#its impossible to understand what a fictional thing like andrastianism is going for unless you’re familiar with what it’s borrowing from

[vigilskeep]

Harker I was raised super religious southern baptist and I didn’t get the Angel shit until you said it. On the other hand I also didn’t care to learn. win some lose some. 40283938 lost memories

your religious trauma permit to not know anything has been successfully approved

[witchdoodle]

8, 22, 25, and 29 for leith, 5, 11, 14, and 26 for pad, 13, 23, 28, and 33 for shy!

i’m putting these under a cut because it is e x t r e m e l y long yo. slight tw for self-injury and mental illness related discussion

LEITH

8. Where and when do they seem most and least at ease? Why? How can you tell?

leith can be an anxious mess anywhere, like, for them it's largely about whether they're having a good day or a bad day, not necessarily where they are. but they're definitely much more comfortable in private. alone, or with people they trust, and even then they can only handle like, one friend at a time before they need to go hide. when they're trying to calm down they're definitely more at home among nature, that's how they were raised and it's as comforting and familiar to them as someone's childhood home would be. they absolutely cannot stand to be somewhere without a clear exit and will freak out and have panic attacks and flashbacks at the top of towers. 

22. How do people respond to them, and why might these responses differ?

leith is psychotic. not pop culture psychotic meaning "violent," psychotic meaning they experience psychosis, meaning their connection to reality is tenuous *at best*. this makes them wildly unpredictable, and that makes people uneasy.

on good days they behave like most other people, just a little stranger. their thoughts are meandering and circular, but they express things very literally. they're very jumpy and nervous, anxious around strangers or in crowds, and will vocalize strange and often unnerving thoughts that are obviously not rooted in reality. their emotions may be inappropriate for the situation they’re in. they often behave harmlessly odd, but people tend to not react well to people who fall outside of social norms, especially in a society like thedas that is uh. ... well, it very much values conformity.

on leith's bad days they are not functional at all, and for them that usually means withdrawing. they are often non-verbal, or if they do speak it may be in word salad that is impossible to decipher. it's not cutesy like cole's rhyming or metaphors, it's literally just straight up nonsense. "the blue duck was at the gorge and he was a real wallop of an earth-like. we went to the side and i heard green stone dragon flower." they're not /thinking/ in nonsense, but what comes /out/ is nonsense, and they're increasingly more frustrated by their inability to communicate their thoughts, and it's horrible, being trapped in your body with your thoughts like that with no way to let them out. you can't even ask for help. they dissociate and/or go catatonic, stiffly waxy, unresponsive to stimulus but able to be gently guided around or moved, like a doll, *or* they may be highly emotional and volatile, though when leith gets violent it is self-directed; they self-harm either to punish themself for "bad" thoughts, or because they think they have to (one notable delusion is that their blood is "tainted" and the only way to get rid of the "taint" is to "get all of it out" and replace it with ???), or just to self-soothe.

and how the fuck do you respond to any of that if you're from a society that still believes mental illness is related to "poor humours" or demonic possession? most people in thedas would be afraid of them even without knowing they're a blood mage. among the inquisition, most of the inner circle has no idea how to respond to them. some try to reinforce reality around them -- some more forceful than others, others attempting to more gently guide them. flat social rejection is common: "i'm not going to talk to that thing until they make sense." a very rare, very few people are understanding and patient. solas is one of them. the inquisitor is another -- the dalish understand mental illness as a sickness like any sickness of the body. leith would have been supported and cared for in their clan.

cole understands leith's thoughts completely, even when they don't make sense to leith themself. cole thinks in feelings, and feelings don't always make sense.

we don't even need to go into the blood mage thing, we all know how people react to blood magic. "quaint superstition," in the words of solas.

25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it?

patience. kindness. understanding. emotional support. they need a lot of all of the above and most people are not able to provide that to the level they require. for their part, leith knows they're different. they know they're strange and hard to understand, and they do their best not to let the worst parts of their disorder negatively impact those they care about. they try *so hard* not to believe their paranoid brain when it tells them negative things about the people they care for -- that they're poisoning them, that they secretly hate them, that they're all laughing at them behind their back, that they're trying to kill them, etc. it's hard because sometimes they LITERALLY perceive their loved ones to be telling them to their face that they hate them and want them to die. what they need in a relationship is someone able and willing to give them a reality check, and to remind them not to believe everything they perceive.

in romantic relationships, they want to feel desired, of course, like anyone does, and to not feel like they're a burden. they need someone who understands the kind of trauma they've been through. they need extra patience. they really really really need to feel like they're not a burden, like it's an equal exchange of support. they're introverted, and very easily overstimulated, and need a partner who understands that sometimes they just NEED to be alone.

29. What kind of activities, interests, and hobbies do they have? What significance and impact do these have in their lives, both positive and negative?

leith has always liked to read; people assume that because they think things that aren't true and behave strangely that they're stupid, but that's not the case. they've always been intelligent and still are, and they're very bookish. they're especially science-and-maths oriented, as... much as there is any understanding of science in thedas. (they read a lot of dwarven literature for that reason.) they really like maths because "numbers are always the same shape, even when they're imaginary." more than once dorian has found them sneaking notations into books he'd pulled aside and been like ... shit they're right. they will happily talk about academics for hours, being surprisingly well-read. (there's not much to do in the circle BUT read.) books are a good gift idea, especially non-fiction. (they did read hard in hightown. varric asked their thoughts and they said, "it was very red.")

they're very good at chess, their thought process making them very hard to predict. only cullen and vivienne have beaten them.

PAD

5. How do they dress? What styles, colors, accessories, and other possessions do they favor? Why?

buckle in kids i love talking about clothes

pad's colours are earth tones, they look great with his colouring -- dark skin, black hair, bright green eyes, gold vallaslin. he mostly wears greens, browns, creams, and metallics, especially shades of gold and bronze, and he wears a lot of leather in the dalish style with their usual patterns and such.

so pad showed up at the conclave with the clothes on his back and nothing else and after the splosion had nothing else to wear, so i'd assume in the very early days he wore one of those hideous inquisition uniforms. harritt eventually made him some armour customized for him, simple leather padding that wouldn't impede his movement, and pad had some clothes made in the dalish style. so that's what he wore around haven a lot -- mostly dalish hunting leathers under light armour. he wore those OUT, and by the time they got to skyhold he was looking a little ragged.

since he’d been made inquisitor at this point, josephine finally convinced him to let her have a wardrobe commissioned, and his style switched to something very obviously more "shemmy":

all in white with black trim, evoking purity. the suit coat is very much a shem style, there's very little about this outfit that screams “hey, remember how i’m an elf???” he thought, as inquisitor, that he needed to fit in with humans, especially human andrastians. that it might benefit the inquisition if he played down his elfiness, and that's the style that he wore for a long time. (he still did not wear proper boots unless it was necessary.) his armour received an upgrade at this time too:

more or less the same look, but sturdier, with thicker padded leather parts and the addition of a metal chest guard to protect his heart and lungs. the sticky-outy bit is common among thedosian armour and i'd guess its purpose is to deflect blood from the face in a world where darkspawn are a common enemy and their blood is wildly infectious.

then halamshiral happened. he wore the inquisition uniform -- white with red and gold trim -- because they're a military, it was a military uniform and ohhh godddd he haaaaated it. halamshiral made him realise that trying to fit in among humans was stupid. that he didn't WANT to fit in with them. that he WANTED them to look at him and see an elf first. a dalish elf first. so his wardrobe at skyhold switched:

silver is not his usual colour, but i liked this outfit because it's very elf-y anyway; all those twisting coiled lines look like tree roots to me. pad here looks regal, elegant. he doesn't look like an elven scrapper he looks like a dalish forest prince. it is imposing, even intimidating, especially when he sits on that burning andraste throne. it also highlights pad’s beauty tbh, at this point he was more powerful than he’d ever been in his life, he was wildly in love, his confidence was at an all-time high. this is what he wore on official inquisitor business.

for more casual wear, he had this made:

lovely paisley embroidery on the shirt, the metal piece on the chest is so floral and leafy and lovely too. plain brown leather trousers. ... note that all of his is still tailored to fit his body like a second skin. pad is um. ... not a bad-lookin' dude, this would get... very distracting for people. some more than others. pad ain't gonna apologize for wearing the world's tightest leather pants, deal with it.

andhe's got his keeper robes for when he's being formally dalish:

at some point his armour changed, too. he switched from studying the way of the knight-enchanter to seeking out materials specifically about the arcane warrior, a tradition rooted in elven culture. cillian had joined the inquisition by this point, and he was a great help -- so was solas, though solas... disguised exactly where he was getting this knowledge from. ("i, uh, saw it in the fade" is his default excuse.) he had new armour made for him in the traditional elvhen style, all in gold, and tbh he is A Sight To Behold on the field. thedas might be widely racist but it is very hard for his followers not to feel awe watching their herald of andraste carve through his enemies on the battlefield resplendent in elegant gold armour.

11. How are they vocally expressive? What kind of voice, accent, tones, inflections, volume, phrases and slang, and manner of speaking do they use?

padraig has the dalish accent -- that kind of lovely lilting musical cadence that for him specifically i imagine as a cross between the welsh accent and the rez accent. i’ve yet to find a voice claim that fits him, but in terms of like, tone and depth, the male british va in the games is fine. it’s just the accent that’s wrong. 

he’s a pretty jovial, affable dude, pretty jokey and sarcastic, so his voice is usually enthusiastic and warm. 

that said, dude can’t sing at all. his voice is pretty rough and out of tune when he tries. there’s something a little charming about how self-conscious he is of his own lack of ability. 

14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed?

padraig is deeply devoted to justice. justice, not vengeance. the distinction is very important to them. things should have purpose, and the only purpose of vengance is *at best* emotional catharsis but is often just fleeting release, and temporary. justice is righting a wrong; vengeance is inflicting suffering in proportion to the amount of suffering inflicted on you.

the chantry has a long, bloody, unjust history, and an unjust present. it's an institution of violent oppression in his eyes, and this puts him at odds with a lot of the people he calls his friends now. his loyalty is to his people first -- everything he does he does in service to his clan and his people. so being at the head of an andrastian organization grated on him, it was hugely hypocritical, but pad is a deeply practical person. rarely does he make a decision that doesn’t have a practical reason for it -- this is why he so seldom executed any prisoners, because why waste a resource? ... and that’s why he DID execute erimond. he did not give a single solitary fuck what erimond wanted or preferred, and executed him simply because pad believed sincerely that erimond could never be rehabilitated and was too dangerous to thedas to let live. 

after the revelations of his conversations with solas post-trespasser, his opinion on the dalish religion ... sort of changes. like, he always only half-believed in the gods anyway; to him, they were more of an idea than something real and tangible, myths and allegories meant to explain the world around them and teach them things about themselves and mortal nature. knowing they were warmongers and slavers was ... a blow. his devotion, however, as always, is still to his people, to the end, and after trespasser he dedicates his life to empowering his people. he uses his influence and resources to fight for the dales to be restored to them, and for the elves to be recognised as a sovereign people. this does not go well.

26. How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

pad had 0 relationships before the inquisition. the dalish attitude towards same-gender relationships varies wildly by clan; generally it's not a big deal, but for some the attitude is, you know... like in a lot of thedas: do what you want, but your responsibility is to have children. especially for the dalish, where every single child is a needed and desired blessing. his keeper pulled him aside at one point to make it clear that certain "lifestyle choices" could be "tolerated," but that it was still a "disappointment" and that he had to understand that he had to do his duty. so... that was unpleasant. (she later changed her mind, and apologised, sincerely, for saying that to him. "i was wrong, and i am so sorry that i ever made you feel like you didn't deserve to be happy, da'len. if this man brings you joy, you have my blessing.")

PLUS: the clan is small. it's hard to find people you aren't related to to smooch, but especially when you're gay. he had like... zero opportunity for experimentation, or find out what he liked.

then he jumped RIGHT into the deep end of the pool with the iron bull, haha... ha. pad was not really interested in a casual sex relationship, and made that pretty clear to bull from the beginning -- and bull was cool with seeing where it went and respected pad's boundaries. bull showed him a lot of things, not just what he liked in bed but things about how he liked to be treated, things about himself. pad's always valued respecting others and communicating but bull still taught him a lot about that kind of stuff. like, not being so self-sacrificing because it could hurt others' feelings. that kind of thing.

and the bdsm element is... i mean the EXTENT to which bull and pad play is something he could maybe live without, because they get VERY kinky and most people are not so into that, but i don't think he'd be entirely happy in a relationship where the sex was ONLY vanilla.

dalish take relationships slowly and seriously. within the clan, that's because the whole purpose of pairing off is to produce happy, healthy children - which means your partner and you should get along, and also ... not have incest babies. bonding, their equivalent to marriage, is a very serious undertaking. pad's no exception. he already had feelings for bull before they started fooling around, and normally would not have slept with him without knowing those feelings were returned, but ... it was the end of the world and he was like, fuck, i just want some sort of intimacy, and i'm 24 years old and have never gotten laid, i'll take what i can get. it worked out though.

SHY

13. How do they greet the world — what is their typical attitude towards life? How does it differ in different circumstances, or towards different subjects? Why do they take these attitudes, and why do they change? How do these tend to be expressed?

shy values freedom above all else. she's been a slave -- she understands the other side. she always approves of choices that promote the ability of others to choose their fate, and strongly disapproves of systems and actions that remove the individual's ability to choose. for this reason, she's also someone who believes in joie d'vivre. live to the fullest because you could die tomorrow. she values life as a concept, the ability to do what she wants, to make those choices for herself, and rarely takes it for granted. she's pretty disgusted by people who voluntarily give up their autonomy because being in control of themself is "too hard."

... and most of what she hates about it is that she understands the impulse. oh, does she understand it. it was so much easier for her when she was an object and decisions were made for her. now? now the only one in charge of herself is her, which means if she fails, it's her fault.

23. How do they respond to difficult social moments? What makes them consider a social situation difficult?

shy haaaaaates it when people contradict her. she hates being wrong, and she's pretty pigheaded so once she starts to butt heads with people she absolutely digs in her heels and refuses to give ground. this naturally makes things way worse!!! even when she's WRONG by that point she will just straight up refuse to admit it, and honestly she's not afraid of confrontation or making a scene. this makes her relationship with sera very uh. explosive, because sera is completely the same way and they disagree about a l o t .

28. What are they likely to do if they have the opportunity, resources, and time to accomplish it? Why?

she likes to craft, so that's her go-to activity during her downtime -- she was apprenticing for that before she left the clan. she'll collect materials and make someting from them -- almost always practical things, though she's decent at carving so sometimes she makes little decorative things too. nice things, really nice things, tend to require a lot of time put into them, so she doesn't get the opportunity to create very much. she's that photoset of ron swanson in the home depot going "i know more than you." she can make some truly kickass things given the resources and time, and with a little more experience under her belt she’ll get even better.

33. How do they learn about the world–what is their preferred learning style? Hands-on learning with trial and error? Research, reading, and note-taking? Observation or rote memorization? Inductive or deductive reasoning? Seeking patterns and organization? Taking things apart and putting them back together? Creative processing via discussing, writing about, or dramatizing things?

she's a hands-on learner for sure. she needs to DO the thing as she's learning it, or else it just doesn't stick. it helps to see someone else do the thing first, but she can't just copy someone else visually and get it right. when she's trying to learn remember or memorize something she has to associate it with some kind of physical activity, whether that's drumming her fingers a certain way or coming up wtih some weird dance move for it. she had absolutely no education of any kind up until her late teens and had to learn things by being beaten it, so this is kind of new for her.