#its not fair that we cant just feel safe in our own town

[saybees]

Have I mentioned I hate living here?

Yesterday we took Oscar for a walk and of course brought our cattle prod with. We first went down toward the highway and down toward the main part of town, which is usually pretty quiet, but there are two different people down there with pairs of dogs that are often loose. We spotted one of the dogs from a distance and turned around and went the other way.

We walked down the street we live off of and as we went by the one lady's house we saw her dog on the opposite side of the street that he usually is and he started charging toward us and our first reaction is that he must be loose. Jon braced himself with the cattle prod while standing in the middle of the street and I started backing up and going back the way we had come. The dog then hit the end of a rope. The guy that lives across from this lady had tied the dog up in his yard because that dog always wants to say hi to his dog so he just pulls at the end of his rope and barks so the dude just decided to bring it over to his place. It scared the piss out of me and Jon, but nobody got hurt and everything was fine. Jon was never once anywhere near the dog and he was in the street the whole time.

Jon stopped and talked to the guy for a little bit and they just chatted about work and I walked Oscar home. Later that morning Jon got a call from the RCMP and the lady that owns the dog claimed that Jon had come onto her property and zapped her dog with the cattle prod, both of which is untrue. Jon explained to them what actually happened and they told him that was fine. Jon was really upset about it all so this morning we went down to the lady's place to try to talk to them regarding the situation and just clear up what happened. She went straight into telling us to get the fuck off her property and calling Jon a psychopath and a shit disturber and she was gonna call the cops. She slammed the door in our faces and we went home.

Then we took Oscar for a walk. When we went by their house the one lady came outside and took photos of us on her phone of us just walking down the street. Then a half hour later Jon gets another call from the RCMP and apparently she was claiming that he had come to her house to harass her. All Jon did was knock on the door and ask to have a discussion. He wasn't angry or anything and he wasn't rude and she told the cops he was harassing her. Then she told them that we were walking back and forth in front of their house. All we did was take our dog for a walk. We walked by their house once and then when we went back the other way we had gone across the block and down the next street over. Jon explained what had actually happened, again, and the cop literally told him that he was well within his rights to walk his dog and carry protection since there is no animal control in the town. The RCMP officer literally told him that it is okay that we take a cattle prod with us when we go for walks to protect ourselves from off leash dogs. He told Jon that he did not break any laws and he was "well within" his rights.

The officer said he would call her back and follow up. Jon wants to talk to them and clear this whole thing up, but she won't give him the chance and keeps twisting everything and lying and it's just a shit show. We have done nothing wrong and never had a problem with these people before and suddenly they are making all kinds of false accusations against Jon (and not me even though I have literally been with him when all of this has happened). The officer told him to just try to avoid them for now and try to talk to them again in a few weeks once they cool down. Jon is thinking of going to the RM and telling them they need to deal with their animal control problem because that's the whole reason any of this is happening and they have been just blatantly not doing anything about the issue.

I am so ready to move far away from this place and these horrible people.

[sidespart]

Sibling Culture

Summary: Younger siblings Patton, Virgil and Roman share some stories about their older siblings Deceit, Logan and Remus. Patton and Virgil’s stories are cute. Roman’s are not.

Warnings: Abuse, Unsympathetic Remus, Non graphic descriptions of abuse, Not great understanding of mental health issues (child POV), authority figures not being very useful, child being exposed to sexual situations (very much not graphic). Ask if you want me to add more. 

Relationships: Gen, but a bit of pre-relationship moxiety snuck in because I love them

“Hey, how’d you get that scar?”

Despite the warm day, Roman felt cold grip his insides, twisting upwards towards his throat and freezing any denial he could think of until he was startled by a laugh from Patton.

“Oh! It was Dee’s fault.”

Wincing, Roman twisted himself so he could see the other two properly. Patton was still sprawled out on the grass next to him, but Virgil had sat up. He was hunched over, peering at Patton’s leg. When he saw Roman carefully sit up to join him he pointed at a faded sliver of a scar, just above Patton’s left knee.

“What did he DO?” Virgil face had shifted into a scowl at the mention his ‘arch enemy’ but that faded quickly as Patton started giggling.

“It was when I was …four? I think? He convinced me the Easter Bunny didn’t come to our house because the Easter Fox lived in our yard. I had to go out and patrol the yard, make sure it was safe, or I wouldn’t get any candy that year.”

-It said something about years of friendship with both Patton and Devin Sanders that neither Roman or Virgil thought to question that logic-

“Anyway he let me stomp around there for ever and then he jumped out in this fox mask to scare me!”

“This kind’ve thing is why he’s a dick” Virgil muttered. His hand, Roman noticed, was still on Patton’s leg, thumb swiping idly over the scar.

“He was nine, Vee” Patton said reprovingly, although he didn’t actually deny the comment, “anyway, he didn’t know I’d snuck a knife from the dishwasher-

“You WHAT?-”

“A KNIFE?-”

“-there was candy AND a bunnys life a stake, guys I was taking it seriously!” Patton’s eyes were sparkling with laughter at the twin looks of horror on his friends faces. “Anyway, he startled me so bad that of course I dropped it right away – sliced my knee up as it fell.”

“oh my God” Virgil groaned finally relinquishing Patton’s leg so he could bury his face in his hands. “That could have been so bad Pat.”

“what did Devin do?” Roman asked quietly.

“oh, he freaked – Virgil will you come out of there I’m fine – yelled so loud both our parents came running. Then, once I was all bandaged up, he tried to convince them I fell off a skateboard.”

That was enough to make Virgil peak through his fingers, a frown on his face “Did you ever even own a skateboard?”

Patton shifted himself so he was sitting up as well, an extremely solemn look on his face.

“We did not.”

There was a brief, pregnant pause before all three of them cracked up, their laughter echoing across Vigil’s yard.

“Older brothers are the worst.” Virgil pronounced. Despite the heat of the day he was still wearing his thick hoodie over a t-shirt and jeans, but now he started pushing up his right sleeve “Did I ever tell you about the time Logan threw me out of the tree house?”

“He what??!” Roman yelped.

“He would NEVER!” Patton gasped.

“He did” Virgil held his right arm up, revealing a long puckered line that ran from his mid forearm across his elbow. “It was before either of you moved here, I had a cast and everything”

All three of them took a moment to admire Virgil’s scar, much more raised and defined than Patton’s, before Roman asked the question they were no doubt all thinking:

“What colour was your cast?”

“Purple.”

“Nice.”

“Did Logan really push you Virgil?” Roman had to do his absolute best not to laugh at the pout that appeared on Virgil’s face when he took in Patton’s heartbroken expression.

Logan McAlister, was four years older than the three friends and Patton had fixated on him the moment they’d met. Roman has spent years watching Patton go from hero worship to puppy love to full blown crush all while Virgil stomped along next to him like a gloomy, jealous, storm cloud.

Not that Virgil would ever admit that it was jealousy making him snap and snarl at his brother whenever his friends came around…but their relationship certainly seemed to become more civil once Patton had gotten over his crush.

Roman couldn’t really blame Patton either. Virgil had never said anything and Logan…Logan was cool.

“He built a plane.” Virgil muttered eventually, shoving his sleeve back into place. “or a glider or…something. A box with a sheet stuck too it anyway. We both sat in it and he pushed us out of there.” He pointed towards the somewhat dilapidated tree house nestled in the tallest tree in the yard.

Roman let out a low whistle. Now that the three of them were quickly approaching seventeen they had physically, if not mentally, started to outgrow the tree house. Which meant it was no longer useful for much beyond lying down almost on top of each other during study sessions or lazy afternoon naps. When Roman had first met Virgil at age ten however it had seemed enormous. And very high up. It would have seemed even higher whenever the Ill-fated glider attempt had happened.

‘Were you scared?” he asked, watching Virgil carefully, but the other boy just shrugged.

“I don’t remember much to be honest. We were both pretty small.” He grinned. “I just remember afterwards. Logan kept coming into my room to sneak me chips and read his Physics text book to me”

“Aww! That so sweet!”

“Such a nerd.”

“Yeah.” Virgil ducked his head a little, apparently agreeing with both statements. He plucked a few strands of grass from the lawn, twisting them between his fingers.

Roman glanced at Patton, concerned. They both knew Virgil missed his brother, away at college and not due for a visit for at least a month. They also knew that asking him directly about it was a guaranteed way to get the emo to tense up.

Just as Roman was debating launching himself into a rendition of Black Parade as a distraction Virgil rolled his shoulders a looked up at him.

“Your turn.”

That cold grip he’d felt when he thought Virgil had noticed one of his scars was suddenly back ten fold.

“Oh…”

That made sense. Patton had shared a dumb sibling story. Then Virgil. Now it was his turn. It was only fair.

“Well…”

Roman was suddenly finding it quite difficult to breath. And to think. What was he supposed to tell them?

“I…”

He sat frozen. While two expectant faces stared at him, he racked his brain for a story to tell.

  -

When they’re seven Roman draws out his first story. Crude renderings of superheroes and scientists and scientist-superheroes in the rainforest. it’s boring Remus complains when he sees it. You’re boring Ro’. Make them fight! No - make ‘em smash that guys head in!

No! Roman shouts and Remus scowls. Grabs at the craft scissors lying on the table and jumps towards Roman; trying to both rip the paper out of his hands and cut it to pieces at the same time whilst Roman screams and screams.

Later, their mother gently cleans the tiny scratches on Romans hand whilst Remus sulks at the table. He started it Remus mutters and Roman feels his mothers arms tighten around him. Protective.

 - 

When they’re nine they get taken on a trip to the public pool in the next town. This pool is bigger than their local one with slides and pool toys and jets. The two of them spend a happy hour chasing each other with pool noodles and racing each other in the water. And then Remus pushes Romans head underwater and holds him down until his lungs are burning so badly he opens his mouth. He spends their last precious minutes of the trip hacking and spluttering. Clinging to the pools edge with his brothers laughter ringing in his ears.

 -

When they’re eleven Remus sneaks into his room at night with their fathers laptop tucked securely under his arm. Wakes Roman up by crashing onto the bed next to him and says look what I found!

Roman isn’t really sure what he’s found at first. The sounds off, presumably to avoid alerting their parents in the room next door, the websites unfamiliar – it takes a few seconds for the pulsing blobs to be recognisable as people and when they do YURGHH! Roman shrikes slams the laptop closed whilst Remus howls with laughter what were they doing to that woman?!

what were they – oh my god your such a pussy Roman don’t you know? Let me show you another one-

NO

Roman kicks and punches and shoves trying to get Remus away from him and Remus is laughing laughing laughing until he isn’t. Until their parents are in the room, shouting, trying to separate them and Remus is using the laptop like a bludgeon, slamming the edge into Romans ribs, each hit punctuated with Why! Do! You! Ruin! Everything!

The next day Virgil asks if he wants to come and play in the tree house and Roman says no. He has to be home early. Visitors. Virgil accepts the lie easily and Roman tries not to breath to deeply.

  -

The thing is you cant blame Remus. You’re not allowed. Not really. 

There’s something wrong with him.

What that something is seems to change often depending on which adult you ask. Every few months their parents bring Remus back from a new therapist with a new diagnosis and a new bottle of pills and big grins because THIS time they’re going to fix him.

  -

When they’re twelve Romans mother smiles at him and says Your such a good boy Roman. You keep me going. Their mother doesn’t smile much these days and the sight of it is almost as good as the praise. I know its hard. It must be so frustrating for you.

Last month Remus had convinced an older boy to gift him a box of cigarettes. That morning he’d  found them again and finally tried to smoke them, recruiting a reluctant Roman to keep watch. When he’d gagged on the taste he’d made exaggerated vomiting noises before stuffing the still burning end into Romans palm.

But we’re all in this together. You know?

Roman knows. He wants to help. He decides that unless the injury is bad enough he can’t fix it himself he simply wont tell his parents. He wants to help keep them going.

  -

When they’re thirteen Remus watches some murder mystery show and decides to burn his fingerprints off on the kitchen stove. We should do yours too! Shoving his mangled thumb under Romans nose. The smell makes Roman gag. Remus’ eyes are fever bright. We could be partners in crime!

 -

When they’re fourteen Remus decides he wants white streaks in his hair. And since they’re twins Roman should too. His attempt to bleach Romans hair as he sleeps leads to ruined sheets and a smattering of chemical burns across his neck and shoulders. He tells Patton it was a cooking accident and invests his saved allowance in jackets with high starched collars.

 -

When they’re fifteen he tells someone.

Their school has an assembly. Some outside company performing a play about abusive relationships. The teachers all have their sombre This Is A Serious Topic Don’t You Dare Laugh faces on as the actors work. Roman watches closely, picking up on all the false steps and poorly delivered lines which he would surely have avoided if he was an actor. The story is about a school girl who gets into a relationship with an older man who turns abusive. All throughout the play she drops increasingly massive hints to her friends and family who blithely ignore her until she dies spectacularly and loudly in the final scene.

On one side of Roman, Patton is fully sobbing. On the other Virgil is quite possibly asleep. The actors come out to a smattering of applause (lead overly enthusiastically by Patton) and launch in to a pre-prepared speech. Remember the signs! Tell a parent or teacher if you’re in trouble! If you suspect your friend is in trouble! Abuse can happen to anyone! Abusers can BE anyone!

Huh. Roman thinks afterwards.

He probably doesn’t count if it’s a sibling though.

Remus isn’t a stranger. Like the man in the play. And they’re the same age.

Still.

The next day he feels like he’s in a trance.

He takes his jacket off in his first class. Art. Pat and Virgil aren’t in this class with him. Better that way.

There are bruises on his forearms. Dark splotches which are so so obviously made by fingers.

He waits. One minute. Two.

Roman! His teacher is in front of him, faster than he anticipated, alarmed look on his face. What happened to your arm?

Stay in the trance. No shaking. M-my brother did it. He wanted the TV remote.

A pause that seems to last and hour and then his teachers’ laughing a shaky laugh. Smiles at him exasperated but fond. Roman aren’t you two a little too old to be roughhousing like that?

Right

It doesn’t count.

You can’t be abused by a sibling. A few cuts, bruises, scars – that’s just sibling culture baby. Virgil and Patton have stories too – you don’t see them freezing up. Complaining

Don’t be a pussy Roman.

He puts his jacket back on and keeps it on for the rest of the day.

 -

When they’re sixteen Remus comes home for the weekend, sits at the kitchen table and asks if Roman wants to hang out.

-Remus goes to a special school for behaviourally challenged students and only comes back every other weekend. Their parents cried when he left. Thought they’d failed. Felt devastated. Roman didn’t feel much of anything and wonders if that makes him a bad person-

Remus is calmer these days but Roman still says no. He has plans with his friends. Oh yes. Remus rolls his eyes Paddington Bore and the Virgin.

Roman glares at him. Don’t call them that. Even though that’s basically affectionate, for Remus. And Remus looks at him for a long moment before nodding. Standing up, shoving the table hard into Roman’s hip leaving him gasping in pain.

By the time he’s limped his way to Virgil’s house the sun is high in the sky. Patton suggests lazy nap time in the tree house and just looking at the ladder makes Roman want to vomit.

It’s such a beautiful day Padre he crys, lets lie amongst the wildflowers like the majestic forest nymphs we are.

Its literally just grass Virgil sighs but Patton laughs and Roman lowers himself stiffly down. Carefully keeps the pain out of his face as his hip makes contact with the ground. Turns away from them whilst he grits his teeth through it, ostensibly napping until Virgil says

Hey, how’d you get that scar?

   -

“Roman?”

Virgil and Patton were both staring at him. Shit Roman thought. How long had he been day-dreaming? Day-reminiscing? Day-

“Earth to Roman.” Patton again, there was crinkle of concern between his eyebrows and that wouldn’t do at all.

“Well-“ Roman boomed in his best dramatic bellow, what Virgil call his ‘Prince Roman’ voice: “I am afraid I will have to disappoint you my friends, twins are not bound by your foolish ‘older sibling’ ‘younger sibling’ stereotypes”

“I mean, technically, one of you is the older sibling” Virgil muttered while Patton laughed ��you’re seriously telling me neither of you ever did something dumb and got the other one hurt?”

“Virgil Madelaine McAlister-“

“Not my middle name.”

“-I will have you know that I have never done anything dumb. Ever. In my life!” he punctuated that statement with a dramatic point to the heavens. Patton was now laughing hard enough that Roman was fairly sure he should be offended and Virgil was fighting a smirk.

“You really never fight?”

“We’re a united front.” Drop it, drop it please just drop it he chanted internally.

And then, miracle of miracles, Virgil did. Letting himself flop back to the ground with a soft ‘humph’.

“It must be nice to have a twin” Patton said a little wistfully. Careful he arranged himself back on the ground so his head was cushioned on Virgil’s stomach. “you’re basically born with a ready-made friend!”

“And you get to do everything together” Virgil murmured a faint blush on his face and one hand hovering in the vicinity of Patton’s hair. “No one has to get left behind when one goes off to college.”

Roman glanced down at him, worried, but Virgil just met his gaze softly, one side of his mouth pulling up into one of his rare sweet smiles. “You’re so lucky Roman.”

Roman nodded. Ignored the quick flare of pain in his hip as he laid himself back down in the grass. He let out a contented sigh as the warmth of the ground sunk into his bones, soothing the ache

“Very lucky.” He agreed quietly.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Mayor of Las Vegas says the "free market" will decide what's safe

Reality - especially epidemiology - has a distinct leftist bias, which almost makes you feel sorry for right-wing ideologues like Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman, who says that every business in town will get to make up its own rules after she unilaterally lifts quarantine.

She told CNN, "I am not a private owner. That's the competition in this country. The free enterprise and to be able to make sure that what you offer the public meets the needs of the public."

https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/22/politics/las-vegas-mayor-social-distancing-cnntv/index.html

You can see where she's coming from. Her entire worldview is shaped by the Thatcherite dogma that "there is no such thing as society." The Reaganite cant that "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."

This only makes sense if you don't believe that humans have shared destiny - that your neighbor's problems are not your problems. Even in the best of times, this is obviously untrue (your neighbor's decision to play loud music at 2AM or to store plutonium in his backyard).

Humans OBVIOUSLY have a shared destiny, including/especially a shared microbial destiny. There's a great Lenny Bruce sketch about this, positing that the basis of society is agreement about where we crap and where we eat.

https://scrapsfromtheloft.com/2017/08/25/lenny-bruce-berkeley-concert-1965-full-transcript/

Mayor Goodman's position comes down to this: "We're all in the same swimming pool. This end is the no-pissing-in-the-pool end. That end is the pissing-in-the-pool end. This will all be fine."

The small business that reopens with inadequate measures will not harm only itself and its customer. It will harm everyone who comes into contact with those people.

There's lots more wrong with Goodman's idea: like the fact that, workers rely on governments for protection from employers. There's a buyer's market for labor, so employers can treat workers as disposable, murdering them through inadequate protection and then replacing them.

Or the fact that neither business owners nor customers are qualified to assess the sufficiency of a given plan to re-open. That's like saying, "OK, everyone who wants to fly in an airplane should just inspect it themselves and decide whether it's safe."

The complex technical questions of the modern world cannot be navigated through individual research: you can't individually assess the safety of planes, or building codes, or food prep. You can't know if a slot-machine is fair or gimmicked.

We need impartial expert agencies that conduct truth-seeking exercises to determine the best practices, and then conduct inspections and enforcement on our behalf. Not the "personal responsibility" of becoming an expert in every technical subject we live and die by.

These agencies need to show their work, recuse themselves over conflicts of interest, and hear and act on new information as it becomes available.

They need to use a universally legible PROCESS that comes to technically legible CONCLUSIONS.

That is, they need to govern, as part of a legitimate, responsive state.

The problem of electing people who believe in dismantling government is that they dismantle government.

That works great, but fails badly - I neither want to have to determine whether a barber is safe to visit, nor trust the barber to make that determination. I want a  public health expert to make it, and I want that person to be overseen by a democratic institution.

What's more, if YOU are willing to trust the barber (or yourself) and you get it wrong, you could infect ME. This is not a matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. It is a matter of stubbornly irreducible shared destiny.

I get that this is inconvenient for people who believe that shared destiny is a Communist plot. But, as our friends on the right are fond of reminding us, "reality doesn't care about your feelings."

Image: Las Vegas Guy, modified

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Las_Vegas_Sign_Nightly.jpg

CC BY-SA https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

coming home

This is some plot free nonsense bc there’s not enough Geralt fluff nor can there ever be enough.

Heavily inspired by this: 

https://itsemmyb.tumblr.com/post/613799911369129984/scenario-i-cant-get-out-of-my-head-geralt

Y’all, I just needed comfortable Geralt in like a chill established relationship? Can I stop thinking about it? No. Will I write more? Trips to the market? Probably.

__________

You heard Roach’s hooves on the dirt path before you saw her out your window. She was trotting along, reins looped around the pommel of her saddle, guiding herself back to your front gate.

You dropped the bowl you were washing when you realized Geralt was not sitting in her saddle, but laying across it.

“Geralt!” Your voice cracked as you ran out to him, snagging Roach’s reins and pulling her to a stop, “Oh you stupid man, what did you do to yourself?”

He grunted as he slid off the saddle, still leaning heavily on his horse, “Nothing. I’m just drained.”

You held his face between your hands, looking for any sign of poisoning or spells before moving on to check his torso and major vulnerable spots for serious injuries.

“I promise. It’s just the elixirs.” he sighed.

You stood to glare at him, “Your elixirs have never caused you to ride into my garden like a dead man.”

He shrugged, loosening Roach’s cinch, “I took three, probably too close together....”

You wanted to punch him, maybe shove him into the compost pile, for scaring you like that but you took a deep breath and started leading Roach to the pen behind your house, “And you’re sure you aren’t injured?”

“Positive.”

“There’s some stew in the pot on the counter and some bread in the cupboard. Go eat. I’ll tend to your girl here.” You lightly pushed him to the front door and to your surprise he only pretended to put up a fight. You made a note to send him away with more food when he left this time.

When you’d put Roach up, picked out her hooves, and given her her own extra portion of oats you collected Geralt’s case of elixirs out of his saddlebags and the bloody clothes you knew would be there. You were slightly comforted by noticing there were fewer holes within the bloodstains than times before, at least it wasn’t all his.

Geralt was laying in front of the fire when you made it back inside, stretched out like your old family dog lounging in the heat. His armor and cloak were heaped in a pile on your kitchen table, as usual, leaving a trail through your house. 

You checked the pot to make sure he ate and were pleased with the amount that was missing. Assuming he was asleep, you set about soaking his bloodied clothes and taking inventory of the vials missing from his chest. 

After a few minutes, he rolled over, nearly making you jump out of your skin, “Did I make you angry?”

You laughed off the shock, “No dummy, I thought you were asleep.”

“Hmm… and you’re still all the way over there?” he asked with a sly grin.

“Like a damn fool.” You played along, sitting next to his shoulders and patting your thigh. He obeyed, shimmying to rest his head in your lap.

He hummed in content when you tugged his hair free of its tie and ran your fingers through it. The actions were almost ritual at this point. 

You gave him a moment or two to enjoy the relaxation before you started in on him, “What kind of beast made you think such a high dose was necessary?” 

Opening his eyes and sizing up your frustration with him he answered carefully, “The big kind.”

“Of course, how silly of me? The big kind.” you playfully squeezed his shoulder with the hand not tangled in his hair. Regardless of how much he scared you with his recklessness, he always seemed to be able to worm his way back into your good graces with a few carefully chosen words.

He let his eyes fall closed again, giving you a soft smile. You stayed like this for a long time, every now and then asking questions or catching him up on the village drama, but not pushing him. If it weren’t for the fire dying down you wouldn’t have moved at all. 

Geralt sat up and leaned against the couch, dramatically stretching out the side of his neck as you stoked the fire. 

“Subtle, dear.” you teased, pulling hemp cream from your medicine cupboard. 

He grinned up at you as you hiked up your skirt to comfortably sit behind him, "Who? Me? Never." 

You rolled your eyes and pulled his hair into a sloppy bun atop his head before opening the jar of cream. It wasn't the most pleasant smelling concoction you had for massages, but the hemp did wonders for relaxing your witcher. Besides, those fragrant oils overwhelmed him so soon after taking an elixir. 

"Which side?" You asked, warming a dollop of cream in your hands. He pulled his shirt over his head and pointed. It didn’t matter how familiar you were with him, the way he moved always got to you. Those strong shoulders that slayed monsters also picked you up out of bed and carried you through the house when he was feeling playful. His chest was your pillow during long cold nights, his arms your safe haven when no other place sufficed.  You kneaded out the muscles in his shoulders and neck and up into the base of his skull, marveling, even after all this time, that he still came back to you. That he still wanted to be yours and yours alone. 

His body melted under your touch, muscles relaxing and tendons releasing. Soon his head was resting against one of your knees as you once again ran your fingers through his hair. 

"I'm afraid I've gotten your hair a little oily." You murmured.

"I don't mind…" 

You grabbed a stray comb that laid on your end table and began de-tangling his hair in earnest, "Yes you do."

He hummed as he pulled your leg dangling beside him over his shoulder to place a kiss on the inside of your knee. You took in a sharp breath, earning a chuckle from him. Tugging his hair so his head fell back into your lap you placed a kiss on his forehead.

"I thought you were tired?" 

"Exhausted or not, you're still enticing." He cooed. 

You giggled, tilting his head back up and beginning the usual braid, "I see Jaskier is rubbing off on you."

He snorted, sarcasm dripping from his words, "Yes we have poetry lessons by the fire every night. He says I'm his most improved student." 

"Where is our trouble-making bard?"

"Where’re the women?" He quipped, caressing your leg absentmindedly. 

"Geralt…" your tone was almost one of warning, but you knew there was a fair deal of truth in his words.

He leaned his head on your knee when. You'd gotten past his temple with the braid, "Said something about a countess a town or two over. That he'd meet me back here in a week or so."

"A whole week." You mused, "I'm not going to get anything done." 

He hummed as you tied off the end of the braid, "Priorities…"

You untangled yourself from his grasp and stood over him, offering a hand up, "But first you need to sleep off that sludge you drank." 

He accepted your help up, not letting go of your hand, rather, wrapping himself around behind you, stooping to rest his chin on your shoulder.

He yawned as you two staggered quite inelegantly toward your bedroom, "You're coming with right?" 

"Of course." 

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hello! If you don't write for this kind of stuff just ignore me. You know that scene in the first Scream movie where Casey gives the wrong answer and her boyfriend Steve is murdered? What if reader is in same situation, but they gave a wrong answer on purpouse 'cause their bf is abusive or something and they want to get rid of him? Love your writing btw

Thank you! ^^ I hope this is what you wanted (:

~~~

Liam sits in a chair, with rope tied all around him and the back of the seat. 3 ropes are tied to the back of his seat, actually, and they’re attached to the fence separating the backyard from the porch. In front of Liam, is a little, 30’ by 30’ container, holding about 3 inches of some kind corrosive looking liquid.

The kicker, is that Liam’s chair is sitting on an angle, with just the two front legs on the ground, so if the ropes tied to the fence in front of him are cut, or loosen… he goes face first into the acidic liquid.

“O-oh my god,” I breath, turning the porch light off on accident once I’ve seen it and then fumbling to turn it back on. “Liam!” I force a shaky hand up to my mouth, wanting more then anything to just turn the light back off and forget I saw it, and hating myself for it. Being strong, I just look away and back into my house, ignoring the sounds Liam makes as he frantically tries to escape the ropes and the chair, plastic chair legs scraping on the porch and causing anxiety to race up 16 thousand levels in my chest. I put the phone back to my ear, feeling the way my fingers shake around it on my face, making me quite aware of how scared I must appear. “… what are you going to do to him?”

“I think you know.”

That teasing lilt pisses me off, so I snap. “Who are you?”

“Now, let’s not be rude, bitch. I might get mad, and not give you a chance to save your boyfriend.” I can, I can hear my heart beating. In my ears. Like running water when you’re under the surface in a pool. Its so loud, and so fast, and it nearly drowns out everything else. “If you manage to not to piss me off, we can play a game. Winner takes all.”

“You, you mean… “Slowly, shakily, I lower myself onto a chair, but don’t manage to get comfortable. I just sat down because I’m so scared my legs felt like they were about to give out, but now I’m stuck in one position with fear. “Our lives… “

“Very clever. Now, the rules of the game. I’m going to ask you some simple questions- Horror movie related, since you said you liked them so much… And if you get them right, I wont gut Liam. If you get them wrong, I get kill you both. Sound fair?”

“Ah… sure… “What else can I say?? ‘Ah no, scary telephone murderer, that’s not cool with me. Can we do this another time?? I’m a bit TRAUMATISED.’.

“Awesome! Here’s your first question- if you get this wrong, I’ll cut one of the ropes keeping his chair from tilting right into the nasty looking liquid there. Okay! Easy goes it, right? Here’s it is; Which horror movie, subgenre Slasher, is set in a town called Haddonfield?”

“Hal-Halloween. Michael Myers,” I stutter, immediately, not really thinking about it. If I win this, Liam and are still together. If I lose… I don’t have to deal with him anymore. He can’t hurt me. Ever, again.

“Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner! Never let it be said I’m a sore loser, so here! I’ll tell your boy toy to stop wriggling around so much.”

Glancing back at the porch, I watch Liam freeze in his panicked movements and go absolutely stiff, which I understand means this crazy ass has snapped at him to stop moving. I can understand, why he froze. Every word coming from this person’s mouth sounds painful.

“Th-thanks.” I force it out, and I don’t even no why. I don’t need to pretend to love him here, but its ingrained in me. Not to let anyone know I hate him.

“Sure, doll! Now, second question! Remember, if you get this one wrong a rope gets cut! Captain Elliot Spencer became… ?”

“Pinhead.”

Why did I say that?!

“Maybe I should keep you around for longer, you know you’re stuff! Of course, then I wouldn’t get to kill you… which would be such a downer. Nevermind! Just, good job!”

“… thanks… “

“Okay now, flash round! Meaning, I get to add a fun new consequence to this last question! Don’t worry, I’ll stay fair. True to my original word, if you get this one right, you and Liam here can stay safe. I’ll leave. But, if you get this one wrong, I cut all the strings.” He must hear the clip in my breathing- that or he’s completely mad, because he starts laughing. When he’s done, the rough, painful sound in my ears dying down to a sigh, he asks the question. He asks a question, and I make a decision. “Which Final Girl actress plays herself, in one of her Slasher flicks?”

I know that one. I love the Nightmare movies, I own them all. I know this answer.

But still, “Uhh… ah… “As if I’m still deciding whether to kill my boyfriend, I stutter a mess of scared, ‘I don’t know sounds’, before biting into my lip so hard it hurts, and immediately letting go. I take the plunge. “Um, Sally Hardesty?”

The voice pauses for a effect, then suddenly, before I’m ready the ropes get cut and Liam’s face goes smashing into the sizzling the liquid, making me scream. “Wrong!! Haha, now wait for me right there- “

Quickly, as if I’m taking it back or forgot the real answer instead of just lied to kill a guy, I say the right answer. “Heather Langenkamp, as Nancy Thompson in the Nightmare on Elm Street Series. Sp… Specifically, New Nightmare. Was it? Am I right?”

The silence on the other end of the phone nearly doesn’t occur to me, as I watch in equal parts horror and… a macabre version of relief, Liam’s shirt get eaten away by the substance- because I cant make myself look at his face. Finally, the murderer speaks up again. “… What?”

“I-in New Nightmare, the killer becomes real and goes after the actors-“

“I know that!” He snaps, making me close my mouth a shut up. I’m still shaking, but not because I’m scared anymore. Because I just killed someone. “You knew that the whole time- “

“No-No! I didn’t! I just remembered- “

“Don’t lie to me, bitch!” My heart beat skips, I swear, from fear at his furious words. “… Why… did you say Sally Hardesty?”

I stay silent this time, not sure what I could say. Would the truth make him madder? Or will it give him some kind of insane, murderous satisfaction?

“You into some sick BDSM shit? You get off on this? Because I think you went a little far-“

“No! I-I… “I cross my arms tightly across my chest, still fully aware that this psycho intends to put a knife in my neck, thinking of the bruises leading up my spine right now. Bruises that will never get touched again. They’ll quickly heal, and disappear, and I’ll be normal again.

He won’t be able to hurt me anymore.

“Who we killed, he… “I whisper into the phone. “You did a public service.” 

I’ll let you decide whether they kill you or not. ^^ 

[prairiesongserial]

5.6

The truck bounced and ambled its way down the dust-covered road, tossing its passengers gently from side to side like they were in a ship on a particularly stormy ocean. Cody’s stomach turned over, and he tore his gaze away from the window to look at John and Sailor, who shared the backseat with him.

“Are we sure about this?”

“No,” Sailor growled under her breath. She was hunched over in her seat, gently rubbing her leg where her knee joint met her new prosthetic. “It’s a bad plan. Not enough people, and not enough guns.”

“I thought that was kinda the point,” Nash said cheerfully, from the driver’s seat. “Y’all aren’t supposed to be attracting attention.”

“Nash, respectfully, you aren’t a part of this discussion unless you’re gonna be gettin’ out of the car to go with us,” Cody said, his voice flat.

He knew exactly what Nash’s orders were, unfortunately, and Nash wasn’t coming with him, John, and Sailor. According to what Marc had said that morning at brunch, Nash was coming along strictly as their getaway driver. If they didn’t come back to the rendezvous point within about an hour, Nash was allowed to head back to Texas Waters and leave the three of them high and dry. Cody, for one, had no doubt that he really would. Nash may have been affable enough, but at the end of the day, Marc was the one paying him for his services.

“Fair enough,” Nash said, with an easy shrug. “Your drop point’s comin’ up in a couple minutes, by the way.”

“Great,” Cody said through his teeth. John put a hand on his knee, gently, and he reached down to squeeze it. Having his own gesture returned muddled his thoughts about the whole interaction - he still wasn’t sure what he had been trying to communicate, back at breakfast. At least he could say for certain that John hadn’t minded. Cody refocused himself on the problem at hand, more agitated now than before. “I still don’t see why we have to split up.”

Their instructions were relatively straightforward, all things considered. Marc would be meeting with the heads of a local mob, in a town just across the Mexican border, under the pretense of making an alliance with them. Something about dividing up certain resources they each had access to for a mutual benefit. While the meeting was going on, John, Cody, and Sailor would be pulling off one of the double-crosses Marc was apparently notorious for - considering breakfast, that hadn’t been much of a surprise.

John, Cody, and Sailor were to steal the mob’s supply of water. The only catch was that the supply was kept in a compound located dead in the middle of a nest of muties. The mob didn’t have to spend the manpower guarding their most valuable resource if the muties kept people away for free, after all. All they had to do was guard one tunnel entrance. The mob members transported the water in barrels through a tunnel under the mesa, then raised it up on a lift. The barrels sat out in the open, the hundred-odd feral muties enough of a deterrent for any sane person.

The water heist, as Marc had devised it, was a two-pronged plan. Cody and Sailor would make their way up one side of the mesa, doing their best to go as quickly as possible while also disturbing as few muties as possible. At the same time, John would arrive at the guard station at the base of the mesa, dressed as one of the mob’s security men. While Cody and Sailor reached the compound from the top, John would take care of the guards patrolling the underground tunnel. If all went well, they’d meet as soon as Cody and Sailor took the lift down, then transport the barrels of water out through the tunnel to where Nash would be waiting in the truck.

It was a decent plan, in theory. But there were a lot of ways it could go wrong, and Cody hadn’t stopped thinking up more since they’d left Texas Waters. He was so nervous that he could practically feel the food he’d eaten at brunch rolling around in his stomach, threatening to come back up.

“You really want to fight your way back through a nest of pissed-off muties? I mean, be my guest, but…” Nash trailed off, perhaps remembering that Cody had just told him not to talk anymore. He punctuated it with another shrug.

“He’s right,” John murmured, almost as if it pained him to do so.

Cody frowned. “The last time we split up -”

“Was different,” John said, squeezing his hand back. “Not on purpose.”

“Still!”

“Cody,” John said firmly, then looked surprised when Cody’s attention snapped completely to him. He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing conspicuously in his throat, looking a little like a deer caught in headlights.

“Well?” Cody asked.

“...I’ll handle it,” John said at last, a little gruff, diverting his gaze towards the floor. Cody’s frown deepened.

“I know, but -”

“John has the easy job,” Sailor broke in, looking more than a little exasperated with the route the conversation had gone down. “All he has to do is clear the getaway path for us, and stay there to make sure no other goons show up.”

“I dunno about easy. Once he starts takin’ them down, someone’s gonna notice,” Cody said.

“Not if he’s careful,” Sailor said. “He’ll have enough time to be, with us sneakin’ our way up the whole fuckin’ mesa. I didn’t exactly think he was gonna run in guns blazing, and just start shooting people left and right.”

John snorted.

“Hey, he might have to, if his cover gets blown,” Nash pointed out.

“That’s fine,” John said, and then fell silent again, looking contemplative.

Cody watched him, thinking that, strangely, this was the most he’d heard John speak since before they’d arrived at Texas Waters that morning. He wondered how John was feeling, but he wasn’t about to ask a thing like that in front of Sailor and Nash. They’d have time to talk about it later, hopefully.

“Alright, here we are,” Nash said, pulling the truck off to the shoulder of the road. There wasn’t much there - the mesa loomed over them a couple of yards away, but for the most part, it was just scenic desert. Nothing to suggest a nest of muties nearby. “Hop on out, you two, and don’t forget your guns.”

Cody gave John’s hand a final squeeze before letting go of it, and opening the door to let himself and Sailor out of the truck. He hopped down to the ground, adjusting his poncho, and circling to the back of the truck for the rifles Marc had given to them, just in case. Cody had never fired a fancy rifle like the ones Marc’s guards used before, but he’d fired a shotgun, and he reckoned they worked about the same. He had his pistol holstered to his hip again, too, as a last resort.

“Be safe,” he told John through the window, slinging the rifle’s strap over his shoulder. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

John nodded. Nash revved the truck’s engine once, then peeled away onto the road, with apparently little regard for the dust the tires kicked up onto Cody and Sailor. Cody watched the truck disappear into the distance, until he couldn’t see John’s face looking for him from the window anymore.

“Ready to kill some muties?” he asked, turning to Sailor.

“I’m hoping we won’t have to,” she grumbled. She started to head for the mesa, her eyes scanning the horizon line for something. “There should be a footpath close to here that goes up to the top. It was on Marc’s map.”

“Right,” Cody said, following just a couple steps behind. He’d thought the map of the area that Marc had brought out while explaining the plan had been largely for dramatic purposes, but now he felt a little silly for not taking the time to study it seriously.

“What’s with you and Marc, anyway?” he asked. It couldn’t hurt to make conversation until they actually reached mutie territory, and he was curious, anyway. “I thought you were trying to catch him for the bounty. He acted like you come around for brunch all the time.”

“It’s complicated,” Sailor said, bluntly.

“Is it?”

“No,” she answered, after a moment of contemplation. They’d reached the beginning of the footpath, and she started up it, only pausing for a moment to make sure Cody was following her closely. “Not really. He thinks I’m hunting him because I like him.”

“And he likes you, obviously,” Cody said, filling in the gaps.

“Obviously,” Sailor said. “What was your first clue?”

Cody laughed - and then froze, the sound dying in his throat as he abruptly became aware of something moving in his peripheral vision. Sailor snapped her head up to look, and he did the same, already knowing what he’d find. His stomach twisted. There was a group of muties, at least five of them crouched on a ledge not five yards away. Their eyes were milky white with cataracts, and they were hunched over, with necks and arms that looked too long for their bodies. Some of them were chittering softly, Cody thought, unless it was the sounds of nearby animals. But he doubted that, somehow.

“They can’t see,” he murmured, barely moving his lips. If the muties were blind, maybe sneaking past them would be easier than Marc had thought.

Sailor frowned. She stooped to pick up a rock from the ground, slowly and deliberately. Cody wondered what she was doing for only a moment before she wound up and threw it, sending it sailing over the group of muties’ heads and clattering across the ground on the ledge they were on.

The muties reacted in less than a second. So abruptly it was startling, they sprang into motion, turning to lunge on the spot where the rock had landed. They were making low, guttural noises in their throats that sounded like a human imitation of a dog’s growl. Cody thought it might have been the worst noise he’d ever heard in his life.

“They can sure hear, though,” Sailor said, under her breath.

Cody bit the inside of his cheek, and nodded. Somehow, he got the feeling that this was going to be much worse than the last time he and John had split up.

5.5 || 5.7

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk. 

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen. 

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

 heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable.. 

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy.. 

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it. 

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent. 

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know? 

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep! 

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^ 

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3 

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE

[gottalovelifeya]

First off let me say, I love her and want to be with her some of this may seem mean but all I can do is my best to get the complete msg out there and out there clearly.

Honestly after as open and honest as I've bene, and after putting up with this sick game, after telling her every last thing about myself, and after telling her every feeling I have for her, there's nothing I can say now toake her believe me.

If she throws all that away, because I forgot something wene asked, than honestly Itell still hurt, but I can definitely get over her, and I'm not saying that in a mean way.

These past 3 weeks, I've just had to put up with alot and and bene on a emotional rollercoaster, and you know what, ill still do it and would do it again of there was even a chance with her.

I just have this problem were I need to know information about potential threats/hazards/BS and she's never bene in a world like, were you have to plan for every single outcome were lives could be the price of not doing that, she dosnt understand, but that's one of my flaws I carry from my past, because I've seen a fucked up world were you don't just see your home town, wene your mind is on the globe as a hole and just haveing to consume news and media and know what's going on everywhere becuse you have to be ready to go there in a moment's notice to go fight and die, I spilled blood on the other side of the world so that people here don't have to think the way I do and experience what I've bene threw, you have to transform your mind into a mithoducal and cold calculated risk assessing thing, you have to imbrace that there are people in the world who want, you, your loved ones, and your fellow countrymen dead, all because they just hate that you exist

A good quote that summarizes why I'm this way, and it really speaks volumes

- good men do bad things, so that you can lay your head down at night and never have to see the reality of how terrifying the world is.

you have to fortify your mind and start thinking in a completely different way to love that life, you have to be ready and willing to do so really Hanis shit to keep the people close to you safe weather it's your brothers in arms or your family, because the world is nobody's friend, and I'm a product of the military mind set, it was our job, to find people and distroy them. And how I find people now is a extremely waters down version of why kinds of resources I had than.

But here in good ol' america you don't destroy people, you don't hunt down people, you don't phisicaly hurt someone unless it's a last resort, and a peacful agreement cant be reached. This is all just step to take preventative action latter so a real problem can't happen.

So lets talk about a little backdrop to set the tone for what all that means, so there's this other guy that if me and her got together like I've bene blogging about, I see a possibility of him being a problem, and once I have her I can't loose her to some dumb shit like this game were playing, so if I ever found out, I would go to his house nock on his door, and tell him to quit his shit, and thated be the end of it, and not trying to be scary but I know his name, face, work history, and phone number, and address.

With information like that, you just show up at someone's home and say hey don't fuck with my life or the people in it, and the magority of people in this world would take that as a sign to back off and comply. And thated just be the end of it

These past 3 weeks, All I know is Ive put up with to much shit and bene put threw to much pain and dread, and just living this horrible reality were were she actually is with someone else but have to accept it, because I can't just call him and end it or do some off the wall shit that would ultimately hurt her or make her look bad

So all I'm saying is, if I forgot to say one little detail wene you asked a question the worlds not ending so do t let it. I really am sorry I forgot to say something, but honestly wene I told you I knew his name I didn't know this other stuff, and there's no way it was just 4 days ago that I told you that I told you his name weeks ago.

Cut me a little slack, your not the one getting screwed over. I've bene nothing but good to you and done all you will let me do to help you. So don't throw away all we've talked about and cryed over because if this. I'm on your side, and you know what I just haven't bene treated right in all this, and I put up with it because in the end this life with you would be worth that. but that's not fair to me

Because I'm sorry to say, I've seen the world and know how bad it is, now yes running a background check on a boyfriend might be a little extreme and overkill for the situation, but hey, that's the world I come from, and I just need to know what I'm up against.

So love if you read this, this isn't me being mean or hatefull, I'm just trying to tell my story so I can read it, and figure it out on my side of things, I honestly don't think I did anything worng, I didn't intend to withhold information. Shit just happens, so please don't think bad of me

But that statement towerds the top, if your willing to though this away, or abandon me for a slip up, and just me haveing control over my life, and wanting information, than honestly the illusion will be broken and I'll be fine, if I'm worth that little to you, and if this of all things kills it you realy were just a dream

Again this is for me, this is my story of the night, I still love you, and I still want you, but if you cut off what we got going because you think I'm scary or hideing shit your a lost cause, because I can't fix or change that, that's a you thing at that point.

Don't take offense because your still saying you have to think about it. That's just the outcome of my thot process if you really cant come to terms or just accept that flaw of mine, becuse I accept your flaws, for better or worse, becuse nobody's perfect and love is looking past the flaws and seeing the person, and that why I tell you your perfect because I can see who you are, and I can see your soul and I know your a good person dispite the past and our current challenges.

We've just bene shaped by 2 different worlds, I promise I'm not a bad guy, and I promise I'm not scary, but information is power, and in that game I hold every card and hold It close to my chest. Because if there's ever a real problem itell get handled, because I don't play games on or with people, except for this one scenario we find our selves in now, because I see a light at the end of the tunnel and its your prity little face.

Regardless I'll always be here for you if you call and need something, weather it's me or just help from me. Hell it can litterly be anything you want.

Let me just explain this before I wrap this up, how do I find what I find, how do I know what I know, so anytime someone links there email to something, anytime they make an account, anytime you do anything on the internet, or register a vehicle, claim a asset, or do anything that gets submitted into a data base, you leave a trail behind you. So will call them "crumbs", so whenever someone wants to find something out they can use those "crumbs" to patch everything together, it's all public information, its all out there, anybody can do it, it's just learning to do it is the complicated part and it's something you have to show, I could never explain it to you, now there are hundreds of ways to protect yourself, but once your out there you can never make any of it go away, you can only prevent future "crumbs" from showing up, so it's all out there and anybody, can use the "crumbs" to search who you are and anything about you, everything I found was done legally, and it's all online, its there for the world to see, but again your average person dosnt think like me, because it's almost like a puzzle and you have to take words, emails, and found accounts, and then bend and find trends to find more, I believe it's called analytics but I'm not 100% basically is observation and patterns, and once you learn to see patterns the way I do, all you need is a single crumb, and for me that was his name, and then it leads to everything else. Public records are a scary thing, and the shit people post on the internet is baffling that you'd let random people see your life. I'll teach you about computer security of you want. And how to not leave "crumbs"

So I hope this all gives you something to think about and maby explains my feeling on it, I don't know honestly, I'm just more interested to see if you can except me at this point because I've told you everything and bene 100% honest, and with everything I've put up with in this situation, if you can't accept me now, itell say alot about you as a person, and again itell suck, but if you can't, than I honestly won't want anything to do with you, it would really feel like betrayal honestly, I've full given myself to you, and if this is enough to completely thro you off your game and think I'm a monster or a bad person, than wear not ment to be. I deal with my problems my own way and I make plains and seek information to prevent future problems.

Also that trust problems stuff, it really is just me being upset about the phone blocking thing, I think that's a sick discussting thing to do to someone who loves you. And ied appreciate it if you just never did it again.

And the trust comment about his address, water under the bridge.

So, I really do love you with all my heart, and I really do care about you and appreciate you. And all I want is to build a happy life and family with you.

I am a good person and I will be good to you and our future family, but to anybody who trys to take you or my family, they won't be tolerated. And I just don't see how that's a bad or scary thing, that I'm playing 4D Chess so that issues can't become problems. Hell look at my retirement as an example, I'm 23 and will never have financial problems, I've accounted for the future and played my cards smartly. So I know everything know so that I can peacefully resolve a situation later. That's all it is.

So reach out wene your ready, and I'll respect whatever you have to say about it, wether you accept it or if you don't, for better or worse. Just don't think I'm scary, and don't think any off this is mean, don't think anything bad would ever happen to him. I'm not a thug and I'm not a murderer, I'm simply a guy who looks out for himself and his household.

So just take your time and think, and hell ied almost say wait until you dicide to leave him or not, then reach out, but it's all about how you want this to go, I just know how fragile this is so this will be my last post, and I'll just wait on word from you. So if you read this and don't think I explained it well, or it just dosnt sit right with you.

Than, I love you, always remember I love you, and know in your heart for all my imperfections and all my flaws I love you, and Ill always here for you if you need me

And last but not least this isnt me giving up hope, and I'm not turning my back on you, my feelings are hurt, and my pacints is thin, but none of this is me trying to take It out on you, or me trying to be spitefull to you.

hopefully the next time we talk, you will accept me for me, and yull be single.

I love you

[picaresqve]

You mentioned someone named Carver in the first story in your writing tag but haven't mentioned him since. Mind expanding on the character?

“Carver. I talk a lot about bein’ done and puttin’ thingsbehind me. ‘Bout puttin’ down my knife and all that blood. But if I ever seethat man again, I’ll fuckin’ skin ‘em alive for what he did to me and mine,mark my words. Still, if you’re asking me to talk about Carver that means you’reasking for me to talk about a lot of stuff that I don’t wanna. To you oranyone. It’s not easy memories to dredge back up and simmer. Spend most daystryin’ to think it never happened, if I’m being honest. But if you’re realabout wanting to hear, then you’re gonna be buyin’ me a few drinks tonight andyou’re not gonna stop until I tell you to.

“We clear? Good.

“First thing’s you gotta know, I guess, is that we hadhistory. See, I knew him long before I met Hadrian and Bosco. ‘Fore it was allof us, it was just me, Rami, and Carver and we wasn’t what one’d call a ‘family’like often times your canting crews like to call themselves. Thieves, knifemen,amusers, blackguards, they got this idea of family, that you’re all bound insomethin’ thicker than blood. But not us. Not then, at least. I mean, ‘ceptRami and I on account of us actually bein’ family, but we saw no relation withCarver, neither blood nor trade, and he kindly liked it that way, too. Morelike associates or partners that had to be for survival reasons and nothingelse. Carver was uh, what you’d call an interesting fella, had interestingideas about the way things worked. The world, its people, that kind of thing.Big ideas in a small, small man. Not small enough, though. Fearless, too. He’dbeen to jail a couple times from what I understood. When he was younger. Thatwas ‘fore he got principled. Before he got them ideas. Now? He’d diebefore he’d let anyone put him in a cell. Take every poor, stupid soul with himwho had a mind to, too.

“See, that’s something you need to understand about Carver: Carverwas mean. Not like a neighbourhood bully or even a debtor, may the divines tearthem apart. No, Carver was meaner than most men I met in the trade, save one,and I won’t talk about that one. I won’t do it. But Carver was the kind of folkwho got some pleasure out of breakin’ other folks. Makin’ ‘em look small. Smallas he felt. Now, he didn’t talk about family much, save his daddy, but I got amind to think his daddy’s where he got all that meanness from. Talked about thesonova bitch like he was the devil himself. Would always say: ‘I ain’t afraidof the devil, I seen that fucker die.’ Way Carver told it that old man of hiswould start to drinkin’ most every night just as he left the tannery and wouldn’tstop until he passed out. Most of them nights he’d beat Carver’s mom pretty bad,too, almost to death. First couple times he got it in his head to try and stophis dad? Well, he didn’t do that no more. Once he was a bit too rough and endedup killing the mom, the bastard. I’d do a lot to have my hands around his father’sneck if the gods were so kind, but I guess they ain’t too kind. It’s a shame ifyou ask me. I’m not makin’ no excuses for that bastard, nor will I if I evercatch him, but you gotta wonder what Carver’d’ve been like if his circumstanceshad been different. I think that about a lot of folks in the trade.

“But so anyways, then Bosco and Hadrian come along, or wecome along to them, depending on how you tell it, and the whole dynamic shifts.We four were thick as they come. True rogues, sentimental folks’d say. Whichdidn’t bother Carver none, of course, he didn’t care if we was suckin’ eachother’s peckers, so long as he didn’t get factored into it, and that worked forall of us just fine too. Another drink. But that also meant that hewas the weak link, and the quickest to break in the trust-department. We had afew, good years all together before that happened, though, and I guess I’mkindly grateful for that. Still reckon they was some of the best years of mylife. I mean, we were still robbing and conning and drugging ourselves black,but it’s a marked improvement when you got folks you actually like doin’ itwith.

“But then, a few years back, it walked into my grave, littlehead to do somethin’ different. We got approached eventually by this company ofstarry-eyed, like, rebels? Yeah, in Ul’dah. Rebels, what a joke. Don’t know anyprofession in the whole damned desert more deadly than bein’ a dreamer. And theseguys had their heads all up in the clouds. Talking about stopping the Ul’dahnwheel and breaking the lords and the ladies. Casting off the yoke. Giving backto the people. You know, that kind of rhetoric you get with people who aretired, but not damned tired enough for their own good. I don’t right know whatI was thinking, honestly, when I said yes. I think I just wanted to dosomething that mattered. To feel like somethin’ had meanin’. Might’ve beendrunk, I don’t know, I wish I could tell you. Might set my mind at ease. There we were, though, just a band of poor fools who knew not what they weredoing and had had a pretty good run thus far and thought: well, if our luck’sthis way, why not? We got cocky. Or I got cocky, and the rest just followed.

“Except Carver. Carver told us straight from the get-go thathe didn’t like that. Oh no, he didn’t like that at all, but you know what hedid like? An opportunity. Tellin’ him was the worst mistake I made in my life.Wish I had just went my separate ways without so much as a ‘good-bye and seeyou later and hope it don’t hit you on the way’ kind of thing, because it’s notlike he was family, but I guess I wasn’t thinkin’ straight. So I tell’s him andhe tells all of us where we can go and he laughs and just leaves. Shot ofwhiskey.

“…”

“Anyways, where was I? Rebels. Opportunity, uh. Oh. Solike, he laughs and walks out and we’re kindly relieved pretty much just asthe door shuts like this whole weight disappears. It felt good. Course, we didn’tknow it then, but that’s when everything started to go bad. The higher you get,the further you fall. Gods, things I would have done differently if I knew thenwhat I know now, but life’s always had this way of sneaking those kinds ofthings up on you. Don’t seem right. Don’t seem fair. I’ll kill Carver, though,mark my words. If that stain yet draws breath. I’ll do it.

“…”

“…”

“Sorry, I was just, you know, thinking about stuff. Yeah,yeah I’m alright. Things get fuzzy at this point. We go out the next day,business as usual, haven’t had them rebels contact us yet, said it would be afew days, a think. Maybe a week. Course, we never got back to the house onaccount of some fella who owed me something waylaid us in the street,urgent-like. Said we couldn’t go back to our hole. Said Brass Blades had beenall over it, tearing it apart serious-like. Crawling through the whole lane,knocking on folks’ doors, asking about us. That kind of thing. Brass Bladesdon’t kick up such a fuss over a few sneakthieves so’s it became readily clearto all of us that we’d been fingered out. We knew we had to get out, but Boscowasn’t with us. Fella said they already got him when they busted down the door.Said they had him in iron already and down in the dungeons. It’d been a longtime since I’d felt so powerless. The facts were as they were, though: theUl’dahn dungeon wasn’t some horse-shit jailhouse on the frontier. They had himfor good. Would come out after everything blew over that they’d tortured Boscoand left him to bake in the sun on a rack a few days later. Screaming all day,I’d been told, until his heart finally gave. No one’s got business going thatway. There’s crimes against your fellow man, but then there’s crimes againstyour own soul. Breaks you as much as them. May the gods tear them apart. Send adevil on their children.

“I’m getting off track. Point being, I guess, is that weleft that day, within the hour, with heavy and broken hearts. Had a safe housein a little town on the borderlands. Stole a couple birds and ran for thehorizon, but the horizon never came. The Blades’d been waiting for us to split.We grabbed the birds all right and started ploughing down the desert, but…didn’t help much. We rode hard but they rode harder. Hadrian fell before theday was up, which I guess kindly slowed the fellas down, on account of they hadto figure out what to do with him. I guess they decided the only rational thingto do was to… to mutilate him. Like for fuck sake, how folks get so wrong? Idon’t understand it. He didn’t deserve it. This is a bloody, gods-damnedcountry. Bloods all it knows and it’s all it’ll have. It’s all it deserves andI reckon the only thing to do for it is to just drown the whole thing in all ofit and when it heaves over their heads and washes away, just start over fromscratch. There ain’t no fixin’ this country. I’ll start thanking the twelve andwhatever else there is out there that dictates things when that happens.

“…”

Rain fire on the whole goddamn city. Drag ‘em. Drag ‘em fromtheir homes, scalp them living or dead. Carve out their eyes, just likeHadrian’s. Their tongues. Let them roast in the sun like Bosco. Flay ‘em,s—what? Am I alright? No. No, I ain’t, but you keep the whiskey coming and I’llstay manageable. No, my friend, you don’t get to back out now. Another shot.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“There we go. Yeah, I’m going to finish it and you won’tlike this next part or me by the end of it but you’ve opened a door. Let mefinish.

“Anyways, they sent a couple others on ahead to catch uswhile they were doin’ their, you know, their thing with my friend. They got separated along the way and Rami and I caught the first by surprisethe next day when he come around a bend. Made quick work of him, but not beforehe told us what they’d been doing with Hadrian back there. Course, all thatmeant was I had different ideas for the second one. She’d just come around thesame bend when her chocobo crashed over a rope line we’d set up and sent herflying from her saddle. The bird ended up all mangled. Broken legs and acracked skull. She landed fine enough, but the way she was breathing youcould tell her ribs were busted up pretty bad. When I came at her she wasmostly limp, started asking me real desperate-like to let her go home, that shehad a husband and a couple little ones, so I busted out her teeth. Not in onepunch. I don’t know how many times I hit her, kind of lost track of myselfthere for a second, but by the end of it she was just sort of gasping andgurgling on and spitting up blood. Held her up so she wouldn’t choke on it.There was a lot of yowlin’ and sobbin’. Most nights I see that face in mydreams. I’ll never atone, nor do I think I deserve it. Yeah. Yeah.’ But so, Ididn’t have to do much else after that because she knew I meant business. Toldme exactly what I needed to know. Told me what I had already figured by thatpoint: Carver had sold us out.

“She never returned home to her family, though. I emptiedher guts out. When I hold a knife I can still feel the shockwaves in my hand. Badstuff, that, but by the time I was done, her gut wasn’t even much of a gut,more like mush. And, of course, Rami had seen the whole thing. She might’ve screamedfor me to stop during the teeth bit or during the stabbing, but I can’tremember, but when I saw her she looked… empty. Like she was seeing through me.Seeing the other person that I had been before this whole thing happened.

“Rest of the ride to the safehouse’d been a quiet one. Oncewe got there we rested up for a day, and while she was sleeping, I left mygoodbye there in a letter and that was that. Stepped out of the house andhaven’t seen her since. Didn’t want her to get any more involved in all thisthan she already was. Plus, figured we’d have better chances if we weren’ttogether.

“This is where the bit about Carver and I havin’ historycomes in. I knew all his little dives and hidey-holes. At the time, I could followthat man for a thousand years and never lose his scent, and I didn’t. Trackedhim to this small town out in the absolute black. Called Castor’s Promise, bythe look of what was left of the sign. Reminded me of those towns you come bynow and again that seem to spring up out of nowhere around a church, thoughthis one didn’t do no springing. There was just the church and, oh, maybe threeor four houses. Think it was four. Maybe three and a store. Store-hopeful.Anyways, it’d been deserted probably for years by then and the buildings wereall falling to pieces, even most of the church. Maybe a prophet had led ‘em outto this place to see the face of God and maybe they did. See the face of God,that is, because they’d all seemed to die quiet, like in some communalfever-dream that took the whole town. Most of them in their beds or chairs.Probably starved.

“Right, so that’s where it went down, though. He shot me, Istabbed him. Stabbed him twice. In the church. We just kind of stumbled aroundafter that, sat in the pews and just kind of stared into the nothingness for awhile. We knew this was it, I think. This was what we had earned: each other. Ithink we both figured we deserved one another and to die next to one another. Poetic,I might have said. Some days I feel a lot like Carver. Like maybe that’s why Ihated him so much, even before he’d went and done what he did. Maybe I saw someugly parts of me in him that I couldn’t be shed of, however hard I tried.Wonder sometimes what Carver’d’ve thought about that. Hm.

“I guess at some point, when I wascoming in and out of darkness, I think, I mean I reckon, I heard him leave. Wetsounds like blood. Still not sure if he yet lives, but I haven’t seen himsince. I closed my eyes that day and expected that it was the last and whendarkness took me, I was ready.

“But then I woke up.

“Where? Oh. Well, that’s a story for another time.”

[cum-om-me]

Personal Entry:

Otter here, first i guess itd be fair to explain a few things up top.

Firstly Otter is a metaphorical alter ego which was created based of a nick name given to me in highh school.

I was coined as "the nomadic Otter" due to my well known history of drifting continuously through this existence being born in a foreign land not to many continents away,but like a gracious river otter flowing with the rivers which eventually reach the seas, i was always stoned more naive, but ironically zen. I was brought here by my single mother at four yrs old, my father was never in the picture nor was i allowed to speak about him or inquire about him to my family and those who may have any information regarding the history of my own coming into being.

We became permanent residents four years later and im currently going through the process of naturalization. I went through the american education system since pre kindergarten so naturalization has occured as an outcome, but just isn't finalized and paid for so i am now going through that initiation. Ive paid and gone through the preliminary round.

We landed in a small town in texas, age four. Came to california at fifteen, twenty years id moved one year to, year and a half due to my mothers profession In the medical field, sometimes, or i guess i should say almost always, we would have to go to where the work was most needed in order to sustain our basic living, taking us all over texas and parts of southern california. After eighteen yrs of age, i left home with duffel bag and a guitar because i wanted to escape the conventual fate planned for me by my elders.

Nature loves courage.... And it is Apparently so.

Of course there are so many factors and so much information to divulge to add the proper context to the point im trying to get to in the conclusion of this story. Im afraid id diverge so ill have to return to all that some other day.

Now that you understand where the otter ego within me (pun intended) was teased and entertained as an ideal character for the person i am, its seeds didnt really start sprouting till last year (2019) and its peaked above the mud, i can explain my newly found understanding of the purpose of using this "alter ego" "character" "avatar" to be able to dissolve the borders of my own limitations as a person creating art. To be able to truly entertain these thoughts through the medium of the otter avatar and not as the man, for it has been increasingly difficult for me to be able to contemplate and philosophize with my peers and the community of souls i once accepted as my tribe, in a way of intellectual taste and progress.. Now it seems the bridges between me and the village are dissolving and im trying to understand why. I stand on the side which i believe to be that of the importance of knowledge of self, critical thinking, and responsible skepticism in order to be able maintain reason within the tribe, to perserve that which is most human in our nature, in comparison to the madness we have seen over and over throughout history displaying itself in obvious patterns of repetition that consumed mobs rabidly, making itself its own enemy. Lets use a symbolic metaphor. The snake eats its own tail in the delusions of unity to find when its finished nothing remains but its mind left exposed, and without protection from even the weakest but competent prey.

You see the metaphors are simply the inner poet, using symbolic visual linguistic tools to paint a clearer picture.

We are a story driven organism, just ask the keepers of morality and the stories of god which has defined the basis of our now hypocritical society using it like a crutch too old to withstand the withering of time, frail and ready to snap like a twig beneath ones feet.

As george carlin once said "no one seems to notice, no one seems to care" and every debate that has naturally transpired in my social structures as of late has lead to a point where logical conclusions, non threatening ones at that, lead to the opposing side raising their white flag and settling for mediocrity. "I dont care, leave me alone"

Then the attack on personality and character are used as a defenses to preserve the beliefs already founded due to the uncomfortable nature of growth.

I sit and watch as i always have the flicker, flame and smell of the bridge burning in blazes right before my teary eyed soul.

Am I no longer included, wanted by the collective community? Has my own pursuit for knowledge, understanding, truth and the inner rapture of personal discovery lead me to ruins door? Am i incapable of getting out of my own way? Can you even go to far within yourself?

No one wants me to feel but its not ok to feel nothing at all

To think but, only on the agreeable subjects of status quo

To speak when spoken to but to only speak what is conveniently easy to digest by a still watered mind threatened by the chaos of waves beating on the shores of its shared sands.

Has erosion driven us mad. Have the corrupted springs poisoned our waters too far beyond repair.

Must i reluctantly recluse amidst the tides and hide underneath lonely currents that travel vast desserts beneath oceans.

Pandemics, parks closed, beaches are now illegal to its native children, by a seemingly upset stepdad whos love is equal to obedience and incapable of parenting,it seems theyre now gunning for the fringe, the free, the open, the love expressed through physical incarnation as its own self love for its own existence, through the odd, differnt, freaks, weirdos, mutants, prophets, and visionaries

Why should i fight for those who dont care about their own person their, own freedom.

Why stand for those who wouldnt even stand with you, nor for you.

"Those who trade freedom for security deserve neither"

-Benjamin Franklin

Yet who am i to claim that anyone deserves anything or doesnt. So regardless of the I Dont Care Generation emerging. I choose to care for not what is principles of good or evil but what i intuitively feel is sincere and right. So I must begin with myself and only in following intention will i be able to incite any real change. By making a difficult choice and knowing that it feels as though the risk is worth the gamble.

So now ive heard loud and clear and i have nothing else to let go of but this. So ill hold my tongue and wish for the best. For the eutopia not the the sneaky slip into distopia.

There's nothing further i can do other than create, experiance, enjoy, let go, and face the music, To put it as Alan Watts did, " this doesnt mean you wont jump when you hear the bang, or that you wont feel fear, but youll accept it, and the person who understands the tao in the morning my sleep peacefully at night"

"Once the mind has been extended it cant ever go back"

-Terrence Mckenna

I hope that you know ive accepted the multitudes of possible outcomes for our future, i may be optimistic but i feel prepared, oddly prepared. This isnt a statement or message based on fear but something none the lesse my heart cannot hold in.

So Otter is born so to speak to embody the imagination im trying to let out without it being taken seriously, but sincerely and within the temple of the timeless. Art.

Without it having to be the me, the person, that funny feeling between the eyes that screams out I, who finds himself walking away from flames due to trial and failure in channeling its own expression. I will not desist i just must evolve and create the platform on which i may rebuild. The system updated and the restart brought about change. Now we begin again. Full of breath, with new found vision, i forgive myself for my failures but i wouldnt ever be able to look at my own reflection if i didnt try until i got it right. I vow to myself and olny to myself for thats the only source of validation needed to exist freely, sovereign, that i will do my best to be who i am meant to be, the being and self of my choosing.

"Most people spend their lives trying to find themselves, lifes about creating yourself"

-Bob Dylan

So in conclusion i know im different, and it may be intimidating but you cant just get rid of it, turns out you must overcome it, and the only way out is through and for me that began when i went within.

I am all for the rules, and being apart of this country and its society and obeying social order but as John Locke wrote in "Common Sense" that this is an unspoken agreement between the govenrment and its people that so long as they are just in ruling us" we will have to obey the law but there must be a way for its people to regain its country when tyranny and injustice is getting in the way of democratic processes and this is coming from a almost fully naturalized immigrant that came here to seek safe haven from a Democratic country plagued by unfairness. It would be a pitty to see it happen to a promise land founded of rich ideals. To those ive come to see as my own brothers and sisters, i love the ideal of true patriotism but where has it gone? If i need to be more protective of my personal privacy so that i may be able to practice my philosophical self studies, music, and comedy, to persue basic creative thinking methods openly. Then i choose this mask nit the one i was told to wear since birth. Theres always an person beneath the mask playing into the drama of this darma and we get into yoga with its fun to preten that we loose ourselves and assume the identity of the character portrayed in the scene in order to truly bring the crowd to the edge of its seat in awe and anticipation of the beauty of its poetry that at the end when the play is concluded both protagonist and antagonist join hands and the audience cheers for both equally for the dazzling deception and its cleverness for playing on the emotions of the observer.

Then the cast returns to the green room and become again who they were naturally.

Im 26 and ive found my character and im ready to submerse myself in its divine play and get involved participate, get lost in the mask of the person which is temporary but the spark behind conciousness seems to be the driving energy of existence benevolent, and eternel. Worth gambling so, now we roll the dice and hit the mystery button, just like the amnesia serum we gave ourselves before conception, into the womb we went. Only when you awaken your consciousness in the dream do you get to control the avatar, lucidly.

It doesnt seem to be a requirement, more like an EXPERIANCE badge rewarded for interesting work in the feild.

These again are ideals, not truths, thoughts and patterns worth examining and if capable entertaining till the conclusions and realizations of truth or delusion run their course. If you havent reached that point you havent really thought it through logistically right?

Lets discuss this comment below.

[alexandra-zgz]

Run Your Own Service By Marketing Wholesale Child Clothing On Ebay.com

In order to discuss love as well as still construct a socially acceptable city identification, musicians have a tendency to implement one of the 5 successful love narrative kinds. No person comprehends circumstances like that, individuals cant bargain with it, so they 'll talk about it forever. The lady attempting to market me their newest phone package referred to a tv advert. She kept me talking for approximately 10 minutes during which time she referred me to this particular TV advert a more 4 times, and each time I guaranteed her I had actually not seen it since I do not see tv. Weaving can be grabbed throughout the adverts and also operated at for 5 or 10 minutes at a time. New yarns and stylish pattern layouts make weaving enjoyable and also quickly, and also I can knit also if I am viewing TV, albeit an uncommon occurence for me personally! With the internet, even if you stay in an area that is tiny, you aren't limited to your town, as well as can locate people not just around the UK, yet across the globe as well! After that embellish with child pictures and such, then take it to your regional copy store, like Kinkos, as well as have them publish the web page on pastel tinted paper. In some cases weve come across neighborhood street fairs or windsurfing tournaments or a version train gallery. Weve spoke about endometriosis, that which can be a cyst. So, you can have hemorrhaging with a cyst but a lot of the time those are rare situations. The endometriomas, if they continue, and also theres continuous bleeding in the abdomen as well as the ovary that can create adhesions. Any bleeding cyst can be an issue. A pregnancy with a corpus luteum, the 2nd kind of functional cyst goes on to establish as the baby is growing. The majority of these, the bigger blood supplies, the bigger blood vessels on cysts are usually the corpus luteum cyst. The majority of ovary cysts in as well as of themselves are not mosting likely to be causing a problem. However, the important point below, is that cysts themselves, in and also of themselves are not mosting likely to be an issue or life threatening issue. The nature of the party is possibly mosting likely to have a tendency in the direction of the womanly side; if the organizers of the celebration have an arrangement for this, then welcoming males would certainly be fine. Certainly, there are numerous males and females who are making good money making use of the net business route. In this track, the poet uses the perceptual narrative to acknowledge that some guys "dont be comin right ", but that he has a various understanding of females than these other guys. Supposed to assist with the discomfort, meant to assist me maintain In this tune, Expert uses the contrasting narrative to share his sight of what love should be. It is necessary for the garments to be totally dry before they are placed away or used by a child, and hanging the garments on childrens garments wall mounts will help maintain their type. Nevertheless, aspartame was allowed on 1981 for completely dry products and 1983 for carbonated beverages.

free baby stuff expecting mother

People made use of to exchange items and also solutions for other goods as well as services before money was created, as well as some individuals still barter today to stay clear of making use of money (mostly for tax factors I am informed). Some other fantastic services are a baby diaper service for cloth diapering mommies, and even a baby diaper shipment service for disposables, and also pay for the first 2 weeks or a month worth of diapering products. Also the shades utilized in the material must be organic and also safe. You may be originally attracted by all the eye memorable shades as well as the fanciness of the clothing, but if your child is not going to like it, it is going to come to be pointless. Pajamas as well as bodysuits for little child women been available in all different colors as well as styles, and are made for all sorts of weather condition. 1 or 2 items would do - a pair of babies suits, a set of shirts, a pair of pyjamas. At the same time, you can put a Tee shirts over their pyjamas. They will certainly safeguard and also guarantee any type of cash you put right into a financial savings account and pay you maybe 3% yearly rate of interest on your deposit. They know that if you're pleased with your example, greater than most likely you be come to be a routine client and spend cash with them. There are really a lot of freebies readily available; you just require to recognize just how to look for them. Or search by chemical ingredients (see listed here for some examples) and also uncover what brand names have it. Next off, you will certainly reach your search results page web page; this is a list of all items that meet your search standards. Allow us take a peek right into what makes these criteria a should for those moms and dads looking for baby clothes. Also, allow your initial few road experiences educate you what you need to have along. There are numerous initial time mommies available that have a whole lot of information to show you and they do not want you to be without the information. They intend to have dresses with breathable textile and very easy on the body. Is this what we have pertained to, - every person in our region views the exact same adverts, the very same programs, the very same news tales every day or night? Keep in mind: After attempting single foods, excellent combinations are potatoes and also carrots or carrots and peas. As well as not just will I evaluate it for him, Ill make it appear like the Elvis of foods, because Im already quite certain that Ill like a hamdog. He likewise refers to his love passion as "this Ethiopian queen from Philly ", utilizing the imperial characterization so usual in spiritual love narratives. If you're actually strapped for money, then you can most likely make do with utilizing your bed as a transforming table, however if you can, this is something I highly advise. Its better to feed child first thing in the early morning, after that enable some play or remainder time in between prior to offering infant a bath. At a "Pamper Celebration," a suggestion progressively prominent for moms that already have a number of kids and also as a result many of the stuff they really require, they might take home medical spa devices such as a loofah or bubble bath. A terrific bath-themed present basket would certainly have some hypo-allergenic bathroom things, like baby bathrooms, talc, towels, and also bath playthings.

The significant and also is that the majority of, if not all of these cost-free products, are delivered right to the mom's residence. And, with that said, lets obtain right down to the nitty abrasive. Do you have the software you require to start? At some time you are mosting likely to want to transport your infant, so you will certainly need to buy something. Unless you're preparing to hold on to them for your next infant, they're just accumulating dust. With a couple of basic abilities, a convenient collection of "stuff, " as well as simply a little bit of preparation and also preparation, youll be on your means! There is a place for TV in our lives and it desires all the fastest way of absorbing information from worldwide. Taking courses abroad Right here, the poet uses the spiritual narrative to explain the time, place as well as emotions that his love was established on, talking them as if they were in some way implied to take place. Probably she thought that was her area on the planet and also no-one can fault her if she executed her responsibilities to the utmost of her ability. I as soon as had a neighbour that informed the globe and it's mom she believed sanitation was beside Godliness and spent throughout the day every day cleansing her home. It is believed that from this you really have the alternative to take a look at everything prior to you also have to purchase something. Tight neck lines would certainly problem you as well as also the positioning of buttons at odd settings would cause you problems, so check these in advance. At the very same time the buttons and also various other aspects in the design need to be carefully stitched. Yet Betty had the cash money each time I went to prison This tune additionally illustrates using contrasting stories to reveal love. This example better shows the use of initial language in conversational stories. The poet feels it is inappropriate for any individual to "call you out your name ", or simply put, use demeaning language toward his love. A number of the infant shower concepts will help any place, indoors or out. Do you desire your baby to look adorable or amazing with baby clothing however you do not have ideas on where to look for them? Expense is a significant point you would certainly want to think about when buying baby garments. It's very easy, check out an infant clothing shop. Apparel care plays a huge duty in your child's safety. Hence, it is constantly advised that you keep the safety and comfort variable in mind even when you are looking for occasion outfits for your little one. Also when you have actually bought a lacy shirt for your tiny girl, if you wind up getting a dimension that takes place to be a little larger than her real size, she will fit in it. And, moms and dads will be most likely to maintain getting clothes to stay up to date with the alterations in the child's development - dimension, weight, size, and shape. Hence, buying garments that are somewhat bigger than the real size of your infants body presents will certainly be great as it guarantees optimal comfort for the youngster.

However, these immunization processes will only make their systems strong however it doesn't offer an assurance that germs can't penetrate their method. So why did she act this way? The exact same point can be true with, certainly with tube pregnancies, thats why those 2 can be puzzled. Yes it holds true that baby clothing do not last lengthy with kids expanding as quick as they do, yet caring for an infants garments is still simply as, otherwise even more, crucial. Hip-Hop, you the love of my life and also that holds true This flow is one-of-a-kind due to the fact that it makes use of both the metaphoric and also contrasting narrative strategies. The discussion of Hip-Hop like stories is a really uphill struggle. As well as that leads us to the most prominent metaphoric Hip-Hop love story of our time. Children will certainly like this dish. Thick and also cosy outfits will certainly keep the infant cozy from head to toe. Right here is a checklist of popular products that has actually been investigated with some of the largest on-line retailers of infant products. Here are some of the standard things you'll desire to have. Do you intend to offer a gift to a brand-new mom without investing a whole lot of money? They utilize it when cleaning to eliminate smells, soften the materials, and give your baby and also kid apparel a fresh and a lot more natural fragrance. When you are thinking of your kids convenience, its not only regarding the design of the clothes youre buying it will additionally be an issue of just how the product rests on your infants body. Take into consideration exactly how much you have into the product. The next time you are re-assembling your kit, make certain to include that item. I would rather hang around with my household and also good friends, chatting on the phone, going for long strolls or dancing the evening away. With all that having actually been said, Ive discovered a new food that I recognize I'm going to enjoy. Quickly you'll discover that having only a few good outfits comes to be impractical. I had a great totally free website a couple of years ago I saw on a daily basis. Utilize your Road Experience logbook to tape-record everyones comments regarding the day. This will serve no great as purchasing child items indiscriminately will not simply be waste of money but additionally waste of time and also power which you can put for some positive usage. If taking a trip by vehicle you need to always make use of a safety seat as well as comply with the manufacturer's instructions for suitable. If your journey limitation is no even more than a one-hour automobile flight one means, then search for areas of passion within regarding 40 miles of home. Which is not a problem since much like kidneys, similar to testis, ladies with one ovary can have equally as several children as a female with 2 ovaries and 2 tubes. Apparently it is a 2x matrix, indicating those initial two individuals you obtained to sign up with are on your first degree. You need to constantly have 2 pairs at night time, because you never recognize when a child is mosting likely to spew up or have a baby diaper leak that can call for a total garment modification.

[omnihiloth]

Run Your Own Company By Reselling Wholesale Infant Clothing On Ebay.com

In order to chat regarding love as well as still create a socially acceptable city identity, artists have a tendency to implement one of the 5 effective love narrative forms. No person recognizes scenarios like that, individuals cant take care of it, so they 'll speak about it for life. The lady attempting to offer me their most current phone plan offer referred to a television advert. She maintained me talking for around 10 minutes throughout which time she referred me to this particular TELEVISION advert a further 4 times, and each time I ensured her I had not seen it due to the fact that I don't see television. Weaving can be gotten throughout the adverts and also worked at for 5 or 10 minutes each time. New threads as well as stylish pattern layouts make knitting enjoyable and fast, and also I can weaved even if I am viewing TELEVISION, albeit an uncommon occurence for me personally! With the internet, even if you stay in an area that is little, you aren't limited to your town, and can discover people not just around the UK, however throughout the globe also! Then decorate with baby images and also such, then take it to your local copy shop, like Kinkos, and have them publish the web page on pastel tinted paper. In some cases weve taken place upon local street fairs or windsurfing competitions or a model train museum. Weve discussed endometriosis, that which can be a cyst. So, you can have hemorrhaging with a cyst yet the majority of the time those are uncommon circumstances. The endometriomas, if they linger, and also theres continual blood loss in the abdominal area as well as the ovary that can trigger attachments. Any kind of hemorrhaging cyst can be a trouble. A pregnancy with a corpus luteum, the second kind of useful cyst goes on to create as the child is expanding. A lot of these, the bigger blood materials, the bigger capillary on cysts are typically the corpus luteum cyst. Many ovary cysts in and of themselves are not mosting likely to be creating a trouble. But, the vital point below, is that cysts themselves, in as well as of themselves are not mosting likely to be an issue or life harmful trouble. The nature of the party is possibly going to have a tendency towards the womanly side; if the coordinators of the celebration have a provision for this, after that welcoming guys would certainly be fine. Certainly, there are numerous males and also ladies that are making good money utilizing the net service route. In this tune, the poet utilizes the perceptual narrative to acknowledge that some guys "dont be comin right ", but that he has a different perception of females than these other men. Supposed to assist with the pain, meant to aid me maintain In this song, Expert makes use of the contrasting narrative to share his sight of what love ought to be. It is necessary for the clothes to be entirely dry prior to they are done away with or worn by a youngster, and also hanging the clothing on childrens clothes wall mounts will certainly assist keep their kind. Nonetheless, aspartame was allowed on 1981 for dry products as well as 1983 for carbonated drinks.

free baby stuff expecting mother

People made use of to trade items as well as services for other goods and services before money was developed, as well as some people still trade today to stay clear of utilizing cash (mostly for tax obligation reasons I am told). Some other excellent solutions are a diaper service for cloth diapering mommies, and even a diaper shipment service for disposables, and pay for the very first 2 weeks or a month worth of diapering products. Even the colors utilized in the material ought to be natural and also safe. You might be originally drawn in by all the eye memorable colors and also the fanciness of the outfits, however if your kid is not mosting likely to like it, it is going to become useless. Pajamas as well as bodysuits for little baby women come in all various shades as well as designs, and also are created all types of weather. A couple of items would certainly do - a pair of babies suits, a pair of shirts, a pair of pajamas. Alternately, you can put a T-shirt over their jammies. They will certainly safeguard as well as guarantee any cash you put into a financial savings account and also pay you maybe 3% yearly rate of interest on your down payment. They know that if you're satisfied with your example, greater than most likely you be come to be a normal consumer and also spend money with them. There are actually a whole lot of giveaways available; you just require to know how to look for them. Or search by chemical ingredients (see listed here for some instances) and discover what brands have it. Next off, you will certainly get here at your search results page web page; this is a listing of all products that satisfy your search requirements. Allow us take a peek into what makes these requirements a must for those parents buying baby garments. Likewise, allow your very first couple of road journeys instruct you what you need to have along. There are numerous very first time mommies around that have a whole lot of details to show to you and they do not want you to be without the details. They wish to have dresses with breathable material and also easy on the body. Is this what we have pertained to, - every person in our area sees the very same adverts, the very same programmes, the very same newspaper article every day or evening? Keep in mind: After attempting single foods, good mixes are potatoes and carrots or carrots and also peas. As well as not only will I examine it for him, Ill make it sound like the Elvis of foods, since Im already fairly certain that Sickness enjoy a hamdog. He also refers to his love interest as "this Ethiopian queen from Philly ", utilizing the royal characterization so typical in spiritual love narratives. If you're really strapped for money, after that you can most likely make do with utilizing your bed as a transforming table, yet if you can, this is something I extremely suggest. Its better to feed child first point in the early morning, after that enable some play or remainder time in between before offering child a bathroom. At a "Pamper Event," an idea significantly preferred for mothers that currently have numerous youngsters and also consequently the majority of right stuff they in fact need, they might take residence health spa accessories such as a loofah or bubble bath. A great bath-themed present basket would have some hypo-allergenic bath products, like infant bathrooms, talcum powder, towels, and also bath toys.

The major and also is that a lot of, if not all of these free things, are delivered right to the mommy's home. And, with that said, lets get right to the nitty abrasive. Do you have the software program you require to start? Eventually you are going to intend to transport your child, so you will certainly need to acquire something. Unless you're preparing to hold on to them for your next child, they're just accumulating dirt. With a few simple skills, an useful collection of "things, " and simply a little bit of planning and preparation, youll be on your method! There is a location for TV in our lives and also it wants all the fastest way of absorbing news from all over the world. Taking classes abroad Here, the poet makes use of the spiritual narrative to define the moment, location and also emotions that his love was started on, speaking of them as if they were in some way indicated to occur. Perhaps she believed that was her location in the world and also no-one might fault her if she executed her duties to the utmost of her capacity. I once had a neighbour that educated the world as well as it's mother she believed cleanliness was beside Godliness as well as spent throughout the day daily cleansing her home. It is thought that from this you really have the option to take a look at everything before you even have to purchase something. Limited neck lines would certainly problem you as well as also the positioning of buttons at odd placements would certainly create you problems, so examine these ahead of time. At the same time the buttons and also various other components in the layout ought to be carefully sewn. Yet Betty had the cash every single time I went to jail This tune additionally highlights the use of contrasting stories to express love. This instance even more illustrates making use of initial language in conversational stories. The poet feels it is unacceptable for anybody to "call you out your name ", or to put it simply, make use of bad language towards his love. A lot of the child shower ideas will benefit any location, indoors or out. Do you desire your child to look charming or amazing with baby clothes yet you do not have suggestions on where to look for them? Cost is a significant thing you would certainly desire to think about when acquiring infant clothing. It's very easy, check out an infant clothing store. Garments care plays a huge role in your child's safety and security. Hence, it is always recommended that you keep the safety and also convenience consider mind also when you are purchasing occasion outfits for your little one. Also when you have actually acquired a lacy shirt for your little girl, if you end up obtaining a dimension that happens to be slightly larger than her actual dimension, she will be comfy in it. As well as, moms and dads will be most likely to maintain acquiring garments to keep up with the modifications in the infant's development - dimension, weight, size, and form. Therefore, purchasing clothes that are somewhat bigger than the real size of your children body presents will certainly be good as it makes sure maximum comfort for the youngster.

Nonetheless, these booster shot procedures will only make their systems strong yet it does not offer an assurance that bacteria can't permeate their means in. So why did she act in this method? The same thing can be real with, absolutely with tube maternities, thats why those 2 can be perplexed. Yes it holds true that child clothes do not last long with youngsters expanding as rapid as they do, but looking after a babies garments is still equally as, if not more, vital. Hip-Hop, you the love of my life and that holds true This flow is unique due to the fact that it makes use of both the metaphoric and contrasting narrative techniques. The presentation of Hip-Hop love narratives is a really tough task. As well as that leads us to one of the most preferred metaphoric Hip-Hop love narrative of our time. Babies will certainly love this meal. Thick and cosy attires will keep the baby warm from head to toe. Below is a checklist of preferred items that has actually been looked into with several of the largest on the internet retailers of child products. Below are several of the basic points you'll wish to have. Do you wish to give a present to a brand-new mother without spending a great deal of loan? They use it when cleaning to remove smells, soften the fabrics, as well as provide your infant and also kid garments a fresh and also a lot more natural fragrance. When you are considering your childs convenience, its not only concerning the style of the clothing youre acquiring it will additionally be an issue of just how the product rests on your infants body. Think about just how much you have into the product. The following time you are re-assembling your set, make certain to add that product. I prefer to invest time with my friends and family, chatting on the phone, choosing long strolls or dancing the night away. With all that having been said, Ive found a brand-new food that I recognize I'm going to enjoy. Soon you'll discover that having only a few good outfits ends up being not practical. I had a great cost-free site a few years ago I checked out each day. Utilize your Roadway Journey logbook to record every people comments concerning the day. This will offer no good as buying child products indiscriminately will not simply be waste of money but also waste of time and energy which you can put for some positive use. If passing by car you should always use a cars and truck seat and adhere to the manufacturer's directions for suitable. If your trip restriction is no more than a one-hour auto ride one method, then search for locations of rate of interest within concerning 40 miles of residence. Which is not an issue because similar to kidneys, much like testis, ladies with one ovary can have simply as numerous babies as a woman with 2 ovaries and also two tubes. Obviously it is a 2x matrix, implying those first 2 people you obtained to sign up with get on your very first level. You must always have two sets at night time, due to the fact that you never ever understand when a child is going to spew up or have a diaper leak that can call for a full garment adjustment.

[nocatleftbehind]

Run Your Own Service By Marketing Wholesale Baby Clothes On EBay

In order to speak about love and also still build a socially acceptable city identification, artists tend to apply among the 5 successful love narrative forms. Nobody comprehends scenarios like that, people cant manage it, so they 'll discuss it permanently. The woman attempting to market me their latest phone package described a tv advert. She maintained me talking for about 10 mins throughout which time she referred me to this specific TELEVISION advert a more 4 times, and also each time I ensured her I had not seen it since I do not watch television. Weaving can be grabbed during the adverts and also worked at for 5 or 10 mins at a time. New yarns and also trendy pattern designs make knitting fun and also quickly, and I can knit also if I am viewing TV, albeit an uncommon occurence for me directly! With the net, even if you live in an area that is little, you aren't restricted to your town, and also can discover people not simply around the UK, yet throughout the globe too! After that decorate with infant photos as well as such, then take it to your local duplicate store, like Kinkos, and also have them print the web page on pastel colored paper. Occasionally weve discovered neighborhood street fairs or windsurfing tournaments or a model train museum. Weve talked about endometriosis, that which can be a cyst. So, you can have hemorrhaging with a cyst but a lot of the moment those are unusual conditions. The endometriomas, if they persist, and theres continual blood loss in the abdomen and the ovary that can create attachments. Any kind of hemorrhaging cyst can be a problem. A pregnancy with a corpus luteum, the 2nd kind of functional cyst goes on to develop as the infant is growing. A lot of these, the larger blood products, the larger capillary on cysts are normally the corpus luteum cyst. Most ovary cysts in and of themselves are not mosting likely to be causing a trouble. However, the essential thing here, is that cysts themselves, in as well as of themselves are not mosting likely to be an issue or harmful problem. The nature of the celebration is most likely going to tend towards the feminine side; if the organizers of the celebration have a stipulation for this, after that inviting guys would be great. Undoubtedly, there are numerous men as well as women that are making great loan using the web organisation route. In this song, the poet uses the affective narrative to recognize that some guys "dont be comin right ", but that he has a different understanding of women than these various other men. Intended to assist with the pain, intended to help me keep In this tune, Guru makes use of the contrasting narrative to share his view of what love need to be. It is very important for the clothing to be completely dry before they are done away with or used by a child, as well as hanging the clothes on childrens clothing wall mounts will certainly aid maintain their kind. Nonetheless, aspartame was allowed on 1981 for completely dry products and 1983 for carbonated drinks.

free baby stuff expecting mother

People made use of to trade goods and also services for other items and also solutions before cash was developed, as well as some people still barter today to avoid utilizing cash (mostly for tax obligation factors I am told). Some various other wonderful services are a baby diaper solution for fabric diapering mamas, and even a baby diaper distribution solution for disposables, and pay for the initial two weeks or a month worth of diapering products. Also the colors used in the material ought to be organic and safe. You may be at first drawn in by all the eye memorable colors and also the fanciness of the attire, yet if your child is not mosting likely to like it, it is going to end up being worthless. Pyjamas as well as bodysuits for little baby women can be found in all different colors as well as designs, as well as are produced all kinds of climate. A couple of pieces would do - a pair of babies suits, a set of shirts, a set of jammies. Alternately, you can place a Tees over their jammies. They will secure as well as insure any type of money you take into a savings account and also pay you perhaps 3% annual interest on your deposit. They recognize that if you're satisfied with your example, greater than most likely you be ended up being a routine customer as well as invest loan with them. There are truly a great deal of giveaways offered; you simply need to understand exactly how to search for them. Or search by chemical components (see list listed below for some instances) as well as find what brand names contain it. Next off, you will certainly arrive at your search engine result page; this is a listing of all items that satisfy your search requirements. Allow us take a peek right into what makes these standards a must for those parents looking for infant clothing. Additionally, let your very first few roadway experiences instruct you what you require to have along. There are millions of very first time mamas available that have a great deal of info to show to you and also they do not want you to be without the info. They intend to have gowns with breathable material and simple on the body. Is this what we have pertained to, - every person in our region sees the very same adverts, the very same programs, the exact same news tales every single day or night? Keep in mind: After trying solitary foods, excellent combinations are potatoes and carrots or carrots and peas. And also not only will I review it for him, Ill make it seem like the Elvis of foods, since Im currently rather sure that Ill love a hamdog. He additionally describes his love interest as "this Ethiopian queen from Philly ", using the imperial characterization so common in spiritual love narratives. If you're truly strapped for cash, after that you can possibly make do with utilizing your bed as a changing table, however if you can, this is something I highly suggest. Its much better to feed child first thing in the early morning, then enable some play or remainder time in between prior to offering baby a bathroom. At a "Pamper Party," a concept significantly preferred for mothers that already have numerous youngsters and consequently the majority of right stuff they really require, they might take residence spa devices such as a loofah or bubble bath. A great bath-themed present basket would contain some hypo-allergenic bathroom products, like baby bathrooms, talc, towels, and bath playthings.

The significant plus is that many, otherwise every one of these cost-free things, are supplied right to the mother's home. As well as, with that, allows solve down to the core. Do you have the software application you require to start? Eventually you are mosting likely to want to deliver your child, so you will need to buy something. Unless you're preparing to hang on to them for your next infant, they're simply accumulating dirt. With a couple of straightforward abilities, an useful collection of "things, " as well as simply a bit of planning as well as preparation, youll get on your method! There is an area for TELEVISION in our lives and also it is after all the fastest way of absorbing information from around the globe. Taking courses abroad Right here, the poet utilizes the spiritual narrative to describe the moment, location and also feelings that his love was founded on, talking them as if they were in some way meant to take place. Maybe she thought that was her place worldwide as well as no-one can fault her if she executed her tasks to the utmost of her capacity. I once had a neighbor that informed the globe as well as it's mommy she thought sanitation was beside Godliness and invested all day on a daily basis cleaning her house. It is believed that from this you really have the option to take a look at every little thing prior to you also have to get something. Limited neck lines would certainly trouble you and also the positioning of buttons at weird positions would certainly cause you troubles, so examine these beforehand. At the exact same time the buttons and also other elements in the layout need to be meticulously sewn. But Betty had the cash money every time I mosted likely to prison This track additionally illustrates using contrasting narratives to express love. This instance further shows using introductory language in conversational stories. The poet feels it is inappropriate for any individual to "call you out your name ", or simply put, make use of demeaning language toward his love. A number of the infant shower suggestions will certainly benefit any location, inside or out. Do you desire your baby to look charming or trendy with infant garments however you do not have ideas on where to seek them? Cost is a significant thing you would want to think about when buying infant clothes. It's very easy, check out a child apparel store. Apparel treatment plays a big duty in your baby's safety. For this reason, it is constantly suggested that you keep the security as well as convenience consider mind also when you are looking for event outfits for your little one. Also when you have actually purchased a lacy shirt for your tiny girl, if you wind up getting a size that takes place to be a little larger than her real size, she will certainly be comfy in it. And also, parents will be most likely to keep purchasing clothing to maintain up with the modifications in the child's development - dimension, weight, length, and also form. Thus, acquiring clothing that are somewhat bigger than the real dimension of your infants body presents will certainly be great as it guarantees optimal comfort for the child.

However, these immunization procedures will just make their systems solid yet it doesn't provide a guarantee that germs can't penetrate their method. So why did she behave this way? The very same thing can be real with, absolutely with tube pregnancies, thats why those two can be confused. Yes it is true that child clothes don't last long with kids expanding as fast as they do, but looking after a babies clothes is still equally as, otherwise more, vital. Hip-Hop, you the love of my life and that holds true This flow is unique because it makes use of both the metaphoric as well as different narrative methods. The discussion of Hip-Hop love narratives is an extremely difficult job. Which leads us to one of the most preferred metaphoric Hip-Hop love narrative of our time. Children will like this recipe. Thick and fluffy attires will maintain the child cozy from head to toe. Right here is a checklist of prominent items that has actually been investigated with several of the biggest on the internet retailers of child items. Below are several of the fundamental things you'll want to have. Do you wish to offer a present to a new mother without spending a lot of loan? They use it when cleaning to get rid of smells, soften the fabrics, and give your baby as well as kid clothing a fresh as well as extra natural aroma. When you are thinking of your youngsters comfort, its not only regarding the design of the garments youre acquiring it will additionally refer exactly how the product rests on your children body. Take into consideration just how much you have into the item. The next time you are re-assembling your kit, make certain to add that item. I prefer to hang around with my family and also pals, chatting on the phone, choosing lengthy strolls or dancing the evening away. With all that having been stated, Ive found a new food that I understand I'm mosting likely to enjoy. Soon you'll uncover that having only a few good clothing becomes impractical. I had an excellent cost-free site a few years ago I saw on a daily basis. Use your Road Experience logbook to tape-record every people comments concerning the day. This will certainly serve no great as acquiring baby products indiscriminately will not just be waste of money yet additionally waste of time and also power which you can place for some positive use. If taking a trip by cars and truck you need to always utilize a safety seat as well as follow the supplier's guidelines for suitable. If your journey limit disappears than a one-hour vehicle trip one way, after that try to find locations of passion within regarding 40 miles of house. Which is not a trouble since much like kidneys, much like testis, women with one ovary can have equally as many infants as a woman with 2 ovaries and also two tubes. Obviously it is a 2x matrix, suggesting those first two people you reached sign up with get on your first level. You should always have 2 pairs during the night time, because you never ever know when an infant is mosting likely to spew up or have a diaper leak that can need a total garment adjustment.

[ryanbitchbard]

Nepo Flu

    Coffee is brewing, sun is shinning, and mod is dying.  This is the fourth morning in a row where mod has been silent.  I miss the screaming.  At least i knew she was alive.  She’s still alive but I sense that thread breaking.  

     My name is Francis Malcolm.  My wife has been sick for a few years and been in critical condition for the last two months.  Its been a week since she went silent.  I have been checking on her every morning.  Nothing.  I’m afraid I said my last words already.  “Calm down!”  Her screams elicited such a response.  I’d give anything to here the cringe wale of her voice.  This has affected my work.

      I work as a senator for the state of Kansas.  My job is a difficult one.  With an outbreak of this new flu and the sickness of Mod I am caught in a peculiar place.

      I here a knock at the door.  Its Jacob.  My good friend Jacob visiting me at this time.  It is surely for pity.  He walks in with a sour look on his face.  Grim news is easy to spot before breakfast.  We sit in the parlor with untouched cups of coffee.  

“Jacob!  Its nice to see you but something tells me your not here for a biscuit.”

“It’s freedman.  The owner of the wax shop.  The flu took him.”  

“I saw him yesterday on my way to work!  Damn!  Seemed like a healthy bastard!”

“Yes!  Its taking more people, Francis.  Freedman was sixth in town.  First was Beth Sampson, the flower shop owner.  Followed by Frank.  Frank sold us cloths if you remember.  Barlow was next.  His bake shop falls to his wife.  Kathy hurt me the most.  I didn’t expect to feel this strongly for a secretary.  Perhaps its the feeling of the walls closing in.  William died just a few days ago.  Yup and with Your wife being the condition she’s in, the whole town is in a depressive frenzy.  Has she made progress?”

“I’m afraid not.  She’s lasted longer than most people but she has remains in a cold sleep.  She hasn’t said a word in four days.”

“Hmm.  Not a good state of affairs.  Other towns have had more taken from them.”

Just as Jacob was about to speak more, a shrill was heard from upstairs.  

     Jacob and I ran out of the parlor towards Mod’s room.  Mod was shaking and weezing.  you’d expect to hear those sounds from a wounded cat.  A nurse ran in behind us.  She put a wet towel on Mod’s head.  I held my beloved’s hand as she shook.  It was more a tremble than a shake.  I screamed at the nurse to do something, knowing very well that there was nothing she could do.  I was hoping I could call fourth some mysterious power.  The nurse just slowly shook her head.  At this point my expectations dropped considerably.  I put my head down.  Jacob placed his hand on my shoulder, signaling it was time to leave.  We both trudged out of that room.  Jacob appeared to have a little more pep than I.  Who could blame him?  He wasn’t in the wretched process of loosing a soul mate.  We made our way back to the parlor.

     Me and Jacob sat in confusing silence for the next thirty seconds.  He took a sip of his coffee and I took a sip of mine.  I believe the confusion was really just two gentlemen not wanting to show how afraid we were.

“Ya know, Wichita has had ten deaths this week.  That city is in a state panic but no one is willing to act out.  Such is life; business as usual.  Even when we are getting killed by something we cant see.”

“My brother lives in Topeka.  He tells me that people are leaving for the country.  No one wants to take a chance in the city.  Some people have even lost babies.  Babies!”

“I try to help the citizens of this state but I’m afraid we don’t know what this is.  People thought they’d be safe in the towns but it caught up with them.  The people of Lindsborg panicked when the first death came.  They didn’t think it could reach them in a small town.  They thought they’d escaped.  The town has had fifteen casualties thus far.  Not much but it is a small town.  Many are planning to move again.  As if distance can save them from what we’re dealing with.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m sending troops to help with the problem.  We need those places quarantined.  I’d, even, be willing to shoot a few to save the many.”

“Hays is fairing better.  Higher population and the flu has only taken ten people.  Sad but I’m happy some people are finding refuge.”

“Doesn’t matter.  We still need to contain this anyway we can.”

“Treating a population like cattle is a sure way to become society villain.”

“We are doing what we can for the good of the population.  I don’t see any other way.”

“You could try looking at this plague as if its ravaging your family as apposed to faceless sheep!”

Just when I was about to interject, I heard another shrill from upstairs.  

     The shrill was weaker than the last.  Like someone waking from a nightmare.  The comforting coos of the nurse were what followed.  I squeezed my fists as tears forced their way out of me.  It never felt right to cry in front of another man so I choked the tears down and stared at my coffee.  Jacob stared at his shoes in despair as both him and I griped our emotions.  Jacob’s gaze slowely met mine.

“I, too, lost a loved one.  Ten years ago.  My sister was hit by a buggy.  Now, it didn’t kill her right away.  She lived for another day.  You wouldn’t call it “living”.  She was bed-ridden.  On her death bed, surrounded by family, she told me i was a son of bitch.”  Jacob and I shared a much needed laugh.  

“What does that make her?”

“The bitches daughter.”

We stopped laughing and had a moment of silence.  We thought about how this flu was affecting the country.

     “The flu finally reached Vermont.”

Jacob seemed perplexed.

“Where hasn’t the flu reached?”

“The flu has reached most of the country.  It just hasn’t been vast areas.  There have been cases in parts of Louisiana but not a lot.  It surly isn’t an epidemic and it would be laughable to call it an outbreak.  The farthest it has gone is Illinois.  It hasn’t been as tragic.  The top has been low.  Laughable really.”

“I heard Utah had, at least, one case.  Man was found sprawled in an alley in his own vomit.”

“There’s a nice mystery for the town.  Those are unusual symptoms.”

“I know.  They didn’t know it was the flu.  They thought the man was possessed.”

“Such a spectacle for a boring state such as Utah.”

“You should see how it affected Missouri!  The state was quit dull before the flu.  At least there’s something to talk about.  i really think we need a military intervention on those states before its to late.”

Jacob and I share another laugh.  The tension appeared to have eased.  Jacob pulled out a bottle.

“Care for some scotch?”

“A little early isn’t it?”

“Put some in your coffee.”

I hold out my cup for some of that delicious scotch.  The nurse walked in mid-pour.  

     The nurse shook her head slowly.  I nodded back at her.  I excused myself from the parlor and cried in the hallway.

[samanthasroberts]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Confessions Of A Mid-20’s Drama Queen

Welcome back to another week where I sit through my own personal hell, aka , and try not to put myself into an alcohol-induced coma. And shoutout to all the keyboard warriors who love to type shit in the commentsyall take this show way too seriously.

We start with Mona and Emily discussing Charlotte, who apparently stood Mona up the night of the murder. What kind of loser gets stood up by another chick at a shitty diner?

Emily is like and Monas like, uh no? I feel like thats pretty much the only answer you can give at that point. Emily figures that Mona changed her mind in the trial so that Charlotte would be out of jail and Mona could get to her, which is like real far-fetched.

Mona is like and OKAY thats a line straight out of .

Chris Hanson: Did you know that this was a 13 year old girl? Mona: I, uh, just came to talk to her.

Monas like *what would you do if your son was at home, cryin all alone on the bedroom floor.* and Ems like Monas like, well even if I wanted to kill her, she fucking stood me up so yeah. Of course, this whole conversation is overheard by A.

Aria is like,lets tell the police it wasnt me at the diner! Arias really seen some shit lately. She got burnt and questioned by the police. All Hannas had done to her is getting shitty room service food with a cryptic note. Spencer is like,

Lucas is back. Goddammit. Anyways, he overhears Hanna talking to weird ass Jordan on the phone, and is like Hannas like, Where are you gonna seat him Han? No one wants to sit next to the virginal weird kid from high school. You cant just mix the band geeks with the Plastics, thats not how this works.

Besides, there is this scenario:

Priest: Speak now or forever hold your pe- Lucas: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hanna is like, . Wear those ties Lucas, you look like a second place winner at a science fair. He tells Hanna that hes thinking of buying some factory and giving Rosewood a second chance. LOL rookie mistake.

Ali and Snaggletooth are being sexually aggressive in some shit bed and breakfast somewhere in bumfuck nowhere, East Coast. The Ali from Season 3 would have been honeymooning in fucking Paris rn. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Speaking of falling, Ali trips on her skanky heel and takes a tumble down the stairs, effectively knocking herself out. OKAY, did I not set that up just perfectly?

Alis in the hospital with a concussion, and Snaggle is like, you need to stay in the hospital. Shes like and its like, because thats how injuries work dumbass. The manager of the shit hotel is like and its like duh you know that shit is tampered with.

Ali: I was really happy before I fell, maybe this is my karma Snaggle: Thats not how the Universe works

ARE YOU SURE? Because pretty sure its an established fact that what goes up, must come down. Also, Ali its not karma, you just clearly dont know how to put one foot in front of the other and walk like a normal fucking human.

Snaggle is like, its an accident and he would know all about those, since his face looks like it was a victim of a tragic lawn mower accident. Ali decides to text her friends a selfie of her in the hospital, because concussion photoshoots, so hot right now.

All the Liars are like . They have 3 days to give up the murderer, because A is a psycho. All the girls are shit talking Mona and Hanna comes to her defense, because Hanna is like, such a good friend.

Aria and Ezra are getting ready to go to a dinner with their boss and Ezras talking about how he doesnt like the book ending or some shit. Arias like and that shit is about to go from an Ernest Hemingway to a really quick with Ezras freaky self.

Hanna goes to visit Ali in the hospital and Ali tells her she is going back to Rosewood when she can gtfo of this hospital. Ali has flowers all over the room, because apparently people like her, wtf?, and Ali says that they are all from Snaggle.

Of course, Hanna is looking at all the flowers and sees a very creepy card that has pictures of a staircase, and all of them on it. Either Snaggle is one fucked up dude, or A is just like, really a dick. Honestly, probs both. Obvi, Hanna steals the card.

Emily facetimes Spencer a video of Mona and Sara Harveys body guard dude chatting it up. Weve all seen , Im expecting some bodyguard three-way action ASAP. Also, how did Emily even remember that body guard? I watch this show every fucking week and make it a point to write down every flaw they have, and even I didnt remember this. Wow, I need to get it together.

Also, them talking looks like any relationship I have ever had: Mona talking shit and the dude sitting there looking awkward. Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard when he leaves.

Back to Snaggle and Hans. Hanna is like, And Snaggle is like, Im sure you said the same thing about that B and B, you human chipmunk. Hes like and its like cough, cough, lesbianssssss.

Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard and act like idiots on crack and pretend to hit the bodyguards car. Hes like uhhhh no its fine, and Spencer somehow manages to get information on the papers he is holding. I have seen better body guarding by the fucking preteens in Project X. Seriously who is this dude?

Spencer learns that the documents our shit security guard has are blueprints to Radley, because of fucking course. Do they just hand out blueprints willy nilly in this town? God I hate myself every time I watch this stupid fucking show.

Aria is reading Ezras newest chapter and it flashes back to a conversation with Ezra and Nicole. Ezra is begging Nicole to come with him, but shes like

Anyways, Ezra goes to his typical EZRA MAD, EZRA SMASH mode and basically yells at her and leaves fucking pissed off. And yeah, thats the last time he saw his girlfriend. One girlfriend you took advantage of when she was a teenager, the other you let get kidnapped by terrorists. Let that soak in.

Hes like , and Arias like,

Emily follows the bodyguard to a fucking ice cream truck? Wtf? And hes just casually sitting there, licking a Drumstick, when Sara Harvey drives up and gets something from him. Wait a second, she cant text and grip shit because of her hands, but she can drive? The streets of Rosewood are not safe. Maybe she was the girl who tried to run over Emily at the diner. She wasnt really trying to run her over, she was just making a very sloppy three point turn.

Hanna shows Caleb the staircase card. Caleb is like why did you come to me? And Hanna is like They decide to call As bluff, because that plan has worked every time before.

Spencer is on the phone with Emily, when she is greeted by her boyfriend and his ex. What a time to be alive. They act super weird, and then Hanna makes up some bullshit story about how she killed Charlotte. She starts crying to Spencer and Spencer is like YOOOOO THIS IS HEAVY SHIT.

Then Hannas like PSYCH and tells Caleb Well thats the stupidest shit Ive ever heard. Caleb is like and its like NO WTF HANNA DOESNT KNOW JACK SHIT. LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL. NOTHING. SHE KNOWS NOTHING. Why doesnt anyone understand this?

Aria and Ezra are at dinner with the editor and shes like, l Arias like and Ezra is like NAH I GOT U FAM, Ill have it to you by next week. Ezras that dick in every college class who votes against the deadline extension. There is a special place in hell for you.

Hanna and Caleb are pleading their case to Emily and Emilys like And for once, I agree with her. Spencer backs up Caleb and Hanna and is like, *under her breath* . This sounds like every parental argument.

Emily/Dad: We cant support our daughter moving in with her boyfriend Spencer/Mom: We need to support her, because if we dont shell work against us. And I want grandbabies!

Hanna is like and grabs Calebs hand very lovingly. Spencers like and its all v awkward. Spencer does what I would 100% do in this situationmake snarky jealous comments and guzzle a shit ton of red wine. I am Spencer, we are all Spencer (without the bangs, obviously.)

Emily also suggests they visit Ye Old Lizard King Toby and let him know about this whole shindig. Again, this idea never works out.

The editor lady tells her that Liam isnt on the team anymore and Aria is like, uhhhh okay. So I guess that relationship is pretty much dead. Good talk.

Spencer flashes back to a night with Caleb in Europe, talking about art and his foster homes or some shit. Yawn. For once, Spencer actually looks good in a nice dress. You did okay PLL wardrobe, dont get too excited over your one time you didnt fail.

Its a pretty pointless flashback, except it shows major sexual tension between Spencer and Caleb in Europe, which is like right after they both broke up with their significant others. See, I told you it was pointless?

Caleb goes to drop Hanna off at Lucas place and he asks Caleb on a very awkward man date. Below are the actual quotes:

Lucas: Do you lunch? Caleb: Uh, yeah I lunch. Lucas: Lets lunch!

A whole portion of dialogue that could have been summed up to we should get lunch sometime. Fuck yourself, Freeform.

Lucas shows Hanna the factory he wants to build and is like Shes like If she even THINKS her shit is going to be better than Clothes Over Bros, shes straight trippin. Lucas is like Bitches love companies.

Okay my high school friends will barely buy me a beer, let alone give me a fucking factory.

Ali has a dream of some kind and sees her mom, dressed in a fugly green top and with some bushy ass hair. I know they have leave-in conditioner in heaven, you lazy bitch. She tells Ali that Snaggle will take care of her and that she loves her, yadda yadda. For a loving mother, she also looks like she lowkey wants to strangle the shit out of Ali.

Mona and Sara meet up, the two sketchiest bitches on the block. Sara looks like Miley Cyrus if she ate herself and took makeup inspiration from a raccoon. Seriously there is like 6 pounds of eyeliner on this bitch.

Mona is like and Sara is like Sara is like, . Oh stfu Sara. You look like a balloon shaped like Nick Carter and your only friend is a dude who eats ice cream on a street corner like a fucking poverty stricken 6-year-old.

Ezra and Aria are having tea like a bunch of pussies and Aria drops the A bomb on him. She goes from 0 to 100 real quick and is like I HAVE TO END THIS.

Back to Ali and Snaggle. Lucky us. Ali tells Snaggle to go to his conference in Chicago and that when he gets back theyll resume their daily programing of boning each other (what a fucking gross mental picture.)

Caleb and Hanna present their shit idea to the group, who all agreeits a shit idea. Caleb is like . Hes getting awfully close to Hanna and Spencer looks like she is about to cut a bitch.

Caleb: This isnt a cheer-ocracy Spencer: Youre being a real cheer-tator, Caleb!

The plan starts by Hanna sending a message to A saying leave my friends alone and then a Carly Rae Jepsen-esqe version of Call Me comes on, while the binary code of her text shows up on the screen. A gets the text of that dumbass admitting to murder. Its about to go down.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/12/17/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/

[adambstingus]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Confessions Of A Mid-20’s Drama Queen

Welcome back to another week where I sit through my own personal hell, aka , and try not to put myself into an alcohol-induced coma. And shoutout to all the keyboard warriors who love to type shit in the commentsyall take this show way too seriously.

We start with Mona and Emily discussing Charlotte, who apparently stood Mona up the night of the murder. What kind of loser gets stood up by another chick at a shitty diner?

Emily is like and Monas like, uh no? I feel like thats pretty much the only answer you can give at that point. Emily figures that Mona changed her mind in the trial so that Charlotte would be out of jail and Mona could get to her, which is like real far-fetched.

Mona is like and OKAY thats a line straight out of .

Chris Hanson: Did you know that this was a 13 year old girl? Mona: I, uh, just came to talk to her.

Monas like *what would you do if your son was at home, cryin all alone on the bedroom floor.* and Ems like Monas like, well even if I wanted to kill her, she fucking stood me up so yeah. Of course, this whole conversation is overheard by A.

Aria is like,lets tell the police it wasnt me at the diner! Arias really seen some shit lately. She got burnt and questioned by the police. All Hannas had done to her is getting shitty room service food with a cryptic note. Spencer is like,

Lucas is back. Goddammit. Anyways, he overhears Hanna talking to weird ass Jordan on the phone, and is like Hannas like, Where are you gonna seat him Han? No one wants to sit next to the virginal weird kid from high school. You cant just mix the band geeks with the Plastics, thats not how this works.

Besides, there is this scenario:

Priest: Speak now or forever hold your pe- Lucas: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hanna is like, . Wear those ties Lucas, you look like a second place winner at a science fair. He tells Hanna that hes thinking of buying some factory and giving Rosewood a second chance. LOL rookie mistake.

Ali and Snaggletooth are being sexually aggressive in some shit bed and breakfast somewhere in bumfuck nowhere, East Coast. The Ali from Season 3 would have been honeymooning in fucking Paris rn. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Speaking of falling, Ali trips on her skanky heel and takes a tumble down the stairs, effectively knocking herself out. OKAY, did I not set that up just perfectly?

Alis in the hospital with a concussion, and Snaggle is like, you need to stay in the hospital. Shes like and its like, because thats how injuries work dumbass. The manager of the shit hotel is like and its like duh you know that shit is tampered with.

Ali: I was really happy before I fell, maybe this is my karma Snaggle: Thats not how the Universe works

ARE YOU SURE? Because pretty sure its an established fact that what goes up, must come down. Also, Ali its not karma, you just clearly dont know how to put one foot in front of the other and walk like a normal fucking human.

Snaggle is like, its an accident and he would know all about those, since his face looks like it was a victim of a tragic lawn mower accident. Ali decides to text her friends a selfie of her in the hospital, because concussion photoshoots, so hot right now.

All the Liars are like . They have 3 days to give up the murderer, because A is a psycho. All the girls are shit talking Mona and Hanna comes to her defense, because Hanna is like, such a good friend.

Aria and Ezra are getting ready to go to a dinner with their boss and Ezras talking about how he doesnt like the book ending or some shit. Arias like and that shit is about to go from an Ernest Hemingway to a really quick with Ezras freaky self.

Hanna goes to visit Ali in the hospital and Ali tells her she is going back to Rosewood when she can gtfo of this hospital. Ali has flowers all over the room, because apparently people like her, wtf?, and Ali says that they are all from Snaggle.

Of course, Hanna is looking at all the flowers and sees a very creepy card that has pictures of a staircase, and all of them on it. Either Snaggle is one fucked up dude, or A is just like, really a dick. Honestly, probs both. Obvi, Hanna steals the card.

Emily facetimes Spencer a video of Mona and Sara Harveys body guard dude chatting it up. Weve all seen , Im expecting some bodyguard three-way action ASAP. Also, how did Emily even remember that body guard? I watch this show every fucking week and make it a point to write down every flaw they have, and even I didnt remember this. Wow, I need to get it together.

Also, them talking looks like any relationship I have ever had: Mona talking shit and the dude sitting there looking awkward. Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard when he leaves.

Back to Snaggle and Hans. Hanna is like, And Snaggle is like, Im sure you said the same thing about that B and B, you human chipmunk. Hes like and its like cough, cough, lesbianssssss.

Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard and act like idiots on crack and pretend to hit the bodyguards car. Hes like uhhhh no its fine, and Spencer somehow manages to get information on the papers he is holding. I have seen better body guarding by the fucking preteens in Project X. Seriously who is this dude?

Spencer learns that the documents our shit security guard has are blueprints to Radley, because of fucking course. Do they just hand out blueprints willy nilly in this town? God I hate myself every time I watch this stupid fucking show.

Aria is reading Ezras newest chapter and it flashes back to a conversation with Ezra and Nicole. Ezra is begging Nicole to come with him, but shes like

Anyways, Ezra goes to his typical EZRA MAD, EZRA SMASH mode and basically yells at her and leaves fucking pissed off. And yeah, thats the last time he saw his girlfriend. One girlfriend you took advantage of when she was a teenager, the other you let get kidnapped by terrorists. Let that soak in.

Hes like , and Arias like,

Emily follows the bodyguard to a fucking ice cream truck? Wtf? And hes just casually sitting there, licking a Drumstick, when Sara Harvey drives up and gets something from him. Wait a second, she cant text and grip shit because of her hands, but she can drive? The streets of Rosewood are not safe. Maybe she was the girl who tried to run over Emily at the diner. She wasnt really trying to run her over, she was just making a very sloppy three point turn.

Hanna shows Caleb the staircase card. Caleb is like why did you come to me? And Hanna is like They decide to call As bluff, because that plan has worked every time before.

Spencer is on the phone with Emily, when she is greeted by her boyfriend and his ex. What a time to be alive. They act super weird, and then Hanna makes up some bullshit story about how she killed Charlotte. She starts crying to Spencer and Spencer is like YOOOOO THIS IS HEAVY SHIT.

Then Hannas like PSYCH and tells Caleb Well thats the stupidest shit Ive ever heard. Caleb is like and its like NO WTF HANNA DOESNT KNOW JACK SHIT. LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL. NOTHING. SHE KNOWS NOTHING. Why doesnt anyone understand this?

Aria and Ezra are at dinner with the editor and shes like, l Arias like and Ezra is like NAH I GOT U FAM, Ill have it to you by next week. Ezras that dick in every college class who votes against the deadline extension. There is a special place in hell for you.

Hanna and Caleb are pleading their case to Emily and Emilys like And for once, I agree with her. Spencer backs up Caleb and Hanna and is like, *under her breath* . This sounds like every parental argument.

Emily/Dad: We cant support our daughter moving in with her boyfriend Spencer/Mom: We need to support her, because if we dont shell work against us. And I want grandbabies!

Hanna is like and grabs Calebs hand very lovingly. Spencers like and its all v awkward. Spencer does what I would 100% do in this situationmake snarky jealous comments and guzzle a shit ton of red wine. I am Spencer, we are all Spencer (without the bangs, obviously.)

Emily also suggests they visit Ye Old Lizard King Toby and let him know about this whole shindig. Again, this idea never works out.

The editor lady tells her that Liam isnt on the team anymore and Aria is like, uhhhh okay. So I guess that relationship is pretty much dead. Good talk.

Spencer flashes back to a night with Caleb in Europe, talking about art and his foster homes or some shit. Yawn. For once, Spencer actually looks good in a nice dress. You did okay PLL wardrobe, dont get too excited over your one time you didnt fail.

Its a pretty pointless flashback, except it shows major sexual tension between Spencer and Caleb in Europe, which is like right after they both broke up with their significant others. See, I told you it was pointless?

Caleb goes to drop Hanna off at Lucas place and he asks Caleb on a very awkward man date. Below are the actual quotes:

Lucas: Do you lunch? Caleb: Uh, yeah I lunch. Lucas: Lets lunch!

A whole portion of dialogue that could have been summed up to we should get lunch sometime. Fuck yourself, Freeform.

Lucas shows Hanna the factory he wants to build and is like Shes like If she even THINKS her shit is going to be better than Clothes Over Bros, shes straight trippin. Lucas is like Bitches love companies.

Okay my high school friends will barely buy me a beer, let alone give me a fucking factory.

Ali has a dream of some kind and sees her mom, dressed in a fugly green top and with some bushy ass hair. I know they have leave-in conditioner in heaven, you lazy bitch. She tells Ali that Snaggle will take care of her and that she loves her, yadda yadda. For a loving mother, she also looks like she lowkey wants to strangle the shit out of Ali.

Mona and Sara meet up, the two sketchiest bitches on the block. Sara looks like Miley Cyrus if she ate herself and took makeup inspiration from a raccoon. Seriously there is like 6 pounds of eyeliner on this bitch.

Mona is like and Sara is like Sara is like, . Oh stfu Sara. You look like a balloon shaped like Nick Carter and your only friend is a dude who eats ice cream on a street corner like a fucking poverty stricken 6-year-old.

Ezra and Aria are having tea like a bunch of pussies and Aria drops the A bomb on him. She goes from 0 to 100 real quick and is like I HAVE TO END THIS.

Back to Ali and Snaggle. Lucky us. Ali tells Snaggle to go to his conference in Chicago and that when he gets back theyll resume their daily programing of boning each other (what a fucking gross mental picture.)

Caleb and Hanna present their shit idea to the group, who all agreeits a shit idea. Caleb is like . Hes getting awfully close to Hanna and Spencer looks like she is about to cut a bitch.

Caleb: This isnt a cheer-ocracy Spencer: Youre being a real cheer-tator, Caleb!

The plan starts by Hanna sending a message to A saying leave my friends alone and then a Carly Rae Jepsen-esqe version of Call Me comes on, while the binary code of her text shows up on the screen. A gets the text of that dumbass admitting to murder. Its about to go down.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181188109727