#its like tbey dont even see the fucking effort WE go through to make them feel wanted because they do none of jt back

[ghostsfrom1988]

I'm trying to be fair about it even though I'm obviously still fucking angry. Idk. Maybe it's just too little too late. Because if it's a pattern that I literally only get taken seriously when I freak the fuck out why is it healthy for me to continue that pattern. Maybe I'll feel better when the episodes over. Or maybe I'll just give up. I understand a "schedule" was them trying their best to fix thing but God what am I supposed to say to that "hooray romance isn't dead"?? They're to try for a few days to Maybe a few weeks and forget about it like they did to me last year and the months since. I don't want to fucking hear about it i want it Proven. It's the same feeling as someone telling you they're getting you the Xbox and then canceling christmas altogether.

And realistically. Who regularly fronts right now that's actually dating outside of our system. Jamie hardly fronts. Grey outright doesn't want to. Niko doesn't want to either. Rodneys getting there. So. Officially, who's actually dating. So maybe WERE the asshole for expecting too much. Maybe it's just Grey still being 'sore' about them texting other people but maybe it's not that serious and were not as exclusive as we thought. Maybe we really are just fucking stupid for trying to wait patiently to feel like were Also part of this relationship and not just a wallet and dick and that's why they never consider any part of what We like and ask for. And like I understand shyness and inexperience or whatever else but it being exactly the same after over a year is just a lack of effort and probably an unwillingness to try like their addicted to their phone and google is free and yet?????

But no they probably think we're being fucking stupid and overdramatic because Its Just Sex and Lola's just wants to be the center of attention and everything's about her and blah blah blah as if she doesn't fucking exist BDCAUSE WERE NEGLECTED. like no Shit she wants to crawl into a hole.and die. And I only exist because of how badly she wanted someone Anyine to want her Last year.

God. I was looking forward to writing. Now.im in too much pain to and she's crying too hard to breathe out our nose. At least giving unto the hypergraphia for a bit makes me.feel better

Someone. Not me. But quite a few someones. Still wants to spend our lives together but. *i* say Maybe it's unrealistic if This is what it looks like And i have to be a goddamn caregiver. If they're not into us they probably won't mind being friends. It's not like *we* would get anymore pent up a lack of anything following

I dislike being able to feel love. It makes me feel stupid. Unsure how normal people do this

Adding because she feels better afger crying again. All and all they're a big dork and lucky we love them enough to Be Patient and some people think it's a little cute they're actually trying but I say that's bare minumum. Regardless of how we feel right now we're not breaking up so I just have to ride out the current insanity. Grumble grumble stupidnthings you do for love grumble