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drewstarkeyupd · 2 months ago

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Queer Makes Drew Starkey a Movie Star. Its Impact on Him Was Even More Profound

The Outer Banks star redefines himself as Daniel Craig’s enigmatic lover. Over lunch with Vanity Fair, he calls the role “a wake-up call for me.”

By David Canfield

September 13, 2024

media.vanityfair.com

Photo by Greg Williams

“This is my breakfast,” Drew Starkey proclaims as a plate of medium-rare steak and potatoes gets placed in front of him, a near-empty cup of black coffee to its side. He woke up at noon, coming off of a late-night screening of his new movie Queer, for his final day in Toronto. It’s the last meal the 30-year-old star will have before he flies home, taking a pause from the glamorous fall-festival circuit. He’s just walked the same Venice red carpet as Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman; he’s newly swept up into the A24 family. Things are moving fast. As he searches for a fork, it’s natural to wonder how he’s taking it all in.

The answer to that is hardly simple, in part because Starkey’s been on a journey of introspection since he was cast in Queer well over a year ago. An adaptation of William S. Burroughs’s semi-autobiographical 1985 novel, the film directed by Luca Guadagnino takes an elliptical approach to the story of a slippery romance between two men in mid-century Mexico City. Lee (Daniel Craig) becomes infatuated with a beautiful, enigmatic younger man named Allerton (Starkey), whose sexual proclivities prove maddeningly difficult to read. They become intimate—as captured by Guadagnino in explicit, passionate detail—and eventually travel both around South America and into the depths of their own subconscious (via a trippy ayahuasca sequence). One piece of dialogue, spoken at different points by both of them, haunts their courtship: “I’m not queer, I’m disembodied.”

Starkey references the line at one point over our meal. A feeling of disembodiment rushed up in him about as soon as he finished production on Queer, one of many reasons he’s still processing the film’s impact on him. Its professional impact may be clearer: The star of Netflix’s Outer Banks and teen films like Love, Simon reintroduces himself here with a rich, complex, and brave performance that ought to open new doors. But as we chat, he sounds more interested in the personal doors Allerton may have introduced him to.

At the film’s Toronto premiere the night before our interview, Starkey revealed on stage that Guadagnino first described Allerton to him as a “nasty bitch.” Naturally, we began there.

Vanity Fair: Let’s start with “nasty bitch.” How do you react when you get that description for your character?

Drew Starkey: Luca was being cheeky, but in earlier conversations we had, he talked about Allerton as cold and slippery and very hard to read—and Lee is always trying to put his finger on the pulse or define him in some way. He’s always just out of grasp or just out of reach. There’s a quote that Burroughs had in the original Queer from 1985, one of the last paragraphs. In the sentence, it says something to the effect of, “What happened to that knife called Allerton?” That image was always really an anchor for me. So, a nasty bitch. [Laughs]

You’ve talked about how you are still figuring him out.

I’m going to give you a Burroughs quote. For the last few days, I’ve had his quotes in mind.

Just for the last few days?

[Laughs] Well, the past year-and-a-half. But he was talking about writing Junkie versus writing Queer. He said that he felt like he was the one writing Junkie but he felt as if Queer was writing him. That kind of mirrored my experience in the filming of it. I felt like I did all my work, and I had to let Allerton lead me—which is so different from the way that I’ve worked in the past. It was a lot of meditating and letting things happen. But it was tough. It was really tough.

What does surrendering to the material feel like?

It feels like you’re holding onto a plane crash. You’re like, “I hope I survive this.” There’s an energy to it. [Costume designer] Jonathan Anderson is a friend of Elton John’s, who was an incredible help in terms of the wardrobe and what he wears. So much of it was the image of Allerton, what Lee is drawn into and sucked into. That was really a lot of the focus: What’s the silhouette going to be here?

I was going to ask you about the physicality. You move in a very specific, alluring way.

Well, I lost a lot of weight for it. There’s only a few photos of Lewis Marker, who Allerton was based on, but he was very thin. The bodies of that time were not very muscular.

There was just a great essay in TheNew York Times that touched on that, specifically related to the show Fellow Travelers.

Yeah, I wanted to avoid that. I see it a lot, in a kind of mid-century period setting—because that’s such a modern look. This was about a four-month process of losing about 30 pounds. At first, I stopped eating. Not a great idea. Then I worked with a nutritionist. I got a little bit too skinny at one point and then he was like, “Wait, wait, wait.” But that really did change the way I felt and moved. It felt very natural. And then [Daniel and I] were in, essentially, a dance class with each other. My body felt a lot more fluid and I think that kind of informed my gait. It felt like a lot of outside-in work, which was fun.

You clearly sensed this was a major opportunity. What scared you the most?

Living up to material. I felt a lot of pressure, maybe too much. I was quite nervous, and usually I feel okay. And this was like my heart was racing on the first day. One, Luca and the words of Burroughs, and then Justin Kuritzkes did such an amazing job with [the script]. But then working with Daniel and Lesley [Manville] and Jason [Schwartzman], it was an amazing cast. I felt like I was being found out. I never really had that before.

And given the weight loss, you had a lot of time to think about it before even stepping on that set. Could you think about anything else?

No. I was just engrossed with everything. All my responsibilities went out the window. I mean, every day I woke up and thought about it. It really felt like who I was for a year and a half. I’m not one that can really detach from a role and work in that way. It has to be: Blinders on. I can’t separate.

Everyone’s last day of shooting was the final scene you see in the movie. It was Daniel and me, and it was very emotional on the last day. I never really cry. And I’m crying! Just because it was so—it was so much. It was such a release.

Did you feel generally nervous to do sex scenes as you would be asked to do in this movie?

Not more than any other film, any other sex scene. But there was so much conversation around it, too. Luca made it a point during the first two weeks in Rome, when we had table readings and rehearsals, to separate those and talk about those as their own thing. Get comfortable with it. Daniel and I had been familiar with each other enough that by the time we got there, it felt like any other day.

Really?

It, strangely enough, did. There was such a comfort in our bodies. We were really, for months, essentially in a kind of choreographed jujitsu. There was no trepidation. There was no shying away from the nude scenes at all. Dan and I just wanted it to exude a type of truth and normalcy, how two people would be intimate with one another. You don’t want to put anything on top of it. Yeah, so strangely enough, no, it didn’t. It really didn’t.

To your point about the choreography though, there are specific sex scenes that indicate where the characters are in relation to each other, in terms of power and connection. How did you balance the jujitsu you’re talking about with that sense of intimacy?

We would talk with Luca about how he had a picture for it, his ideals for a given scene. We would just walk through it, but then left some freedom to let things happen. That’s the way Luca works in general. He’ll have a specific idea like, “Here’s my idea for what I think it should be, how I think it should be played out.” And then it’s a very intimate, small, closed set. Only the camera operator, Bianca [Butti] was with us. Months prior, of course, that was something that I was weighing like, “Oh, my God”—I was pretty nervous about it. When you read the script and you see the scene, you go like, “Oh, man.” But Luca was very, very particular about, “I will do nothing that you are uncomfortable with.” We had an open dialogue about all that. And Daniel is also such a giving person. He’s a great partner. Once we got into working, all of that was fine.

The final chapter of the film centers on Lee and Allerton doing ayahuasca. Have you done ayahuasca before?

No, but I’m interested. I feel like I’ll know when it’s time to; I don’t think right now is the right time. It hasn’t called to me. But we had some crew who had done ayahuasca and it was a great reference. It was like: “Okay, how did it feel in your body? How did it feel to walk? How nauseous were you?” That part was really fun. Yeah, I’ve never done ayahuasca—yet. But it seems, I don’t know. I certainly have some things that I need to address.

What can you share about that?

This year, I definitely got happier with myself. The past five years or so it’s been fast-paced and always going. Funnily enough, the strike happened and I felt incredibly disembodied. I had nothing to latch on to. I actually thought about Burroughs in that time, and his relationship with what he calls the ugly spirit. It’s this version of yourself that only wants to destroy, and how to make destruction your friend. I really did a lot of soul-searching, because we finished right before the strike happened. It was like boom-boom—I had this very intense, beautiful, creative kind of experience, and then nothing. I was a little mad.

Did you feel like work was important to keeping those feelings at bay?

Yeah, and maybe it’s not really that active. It’s just, I care so much about this and I want to do this, and that’s a byproduct. You lose a sense of yourself. That’s definitely my relationship with acting. I don’t feel like a confident person. I love life and I love tackling life, but in some way, I’m substituting the job for therapy. I never have admitted that I was doing that. And then this past year, I was like, “Oh, that is what I’m doing.” Now I need to actually ask questions about myself and consider myself, and talk and communicate. I didn’t do that a lot about what I was going through. I love to work and I love to distract myself.

It’s interesting to be going through that while you’re playing a character who is so non-verbal.

Mm-hmm. I’ve thought about this a lot. Even though Allerton felt like the hardest person to be, he also felt like the closest person to me in a way. In a lot of ways I really, really understood him and it felt like me—the way he moves through the world, the way he interacts with people. It was like, “Oh, right, that’s how I would be.” Maybe he was a wake-up call for me.

You already alluded to it, but I was going to ask you: What does, “I’m not queer. I’m disembodied” mean to you? Clearly, you’re someone who thinks a lot about Burroughs these days, and it is the core line of the film.

Oh, I’ve thought a lot about Burroughs. I think it’s the inability to define yourself. He doesn’t use language to express anything, to show his admiration or how he feels. Luca always said in the beginning of this, “It’s not a story about unrequited love. It’s a story about unsynchronized love.” Having that type of love can make you feel more detached from yourself. These are two people who do have this love for each other, and it’s beautiful—you see fleeting moments of it, and you see Lee attach himself to those moments. But they’re operating on two different planes of time in some way. That can make you feel more disconnected, experiencing that and confronting that with your counterpart, than even being alone can. [Pause] Yeah, I think I answered?

Very much so. It’s a movie that prods some deeper introspection, so I appreciate the answers.

Yeah, I know it’s a movie that if I saw it at 14 or 15, it would open doors for me, like: “Oh, my God.” My parents weren’t prudish in any way, but there was definitely some censorship. It was my grandma who was watching us, I was maybe 10, when she was like, “What rated-R movie do you want to watch? Pick one. Go pick one.” Me and my brother were like, “Okay!” I think we watched The Patriot or something. [Laughs] But yeah, I’ve had to go off and find those things on my own.

This interview has been edited and condensed. This story has been updated.

#drew starkey #queer film #queer #tiff 2024 #luca guadagnino #justin kuritzkes #omar apollo #daniel craig

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alterchaos · 24 days ago

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ALWAYS WILL BE

Tensions hit an all-time high between the two Mobians. With the ring of hate in his possession, can Sonic overcome its effects once more before it's too late? Eve comes up with a plan...

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: QUEEN OF THE PIRATES

NEXT CHAPTER: SCORPION SHUFFLE

After the mishap with the girl and the sword, the trio of heroes decided to set up camp inside the damp cave. Things were awkward to say the least, especially since they reached the decision to rotate the rings between themselves regularly in order to keep their effects in balance. Even Sharah, in her half-human state, couldn’t avoid the rings’ influence entirely, and neither Mobian was planning to let her carry that burden alone. As of now, the half-genie possessed the ring of pleasure, the human the ring of desire, and the hedgehog the ring of hate.

Eve rung out her drenched, golden hair as Sharah crafted a fire to keep them warm. She turned, watching the hedgehog curled up off to the side with worry. She wanted nothing more than to see him okay. Whether that was, in part, due to the ring in her possession or the strength of her own will, she did not know.

All she knew was that her desire was real.

Eve shuffled a bit closer to her best friend, “Hey…How’s your hand?”

He shifted slightly so that his face was hidden even more from her, “Fine.”

She furrowed her brow, “Just ‘fine’?”

“Yeah. Peachy. Or is that not what you’re looking for.”

Her eyes widened slightly before fixing on him with a stern gaze, “Why don’t you trust me?”

Sonic jolted, turning over to face her as his eyes narrowed in anger, “What?”

“You’re always on me when I try to help. It’s frustrating, Sonic.” She placed a hand on her chest, “I may be human, but I’m not weak. I thought you of all people would believe in me, just like you used to back on Earth.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not the same as I was back then, am I!? Things change, Eve!!” He scrunched his eyes shut, recalling the dark flames dancing off his figure.

“...but not our friendship…right?”

Sonic’s eyes flew open, the two of them staring at each other for an extended moment before the former gripped his chest in pain, trembling slightly as he fought to catch his breath. Eve reached out.

“Soni-”

He swatted her hand away.

“Don’t. I…I-I don’t…”

Her eyes grew concerned.

“You don’t…what?”

“...”

Sonic looked down at his trembling, injured hand with a hateful heart.

“Sonic…Talk to me…What are you-”

He whipped his head upwards, his furious gaze meeting hers as tears flew from his eyes.

“JUST DROP IT!!!”

“...”

The girl with the golden hair watched him in deep concern as the hedgehog’s eyes fell once more on his hand, a mixture of terror and loathing lining his features.

“Sonic…I just want to help-”

“Is that what you want? Then you can help by staying as far away from me as you ca-”

“Not an option.”

“Then make it an option.”

“Just listen to m-”

Sonic flashed a cocky grin, “Oh is that what you want now?”

Her eye twitched in annoyance, “Son-”

Sonic threw his arms wide, “Go on Miss Captain…Tell me what you want. Is that so hard? What happened to being our brave and fearless leader, huh? What? Didja get cold feet?”

Eve leaned in close, her eyes flashing a light blue for a moment as she snapped, his constant interruptions pushing her to her limit, “What I WANT is for YOU to LISTEN to me for a second!!!”

Sonic paused, having snapped out of the ring’s hold for a moment. He gripped his head, shaking it slightly as he caught the end of her words out of context. He held out his hand with sincere concern, “G-Give me the ring.”

Eve jolted, “What? Sonic, I’m not-”

“I said…” His pupils flashed green once more, “Give me the ring.”

Eve watched with concern as Sonic bore his fangs, a small growl escaping him as his hackles raised.

This wasn’t good.

She needed to help him calm down.

“Sonic…I don’t think-”

“Of course you don’t. If you did, we wouldn’t be in this situation, would we captain?”

Eve simply stared at him in shock.

This…

This wasn’t Sonic…

She couldn’t even bring herself to be angry or upset at him given how out of character it was. All she felt was a deep and intense concern for her very first and best friend.

Sharah, on the other hand, was furious.

“Master Sonic!”

“Hm?” The hedgehog turned to face the half-genie with a bored expression as he rubbed his ear nonchalantly, “What do you want?”

Sharah held out her hand, “I think it is time to hand over that ring. Now.”

Sonic winced as his heart skipped a beat, though he quickly covered up his pain with a cocky smirk and sinister chuckle, “I- huff I-Is it…n-now… huff haa…”

“Sonic…” Eve reached out a sympathetic hand, though she froze when he turned to face her, his eyes swimming with disgust and malice. She trembled slightly, “...please.”

He recaptured his breath, standing tall as his friend’s pleas reached him, tugging at his heart once more, “Fine. I’ll hand it over…”

Sharah reached for the ring, though Sonic quickly pulled away, waving a sarcastic finger in her face as he clicked his tongue.

“On one condition.” He looked to his long-time friend with a mischievous grin, “You trade Sharah for the ring of pleasure.”

“Huh?”

Caution seeped into the half-genie’s tone, “Master Sonic…”

Eve searched his hate-filled eyes for any rhyme or reason as to such a request, but quickly gave up. It didn’t matter. If that is what it would take for him to give up the ring of hate so he wouldn’t be consumed by its power, she was willing to face whatever this other ring had in store for her.

“Alright.”

“Master Ev-”

She reached behind her, rubbing her head and neck slightly as she closed her eyes and sighed. She then held out her hand, “I’m ready. Give me the ring, Sharah.”

Sonic folded his arms, “Heh…This should be good…”

Sharah, ring in hand, searched the human’s eyes worriedly. Eve offered a slight nod of reassurance, prompting the half-genie to sigh in resignation as she handed the turquoise relic over.

“I hope you know what you’re doing…”

Eve took the ring in her hands, her eyes glowing slightly as she did. She closed her eyes a moment before turning towards Sonic, a scowl lining her face.

“There. Happy now?”

Sonic returned the scowl, “I will be once I can drag your reckless butt to safety without you fighting me anymore.”

Eve shook her head as she chuckled, “So that was your reason? Even in a hate-filled state, you still can’t help but care about others…”

“You got a problem with that?”

She smiled warmly, “Not at all.”

“Tsch!” Sonic pulled his gaze away from her, tapping his foot impatiently as he awaited the ring’s effect to take hold.

Any second now…

…

Sonic pretended to check some invisible watch on his injured hand before looking back over at the girl standing across from him. She folded her arms, smiling confidently. He narrowed his eyes in frustration, releasing another small growl.

“What’s wrong, Sonic? Oh wait…Was something supposed to happen? I couldn’t tell.”

Sonic stormed over to her, “Yeah actually! How are you doing that!?”

Eve cocked her head in pretend curiosity, further egging on the hedgehog’s currently fragile ego, “Do what, Sonic?”

“Don’t play dumb with me!! You know damn well what I mean!!”

Eve turned the ring over in her hand with genuine curiosity now, “Actually, I don’t. Sharah’s had the ring this whole time, so I really don’t know what I’m supposed to expect. Should I be exploding or something right now?”

Sonic grabbed her wrist to regain her attention, though he still remained gentle even in his altered mind, “No you idiot. You were supposed to become easy to control!”

A glint entered the human girl’s eye as she looked down upon him with a cocky smirk, “Then why don’t you show me? You know…since I’m such an idiot and all…”

Sonic snatched the ring from her hand, shoving his into her empty grasp with a snarl as he leaned in close, “Maybe I will!”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“...”

“Wait a sec-”

THUD!

Eve released a tense breath as she threw the ring of hate to the side, relief flooding her whole body. She fell to her knees next to the downed hedgehog, throwing her pack to the side as well as the water blue ring she’d snuck beneath the back of her top, finally releasing herself from the ring of desire’s grip on her heart as well. She bent forward, dry heaving as she held herself up by shaky hands.

Sharah slid down next to her, “MASTER EVE!!!”

“I…huff huff…I-I’m fine…huff…Sh-Sharah…”

The half-genie offered a hand on the girl’s back, rubbing slightly to help relieve any lingering nausea or weakness.

“Th-That was incredible! H-How did you-”

“I-I…I figured that…since my…d-desire…to protect him…o-outweighed everything…else…I-I could…use its power…a-amplify it…t-to…to trump the effects of…th-the others…I-I…was right…” Eve lurched forward once more, nearly throwing up from the emotional whiplash and strain she’d endured.

Sharah stared at her in awe as she finally lost her battle against the churning in her stomach, “Are…Are you insane? It is nearly impossible to wield one ring without losing yourself to its influence and you decided to wield TWO!? AT THE SAME TIME!?”

Eve coughed a few times before catching her breath and wiping the residue from her lips as she shook, “W-Well…what can I say? He’s my…best friend…I’d do anything for him…”

“A-Anything…?”

“Y-Yeah…” She looked to the flame poking out from her friend’s chest with despondent eyes, “I’d have even taken that flame for him if I’d had the chance…He means that much to me…I…wouldn’t be here if not for him…” She looked down, remembering that day at the construction site, “I owe him my life…”

Sharah rubbed one of her bangles, “So…in a way…he’s your master too…”

“Huh?” Eve looked at the half-genie beside her in confusion, “No. Sharah…that isn’t it at all…”

“Huh?” Sharah met her gaze with just as much confusion, “Then what is it?”

“I chose to dedicate my life to him of my own free will. Sharah…a master doesn’t give his servants the right to choose. That’s why Sonic doesn’t like you calling him that. Everything he is, everything he stands for, it’s all the embodiment of free will. That’s all he wants for you, Sharah, whether you accept it or not.”

Sharah stared at Eve with wide eyes, her free hand sliding over the light amulet around her neck instinctively. She looked down, guilt lining her features as her gaze shifted towards the flame dancing gracefully off the hedgehog’s chest in a steady rhythm.

“Then…what if I choose to accept it? What will become of him…of…us?”

Eve chuckled slightly as she shook her head, following her gaze after, “Nothing, Sharah. Sonic is just Sonic. Always has been. Always will be. You saw how he is with these rings. Who he is doesn’t change whether he’s happy or upset. He just cares for the sake of caring. Nothing can take that away from him.” She smiled at her friend, lost and mumbling incoherently in his delirium, “He’ll always be Sonic in the end.”

Sharah fidgeted with her amulet some more.

“And m-me? What will become of me? W-Will…Will I change too?”

Eve closed her eyes pensively, “Mmm…Maybe…” She winked at Sharah, “...but then you’d be able to become something more.”

“And what is that?”

Eve smiled warmly.

“A friend.”

The half-genie’s eyes flew wide as she looked to the human before her. She then glanced back down at the hedgehog.

Was…

Was it really okay to…

She scrunched her features, steeling herself as she addressed the girl once more.

“E-...?” She shook her head before looking to the girl with pleading eyes, “Listen there’s…there’s something I need to-”

“Mmmnnnn…Iwann…protec…ooou…”

Eve looked back down at her incoherent, faceplanted friend as he raised a swaying finger in the air, laughing heartily as she nudged his spiky head affectionately, “Just go to sleep, you dork! You can protect me later, okay?”

“Mmmkaaaay…” The hedgehog swiftly fell silent before just as quickly releasing a steady rhythm of placated snores.

Eve laughed once more, shaking her head as she situated herself beside him, “Well, we’d better get some sleep too.” She smiled once more before lying down on her side, “Goodnight, Sharah.”

“I-” It was too late though. Sharah froze, unable to will herself to continue what she was about to say. She looked down once more at the flame with guilt before rubbing one of her gold bangles and disappearing inside her ring.

“Goodnight…Masters…”

CHAPTER END

#alter chaos #sonic the hedgehog #sonic au #sth #sonic oc #sonic fanart #sth au #sonic fancomic #sth fandom #sth fanart #sonic and the secret rings #erazor djinn

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keicordelle · 7 months ago

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Chapter 12: None but the Brave. They've finally reached the starting point, after all this time. An apology, a clarification, and a kiss, to set them on the right path at last.

Read it on Ao3 at the link above, or check out the first chapter on Tumblr here.

Thancred’s teeth dug into his lower lip, worrying at the already chafed skin there as he paced another line across the living room. The heavy thud of his feet against the floorboards counted time all too clearly, each step another second that Urianger was gone who knew where. He should be back by now, shouldn't he? No matter how mad he was at Thancred, he wouldn't make him worry by staying out all night, right?

Anxiety clawed at his belly. His palms itched for the hilt of a dagger or the hefty weight of his gunblade — anything to distract him from the swirling vortex of his thoughts. His resolve to offer Urianger space until he was ready to talk wavered. Maybe he should go out and find him after all. If something had happened to him while he was out there alone, in his blasted nightgown and without a lick of defensive protection...

The creak of the front door opening wrenched Thancred from that thought before it could reach its distressing conclusion. His head shot up, gaze immediately seeking out the figure silhouetted in the frame.

He’s okay. Relief spilled through Thancred, hot and liquid through his veins as it swept away the scrabbling worry that gripped him as easily as that. Urianger lingered there in the doorway, the blaze of light that framed him rendering it hard to make out his features, but he looked fine — physically, at least. Still in his nightgown, the frumpy robe fluttering around his ankles, but he sported his usual divining cards at his hip, and Thancred couldn't see any injuries on him.

Thancred stepped forward without thinking, overcome by the urge to walk up to him and reassure himself that he was really alright. He stopped himself before he could take more than a step, forcing himself to rock back on his heels, hands shoved into his pockets. The last thing Urianger needed right now was to have him fussing over him. Not when he'd just spent the whole day hiding from him. No, Thancred needed to let him have his space, and to not mess this up any more than he already had.

But damn, he hadn't expected how badly he'd want to touch him. Just seeing him standing there made Thancred’s hands itch, the phantom feeling of Urianger’s lips on his returning in full force. Hells.

No, he could do this. He could be normal. He would not ruin their relationship by pushing Urianger’s boundaries. He could pretend it never happened, and they would go back to being friends, just like before. Eventually, these desires would fade. They had to.

The silence dragged on between them, neither of them quite sure what to say. The awkwardness was palpable, hanging thick and heavy above their heads like a guillotine. One wrong move and—

"Thancred, I..." Urianger started after what felt like an eternity. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, letting to door drift shut behind him. He cleared his throat before trying again. "I wish to apologize. I should not have fled from thee this morning. I was... unprepared for the consequences of mine actions, and I reacted poorly. Pray forgive me."

Spending the whole day anticipating it didn't make Thancred any more prepared to hear it. Disappointment banded around his chest. His heart gave one dismayed thump before he schooled his features into heartfelt compassion, one hand lifting casually to brush off Urianger’s apology. "It's alright, no apology needed. Can't blame you for being a little out of sorts after waking up in my arms like that. Sorry about that. I'll be sure it doesn't happen again." No more bed sharing, and no more fantasizing. Bad enough he couldn't stop thinking about him, about touching him and kissing him and— Ahem. Better to simply avoid any situation that sounded like it came straight out of a romance novel. Avoid the temptation. Thancred didn't want to do anything that would risk damaging their friendship more than he already had. "Let's just forget it ever happened." The false smile rose easily to his lips, the charming mask falling readily into place despite the knife that twisted itself between his ribs. You'll get over it. A quick lay and a bottle of booze or two, and you won't even remember the way his tongue curled novicely over your teeth or how his hands clutched at your hair like it was all that kept him grounded.

Urianger's head jerked up, something like alarm flashing over his face. Before Thancred could quite puzzle that out, his face fell, confliction twisting his features. Oh gods, that wasn't going to be enough for him. Did Urianger want him to leave? It was only fair that he did; Urianger had been too generous by far in taking them in, and they’d long since overstayed their welcome. If he woke Minfilia now, they could be gone before Urianger’s nightly tea. They could go to the Crystarium, maybe, if Ran'jit were off their trail for the moment. Or maybe further east, into the wilds that lurked there, and try to eke out a living within.

"I do not want to simply forget our kiss," Urianger said, his voice quiet but filled with surprising conviction. Thancred braced himself for his scorn, the walls that had long guarded his heart falling back into place with each second that he hesitated. Urianger’s hands twisted in his nightgown, nervous and restless. Longing for the glittering chains that belonged there, if only to have something more tactile to fidget with.

Then he stilled himself, his chin lifting until his eyes locked with Thancred’s. The ardency within them froze Thancred in place, his breath caught in his throat as he stared into a golden affection so deep he felt he could trip and fall into it. "I regret not the kiss that we shared, only my reaction to it. How could I wish to forget a kiss so tender, with thy lips so gentle upon mine and thy hands so sweet upon my waist? 'Twas not for want of rescinding the kiss that I fled, but because I wished only to experience another. The taste of thy lips hast lingered upon my tongue the day entire. Thou did naught more than fulfill the request I so selfishly asked of thee, and yet I would seek to claim still more. I..."

His eyes dropped, watching his hands as they fiddled with themselves. "I am unused to this sensation — to any of these sensations. In thy presence, I yearn for things I have never cared to experience before, and I must avow that I am inadept at navigating mine own emotions. But..." He made as if to step forward, but he hesitated, his hands falling lamely to his sides as he rocked back on his heels. "I would not wish thee to think that I harbored any ill feelings about that moment. I... liked it. A great deal." A blush, delicate pink staining his cheeks and out along the length of his ears. He ducked his head, looking up at Thancred through silver lashes. "I find myself... wishing that I might do so again."

Thancred stared back at him, dumbfounded. His pulse beat in his ears, heart fluttering beneath his ribs. Was that... Could he...? "What are you saying? You're... You want to kiss me?" Thancred’s cool facade cracked, strain teasing around the edges of his voice. His legs ached with the strength it took to hold still, to ask and be sure before he did something that might be misconstrued if he was wrong.

Urianger looked up, his bashful yearning bleeding into anxiety and then distress as he saw Thancred flounder. "I— forgive me," he backpedaled. "I should not have assumed that thou wouldst be— If thou wouldst prefer we not speak of this again, that is— Understood. I will—"

Long strides carried Thancred across the room, closing the distance that stretched between them until he could reach up and cup the back of Urianger’s neck. With no trace of hesitation, Thancred pulled Urianger down to him, seizing his lips in a bruising kiss. Urianger gasped, eyes going wide for the barest of instants before he sank into Thancred, hands rising to find their place on his waist. He bent for him, easing the strain that burned through Thancred’s calves as he settled back on his heels, pulling Urianger in close and kissing him with all the emotion that roiled beneath his breast. He crushed Urianger’s mouth to his, harsher than he deserved, lips moving over his and teeth catching on his lower lip.

A tremor shivered through Urianger, washing away the uncertainty that held him stiff and unsure against Thancred. He hesitated only a moment before he was kissing him back, awkward and ungainly as he was that morning, but replete with just as much passion as Thancred crammed into his own kiss. One hand rose tentatively from its place on Thancred’s waist to stroke up his back, fingers curling into his shirt to clutch eagerly at his shoulder blade.

Thancred drew Urianger against him, the heat of his body soaking into Thancred’s skin as he pulled him into an embrace. His body responded to Urianger’s nearness, and he forced his thoughts away, not wanting to make things awkward for him. Gods, he smelled delicious, like citrus and wilderness, the faint tang of sweat teasing at his nose as Thancred breathed him in.

Their lips didn't part for a moment, the kiss slowly sliding from crushing eagerness to something softer, gentleness taking over. The soft fall of Urianger’s hair tickled over the back of Thancred’s hand, his beard scratching at his jaw as Urianger’s head tipped further, lips parting to allow Thancred in. He really was a fast learner; this morning's lesson had not been lost on him, no matter the hours they’d spent apart. Then again, if he'd been dwelling on it half so much as Thancred had today, he wasn't surprised. Still, Urianger’s tongue was awkward against his when he slipped between his lips, licking at his mouth. That was alright; Thancred was perfectly happy to help him practice.

They pulled back only when the lack of oxygen forced them apart. Urianger leaned his brow against Thancred’s, their breath mingling as they both panted for air. Slowly, his hands uncurled from Thancred’s shirt, and Thancred let go of his hold on his neck to allow Urianger to straighten.

He did, clearing his throat and looking bashfully away, that beautiful pink flush staining his cheeks and neck. "That was— er... nice," he said awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Nice, huh?" Thancred brushed a lock of Urianger’s hair back behind his ear, watching as his blush deepened. "Does that mean I'll get to kiss you again?"

Surprised jolted through him, and he met Thancred’s eyes at last. "Thou wouldst wish to?"

Thancred laughed, a quiet huff of disbelief. "Yes, Urianger. I'll kiss you any time you want. In fact, I rather enjoy kissing you."

"I am not... experienced, with this sort of thing. I know not that I can offer thee all that thou might wish of me."

"Hells, Urianger, we're not talking about marriage here. We'll figure it out as we go. I'm not going to ask any more of you than you're willing to give." Urianger nodded, just a slight dip of his chin, his gaze uncertain but hopeful on Thancred’s. Full of possibilities and the paths this might take them. "For now, can I kiss you again?"

That made him smile, his whole face lighting up with the expression. Thancred’s heart throbbed with it, greedy and zealous. "I would like that," Urianger said.

So Thancred drew him down for another kiss, gentle and tender this time, like he deserved. And when Urianger’s arms went around him, they held him just as tightly as he'd hoped they would, holding him close against Urianger as he kissed him back, inexpert but passionate.

And Twelve, Thancred had no idea what this meant for them or where it was going to lead them, but damn, he couldn't wait to find out.

[Chapter 13] | [Masterlist]

[Kofi/Commissions]

#ffxiv #thanuri #urithan #thancred waters #urianger augurelt #thancred #urianger #ffxiv fanfiction #first for everything #my writing #~k

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msfbgraves · 7 months ago

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What do you think of The Godfather Part 3? I honestly hate most of it, it just feels like poorly written fanfiction lol. I can't decide what's the worst bit: Mary, Mary and Vincent's incestuous relationship (WHY!!), Michael and Kay, Michael being totally OOC (smiling, being jovial), Michael's truly horrible haircut (might be the single worst offender for me OMG)...just a bad film in my opinion. I like to pretend it doesn't exist.

I personally really like Sherlock series 1 and 2, and ignore the existence of the rest of it, pretty much. That works fine. But if you don't mind me feeling differently while understanding where you're coming from, Nonnie - I really like the Godfather Coda, the Death of Michael Corleone. Part III, the first cut, nah, I think we can put that aside. And yes, the difference in Michael is too jarring for the most part. I've watched Pacino in different things, and he seems to prefer playing more extrovert men, and seems to have decided playing Michael that way was what felt best to him. And I could see it - there are some hints of that Michael very early in film 1 with Kay - but they'd need to do a better job bridging that gap visually. I can forgive it, because I do see this film as Don Corleone desperately trying to go back to being a man, Michael Andolini if you will, the man he would have been had he not picked up the mantle of Don, the man he can't ever be. Vito saw the tragedy in his son picking up that mantle, he almost apologised: "There wasn't enough time, Michael." Michael now sees Vincent being hungry for it while he cannot escape how his own choices are eating at him. When he wants his son to join him, he is rebuffed. When he forbids his daughter to join him through Vincent,he is rebuffed. I think the figure of Mary shows very clearly how he has lost all the loves of his life to this crime, in the dancing scenes: Apollonia, Kay, yes, Kay, people, and now the one who yet loves him as a man first - Mary. Connie, too, has been entirely corrupted.

The third Godfather gives us a whole film about this stage of alienation and power slipping from us, while framing the rise of Vincent not as a triumph but as a horror. Vito's rising was mostly triumphant, as he honoured his relationships. Michael's rising was terrible on everyone he loved... and Vincent's rising through Michael's eyes is sleazy. A rotten thing that Michael can't escape.

But most gangster films give that a couple of scenes at most, indeed a coda... but Coppola was like: if you insist on milking this, I refuse to go easy on you. I will not do it, I will give you the wreckage I spent two films building up.

Artistically brave, but a genre break, and a sad thing too that these men can't figure out a way to include a young woman in this action other than through love. Cousins marrying was not totally unheard of in the Sicilian old world, though, I don't think. Small island, few newcomers. These things die out hard. Just another way to show how this old world clashes with the life Michael chases and can never reach - through his own choices! It's a true tragedy! Could he have done differently? Yes, but also no, he is Michael. Who bears the emotional fallout of this, and this I love - the women! The ones who are supposedly so cutoff from all this! Connie gets abused, widowed, and has to submit to her own brother in an effort to save the other and herself. Again, she's lost two siblings and a husband to this violence! Kay lives in terror and still loses a daughter. Mary - poorly acted Mary, I'm sorry, even recut the others outshine her too much - killed by a bullet meant for Michael, and Michael, forced to live with his failure exiled in the Sicily he tried all his life to leave behind... it's tonally a break and not at all what a lot of fans of the first two would have come to the cinema for. But what do I think?

I think despite its flaws it's brave and necessary.

I mean I love that Michael ends this film alone, ashamed and cursedly alive.

#The godfather part iii #The godfather coda #the godfather #The death of michael corleone

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smileweakandwrong · 9 months ago

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find the word!

tagged by @eskawrites and big thank you because work is painfully slow and I don't want to be productive.

rules: search your WIPs for the words you're given and share the extract they're from.

the words I was given are: glass, remain, unlikely, loyal, and wrong.

I'm pulling everything from chapters of I Will Remember You that haven't been posted yet because it's the only thing I'm working on that's not just an outline at the moment.

glass

Nancy left the porch and picked up a decent sized rock from what appeared to have been a rock garden before months of neglect killed off any non-local plant life. She balanced the weight of the rock in her palm, said, “Anything can be a key if you throw it hard enough,” and sent the rock smashing through the sidelight beside the door. Reaching through the new opening, careful of the jagged glass that surrounded it like a mouth full of teeth, Nancy flipped the deadbolt and opened the door. Nothing appeared to be disturbed inside, certainly not like anyone had ransacked the place looking for hidden secrets about El or Brenner’s work. The rooms were minimally decorated in monochromatic colour schemes with utilitarian furniture and no photos on the walls, just the framed mass-produced prints that often hung in hotel rooms—snow-capped mountains, a boat at sea, a pair of wolves in the forest. Arbitrary art to break up the blankness. Someone had stayed here but no one had lived here. A turntable sat atop a cabinet with a single shelf of records. A newspaper was folded neatly on the kitchen table, the crossword fully filled in in pencil.

remain

Nancy climbed out of the hole, digging her fingers into the hand holds and feeling the clay cake under her nails as the web-like blackness sunk back into them like it always did when the darkness in her made contact with its home. She scrambled over the top, crawled a few feet on her hands and knees, and threw up that morning’s gas station coffee and muffin onto the earth. She crawled away from her mess and collapsed down into the overgrown grass of the ball field, flat on her back, waiting for the seasick feeling in her stomach to calm. The grass had been left to grow unchecked since July. Mowing seemed pointless when the gates remained locked and large ‘Park Closed’ signs were fastened to the chain link fence that enclosed the field. It grew tall enough that when Nancy turned her head to the side she couldn’t see the base at third, her view swallowed up by feral field. If Robin were lying in the grass with her, she’d be making some joke about bases, trying to make some suggestive comment for only Nancy to hear and being about as successful at sounding smooth as she’d be if she picked up a bat and tried to hit a homerun over the back fence. But Robin wasn’t here to lay in the too-long, too-itchy grass with her, no one was, and that truth made Nancy want to roll over and vomit again.

unlikely (apparently the only appearance in the whole damn fic)

“Look, I don’t know what to do with you, but I can’t call the pound because I’m not supposed to be here and there’s no way I’m putting you in the car and taking you there myself. They’d probably just put you down anyway because you kind of suck, but it’s not your fault. Your job was protecting, you’ve got to be pretty brave and a little mean for that—” Nancy told the dog, opening the bag of food and scooping a generous amount into one of the shiny stainless steel bowls. “But I’ll tell you what, you can stay here and stay warm and fed until I figure it out as long as you dial back the crazy, deal?” The dog just licked its lips and waited until she slid the bowl across the concrete floor with her boot. She just watched as her unlikely new roommate started eating.

loyal and wrong exist in the same passage, how fun

The thing about guilt is that it’s excessively hard to smother, like a stubborn ember hanging onto its heat, loyal to its flame and ready to reignite the moment it's presented with oxygen and a new fuel source. Nancy had been trying to snuff out her guilt and stop dwelling on the shame that came paired with it like a buy one; get one free of her perceived wrongness, but it burned deep, smoldering on her kindling bones and filling her lungs with smoke from the inside out. Sometimes she’d make it an entire day without feeling the burning and think maybe she’d finally managed the impossible—believing that Robin’s reassuringly kind words were true—but then she’d see the freshly healed bite-mark scar on Robin's neck and the fire of guilt would consume her all over again. Guilt was hard to smother, especially when it burned Nancy’s palms every time she tried.

but I also like this bit, so wrong gets two

The centre backed onto a park space, basketball courts and a playground and a splash pad that would have been full of kids hanging onto summer a month ago. Now, it stood empty as the autumn leaves collected in little piles on the brightly painted concrete. A deflated green balloon clung to the branches of a nearly-bare tree like it was trying to recreate the summer greenery, a leftover scrap of latex from the million and a half balloons released over the city a few weeks ago. Nancy just shook her head as she noticed just how many dead balloons littered the city, a stupid idea gone wrong the way that most stupid ideas do. She watched as a small and shriveled but not-yet popped pink balloon bounced along the ground in the breeze and out into the road where it was finally flattened by traffic—just another pretty thing lost to the falsehood of good intentions. She looped around to the next street over that wasn’t blocked off by a police car and officer redirecting foot traffic, and made her way through the park to the back of the rec centre.

I'm not tagging anyone because anxiety, but feel free to play if you want!

Your words are shoelace, sidewalk, rusty, palm, sincere

#ronance #nancy has powers fic #wip word game #find the word #wip games

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writethatdown · 2 years ago

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helooo, im about to graduate highschool soon and i have been having this feeling in my chest for awhile now. im trying not to worry about the future and enjoy my time for these last two months of highschool. my senior year felt like a movie and as much as i absolutely hate school i already am gonna miss the feeling of being a kid in school for some reason. im not planning on going to college right afterwards and hearing my friends knowing what they wanna persue in after highschool and people peer pressuring me about college makes me a little overwhelmed. it’s other personal reasons why I don’t plan on going. i don’t wanna feel like i have to hurry up and rush to do things before i graduate…towards going to the end of highschool its definitely a bitter sweet feeling…

looking at your post i love how you word things and i just want some calm and good advice on life after highschool. im gonna miss a lot of my friends and i feel as if we’re not gonna be in contact anymore because they barley reach out to me after school. i don’t wanna be one of those people looking back at highschool and like mourning on it. im trying to move forward and have motivation to persue the unknown.

hey lov,

end of the school era can be a lot to take in. it's quite a scary place to be in and i just want to hug you and tell you that it's going to be alright ♡. you seem like the sweetest human ever, just a feeling i got after reading your ask.

and it's all the more tougher when you have decided to take gap year(s) or other alternative path than jumping straight for higher studies or an equivalent conventional way of life. seeing other people heading confidently to options other than your own can be intimidating.

i just want to state a universal truth here—nobody has it all figured out. and i think it's so brave to sit with this fear of uncertainty. it just means that you trust yourself, you trust that you'll figure a way out. i think chapters like these in life are a sweet spot for such lessons/mindset.

you are so young my love, failure can seem scary but i want you to pursue whatever you have planned after school. there might come situations where you see everyone around you making waves but you feel kind of just stuck there, and people may ridicule you. i hope you trust yourself at those times. i hope you choose to remember that everyone is on their own timeline and no two lives can be compared. and i hope you are always a little excited about what next, an element of spontaneity.

i am about to head to my final year in undergrad and i don't know what i am going to do next tbh. i wouldn't say i am somehow intentional with the coping of unknown. i am just going with the flow and building proofs to say that it's safe to trust myself.

don't try to force a connection with people—as much as it's easy to say, it's a lesson i am continually learning myself. about your friends, i know that it can be hard to distance away, especially when your friends will be busy once college starts. for some people solitude is comfortable and for some it's not. i urge you to seek comfort in your solitude, getting to understand the wonderful human in you while also going out and seeking out connections!

there's a lot of things going on with this post gosh. to summarize—trust yourself with all your heart. trust that you are going to figure it out my love. because for a fact i know that you will. i trust you ♡

#shibu said #ask #lovely anon

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understandableparadox · 11 months ago

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Mont screamed in frustration as she watched yet another wave of flames wash over everything she knew and loved. off in the distance a meteor had once again touched the surface of her town seemingly out of nowhere. harelded only by the arrival of a game.

she had run this scenario so many times. the math was simple, it was always so damn simple. she had a set number of tasks, delayed by a friends ability to respond. if she couldnt do it? she died. has died.

the last thought was intrusive, she didnt die, she was just running the numbers in her head, nothing had happened yet. she still had time. she could still figure out what comes next in the sequance.

she stopped to breath. time moved so damn slowly, she couldnt even hear the ticking of that werid device. she starts from the beginning.

she and four friends wanted to play a indie game that had just came out. it required two hard drive disks, one to connect to people and another to allow people to connect to her. she knew it was something similier to the sims, she wanted to make a fun little personal naighbour hood so her friends would always have a little spot to hang out in regardless of what the future brings.

then Mont saw mikes room. the mike saw lilys room. then lilly saw phils room, and phil could see her. the shock of the realization is costing them seconds in hindsight. if they could just mitage it, force adrenaline to pump faster...

then she could get everyone to get on track, to ignore the news of the first meteor touching down, to make mike not scream and run for his familys storm celler where he got stuck.

they still managed to play but them running cost lilly a substantial amount of time. though, maybe shes being harsh...

AGAIN, THERE IT IS! HARSH MEANS NOTHING IF IT STOPS HER FRIEND FROM FUCKING DIEING

her head wipes around wildly, her apartment still in immaculate shape as she remembers it to. everything neatly accounted for except for one thing... everything is... already placed. no thats not right, that hasent happened yet. that massive machine comes later when she manages to rally phil.

their head feels like its throbbing... the only berely notice after another wild look that they are not alone. you nearly screamed as an honest to god alien lurks in the corner, wrapped in baige clothes. their skin a dark forest green, streatched over a exgaggerated skull with off protrusions in the cheeks dotted with neon green. their eye sockets hollow, and when they go to speak, they could see rows upon rows of snake like fangs ringing through their jaw in rows...

monts first reaction is to throw something at them, a small "youtooz" figure of markiplier, banking on its cartoonishly immaculate jawline to distract the alien so they could reach for their strife.

it tinks off them, the valiant plastic defender tumbling through the air, its kind eyes reaching mont to provide an unneeded apology... carry on and rest brave soldier. it clatters onto the ground.

"I- i dont think that was called for, can we please ta-"

despite the overwhelming amount of calm and rationality thats going on, ella throws yet another random item, they dont catch it as they scramble over furniture towards a seemingly decorative axe, weilding it with shaky hands.

"STAY BACK! I DONT HAVE TIME FOR..."

the head ache returns... what comes next in the sequance? where are they in the sequance? they know the meteor is comeing but when did they have time to learn about that? they were so busy just a moment ago trying to fit everything into a coherent timeline...

Then it hit her. oh. the time line is over. she wasent imagineing the worst outcome, she saw it. the clock reached its end.

it felt werid seeing an alien form such a face that it could only be sympathy... they gingerly placed the plastic warriors on the table and moved to put a hand on their shoulder, though quickly retracting it and folding both over the lap of her...dress? pajamas?

"so...are you the...like... scythe guy?"

"I dont like holding weapons so not... a sctyhe guy, I can get a scythe though if you feel as though that would be more calming...?"

"no... no thats fine, just wasent expecting to..."

she huffs and fights back the quiver in her voice, the stinging pain in her eyes as tears threaten to well up... though in death she was robbed of that pain, once again throwing her sense of progression into whack.

"well, I mean... you did vary good all considering! millions die before they can get the game disk in, you nearly made~!"

the alien attempts to sound chipper about it, though apparently unable to mirror the ability to read monts haunted expression. she continues.

"but if you would like, we could try to run it again with the modifications in behavior as you wanted."

"wha...?" the sound escapes her despite understanding perfectly clear what it meant. she has been running through the scenario of her death in a grim attempt to find out if she could avoid a spectacularly fiery end.

"How...How do i...?"

"Win? You have, you will, you can and could. Just not This you." the alien says simply, standing up and looking around through the collectables in slight fascination as they start to fade from existence, monts mind no longer interested in keeping her in this room to run "Comforting" death simulations.

"what like multiverse theory?"

"Exactly~! humans are so smart! I don't even need to explain weird concepts like that, yes. though an infinite number of you will attempt it, there are a finite amount that succeed in the game."

"Well what is the game? I thought it was just a shitty sim thing, why is it so..."

"Destructive? Its hard to figure that out. as I can tell, it just needs someone to start it so it can...Motivate them to give up all they knew to try their hand to become a god. to create a new world. sorry, world in the sense of a new universe."

she was quick to fix the vaugness of her statement as if the idea that a multiplayer game haunts reality looking for kids to randomly turn into gods was perfectly exact and clear.

"And you are...?"

"in what order?"

"Species, name, function?"

"oh yes of course, I am a charub!"

"The little winged...?"

"No, alien race, the name just sounds like charub when spoken through vocal chords. my name is calliope. my function is to wait. but waiting is vary dull, so im helping those who cant make it out of their own heads."

"Like me...?"

"Yes, you were very difficult, you are an astoundingly meticulous person! I understand though, to want that clear path to victory... this game is vary unfair, but the players help make it a tiny bit better."

"How...? im dead in a void with ali-"

the words die in her throat as the alien takes a six shot pistol and takes aim, fireing once, creating a singuler star in the middle of nothing that expands and envelopes everything in light and flames. burning away until nothing of nothing remains, they stand in a massive town, the skies seemed to melt into the tips of buildings and the builds seem to lend their lights to the sky to create stars in mutual partner ship, she could see people walking to and fro, all lacking any pupils.

"They were kind enough to help me find a path to a lovely necropolis, ah, it seems I landed in the right spot, I think your friends would like to meet you for a nice IRD meeting... snrk... get it...? hehehe... in real death? no...? roxy would have liked that one..."

Each type of death has a unique type of Reaper. The Reapers of Drowning collects the souls of the drowned. The Reapers of Old Age collects those that have come to their natural end. Write a story about a Reaper for an unusual death finally having a soul to collect.

#homestuck #writing prompts #fuck you its homestuck fan fic now

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butnobodycame627 · 2 months ago

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I had finally reached the end of my journey. My armour weighed heavy on my shoulders and my grip on my sword weakened as I let out a long sigh of relief. It was over, and I could rest.

Rest always managed to get away from me, despite my efforts. As much as my body needed it- chronic pain and fatigue wearing me down- I couldn't help my desire to take on these quests to help those I cared for.

I stood in a field of brightly coloured flowers, their petals smiling at me from below. On my sword and armour, the colours reflected in a beautiful kaleidoscope. It was spectacular. That alone almost made my journey feel worth it- the reward of admiring the beautiful earth around me.

But a real reward was coming, and I could feel its arrival through the shift in the air. The way the clouds moved, the way the sun shone, the way the wind blew. Something was moving towards me, something magical and divine.

And there she was, after a blink. Having appeared before me was a beautiful goddess with shimmering hair and flowing fabrics and sparkling, knowing eyes.

"You have come far, hero." She spoke to me, her voice soft and calming, like lavender on a sleepless night. "You have done very well. You deserve something grand as reward for your brave achievements."

She moved towards me with a gentle smile. "I know a spell that can make you better. I can cure your illness."

I pondered this.

I've had my chronic illness for years now. Was this the reward I truly wanted?

I looked in her eyes.

The wind blowed through my short hair, tilting the flowers' heads towards me, like I was being studied by my surroundings. "No, thank you." I finally decided. "I don't think I want that."

"What? Why not?" She asked, eyes wide and startled in her confusion. I idly wondered if anyone had ever turned down a reward from her. Perhaps I had sounded rude refusing a gift from a goddess, but I'd rather not lie to her either. "Don't you wish you weren't tired all the time?" She questioned, face twisting in what looked a bit like pity. "Aren't you sick of hurting every day? Don't you miss your life before you got ill?"

And I really thought about my response. I thought about how to put all my feelings into words. It was overwhelming, this decision.

I breathed in the air, the scent of flowers surrounding me in a tight embrace. Above the field I saw the clouds, white fluff standing out against a deep blue, then looked back down before the sun could give me a headache. Somewhere in between it all, I found my words.

"Of course I do. It's difficult.

But this body's carried me through many things, and I've grown to love it the way it is. When it hurts too much, I've found ways to help manage it. I've been trying to learn my limits, and things that help me, and I don't need to be rid of it.

I've gotten through this journey with this very same body. I didn't need a better one before, and I don't believe I do now."

The flowers watched me. The sun watched me. She watched me. The eyes that I earlier thought were 'knowing' and 'shining' seemed more dull to me now, more real. She felt like a person, just like anyone else, who didn't really know how to deal with me but was trying to figure me out.

"But it would be easier." She said. "You wouldn't need medication, or mobility aids, or extra time to rest."

"I'm used to this." I said, smiling lightly. "Comfortable with it, even. I think taking it away would be jarring and scary. It was hard enough adjusting the first time, and I'm finally comfortable. I don't want to go through that again."

She frowned, brows pulling together. "But it's not just you." She said, and I felt a little tense. "You've been a burden to everyone else who has to help you, who has to put up with you."

A little offended, I gripped my sword tighter instinctively. "That's not my fault." And I knew this was true. I knew no one blamed me. I took comfort in that knowledge.

"But they won't have to be burdened at all anymore." She reasoned, and I could see the reason in it, but I shook my head even so.

"People who really care about me don't mind helping me when I need it. I'm worth it. I'm worth the burdens that come with me. And I wouldn't want to be close to someone who would only care about me if I wasn't ill."

"Why would you choose to continue to suffer?" She asked, and something about it was humorous to me. Like finding delight in knowing something she didn't- in being unknowable, perhaps. "I don’t understand." She said, and it felt real and genuine and grounded.

"I'm sure not everyone would." I said, feeling grounded as well. "I'm sure it's an odd choice to make. But if you're going to offer me a prize for my journey, I'd prefer something else. I'd prefer my body stay the way it is."

#and then she gives the hero like. yummy food or something idk lol #I've had this floating around my head for a bit. in response to that trope where the disabled character gets cured ://#I don't think I've quite reached this point of like. being comfortable with my disability #but it felt good to write anyway. comfy :))#idk what to do with this so it's going on tumblr #do I tag this as anything? idk if I want this in any major tags I think I'll just leave it #feel free to reblog though if you want.

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evcryopeneye · 4 months ago

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@blackfenrir asked: my muse has suffered a grave injury and is moments from death… what would be the final words your muse would want to tell mine before my muse passes away? "I love you. Please don't leave." (Yufi)

She could hear the fighting, metal on metal maybe, or maybe something hard? Hell. There was no ability to process that right now. Her faculties seemed to have abandoned her the moment metal hit flesh. It took a fraction of a second for her to figure out what had just happened, her shuriken was still in her hand and yet the weapon did little to protect from something so small…and so out of the blue.

The fact she’d been shot flittering right through her short term memory and out the other side. Sank in only to be forgotten for her body to remind her of the same fact again as she tried to turn, look up to the rafters in the direction it must have come from. Her eyes clocked someone, and then no one, a ghost in the evening sun making their getaway. Underhand, and subversive. How funny. That was the thing about fights, you got into enough of them, statistics said that no matter how good you were…eventually you were going to lose. Mostly because someone else was willing to fight dirty.

Everything seemed to crackle, her own senses shorting out as blood pressure flattened out, every vein and nerve beginning to panic as they realised something catastrophic had happened. For someone so small, the dense thud her body made when it hit the ground was loud. What surprised her, was that the feeling of being stabbed didn’t feel painful. At least not at first. It was like a jolt. Ice cold and hot at the same time.

A voice called, eventually, with as much effort as she could muster Yuffie could put features to it. Of course it was him. A hand reached, fingers latched onto fabric as a futile attempt to cling to him. This broke her heart, there was no universe on which she would wish this on him, though she had always imagined there was no universe in which she would let this happen to him. How wrong of her to assume she would be able to do such a thing. Eyelids dipped for a moment before she forced them back open. She was trying. Gods above she was trying.

“Cloud…” his name was a whisper, it was all she could manage when it felt like every thought was slipping away from her. The concrete under her was warm, that wasn’t natural…it hadn’t occurred to her in the moments she’d been unconscious but was more than enough time for blood to begin flooding across the uneven surface. Flowing like a river between ridges where inexpert hands had laid the slab before she had even been born. Maybe this was always the way it was going to end?

Fingers slipped from him, her hand hit the ground as Yuffie tried to find something, energy, words, gestures, anything. Instead there was silence and vacancy where once had been nothing but fire and life. Her heart had always beat to its own drum. A will thicker than concrete. Yet she’d made her own grave so many years ago when she had defied expectations. Yuffie was forced to be brave by the world, and in the process became a bloody curse word in a pedestrian verse. Destined not by the universe, but by the people around her, to be a footnote in Wutai’s history.

There would be no chapter.

#&&char: yuffie #blackfenrir #tw: blood #tw: character death

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destroyerof · 11 months ago

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[ BRAID ] for one muse to do the other muses hair

barely more than eleven, daisy had far too much sorrow in her chest for someone her age. she couldn't remember the last time she could sit and enjoy watching tv without all of her senses on high alert. this weekend in particular, her foster step-father had completely forgotten about her in the wake of his wife's business trip, and had been out fishing for the past few days. daisy knew that was code for drinking at a friends house. with the other kids still at their biological father's lake house for the summer, daisy was left in a silent house. despite the lack of screaming children and booming voices, she still felt anxiety buzzing in her mind.

she hadn't invited natasha over, but the girl had shown up, like she usually did on friday nights. daisy had let her in and then promptly made her way upstairs to order a pizza with her birthday money she'd been hoarding for the past couple of years. natasha never looked at her with pity on weekends like this, and she appreciated it. she knew this was making her stronger anyway. someday, she'd be big and brave and could stand on her own, and she would've learned it all because of the pain she was suffering. no big deal.

that was what she told herself, anyway. that made the whole experience easier. it was late at night now, the two of them sitting in the living room inside a blanket fort, empty pizza boxes being sniffed by the doberman while they watched whatever true crime show was on tv. they were wearing matching pjs -- daisy's gift to her last year, with that same birthday money, that always stayed in her closet, hidden away from both of their guardians -- and sharing popcorn between them.

as the tv moved onto a commercial, daisy looked away from the screen over at her friend. being adorable natasha felt easy. she'd never had a real sister before, her experience in them had been unreliable, even painful. natasha felt like the closest thing to a real sister she'd ever had. it was like she knew that daisy was alone tonight and having a hard night. she didn't have to lay in bed awake, hungry while she cried her eyes out. truthfully she probably wouldn't have even had the energy to order pizza if she had been alone. she was so numb to the world, but with natasha? she felt it all.

she smiled, her heart beating wildly in her ribcage as she worked up the strength to reach out and take her friend's hand. she squeezed it gently as natasha looked to her, smiling back. there was so much honesty in her eyes. in the eyes of adults she knew, daisy always found lies. manipulation, deceit -- empty promises of you'll be safe here and we'll take care of you and i'll never hurt you again.

in natasha's eyes, she found truth.

she'd never experienced love in her life. the nuns tolerated her at most. she saw it in movies, she saw it among her friends and their parents. she never thought she'd experience it herself. with natasha, though, she had come to understand what love was. it was more than just racing hearts and silly smiles and laughter -- it was calm, it was pure, it was comfort. it was safety and home. this house, and all its four walls, had never been a home to her. this was, though.

"you're my best friend, you know that right?" she said, tugging on natasha's hand gently to try and pull her in to a hug. she was far too nervous to curl up next to her, although she wasn't fully sure why. she'd figure that part out in a few years. "in the whole world."

she wanted to say more. she wanted to explain to her all of what she'd been thinking all night. she wanted to tell natasha that her foster parents didn't matter to her -- nor did the parents who'd abandoned her, or the foster parents before this. all of that pain was worth it to get to this point. but, she didn't say all of that, not really knowing how to word it. instead, she finally willed up the courage to scoot closer to her, reaching out to her. "may i?"

she hadn't known how to braid hair when she'd first met natasha. the nuns had always done her hair, pulling and prodding at it even when she told them no. her current foster mom couldn't care less as long as it was brushed, and the rest were pretty similar. she had come to hate doing her hair or trying to look pretty for school. all the other girls always had teachers calling them adorable and beautiful and she would get... ignored, really.

until a few days after she'd first met natasha, when she'd sat her down in the playground and casually braided her hair as they talked. she'd asked her to do it more often after that, and had eventually learned herself. now, it was their love language. as she brushed her fingers through natasha's hair, gently pulling it between her fingers as she braided it up, she hoped that she was communicating all that was unsaid. she hoped each pass over her hair, each quiet moment, each gentle brush against the other's girl neck was enough to communicate what she wanted to say: thank you, i love you, i don't need anyone else when i have you.

you're my family.

#inbox #verse: please picture me in the trees #featherstcnes #hehe'

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theinvisibledoodlewizard · 1 year ago

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I am on AO3!

It’s the story I’ve been doing snippets of for the past few days :3333

I’ll have chapter two up in a bit.

Also, for anyone not on AO3 (like me just a bit ago)

Also if anyone has tips on how to get italics/indents to work on AO3? I’d be eternally grateful

Edit: I FIGURED OUT ITALICS but not indents

Twice under the past, there was a village surrounded by the woods.

Ok not much of an opening, I know. But it’s the best I got.

Everything I read in the library as a kid started in the same tacky way, so I thought it’d be a good idea. Anyway, how do people usually write in one of these things?

“Dear Diary,” or something like that? Hmm… sounds too much like a person then. You’re a book. Y’know what? How about I’m the narrator, the main character, and you’re a book. Sound good? You’re already nailing it.

Let’s start again.

Thrice through the future,

…

The book isn't judging you and no one is going to read this, it's fine.

There was a village in the woods.

Not a very small village, but not a very big one. Farm land dotted the massive clearing of forlorn trees, broken by shops and places of learning, and even a small castle. The town provided all of its own resources. Reusing metal, keeping herds of animals extremely carefully, every stone found put to use right away. The town had to work hard, but its people were never starving or cold. It was prosperous in its own way. It had everything it needed, which was good since no one traveled in or out.

The forest was dark and foreboding, no one dared travel far within its reaching branches. Though it was said that once, many years ago, people would travel to other villages outside and in the forest, its twisted branches and forgotten paths were enough deterrent for the townsfolk of our story.

It was told in tales, that heroes of old had cleared the forest of all monsters in a great battle many years ago. No one knew what those monsters were anymore, the books and legends never specified.

Some people guessed bears, others guessed lions, some said trolls. This last category swore their great great great great great great great great uncle’s cousin had traveled to a town that had been having issues with them. The most ludicrous of all these claims were the people who said the old battle was named “The Battle of the Bugs.” In these renditions the ancestors had done battle with giant beetles, flies, maggots, and the like. A simple gnat being the size of a man’s head. Obviously these were the most mocked, also the most used to scare children into learning the deadly plagues or getting into bed.

Some people were brave enough to live under the shade of the reaching trees, the areas where the forest was trying to reclaim its lost territory. Not venturing far out, houses always built facing the village and away from the looming dread. Brave or foolhardy, the townsfolk could never make up their minds. Our protagonist is one of those people.

A sour mouthed, scrawny, beanpole of a man, not many people ventured out to visit Joshua Tailor. Living the farthest out from the village, and not following the usual tradition of having his house’s back turned to the dark, many wondered if the illusive man was a tree from the woods, come to live among them.

In reality, Joshua just didn’t like talking with the superstitious people he had been raised with, instead deciding to live alone among the sparse trees that could give him neighbors that only chirped among themselves and didn't bother him.

He had a small garden where he grew what food he could. Sending off for anything else he needed. In that list were things like cloth, needles, bobbins, and work orders. All these things were brought by three brave messengers, the only ones brave enough to traverse that far out.

The most annoying, and most persistent of these emissaries was Joseph Planter. He had come today to bring the new orders.

“So we have your food orders, about twenty five sharp things, fabric that I totally didn't drop on the way here, and three return orders from customers that I know I had to carry there and now back again. I’m blaming you for every prick, bump, and branch I got hit with, as I, again, totally didn’t chase the fabric through the underbrush and watch it roll away forever.”

“Hello Joseph,” said Joshua, stopping his work and standing up to inspect the damage on his goods and courier, “Are those all of your complaints?”

“Not even close!” replied Joe Planter flopping everything on a counter in one giant tangled pile, “Thank you for asking! Yesterday, Veronica told me tha-”

“Zip it” Josh curtly grunted, shooting a glare and a slight grin towards the sulking gossiper leaning on his counter next to the abhorrent pile, “You know I don't actually care.”

“I see you’re the usual antisocial sourpuss,” Joe pouted, watching Josh try to detangle the mess that had been brought.

“Antisocial is a bit of a strong word,” Tailor said absentmindedly, “I prefer introverted. But say what you will, lazy, good for nothing, s-”

“Woah woah woah!” proclaimed Joe, putting his hands up defensively, “I’m gonna stop you right there! We’ve been over this, just because I’m not running the family business, does not mean I am not working. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Here, and bothering me,” Joshua rolled his eyes, “What a joy. By the by, how is your sister doing, running the family farm?”

“Mary is fine, just fine,” now it was Joseph’s turn to be curt.

“A young pretty thing like that definitely doesn't need another hand on board,” Josh couldn’t help but dig.

“Listen, ma and pa don’t even want me near the land anymore,” Joe sighed, leaning back onto the counter, “And sis is scheduled to be married soon. I’m lucky to be invited. Let alone still in her life. I'm not going to strain what I have.”

Joshua looked at his colleague curiously. When Joseph really wanted to, he could be really protective of those he cared about. It always baffled Joshua why he was the one the lonely Planter lamented to, instead of some bar in town. But he had to admit, something about it fit Joe’s character. He wouldn’t say these things to just anyone. So why him?

“Alright, alright.” Josh conceded, “I apologize.”

A turn of Joe’s head, with a flash of an upturned lower lip, told Josh that what he’d said wasn’t enough. He had to sweeten the pot a bit.

“And I admit that being a courier is a real job,” he finished, slightly less genuinely.

“Thank you,” Joe sniffed over dramatically, ignoring the inauthenticity of Josh’s addition, “You know you’d miss me if I was stuck on a hot farm all day. And what then? You’d have to walk your own sorry butt to town to come see me.”

“I have two other couriers you know,” Joshua replied flatly.

“The insults keep coming!” Joe proclaimed, falling backward and feigning inconsolable injury to his pride and social standing.

“Any notes with these orders?” Tailor ignored the dramatics happening to his right with not even a sigh.

Joe straightened and brushed off his coat, done with his act, pride only mildly damaged.

“Nope. But can you maybe make me some new duds sometime soon? I’ll give ya half off the next five trips here and back.”

So salesman mode was going to be his revenge. Challenge accepted.

“Next ten trips here and back,” was Josh’s counter offer, not even looking up as he placed the new pins into a drawer.

“Five trips, here and back,” Joe emphasized, “is already ten trips! I can’t give out discounts for that many trips! Do you know how much food costs back in town?”

“Given how much you charge, plus your shipping fee?” Josh mused, scratching his chin for mock emphasis, “Yes, yes I do. And I'll remind you, you're asking for discounted goods as well? I use every scrap of material you bring me, and my other customers pay much more than half price for walking.”

Joe groaned as Josh proudly folded the new cloth.

“Fine!” the courier conceded, much like a child would “I’ll do half off seven trips here and back. But I genuinely can’t do more than that! Mary’s wedding is coming up, and I’d rather not have to starve in order to get her a nice gift.”

“Sounds fair enough” Joshua replied, utterly deadpan. “Next time you come, I’ll take the measurements.”

“Why not now?” Joe whined, annoyed he had been bested twice in one trip.

“Because I have other work to do that's more urgent, and you've annoyed me enough for one day.” Josh returned, turning around to look Joe in the eye for the first time, while crossing his arms in a firm “I’m done talking” gesture.

“It was nice catching up, Joe,” Tailor said with finality.

“Yeah yeah,” Joe said, rolling his eyes at this display, “I get the hint.”

Joshua walked his guest to the door, mostly to make sure Joe didn’t grab anything on the way out like he usually tried to. But as Joe was about to start the trek back to the village, Josh stopped him.

“When is Mary’s wedding exactly?” he asked nonchalantly.

“About a fortnight away,” Joe called over his shoulder, before turning back to the house in curiosity. “Why?”

Josh thought for a moment, then ventured, “Would you be able to make a trip back in five to eight days time?”

Joseph cocked his head as a dog would, looking at the imposing figure standing in the doorway thoughtfully. He smiled and nodded, almost to himself.

“I think I could,” the courier stated, before turning back to the road matter of factly.

Tailor sighed a bit before calling after him again.

“That trip doesn’t have to be one of the half off ones,” he shouted. Then walked back inside and closed the door.

#dairy of a fairy #wrizard writes #random thoughts

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thetaleoflevi · 2 years ago

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Things Change

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Pairing: Levi x fem!reader

Content: Modern AU, SFW

Content Warnings: None? Kid Levi slaps Readers hand, and there’s descriptions of Levi and readers glow up but that’s it.

Description: As a child, Levi did everything solo. He was alone most of the time, and the one time you tried to talk to him, he rejected your friendship. As years went by, he realizes that he needed to grow up, and that meant learning to tolerate people. People like you.

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N: So many ideas are circulating my brain but I’m so scared to write to my best ability because that means lots and lots of words, and not everyone has the time to read long fics. For now, enjoy whatever this is. It’s not childhood friends to lovers because kid Levi despised Reader until the end of high school.

(P.S. If you read the “snippet” of this fic that I posted, I recommend reading through it again. I made some minor changes.)

⭐️Taglist: @ackermendick

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In some way, you forgave the little asshole he used to be. He became more aware of the effect his words had on you, and as he matured, he softened the blow by a lot.

Now, he treated you like a prized possession. You didn’t push him away when he started calling you a friend. Rather, you welcomed him with an addictive chuckle and a punch to the chest that knocked the wind out of his lungs.

“We were never friends in school, were we?” you ask, sitting next to Levi on a bench. The bright orange and blue fading to purple is a majestic sight, and the sound of waves crashing against the sand is soothing.

“I considered you a friend after your brave action during the grape incident.” He’s staring off towards the view, remembering how things were in the past, when you were still old enough to throw tantrums and cry over the smallest inconveniences.

You turn to face him on the bench, bending your leg so that you’re sitting in a half criss-cross.

“You remember that? I still have nightmares about how hard you slapped my hand.” Your eyes glow with nostalgic joy.

“Of course I do. It’s a core memory.” He brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a restoring kiss onto the wound your inner child never healed from. “I know I never apologized, but just know, your hands will always be taken care of by me.”

—

Kindergarten

Age: 5

“Hey Levi, you know you don’t have to peel those, right?” You look at the boy peeling green grapes in the corner of the classroom, and immediately flinch when he turns to look at you with this expression of fury, like you had disturbed him just by being loud enough for him to hear you.

“Why does it matter to you? You won’t be the one eating them.” The silver-eyed boy refocuses on the bag with scraps of grape skin, only to jump a little when you sit next to him.

“Can I try one?” You reach towards his bag of peeled grapes, barely grazing the ziplock, when his hand speedily lands on yours harshly. His eyebrows are furrowed, as if wondering what is wrong with you. He didn’t give you an answer.

You gasp in fear, taking a second to process what just happened before your face twists into one of emotional and physical hurt. Levi doesn’t want to hear you, and he also doesn’t want to get in trouble for making you cry, so he grabs his clear bags and moves to another square on the rainbow carpet in the classroom.

You sniff, eyes watering, but you don’t wail and you don’t make a sound. Tears slide down your face, the saltiness reaching your tongue through the cracks in the corners of your lips. You stand up and slowly walk to the tables scattered with different activities. You decide to go to the art table to draw what just happened. A crooked stick figure with four strokes of hair and a sad expression on the face is scribbled onto a page of yellow construction paper, and then you draw another stick figure with three strokes of shorter hair with its hand on yours. You put little lines around the hand to detail the hardness of the slap.

When you showed it to your teacher, she thought a boy was trying to hold your hand and you didn’t like it, so you had to explain what really happened. She promised that you and Levi would be friends again by the end of the day, and you smiled a little at that.

Your teacher made you and Levi stay behind for a couple minutes while other kids pointed to their guardians to show that they were being picked up.

“Levi, I heard from your friend here that you weren’t being very nice today. Can you tell me a little bit about what happened?”

“She tried to steal my grapes, so I swatted her hand away,” he confidently tells her.

The teacher watched your behavior while Levi talked. You still seemed to be hurt by his earlier action, and it was evident in the way you pouted.

“Miss, is this true?” The red haired woman puts a hand on your shoulder, signaling that she was talking to you.

“No, I asked if I could try one-”

“Well, I didn’t say you could, but you reached for one anyway,” Levi interrupts, talking over you loudly.

“Is there any way this could be resolved? Levi, what could you have done better in this situation?” The woman’s hand lands on the boy’s shoulder.

He looks away, annoyed that he has to say what the lady wants to hear just to go home.

“I… uh… I guess I shouldn’t have hit her,” he mutters under his breath, red-faced in embarrassment.

“That’s better. Now, what do you think you could have done better?” Your teacher looks at you now.

“M-Maybe I should have waited… um… waited for Levi to say I could have one instead of just trying to take it from him.”

“Great! You two are very good at problem solving. I’m proud of how you handled this. Now, before you go, I want you to shake hands. We can be friends again, right?”

You eagerly nod and extend your hand towards Levi’s, meeting him halfway, holding his hand and shaking it twice before retracting your hand. You don’t think anything of the way he wipes his hand on his overalls afterwards.

“Okay, now show me your grown ups and you can head on home.”

“There’s my uncle Kenny.” Levi points at a tall man with slicked back hair.

“She’s here to take me home.” You point at a woman with dark hair and a bright orange shirt, who is smiling and waving at you.

“Alrighty then. Have a great day! See you guys tomorrow,” your teacher smiles brightly and waves goodbye as you both split and separate from her.

You run towards the woman who was there to take you home, slowing down when Levi stops to give you an equally scary expression as the one from earlier.

“You’re a snitch, and no one will ever be your friend. Ever.” He huffs, before running towards his uncle, holding his hand as they head home.

You were unsure about what the word snitch meant, but the second part hurt almost as bad as when he slapped your hand. It made something hurt in your chest, but for some reason you didn’t want to cry about it.

You walked over to the lady, not as enthusiastic as before.

“Hey kiddo, why the long face?” She asks, holding your shoulders as you plant your face into her stomach, scrunching up her shirt.

“I’m really hungry and tired.”

That was the first time you ever emotionally lied to hide your true feelings.

—

High School, Senior Year

Age: 17/18

It was as if Levi had cursed you for the rest of your life. Things didn’t go exactly as he said they would, though. You made tons of friends, and he did, too. Unfortunately, you weren’t friends with each other. He had matured and occasionally talked to you when you were involuntarily partnered up for school projects, but other than that, you two were as distant as ever.

“Listen up, everyone. For this project, I will allow you to choose your partner. Choose someone who will do their part and who will stay focused on the work rather than just screwing around…” Your teacher’s voice trails off and all that can be seen is the turning of students’ heads to face the partner they wished to work with. You turn to face Hange, who in turn looks at you as well.

“Hey, want to be partners for this project?”

Hange hadn’t said a word to you. The voice came from behind you, a presence shadowing your back.

Levi had matured, and now you definitely recognized it.

Levi had matured physically. He refused to join any of the sports that represented the school, but he did start going to the gym every day after school. Coaches watched him during P.E. and realized his athletic potential, which turned into constantly asking him if he would be interested in joining their teams. As someone who picked things up quickly, he was promised a spot on the varsity teams, which he always rejected. Levi thought it was pathetic how they kept asking and asking—practically begging, and deemed it harassment when they wouldn’t take his no. Eventually, he was left alone. It only took a million no’s and one threat to bring it up to the principal.

Even you couldn’t deny how handsome Levi had become. You noticed the veins that snaked around his arms like lightning strikes, as well as the bulkiness of his toned biceps beneath the sleeves of his shirts. You also noticed the bags that decorated the bottoms of his eyes—something that shouldn’t have been as attractive as it was.

Levi looked good, but that wasn’t something you would ever say out loud.

Levi also matured mentally. It took reaching his last year of middle school to grow out of the ‘nobody likes you, you stink, you look like fresh manure’ childishness. He became aware of how stupid it was to say things like this as a fourteen-turning-fifteen year old. He realized that at some point he would have to grow out of the ridiculous ‘girls are gross’ phase, as well, because he started seeing things in girls that didn’t elicit disgusting feelings in him.

Levi was ready to grow up by the time he entered high school. He was so ready to prove that he wasn’t twelve years old anymore. It wasn’t hard to act like a normal person, not outwardly judging things that seemed weird.

He saw you a couple times during the summer, but never actually walked up to you. He thought it might be awkward, knowing how much trouble he caused you in all the years before.

On weekends, you always spent your afternoons at the beach, watching the sun set over the endless crashing waves. The strange thing was that you were unaccompanied every time, the entire bench only occupied by you.

When Levi saw you, he never took it as an opportunity to apologize for the way he was before. Even then, he felt like you didn’t hate him, because sometimes when you heard footsteps behind you, you would turn. The rare occasions when it was Levi, you smiled at him following it with a friendly wave. This was enough of a reason for him to speed walk home.

When he first saw you again at the start of freshman year, he instantly noticed the transformation you went through. You were glowing in pure daylight. You were more confident, and you weren’t wearing only hoodies and sweatpants anymore. Your chest was fuller, your hair was luscious, and you dressed like it was picture day every day. You were so stunning that the few pimples scattered on your cheeks almost went unnoticed.

He was truly ready to act grown up, but the moment he saw you strut into his biology class, he had to paw at the fabric of his pants to dry the sweat off his palms.

You looked good, but that wasn’t something Levi would ever say out loud.

Hange pointed at the person standing in front of your desk, a wicked grin on their face as you give them a perplexed expression.

You recognized that voice—the deep timbre, the wiseness behind it as well as the know-it-all tendencies that that voice gave life to.

You finally turned to face the mystery man, knowing all along who it was.

“You want to work with me?” you ask, putting the pencil you were spinning down on the desk.

“I know we can get this done faster than any other pair in this room. We won’t be working together for long, if that’s what you’re worried about.” His palms subconsciously settle on your desk.

“Don’t you have others that want to work with you? I was kind of set on working with Hange.”

“And I was set on working with Moblit, but look at them chopping it up.” He points over to the pair. Hange is doing her usual act of trying to win the boy’s heart with her ninety-nine point nine percent success rate of pick up lines, while Moblit internally and visibly panics, not knowing how to show he’s just as interested in them.

“Levi, let’s work together,” a girl asks, her eyes basically pulsing at him. “I got a ninety-five percent on the last project. With your smarts we could get that hundred.”

Levi quickly rejects her.

“No. I already chose my partner.”

“Hey, we should work together again. I don’t totally understand the prompt, but I’m willing to study for it. What do ya say?” Eren asks, putting his pencil behind his ear. Your heart shakes with anxiety, but you quickly turn him down in the nicest way you can.

“Looook who’s here to work with you!” You grab him by the shoulders and throw him at the quiet girl, Mikasa.

You go back to Levi’s side and whisper, “Let’s just confirm our partnership before we’re asked to work with others again.”

“Good idea.”

You follow him up to the front of the class where your teacher sits, waiting for students to come up to him.

“Oh, are you two planning on working together again? You did very well on the last project. This partnership is very reliable.”

“Yes, we’re here to confirm our partnership,” Levi says.

“Great! You’re my fourth pair—first written down on paper. Let’s see, I’ll…”

You both walk away from the teacher’s desk, separating to sit at your designated desks. You feel a sting in your scalp, a lock of your hair twisted around Hange’s finger and pulled swiftly.

“Ow, what?” You turn to face the culprit and their shit-eating grin.

“Ow, what?” They repeat, mocking your tone. “I didn’t want to work with you anyway.”

“Seriously? You ran first. I turned away for a split second and you were macking with Moblit.” You fake gag. “But, whatever. I didn’t want to work with you either.”

You both stare at each other in silence for two seconds before bursting out into laughter.

You lean in close to get your message to Hange as discreetly as possible.

“You got this, Hange. Make me proud.”

“Yes, ma’am.” They mock salute you, a stern expression on their face.

—

You didn’t realize how hard it was to work with Levi until you voluntarily chose to do so. He was nitpicking all the parts he entrusted you with. Lot’s of ‘this works better than what you have down right now,’ and ‘is that part set in stone or is it a rough draft?’

It got to the point where you felt like your head was pulsing. He was micromanaging the whole project and you were getting fed up with it.

“Levi, do you want to finish my parts of the project, too? Just say so and I’ll go home.”

“What are you talking about? It’s a two-person project.”

“Yeah, I know, but right now you’re playing both parts.” You straighten your posture from the hunched position you were in while you wrote on the worksheet.

“I’m just giving you pointers. You don’t have to take the advice if you don’t think it’ll make your work better.”

You sigh, the stress of misunderstanding piling onto your shoulders.

Would you be my partner if I asked nicely?

Levi watched you typing away on your phone as he continued working. Every once in a while he would see you grin, a short chuckle following.

Tired of Levi already? I thought you guys worked well together ;)

Stop. He’s taking over the entire project. Help.

I wanna stay with Moblit.

Hange, pleaseeeeee! I’ll owe you the biggest favor ever in the world. Ever.

How big?

The favor lasts from now until forever if I go through with it.

Fineeee

Ily <3

“How’s your part coming along?” Levi looks up again once you set your phone down.

“Hange says we can switch partners if you still want to work with Moblit.” You grab your pencil again, filling in some answers that made more sense once your head was cleared.

“We’re too far into the project to switch partners now.”

“We’re three days into the project, out of two weeks. I could fill Moblit in on my part and vice versa.”

He drops his pencil, sitting up straight to face you.

“Why are you abandoning this project? We’re doing fine. You’re doing really well.”

Your heart involuntarily speeds up, and butterflies invade your guts. It’s an unsettling feeling, considering how little time you spend with Levi to be feeling this way.

“I just don’t think i’m on par with your thought process. Working with Moblit… it’s what you initially wanted. Now is your chance.”

“I was just saying that- I didn’t want to work with Moblit. You- I thought…”

“You’re buffering.” You chuckle. “Reboot, refresh, andddd boop.” You tap the top of his head.

His face drops, unsure of what just happened. For some reason, he feels lighter.

“I wanted to work with you first. Moblit was supposed to be a backup, incase you… you know, didn’t want to work with me.” He avoids eye contact with you as he speaks his mind. It’s not something he’s totally comfortable doing.

“I hate working with you, you know?”

He looks at you again, his face not expressing the awkwardness he feels.

“I want to be your friend, though. I want to get along with you, and if that means I have to work with you for two weeks, then I guess i’ll survive.”

Sorry, he’s my friend now <\3

The project was finished three days early. You were partners by choice for every project since then. You worked together on the final senior project and passed with flying colors. With every project you worked on together, there was more time to get to know each other. There was time to ask questions about what the future would hold. You got so comfortable with each other, to the point where instead of turning to look for Hange when the teacher said pair up, you looked for Levi.

—

Graduation day arrived and you cackled when you saw Levi in his white cap and gown. He was one of the top ten students, so he definitely stood out from the rest of the graduates who wore forest green caps and gowns.

“We did it, L. Congrats on being top ten.” You patted his shoulder, a bright smile on your face.

“Yours is cooler.” He tugs on your sleeve lightly. “I’ll bet you one that as soon as I sit down, the filthy chair is gonna get my gown dirty.”

“Alright, you’re on. I bet it’ll stay clean.” You know you’ll be losing a dollar, but what does it matter. You’ll indulge in this bittersweet game of his.

The graduation march begins, and all the lines begin moving. Students follow students to end seated in neat files. Speeches are given by the Salutatorian followed by the Valedictorian. The principal gives her speech, and then the names are being read out.

When Levi’s name was called out, you were glad to hear many others cheering with you. It filled you with so much joy to know that there were many who supported him.

When your name was called, you heard people cheering and applauding, but the only person who mattered was Levi. You looked straight ahead, and scanned the row of students wearing white caps and gowns until your eyes met Levi’s. He was clapping for you, a rare, but captivating smile gracing his face.

High school was over. Some things would never be the same, but not everything would change.

After the ceremony, you met up with the familiars who came to see you. You accepted their congratulations, embraces, and well wishes before letting them know that you had other people you wanted to see before leaving school.

You turned to look for your day one, Hange. They were still talking to some people you didn’t recognize, so you went around looking for other friends.

“Hey.” There’s a tap on your back. You turn to see Levi, his cap in hand. “Let’s go talk at the front of the school. It’s quieter there.”

“Okay.” You nod.

It was a peaceful walk through the campus and through the gates at the entrance of the school. The yellow streetlights illuminated the cement beneath your feet, covering half of the grass surrounded by concrete blocks, where students usually sat while they waited for their rides.

You both sat down, a different aura surrounding you. Something serious, something intimate. Both if mutually understood.

“You lost the bet.” The first words that come out of his mouth, a smug smirk littering his face.

“Really, Ackerman?” You chuckle. “Stand up. Let me see your butt.”

He stands, a very light dirt spot visible on his gown.

“You can just dust that off. It’s not stained.”

“That’s not what we talked about. We bet that the chair was going to get my gown dirty, not stain it.” He sits back down. “You lost.”

You sigh, a lighthearted smile on your face as you dig into your pockets for your wallet.

Levi’s hand stops you from pulling your wallet out.

“That’s not what I want.”

“You said ‘i’ll bet you one’.”

“I didn’t specify what I wanted, though. What if I wanted one apple?”

You raise an eyebrow.

“Is that actually what you want?”

“No.”

“Then what do you want?”

Your hand is cold in his as he folds his fingers between yours.

“What?” You giggle, leaning back a little when he gets closer.

“Come on. Stay still.”

“You’re being weird, Levi.” You chuckle, nervously.

“One kiss.”

You stop moving, and suddenly you are all too aware of his soft grip on your hands.

“It’s what I want.”

“You’re kidding, right?” You’re ready to hear him say no, but still hope he says he’s kidding.

“You’re the one who lost. Be a good sport.”

“What do you have to gain from something so…” you giggle in your flustered state, “…so stupid?”

“A once in a lifetime experience. Now tell me, what do you have to lose?”

“Nothing.”

“Exactly. It’ll be quick.”

Your palms are sweating. What an odd thing for him to want from you. A kiss? It wouldn’t be motivated by feelings so it won’t be weird. You can’t make it weird.

“Okay. Alright, just do it.”

One of his hands loosens and releases one of your hands, raising up to cup your cheek.

“Levi, hurry up,” you prompt, the warmth of his palm on your cheek letting butterflies escape.

He’s ignoring you now. He’s waited so long for this, and you’re allowing him to fulfill his want.

You can’t look into his eyes as he gets closer. The color has an effect on you, so you close your eyes and wait for your lips to touch.

“You’re taking forev-”

Your lips are enveloped by Levi’s, the lingering taste of the spearmint flavored gum he was chewing earlier, on your tongue. You died internally when he cupped your jaw, stealing two, three, then four too many kisses.

Who were you to stop him when you loved it so much? He kept you warm as the night breeze nipped at your bare forearms and shins, and you would gladly remain in his space for as long as he stayed in yours.

You separate from each other, a silent wide-eyed reaction from both of you. Levi made a sudden realization, and you continued to be surprised that he actually kissed you.

“I can’t go. I don’t want to anymore.”

“What are you talking about?” You ask.

“The university I got into is all the way in Chicago. I don’t want to go so far.”

“That’s amazing, Levi! You have to go.”

“I’m not leaving you here. We just repaired those childish altercations that made us rivals for years, and I’m not ready to stop talking to you.” He looks down at your still linked hands, a rosy color dusting his cheeks.

“We have phones and phone numbers. There are also apps to text through.” You squeeze his hand. “We live in a modern world, L. We’ll keep in touch.”

“Come with me.”

“No.”

“Come with me, please,” he rephrases.

“No,” you repeat. “You can do this. I’m not going anywhere, and you can visit during your breaks.”

He sighs, unable to figure out how to change your mind.

“I’m not gonna win this time, am I?”

“Nope. You win some, you lose some.” You grin, knowingly. “Be a good sport.”

“Fine.” He turns to look at you, focusing on that lingering blush on your cheeks. “Do you have time?”

“Yeah, I don’t have to be home yet. I told my family that i’d get a ride from some friends.”

He nods in acknowledgment.

“Can we sit here a while longer? I don’t want to see anyone else right now.”

Reality is sinking in, and he misses you already. High school is over, and before he knows it, he’ll be on a plane to Chicago, miles and miles away from here, where you’ll stay.

“Of course. Did you want to talk about anything?”

He shakes his head.

“Let’s just sit here.”

—

“So we were friends during school, even if it was all the way towards the end. I’m surprised you remember all of that.” Your voice was everything but stable.

“Why are you crying? It’s a happy ending.” Levi wiped the tear that slid down your face, with his thumb.

“We didn’t actually grow up until that last project, huh?”

“It is what brought us closer, and then you drove a wall between us.”

You punched his arm, playfully.

“At least you’re back now, with a degree.”

“And you.”

He leans in and presses a chaste kiss to your lips. That fluttery feeling in your heart is now welcome, as well as his arm around you, while you watch the same sunset you watched all those years ago without him.

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backofthebookshelf · 3 years ago

Text

The DMCA and You; or, why Tumblr won’t get sued over Post+

I keep seeing people saying “doesn’t Tumblr understand they’re inviting an avalanche of lawsuits” and being baffled that people think this, and then I remembered that most of you were not both alive and in fandom in 1998 and therefore probably haven’t spent hours reading through the DMCA trying to figure out exactly how it was going to screw us. (Turns out we were right, but not nearly pessimistic enough.) So gather ‘round, children, it’s time for another bout of fandom history.

You have to understand what the internet looked like in 1998. Most people didn’t have internet access at home, and for those who did, you got a whopping 54 kbps (yes, that’s kilobytes per second) (compare that to 4G wireless, which 14 Mbps, not to mention, you know, wireless) unless you wanted to shell out for ISDN, which was twice the speed and five times the cost. Only 47% of American adults “went online” at all, never mind the two to six hours per day that current internet users are estimated to spend.

And I mean, why would you? There wasn’t that much there. If you wanted to post something online, your first and best option was to pay for web hosting of your own, or mooch off a friend’s. Or you could get a Geocities site, which would be plastered with ads and limited you to such a small amount of storage that you couldn’t have more than a couple dozen low-resolution images at best, or you could post on a message board (which would be essentially mooching off of a friend’s paid web hosting, because most sites that hosted message boards were just some guy who wanted to have a place to chat with his friends that wasn’t a Yahoo! email list), where you might get permission to post three or four images at a time. Music? Rude, takes up too much bandwidth, don’t do that to people. Video? You’re hilarious. (I once left my computer on for a week while I attempted to illegally download a copy of Velvet Goldmine but I finally gave up and got it from the video store instead.)

But still, at the time that was magic, and as more and more stuff found its way online, somebody who held a copyright somewhere (read: music studios and Disney) realized they had to get out in front of things. And into this brave new world came the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which was passed in 1998 and was already skewing the shape of the internet of the future when it came into effect in 2000.

It did a lot of dumb things but the one we’re concerned about is the “safe harbor” provision, which basically says that in the case of an online copyright infringement, there are three parties: the infringer, the copyright holder, and the internet host, and the host is not a part of the copyright dispute.

Prior to this, if Sony or Disney or whoever found an illegal copy of their intellectual property (read: an mp3 or an avi) online, they’d go after whoever owned the server it lived on. Which made sense! If you find stolen TVs in someone’s basement, you go after the guy who owns the basement, and “I didn’t know my deadbeat brother in law was stealing TVs” is something you’ll have to prove in a court of law.

But internet companies like Geocities and Yahoo! and anyone else who offered random users the chance to post things on the internet using a free account said wait a minute, this doesn’t make sense. Because the internet is not like a physical basement; we have no reason to see someone carrying stolen mp3s down the basement stairs, and the scale is such that we couldn’t see all of them if we tried (unless we banned all mp3s, which means goodbye, MySpace, and goodbye indie bands). You wouldn’t go after a landlord in New York because their tenant in New Jersey is stealing TVs, would you?

So the DMCA said fine, we understand that the internet as it currently exists, and as it is attempting to exist (remember this is still the height of the dot.com boom and people are making money hand over fist by just owning websites), can’t operate if we try to do this. So instead of letting big companies sue big companies over copyright law, we’ll let big companies sue individual humans over copyright violations. That’s much more fair.

Of course most of what resulted wasn’t lawsuits at all; it was individuals getting threatening letters from Sony and Disney promising them that they were planning to sue but if you, Joe User, will just delete the thing you posted from the internet, we’re willing to make this all go away. And people did, because fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney?

The DMCA is the reason tumblr exists in the first place (not to mention twitter, and facebook, and essentially the entire part of the internet that isn’t either an ad or a news website). Technically, if tumblr was responsible for copyright violations, they’re already a prime target for a lawsuit, because they’re running ads on a website where people post copyright violations on a daily basis. Adding the opportunity for you to make money off your copyright violations doesn’t make them any more liable than they already are, which is not at all.

So here’s what predict will happen with Post+ at the beginning: absolutely nothing. A few people will monetize gifsets or fanfiction or vids and no one will pay attention and no one will care. But some small creators, people who post original fiction, people who post craft patterns, people who post insightful analysis, will start using it as part of their actual revenue stream. Sooner or later someone will be making enough money that it pings someone’s radar, and sooner or later someone making money will slip up and post something that could plausibly be a copyright violation, and they won’t get sued. They’ll get a takedown notice, a threatening letter from whoever owns the thing they infringed upon (...so Disney), and they’ll pull the thing. But it’s hard to pull things from the internet, much harder than it used to be, and nearly impossible the way tumblr works. So they get another takedown notice. Or Disney’s lawyers go through their blog with a fine-toothed comb and they start getting more and more unreasonable takedown notices, but now they’re scared and fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney? So they take their blog down entirely, and now that person is a little bit poorer and Disney is out the cost of four or five stamps and envelopes and the time their lawyer spent fifteen years ago drafting the takedown notice template.

I guarantee you that the people who decided to implement this know that this is going to happen, and they do not care. We’ve reached the “we could make this website work if we could just get rid of fandom” stage, which never ends well for the website but they never seem to learn that. So please, please don’t try to monetize fandom content on the assumption that tumblr is going to be the one to get slapped with a lawsuit for it, that’s just not how it works. It never has been and it never will be.

#tumblr is a website #fandom history #copyright law #psa

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alreadyblondenow · 3 years ago

Text

A not so Cinderella story

“I’m the only one in this room that knows you don’t have panties underneath this beautiful dress”

Pairing: football play! Jeno Lee x female cheerleader! reader

Genre: SMUT, FLUFF, enemies to lovers

WC: 4,507k

Warnings: mentions of food, as requested the reader here is a cheerleader so the character is fit. Please dont come at me. Public oral sex (female receiving) (inside school classroom), swearing, unprotected sex, mentions of rough sex, the sex was just inspired by Diggity Jeno hahaha, a lot of cliché moments here, mentions of bruises and dislocated bones (bc athletes) NOTHING DESCRIPTIVE IT WAS JUST MENTIONED

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I get my internet connection back. Part of Request Party. Also Jeno has been wrecking me lately.

—————

Peanut butter and jelly. That’s the perfect way to describe you and Lee Jeno.

The famous sandwich is known with its unbalancing tastes of flavors where the tastes of peanut butter and jam always fights in your mouth, but that’s what makes it so delicious. Something so unfit, unbalanced, contradicts, but still they’re better together. And just like the sandwich, you and Jeno are two different mixing flavors.

As the captain of the football team, and you as the captain of the squad, people around you expect that you ‘mix’ well with each other to the point that they expect you to be dating by this time.

“Nope. Not gonna happen. I hate him, he hates me. Let’s just accept that,” you whine to your friends as they ask you to take Jeno as your date for the dance this weekend. “It’s an exciting masquerade party, please let me enjoy my night without that dick ruining it,”

“And speaking of Jeno’s dick. Look at the size of that... Mmm,” one of your friends said and pointed to the side of the field where the football team are practicing and Lee Jeno’s shorts are just... so thin that his big dick is obvious.

“RIP to that pussy he’s fucking after dance...” another one comments.

“Okay, continue your drooling after practice. I need your full attention now. Let’s go! Move your asses!”

And just like that the captain in you is out in no time, earning respect from your friends and even impressing the guys from the football team. Of course everyone admired your leadership, skills and well... hot body. That’s why Jeno’s focus is nowhere to found the moment he heard you shouting from across the field and seeing your nice ass and-

“You can always say that you like her,” Jaemin disturbs Jeno’s thoughts with heavy breathing, sweating handsomely and waving at the students who calls him.

“Yeah, It’s not that simple,” Jeno said.

“Psh. Of course it is. HEY Y/N!!!! JENO SAYS YOU’RE SEXY!”

Jeno’s eyes went big and tried stopping Jaemin but its too late. You heard him already. Everyone, heard him.

“Stop staring at my ass Jeno, go back to practice” you said sternly and rolled your eyes at him. That was hot, Jeno thought.

You see, just like peanut butter and Jelly, you’re two different amazing beings. Each has unique personalities and charm, but you can’t see the good things in Jeno because you’re always blinded by his cocky attitude. But for Jeno, whenever you’re mad at him, annoyed to the core or whenever you talk back at him, he always finds it sexy. Until one day he fell for you, by just looking at you long and hard one perfect afternoon at the cafeteria while you’re busy reading something.

As the school dance commence and everyone had unique masks on their faces tonight, to be honest you quite enjoy it because somehow you feel invisible. You don’t feel popular and people are just so comfortable with talking to you, not knowing that you’re Y/n. And the only people who knew it was you was of course your friends, and you are having a great time.

“She’s the one wearing a white ball gown,” Jaemin whispers to Jeno under the loud party music and howling teenagers, “you owe me captain, it’s not that easy to make her friends talk,”

“Psh. Of course it is, you’re Na Jaemin,” Jeno pats his friend’s shoulder as a thanks and walked towards you with a smile in his face. Confident that you won’t shoo him away because you don’t know that he’s Jeno.

“Looks like I found my princess,” he said with all his might. Looking so handsome and perfect even with his mask on. You can’t help but accept the compliment and flirt back. So you turned towards him, flashing a big and excited smile and so thrilled that someone finally had the guts to call you princess.

“I thought you’d never show up! Now, dance with me!” you reached for his hand and the masked prince immediately twirled you.

Everything was suddenly beyond perfect that you felt like every second was a beautiful well written scene in a fairytale book.

It’s the way he holds you while dancing, telling you the right words that goes straight to your heart and immediately give you a smile. A kind of smile that only the right person can give you. But of course, you don’t know that yet.

As the night became even more perfect for the two of you, not knowing each other’s names just makes everything more thrilling and interesting but you promised to each other to stay true to each other when the clock strikes midnight and everyone has to take off their masks.

And to maximize the fun, you and Jeno ended up making out in one of the empty classrooms while everyone is busy dancing and enjoying the program. And by the way, it was a passionate kiss, not like those innocent kissing-a-stranger type of kiss that you see in movies. You both didn’t care at that moment whether you know each other or not.

“Fuck- I have to go back before midnight, I kind of... have an important duty during the event,” you said. Careful not to tell him that the captain of the cheerleading squad is needed to crown the voted prom queen.

“Understood,” Jeno says because he is the one crowning the voted prom king. “Does your lips always tastes sweet?” he asked with a very sexy tone, lifting you effortlessly with his incredible strength and making you sit on the desk. He reaches dow to your dress and went under it, completely startling you with the way he holds your thighs and kiss your knee, inner thighs, until he reaches your clothed pussy. Kissing the wet center and drownig with the feeling of his tongue shamelessly ruining your panties.

Bravely, Jeno removed your panties without breaking the soft kisses he’s giving you, putting your panties straight in his pocket for safe keeping and to make sure that you have no choice but to go back to him after midnight.

“Oh fuck-“ you moaned softly, covering your own mouth while the man in between your legs is giving you kitten licks on your pussy but intensifying everything when he spread your folds and focused on your clit. Licking it fast and kissing it like it it was your lips. It was unbearable, and this time two hands are covering your mouth to muffle you moans because you knew that what you’re doing right now can jeopardize your cheerleading career.

“Close- ooh, fuck. Right there please, faster. Ahh!”

You don’t know but Jeno is smiling right now, happy and contented that he get to do this with you. And in a matter of seconds, your legs are shaking and wanting to be closed so bad, but Jeno is giving you oral like he had never licked a pussy in a year and stopped your legs from closing to torture you further with his tongue.

Then suddenly, you heard your name being called and you made Jeno stop and quickly went down from the desks with weak legs, not having any other choice but to face everyone even after having a nice orgasm just a few minutes earlier.

You feel sorry for your prince of course because you literally kicked him and bolted away without any other words, not even a smile.

“Sorry I’m late, I was in the comfort room handling my tummy ache,” you cleared your throat and did what you had to do. A few minutes later, Jeno is now crowing the voted prom king and you didn’t bother looking at him because you knew he will look so handsome tonight. So you just stood there in the corner of the stage focusing on your weak legs, and feel Jeno stood beside you afterwards. Watching the the prom king and queen dance at the corner, both with tired smile and hearts yearning to be with each other again, suddenly Jeno spoke to you.

“I’m the only one in this room that knows you don’t have panties underneath this beautiful dress” he whispered beside you with a small smirk that only you can notice.

And the moment you lift your head to face him, you see you le prince.

Jeno is your prince. The prince who just gave you a mind blowing orgasm just a few minutes back.

“Lee Jeno- what the fuck. What have you done,” you said quietly, trying to control your reactions in front of the entire school.

“Date me and I’ll give it back to you”

“No thanks, you can keep it- just please dont tell anyone what happened to us.”

And just like that both of your happy endings are cancelled for the night. He felt broken, you felt guilty. But he can’t just finish this night without a fight.

“Fine. At least let me drive you home” he said bitterly.

“Fine”

The drive was quiet as expected. No one saw you get inside Jeno’s car, you made sure of it. To be honest you wanted to apologize to him for the kick earlier, but you figured it will make everything even more awkward. So forget it.

When he had finally pulled in front of your house, neither of you started moving as if you didn’t want this night to end badly than it already is.

“I had a great time...” you started, hoping that it’s okay to even say ‘thank you’

“Can’t you see that I’m trying my best here?” he said and it turned quiet again, “I like you Y/n,”

“Are you sure?” Are the only words that came out from you.

“A hundred percent sure. If you don’t let me date you even just for a short period of time to prove my feelings to you... I might cry while driving home,”

“And that’s fucking dangerous. Okay okay,” you were panicking at this moment “I accept your offer. Please, just drive safe. You’re making me nervous,”

Jeno smiled from ear to ear upon hearing your decision. Even though you didn’t actually accepted his offer because you wanted to date him too,it’s fine. Jeno is willing to work hard for you.

Day after day Jeno ask you if you’re free for the most awaited date but you try so hard to avoid him. It was not easy to hide your ‘relationship’ and to be honest it’s starting to annoy you.

One awful day after practice, it was the weekend and only the squad and the football team is in campus for practice. It was a tough and ugly day, so you decided to wait for everyone to finish showering before you start cleaning yourself.

The water was nice and the warm feeling of the showers just relaxes you to the max and enjoy the running water. You take this opportunity to sort out your thoughts...but someone disturbed your peace again.

You feel him hold you by the waist and encircle his arms around it, head rests by the crook of your neck and even by just feeling his embrace, you knew that Jeno is tired too. That he had a bad day too and you didn’t want to make things worst for the both of you.

“The door was open, I locked it for you” he said quietly. The tiredness was even obvious through the way he speaks.

And knowing that Jeno is using you to comfort himself, you just let him do what he wants as a way to give back to the comfort and company that he’s giving you now.

Wet kisses were place on your shoulder and neck, his strong arms kept you close to him until your ass is so close to his cock that it’s poking your ass cheeks but you just let it be. To be honest you love the feeling of what’s happening now, you feel so close to Jeno just like the night during the dance.

You turned around to face him, only to find his face full of dirt from practice, exhausted expression and silence. He was never silent when he’s around you, and that’s how you confirmed that it was indeed a bad day.

“Want to talk about it?” You offered and Jeno just rests his forehead on yours, letting the water run through your naked bodies. Hands all over each other, no funny business just providing comfort. You took initiative to clean his face with your soap and pour shampoo on his hair, washing it gently as he lets you do what you want.

And finally, you see a hint of smile from his face and you cant help but to smile back.

You didn’t do anything stupid in the showers with Jeno, you just literally had shower with him while he keeps you close but it felt that you did something so intimate together. Like a couple who passionately had sex in bed.

After cleaning yourselves Jeno reached for your towel and wrapped you nicely, looking at your boobs without feeling ashamed because you’re looking at his cock too. If it was a normal day, you’d have sex right then and there, but you both don’t want it as of the moment.

“Wait here don’t get dressed yet,” he said when you’re back in the locker rooms.

And when he came back still wearing a towel wrapped around his waist, he dropped on bended knee as if he’s going to propose. But instead of reaching for your hand he reached for your leg, and made you wear the underwear that he took from you during the dance. “I washed it myself,” he said and placed a quick soft kiss on your waist before he gets up.

It was a sweet gesture. Not normal, but it was sweet and you liked it. He got up, turned his back and left you to finish putting your clothes. You wonder if he’ll wait for you outside because truth be told you don’t want this to end yet.

After you finish drying your hair and making yourself decent again, hoping that someone is waiting for you outside already. You saw Jeno waiting for you outside the school beside his car, looking so handsome on fresh new clothes with the cutest smile. Of course he waited.

“How was your day?” he finally asked you.

“Bad,” you answered and took a big bite on your hotdog sandwich. “I pushed my team so hard today that everyone just hated me during practice,”

“Same thing happened to me, me and Haechan almost got into a fight in the middle of practice earlier. I guess this what happens when we don’t practice at the same place,” he joked but his intentions were cute. “I’m not sure if were going to win this season. If we don’t, I would have to wave goodbye to my dream college”

“Jeno, we’re aiming at the same college, and knowing what they look for an athlete, it’s impossible that you won’t get scouted. I mean, you’re the reason why we keep winning. College football is no joke, so hang in there just do your best”

“College cheerleading is no joke either, you have to get in for me. I’m not taking cheers from a stranger it had to be you,” he made you giggle and let out small laughs that echoes around his car. You just nod at him and wiped the ketchup from his lips.

“Thank you and I’m sorry I’m always an asshole when it comes to you,” you said perfectly ruining the mood but Jeno did not let that happen.

“And for someone who used to hate each other, we sure are better when we work together,” he said, leaning closer to you for a kiss that you didn’t avoid. “Watch me win you fair and square,”

You smiled at what he said and returned the kiss to shut him up. And the next thing you know, you’re making out with Lee Jeno in his car in the middle of an empty fast food parking lot.

“You’re the first boy I ever kissed, Jeno, and I want you to be the last.... I mean you’re the first sincere kiss-“

“I get it, I get it,” he said and continue kissing you again.

After that fateful day, you’ve been each other’s rocks and support system. Meeting under the bleachers, showering last so you could shower in peace together after every weekend practice, and have secret dates whenever you want to. It was a beautiful time even though you’re not yet officially together. And that proper date he was meaning to give you, finally happened and you feel bad for avoiding this amazing moment to happen.

“Okay, I think we should stop” Jeno cut the kiss when you’re both getting too carried away. Knowing that his parents are away and you have the house all for yourselves just makes everything even more dangerous now. But instead of stopping you pushed him on his bed and went on top of him. Putting both of your legs on each of his sides and earning a cute giggle from him. “Alright, if this is what you wanted”

Jeno then traded places with you, putting you beneath him effortlessly and kissing every exposed skin he sees while slowly lifting your shirt and unclasping your bra effortlessly. Cupping your boobs and kneading them gently while he makes you crazy with his touch and the way his tongue swipes on your lips and dominates the kiss with that powerful tongue.

When he removed his shirt, you expected to see a very hot body, a perfectly sculpted abs, and his strong arms. You were prepared to see that. What you didn’t expect to see were the scars and bruises he got from practice and from his past games.

“Hey, don’t mind the scars. They don’t hurt anymore,” he reached for your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours. Even though his body was all ruined like this, he looks so happy in life and this current moment. You then realized that Jeno is more than football and his cocky attitude. He’s a man who loves the game and is willing to do everything for his dream.

And that.... fucking turned you on that you attacked him with kisses and quickly removed your pants, Jeno did the same with quick movements until you’re both wearing only your underwear and ready to do it for the first time. He was the first one to remove his boxers briefs and thats the time when you remember how your friends drooled over Jeno’s big dick. It was true.

And that’s going inside you. Every inch of that veiny, thick cock of Jeno.

He removed your panties next, kissing your legs as he swiftly pull it down you thighs and expose your pussy to him. Whispering sweet words, comforting and filthy ones to balance this beautiful moment. You smiled when he pulled away from kissing you and finally lining his cock to your entrance.

Pumping his cock in between your opened legs and in front of your wet pussy, he started to tease you with the tip of his thick cock. Up and down, Jeno made you feel how raw he’s going to fuck you tonight. He started kissing and touching your body, slowly pushing in your tight hole and stealing your breath away, making you breath so heavily and grip his strong shoulders as he oh so slowly put his entire cock inside you.

“Does it feel nice?” You struggled talking but you managed to let out decent words. He nodded and rolled his hips, making you both moan and hold each other tightly. That’s how nice Jeno feels around you.

He gave you a few gentle thrust, stretching you good so won’t get hurt when he starts fucking you hard. You watch his cock go in and out of your pussy, and you can’t help but feel proud that it fits perfectly. “I love seeing your smile,” he said when he caught you smiling. He kisses the top of your breast, softly and just making you feel crazy with his soft lips around your nipples. Suck it good and twirling his hot tongue around it until your nipples are hard and swollen.

You didn’t notice that he has been fucking and giving you harder and faster thrust that his bed is starting to creak so bad and your bodies are slightly bouncing from the mattress. The pleasure was so nice especially its you that he’s fucking now, that his mind just went blank and started kissing your breast wildly which made you part your lips and furrow your brows. You then reached for him because you can’t take the pleasure anymore and made him kiss your lips instead.

But just as you thought that the he will go slow, no. When his chest hit your breast, and you’re now bodies to bodies that he’s putting his entire weight on top of you, Jeno became wild again and pinned your legs on the mattress and started fucking you hard.

Thrust and thrust you feel the impact on every inch of your body, and feeling the sting and hurt on your cunt as he continues to fuck you so good and the pleasure did not stopped from there. He lifted your left leg, using your flexibility wisely and placing your leg on his shoulders, earning a kiss on your leg when he saw that you got excited with the new position.

Jeno went back to fucking you again, putting his left thumb on your clit to draw small circles while his other hand is holding your leg safely as he fucks you good again.

“Jeno- ahh! Fuck, not on the pill” you informed him with heavy breaths and delicious groans. Gripping his sheets tightly as you slowly feel your orgasm build up and made your toes curl. Pushing Jeno away and closing your legs immediately so could curl in a ball and enjoy your orgasm. You didn’t noticed that he came on your body the moment he pulled out, painting your skin with his hot and thick cum.

Suddenly it was quiet and only your heavy breaths can be heard.

“Sorry about that,” he apologized immediately and placed soft kisses on your shoulders while you still curl and shiver.

“No it’s perfectly fine,” you reached to him for a kiss and then Jeno proceeded to cleaning up his mess. Kissing your sensitive body while he wipes it and putting you both in the mood again for a second round, but stopped yourselves and just enjoy the night while you talk naked in his bed.

“Can you please play more safely? I see you go to the nurse’s wing every after game, but I never understood why until now. I though it’s just simple bruises.... and not, dislocated bones and-“ He cut you off with a soft giggle and caught him blushing like crazy. Who is this man? Is this really Lee Jeno? “What?” You added.

“Nothing. You’re just so cute when you worry for me. I remember back then you told me you wish I break my ankles during one of our morning practice because we had the field that day first,”

“Yeah... I’m sorry about that. You’re just so, annoying sometimes and I just hate you so much,” you gave him a hug as a sorry for what you said back then, which he gladly accepted and planted a kiss on your forehead.

“How about now? Do you still hate me now?” He squeezed you butt cheek to remind you of what happened earlier and how you loved every second of it.

“I most definitely, still hate you Jeno Lee” but of course, Jeno did not buy it and started kissing you again. Touching all the right places and whispering the right words. Until you two fucked again that night and he had to drive you home a little later that usual. This was the first night that you realized, you never wanted to be apart from Jeno.

“Y/n,” he called you just before you enter your house. You turned around to face him and gave him a sweet smile.

“Jeno Lee?”

“I love you,”

“I love you too,”

And just like that he made your heart jump again without any warning. Leaving you safely and driving away from you with both happy hearts.

When Jeno’s most awaited game finally came, by this time around you’re both still seeing each other secretly.

“There’s my favorite cheerleader,” he grabs you by the waist and admire you in your cheer uniform. You rolled your eyes at him and raked his long hair away from his face. Reminding him to play safely tonight.

“Win for this pussy,” you said with a smirk. You haven’t had sex with Jeno for some time now because he was so focused with practice and you think, tonight is just perfect.

But the handsome guy has something more in mind, “uh uh, Im winning for something else, this game is big I need a motivation,”

“Well, name it lover boy and I’m happy to give it,”

“Your heart. If we win this game we will be officially together and of course, the sex is just a bonus. What do you say? My place?” he’s waiting for an answer that will give him the energy that he will need all throughout the game.

You kissed him on the lips and encircled your arms around him and said, “Deal” then placed another one, “Now go win because I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else”

“You just had to set the bar high right before a game, huh?” He smirked and asked for another kiss. Completely transferring your balm to his soft, addicting lips.

Of course you and Jeno were excited and all for the thrill that night. The game wasn’t easy to win, but he worked hard inside the field while you worked hard outside the field, making sure that the people will have faith to Jeno until the end of the game, win or lose.

And speaking of win or lose, of course you’ll still make him your boyfriend after tonight. You just couldn’t let his heart break two times in one night.

But no worries, because as you wave your pompoms and screamed for Jeno’s name to take the winning shot, everyone celebrated with you.

“THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND!!!” You shamelessly shouted and came running towards to Jeno together with the others and Jeno caught you in his strong arms and lifted you off the ground. Kissing you in front of everyone which made their jaws drop.

That night, you have never been so flirty around Jeno, and he had never been this sweet to you. Maybe, you two were just holding it in and now that nothing is stopping you, you’re ready to love each other with everything you got.

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