#its insulting anyway. u wish u knew what that felt like. go back to ur taylor swift concert

[kutyaharapas]

reminded me bc a friend recently went like ur so chill and nice ane smiley and ibwent aw thanks. if only u knew

[gottlem]

ur so mean, i love u. (lemyanka)

a/n: this was based off a certain ig story from priyanka. its basiacally just pining lesbians. i tried my best, its kind of late, i hope u like it !! (ps this i snot proofread so we’re just gonna hope its right and if its not... just pretend)

summary: priyanka knew something was wrong with lemon if a day went by when she didn’t make fun of her, and lemon hadn’t been acting like herself for a week. (3k)

Priyanka could tell there was something wrong with Lemon. She just didn’t know what it could be. They were best friends, so wouldn’t Lemon just come to her if she was upset or mad or whatever? Priyanka couldn’t lie, she felt a pang in her chest at the idea of Lemon keeping something from her, something that was clearly upsetting her. They had become a package deal, they were never too far from each other and even when they weren’t together, they were talking about each other. If Lemon didn’t like someone, neither did Pri. If Pri had a favourite song, Lemon learned every word. They were as close as friends could be.

Though, Priyanka kind of wished they’d be more. But it was okay. She could have feelings for Lemon and be her friend and she didn’t even have to know. Hiding it from her would kill her, but she was sure telling Lemon would be worse. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t, risk changing their dynamic, something they had built up to become stronger and stronger year after year. If their bond were to break, they’d never hear the end of it. The mere thought of that made Priyanka shiver. 

She liked to think she could read Lemon best, and she’d probably be right. Lemon was not the girl to always talk about how she was feeling, and you could bet if she wasn’t feeling right she’d completely hide it. But she’d never been able to fool Priyanka. Though, normally she wouldn’t even try, because Priyanka would be the shoulder she’d seek to cry on anyway. Priyanka had seen her at her absolute worst, through thick and thin. So why was she acting so… weird?

It’s not like it was obvious, though. Lemon was a good actress, Priyanka was just a better detective, apparently. But she didn’t say anything straight away. Lemon hated to be pestered, and maybe she was just tired. Maybe her neighbours were loud and she couldn’t get to sleep. Hell, she could just be a bit hormonal, that’s fine. Priyanka would only make her angry for bringing it up, or even make her worse. And she didn't want to be overbearing. So she left it. She left it and waited until Lemon was back to her sour little self. But that never happened.

Apparently, Priyanka’s stress over Lemon just made her more stressed in general, which made her forget to set her alarm. So on Friday morning, she woke up an hour later than normal, in ignorant bliss for a total of one second until reality caught up to her. She scrambled out of bed, rushing through her usual morning routine, probably (definitely) forgetting something when packing her bag. By the time she was ready to go, she would be about 45 minutes late to her first lesson, so there was really no point in going to it at all. But still, she left the house and found herself walking a little quicker than normal.

She didn’t go to her first lesson, opting to be early for her second. She braced herself for whatever Lemon would come up with about her frazzled appearance. She wore a bare face and a ponytail that was definitely lop-sided and falling out slowly, and she knew Lemon would have an absolute field day. She was the only person who Priyanka would let make fun of her, all because she knew it came from a place of love. Besides, the bitch was funny. It was so typically Lemon to make some quick-witted insult, that would never really be an insult, it became her thing. 

So when Lemon sat herself down in her usual spot next to Pri and said nothing but a “Hey, bitch” with a smile that was definitely not genuine, Priyanka knew it was time to intervene. And then the teacher walked in, demanding silence. Well, there goes that idea. For the next hour, Priyanka watched Lemon’s eyes as they focused and unfocused on the world around her, and pretended to ignore the constant side glances she’d receive way more often than normal. Maybe now wasn’t the time, but she’d have to bring it up. She didn’t care if Lemon got annoyed anymore, she knew the girl had a habit of bottling things up, and she didn’t want to wait for her feelings to explode. She thought back to the few times where she had bit her tongue for a bit too long, and watched Lemon spiral for weeks. She wouldn’t let that happen again.

Turns out, getting Lemon alone for long enough was a lot harder than she thought it’d be. Was she doing this on purpose? The next time Priyanka caught up with Lemon wasn’t until the end of the day, when they began the walk home together, a tradition they’d had for years. And still, something just seemed off. Lemon just wasn’t as peppy as she normally was (though she would absolutely kill Priyanka for using the word ‘peppy’ to describe her).

“Hey Lem, do you want to stick around at mine for a bit? I need company while my moms at work?” Priyanka’s mom was at work, this was true, but really she was just testing the waters. Lemon never passed up an opportunity to spend a couple hours at Pri’s after school.

“I actually have like, a shit ton of homework, so I think I’ll just go straight home today.” Okay, that was enough.

“Lemon. Are you okay?” She placed her hands on the younger girls shoulders, effectively stopping her from walking any further, and making her face Priyanka. This just meant Priyanka had a better view of the dramatic eye roll Lemon proceeded to do.

“I’m fine! Just busy.” Lemon was not impressed. At all. Not quite angry, but absolutely fed up, but this only spurred Priyanka on more.

“Lem, please. Just come to mine for a bit, we can chill or whatever you want. I call bullshit on your homework excuse but you can do that if you really want to, just please come with me? I just want you to be okay.” Priyanka’s tone was harsh, firm. Not mean though, never mean, not to Lemon. 

It’s not like Lemon had any other choice but to agree. Priyanka grabbed her hand and didn’t let go until she was standing at her front door fishing for her keys in her pockets. Lemon never perked up, instead she whined the whole way about how she was fine and Priyanka was overreacting. Priyanka saw right through it, and with each complaint she became more determined to find out what the fuck was going on with her best friend.

As soon as the door was opened, Lemon walked straight upstairs, into Priyanka’s room and flopped onto her bed. Priyanka trudged behind her, in much less of a hurry but concerned nonetheless, and followed the yellow haired girl into the bedroom to find her lying there with her face smushed into her pillows. She didn’t budge even after Priyanka closed the door behind her, nor when she asked politely for her to scoot along. So Priyanka did the only thing that was left to do. She gently rolled Lemon’s petite body along, so that she was facing upwards and gave enough room to join her on the bed. She was surprisingly met with no resistance other than a small whine of protest. 

“Stay here. I’m gonna go make tea, then you can do your stupid homework”

Lemon’s face instantly fell. They both knew she was lying about the homework earlier. Sure, she had to get some done, but it was Friday night and she had all weekend. Besides, she didn’t even have much and she always left it until the last minute anyways. She didn’t want to think about the homework until at least tomorrow. In hindsight, that was probably exactly why Priyanka called bullshit on the excuse so quickly.

“I actually don’t have homework tonight. Can we just like, watch a movie instead?”

And how could Priyanka say no to her? She could never stay mad at Lemon for long, not that she even was in the first place, and now she was just more worried than anything. So she’d take it upon herself to make sure Lemon felt better by next week, and she’d have her Lemon back. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?

She left for a few minutes and left Lemon to pick out a movie for them to watch on her laptop. When she returned, she found Lemon wrapped up under her duvet, laptop in front of her ready to begin Mean Girls. Priyanka let out a sigh of relief that she wasn’t going to make her watch something that would make her cry.

It took twenty minutes for Priyanka to become hyper-aware of Lemon’s body against hers. And it’s not like she was complaining, but also she was falling head over heels for this girl and it was becoming increasingly harder the act like her feelings were entirely platonic. But alas, she kept still, tense even, as she focused hard on the movie, making off-handed comments about how Regina and Janis low-key would have been a power couple. 

It took another twenty minutes for Lemons head to drop onto Priyanka’s shoulder. She chanced a glance at the smaller girl, which led her to find out she had fallen asleep. Waking Lemon up would feel mean, especially since she figured she needed the extra relaxation, she deserved to feel better. However, letting Lemon sleep on her shoulder? Priyanka didn’t know if she’d be able to take it.

But she did. She sat through the last hour of the movie with Lemon breathing softly onto her neck, totally oblivious to her friend's inner turmoil, and only woke her up once the end credits had finished. She lightly shook Lemon until she began to stir and eventually sat up and opened her eyes, only to ask how long she’d been asleep for. She tried to tell Priyanka that she should have just woken her up, instead of letting her sleep on her shoulder like that, saying it was probably just uncomfortable. Priyanka insisted that she didn’t care and Lemon needed the rest.

It only took a minute of awkward silence (something that was unfamiliar to the pair) before Priyanka sat up straight and faced Lemon.

“Okay. You���ve drank your tea. You’ve watched your film. You’ve had your nap. Now tell me what’s wrong” Priyanka was going to get to the bottom of this, whether she liked it or not.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Lemon avoided her gaze, favouring to stare at the walls, or the floor, the window, anywhere but Priyanka and her damn eyes. She knew that the minute she looked into them, she wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut, which is exactly what she needed to do if she planned on keeping their friendship. 

Priyanka never let down though. She kept asking until Lemon started to raise her voice, seemingly getting annoyed. But Priyanka knew better. She wasn’t annoyed, she was starting to break the facade.

“Priyanka, I don’t even understand why you’re so certain that something’s wrong with me! I’m fine! Why would I not be!?” Lemon was shouting by now. And she was definitely starting to feel guilty, and absolutely not fine. But it’s not like she could just straight up tell Priyanka that the reason she had been distant was because she was trying not to be in love with her. 

“Because you’re not being a bitch!” Lemon seemed offended for about a second, and then she realised that Priyanka was right. She’d been too soft lately. It’s unlike her to not make some bitchy comment for a laugh, and everyone knew she didn’t actually mean it, but it had become the Lemon Brand.

“Maybe I don’t want to be a bitch anymore. Can I not be nice for once? Sincerely nice? Would you hate it if I let my guard down for a damn day?”

Lemon seemed hurt. Genuinely upset, as if she was asking herself these questions instead of Priyanka. But still, she was so confused. Why was Lemon acting so differently? Was she sick of her? 

“You’re not scared of hurting my feelings are you? Because that-”

“Oh my God, Priyanka. It’s not always about you!”

Except in this situation it was absolutely all about Priyanka, just not in the way she was insinuating. It just didn’t feel right anymore, to have this banter between them. Sometimes Lemon wished she could give a compliment without slapping something she didn’t mean on the end of it. Sometimes she wished she could be able to give Priyanka some kind of clue about what she was feeling, but it was just impossible to be so serious with her. 

“Then what is it about? I promise I’ll drop it if you just explain what’s wrong, I know there’s a reason you haven’t been acting like yourself”

There was no response. Lemon avoided her eyes, looking down into her lap. When Priyanka followed her gaze she found her picking at her fingernails, she noticed her hands were shaking a little. Not much, but just enough to show that she was convincing herself to say something. Priyanka couldn’t lie, she was a little scared. It was unlike Lemon to be so dramatic and secretive about something, especially with Priyanka. They knew almost everything about each other, and they liked it that way. Things had always been so comfortable between them, they could say anything without worrying about the others' reaction. So why was Lemon biting her tongue all of a sudden?

“It just doesn’t feel right anymore, to joke around like that” Her voice was small, reluctant even. Yet, it still didn’t clarify anything to Priyanka, who was still just as confused as before.

“What do you mean?”

Lemon just shook her head and hid her face behind her hands. A muffled “It doesn’t matter” was the closest thing to an answer Pri received. She didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen Lemon like this, so timid. Scared. For someone who constantly said ‘deluded self-confidence’ ws her brand, she surely wasn’t being confident in any sense of the word. Meanwhile, Priyanka softly insisted that whatever the problem was, it did matter. It mattered because she was clearly upset. It mattered because it was stopping Lemon from talking to her. It mattered to Priyanka because it clearly mattered to Lemon.

After Priyanka had tried her best to keep her friend calm and to get her to open up, Lemon’s eyes slowly became glassy. Her lower lip quivered before a tear was shed and soon enough Priyanka was opening her arms and muttering a “c’mere, don’t cry”. It was all ‘you’ll be okay’ and ‘I’ve got you, don’t worry’, until Priyanka’s shirt had a small mascara stain and Lemon pulled away, wiping her eyes and apologising for getting makeup on her shirt. Priyanka didn’t care. If anything, she was just happy Lemon finally let it out, even though she still had no idea what ‘it’ was. 

“You know you can literally tell me anything, right?” 

Lemon sniffled, and nodded with a giggle. She knew she could trust Priyanka, she always had. She just didn’t know if she trusted herself to handle being rejected. But there was no getting out of this one anymore. There was no more running away, no more distancing herself. It was time to bite the bullet. Deep breaths.

“I, uh, I guess I’ve been acting so weird around you because…”

How the fuck was she supposed to say this? 

“It’s okay, Lemon, you trust me right?” Priyanka leaned forward ever so slightly to wipe a stray tear from Lemon’s cheek as she gave a miniscule nod in response.

“Well, I think I just wanted to distance myself for a while? Not because I don’t want to spend time with you! It’s quite the opposite really.”

She could see the cogs turning in Lemons head, trying to think of something else to say, and part of Priyanka wanted to ask Lemon to elaborate. But the other part of Priyanka was thinking about how right it felt to touch Lemon’s cheek, and how close their bodies were, and how pretty Lemon looked. And the way Lemon was looking at her. It was as if she hung all the stars in the sky right then and there, just for Lemon.

And suddenly it all made sense. And Priyanka felt so, so dumb for not noticing it sooner. 

“Wait, Lemon. I get it.”

“No, I really don’t think you do-” She chuckled, not because it was funny, but because there was no way Priyanka knew where she was going with this. She’d tried so hard to hide it from her. But then again, she could never keep something from her for very long anyways.

“Come here” Lemon obliged, slowly scooting herself closer to the girl, watching as her eyes flickered down for just a second and she took a deep breath. 

Maybe Priyanka did get it. 

“You want to kiss me, don’t you?” It was a whisper. A dare. Lemon was happy to accept it.

“And what if I do?” She had no idea where the short burst of confidence came from, or what allowed her to flirt back, but she did it anyway. Maybe it was the way their faces were slowly inching closer together. Maybe it was the way they had locked eyes so intensely she could suddenly see every fleck of colour in Priyanka’s iris’. 

“Then I think you should.”

And Lemon didn’t need to be told twice. She wrapped her arms around Priyanka’s neck, letting her initiate the kiss. She let herself let go of thought, let go of worries about what this made them, and just kissed back as if her life depended on it. Somehow it felt like it did. The kiss itself was soft, the pair much more concerned with letting each other know how they felt more than anything else.

When they eventually pulled apart with plump lips and flushed cheeks, a satisfied smirk sat on Lemon’s lips. 

“I don’t think I wanna be friends anymore”

“Yeah, me neither”

They’d need to have a longer conversation, about what they were now (though they had an idea or two) and how things would change. But for now, both girls were pretty content with lips pressed together and hands tangled in hair.