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oftenderweapons · 4 years ago

Note

sub jk?? 😶😶😶

Pairing: Jungkook x reader (nicknamed Candy)

Wordcount: 2,0k

Genre: drabble, pwp, fluff, established relationship

Rating: 18+

This was SO! MUCH! FUN! TO! WRITE! Thank you, nonnie. Also, sorry if I got carried away with wordcount, I couldn’t help it 😳🥴🥴🥴 This is literally pwp. Just a drabble where bestest boi Jeon Jungkook is super sweet and begs a lot.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: sub!Jk (obvs), Domme!Reader; Candy is super horny and has a severe case of wandering hands. Brief handjob male receiving (just very casual palming); boobjob and blowjob; use of lube (again, let’s normalise using it); edging; hand pinning; mild mommy kink; grinding/humping with clothes off; praise kink; brief unprotected penetration (please don’t do that unless you and your partner(s) are safe); cockwarming; creampie; switch!Jk at the very very end.

Jeongguk standing at the kitchen counter, fixing breakfast, shirtless at the crack of dawn was something that always made you horny.

Simply watching those back muscles flex and flutter was a sight to behold.

He was humming a tune under his breath as he cut and cleaned an avocado, your chocolate milk already on a cup as it cooled down a little, so that you could drink it without burning your tongue. He always made it a bit hotter since he knew you always took your time before waking up — or rather, before getting out of bed.

Your feet padded softly against the linoleum floor, lazily walking toward him.

As you stood behind him, you placed your hands around his waist before sliding them to his front spreading your fingers against his taut abdomen, dragging them upward, toward his pectorals, flattening your palm against the thick muscles.

“Good morning to you,” he said with a teasing tone.

“'Morning,” you replied, placing your cheek between his shoulder blades.

“Your breakfast is ready.” He said, spreading some sliced strawberries over your toast.

“Mhhh...” You commented nuzzling your nose against his spine, your thumbs toying with his nipples. “How long do we have?”

“I have a free morning...” He said, chuckling.

“Free morning on a Saturday? Am I dreaming?” You asked, incredulous, letting one of your hands roam down, to the waistband of his sweats.

He stopped your wandering hand. “Are you feeling needy?” He asked, his chin resting on his shoulder as he looked at you from the corner of his eye.

“Can you blame me? You're hot first thing in the morning.” You said, standing on your tiptoes and kissing his nape.

He let go of your wrist, silently giving you the green light to slide your fingers into his sweats.

You inhaled his scent, leaning your forehead against him before tentatively teasing his pelvis by raking your nails gently against his skin.

“Do you want breakfast or shall we go back to bed?” He asked, feeling your small hand skim the sensitive length of his cock, up and down before wrapping your fingers around it, exploring how it hardened and fluttered and pulsed into life, tracing the spot where his shaft met his balls.

“Let's go to bed.” You murmured, cupping him and teasing his skin with the edge of your teeth.

He chuckled and tugged your hand out of his pants. “I need to walk.” He said, grinning down at you with the most mischievous expression.

As soon as you both reached the bedroom, he stood with his back to the bed, you standing right in front of him as he pulled his sweats down, taking them off entirely before sitting on the bed and crawling backward.

"Aren't you going to take off your shirt?" He asked, staring at you. "Well, my shirt, but you're wearing it..."

"Semantics," you commented, crawling toward him, settling down in between his spread legs and removing the problematic item.

"How do you want me?" He asked, sitting up, ready for you to direct him.

You pushed him with his back to the mattress, the soft light coming in through the blinds making the atmosphere intimate enough for a steamy rendezvous. “Just lay there,” you said, straddling his waist as you stretched to the bedside table, his hands landing on your ass lightly, your body laying on top of his as you fumbled with the drawer, finding a small plastic bottle and taking it with you, climbing down his body even though his hands felt so good groping your ass.

You kissed his strong thighs in the process, making sure that you teased them a little with your teeth and tongue. “Hands off,” you said as soon as you felt him touch your hair.

He obeyed. “Kinky.” He said grinning, crossing them behind his head and watching you get to

“Quiet.” You warned.

When he heard your voice, he immediately changed his attitude. “Sorry.”

You smirked and stood on your knees, uncapping the bottle and squeezing a line of lube from his base to his tip as his cock arched invitingly all the way to his belly, leaning slightly to the left. Looking at it felt almost forbidden at the beginning, but now here you were, considering how its proportions fit you perfectly, the long shaft matched with a less conspicuous girth. You doubted you could have handled him had he been even a millimeter thicker.

Drawing another line of lube, you heard him hiss.

You looked at him with a small sneer.

“Cold,” he pouted, as his glutes twitched with a tiny thrust.

You grinned and poured some lube on your palm, “Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up baby.” You said, leaning down, rubbing your wet hand to your chest, focusing on the valley between your breasts.

His eyes opened wide. “Oh god, yes.”

You smiled, placing your mouth on his thigh, tempting him before biting down, eliciting a tight growl.

“I said quiet.” You scolded him before caging his cock between your breasts. “You answer when I talk to you. Got it?”

He nodded quickly.

“Be verbal, baby.” You encouraged him.

He looked you in the eye, feeling slightly insecure, out of his depth. “Yes, Candy.”

“Good boy.” You said, sliding up and down, just once.

He began purring, but he managed to control himself, holding back after half a second.

“That’s my good boy.” You praised him again, watching as his arms started moving a little, struggling to stay still.

Slowly you gave him another pump. “Feels nice, sweetie?” You asked, looking up at his lovely face, scrunched up as he tried to restrain himself from pushing his hips against you.

“Feels nice, Candy. So nice.” He replied, trying to be ‘verbal’, as you had asked him, but also barely managing to stay sane.

You picked up your rhythm. “Look into my eyes, baby bun.” You called, staring at his sealed eyelids, waiting for them to flutter open.

Licking his lips, he obeyed, his dark pupils dilated because of the darkness and all the lust.

Lewdly, you lolled your tongue out, licking his tip and kissing it, sucking on it until it popped into your mouth, your teeth grazing the sensitive spot where his glans met his shaft, your head bobbing a couple times before you released him and started stroking him again.

"Oh god, Candy, I'm..." His eyes held your gaze for a second before you let go of your tits just slightly, reducing the pressure on him.

He threw his head back and groaned. “Please.”

Oh, that was the first of a long series. You meant to make him beg at least twenty times. Minimum.

You gave him a couple tentative licks, watching him catch his breath and unwind.

As soon as he looked like he had a grip, you went back on him with all your might, immediately sucking his tip aggressively while your boobs worked his shaft.

“Oh, please. Please, Candy, so good.” He whined, his voice so sweet as he softly, unconsciously switched to his satoori. “It’s too good.” He rumbled, giving a few thrusts up before you let go of your tits and placed your palms on his hips, pushing him down, momentarily denying him the privilege of your mouth.

“Stay put. No pushing.” You warned him, laying small pecks all the way from the base to the tip before swallowing him.

His arms immediately tried to go for your hair, but he managed to control himself and grip the sheets at his sides instead.

As you saw him behave, you added your boobs in the equation, immediately conjuring a moan from him that slowly turned into a breathy whimper. “Please, baby. I need you. Please, wanna cum. Lemme cum, I'll be so good to you.” He begged, desperate. “I've been so good.” He reiterated, trying to appeal for your mercy.

You pulled him out of your mouth and worked him with your hands a little. “You've been a good boy?” You asked, using your thumb to tease his slit, bringing your finger to your mouth once it was smeared in his precum.

“I've been so good.” His light voice contrasted with the tone he usually used for satoori. It was so sexy, the dragging of the vowels, the consonants with their smooth edges. It was a light mumbling.

You got on your knees and crawled until you found yourself straddling his hips.

“How good?” You asked, bracing your palms on his pecs, the pads of your thumbs circling the small areolae of his nipples, a few shades darker than his skin.

“I was making breakfast… I made you feel so good last night…” He tried to defend himself. “I'm always so good to you.” He babbled as he felt the warmth of your cunt cover his shaft. “Please, I'm your good boy. Please, Candy.”

Your pelvis started grinding against him.

“Please… I— I need it so bad. Please, baby.”

Your eyes rolled back as you felt his taut, slippery, hot flesh rub against your most intimate part. “What do you need, pretty boy?” You asked, moving one hand to cup his cheek.

“Inside, please, love.”He said, his abs twitching, his eyes struggling to stay open. You looked down, noticing his abdomen stained in a mix of lube and precum, pouring frequently and abundantly from his slit.

“So close…” He whimpered. “I'm begging you. Inside, Candy, ____.”

“Say the magic words, baby.” You said, licking your lips and smiling deviously as you felt him whine like the loveliest puppy.

“I love you, please inside…” He said, placing his hands on your ass. “Love you so much… God, Candy… I—”

You caught his wrists with a tut and pinned them atop of his head, stretching forward so that your breasts were bouncing right against his chest, your clit pressing more harshly against his sex.

“Please, Candy please, so good. Mommy please, inside.” He whimpered.

You felt your body melt. He'd never called you that before.

Never.

And you never thought you could like it, until it blossomed from his lips so gently and desperately, his body weak with tiny hiccups and moans, sweat covering his forehead, his soft chocolate locks fanned on the pillow like tender tendrils of darkness blooming around him.

“Mommy, please let me… I need it.” He cried out, his eyes watering as he opened them with so much difficulty.

Freeing one had, you brought it between your legs and slipped him in.

“Yes,” He moaned in relief, “thank you, mommy.” He said with a strained voice before you gave him a squeeze with your kegels.

Two thrusts and he was gone, completely blissed out, his eyes so grateful as they met yours before shutting down, his mouth opening in voiceless pleasure, his abs pulsing with the same pattern as his cock inside you, his chest staying wide and full for half a minute as he copiously spilled inside you, his lungs deflating as his high subsided, his seed pouring out of your hole and dribbling down his cock.

“Koo,” you said, letting his wrists go, his hands immediately coming for his face, covering his eyes.

“I'm so sorry, that's so embarrassing…” He said, trying to escape your curious gaze.

“It was so sweet, baby.” You said, kissing his cheek. “It was a little out of the blue, but it was really, really cute, Koo.” You said, nuzzling your nose against his jaw.

“It was amazing.” He said, hugging you to his chest. “And, I'm sorry for… That. I don't know what happened…”

“We can talk about that whenever you're ready. Or we can completely forget about it. Still, I think I sort of liked it…?” You said, dubious. “So I'd really like it if we talked about this sometime… Take it into consideration. If you're comfortable, that is.” You clarified.

Jeongguk looked at you silently for a minute. “Yes. Sure. I mean, I never really brought that up because it's something… It makes me vulnerable, but… I'd like it if we… took it into consideration.” He said, titubant but also relieved. “However…” He mused, “I think we have more pressing matters to consider.” He said, thrusting gently inside you before throwing you on your back.

All shyness gone, he spoke with a grin. “Your turn.”

#Jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook x y/n #jeon jungkook #Sub!jungkook #bts blog #bts smut #bts fanfic blog

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dismas-dumbass · 4 years ago

Text

Mom says that a house is like a body. And every house has eyes and bones and skin. A face. This room is like the heart of the house. No, not a heart, a stomach.

-The Haunting of Hill House

Hackett Siblings wanted for some absolutely chaotic drama!

CW: suicide, ptsd, mental trauma, death, substance abuse

henlo, welcome to the ad where i lose my shit cause i’ve lost control of my life. anyway! i have the idea for a rather messed up group of siblings slightly based off the Haunting of Hill House show. The basics are that there’s a large house, there’s a large family, something reaaaallyy rreeaally bad happens to the family when the kids are young that have fucked them up for the rest of their lives, fun stuff like that! obviously the situation is more subtle/personal rather than what goes on in the show [i’ll try to be vague due to spoilers] but i think it’s still something that can be rather creepy~ pretty much 95% of the info presented in this version of the ad is rather flexible and flimsy and i definitely don’t mind working with y’all to make it something amazing!! also, no knowledge of the show is needed whatsoever but just be a tiny bit careful if you do wanna see it/don’t like being spoiled mostly just due to the fact that with the themes that will be in the ad the show will probably be discussed as well!

a loooootttt of the details aren’t set in stone btw! i’m pretty much outlining my thoughts and the general concept but things may/will change and things will be added/subtracted as more people contribute to the idea!

if you have any questions or even if this strikes your fancy you can contact me on discord [mine’s dismas#9766]! if there’s more than one of ya then we can get a group chat going so that way we can see what ideas we all have for this! i can’t wait to write with y’all! <3

Backstory

alright, so the gist is that the Hackett family used to live in a rather big and fancy house. why they were there is up in the air so here’s a few suggestions: A. like the show, their parents were fixing it up. now, whether that means they’re going to sell it right after or live in it is open since both angles are rather interesting! B. they inherited it. from who? who knows! could be a relative that one of the parents knew, could have been random. it’s just a harmless house right? it might be good for the family! C. they just moved there. weird house for a good price? why not! it might be fun!

whatever the reason, the siblings were in the house for some time. whether they’re natives to Dyrne or outsiders is open since all of the concepts can cover those possibilities easily! there’s no strict timeline yet as to how old they were when they were in that house but more than likely the youngest [twin] siblings were no younger than 6 so make of that what you will with the age ranges~ i would say that they were in that house for about a year or so? technically not too long in their lives but enough to cause lifelong damage?

their parents were good people. they had their flaws obviously and raising literally seven kids was an undertaking but they managed fine enough. mostly through the power of having the older siblings taking care of the younger. but even then they were loving parents. their father was a bit of a mess but well-meaning [think: one of the little siblings learned a swear word from an older one and their father tries to track them down, shouting throughout the house ‘get your ass in here now or else you’re grounded!’] and their mother was more organized yet didn’t hesitate to create a tiny bit of harmless chaos every once in a while. they loved each other, they loved their kids.

now, obviously, there’s the subject of the house itself. what’s the history behind it? that’s definitely left open due to the very reason why they’re there. but there’s probably something wrong with the house. physically? spiritually? mentally? whoever walks those halls won’t exactly be coming back out the same, that’s for sure. And that’s sort of what happened. the official story was that the Hackett family lived in the house for year, doing whatever, and then a fire broke out which caused the death of their mother. the rest of the family was able to escape and the father gave the testimony that it was an electrical fire -when investigated, he was proven innocent of any wrongdoing.

so what’s the actual story? It’s a bit of a mish mash of weird memories, mostly. it’s not really known whether the house is actually alive alive or if its history is just a horrible set of coincidences of bad stuff happening to people. the actual night was a blur to the siblings, all of them being ushered out of the house by their frantic father and herded into the car. when they asked where their mother was their father didn’t answer so they were just left crying after their missing mother. they didn’t even know that there was a fire even though maybe one of them said that they smelled smoke. they didn’t find out until one of the officers at the scene talked about it. for whatever reason, each and every one of them were silent on why they were brought out of the house by their father.

it’s still something they don’t know about.

to be fair, it was almost a partial relief to be out of the house. as i mentioned with the family they were held together well enough and were loving but things started to change when they moved to that house. slowly, surely, they started to encounter strange happenings, feel strange things, and started to view each other differently. what exactly happened to each family member is left open since they mostly don’t speak of their experiences except for the youngest. even their father, who may have experienced quite a lot, was tight-lipped about what happened to him, especially on the night of the fire. the experiences changed them, messed with them, and caused them to splinter and falter and break. after the death of their mother there was obviously quite a few years before everyone split up but they eventually did, going off to do their own things with their own scars hidden beneath their lies. some moved away, some stayed, but they still stayed in touch in some fashion. just not enough to be considered personal anymore.

what brought them all back together was the death of their father not too long ago. The poor man must have been consumed by guilt of some sort and took his own life, leaving his children behind to deal with the aftermath. they still never got any secrets from him nor any answers so all that’s there are feelings of confusion and loss. where the story begins is the revealed news that all the siblings are going to be living under one roof -in that house. the youngest daughter, for whatever reason, decided to purchase their childhood home back and has been in the process of restoring it. the reason why each sibling decides to go along with this is up in the air but the end result is the same: all seven siblings, plus any other family they may have, are now living in that house again.

Siblings

all the siblings except the one i’ll be playing are not set in stone! i’m going for a redheaded family sort of feel so the face claims i’ve put for each of them are something that i prefer but! tbh i’m super flexible and and at the end of the day it’s not a dealbreaker to choose someone else~ since i don’t wanna restrict folk’s fun over a fc choice! overall the sibling's interactions between each other are not that amicable -some may try to cooperate but old wounds come up and oftentimes a fight arises. they still have their weird traditions such as drawing straws if they need to do something and nobody wants to or they all fall silent at the same time [not often, obv., since they're mostly shouting over each other] that cause people on the outside to look at them strangely. at the end of the day, they can't escape the fact that they are siblings and are from the same disturbed family.

beliefs as well are varied and open! none say that they believe their youngest brother whenever he tries to convince them of what happened at the house though whether or not they believe that inside their heads is another matter entirely~

also! don’t feel as though you have to base your characters off any from the show! it’s just a nice start-off point and if you’re inspired but it’s definitely not a requirement whatsoever!

tbh a lot of the siblings aren’t fleshed out a lot & what happened to them in the house is also open so feel free to go wild!! i mean it; you can add as much as you want so that you can create a character that you’ll love to write for!

Eldest Son- 51. Toby Stephens.

being the eldest, he was the one to usually look after the younger children if their parents needed to do something. he built up a sort of protector complex where he has to make sure that he knows where all the other siblings are at all times. he fails constantly, of course, since he can’t even manage to have one of them listen to him. still, he feels responsible for all of his other siblings and takes it personally when he can’t get something done for them. he has his flaws, obviously, in that he tries to say that his way is the right way and can be as stubborn as an ox so despite his best intentions he clashes with some of the other siblings. this may be why none of them tend to listen to him.

Second Son- 50. Tony Curran.

He is one of the quieter siblings, preferring to be by himself when not needed. It isn’t that he dislikes his siblings; he just likes to be alone rather than among them. he’s kind and thoughtful so whenever one of the others needs help he’ll try to be there but besides that don’t count on him being somewhere on his own. Actually, it may be difficult to count on him in general because he loses track of time often and before he knows it he’s two hours late to moving some furniture for someone. this is probably the reason why he tends to be by himself -he doesn’t seem to grasp the passage of time as others have.

Eldest Daughter- 47. Sarah Rafferty.

she’s cruel. not absolutely cruel but cruel enough. she likes to poke and prod her siblings and see what sets them off. she thinks it’s funny and likes to observe the aftermath of her machinations. she likes to claim that she’s just bored but in reality she’s absolutely insecure herself and wants to bring others down to feel better about herself. don’t tell this to her face because she will absolutely try to turn it back on you and make you out to be the bad guy while she is the victim. also, don’t try to get revenge -she’ll just be more inclined to do something worse to you.

Second Daughter- 46. Amy Adams.

she’s neutral towards, well, everything. she kind of just exists and she doesn’t like that. not a lot of passion, not a lot of purpose. maybe she tries something daring once in a while to feel something but comes up short. it’s difficult for her to emotionally connect with others in a deep way and oftentimes she finds herself alone. she doesn’t like being alone, though, since being alone means she’ll be alone with her thoughts and she hates that. If she can even feel that properly, anyway. she’s not emotionless in the sense that she is sociopathic but her difficulty feeling things has caused her to have a sarcastic and thorny exterior towards anyone she meets, fueling her involuntary self-isolation.

Third Daughter- 43. Jessica Chastain. Reserved for spooky spice

she's the face of the family. the most energetic. the most chaotic. the one to threaten to break someone's kneecaps if they dare harm her siblings. she'll give a show-stopping smile and then tell you to eat shit afterwards. due to the minimal age difference she always had to watch the twins and therefore she is close to them, especially Thomas. some joke that she's actually Thomas' twin -she can sort of just sense whenever the youngest Hackett is in trouble. she's not happy about anything seeming messy, of course, so she spares no second to chastise anyone [including Thomas] about what they have done wrong. her status among stardom cannot afford any blemishes so catch her changing the subject whenever an interviewer brings up the fact that her younger brother is a drug addict. trust her, she knows. she knows all too well. and maybe her motivation for buying up the Hackett siblings' childhood house was to try to get Thomas some actual help after he failed out of rehab for the umpteenth time. their father's suicide may have just reinforced her decision to go forward with this.

Twin One- 42. Michael Fassbender.

maybe he’s one of the most normal. maybe’s he’s the most normal. maybe he has to be -his twin is an absolute trainwreck of a human being and his family is an equal amount of mess. maybe he’s just good at saving face and hiding the damage caused by the house [and maybe by his siblings]. some days, he sort of forgets that he’s a twin and that said twin is a drug addict. when they were young they were close though he would often play kind of cruel tricks on his younger twin such as locking the door to the basement after daring Thomas to go down the stairs, leaving him in a room alone with the lights off, and things like that. he grew out of it, matured, and tries to ignore the fact that he may or may not have been part of the reason why Thomas is the way he is now. he's too focused on being a professor at the college to fully see the cries of help his younger twin is showing.

Twin Two Thomas Hackett- 42. Michael Fassbender. Taken by Dismas.

so you’re asking me if i have a problem. i probably do. the youngest of the Hackett family; he’s probably one of the most heavily affected by the events at the house. for those familiar with the show think a combination of inspiration between Luke and Eleanor Crain, but also with even more issues maybe as well as none of the siblings being on his side whatsoever on anything. he had quite a few strange encounters ranging anywhere from encountering something in the basement when he was locked in one time by his twin to being trapped in a room with so much noise that he passed out for hours. now, figure, he’s a young kid when all of this happened [probably around 6 or so, could be a tiny bit older] so he doesn’t know how to deal with any of this. this really fucks him up. on top of that, whenever he told his family, none of them ever believed, further fueling the feeling of being unwanted. he was probably the closest one to their mother, being the youngest and the most vulnerable of the children, so he was absolutely devastated when she perished in the fire that fateful night. he blamed his father, thinking that he did something to her and tried to hide it with said fire. he never stopped believing in that, nor in the experiences he had in the house, and it pretty much ate at his soul. not only that but nobody still believed him so he always felt useless. he developed a bitter and angry attitude to try to hide this but the wounds were never able to be covered for long and so he eventually turned to drugs to soothe his pain. obviously, it never fully did so he just fell deeper into the rabbit hole. he dropped out of high school and started to do all sorts of jobs and favors in order to get his next fix, oftentimes winding up being arrested for petty crimes. he earned a bad reputation around town and the only reason why he didn’t face too much jail time is due to one of his siblings always bailing him out. wash, rinse, and repeat.

nowadays he goes between being sort of okay and having his own place to being absolutely drugged out of his mind and having to crash at a sibling’s place if they’re local -mostly his twin or the youngest daughter of the family. he’s failed out of rehab recently which may have been one of the reasons why the youngest daughter decided to purchase and fix up their childhood home; so that he can have a stable over his head for once and maybe recover from his habits. little does she know, or maybe care, that the house was the reason for his down spiral in the first place so he is not thrilled whatsoever to be stuck in the same building with all the same people who did not believe him. he hates it here.

Other Ideas

this is pretty much going to be only the possible family of the siblings woops but with the house being rather large there’s a ton of room for more than just the siblings themselves and more than likely some of the other siblings are going to be in some sort of relationship unlike Thomas. now, of course, maybe not all of the spouses/partners/children live in the house after all but then again they might! i have a few small ideas:

the loyal partner- this partner is loyal to the sibling they’re married to/with, always making sure they’re alright and making sure the sibling is well taken care of. maybe even spoil/indulge a little too much the whims of the sibling. they may seem a little more oblivious to the chaotic dynamics of the siblings and the strangeness of the house. they just think that everyone needs to get along and everything will be okay! except it’s never that easy and they probably just look foolish for suggesting that.

the angry partner- they hate it in the house. all the fighting and the tension and the drama; they think it’s a bunch of bullshit. they especially think all the spooky~ stuff that apparently happened in the house is all bullshit too and won’t hesitate to call anyone out if the supernatural is even entertained. they just want to live their life in relative peace with the sibling they’re with

the mediator partner- they may not necessarily believe in the unbelievable -in fact, their career hinges on finding out why people process stuff the way they do [ex. a therapist or psychologist]- but they still try to see all angles. they’re typically the one trying to quell the arguments between siblings and trying to see why the siblings feel the way they do about things (and about each other). they’re curious, however, about the house itself and may start poking around in the wrong places to try to discover the truth.

[one tiny suggestion! perhaps the mediator partner is married to Thomas’ twin brother and they have a kid with the face claim of Reece King? ;^; he has slightly similar facial features to Michael Fassbender + i think it’d be sweet if the partner tries to see why Thomas is fucked up the way he is and maybe even begins to sympathize/believe him after they start to figure stuff out?]

Plots

alright! so the obvious plots are going to be the interactions between siblings~ their personalities may give a hint to who they do or don’t get along with but in all honesty they all have bad enough blood with each other to have issues one way or another. so! drama! one of those ‘if you leave them in a room for long enough they’ll find something to fight about’ type of things! they do love each other -really, they do- but their experiences in the house changed them forever and there’s no gaining that back. they can only move forward.

they’re already living in the house for a short period of time [maaaybbe a month? a few weeks?] so they’re all settled in and dealing with the presence of each other and it’s not going exactly swimmingly for obvious reasons. maybe some try to cooperate with each other? others not so much. there’s plenty of fighting and slamming doors and shouting and leaving the area/the house to cool off. on more than one occasion Thomas has already stated that he’s leaving for good and going out on his own. he never follows through with the threat -he can’t. he’s as tied to the house as everyone else is and now he can’t escape. but you get the gist. it’s going to take a while for them to see eye to eye with each other. if they ever do, anyway.

future plots to explore are, of course, up in the air but they can deal with the siblings learning more about each other, learning more about their parents, and learning more about the house. and, of course, learning more about their town as well! Whether things start to get better or if they down spiral even further is going to be rather interesting to see~

for initial threads it could be fun [in a morbid sense] to do a past one where they’re attending their father’s funeral since that was kind of actually a shitshow. imagine all the siblings, with their awful traits, having to deal with the death of their parent and just in terrible pain. so, what else to do than to cause issues with each other and create quite a few commotions? obv. when the sibling’s personalities are solidified we can discuss this further! overall the first types of posts will be their interactions with the site plots, the town itself, and between them when they’re at the house so there’s plenty of room for drama!

#thirdeyerp #wanted ad~#wanted to do this before the dev stuff woops #have an absolute disaster of a family #pls love them kthxbaaaiii

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sethkate · 7 years ago

Note

caleb x sav for the memes

who in your otp:

drives when they go on road trips? do they switch at the halfway point? does one drive there and the other drive back?

caleb drives!! even if sav ever got her license i doubt she would ever drive. especially not caleb’s car since that’s the 2nd love of his life.

looks over the menu for fifteen minutes before ordering the same thing they order EVERYWHERE they go? does the other half of your ship get annoyed by this, or do they find it endearing?

savannah prob orders the same thing. im sure she and caleb talk about the fact that like ‘oh maybe you should get something healthier?? with a little bit more sustenance??’ then at the last minute she’s prob like ‘NAH ill take the cheeseburger, cheese fries and milkshake pls’ which idk if would necessarily annoy him per say but he would def roll his eyes and be concerned even more for her health :/

is more likely to get arrested?

caleb. probably for fighting tbh.

is afraid of rollercoasters? does the other half of your ship try and convince them to face the fear, or do they take a softer approach and not push them at all?

i don’t think either of them are afraid of rollercoasters?

shows up at home with a dog unannounced despite the fact they’ve already got three/four/however many pets?

sav! once they get one you know… it’s probably gonna open the door for ten more hahaha she’ll get help from the neighbor lady taking care of them all

demands that they do date night? does the other person complain or do they go with it just to see the excited look on their partners face?

savannah demands them since she’s always like?? tried to get caleb to take her out. but obviously she becomes more okay with the fact that it doesn’t need to be anything fancy. just them getting out of the apartment and what not. when caleb’s feeling particularly romantic (if ever) he would pull out some stops just to see the look on sav’s face knowing she def wouldn’t expect it

is the clumsy one whose always tripping up flights of stairs or over their own feet? does it stress the other half of your ship out or do they find it hilarious?

sav would fall more than caleb?? he prob laughs @ her tbh bc i def would too

picks the music when they’re in the car? does the other complain about their taste in music?

caleb probably tries because he says he is the driver??? but that doesn’t stop savannah from trying to change it because she is 100% not about the type of music caleb is

insists on paying for everything when they’re out? do they fight about it?

caleb because his momma taught him well. savannah likely wouldn’t fight him about it either? only maybe if she knew he was tight on money and even then it would prob be a long shot that she would ever have more money than him bc lbr she spends hers on stupid shit

is the one to quietly suggest they get high together for the first time? how does the other half of your ship react?

shitttt i don’t think this would happen in regular verse bc sav wouldn’t want to tempt caleb like that knowing his past? but i can see trashbag au caleb maybe trying to get sav to do shit with him. which she might….at least try it?? but obvs this would be before he like REALLY spiraled because otherwise she’s trying to get him off drugs

is secretly terrified of horror movies and yet watches them all the time bc its something the other half of your ship loves?

neither of them are necessarily terrified of them but sav will watch them because it gives her an excuse to snuggle up to caleb more

talks in their sleep? does their partner record it and call them out, or not tell them and keep it as a secret so they can keep enjoying it?

caleb probably talks in his sleep. and sav would def record it lol. she’s not good with secrets tho so it prob wouldn’t last long

brings up the conversation of marriage + babies? how does the conversation go?

caleb ofc is the one to bring it up lol. the first time it happens… prob doesnt go over well. cause sav is like ‘lol no’ but i think the longer they are together, the easier the convo would be the more it is brought up. once theyve got more stability in their lives and are actually in a decent place to get married and start a family

has to pull the other back by their back of their sweater when they try and do something stupid in public?

i think they both do this sometimes. especially when it comes to the other person?? like even if they don’t want to admit it they both get pretty jealous fairly easily which makes them both confrontational af

is more likely to pick the other up from the airport with an obnoxiously large cardboard sign? what does the sign say?

caleb would be the one to pick sav up from the airport but i def don’t see him doing this lmao. flowers? yes but not a sign that draws a lot of attention to him. i can see him and sav doing this tho when they are both together in boston and darren comes to visit bc sav would have no problem writing obnoxious shit on a sign and holding it up in public for all to see

tries to cook a meal and accidentally almost burns the house down?

savannah of course. caleb is more domesticated than her

deliberately makes a squeaky chair squeak until the other person flips out?

sav when she wants to get caleb’s attention hahaha. prob does shit like this all the time in an effort to basically say ‘PAY ATTENTION TO ME’ without actually saying it

falls asleep no matter what position they’re in + needs to be carried to bed?

they are both probably so exhausted all the time because their sleep schedules are t e r r i b l e that i’m sure either of them can fall asleep in pretty uncomfortable positions? and they’d both probably just stay there rather than carry one another to the bed

is the little spoon when they cuddle?

savannah ofc

hates thunderstorms and needs to be comforted for the duration?

caleb likes them, savannah doesn’t necessarily hate them but she prefers sunshine??? but i’m sure she likes the fact that they make A+ cuddling weather

brings the other breakfast in bed? is it a proper cooked breakfast - or just an old muffin?

caleb prob leaves breakfast for savannah to eat when she wakes up. prob not proper though. maybe a granola bar or a banana to try and get her to eat healthier.

convinces the other to go on a hike? do they love it, or are they absolutely miserable?

caleb convinces sav and she 10/10 doesn’t like it lol. she’s too city to enjoy time outside in the wilderness

can never admit they’re wrong?

omgggg both of them the stubborn assholes

lets the dog sleep on the bed when the other isn’t paying attention?

def savannah. caleb would prob say he doesn’t want the dog on the bed bc of fur and stuff?? but i bet you when sav isn’t paying attention he’s prob cuddling with the dog too lol

uses emojis in replace of words? does it drive the other person insane?

sav would do this to caleb because i think he is Too Cool for emojis lmao. and yes it prob drives him insane bc he has no fuckin clue what she’s talking about

who decorates their house? does the other come home and blink at all the pastel pink and force a smile despite how much they hate it?

probably joint effort, but sav more than caleb. he probably wants to keep things pretty minimal, but sav wants things more cozy. but never in her life would she paint anything pastel pink so i think theyre ok.

is more likely to get into a fight to defend the other?

both of them. but i think caleb would need to defend savannah more.

is constantly spewing random facts about absolutely anything and everything? does it annoy the other person or do they find it all interesting?

savannah bc u know she absorbs all the questions/answers from trivia night at the bar and is pretty keen on telling everyone and anyone who will listen about all the shit she learns

is the lovey dovey drunk?

ew savannah lmao she turns into clingy ass bitch for sure

laughs at their own jokes? does the other laugh at the joke… or at their partner?

caleb prob and he is def gonna be That Dad with all the dad jokes too when they have kids. i’m sure sav laughs at both.

is competitive about EVERYTHING?

obvs both of them

apologizes first when they have a fight?

i wanna say sav bc she hates when caleb is mad at her lol even when she isn’t in the wrong prob :/

makes the other a flower crown? does the other wear it without complaint or beg not to be embarrassed?

neither they are not this type of couple @ all

is more likely to put their fist through a wall when they’re angry?

caleb!!!! which he’s done a hundred times already i’m sure

sends the other memes despite the fact they’re laying in bed next to each other?

savannah. probably when he is reading important shit for work and school and she’s forcing herself to stay awake just cause he is. so that’s how she entertains herself and distracts the hell out of him

wears the others clothes the most?

sav wears caleb’s bc otherwise that’d be weird

pranks the other on a near constant basis? how does the other react?

they both prank darren :))))

comes up with obnoxiously sappy pet names for the other just to watch them roll their eyes?

they prob both do this jokingly like?? to see who can come up with the worst ones

forgets their anniversary?

caleb does in the trashbag au FOR SUREEE and it basically breaks sav’s heart into a trillion pieces !!!

is impulsive and makes big choices for them without stopping to think through what it all means?

savannah lmao everything she does is based on impulse

writes cute messages for the other on the bathroom mirror when they have a shower?

sav

has to do the dishes because the other gags any time they stick their hands in the water?

neither of them like doing dishes but for a different reason?? so they prob take turns so it’s fair

jumps into the pool without testing the temperature, and who dips their toes in first?

sav would jump in and caleb would dip his toes in first i think?

tries to kill bugs in the house… and which one stops them and gets the bug out of the house alive and well?

caleb kills the bugs bc savannah hates them. so in the end all the bugs die lmao

can speak a second/third/forth language and uses it to annoy the other when they’re fighting?

caleb would know more of a second language than sav but i don’t think he would use it to annoy her?? idk if he would even remember much of what he learned tbh

says i love you first? does the other immediately say it back?

sav probably. the first time i don’t think caleb would (since they still havent said it yet…. i hate us, mainly me for suckin but u get it) then after the first time i think he would be more inclined to say it back immediately

wins when they arm wrestle?

caleb by a long shot. sav is wimpy

gets caught singing some old, corny one direction song to themselves?

savannah!! but ofc old school tay swift is always gonna be her fave

is forever forcing the other to take selfies with them? does the other person complain every time?

jesus savannah does this soooooooo much and obvs caleb complains lol but does it anyway

shows up at the others house with chinese food + a six pack of beer when they’re having a bad day?

caleb would do this but not necessarily when either of them were having a bad day? this is just a regular thing for them

sends the cheesy good morning/night texts?

maybe both of them. sav’s would be more sappy tho.

can never admit that they were wrong?

also, both

suggests they send out a christmas card together? does the other go for it, or question when they turned into old people?

savannah does but caleb has ptsd from matching sweaters with his family so he probably is against it

is a morning person and who pulls the covers up over their head and begs for five more minutes?

caleb is more of a morning person than sav bc school and his job but in reality neither of them technically are? because they would both stay under the covers all day if they could

is constantly insisting they won’t need a jacket before they go out… and then has to steal the others when they get cold?

savannah lol esp if a jacket clashes her outfit

is a smoker and has to deal with the other forever showing them gross photos to try and convince them to quit?

they both smoke so???? lmao

decides they need to go on a health binge and throws out all the sugary food in the house? how does the other react?

caleb tries to do this all the time @ sav’s and it never goes over well :/

holds all the important documents when they’re travelling? why?

caleb because savannah would def lose them

hates flying? how does the other help them relax before/during/after a flight?

savannah doesnt like it initially so caleb would help her through it but i feel like after she goes to boston a couple of times by herself she gets used to it?

is more likely to suggest a lil fool around in the bathrooms at a club? how does the other react?

savannah probably suggests it, but caleb isnt against it

plans a night of boardgames for date night, and who plans a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant?

neither of them are board game ppl?? and i think they say the fancy dinners for anniversaries so

cries watching the news?

neither!!

teases the other one for having a crush on them… despite the fact they’ve been dating for a year?

savannah prob teases caleb about this bc for sooo long they tried to keep things casual but it didn’t work and she was always the one that wanted to make it official so she’s prob still super proud of herself

believes in aliens?

sav more so than caleb

is constantly leaving the lights on in every room in the house?

savannah until caleb gives her shit for running up the electric bill

rocks the seat on the ferris wheel?

savannah

is a terrible liar?

100000% savannah lol

is always reading the other their star sign despite the fact they don’t believe in any of it?

savannah reads them and probably does believe in it?? caleb always tries to tell her that it’s full of shit

who panics when mercury goes into retrograde?

neither

insists they watch documentaries to broaden their knowledge?

caleb lol

is constantly renovating part of their house but not finishing one thing before moving on to the next?

caleb butttttt is it really renovating if all he knows how to use is duct tape? lmao

uses all the hot water?

both of them together!!!

is the shower person? whose the bath person?

caleb is a shower person, savannah is a bath

is most likely to be unfaithful?

neither in regular verse… caleb in trashbag au :/

bonus questions:

what is your otps song?

they have so many i can’t think of any right now bc i suck!!!!

do their families approve of the relationship? why/why not?

no lololol caleb’s parents are not sav’s biggest fans

whose friends do they hang out with more?

caleb’s probably because they are better influences and don’t just wanna go bar hopping/clubbing and use drugs

what do they do on their first date? did they have a first date, or did they just sort of… start dating?

they had a “real” first date loooong after they were seeing each other on the regular

what is their favorite way to spend the holidays? do they go to one of their families houses? or do they create their own tradition by staying in bed listening to christmas music and getting drunk?

probably doing anything just with each other?? im sure they avoid family shit at all costs bc i’m sure it usually comes with a bunch of drama. so they would be happy staying in bed listening to christmas music and getting drunk

what do they name their dog? do the give it a super boring name like allen - or do they name it something like bubblegum princess?

idk but they def need a dog!!! it won’t have a name like bubblegum princess tho that’s for sure

how do they handle emergencies? does one of them crack under the pressure - or do they bicker because they both need to be in control?

savannah probably panics. caleb is more levelheaded under pressure so i’m sure he’d figure out how to handle it

how did they meet? were they immediately drawn to each other?

caleb became her drug dealer once he got his lil bro out of the game!!! in an abandoned gas station parking lot (so romantic) and sav was like suuuper into caleb and he was prob like ‘ya she cute’ but savannah was totes hearteyes from the beginning and would have banged him right then and there if the opportunity presented itself

what do they fight about the most? how do they resolve their fights?

drugs? money? other people???? probably by screaming @ each other lmao :/ sometimes caleb leaves which ends the fight. sometimes they just have angry sex.

#shehasnoears #long post #ship: savannah & caleb #i underestimated how many questions there were lmao

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itsjulesharper · 8 years ago

Text

Bonjour, amis! Before we start on this recap, there’s a few things I have to draw your attention to. It appears to me (correct me if I’m wrong) that Season 2 plays out over a few months. I mean, I don’t see any winter scenes/change of season, any person looking visibly older or any other indications of the massive passing of time. Cassel is slowly being poisoned, and Louis spent maybe 2 or 3 nights in the nunnery with William of Orange. Philippe and Liselotte are married and now they are pregnant…. so, a month or two of shagging, then minimum of eight weeks where the baby sprouts and no one knows until the piss prophet announces it. So, what irks me is twofold: 1) the Dutch War went on for years. Hell, just travelling from the front then back to Paris took weeks. But it appears that Louis and his guards have found some kind of time portal to whoosh them quickly back. Yes, I know showing every aspect of travel across the country is damn boring. But I would’ve liked to have seen a bit more indication of the time it took. Even just a brief mention in dialogue “you have been gone for months now, Sire…” blah blah. And 2) the Affair of the Poisons literally spanned decades. If you want to read more about La Voison (who I am assuming Agathe was based on) then check out this article. Or maybe just read Holly Tucker’s book). Decades. it was a major – MAJOR! – scandal, implicating some of the most well-known names in French nobility. And it did not start with Voison’s arrest, oh, no. There were other things happening that Louis knew about. So all those years have been crammed into these ten eps, and tbh I’m just a bit over the whole poisoning thing now.

So, back to the story. We have left Montespan with creepy Father Etienne, who by his looks alone, is most definitely Up To No Good. We open here, with Montespan telling him he is not what she expected. He reveals that he is Father Etienne: “the church may have rejected me, but they cannot take away my faith.” She wants to know if he can do what she says she wants, and Etienne goes on a bit of a speech about harnessing nature, and not going against the natural order etc and coming from anyone else, it would be a cautionary monologue. but from him it’s downright ominous, words that are meant to challenge what Montespan wants, to see if she really wants them. Playing the devil’s advocate. Montespan rises to the bait: “in his soul he desires me more than anything.” Etienne wants to know if Louis is deserving of her love, and Montespan declares calmly and firmly that she would sacrifice her life for him. Ah, that should not be necessary, replies Etienne and now we hear the faint cry of a baby from somewhere in the creepy underground tomb/rooms. Montespan goes to look, then finds the baby, touching its cheek with a soft “she’s perfect” and that is weird and so out of character for her. Etienne replies that the world has no place for her, so “it falls upon me to find her peace,” then utters a prayer and a sign of the cross on the baby’s forehead and miraculously it stops crying. Montespan looks at the baby and yeah, I think she knows what’s going to happen. Etienne moves off, telling her of the duties she must perform before the ritual, certain rites, and Montespan is suddenly panicking, heading for the door and declaring that she is not sure she is ready for this. Etienne is a bit shitty: “Do you think this is a market place? That I am some simple merchant? Do you think this is some take-it-or-leave-it service to be dabbled in?” Montespan is scared, you can see it, but Etienne convinces thus: “Devote you and I to his service and your wishes will be granted.” Swear to the Bible or leave her fate to the mercy of the prevailing wind. The choice is hers. One guess as to what she does.

Play glorious INTRO-OUTTRO.

We are in a salon, with music playing and courtiers gambling and mingling, Louis is happy. Philippe gambles with some dudes and Thomas, and look, Philippe is victorious once again. Louis watches from afar and Philippe gathers his winnings to leave. Thomas leaves with him and they have a bit of a giggle. Oh, look, there is creeper Chevalier, looking morose and emotional from behind a curtain, watching them both. To his credit he is dealing with A LOT of emotional shit – he knows nothing of Louis’ request for Philippe to spy on Thomas and has already observed them being chummy prior to this, which prompted the catfight. He has seen Philippe in bed with Liselotte, willingly shagging. I assume Philippe no longer comes to his bed anymore.

And he is obvs still processing the pregnancy announcement. So with all that, WHY is he still staying? Because of the money? Sure. But does he think being this horrible and creeper-ish will win Philippe back? Okay, so we know that Philippe does still love him, so why cannot Philippe TELL HIM THIS, to reassure him that he is first in his heart? SERIOUSLY, this is basic storytelling stuff. If a conflict can easily be solved with two characters sitting down and talking about it, then it is not a sustainable conflict. I know Philippe has a thing about admitting stuff to the Chevalier – we see that in Ep2 when he reluctantly says “I missed you a great deal.” It is all so unnecessary and would make the conflict so much greater if the Chevalier KNEW about Philippe’s secret spy role with Thomas, knew that Philippe had to do it because the king commanded him, and then had to fake being angry/upset/jealous (or maybe wouldn’t have to fake it much) and stand back to watch the love of his life actively seduce Thomas. Now THAT would be conflict. (okay, I ran with this idea, and you can see my alternate Philippe-spying-on-Thomas suggestion at the end of this recap).

So, anyway, back to Morose Chevalier watching Philippe and Thomas chat, and Philippe smiling and touching and all “we make quite a team.” As the Chevalier creeps off, Philippe says to Thomas, “I’d call that a handsome morning’s work,” then gives him a pouch of his winnings with a smile. Then he turns away and his face drops so we know it’s all just a charming sham, but of course, the Chevalier is not there to see that so he cannot know. Pleased Louis is pleased, smiling as they walk: “It’s a convincing charade.” To which Philippe replies: “it’s easier when my orders rule up with my hobbies.”

Louis: At any rate, he seems to be falling for your charms. Philippe: I’ve yet to meet a man who doesn’t. Louis: Make sure you have his trust. You can then chose a moment to abuse it. Philippe: (curtly) I must admit, I’m impressed, dear brother. You set a fine example on how to deny your passion in the service of your duty.

Then Philippe walks off and Louis is left with a little frown on his face. It seems to me that while Philippe would do anything Louis asks of him, this deliberate flirting and the subsequent pain he is causing the Chevalier is frustrating him. He is not pleased at all.

And now we are in Philippe’s rooms and the Chevalier is drinking and let us pause a moment to enjoy the furnishings before another argument will distract us. SO LOVELY. But now ominous music plays and the Chevalier is looking quite drunk/high/pained as he asks “where were you?” (ffs, you KNOW where he was!) And ugh, Philippe is all, “what business is it of yours?” as if he isn’t only THE LOVE OF HIS FUCKING LIFE. Can he not seeeee? Why would he think the Chevalier would be totally fine with him flirting with another dude?

The Chevalier: You’re fucking him, aren’t you?

Oh. Just… no, honey.

Philippe: (tightly as he pulls a pouch from his coat) we devised a deft game of cheating at the card table. (tosses the pouch on the table) That hardly constitutes consummation!

The Chevalier looks so very tired and worn, his little “I see” not really convincing at all. “You can’t even deny it.”

…wat?

He walks slowly to Philippe, says “I want to know exactly what you’ve been up to.” Philippe replies, “you’re drunk,” but the Chevalier hurls the money pouch away, growls out “don’t patronise me!” and looks spoiling for a fight.

Philippe: There are bigger things going on here (the Chevalier dramatically rolls his eyes and stalks to the window). You have no idea what this is about. The Chevalier: (turns and yells) the whole fucking salon knows what’s going on. (pauses with a shaky breath) Do you have to rub my nose in it? Philippe: (turns away, clearly torn) It’s complicated. I can’t explain it right now. The Chevalier: (pulling out a musket, aims it at Philippe’s back) Maybe this will help you find the right words.

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WAT.

THE.

ACTUAL.

FUCK.

No. JUST NO. This is just….. I CANNOT. Gimme a moment…… *hyperventilates, dragging in deep breaths*

Right. Okay. Back to this scene.

we are all Philippe at this moment.

Philippe turns to see the musket pointed at him, looks angry and incredulous for a second then briefly nods and stretches out his arms. “You dare-” he whispers, “-threaten me?” The Chevalier lowers the gun, mumbles, “no…I have a much better idea.” And then…. OH THEN….. PUTS THE GUN TO HIS HEAD.

AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH *RUNS INTO THE STREETS FLAILING*

Okay, dear readers, if you’ve been reading my recaps since the start, you KNOW how I feel about the way the Chevalier has been written for the show. How it is completely the opposite of how the historical Chevalier de Lorraine would have acted when presenting himself, when reacting to Philippe’s other lovers, when handling the jealousy and competition. This scene, this moment, is so far from what I know and love about the Chevalier that it is actually painful for me to watch. I am screaming “NOOOOOOOOO” at the screen, much the same as I did the first time I watched it. So. Much. Soap. I cannot see for all the melodrama.

*downs copious amounts of coffee*

Right. Back to the scene. The Chevalier holding a gun to his temple and looking as if his world has crumbled before him and Philippe standing there going, “you’re bluffing. Don’t even know how to load it properly” (okay, stop RIGHT THERE. The Chevalier is a fucking war hero, and even though they don’t show that in the show, he knows how to load a bloody musket. He is A CHEVALIER, which means he’s served in the army. Fucksake).

The Chevalier then smiles, a kind of sad-joyous-heartbroken smile as he looks at the gun and lowers it as Philippe ignores him and pours wine. Then he starts to blubber and says, ”do you really want to know how much I feel for you?” Philippe slowly looks at him as he continues. “Do you want to know what’s really in my heart? Let me show you.” And he cocks the gun, places it in is mouth. Philippe rushes over, wrestles for the gun and it goes off behind the Chevalier’s shoulder, taking out a gorgeous mirror on the wall. They struggle a bit, look a bit incredulous at each other, then Philippe throws the Chevalier to the floor where he curls up in a ball and whimpers. Philippe says tightly, “I don’t recognise you anymore. You stay away from me!” Then the guards burst in and see the Chevalier sobbing on the floor and Philippe standing, who says, “he missed,” then walks off, muttering, “the story of his life.”

Okay. I just cannot say anything more about that scene, except to say that Evan Williams is such a fabulous actor. I have absolutely NO issues with that whatsoever.

Marchal. Marchal will calm me.

*deeeeep breath* Now we are out in the gardens, thank Christ. This will be at least calming, right? uhhhh. non. We see a fox scampering about and apparently it’s such an unusual sight that the gardeners stop to watch, then race over to where it had been sniffing/nibbling the ground. Of course, the poor gardeners discover fresh dirt and a baby skull in it. Now we see Marchal on the case, looking further into the dirt, then commanding them to dig it all up. Poor man, can he not mourn in peace? First dragged back into Versailles because of the poison thing on request of the king, now some creepy baby killers that we know Creepy Etienne has a hand in.

So now we are with Louis in his small chapel room thingy, with Bossuet chanting and Louis on his knees in prayer. Bontemps enters and Louis is annoyed, but he insists the king comes with him, that Louvois awaits him in the council room. Apparently a messenger has just arrived from the Palatinate, Liselotte’s home. Oh, shit. This is not gonna be good. They are all in the council room, with a map before them as Louvois speaks.

Louvois: We have killed hundreds. Possibly more. Louis: And how many were soldiers? Louvois: (takes a breath) None, Sire. They were all unarmed civilians. Louis: (disbelieving) Our troops. Loyal professional Frenchmen have slaughtered innocent women and children. Louvois: They were out of control. Drunk. Rampaging. They looted. Butchered. Raped. They say the world has never witnessed such barbarity.

Louis is horrified, as well he should. He asks how it could have happened, that his general, Marcheral Turenne is a man of restraint. Louvois replies: “he claims, Sire, that he had his king’s blessing.” (remember Louis’ “do everything necessary?” to Luxembourg earlier?) Bontemps and Louvois both look troubled. “he’s lost all reason,” Louis says as he rips up the missive. “War has destroyed his mind. Eroded his judgement.” Louvois nods. “it would seem so, Sire.” The Elector Palatinate was their staunch ally, but now no more. He has joined William of Orange against them. Louis is speechless, sits slowly in his chair. “I must seek guidance from above,” he declares. “Ours is a god of wrath and we have angered him much already.” Bontemps wants to know if he is going to share the news with Liselotte. “She will find out soon enough,” replies Louis. “if she has not heard already.”

The camera is now on a letter in Liselotte’s lap, and slowly pans out to show her horrified expression gazing in the distance, eyes full of tears, while Philippe stands silently in the background. “What of your family?” he quietly asks. Some are unaccounted for but she has friends and cousins elsewhere. So they might have survived? “They say your forces killed everyone in sight,” Liselotte replies. “My country will never be the same again.” Philippe goes swiftly to her, says, “My brother’s actions have nothing to do with me.” Then he leans in, places a gentle kiss to her head and my heart breaks for Liselotte as she sits there in silence, tears streaming down her face. 😦 Philippe says, “I’m sorry,” and Liselotte finally looks up at him and says, “I am married to the family that has destroyed my people.” Philippe’s expression is a mix of sadness and anger.

*historical note. The sacking of the Palatinate was a black mark in history against the French. In Ruff’s Violence in Early Modern Europe, he writes: “ Perhaps the most devastating such desecration of our period took place in the Palatinate of western Germany, a natural area for staging attacks on France. To prevent such a use of the Palatinate, French troops under Marshal Turenne devastated the region in 1674, and the impending War of the League of Augsburg prompted Louis XIV of France to order devastation of the Palatinate again in the winter of 1688-80. This later act was one of systematic destruction, based on a map of target sites prepared by the war ministers, and the French destroyed many of the significant towns in the region, including Worms, Spier, Bingen and Oppenheim. In Mannheim, the capital of the Palatinate, the French not only destroyed the city but also executed citizens who returned to the ruins.”

The goblet again!!

Next scene and Philippe swiftly enters Louis’ rooms as he dines, declares, “Everybody out!” Bontemps splutters about conventions to be observed, but Philippe claps back with, “I don’t give a shit. Tell them to leave.” Bontemps, replies, his voice a little higher, “I don’t think that’s apt.” Philippe doesn’t care: “If you don’t, I will.” Bontemps is doggedly sticking to his guns but Philippe stares at Louis and says: “I have things to say that can only be heard both those who shared a bloody womb.” Louis casually drinks his wine (FROM THE GOBLET) as Philippe turns to the audience and yells, “Go on! GET OUT! Or do you defy your king’s brother?” and they all shuffle out as Louis gives Philippe a look, delicately pats his mouth with a serviette then tosses it to the plate.

“Must you live your entire life in a melodrama?”

BEST. LOUIS. LINE. EVA.

Philippe doesn’t care. “You are a monster. What you did in the Palatinate makes you no better than a common killer.” So very emotional and you can see it, hear it in Philippe’s voice. Louis gives him a look then starts on the whole, ‘every war includes regrettable casualties’ excuse but Philippe is angry at the mass slaughter of innocent people and justifiably so. (I cannot help but draw a parallel between this scene and today’s conflict in multiple countries). Louis says it was out of his control but emotional Philippe scoffs at that: “Of course. It is always someone else’s fault, isn’t it? You’ve never said sorry in your entire life.” (I am in two minds about this comment – Louis as absolute monarch would have not thought of apologising to anyone about anything. Yet this is his brother, and his brother is talking familiarly to him, like he always does. Philippe is allowed to overstep the boundaries of convention only because he is the king’s brother.) Louis declares that Turenne was acting on his own initiative, but Philippe is having none of it. It could not have happened without Louis’ consent, therefore they are as guilty as each other. Louis angrily gets to his feet and boy, is he pissed. He has a spy in his palace, his troops are in retreat and half of Europe is out to destroy him. Philippe grabs Louis’ flailing arm, declares slowly that he has blood on his hands. With a disgusted look, Louis yanks away and Philippe sadly nods, his voice close to tears. “Maybe that’s your true legacy,” he says. “You don’t want to be loved. You want to be feared.” Then he walks out, leaving a stunned Louis in his wake.

Night falls over the palace now and a storm is brewing, and Louis is in his rooms, at an alter and kneeling in prayer. The windows burst open, sending correspondence flying and Bossuet hurries over to close them. Louis wants to know why he is still being tortured. Bossuet cannot say. He is frustrated – he’s crushed all carnal thoughts, destroyed his enemies and yet STILL God is punishing him with the massacre. Bossuet offers the usual “to pray is the only solution, Sire,” and yeah, Louis does not like that answer one bit. But apparently all answers will come to him through God.

We are back in Marchal’s dungeon/office where he is piecing together the baby skeleton, and one of his men enters, offering up the skull of another baby. Marchal looks grim – this is a pattern.

Cut to the chapel and Marchal approaches Bossuet, asks him about Saint-Geneviève’s, the refuge for lost souls, where babies of whores are taken. Bossuet says there is no such place. Marchal asks how he can be so sure. “Because,” Bossuet replies, “I have authority over all France. That includes you.” Marchal looks unimpressed/meh, asks him about Father Etienne. Nup, don’t know him. Then as Marchal starts to leave, Bossuet replies, “Etienne… Guibourg?” Marchal waits. Bossuet adds: “If Guibourg is at large, you must stop him. Quickly.” *cue ominous music*

The Queen is at her toilette and Maintenon (formerly Scarron) enters with a smile. Oh, the Queen is asking her how she can become a better lover for her husband….. and Maintenon’s reply? “the profound love of wedlock can only come through God, Majesty.” OKAY THEN. But the queen wants to know more. How would Maintenon characterise her own marriage? “My late husband was very busy with his work. He was not one for… physical prowess.” The Queen is all ‘huh.’ and Maintenon adds, “although occasionally, my husband seemed to find me irresistible after I bathed in aromatic oils.”

*historical note: Paul Scarron was a poet and novelist and frequented salons in Paris, where he met Françoise d’Aubigné and married her at 17. He was 42. He was also crippled but details are unclear as to how – some accounts say he fell into icy water, some that he hid in swamp waters and others said it was the result of polio. Either way, he had a permanently twisted upper body and paralysed legs, so had to use a wheelchair and took opium for the pain. His salon was popular and frequented by the crème de la crème of Parisian writers and poets – Madame de Sévigné, Ninon de l’Enclos, Abbé de Choisy. He also supported The Fronde (and lost his pension because of a ranty anti-Mazarin pamphlet) and their marriage yielded no children. You can read more about him here. And with Maintenon here.

A mademoiselle Solange then walks into the room, a former friend of Montespan. The queen would like to compensate the girl for her loss, by becoming a friend of the queen. She wants her to spy on Montespan: the queen does not trust ‘that harlot’ to keep her distance and she will make her pay if she returns.

I just have to interject here and show off some lovely earrings. Aren’t they fab? Click on them to zoom in.

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the queen….

Solange….

and Agathe’s earrings

Back now with a worried-looking Montespan in Agathe’s place, who hands her a note. Montespan asks if reading it is all she has to do; Agathe says Guibourg will explain the rest. But Montespan is not comfortable going against the teachings of Rome. “The Church,” Agathe sighs. “The Church likes to believe there’s nothing of spiritual worth before Christ. They try to deny the ancient wisdom. They cannot ignore it. To doubt is natural.” She takes Montespan’s hand, a gentle gesture that still feels quite malevolent , then hands her two wrapped bottles. Montespan replies, “I will stop at nothing to secure the king’s love.” This pleases Agathe mucho and tells her Louis’ sweat is needed to seal the charm.

Suspicious Marchal is suspicious

Now in a salon, with merry music playing and courtiers mingling. Marchal prowls about (that word suits him so much… PROWL) and spots a couple doing not-so-subtle suspicious things. The woman walks across the room, deposits a book on a gaming table, Odile the maid saunters past and picks it up. Meanwhile, Marchal’s man says they cannot find Etienne, to which Marchal says to find Mathilde the whore. She will know. Off Marchal now charges, after Odile, who is hurrying through corridors. She runs into Marchal but there is no book and she stutters. Gaston suddenly appears.

Look at that lace! It better be French.

“Has Odile incurred your disapproval?” Ah, but Marchal is not having any of Gaston’s polite sly shit. He remarks on Gaston’s distinctive cloth of his coat. “I’ll give you the name of my tailor… if you can afford him,” is Gaston’s reply. Marchal smoothly ripostes: “I prefer a less tawdry cut.” Gaston doesn’t like that, coming back tightly with: “some of us were born to set fashions. Others to merely follow them.” He leaves with his servant and Marchal prowls about the corridors a bit more, finds the book on the floor and sees that a hole has been cut in the centre. He knows and I am happy because Gaston’s time will surely come.

Night time now and Montespan is hurrying through the palace in a hood, a determined look on her face. She sneaks into Louis’ bedroom via the secret door, watches as Bontemps leaves, then pulls a pillowcase from the bed. She quickly leaves, through a less-pleasant passage way and gives the pillowcase a deep sniff. Poor Montespan, she is really feeling the loss of Louis and the romantic in me thinks she misses the man, not the privileges or the doors he opened for her Then she sees a door quickly close and it is poor Solange, the one who the queen told to spy on Montespan. “Where you spying on me?” Montespan says unnecessarily. “I thought you were my friend!” And Solange shoots back with “everything I learned of treachery, I learned from you.” So Montespan grabs her, drags her back into the passageway and….. Okay, strangles her from behind.

Right.

I have no words. Instead, I offer up this pic. >>>>>

We are now in Marchal’s dungeon/office and Mathilde is all a-huff as she enters, saying “I ain’t done nothin’ wrong,” in a cute but totally-out-of-place OIlver-Twist-gutter-English accent. Marchal needs her help to find Creepy Etienne and she’s shocked because the dude is a saint with all the whores. Marchal does his persuasive “if you care about the safety of your child, tell me all you know”.

Back to Montespan at Agathe’s and the woman is doing some ritual with the pillowcase and telling her to rub stuff on her skin and drink stuff that of course will be totally okay and legit. Montespan again expresses doubts and Agathe plays the most terrible of mind games, saying “I would not have invested in your future if I did not believe in you. And you know in your heart, you’ve already taken that first step.”

Too emotional. Do not want.

Montespan starts to cry, saying “she was my friend,” and I do feel quite sad for her. The look on Agathe’s face is frankly “ugh. Shut UP with yer moaning.” Clearly, Montespan with her FEELINGS and DOUBT and HUMANITY is harshing Agathe’s buzz.

Solange’s body has been found, and two men carry her through the corridor and everyone mills about, gossiping in shocked whispers. Finally, a death without poison. Sophie is sad and moves off, the queen looks at Louis then follows. Louis whispers to Marchal: “I can feel my enemy’s breath on the back of my neck. Find them!” Bontemps looks to Marchal, Marchal looks away expressionless, but his mind is no doubt furiously working.

Louis is pissed. He kneels in his little prayer room, scoffing at the effigy of Jesus on the cross, mocking him. “Here I am before you. A sinner. Penitent. Do you hear me? Do you see me? You taunt me, is that it? I’m here for your amusement? Punish me if you must, but why should the people of France suffer for my sins?” Frustrated and angry, he paces, yelling about confronting his foes with God’s help, demanding it. Jesus on the cross stays silent as the ominous music swells.

We see Creepy Etienne exit his hobbit home in the woods with a bundle, mount his horse and leave, and yay! Marchal and his men are watching through the trees. To your horses, chaps!

Versailles at night again and Maintenon enters Louis’ little prayer room, to find him sat on the floor, looking drained and not looking at all King-like. He gave orders not to be disturbed, but apparently it’s okay to defy him because she came to pray. (such BAD protocol). What does she pray for? “For you,” she replies. He is a bit annoyed by that: “I am in no need of prayer.” Oh, but Maintenon disagrees. He needs it more than anyone because he carries everyone’s hopes, desires, dreams. But he is unimpressed. “I live a gilded life.” Montespan replies: “Bearing the heart of France is a terrible burden. You must be stronger than all of us.” And if he can’t find the strength, then God will help him. And now we see Louis starting to get to know her, a scene that would have played a lot more logically before he made her a Marquise. He asks how she finds her strength: she has lived a full life, has known sin and redemption, and has achieved inner peace. Louis laughs: he wishes it was so simple. Then she gets all pious and says he must confront his fear, confess his sins, blah blah. Unimpressed Louis yells at her but something is sapping the breath from him. Panic attack…..? Stress….? Maintenon tells him he’s a good man, that he isn’t alone…. and I has a bit of a cry as Louis does, resting his head in her lap as he weeps.

Poor Louis. 😦

Right. Back with Montespan, and she stands in a dark room with candles and a stone altar with a carved pentagram as Creepy Etienne chants Latin and four other caped dudes stand about. She agrees to “serve the Lord” and steps forward, removes her cape and lays on the stone, then parts her robe to leave her topless. A baby is brought in…. and now we see Marchal and his men galloping through the night, searching. They find stone archways… (the grounds of a church? Monastery?) and Marchal is off and running, sword fighting off one dude then another as his men follow. The baby is crying as Etienne is handed a knife, the blade descends and blood splashes Montespan…. but Marchal is suddenly there and Montespan legs it, Etienne holds out his hands in surrender and a guard swiftly takes the baby. The baby is only cut across the arm, Montespan grabs her clothes from another room and runs. The plan is thwarted.

*Historical note: So over the course of ten or so years, there were numerous poisonings and black masses rumoured to be held. Montespan was implicated in them, as was Olympe Mancini, comtesse de Soissons (former lover of Louis and sister of his first love Marie, and who left Paris before being named). It was said Montespan took part in these masses/orgies and babies were sacrificed over her naked body as she sprawled on a stone alter. She also was quite paranoid of losing Louis’ favour at court, which also meant all her friends and family would miss out, so over a period of time, she was adding a ‘love potion’ to the king’s food and drink. Poor Louis would get pains and headaches for no apparent reason and when he found out what she was doing and put a stop to it, they vanished. Guess it can’t be too good for the body to regularly ingest bits of ground up animal and plants.

So now we are back with Louis, waking in Maintenon’s lap. He says she helped him find his strength, but she counters with “you carry your responsibilities like a cross.” Louis is coming to the realisation that he is just a man – weak, fallible, a mortal man, and Maintenon encourages him to see, to hear, to feel. And to breathe. She places her hand on his chest and they take deep breaths together… and yep, there is the kiss. So much for the sanctity of marriage and all that. But I guess maybe they don’t think of kissing outside wedlock as a sin? Those crazy 17th century nobles. Maintenon slowly pulls back, she looks worried. Then Louis says, “my heart beats again,” and it is all good.

We see a wide green shot of Versailles, then we are in the Duc de Cassel’s rooms and he does not look at all good, coughing and stuff, and he finds a note. From Thomas to Sophie, obvs. He puts it back as she enters the room, asks if something is wrong because she cannot read his expression. “I’ve spent a lifetime perfecting that particular skill.” What is he thinking? “A wife,” he says, “should never ask her husband that question. The answer will always disappoint.” He puts out a hand to her and she visibly flinches, and damn, I am not happy that it is clear she’s expecting to be hit. But instead he strokes her hair then walks away. She is suspicious and it appears she thinks he’s found her letter. “You frighten me,” she admits. “Oh, I am not the one to fear,” he replies. “A girl like you should be more careful in her choice of lover.” She plays innocent but Cassel goes on: “never trust a man who presents more than one version of himself. Or one who writes stories for a living.” Damn, Cassel. That is some spot-on philosophical shit. Is it possible to enjoy such a horrible person?

Louis and Philippe now (FINALLY PHILIPPE!!), standing in one of Louis’ rooms, at the window.

Louis: You’re sure Thomas suspects nothing? Philippe: I have him eating from my perfumed palm. Louis: then you will tell him tonight that the king is arrogant, pig headed and paranoid. Philippe: Shouldn’t be too difficult. (Bontemps’ look LULZ) Louis: You will say I am losing my grip on reality, rejecting all reasonable advice and that you wish to leave Versailles for good. Philippe. Again, I think I can manage that. Louis: And then, you will tell him that the war is lost, that my men are cornered, like rats in a trap. We cannot hold onto Utrecht another day. We will withdraw all our forces after nightfall. Philippe: How can you be so sure this will work? Louis (smiles): Because I have seen the light.

gratuitous pretty-faced Philippe pic.

Then he turns and strides off, Philippe gives Bontemps a look, Bontemps leaves too and Philippe sighs and goes back to whatever is out the window.

Now, we all know that being so blatantly obvious in imparting information to a spy can only backfire. Just you wait.

Thomas is writing at his desk as Philippe creeps up and puts his hands over his eyes. “Is that the delicate touch of the duc de Cassel?” LULZ Thomas. So hilarious. Philippe says they need to go out and gamble and get drunk as he casually checks out all the papers on the desk. Thomas gets nervous and says it’s a play about the war he’s working on. Philippe nonchalantly lets drop that Louis is making a mess of the war, Thomas says he should be in the play and be the lead role. They have a bit of flirty banter as Philippe walks about, notices Thomas closing a folder. Philippe then drapes himself on Thomas’ bed, reading aloud the verses from the paper he still holds. Thomas casually lays beside him, says “try some more, this time with real feeling.” And his hand goes to Philippe’s breeches, pushing the coat aside. The look on Philippe’s face is a bit “ooookay then…” but he sinks down in the bed a bit and keeps reading, the paper in front of Thomas’ hands as Thomas continue to undo his breeches. Then Thomas smoothly straddles Philippe’s legs, and the camera pans up to Philippe’s face as his words falter and he groans a little and it is more than clear that Thomas is pleasuring him with his mouth.

Okay. I actually do not think this is that bad. Sure, I am feeling SO VERY BAD for the Chevalier. But historically, Philippe and the Chevalier had other lovers during the time they were together. Also – my alternate Philippe-spying-on-Thomas plot line at the end of this recap.

Now we are back with Louis, Marchal and Bossuet, and Louis is looking through the books they confiscated from Etienne. Bossuet says they deal in the devilish art of human sacrifice. “This unholy priest feels no remorse? No pity?” asks Louis. Marchal: “not yet.” (ahhhh, yessss!) Louis commands Marchal to extract the names of the village accomplices from him – one of them a woman – and show him “the full force of my justice.” This is what we love about Marchal – taking down names and getting shit done.

We are with Agathe now, and Montespan jump scares her, and the poor woman does not look good. Black mass rituals will do that to you. Also, she hasn’t had anything to eat, just some weirdo potion Agathe told her to drink before the baby-stabbing ritual. Then she sees the blood on her arms and frantically rubs at it, getting a bit hysterical, crying that she has sold her soul as Agathe tries to soothe her. What of Father Etienne, Agathe wants to know. Yeah, Marchal has him and what if he speaks? Agathe says he has never betrayed any of his followers…. and they hear footsteps, and just like that, Gaston walks in (DOES NOBODY KNOCK??) and says calmly, “Then he’s never met Monsieur Marchal.” Montespan looks all sad and forlorn and lost, wants to know what she should do now. “After the way the king has betrayed you,” Agathe says, “don’t tell me you do not seek justice.” Gaston gives a most excellent evildoer face and we all know what Agathe’s brand of justice means.

Next scene and we FINALLY see the Chevalier again, dozing at a window, then suddenly waking as a door closes and we hear a “until the next time,” from Thomas and damn, the Chevalier has a determined look on his face as he follows. YOU GO, HON! We see incognito Thomas in the village, passing over a note to a caped figure, then glances back to the Chevalier ducking into a doorway. Thomas whispers something in the man’s ear that sounds like “I’m being followed” then they split up and Thomas heads behind a wall. The Chevalier looks out, follows, ducks behind another wall, then draw out a …. wtf a dagger? (the man is a knight in the king’s army FFS. HE HAS A SWORD). He whirls to see a man in the distance, a hand goes to his shoulder, spins him about then punches him in the face.

<<<<<< And I am left here with THIS expression.

NO. I refuse to acknowledge this terrible travesty. I know it is within the character of show Chevalier but this is… Lord. An insult. A warrior, a man versed in battle, a decorated soldier who knows how to fence and shoot and ride… uselessly waving about his dagger as he is being beaten up then robbed – ROBBED AND STRIPPED – by a handful of villagers.

GET IN THE BIN.

Oh, thank CHRIST we are back at Versailles now, with a view of the fountain in the morning. Can we have just some bit of sense, pleeeeeease? oh…… We see a pair of bloodied feet shuffling along the corridor, some coughing, someone being a bit startled…. it is the Chevalier returned, beaten and bloody as he opens the door to a dressed Philippe reading a book. His first words? “Look what you’ve done to me now.”

OH what the F—

Philippe is astonished as the Chevalier gets out, “compliments of your new lover,” and slams the door. Yes, it was Thomas although he didn’t see his face, because the Chevalier was following him. The first thing he does is grab the mirror (ahhh, that is amusing) and shuffles over to the desk to survey the damage. Philippe is all ‘whyyyy?” to which the Chevalier tightly answers, “ because I wanted to discuss the weather over armagnac and macaroons, what do you think?” Philippe silently kneels before him, pours water and then gently pushes back the Chevalier’s hair, dabs a cloth into the water to wipe away the blood. The Chevalier screeches and grabs the cloth: “you’re making it worse.” And the look Philippe gives him… Kind of shitty but also just taking it.

Philippe: Why won’t you let me help you? The Chevalier: Because this is all your fault! (slams the cloth down and rises) I’ll go ahead right now, kill him this time. Philippe (grabs his arm) You can’t! The Chevalier: I have my honour to think of. And so should you! Philippe (sounding worried) : You mustn’t cause him any more trouble. We have to leave him alone. The Chevalier: Why?! Philippe: Trust me. It’s important! The Chevalier: Trust you? Seriously?

Then Philippe kind of leans in, but the Chevalier slaps his hands away with a “get your hands off me!” And then… NOOOOOO Philippe, with tears in his eyes, says, “I love you!” and the Chevalier’s face freezes, stunned, but then Philippe ruins the potentially awesome “ILY TOO!” moment by adding, “but Thomas has to be left alone. We both… need to show a brave face. Can you do that? For me?” And the Chevalier briefly closes his eyes, looking all sad and bloody and UGH I need to give him a big hug because CONFLICT SO MUCH. He silently rolls his eyes then says quietly, “run me a bath,” and shuffles off and Philippe is left look all massive cry-eyes puppy dog sad.

*SOBS*

Me? Asking for forgiveness?!

Okay, now we are outside, Louis standing under a massive fancy canopy as he watches Maintenon stare broodily into the lake, then she turns and sees him and comes over. She seems preoccupied but it is nothing. He invites her to sit down (armless chair AHHHHH) and of course it’s not nothing because she now proceeds to tell him it is definitely something. About the Princess Palatine. Okay, Louis’ expression means he was most def. not expecting that. Liselotte has been in mourning and Maintenon is sure it is an oversight because a few words from him would ease Liselotte’s pain. Louis looks a bit irritated, then says she’s right, that he will express his deepest regrets but damn it does not sound as if he really wants to do that at all. Oh, yeah, Maintenon is not impressed and Louis can see that. Maintenon has something else in mind: asking her forgiveness. (insert SHOCKED LOUIS face here). “Confession is not the same as apology,” she adds. He leans in, strokes her face (for anyone and everyone to see, I might add!) says, “why can’t my priest be more like you?” then ….

OMG he KISSES HER! What on EARTH is the queen gonna say when she hears about it?? Montespan is subdued: he wants to know if he frightens her. Oh, no. “Only myself.”

The scene fades out, and then fades in to a teary Liselotte seated in her rooms, Louis standing as he says, “I want to show my appreciation and respect. You are a model of humility. And restraint. You have fulfilled your duty as my brother’s wife under trying circumstances…” He steps to her as she remains silent, a hand on her shoulder and I see they are using a particular filming technique. Liselotte’s face is clear and in shot, we see her entire expression and the tears on her cheeks, see her lips tremble. It is Louis out of focus, standing behind her, talking. It brings the viewer’s eye squarely to the most important person in frame – Liselotte. We have to see her pain and her upset. We acknowledge Louis only by his voice not his figure, so it is his words that matter, that speak for him. Louis continues: “and now you must feel great distress after what has happened in your country.” Liselotte still remains turned away from him as tears fall, says, “is that supposed to be an apology?” and now the camera goes to Louis’ face. “Obviously, I would let you return home were you not carrying my brother’s child.” Liselotte finally turns to look at him and now we also see Philippe in the room, out of focus and in the background. Liselotte replies: “my child will grow up in a family of murderers. I came here to discover a new life. Of joy. Of liberty.”

The camera cuts to Philippe and there are his sad puppy eyes again 😦 Liselotte rises, continues: “I am now your captive. You have complete ownership of me. I am at your mercy.” And she stretches her arms a little, palms up in supplication, and Louis is a little shocked, I think. A little taken aback. Then he sighs, says “I am sorry.” Then turns and walks from the room.

We are at nighttime now, and Bontemps is getting into bed, beside Louis’ bed. We see Louis trying to sleep, but he has visions of a blood-red pentagram and the priests around the stone altar, some creepy words and the baby sacrifice. Which is weird because Louis did not see this first hand. Then he wakes, thinks for a bit: something is troubling him. Bontemps swiftly gets up. “What ails you, Sire?” And next we see him striding into his little prayer room with Bontemps behind, where they meet Bishop Bossuet and Marchal, who hands him the book that Father Etienne had. Louis flicks through the pages, then finds a picture of a minotaur and the labyrinth. “I drew this in my own blood,” Louis says. “And now I recall where I saw it first.”

We see a flashback to Louis’ tarot reading, the Agathe turning the cards to reveal the same picture. “And now the Labyrinth returns to haunt me,” Louis finishes as Marchal silently looks at him. “The tarot sorceress may be part of this heresy too,” Louis tells him. They both look ominously at each other, flint jawed and serious, then Louis gives him a slight nod. Marchal leaves and Louis turns to the crucifix, gives the tiniest of smiles, a brief nod and makes the sign of the cross before he strides out.

We are in Marchal’s dungeons now, and a beaten up Etienne is stretched out on a cross a-fixed to a turning wheel, much like roulette. His soul is immortal, apparently. “Is that so?” Marchal drawls, not at all impressed, and wants to know who else is behind ‘this abomination.’ Etienne will not give it up and a few torturous moments on the slow spinning wheel are had, until he mumbles… “Claudine.” Oh, shit, he is baiting Marchal. “…so soft to the touch,” Etienne whispers. Marchal is expressionless as he turns away and Etienne keeps on his creepy pained whispering: “She cried for your help, you know. As she died. Like a lamb to the slaughter.” Marchal sloooowly turns back around. “it was gratifying,” Creepy Etienne keeps whispering. “taking her life force. For one so… so sweet…” and then suddenly Marchal goes all rage face and lunges forward with a yell and stabs Creepy Etienne in the belly. Yes, it is gross… not overtly bloody but we see Etienne’s face and his expression and it creeps me out.. And yes, Marchal keeps stabbing him in a rage, and Etienne is already well and truly dead. But it feels like that was Etienne’s intention, to rile up Marchal to get him to kill him. Marchal is breathless, leans on the hilt of the knife still buried in the now-totally-dead priest, then with a gasp he turns, casually yanking the blade out as he goes.

End of episode!

And now the BONUS….

So, I mentioned an alternate Philippe Spying On Thomas plot line. We have Louis needing Philippe’s help to spy on Thomas the traitor. Philippe has massive reservations but says yes. So the Chevalier sees Philippe and Thomas getting chummy in the salons and is understandably heartbroken, but when he confronts him in his rooms, he is so very cool and collected. Glacial. The Chevalier: If you want me gone, I would just appreciate the direct approach. Philippe: What are you talking about? The Chevalier (casually drinking wine): Your little lapdog… Toby? Thierry? Philippe: It is Thomas and you know it. The Chevalier: Oh, oui. Him. (waves a dismissive finger) Well, if you do insist on trading down, then I shall take my leave. (makes a mocking bow, barely covering his hurt with a cold demeanour) With Monsieur’s permission, of course. Philippe: (watches in silence for a moment) It is not what you think. It is… (clearly struggling) complicated. The Chevalier (crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow): You know you are terrible at keeping secrets. Tell me.

So then after some coaxing (maybe even of the sexual variety because the Chevalier is not above using sex as a weapon), Philippe tells the Chevalier that Louis has commanded him, that Thomas is a spy and he has to get him on side so Philippe can spy on the spy. The Chevalier laughs, then realises Philippe is deadly serious and they discuss it, finally agreeing to do Louis’ bidding. And now the Chevalier has MAJOR CONFLICT because he has just given his stamp of approval for his lover to cozy up to another guy, to touch him, to flirt and stuff. Maybe even shag him. All in the name of loyalty and for the good of the country. And he has to reconcile with that, because his heart is torn. He loves Philippe and quietly rages inside because no one else can touch what is his. But knows how much Philippe needs Louis’ approval and how much this means, with Louis putting his trust in his brother and asking him for help. This is a Huge Deal in Philippe’s mind. So the Chevalier has to sit back, endure the gossip, the snide comments from his enemies who are suddenly seeing him publicly fall from Philippe’s favour. Worse, he has to see his lover with a traitor, in order to give Philippe what he needs… the approval and trust of Louis.

Merci for reading ❤

Versailles S2, Ep9 – The one with the sacrificing Bonjour, amis! Before we start on this recap, there’s a few things I have to draw your attention to.

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