#its not that bad for me gng

[kapa-the-werdo]

People: Chai is so Freaky and inappropriate and you shouldn't use it

My average Chai experience:

[nugwon]

ask and you shall receive —

i’ve been so torn between jungwon and sunghoon like . both of them have this magnetism that i cannot describe

anyway, i can’t stop thinking abt a smutty scenario where the reader finds herself having to choose between the both of them and simply cannot do it so jungwon and sunghoon are like “ok, fuck that, don’t choose.”

like both guys are so down bad that they’d share the reader with each other if it meant that it made her happy ??

idk if that made sense ahshdjsj i could go into more detail but i’m feeling self conscious hiding behind my hands rn

— @yourislandgirl

💌 oh my god yes!!! you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place and as bad as they don’t want to share you they will. that’s how bad they want you 😪🤞🏽. gng shit fr

you’re looking between the both of them—they’d almost started fight just from the topic of you. “serious you’re making me pick?” you asked them both. one of the hardest decisions to date, you had to choose between two boys you liked and adored and… you didn’t know how.

“me or him,�� sunghoon grunts, “if you know what’s best for you you’d pick me.” jungwon rolled his eyes at sunghoons comment. you were silent, hands on your hips as you really had to think about it. “well.. guys i can’t.. why can’t i just have you both?” you laughed trying to ease the tension in the room.

then it’s like there brains lit up at once. “deal.” they both said, coming to a conclusion because of your joke, but that’s what it was. a joke. “we can share you.. and if we’re sharing you that means.. you can have the best of both worlds.” jungwon stepped closer, sunghoon following suit.

“and i haven’t forgotten about what you said earlier—.” he chuckled. “taking us both at once, oh y/n. is one at a time not enough for you baby?” your skin ran cold, chills running down your spine. what the hell did you just create. “they say being stuck between a rock and a hard place is a bad thing,” he murmurs, smirking. “but you seem to love it.”

you instantly felt hands on your body, one running down your chest and the other down to your ass. there was a sense of possession, jealousy—“of she breaks its because of me.” sunghoon snarled. “don’t flatter yourself, fuck-face.” you mentally facepalmed. knowing you were in for one hell of a ride right now.

you sat down on the bed, deciding. ‘indulge, yolo’. kissing the both of them, letting their hands travel your body while each of yours did the same for them. each one of them just has hard as the other—probably won’t be able to take both at once—and they knew that. “we’ll make a way.” you muttered, jungwons hand slipping into your shorts while sunghoons grabbed your breast. rubbing your nipple in steady motions while jungwon spread your lips apart.

jungwon turned your face towards him. “since we’re doing this, i’ll make sure you cum harder than you ever have.

sunghoon, turning your face towards him. “and i’ll make sure he doesn’t leave you too needy. i heard his finger work when they want to.”

for them to have beef with each other, working together seemed to be the easiest thing. the way they moved. like this was planned ahead—sunghoon moving behind you while jungwon shifted in front of you. the three of you easily undressing and touching you. all the attention was on you—“suck me off while he does the hard work hm?” sunghoon whispers next to your ear. you smiled, turning around.

ass up for jungwon, leaking cunt on full display for him while sunghoon leaned against your headboard. biting harshly on his lip while waiting for you to take him. jungwons hands rested on your hips, lining himself up and pushing into you with ease. his cock dragging against your tight, velvety walls—moans leaving both of your throats.

meanwhile, sunghoons cock rested on your tongue. chest rising and falling as you swallows him whole, his hand resting on the side of your head as he guided you up and down. bobbing your head at the pace jungwon was going. “make it last, as soon as he’s done—im next.” he warned, guttural moans leaving his lips at the ruthless rhythm that flowed through the room.

[vikcacao]

IM SO HAPPY THIS IS A SAFE SPACE FOR INDANE PEOPLE LIKE ME. dude it's all I think about and i litteraly NEED 2 draw them more omg.

Ok yap sesh incoming so be warned this will be a long one.

Ok so like at first after reading May's unckuna fic End Of Beginning I rlly wanted 2 make a modern no curse au fic of my own. Smth about sukuna and his dysfunctional emotionally unavailable and horrifically traumatized ass taking care of jins kid has a special place in my heart fr... and then ofc at first I had an au where I ramp up all the dark shit 2 like 1000000 billion.

At some point I'm not feeling the au bc it got super dark and I needed smth new after I saw the end of jjk. So I made a new au with my fixation about yuji being a basketball player with the idea of him having the same issues as me, and then I realized he wouldn't be scared of the same shit as me so i changed it again. I made it itafushi...

The way this idea occurred was bc one day I was watching a SHIT TON of r/inceltears and r/niceguys on it and it inspired me alot. Also nerd x jock thing...?? Yeah I put a stupid little twist 2 it and made megumi and incel.

BEFOR PEOPLE THROW TOMATOES AT ME, REMEMBER THIS WAS AN IDEA THAT WAS LIKE "lmao that would be so funny if megumi was a bitter incel and yuji was an allstar basketball player that everyone loved... omg he would hate him fr." And then boom the au started... it was a crackfic of an idea spawned by stupid hyperfixation on incel misery and at first I wasn't even gonna write about it.

The more I thought and talked about it the more in depth it became dude... like I've BEEN friends with an actual incel and I was in a rlly bad situation bc of it so I kinda wanted 2 base my expirence with those kinds of people in the fics. Then I started researching.... and hyperfixating and uhhhh then it spiraled out of control bc my autism said that IT NEEDS 2 MAKE SENSS 2 IRL ISSUES AND "OHHH I CAN TACKLE THE HARM THAT ONLINE SEXUALIZATION OF WOMEN AND MYSOGONY HAPP3NS!! I CAN TAKLE CONCEPTS OF PEER PRESSURE WITH PEOPLE ON DISCORD AND SHOW A CHARACTER SPIRALING 2 THE DARK SIDE FROM THEIR OWN STUPIDITY ON THE INTERNET!! I CAN SHOW TEEN VICTIMS WHAT ITS LIKE GETTING IN AND HEALIMG FROM THOSE SITUATIONS!!"

And then I started taking it super srsly... crack treated srsly tag will need 2 be added ig...

Main premise of the fic is this.

Megumi is an incel and yuji is the allstar on the basketball varsity team. Best of the best.

Megumi hates yuji bc he's jealous and bc he's insecure, hating on a "typical chad" bc being an angry bitter loner is easier to take out on someone else (who's a stranger) than trying to figure out what's wrong, let alone fix his issues. Meanwhile yuji wants to be Megumis friend soooo bad that it's embarrassing how many times yuji tries 2 start a conversation with him.

One sided hate my beloved...

Yuji don't realize that megumi hates him so he tries 2 talk and at some point (begrudgingly) they become friends(?) !

Yuji finds out slowly but surely about all of megumis problems and tries 2 help him heal from it all. Not gonna say 2 much but like imagine an absolute loser who wants 2 die and is a walking red flag and u have megumi.

Yujis favorite color IS red tho so... yeah jokes aside yiji sees the good in him blah blah blah he's gonna save him in every universe and oh btw did I mention that megumi has awful emotional regulations around yuji??? Bc he's the only one that wouldn't run away from him or be disgusted with him?? I also looked into like alot of autistic behaviors for teens and shit so he fits the bill perfectly.

Yes my goats both have autism

Yuji with that AuDHD swag and megumj wit the autism sauuceee!!

Ok yeah imma stop bc this is like a wall of text even for me. SIGHHHHH BACK 2 THE CELL OF MY OWN MIND... TIME 2 GO BACK 2 BEING INSANE WITH MYSELF...

ALSO FEEL FREE 2 TELL ME ALL ABOUT UR AU IM SO IN LOVE ALWAYS GNG!!

THIS IS SO UNIQUE AND COOL !?!?! Megs being an incel would never cross my mind, but it seems possible

And I like the Yuuji helps him, that seems like a fascinating read honestly, I love recovery (the more realistic the better honestly)

((And I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences in the past with folks like incels, I've watched a lot of the r/nice guy stuff too, and idk. I'm glad it sounds like you're no longer in your bad situation, hopefully at least))

[pi3rcethejay]

Gay school emo

chapter 1

"Its my first day at emo high.. I sure hope they accept me" Gerard said questioning if the emos will accept him into their cult.

Just as he was about to go in he sees a couple. He think theyre straight but one of the guys actually looks like a woman with his long blonde hair and cute face.

"What the helly are you looking at brochacho" the other dude said. he looks like darkness itself. "sorry gng im new gng twin dont hate me i dont want ur femboy bf" Gerard said. "WHAT DID U JS CALL MY CUTIE PIE PATRICKy??" the guy shouts. the other guy presumably patricky then decides to speak "im not a f-fe-femboy…" he starts crying a little and gerard lowkey feels bad now.

"sorry man i didnt mean to call u a femboy its js that ur hair makes you look like ur a f*male" gerard responded sounding honest.

"also whats ur names?" gerard asked. "pete" said pete "and patrick" said also pete because patrick is wiping his tears.

"wait so ur both guys??? bro its literally so unnatural adam and eve were the first ppl on earth its a man and a woman its not adam and steve" said gerard getting kinda worked up honestly i think hes in denial.

"yk what hell yeah but this school lwk gay" pete responded while stroking patricks hair.

"i love u so much petey" patrick then said.

"okay gng i gotta ball goodbye i hope u gonna get well soon ig" gerard said but nobody responded because patrick and pete were too deep in their passionate lovely kiss.

gerard was already in the school when pete just said "wow your lips are so intense and heartfelt, sensual, and full of fire kinda like a bomb" he kinda started crying because of how much he loves patrick. Parrick then also started crying because pete just always found the right words to describe their steamy love making.

inside the school gerard found it was kinda empty tho exept for a girl who started running at him.

"hi gng u wanna joint??" she said "i didnt catch ur name" gwrard said "i didnt throw it" the girl answred.

"so u wanna smoke??? dont tell me u dont smoke, funfact abt me is i always hold my cigarettes against the fire alarm so it goes off, but dont tell anyone pls or else im going to have to pay the fire force or whatever its called" she said.

"shit okay gng pass me a smoke, u cool as hell" gerard said "is it free tho?" he also asked.

"yeah potential customers always get a free first" she said "anyway im lynz".

"wow i like ur lipstick queen ur rocking that look" gwrard just said.

lynz then started to violently flap her hands screaming "wow thank u so much sugarcake abyqay im gonna ball now goodbye gerard arthur way."

and like that was such a good conversation

"but how did she know my full name i didnt even zell her" gerard thought, he was lowkey confused.

no wait…

not even lowkey he was highkey confused because who is this random woman.

but like he shouldnt talk about women like that thats mean and hes a feminist.

"maybe she knows mikey or smth like taht and he told jer, he got his connections around town alrwady ig." geratd thought to himself.

—————————————————

"everything goes according to plan" lynz thought with a very devious smirk on her face 😈<- kinda like that.

but then she started to panic.. she started to pqnic! at the disco…!!!!!! she realized that she just accidentally quoted panic lyrics!! thats so insane and right as she realized that she quoted panic lyrics she saw brendon and ryan kissing right before class.

they were like leaning against the lockers. honestly shes lowkey homophobic. not against all gays tho, only against brendon and ryan.

"can u stupid faggots stop kissing for like 1 second its getting kinda annoying" she told them.

"sorry man i js love my beebo too much" ryan answered with love in his eyes 🥺<- kinda like that.

"omg ryan!!!!! u js called me beebo thats so cute i love u" brendon answered.

Okay erm anyway lynz was cringing very hard and rethinking on why she enrolled into this school..

"man i could be in a magic school right now" she thought to herself remembering shes lowkey a witch.

nobody knew she was a witch tho and nobody would believe her anyway. but her whole family is witches and they have a whole coven and theres a school for witches too but she didnt wanna attend it because its in a really small village surrounded by a forest and lakes and lynz honestly wanted to live in a big city so thats why she enrolled here. shes not good at magic anyway.

"no man fuck magic school only junkies attend that school " she thought to herself angrily

"no wait my family attended that school.." she thought

"no but fuck my family they threw me outta the village cause i wanted to live in a big town and now i have to live with some random rich emo guy" she thought and as she thought she lowkey realized that her life is cool asf, she loves living w kellin his parents are never home because of work and they live together in his big ass house.

"hell yeah man i love kellin" she just said out loud. ryan and brendon didnt hear her anyway cuz they were too busy whispering too each other (disgusting ik).

[chaotic-orphan]

oh..😟

oh my god😰😰

orphan you ABSOLUTE MAD BEAST YOU HOW DARE YOU 🫵🤬🤬🤬🤬 MAKE THIS ABSOLUTE BANGER OF A CHAPTER YOU🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥

VIGILANTE COMEBACK FINALLY??!!?,!,!,!!,!,!! THAT WAS SERIOUSLY THE MOST PAINFUL & GUT-WRENCHING REUNION THO, LIKE MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED WIDE OPEN AS SOON AS HE ARRIVED AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS AFTER THAT JUST LITERALLY TORE MY HEART INTO SHREDS IN A SLOW & GRUESOME MANNER, I WILL BE UNABLE TO RECOVER FROM THIS FOR LIKE AT LEAST 5-6 BUSINESS DAYS BRO 💔💔💔🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀😭💔

everytime i see the word “Supervillain” on my screen now ill always go “ts pmo sm ngl fr gng🤢” like can you pls turn me into a character in the story who is the one to put a bullet in his brains, thank you😍🥰🥰 (just kidding, let hero or vidge do that HEHEHEHHE)

HE’S BACK!!!! Vigilante’s back!!! He’s alive and well🥰 Supervillain isn’t a complete monster (although… I feel like with all my replies I am becoming a Supervillain apologist, but I— in my defence HE IS VERY CHARISMATIC!) he is willing to give Hero something in return for their good behaviour!!!

Hero is definitely not in a good position right now, considering they saw a familiar face in the arena which we will see so much more of later on, but… ohh so much has happened to Hero; their entire world — or should I say THE entire world — changed in the blink of an eye for them, they realised their body is weak and barely responding to them as they try to move, then they have Grieves rubbing Medic in their face the moment they wake up and then Villain being a menace and Supervillain being nice and they… 😔 they have had a bad couple hours for sure but, hey, they’ll adapt right?

I’m sure that PTSD won’t flare up again… right? Or the Arena’s overseer won’t become an issue, right?

If you like I can make you one of the rebel leaders who tries to kill him, whether or not Supervillain would allow that though isn’t up to me…🤷‍♀️😈

I’m glad you enjoyed the newest chapter hehehe!!!! It is just ahh, so refreshing a WIP— I love it, even with all its rough edges, I’m sorry for your heartache, but look on the bright side… um, the— um… ahem… *cough*

*leaves*

[lemyondre]

Arcane Act 3 Spoilers

I would like to kill myself at this present moment.

LORIS NOOOOOOOO

Maddie yes that bitch can die oh finally.

THE SCENE. YIPPPEEEEE

We all won. CaitVi sex scene, TimeBomb canon, JayVik canon (its Canon because because because of they made the butterfly while embracing each other. Quite homosexual of them)

Also in ep7 when Vik and Jay were fighting, he should've smooched him on the forehead even though that shit would've hurt

Isha dying does make me sad... but I think Isha's death is there to remind Jinx that not everything is her fault and that sometimes you do things for the people you love.

STROMAE COMING OUT TO DROP.

The music this act hurt me what.

The way I knew that hooded man was Viktor.

So Sky isn't Viktor's guilt, she's his humanity and when she left, his humanity left too.

MEL MEDARDA THE WOMAN YOU ARE.

I'm sorry can we talk about Mel.

NOW WE KNOW LIKE WHY EVERYONE CAN BE INFLUENCED BY HER. It's the black girl magic- I mean the magic. The Solari magic.

Her new fit🔥😏😏

Ambessa's love for Mel is something that I can relate to but I also can't relate.

The way Heimerdinger died bro🫠 now the lorax is gone

Ekko in the alternate timeline is my man gng.

SILCO AND VANDER RRAAHHHHH the zaun dads

Silco gets hotter? I did state that I have the hots for silco..

BENZOO RRAAHHHHH. Zaun uncle

Poor Ekko, I can imagine how he felt literally seeing his dead father figure and uncle.

Now I don't think anyone can watch Arcane from the beginning without thinking about season 2.

JAYCE SUPPORTERS FOR THE WINN RAHHHHHH.

COUNCELOR SEVIKA AAAAAAA

Caitlyn and Violet had a scene in a Jail cell. In contrast to how they met. That is very Picasso, very Slay

I think Viktor and Jayce's relationship is beautiful and it evolved like a butterfly.

WHY DID VI DIE IN OTHER TIMELINE MY HEART.

Jinx is not dead guys😃

Everything hurts. My eyes hurt. The last time I cried this hard for a piece of media was probably Rise of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie.. OH and Good Omens s2e6

Okay, but Arcane is a piece of media that is the prime example what executives should be doing and that's giving artists time, paying them right and NOT TAKING THEIR FUCKING JOBS!!

Further.. I think I might combust. A03 fics anyone? Like any recommendations because I am off to listen to the music now which is a bad idea because when I'm done, I'm probably gonna come back here crying to tell you about how To Ashes and Blood has a bigger meaning and that the full version of Enemy is about Jinx and Ekko.

YES IT IS BECAUSE the Violins represent Jinx and her aggressive nature (they play soft then aggressive) and JID's part had ticking. LIKE A CLOCK?? HELLOOOO???

I'm gonna go be like spongebob and tweak in my room. Peace yall.

Thank you for the soul

Thanks for the tears

Thank you for the reunion

Thanks for the playfulness

Thank you [can't explain.]

Thanks for listening to us

Thank you for understanding

Sigh. Thank you.

Thank you for the memories

Thanks for searching

Thank you Alexander Seaver of Mako and Alexander Temple for everything.

[go-go-devil]

12, 17, 23 !

12) Shortest time you’ve beaten a game in?

Not counting flash games, I'm pretty sure my shortest time is beating Sonic 2 in about 20 minutes. The funny thing about that though is that the 1st time I ever properly beat the game was playing the Knuckles in Sonic 2 cartridge lock-on easter egg (which the Sonic Mega Collection preserved as it's own version of the game)! Knuckles's glide can completely trivialize certain levels in that game, so for once I was able to get to the Death Egg with enough lives + continues to finally beat the boss. I've since beaten Sonic 2 with Sonic in later playthroughs, but I'm pretty sure my 1st Knuckles remains the fastest rn 😎

Now that you mention it, I could also probably beat Sonic 1 or even CD in that time frame too if I ever get back into practice with them.

17) What game do you never tell people you play?

Ghosts N' Goblins 4 sure. I played that son-of-a-bitch nightmare fuck game on original hardware and it was AGONIZING. I'm normally the kind of person who defends the more archaic qualities of older cartridge games but I can't do it for GNG. It's a bad port of an arcade game with annoying enemies, mediocre level design, an obnoxious weapon system that actively tricks you (I'm NOT kidding!), and an infamously cruel final level that I couldn't even reach. I only got as far as level 3 before giving up. Play Demon's Crest instead.

Also NEVER play the Finding Nemo tie-in for the GC/PS2/XB. I'm sure all of you weren't going to anyway but that one gets a special mention for being the personal worst game I ever played in my childhood and... possibly ever, actually. I'd be more willing to recommend people play any of the Bubsy games than that criminally boring-ass license game.

23) Biggest disappointment you’ve had in gaming?

I had to really think about this one, but ultimately there's only one game that truly encapsulates me wanting a game sooooo bad, getting it, and then very slowly realizing I'm not having nearly as much fun with it as I had hoped.

Dark Cloud 2.

Now Dark Cloud 1 certainly has its issues, but honestly it's still one of my favorite PS2 games and I can replay easily replay it all over again. I already knew about DC2 as a teen before even finding a copy of DC1, and everything about it looked AMAZING! My parents decided to get it for me for one Christmas, so I put the disc straight into my PS2, played it for a few hours, then a few days, then a few weeks, and...

It's honestly really hard to explain what this game's problem is. By all technical accounts it truly is a sequel which expands upon the original game's concepts and irons out a lot of the jank while introducing interesting new features (ex: voice acting, a photography system, a monster transformation system + piloting a mechanical robot for each respective character, and a golf minigame too).

But ironically it's all of these features combined that ended up killing the game for me. This sequel is SO BLOATED with content that it genuinely becomes exhausting to play.

Some of the new mechanics are cool, but others are horribly executed (i.e. beast transformations & spheda golfing), and most of them are required to beat the game on top of the usual dungeon crawling + town rebuilding. So the further I got into the game the more it kept making me stop to do some other side tangent that doesn't control as well or feel as satisfying as the main game stuff, and it just kept piling on and ruining the flow of the gameplay for me.

That and the story was just OK, I guess. There were certainly some interesting moments, and the boss fight in Starlight Canyon was awesome! But I found the voice acting to be more annoying than charming, and for as simplistic as DC1's story was it somehow ended up being more engaging than DC2's even though it really shouldn't have been, if that makes any sense.

I know there are certainly people who would disagree with me, but for me Dark Cloud 2 will always be my #1 example of a game that's simultaneously "better" than its predecessor while also being a much "worse" game to play. Such a shame T_T

[ijustreallylikepirates]

I got an anonymous fanfic request based on a dream the user had

I don’t even know how to explain this, just enjoy it gng (alessio’s pov btw)

I was sitting on the porch in my and Logan's backyard. Logan was swimming in our pool, and I was painting him. The painting was turning out great, but I can't help but get distracted by Logan.

I mean, come on! His shirt is off, and he those abs...! He also just looks so happy, and I really love him. It's hard not to look at him.

He looks back at me, his blue eyes twinkling in the sun. He smiles as he catches me looking at him, then waves.

I blush and look back at the canvas. Come on Alessio, focus! I start applying more paint onto the canvas, gentle brush stroke after gentle brush stroke.

Suddenly, I heard a loud scream. I peek over the side of the canvas and saw that Logan was gone. A loud screech sounded from above, then someone yelled "Oh crap!"

That someone was my boyfriend. I looked up to see Logan flailing around in the claws of a very large bird. Emphasis on large. The bird looked to be some sort of eagle or hawk, but just a very big one.

"Logan!" I scream. I hoist myself up off my seat, then start running in the direction the bird was flying. I don't know what I was hoping to achieve with that, but I want to at least try to save my boyfriend.

Somehow, I'm running faster than usual. I manage to catch up to the bird, but obviously I can't reach it from down here.

I follow the bird to a very tall mountain, and I mean steep tall. It flies all the way to the top.

I sigh. "Welp, gotta save my man."

I run over to the mountainside and start climbing. The climb is very long and exasperating, but I eventually made it to the top. There was a nest, containing the big bird, three kind of small baby birds, and Logan.

The bird was attempting to feed Logan to its babies, but Logan was fighting against the bird, holding its beak open. Hanging off the edge of the mountain, I hold my hand out to Logan and shout, "Jump out and grab my hand!"

"Alessio!" he screams. But without question, he jumps from the bird's beak and tries to run. Before Logan could get to me, the bird grabs him in one of its claws and hops over to me.

It caws in my face, then pecks at my fingers. I scream, my grip on the rock loosening. The last thing I hear before falling off the mountain was Logan screaming, "Lessie!"

I jolt awake. Oh my, it was only a dream.

I feel Logan grab my arm from next to me. "Baby, are you okay?" he asks me sleepily.

I smile subtly and lie back down next to him. "Yes, I just had a bad dream where you got picked up by a very large bird and I went on a rescue mission to find you, but I died... I think?"

Logan chuckles quietly, then says, "Well, it was only a dream."

I tuck my head onto his chest and exhale. "I know."

He runs his fingers through my hair and says, "I'll be okay. No birds are going to pick me up."

I giggle. "It sounds so stupid when you say it."

He laughs and kisses the top of my head. "I love you, Lessie."

I wrap my arms around his back and smile. "I love you too, Logan."

Whoever sent that ask, I love the way your brain works

Yall know I had to make this crazy request just a tidbit gay

Anyways I hope yall enjoyed that and I will be making more fanfics

[lilaclea]

DAY 5

—————

4/13/25

HII !! Going to try to pull an all nighter gng… 💔💔 Today I payed for procrastinating this ENTIRE break cus I already had a bunch of missing assignments bc I missed school for comp and now I have to do them… 😿😿😿 and I still decided to play hsr for 5 hours..! (My screentime is COOKED it was 13 hrs yesterday 12 today..) I really wanna finish the penacony quest but it’s like so peak I dotn wanna finish it but I wanna know more ykyk!! It’s like that feeling of finishing a really good series.. so bittersweet, but I haven’t finished it yet and im dreading it. ALSO I GOT CASTORICE THOUGH AAAA!! 🪻🪻I’m actually so happy I didn’t loose my 50/50 because I would have genuinely crashed out so so bad if I did lmao. Anyways, im studying for my APHG chapter test right now.. idek like what im meant to study this unit is so confusing 😞 and then i have to do my APCSP PPR ugh.. people say these two APs are like the easiest so like if im struggling now what’s gonna happen to me next year..? Like im taking 5 brooo. I think i might js be stupid lol.. I really wanna go to sleep rn but i think ill try to stay up and then at like 4:30 I’ll start walking to my local coffee shop and then get some coffee and then walk to school which is fun 🔥🔥 im not excited for tommrow but its ok just gotta make it until tuseday because im leaving for Huston on Wednesday :D also another cool thing is im getting back into writing after like a really really long time!! It’s nice because I haven’t felt motivated to do anything creative (other than art) for like months atp so im excited to start building my own story again. It’s about two girls named Jinyan and Yumei!! 💕 Ok, I think I’ve talked wayyy too much considering I should be studying rn but bye blog!! I’ll update you later ( ˶°ㅁ°) !! 🫧

[yourghastlycloseness]

in the past few hours i went being convinced that i was the ugliest person to ever walk the earth and shd this destroy myself bcos i never want to look into the mirror again and see how everything is wrong with my face and body to being a loving daughter spending a day out with mom to cracking jokes to being completely upset about the state of my relationships and my anxiety and my fear abt starting a new job and if i’ll even be able to get one and how this wasnt a sponsorship at all it’s more like taking a loan out of a company and then being tied to it and having to pay off your debts and it’s all on you if you can’t do anything abt it and ive realise that its in these states of transition where im waiting for smth to happen that im the most jittery and irritable and depressed when the hosp called to ask how urgent my case was or thereabouts i said i wasnt suicidal which wasnt a lie when they called but i feel suicidal every few hours or every days or weeks honestly the feeling never goes away but i know how serious i am abt when id make an attempt and its usually in states like these where ive lost all control over my emotions and the only thing i can control is whether i live or not and even then its subject to how the suicide attempt is executed though its likely that jumping frm the 20+ floor of any building shd kill you upon impact how i don’t want to live like this anymore and being convinced again that i shd kill myself then seeing a worker get run over by a bus and thinking thats awful then having dinner w family and paying for it but not getting a word of thanks then asking dad to get drinks but he frowns and doesnt for a while and i dont understand why abd while we’re eating i drop a piece of the pork on the table and i want to flip the entire table over and when i wash the utensils at the sink i see my hair getting thinner unde rtbe fluorescents even tbligh im doing what i xan to keep it from falling out im gng to be bald by the time im 33 how much fun is that thirty flirty and thriving thirty fucking fat and fuckinf bald and fucking lonely was not how i samw it all for myself

and i cry at the table the whole way back and then take a walk the rewatch and feel bad for the worker hope he’s alright news report says he’s got fractures in his right leg i rly hope it’s nth more than that meanwhile i was feeling one thousands things and this man was just at work and feeling so much pain which reminds me that i need money i need to work in the meantime yet the sponsorship contract forbids me frm getting external employment without first getting their approval honestly i might just go work first and then wait for their approval cos it can take very long and dad sent a picture of kai earlier tpdya he’s completely shaven sown neck bcos of repeated skin infictikna my poor dog my poor boy i love love love you so much and ive been horrible and i think abt you all the time and its now my wallpaper bcos i want to workfor a vision of us tgt and hes still the handsomest boy around even when firless neck down also hes a real asshole i hope he never loses that mfer asshole corgi personality of his if he ever changes then i know ive lost a part of him and i dont want that feepndown inside i know we ee both assholes who fight and im gettingnout of this and youll get beteyr and i love you forever andnice cried so much i rly need to clean my eyes woth blpehagel cdps just loke my boy oget infections WILD my skin foes mot want to be with me it givez up on me doesnt matter lovenypus till kai youre the most shit dog in the worls and uoure mine even when youre not here and i love you wven if you dont love me and i dotn want my asian eyelids to get all fucked up tmr so im going to stop xrying now straight ip the only rweaso n i dont cru as muchthese says isnt bcosige gotten stronge ror gotten over the things that ipset me most its jury bcos i cant eisk ab infection again neeeded eye zurgery fkr that preciously and i bleieve i had a fucked ip eyesi fection but also my crying mad eit worse secondly aesthetics my syelids creases change everytie i cry ao i gotta fucking stoRPP

[unusuallysized-nsfw]

Text Convos From The Technicolour OC Omniverse (A Sizey OC Miniseries) #4

5:24pm 【Ashy】

================================

Ashy: Omw. should i bring... or

Me (Mel Helz): i was kidding bout that dork. :p

Ashy: aww...er i mean ah.

Me: no dictation is that good

Ashy: yeah i typed that on purpose lol

Me: if the mood swings that way i've got some spice left over

Ashy: you're allowed to bring that home?

Me: Technically no. but its never stopped Aryl.

Ashy: you're bad

Me: No i'm not a Lawful Neutral Idiot.

Ashy: You play GnG?

Me: no i just figured youd get that.

Ashy: called out.

Ashy: hey uh

Ashy: if you want i could.

Ashy: I could be the big this time.

Me: do you want to?

Ashy: wouldnt mind but i moreso get the vibe sometimes youd like to be small.

Me: hhhh

Ashy: You ok?

Ashy: im outside?

-Chat Closed-

5:48pm 【Arylryl】

================================

Me: He just fuckin asked if i wanna be small!

Arylryl: Omglmao what did you say

Me: what DO I say to that?

Arylryl: The truth dummy 😉

Me: god like... i dunno if im ready to like open myself up like that

Arylryl: so say that duh

Me: that would also be Opening Up ryry >:/

Arylryl: oooooh right...

Me: crap hes outside.

Arylryl: guuurl id love to help but im on shiiiift 😬

Me: gah...ill figure something out.

-Chat Closed-

[a-chaotic-ananas]

okay you know fucking what. i love taylor. i think she's amazing, i cried watching miss americana, you need to calm down makes me go bonkers. and while she was right to call out That Line in gng, because it's a tired, overdone sexist narrative that needs to stop, y'all need to stop too. the show has its flaws, the writing is questionable at points and it could have dealt with some of the topics better, but it's not what they're making it to be. it's not a misogynistic show written by men. for what it's worth, it had an all-women creative team (and yeah, maybe that makes that one line even worse, but i do think representation behind the camera should count for something too) and its intention was to be progressive and start conversation. did it fully succeed? no, it was a mess sometimes and they should fix that in the coming seasons. but was the tone overall positive, does it have potential and is it a huge step from many shows u can find? abso-fucking-lutely yes.

so yeah. call out misogynistic jokes. call out bad writing. people need to do better. but do not, do not 1) send hate to the cast, they did not write the show and i can tell you with confidence it wasn't ts' intention to send her fans after the woc newcomer who was literally just doing her job 2) stop giving the show unnecessary low rating. "tHe pOwEr tHe sWiFtiEs hOLd" yes the power to discontinue the show that was originally about a biracial teenage girl, had nothing to do with taylor, was usually very sex-positive, tackled important subjects, and had one inappropriate, insensitive line?? that's absurd. netflix needs to apologize, stop the sexist narrative and do better in the future, and y'all need to chill the fuck out.

if you wanna attack me in the replies, don't. it's not that deep. unless you have a valid and well constructed argument and an actual viewpoint, i won't engage. I'm tired. and I'm not trying to start shit. i won't put this under Taylor's tag for a reason.

[aquato-family-circus]

Time for one of those out-of-the-blue questions

Do you think Lili and Helmut talk in the iced bobby au? Like, does she know her great uncle? Does she get to hear stories about Bob or is it always "I'll tell you another time"? Just curious

So I saw this, thought on it, slept, woke back up, and I think my answer is:

Helmut saw Lili a few times when she was a little baby kid, like birthdays and stuff. She's a sweet kid, good kid, he cares about her. But listening to her info dump abt True Psychic Tales and all the Cool Super Spy Psychonauts Stories makes him feel really bad because he knows its all exaggerated to generate hype and it's never been his style. He tried to tell her the real stories a few times but she either found those less exciting or Helmut struggled when getting to parts abt his friends and husband...

He probably leaves the Motherlobe/the Job to go wallow in GNG when Lili's around 5, and hasn't seen her since. He hasn't been taking up much work for a while and has been slacking so like screw it he's done here.

Lili remembers him as a nice but distant uncle. He might be a factor into her "Psychonauts aren't what they used to be" feelings because he's quiet and kind of boring and the Helmut in her comics is cool and bright and bold.

Once the events of the au happen and Helmut and Bob are reunited Helmut sees Lili again and apologieses for being such a debbie downer when she was little to which she's like hey its all good a lot of adults are like that. Then he's like do you want me to teach you how to shred a sick lick on the guitar and shes like WOULD I

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love- Chapter 4

So I planned for this chapter and the next to originally be one but as I started writing it, the words kept flowing and oops....now its really long. So I decided to split it. This means that I’m pretty much done with the next chapter so I’ll be able to get it out in a few days! Yay!

Also, Ivar is pretty manipulative in this chapter. Someone made a comment in the last chapter that I want to acknowledge. Going forward this is kind of a theme but I just want to put that warning statement- if this is triggering for you, please read with caution. There is nothing explicit or graphic but its still manipulation. 

Words:4000

Warnings: swearing, manipulation

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius​

Series Masterlist

Sitting in the office at work, Kari sipped on her smoothie as she plugged in numbers for an inventory order. She had just finished teaching one of her morning classes and was now doing some paperwork for Lydia while on her "lunch break". 

 She jumped when her phone suddenly buzzed- a text alert. Surprised and curious as to who would be texting her at this time, she unlocked her phone to see the text from an unknown number. 

 Unknown: hey u busy 2nite?

 Kari: who is this?

 Unknown: u fav person

 Kari: OMG! Ed Sheeran?!

 She giggled quietly to herself, returning back to the laptop screen. Normally she ignored any calls or texts from unknown numbers, but it had been a good morning and she was feeling playful. When there was no return text, she shrugged the conversation off and returned to the order. Apparently, the unknown number did not get the reaction they were hoping for or realized they text the wrong person. Either way, she did not care. 

 A couple minutes later, her phone started to vibrate repeatedly. Looking down, she saw she was getting a call from the unknown number. She hesitated to answer, but by the third ring her curiosity got the better of her and she answered it. 

 "Hello?"

 "FUCKING ED SHEERAN? REALLY?"

 She sat there stunned. "Ivar?"

 "Of course, it's me. Who the fuck were you expecting?" He asked, angrily. 

 "How did you get my number?"

 He ignored her question, his voice suddenly sounding muffled. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be a second…. damn it. I know!"

 "Who is that?" 

 "My brother.” He scoffed, muttering something unintelligible under his breath, before speaking to her again. “I have to head back into a meeting now."

 "Oh, ok?"

 "You didn't answer my question."

 Her mind was still reeling from the fact that Ivar Lothbrok had her number and was calling her out of the blue. "What question?"

 He huffed, exasperation evident in his tone. "Are you busy tonight?"

 "Why?"

 "I want to take you out."

 "Ivar," she sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead, "I told you, I can't."

 "Yeah and I don't believe you, so…."

 "No. I'm sorry but the answer is still no."

 "Fine. I have to go." He snapped then abruptly ended the call.  

 Slowly, she pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. What just happened? Before she forgot, she added his number to her contacts since she had the distinct feeling this would not be the last time he contacted her. Once done, she set her phone down and dropped her head into her hands. 

 It had been two days since he drove her home and she said they could be friends. In those two days, this was the first contact they had. She had hoped he grew bored with her since she was not playing his game, that she refused to go out with him. Maybe he finally decided she was not worth his time and moved on? Which was for the best. She could never fit into his world, there was no space for her there. Nor did she want to. She was happy, content with her life. 

 It was better for her to not allow Ivar into her life. That's what she repeated to herself as she tried to focus on the inventory order. 

 *****

 "Just put the bags right there, thank you." Kari said, placing the grocery bags, one in each hand, onto the tiled floor. The kitchen in her townhouse was small, two people could barely move around in it without bumping into one another. Thankfully, she did not spend much time in the kitchen. Cooking had never been her forte. 

 "Do you need anything else? I don't mind staying to help." The dirty-blond haired man asked, setting the two bags he carried down onto the floor. He started to shuffle forward but seemed to think better of it and leaned against the half-wall separating the kitchen from the short hallway. 

 "Erik, it's fine. If anything, I owe you. You never let me pay for gas money."

 He shrugged, and tucked his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "It's not a big deal. I needed to shop too."

 "Still, it's not fair to you." She turned around from placing the milk in the fridge to look at him. 

 "If I think of something you can do to repay me, I'll let you know. Deal?"

 "Perfect."

 "Do you still want a ride to work tomorrow?"

 She shut the door and jokingly waved a hand at him. "See! You're too nice."

 "I'd be ‘too nice’ if I also showed up with coffee for you."

 She laughed, moving some frozen fruit into the freezer. "You're too perfect to not have a girlfriend." 

 He rubbed the back of his neck, a flush growing on his cheeks and drawing out a boyish smile. "I don't know if I'd say that. I'll let you get to it. I'll meet you outside at nine?"

 "Thank you, Erik."

 "Of course." He popped his head around the wall to look into the living room. "See you, Alana!"

 "Bye, Erik!" The response came from the living room. 

 Kari continued to put her groceries away as she heard the front door click shut behind him. Somehow, she needed to figure out a way to pay him back. 

 Erik lived in the townhouse next door alone. When he learned that Kari did not own a car, he offered to give her rides whenever it worked out for both of their schedules. At first, she had been hesitant, still not having lived in the townhouse for long but eventually gave in because he always acted like such a gentleman. Every time he saw her, he made sure to greet her and ask about her day. He always held the door open for her and anybody else close by. A negative word never passed his lips, rather choosing to focus on the positive in life. A routine soon started to form and every two weeks they would meet up outside of their townhouses and go grocery shopping together. When she did not have to work early, he would occasionally give her rides to work since the bank he worked at was only a couple blocks away. That was the extent of their interactions though. She wondered about inviting him over for dinner as to thank him but she always chickened out in asking him. Perhaps that was what she needed to do after all.  

 Once all her groceries were put away, she headed into the living room, seeing her roommate and friend sitting on the couch with the TV on to the Great British Bake-off but looking down at her phone. 

 The brunette asked, dropping onto the second couch. "How was work?"

 "Good. You?" Alana looked up, her make-up flawless like usual on her delicate features. 

 "Nothing too exciting."

 "You know, if you'd waited two hours I could have taken you to the store."

 Kari nodded, fiddling with her diamond stud earring. "I know, but you're so busy with work and school. I know you like relaxing when you come home and Erik said he was free today."

 "Did he now?" Alana asked with a smug look.

 Kari tossed a throw pillow at her. "Don't start this again."

 The blonde caught the pillow, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. "You know he likes you. He's just too shy to ask you out."

 "He's a friend, it's been like seven months, I think if he was going to ask me out, he would have done it by now."

 "He. Is. Shy." Alana enunciated, as if talking to a child. She rolled her blue eyes, leaning back against the couch. "Shit, he only started to actually talk to me this summer."

 "Cause you are intimidating."

 Alana threw the pillow back at Kari. "Bitch, it's cause I radiate sexiness and he can't handle it."

 "That is most definitely it." 

 "Well the guy I hooked up with last weekend said I radiated sexiness."

 Kari wrinkled her nose, looking over at her roommate. "I don't want to hear that. It's bad enough when you bring them here."

 "You know, it wouldn't be the worst thing for you to actually go out with Erik. He's…. sweet." She quietly stated, eyes back on the TV. 

 "Yeah."

 "I'm fairly sure he'd treat you better than that fucker of ex."

 Kari picked invisible lint off her black leggings, apprehensive about where the topic was going. Her love life, and lack of it, was something Alana liked to remind her of frequently as of late. "Honestly, I'm even sure anymore he should count as an ex."

 "Well you were supposed to be exclusive, right? And then you find out he's been fucking other girls the whole time. That counts as a shitty ex."

 She winced at the reminder of her one attempt at dating. "I don't…. I don't think I'm ready."

 The blonde pointed a finger at her roommate without turning her eyes away from the TV. "Well don't wait around forever, you'll miss out."

 "Says the woman who hooks up with a different guy almost every other weekend."

 "And I'm not missing out!"

 Kari laughed. Feeling her phone vibrate, she pulled it out of her pocket and checked it to see a new text from Ivar. 

 Ivar: hell no, if we r gng 2 see the Northern Lights thn we're gng 2 Iceland or Norway.

 She smiled at the text, quickly typing in a reply. 

 Kari: fine, we'll add that to the list. Can I please put South Africa back on the list?

 She fiddled with her diamond stud earrings, looking back at their conversation throughout the day. Just looking at all the texts, she bit her lip to try and contain the smile. 

 Ivar had texted her in the late morning, asking her out again. To which she just texted back a one-word answer- "no". Apparently undeterred, he ignored her 'no', saying how he wanted to take her to this popular restaurant. Somehow the conversation spiraled into creating overly outrageous "dates" he would take her on, each one more fantastic than the last, with her encouraging and creating her own ideas. Their texting had lasted all day, and she found herself actually looking forward to his responses. Something she never would have expected, especially after how rudely he hung up on her the prior day. 

 So far her favorite "date" involved him renting out the entire Roman Colosseum in Rome and having a candlelight dinner in the middle of the arena. The most amusing one was when she suggested they go skydiving. He shut down that idea saying they would have to be strapped to instructors and the only man she should ever be strapped to was him. 

 Her phone vibrated in her hand, alerting her to his response. 

 Ivar: u r not swimming w/ sharks 

 She giggled, trying to imagine his facial expression. She actually had no desire to do half of the stuff she suggested but it was funny to get a rise out of him. 

 Kari: African safari?

 "What are you giggling at?" Alana questioned, giving her the side-eye. 

 The smile dropped from her face. "Nothing."

 "That doesn't sound like nothing."

 "Just a funny meme." She deflected, getting to her feet. There was no way she could tell Alana she had been texting Ivar all day. "I'm going to shower."

 As she headed upstairs to her room, her phone vibrated again. 

 Ivar: do u jus luv danger?

 Kari: I'm talking to you, aren't I? 

 She headed to her bathroom, turning the shower on and checking the temperature. In a spur of the moment decision, she tossed in a eucalyptus shower bomb. 

 Just before she jumped in, she looked at her phone one last time to find his response.  

 Ivar: touche, kitten, touche 😘

 *****

 The soothing soundtrack of nature played over the speakers in the yoga studio room. A few women were already in the studio with their yoga mats out, either stretching or quietly conversing as they waited. Depending on the day, the ten am morning class could be busy but typically it averaged about fifteen to twenty women.

 Kari bent over, touching her palms to the floor. Even though she would not be continuously doing the routine along with those in her class, she still liked to be limber and have her muscles warmed up. This was a beginner class, where she spent a good portion of the time either correcting people's forms or showing how to do a certain pose. A few of her coworkers complained about teaching beginner classes since when the participants walked through the door, you never really knew what level they were at. 

 Checking the clock hanging over the door, she saw she had five minutes before her class started. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the pull of her muscles. The door to the studio room opened but Kari continued to stretch, shifting to a downward facing dog pose, holding it. She could hear some people moving around but she focused on her breathing.  

 "Mmm, I could get used to seeing this."

 The familiar voice behind her, caused Kari to try and whip around in startled surprise, only to end up crashing onto her ass. 

 Above her stood Ivar with a devilish smile. "Hello, kitten." He softly said with smolder that instantly made her flush and a tendril of warmth curl in her belly. Standing there in his jeans and red shirt with his hair pulled back in a man bun, it was unfair how striking he looked. Even the braces over his legs did nothing to deter from his attractiveness. 

 She rose quickly to her feet, wiping her hands over her leggings and peeking at the others in the room. Most were curiously watching their interaction but remained where they were. 

 "What are you doing here?" She hissed, turning her gaze back up to meet his. "How did you find me?"

 He rolled his eyes. "You were wearing a Whole Wellness Yoga Studio shirt when I drove you home last week. Plus, hearing from Gyda that you work here…. You're not that hard to find."

 That made sense, even if she disliked the logic. "Ok, fine. Why are you here though?"

 "I want to take you out tonight."

 "Oh gods." She could not believe what she was hearing. The prior day they had spent most of the day texting and sure it was fun, but her answer had not changed. When he had not text her this morning, she assumed that was the last she had heard from him. Apparently, he decided to ask her out in person instead of over the phone like the past two times. "Ivar… No."

 "Why? You keep saying you can't but never why."

 "It's just…. look, I don't want to date."

 He took a step closer, face inches above hers. His voice dropped low, an underlying current of anger in his tone. Those piercing blue eyes challenged her. "You say that but I don't think that's the real reason. So, until you tell me the truth, your 'no' means fucking nothing. Friends tell each other things, right?"

 "You know, I don't think we should be friends anymore."

 He chuckled, still standing too close for a normal conversation. "Too late. I like you."

 "I'm still not going out with you." She placed her hands on her hips, trying to appear confident, hoping desperately he did not hear the wavering in her voice. 'This was for the best, it was best for both of them' she repeated in her mind. 

 "Fine. I'll wait for you to change your mind." He winked and stepped back. To her horror, she watched as he walked over to the side of the room where she kept her water bottle and light jacket. He grabbed a nearby chair and dragged it over before dropping down with his legs in a manspread, that stupid smirk still on his face. 

 She stomped over to him, whisper-shouting at him. "What are you doing?"

 "I'm waiting."

 "What?"

 "I'm not leaving until you agree to go on a date with me."

 "You can't...no…. Ivar." She whined. 

 "I walked all the way here to see you, even though my legs are quite painful today…. you wouldn't kick a cripple out when they just need to rest, would you?" He asked, eyes widened in mock innocence. One of his hands rubbed at his knee in exaggerated fashion as if to prove the discomfort he was in. 

 She groaned. "I hate you."

 "No, you don't." He gloated, then nodded towards the clock. "It's ten o'clock, it's time to start your class, I believe."

 Without another word, she moved to the front of the room. She refused to play this game. Her answer was 'no' and no matter what he said or did, her answer would not change. The whole time she could feel his rakish gaze on her, reminding her how tight her leggings and purple tank top were. She tried to focus on her class, smiling at the women she recognized and the ones that she assumed was new. "Let's begin. Everyone start in mountain pose. Take deep breaths, let's center ourselves."

 "Kari!" 

 She looked over at the older woman, Ingrid, who called out. The woman was easily one of Kari's favorites, doting upon those who worked at the yoga studio, and becoming the unofficial grandmother of them. Ingrid had been coming to the yoga studio for years but was forced to only take beginner level classes after a bad fall the prior year. She loudly complained about her doctor being an idiot and how she felt fine, but Lydia refused to let her attend any other class than beginner classes until otherwise said by her doctor. 

 "Yes?"

 Ingrid's hazel eyes twinkled with mischief from the front row where she stood. "You planning on introducing that handsome young man you've got over there?"

 "No, we are going to ignore his presence. He's going to be leaving soon." Kari flatly stated with a polite smile.

 "Hi! I'm Ivar!" He announced with a charming smile, his bright blue eyes alluring under the dim lights. Giving a little wave with his fingers, he continued, "I hope my presence doesn't bother all you lovely women, I just came to see my girlfriend and ask her on a date tonight."

 A chorus of "awwwws" filled the room. 

 Kari wanted nothing more than to bang her head against a wall. Or preferably, Ivar's head. She could not believe the audacity of him.

 "Where are you taking her?" One of the newer women asked in a flirty tone, pulling her shoulders back to emphasize her ample chest. 

 Ivar barely glanced at her, keeping his focus on Kari. "It's a surprise. I wanted to do something special."

 "Young man, if I were a few years younger, I would fight Kari here so you could take me on a date." Ingrid said with a laugh. 

 "I would be honored to take a lovely woman like you on a date." He sent a playful wink to Ingrid. 

 "Alright, let's get back to yoga." Kari tried to redirect the attention. Annoyed and upset did not even begin to describe how she felt. 

 "Well it was lovely to meet you, young man. Kari should have told us her boyfriend was so handsome. We might have convinced her to bring you in sooner for some eye candy." Ingrid teased. 

 "He's not my boyfriend." Kari retorted, shooting a glare at the smug raven-haired man. 

 "And that is why I'm trying to take her on a date." He placed a hand dramatically over his heart, eyes staring at her beseechingly. "Just for her to give me a chance."

 "Get her some tulips. Those are her favorite flowers." Karina called out from the back of the room. 

 "Can't go wrong with chocolate!"

 "Oh! Read her a sonnet and dance under the stars together!"

 "This is so romantic…. like something out of a movie." Someone loudly whispered, making a few others laugh. 

 Kari dropped her chin to her chest. Tears welled in her eyes. She knew those in the class meant well, that they were really just trying to help. But they were helping the wrong person. Why would Ivar not leave her alone? She told him 'no' multiple times, that should have been enough. Her tolerance for his behavior was waning rapidly and honesty she was not sure if she would fight back…. or surrender. 

 The chair scratched faintly on the floor followed by his footsteps landing audibly as he crossed the room to reach her. She refused to lift her head, her eyes squeezed shut. Not just to pretend she could not feel him standing so close to her, but to try and hide the single tear that rolled down her cheek. 

 "Kari." He whispered, the sound a caress of her name. 

 Still she did not move. 

 Gently, he tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. His thumb wiped away the evidence of her tear. It was those captivating eyes, the ones that could both scorch everything in view but also send flames of desire dancing across her skin, that met hers. To her surprise, there was a softness in his gaze, a vulnerability, that was reminiscent of the few times they were alone. As if with just her, for a brief moment, he let his guard down and she could glimpse the real Ivar. 

 "Go out with me." He murmured faintly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Standing in front of her, his broad back to the class gave them a semblance of privacy. "Please."

 "Why can't you let this go?" She begged quietly, staring up at him. 

 "I told you, I'm persistent." He smiled, almost shyly. 

 In his words, it felt like there was such a depth to them she was unaware of. That he was confessing something to her in which she did not have the key to fully understand. 

 She sighed softly, closing her eyes for a moment before looking at him again. "Fine. I'll go…. But it's only as friends, ok? This isn't…. Romantic. Just…. Just friends."

 "Sure, just friends." He leaned forward and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her cheek. "I'll pick you up at seven."

 She nodded, feeling torn apart inside. 

 After a lingering look that breathed a flame into her belly, he spun on his heel to face the women. "She said yes!"

 A few cheers and clapping reverberated in the small yoga studio room. 

 "I graciously thank you all for your sound advice and encouragement with helping me to woo the beautiful Kari. Wish me luck as I plan to thoroughly spoil her tonight." Ivar dramatically bowed, shooting a quick wink at Kari as she watched him. 

 She desperately tried to fight the small smile off her lips. No one could say that Ivar was not charming or charismatic when it suited him. 

 As he finally made his way to the door, he turned around just before pushing it open. "Wear something nice." He said, pointing a finger at Kari and then walked out like a dream where one cannot decide if it was a nightmare or not. 

 The brunette ran a hand down her face before shoving aside her emotions and plastering a customer smile on. "I'm so sorry about all of this. Let's get back to it. I promise it won't happen again, ladies."

 "Kari, dear, you have fun with that boy tonight." Ingrid spoke up, eyes darting to the now closed door and back to the yoga instructor. "And if you don't want him, let me know. I'd still jump on him in a heartbeat. That boy has the prettiest eyes, I swear."

 A few sounds of agreement echoed in the room. 

 Kari could not stop her smile from turning genuine at Ingrid. No matter the situation, the feisty, older woman always knew how to make her laugh. "I promise I'll let you know. Now, back to mountain pose please."

 Silently, she hoped tonight was not a mistake.

[hihoneyimdead]

Storytime because I’m procrastinating writing fic yet again!

Under the read-more because this is kinda more rambling about toxic internet bullshit (sorry if you’re on mobile or whatever)

So I only got into po/yg0n in April of last year because a then-friend told me, hey, these two dudes are in a relationship!

And I was like :0 and immediately latched on

Cue like two days of watching gng and realizing, wait, no

Huh

Wait a minute

This ain’t. The hell?

So I was like “Hey what the fuck Jimothy”

And Jimothy was like “Oh yeah I meant sarcastically man”

And my autism-having ass was like “Ah so I was a dumbass!”

And Jimothy was like “Yeah man but imagine-”

And so I got roped into writing fic. At first I was like yeah sure. Then, later on, I was like. Wait a damn minute-

Meanwhile, I got detached from previous internet friends, as is what happens with hyperfixations. So I haven’t spoken to any of them in like a year, which sucks, but that’s whatever. And these new fandom friends were like. Very sex-driven, which is fine if you’re like that! I may be ace, but I’m not an ass. 

Until they got into Gross Shit. Which is about when I met a new internet friend, who scared the ever-loving shit out of me. They’re a punk, told me I couldn’t be punk. Even though punk, tbh, just means that you’re badass as hell. And I’m badass despite not listening to punk bands and looking absolutely terrifying. I’m soft. I’m a soft punk. I protest via emails to senators and by not burning down fucking buildings (and that shit’s fine if it’s very much deserved.)

Their friend group terrified me, but this person gave me praise for a fic I got roped into writing. Which is 50k and is not good at all and the only reason I haven’t taken it off my ao3 yet is cause I’m still somehow proud of it. So I was like. Bffs. 

So I dumped that original friend and joined up with this new group (we were drifting apart anyway). Meanwhile, those sexual bros of mine were getting gross and tearing me apart for saying that porn should be in its own place and not in the general public. Which, admittedly, was kinda a dick move on my part. I didn’t consider their side of the situation at the time. But that punk friend and their friends backed me up and told me I did nothing wrong.

So I then lost the friends I had made during that fandom phase. 

But I still had the punk friends! Which, admittedly, were punk friend, punk friend’s friend, and a friend who I’m still on good terms with. I was fucking miserable. Like, there had gone most of my friends for half a fucking year and almost my entire support network. 

And then, slowly, I dropped the fandom. The content wasn’t exciting and it just brought up bad memories. I stopped writing for it, thankfully, because like. That stuff can be toxic. 

So I was adrift for a good moment, depressed, and then that one new friend told me to listen to a certain british horror podcast, and I realized. Huh. I fucking love podcasts, and especially this one. 

Y’all know this podcast by now, it’s certainly blown up enough, and it’s badass as hell and I will never shut up about it.

After finishing that podcast, I started another, and then I deleted my po/yg0n blog and my old r0o$ter t33tH one and my old bfu one. And then tumblr brought up that weird groupchat thing and I joined the first tma one I found and met a whole new group of friends!

So I dumped punk friend and punk friend’s friend, got vagueposted about (yeah, I’m a fucking hypocrite, I did it to them too). Blocked punk friend on everything, left the discord servers I was too scared to leave, and finally stopped seeing everything so negatively, just for a while. 

I haven’t been in healthy online friendships in, like, ever. I joined too young. 2018, the sp7 friends I had all dumped me for something toxic someone else did. 2019, I dumped an rp friend, then I dumped the other rp friend (who was my only friend for a good bit). I dumped an entire fandom that used to bring me joy (tbh i couldn’t even watch pat streams by the end and anyone who’s been following me for a while really knows i have an undying internet crush on that man despite him being like human ginger beer). 

And then I made new friends, and, yeah, it’s fucking hard sometimes. I feel bad about dumping a lot of relationships since April because punk friend told me they were toxic even though, looking back on it, they were just fine! They were toxic to that person, not to me and my friends/so (to my ex: i’m sorry, if you see this, which you won’t, but i’m so sorry and i’m glad you’re having a good time at college). But I have new friends! I have great rl friends, I’m in a motw campaign with some of these new internet friends, and I can be creative again! I have so many ocs now! Someone, if you see this, ask about my tma avatar-sonas! They’re all great and I love them!

This is all to say:

I’m procrastinating writing fluff for a podcast fandom, I’m planning on deleting my po/yg0n fics off ao3 (or orphaning them), I’m kinda happy for the first time in a while. Sure I got a bit of an eating disorder last semester, but I’m in counseling. I have an original novel concept I’m slowly working on. I’m in two tabletop games, and I’m loving it! Punk friend and punk friend’s friends, if you see this and are like >:( stop vagueing our friend/me!

Well

Sorry my dudes, stop being fucking buzzkills and let me be a soft bitch that cries over the mechs and gets sad when anyone thinks about being mean to me

Also live your lives and stop being petty

[larksinging]

also what character(s?) were you considering trying out from dog anime

okay i need to do some rewatches but probably GIN

hes the protagonist of GNG -- the older and original series from the 80s. and like, dont get me wrong, these shows are convoluted messes with -5 meaningful female characters, but like

gin’s whole thing is he’s from a long line of bear dogs (read: akita) who are trained to. hunt bears. he witnesses his dad getting attacked by a bear and then is raised by humans to hunt bears (in a really bizarre first few episode w/e). he makes friend with his kid owner and stuff and gets a Cool Scar from his first bear hunt

but THEN, where the series really takes off, is when a bunch of horrible smart monster bears terrorize the countryside and all the wild dogs get involved. including gin’s amnesiac dad! anyway gin gets dragged into this mission to recruit as many dogs as possible to try and stop the bears. basically the show is about dogs going around and fighting each other and convicing each other to come fight bears

(which is why structurally its a bit more sound than the anime of GDW because it has a set goal from beginning to end BUUUT thats digressing. i love GDW but)

anyway i love gin because hes your standard anime protagonist whos like willing to go FURTHER and HARDER than everyone despite being a kid. but i don’t know gin was always INTENSE in a way thats really interesting? like one of his defining features is he went through this weirdly hellish training with humans and he’s already fought bears so he rolls on up to all the other dogs like “i can do it.” and theyre like “no” and then he does it. hes a HUNTING DOG and that is a core part of his personality 

my favorite character defining moment is when theyre like “hm theres this really strong fighter on this other island but thats way to far for us to swim” and gin’s like “hmmmm” and then just jumps into the ocean. brutal

anyway i need a rewatch but YEAH. i dont really like his characterizing in GDW (its not like. hes a bad character there. hes just. a totally different character). but i remember enjoying GNG just because gin is SO DAMN CHARISMATIC little hell puppy 

ALTERNATIVELY. i half-considered weed, his son and protag of GDW because weed’s whole deal is looking for his KIDNAPPED father but also he’s a really stark pacifist and gets REALLY angry at his followers who kill people

two of the other best characters are john and jerome, who are kind of the same niche, but. john is gin’s rival-turned-ally german shepherd who he just has an interesting dynamic with, but is kind of an asshole. jerome is kind of similar to weed (but i dont feel like explaining the kaibutsu plot rn)

theres also kyoshiro from GDW whos like. this bratty asshole teen fighter who made a pack of other puppies and teens to get away from shitty adults. in retrospect the recruitment arc has a weird mixed message but hes still a cool dude