!!!!!!!!!!

- you fail at keeping a straight face cause the fucking AUDIO

your man around?

- a wheeze FLIES out of you mouth as peter SHOOTS UP FROM HIS CHAIR

- big "FUCK NO!" energy

- mans practically jumps on top of you

- he's like angry and confused at first but then he sees how hard you're laughing and just gets even more confused

"what was that?"

- his voice is all high cause it does that in tense situations

- puppy face is loud n clear!

- babey

- meanwhile you can't catch your breath for SHIT

- so you show him the video as you continue to literally die

- as soon as he realizes he just melts

- he's like laying on top of you and buries his face in the crook of your neck before bursting out into laughter and holding you tighter

"you can't do that!"

- god me thinking about that happening irl is giving me BUTTERFLIES

- sexc

- okay this one is another fake phone call

- just gonna jump into it it's pretty much the same situation

- in this one you two are over 18 btw

- for ~legal reasons~

- the audio starts playing with the ringtone and peter just glances over

- he's too busy watching b99

- naturally

hey this is dr. alvarez! we received your pregnancy test results

- WHAT

- peter has never jumped so hard in his LIFE

- tv is PAUSED even captain holt has the shocked expression (who am i kidding it's holt his facial expression is as dead as a brick)

- 🅱eter literally yells

"WHAT"

- audio keeps going

is there a time next week you could come in and talk?

"y/n what"

- he runs over to you and you bust out laughing as he looks at your phone and realizes it's a tiktok

- an annoyed smile pulls at his lips and he groans and wraps his arms around you

"you had me there for a second"

- let's just say peter parker had family on his mind a LOT more since then

- wink wink

- k SO

- queso

- haha

- anyways

- y'all know that one sound

pussy so good i could save that shit for later

- welcome to straight tiktok!

- so y'all just chillin on his bed as best friends do

- on ur phones and shit

- and peter parker is a basic bitch so he has the led lights

- which i want SO BAD btw ugh my room would be such a vibe

- update i'm editing this and i just ordered some ayooooo

- anyways they're currently blue so like

- innocent

- chill

- but THEN

- the audio starts playing from peter's phone

pussy so good-

- you gAsp as the lights turn red

- ur like

- holy shit i didn't know parker could do that

- next thing you know peter's hand is on your chin/jaw (just about ur neck OOPS)

- his mouth is practically ON your ear

- you see him holding his arm out in front of you recording and you can't help but laugh

- but DAMN

his jawline is out and everything and he's fucking SMIRKINGGGG as he whispers the lyrics into your ear

- BUTTAFLIESSSSSSSSSSSSS

- big mattia vibes (btw that man is NOT attractive i'm sorry)

- moving on

- i know i've written one of the ones where you kiss your best friend

- but time to turn the tables

- oh how the turn tables

- time for y/n to be a bad bitch cause WE MAKING THE FIRST MOVE!!

- hell yea!

- so it's late right

- like late late

- at least midnight (sleep schedule is MESSED from quarantine though so honestly late rn is like 2 or 3 in the morning yikes)

- and ur hella bored

- on tiktok

- the fuck else do you expect?

- and you start doing the thing where you start thinking about getting up and doing something and you think about it so much that you physically can NOT sit there any longer and must Move or Die

- i KNOW i am not the only one

- so that happens

- and you're like FUCK IT

- so you walk out of your room and into peter's next door

- oh to live at avengers headquarters and live next to peter parker

- you just fucking stroll in

- peter's fat ass just goes "hey thanks for knocking"

- meanwhile you can't even stand to look at him because you're afraid that if you do all of your confidence will VANISH

- so you set up the camera and start recording

- at this point peter's sitting up and just watching you cause he's so confused

- and

- (HERE WE GO)

- it takes everything in you not to RUN OUT

- but you walk over to him

- wrap a hand around his neck

- tilt your head and lean down

- when peter realizes what's going on he's like OH MY GOD

- fight or flight response HITS except its JUST FLIGHT

- HIS BODY CHOSE FLIGHT

- he fucking REELS back

- can't even process that his best friend and crush since EVER just tried to kiss him

- sdfjksdkfjsdfg

- DKJFNHSKDFNSLA

- you're like fuck! so you turn to start  r u n n i n g   a w a y

- but then his hands wrap around your waist

- you FLY backwards and laugh as the two of you flop into the bed

- and he kisses you

- mwah ha ha haaaaaa

- don't ask why the evil laugh just accept it

- i am tired yes it is only 8:43pm i am still tired

- NEXTTTTTTT

- so y'all know those povs where it's like you find out your soulmate's first words on your bday

- well

- ha

- you and peter are bored because ~ q u a r a n t i n e ~

- chilling at headquarters

- bored in da house and i'm in da house bored

- and peter's like "imma make a pov!"

- okay!

- so i'm just gonna lay it out for you HERE WE GO

- he has the generic countdown thing (text boxes saying 3...2..1! you know the deal) and then he looks at his wrist and it says "hey spider-boy!" and he gets so flustered - next clip it's him running into "you" (obviously you're not actually in it but he does the text box thingy) - you're asking about what it says and try to get a peek but he pulls away - next clip it's right before your bday - and then you find out your quote and it says "it's spider-MAN! cause i'm a man!" - and peter is just looking anxiously/happily at the camera

- PERIOD

- i hope that was a good visual idk i tried

- and uhhhh yeah that one stays in the drafts bc he doesn't wanna expose himself

- moving right along by the way it's raining rn and i'm listening to my kind of woman by mac demarco and UGH this song makes me so...... jkdfhsdk

- OKAY THIS IS ANOTHER STRAIGHT TIKTOK ONE

- but it's cute so

- fuck it

- y'all know it

i wanna put you in seven positions for seventy minutes babe

- mischievous as ✨hell✨

- oh my god i got another idea okay i'm writing that after this one

- anyways!

- you and peter are chilling

- note: i yell at myself every time i write that because the AMOUNT OF THESE THAT START THIS WAY GOD

- he's watching netflix or something idk

- fyi outer banks is overrated sorry not sorry

- yell at me if u want but

- it's riverdale for vsco girls

- you set up the camera and start recording

- audio starts playing and you climb into his lap and he's like WOAH

- you like put your hands on his cheeks/jaws lol and you start mouthing the lyrics

- but the THING IS (pt 1)

- homeboy catches on pretty quick

- and

- fuck

- he starts MOUTHING THE LYRICS BACK

- you deadass have to take a second and reel back to catch your breathe

- but the THING IS (pt 2)

- HE'S GOTTEN ALL INTO IT

- SO HE PULLS YOU BACK IN

- UR FUCKIN FOREHEADS ARE TOUCHING AND YOU BOTH JUST START REALLY AGGRESSIVELY MOUTHING THE LYRICS

- kinda hot doe

- something for u to think about at night

:)

- hey bitch this is a reminder to write about the fairy comments

- thanks past me

- SO

- hmm lemme think

- okay

- so

- okay yes

- so peter-man posts a tiktok of him doing flips n stuff

- like very generic white boy look at me doing things

- and it's very impressive

- but

- you decide to just GO AT IT IN THE COMMENTS

- LIKE TOTALLY ANNIHILATE HIM

- i'm just gonna write some examples

- fuck me for writing this on a computer finding all these emojis on here is very difficult

- oh well

- here we go:

- oh my god a squirrel just climbed up the tree in my front yard and it caught me so off guard my heart skipped a beat

- wait okay irrelevant

- for real this time here we go:

you ate that 💕🧚‍♀️⚡🌟next time make it me instead 💖🧚‍♀️✨ omg peter you came on my fyp 🧚‍♀️💖✨but make it on me next 🧚‍♀️💕✨🦋 a necklace 💕✨🧚‍♀️⚡but make it your hands ✨💖🦋😌

- and so on

- lets just say when peter saw those

- his face got SO RED

- TOOK HIM AT LEAST TEN MINUTES TO COMPOSE HIMSELF

- AND THEN HE RAN INTO YOUR ROOM

"y/n what is this"

"uh fairy comments"

"but they're so-"

- you just stare at him and like

- shrug

- but knowingly

- HAHA OKAY NEXT ONE

- okay i took a break to go sit in the rain and eat hawaiian rolls 10/10 experience def go do that next time it rains

- i think i wrote one like this but with the supalonely dance

- so this time

- we doing the savage dance

- first of all that song is a BANGER

- second, the dance is SO FUN

- so it's the same thing as last time

- you set up the camera but have it face peter instead of u sneaky sneaky

- and then u start doing the dance of course

- and obv peter is like yuhhhhhhhhh get into itttttttttt

- clapping along and smiling and whooping

- supportive bby

- but THEN

- YOU THROW IT BACK

- HOMEBOY DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING

- HALF OF HIM IS LIKE OH FUCK I SHOULD'VE STOPPED HER

- OTHER HALF IS SAYING holy shit !

- once you finish you look at peter and he's just like 👁👄👁

- lol

- anyways

- you watch that video MULTIPLE TIMES afterwards

- okay in this one you and pete are 18+ because

- we like being legal 😌✋

- but it's one of those where you walk out in front of your boyfriend naked

- so peter just got home from patrol and climbs in through the window of y'alls shared apartment

- oh to live in an nyc apartment with peter parker UGH

"y/n? i'm home babe"

- the camera is shaking because you're laughing so hard and kinda nervy

- but you walk out of y'alls room and peter just turns to you

- nearly drops his fucking mask

- he's shocked for a second before he gets such a big smile on his face and throws you over his shoulder

- hehe

- okay last one i love this one sm this tiktok came up on my fyp and i immediately though THIS IS Y/N AND PETER

here it be::

https://www.tiktok.com/@wizqueifa_/video/6826567570116611333

god i hope that works and y'all can watch it lmk if u can't like if the link doesn't work or anything

- okay basically it's that tiktok but u and peter

- like that video EXACTLY everything about it is perfect

- that's it lol

- and i recommend watching her other tiktoks with her boyfriend bc their relationship is adorable and it's totally y/n and peter

- okay i think (hope to god) i've written all the ones that y'all requested

- i think i might only do just one more part of these???? idk i feel like if i just keep going on with them (cause obv trends keep coming) half this book would just be the tiktoks lol

- ANYWAYS

- peace out homies i love each and every one of you

- be kind to urself and try to be productive

- i'm gonna go try and write some more so

- yes

- MWAH <3

+ + +

hi i hope you guys are doing well

ily

[comicteaparty]

January 10th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on January 10th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Chasing Little Lights by Evelyn Shi.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Chasing Little Lights by Evelyn Shi~! (http://www.cllcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

my favorite scene so far is probably...well okay its not really a scene so much as a moment in a scene. but when soren is walking around with valentin and noticing that valentin already has like 1 billion friends. i can just severely relate to soren in that moment. it has some fantastic facial expression and i just love the panel framing too. theres kind of this sense of isolation whenever you see valentin interact. and even though soren is there, you get this sense he is the one out of place. and i just really think the visual aspects alone express that kind of loner thing he has going on

eleviken

haha hi! i'm the creator of Chasing Little Lights and i'll stick around here for a bit!

RebelVampire

glad to have you, @eleviken ~!

eleviken

i'm really glad you took note of that scene! i wanted to capture their different personalities - they are friends and get closer as the comic progresses, but soren is quite shy and valentin is a classic extrovert! i think valentin doesn't intend to single out people sometimes but he can give off that vibe

RebelVampire

actually honestly i really love valentin and soren's interactions. theyre very different people, and usually when you have an extrovert and an introvert they kind of butt heads. but nah, in this case valentin is like "hey buddy lets get bubble tea" and to me thats just super refreshing to see.

another scene i really like was the fencing scene. it played out exactly how i imagined it would: elena got her arrogant butt beaten by someone with infinite more years experience. but what i like more is that she doesnt expect this. instead to retreats further into her belief that she just wasnt on her a-game. cause i feel this is a moment that is true to how a real person would act.

and i also like how it preps for future drama

eleviken

that's great!! yeah i wanted valentin to be a good hearted person inside, even if he gives off an absentmindedly popular vibe! but of course there will be fights between the characters>:)

mhm! for me the fencing scene got quite tedious actually, as i wanted to have the action play out in maybe a few weeks, rather than dragging on for over a month. but i can only make a page per week with school and all, so i'm glad you enjoyed that!

all the characters are good people despite their flaws- elena's is arrogance obviously. we'll see how her character growth plays out in the future!

RebelVampire

yeah theres no doubt in my mind theyre good people. but i love all their flaws because theyre poignant and feel super realistic. not to mention i really enjoy a lot of the elements that stress them out cause to a degree it helps to make them feel their age.

eleviken

mhm, in future chapters - especially chapter 4, which is coming up soon, there will be more dramatic/challenging obstacles in the plot that will test their innocence as kids

i wanted to emphasize the coming of age aspect in the story because some challenges force you to grow up

RebelVampire

exactly what im hoping for. cause these kids are def in a situation where their innocence is gonna be tested. what with all the air pollution.

this is not s etting of happiness

K.E. Karlsen

yeah thats a theme i like seeing in stories and i can definitely see it happening in yours, whatever may happen

can i ask where you got the idea of a setting with air pollution sickness?

mathtans

The little one is in bed for the moment, but I might have to leave unexpectedly. ^.^

Rebel - I kind of liked that scene with Valentin having all the friends, but I think what I liked more was kind of the follow-up, when Kasen sees Soren with Valentin and thinks, geez, that guy's already got a friend. Kind of a perspective shift.

eleviken

i live in Shanghai, China, and air pollution has been a pretty big issue here! it has gotten better over the past few years but it's still very polluted. air pollution is also quite bad in areas like mongolia and india and other parts of asia

mathtans

Nice closer to Chapter 2 also.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. The comic’s setting is one where air pollution can be rampant enough to cause a fatal sickness called contamina. Given Valentin’s blood-filled coughing, do you believe he has contracted contamina? Why do you believe he is so intent on hiding his symptoms, especially from Elena? If Valentin does have contamina, do you believe he’d come to accept it or continue to live in denial? Whether he has contamina or not, how do you believe the others will react to finding out about the coughing? Overall, do you think Valentin’s health problems will change the group’s opinions on how normalized the air pollution is? How might this change their future goals?

mathtans

Characters need flaws, or it's boring.

eleviken

mathtans - to add on i think soren and kasen are more similar in personality than elena and val, defnitely! but they face very different challenges, so i think it makes them different in that way too:))

i am also a high school student! so i think CLL is at least semi-autobiographical in many ways

mathtans

Truth, probably makes sense that the siblings are a bit alike too.

eleviken

on question 2 - i won't give away too much

mathtans

I've been reading most of your little author notes btw eleviken. I think it's very cool that you're using your location as a setting. (Also, your field trip to Mongolia sounds really interesting, possibly more interesting than it was, I dunno.)

eleviken

but of course val will eventually be forced to face the issue

mathtans

I think Valentin is hiding the symptoms for a couple reasons. One, if people start talking about it, that makes it "real" and harder to deny to himself. Second, since his parents died due to pollution, he doesn't want his sister to have to go through the same kind of thing again.

eleviken

what really!!! i love leaving the author notes as a record to what i'm up to that week, but i didn't expect too many people to take note! my trip was a culture/service trip and it was definitely interesting, as it was quite different from the big city life in Shanghai

RebelVampire

you mean val doesnt just gain immortality and thus is rewarded for his denial?

XD

eleviken

Maybe val /is/ an immortal!

RebelVampire

see

confirmed

no problems here

O_O;;;;;

mathtans

I wonder if on some level, like subconsciously, Valentin is hoping for a breakthrough that helps out his own health. And Elena's dismissal of his attempts at research may not be helping with that (though I get why she does it).

Valentin - There can be only one.

eleviken: Yup, I'm one of those readers who tends to check out Q&As and Author Notes and stuff. In particular I was interested because I've never been to China or anywhere in the far East. Cool!

(I'm also a high school teacher, so there's that side of me, pleased to see students doing creative things. )

RebelVampire

i honestly feel the denial is more for valentin's sake than elena's sake. because hes what, 14? 14 is not the age where youre ready to accept mortality. 14 is the age where you believe youre super invincible and nothing ever bad will happen to you ever. can do whatever you want for you are the immortal one. and to accept he has contamina is to accept that whatever he had planned in his future is now kaput. and i just dont think hes ready for that, thus the hiding.

not to mention denial is the first stage of the 5 stages of grief

eleviken

valentin is definitely an optimist, and as the creator it even makes /me/ sad to see (or make lol) him suffer. he's definitely holding out hope for a miracle about his health, whether it turns out to be contamina or not. he is definitely at a point of denial, by filling his life with fun and his new friends to forget about the problem!

mathtans

Oh, the denial is probably more for his sake, you're right. The not telling might be for Elena's sake a bit though.

eleviken

mathtans - no way, that's amazing! Thank you for teaching, it's definitely hard work!

mathtans

Valentin is kind of the type to throw caution to the wind too, like I don't know the specifics of the disease, but he wanders around without a mask like that won't make the problem get worse faster or something.

Oh, thank you eleviken.

RebelVampire

eh i feel that the hiding it from others goes along with hiding it from himself. cause i get more the impression hes hiding it from the others to protect himself more than to protect the others. cause if he told elena, shes going to make a fuss and treat him like hes dying. and he cant very well live in denial about dying if everyone treats him like hes dying.

mathtans

That's a good point too, Rebel. (Who knows what's going on in his head!)

RebelVampire

although im sure there isnt no element about protecting elena cause of what happened to their parents. i just think self preservation is the overriding factor

eleviken

val and elena definitely have the petty sibling dynamic, but with their parents gone they are also looking out for each other. elena isn't good at expressing her emotions, though, so it's not directly stated that she's protective! i think part of his not-wearing-a-mask-stupidity is denial as well. as someone who's inclined to be happy, Val really wants to hold on to that happiness!

mathtans

Maybe Soren will come up with the cure. Can't kick him out of school if he does that.

eleviken

Ah soren's grade issue is quite important too! i think the pressure to achieve perfect grades is a reality for many students, and i especially see it at my school.

RebelVampire

although tbh i get the hint of a stigma? like at least that guy in the bathroom was kind of...apprehensive when he thought valentin might have contamina. even tho its established contamina is not contagious, its kind of got the cancer affect it seems. where everyone is like eww gross stay away from me sick person. and for an extrovert like valentin, that would probably be devastating. to be avoided because of something like being sick.

mathtans

Speaking as a teacher, I feel like society (well, North American society at least) is starting to put way too much emphasis on grades, and not enough emphasis on, y'know, actually learning stuff. Students tend to ask me "how can I get an 80%" not "how can I understand this unit better".

Rebel: Good point. It's said to not be contagious, but if people think that only poorer types who can't afford to replace their masks get the disease, that might be part of it.

eleviken

that's definitely very true at my school - as an asian school with an american system, the pressure to get 4.0s, have extracurriculars, and get into ivies is supersupersuper high. i'm under that pressure myself!

RebelVampire

haha that emphasis on grades over learning has been in the us for a looooong time. but now you have helicopter parents so a good portion of teachers in the us are just giving the grades anyway. because administration wont back the teachers up in the face of angry parents.

but i digress.

eleviken

mathtans - i'm going to admit i never thought about the "poorer people" part, that's very smart!

mathtans

You never know what will be read into things, feel free to run with it.

Yeah, it's not as bad here in Canada, but we still have some standardized testing. Anyway.

Hope you're able to weather the pressure, eleviken. The fact that you can keep up with a comic shows pretty good time management skills.

RebelVampire

i definitely feel that valentin's dilemma will make all the kids confront the air pollution. especially elena cause seeing another person she loves get contamina has to make her confront the idea that air pollution is bad and they shouldnt just go "nah its fine and normal were kids"

eleviken

thanks mathtans! i'm managing to keep up :))

i think high school can definitely be a bubble from real-world issues, and val's problem is forcing him to face the real world. that's a big coming of age part!

RebelVampire

yeah and i definitely love that about this story. that theres this whole conflict and theme of the child bubble world vs the actual world with all its huge problems that are overwhelming to deal with

mathtans

It's one of those things too where, if you see it every day, it just becomes normal. Why confront something that's normal? Whereas for the transfer students, it's not a normal thing, so maybe they can help with that.

Superjustinbros

peeks in

eleviken

hi!

mathtans

Good point, eleviken.

Superjustinbros

Hello there~

Just thought I'd drop in till the end

and this comic of yours is pretty interesting, @eleviken

eleviken

speaking of that, i am heading to class! i will still be here for the most part, though. :))

thanks!

Superjustinbros

You're welcome! Kudos too for representing all these different countries

(And shoutouts to Soren's hair)

RebelVampire

hey super~!

Superjustinbros

Hi Rebel!

RebelVampire

good luck in class, eleviken!

Superjustinbros

Secodned!

RebelVampire

and thats also true math. i definitely get that impression from val and elena

mathtans

All the best with classes!

RebelVampire

that theyre just so used to it they cant even fathom what clean air is like even

too normal

just everyday life

mathtans

Yeah, the choice to have a bunch of countries was cool. I like the little flags in the dialogue bubbles.

RebelVampire

although speaking of normalization though, i really loved that dialogue piece where kasen was saying "did you hear about that celebrity who died of contamina" to elena and elena just said what a shame i liked their music.

like man

mathtans

I'm also impressed that Valentin can already speak 5 languages.

RebelVampire

thats great characterization on how they view the world

yeah

valentin dying is a tragedy

dawgofdawgness

Is this still going? For CLL

mathtans

Rebel - Great point there.

RebelVampire

cause he seems super smart

yes it is~!

we still have another hour left

eleviken

DAWG!!! HEY!!!

dawgofdawgness

HALLO

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Kasen and Soren are both characters who have to deal with academic and parental pressure for various reasons. Do you believe Soren will be able to maintain a 3.5 grade average? Or, do you think even with the help of the others he’ll continue to struggle and fall behind? Whether he fails or succeeds, do you believe the school will continue to honor their scholarship agreement? In the long run, do you believe Soren will be able to help pull his family out of poverty with his potential academic success? Kasen, being the headmaster’s daughter, has to deal with similar pressures. Do you believe that Kasen will be able to convince her father to let her go to art school? How might she accomplish this? Alternatively, do you believe she’ll give into her father’s reasoning? Lastly, how might these similar struggles help or hurt the groups’ relationships with each other?

dawgofdawgness

I saw your wall post lmao

eleviken

rebel - ngl i added that dialogue in later, probably about a year into the comic. i really wanted to emphasize the air pollution part!

dawgofdawgness

I thiiiiink that Soren is gonna have to make some sort of sacrifice to maintain his GPA

eleviken

ok i love these questions! i won't spoil but it's great to see this discussion

dawgofdawgness

I think what's keeping Sore n back is his self confidence lol, that's one of the things about his character - he's always putting himself down and getting really anxious about everything

Superjustinbros

That's pretty much what happens at all these CTP's

dawgofdawgness

and Kasen , she's a bright student but needs to be pushed - what's holding her back, I think, is inexperience

mathtans

Just want to add, I think all the characters have parental issues, even the other two mains because of how their parents passed on. It's an interesting theme.

Superjustinbros

That's sad.

eleviken

yeah! kasen is quite smart, but she doesn't want to ~try~ at school because she wants to do art. as a creator i think she still should to an extent, but the pressure from her father is quite high

Superjustinbros

I can relate to that so much

dawgofdawgness

oooh that's relatable

mathtans

Dawg: Yeah, I'm reminded of the "reading difficulties" thing that was alluded to, and how the book he was reading at one point said "you're going to fail" or words to that effect. So definite self confidence issues. I wonder if Soren does have some kind of learning disability though, like dyslexia or something? Or maybe just has trouble with English, is better with German.

eleviken

me too! i don't have plans to go to art school, but the pressure to do well is quite high

dawgofdawgness

ohhh right yeah

Superjustinbros

I was good in school but lots of times I would just zone out and think of making art/games because it gets really tedious.

RebelVampire

i definitely think soren has self confidence issues, but i dont think thats the only thing holding him back persay. i think hes probably suffering a bit from actually being educationally behind. because private schools have way more intense curriculum and generally better educational programs than public schools. so its like someone whose only taken algebra that now they have to do calculus.

dawgofdawgness

Soren maybe has a language barrier as well? Since he's going to a prestigious college out of the country

eleviken

mathtans - nope! english is just not soren's native language

yeah, and ASI is a very competitive school

Superjustinbros

But yeah just saying I can relate to that feeling of wanting freedom

mathtans

I also don't feel like Soren will be able to pull off the 3.5, but that maybe there will be extenuating circumstances (from his friends advocating for him to Soren discovering a cure for the disease) that might prevent him from being kicked out.

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

dawgofdawgness

wait what's soren's gpa at right now?

or is it unknown

mathtans

Rebel: That's also a good point, about private schooling.

RebelVampire

he mentioned it

its under 3.5

close but under

eleviken

under!

dawgofdawgness

oh ok

he'll be fine pfpfttt

RebelVampire

3.2

dawgofdawgness

I have a feeling that he's going to reach that GPA through hard academic studies, and then get kicked out for smoking weed or something

RebelVampire

http://www.cllcomic.com/comic/83/

Superjustinbros

These feels

eleviken

HAHAHA SOREN SMOKING WEED!!

it seems like the most unlikely thing he'd do but at the same time i can see him doing it

RebelVampire

i think he can do it cause hes super close to a 3.5. so he only has to do a smidgen better in a few classes and just not do worse in others

Superjustinbros

Meanwhile I'm looking at these pages and just feeling sorry for Soren

RebelVampire

this is what soren will do in college when he find out high school was worthless and basically a cruise ship

Superjustinbros

I second that

RebelVampire

buuuuuut

i also feel if he hits 3.5 theyre gonna raise the bar on him

and say "good job soren. now get a 4.0 or we kick you out"

cause i feel like that counselor would not care at all about the struggles and triumphs he went through to even get a 3.5

Superjustinbros

D:

That's harsh.

RebelVampire

i mean not that im hoping thats the direction

but that counselor gives me bad vibes man

like theyre just waiting and hoping to kick soren out

Superjustinbros

Yeah.

RebelVampire

i feel bad for soren that its being put on him to pull his family out of poverty

especially cause his academic success doesnt even gurantee that

getting a job is a whole other ballpark

dawgofdawgness

With Kasen, wasn't it also implied that she has social problems on top of academic problems?

I remember there beeing a scene where she looks out the window and is sad i think

RebelVampire

idk if she has social problems? she seems better adjusted than soren socially speaking. although shes definitely less outgoing than elena and val

although i do get the impression shes maybe not the best at expressing herself?

like i kind of feel she holds back some

dawgofdawgness

oh right

ShaRose49

Hi!! I really wanted to make it to this chat cause I read all of the comic. I think poor Valentin is misguidedly thinking he’s being selfless in that he doesn’t tell anyone. And he probably doesn’t think it’s contamina

Superjustinbros

Oh hello there. ^^

ShaRose49

Hullo!

mathtans

Back. Little one was fussing in her crib.

Superjustinbros

Welcoem back!

dawgofdawgness

Yupp, Val's gonna have to accept his sickness or else he will have consequencesss

Superjustinbros

Hope the little one's doing alright @mathtans

RebelVampire

tbf val's acceptance is irrelevant to the consequences

dawgofdawgness

I gotta go, I have to do AP bio (which is a course that Soren takes) no wonder he has a 3.2 GPA the homework is ass

mathtans

I was wondering about that counselor, if she had hearing problems or something. Because the first time we meet her, we see Soren knock at the door, he comes in, and then she says "knock next time". I was thinking, like... he did? Where were you?

dawgofdawgness

goodluck @eleviken !! goodbyee

mathtans

SJB: Oh yeah, she's fine, just not much of a sleeper.

Superjustinbros

Bye!

mathtans

Dawg: Best with it!

(I was never into bio.)

RebelVampire

good luck dawg!

i dont think the counselor has a hearing problem

she was probably just focused

which i get

when im focused i legit cancel out all sound

Superjustinbros

aah I see, Math.

mathtans

ShaRose: Interesting point, about the being selfless thing.

RebelVampire

i think the counselor has a being a bitch problem cough cough

ShaRose49

@mathtans yeah I guess

mathtans

Prejudiced against Germans.

ShaRose49

Yeah that counsellor sucked

RebelVampire

but im sure she has reasons and stuff

Superjustinbros

I'd believe it if she did have a bitch problem

RebelVampire

but admittedly as someone who was as socially anxious as soren at that age

i wouldve been in tears if i had knocked and someone's reply to me was "knock first"

so that moment specifically angered me to no end

in the good way

mathtans

Yeah, character feels.

ShaRose49

Yeah I felt sorry for Soren. My Dad is German so I guess that makes me half

Superjustinbros

Soren is nothing but feels

ShaRose49

And nice hair

Superjustinbros

yes the hair too

I just want to hug him.

mathtans

I want to see Soren do some of his music stuff.

ShaRose49

Same

Superjustinbros

Secodning the music stuff

ShaRose49

Also the hug

eleviken

i love drawing soren's hair!

it's my favorite

RebelVampire

im personally more interested in seeing kasen and art stuff. cause just cause she wants to go to art school doesnt necessarily mean shes good enough to get in.

which actually would be an ironic twist

Superjustinbros

That would be interesting

Also great to hear Eleviken!

I love drawing characters with fun/wild hair myself, it can be pretty fun sometimes, is a biiiit hard.(edited)

mathtans

That's true. Kasen's possibly my fave character, just because she's in a tight spot by virtue of her father, which she can't do anything about.

ShaRose49

But the pollution aspect was really intriguing to me. It’s a real problem in China. But I can relate a little because here in Canada there have been so many fires in the summer especially BC that the air is all smoky all the time and some people have respiratory issues. I could be wrong but I think some people died because of it or at least got sick. I wasn’t bothered by the air when I visited bc

mathtans

Oooh, I should be shipping Kasen and Elena.

ShaRose49

@eleviken Hi there, author!! I was hoping you’d be here

Superjustinbros

That sounds scary, ShaRose

ShaRose49

But I was surprised that the air in BC didn’t really bother me at all

It was a little. I hope next summer isn’t bad. I’m sure it was very scary and awful for the people in BC @Superjustinbros

Superjustinbros

yeah...

Hopefully it's not so bad next year

mathtans

Roommate ships are best ships. ^.^

ShaRose49

Yeah. The news said the pollution because of the smoke was as bad as the air quality in China this summer

Superjustinbros

...Jesus christ.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Despite her generally good nature, Elena has her own sorts of troubles to deal with. Do you think Elena should have been captain of the fencing team as she believes she should have? Why or why not? Do you think Fenya views Elena with the same disdain Elena has for her, or might Fenya feel differently? Regardless, how might their rivalry affect their teamwork? Overall, do you think that Fenya and Elena might be able to patch things up and become friends? As shown recently, Elena also has to deal with her parents having died from contamina. Assuming she finds out, how might Valentin’s situation change her opinion about her parents’ work (if at all)? In general, how might Elena’s experiences at school change her as a person?

ShaRose49

I think Fenya might be just ignorant but I could be reme,Bering her wrong

RebelVampire

i really love kasen and the dad's dynamics as far as the future goes. cause as a child i def was kasen, wanting to pursue that creative dream. but as an older adult i actually get a lot more with the dad is coming from cause creative pursuits are a hard path. which is why im curious how talented kasen is in the first place. cause she might come to realize that even if she wants to art, she may just not have the talent for it

K.E. Karlsen

no i dont think she should have been captain of the fencing team.

ShaRose49

I liked fenya she was big and strong and had green hair

Superjustinbros

Green Hair is always good

K.E. Karlsen

the girl who won (apologies its been awhile since i read, i have been reading since its updates and havent had time for a reread and forgot her name ;;;) i think it was best she won, she clearly knew more what she was doing

mathtans

Oh yeah! I wanted to mention that was real clever, having Fenya and Elena meet early on, then have them become rivals later. Though I don't think Fenya really sees Elena as a rival or with disdain or anything, like just, there's this other girl who fences decently but doesn't watch where she's going, whatever.

ShaRose49

@K.E. Karlsen @Superjustinbros yup yup

K.E. Karlsen

oh is her name fenya?

RebelVampire

yeah i agree. elena did not deserve to be captain. especially cause she was a sore loser.

yes her name is fenya

ShaRose49

Yup

K.E. Karlsen

ok thats who im talking about sorry!! im bad at remembering names

RebelVampire

thats okay

no shame in getting help with names

mathtans

I'm also bad. It's why I have the cast page up in another window. (For a teacher, I'm soooo bad at names.)

Superjustinbros

I'm bad at names in general

ShaRose49

I forgot too the question helped me remember

RebelVampire

fenya is a passable offense anyway cause shes more a side chara than main cast. so her name isnt mentioned a whole ton compared to others

i kind of agree that i actually dont think fenya views elena as a rival at all. i kind of feel fenya is just like "oh yeah its that teammate i wonder why shes glaring at me how weird."

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

and that any rivalry elena has just created in her own mind

cause the world revolves around her

Superjustinbros

Plot twist: it does

ShaRose49

Just what I was thinking

mathtans

She's also an immortal.

ShaRose49

I really want the story to show more of the streets on China, like I’d love for them to have a downtown scene, and I want to see more of the relationship between the brother and sister characters

I want to visit China someday

mathtans

Actually it's funny, when I first went to the comic I saw the latest update, with Elena talking about how they were going to get Soren's grades up, and I thought, huh, is she their mother or TA or something but why are they all laughing. Made more sense in context. All that to say, Elena does have leadership skills in terms of motivating people, but I'm not sure about delegation and such.

eleviken

hey yeah!

mathtans

It would be interesting to see more China.

eleviken

rebel - kasen's artsy side has yet to eb elaborated on

Superjustinbros

Yeah, do some more worldbuilding and more excuses for epic landscape shots (edited)

RebelVampire

id be interested in seeing more of china as well. though more to see how the world in general deals with the pollution. like i feel thered be other world things goes on besides the masks.

math- i do feel like elena has potential as a leader, but i also think she lacks the humility to do so. i think as she is right now shed be a self absorbed leader. so concerned with her own skills and showing off than helping anyone else on the team to get better

ShaRose49

Like Leonardo ughhh

Superjustinbros

And I just realized that's why everyone wears the masks on the main visual(edited)

ShaRose49

But she’s not all bad

Hooboy ya just noticed now?! Lol it’s alright

mathtans

Good point, humility's a problem.

RebelVampire

nah i dont think elena is all bad at all

i just dont think shes ready to be captain

mathtans

SJB: It's because it's Halloween.

RebelVampire

cause arrogance is a big thing to work through and elena isnt confronting her own flaw as of yet

ShaRose49

@RebelVampire wow you seem wise

I’m not being sarcastic sorry if that’s weird

Superjustinbros

lol

Guess I'll wear a "sick" mask on Halloween

ShaRose49

XD

RebelVampire

thank you i think XD idk if id label myself as wise, but i appreciate the sentiment

Superjustinbros

That'll scare the trick-or-treaters real good

RebelVampire

ya know the comic did give me halloween vibes from teh banner. so before i read it i thought it was gonna be some spooky halloween thing

ShaRose49

Yeah me too!

Superjustinbros

I did not think that at all, I jsut thought "why is everyone wearing masks"

ShaRose49

But I was pleasantly surprised. No offence but the other comics I tried were all too dark for me

mathtans

Huh. I didn't think about it at all tbh.

Just figured there'd be an explanation and there was.

RebelVampire

i was also guessing post apocalyptic so i was pleasantly surprised it wasnt that either

did not expect a coming of age story

ShaRose49

We got another wise person here

Haha I was kidding mostly I meant that @mathtans knew and we didn’t

Or well he guessed better

mathtans

Incidentally, any thoughts on the title? "Chasing Little Lights"? Like, I wonder if it's sort of metaphorical, like you need to chase after the people or subjects who bring light into your life... or if it's more about the idea of chasing grades and things, thinking they'll bring enlightenment or something.

ShaRose49

I think it’s a compelling drama I just hope it doesn’t get so sad it’s depressing

Maybe there are actually little lights that help stop pollution or something and that’s why they’re chasing them! CRAZY THEORY TIME

RebelVampire

i assumed it was metaphorical about chasing dreams or something

thats what val was talking about that elena didnt want to listen to

they separated the lights form the pollution

ShaRose49

I can’t remember that very well. What Lights?

Superjustinbros

All these wise people

mathtans

Oooh, didn't think of the pollution analogy.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros We a buncha sages we are

Superjustinbros

\o/

ShaRose49

I’m too into science fiction so my theory is probably too fun for this kind of story

Superjustinbros

Nothing like a tea party for all the Sages to gather

ShaRose49

Not that it sin’t fun

Superjustinbros

also Science Fiction is good

mathtans

Oh yeah, we haven't had enough crazy theories yet. So, Kasen is going to practice her art by drawing nude models of Elena, which is how the two of them end up dating.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros amen

mathtans

The modelling also helps with the fencing, in terms of seeing how Elena's weight is balanced.

ShaRose49

@mathtans I was thinking more about crazy theories about the pollution aspect I guess

RebelVampire

tbh i ship elena and fenya more

gotta have that slow burn rivalry turned to romance

Superjustinbros

we setting ships on sail already?

mathtans

Rebel: I am okay with that.

I still find Kasen precious though. Hope there's more of her. That was a cool image of her to start off Chapter 3.

Superjustinbros

Also before the comic tea party ends, I'd like to wish you luck with developing the story further, @eleviken. It's really developing well so far.

RebelVampire

they can bond when elena needs fencing help and asks for some private lessons

mathtans

Agreed.

About the developing that is, not the fencing. Though that'd be fun too.

RebelVampire

kasen is adorable though. i really like her hair in particular for some reason. its so fluffy and bouncy seeming

mathtans

"Don't fence me in."

ShaRose49

I don’t think this story is super romantic I’m not a huge romance person

@mathtans great pun

RebelVampire

oh its not. i will be surprised if theres romance at all. but shipping can be part of fun theory time

mathtans

True, I don't see the comic veering heavy into romance. (I just like adding yuri romance wherever I can.)

I also wonder if we'll see Soren's sister again. Like maybe one of the others will end up talking to her.

ShaRose49

I guess I like adding cartoony scifi wherever I can

Superjustinbros

No probs with that

ShaRose49

I loooove stories about siblings

mathtans

In fact maybe Soren and his sister is a parellel to the relationships between the Lins? Hmm.

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros thanks I think you and I would get along fine XD scifi in me bloood

@mathtans oooh, I like this theory

eleviken

i am currently in class but i want to say thanks you all for coming!

Superjustinbros

You're welcome!

Glad to be here. ^^

ShaRose49

@eleviken thank you for coming and giving us something to talk about!

RebelVampire

i would like to see soren's sister again. cause theres gotta be a degree of tension there since soren can come off as the favorite since hes the one who gets to go to the prestigious academy

mathtans

Thanks for putting it out there, eleviken! (Also, maybe you shouldn't be messaging in class while the teacher is talking, the way Valentin got called out. )

I tease.

RebelVampire

thank you as well, eleviken~!

eleviken

i wil catch up later, sorry i couldnt participate!

mathtans

Rebel: Good point about that.

Superjustinbros

Have a good rest of the day/evening, Eleviken!

mathtans

I also wonder a bit why the headmaster's from Sweden, if they're in China. I wonder if that will be addressed.

Anyway, best with the comic!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Evelyn Shi, as well, for making Chasing Little Lights. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Evelyn Shi’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read the Comic: http://www.cllcomic.com/

[sulietsexual]

Hi! Same nonnie who asked about Prue being evil. I meant her falling apart by going crazy over the triad stuff. Sorry if it was confusing.l had more q's if you dont mind :D What are some specific events that could have started a chain reaction or conga line of trauma? Also what do you think would happen when the charmed ones had to vanquish Prue (or try) and realize they couldn't. Also Leo's reaction since seeing a charge go evil would be very traumatic (I would assume) sorry for so many Q's..

Okay, so what if theshow took all the major traumas Prue suffered over three seasons, and condensedthem into a few months, with maybe a few alterations?

So, we start withAndy’s death and Prue’s subsequent guilt and grief. A couple of weeks afterAndy’s death, she travels to the future and witnesses her sister burn at thestake. Even though Phoebe comes back to life, the trauma (and, again, guilt)adds another crack to Prue’s psyche, the first major event of her emotionaltrauma conga-line.

A week or so afterPhoebe’s near-death experience, Prue and her sisters revisit the lake wheretheir mother died, and instead of asking Phoebe to use her powers to see theirmother’s death, Prue casts a spell which allows her to see inside Sam’s memory, and experiences her mother’s horrifying death for herself.  Despite Prue’s best efforts, she loses Sam tothe demon who also took her mother, sparking nightmares full of her mother drowning,now accompanied by Sam’s screams as he takes in the demon and drowns from theinside.

About a month afterthis, Piper contracts Oroya Fever and Prue is once again forced to watch asister die. As with Phoebe, Piper is brought back, but the emotional traumastays with Prue, her strong façade starting to slightly fracture.

Barely a week afterPiper comes back from the dead, Prue finds herself trapped in a terrifyinglimbo with one of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who taunts and torturesher with visions of an apocalyptic world, trying to convince her that beinggood is not worth it, because the world will burn anyway. Once Prue returns,she is altered, the visions of the possible future haunting her whenever shecloses her eyes.

Roughly a fortnightafter this ordeal, Prue herself is brutally murdered by the Dragon, after acareless wish turns her back into a powerless teen. As with her sisters, Prueis returned from the dead, but the trauma and horror of dying and coming backstays with her, as does the feeling of being powerless to defend herself orfight back.

Cole appears not longafter Prue’s resurrection, only this time he is far more aggressive andmanipulative, gaining control over Phoebe much sooner, and attempting to murderthe sisters several times. Prue still gets “gifted” with the Empath’s powers,only this time, when she channels all her emotions into her power, she losescontrol and actually outright murders the demon with her bare hands, an eventwhich darkens her soul and gives Prue her first taste of blood, opening thegate to the path of darkness.

It is this event whichmakes the Source take notice, and start to wonder if he can’t corrupt the most incorruptibleof the Charmed Ones. He has the Seer send Prue visions in her dreams, temptingher with images of herself as a dark, powerful source of evil, feeding into herambition. Though Prue doesn’t quite recallthe dreams when she is awake, they plant the seeds of power hunger and darknessin her mind, and she finds her thoughts and impulses growing darker and moresadistic, though she fights against them.

After a month ofhelplessly watching her sister grow closer to the demon hunting them, Prueeventually manages to vanquish Cole, having made herself stronger through apotion which grants her greater power, but also leaves her with a bloodlust shehas a hard time controlling. Vanquishing Cole also destroys her relationshipwith Phoebe, who stops talking to Prue, sometimes refusing to even be in thesame room as her.

Maybe a fortnight or soafter Cole’s death, Prue loses an innocent to Death, forced to stand byhelplessly as the demons sent to clean up Cole’s mess drain him. Death comes totell her she can’t stop what is meant to be, but this time around, instead ofaccepting Death and learning to live with her grief, Prue angrily defies him,allowing her anger and hatred to manifest in her heart.

It’s not long afterthis that the Charmed Ones are exposed and Piper is shot by a crazed “fan”.Prue holds her bleeding sister in her arms and screams for Leo, who has gone tothe Underworld to retrieve Phoebe who, so lost in her grief over Cole,journeyed to the Underworld to see if she couldn’t resurrect him. Prue drivesthrough the hordes of people on her front lawn and makes it to the hospital,where she holds Piper’s hand as Piper takes her last breath.

Standing over hersister’s lifeless body, something snaps in Prue, everything she has endured,coupled with the bloodlust she awoke with her first kill rising to the surface,and instead of just telekinetically throwing the FBI agents out of her way, sheslaughters them all, using her powers to crush their hearts from the inside.Taking Piper’s corpse, she flees the hospital and finds her way to theUnderworld, where she kills any demon in her way, before arriving at herdestination, The Source. Without fear or hesitation, she demands that TheSource bring Piper back. The Source, playing his own angle, agrees to letTempus turn back time, but the price this time is that Prue remembers everydetail, including all the blood on her hands.

Once resurrected, Pipersees what has happened to her older sister, and turns on Prue in horror of whatPrue did in the wake of her death. With both of her sisters turned against her,Prue leaves the Manor and gives in to her rage, bloodlust and darkness,returning to the Underworld and overthrowing the Source by releasing theHollow, which infects and further corrupts her.

Piper, Phoebe and Leoare left devastated by the turn of events, unsure as to how to proceed, withthe sisters not entirely willing to vanquish Prue, but knowing that she must bestopped. Leo tries to appeal to the Elders, but is rebuffed, as they point outthat Prue chose her own path and is no longer a Charmed One. However, they saythat she can be vanquished with the Power of Three, and when Leo argues that itno longer exists, the Elders cryptically tell him that it can exist again.

Meanwhile, Piper andPhoebe contact Grams and Patty, who are aware of the situation, even from theOther Side. Given the dire circumstances, they end up telling Piper and Phoebeabout Paige’s existence, revealing to the girls how the Charmed Ones can bereformed.

Unfortunately, due toher new powers from the Hollow, Prue also learns of Paige’s existence, andattempts to get to her youngest sister before the other two do, in order tomurder her and remove the threat. Piper and Phoebe arrive just in time, andPaige’s Whitelighter powers activate and she orbs herself away from danger.Piper and Phoebe locate her with the help of Leo, and, after a bit ofconvincing, Paige accepts her new destiny, and the Charmed Ones re-form.

The Seer appears to thenewly reconstituted Charmed Ones, and offers to help them get the Hollow outof Prue, as she fears the power Prue has unleashed. Paige, after hearing theentire story of Prue’s slide into darkness, suggests that there may be a way tobring Prue back, to tap into her love for her family by turning her into anEmpath once more, and allowing her to feel the love and concern her sistersfeel for her.

With the Seer, theytravel to the Underworld to confront Prue, now more powerful and fearsome thanever. The Power of Three spell keeps the girls safe from Prue’s magic, and withthe help of the Seer, they extract the Hollow from her and banish it back toits’ tomb. The Seer vanishes, and the girls are left to confront a still verymuch evil Prue. Through a spell powered by the Power of Three, they once moreturn Prue into an empath, and the sudden influx of emotion momentarilyparalyses her, which allows Piper and Phoebe to project their own feelings oflove onto Prue, allowing her to feel their sisterly bond, and awakening theEldest Sister Instinct in her.

Overwhelmed by hersisters’ emotions and her own devastation, Prue collapses, finally brought downthrough her sisters love and compassion, sobbing bitterly over her own weaknessand darkness, and determined to never go down that path again. With Paige stillan active Charmed One, the Power of Three becomes the Power of Four, and Prue’ssisters spend the rest of their days helping her to resist the path ofdarkness, which haunts her for the rest of her life.

[fuelgrannie]

Child of God

I have very controversial views of Jesus Christ, at least to Christians. I was raised in the Catholic faith and can thus attest to having played in the Jesus-as-God pool. I do believe Jesus existed and was an extraordinary bright, curious and loving mortal, but I do not believe he was a god nor in a god’s direct bloodline (because gods have no form, no blood, no sperm). But I do believe a higher force, God, exists.

I came to believe Jesus was mortal very early on in my life by a combo of logic and gut. This doesn’t mean I’m right. This just means I never bought into the idea that a couple thousand years ago a virgin gave birth to the lone valid god of all humankind. This belief in me has never wavered.

In my college Byzantine and Christian art history classes, I learned the Bible was edited in the 4th Century by the Council of Nicaea (a bunch of bishops and Roman Emperor Constantine at the latter’s lake house) so to exclude the years of Jesus’ life from age 7 to 32 when Jesus had traveled the world to learn about as many religions and forms of faith he could find and study. Decades of this trek, decades of this personality’s life and record of what he learned, were promptly and permanently erased from the primary tome of the Christian church.

By the fluke that I loved the teacher, I was in this particular art history class to learn potential confirmation of something I had long suspected: a more complete and full story of Jesus Christ, his travels and studies, perchance even his own attesting to his human mortality, may have been purposefully kept from public knowledge by the church itself.

The Council of Nicaea in AD 325 also decreed that the Bible universally refer to Jesus as the actual son of God, eliminating the concept and possibility that Jesus may have preached all humans were children of God, not just him. I’m not the only one to wonder or even suppose Jesus meant being a child of god was a universal concept, not just his sole status, so the Council of Nicaea deliberately set in stone for all forthcoming editions of the Bible that Jesus meant to refer to himself alone when referencing being a child of God; he more solidly and literally became the son of God.

It is not just my own supposition that Jesus never directly said, “I am the son of God and you are not.” He was known to have said that we were all God and that God was in all of us. Only an unresolved douchebag would land on this planet and say essentially, “I am better than you all, I am the son of an almighty power and you need to follow me,” yet that still happens from time to time when someone tries to pull off a second coming and pretends to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. These people are nothing unless, and until, they are believed (and then the trouble starts: “hey, is it me or does this Kool-Aid taste bitter?”), but, as of yet, none have proven to be Jesus, who has made only one earthly appearance so far. Still, what Jesus lectured, the word he tried to spread, was made foggy by the spreaders, the editors of his very lectures: it’s hard for me to trust what’s left. The Council of Nicaea had its own intentions: as previous empires declined in power, the rising popularity of this new Christian religion had become a critical tool for human leaders. Emperor Constantine recognized the power of unifying his people, perhaps with more than a whiff of fear, to keep his own flock in check.

There are very few versions of the Bible to be found that originated before the Council of Nicaea and they are certainly not in English, a language whose long, clumsy unearthing is centuries yet to come. No one talks about the Council of Nicaea anymore, but some people will tell you exactly who they think God is, as if they know. They’ll tell you Jesus Christ is the son of God. They’ll be sure they’re right. They’ll pray for your soul because they’re sure they’re right.

Glory

One night in the mid-1990s, I was up very late with the TV on, and instead of watching infomercials, I stumbled upon televangelist Jimmy Swaggart and thought, “okay, what the hell: let’s just see what this is all about.” Swaggart paraded on his stage, his face wet from tears and sweat. He yelled and sobbed “glory, glory, glory” over and over again. He said nothing else. People in his audience howled, throwing up their arms, crying, dancing, responding as if new words, different words were coming out of the mouth of the minister with the blow-dried hair in critical need of a decent trim.

“Glorrryyy, galloryyy, glORY, oh glorrryyyyy.” He cried looking at the ceiling.

“Say something,” I told my TV set.

“Ahhh, glorrrrryyyyy,” he stomped from one side of the stage to the other. He then held the microphone close to his mouth and stood still. The camera closed in, framing his face which glistened with tears, snot and dripping hair product. He raised his eyes again to the heavens, shaking his head, the mike capturing his raggy breath, the camera tight on his visage.

He inhaled. “Here we go,” I thought. Now he’s going to say something, I reckoned. You could hear the saliva in his mouth, the audience held its breath.  

He sucked in air, the microphone steady at his wet chin.

“Glory,” he whispered.

The crowd went even more insane.

I watched for 20 minutes. I wanted to give it a fair shot. The camera panned from sweating Jimmy, exhaling only the syllables “glore” and “ree,” to his hysterical constituents, who in turn shook their heads with an affected joy, smiling those creepy, religious know-it-all smiles that have never rung true to me. Nothing else was ever said other than that one word in as many ways as that word can be uttered. I finally turned the channel to Cher hawking shampoo. At least she talked. At least she was selling something you could actually buy.

Pliz Coiny

My sweet Brazilian neighbor Cecilia recently invited me to join her one weekend at a Baptist church service.  

“Awww hell to the no!” I thought as I tried to think of an excuse not to go but the truth always works best: “I don’t feel comfortable.” I said.

“Pliz, Coiny,” she pleaded “please Connie” pinched by her Portuguese. “Oi neffer ask anniting uff you. Pliz.”

I wasn’t thrilled with her logic. It’s true she never asked anything of me but then again she shouldn’t; I hadn’t of her, I don’t operate that way. Neighbors are not automatic friends to me: I’m a New Yorker after all. And now here she was asking me to join her at church, let alone a Baptist church, and she had somehow decided I owed her something because she had never asked me to do anything before.  

Given the choice, I would have rather cleaned her toilet with one single Q-Tip than haul myself to an hours-long non-English service (“dey haff interpritters,” she tried to sway me) at an outer-borough Baptist church. Baptists go crazy, don’t they? Crying in the aisles, yakking in tongues, yelling at the perceived devil? Did my neighbor expect that I would stagger out of a Queens storefront church at 6:00pm after having arrived at 11:00am, singing “Paaarrraise Jahesus!” and vowing to “spaaaarrread the WORD” to all non-believers?

I mean, I got stuff to do on a Sunday: I got to launder my unholy panties and stock up on ice cream and tortilla chips. I got DVRed episodes of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and Love & Hip Hop I got to catch up on. Sunday is for me, not Jesus.

“No, Cecilia.” I was firm, I was smiling: there were no hard feelings. I was not going.

“It do you good, Coiny. Pliz. Comm on.” Cecilia likely envisioned me burning in hell, innocent to the fact she’s arrived decades too late and with way too little ice.

“No, Cecilia,” I replied. “It’s not for me.”

HE HAS RISEN!!!!

Ten years ago, I worked at a Christian organization. My first week of work was a shock: I received emails that started with “Greetings in the Precious Blood and Name of Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior!!” with signatures that screamed “Blessings in Christ!!!” and “He has RISEN!!!!” It was being shoved down my throat in capitalized words and ever-extending exclamation points. This was not my belief system and I resented seeing it so blatantly and that I felt unable to say anything about it because I suspected I would be perceived as offensive. And I did know no true ill was meant by these words so I learned to tolerate them even though they never became less jarring to me during the four years I worked there.

A Southern man called our office (the ecumenical agency of a major American Christian church) to complain that the Today Show had featured the Encyclopedia Britannica’s assertion on evolution. He sounded gay to me (a totally unfair assumption on my part but my gaydar is on point, sister, even over the phone) and he wanted me to do “something about” the fact that NBC may actually not believe that Adam and Eve are the ultimate foreparents.  

What shocked me even more was my kindness and tolerance of this man; I did not yap into the phone, “are you kidding me and when are you going to do yourself a favor and get out of that closet?” Instead, I told him I sympathized with his frustration, which is the truth: frustration is one of my favorite hobbies. Everything makes me kind of crazy, too and I’ve never been shy with my opinions, but my caller was absolutely beside himself with horror, he almost couldn’t be consoled.  

“They need to present both sides!” He squeaked in a lilt. “Doesn’t Al Roker beLIEVE?”

Apparently not. Maybe it’s out of Al’s hands even if he does.

I calmed down the Southern man and said I would follow up, which of course I never did. What could I say to NBC?  And why hadn’t this guy contacted them directly himself?  Did he know that only guffaws awaited him?

I emailed my gay friends immediately: “Wait ‘til you hear what I just went through!” I was living in a skit from The Kids in the Hall.  I was a fish out of water: all the elements felt false and I chose to play along just to stay neutral.

My first year at the Christian office, at their Christmas party, with home baked cookies and apple juice, the few other employees and I stood in a circle with our heads bowed while our boss led a prayer. I felt extremely self-conscious and didn’t mouth any words. I am not one to say anything “in his name;” after all, I hadn’t bowed my head to take two minutes to sing the praises of the New York Stock Exchange during previous parties at previous stints at financial service companies. I felt resentful this Jesus business was something in which I was literally being forced to participate. But I went along. How could I not?

Pussycats in Outer Space

I was five years old when a human boot first hit the moon’s surface on July 20, 1969 so I grew up grudgingly watching the plethora of space travel TV shows from the 1960s and 70s, the airways thick with the concept of this new frontier. The prospect of such a life, tooling around on a space ship with a bunch of people wearing the exact same upside-down-triangle uniform while exploring the dark unknown, was one of my first visions of hell. My autistic brother Christopher loved Star Trek and we watched it every day, I bored out of my mind yet totally anxious at the same time.  

Star Trek at least depicted willing participants in space travel. A horrific sub-genre grew from this theme: the unwilling, like in Lost in Space, a dreadful scenario built around the non-Swiss family Robinson, forever banished from planet Earth due to some spaceship mishap and doomed to an existence of trying to get back home while accompanied by a talking robot (clearly a costumed man resembling a large vacuum cleaner) and an obnoxious, fussy British guy. The latter two were almost like a couple, TV’s first inter-metal, intergalactic, gay marriage.

But the absolute worst for me by far was the animated series Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space, a spinoff of the Archie comic books. Josie and the Pussycats were a musical group of beautiful girls, all small-waisted with turned up noses, who wore tight outfits, sang songs and played instruments, including an obligatory token African American girl who played the tambourine. These characters suffered a similar fate to the hapless Robinsons: the band accidently fell into a space vehicle which was then suddenly catapulted into deep space. The group proceeded to then float from planet to planet, back-dropped by paisleyed psychedelic purple swirls, running endlessly from kidnapping aliens who all (magically!) speak English. Josie and the Pussycats never make it back to Earth: every episode depicts another nightmare of being lost and being doomed, running and escaping. It was the ultimate exercise in frustration, almost pointless to watch. Gee, I wonder what will happen this week? Um, let’s see: they don’t make it home. No satisfaction, no variation, no happy ending: no ending at all. The same thing, the same existence of longing, loss: being trapped. 

Heaven

Every Sunday morning, my father hauled my four siblings and me five blocks south from our Fifth Avenue apartment to St. Thomas More, the Catholic church in which my parents were married, although my mother scandalously remained a Presbyterian. My mother was thus spared the pilgrimages down to the 89th Street red brick building where my dad assisted in services and sang in a loud voice. I paid no attention to any words spoken and instead spent my time people watching because people all performed when they were at church. I watched my father, too: at times he was called to the front, near the altar, to read from the Bible, he took it very seriously. I remain confused by my father’s blind allegiance to Catholicism; it was a faith that made not one milligram of sense to me at any time in my life. Even as a tiny child, I disagreed with the religion, especially appalled by the lack of romance allowed for its clergy.

“You mean they can’t get married? That’s ridiculous!” I announced at age three.

It all seemed so sad to me: nuns and priests couldn’t even kiss, couldn’t have kids or live together or make dinner together or wear normal clothes to not stick out. They were alone in a lonely life and I wanted to play matchmaker for them: it seemed so easy to just pair them all up, like by size or age maybe. But apparently the clergy had no use for base physical needs; they chose this life, this consequence, but to me they seemed trapped. Church was the last place I ever wanted to be, church was the last life I would ever want to live.

I deeply believe in something outside myself. But I don’t need to gather with other humans to express my respect and thankfulness for that something. I do that on my own, and not only by praying because, really, I am more of a thanker. I thank God constantly all through the day. I live like a queen in comparison to the vast majority of my fellow global peers, especially the female ones, and I never forget it, with every water faucet I turn, with every bite of Thai takeout I enjoy, with every precious second I get to spend by myself in the exact way I want. I don’t need church to remind me of what I have and how lucky I am; believing in and thanking God is me, church is not. Church is about the other people in the church.

I don’t know why religion segregates people; you’d think it would bring us all together but it’s just another thing by which we compete. I can’t begin to understand why we have spent centuries yelling at each other and killing each other because we think our version of God is the right one and that anyone who doesn’t think the exact same way that we do must experience our vengeance. None of us can ever prove we’re right and yet we are violent with fear to be proven wrong.

I look at our planet-mates: animals don’t need religion. They don’t gather at a certain place during regular time periods to ponder something outside of themselves. Their souls and brains are too busy making sure their bodies sustain. Religion has no place in any animal’s process of being alive and neither does God. The existence of God doesn’t affect their own existence or prove to them their presence on this planet: their very birth already did that. Instead of “I think therefore I am,” it’s “I’m alive therefore I am.” And unlike us, they don’t kill for God: they kill to eat. Or to not be killed, to just keep living. Somehow this is too simple for humans.

I also don’t believe God is a Christian.  

This concept makes some Christians absolutely crazy. I don’t believe a loving God (a male god) would plop his “son” (male child) on Earth (via untouched, virgin female flesh) and have that son represent only one religion. That’s favoritism, a very human tendency, and I do not believe God operates that way.

The old white guy who lives with his wife in the apartment upstairs from mine, rolls his eyes on occasion when he sees burqa-wearing Muslim women running after their kids on the sidewalk.

“I tell you,” he exhales, “I’ll never get used to it. They need to go back to their country.”

“They’re in their country, Monty,” I yap back. We both know he doesn’t mind finding no kindred in me when he gets into one of his rants. And I tolerate not one ounce of his crap.

“I know, I know. My wife says the same thing. You two are better than me.”

“Aww Mont, we’re not better,” I laugh, “she and I just look at it differently. Think about it: when you go to heaven, if there is such a place, do really you think it’s just Americans, just whites, just Christians who are allowed into heaven? Do you honestly think when you traipse through the Elysian Fields that you will be only surrounded by ‘your kind?’ Honestly?”  

(It’s not gonna be like Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space: the folks you meet outside this stratosphere will not always know your native tongue.)

Monty’s eyes slant as he ponders this. “My wife says ‘angels come in all colors.’”

“Well, there you go,” I say.  

All colors, all languages.  Each child with their rightful place at the messy table, as it should be, amen. No “get out of my country:” instead “come sit next to me, I saved you a seat.”

Earth

The dirt of me has no god, the material of which I am made is leaderless, it is solely of this earth. I have not risen, I am not lost in outer space. I am selfish and arrogant about God: I expect Him to accept me, not the other way around. I taste Him in pork and chive dumplings in Flushing, Queens; I see Him inside the running sweat off a lover’s chest; I decide He loves me when I watch reality TV on the floor drinking lite beer out of the can with a pink bendy straw. I am the basest of humans. God is my ally, I honor Him by merely living, I pay no other respects, I am a rotten subject.

I assume I am loved by God but by no one else. I assume God loves us all. I assume organized religion is a joke and doesn’t really count, that it’s a human construct and no direct creation of God’s. I assume some humans wouldn’t mind killing me for such thinking, or at least feeling that I deserved a good yelling at.

It’s awful: I actually think I have all the answers for me in this area. I must be wrong: it just couldn’t be that easy.

All I have is the truth I know in my heart, it’s all I can go on, here on the grimy path: my church is portable with God existing inside and outside all bricks.

Glory, glory, glory and even some more glory.

[weasterned]

zongien.

1. Jo Oppanim ! He’s calm, but also funny ! And friendly, probably best friend material for everyone ! But sometimes I also get scared of him as well;;;; 2. Uh I don’t know this either— maybe because EXO has ended its promotion that’s why he didn’t update ? Or maybe I didn’t see him updating— 3. Jo Oppanim ! Christmas is near, 2018 is also neaar ! I hope you will be having a good year on 2018, and also for EXO itself ! Have a blessed year !

1. menel, menel, menel, kocak, bulliable 2. kamu straight apa yaoi? 3. jangan membuat hati para cewe dan cowo jadi galau

1. Bdh, Bdbh, Funny af. 2. Kak Jongin, apakah aku harus memberi tahu apa yang kurang dan lebih darimu? Kurang darimu adalah tukang neglect mention, sama seperti diriku. Lebihnya adalah moodbooster. Udh ya? Gausah minta lebih, gebet aja dulu Jung Soojung, baru minta lebih lebih. Emaap, aku begitu suka KaiStal jadi lupa bengad kalo kalian sudah jadi mangtan. 3. Since 2018 coming soon, I wish you to have a bless and great year ahead. Eventhough I’m bosen to see you, its not mean I hate you. Of course I love you, hyung. Semoga makin item.

1) Pervert 4x and weird 2) We’ve talked to each other before a lot and I think we should keep this up 😉 3) Happy holidays and happy new year to you, Jo. Please don’t explode yourself with a mercon and stay safe. Have a splendid 2018! 4) Plus : A lumayan game partner. Minus : Guess how many times I’ve typed ‘we rarely talk’ in this form. I’m getting tired 😥 so pls talk with me I’m desperate for having a friend…

#1 - Pervert - Like to tease others - Funny - Loves kinky topic - Cool #2 Talk more to other people you kinky head. Don’t ignore other’s mention. All you doing is only porn related. #3 Hi. It’s really nice to know you, but I was so surprised to know you’re such a pervert person. Anyway, I hope we can talk more. That’s all. Bye.

-1. Kind, warm, sometimes weird, boycrush, cool. 2. Talk with me more often! 3. Hello! I really want to get closer to you but yeah me is such a potato so please greet me HAHAHA. You’re so attractive, by the way. Enjoy your xmas and new year.

1. pervert, bobrokie, bodohie, but also nice and cool 2. tolonk y obba retweetannya dikondisikan, jangan membuat q triggeredddtttdttt :-) 3. Dear jongin obba, youre nice and friendly, i love it how you always jbjb me even tho its ngeselin kadang-kadang, but i always appreciate those who wants to get closer to me by talking to me even if its totally nonsense and random. i adore obba actually, you want to be cold and savage but ended up being dumb instead, its amusing to see :(

1. Modus people! Flirty namja! But he is kind and funny. And absurd sometimes. 2. Stop being soooo modus to people! 3. Keep doing your best oppa! I wish for your happiness and don’t forget to give me food. Actually I don’t know what I should write here.

1. Weird, weird, weird, friendly, good 2. Nope, he is weird apa adanya. 3. Hei weirdo! You’re kinda weird but good. A good-weird person. I dont know what to say but stay weird lah. If you’re not weird, it’s not you then. 😬

malika, pervert, cold outside fragile inside, pervert, pervert, the man who can’t be moved. hope u find another one lol but i think u have it already? lmao

Aish this people.. kurang2in gilanya ya jo wksk

1. awkward, kind, have a good vibe as jongin as well 2. - 3. i know you are a good person, but i guess  we haven’t talk muck each other, let’s make another convo and get along well as always in the future!

1. cool, handsome, kinda cold but very bobrok 2. don’t like or retweet porn at the day, you can do it at night or midnight, too much underage around us. and it would be great if you can share them with me /NO 3. hello jo sunbaenim!! it’s kinda weird to call you sunbae but you are really my sunbaenim so it’s okay lmao. actually you’re the first jongin’s rper that i have so it’s nice to meet you. and i really think you’re such a cold rper, but my though is broken itself as i saw you more. i want to be close with you. Please always be who you are right now. I hope you will have a nice day and keep healthy till 2017 comes to an end!A pervert, a pervert, and a pervert. But you are one of my best buddy here. Thanks for making me laugh with all your stupid jokes. Maybe those arent jokes, you are just stupid. PLEASE LESSEN YOUR THIRST, there are still some innocent souls :-)

1. dangerous, creepy, kind and cool 2. hyung please stay away from Jo hyung and the innocent hoobae of mine, a.k.a songso lol eh wait- jo hyung is gone tho. i bet he do damn plastic surgery and become oldie named christian? i’m sad. please take a good care of me then hyung! 3. just call that number 2 as a short message for him lololol happy christmas!

1. Crazy, smut instead of smooth, funny, kind, scary. 2. Stop being so extra would you? Hahaha. 3. Hello, Jo! Please enjoy the rest of 2017 happily.

1. friendly, crazy, playboy, love everyone 2. hope we love each other more 3. Marry christmas and happy new year, and lets get more closer next year so we can have fun year together.

1. Cool, weird, playful, fun, a bit zonk 2. Zonk-ien. Hahaha i hope youre less zonk because somehow i think youre a bit zonk lmao 3. Dear zonkien, lets talk more in the future so maybe i could figured out more zonkness from you or other things from you hahaha

He is nice, fun, easygoing and TALK A LOT I swear I saw him everywhere. Jk. But that’s good tho, I wish I could mingle well with others like he does. Keep that up, bro! To Kai, Happy early new year, Zongkai! Kurang-kurangin like tweets yang ahem ahemnya ya.

1. Fun? Idk. 2. I have some convos with him already hadeh hyong please sometimes likes rated vid and it appear on my timeline pls lees it :“) 3. hello, Jo hyong since 2017 almost over which mean new year will bring a new hope also. Please stay healthy because the weather is not so good lately, keep warm. Xx Loves♡

1. Jo 2. Let’s talk more with me ㅎㅎㅎ 3. Happy New Year , Jo!

1. flirty, cool, fun!, I kind of scared with him sometimes, chatty 2. Nothing but I kind of scared with him at times. :( 3. I’d hope for your happiness in the end of this year, may the force will ever be yours later in 2018 and may 2018 bring you good stuffs!1. Mr. Pabo Jo who stole my nickname as bear here, ugh! Jo is so kind, nice, SOOOOOO APPROACHABLE (i was shocked cz usually Kai’s rp is hard to approach but you is the other way around lol which is good!), He is not awkward at all and has a really good and warm personality. 2. PLEASE REDUCE YOUR TYPO AND BOBROKNESS. AND PLEASE DRINK AQUA A LIL BIT MORE EACH DAYS YA. 3. 2017 is coming to an end, i just wish EXO especially you will always be happy and more successfull. Maybe there is a surprise in 2017 that you finally have a opportunity as a good kdrama cast hahah

1. -pervert - pervert - byuntae - byuntae - kind 2. insyaflah wahai manusia, jika dirimu bernoda~ hehehhe kidding! i’m happy to have you here in WST as my korban bully. let me bully you more in the future dude. mwah ♡

1. [💌]  just wanna say, thank you for staying in WST. i’m happy that i have such a kind and caring members here. it might be pretty hard when you feel left out in agency, but i didn’t feel like this here. thank you ♡ thank you for being kind to me, let’s make another memorable memories in the future!

1) kind, friendly, funny, likes to flirt and joking around 2) more update about his chara? 3) let’s talk more in the future and get along well! + i hope 2018 will be much much better year for you! ✨

Funny,  ffriendly, look always on group dm, cool, look zonk too. Idk… Let’s talk more int the future bruhJo oppa ini beda banget dr perkiraan. Liat accnya sih kyknya kalem tp tryt enggak. Apalagi kl ketemu seongso, ian oppa sama chanyeol. Haduu. Messagenya: Apapun yang terjadi selama setahun ini, semoga bs jadi pembelajaran utk ke depannya. Aku berharap akhir tahun ini bisa dinikmati (?) dengan rasa bahagia hehehe. Dan semoga keinginannya cpt tercapai ya. Amin

Oppaaaa —! Moodbooster of the day/? Entah karena me yang receh atau oppa nya yang bobroqeu , , , i can laugh only at his plesetan/? He is pervert 🙈 okaaaaay— if you know who am i , don’t labrak saya oyaaaaay !

1. JO. CRAZY AF. STOOPID HOOMAN BEING. IDK AH. LOUD AF. 2. I’M KINDA AWARE WHEN YOUR'E STILL ON TIMELINE AROUND 10-12pm. MY TIMELINE BEING SO NOT SAFE. YOU’RE SO PERVERT. HOW COULD IT BE? I’m looking forward to our interactions much in the future. Keep up the good work! 3. Happy new year! Santa claus is coming to town~ *chuckles* You should take a good care of yourself, keep smiling widely, and be happy as always.

1. Funny, Receh, lawak, lawak, lawak lol ; 2. Please reply to my greeting ; 3. You’re such a funny person. I want to get closer with you as a same-age friend

1. quiet, unpredictable, sometimes weird (very very weird), sometimes awkward and definitely a cold saram in weast :|. 2. - Don’t too often delete your tweet bcs it’s not good - Don’t do something stupid - Talk with me (i mean more than before) - I know you like me but we have no chemistry (HAAHAHAA). 3. Hey bro. Don’t get me wrong when I said "You like me”. I mean I think you like me as weast member but we have no chemistry till we never had proper conversation. well, I know you are a good person and very fun. but tbh I dont know how to get close with crazy saram like you. I hope you always stay healthy and be better person. good luck!

1. Kinda cold, hard to approach, funny, bigos aka biang gosip, talk nonsense 24/7 2. You can make a warta wst acc or maybe lamtur wst 3. -

1. Low sense of humor, ngeselin, nyebelin, lemot, suka telat bales 2. fast rep juseyo. 3. I don’t even remember the last time we talk. And I also wonder why you thought I’m someone else- but, looking forward to talk more with you.

1. Mesum 2. Seram 3. Perverted 4. Also kind 5. And full of attention Jongin hyung, hello. I wish you’d appear more like a setan timeline because one thing, I enjoy talking to you. It’s the New Year’s soon and we’re gonna pass the 2018 together I hope. With this sentence I hope we can be more closer in the future! Lessen up the kemesuman, it gets scarier by time.