#its hella personsonal too

[jinxjinn]

WARNING: SCARIEST GAME IN YEARS | Five Nights at Freddy's - Part 1

To honor @markiplier and him asking for our favorite videos or whichever video brought us to the channel, I thought I’d share with you the first video I ever watched and the story behind it.

When I first looked up Mark and first watched this series I left a five paragraph long comment on the last video, or at least the last one in the playlist when I watched it. 

My grandma was in the hospital at the time, she’d had a stroke right in the middle of dinner with me and my mom, and I had to stay overnight with her for about a week because no one else in my family wanted to and I was the only one who could sleep on the floor as the room they had her in had only a dinky folding chair. 

That wasn’t the only part of my life that was hard at that point though. It was also the week before finals week, and me missing a bunch of school to be in the hospital with my grandma was certainly not the best thing for me. I had already been struggling so much that year in school, English was hard, math was harder. My friends had all collectively decided to stop talking to me, and while I know that sounds cliche and over dramatic, I’m being serious. Three of them moved away around the same time, one dropped out to do home school and thus our friend group dissipated leaving me, me with my really bad social anxiety, left with no one. 

I had only really been into vloggers at the time, Dan and Phil, Tyler Oakley, people like them, but none of them had uploaded in a while and I had already watched all their other videos, but then I remembered this one guy two kids in my English class had been talking about, this guy who screamed a lot and played horror games, Markiplier. Take in consideration, I hate most horror because I’m a huge wuss, but I had nothing else to watch and they had said he was really funny so I gave it a shot.

Like I said before, the room my grandma was in was so tiny, it was probably about 14x8, the bed taking up the majority of space, and the folding chair was really uncomfortable so I ended up on the floor at the end of the bed most of the time, under a desk built into the wall. I remember my mom had told me before we left for the hospital to wear comfortable clothes since I’d be staying over, so I just had on pj pants and a really old, stretched out hoodie. And after everyone had left for the night, I like crawled down under the desk in the wall, pulled my hoodie around my knees and over my head, plugged my phone into the charger, put my head phones in and looked up this “Markiplier’ guy. I remembered the guys in my class talking about him being well known for his Five Nights at Freddy’s series, so I looked that up first. I figured at that point I was so numb inside it wouldn’t scare me.

I was wrong needless to say, it scared the shit out of me, but listening to this goof making terrible jokes and screaming along with me, it made me feel a lot better about myself. Not only about being scared but also just with life in general. Those couple months before the hospital, life and been beating the shit out of me. My friends, school, my family... It seemed like that was the last straw for me. I remember I sat there for at least half an hour just staring at the floor thinking about just giving up. Life had just been too hard. I was worried about not being able to catch up in school and failing. I was scared I would be alone forever, never having any friends for the rest of high school. I was worried about my grandma, and what it would do to out family if she died. I was genuinely considering just giving up on life and ending it all. 

God, I’m so glad I didn’t. Remember that five paragraph comment I mentioned earlier? While it got lost in the sea of comments I remember most of what I said, but given that this is already super fucking long, I’ll summarize it. Basically I never knew my dad. My grandma told me the day I was born, he came in the room, saw me, held me once, walked out, he told everyone he was going for a smoke, and we never saw or heard from him again. As a little kid, like all little kids do, I imagined what my dad would have been like it he was around. I imagined this guy who would take me camping, and push me on the swings. Someone who would play games with me and read me bed time stories. One thing I really wanted him to be was funny. I had always hoped if I ever met my dad, he’d be funny as no one in my family is all that funny to me. I conjured up this idea of the perfect dad in my head, but as time went on and I grew up, I came to realize I’m never gonna meet my dad, he’d never live up the expectations little four year old me had and I should just stop dreaming up this amazing guy I’ll never get to meet.

Years later, I realized that guy does exist, he’s just not my dad. His name is Mark Edward Fisbach, and he makes dick jokes for a living. And he tells me to be the best person I can be, not for anyone else, but just for me. He makes me giggle at three am when I should be asleep and gives me the motivation to keep going. He’s the guy I wish my dad had been like. I’ve come to consider him a father figure to me even if he is only ten years older than me and I’ve never actually met him. I look up to him like how I imagine all little girls look up to their fathers.

I’m so glad I watched this video. I’m so glad I found your channel, Mark. Not only has your channel given some of the most amazing friends I could ever ask for, its given me motivation. Its given me a reason to get out of bed and try to be better than I was yesterday. And even though I’m not quite there, even though I have a hell of a lot of work to do before I’m content with who I am as a person, you help me do that every single day. 

Mark makes me laugh when I feel like crying, and cry at the fact that, yes, there are good people left in this world, and yes, Mark is one of them.   

I have always thought that being a youtuber must have been a the most amazing  job, you could say its my dream job, but to me it was really unrealistic and unattainable before, but after watching you and your videos and especially the video from today, how you said anyone can do it, I’ve decided that one day that’s gonna be me. I’m gonna be a youtuber one day to, and while I still haven’t taken that first step and gotten my fist video up, I know one day soon, as soon as I have everything I need (a decent camera) I’ll get that video up and keep going, not because I want views or fame, but because if there is any chance I make someone happy like Mark has made me happy, I’ll do it in a heart beat.]

I sincerely hope Mark reads this, not because I want any recognition but because I want him to know how much he means to me. 

(also as a side note for anyone wondering, my grandma is fine, she made it thru and is still kicking up a storm today)