#its gonna be a while before i get them done
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I'm gonna ramble for a minute for something that's been eating at me ever since this dropped. I find it wild the amount of flak and hate this video is getting and from chuds who are now going to videos a decade old and saying "they've always been bad/jello fell off".
I should preface saying; I fucking love one piece. It's one of my favorite pieces of media and I have tattoos to show my love for it. I've grown up with this, I've watched the entirety of it and read it to its current release, I've done so for the past 20 years. So I really mean it whenever I say this series is important to me!
This video AIN'T fucking wrong about the points it makes and it's criticisms it has!
Luffy's last heartfelt interaction with a crew member of his was Whole Cake (before that was probably pre-time skip at Sabaody)
Anyone who isn't the big 3 don't get nearly as much screentime whenever things are happening or having a bigger role besides exposition/needs to be rescued
Don't fuckin lie to yourself about women having shit rep in OP
The sexualization of characters is a real fucking issue that so many people have with the series.
The 2 types of women in one piece boob and butt or shaped like a wide bowling pin.
Oda who has multiple times stated, "We could really learn a thing or two from Shojo writers" WHILE REFUSING TO EVEN TOUCH ON WHY PEOPLE WHO ENJOY SHOJO WOULDN'T EVEN GIVE OP A CHANCE
The series is really over-bloated with so many side characters where injuries/death means as little as it would in dragon ball I'm listing more just watch the fucking video
I had an interaction with someone who doesn't even stay up with it, watched the video, and then went, "yea I dunno he was a little mean to Oda I think that's fucked up". Brother, if this was any other random manga author you wouldn't even bat a fuckin eye about the jokes made at them. You just got a take from the comments and decided that's the one you're going with it.
Fuck, then there's the group bringing up the whole dubbing thing and like. I'll just be honest. If you're trying to spin a story to me about someone who got a dream job position, hired to do a show they hated and has pretty queerphobic rep, and instead they say tuck that and do it their way? I dunno man, that's pretty fuckin cool of someone who wouldn't compromise for their morals.
Someone tried saying one of the characters in the cut section was a trans character so it's just virtue signaling more than anything and I'm like, "ok. What pronouns do you use for Yamato then?? You apparently really care about the representation of queer folk so, OBVIOUSLY, we're not gonna have a bad discussion about this yea?"
This isn't even me trying to be like, oh I gotta defend my favoritest widdle guy who I have loved since forever. I'd do this shit on some randy who just dropped this with no other previous content!! Just because someone finally laid it all out there and took shots at the guy who's never really been criticized harshly for the bad stuff in their long running series of 25+ years and the mistakes they've made throughout it doesn't instantly invalidate the genuine issues the series has!
Also the Franky joke is funny! I sure would love more stuff to be done with that character IF ODA DECIDED HE WOULD WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH THE CREW THAT WASN'T JUST FROM THE EAST BLUE!!
youtube
The first So This is Basically in many a moon.
CAST & CREW
WRITER/ANIMATOR/NARRATOR - Me! ARTIST - Bo Hello MUSIC - PLASTERBRAIN
MACHVISE - William T. Sopp PRINCE GRUS - John Van Doran MORLEY/CARROT/SHITTEN☆FARTER - Zack Maher DON KRIEG - Jason Marnocha ZORO - Cyrus Rodas VIZ USING TWO HYPHENS INSTEAD OF AN EM DASH - Oz Ryan ADDITIONAL VOICES - Ryan Palmer
#One Piece#rant#jelloapocalypse#this video slaps and i love it#it's absolute cinema#speak your truth#also had someone try telling me its a bad video whenver they themselves dont even stay up with the series#i'm tired
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❥. ⁓ art: objective or subjective? - j.j.k
you being jungkook’s snippy academic!rival is so funny to him because he knows you are definitely not like that. yes you were incredibly headstrong and worked hard on whatever was put in front of you. he couldn’t deny you were the best at what you did (he was better). that mouth you had on you though? all for show. that’s why he let you dog him out with insults and backhanded compliments in front of everyone during lectures. at the end of the day your classmates have never seen you how he does. a pretty, fucked out, desperate slut who lost all of her self proclaimed morals the moment he touched her.
so yeah, talk circles around him during debates, but wouldn’t let you get your words out later as he plunged his dick down your throat. score higher than him on that math exam, but be prepared to be sprawled out on his lap as he tested how many of his digits you could take. thats why he didn’t care when you ridiculed him in front of the entire class after he very confidently said an opinion you didn’t agree with. todays debate topic was on the idea of art being objective or subjective. as always, you and jungkook never saw eye to eye, always having opinions that counteracted one another.
he sat back in his seat, arms crossed and glaring at you sternly. “art is objective. it needs to be done with structure, have meaning. otherwise how will we pass it down to other generations for them to study? you can’t have an over saturated market of… nothing.” he argued.
you tilted your head. everyone knew this was about to get heated, all scooting to the edge of their seats. “you’re kidding… right? anything can be art. art is personal. it’s fun, its serious, it’s silly, its structured. art can be anything, why would you limit art to educational purposes?”
“to birth more art you have to study art, y/n. you have to learn from what came before you.”
“yes, but it can also be just a fun and creative outlet for people, not everyone wants to study art. some people just want to do it. you write music pieces, i expect you of all people to know what i’m trying to say.” you turned around in your seat, going back to copying the notes from the slides. you knew he hated that. it was a sign of disrespect, that you had no interest in what he had to say. you bit back a smile though, knowing he would make you pay for this later.
“which is why i do it with precision and expertise that i’ve studied and learned, so people can learn from me to continue creating great art.”
your pen stopped in the middle of your notebook. your head swiveled and you scrunched your nose. “who said you create art?” a roar of laughter swept through the students of the lecture, once again you had the upper hand.
“yikes jk, you’re gonna keep taking that?” one of your classmates said.
yes, and he did keep taking it. it was worth it because now look at you, back at his apartment, in his clothes, taking his dick. you tried to crawl up from his large desk and all he did was wrap your perfectly styled hair around his fist and pull you back into him. “wanna run away now huh? i know you’re not stupid enough to do that.” your arch sank deeper while he continued to rock you into his desk. studying materials scattered across the room, pencils, papers, and textbooks being sent flying.
“k-koo please–” you panted out. your hand pushed at his pelvis while he hiked your skirt farther up your waist so he could see your ass clap down on him more. your cunt was so creamy around him, spilling around his cock and creating a lewd scene for the man.
“come on sweetheart, give me all that mouth that you had in class. try saying that stupid little argument now.” he positioned himself at the perfect angle to where he would directly hit your g-spot. that was jungkook for you, precise and perfect, even when ruining his pretty fucktoy’s pussy. his hand shoved your head down into a pile of his notes, watching you squirm with a glint of satisfaction in his eyes. he bullied his cock up into that messy cunt of yours, heavy balls slapping against your clit and waiting to be emptied into your womb. for someone who had an argument for everything, all you had spilling out of that mouth now were drools and moans.
“y-you fuck me so good koo, your cock feels so good in me koo! yes! yes! yes! fuck me koo fuck my pussy!” your babbles were muffled by the math notes your head rested on. your pussy showed him just how good he fucking you, sopping and clenching down on him. he was turning that brain and cunt into pure mush. you were at a point of no return. he flipped you like a rag doll and lifted you up on the desk, swiping his papers on the ground with everything else. he had abruptly removed his dick, leaving you empty with a heaving pussy.
“debate me now baby, just us.”
you rolled your eyes and reached for him, yet he took a step back, cock in hand, stroking it slowly while he took in your state. your usual prim and put together appearance now looking like one of a porn stars. hair tossed, skirt hiked, knee high socks pooling low around your calves. “jungkook come on–” he smacked your hand away.
“nah you come on, said art is subjective huh?”
“yeah, because it is, art is personal and if you decide to limit it to just having to be perfect that quite literally challenges the idea of creativity as a whole and– jungkook.” he positioned himself at your entrance, drowning his tip into your wet folds. dragging it up down, circling it around your bud, and prodding at your tight hole.
“what? continue.”
“art is… it’s… fuck i really don’t care about what art is just fuck me koo, please.” your hips moved in circles, teeth sinking into your lip while you watched yourself grind on his tip. “mhm your turn. what’s art kookie?” you didn’t mean for that to come out in a slutty, lewd moan.
“objective. take this pussy for example,” he caught you off guard completely, stuffing you to the brim with dick and holding it up against your soft spot. “i made you baby– i studied you– my work of fucking art.” his hips picked up a violent pace and rocked into you until you were shaking and cumming around his shaft. and so he spilled into his pretty work of art, shooting his seed up inside of you and leaving your womb painted white. “final arguments?” his chest heaved while he was still buried inside of you.
“i-“ you sighed. “i guess art can be objective.”
masterlist
#bts fanfic#bts jimin#bts jungkook#bts rm#bts smut#jungkook#jjk smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook drabble#jk smut#jeon jungkook#jungkook smut#bts drabble#bts updates#bts oneshot#bts x reader#bts army#bts jin#bts v#bts jhope#bts fanfction#bts imagines#bts yoongi#drabble
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Secret Relationship - Brennan Sorrengail x Reader Riorson
A/N: You guys seem to really want Brennan in a secret relationship with an older sister of Xaden. I literally have 4 requests for this. So I’m just gonna mash them all together. So for the 4 of you that requested some Brennan with Xaden’s older sister. Enjoy.
Prompts/Requests: Brennan and Xaden older sister who have a relationship while at Basgiath and reunite in Aretia and she finds out he's alive. Xaden walking in on Brennan and his older sister. Warnings: Mentions of death, Fluff and minor smut.
Masterlist | Support Me
Home. I hadn’t been here in so long. But it feels like a day hasn’t passed since I was last here. Thankfully most of the damage from all those years ago has been repaired, only a few spots not looking quite how they use to. Part of me was annoyed Xaden had requested my help and appearances elsewhere, but it needed to be done. And now, after all these years, I was home.
My dragon turns and banks downwards towards the clearing below where a few people await our arrival. I can easily spot Xaden amongst them. Even from here I can tell how much he looks like our father. Gods, I could even mistake him for him if I looked quick enough.
As soon as my dragons feet touch the ground I jump from their back, rushing towards Xaden who is already heading towards me. Immediately he pulls me into his arms and crushes me into a hug. I swear he’d grown again since I’d last saw him. His head easily resting atop my own. So much for being the little brother.
“You need to stop growing. You’re meant to be my little brother.” I joke as I step out of his arms.
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Wait till you see Garrick then.”
I go to respond, but as Garrick’s familiar face appears from behind Xaden i stand their shocked. He’s easily a few inches taller than Xaden. Last time I’d seen Garrick was just before the rebellion had started, and back then he wasn’t that much taller than me. Now I just reached over his shoulder.
“Bloody hell. I’m going to need some heeled boots to stand next to you guys, I don’t like this feeling short thing.” Both of them laughing at me.
”Don’t worry, Xaden’s girlfriend can make you feel tall.” Garrick teases, earning a glare from Xaden.
”Girlfriend? What happened to Cat? Weren’t you engaged to her or something?” Least that was the last I’d heard from Xaden. Though we didn’t really talk about it much.
”Don’t get me started about it.” Xaden says with a sigh. “And she’s not my girlfriend. It’s…. Complicated.”
I shake my head. “What did you do?”
”What didn’t he do.” Garrick jokes before stepping out of Xaden’s reach as he goes to shove him away.
Gods, I’d missed this. I hadn’t been alone while I was away, having a squad of my own who had chosen to pretend to be dead and do anything Xaden and the rebellion needed of us. But nothing beat the feeling of being around the ones you called your family. The ones you loved. The ones you would do anything for. I push down the feeling of sadness that wants to creep its way in. Push down the urge to look over my shoulder at the spot I last saw them that day.
“Come on, let me take you to your room.” Xaden says, ignoring Garrick who is currently chuckling to himself before turning away and walking towards the our home.
I quickly hurry after him despite the fact I know the way without him. We fall into a comfortable silence as we walk together. Neither of us needing to speak as we take in the feeling of being back here together for the first time in a long time.
It was odd walking these halls with Xaden. It felt familiar, but also not at the same time. Last time we both did this we were a lot younger, a lot was different, and a lot more people were alive. The usual commotion of the house no longer there. Least not the commotion I was use to.
Xaden pushes open the door to my bedroom, holding it open for me as I walk past him. Not a single thing had changed. It was exactly as I’d left it. Except for the bed. I’d left it in a mess last time I was here. Hopefully who ever made it had also changed the sheets. I hated to think how gross they’d be after all these years.
“You doing ok?” Xaden asks after a few moments of me walking around the room.
I nod. “I will be. It just feels…. Weird. Being back here I mean. Everything is so different now, but this place still looks the same.”
”You get use to it after a few days. I felt the same when we first got back here properly a few weeks back.” He tells me before a soft knock sounds at the door.
I furrow my brow in confusion, who could be knocking at my door? It can’t be Bodhi, he would have just barged in here, pulling me into one of his hugs, which I had a feeling would be a lot more bone crushing than they use to be the last time I saw him. I hated to think how much he had grown since I’d last seen him if Xaden and Garrick were anything to go by.
”Promise to not get angry.” Xaden says as he looks back at me, as he walks towards the door.
“Why would I-“
My words die on my tongue as Xaden opens the door revealing who had knocked. The same curly auburn hair, shaven on the sides just as I remember. Same amber coloured eyes, now just with a few lines at the edges. Same indent from where his dimple sits when he smiles. All I can do is stand here and look at him.
There’s no fucking way he’s there. I have to be hallucinating. He can’t be here. I watched him die. Watched Naolin try to save him. Watched Naolin kill himself trying to save him. He steps into the room, nodding at Xaden in greeting who nods back as if this is normal. Why is Xaden not shocked like I am? How does Xaden even know him? What the hell is going on?
I’m jolted from my thoughts as Xaden steps out of the room and closes the door behind him, leaving Brennan and I alone for the first time in years. Brennan cautiously walks towards me, almost like he’s approaching a dragon during threshing.
“Hi.” He says as he stops a few feet away from me, fidgeting with his hands ever so slightly.
“Hi? After all these years of making me think you’re dead, all you say is hi?” I say harshly, watching as he swallows nervously.
”I didn’t really know what else to say. How to explain what’s happened.”
”How about starting with how to hell you’re alive?” I snap at him.
”Right, that might be a good place to start.” He says quietly before walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge, resting his arms on his knees as he leans forward and looks down at his hands. “Whatever Naolin did worked. Clearly not straight away, but it worked somehow.”
”Least he didn’t die for nothing.” I add, Brennan nodding in agreement. “Have you been here this whole time?”
Part of me wants him to say no, to make this a little easier. But as I look over at him and meet his gaze I already know the answer.
”Yes. The rebellion took me in, healed me and looked after me. All without knowing who I was. And when you’re brother came back, he put me in a leadership position, help run things while he was at Basgiath.”
All this time Brennan had been the one calling the shots in Xaden’s absence. Keeping everything running while Xaden couldn’t. He’d been the one giving me my orders and updates.
”Lieutenant Colonel Aisereigh. That’s you isn’t it?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
Yet again he nods. I shake my head in disbelief, racking my head for any sign or hint that it was him in those letters. But I know there wasn’t. Otherwise I would have picked up on it. Seen something that hinted it was him.
“Trust me when I say I wanted to tell you.” He says as he stands and walks over to me. “So many times I wanted to give you some sort of hint that would make you realise. But I couldn’t risk it.”
I take a step back and avert my gaze. He’s right. I hate that he’s right. But it doesn’t stop the hurt. The betrayal I’m feeling. Even though there’s a larger part of me that wants to jump into his arms and never let go. Even though it had been years, there was a part of me that could never get over him.
“I get it. I understand.” I say, trying to hide the hurt in my voice.
I gasp as he reaches out and grasps my hand in his and pulls me towards him. I try to pull away but he just grips my hand tighter, his other hand coming to rest on my hip. I keep my eyes lowered, focusing on one of the buttons of his jacket.
“Mo Chroí, look at me. Please.” He pleads as he pulls me closer.
I can’t help but look up at him as he addresses me with the Tyrrish phrase he use to use all those years ago. The same one my father would use when I was little. As my eyes meet his, he smiles down at me, his dimple becoming more obvious at the movement.
“There she is.” He whispers, his hand letting go of mine as he cups my cheek.
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I grasps his jacket in my hands and pull him down to me. His breath hitches, warm against my skin as his face hovers just inches from mine. For a moment, time slows. The sound of our breathing fills the space between us, and I can feel his heartbeat racing beneath the layers of fabric.
He opens his lips, but I silence his words by pressing my lips to his. The world falls away, and all that remains is the heat of the kiss, the way his hands move hesitantly to my waist, then quickly righten as if he’s afraid to let me go. Afraid to lose this moment. I don’t know if this is right, or if I’ll regret this later, but right now, none of it matters. Right now, he’s here and alive, and so am I, and that’s enough.
I loosen my grip on his jacket, reaching up to push the material from his body, Brennan manoeuvring his arms to let the clothing fall to the floor. I feel his eyes on me, his presence commanding every inch of space between us. I can feel the heat radiating from him, an intoxicating warmth that wants to draw me in.
”Are you sure?” His voice is low, husky, and laced with something that feels like both desire and restraint.
I now, swallowing hard, my own voice barely above a whisper as I grasp the bottom of his shirt in my hands. “Yes.”
My heart races as I fumble to pull the material up his torso, Brennan releasing me from his grasp to reach down and pull the fabric from his own body. I don’t know what I expected him to look like, but it wasn’t this. With the material now gone, it reveals the sharp lines and smooth planes of his chest, freckles dotted here and there from training outdoors more than likely.
Brennan reaches out and pushes my jacket from my arms, throwing the clothing to the corner of the room before quickly grabbing my shirt in his hands and pulling it up my body. His lips capture mine again, this time tentative as though testing the waters. But the second I respond, threading my fingers through his hair and pulling him closer, something shifts. The kiss deepens, a fire igniting between us, burning away any common sense or anger I had left.
I push him back towards my bed, Brennan stumbling backwards as his knees hit the edge, grabbing my hips and pulling me into his lap, my legs sitting either side of his as I straddle him. I can feel the heat of his breath against my skin as his lips trail down my jawline, grazing the sensitive spot just below my ear, sending shivers cascading down my spine.
”Gods, I’ve missed you.” He mumbles against my skin as he kisses down my neck causing me to arch into his touch, a moan escaping my lips.
He turns his head back up to me, his lips ghosting over mine as the door to my room swings open.
”You better not have killed my-” Xaden starts as he walks into the room, stopping in his tracks as he sees me straddling Brennan on my bed, both of us half dressed.
Seconds tick by as he just stands there and looks at us as we both stare back.
”Well least you haven’t killed him.” He says with a smirk.
I growl at him before grabbing the closest thing to me, which happens to be a pillow, hurling it towards him as he dodges it with ease as he closes the door behind him, his laughter echoing in the hallway.
”Least you don’t look like you want to murder me anymore.” Brennan mumbles against my jaw as he presses soft kisses along it in an effort to get my attention back to him.
”Don’t push your luck.”
#fourth wing#fourth wing fanfic#the fourth wing#the empyrean#fourth wing imagine#fourth wing x reader#brennan sorrengail imagine#brennan sorrengail x reader#brennan sorrengail#xaden riorson
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How would Achilles feel if darling got visibly turned on while torturing him but once they were done they would NEVER have sex with him? Like they clean him up (or let him stew in whatever pain he’s in) and then go to the bathroom to masturbate. They never let him help.
Cause I know he’s kind of like okay with no sex and he really just wants to be tortured and have your attention but at the same time if HE’S the reason you’re turned on why won’t you let him help???
thats such a good question...
i feel like he'd just feel really insecure about it? like he'd probably think its because he's not desirable in that way.
i imagine him noticing you leave again and he decides to talk to you about it when you're done so he dresses and takes care of himself and goes to find you making dinner.
".... you can see other people." he says tepidly.
"huh?" you feel your heart drop.
"I've noticed you never have any dates or anything. I don't know if you're limiting yourself because of me so I am informing you that I'm releasing you from any responsibility you feel to me."
"... i repeat... huh?" none of that is helping your heart from sinking.
"You seem in need of companionship."
"i have you, don't i?" you say bitterly with a small smile.
"I'm not your companion."
you blink at him trying to ignore how that hurts before smiling again.
"i know. but y'know between you and my usual work i have a full time job."
"Then I will be less demanding of your time. We can move things down to twice a week."
"ok. if that's what you want." you try to hold your tongue around him like you always do but you can't help yourself. "what uh.. what brought this on?"
"I've noticed your behavior and disgust towards me. I apologize for not mentioning it sooner but I wished to be selfish a bit longer." he lowers his head like a kicked puppy.
why does he look like the one who was kicked? you swallow. "dude you gotta be clearer. if you're talking about in the moment like it's just part of the scene."
"After the scene, you always leave."
"yeah so you can clean up."
"No. I know... I know you leave to relieve yourself. I know you have no real interest in me because I'm disgusting to you. I think finding a partner that can help you relieve those things would be more beneficial for you."
you pause and stand there in silence for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. "you would notice huh? I'm sorry. yeah i try to go jack off before you finish getting clean. its not... its not because you're gross or something. i just don't want to take advantage of you or push you too hard or gross you out. sorry. I'll try to stop. problem solved?"
achilles thinks of biting his tongue before he decides to take a step closer to you. "...You always help me relieve myself why would I find you disgusting?"
"because? i was supposed to kill you. its normal for you to- y'know. but im sure to you i must look like a pretty vile person."
he takes another step forward until he's hovering above you. "It would.. it would be my greatest honor to be killed by you. If you wished to take advantage of my body I would be the luckiest man in the world." one of his cold thin hands slipped into yours.
"if i get off on your pain."
"Ecstasy. I hope my pain is for your pleasure only. My blood, my broken bones, my screams. I.. I have always dedicated them to you."
you intertwine your fingers as you look up into his eyes. his steel blue eyes are looking at you like you're the only thing in the world and his cheeks are red.
"you're a big softie.... i don't want to break your heart or hurt you in a way that won't heal."
"If I was hurt in such a way it would only be because I failed to be your most devoted slave."
"chilles im serious. you... you don't want a rel-"
"I want you only. I want to make you happy. If I can't do that then my life is forfeit."
".... you're gonna regret saying stuff like that."
"If I do then you can also kill me then."
"i'm not gonna kill you suddenly dumbass.... just give me some time to think about it... i really don't want you to be hurt and regret everything"
achilles brought his lips to your hair. "I love you."
"... stupid."
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fantasy | gekko.
summary: gekko, after reading a particular book of yours, makes your fantasies come to life
pairing: gekko (mateo) x fem!reader
cw: dom!gekko, sub!reader, dumbification, slapping, hickeys, choking, lots of things i may have missed. read at your own discretion, (also neon makes fun of them, as she definitely would)
notes: i have so much gekko brainrot its not funny, anyways i listened to closer by nine inch nails while writing. ALSO REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
word count: 3.6k
You were so focused on your paperwork for recounting the last mission that you barely noticed Gekko sneak into your room. Seated on the chair at your desk you typed, keys making slight clicks, full attention on finishing the task at hand. Gekko, who was oh so quiet, took his place on your bed, silently picking up one of your strewn books, not knowing its contents.
Only from the shuffling of your covers did you realize he was there, and you smiled without looking away from your paperwork. "Hey, baby." You said, still typing away.
He hummed softly, and you figured he was trying to take a nap. Much to your dismay, he had flipped to a particular page of your book by 'accident', a smirk forming on his face.
Every now and then, you could feel his eyes watching you. Typing up the final report, you forwarded it off to Brimstone, pushing away from your desk with a sigh. Finally, peace.
"Ay, chica?" Gekko's voice asked and you hummed in question, not looking behind you, just basking in the relief that you were done. "Wanna explain to me what a certain Derek and Lyra are doing in this book?"
The tips of your ears immediately tinged pink, your entire body whipping around in the swivel chair as your eyes fell upon the book in his hands. He was laid back casually, head leaning against your pillows, one leg down and the other propped up. A dumb grin was plastered on his face and you couldn't seem to form words.
"Gonna answer me or should I get back to reading?" Gekko asked slyly, you could practically hear the teasing lilt in his voice. Your face flushed deeper as you scrambled for the right words.
“Mateo,” you started, voice higher than usual as you shot up from your chair. “That’s... that’s private!”
He chuckled, fiddling with the pages of the book as you approached, his eyes glinting mischievously. “Private, huh? Didn’t know you were into reading stuff like this, chica. Kinda spicy.”
You groaned, covering your face with your hands. “I’m going to kill you.”
“Oh, come on, it’s cute,” he said, sitting up now but still keeping the book just out of your grasp. “Derek and Lyra, huh? Guessing Derek’s the broody hero type and Lyra’s... a little like you?”
You froze for a moment, his words catching you off guard. The truth was, he wasn’t entirely wrong, but admitting it would only add fuel to his fire. Instead, you huffed, crossing your arms, not responding.
Gekko tilted his head, studying you with that familiar playful grin. “I mean, come on, I know you better than that,” he teased, leaning back on your bed, tossing the book up in the air before catching it again. “You and your little stories, always with the tension and the, what d'ya call it, smut? Kinda obvious if you ask me.”
Your face went beet red, reaching out to grab the book from his hands. He snapped it closed before holding it over his head, "You're gonna haf'ta get on the bed if you wanna get it."
Taking it as a challenge, you leaned forward, one knee on the edge of the bed, reaching out for the book. With a cheeky grin, he tossed the book to the bottom of the bed, grabbing your hips with both hands now free, pulling you between his legs. Your heart was hammering in your chest, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. Instead, you found yourself frozen in place, unsure whether to laugh or be mortified.
“Mateo!” you exclaimed, voice coming out softer than you intended as your hands instinctively landed on his shoulders for balance.
"Yeah..." He trailed, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "Say my name again." Your mind instantly flew back to the book he was just reading, knowing exactly which scene he had been reading based off that quote he'd just stolen.
Your face went crimson at the realization, and you immediately tried to pull back, scrambling to put some space between you. You attempted to shove him off, but he wrapped his leg around yours, digging his nails into your hips, making it impossible to move.
“What's the matter, chica?” Gekko teased, his grin widening as he leaned in just a little closer, his voice low and deliberate. "Getting shy now? I thought you were all about that stuff." His mocking tone made your stomach flip, and despite yourself, you could feel the heat in your cheeks deepen.
"How many of my books have you read?" You breathed out, his hinting making you suspicious.
"While you were asleep or away on missions?" He asked smoothly, the edge of his voice dripping with mischief. He lifted his hands, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers lightly grazing your skin, making it harder to ignore the sudden thrum in your chest.
"You're sick." You accused, not realizing the words could fall back right on you.
"You bought them." He replied, "Why don't we reenact, hmm?"
You immediately froze at his suggestion, heart racing as his words hit you harder than you expected. You could feel the heat crawling up your neck, your mind instantly flashing to the scenes you had read in those books, the ones you’d tried so hard to keep hidden. But now, here he was, throwing your own words back at you with that playful, infuriating grin.
At the lack of response, Gekko only leaned in closer, the smirk never leaving his face. "I mean, you read it for a reason, didn’t you?" His voice was low and teasing, and it sent an undeniable shiver down your spine. "A little fantasy… who’s to say it wouldn’t be better in real life?"
You stuttered, no words coming out, sentences a foreign concept to your embarrassment-fogged brain. Gekko's eyes flitted down to your lips, "We can start slow, mi amor..." His hand raising to brush a fallen strand behind your ear, "Work our way up to the filthy things you read."
Your breath hitched in your throat. It wasn't like you guys never had sex before, in fact, it'd almost become a tradition after missions.
"What do you mean?" You found yourself asking before you could stop it, caving into his suggestion.
Gekko smiled, hand falling back to your hip, rubbing softly against your skin. "Well," He began, feigning a pensive look, "We can start with a kiss, work our way to taking our clothes off, maybe I'll eat you eat, and then, hmm," Your eyes widened at the dirty words that came from his mouth, he'd never talked to you like this before, "I can fuck the life out of you."
"Mateo..." You breathed out, not knowing what to say as he said the words so casually.
His head tilted to the side, pretend confusion etching his brows. "What?" He asked innocently, an undeniable lull to his voice that made your head spin. "I’m just giving you exactly what you want, what you’ve read. You know, it’s funny—when you read about it, it’s all fantasy. But now that it’s here, in front of you? Suddenly you’re not so sure."
"Stop messing with me," you muttered, trying to regain some semblance of control, but the words felt hollow. You couldn’t focus. Not with him so close, his presence so overwhelming, his teasing words wrapping around you like a chain.
He smirked, a knowing glint in his eyes. "Why would I stop? You like it." His voice was smooth, dripping with confidence, and it made you want to argue, to push him away, but at the same time, there was something about it that made you hesitate. "You know you want it..." His eyes flickered to your lips once again, contemplating smashing his against yours so suddenly. "So," He began, "What do you say?"
You held your breath, debating whether or not to continue the banter, but your debate was cut short. Gekko had made his decision.
His lips crashed against yours, his hands pulling your hips forward, bodies finally flushed against one another. You let out a content moan against his mouth, feeling his lips curl into a devious grin.
He pulled back, your lips already turning red, "Why don't we flip over, hmm?" Without an answer, he playfully rolled his eyes, hands tightening on your hips before you whipped the two of you around with his strong arms.
Your back hit the mattress hard, almost getting whiplash from the movement. You let out a soft yelp, soon muffled by his lips one more crashing against yours. He wasn't much of a talker during sex outside of the occasional pet names, so this was a full 180 from your normal encounters. It was almost as if he'd been studying.
Your lips moved in perfect sync with each other, hands in tandem as yours fell around the back of his neck.
He pushed your hips harder in the mattress, all his weight focused on pushing you down. Breaking away from the kiss, his head fell forward, hissing as he grinded downwards onto you ever so slowly. Your hands pulled at the short green strands of his hair, trying desperately to get his lips on yours once more.
He stopped the movement of his hips, one hand detaching from them to reach up, digging a ball of your hair down into the pillow, casting your head back. "Patience." He almost growled, and you sank into his touch. You'd never seen this side of him, something akin to primal.
His movements were still so slow, leaning downwards to attach his lips to your neck. Oh, you were going to get in trouble. Deep purple marks began encasing your skin, and you knew no amount of makeup would dare cover it. But you couldn't bring yourself to complain.
Again, his hips found themselves digging into yours, a guttural moan leaving your lips. You could feel him through his pants, almost bursting at the seams.
You couldn't move your hips as his one hand dug into the skin, leaving yourself at his complete and utter disposal. His grinding grew slightly faster as he pulled away from your neck, sitting up and letting go of your hips and hair.
You sat up too, conflicted as the loss of friction. You lips were now swollen, neck bruised and battered.
"Lay back down." He commanded, puling his shirt off his head, revealing his toned chest and abs.
You laid back, watching as the scenes you'd read over and over were brought to life. He reached forward, tugging at the waistband of your sweats, them coming off easily.
You were left in nothing but your underwear and sweatshirt, that you now fortunately realized you weren't wearing anything under.
He climbed back onto the bed in nothing but his boxers, his arms reaching under your thighs to encase them around his head as he kissed gently atop the fabric covering your clit. You moaned softly, grinding upwards into his mouth, his hot breath adding a tingling sensation.
His nails dug into your plush thighs, warning you not to do that again, but you simply couldn't help it. You grinded up once more, the wetness between your legs growing by the second. His nails dug in even harder, leaving crescent shaped markings in your skin. He licked your panties, leaving you whimpering.
"Mateo, please." You begged, not even quite understanding what you were asking for.
He pulled back, leaving you squirming. "Tell me, corazón," He purred, "What is it you want?"
"Hnng—" You swiveled your hips upward, never being talked to like this before, you weren't sure how exactly to answer.
"Use your words." He said smugly, placing his lips back over your clothed clit. Using his skilled tongue, he looped it under the hemline, moving it to side, licking a long strip up your slit.
"Please..." You said again, a hand falling down to push down on his head.
Gekko cleared his throat, looking up at you warningly. The shift in his demeanor was subtle but undeniable, his teasing grin replaced by something sharper, more intense. Gekko tilted his head slightly, his eyes meeting yours with a look that made your breath hitch.
You let go of his hair, letting your hand fall above your head, shifting under his gaze.
As if getting back to business, Gekko leaned his head back down, sucking hungrily on your clit. Flames burst in your stomach, the sensation so sudden it caught you off guard. "Mateo, baby..."
He hummed against your heat, sending tingles up throughout your body. You hand fisted the pillow behind your head, this time unable to squirm against his newly hardened grasp on your thighs.
You held your lip tightly between your teeth, trying to not let a moan slip out. His tongue pushed within you, and all thoughts vanished from your mind. You let go of you lip, letting out a loud gasp.
"There we go." He murmured against your core before getting back to work, licking faster against you. "Let me hear you."
He brought his thumb from your thighs to circle your clit, the combined feeling driving your mind haywire leaving your body jolting as you struggled to control your breathing. You shuddered as his took in a breath before getting back at it, the cool feeling leaving your hips grinding upwards.
Your stomach began to tighten as he worked, signaling you were getting closer and closer to the edge. He noticed your abs flex, smirking against your core as he pulled back. "Mateo!" You whined, irritated he denied you.
He unclasped his arms from your thighs, moving completely off the bed, standing and looking at you expectantly. "Go on, you know what to do."
Remembering the scene he'd been playing out thus far, your eyes glinted. Finally, you weren't so intimidated, because at least this part you were used too.
You scoot to the edge of the bed, pulling his boxers down with practiced ease. His cock sprang free, and you could never, even after a year of your relationship, get used to his size.
He fully stepped out from his boxers, leaving them tossed on the floor haphazardly. His hand wrapped around the back of your head, entwined with your hair in a ball. He pulled you forward, your lips colliding with his dick, knees hitting the floor.
He groaned as you licked up the bottom, not breaking eye contact with the beautiful man before you. You took in the tip, sucking gently as you always did. But he wasn't satisfied, not this time.
Putting both hands behind your hand, he pulls your neck forward roughly, his dick hitting the back of your throat.
You almost choked, putting your hands on his hips, trying to push him away. He growled, refusing to let you pull away. "C'mon chica, be a good girl."
His praise was unexpected, and you almost couldn't believe your ears. You moaned around his cock, him throwing his head back at the sensation before thrusting into your throat repeatedly.
A slew of moans and groans left his throat, you'd never heard him be this vocal. "So close..." He trailed, and you tried pulling off, trying to give him the same treatment he did to you. "Not a chance, hermosa."
With a few final thrusts, fucking your mouth almost violently, he came down your throat. He finally let you pull off, coughing as spit drooled down your chin.
He didn't even give you time to catch his breath before his hand smacked against your cheek, him heaving. Your hand flew up to cradle your face, and you looked up at him shocked.
His hardened expression turned to concern, before he noticed that your eyes were dark with lust. "Fuck me." You said lowly.
"Beg for it." He replied without missing a beat, pushing you back harshly onto the bed, legs spread open just for him.
You looked ip at him, gulping. Again, you'd never seen him so, dominant.
Gekko laughed, almost menacingly after your refusal to answer, "What'd I say, chica?" Your breath was knocked from your chest as his hand flew to your neck, squeezing tightly. "Do I need to remind you?"
"M-Mateo, please." You whined, "I need you, I need you to touch me, be inside me, anything! I'll take anything and everything you give me, just please. Please..."
"Say the words, princessa." Gekko grinned, "Get filthy."
"Fill me up—" You looked at him, squirming at the edge of the bed, aching for him inside you. You could tell he felt the same, as his cock twitched before your core. "With your cum."
He quirked a brow, challenging you to continue.
"Breed me." You finally said, all dignity out of the window but this point.
"Attagirl." He said, leaning down to kiss you, one hand still around your throat as the other grabbed his own cock, rubbing it against your slick, pulsing folds.
You threw your head back, already feeling full as he edged himself halfway in. Your mouth then fell open as he rammed fully into you, stretching you out deliciously.
He wasn't gentle. Not this time.
"Such a pretty girl," He huffed as he thrusted into you to no end, "Hugging my cock so well— ugh." Gekko groaned as your pussy tightened around him, your abs flexing once more.
He smiled, sweat falling from his forehead onto your chest. Your eyes rolled back as he leaned forward, all the while pounding hard, as his tongue trailed its way around your breasts.
"You belong to me." Gekko declared, grabbing your legs and forcing them over his shoulders. His hands found themselves wrapped on the front of your thighs, pulling your body into his as he fucked you.
Lewd sounds left your mouth, harmonizing with the grunts falling from Gekko's. "Mateo, Mateo, Mateo..." You chanted, words blurring together from your cock drunkenness, the only thing you could fully understand was the man railing you.
"Yes, hermosa?" He huffed out, somehow getting even faster.
"Gonna... gonna..." You couldn't think straight as his hips smacked roughly against yours.
"Go on, tell me how you feel." Gekko demanded, his word slightly breathless as he angled his hips, hitting your g-spot repeatedly, intensifying the pleasure he'd been giving you.
"Gonna cum." You forced the words past your lips as your eyes screwed shut.
"Good girl..." He trailed, huffing and puffing as he came close to his own close. "Such— a— good— girl—" Each word was punctuated by a thrust, your abs flexing tightly, squeezing your walls against him.
Electrified burning flames erupted in your stomach, eyes rolling so far back into your head as your squirted over his cock and lower stomach. It began dripping down, following the lines of his abs.
With a final grunt, he felt himself shooting ropes of white liquid within you, slowly fucking into you as he finished. A few more strokes and he collapsed atop you, a sheen of sweat covering his whole body. His hand reached up to cup your face, thumb stroking your face. "How do you feel, mi amor?"
Your body shuddered, "S'good." You panted, "So, so, good."
Gekko pushed himself off of you, you whining as you missed the heat from his body. "Don't worry. Just running a bath and getting you some water."
You hummed as you felt fabric drag along your nether regions, cleaning you up. Your body twitched slightly as a blanket was tucked over you, eyes opening slightly to see your beautiful boyfriend cleaning up himself.
"I love you, Teo." You murmured.
"I love you too, hermosa." Gekko paused, looking at you sweetly. Your boy was back. "Was that okay?"
"More than."
✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩
You walked into the cafeteria, Gekko's arm falling over your shoulder.
"AHAHA!" Your eyes snapped over to see Neon, doubled over in laughter. She tried stifling it with a hand over her mouth, but it couldn't cover the loud laughter.
Your brows furrowed as you glanced between Neon and Gekko, who was clearly amused by the situation. "What’s so funny?" you asked, though you had a sinking feeling you weren’t going to like the answer.
Neon straightened up slightly, still chuckling as she pointed toward the two of you. "You! And him!” She barely got the words out before dissolving into another fit of laughter, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
“What about us?” you asked, your voice laced with suspicion, glancing up at Gekko, who just shrugged, feigning ignorance but couldn't hide the smirk.
Neon clutched her sides, barely able to contain herself. "You two didn’t even try to hide it!" she gasped between bursts of laughter, her finger pointing directly at your neck.
Your hand flew up instinctively, brushing over your skin, and you froze when you realized what she was referring to. You'd totally forgotten. Heat flooded your face as your eyes darted to Gekko, who was sporting the smuggest grin imaginable. "Mateo..." you hissed, your voice low and threatening.
He had the audacity to look innocent, though his mischievous eyes betrayed him. "What? Don’t look at me like that, chica. You didn’t say I had to be careful."
Neon practically fell over, laughing even harder. "Careful?! Oh my god, Gekko, you left a trail! It’s like you wanted everyone to know!"
You glared at him, your face burning hotter by the second. "I am going to kill you," you muttered through gritted teeth, smacking his arm.
Gekko just chuckled, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, it’s not my fault you’re irresistible," he said smoothly, leaning in slightly.
Neon finally managed to catch her breath, wiping a tear from her eye. "Oh, this is so going in the group chat. Everyone’s gonna lose it!"
"Neon, don’t you dare!" you exclaimed, reaching for her phone as she cackled and took off sprinting. You huffed as you knew there was no chance you'd catch her, and now the fear of facing Brimstone kicked in.
#valorant#valorant x reader#valorant fanfiction#gekko valorant#gekko x reader#gekko x you#gekko#gekko smut#valorant smut#gekkosgirl writes
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Deck The Halls for a Birthday Party: The Third Hour.
I'm just sayin...! If we want this party to suit Mukuro, we're gonna need more warpaint!
And I'm saying if we want this to be a nice surprise, the lest violent, the better!
Bro, you just don't wanna get your face all messy!
I-I'm not denying that! But more than that, I want this to be a nice party where we can all come together as friends and family, and show appreciation for someone we love!
If we wanted to turn this into a battlefield, we might as well have gone paintballing!
So what, you really think that she'd like a more traditional Japanese thing? What has Mukuro ever said or done to make you think she liked traditional Japanese stuff?
Alright, alright, easy, you two. If you wanna get better opinions on it, just ask Sayaka when she makes her rounds.
That might be for the best. The least we can do in the meantime is finish putting up the streamers and decorations we already have.
*The decorations team set up their pre-given decorations in the gymnasium at the Future Foundation. Unfortunately, though left in charge of planning, neither Hiro, Taka, nor Mondo can truly settle on a theme for the party.
I do get your problems though. Is anyone else a little worried that we really don't know what it is we should be aiming for here?
Yeah, until Makoto and Kyoko get back, we're flyin' by the seat of our-
Woah, it's slippin'!
Huh!?
*Mondo looks up above them to see one of their paper streamers coming loose from its hook. But as it begins to fall...
*FWACK!*
Ah!?
Phew...That was a close one.
Kanon!?
*As the streamer falls, Kanon shoots it from a distance with a nail gun. She hits it dead on and catches it before it can drop.
Holy shit, that was some killer accuracy!
I've had lots of practice~
...Yeah, no kidding...Man, how the hell did Eje and his boys ever manage to wrangle you in?
Oh, well, it's not like I really struggled. They didn't wanna hurt me, I didn't wanna hurt them.
If I did...all their necks'd be broken by now.
I...don't doubt it.
Well, hey, Happy Christmas, Kanonball. What'cha doin' here?
Sayaka told me what was going on, and I wanted to lend a hand. She told me you were working over here, and...I figured you boys could use a woman's touch.
That might come in handy...We're actually struggling a little here.
Why? What's the problem?
So, Mukuro, the person who this is all for...She's kinda a reserved person, and we've never held a party for her on such a big scale before.
She's not someone who really likes talkin' about herself, so...we don't know what she really likes.
She's kinda like you actually! She's one of those "tough girl" types, so your input would really help out!
Jeez...Say what you really think of me, why don't you?
Anyway, yeah, I can chip in...But I gotta know; where is Mukuro now? It'll be hard keeping her away from this place while we brainstorm.
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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i'll be like "i'm a god of writing" and then an hour passes after i post or submit something and i'll be like "i'm so dumb there's so much i could've done better if only i'd waited a bit and looked at it with fresh eyes i would've noticed how much it sucks & what i could've improved that looks so much like first draft material there's so many revisions i could make why i am i so impulsive and overconfident" and then i'll start writing something else and be like "i'm a god of writing" again
#the woes of having both a superiority and inferiority complex#also i think this might be similar to how i only get performance anxiety AFTER the performance is done. i'm always like this#i'll be super chill before a play & during it but then the play ends and i'm like “fuck they must've hated my acting” or whatever#or i'll be super chill while singing but then it ends and i go “man i sung way too quietly & i think i was out of pitch i suck”#and once again as soon as i go back to doing it again i go “wow im super great at this im amazing”#on related news i applied to a zine with 2 out of 3 snippets being ones i started writing as soon as i decided i was actually gonna apply#& i decided i wanted to apply 5hrs before i sent the application#so uh. i wrote ~2.7k words within 5 hrs & didnt give myself time to edit it bc im a dumbass w/ no concept of time#(“the applications close jan 2nd so i need to get this done asap” dude there's like a week til then why the rush- oh youve already sent it)#tbf they're more like 2nd drafts? one is a scene i'd kind of written b4 but w/ the intent of no one seeing it so i completely rewrote it#& the other is a very VERY loose eng translation of like the first quarter of one of my one-shots. when u compare its more of a rewrite rly#but still i'm looking at them now & im getting 2nd thoughts i shouldve waited eughhh#if you're a mod of that zine pls look away hahahaha.....#unless you liked those last 2 snippets & r impressed with the fact they were rushed. if so then yea im a god of writing ik ik#but to be fr tho i actually think snippet 2 is pretty strong but i think the 3rd one is... very weak. there's not much cohesion#like i def could've added more connective tissue. i was just a bit over half the wc limit so that was def smth i couldve done. ugh
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jingliu is a perfect example of "if this female character was male, shed be universally loved instead of heavily criticized"
#im not saying you cant criticize a character but its sooooo telling that she gets so much of it#“shes a hypoctite. shes too mean. shes too cold.” yeah uh huh but those kinds of traits are fine on ren okay got it#people saying her character design is basic like im sorry but star rail doesnt have very many ground breaking designs for anyone#and yet i only see people bringing up jinglius design. also saying shes too pretty and done up#like the men arent also conventionally attractive. *yes* hoyoverse is bad for unique female designs#buts lets not pretend its solely a jingliu problem. it was an issue before her#shes just another victim of the short dress exposed shoulders look. also her design is not in any way shape or form the worst female design#im not going to give my opinion on that here tho because its not important#im losing my train of thought so im just gonna say people wouldnt be handwringing over the prospect#of jing yuan having romantic feelings for her. in fact thered be droves and droves of girls shipping them if jingliu was a man#not to mention shipping her with ren if she was. and dan heng/feng#but shes not a man so shes being scruitinized and picked apart for any potential “flaws”#like theyre so transparent about it. like im sorry she was mean to ren/yingxing fucking forgive her for having complex feelings#about a messy complicated issue while shes dealing with her own#trauma and guilt and anger and everything else that wouldnt be a problem if she wasnt a female character#the hypocrisy of it all never ceases to astound#hsr
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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Me: I should probably clean my room, unpack, find my laptop and finish the work tasks that were due yesterday
Also me: I think I'm going to hot glue flowers, vines, and ribbons to a basket instead :)
#no my room is so bad it even hurts my chronically messy soul#i moved back in with my parents in May and im terrible at unpacking#so everything is just strewn about because i just pulled shit out of boxes when i needed them and never put them anywhere productive#and i just got back from my summer camp job. i still need to digitize my inventory and write my closing report#it was supposed to be done before i left camp but i convinced them to let me do it by monday#today is tuesday#part of the reason i havent done it is because my laptop is lost in this mess#last thing im procrastinating is ren faire prep#truly its not much prep just adding vines and flowers to a basket and needing to try on my whole outfit#and practice my makeup and hair#makeup will be light bcuz i dont know how to do makeup#so im just doing some lipstick and glittery highlight#and i need to figure out what to do with my hair. i have a tiara that i might see about fastening into the braids#or i may braid ribbons into my hair. gotta test to see whoch one i like better#i am so fucking excited for ren faire bcuz im going with my gf and some of her friends#im so excited to meet her friends and spend time with her outside of the summer camp we worked at together#AND im going to do her hair and she asked me to braid ribbons into her hair so im so excited#i just need to practice some braids to figure out how i want to do her hair and practice braiding in ribbons#i fucking love doing hair and i cant wait to do hers. ive done single strand braods for her before BUT#she has long beautiful hair and ive been wanting to try more braids on her and i think i have an idea of what i want to do#but instead of doing anything productive. i am sitting in bed. doing nothing#(spoiler alert its because every time i leave camp i get treated to a terrible depressive episode)#(its because i lose the routine and sunshine and exercise and social aspect of camp probably)#(now worsened by the terrible state of my room and the passing of one of my rats while i was at camp that i just learned about)#anyway im doing fine. gonna go do something now ig
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#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do
#ive uh not processed it yet and it also wont really shake out for a little while now i guess but .. yeah#long story short my friends who ive been A Trio with since we were 11 might be done with each other#theres a LOT of additional factors but theyre splitting a house share so one can go live with a boyfriend#and in the process it sounds like theyve made a lot of selfish choices for some unknown reason#ngl theyve pissed me off a little bit for being so weird and reclusive since theyve had the boyfriend as well but only with us#its ... yeah i dont know what alls happened because i dont live with them#but i just cant fathom how they got to this point quibbling over the contents of their shared house of 5 years#over a boyfriend whos been around for 2 or 3 years ..... to ruin a friendship of 18 years ????#again i dont know the whole story but i trust what the friend whos still good at talking to us to not lie about them being screwed around#i just dont get it at all how to reconcile what ive been told with who ive known over half my life#theyve felt off .. or wrong for a while now tbh ... i miss them#i havent seen the other one since before may ...#the thought that mightve been the last time we all hang out is kind of killling me inside lol#and it was also pretty weird and stilted again because it was very boyfriend-centric#this always happens to me lol ive lost count of all my school friend groups who end up basically fighting over me after they fall out#its a MAJOR trauma point for me and i thought we kind of grew past that but i guess i was wrong#ive been catching myself with a weepy eye or a single sob all day#i dont know what to do i wanna know what the fuck happened and what was worth doing this for#i wanna confront everyone and ask for a fucking explanation as to why my single life solid bedrock is falling apart#i mostly wanna dig a hole and die in it ... im fine im safe but im bothered by like ...#what a total fool ill look like if i just melt down at work ... i might find the mental health first aiders list and write an email lol#im like not okay cksbdkssj fucking hell#i have some hope but its ... its hard out here#i need to go to bed fuck#id dont neeeeed thiiiiisss im gonna choke on life agaaaiiinnn#the battle to keep my shit together enough to at least not self-sabotage ??? its testing my patience#rory's ramblings
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i have obtained a SIGNIFICANT and POTENTIALLY CARCINOGENIC BIOHAZARD and im BEYOND EXCITED ABOUT THIS
#the bhiohazard in question? a couple of nastyass turnouts!!!! a jacket and some pants!!!!!#yeah theyre sitting abt three feet away from me but dw!!! theyre in a big garbage bag so its ok ^-^#basically the EMT program (that im almost done with. as a side note but woot woot) is selling their old student ambulances#since theyre a bitch to maintain and we have a newer indoors simulator (its like. the back of an ambulace built into a room)#(like the back and one of the sides are open and it doesnt have a drivers compartment (duh) and no tires but is otherwise a Real Ambulance#which we use for practicing)#anyways so these old student ambulances gotta get cleaned out before they can be sold yeah?#and as it HAPPENS!! theyve been storing a SHIT TON of nasty filthy smelly turnouts in there for the past While#like probably 12-16 Large garbage bags full#(for those who dont know: turnouts are what those fucking. firefighter uniforms are called. like the ones they wear In Fires)#and they dont know what to do with them so theyre gonna get thrown away next week#so my TEACHER!!! was like 'yall if anyone Wants any of that shit you can literally just help urself'#so i went down today and poked thru some bags and GOT STUFFS!!!#anyways i am excited not only bc Turnouts Cool but ALSO bc theyre Super Fucking Insulated#bc theyre meant to be worn inside Massive and Super Hot fires#which yeah protects u from extreme heat but my GENUOS BRAIN also realized this: they would be STUPID COZY in cold weather#and i happen to be moving to a rather cold part of the states in a few months!!!!#so now i have free winter gear and its EXTRA SEXY STYLE#however u CANNOT clean turnouts at home bc#a) they gotta be washed with Extra Strong Industrial Fucking Machines#(called 'extractors' not 'washing machines')#and b)#they can and WILL leech nasty fucking toxins from structural fires into your machine and contaminate everything forever <3#so ive reached out to some 'send away' turnout laundry services#idk if theyre gonna do it tho cuz um. im Not associated with a fire department <3#so if that fails ill just do the best i can at home!!! <- research mode Engaged#either way theyre sexy and Yes i can still smell them despite them being bagged in a Super Rugged Industrial Manly Garbage Bag#(i didnt tie it super tight)#btu thats ok whats life without Danger <3#whatever the fuck
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These are the guys I'm gonna eventually turn into my ocs Dion and Nicky, once I my doll repainting skills have reached a decent point
#mine#and thats gonna be a while#Ill be experimenting on some monster high heads#but before I can do that I need a good varnish#and ive found one to buy but I dont have the money for it rn#so this whole project will be for september#i have never done doll repaintings before#i HAVE bought acetone and removed one doll face but thats it#im not removing these guys faces just yet#i liie their current ones so they get to keep them until Im ready to give them new ones#I had originally found another doll for Nicky. a Cameron#but then I saw this Cade and I knew it had to be him#i was HOPING his hair would be Right enough to keep but its too dark and too short#so I get to reroot him!#which. is also gonna take a while#what im gonna do is im gonna scalp a doll w the right hair color and then use that hair#easier than buying new doll hair#besides itd be weird if his hair was all shiny and new. thats not realistic#ill have to practice cutting doll hair too#lots of preperation before I can make my boys!#i want them to look as nice as possible#rn they get to look like this together#i also need black clothes for Dion#and ill have to make all their tattoos also GOD#big project!!!#initially I was only gonna do Dion but. i dont want him to be lonely#Nickys gonna be more work but thats okay#very exciting!!
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the 20 dollar pair of throwaways I got for my sister's wedding were perfect for the like 7 hours I got them for but are really not perfect for like anything else ever
#i mean the WERE 20 dollars thats how it works but ya know#ive had to use them while walking around to do errands and not gonna lie wish i hadnt tossed the old busted pair#they were pretty far past done for but these things have given me. SO many blisters and i kinda just gotta keep goin#woulda taken the duct tape pair. shoulda just kept the duct tape pair#i seriously need to get some actual nice walking shoes but that would necessitate having more than 50 dollars at one point ever#and im outta weed lmao i had to bust out the emergency stash from the junk drawer#you know cause i get to where im sleeping and the ouch oof ache of my badshoes leaves me wanting a poofer choofer#its a cycle but ive been in worse cycles#if my mental health were also at an especially low point during all this i dont even KNOW what id be doing lol#i walkked. over 17 miles the other day in a haze of self harm after more bullshit happened and lost my wallet during the walk.#not a fun 6 miles of backtracking. drank outta someones hose once and the river twice to stave the clearly onsetting dehydration. didnt die!#found the wallet. drank maybe more water than i ever have in one moment when i passed the library and absorbed their entire drinking font#anyway my legs/knees were ruined and i almost sent myself to the hospital again cause i cant make bad decisions normal i get weird about it#but hey if a very specific set of circumstances fall into place maybe i wont be broke and just generally all around unwell goin forward#heres hoping it does before student loan payments roll round again lol
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