#its just shitty because now i really dont want to talk to the one freind who got invited up

[i-dont-know-how-but-i-got-here]

Listing to one (1) hozier song on repeat rn.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Okay a rant time because i need to vent im in a really shitty place rn and i absolutly need to get this off my chest!

A massive kick in the teeth 🥺🥺 Boris Johnson announces that we can all begin to sit outside from march the 8th great! Im superhappy. Yet the day after I get a letter telling me as im a sheilder im no longer allowed to even do my shopping in the supermarket, one of the few freedoms i had!

And im still to remain inside my house untill atleast the 31st of march at the very least! They said theyd send me a letter mid march the let me know how long i STILL have to stay in my home! Even though everyone else is beginning to go back to normal!

AND?! THE FUCKING BEST BIT!? WHETHER IVE HAD BOTH VACCINES OR NONE IF HE SAYS SHEILDING IS BACK I HAVE TO SHEILD REGARDLESS OF MY VACCINE STATUS!? So if i have both vaccines and in august he says you need to shield i have to lock myself away again even if I'm fully vaccinated.

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT ANYMORE? Seriously one year and nineteen days! I have only left my home to do shopping and go to the doctors. Now i can't even do that, seriously this whole thing has fucked me up mentally, i dry heave just at the thought of leaving my house now even to go and take the bin out. I've had enough, and all anyone seems to be talking about is how good it'll be when we can all go out, no one seems to know we sheilders are being told a completly different thing, we are being isolated for atleast another month at least.

I do not want to be here anymore! I really really dont. I understand the risks but i was told once im vaccinated i will be able to go out a little and that hope has now been taken away.

To the uk government fuck you! Fuck you very much, being in lockdown for two months is fuck all to being in it for a full fucking year, I've missed out on a full year of my life! I have not seen my brothers, sister, nieces, nephews, freinds relatives NO ONE! The only physical contact ive had is with my mum. For a year one other human! And you have no idea what its like!

There is an end in sight for everyone apart from the disabled and people with health conditions and its becoming clear that no one wants us back in society!

[violetnotez]

HC: BNHA Boys x Reader who is Going Through a Break Up

@Dekulover555: Hey can I get a request so my boyfriend has just broken up with me randomly could you do head cons or a story of the bhna boys as the best freind who was there when he broke up with her and the best freind ends up kissing them and the boys have had a crush on this girl for a long time?

Omg babes Im sorry you had to deal with that, that just sucks I’m so so sorry! I hope these make you feel better in some way- I wrote these as HC and 4 of the BNHA boys for ya! And um kinda forgot to put the kissing part in- but i hope you like these regardless!

 Also- that is literally such a crappy thing to do… me and Bakugo gonna beat him up for ya dont you worry! >:(

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

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IZUKU

You and Deku were having a quick study session in his room, him quizzing you on hero terms as you racked your brain to remember the definitions

Your phone suddenly buzzed- making him jump: he was so focused on just you, and how adorable you looked when you were concentrating hard, and the fact he had a girl in his room-kinda startled him out of his over reactive thoughts

You gave him a swift sorry, laughing softly because it was literally written on his face that he was freaked out by the sound, making him blush- he loved your laugh so much

The instant you read the message on your phone, your face just dropped in horror

“Hey I know this is a shitty thing to do but I think we need to break up”

You kept staring at the screen, feeling the world around you crumple- what did you even do? Why was he breaking up with you so suddenly?

Your hand was covered around your mouth, trying to choke back the tears

“Y/n…..y/n!” Izuku asked in a panic, freaking out inside- what happened to you to change your demeanor that fast

 “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Please talk to me!”

“He...he...he broke up with me, Izuku,” you sniffled, the tears flowing down your cheeks 

Izuku stared at you, completely stunned and full of anger. He was just disgusted he wouldn’t even give you the decency to do it in person, let alone just leave you confused on why.

 how could your boyfriend do that to you! You were so kind, and sweet, and so lovable....in his eyes, you were the most perfectly imperfect person and he had fallen for you hard.

 “I dont even know what I did-” you cried in confusion, “Did I do something wrong? I-”

He immediately wrapped you in a hug, his warm embrace making you feel more vulnerable (which is good- feelings are valid and Broccoli Boi will take care of u!)

“This isn’t your fault y/n-none of this is. You’re amazing just as you are-he just cant seem to see that.”

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BAKUGO

OH HELL NO BAKUGO GONNA KILL SOMEONE

You and Bakugo were having a sparring session when your phone went off

“You cant turn that damn thing off?” Bakugo grunted out, hating that your attention was being taken away from him

“Sorry Katsu, gotta answer- its my boyfriend,” you smiled, downing a gulpful of water before your answered the phone

All Bakugo did was grunt in distaste- he hated your boyfriend! He found him so annoying

all he ever did was take up his time with you-it seemed like whenever Bakugo wanted to hang out, he was there, ruining the moment

or even worse- you would go out and hang out with your dumb boyfriend instead of him

He always denied having any feelings for you, but he noticed now he couldnt seem to help it- he found you attractive, physically and personalty wise, but also- you dealt with his crap. He knew he was a hand full, but you still kept him in check and were even brave enough to mess around with him, even if he did yell at you.

 He just didnt like how much control you had over him, making him flustered and blushing like a damn school girl- and the fact that you didnt even know you had this secret power drove him crazy

“Wait-youre breaking up with me?” you asked in disbelief, your eyes prickling with tears

Did he just hear what he thought he heard? Bakugo picked up his head so quick hearing your voice break, as if your whole body was just crumpling. He had to admit, he was kinda happy to hear it- now he’d finally have his chance to ask you out! But hearing you sound so defeated made his heart race faster and the anger erupt in his chest. How dare he make you feel that way!

Bakugo stomped towards you, snatching your phone out of your hands

“I dont know what your deal is, you asshole, but y/n is one of the most amazing people I know, so dont you ever call her number again unless you want your ass blown out of the damn country!”

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TODOROKI

Todoroki was sitting on the couch,drinking tea and reading a book

He had found one of your notebooks left on the floor, and he of course, instantly wanted to give it back to you

Unknowing to him, you were currently up in your room, Facetiming your boyfriend

Shouto didnt really care for your boyfriend- and for the longest time he couldnt understand why he didnt like him

but then he realized some things- whenever he was around you, he would get blushy and extremely quiet and just seemed incapable of acting normal. He found you attractive and exceptionally kind, catching himself staring at you whenever he could and feeling strange about it, causing a soft blush to form on his pale skin

 Thats when he realized he didnt like your boyfriend because he liked you, and he despised the fact that someone had already taken your heart

He knocked on your door, hearing the voices on the other side get more and more frustrated

He heard a slight sob come out of your mouth, and he instantly got panicked

What was wrong?

He knocked on the door again, unsure of what to do- does he barge in there? Does he leave you alone? Does he wait?

In mid knock, you opened the door, your eyes puffy and red

“Y/n-are you alright?” he asked, his face in complete shock and confusion

You shook your head, unable to talk due to the heavy sometimes growing inside you

“Its okay, Shouto,” you practically whispered, “just this isnt the best time-”

He placed a hand on your shoulder, looking at you with those deep, mismatched eyes that made you shiver- they were so easy to get lost in

“Please, y/n, tell me whats wrong.”

He hated seeing you upset- it made him upset, and he wanted to know who did this to you. He wasn't one to act out irrationally, but when it came to you, he would do anything to protect you.

“Its- its my boyfriend. He’s breaking up with me-”

“Hey y/n, where you at?” he heard from the phone, registering the voice as your boyfriend. Immediately, fury formed in his stomach-if he could see him right now- he would have to do everything in his power to hold his powers back from obliterating your boyfriend-

 he strided over, picking up the phone, meeting the shocked eyes of your boyfriend, expecting you to come on the screen

“Please refrain from ever calling y/n again- you make her upset and you clearly cannot understand how much of a wonderful person she truly is. If you ever come to try and hurt her again, I wont hesitate to make sure you dont ever do this to her again.”

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KIRISHIMA

Kirishima was walking out of his room, the rest of the class outside as he was the last one to change out of his PE uniform and into his lounge clothes

“Kirishima!”

He turned around, hearing your cry

Confusion was written on his face- you were running up to him, desperate to reach him

Your face was strewn with tears, sobs crying out of your mouth as you called out his name again

“Kirishima!”

Those sobs were destroying him- what was wrong? Who hurt you? Why were you so upset- he had never seen you like this! 

He had had the biggest crush on you for the longest time, and seeing you sad made him just wanted to fix everything and make you feel better, because when you were upset, he couldnt help but feel upset too!

You wrapped your arms around him, your chest colliding with his as you sobbed onto your best friend

He instantly shielded you in a warm hug, combing your hair with his palm, letting you get all your emotions out

“Hey-” he asked softly, gently raising you chin with the tips of your fingers, “what’s the matter?”

You sniffled, your face splotchy and pink, “My boyfriend-he-he-broke up with me.”

Kirishima clenched his jaw, feeling anger bubble in his stomach. So that’s the reason your so heartbroken, over that idiot? He was completely dumbfounded on why he would ever break up with you- how could someone ever just reject his amazing y/n?

He wrapped you in a hug again, placing a firm kiss on top your head

“Your okay y/n, dont worry about him. Your an amazing person and he just cant seem to see that. I got you, I promise.”

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Requests open!

[trueheda]

                     1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY. ya’ll know me, i hate making things serious and sappy but i really did want to get around to writing something more for my one year on this babe because she means so much to me ( and so much more now that i’ve been writing her for a year ). ontari is such a wonderful and complex character, and it’s a shame given the show she was given she was only in there for one season it’s always an honor for me that ya’ll are willing to accomidate me into your lives, rp timelines, and plots ! i’ve honestly adored spending this last year with yall. with so much that’s happened irl in this past year it’s been such a blessing to have a steady place where i felt comfortable and identified to be able to hang out and write creativly, plus the bonus of enjoying my bbies ( that’s you lot ).  and i know i’ve done some pretty shitty shit in this past year. and this is deffiently also a thank you letter to everyone that’s stuck by my side despite everything i’ve done not to deserve it. so this is my personal way of saying THANK YOU for being here, for wanting to write with ontari, for wanting to write with me, thank you for those 2AM movie nights, for the 4AM rush replies because a thread was just addicting, thank you for bringing a smile to my face for introducing me to friends new and old and freinds i wouldnt have been able to make if not for this blog. thank you so much. ya’ll don’t understand how much this means to me. and i dont think you will. so here’s a small little thank you notice for those of you that care:

if you were to LIKE & REBLOG this post ( * yes both ) you’ll be entered to win the following provided to you by YOURS TRUELY examples including ( all my rp blogs legit just look at any of the rp blogs ): a THEME BG + CODE * only if u want a custom code by me ofc it’s up to you, a PROMO SET, a DASH ICON, a MOBILE HEADER and !! an AZGEDA EDIT of your character because how tf would you not want more azgeda around !! 

now that we’ve gotten that out of the way and i’ve given ya’ll a small thanks, i want to give you an even bigger thanks ! and wanted to give a big shout out to my fave babes whom have stuck by my side through a whole lot of shit that is hella undeserved ! but yet you’re still here ! despite it all and i owe you all the world so thank you. so much. 

@murhys - MOON !! love of my life. cas to my dean. actual other half. salt king husband to our salt kingdom. moon you’ve been there for me since day 1 and are probably the only person on this website i’ve never had a disagreement with. you wormed ur skaidad into my baby icekids heart which i thought would be impossible and it’s magic how much i enjoy ur presence really. you’re deff like my other half babe. ultimate husband. ily

@azgona / @braverstars - HANNAH !! b to my v. actual partner in crime when it comes to like anything ! legit we write anything and theres so much perfect chemsitry between the characters that i think we were meant to b babe. like legit anything we do its magic and you really need to have more faith in this community because we need u man. we need you. 

@kiingbuilt - LENEE ( STARS ) !! actual babe. positivity queen lenee. honestly ur so sweet and so perf and idk what you want me to say bc ur awesome in every way ? you put up with me who’s like the dark hole to ur sunshine but like i’m always so greatful i don’t think there could be a better person i’d want to play tari against than you, roan and her have such depth and it’s so wonderful to be able to talk at lengeth about our ice siblings and what could have been like ! ily so much thanks for legt taking care of us all better than what we deserve

@leyosgona / @saviorbuilt - SOCHIE !! my babe sochie waht to i say about you. well lets start with the fact i don’t think i’ve ever become trash for a ship quite as quickly as i became trash for catari like wtf man. i’m going to second that with sayig ur clarke is presh and i love her to death ? and top it all off with the fact hat you legit always put up with me spamming u wit random af things without ur permission and are a okay with it all the time which makes u way too cool. 

@humansympathies - CHARLES !! legit one of these days im sealing u away form ur wife just u wait ( * hamilton an american musical plays in the bg  )  honestly i still need to thank you for making me so goddamned comfortable with being okay to write something i had been so nervous to write before because of the context of th show. you are the reason i was able to come out of my bubble and im so fucking thankful for that sitll am going to add #actualjohnmurphy bc nothing u do can change that

@ginatcnic - LAUREN !! gg lauren ur always around to help me when i need it and i really think i dont deserve you as a friend you’re amazing and always there for me and put up with me ranting @ you about the randomest bullshit and being vauge af about it and whatnot. ilysm babe dont forget ever that you are one of the most important parts of this fandom and we’d be lost without you. 

@foxofthe100 / allofthe100 - BRITT !! things i never expected i would do: ship with britt. things i’m super thankful happened: shipping with britt. not that we needed it to be friends bc w were friends beforei. but i deff think that foxtari has brought us closer and i’m so glad that it did !! you’re such a fun and acomplished person, and your view on things are always so well balanced and lovely to hear ! being who i am i love understanding things and you always put things in prespective. just in time to drop an angst ball on me but yknow. 

@si02built / @rainkiing - CHUCK !! yo you. yes you. i love ya man. like i do love you so much i don’t think you understand how much you’re amazing. you’ve been there for me since day 1 and i know that it dosn’t matter if i havent spoken to you in a day or in a month we’ll jump back into things just as they’ve always been meant to be and i think there’s a sort of treasure in that tat can’t be sahken. i love you man. kisses. take care

@damnleader - NIKKI !! i dont know where to start with you man. i started off as ur biggest fan and now look at us. we’re trash and i love it and you legit need to get ur ass back onto this account so i can yell at you about how presh u are and how much i miss talking to you and ranting and bless. 

@youngcst​ - MOO !! moo. legit i never knew whether to call you that or lois but you know what it don’t matter much now does it. waht i will say however is how thankful i am that we were bros for such a long time, and how much it means to me what nova and tari built toether and their relationship like i sob over our babies so often you don’t even know ! please always keep bringing us babe characters. 

bonus shoutout - @ CONSQUAD because yall put up with my ass for 4 days and if anyone can do that i think they deserve like a gold medal or smth like pls yall are honestly some of the best people keep being you !! @banishhim ( black hole ) / @algaenotwar ( milky way ) / @stellarstolen

bonus bonus shoutout - @ icesquad because AZKRU BEST KRU - some of ya’ll are inactive and need to get ur asses back here just sayin’ @icymenace / @azhaihefa / @aznofi / @azkeyva / @azgedaechoes / @azgada / @aznontu / @komashdaun /  @azenblida / @dubiousloyalty / @challengedloyalty / @shudameika / @aiopgona / @zosimekomazgeda / @wintamnontu / @deathwants / @icebuilt / @icebitxh / @leyosgona / @kiingbuilt / @haihefaroun / @firraun / @rcyalscars / @acrownofice / @youngcst 

i also wanted to make a sort of like FOLLOW FOREVER ? like ? idk how you make a solid one of these but just like all the blogs ? i’m in awe of whenever they come on the dash seemed like a good idea ? like these are all so quality all the time eve if some are inactive i refuse to unfollow just because of the chance they’ll come back, they should be a shoutout bc they are my inspiration to write they make me a better writer every day ! and love the hell out of them: @wolfsouled / @rattledbybullets /  @ragnarsscn / @princeubbe / @belomi / @soldiiermade / @imqetuous / @everyturnanycost / @noximperator / @lionoffrance / @praycd / @redempticnarc / @bloodshedbound / @allvanquisher / @murdocksredemption / @damnmechanic / @leaderbuilt / @casuistic / @headstrongblake / @crimiinalchemiist / @noukru / @starxbcrn / @arroworn / @survivorbuiilt

[tytranosaurusrex]

read more in the style of 2013 to get shit off my chest.do not read more

basically spent an hour this evening obsessively scouring the internet to re find a person who was really shitty to me when i was like 11-15 ish’s tumblr to remind myself what happened was real. she used to post about it and people would give her sympathy and make us out to be the villian but like its proof that it happened. that im not making it up. point being i think she deleted it, and by that i mean ive been down every avenue there is possible and i cant find it which is probably a good thing but also like. i need that proof. ive been talking in therapy about the oerwhelming guilt ill have after a suicidal episode that has no evidence base and linking it to maybe feeling like im doing what she did to me to my freinds now. and when i do that i either have to be angry at myself or pretend like she didnt hurt me which are both really unhealthy things. also coming around to realise that like except literally one person unis the first place ive ever had close healthy relationships with people where i havent been fucked over. like there was this shit until i was 15 and then there was the sexual abuse when i was 16 and then the shit with my dad and i dont think i really know how to have healthy relationships with non shitty people in non shitty situations. therapy is actually so helpful but also like i want to focus on what i have now and not this shit and like my complete inability to have women touch me and not feel anxious. whic is unrelated to the bitch i was stalkinf but related to the shit that followed that bitch and also like what i  have is so precoius to me right now. like being able to say than annie and grace and beth and abbie and becca and caitlin and oli all know me and i trust them ad im never scared of them and this is the first time in my life ive not felt like i have to hide it when im angry or pretend im not being hurt when i am. i dont know how to have people say theyre sorry to me or bring up when someone hurt me because ive never got to do that. i had someone im not even super close to apologise for being a little stresshead with me today. it was such a non big deal and she literally just had a deadline + sad freind induced moment but my first thought was to placate the situation before i realised like no. shes saying sorry to me, and im not even hurt.i dont have to stop her being angry at me, this is not a scary message to get, i think the combination of having a decent fucking counseller and doing more yoga has a) made me see how absolutely and completely both my parents and my school let me down for letting these things continue to happen to me as a child and b) made me realsie my life is not scary now and i have good people around me who want me to heal. its like ive been in survival mode this whole time and only now am i allowed to be angry and sad and mourn those years i lost and the experiences i will lose to my depression and the panic attacks and shit caused by all this. ive been working a lot on being less judgemental of both past and current me. like my counseller basically told me to imagine an xx year old dealing with  what i dealt with at that age. that i would want to protect them and that its natural to wish i could have protected myself but also i need to forgive me at xx years old for not doing that. and also like not letting guilt overtake me because im not her and the people i love will not get sick just from being around me. and with that its time to let this mindfullness leaf on a stream float on by and watch some motherfucking parks and rec.