#its more of a sarcastic post anyway like. nothing of gruesome detail.

[squuote]

okay just to gauge reaction before i go on rambling about random mental shit again. is talking about intrusive thoughts on the table or should i slide that one back into the drafts to never be seen

[jessdunn18]

dennis

@drfrankenhyde Dennis was a loner and had too much time on his hands. His thoughts often got the better of him. He was 6'2 pale and built like a plump ham. His parents commented on his biggest insecurities often. His father who was the shape of a tree stump would mock his weight. His mom who was like a mix of a hobit and a tomato would mock his complexion and his stature. His dark hair and eyes made everyone assume he was goth. Nope just depressed. He had a hunched posture that he only fixed when he had to serve up burgers to the ungrateful jackwads that pissed and moaned about "too much mayo" at the "sub slammer" a hoagie shop perched between a subway and a quiznos in his food court. He remembers what he thought the first time he saw the place on his 14th birthday while he was stood between his then friends Jake and Austin. "Is this some kind of a joke" However since then the subway had gotten a few too many bad health inspections. The quiznos had been taken over by sketchy people since it was the only food court area that was open 24-7 and it was virtually made uninhabitable by us normal folks.  Now he shoved out shitty knock off subs at prices that were just a dime or two under the prices and a hair or two below the quality. Literally there was a girl named libby making them whose hair was flying out like it was afraid of her scalp.

Each night Dennis went home, chucked his 4 dollar "SS" cap into the corner and perched himself in the tiny office chair in his room. A room that was meant for a 5ft nothin' highschool home coming queen. The ceilings were low the walls were beige and the door was a tone of peach only described as "Vomit". He'd sit in front of his computer searching and clicking and sometmes jacking off until his eyes were blood shot orbs of disturbed mass histeria. He watched conspiracy theory videos, he watched videos of people being blown to bits by bombs and high powered rifles. He'd go onto the 50/50 page of reddit and hope for the gruesome ones. He even winced in anger when he saw a puppy playing with bubbles once. He would usually wake up after slumping down and feeling the rush of cold drool against his chin stuble. Tonight was no different he stood up slowly and stretched making a shadow on his wall the looked like bruce baner turning into the hulk. "hah, i wish" he thought to himself.  He slumped over to his bed which was a twin. His parents really wanted a girl. He fell asleep as usually painfully heaped into a fetal shaped mess barely covered by his blankets. "God i hate this fucking room" he said and passed out. After 4 hours of something inbetween sleep and an awkward balancing act he woke up to a shouting match going on between his parents in the hall. He shook his head and stood up and hulked over to the door and looked out to see them screaming. "Dennis, will you tell your mother we are not..." "oh gee dad i'd love to bu-" *Door slam* "Fuckin' nuerotic windbags" Dennis sat back down his his chair and rubbed his eyes. He was going to give it another college try. You see he would just fuck around online at night. Trying to see shit taht would mentally scar himself. However during the day he researched ways to actively end his existence. "The sooner i'm dead the sooner these fuckers can either divorce or hate fuck and concieve the little girl they've always wanted" he coughed to clear out his throat and lungs.

"Uh...lets see here" he said talking to no one. "Suicide no pain...no mess..." he typed out those words and pressed enter. His slow computer took ages to load the results. "Oh come the fuck on..another reason to do it" he said and chuckled. "aha!" he saw the screen finish loading and a result came up that was an answer to his prayers. "...Dr. Marve for the psychiatirc college for human on human intervention invites anyone wanting assistane reaching their demise to take part in this ..." he continued reading and clicked on the link. He found a phone number and an address and walked down the street and used a pay phone so his parents wouldn't have any evidence of who was involved. They never wanted him and he didn't really think they loved him but...he new some how they'd be pissed at whoever helped him. He popped a coin into the all but rusted dial. He feverishly mashed the buttons almost missing the last seven with his burly hands.  The phone started ringing and he chewed his lip as the held the reciever to his ear. He smelled like a mix of sausage and B.O. "Uggghh now i know where the homeless sleep...uh..." just then a woman picked up. "Uhmmm...*clears his throat* ...is this Dr. Marves self end assistance office n 91124 bridgetown , washington?" "Why yes it is ,why is it that you're calling, ...?" "..well i...uh" "...just kidding we know why already just a little post post moterm humor" the woman said with a giggle and under any other circumstances this would have freaked him the fuck out. However he had called her. "uuhmmm ...anyway ..i was wondering if i could make an appointment for a consultation..I have the money ...." "Oh no its free the people who pay are the ones who apply to assist the dead" The woman said. "Oh...awesome..i mean...cool" He stammered. "Yes it is.." she said sounding almost evil. "uh..you mean this really doesn't like bug you? to work some where that helps with this sort of thing?" He asked feeling odd now about it himself. "oh no we just ask that the individuals make absolutely sure they have nothing to live for or leave behind. We don't like a lot of loose en--- i mean ...messy paperwork" She answered sounding as if she was smiling. "well thats me, i'm 22, no life, no friends,,nothing..not squat..so uhm when can i come in?" He asked getting back to the point. "walk ins are welcomed" She said seeming to soften up her odd eagerness. "great i'll be there this afternoon..bye" Dennis hung up and started walking to the bus station.

He came upon the bench which was empty. Which was good because the last thing he'd want was some old woman making small talk with him. He imagined the conversation in his head. Her asking him "where ya headed" him saying "to an appointment" and from there she'd either bore him about details about her ever present medical visits which would lead him to either rudely stare forward and ignore her or blow up in her face about how ..thankful he was about being on his way to kill himself. He saw the bus approaching and shook himself internally as to stop spacing out. He whipped out his bus pass and steped onto the bus. He got on and the bus smelled even worse than the phone reciever. Like a mix of pepper farts and garbage juice. "uggghhh now i know where the homeless fuck..." he said under his breath. He picked a seat. It was acrossed from a man wearing headphones and texting. He could make out the messages on the reflexion in the glass behind him.

"vanessa speak to me, its been two days, I know i proposed at lego land. i see that was wrong now i'm so so so so sorry.." *send noise* All Dennis could think to himself was ..glad I'm about to dodge that bullet. He smiled to himself and leaned against the back of the seat and dozed off.

He woke up to the bus jolting and him almost flying off of his seat. "Whoa shit!" he said catching himself against a somewhat sticky pleather seat. That had tears so old they now looked like old war wounds. He stood up and shook his head awake. He saw the clinic sign as he stepped off of the bus.

"Dr. Marve's, Where we make life complete" He rolled his eyes and began walking toward the door. The cliinic was a little hole in the wall. He looked like it used to be a chinese restaurant or something. It barely seemed big enough to do any kind of medical shit. He got closer to the door and looked the place up the down. "Hmm, guess this is as good a place as any to die" he shrugged and reached for the door handle. It creeked and he felt goosebumps rise up on his arms. "Christ!" he said he steped inside and a blinding light sent his pupils into spasms. His vision got a bit blurry "Oh shi-" he said blinking quickly so his eyes were adjust as the door shut behind him. "Welcome, can i have your name and why you want to die" he heard as his eyes regained focus. He recognized the voice from the phone. "Hi, I'm Dennis, people used to call me Denny, my dad calls me Denise!" He said sarcastically and walked up to the counter. "And why do you want to die?" The woman said a small smile that looked painted on stuck fast on her face. "A lot of reason, I'm overweight, my parents resent me, i have no friends, i work in the food court and i can't even make a pastrami on rye right..." he was cut off by the womans interuption. "no no...the most poinient reasoning, ...like...for instance if you were struggling with your sexuality, if you were in some kind of horrible chronic pain, if you were terminally ill and afraid that it would get worse, multiple personality disorder, someones threatened to kill you or maybe multiple someones and you wanna beat them to the punch" she said making a small punching motion inward like friends do in cheesy buddy movies as she smiled at him and tilted her head. "The fuck..? No...i just hate my life, ...don't peopl ever come in here wanting to die for that reason?" He asked almost becoming angry. "Yes...and some of this back out..and we like no mess as i've told you ...so i was just making sure..." she spat back at him and then looked down at some paperwork. "now....uhm lets see here the doctor can see you...." she paused for what felt lie 20 minutes. "Now...." she said perking back up and smiling at him. "...right through that door". She pointed at a large steel door that looked like something out of a psyche ward. "uh..thanks.." Dennis thanked her timidly and started lurching over to the door. There was no hint as to what was behind it...there was a small window but it was boarded up. Whiched seemed more than a little sketchy but Dennis didn't care. He was tired of being alive. He had been depressed and sad and emotionally devoid for too long. He lacked any kind of motivation or want or need out of life. He had nothing to lose and nothing to want. So he oppened the door and thank god it didn't screech at him and there were no blinding lights. Just a sign that said "don't touch wet paint." the sign looked old. He found a door that said "Dr. Marve" He knocked softly. "Uh..doc ya in there" He said feeling his voice crack and realizing how dry his mouth was. "One second suzanne..." he heard from behind the door and a few foot steps later and he was face to face with a man who didn't look like the kind of guy you'd think would want to end lives for a living. "Hello, you must be the young man who called earlier" he said smilng. "i spoke to your receptionists tho-" Dennis started. "i have all the phones tapped, so uhm..whats was your prefered method of...Danny..?" the Doctor asked him. "Its Denny...can i come in or...?" He asked. "Oh yes sure..." the Doctor said and leaped out of the way and two stepped back to his desk and sat down. Come take a seat. "Okay..." Dennis sat down and looked around. "Are you sure you are the right doctor, i mean you don't seem like the kind of person who wants to help people kill themselves" Denny said the doubt showing up in his voice. "What makes ya say that, is it cause i'm a doctor, aren't doctors meant to end suffering, life is suffering so by helping people end their lives i'm ending the leading cause of suffering" Dr. Marve said seeming a bit annoyed but stil too chipper for Dennis's liking. "hmm...Okay..ya talked me into it...You asked me my prefered method...what do you recommend?" Dennis asked sitting back and relaxing a bit in the chair.

Dr. Marve looked puzzled and also sat back in his chair. He spun around and looked out the window. "Well, that depends, Denny,...do you want pazazz and bang or something quiet...do you want a rush...or something small.." he slowly started turning back around. "..do you want TO BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED ...OR DONATE THAT SLAB OF FLESH YOU CALL YOU TO SCIENCE?" He said finishing off yelling in Dennys face. Dennis didn't even flinch. "Doc, look i'm starting to think this place isn't legit. Between you and better bozo out there i'd swear this fucking place isn't an office or medical clinic at all, but just you and some bitch who escaped the psyche ward and wanna freak people out" He finished what he was saying and began playing with a loose piece of rubber on the sole of his shoe. Dr. Marve sat back down and brushed the small wrinkled out of his shirt.  "no no...i could see where you'd get that idea but no...i just like to get someons blood pumping one last time before it stops, now...how do you want to die?" He asked again this time quietly but looking Dennis straight in the eyes. He pulled out a syringe and walked over to Dennis. "what the hell are you gonna do with that?" Dennis said tensing up in his chair. "nothing...unless you want me too" The doctor placed the syringe on his desk and leaned on the edge of the desk with his arms crossed. "Hell, i'll even leave and you can do it." He said nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders before walking back to his chair. "okay. I wanna be put down in a decent way. I'll take the injection..but i'm a big dude make sure you've got enough to do the job there doc." Dennis said and pulled up his T-shirt sleeve. "oh it'll do the job." The doc said and picked up the syringe and walked over to Dennis and pushed it into his upper forearm. After that the doctor tossed the syringe in a plastic binned marked "sharps".  At first Dennis didn't feel much. Then he felt his fingers and toes going numb. He felt his nose twitch. He wasn't feeling pain. He felt like he was falling asleep sort of but one of those hidden sleeps. Like you're tired but not tired enough to admit it and before you know it you're waking up and its morning. Dennis felt his mind become less aware which was probably a blessing. He looked around the room one last time the walls were turning into jello and Dr. Marve was knealing down to check his pulse. "Almost there"...He felt nothing and it seemed over. Everything went black and he thought  "so this must be death...Theres a whole lotta nothing"..he said in that dark emptyness for what felt like days. Just then something felt jagged...he could feel himself again. "Damnit, i went to hell...i was afraid of this..." He could hear voices...and he could smell chemicals and feel something like against his skin. Just then it hit him. "i'm not dead..I told them that little syringe full of shit wouldn't do the trick" He was alive but he couldn't open his eyes..he wasn't breathing. Just then he woke up...He was strapped to a bed...He was stuck there. He could feel his head getting foggier. He was losing his memories, his thoughts, his feelngs, his friends, his family, he felt panicked and then all of a sudden he couldn't feel anything. He couldn't remember who he was. "Denny boy!, how is my little patient?" Dr. Marve said walking over in a white lab coat that was covered in God knows what. "whose Denny?" he answered. "Well, my friend, you were,..you wanted to die...i'm sorry, Denny wanted to die..so we killed him, Now you can be whoever you want" Dr. Marve said smiling. "...who are you?" He asked. "i'm a miracle worker, and about to be bloody stinkin rich!"  Dr. Marve exclaimed.   "Are you sure about this Marve, are you sure no ones gonna come looking for him like they did the others?" Suzzane the receptionist asked a hint of sadness and desperation hanging in her words. "Don't be silly, he's just some kid...we'll let him lose and he'll be found by the authorities wondering around Zoosky park in his socks and boxers and they'll take him home where he'll have a new life where everyone loves him cause they've missed him." Dr. Marve said now sounding as if he was desperate to believe his own bullshit. "but he won't be him, not...not after this" she said panicking. "Thats what he wanted, Denny wanted to die, he's dead now, and now ...whoever this sap becomes next will be much happier you'll see." The doctor said stripping off his lab coat and putting on his regular coat and hat and grabbing his briefcase. "you're just gonna leave him here?" Suzzane said looking at Denny's body and stroking his face.   "no we are, now come with me toots we've got plans to make!" He boasted and grabbed Suzzane by the wrist and pulled her out the door. She watched as the empty minded man strapped to the slab dozed off again. She hoped desperately that some of his memories would reform while there were out.

The next day Dennys body awoke and was now free of its restraints. Suzanne was standing over him with a smile. She rubbed his hand. "welcome back Denny, ...how was your nap?" she asked. "Denny,...is that me?" the person asked sounding less sedated and loopy. "Uhm...it was...., do you remember anything..?" She asked him. "I remember a needle...and darkness...and .." He looked up to the ceilng. "low ceilings" He blinked and smiled subtly.  "But our ceilings are 12 ft high...?" Suzanne said feeling puzzled.

She handed him an sausage egg mcmuffin, Denny had hated eggs but she didn't know that.  "Here i got something for you to eat just cause you don't remember food doesn't mean you shouldn't eat some."  He took a bite and made a face...and then stared straight ahead for a few seconds.   "what, what did you feel, ..or see?" She looked deep into his eyes...watching his pupils shift. He started blinking fast and spat the bite he had taken into a napkin. "why'd ya burn the eggs mah?" he said and looked irritated. "I'm not your mother..." she said and realized he could remember small things. She smiled but vowed not to tell the Doctor.

The man stood up and took baby steps around the room. He walked over to the mirror and looked in it. He tilted his eyebrows up and smiled.  "Do...ya...uhm... do you remember yourself?" The woman asked.  "Myself, ...thats me?" he said lookng at Suzanne then back at himself and mussing his hair up.   "Yes, you came in here...and wanted our help and now..you...dont' remember yourself..or anything" She said as her shoulder slumped as she walked up to Bennys body.    "Why did i need your help?" he asked.    "you were...uhm..sad and unhappy..and now you can't remember why so i guess that's a plus" she said nearly cryiing.  "It'll be okay" he said and hugged her.    "How did you know to hug me?" she asked confused.    "i don't know i must have seen it somewhere" The large man looked confused.    "...so it does remember.." she said stroking her chin.    "who is it?" Dennis asked.     "..uh...nothiing....yet" she said looking him up and down. She walked out of the room and came back in with a pencil and paper and wrote down the alphabet.  She held it up in front of him.

"Do you remember any of this?" She said. "Well, Duh, Those are letters, do you have anything besides eggs...i'd rather have pizza" He said. "Yeah i'll go get some pizza you go rest  uhm...i'll be back" she said and sped off out the door lockng it behiind her. She hopped in her car and all the way to the pizza place she was smiling and thinking "shit shit fuck" at the same tme.    She began talking to herself in the middle of traffic. "if he remembers somethings he might remember and be mad, but this is a breakthrough, if it worked...if it doesn't he could end up brain damaged in a week in Zoosk park lke Marve said...but no..shit...Suzzane you've gotta help him" she said and shook herself out of her conversation. She parked and ran in to grab two slice of pepperoni pizza, she paid with a $10 and said keep the change. As she charged back to the car she noticed a couple walking in and over heard their conversation.

"No Drew, he wouldn't just take off like that I know my Denny" The woman collapsed into the mans arms crying loudly. "There there Amy, We'll find him...He probably just passed out on the bus and ended up out of town at Rodgers again"

She watched them enter the pizza shop and sped off in her jeep back to the small clinic. She pulled around back and entered through the lab doors. She walked in to find Dr. Marve waiting with a tablet watching Denny's vitals.

"Oooh for me?" He said grinning. "uhm...no i got it for him..you can have the left over egg mcmuffin overthere though" She said smuggly and walked over and nudged Denny. "He won't wake up what did you do?" She said putting the pizza on a stand. "I'm fixing him, thats what he came here for so thats what i'm going to do!" He said. "You know he's sort of remembering things, and if we can trigger the good memories and keep him from  remembering the bad long enough, he won't have pain attached to them anymore" She said trying not to sound bossy. "That wasn't the plan Suzanne, we were meant to find them a living host, someone who was alive but mentally empty who they could toy with for a bit." The doctor sad almost screaming. "Why not try someone with dementia or something inoperable" She stammered. "Because we need someone young and strong not some brittle old cow with dead brain cells this could be a breakthrough in mind control, it could lead to incredible things Suzie!" He said sounding like a mad scientist. "Don't call me Suzie, I haven't been Suzie since August when you..." she stopped and started scratching intently at her arm.  "Cured you?" He said trying to prove a point.  "You didn't cure shit, i felt empty with those memories, but at least i knew why i felt empty now...i feel nothing...!" she screamed and collapsed in tears. Just then Dennis woke up.  "Why is she crying?" He asked looking slightly mad.  "why do you care you don't even know anything" The doctor said scoffing at his unfunny remark.   "I know enough" Dennis said. Just then he shoved the doctor out of the way and onto a syringe of his solution. He knealt down and looked at Suzanne she was scratching a gash into her forearm. "why are you doing this?" He said pull her hand away and covering her arm with his other hand.     "because i had memories that hurt me...and he took mine,...and sometimes i wish i could remember, and when i can't i just..." she fidgetted trying to reach back and start again.      "No.." He stood up holding her wrists and looking her in the eyes. "i'll help" he hugged her and they both heard the Doctor fall over with a thud.     "Ill help you too." She said and sniffled while she wiped the tears away. The both took a slice of pizza and ate it. Then they lifted the doctor onto the stretcher and strapped him in.

A little back story on suzanne. She was sexually abused as a girl. Her parents left her for dead and the Doctor found her when she was a teen. He tricked her into having the percedure. He reconsidered it for a bit and then thought it would work out better on a male brain. She can't remember the abuse but there is still sadness and pain. Baseless pain and shame...without her minds ability to explain and so she does the scratching thing as a coping mechanism and reaactionary impulse. PTSD without any understandable trauma so the brain must create some kind of trauma or prompt the body to do so.

...

The walked out locking the door behind them. Suzanne and Dennis got into her car. He hit his head on the arch of the car door. "Yee-ouch damnit happens every time, fuck!" He shook his head and then looked around. "Where am i?, Where's Doc. Marve? Why am i not dead?" He said looking straight into Suzannes eyes, then down at her arm. "Oh god,,..Did i do that to you...f i did i'm sorry i didn't know what that syringe had in iti knew...i shouldn't have let him do...thi-" she put her hand over his mouth. She looked him dead in the eyes. "Stop, you're panicking, Dr. Marve attempted to wipe most of your memories. I dont know how much you remember but i've been trying to revive whats left of your memories...he originally was going to wipe your brain like a harddrive and sell you to some people who were going to use you and mind control you to do bad things Dennis" She said and pulled her hand away. "please call me Denny" He said and looked confused at himself. "do you remember the names Amy and Drew?"She said slowly. "uhm...Amy is...uhm.." He started stuttering and winced hard and was visibly in pain and laid flat against the cramped carseat. "whats ...wha---" Suzanne looked at him feeling horrible. "...she's my mom" he said smiling. "Yes!" Suzanne said starting her car. "Do you know a Drew?" She asked unsure of the result. "i think he's my dad..." He said sounding shakey. "yes!, i saw them and overheard them talking about you at the pizza place i wasn't sure until just now that you were the Denny they were talking about but now i know. I want to take you home to them, they miss you, my parents didn't love me, and in a way i know Dr. Marve saved my life back then but ...i can't remember anything and i only stay with him because i'm scared. its all i know" She said welling up and swallowing hard. "But you're not a little kid you're a grown woman, ...surely you want to do something else" Dennis said as they pulled out of the parking lot and went off to the pizza shop hoping they would catch his parents.

After about 5 minutes they reached the redlight before the pizza shop and A green Subaru was pulling out and Dennis saw it and it triggered his brain. "Thats my parents car!" The light turned green and they pulled out and followed the car until it reached the police station. It pulled in and they followed. After they did Dennys dad go out and walked up to Suzannes car as his mother walked into the police station. "what the he--whaaa...is that...?" he saw Dennis sat there in the passenger seat. "Dad?..." Denny said confused. "what do you mean. Dad?... of course i am come here!" he walked over to give him a hug.   "I think you're my dad, so i'll hug you" Denny said and hugged him. "He thinks, what did you do?" Drew said looking angrily at Suzanne. "I need to tell you and you're not going to believe a word but the man responsible did  the same thing to me only i don't remember anything. Your son still remembers you. The truth will be hard to hear but i save him and brought him to you and he's slowly starting to remember things. He came to the clinic i no longer work for as of today. He came in yesterday he wanted to die. He was tricked into thinking we offered assisted suicides. The man responsible attempted to wipe your sons memory  it didn't work. If it had he'd be having his mnd controlled by someone else right now." She said breaking down into tears. "We gotta tell the cops and take them and go get this fucker!" His dad said. "I know exactly where he is too but we gotta hurry!".

Drew, Denny and Suzanne walked into the police station and poured their guts.  At first the police didn't believe Suzanne until she was fingerprinted and just as she was about to be questioned her finger prints came back. She hadn't been left for dead. Her parents hadn't left her for dead in fact they had been looking for her all this tme. Her parents were contacted as Suzanne told the cops where the man who she now knew had sexually assaulted and kidnapped her was located her parents were contacted.

Denny was reintroduced to his parents, and himself. He learned to appreciate life. His mind was never quite the same though. He now is the manager of the Sub Slammer and invents knew kinds of sandwiches every month.

Suzanne is starting to remember things. Just not the bad parts.

Dr. Marve had his medical license revoked.. 20 yrs ago and is now serving extensive time in a psych ward where they do experiments on him to figure out whats wrong with his brain.

I know the ending wasn't a dark as you may have thought it would be but i hope its still good none the less.