#its like a pug picking a fight with a mastiff

[kalos-absurd-crusade]

“AAAAAAAAAA!!!”

Screaming, Oyasumi and Kálo clutch eachother, before the red headed boy realized this was in fact not the stand, a angry expression forming “Hey!” , “Uh oh.” noticing this,Oya looks apologetically at the two for what was about to transpire, while Kálo stomps up to Black ice, “Now I’m fired up! Not funny asshole! Grmm...” he angrily huffs, not knowing that his stand was causing him to start spewing bright amber flames.

“Speedwagon foundation..? Weren’t those the two guys who came from the helicopter?” -Kaló (kalos-absurd-crusade)

“Probably! Are you talking about the trip to Egypt of the Joestars?” at the last part, his eyes enlighten with amuse

@kalos-absurd-crusade

[anonymouse-thoughts]

Pets AU: 

...To compile the rambles I subjected Gale to & the ones I restrained myself from spamming so I can torment the void instead of poor sweet Gale

Basically: 

Mari’s a dog person

Adrien’s afraid of dogs

Kagami can be either dog or cat person, leaning more towards latter

If Félix is around he claims to dislike pets in general ( “Why would you willingly bring vermin into your home?” )

Mari ends up with a pissy street cat that has decided to adopt her. Mari pretends not to like having the cat around but secretly does

Chloe likes nontraditional pets that everyone things are weird

Dog ends up with one of the Rich Kids ™ because they’re the ones with yards / staff to take it on walks when they’re busy. Like Mari, the rich kids claim to be annoyed at having to deal with the dog and say they only keep it as a favor to Mari but secretly grow to love it

Alternatively, the dog is gotten when Mari finally gets her own apartment (shared dog-raising with pairing of choice) 

Pet Preferences

Marinette: 

THE dog person. Has wanted a dog since she was small. Has not been allowed to have a dog. Will jump a fence to chase after a dog and say hi to it. During night patrols she’ll swing down from the darkness and ask dog owners if she can pet their dogs. Has freaked a few civilians out. After all, no one expects a red-clad, polka dotted teenager to suddenly materialize in front of them, hanging upside down from a yoyo - especially not when said teenager is only supposed to show up to fight superpowered villains. She likes all dogs but loves big dogs. It’s mathematically preferable! You get more dog per dog if you have a big dog. She doesn’t count chihuahuas as dogs. And hairless dogs creep her out. Pugs are on thin ice - she’ll cuddle the ones that have been bred back into having healthy snouts. But she’d willingly die for a puppy of almost any breed. Dogs are admirable and will put others before themselves, though if you hurt them and push them far enough they’ll finally snap at you and good luck getting on their good side again. A dog that has judged you as Bad™ probably has a very good reason for doing so. In this way, stereotypical dog philosophy is very much like her own. Dogs are fun and always ready to go with the flow - given Mari’s impulsive tendencies (ADHD-ish behavior many times), active lifestyle (okay it’s more bc she’s a hectic mess but still), and love for the outdoors (it’s where she gets her best creative ideas), dogs are a match. Amongst the reasons she gives her parents while begging for a dog, she states that she loves cuddling big fluffs (Papas hugs were always her favorites and made her feel safe so her motto for cuddles is the bigger the better + her cat plushie is almost as big as her), she is definitely strong enough to handle a big dog (she carries bags of flour while helping out and probably those huge jugs of milk/cream AND we all know Sabine taught her how to kill defend herself), she has a strong enough personality to get a dog to listen (bc lbr when Mari gets down to business she is a force to be reckoned with), etc etc etc... Add to it that, although a badass, she’s pretty small and how can they not get her a big lovable dog? Right??? Alas, her mom has put down a very firm no. 

Mari instead gets her puppy love by nicely pestering strangers to let her say hi to their floofs. It’s one of the reasons she’s late to class so often, even when she doesn’t sleep in. Prior to being LB she had a slightly better sleep schedule but still got caught up petting dogs in the morning and thus got to class late. Worth it though. 

Local dog owners have started a LB tracking facebook to give a heads up because her random appearances have started to become a bit of a proble- wait, what,,,,, hey wait, no!, what the heck, where did you even come from,,,, there are no buildings to hang from over here, and this is private property,!,, wait no!,!!,,, that’s my dog bring it back!!!,

(She doesn’t actually steal any dogs. She’s very respectful and makes sure to ask if it’s okay to say hi before approaching. She’ll let the dogs sniff at her and then decide if they want to be friends or not. But the fb group’s there because she gets so excited and appears so suddenly that it does freak people out. After she realizes she’s scaring people she tries to get better about making herself known beforehand but with all her training to not be seen + the immediate impulse to snuggle cute puppies she sometimes forgets. )

Reporters have started bringing around dogs to try to get LB to stick around. It works... but she doesn’t answer questions because she’s too busy giving tummy rubs and kissies

Alya is constantly trying to walk dogs / dogsit in hopes of luring LB. Mari is more than happy to join in and help because that means free dog time. Alya is very frustrated that her stakeouts with Mari have never even once ended up with a Ladybug encounter. Mari considers humoring her but that would mean finding an excuse to leave the doggies and then change and then come back only to leave the doggies AGAIN so she could detransform and come back as herself. It was just too much time dog-less.

The people of Paris catch on to LB’s love of dogs and post pictures of their dogs with various “Thank you Ladybug!” posters like dog-shaming but altered to make LB happy. They’ll include things like “Avocado has been inspired by Ladybug to join the fight against Hawkmoth. He even managed to defeat a butterfly today! Granted, it was a regular non-magic one but you gotta start somewhere. #ThanksLB” and post them with a picture of the dumb dog in question 

Telling Chat Noir “I’m more of a dog person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ” and chuckling as he gets defensive and grumbles about how much better cats are

Chat Noir being annoyed and a little jealous á la Augustus2.0 when LB is showering doggies with love and praise. She definitely heard him mutter bitterly that if the golden retriever puppy was soooooo great then maybe she should have it fight akumas with her and how he was the hero that riSkED HiS LifE for her so he deserved the love and praise

Chat Noir is nervous around big dogs and tries to pretend he isn’t to look cool for LB. He fails. His defense is that THE DOG WEIGHS AS MUCH AS HIM AND COULD FIT HIS HEAD IN ITS MOUTH! HE JUST DOESN’T LIKE BIG DEMON DOGS!! She just rolls her eyes; “Newfoundlands were known as nanny dogs because they’re so gentle and loving, Chat. They’re trained as lifeguards. You’re much more likely to be bit by a Chihuahua or Yorkie.”

“I’m sorry Chat, I’m not into you.” “Not yet ;))” “Mm. Well I plan on having at least one mastiff breed, one shepherd, and one water/snow working breed from the time I move out of my parents’ house until I’m dead. So I guess you’re gonna have to be okay with being around a sum total of 500lbs of dog.”  “...D: ”

Cats whom’s’t’ve’d? She doesn’t hate them... but she’s maybe closer to the dislike end of neutral with regards to them. She’s never been too fond of them because she thinks they’re snobby and they express love by bringing dead icky things. Dogs will just tackle you into a cuddle. She doesn’t like their sharp destructive little claws or tendencies to go after her fashion materials - someone save the yarn! Also the vicious little things end up hurting local wildlife and she much prefers animals that are altruistic like cute fluffy dogs (because paris has to protect the pigeons after all) ((Mr. Pigeon’s rants maayyy have gotten to her at some point)) Besides, even with a cuddly cat you’re still getting less cuddles per pet than you would’ve with a dog simply because dogs are bigger and theres more of them to cuddle. 

Hamsters are cute! ...But kinda boring. And they don’t seem durable enough for her. She’s a little clumsy and chaotic. What if it gets out and gets lost in her clutter and she falls and kills it?! Besides, with her tendency to spiral into the worst possible outcome she’ll worry herself into a panic. 

If she has a parrot screeching near her at the crack of dawn Paris is gonna have a new supervillain because she will be Out For Blood. And unlike Fuckmoth she’d actually be competent.

Reptiles are pretty much the same tier as hamsters and small furry herbivorous mammals for her... maybe slightly below because they’re not fluffy. Still cute though. 

Ferrets are too chaotic even for her. They are not forces she could control. 0-60 and back again in an instant. Besides, are they even legal in Paris? She loves watching videos of them though! 

After enough incidents, her mom has banned her from even mentioning fish in any context outside of dinner. Rip Sashimi, you were around for 13 days but it felt like a bond of 13 years. 

Adrien:

Sheltered all his life so never got to interact with dogs. As a result he’s kinda nervous around them. The big ones especially scare him because they’re big and carnivorous and biG. 

He wasn’t terribly fond of cats before but didn’t have as much of an issue with them because they’re smaller and tend to keep to themselves anyways. Smaller mouths means less space to clamp down with their pointy knife teeth, unlike dogs who have plenty of clamping space. Upon becoming CN likes cats a lot more.

Still though... if he had to pick a pet, it’d probably be a hamster! He can watch it and pet it and then put it back. He can even get a nanny cam to watch it. After all, what is love if not micromanaging every aspect of the subject’s life while keeping a distance and having only minimal interactions or contact? (someone pls hug this boy - after asking him if it’s okay). 

Reptiles are okay. You can also keep them in a glass cage and look and them and maybe poke them now and then. The best kind of relationship. (seriously someone show this child what healthy loving bonds are supposed to be)

Parrots... Well, they have feathers. So unless you want to keep an angry naked toddler with stubby arms and dagger feet screaming through a sharpened megaphone that’s gonna be a No.

Chloe: 

Who knows? 

Not I, said the cat.

Idk I kinda like the idea of Chloe with a turtle or hermit crab or something. 

Or maybe a chameleon!

Something quiet and often overlooked. If you peak into the enclosure you wouldn’t even notice it unless someone pointed it out because it seems to blend in. It’s just... unremarkable.

And it doesn’t try to be.

Andre thinks she should have a fancy expensive french dog or special show-quality cat or an imported horse or something. In fact, he may even buy some of these for her because the princess of Paris should have only the best

But Chloe just likes her grouchy turtle/crab/lizard that will only come out to snatch some celery from her and then go back. In fact, if it’s someone other than Chloe giving the veggie (or whatever you give crabs?) treats then they better just leave it in a corner of the cage because the grouch will either refuse to come closer or there will be biting/pinching if it does. 

Kagami:

Animals are stinky and not meant to be kept in your home.

Dogs in particular are too big and messy. They will bring in dirt from the outside bc dogs HAVE to be taken out at least once per day. They’re slobbery and lick/drool on you. Their tails knock things over.

If they’re in your home they should be there as an exhibit (though with appropriate cage-space, nutrition, etc). This limits it to fish and maaayyybbee some small reptiles. But, again, there has to be appropriate cage-space and the like for the animals to be in humane conditions so restrictions apply. They may call her the Ice Queen but she’d never act so coldly as to subject an animal to a life of misery.

The only exception to her view on pets might be a cat. After all, they’re sleek and graceful and pretty independent. While they’ll come around for affection they won’t be as overtly desperate for it as dogs are. They’re also less needy - you can leave automated feeders, filter fountains for water, and self-cleaning litter boxes. Yes, a cat could be an acceptable companion if she were forced to have one.

Luka: 

He likes dogs. and cats. snakes are neat. turtles are chill too. parrots..... hmmm, it depends on the bird really. He wouldn’t like a bird that screams through his songs and doesn’t let him practice. But it’d be cool to have a pet companion that also appreciates melodies.

He hates rats/mice though. Little pests mess up boats. And guitars.  

*Félix: 

Claims to dislike animals. Appreciates them in pictures and acknowledges the importance of biodiversity but doesn’t like the idea of sharing a home with them. Might consider a snake or turtle because they have pleasing aesthetics, are easy to confine to an area, and don’t really smell. Although he likes looking at snakes he probably wouldnt go out of his way to get one. He just thinks they’re neat.

Will be around the “house-vermin” but only because it makes Mari happy. Actually kinda likes Mari’s pets/any fluffs he takes in at her behest and grows to care for them but he’d never admit it.

 [* = This is Fanon Félix, snarky and Done With Your Shit but also smart and competent and respectful. idk what the show will do to Fé’s character.]

Specific Pets

Lucky

Dog - Irish Setter   (red silky coat + a black spot on tongue)

puppy

How did such a fancy dog end up on the streets?

Just because the human walked in your vicinity does not mean they are trying to be your friend

would be really pretty but covered in soot from time on the streets, making him look like some grimey stray parents wouldn’t want their kids near 

Wants to be your friend!!!!

will follow you around even across busy intersections because Fren!!!!!! 

will go to anyone that calls him, even if it’s a group of teenage jerks that would bully him

his eagerness to approach people to be friends is confused for aggression sometimes

he would follow Menace but he’s no good at stealing food - he stops to try to get pets and then gets shooed and swatted

Loves everyone and wouldn’t hurt a fly! ... Unless you threaten Menace, kids, or the heroes of Paris (he seems to really like LB and CN and often winds up near akumas because that where his spotty friend and weird tail-human friend are!) ((CN is not happy with the four-legged fan))

Seems to bring good luck to those around him, either through some active intervention (biting the bad guy) or by passively existing (distraction on principle of awwww puppy)

He himself, however, seems to have fairly bad luck - a goofy nature and impulse to love leads to him getting stuck in places he shouldn’t be 

Yet, his feline friend is always there to save him by shoving him out of the way of angry taxis to pulling off the chicken wire tangled around him, so maybe he’s got some good luck to himself after all

Hobbies include stalking passerbys and asking for pets but being too musty to be interacted with

Wouldn’t go looking to fight anyone but would step up to help others if someone was being cruel to them... though given his scraggy stature from living on the streets he’d likely get beat up quite a bit during the altercation

Menace

Cat - ????cat? c??ca?? cat??t?tt?ct   (black fur; it’s fuzzy but honestly no one can seem to agree on whether it’s short or long. no one seems to think it’s medium though.)

kitten... possibly a couple weeks older than Lucky, or same age

The terror of the alleyways, tormentor of street vendors and pigeons alike

Can’t stop won’t stop

animal control has tried to catch her

food vendors have tried to catch her

cat ladies have tried to catch her

~all have failed~

Fond of only herself, Lucky, and Marinette

Seems to bring bad luck to those around her, leaving havoc and destruction in her wake

She herself, however, seems to have a decent amount of luck - or at least the skill to stay two steps ahead of everyone

Yet, given her self-imposed responsibility for taking care of Lucky and the endless trouble he’s caught up in maybe she has some bad luck after all

Hobbies include stealing food from tourists, stealing food from locals, and stealing food from Mari

Would fight Hawkmoth and win but she’d rather steal sausages

Honorable Mention: One of Gale’s Lovely Fans and a Fellow ‘Non

            I love being agreed with yay! Newfies were the other ones I was considering but Irish Red Setter seemed more fitting with the ladybug/luck theme.