#its horrible its like ripping me apart that i cant think of anything to draw

[ghostorbz]

Desperately trying to revive my soul so I can draw

[arllenn]

image des: I really loved the fact that your brought their past into the light, that you made them actually effected and reflected on it. So often I just see stories focusing on their relationship with the "new" characters (Caesar, Luminous, Johann, The Gen fam) so following that line of thought.

Can I request a flashback scene? Like when we get requested to make it snow (at the beginning of the game) the group of friends reaction to it snowing makes you reflected on your past. In which a fluffy meeting/promise happens between Z, Renata and you. Or even any fluff you can think of between the three? It can be when they were kids or the age they were at during the game.

Admittedly I would love it if you can really focus on Z and the Character interaction/relationship because we all know he cares for Renata; they have that slacker x mother hen childhood friend vibe going on. But the idea that Z and you are ACTUALLY close (it just LOOKS like your friends with Renata and only friendly acquaintances with Z from the outside) makes me happy and bittersweet.

Sorry this got so long!

Tags for this chapter: fluff, hurt no comfort, bittersweetness, pure angst at first tho Tw: mentions of death and cannon typical violence, puke, death Time setting: pre japan like imagine if the mc got an adjustment period at cassell before they got shipped off to dragon war

You smiled happy to be of help to the friends who were separating today. Their cheerful giggles and cries of happiness as they raved over being able to leave on a snowy day just like the one from when they had met made your insides bubble with warmth and nostalgia. Z, Renata and you had been the same once..... before, before Herzog had...

You shake your head, now isn't the time for this. You wring your wrists, it's a habit you picked up from Z, though you two do it for different reasons. You feel a bit light headed, your knees are weak, it's so weird to see snow and not see your beloved friends among it. It just felt wrong to not feel their warmth around you in this cold tempature. The others giggling is getting too loud, it's beggining to ring in your ears and bounce around in your head at the same time as the memories of Renata and Z pour out of your head and spill in front of your eyes. You stiffly walk over to Claudia, left foot, left hand, right foot, right hand. Back and forth back and forth. You want to leave, but it’d feel wrong just going without checking with her.

“We met and departed on a snowy day.” She sounds so happy and while you’re glad that you were able to help them you also can’t help but feel cloying jealousy at the fact that this trio, Claudia, Susu and Leah get to be together, to meet and depart on snowy days filled with joy, while you can’t. You want to be able to see Z and Renata, you want to be able to tease them while jumping for joy and promising to stay in contact. You want to be able to send them off with a smile on your face and a promise to be well.

But you can’t.

And that’s it.

There’s no going back and searching, there’s no making up after an argument, there’s just nothing. Renata is dead Z is dead everyone is dead! And you can’t do anything about it.

Staggering away you start walking towards one of the benches in the courtyard that face the library. To say that you collapse on it would be an understatement. It’s like all the bones in your body liquified then disappeared at that moment. You clench at the snow on the bench, using the all too familiar feeling of it to guide you through your memories. The day you arrived at the orphanage, the first time you met Renata, Z and you arguing over who would get to hold which of Renata’s hands, the day Vera had arrived, so small and only a year old. You remembered her small finger curling around your own while Z helped you readjust how you held her.

Just Renata, Z and you.

But now it’s just you. You clench at your throat, clawing at it as if that’ll destroy the lump forming in it. You bring your knees up to meet with your chest. Burying your head in your arms. It hurts, you want to see them. At this point you’d even take Anton and Khorkina’s belittling of you or even Ivan and Sherkman failing horribly to hide the fact that they were dating over anything else that could possibly occur right now.

Rubbing your face on your knees you try to get rid of the few silent tears that have begun to spill. It doesn’t work, in fact it just makes everything so, so much worse. Memories of your childhood fly by, you’re loosing your grip on reality you know that. You don’t want to do it here. Not on a bench where anyone can see, if you’re completely honest you don’t want to confront them at all. But that isn’t an option, it’s never going to be an option for you, because you’re trying so hard to push them down and stamp them out right now. And it’s not working.

One of the wandering vending machines come up to you, clawed arm holding something in it. You can't see it at all, your line of sight only contains your legs after all, but you can hear the distinctive beeps of the machine, the whirring of its mechanical organs that allow it to move. You can feel the jagged edges of a wrapper lightly scratching at your leg through your uniform. The robot beeps twice shoving the snack into your leg once again before dropping it and skittering off. Lifting your head up you stared down at the snack you had been left with. Maybe the world really does hate you. Maybe you deserve to constantly have your mind ripped at and heart torn apart, because laying there in front of you is a cookie a chocolate chip one at that. The second your eyes land on the bubbly font that spells out chocolate you cant help but watch in horror as Vera falls in front of you, mere feet away, body still warm as she hits the snow, dead. You feel the bile rise in your throat, it isn't something that you can just swallow down either. Hand clapped over your mouth you stand, getting ready to run.

-----------------------------

You have no idea how you've made it back to your dorm room without puking on the way here, but now you're sitting over your toilet dry heaving into it. You stare down at the item that made you like this the choco- you spit into the toilet. Cookie, you'll just refer to it as a cookie. You consider tearing off the top half of the wrapper but then the smell of the cookie and the chocolate might just tip you over the edge. Instead you settle for smacking it away from you. In some small way it makes you feel better.

You hate that Herzog has ruined this for you. You hate that you can’t even see the word chocolate without feeling your insides churn, you hate that you can’t see snow without seeing your friends bloodied corpses staring back at you, eyes glassy and unfocused. Cookies were the first dessert that you had ever tasted and the last one. You remember the day you had first tried to bake them.

That day Z had let you in his room, Renata was sick, and neither of you were allowed to be around her as per Herzogs orders. With the knowledge that you have now you think you understand why you weren’t allowed to see her back then. Rather than actually being ill Renata was probably suffering from the side effects of the incomplete evolution pills. But either way natural disease or not it had been just you and Z. Sitting side by side on his bed, you laying with your torso hanging off his bed partially, practically upside down, and him crisscross leaned up against the wall that his bed bordered, a hand close enough to your leg to catch you if you started to slip. You two had been mindlessly talking, reading some book that you’ve forgotten the name of now, alternating turns each chapter. When you had gotten to a part where the main character was making cookies for their friend as a get well gift.

“Hey Z, have you ever had a cookie? I mean I’ve heard of them but I’ve never even seen one.”

“I can’t say that I have,” he yawned, “I’m not a big fan of sugar in general. That combined with the fact that the orphanage doesn’t even get the ingredients for them makes it obvious that I’d never even have the chance to try them, same as you.”

“That’s too bad, based on the description I think they’d be pretty good. You think Renata has ever had one?”

“I’m not her, I wouldn’t know.”

“I mean fair enough, but I kinda expected that you would, you guys spend forever having those late night talks after you send me to bed.”

You haul yourself up and spin on your ass so that you’re looking him in the eye, “Speaking of~, I won’t allow you to marry my daughter young man!” You cross your arms in an ‘X’ in front of you shaking your head. “Absolutely not don’t think I’ll allow anything of the sort!!”

Snorting he had pushed on your forehead with his finger until you were laying down the same as before and used his foot to roll you away from him. “2/10, If you’re going to give me a shovel talk then you should at least be intimidating, 1, and 2 you should do it in front of Renata so that you can embarrass her, who just gives that kinda talk straight to the supposed,” he raised his hands and gave out finger quotations “boyfriend?”

“Is that back talk I hear sonny? Don’t make me get up there!”

”Yeah because you haven’t already.” You can’t see him from your position but you can hear the smile on his voice. An accomplishment if you’ve ever seen one! You mean the stoic eternally tired Z was snorting and smiling because of what you said! You always loved times like this, when you would manage to break through his exterior and draw out a reaction, (preferably positive!!), out of him. Tapping his knee you grip onto his leg to pull yourself up once more, you can see him contemplating rolling you off the bed, thankfully he chooses peace for once.

”No okay but dead seriously, let’s go make cookies for Renata. We just got the shipments a little while ago, there’s got to be some of the stuff we need in there! We’ll just ask Herzog,”

“Or steal”

“Yes, or steal, come on it’ll be great!”

“Normally Renata would be here to stop you, which I am always grateful for since it means that I don’t have to be the one to talk you out of these things,”

You snap your fingers, “Speed it up Z, do I have a partner or am I gonna have to start running before you catch me?”

He claps a hand over your mouth which you look down at “Don’t you dare lick me,” is what he says in response to your stares. “As I was saying before someone cut me off,” if gives you a pointed stare, “Normally Renata would be here to be the voice of reason, however since she’s ‘sick’ and I don’t want to have her on my neck about you getting in trouble later here are my words of caution,” He takes his hand off your mouth and pats slaps your cheek twice before bringing the tips of his fingers in between the book page that you had been on and the next, folding it over and closing it. “Don’t, and if you do don’t get caught.”

It was your turn to snort, “What the heck, you suggested stealing in the first place!” You laughed. He shrugged his shoulders and set the book down on his bedside table getting up off the bed and bringing his arms above his head to stretch.

”I never said that we weren’t going to steal if that’s what you decide to do I simply offered you a word of advice about you stealing alone.

”AWWWW Z I knew there was a reason I put up with you!” You cried jumping up off the bed and attempting to latch onto his back,

He turned to face you swatting your hands away, muttering about you being “too big for him to carry like that anymore”

“What was that!?”

He pinched your cheek with one hand and used the other to ruffle your hair in a way that you knew wasn’t meant to be affectionate but instead to mess it up. “Look at how big the babies gotten! It can walk and talk now! Go ahead say ‘papa’ again!” You knew that you could never win against Z in a fight, all attempts left you on the floor with him sitting on you, or you hiding behind Renata and you exercising your lying and puppy dog eyes abilities. But boy oh boy did Z have a way of activating your Cain instinct and making you want to slap the shit out of him (affectionately of course). You heaved out a long suffering groan, and pulled Z’s hands off of you. You walked over to where his dresser was and sucked your teeth as you stared at your reflection. You tried your best to undo his damage to your hair, but it was a lost cause, hanging your head you turned to him with what you hoped was a horrifying, knee shaking, earth quaking, chicken baking, glare.

“This is why you’re an orphan.”

“Fair enough.” He said with a shrug before motioning towards the door, are we leaving now or what.”

“I’m coming, we’re going.” You said waving your hand at him in a shooing motion.

The minute you stepped outside it had been like you were ass blasted into one of the shipment containers mega freezers. You rubbed at your arms, lamenting the fact that you lived on a hunk of ice in the middle of a polar bears ass cheeks. “Okaaay so,” you clapped your hands together, “Do we know where Herzog is?” Z yawned and shook his head no from beside you. “Alright thank you for your participation! Gold star! I’ll go ask Anton, you stay here. And don’t fall asleep!” You ran off to go find Anton ignoring Z’s comment about you acting like a stray dog.

Heaving you clutched at the toilet, sobbing over the loss of your friends. You couldn’t even think of the times back then as being over, you just can’t.

No, that’s not right, you know they’re over, you know those peaceful days of snow and teasing are over. And yet you still long for them, you want to feel Z’s hands in your hair once more, want to feel the thrill of catching him off guard and running to hide behind Renata. You want back the times that you had spent, absorbed in watching Vera as she took her first steps, your young self amazed that anyone could ever be so small. You miss those moments when you seriously contemplated smashing Antons face into the ice under your feet, missed the random times when Ivan would pull you away to look at something cool that he had found. You just missed being homeyou miss the safe feeling that you had been provided with daily back then. Ignorance truly is bliss you suppose. If you had survived not knowing about what Herzog had done, if you survived thinking that all of this was just some randoms attack on you and your family would you have been happier? It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done.

You dry heave and spit into the toilet, bile rising in your throat but not to the point in which it would spill past your lips. Your vision is blurry from the tears and your head throbs with the pain of the pressure your tears are both building up and releasing. “I wanna go home…” you mumble slowly laying yourself down on the floor, hands clutched into your hair, fingers threading themselves in with the strands and pulling at them like a tide. You would yank at your hair then let it all fall out of your grip, massaging your scalp slightly, and then yanking at it again. You continued in this way as the blurry memory of that day played in front of you. Anton being no help, Khorkina doing her best to goad you into punching her, Ivan being somewhere that you swear was unreasonably high up. Eventually finding Herzog and asking him, him granting you permission as long as you cleaned up after yourselves, running back to Z with the good news.

“Z! Z! Listen to this!” He looked up at you from his spot on the stairs, clearly bored out of his mind, but hey at least he hadn’t fallen asleep like you asked!

He made a twirling motion with his hand “What is it?”

You placed your hands on your hips and grinned, “Herzog says we can use the stuff in the kitchen as long as we clean up afterwards!” You gave an overzealous thumbs up afterwards to make your point even clearer.

“That’s great!” He said all too sarcastically. Getting up he put both hands on your shoulders resting all of his weight on them before finally standing up straight shushing you and your whining.

It hurry you so much to know that everyone is gone. It hurts to know that you’ll never get that chance to just see them again, to hear their voices, catch a glimpse of them on the street. Instead they’re all dead and there’s nothing that you can do about it. You had watched everyone die, you had seen their eyes glaze over and go out of focus. You had seen how their blood stained the pure white snow a bright and somber red. You had run past them as you registered them as dead, praying to nothing but everything at the same time that at least one of them would live. That you would get to hold at least one of them in your arms as you two promised to stay with each other. But you didn’t get that. Instead you got to watch as Renata faded into the distance, your last hope, you got to claw through icy waters, pleading your legs to move, to allow you to save your dearest friend….

”Z, Z, Z! Help me I have no idea why the egg keeps cracking like that!”

“Maybe it’s cracking like that because you keep squeezing them until they explode.”

“Don’t use that tone of voice with me young man! I’ll have you know that Dr.Herzog says that I’ve made great progress in my home economics studies.” You proudly bumped your chest with your fist only to look down and see your uniform covered in egg goop. Z snickered before handing you a rag and motioning for you to hand him the bowl and the eggs. You slid it over to him with your elbow and focused on cleaning your hands and uniform up.

”Here,” he held up one of the eggs,”I’ll show you how to crack an egg, so that you don't end up wasting all of them.” He hit it lightly on the edge of the bowl, holding both ends of the egg with his fingers and pulling his palm so that the egg slowly slipped out of the shell before proceeding to throw the shell somewhere off to the side of him. He pushed the bowl back towards you with a smug look on his face. "You get it now?"

"Yep, yep, yep," you waved your hand at him dismissively before turning back to the book. "Okay so now we mix wet ingredients and dry, then we add in the chocolate." Getting the chocolate for the recipe had been the hardest part. With how rare chocolate is at the orphanage and the fact that you weren't allowed into your room because of how sick Renata was it had been hard to find any. Eventually after bribing Z and way too much effort on your part, you had ended up on Z's shoulders searching through the backs of the older and dustier cabinets, in one of which you had found a chocolate bar that was a week off from its expiration date. Not the best but it could've been 10 times worse you suppose. Z pushed the chocolate towards you with this hand before resting his head on his hand.

"So how much longer do we have? It's getting late." Z stifled a yawn.

You glanced at the book and back down at the cookie batter that you were currently scooping out and onto the baking sheet. They didn't hold their shape as well as the book described them as being able to but you supposed that it was just a matter of reality vs. idealized fiction. "Um I don't know. The book says that they need 25 minutes to bake properly and who knows how long its going to take to clean this all up."

"Well good luck with that." He said slapping his hand down on the table, turning around on his stool, and standing up.

Even if it was just the memory of the sound, the slapping of Z's hand on the table sent a wave of nausea scorching through your body. Everything was a blur, reality, what you were really seeing, cold white tile and the rug in front of the shower were blending together with the cold white of snow, the rug that was in you and Renata's cabin. You felt hands on your face, were they from the memory of Renata checking your temperature or were they your own? Your vision was swimming, you were underwater, you were lying on the bathroom floor. You were drowning, you're lying on the bathroom floor. You're dying, you can't see.

You clamored up in a haze, you have to run! You have to get to Renata and Vera and Anton and and and and! And you slam into a desk that was out in the middle of Hezog's lab. Z is right there, Renata is right there, Vera is right there! All you need to do is reach out a little further and you'll be there! You'll be able to save them! You finally latch onto Z's uniform begging him not to go, begging him to stay with you, because if you go alone then everyone will die. "PLEASE Z!" You yell out. "I need you, I need you, I need you, everyone's dying, dead, dying dead, dying, dead, I can't save them! PLEASE!" And then the Z you're holding onto collapses, leaving nothing but a pile of clothes behind. His uniform lies bloodied in your hands. Renata lies bloodied in your hands. Anton lies just out of reach, dead. "Come back, please." You clutch onto Z's uniform harder. The tears don't falter as you trace your hands along the sleeves of the uniform. "The sleeves are too short you should get Herzog to make you a new one." You chuckle fondly. only...

Only...

Only the uniform has too many mistakes for it to have ever been Z's, theres too big a difference in size. It doesn't smell the same. It's not his... it's yours. You're not at the orphanage, you're in your dorm at Cassel. You're sitting on hardwood floors right now, not the powdery snowfall of home. Its warm, not cold, theres no dead bodies, only you and the mess that you made when you stormed through here earlier. You choke on a sob, tears coming down in even thicker streams, your headache had bloomed into a splendid migraine. You can barely see straight, but you know for sure that this isn't anywhere near, by or in the orphanage. And it can never be. The orphanage is gone now. Everyone's bodies are probably still lying on top of the snow, glassy eyes unfocused and unseeing, faces twisted in fear. Or maybe they've been charred to ashes, with nothing left to remember them by, their remains carried by the winds or at the bottom of the sea. You clutch your uniform tighter, biting down on it to muffle your screams and sobbing.

You have no idea how long you've been here. Your tears have faded now, only leaving the uncomfortable burning of the dried tear tracks in their memory. You don't stare at anything in particular, theres nothing left of your emotions, just the dull ache of apathy. Your vision is spotted with dancing black circles and lines. They look a bit like what you imagine TV static would look like but you really have no idea. Your conscious waves and ebbs like the tides from back home. You can't think of anything other than the feeling of the cloth clutched in your embrace right now. Sighing you bury your face in it, resigning yourself to a night on the floor.

[tarasylnin-lavellan]

Justice's Flight

okay so here is the third episode in the justice arc featuring the half qunari half elf Harel from @w-h-4-t much love lethalan

Taras feet thudded as she ran, heart dead in her chest. You knew better her mind called, you knew how this would end. Foolish child you knew, she gritted her teeth against the painful thoughts. She used everything in the Vir Tanadhal. She ran along stones, swung from branches to break up her track, and forded every stream. She had to ensure that no one could find her, not ever.

Harel and Cole found the track of the Great stag easily enough and took off after Tara. Soon enough they found the site of the "ambush" and stopped. Cole breathed "scattering scared flighty yet flightless fleeing, falling." Harel looked over at the slight young man "mmm that sounds like.... well Tara's very stony. Scared? Ok maybe that is her." Coles eyes widened "mamae I am sorry mamae I....void blackened hate, glass scraping, I don't want to be the beast again, obsidian shards-" Harel cut him off promptly grabbing the boy "hey breathe, boots on the ground, air in your lungs we're trying to find her, breathe you're okay you're here. Cole looked up with his watery eyes at harel "she hurts so much, sharp glass tearing, she is drowning in the dark." His eyes filled with tears at the soul wrenching agony he could feel. Harel stared at the staged site "shems might fall for this one, but in the clan we called it Falon'din's faint. Stage an attack so the pursuer looses interest in your trail. Harel turned and saw the tears on Cole's face "hey, we're going to find, we will light the darkness okay? we wont let her drown. I wont let you drown either, we are going to be okay.

"Clawing creeping darkness....there" he pointed a trembling hand to the southwest. There was nothing to show her passage but Harel had expected that. Any clanfam worth a damn would know how to evade capture. "She really doesn't want to be found" Cole whispered, Harel nodded studying the area. "really does.... I mean I'm pretty good at tracking from when the clan would leave me behind but.... she really wiped herself off the map." "Swiftly spinning, thunder rumbles in the clouds even when it wants to be a flame." Cole stood wanting to help needing to help, Harel muttered pacing the clearing. "Where is she, were would she go," Cole stared at the sky "Move like brother, think like father, faster, go faster safety in seeking danger." Harel stopped at the words "do....wait....do you think you can follow the feeling? trail off the fear like you do?" "find the hurt?" Harel nodded "uh...yes... like feel out the pain like you do and keep following it till we find her?" Cole looked to the southwest "I can try....but it might make me disappear she is hurting so much..." Harel looked that way too "so long as one of us finds her, she gave up everything for that fucking bastard." Harel's eyes glowed a faint green at her words. "But we are not going to let her go, are we Cole?" Cole's eyes grew haunted "bright in the darkness wearing its skin loosely-" "FOCUS! Follow! we wont let anything happen to her, not again never again. You said she was going that way?" Cole nodded. "Then that is where we will go," a soft trumpeting noise cut her off. The inquisitors white hart trotted into the clearing shaking his head in grief huffing. "Oh you poor sweet thing, Tara left you all alone" she patted the beasts snout "its okay we are here now." Cole looked at the massive white stag "he... he saw her flee, saw her go there beyond the trees past there fleeing with the sun." Harel's eyes opened wide in sudden panic "she, she is heading for the arbor wilds SHITE its gunna get her killed DEAD." Harel felt the fear seizing her heart, "OH MYTHALS FUCKING BREAST BAND that place is deadly!" she shook Cole by the shoulders "she cant survive there! Tara is strong but the wilds will eat her alive!" Cole looked up at the bigger woman "death with purpose, safety in silence... I think that is her plan." "Well her plan is fuckin STUPID. We need to get to her before she gets anymore bright ideas! She is not going to sacrifice herself for some dumbass Templar idiot. We are going to bring her back and if he wants to play mage killer then I'll" a deep dangerous growl rumbled in her chest "I will bring it down on him, he wont hurt her... ever."

Harel swung onto the harts back and pulled Cole up behind her. His soft voice accompanying the thud of the hooves "knotted, gnarled, gnawing, the pain of knowing, of being seen, sheltering inside my heart, oh Mythal what if I kill again. Charred bodies.... burning hate... but now I know the faces, everyone I love, everyone I protect crushed like ash. A new templar an old dance, I cannot let it end the same have to stop have to run. The screams the hiss of burning flesh in armor, Mamae! she is cold so cold. Its safer to run let them think me lost, Dorian will know I cannot lie to him. Harel's heart was heavy as stone listening to the pain that tore at her friend. "She's got so much pain and she just keeps adding more, I don't know how she is still going Cole."

"The lion and the serpent bind me to the light, breaking away old walls and hurt. New love in true forms swirling like honey in his tea, eyes of amber look at me with kindness, I cannot let go but I must for them."

"The serpent will know she cannot keep this from him, he sees her and loves her anyway. He will look in the book eventually, but she will be too far gone by then. The lion roars and she runs to save him from her blood in his mouth. The lion tests his chains, roaring as the whip cuts into him but this is for his own good, his fangs start to show as the links break, to break her would break him.

"I am a weapon I have no right to love him, and now he hurts and its all my fault. Soon the hunt will begin again just as before, The Templars will hunt me and I will flee."

Harel looked into the darkness of the trees as Cole whispered all Tara's fear and hurts to her. The weight grows on her shoulders and she thinks of the horrible pain of being so alone; of finally finding people who love her only to have the spirit she was forced to be bound to rip all of it away. We'll change her mind, Dorian knows, he will do anything to stop her being hunted."

"The serpent raises his head fearless, fangs glinting but never poised to bite. He curls around her defensive and defying he know the pain of being hated. The hurt of betrayal for things that you were born with, he understands and draws up to the lion without fear.....Dorian yelled alot." Harel huffed a laugh "of course he did, and that is good, especially if it was at that blockheaded idiot Commander. I cannot believe we keep such ignorant people ar-" "pain, mistrust, I give them my all and the keep forcing me down. the magic, is dangerous; the chantry mother licks her thumb before turning the page, magic is dangerous. I saw the suffering it causes in the circle in Kirkwall, and here. Magic is dangerous but I want so badly to trust, crushed like a flower beneath hooves. She used me! She let me think she was....normal I still love her how can I still love her."

"He still loves her? okay.....maybe he's not as ignorant as I thought.... Sylaise, I hope to fuck Dorian gets him to calm down before we find her." "His hurt touches hers" Cole's voice was quiet and sad. "The scent of sweet mint and rain, I feel myself slipping away but it is there oakmoss and mint, twisting, tantalizing and terribly apart. What have I done! I didn't even give her a chance! I will may never see her again!"

Harel's hands tightened on the reins as the hart navigated a rock "good the fear will make him remorseful, its better that he remains beating himself up for what he did until we get her. He will never hurt her again after this...never again."

Cole sucked in a breath as he caught the agony around Tara again "sharp shards of hate, like the spines of a dragon, raising like hackles, glowing with darkness and smoke. Her heart cannot break like this, it will break her the darkness will find her take her." Harel swallowed heavily "lets say we cant get to her quick enough, what is she going to.... become"

"A pale mask, the queen she refused to be, the mask hides only darkness, edges, and hate. The crystals she fears tear her apart, dark and sharpened wings singing a discordant song. Groping in the darkness, Mamae's cooling body. I am losing myself, falling into the nothing."

Harel shuddered at the thought of her friend giving in and turning into vengeance. "Mythal grant us time to get to her.

Tara couldn't run anymore, she was utterly exhausted from the trauma and the flight from skyhold. She collapsed to her side under a tree. She tried to summon magic to blunt the pain turn off the nerves, but she was too exhausted for that kind of focus. The darkness of unconsciousness claimed her.

"Her mind is quieter she is sleeping!" Cole told harel. "Good, we need to double time it then, before she takes off again." Cole watched the shadows of the trees, "quiet like a drop of water in a pond, undisturbed, no wolves or shadows just soft darkness. She will not be moving any time soon." Harel pushed the stag just a bit faster "damn gotta her give credit though, she can haul ass when she want to if Dorian hadn't found that note so quickly we have never caught up." The pair rode till dawn "darkness pooling but not silent, she is awake.... and close."

blue white eyes glowed faintly in the shadow of a great tree, a deep melodic voice growled "You are not the hounds I was expecting..."

okay my lovelies there will either be a really long episode or two more depending on how much my sad artist brain can take go check out @w-h-4-t she has alot of great writing and is fantastic at Cole's dialog

[crimsonbluemoon]

My Tumblr Birthday!

Sooooo according to my archives and such, exactly one year ago today I became a member of the bbs fandom! It’s been a hell of a year, I will tell you that. 

So just some thoughts about this weird ass journey, if you’d be so kind to humor an old woman.

I kind of remember coming into this fandom not really expecting much? Like I kinda squirmed my way in thinking that it’d be really cool to like, read other peoples stories and get to know everyone. I don’t really know how, but I got attention because of my Cops AU idea that sort of caught wildfire. Then I posted my first little stories about Christmas and such before my bigger story, Want You,  and I was so amazed by the love and affection it got on this platform (I put it on Ao3 but it just wasn’t the same). 

I also remember how stunned I was with 100 followers? I felt like I had reached my peak and I couldn’t really go any higher. Again, I managed to get lucky by making some really good friends at the start of my fandom life and kind of being able to joke around and gain attention from them. It wasn’t any super big, but I was thankful for the time they gave me. Watching Deli draw, getting to know Kiwi, admiring Bels and Ether and Grace’s works. It was all so wonderful! 

Then around January, Sherry sent me a message asking me to help with an idea about a BBS shipping server. And it was crazy how that changed my life. The server brought good and bad things out, and I won’t say I never thought of just tossing in the towel and leaving. But I’m so happy that I stayed! I met people like Sei and Shorty and Pandy and Cana and Moon through my server. I got to see them grow as people and shared laughs with them. I also got to open up a bit and learn that it was okay to not be perfect. Because damn do I want to be perfect. But they supported me there, and evern at my darkest point,those who I never thought would stick up for me did. 

I learned what it felt like to be hated. I learned what it felt like to have people who didn’t know me, know my story, know my past and know my insecurities, rip me apart and make me feel worthless. I learned that sometimes, simply having a different opinion about a ship or a boy could make the nicest of people reject you. I learned that sometimes, people you thought would always be supportive and understanding of you could turn on you and never speak to you again. It was weird, knowing that despite the followers numbers that grew and the asks/fans who reached out to me and told me how ‘inspiring’ i was, I could feel so empty. To this day, I’m still struggling with this concept. I wanna figure myself out, and how I got to where I am while also not knowing who I am.

I started up one of the coolest projects in my life here; Libahunt. I’ve written stories before, don’t get me wrong. I’ve written stories for bigger fandoms, with more comments, more kudos, more views. BBS is a small time fandom, so I knew what I was getting into. But man, for such a little place, y’all have big hearts. The love, support, and just damn attention I got for this story was amazing. The fanart? I cant even begin to tell you how much that all means to me. Every time I see a piece, my heart melts to think I got to inspire someone. Hearing people freak out in discord, seeing the reblogs and comments you make...that’s all I want in life. So honestly, thank you all for making me realize how much I love this story and helping me get my ass back in gear to write it properly. 

Kind of on the same topic, I really got to thank some super important people for just...being there for me. I can’t list EVERYONE because jesus I would be here forever, but these ones just...they really stick out for me.

@firstaidquarters: My writing wife, half of my brain, my HC partner in crime, honestly one of the best people I’ve met. Ever. Like, do you get how much you mean to me? How you just make my world a better place? If I’m mad or sad or hyper or just being fucking stupid, you’re there. You literally spent 28 hours helping me write a story without ever asking anything in return. I wanted to quit, I wanted to throw my computer and never look at it again. But you just...sat there and kept me going. And now? It’s fucking amazing because of you. And I never have to explain myself to you. You just get it. And God I can’t even say enough how much our HCing has been a blessing. I don’t even think you realize that without you, I wouldn’t still be in this fandom. I cannot thank you enough, even if you created that wretched Minibat. 

@kihorri : We weren’t close originally but jesus you came in like a wrecking ball, eh? My life has been crazy since I did that Banana Bus Tales thing with you. You helped get my name on the map. And for the past couple months, I’ve really adored the frienship we’ve created. Our DM messages are probably enough to get us sent to hell, but I’m okay with that. Each time you tell me you’re reading my story, I melt. Like to think you’d waste your time on me? To get to joke with you about ‘certain’ types of stories and watch you draw silly pictures...it makes my world! You drive me up a wall every way you can, you make me cry from your beautiful art, but you could put the pencil down and never draw again and I’d still wanna talk to you every day. Even with your horrible sleep schedule. 

@mssjynx : YOU! God you are a menace. Sneaky other writing wife. But like, one of the best writers in the BBS/Misfits fandom. You make me wanna read angst. Do you know how hard that is?!?! Like jesus man, you were so amazing with your cute stuff and your sad stuff. And you’re just as wonderful outside of your stories. I give you shit, I pull your tail, and we bicker like old women, but you are one of the sweetest people I got to meet in this fandom and even if I threaten it, I’ll never divorce you ( I mean you killed all the lawyers so...). 

@piwiskiwi: My libahunt artist! Your work is AMAZING. And you are just so prescious? I dont get to talk to you as much as I want to, but you were one of the first people I really connected to in this fandom and you don’t understand how much joy your art brings me. Like, you’re a rock star. You helped me at the start of Libahunt when it was just an idea, you helped create these pictures that others now use as references. You’re kind and funny, and even if you feed into Bel’s crazy ship, you’re the best partner for Libahunt I could ask for. 

Honestly, there’s so many others! I wanna write you all something because you all have changed me in one way or the other. But I’d be here all night and I don’t wanna take up all of your time. So just know this: You all made me who I am. Without you, the person reading this right now, I wouldn’t be Crim. That means the world to me. So, you mean the world to me. Thank you for being around for my first year here. And I don’t know if you guys will care, or if anyone even remembers memories with me or if I’m just an author you read, but I just...thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3

And also thanks for letting me reach 1500 followers. (Eh its closer to 1600 now, cause this happened like 3 weeks ago but I just wanted to wait until my 1 year to say it all at once. No need for two sappy posts.)  

Sincerely,

CrimsonBlueMoon <3

[chainsawb0y]

hi sorry for not really doing much lately ive been kinda super out of it but when am i not anymore 

more venty stuff under the readmore tldr: shit sucks and im decorating my house and i hate myself the usual affairs if you read it all the way through i commend you for your dedication for wanting to know why im bummed out rn. this is basically like a long rambling thing that i kept adding shit to in random places

tw: dysphoria

i keep thinking about things and just feeling generally kinda bad about lots of shit and like it swings a lot from me feeling like happy and then just being totally fucking miserable at random all the time. i dont know what it is but its annoying the shit out of me. i feel like im ok like 10% of the time and then the other 60% is me feeling like shit and 30% trying to recover from feeling like shit 

ive been decorating my house too and thats been shit tbh my housemate gets stressed out and then takes it out on me but i cant afford to go anywhere else and id rather be dead than live with my mother and i just dont want to live in the city where my dad is

i want to do more stuff creatively this year but every time i pick up the pen i just think of my long term ambitions and realise this website isnt exactly the best for it anymore, but theres nowhere else i feel comfortable posting it anymore. i keep doubting myself and my work and when i draw certain characters i get anxious im going to be accused of ripping other people off. i know it wont happen, but i just have horrible anxiety when it comes to these things. i want to work but i feel like nobody takes me seriously as an artist or a comedian. i know where a lot of my self doubt/anxiety comes from but its just upsetting because i have so much stuff in my head that i cant even bring myself to do because i just dont see the point of it. i know it’ll get no attention at all whatsoever apart from roughly 2 likes, 3 reblogs and then at least 5 self reblogs from me desperately trying to get someone to see something i spent so long on. i dont do art for myself, i do it for other people to see the cool stuff i made up to entertain people and i like to make people happy and i just get upset constantly feeling like nobody is seeing anything because this hellsite is going down the shitter and people are jumping off like old people from a sinking ship. slow and fucking painfully because of the fucking bots everywhere

im like, constantly bitching about gender and sexuality shit but like.......... i always feel like im never gonna have anyone really love me. . like. people like me. people know who i am. nobody knows me. nobody gets me. i know thats bullshit lone wolf talk but like im not even kidding tbh.  im so massively fucking lonely it hurts it just fucking hurts so much i just fucking miss feeling like someone actually cares about me . i feel like i have no friends sometimes. like, i have online friends who i love with all my heart but i just dont feel like i have people in real life i can really talk to about deep personal shit. i dont feel close to people irl anymore and i cant understand why. i feel like this is cause of some bad shit thats happened in the past and its just made my brain turn off the “trust people” switch. my brains gone from “everyone is friend” to “everyone is person and people scare and upset me so i cant engage properly because i dont know what they will do. must keep some kind of distance, put on some kind of persona or something and be nice” i dont know what that persona is but im sure as fuck not able to look into it without being some kind of horrible mess. i dont know if im nice or not. i dont know who the fuck i am and it freaks me out because im sure i have some kind of horrible thing deep inside me that i have to cover up by being overly nice and sweet and an actual doormat .. most of the times the conversations i have with real people always have some kind of sex talk in them at one point and i dont have the heart to tell people it makes me uncomfy. i want to talk to people again and i want to go out more, but i just dont know how to get myself outside with people without feeling massively anxious or just feeling like nobody wants me around. like i feel like nobody ever really thinks about me in the least selfish sense. i know it sounds weird and narcissistic but i never get messages off people. i try to interact with people. i want to be friends with people but i just dont feel like i fit in anywhere and i really wish i did. i wish i felt like i could anyway. every time i go out i just feel like i dont belong anywhere with anyone and i thought i did for a little while but then i just couldn’t afford to go out anymore and it just went away immediately. i dont know why but sometimes i get really overloaded by people really quickly but when im outside i find it really easy. i just wish it was easier to talk to people about things. its like whenever i talk to anyone i immediately worry that im being weird or dumb talking about specific aniamtion things or stuff i can actually contribute to but everyone else is always talking about politics or sex so like.... i cant contribute ever cause most of the time its sex stuff or devolves into sex stuff and i just ?????? cant

also dysphorias back whee i hate having a chest it makes me so mad that i cant wear nice things because im constantly paranoid people will see my chest and assume im a girl. i hate people see my face and assume im a girl. i would rather see myself slowly rot away than take female hormones to solve my hormone issues because i dont want to lose what little i had that makes me look a little bit masculine and i know it sounds fucking idiotic but oh my god im so sick of looking and sounding like a girl!!!!!!!! i hate being called miss !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate that my mother wont even call me ash !!!!!!!!!! 2/3 of my family members refuse to think im not a girl and i want to die bc of it !!!!!!!!!!!

im just fuckin trying to deal with all this stupid fucking shit and i keep getting appointments for help cancelled and pushed back and i need help but i never get it !! : ))) the only help i managed to get just ended up talking about fucking specifically sex shit and it made me so uncomfortable i never went back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even tho its literally the only place i can go for trans/ace specific help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[spookyenemyperson-blog]

texas insurance rates

"texas insurance rates

texas insurance rates

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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texas insurance rates

texas insurance rates

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texas insurance rates

texas insurance rates

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I'd like to know... Whenever you're trying to obtain new auto insurance they take your driver's license number & social security number.. You'd think that they could look up any tickets/accidents you've gotten into. BUT, why do they ask? If you forget an incident, will they find out? This is coming from a 21 year old who was already paying $1,200 over 6 months for insurance and was involved in an rear-end collision doing 15 in congestion on the interstate, now my premium is $2000 for 6 months.""

How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

Im 17( i know im about to get a bunch of your going to kill yourself! AHHHH!!!! i regularly drive my dads 05 mustang gt, i know how to responsibly control power) and me and my parents have found a great deal on a 2002 impreza sedan, it has 125k miles on it, and the last thing deciding factor before buying this vehicle is the insurance. We already have a mustang gt on the family plan, i live in VA, make all A's(supposed to give me a 30% discount), im male, the color is blue, with only a greddy bov aftermaket part installed. The car itself is blue, it is the turbod WRX version(not the sti), and has never been wrecked. We have state farm, im not sure as to what other information anyone would need to know, but im jusst looking for a rough estimate, thanks for any input.""

Can a college student go back on her parent's insurance?

I am a college student and in 09 I went off my moms health insurance and went on my work ins. If I move and leave my job I may be left without ins is it possible to go back on my moms insurance? I heard you can stay on your parents ins if you are a college student until you are 26 not sure if I can go back though.. Any info will help!

Estimated Cost per. monthly Payments on this car....?

I dont really have time to call my bank & ask.. seeing how my job hr's suck... nor can i go there cause i just sold my car. BUT does anyone know how much i would be looking at for monthly payments of a $7600 dollar Fairlady. If you dont know what this is ..its a 300zx Twinn Turbo but its a RHD ( right hand drive). I make a lousy 8.50/hr but i work 56 hrs a week. ... theres insurance. gas.. tuneups.. etc etc i know i know. just wanna rough estimate on it. thanks. Will choose Best Awnser -Kyrstie

How much insurance would be on a 600cc?

Im deciding on getting a 600cc, or a gsxr 600 around the 2004-2005 range. Im 21 years of age, How much do you think insurance will be for me? I live up in the woods so i know when your in a less populated town and out of the city insurance will be a little cheaper. Thanks""

California Insurance Code 187.14?

California Insurance Code 187.14?

Car financing and insurance?

I would like to know what happen if I finance a car and I wreck the car and I don't have insurance at the time I wreck the car.

Nationwide car insurance....?

So yea it was a snowy day in mississippi..... something that don't usually happen... I slided on ice and hit the guard rail... it was only 1 or maybe 2 bump... the car wasn't messed up that bad.... I mean there was a dent from the inital bump but what do you expect? The officer said when I asked them could they fix it he said probably... its not really bad at all.... and that the same thing I said... so I find out days later after they inspected it, they was gonna jump it and not fix it... so my question is why do we pay all these hundreds of dollars every month that when it comes to the company to their job, they don't do it? I think I was paying 240 every month for my 98 ford explorer... also do they suppose to pay me for the value of my car since they not fixing it? The reality of it that if I known this would have happen could I just save that money I was paying them these years and put the money in my pocket so when I crash I could take that money and buy me my own car instead of being carless when I was giving the money to the insurance company? I mean wuts the point of even paying them honestly?""

Is 21st Century Auto Insurance a good company?

I'm asking because I just switched over from progressive to 21st and now I'm a little worried because I've seen a lot of negative comments on their facebook fan page and after reading some of the things about their roadside assistance works I'm wondering if I made a mistake. My policy with progressive didn't cover much and the one I have with 21st gives me more coverage for the same price so idk. Is 21st as bad as they're making it out to be?

Is my daughter covered under my car insurance?

My 18 year old daughter finally got her drivers liscense (how i do not know) She has had it for four days. Last night I let her drive before I put her on my car insurance. She hit a car . I wanted to pay the guy out of my own pocket but it looks to be $4000 in damage. Im pissed .

Cheapest full coverage car insurance for an 18 year old?

i'm eighteen years old and im about to get my first car. i think im going to work all summer and just save up so by the end of the summer ill either have enough to fully buy a car or have enough to make payments. my mom said i have to get full coverage insurance. what is the cheapest insurance i can get. and what is a quote?

Where do you get long term health care insurance quotes?

Where do people get long term care health insurance quotes? I've come across many websites but was wondering if anyone has had any particularly good experiences. I did come across http://www.ltcconnects.com which appears to compare various health care providers.

How much is renters insurance in california?

How much is renters insurance in california?

Isn't this the same as health insurance?

The company that I just got hired at gives me the following benefits: Medical, dental and life insurance. What do they mean by medical ? isn't this basically health insurance? And do you think this is a good benefit?""

How do I find Insurance coverage for preexisting conditions in California?

Our March Cobra payment was sent in too late so the coverage was cancelled. I applied on-line for coverage with Blue Shield of California and was denied due to preexisting conditions. Now I have no coverage. I understand I may have a 6 mo. to 1 yr. period where the insurance wont cover any preexisting conditions once Im on a plan, but how do I find a plan that will accept me?""

What is a fairly average car insurance rate when a you add a new driver in the family?

A family member is getting ready to get their license, and I wanted to know if car insurance rates would go up, and what a likely rate would be.""

What's the cheapest sr22 insurance in Alaska?

I know you can't get a quote without prying, but I was hoping someone on here could help me.""

What is the procedure to claim insurance for a stolen bike?

my brother's herohonda is stolen ? he has done it's insurance in orientalinsurance company. he has also reported to the police regarding this.the case was happened before 2 and 1/2 months . police could not found it. so kindly suggest the way to claim for a new bike to the insurance company.

Scooter Insurance Cost.?

I drive a 50cc scooter on my car licence. Been driving for 47 years. I was surprised when my insurance with Rampdale Insurance cost me 170 Full No claims etc. Im in the South Midlands. This is as much as I pay for a car. Is this the going rate for a small 50cc scooter.?

texas insurance rates

texas insurance rates

Pitbull and homeowners insurance?

My insurance company is threating to drop me because I own a bully....can they really do this is there anyway to fight this?

Car Insurance Premium?

* PLEASE ANSWER ONLY IF YOU ARE SURE, THANKS* My totaled car is now in my insurance company's possession, so shouldn't I be paying a lower monthly premium if I am driving a rental minivan? I know that with owning a Honda, my rate was pricier because its a commonly stolen car. But I am driving a rental now and feel that I shouldn't be paying the same monthly premium of $226, as I was on my Honda if it isn't even in my possession. Does this sound right?""

Looking for health insurance not discount?

I have RA and now looking for health insurance I am on disability but to young to receive medicare. I have receive quotes frrom BCBS disount program the agent lead me to believe this was full coverage insurance but deceived me this is only a discount plan which gives you nothing my job did cover me but will run ourt in dec of 2010.

Can Racing Seats lower Car Insurance?

If you have a car that has no airbags and you put in Racing seats with a 4-point safety harness would that lower the payments?

Car insurance and CVT?

What is insurancegroup 13? how much would insurance be for a 16yr old first time driver on Mazda MX-5 2.0i 2dr Powershift Convertible. And cvt means the gears change by them self? good/bad? thanks

How much is insurance for 2008 bentleyy?

DO they Ask How you Got the money if you buy it just wondering thats my dream car lol

Cheap car insurance?

I've just decided to restart my lessons after 4 months of being away from them - last failed my test by one minor at the very end of the test was absolutely gutted. I am just about to turn 18 years old and am looking for insurance on my dads Suzuki Baleno. The cheapest I have found so far is 446.60 for fully comp per year with CIS Insurance which I know would be considered cheap, but is there any cheaper?""

How much is car insurance for 18 year old?

How much would car insurance cost under Allstate in North Carolina for an 18 year old boy? I drive a 2003 Ford Ranger if it helps, I'm a safe driver and do good in school?""

How much will my car insurance go down if I switch to liability?

I have a 1999 Oldsmobile Alero and pay full coverage right now at about $50 per month. I'm a 25 y/o female with a clean driving record. Any ideas?

Will my car insurance go up if I was side swapped while driving a friends car?

I was 100% not at fault. We called cops, etc... But my question is will my personal car insurance go up? I was driving my friends car..""

MAZDA3 with insurance questions?

u think i'll be charge high cost of car insurance by getting mazda3 sedan..im 18 first time driver and a female i live in san francisco. and how much is mazda3? like with the taxes and everything?? serious answers are greatly appreciated. i want to stay under $20k

Really expensive insurance for new 16yo driver?

Hi, I'm 16 years old and I passed my driving test on Jan 23, 2014. I want to get insured asap and be added onto my fathers policy. Our insurance guy told us it would be around a MASSIVE $400 a month at the CHEAPEST!! Near $2,000 per 6 months, this can't be serious can it? Is our insurance referral ripping us off? My friend said it should be around $150 a month. ALSO.. Is it possible to get my own policy on my own at 16 and not be added to my dad's policy? I live in a SMALL town, Palm Springs in California. It's not like I'm in LA..""

Will making on time car insurance payments electronically help my credit?

I recently got my car insurance in my own name. Once I start making on time payments will the credit bureaus see that as an account in good standing with on time payments and ulitmately raise my credit score?

What would the premiums cost for government health insurance?

How much will people have to pay to be covered by Obama care? Are there estimates? Do many people believe it will be free? It's good to know the price of things before you buy them.

Is It Cheaper To Be Added As A Named Driver On My Mother's Insurance?

Hi, Ive got my test on 5th april, so i am looking to buy a cheap car soon, as expected insurance for 17 year old male is very expensive. i was wondering if anyone had a rough estimate how much my mums insurance would go up by if she added me as a named driver. she's got 21 years no claims discount and she pays about 400 a year. do i have to pay a deposit or anything? Thank you in advance for your answers :)""

Why do underage drivers have to pay more insurance?

I'll be eligible for a learner's permit as of next year after I turn 16. However, my parents refuse to get me a driver's license until I'm at least 20. They tell me that when you add an account of a driver under somewhere around 20 yrs old (can't remember the exact age) the insurance rates go up. I don't want to be taking public transit forever so someone help! Why do the insurance rates go up? How can I avoid making them go up?""

How much is my no registration and no insurance ticket going to cost?

This is in California, if you have any idea please lemme know thanks!""

What's a good job with good health insurance not needing a degree or experience?

I'm a college student looking to find a good job that has affordable health insurance all on which i can find an affordable place to live. Most factory's that have these benefits start with a low pay rate that doesn't seem worth it (after gas is taken out). Any ideas?

What is north carolinas cheapest car insurance company.?

What is north carolinas cheapest car insurance company.?

How would the insurance companies treat mounting a smaller sized engine inside a sport model car?

If i were to for example, mount a 1.4 vauxhall astra engine inside a GSI model car, would the insurers treat it as a 1.4 vehicles insurance rate?""

Health insurance in florida?

if you dont have a job yet and have children how do u get health insurance in florida and if you had a c section and a premature baby why would an insurance company deny you insurance also if your child is underweight because of being premature why would their insurance be ridiculously high each month?

Does homeowners insurance cover scooters?

stolen moped does house insurance cover repairs

Title loans and insurance claims if the car is totaled?

I was just in an automobile accident recently and pretty sure my car is totaled. My question is, if my car is totaled, and my car title is in a title loan right now, do I pursue the insurance company to pay it off or at least to the point so I may recieve the title back?""

Car Insurance in Florida?

Hi! Does anyone know how expensive car insurance in Florida is? Specifically, Progressive insurance? Does anyone that has Progressive know if it is more expensive in Florida versus another state, like Wisconsin?""

How much would be my insurance with this car?

What do you guys think would be my insurance with this car? 2002 Lexus 300 ES??? I'm 47 yrs old. Excellent Credit. I'm also going to put it on Full Coverage.... What would be your prediction??? Tnx.... I'm guessing around 180

texas insurance rates

texas insurance rates

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/oregon-insurance-exchange-isaiah-gibson/"

[momiijisohma]

Heres a thing abt my ocs

While izzy is alive, masa begins to compose a song for her, and its one of her best works yet, and even though its not done she lets izzy hear it and izzy a d o r e s it, and masa cant wait to perfect the piece so that she can share her love of izzy to everyone else who hears it.

But izzy dies before masa is anywhere close to finishing it, and it sits at the back of masas mind for years bc she cant bring herself to touch it. But when eliza comes into her life and masa sees her honoring her deceased through music, she decides to pick it back up, kinda to work her way through her grief

And she doesnt rly put toooo much effort into it, shes busy and wants to focus on her newer music more. But the song is decent. Its tune hasnt rly changed too much but its a lot more flowy and smooth or w/e. And she gets stuck on it for a few months, and it gets on her nerves and she decides to leave it alone again. And she dies. And when she sees izzy again, she feels that familiar jolt of electricity across her skin and her heart is fluttering in her chest and shes taken sO aback bc over the years shed kinda forget juuust how izzy made her feel- alive and about to fucking explode with love and adoration

And after she attends the pin ball and is squirreled away into the heart of the palace to keep her safe from the the publics prying eyes, shes horribly lonely. The empress had been by her side every moment for days but she way away on business and masa has no one with her, except the maids, but they dont linger around for too much. Shes given anything she asks for to keep her entertained, so she asks for a violin. And with the reignited flame in her heart she begins to work on izzys song again, and it comes out with an incredible ease and grace, and she goes over it again and again until its /perfect/ and she hasnt been this excited about music in so long

And masa requests one of the empresses’ knights to escort her out in the gardens, hoping that it’ll be izzy that joins her, but its not. She decides to go along anyway, and begins to let shannon hear the piece but stops half way when she realizes shannon is humming the tune ahead of her. Shes bewildered and embarrassed until shannon tells her they recognize the tune bc its izzys favorite thing to hum in the whole world

Thats not the gayest part,

Masas touched that izzy had held onto the memory of that rough tune to this day and begins to play the song again. When she finishes, she looks up to find the empress, ethereal as ever, standing a few yards away. Shannon asks if shed been looking for them and the empress replies “I thought i heard masa calling for me, and i found myself here”

Fast forward to after masa finds out that izzy is the empress, after their plan has been set and masa is back in the mortal realm, after eliza finds the information shed been looking for and when Ahris plan to take over both the soul and mortal realm starts unfurling.

Up to this point the part of izzy that had stayed in the soul realm had been unwillingly housing Ahri and occasionally ahris presence would drive izzy into these excruciatingly painful seizure like episodes where shed lash out at everything around her (smth that masas touch alone was able to subdue)

And i think ive mentioned this before but the reason that ahri is the way she IS, is bc the GK came into direct contact w her and accidentally granted her immense power, and ahri had been drawing up power from her still loyal subjects in all realms and had kept it in reserves, not even using it the first time izzy entered the empire bc shes a smart cookie. And w this Ridiculous amount of power shes able to overlap?? All three realms. And masa and eliza can seeee izzy writhing in pain bc ahri is trying to fully possess her, and izzy lashes out at eliza for getting too close and eliza pierces straight through her core bc she knows that the only way to separate a possession is to kill the host. So ahri is stripped from izzys body, leaving izzy to slowly and painfully Fade, and masa knew that smth like this was supposed to happen to bring izzy and eliza together into one again but its still dreadful and shes cradling her beloved in her arms and urging eliza to act quickly but eliza is frozen in devastation bc she only Just got her memories back and its still trying to catch up to her and she can barely even THINK

And izzy realizes that shes fading far too slowly and that if she speeds the process up she just. Be absorbed into eliza and they can start kicking ass. So she urges masa to strike through her with her sword and masas in tears and doesnt want to hurt her but goes through it for the greater good (which. Is kind of a foil to how gita and her beloved created their soulmateship lol)

And eliza realizes whats happening as masa cuts through izzy and she lunges toward her other half and they are submerged in a tower of pitch black flames and untouchable. And masa has no idea what the Fuck is going on anymore. The separating of souls is a relatively simple process, w v lil fanfare, but the joining of two soul parts is Loud and Messy, because of the different experiences each part has gone through trying to overlap and become one, and these two bitches have over 20 Years worth in memories to overlap so its Particularly Ugly.

And masa reaches in, in an attempt to pull her beloved out and she can feel the flames blistering her skin and she has to pull back bc of how god awful it hurts and she watches her skin heal as she pulls it out of the fire and she doesnt know what to do and shes screaming at the top of her lungs and ri and momo have to pull her out of harms way bc now that ahris out and about shes just. Fuckin shit UP, and all her followers are wreaking havoc in the overlapping realms and masa would have had her head torn off had it not been for her and izzys reflections. And they pull her away to safety, behind a barrier the empire’s guard had created inside a high school’s auditorium and masa is kicking and flailing the whole way there bc she neeeeds to reach izzy somehow and help her through this. And she sees a discarded violin and remembers that the empress had been drawn to her from across the palace grounds and decides trying to call her this way is worth a shot

Anyway, izzy feels like shes being ripped apart at the seams and shes surrounded by blinding white light And she can hear the GK in her ears, promising power beyond her wildest dreams so she can finally destroy ahri once and for all- but in return izzy herself would cease to exist in all realms. And izzy accepts bc shes desperate to end ahris terror and says that as an Eris her only reason to exist is to protect souls and their realm from danger and if this is what she needs to do to bring about peace then so be it.

And this whole time izzy feels like shes being pulled in one direction but she ignores it. She reaches out a hand toward the GK and feels a warm hand in her own and she feels like shes been struck by lightning (which. She rly has experienced lmao) and when she opens her eyes she can see the tower of flames dissipating and shes holding onto masas outstretched hand, and she can hear in her memories, the song masa had written for her, calling out to her crystal clear. And with masas hand in hers, she feels more powerful than she ever has before, and knows that it isnt bc the GK granted her any power, bc masa had reached her first and the strength of masa and her love would be enough to Kick some Demon Ass