#its just that he has 1 goal in mind and that is operation strix

[mae-i-scribble]

@wesavegotham Haha so I definitely didn't just forget to respond- but anyways, putting this into a reblog bc I suspect I'm going to get long winded as always. I am in absolute agreement about Twilight being someone who is willing to do whatever it takes for his goal of peace. And to be fair, I don't think he realizes just how attached Anya is to him, obviously he does his best to be an ideal parent, and I'm sure he plans to make sure she can live a good life once Strix is said and done. But the simple truth is Anya doesn't *want* any other family or any other parents. Yes, she orchestrated Loid and Yor's meeting for her own entertainment, but at the end of the day, they are the first family she's ever known, and they're a damned good one, even with all their flaws. I don't think expects Anya to carry his same ideal, she's a child, he doesn't expect much of her in general, but Loid doesn't have the emotional awareness I think to fully comprehend what the end of Operation Strix will mean for Anya. But seriously people looking at Loid's very complex relationship with his own emotions and just go "oh no he's a completely normal guy who fell in love and wants to be a dad so bad!!!" like budy did we read the same story. Are you sure? For honesty's sake, I have not read the dance arc (i read spy fam chaps in a binge like once a year or so); however, I am going argue against what I'm reading as anger against Twilight for his inner thoughts about Anya (feel free to correct me if I'm misinterpreting). Because at the end of the day, thought crimes aren't real, and it's not his fault he has the 1 child in the world who knows what he's thinking at all times. Spyfam has a very consistent themes about true self vs outer perception, when it comes to the facades we put up around people to how we engage in various societal roles such as husband and wife or familial roles, Loid is a prime example of such because his inner and outer personas are so vastly different. If this was anyone besides Anya, he would be coming across as a sincere and genuine first time parent because no matter what he thinks of her, no matter how he is using her, he ultimately cares about Anya's happiness and that shows itself through his actions, not his thoughts. If you do something kind but with selfish intentions, the result is the exact same if that kindness was done selflessly. While he does think about Anya in incredibly insulting ways sometimes, absolutely does not have any faith in her, I can't blame him for the effect it has on Anya because *how can he be expected to know.* Another thing I think is fascinating about this is that, in the ways only a child can, Anya does her best to manipulate him in turn. My favorite moment in this regard is during the cruise arc, when Anya is trying to get away from Loid so that she can help Yor. She's doing it for the sake of her mom, but in doing so she's stressing Loid out to the max, something Anya only realizes after she reads his mind at dinner and recognizes how her *actions* are coming across rather than her goals. It's a very sweet moment of her realizing Loid genuinely, truly, is just trying to make her happy and she's sincerely worrying him. Though, I do agree that once Anya's secret comes to life, I would love *love* a serious conversation between her and Loid about everything that happened in regards to their fake family and operation Strix. It's only fair after all the deception and such we see from him in his day to day life. But also that would require Loid having the emotional capacity to be fully honest which is. very hard to imagine XD

I rewatched a few of the early episodes of spyfam today bc getting to see the movie gave me an itch to scratch, and in particular episode two made me finally able to conceptualize what about fandom twiyor that irks me so deeply. If you like widespread fandom interpretations of them I would uh, look away bc none of my opinions on it are positive.

Episode 2 of the spyfam anime remains one of my favorites because of all the little flourishes the studios add to sell you on Yor as a character while also expanding a bit on the manga's original commentary on the stigma that follows older single women. What draws Yor and Loid together as a family is that neither of them are capable of having conventional relationships. Both of them are war orphans forced to grow up far too soon and who threw away aspects of their humanity to fight for what they believe to be a better world. While Loid's position as a spy and mastery of deception allows him to avoid the stigmas that would come from the ordinary person discovering what he does, that is not something that holds true for Yor, whose weakest point is that she simply cannot understand "normal." She's aware of the way her coworkers demean her and insult her but can do nothing about it because her only conflict resolution skill is murder. She is constantly reminded that she is an outsider, hence why Loid's declaration at the party is so meaningful to her, and what convinces her to ask him to continue the facade as a married couple.

Underneath it all however, is a quiet showcase of amatonormativity that drove both Loid and Yor to their arrangement. Eden requires a student to have a perfectly nuclear family. Societal conventions dictate that Yor, happily single at 27, is someone pathetic (to her coworkers) or someone in need of help (to her brother). Marriage is an expectation that Yor is pressured to commit to, and a societal requirement that Loid must uphold for the sake of his mission. And while this showcase begins in episode 2 it is something that spyfam continues to highlight when it comes to the expectations both Loid and Yor struggle to meet when they try to hard/become to anxious over what is "expected" as a married couple vs what the other person is actually thinking/feeling.

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with fandom you ask? Here's the thing. Spyfam reached the broad range of anime fans when it exploded in popularity, which is when I started engaging with it beyond just comments on the latest manga chapters. Modern fandom already has the issue of classifying ships into tropes rather than actually like, shipping characters as they are. And that's exactly what happened with twiyor. People began going "oh my gosh this is the moment she fell for loid," "oh he's so in love with her just look at him," before we had even reached episode 10. Which was incredibly frustrating to me because clearly Loid and Yor are not anywhere near in love that soon in the story- and the basis for that frustration starts in episode 2 for me. Because Loid and Yor's marriage is one that is unconventional from the very beginning, and it is that factor that defines their dynamic an allows them to function as healthily and sweetly as they do. People don't need to be in love to be married or to be a parental unit. None of that requires romantic love, it is simply an expectation of our society, the same sort of expectation that cripples Yor and makes her think she has to find a partner, then that she has to find a husband to appease those around her. Seeing that completely erased in a large portion of art/commentary/fics written about them angers me because its something baked into the foundation of their dynamic and something I feel enhances them as a potential romantic pairing rather than detracts from it. But we can't have that because of course a man and woman living together and caring for a kid fell in love almost immediately.

And don't even get me started on how people misinterpret Loid for their far more romantic interpretations of his motivations and relationship with Anya and Yor or else I will start losing teeth from how hard I am clenching my jaw