#its its so hurtful and aching
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I was listening to a podcast of Samay Raina and listening to him talk about how it feels to be a Kashmiri Pandit now.
You're disconnected from your culture, you don't know the food, you don't know your native place, you barely know your language, the blood of your family is spilled on the ground you were born on and you haven't even seen it. And you're not even allowed to talk about it. You feel like you're an endangered specie. Your culture is dying out and you know your children will not learn your language and culture. You know no hacks or specialities and nooks or crannies of your home town. Your culture is dying and you're just staring at it, helpless. The place where your house used to be is now ruined. You can barely recognise anything. Your home isn't here but it is your home and you can't do anything about it. You return to your home after decades, after forced exile, and. And it's levelled. Ruined. Your home is no more.
#desiblr#desi tumblr#hindublr#kashmiri pandits#if someone fucking makes this about “freeing kashmir” i will deck you.#its its so hurtful and aching#hinduphobia
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my favorite steamgoth icon
#good morning drebber nation (its almost 3 am)#rip enoch you would have loved cinema strange and creature feature#god he is so me it hurts#honestly i can never get sick of drawing him he just translates into my style so well#now i wont be able to draw for weeks im exhausted lmao#the great ace attorney#dai gyakuten saiban#ace attorney#enoch drebber#i love posting in the dead of night and not when everyone is presumably awake at a reasonable hour#aa#tgaa#dgs#dgs2#shit i draw#please bring him back in dgs3 i bailed him out of jail myself so get to work crapcom#edit: oh my god this guy is a fucking BRAIN PARASITE#HE IS SO ME. IT ACHES.#enochposting
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TIL "Lay On Hands" is a paladin healing skill and I am blessed by this knowledge.
#moe talks a lot#oops i fell in love#cleric!right is forever funny to me because yeah its incredibly fitting for him to crave the power to heal#since he personally is so damaged and refuses to hurt others even in a game#but also he has such a foul mouth and you cannot remove that part of him ever#hes going to yell obscenities before he heals someone#like the joke of YOU HAVE UNO IT CAME WITH YOUR XBOX#is now YOU HAVE HEALING IT COMES WITH THE PALADIN#and then he just goes and heals karen while paul is like hey thats mean what if i want to bond with you :c#why wont you ever heal ME right i wanna be healed by you ! shes missing like 2hp what about healing my 10hp#again i have zero dnd exp and i am only learning from asking buddies who play it cause google sucks#i say that bc i tried googling something about clerics and it gave answers i didnt want to questions i didnt ask#anyway time to go perish personally im in so much pain and im v tired#for the record bc i know some people have expressed concerns in the past that im pushing myself too much to draw daily#its mostly my legs n feet that hurt constantly after work#my hand is still fine and while i do have some weird bruising on my arms (a mystery!) bc i bruise easily#its not me pushing through the hand pain or something bad like that its just i ache a lot
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My favorite head-canon, is that Merlin spends so much time healing and taking care of Arthur, that he forgets to do it for himself.
Arthur, a seasoned warrior, somehow has very few scars on his body. A few scuff marks on his knees and a few marks on the side of his neck, maybe a few knife nicks along his arms from training. But other than that, nothing. It's almost inhuman how this knight who lives on the battlefield has such a lack of scars.
Merlin, on the other hand, is covered in them. Burn marks covering the tips of his fingers, deep jagged cuts that dug into his back and arms. Scraps and cuts cover his legs and arms, and a small patch of discoloration on his forehead that never quite heald right. He goes to great lengths to keep these hidden. It wouldn't make sense for a meek servant to have so many brutal scars. He covers his body even during the hot months with long sleeve shirts and thick scarves so no one will ask any questions.
The reason behind this is that Merlin will always meticulously heal any injuries Arthur faces. Always being thorough so they won't scar over. He knows the way scars ache during the cold or thunderstorms, the way the pain seems to seep into your bones. He doesn't want Arthur to suffer through that. But when he gets injured, he does just enough to stop the bleeding. He lives with a physician. Why would he do more than that? He'll get them looked at eventually... (he never does).
Point is, Merlin does the bare minimum to keep himself alive while he goes the extra mile for Arthur to keep him comfortable.
#this was promted by an old scar of mine aching during a thunderstorm#so ofc i need to project my pain onto merlin cuz why not#amyway merlin struggkes to move around when its stormy or cold#without being in immense pain#both mental and physical#arthur makes a light hearted quip about merlin getting slow in the winter#and merlin chuckles and retorts with a joke about the winter hurts his scars#and arthur is like *insert concerned himbo noises here*#bbc merlin#merthur#merlin headcanons
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thinking about the fact that baby will is SO SMALL for his age..... what made you come up wi th this devastating headcanon
im just imagining cass. eighteen. terrified about her future. will she have to leave camp? what will she do? she can't go home. camp is her home. and then that very summer this little kid stumbles into camp, glowing lyre above his head before he even crests half-blood hill, can't be more than six years old. crying and clinging to his mother's shirt, scraped and bleeding from whatever monster chased them here. and immediately her worries take a step back, and she tugs this little kid from his mother and hugs him as she walks backwards, crying and pretending not to, promising her son she'll be back as soon as it's safe, and this little kid clings onto her and looks to her with big, blue eyes, red-rimmed, and suddenly she's got this baby brother to watch out for, much younger than any of her other siblings, and it turns out he's chatty and open and endlessly energetic and bad with boundaries and social queues, and he's eight, actually, but he was a preemie and spent every year of his life in the back of his mama's tour van. and she and diana and lee and michael are the older kids at camp, although not by much, and they look at each other and nod and know they will be making sure this little kid with a smile as bright as the sun will grow right as they know he's meant to with his big feet and stumbling limbs.
#havent written cass yet but.....#shes coming#just.#naomi loves will so much i cant imagine how bad it would hurt to leave will behind#and the relief and ache she would feel.#to see this girl at camp.#his sister.#a year younger than she was when she had will.#AHHHHHH IM NOT MAKING SENSE AND I KNOW IT#BUT ITS ALL IN MY BRAIN#ALL THESE HEADCANONS#WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO WITH THEM ALL#ask
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Guess who's thinking abt Rue being envious of Sonic and how he can appear as mostly normal despite suffering from essentially the same condition as her again
#ramblings#'what do you have that i don't?' she asks herself watching sonic talking to one of his friends#'why do you get to live a normal life when i can't?' as she watches him lazily napping the afternoon away#'why does it hurt so much for me and not for you?' as she looks down at her own trembling paws#thinking about how her whole body has ached ceaselessly ever since she was turned into this beast#'why am i broken and you're not?'#'it's not fair'#obviously she doesn't see just how much being a werehog affects sonic#bc he doesn't really express a lot of his pain#and he's not around her when it's at its worst usually#she just sees him being a hero and having a bunch of friends and living such a carefree life#and it makes her feel like it's not their shared condition. there's just something wrong with *her*#that she's just too weak to just get over the pain and live like he does#and she hates it. but she can't really bring herself to hate sonic#he's the only person who gets her. who shares a similar experience. and he's just. far too kind to her#yet she can't help but envy him#oc posting#rue the wolfdog
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dentist day
#☆— yapping#the dentist is so urgh#some of them are gentle enough that i could probably fall asleep during it#and others actually make my throat sore for daysss#oh it's not good to have a dirty mind#it's just a cleaning today#luckily or else ugh#yk last time i was there#the dentist was like “oh i have a son ur age”#OK SO SET ME UP???#unbelievable actually#like u can't tell me that and just completely switch the topic#the dentist was good looking for his age so like#that son probably was too#BUT ILL NEVER KNOW URGEHAJEMMA#anyways let's hope i'm not left with an aching jaw#.......don't take that out of context please#YK ITS ALWAYS THE MALE DENTISTS THAT ARE GENTLE???#the female ones hurt#idk why i just realized that but yeah#i'd expect it to be the other way bc#nvm not saying it it sounds wrong in my head
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so much
#im just so tired to do much it hurts to even touch my skin sometimes it lowkey aches#some days its better other days its not#even staying in a certain position makes my limbs or bones ache cause they stab me#hard to draw sometimes cause my body gives out so quickly with pain#i genuinly feel so sad ic ouldnt do much ill do my best soon i just today is not the day i guess aa#illness tw#medical tw#vent
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not excited for work fuuuckk
#ramblings#actually yknow what thats secomdary to . dude why does my hand ache#like. my hand hurts so much i cant ignore it but its not like. beyond an ache#gonna have to see what youre supposed to do for aches and do that ig
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.
#oh look it talks#yelling into the ether#my whole body hurts#its probably not that bad like its not agonizing but god my joints ache and everything feels weak#all i wanna do is read or write but my brain wont even settle on anything#im so tired lol i dont want to be this tired#like im completely fatigued and wrung out#i did a normal shift at work and made dinner and my legs feel so heavy its like theyre going to fall off#my ankles and knees have a heartbeat#even sitting upright is a whole task at this point#god i know im whining but hgfhggh#and now im too lightheaded and anxious to concentrate on anything#i dont wanna sleep yet i wanna spend my time well but im just passing out again
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Nessie tattoo has reached itchy stage please keep me in your thoughts during these trying times
#I love tattoos but everything about getting them is so horrible#getting tattoos hurts to varying degrees#but can be tolerable if you know your artist and can chat with them while they do it#and then the healing process is always. a whole fucking process#first they hurt and the whole area is tender and it can be debilitating depending on size + area#and then it all stiffens up and it stings and aches#and then comes the itchy stages#where you'll get the scabbing and peeling#but then its all worth it cause after 2 weeks of suffering you have a gorgeous tattoo forever
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i have imagining my blorbos set to songs disease. it's terminal and unbearable.
#every song i listen to its like. wow that's insert character here#recently? the captain.#but also ed and stede.#also nandor.#also richard and jared.#it goes back and back and back#whoever it happens to be at the moment#but god it hits so deep in my soul and makes me ache#why? what is it that makes it hurt like that. to just listen to music and imagine a character.#its entirely fictional. its my own imagination that's hurting me
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small question
when does it stop hurting
#does it ever stop hurting???#like being alive#its a constant ache#constant struggle#does it get better?#and when#when does it end#because yk ive been told it does for the last six years#gotta say#its actually gotten worse#im tired#im so tired#depression is a bitch
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recent itfs draws caption
#hina.txt#Spotify#audio#wallowing in itfs feelings w this on repeat currently#i never thought 2 associate denial w them . but now that i have it aches in a new way love tht fr me#i always felt it as framing a journey away from god as losing a friend n tentatively looking back maybe reaching out Changed#but fr them it is like. we have been through so much we r both hurt but there is always space fr u in my heart if youll have me#it could have been different but as things are i am still here for u#its not losing a loved one its holding on to one despite everything#which i guess is a bit counterintuitive 2 the title#but denial and hope go hand in hand at th end of the day . lyrics say so
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me when sad media piece about romantic relationship: light work no reaction
me when sad media piece about sibling dynamic: oh. okay. its got a little kick.
me when sad media piece about child-parental figure dynamic: LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP ELT MEGET UP ELT ME GET UP ELTMR FJETY UP LEGBR LE FEOT UP
#me when#i just watched aftersun and when i tell you the symptoms that movie gave me were PLAGUE-LIKE#its bcuz i cried so much throughout that my eyes are still swollen (its the morning after)#1. got a headache from how hard i cried and had to sit down#2. passed out right after the film (it was early)#3. i had work earlier and fucked my knee during my shift. it hurt so bad but after the movie my body was so numb i couldnt even feel it#4. dehydration from crying so much#5. tummy ache from crying so much. also felt like throwing up#6. became delirious and started thinking about my DAD DYING 😭 had to be with him for two hours to calm down lmfao#all in all: DONT WATCH AFTERSUN. the worst movie ever i genuinely wanted to die#still five stars tho#but im seeing a pattern in all my fav media. hm#aftersun#everything everywhere all at once#eeaao#tlou#the last of us#lady bird#beautiful boy#fancy dance#circe#michiko and hatchin#the astonishing colour of after#wolf children#the cruel prince#<- im only tagging tcp bcuz jude and madoc’s relationship was honestly the best part abt the series#rewriting
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how do people differentiate between different types of pain? how do you know if the pain you are feeling is a pulsing, a throbbing a stabbing pain or an ache? Like? ive had people ask me what kind of pain something feels like, and i just describe it the best i can, but then people look at me confused, and i get the feeling like ive said the wrong thing in response to what im actually feeling?? like?? how do you KNOW what the word is for the thing?
#/gen#i really dont get it#i describe my general pain i feel as an ache#but i dont know if thats RIGHT because its feels like EVERYTHING at once#and i often cant tell where the pain IS because its EVERYWJERE and doesnt have a point i can say 'yes it hurts here most' most of the time#it feels like a deep ahce that throbs in pain#and when it gets really bad its like my knee joins or hips or whatever are made of shattered glass as im trying to walk#most of the time they get REALLY stiff to the point im gasping in pain and cant pick my legs up to walk#and thats only after about an hour or two of walking#i wake up tin that same pain every morning#I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG#and im so fucking ver it at this point#rant ig#rant in tags
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