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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago

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more tgcf chapters 143-173 lets goooooo

PEI MING BOO HISS except actually okay he’s mostly funny i think but still boo hiss

“hey who’s this guy who’s really pissed at you?” “oh thats my sword. i broke it.” alright then!

i think i need to go back and reread the banyue pass arc bc im still confused as to whats going on with banyue and pei su

“Banyue dropped from the sky with two pots raised. Without a word, she plummeted with the mouths of the pots facing down, trapping and detaining the shocked Ming’guang and the roaring Ke Mo within.” - THATS MY GIRL

“It must be known that, to heavenly officials, it certainly was more than natural for kingdoms of the mortal realm to fight and annihilate one another; the acts of these plays progressing on endlessly. But when it came their own turn, it was often hard to let things go. If one must stand in the same court as the one who annihilated their own kingdom, and that man cavorted in the heavens, exceedingly flashy, then it must be vexing.” - hmmmm!!

“I’ve spoken too many words in this lifetime. What are you referring to?” - okay to be fair thats a mood

okay its nice to get some pei ming backstory and its funny that he and xie lian are bonding but also still whenever pei ming interacts with a female character my hackles rise like a cat lol

“Xie Lian watched as Banyue thought really hard before cheerfully pulling out a few long, wine-red scorpion-snakes, and putting them into the bubbling pot.” - THATS MY GIRL

“Although “smell” was something colourless and formless, the instant Banyue removed the pot cover, it was as if some mysterious physical object had twisted all the air around the mouth of that pot. The group stared at the sight within the pot for a long time. Their pupils reflected an endless, bottomless darkness; like it could pull them into the abyss. No words could describe the sentiment expressed within their eyes. A moment later, Xie Lian patted Banyue’s shoulder and gave a thumbs-up.” - like father-figure like daughter-figure. amazing.

“However, what if one day mortals discovered something completely new that ran faster than horses? Then, when this new invention overtook horses, worshippers of this heavenly official who controlled horses would inevitably decrease. Such heavenly officials, flashing by like shooting stars, made up the majority of the heavens.” - obsessed with this, genuinely. life and change. worship and its purpose. my religious studies diploma on my wall is screaming at me rn. ALSO i am once again thinking about celebrities

“...” It was only then that Pei Ming seemed to notice, and started to contemplate this question. A moment later, he answered, “A habit. In a dark, creepy place like this, isn’t it normal to hold women in your arms, to comfort them and calm their fears?” “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t scared,” Banyue said.” - BANYUE I LOVE YOU. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. god this takes me back to every college party i ever went to

LING WEN BACKSTORY????? shoeseller chosen for godhood bc she wrote a political essay and got arrested...... and now she’s face to face with the official who appointed her..... do go on.....

“Ling Wen laughed out loud, seeming to be enraged, and her voice dropped. “Very well! You said I couldn’t reach that high. Then, might I ask you: had the prominence of the Palace of Jing Wen at its peak ever reached even the knees of my Palace of Ling Wen??” - GET HIM!!!! BOO HISS JING WEN

“Compared to you, I’m not that bad,” Ling Wen said. “You’d personally order me to stay in the Palace of Jing Wen until midnight, then turn around and say I shamelessly hang around ‘til late to harass you. Words murder without form; I was much nicer responding with blatant violence.” - ling wen im love you..... also this bit... feels Real

BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN!! FLOWER PETALS TRANSFORMATION!!! see hua cheng? look as how cool it can be when you leave the story for a little while!! bc then you get to return and make an entrance!!

“Not only can you bring forth bloody rain, you can also make flowers shower. I didn’t know that. How fun!” - cute!! and in that moment we were all xie lian

“Everyone was stunned by his deed, and Ling Wen arduously gave him a thumbs-up. ”Ol’ Pei, what a man!” Pei Ming gritted his teeth. “WELCOME!” - aww three two tumors buddies!!

okay yin yu is here and xie lian did the equivalent of asking someone when the baby is due only to find out theyre not pregnant at all. then rong guang taunts yin yu and no one says anything. i do love the amount of awkward moments in this book tbh sometimes there are no words.

“All around was sand and mud crushing at him, exceedingly suffocating. The sand and mud was also moving endlessly; the feeling was like he was swallowed into the stomach of a giant monster, and that monster had also eaten a bunch of other things besides him, tumbling everything in its stomach, trying to digest” - ooooh creepy!!! the red string thing... is cute.... also xie lian being able to see hua cheng’s butterfly vision by looking directly into his eye is kinda cool. and obviously homoerotic.

“Are lower-ranked heavenly officials below other people?” Quan Yizhen asked. “No,” Yin Yu replied. Were they not? It was obvious that he himself didn’t believe in his own words, and Quan Yizhen also noticed. A good while later, he said bluntly, “I don’t like it here.” Yin Yu said nothing.” - im having emotions. and then yin yu also saying he doesnt like it there either.... also idk how this scene is going to play out but as much as im enjoying quan yizhen being an icon i can also possibly see how yin yu could eventually get to the point of “i am tired of being nice. i do just want to go apeshit” even if he really cares about qyz. it happens </3

“Indeed,” Hua Cheng said. “Half a year later when Quan Yizhen actually ascends, he won’t find it so funny anymore.” “Can we watch that part too?” Xie Lian asked. “We can. Hold on,” Hua Cheng replied.” - quan yizhen king of taking things literally. also why did this turn into hualian having a movie night

jian yu seems like the kind of asshole who would purposely give someone regular soda when they specifically asked for diet soda. god yin yu is really having a bad day i really feel for him in the whole situation with the brocade immortal

awww okay at least jian yu tried to take responsibility. im still mad at him tho that was objectively a terrible idea. god this whole situation sucked :(

“Rocks and earth crushed at them from all around, forcing their bodies to press tightly against one another, their faces brushing, their ears warm. Although it wasn’t the right time, a thought flashed through Xie Lian’s mind: “‘To die buried together’ doesn’t feel so bad.” - okay... im kind of emotional.... gay people....

okay obviously these murals and the prince of wuyong have some connection (im guessing pretty direct) to xie lian and are important but everytime they start analyzing one i feel like im back in art history class fhadskfhskjdhf not that thats a bad thing!! i liked art history a lot tbh

“Don’t worry, they’re not human,” Hua Cheng said. “It’s precisely because they’re not human that we have to worry, alright….” Xie Lian thought.” - goth ghost bf problems

xie lian: well, there is one person i trust more than anyone else, someone who’s first in my mind hua cheng, oblivious: oh :/ xie lian, also oblivious: what? hua cheng: you shouldnt trust so easily its dangerous xie lian: oh. haha. yeah. well. wanna,,, know who it is? hua cheng: its :) fine :) it :) doesnt :) matter :) but of course you can tell me if you want to gege xie lian, internally: well now ive made it weird hua cheng, 5 minutes later: actually i need you to tell me. right now. its totally for your security me: gay people smh

“As they suspected, he had been captured by Qi Rong. Although no one was bound by ropes, there were balls of greasily green ghost fires hovering over every one of their heads.” - completely off track but anybody else remember the great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts song

“Could there actually come a day when Qi Rong was embarrassed that someone might see the manner in which he ate? Before Xuan Ji entered, she put Guzi down. Guzi, ta-ta-ta, ran in, rushing straight to Qi Rong’s side. But when he saw him, he pointed his finger. He cried, “Dad is eating bad things in secret again!” “I’m not!” Qi Rong retaliated.” SCREAM IS QI RONG LEARNING THE POWER OF LOVE NOOOO also god that poor man whose body he has im starting to doubt if he’ll ever be free jimmy novak flashbacks

everytime we get another ghost king power somewhere someone should be writing hua cheng the cyborg bf in a high tech futuristic au i think thats the only other potential setting that could truly capture this wild ride

“In truth, throughout history, there was no man in the world who didn’t love bragging. A breeze could blow the handkerchief of a brothel girl into a man’s hand, and he would turn around and say the most beautiful of renowned escorts had fallen in love with him; holding shoes and wiping benches for the emperor’s mistress’s uncle’s grandson’s cousin’s mistress would for sure become him being an important administrator at the residence of royal relatives, raising his status. Thus, men who didn’t brag were a rare species.” - SCREAM this is going in my favorite tgcf quotes folder god... mxtx come here let me shake your hand

read the story of rain master yushi huang’s ascension. why am i crying. also this bit im crying again me with my stuffed animals “Thus, while Yushi Huang was cultivating at the Temple of Yulong, every time when she went to seek water and passed that door, she would rub the head of that ox. The door knocker soaked in her essence of life, and when the Rain Master ascended, the ox ascended with her.”

okay thats enough for now i have 7 more chapters to book 4!!! woo!!!

#tgcf liveblog #bedtime now but im excited to be moving on #mouse mumbles

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christainsbitch · 7 years ago

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Park // Colby Brock

Prompt: Im too lazy for one …. :)

Warning: Swearing, cuteness

A/N: Please leave requests :)

COLBY’S POV

She was so gorgeous. Here I am laying next to literally the perfect girl and I dont even have the balls to ask her out. She was totally my type and literally everything about her is just so perfect.

She’s gorgeous, sarcastic, funny, and so many other things. Nothing can describe how perfect she is. I was supposed to film with Sam but I forgot and I’m guessing he did too. He also I guess rescheduled the midnight game for another night.

I sighed and stood off the couch and turned off the TV. I picked up Y/N bridal style and carried her to her room.

YOUR POV

I rubbed my tired eyes and sat up looking around my room. I stood up from my warm bed and dragged myself down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Good morning sunshine.” Sam looked up from his phone. He was sat at the kitchen counter as Colby was looking around in the fridge.

“Morning Sam.” I rubbed my eyes once again. “Where is everyone else?”

“Work and other things.” Colby answered but didn’t bother to look at me as he grabbed a gallon of milk from the fridge. “The normal thing that adults do you knoww.”

“Oh.” I replied simply. “Is there any coffee?”

“Uh yeah Elton just made a fresh pot, it’s over there.” Sam pointed in the direction of it.

I poured myself a mug of hot black coffee and took a sip. “You don’t add sugar or anything?” Colby asked with a look of disgust on his beautiful face.

“Nope.” I shake my head and sat in the seat across from him.

“I am going to Kat’s today and Colby is going where ever he’s going, are you okay with being here alone for awhile?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, of course.” I nodded and took another sip of the warm beverage.

“Okay. Elton is probably staying at Amanda’s and I doubt Corey will be home until late tonight so you’ll have the house to yourself.”

“That’s great, I get to binge watch some shows.” I grin but really I just wanted to be alone do I could cry. Something I haven’t done in a little while

“By some shows do you mean Teen Wolf perchance?” Colby asked and I nodded.

“I was planning on watching American Horror Story.” I said. “But Teen Wolf seems morr appealing.”

“Okay well, we’ll seen you later.” Sam said and Colby kissed the top of my head before following Sam out.

“Yep.” I nod. “See ya. Have fun at Kat’s and you too with whatever you’re gonna be doing Colby.

“He’s probably gonna masturbate all day.” Sam said and my nose scrunched up in disgust.

“That’s gross, Sam.” I cringed.

“Very. But also a little true” Colby agrees.

—-

Sam and Colby left about an hour ago and I was all ready to just lay on the couch and watch Teen Wolf but my phone rang.

(Italics: Gwen / Bold: Colby)

Hello?

Heyyy

What do you want, Colb?

Why so grumpy?

I was ready to watch a show but you interrupted me.

Well, I’m bored and have nothing else to do or go alone soooooo come onnn

Fine, are you picking me up?

Yeah. Be there in an hour.

Bye.

Byeeee.

I hung up and jumped off the couch. I ran up the stairs and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair.

I put on my normal makeup and some red lipstick then grabbed a fast outfit. {Above} I left my hair down in its natural waves and headed down the stairs. I still had about 30 minutes until he got here.

I’m here. I looked at the text and smiled. I grabbed my purse off the couch and walked out the door. I opened the passenger door and slid in.

“So, what are we doing?” I asked as I buckled my seatbelt.

“I was thinking maybe we can just go to a park or something. I haven’t been to one in awhile.

"Okay.” I nod and he drives away and off to the park.

—-

“This is gorgeous.” I say in awe as I look around the park. There was a huge gorgeous lake next to it as well.

“I know I love it here.” Colby smiled and dragged me over to the swings.

I threw my flannel onto the ground and sat on the swing. “Can you push me?” I turned to Colby and he nodded and began to push me softly.

Soon I was pretty high and the wind was blowing my long hair around.

“So Y/N, tell me about yourself.” Colby continued to pump his legs but looked at me with his beautiful eyes. You and Colby had only started talking like this about a week ago and it was great.

“What do you want to know?” I asked and turned my head towards him.

“mmmm favorite things, passions, everything.” He smiled at me.

“Uhm I really like to read, I love music, one of my passions is most definitely acting or singing. I used to do a lot of plays in high school and I loved it.” I say. “Oh and my favorite color is probably black or navy blue.”

“You like to act?” He asked.

“Yeah uh, I like to pretend to be someone I’m not because it makes me forget how shitty my life is and I can live in the persons life that I am acting as.” I say.

He hummed in response and rubbed his chin. “What?” I ask as I noticed the weird look he was giving me.

“Oh nothing.” He smirked and jumped off the swing.

I watched as he pulled out his phone and began taking photos of me. I squealed and cover my face and I jumped off the swing and crashed into him.

His phone fell and so did we. “Well that was fun.” I laughed and looked down at Colby who was under me.

“If you call breaking every bone in my body fun.” He groaned and I Laughed, standing up and putting my hands out to help him up.

About an hour passed and Colby had already hurt himself about 5 times. I loved watching him fall off of everything around him.

“Shit.” I heard and turned to see Colby on the mulch. I laughed and held my hand out to help pull him back onto the play set.

“Alright I think we both have enough scrapes. Let’s go home now.” I said and he groaned, shaking my hand up and down since he never let it go when I helped him.

“Nooooo.” He whined.

“Yes come on.” I intertwined our fingers and dragged him to the car.

He groaned the whole way but once we got to the car we let go and got in. The whole way home we listened to music and danced.

Being with Colby made everything better. He was the one thing that could get my mind off of my dead family. I looked over and him and smiled to myself.

When we got home Elton fired questions at us, well mainly me.

“Where were you?” “Why didnt you guys call?” “I thought you were kidnapped since I know you dont leave the house alone.”

“Elton I’m fine, I was with Colby all day.” I assured him.

“Jesus did you guys beat each other up? You’re all covered in bruises.” Elton examined my legs. I looked down and back up.

“Yeah Colby likes to beat me.” I smirked and Colby started explaining what actually happened.

Elton nodded and I started up the stairs. “Wait Y/N. Do you want to film a video?” Elton stopped me.

“What kind of video?”

“We’re gonna go to suicide bridge. You down?”

“Yeah I guess.” I shrugged and went upstairs so I could shower and change.

When I was finished getting ready {outfit above} in warm clothes since I knew I’d get extremely cold later tonight I went and laid on Colby’s bed, waiting for him to shower.

COLBY’S POV

I got out of the shower and walked yo my room with the towel on my waist. When I entered I saw Y/N curled in a ball. She must’ve fallen asleep waiting for me.

I smiled at her and quickly got dressed while she slept. “Wake up!” I yelled and jumped on her when I was fully dressed.

She screamed and kicked up, hitting me in the balls. I doubled over and fell on the floor in pain. “Shit Colby I’m so sorry!” She said and fell on the ground next to me.

“Kiss it and make it feel better?” I said with my eyes still squeezed shut.

“You wish.” She said and kissed my cheek instead of my balls.

“Yes I do wish.” I winked in pain.

“shut up.” She laughed and waited.

When my balls finally felt like they weren’t in my stomach she helped me up and dragged me down the stairs and to where Elton and everyone me as waiting for us.

“Were you guys fucking? We heard loud noises.” Sam smirked.

Gwen’s nose scrunched up in disgust and she shook her head. “I fell asleep waiting for him and he jumped on me and scared me so I accidentally kneed him in the balls.”

“Yeah accidentally.” I joked and rolled my eyes playfully.

“I can do it again if you’d like.”

“No please.” I put my hands over my jeans to protect me against any sudden blows.

“Alright you guys ready?” Elton asked as he picked up his camera. The room filled with “yes” and we all walked out to Elton’s car.

Once we got there Elton sat up his camera and we filmed the intro. While we filmed the into Y/N stood between me and Sam with her head down.

Y/N held onto the Ouija board with one hand and the other was laced with mine. Her hand was cold and she was shaking. I didn’t know if it was from fright or she was just cold but either way I held her close to me.

This was our third time being here and I felt as though out of us all Corey and Y/N would be the most scared.

“I know we’re descending into hell right now but 30,000 likes and Y/N and Colby will kiss” Elton smirked behind the camera.

“No we won’t.” Y/N denied and flipped Elton off. I wouldn’t mind kissing her but I also didnt want that to be our first kiss.

On the way down we saw a car and heard a few things. Y/N held onto me tightly but didn’t say she was scared to anyone. The last thing she said since the camera came out was her telling Elton no about the kissing thing.

“Ouch!” I heard Y/N screeched and I turned to her with concern. There was a cut in the middle of her hand and it was bleeding.

“Shit Y/N what happened?” Elton rushed over to her.

“I’m not sure.” She said snd showed the camera her hand. “Damn that hurt.” she laughed it off.

“Alright well if you’re okay then let’s get to our spot.” she nodded and we all continued our way.

YOUR POV

We played the Ouija board and after a few questions we got to one asking if we were gonna die tonight.

“Fuck.” I groaned as I felt something go down my face and onto my lip. I was behind Elton since I didnt wanna play. I looked up and seen that Sam’s nose was bleeding.

“Guys?” I asked and they all turned to me. Elton’s flashlight went onto me and I wiped my nose and there was blood on my fingers.

“What the hell!” Colby rushed over to me and looked at my nose. “What happened?”

Everyone was freaking out and I was pretty calm, even though my nose was all bloody. Sam was pretty calm as well. Elton handed me something and I cleaned myself up.

After awhile of them freaking out and playing the game we all decided we would go to sleep. It was Amanda next to Elton and then Sam then Corey.

I sat up with Colby since I knew I wouldn’t sleep. I never sleep.

Colby soon passed out and I just stood on the wall with my head against it and eyes closed.

“What the fuck!” Corey shot up and was yelling over and over. We all looked at him with confusion as he explained that someone pulled his blanket.

“Guys can we leave?” I asked and grabbed Colby’s hand for protection. He held me close and looked at Elton asking if we could leave.

They all nodded and got the equipment and began running. We finally got to the top and made out way to the car. Once we got there we did the outro and went on our way home.

#colby brock imagine #colbybrock #colby brock #sam and colby #colby brock imagines

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beehivebutch · 7 years ago

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I was tagged by the lovely @nekojitachan (oh god its been months im so sorry i didnt realize i never got around to finishing/posting this thank you for tagging me though!!!)

Rules:

1. Post the rules. 2. Answer the questions given to you. 3. Make 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people.

1.What do you REALLY want to study/have a degree in (assuming money, time, and getting into a program isn’t a problem – if you already have a degree, this might be a secondary choice).

I always wanted to go into ornithology and/or entomology,studio art, psychology and sociology are the ones I plan on having degrees in though. If I had the time and money though, I’d do’em all.

2. Any recipes that you’re really good at/you want to learn?

I’m actually surprisingly good at baking, no particular recipes of course, though I’ve always wanted to try making my own casserole. and my favorite thing to make is definetly mac’ and cheese.

3. Subtitles or dubbed version?

Subtitles, Always, this doesn’t even go for foreign movies and/or anime, I can’t watch tv shows without it.

4. Do you binge watch a series or take it in an episode or two at a time?

Oh god i Binge,, I always run out of things to watch so I end up binging the same show over and over until I get tired of it....i’ll probably return to it though later on.

5. Which of the four horsemen (horsepeople :)) of the apocalypse would you be if you had to step in for one of them?

mmm what were they again? death, famine, pestilence, and war right? in that case I suppose i’d choose death yeah? The reason is somewhat morbid but i’ll say it anyways, like i mean the other horsemen are all about suffering and the like right? Death isn’t exactly like that, its more like an “end” to suffering no?

6. Do you have a favorite gemstone?

I do...I think I have it written down somewhere I was talking about it to a friend for this thing we’re doing.. I’m Pretty sure it’s fire agate though.

7. What scent always makes you happy?

Apple Pie, it always makes me feel nice and warm.

8. Would you prefer a gift card or someone making you a handcrafted gift?

Oh god this is tough.....I feel like saying a gift card? But on the other hand a handcrafted gift,....that’s really nice and I’m a huge sucker for sentimental shit.... I honestly can’t pick one tho, I think i’d just be happy that someone got something for me that they’d think I’d like in the first place.

9. Is there a local ‘slang’ word you say that confuses everyone (well, those not from where you grew up)?

I don’t think so....I mean there’s southern slang in general aside from “y’all” and i know i live Super in the heart of the south but surprisingly ppl arent that “southern” here, its hard to explain but yeah...

10. What’s a book which you wish you’d been the one to write?

God um....there’s a few but I’ll just list one, there’s this book called The Antagonists by Burgandi Rakoska (i included a link to the authors' other books I Highly recommend checking them out it’s Definitely worth the money). It’s such a good book and I only wish I could write like that one day. I absolutely love the books main characters and the plot.

11. What’s your favorite thing to do in the winter?

Watch netflix in my room covered in blankets and eating apple pie, that or counting down for new years and drinking sparkling apple cider as we wait for the ball to drop while i’m with my friends.

Tagging: @not-quite-a-nerd @akaname-senpai @midnight-aura-star

@a-happy-deduction@shuttledick @theuntoldfortune @mamemame187 @sparkymidnight @mismaed @ckn-ngt @thatonetreetho

1. What’s something you’re Extremely passionate about?

2. Favorite song(s)?

3. If you could do Anything, what would you do?(this could literally be anything, no matter how unrealistic it sounds, like flying and other things etc.)

4. What’s your Favorite animal?

5. What’s your current “new years goal” or just goal in general?

6. What’s something you've always wanted?

7.What’s something that you always do when you’re trying to get comfortable?

8. Any language(s) you want to learn?

9. What do you usually watch T.V. shows on?(like TV, netflix, hulu, etc..)

10. What’s your Favorite season?

11. What’s something you’re really stressed about right now?

#mine #so uh nekojitachan if you read this...i am like Super sorry i like #just had this in my drafts for the Longest time and i totally forgot to post it ahhHhh #thank you like #so much for tagging me in it tho it was so so nice to see

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coffeeschim · 7 years ago

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exo ➸ as boyfriends

minseok/xiumin: • so soft and cute ??? • treats you like a legit princess • is down to do whatever you wanna do as long as you’re together • loves holding your hand - won’t do anything further than that in the public eye • but manages to sneak in little quick pecks on the cheek here and there • doesn’t really show pda and prefers to keep it more private • but that doesnt mean he won’t show you off to his members or any other person he knows really • he’s ALL about showing you off • talks about you nonstop when you’re not around • “oh, y/n really likes-” • “yes we know bc you tell us eveRYDAY” • then gets shy and flustered when exposed • melts when you play w his hair • especially when he lays his head in your lap after a long day • loves making you coffee in the morning • will take you to cafes all the time • dates mostly consist of staying inside w movies, hot cocoa, and tons of cuddles • or even having deep conversations at a cafe with lattes will be considered a date to you both • deep, passionate kisses • honestly the type of guy who’ll like be holding your hand and suddenly brings it up to his lips to plant a soft little kiss on it • bear hugs all the way • sends cheeky winks that’ll get you flustered • an overall fluff-ball who’ll love you infinitely junmyeon/suho: • so sweet and caring and just perfect • will support you in every way • he’s one of those people that tend to care and worry a lot for others • so it wouldn’t be surprising if he’s always trying to see if you’re okay or if you need anything • he’s just trying to make sure his baby isn’t hurt and gets what they need • suho may be really strict when it comes to pda in public • he’ll hold your hand and maybe a few hugs, or wrapping an arm around you, but that’s about it • prefers to keep you to himself and shows you all the affection you want when you’re alone • smiles whenever he hears your name • spoils you endlessly • you don’t mind; but sometimes it can get too much • but you still love him since you know he’s just trying to express his love for you and sometimes doesnt know how to • “i got you a new teddy bear-” • “suho i have like 12 already-” • “do you need more ?” • overprotective • not like possessively, but he just doesnt wanna lose you to anyone else • its cute tho • when he gets jealous, he’d try to take you away from the other person smoothly and make them know you’re his • FOREHEAD KISSES • sings softly to you to sleep • likes to rest his head on your shoulder when he gives you back hugs • gives those one hugs that like lets you know he’s always there for you and its so warm and protective

yixing/lay: • CUTEST COUPLE • yixing is a cutie overall tbh • he would be so sweet to you • daily naps and cuddles everyday he’s at home with you • but when he’s not home expect tons of good morning & goodnight texts w him saying how much he misses and loves you • you would be the first person he would want to show his babies off to • they’re really important to him so showing them first to his favorite person would be a must • always gives you encouraging words of motivation • he loves smothering you with tight hugs & kisses • he’d be the type to give you those gentle kisses on the nose or forehead whenever he can • kisses on the lips would still be long and passionate • back hugs ?? yes • giggles all day • even if it’s over nothing • MATCHING CLOTHES • he would be into having matching sweaters • “what is this?” • “i got us matching sweaters !!” • and they would have cute writings on it like ‘prince’ and 'princess’ lol baekhyun: • a puppy who needs love and attention • shows you never-ending affection • very touchy, so expect lots of skin ship all day every day • has to keep a hand on you at all times • this boy shows all kinds of pda • he doesnt really mind showing off in public, since it lets everyone know that you’re his • and he loves smothering you with affection and receiving it as well, so being in public wouldn’t stop him from doing so • hugs, kisses, hand-holding • just about everything but mostly kisses • dates would be full of surprises!! and sometimes chanyeol • the type to have super romantic dates - showing up to your doorstep with flowers, taking you on a nice dinner date, etc • or maybe even staying inside and playing video games w snacks and soda • or even like something extravagant like bungee jumping ??? • idk he really seems like one who’s willing to be up for adventures as long as he’s having fun and that you’re by his side • likes to talk to you about how his day went and the little things that reminded him of you • “there was a puppy brought to the shoot today, it reminded me of you” • “a puppy made you think of me ?” • “yeah, it was cute just like you. but you’re way cuter tho” • he’d go all out w compliments and flirty jokes • the only reason why he says them all the time is bc he knows you get flustered over it • baek’s sensitive, so he would be one to get jealous easily • he wouldn’t do anything to try to step in between you and the other person • but most definitely would sulk over it the whole entire day until you reassured him that it meant nothing

jongdae/chen: • your relationship would be so full of energy • he’s a cheerful person who would always bring you up whenever you’re down • and brings a smile to your face by just being himself • if you’re normally a quiet person, jongdae would most likely be one to bring out the louder side of you • there wouldn’t really be a silent moment with him • he’s an easy person to talk to, so it wouldn’t be hard to start up a conversation • really loves talking about his day and how much he loves and appreciates you • naturally has an arm around you at all times • more of a forehead and cheek kisser • prefers kisses on the lips when it’s the right timing bc he wants them all to be special • serenades you from time to time • happily obliges to sing you to sleep • “hey, tonight can you sing me to sl-” • “YES, i’ll be happy to sing your favorite song from the album !!” • the type to pull you into his chest while slow music is playing in the background and sway you guys back and forth • and when you cuddle he’d hum ballads and it’ll have you guys drift off to sleep in each others arms • whenever something big happens to you, he gets more excited than you chanyeol: • a literal sunshine • plays the piano or guitar for you - and learns your favorite songs to show off • sometimes even writes his own to express his love to you in words in a melodic way • teases you bc he’s so much taller than you • obviously would do things like putting things on the top shelf so you would have to ask him for help if you were mad at him • does it even if you’re not mad, just to see the cute little jump you do to attempt to grab it • lets you wear his hoodies • even tho he knows he’s never getting them back • purposely leaves them at your place just to see you wear it the next day • hugs always consist of him resting his chin gently on the top of your head • loves cuddling on rainy days • well everyday • baekhyun always tags along on dates • FOREHEAD KISSES FOR THE WIN • cute soft little pecks on the nose too • smiles in every single kiss • late night adventures !!! • midnight walks to get fast food • stargazing dates w him telling you how much he loves you • “the stars are beautiful just like you” im dead • a tall, lovable dork who’ll be deeply be in love with you

kyungsoo/d.o: • super shy • blushes so much when complimented • blushes when you kiss him • blushes when you hug him • just gets really flustered and blushes a lot in general • expresses his love for you in actions more than words • ofc he’ll talk to you, but he tends to show more affection by doing things with you and for you • like putting his head in your lap when you sit down on the couch • reads to you his favorite books when you ask him to • coffee dates !!! • sometimes when he’s tired after a long day at the studio, he’ll come straight to bed • and you’ll snuggle up next to him and hug him as you sense he’s stressed • a small smile will form onto his face and he’ll pull you closer to him • loves making you breakfast in the morning before you wake up • “what is this?” • “i wanted to make you breakfast, so i cooked as much as i could to find out what your favorite was” • a sly grin always appears on his face when he sees you doing something he finds cute • this little squish will get happy by just listening to you ramble on about the things you love • will try to love the same things as you so he can love them with you • kisses are sweet and tender • hugs are warm and protective • tends to love caressing your hand with his thumb when he holds it • makes sure you have everything you need and that he’s always there for you

jongin/kai: • such a gentlemen • will treat you like his baby • jongin will definitely show you so much love in any way he can • he’ll express it through words, actions, gifts; and every other way • he really loves showering you with a bunch of light kisses all over your face • in almost every single kiss you guys have, he’d be a giggling mess • he’ll get really shy, and then his little giggles just come out • likes it when you watch him when he’s practicing his dancing in the studio • always puts on his best performance for you when he knows you’ll be watching • a smile will never leave his face when you’re around • when it’s cold outside, he’s all for giving you his jacket and wrapping it over your shoulders for you • he’d be the big spoon and you’d be the little spoon • him being a big spoon makes him feel like he’s giving you protection and wants to make you feel at home in his arms • and you certainly did • big bear hugs bc his arms are always warm and he likes it when you rest your head in his chest • doesn’t like to stop cuddling • so almost every morning together consists of laying in bed till noon • “don’t go just yet, i still want cuddles” • “jongin, it’s literally almost 2 in the afternoon” • smiles cheekily when you agree to things and he gets his way

sehun: • oh boy • he will smother you endlessly with love • tends to always give you new album spoilers whenever he gets the chance • you get mad but he finds it adorable when you get mad and just laughs at how cute you look • he loves taking you out on dates • always up for an adventure and will be down to go anywhere • likes teasing you bc he finds it fun • but is super duper sweet to you all the time as well • honestly when he sasses you, you’ll sass him right back bc his sassiness wore off on you • he’d be your little baby • it could be the other way around too tho • you would never really know with sehun • even tho he would tease you a lot, it’s all out of love • never fails to show you how much he truly loves you either • he likes forehead kisses a lot, and likes it when you kiss him on the cheek • kisses on the lips were special to him, so he makes them vvv long • gives you his clothes when he thinks you looked really cute when you tried it on • “why are your clothes on my bed??” • “you looked cute in them, so i thought i’d give them to you” • you would be so special to him • he would tell you everything, and trust you with his life • vivi would also love you a lot • gets jealous when he sees you pay attention to him more than him • but finds it cute at the same time lol

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onedirectionforever · 7 years ago

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please :(

okay i’ll tell you the long but loving story of how me and rob started dating :’)

so once upon a time (2013), i was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. one of my best friends, julia, was a year younger than me so when she came into high school at the same school as me i was sf hype!! so she liked this guy in her grade but he was apparently “the hottest guy in the freshman class” his name was rob. and stuff but i never really paid that much attention to him but it was just a crush and like a month later she had eyes for another boy, lets call him joe! and joe and rob were best friends so julia went to rob for help to get joe’s attention and all that jazz. while julia and rob were just chatting one day, rob dropped the ball that he thought julia’s friend caitlin was very attractive (dat me), so of course julia told me and i was like.. hm.... interesting. so of course i looked at his ig and stuff and was like ok... yes he is very cute. and so i remember i texted him from julia’s phone one night just chatting and eventually we started actually texting and i remember we just like texted all the time and it was so fucking cute like we were both so excited and into each other and just wanted to know more about each other. and we found out that both of our favorite shows were How i met your mother and honestly it was like the purest thing. we ended up just straight texting for a few weeks and we went on our first date to the mall and we just ran around and looked at stuff and chatted and got ice cream and it was really fun because i had never like been so myself around someone bc im a weird person but he just thought i was so funny and when we left i remember we just were texting about how much fun it was. and this was over christmas break so he decided to throw a new years eve “party” i saw party loosely bc there was like 8 people there and 0 alcohol. and like 10 minutes before midnight he took me into a separate room and played guitar for me like a song he had learned just for me and it was so cute like imagine little 15 year olds omg im going to cry, and then at midnight we kissed and it was adorable and he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes!!! and woo!!!! we were dating and we were each other’s first relationship. and ok yeah we ended up only dating for like less than two months but it was like the epitome of puppy love like we just did everything together and it was so much fun but like it went south very fast, because let me tell you. when i was 15 i was like severely depressed??? like i was in the midst of an ed, self harm and like really fucked up mental states and i never told rob any of this, but i remember it was like after valentine’s day and he was so nice to me and i just like literally had a mental breakdown because i couldn’t believe that someone like him would ever want to spend his time with someone so fucked up, and i know i should have communicated this to him but i was 15 and scared so i just broke up with him out of the blue because i really was so confused and sad. and then that was it for little us. we tried to stay friends but i was just so sad and he didn’t even know why. so yeah, then rob tried to date my best friend claire (unsuccessfully) and then he did successfully date my best friend julia for like 5 months in which i pretty sure i was like crying about every day bc like i literally loved him and he didn’t know and yeah i don’t blame him he was just tryna live! but yeah sophomore year ends and junior year begins and we’re still not talking. but fast forward to march 2015, it’s been over a year since we dated/really talked. we were both on a retreat for our school, and we had to talk about something that we felt gave us purpose, and i cried talking about how i felt like my tumblr gave me purpose because at the time i would spend like hours replying to messages of people who were depressed/suicidal just giving people hope and after that he came up to me and told me he missed being my friend we hugged and i wanted to cry right then and there because he still smelled the same and it was just so nice. and the rest of the retreat we were just joking like old times and then after we started texting!! and we texted literally non stop for 6 months, subliminal flirting here and there but i swore he didn’t like me (but he tells me now that he did and i hate myself for not picking up on it lol) so here we go, september 2015, the start of my senior year of high school. i was pretty upset about rob bc i was like in pain all of the time bc we were like best friends but i was in love with him and it hurt!!! bc i swore he would never wanna date again bc i hurt him and it was sad. of course my bff heather who yall know, was up to date with my issues and was TIRED of my shit and complaining, so she literally dm’d rob on instagram and was like listen... caitlin likes you a lot and its making her upset so i want you to know. and rob sent back some bullshit like “if it’s meant to be blahblah” lol i was ready to scream. but for like 2 weeks he knew i liked him and i knew he knew and he knew i knew!!!! messy!!!! but now that he knew i was a little less discreet about it so it was cute we would like pass notes and he let me wear his uniform sweater when i forgot mine at home and aw hehe. but he told me that after one of the football games he wanted to talk, and i swore he was going to sit me down and tell me that he just wanted to be friends, so we drove to a river near our school and sat on the edge of this plank thing and we just sat in the dark for a bit and then he was like yo... i know you like me. and i was like !!! fuk!!!!! and he basically said like “well, if you don’t already know, i like you too” and i remember saying “i never stopped having feelings for you” and shit like that and i remember he kept wanting to kiss me and i was so so so scared to kiss him because like i knew as soon as we kissed i’d be fucked for life like all of these suppressed feelings that i’ve had for so long would just like explode and after a few minutes of like playful fighting we kissed and it was just like...yeah. this is what i’ve been waiting for and what i’ve been praying for every night before i go to sleep. and that was september 24th, 2015 and we’ve been dating ever since. we literally just started dating again from that point and :) yes that is the story.

its just, to me this story makes me cry every time because it’s like the first time in my life that i was right about something that was so important. i spent over a whole year in literal pain because i was so in love with this person i swore would never love me as anything more than a friend, and all my friends were telling me to get over it because it was unhealthy and i was hurting myself because of it but like i just couldn’t, like i had a feeling this was something worth holding onto, because i kept telling myself like, if i feel this way after all this time then it’s something i need to keep holding onto and i was right!! the boy i was in love with since i was 15 is my boyfriend!!! he’s the love of my life!! every time i see him still i get butterflies and it’s amazing!! we were each other’s first relationship and first love and i just :’) i think it’s something worth sharing so i hope you enjoyed!!

#Anonymous

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thanos-kin · 8 years ago

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crossover au

SINCE EVERYONE SEEMS TO LOVE THE POLY AU WITH CONNOR/EVAN/MICHAEL/JERRMY SO I'LL POST SOME MORE HEADCANNONS @all-you-see-is-nightmare-eyes HELPED ME WITH THESE - the boys get progressively gayer now that they're together, they hold hands and make out and cuddle and everyone finds it really cute?? (everyone as in heidi and jeremy's dad) - they have a specific way they cuddle, connor's on the left curled up around them since he's the tallest and the main one he's curled up around is michael, his nose nuzzled in his hair. honestly he's just spooning michael. michael's arms are around evan, who's nuzzled in his neck and has his arms wrapped around him and connor. jeremy's spooning evan, nuzzled in the back of his neck as he wrapped his arms around michael and evan and he's holding connor's hand. - it's almost impossible for them to sleep unless they're with each other it's crazy - connor definitely dramatically drapes himself across michael when he's playing games to get his attention - "pay attention to me and your other boyfriends" "just one more level-" "no it's late and we wanna watch movies" "start one without me then i'll be there right after i beat this i promise" "you said that four levels ago, please?" all three of them give michael puppy eyes; he can't resist - okay but evan's never had a slushy before and michael is OFFENDED, so he grabs all of the boys and they go to the seven eleven down the street. at 2 in the morning. - when evan first tries it he's like "HOLY HECK THIS IS GOOD" and he drinks it way too quickly and no one has enough time to tell him about brain freezes - HE'S SUFFERING BECAUSE "WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME SOMETHING SO SWEET COULD BE SO EVIL" - turns out evan gets extremely hyper with just a small amount of sugar so everyone just watches him tired himself out and then connor has to carry him home when he crashes - they all bought evan a bonsai tree for his birthday and evan treasured it so much that he wont even let his boyfriend's touch it - eventually they all end up talking about the squips and the suicide attempts. there's a lot of tears, but they're there for each other and they comfort each other through it, they make sure to be each other's rocks. - HALLOWEEN IS CONNOR'S FAV HOLIDAY he plans out matching costumes (they're all dressed up as zombie mario characters) and he helps decorate everyone's houses because he can't do it at his own and he scares the fuck out of his boyfriend's 24/7 - christmas is definitely jeremy's favorite time of the year because he likes the cold, but also because of the cliche's - mistletoes, matching sweaters, snow ball fights, dazzling lights and presents - it's just great - god fuCKING RUN from michael on april fools day he plays so many tricks on everyone and one time he put hair dye in connors shampoo and he came out with bright pink hair its a fucjing disaster - everyone protects evan from michael on april fool's day to be honest - evan's favorite time of the year is definitely new years eve because. like. everyones celebrating for their own reasons, and he has his own. connor's lived another year, he's been with his boyfriend's for another year, he's actually here for another year. plus, he gets to kiss his boyfriend's at midnight. - plus they all stole wine from jeremy's dad and evan totally got grounded for it - on their anniversary, they decide to get each other promise rings and give them to each other at the end of the day. they go back to the orchard with a picnic basket and spend the entire day there, talking and laughing and taking pictures. eventually they all pull out the rings and give them to each other. - the inside bands of rings all say something different - jeremy's says "you're our world and stars" michael's says "you're our happiness and laughter" evan's says "you're our calm in the middle of a storm" connor's says "you're our beacon of light in darkness" - they kept their relationship a secret from everyone at their schools, but when they checked Instagram that night, evan had posted a picture of their ring hands reaching for the sky. underneath it the caption says "All we see is sky for forever ~ These three mean the world to me and I can't express it enough. One year already and I can't wait for the years to come." - they all decide to post similar things on their instagrams, and it feels nice to finally be out and free to be themselves. - the first time the boys went to connor's house was to meet his parents - he had told them a month earlier that he was gay and had three boyfriend's and his parents took it somewhat okay, but they're really confused about it all. so they invited them to a dinner. - connor finds out last second that they were supposed to dress up all nice, like tuxes and stuff and he tried to warn his boys but they were already there - so now there's these three awkward boys standing there in their basic regular clothing while everyone's wearing dresses and tuxes - at least connor looks good - after that they spend a lot more time at evan's house because his momma is so sweet when she's there - EVAN DOESN'T SWEAR OFTEN. HIS BOYFRIENDS EVEN KEEP TRACK OF WHEN HE SWEARS AND WHEN EVAN FINDS OUT HE DOES NOT HESITATE TO JUST. LET IT ALL LOOSE. - "shit bitch tit fuck asshole" THEY LITERALLY SCREAM - "you know you guys make such a big deal out of me swearing when i can have you all swearing and moaning in five minutes" EVERYONE GOES INTO SHOCK - one night evan's mom goes out on a date and everyone is SCREAMING BECAUSE HEIDI HAS A BOYFRIEND - her boyfriend has a little four year old daughter !!! - he meets evan and his boys and hes like "oh are you guys heidi's sons?" and connor without thinking says "nah we're all evan's boyfriends" and everyone's hearts stop for a moment but new like "okay" and evan actually feels his chest swell with pride and happiness and he just. laughs and says "okay." back and everything is good - he's able to bond with all of the boys in one way or another, he talks with michael for hours on end just about how amazing his jacket is and all of the patches on his jacket and stands behind connor while he's drawing sometimes and gives him some tips and when jeremy tries to cook he swifts by and gives him tips too, adding in stuff now and then secretly to help and with evan, well they talk all the time considering this man is dating evan's mom, and really quickly evan trusts him and is happy for him and his mom - HE PROPOSES TO HEIDI AND EVERYONE IS EXCITED - all the boys are the best men no questions asked and they all wearing matching ties and tuxes and heidi's boyfriend's little girl is the flower girl - after the wedding at the after party the boys lay outside in the grass and they're just talking and watching the sky and there's music faintly playing in the background from inside the building and they're just so happy and calm - jeremy suddenly says "i can't wait for our wedding" and everyone is shocked but jeremy is just confused because he didn't even know he said that out loud but when he finds out he did he blushes and covers his face - connor is like "i would marry you all in a heart beat" and michael is like "we already have matching rings.." - evan suddenly stands without saying a word and the rest of the boys stand too thinking they made him anxious, but he turns around and suddenly gets down on one knee and hes like "will you all marry me?" - and it's so cliche but every one of them say yes and they all cry - here they are - these fucking kids, jeremy and michael at age seventeen, evan at eighteen, connor at nineteen - here they all are, proposing to each other - they of course can't legally get married but they all change their names a week later. they all sport the last name, Hansen-Heere-Murphy-Mell. okay im done for now because my fingers hurt from typing

#dear evan hansen #evan hansen #connor murphy #deh #be more chill #bmc #michael mell #jeremy heere #polyamourous #crossover au

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lukeysgirl · 8 years ago

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Relentless | Calum Hood Series Pt.6

Part S I X

Request: Being the cousin of Ashton Irwin was exciting, especially when invited to their tour to hang out with his best friends. You found yourself becoming fond of Calum Hood, who finds you annoying from your constant appearance. But what would happen if you stopped giving him that attention?

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: 100 notes is the goal, lovelies! im so happy a bunch of you are enjoying this series. i love writing each part knowing that a lot of you will be satisfied to read it! gives me a ton of confidence in my writing xx

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. [DONE]

I M A G I N E

Helsinki, 23:07 P.M. (post-concert, almost midnight)

“Hold on for a sec.”

Those words stood still in the silence, making your bones completely freeze and stop you from joining the rest of the boys outside. The yanking of your hem became a distant memory as you looked up at the sweaty, yet stern-faced Calum right in front of you.

His expression refused to falter, with his plump lips still pursed into a straight line. His chubby cheeks shined from the sweat as it dripped down his shaved chin and jaw. His almond eyes were slightly dim now, with a light, honey color surrounding his pitch black pupils. He stood there, tall but slouched, as he looked down at you with this breathtaking intensity.

He refused to say anything, having you remain silent as well as the two of you stared into each others’ eyes. The gaze was nauseating, having you feel nervous for this awkward and strong silence between you two. His eyes were gleaming while staring into yours, as though he was searching for something beyond the color of them.

“Hey,” Calum spoke, his voice deep and seemingly tired after the performance. A few of your fingers twitched as you were brought back to reality. Blinking a few times, you grabbed your hands together and intertwined them at the fingers.

“Hi,” you choked out, unsure of the mood that has swallowed up the room. Calum slowly walked closer to you and shoved his hands into his pockets. You quickly look down to notice how small the pockets of the skinny jeans were, but that was an irrelevant detail right now.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you on stage. That really wasn’t cool.” You were a bit in shock. Calum actually apologizing for his rudeness? Which dimension were you dwelling in? “I didn’t realize that you had actually found my lucky pick...”

“N-no worries...” you stuttered a bit, nervous at the intensity of the moment. He wouldn’t move his eyes from you at all. It was like he was looking directly into your soul.

“I can’t believe you actually went to look for it... that’s so annoying,” Calum said, his voice with a hint of bitterness. Annoying? He was apologizing and then proceeded with calling you... annoying.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--” Wait, why are you apologizing?

“No, you’re not sorry because you willingly took the time to find that pick for me when you absolutely didn’t have to and I didn’t ask you to.” Pain jolted in your heart as he said those words. When did I become the bad guy? Your thoughts poisoned you with this negativity as you bit your bottom lip to prevent tears to fall down your cheeks.

“Calum...” You felt defeated, breaking the gaze so you didn’t have to stare at Calum anymore. You didn’t want to look at him anymore. Especially not when you were near close to tears.

“Just fuck off, won’t you?” Calum spat as he walked passed you and went for the door. “Thanks for finding that pick for me, but that was just a one time thing. Don’t bother me at the bar, yeah?”

With that, Calum opened the exit door and escaped the stairway. You listened as the creaky door slowly went shut and you were alone. Your hands began to shake a bit, with your heart beating painfully. Tears finally let loose, letting the drops fall to the ground and darken it with their splotches. You couldn’t think, you couldn’t speak, you couldn’t comprehend anything.

“Y/N!” An abrupt voice broke the silence as you quickly began wiping away your tears. Your shoulders were grabbed, the large hands turning you around to face your cousin. Ashton looked at you while you couldn’t even meet his hazel eyes. You were focused on his chest to try and stop the tears from forming. “Y/N, why’re you crying?”

“I like Calum, Ashton!” You wailed, putting your face against Ashton’s chest. You grabbed his shirt and felt its silky texture between your fingers. Your legs were feeling like jelly, but you had to confess your strife to somebody. And luckily, your blood was around for you to speak to. “I like him and he doesn’t like me and it hurts!”

“Hey hey hey!” Ashton began, giving you a tight hug before pulling you back to see your face. “Stop crying, okay? You look much better without those tears on your face. We can talk about it after we drink since we can’t bail on the boys. I want us to celebrate and spread good vibes, okay?”

“Mhm...” you mumbled, slowly letting Ashton’s shirt go as he took out a tissue from his pocket and handed it to you. Drying your tears and blowing your nose, you take a few deep breaths to stop the urge of crying some more.

“Fuck Calum, okay?” Ashton said, giving you a wide smile. “Not literally, of course. You’re gonna meet a few awesome friends of ours and we’re gonna drink until we can’t and have an amazing time. Does that sound okay to you?”

“Yeah, that sounds okay,” you say, giving Ashton a small smile as you mocked his repetitive use of ‘okay.’ Ashton gave you a pat on your head and waited a few minutes for you to calm down. After that, he offered his hand to you and gave you a reassuring smile.

“Let’s go then,” Ashton said, taking initiative as you took his hand and let him lead you out of the stadium and into the dark Jeep. Entering, you were glad it was so dark that the boys couldn’t see your partially bloated face. Luke and Michael strike a conversation with you immediately after they asked Ashton to sit in the back with you. As you spoke with them, you couldn’t help but feel this tension between Calum and Ashton.

23:20 P.M.

“Lemme get 20 shots of tequila please!” Michael cheered at the bartender. You watch the wild guitar player grab the tray of shots and hand it out to the boys and the friends at the bar. Michael dedicated the last to shots for himself and you. “For our gorgeous tour guest of honor.”

“Thanks, Mikey,” you giggled, taking the shot as Michael took his and dropped the tray to the ground. Luckily, the music was so loud that nobody heard the loud impact of it.

“To our Sounds Live Feels Live tour!” Michael cheered, having everybody else join him as you all gulped down your shots. The alcohol burned down your through smoothly, giving you a little bit of distaste but satisfaction from it. You ordered a beer and waited, deciding to scope around the room to see what the boys were doing.

Luke was off playing pool with a few of their friends, laughing and having a ball as he did. He managed to get himself a blazer, it seems, as he put it over a fake dress shirt and tie shirt he was wearing. As he bent down to play the game, you couldn’t help but noticed how uncomfortable he was due to his super tight jeans.

Your eyes then darted to Ashton, who seemed to be having a very alluring conversation with one of his female friends. She was pretty, if you were being honest. Model-like body, friendly smile, and emerald eyes that can steal every heart in this room. Your cousin seemed genuinely happy as he laughed from whatever that girl said. You felt happier already just watching them.

Turning over to Michael, you weren’t surprised to see him playing a mediocre version of beer pong. One of their friends was on all fours like a crab to act as the table. The cups of beer were placed on him as Michael bounced a ping pong ball on his stomach and managed to get it into one of the opponents’ cup of beer. Michael cheered loudly before grabbing his own cup of beer and chugging it.

You then spotted Calum Hood.

He was on the dance floor, his body fairly close to a beautiful girl with a kind smile. Her caramel skin was somewhat insulted by her completely caked face and injected lips. If you were being honest, you weren’t exactly envious of her. She had a pretty face, but who knows how many men she has lured in with all that plastic.

You were envious that she was getting Calum’s best.

His smile, pure and kind with his perfect pearly whites. The way his eyes crinkled at the ends as he genuinely laughed at whatever she said. He touched her hips, rubbed his hands along her lower back, as though he actually knew how to be affectionate and compassionate. It was almost impossible not to seethe in this inappropriate jealousy.

You were then suddenly hit on the nose.

The object plopped into your drink, forcing you to look down to see an olive floating in your beer. You noticed that it splashed some beer on white strapless, but you didn’t mind that much. Looking over to your right where it came from, you saw Ashton sitting on the seat right beside you.

“Jesus, what the fuck Ash?” You flinched, using your free hand to remove the olive from your cup. “Did you throw this at me?”

“Yes.” You hit Ashton’s cheek with the olive as it fell on the floor and rolled itself to who knows where.

“You dick,” you muttered, having the both of you laugh before Ashton takes your cup and asks for another beer.

“Stop staring at that asshole,” Ashton began when he noticed you glancing back at the Maori boy. “It’s only going to make you feel worse.”

“I can’t help it,” you admit, your shoulders falling again as you took your new cup of beer. “My childhood crush for Calum came back and I don’t know what to do.” You stared hopelessly at Calum, watching as he was enjoying himself with that woman.

“How about I introduce you to a good friend of mine?” Ashton offered, making you turn your head over to listen to Ashton. “Yo, Nick!” You looked over at where Ashton was staring at and calling over to, seeing a handsome man come out from the crowd and walk up to the two of you.

As he came closer, you realized that ‘Nick’ was actually Nick Jonas.

“Holy shit,” you muttered, watching with awe as the 5′7 dashing man came over with a bottle of beer and an irresistible smile.

“Y/N, this is Nick,” Ashton began to introduce. “Nick, this is my cousin, Y/N.” You gulped as Nick took your free hand and kissed the top of it gently.

“Nice to meet you,” Nick said, giving you a genuine smile as he took a swig of his beer. Goosebumps rushed all over your body from that mere interaction with his lips.

“Y-you too...” you said shyly, unsure as to how to calm yourself down when being in the presence of your favorite Jonas Brother.

“She’s been feeling a little under the weather today, and I’d like for you to show her a good time,” Ashton asked, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to give you a brief squeeze. Nick looked over at you and have you a toothy smile, seeing his shiny, white teeth as he nodded.

“Well shoot, what could put a gorgeous girl like yourself down?” Nick asked sweetly, his voice full of care while entering you in such a gentle gaze. “C’mon, let me help you lighten up a bit. You can trust her with me, Ash.”

“W-wait!” You tried, but Nick was too quick. He had already taken your beer from your hand, handed it to Ashton, and took your hands into his. As he began to take you away from the bar, you looked back to see Ashton give you two thumbs up. You stick your tongue out at him as you, somewhat reluctantly, follow the Jonas Brother to the dance floor.

“Y/N, right?” Nick spoke by your ear due to the loudness of the music. You nodded in confirmation, having Nick give you a kind smile. “That’s a beautiful name, you know. Fits your face perfectly.”

“Th-thank you...” you stuttered, flushed from the fact that Nick has yet to let go of your hands. “I’m s-sorry, I’m just so starstruck right now-- like, you’re Nick Jonas and I’m just Y/N Y/L/N.”

“That’s okay,” Nick said through a laugh. “You’re acting much cooler about it than most people who meet me for the first time.”

“Ah yes, because I, a girl who is in shock and amazed that the Nick Jonas is gonna show me a good time and is holding my hands as we speak, is acting much cooler than another who would have the exact same reaction.” You then realized how you rambled and blushed. “S-sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous.” Nick laughed again, having you feel embarrassed as blood rushed into your cheeks.

“You’re actually really cute, Y/N,” Nick admits, making you smile like an idiot from the compliment. Several bodies were dancing around you as Closer was coming to an end. Ironically, Burnin’ Up began to play, having you giggle as you look at Nick bite his bottom lip.

“Oh my gosh, did you set this up, Nick?” You asked, laughing as he shook his head vigorously.

“I didn’t, but I have a feeling the DJ saw me come in and couldn’t help himself,” Nick chuckled, having a few heads turn to look at the both of you as they danced to the song.

“Well, if they’re playing this, I’m expecting to be serenaded by Nick Jonas himself,” you joked, having Nick chuckle as he took initiative and started dancing. You joined him, your hands still in his as he tugged you gentle and spun you around at times.

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing,” Nick began as he quickly wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close. Your breath was immediately taken as you were now body to body with Nick Jonas. “I’m definitely burnin’ up, burnin’ up, for you, baby.”

“You’re so lame!” You said through a giggle, having Nick smirk like a dork as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “I actually kinda dig it.”

24:17 A.M. (past midnight)

The bar was still lively with more people joining the dance floor. Bodies were pressed against bodies as Attention by the Weeknd began to play. The lights were dimmed to dark pinks and purples as everyone changed their hyperactive dancing to close, intimate dancing.

Calum fled your mind as Nick held you close to his body. You could feel his abs against your tummy, his fingers slowly doing work on your lower back. His hands were practically sat on your upper ass as he held you firmly but gently. You rested your head against the crook of Nick’s neck as he led the two of you in the slow dance.

“You’re a pretty amazing girl, you know that, Y/N?” Nick spoke softly into your ear, having you smile against his collarbone as you two spun slowly.

“I’m also the luckiest girl in the world right now,” you said in a mumble. “You’ve been so kind and sweet to me, Nick. You treat me like we’ve been friends for years and oddly enough, I feel like I can trust you with my life.”

“That actually means a lot to me, Y/N,” Nick said with a smile. “I’ll be honest, I’ve never been this comfortable with a girl when I’ve met her for the first time. But you were so shy at first, I thought you’d be really frigid. But it was so easy to get you to lighten up and ease up to me. That’s just awesome.”

“I’m just still in shock that I’m this close to the Nick Jonas,” you admit sheepishly. “This doesn’t happen to me often, see-- this slow dancing with one of my old, favorite boy band member.”

“Old favorite?” Nick began, pretending to be offended. “Are you trying to tell me that you don’t like the Jonas Brothers anymore?”

“N-no, that’s not what I meant!” You quickly blurt out. You pulled away from Nick and cup your cheeks in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, oh my--”

“Hey, it’s okay!” Nick quickly interrupted you, having you stop and look up at him with awe. “I was just messin’ with you.” You gave Nick a fake pout as you playfully slapped his chest.

“Stop teasing!” You squeaked as the both of you shared a laugh. You went back to Nick’s arms to dance once more.

“So, I know this sounds a bit intrusive and personal, and you also don’t have to answer...” Nick started, his voice becoming more serious now. “What made you feel under the weather today?”

“Oh!” You were surprised by the question. That’s when your joyride with Nick ended and your mind began to surge with the idea of Calum. “It was just a bit of boy troubles, that’s all.”

“Oh, d’you have a boyfriend.”

“No. More like a really shitty crush.”

“Ah,” Nick empathized. “What, did you confess and he rejected you or?”

“I don’t have the balls to confess,” you choked out. “But he’s made it evident that he really doesn’t like me. Even as a friend, he barely tolerates me. I don’t even think he associates me with ‘friend.’”

“Well shit, that sucks,” Nick said with a frown. “Well, I know this is irrelevant, but I think you’re a fantastic woman, Y/N.” You blushed from the compliment, having Nick give you a toothy grin.

“Thank you, Nick,” you hum, feeling your cheeks get hot. “You’re pretty amazing as well. You’ve been so kind and fun tonight, it has honestly lightened my mood.”

“I’m glad to help,” Nick whispered. His cheeks then tinted a bit pink as he evidently bit his tongue. “C-can I do something? Like, to you right now?” Your heart jumped, unsure about his unspecific request.

“U-um, what do you have in mind?” You said hesitantly as you looked into Nick’s eyes. Nick then let go of your waist and lifted his hands up to your cheeks. Cupping them gently, Nick slowly fluttered his eyes shut and began leaning in. You froze, watching as Nick’s face came closer to your face. Your noses were an inch away as you anticipated the lip impact.

But, within seconds, Nick was pulled far away from you.

You watched as Calum rushed right in front of you, making you freeze once more at the sudden action. A series of eyes was darted around the 3 of you from the scene Calum just caused. Calum looked tense from the back, his chest heaving quickly at every fast breath he took. You took a wild glance over his shoulder to see veins rise from his temple.

“Yo, what the fuck, Calum?” Nick exclaimed, looking at him angrily as Calum just stood there with his usual stern look.

“She’s a naive girl, that’s clear to see when you first meet her,” Calum said audibly, his voice firm and deep. “But don’t take advantage of that. She’s easy to toy with when vulnerable, but try that shit when she isn’t. It certainly won’t go the way you were expecting it to.”

Calum proceeded to turn around, grab your wrist, and drag you out of the bar with no words.

aha please do tell me what you thing riiiiight here! i hope you all enjoyed this part and do stick around for future ones!

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evannalily · 5 years ago

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2020 from Pinterest

So yet again another new year has rolled around and I feel like this year is going to be a good one because this time I am going to make it my own. I always go into the new year like the rest of you with new resolutions and new commitments that never last but this year I have some definitely goals and promises that I intend to keep.

2019 was full of ups and downs and some changes in both my personal life and my professional life. Just to keep up with whats been going on heres quick recap of the year

Started January off by getting another kitten. I say “got” another kitten but he chose us and even then it may have been my other cat who chose him. I currently have 4 cats and 3 of them were strays that appeared at or near to our house but Alfie was actually brought home to us by our other cat George! I went to let George into the house one night and he just had Alfie with him and its nearly a year later and he is still here!

In February as a Valentines present Kevin got us flights to Berlin for five days which was very cool. It was really nice to have a mini break and I had never been to Berlin before but I had been to Germany with my school so I knew a little bit of German but not enough! So it was nice to see the sights and take some time away from everyday life.

In April my grandparents celebrated their 65th Wedding Anniversary which is amazing to be married for that long and to be with the same person for that many years and counting. I cant even begin to imagine spending that length of time with someone going through the ups and downs, the changes in life and growing old and still feeling the same way you did 65 years previously. I think the only people I know of who have been married longer than them is The Queen and Prince Philip who are on nearly 70 years I think?

Kevin surprised me in April with a little trip away by coming over one day after I had finished work and told me to pack a bag as we were going away for two days to a surprise location which turned out to be Galway! It was really nice going back there after all those years and showing him my old house, where I went to college and just the atmosphere of Galway as a place and as somewhere that holds so many memories for me both good and bad.

In May Éimear and myself headed to the Olympia Theatre in Dublin to see Dermot Kennedy for again which as usual was amazing as he is such a brilliant artist and his music just touches your soul. We also had one of the most fun nights and we didn’t even go out! We literally just spent time back at the hotel after the show having a proper laugh and got spice-bags delivered to the hotel and ate them in bed. Honestly one of the best nights of my life.

In June Kevin and I headed to London for the second time to housesit (and cat sit) for my aunt. It was a bit more relaxed this time as we had been before we had got the touristy things out of the way as Kevin had never been before (Im actually English living in Ireland) but we did do some cool things like visiting Stamford Bridge. (you can see my London post here). I also found the new title for the blog that I been searching for and deciding on for a long time. It just hit me in the middle of a restaurant that that was it and so when I came home the blog was officially changed to Basic by Lily.

In July myself and Kevin moved into together (that post is on the way I swear) for the first time. To be honest we didn’t actually talk about it first we just sort of both said we were bored of being at home and wanted to have our own spaces and we just started looking and then we viewed one place and moved in a few weeks later. It has now been 6 months and we haven’t killed each other yet!

August wasn’t the happiest month as my older dog Cookie who was around fifteen years old died. She had been one of two dogs we got when we first moved to Ireland the other being Lola who died in 2015. Cookie had been having trouble with her legs a bit as its quite common in Labradors (she was a black lab) when they get older that they have hip problems and she had been finding it difficult to get up and could no longer do things like run for the ball or go for a proper walk like our newer dog Holly and then one day she could no longer get up at all. She had just had enough and was ready to go. That night she went in her sleep with my dad beside her and on her favourite pillow.

Kevin turned 30 in October and we had a fun surprise party for him. It was mainly organised by his mum and family but it was the first time our families met which was nice and was such a good occasion to do that on! He definitely enjoyed himself and had some fun too which was the whole point of it!

December I turned 24 and got a new lease of life and new outlook and attitude to life and work and just on myself.

Kevin and I in Berlin on top of the Reichstag Building

My Lil Lion Cub

London

Alfies official Photo for the gram!

Sitting Room Set Up

Dermot Kennedy in the Olympia Theatre

Kevins 30th

My Sweet Cookie

Kevin and I at a wedding in Carlow

Walking on Cars in the INEC

Mondello Park Drifting

Holly’s annual Christmas photo!

And now heading into a new year I do feel like a change is happening. Maybe it has already happened Im not sure but I feel like I am going into the new year with a new sense of direction and a clearer vision and I am just generally feeling fresh and new and ready for the new year to come! Usually I sort of indifferent about it I mean I like ringing in the new year with my family and seeing the clock hit midnight but generally don’t feel anything amazing about a new year but this year I am looking forward to it and to see what it has in-store. I definitely have a few goals for 2020 too!

Definitely need to get some travel in. In 2019 I went to Berlin for five days and London for two weeks and as fun and nice as city breaks are I really love having a sun holiday which I did not get in 2019. Usually myself and Kevin have been on one sun holiday a year since we met and have been to Portugal a couple of times but we didn’t make it to a sunny spot this year so in 2020 I am definitely aiming to get around three holidays in. One short city type break, one longish city break and a longer sun holiday. I just feel like having a sun holiday is good for your mind body and soul because you get that ultimate relaxation time for your mind, the sea salt and warm air for your skin and body and just the experience of different culture and lifestyle to educate your soul.

I definitely want to experience more and not be so cautious about everything. My family got my brother a course at Mondello Park in Kildare for his birthday in Drifting a car and even though I know I would be such a scaredy cat I definitely would like to try it at least once. So I want to try more things and do new experiences and just live life a bit more.

I also would like to grow more as a person and get out of some not so great habits and not get too lazy about things for example eating properly. When Kevin and I moved in together we said we were only getting take away once a week and because I’m the only one of us who can cook when Im tired from work I tend to get lazy and then Kevin suggests chinese or pizza and I usually give in because I have not get the energy to think of a meal never mind create one. When I do though I feel like I can make really nice dishes (I actually made a really nice soy honey pork stir fry the other week and shocked myself) but I’m always getting lazy. Definitely will treat myself to a fast food once a week but definitely plan on cutting back.

I hope that you all have a wonderful new years eve and new years day (I’ll be working but look someone has to) and that you make 2020 your own and leave any stress or worry behind in 2019 and start anew.

Ever yours

Lily

2020 : A New Chapter So yet again another new year has rolled around and I feel like this year is going to be a good one because this time I am going to make it my own.

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smireyac · 6 years ago

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yea boi u already kno what it issssss 🍾🎆🎉🍾🎆🎉

hey so i started writing this at 8 o’ clock so i would be ahead of the game and actually have more than an hour to write but HEY its already 20 after midnight so who the eff care amiright ladies

WOOOOO 🍾🍾🎆 🎉 🎆 🍾 🎉 🎉 🍾 🍾 🍾 🎆🎆 🎆 🎉 🎆 🎉🍾 🎉 🍾🎆 🎉

so.................... its 2019.....................

i watched vox’s “2018 in 5 minutes” video and cried so thats how this year has been :^) a lot of lows......... we always think we leave the shittiest year behind then lo.............. the next year rears its ugly head and we never learn............ despite this, im gonna try to keep a positive outlook on the new year......... its literally just another day and i have to be in at work @ 9 tmrw but its what ever im already super fucking tired whats losing another hour of sleep anywahy?? its practically expected of me any way what with being a youth,,, ANYWAY i spent my time ringing in the new year watching spiderman homecoming so i think that wa sGREAt its also great that im gonna get to see spiderverse AGAIN tmrw after work so SUCK ON THAT im ringing in the new year RIGHT!! its a very spidey new year and i wouldnt have it any other way heh.....

alright

so its time.... to reflect...........

and actually reflect this time last year was weak sauce compared to the first year “im too unfocused right now happy new year or whatever” *scoffs* what r u too good for self reflecting now a days huhh

been doing a lot of self reflecting this year,,,,,, but today we will look back on how the previous years have gotten me to where i am today...

if 2016 was the year of change and 2017 was the year of getting used to things.............. 2018 felt like............ the year of getting TOO used to things, of not ENOUGH change............. like alright i scratched a few of the bigger things on my yearly “to do” list/resolutions, i. e. finally going back to school and getting a job at the library, but like.......... i definitly dont feel like i did enough........... my art game was SO WEAK and i feel like i wrote less than 10,000 words ALL YEAR (not counting my academic papers) i didnt really CREATE anything this i dont have ANYTHING significant to show for this year............and to get more negative i didnt even make any friends all year NONE FRIENDS im only *just* starting to get more friendly with people at the library thank GOD theyre nice and gave my shy ass a chance to open up but i still dont feel like ill make FRIEND friends theyre just work friends and u kno what thats making me so pissed bc its tricking my dumb ass into thinking i have a crush on someone at work aND that i want a *romantic* relationship with them!!! OUTRAGEOUS im so peeved.......................... i also still havent gotten behind a wheel but at this point im not sure if i will anytime soon bc im That Way..... grrrr im just mad thinking of all the things i didnt do so motherfucker i will make 2019 the year of DOING!!!! and i had so many resolutions last year i feel like the more i had the less i felt like i had to do them, like i was just saying all that to be like “oh wouldnt it be nice if any of these things happened lmao” so yeah 2019: the year of DOING... and since ive kinda sorta figured out that writing is my thang.... i think i wanna focus on doing that.. and anything that will help me do it

SO: #GOALS for 2K19

-WRITE AT LEAST 50.000 WORDS U COWARD, more than just “brainstorming” too bc thats like a cop out, write like stories or dialogue or scenes or scripts or WHATEVER just make it to 50,000 pls some people do that in like a month

-READ UR GOD DAMN BOOKS, u *cant* buy anymore if u dont read the ones u’ve already bought,,,, im willing to make an acception re: checking things out from the library................ but u rlly shouldnt IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO EASY TO WIN THE BET DUDE srsly..... maybe .... an hour b4 bed ? try to read ? at least try to read once a week dude....

-heres a curve ball WATCH MORE MOVIES !!! u say u love film well fuckin act like u do...... u only went to the movie theater 5 times all year and three of those were all in the last month to go see spiderverse, more than that HOW MANY movies are there on netflix that u see and go “oh i should watch that finally” or “people say thats rlly good bro” and u scroll right past to watch the same 3 fuckin movies i s2g

-oh yeah back to the writing thing, to reach that 50,000 goal u should write about what you read and watch, there u’ll prob meet the goal b4 summer if u do that bro but....u actually gotta do it....................

ok those r the 4 im REALLY gonna work on and try to keep track of in either of the journals sien got me :^) these next few i rlly want to happen but..... we’ll see

-make some friends pls.... pls be more friendly......... ENGAGE people when u have the opportunity askQUESTIONS about them like if they have a dog or a hobbie jesus h christ

-go out..... on ur own..... do stuff............by urself if u have to... go to the movies by urself go to a park, walk around down town for the fuck of it idk DO STUFF

-finish something............ for once in ur miserable life...................................... finish the vlog or the scrapbook..... or the reading list or this set of goals PLEAsE ANYTHING

im not even gonna put draw/art blog related stuff on here bc........ its not what i want........ like i love drawing and i dont think im terrible at it, im at a good place with it but i dont wanna put my energy this year into drawing stuff for the sake of me being able to say “i did it” like...... last yr and the yr b4 i rlly RLLY wanted to get better at art to idk prove that i could?? but like i havent picked up my drawing tablet in months ... that makes me really sad but i dont really feel like picking it up either? ? i said i wanted to take a painting/color theory/ life drawing class maybe i will this yr and it’ll reinvigorate my love of drawing........ tbh spiderverse got me *this close* to being pumped about art and animation and like yeah i still am, i love the medium and its still a dream of mine to be apart of it but it feels like a pipe dream if i try to go thru the art angle........ so many people r better than me at that and its not really what i wanna do,,, i wanna CREATE STORIES and worlds and characters and like i used my art to help *me* develop those but... i dont wanna use my art to do it for someone else i guess............. the art of animation itself still facsinates me so they door isnt close yet but,,, i wanna focus on the other aspect of myself that im more and at the same time LESS confident about lmao WRITING like alright,,, i think im a good writer .... sorta ? like yeah people tell me i am and sometimes when i look back on things ive written im like “dAMN i wrote this ???” but like,,,, there are some things to writing that still. escape me... like poetry.... and a lot of other aspects to it that i cant describe write now bc it would take too long and im getting cold and tired SO YEAH hopefully this english class will help me, even tho its just writting for college essays, i need to start somewhere and if shes rlly as good of a professor as rate my professor says then ill learn smthg new

where was i

well the year wasnt ALL bad, like i said i got the job at the library i wanted and FINALLY got to go to school, stressful as that mightve been........ and i got to see my love, my darling, the light of my life rhys again for one glorious week,, hopefully ill be able to see more of my friends this year? either in miami or milwuakee idc which MAYBE BOTH lmao im not that rich but hey i can dream,,,

alright its 1:12am i think im ready to sign off,,,,,,,,, here’s to DOING in 2019

🥂 cheers

#omg i talk #happy new year

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theresax0x0 · 8 years ago

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Life. Love. Loss- a little bit of it all

No one can truly prepare you for the moment when college is over. You spend four years thinking that you have so much time, and then one day it just hits you. For me it hit me the last two weeks of college. I was standing on the field in a big game, and we were up 12-11 with minutes left to go on the clock. As I was passed the ball, coach screaming at me to keep my feet moving, I felt this agonizing, amazing, tingling, sensational feeling- I looked around me- at my teammates smiling, my coach gritting her teeth, and my dad screaming you got this, and all i could think about is will i ever feel like this again? I made it my mission those last two weeks to embrace everything, and although my timing of realizing this and putting this into effect couldn't of come at a worse time i couldn't help but be selfish. how could you not? I mean when are you ever going to live in a place where you can just walk into someones room let alone house or apartment and ask them if you can borrow their vacuum- I'm sure you’ll get a weird look or maybe even worse get arrested. When are you ever going to take midnight drives to your local quick check just because you’re craving mac and cheese bites. When are you going to be able to sit up all night drinking wine, and just bull shitting without worrying about getting to bed for work the next morning. When are you ever going to be able to just worry about if you have enough alcohol for the pregame? I guess my point is you don't think about all that when you enter into college, you think about all the freedom you have, hanging out with your friends etc. but you never realize how quickly that’s all taken from you, and when you do realize-- its too late.

I’ve gained some amazing friends in college, friends in whom i found home with. See home wasn't a place for me anymore when i realized i found my forever friends, but home embodied them. So I wasn't sad to leave them when i graduated days ago because i knew whenever we were together, however near or far that may be, that i’d be going home; but more so i was sad for taking advantage of all the time i thought i had when i really didn't have much at all. In the midst of all this I was trying to balance embracing this time with my friends, with spending time with someone whom i came to love, and in the midst of all the chaos i lost sight of someone elses needs, but thats the thing that you learn when being put in those situations, is that sometimes your needs aren't the most important although in the moment you think they are, and all i needed was for someone to tell me that- someone just to grab me and be like “Theresa what the fuck are you doing- I'm here, and you’re leaving me too, why don't you see that- stop focusing on pleasing everyone else, and please yourself and in pleasing yourself you'll please me, yeah we’re still gonna be together, but i miss you.” But i didn't hear it like that. I heard it in the sounds of packing bags, digging through dirty laundry, collecting tooth brushes and hair gel, I heard it in the sound the door made when it closed shut behind him. I made the mistake of not giving enough of my time during those two weeks, but you made the mistake of leaving. Leaving with hurtful words, and petty text messages, leaving with jealous assumptions, and no cares for future actions (even at the expense of still hurting me), leaving with the later feelings of regret and uncertainty. I can say it in a thousand different ways, But leaving point blank... is leaving. There’s no need to go through all that was said and done or why or how or who. You left with pieces of me that i had just put back together, you left with my questioning who i am, and how i treat people. You left me with late nights of crying, and unanswered questions, old text messages, pictures and videos, but most importantly you left something the made you truly happy. You left me with saying you can't lose me, but not knowing if you want to be with me. But you can't get the best of both worlds. Here’s the truth. Being honest doesn't keep anyone. being loyal doesn't keep anyone. treating them well doesn't keep anyone. caring doesn't keep anyone. making efforts doesn't keep anyone. paying attention to big and little things doesn't keep anyone. spending time with them doesn't keep anyone. dishing out money doesn't keep anyone. being attractive doesn't keep anyone. you can have the best intentions and the most sincere feelings. you can be an amazing person and you wouldn't be able to keep someone because the only way to be kept by someone is if they want to keep you. you can't beg anyone to stay with you. you can't love someone into loving you. with people, you can tell they want to keep you when the relationship gets hard, they do everything they can to fight for you. people fight for what they want and want to keep. they'll spend endless time to maintain what they invested in. so if they aren't fighting when things get hard, they no longer want to keep you. the moral of this? don't hold on to people who don't want to keep you around and have you in their lives. it absolutely sucks to know, all you invested in, time, effort, care, emotions, feelings, turns out to be meaningless to them. to realize you were just temporary. to realize you don't get that in return. so why do more? at some point you'll have to get the clue. at some point you'll have to figure out, is your loyalty just stupidity? Nothing you do entitles you to anything. you hope they reciprocate. but if they don't-- why continue to waste all your efforts into things that go nowhere? you can't live off of hope forever, a real reality check will make you honest with yourself. its the crossroads you need to come across. No, I'm not giving up on him, its you who gave up on me and i understand the reality. no more giving the benefit of the doubt or hopeful it'll change eventually. its me not wasting more time and efforts on someone who is already gone and doesn't want to be kept. know when its time to let go. know when its time to walk away. know your self value and self respect. make yourself proud. know your worth.

Its not that i still won't think of you- i do, every second of every day. But i can't keep following you straight into hell just to keep getting my fix.

The one thing I learned from all of this is to take your friends advice. Not your friends advice in the sense of listen to them when they tell you to break up with the person, or just move on, because lets be real-- who really listens to that. although sometimes its probably the path we should choose, we’re so stuck on the moment and them we see who they can be and their potential and the happily ever after we can't see all that we should. Im talking about the advice your friends tell you after, when you're crying in their room at 2 am or when you're texting them how alone you feel- take their advice. Find something everyday that makes you happy and feel good. even if its just getting out of bed, taking a hot shower, taking a walk. something little to make you feel more you. to help you know that this isn't the end of the world. its the end to the chapter and be grateful it ended before your new one began.

I think sometimes we’re so caught up in being with someone forever and planning our life with them and think about all the “cool” things you'll do together that you forget to just live. Live everyday together. I had some amazing times with him, and ill never forget all the memories we made together, we’re just at two very different points in our life right now, and he's not willing to change or see things from my point of view; and i can't be selfish and try to speed him up. i would never take that away from someone let alone him. I'm so grateful for the time we had together, and for the person you showed me you could really be- for a second there i thought you’d drop the persona you showed everyone else, but its too early for that. Just know that i think people would love you. People would love how caring you are for you friends, for your family, for those whom are close to you and even those whom you are not- but just need someone. people would love to see how vulnerable you are when someone tries to do something nice to you. People will love how you twitch your nose when you're tired, but are trying your hardest to stay up. Fuck- i do love you for all those reasons and more. People would love you-------- for you. I did. I do. But our chapter is closed i can't stand and wait to see if I'm wanted- because we both know if that is what you wanted there would be no waiting. So i’m flipping to the next chapter- maybe ill see you there.

In the next chapter I'm opening I'm going to grad school to get my masters in medical humanities, I'm also working for my best friends, coaching for an amazing program, and moving into a house with my two friends. I’m not quite sure if ill be able to handle it all, but I'm excited to finally get back in gear and keep myself busy with diy projects for the house, and chaotic schedules.

I think I'm gonna start writing again- not for anyone, but for me.

im not okay right now, I'm not necessarily happy-- but i know i will be.

I love you always. ~

“When you come to realize, that the way you feel is a product only of what you choose to give your attention to, then you begin to realize that under any and all conditions, you can feel good. You also begin to realize that as you control the way you feel, you control the way you are flowing energy. And as you control the way you are flowing energy, you literally align the circumstances and events that create your experience.”

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