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saturniandevil · 4 months ago

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July 2024 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast's July Forecast, hosted by Chris Brennan and Austin Coppock. We're going into this month right off of Saturn stationing retrograde on June 29th, and Neptune following suit on July 2nd.

June Recap: June was heavily influenced by the activity in Gemini, including a Venus cazimi and a stellium with other fast planets. The second half of the month felt heavy influence from Saturn finally getting within conjunction distance (10 degrees) of Neptune in Pisces. Right after the Venus cazimi on June 3rd, Claudia Sheinbaum was elected president of Mexico. Aside from Venus's association with women, the indigenous astrology of Mexico is also based on Venus cazimi cycles. Another Venus story is the launch of the Boeing Starliner--last month our hosts looked at the electional chart for its planned launch and noted that Mercury conjunct Uranus boded ill--and indeed an electrical problem caused them to postpone the launch until June 5th, when the Moon was in Gemini (with 4 other planets). However, with a Leo rising its chart ruler the Sun was separating from Venus and approaching a square with Saturn, and indeed there have been delays with bringing the astronauts back.

On the day of the Mars-Pluto square Hunter Biden was convicted on gun charges. A similar Mars transit showed up in politics with Donald Trump's conviction in May: Trump was convicted with Mars squaring his natal Saturn (ruler of the year for him), in the 9th and 12th houses respectively, fitting for a trial (9th house) over keeping secrets (12th house). There was also a Mercury-Uranus conjunction on his Midheaven (sudden development in public life), and on the July 11th, the day of his sentencing, the Mars-Uranus conjunction will be on his Midheaven. In Hunter Biden's case, Mars conjoined his natal Saturn, when he was convicted of illegally buying guns while under the influence. Saturn was also transiting his Midheaven, and with the North Node there natally it can indicate ill or shadowy reputation (A/N: in Pisces it also fits that he's known for his excessive drug use).

The second half of the month was dominated by a Saturn-Neptune conjunction in Pisces. A new AI video generator was released and saw an explosion of use, including animating still images. It's becoming increasingly difficult to determine what's real and what's an illusion--though in June with many planets in Gemini, we saw a lot of play with this technology.

The final news story this month is the US presidential debate, which occurred within 24 hours of Saturn stationing retrograde in Pisces--a debate between the two oldest presidential candidates in US history. Biden did horribly during the debate, and Saturn's subsequent station occurred right on Biden's Imum Coeli; during the debate the Moon was conjunct Saturn as both approached this point. At the same time, Uranus was transiting Trump's Midheaven while sextiling his natal Venus (ruler of his 10th house), and he did unexpectedly well in this debate for someone who doesn't care about telling the truth in public speaking. With Saturn generally, this debate has risen pressing questions around age and fitness for public office. Speaking of debate timings, Ronald Reagan's astrologer Joan Quigley would schedule debates for times that were good for Reagan and bad for Carter...and indeed this debate is scheduled unusually--it's much earlier than usual. The next debate is scheduled for the Pisces eclipse in September, in Biden's 4th house/Kamala's 10th house (A/N: Trump's 8th; not angular). Back in the year ahead forecast, Chris said there were three big factors in favor of Trump and one in Biden's favor: that eclipse in an angular house. However, the 4th house is also associated with endings (due to being located underground), and considering recent events, could bode ill for the aged president. (A/N: there's also speculation that Biden was experiencing a dementia symptom known as "sundowning" during the debate, and the 4th house is located deepest beneath the earth)

July Forecast:

The main energies this month will be Saturn-Neptune in Pisces as both planets station early in the month, Mars conjoining Uranus, the Capricorn Full Moon in the 21st, and Mercury-Mars tensions as they almost reach a square.

July 2nd - Neptune Retrograde, Mercury enters Leo Neptune-Saturn confusion has been present for us for a week or so already. We're having a difficult time predicting what events mean for the future. Other significations are the line between illusions and reality, idealism vs. limitations, disillusionment or disappointment when dreams collapse, confusion, fatigue or sapping of one's emotional energy, lack of mental acuity, side effects of age leaving to lack of clarity or focus. Whatever age you're at, you may feel the physical effects catching up to you as the conjunction approaches. Austin brings up that superhero movies have just about run their course (Iron Man was released in 2011 as Neptune first entered the sign), and now we're collectively tired of imagining this genre as Neptune gets within 4 minutes of the next sign. Saturn nearby adds an extra level of negation. With AI tools, boundaries are dissolved and new methods for creativity are being introduced as we gear up for Neptune/Saturn in Aries--expect to see new genres. Other Saturn-Neptune keywords include escapism, addiction, sensitivity and compassion. Chris also notes seeing tensions between science and religion or skepticism and belief: large numbers of people, including conservative influencers, are converting to Christianity at the same time as scientific skepticism rises--and astrologers may find ourselves on the negative end of both. Anyone with significant placements at 27-29 Pisces or other mutable signs should pay attention. A Neptune-Mercury trine softens communications; it's a good time for heartfelt conversations.

As soon as Mercury enters Leo it puts him in opposition distance to Pluto, foreshadowing the rest of the inner planets doing so later this month. Paranoia, power plays, and manipulation abound, though investigative journalism and hidden truths can come to light. However, Mercury moves closely into a happy sextile with Jupiter soon after.

July 2nd - Selected Elections for the month (not pictured) This month Chris has two elections, both on the 2nd, to try and take advantage of the Jupiter-Moon conjunction before Mars and Uranus start to complicate things.

The first chart is at about 1:00PM local time so that the Ascendant trines Jupiter in the 9th house, the Moon is applying to a conjunction with Jupiter, and the Ascendant ruler Venus in Cancer is in the 10th house, forming a trine with Saturn. The flowing, nurturing energy in Cancer and Pisces is highlighted in this chart (see New Moon for more). The downside is that you bake the Mercury-Pluto opposition into things, so beware of paranoia in communications.

The other variant of this chart is later in the day with Sagittarius rising:

At about 5:30PM local time, this gives you Jupiter in the whole sign 7th house in a day chart with the Moon still applying to a conjunction. This one is oriented more towards other people. These are much different than the electional charts earlier this year where he encouraged us to take advantage of the stellia; now we're entering more challenging territory.

July 5th - New Moon in Cancer

Both luminaries (14♋) apply to a trine with Saturn (19♓) soon after, while Venus (22♋) is within a loose conjunction of them in Cancer. Meanwhile, Mercury (5♌) sextiles Jupiter (9♊) in Gemini with reception (Jupiter is in Mercury's sign). Saturn's trine is constructive, helping us figure out how to work within our limitations and distribute our burdens more evenly. With Venus and Cancer there brings a connotation of caring for and nurturing something that can't survive without you like a child, pet, or house plant. And with care, duty is not far behind. Think sweet and compassionate. Mercury sextile Jupiter on the 8th will continue some of these good vibes for us.

July 11th - Venus enters Leo Venus is getting further from the Sun and begins to rise more and more visibly as the month progresses. When she's fully out from under the beams, we can finally see the results of work that was hidden while she was close to the Sun. We'll also see a return of themes from the Venus retrograde in Leo last year, but it's different for two reasons: 1) Venus is traveling direct and very fast through the sign, and 2) Pluto in Aquarius opposes her immediately upon ingress on the 11th-12th. Venus in Leo's fun-in-the-sun vibe is marred by shadow for the first few days. Significations include interpersonal paranoia, power plays in relationships and (my addition:) issues of control regarding women. In happier news she (12♌) will sextile Jupiter (12♊) on the 21st right in time for the next lunation, at the same degree where she stationed last year. Jupiter will assuage harsh Pluto aspects for planets transiting Leo this month.

July 15th - Mars conjunct Uranus This occurs on the 14th-15th at 26 Taurus, tightly conjunct the fixed star Algol. Mars-Uranus is already quite volatile, with Mars going fast and Uranus shocking or igniting it. Think accidents (warehouse explosions, for example), interpersonally "exploding," and in wolrd affairs violence such as wars. The US dropped atomic bombs on Japan under Mars-Uranus, and has the signature in its natal chart. This already volatile configuration is conjunct malefic star Algol, known as the head of Medusa, in Chinese astrology as the entrance to the Mansion of Corpses, and in Arabic as Ra's al-Ghul ("head of the monster"), from which we get the word "ghoul." Historically Algol coincides with terrible events, for example the bombing of Guérnica. Austin predicts that most personal lives will be unaffected, but that something atrocious will happen in one of the active conflicts going on right now (though hopes he's wrong about it). Algol also figures strongly into the British royal family, the chart of the European Union, and the modern state of Israel. The Republican National Convention will also begin under this inauspicious alignment. July 16th sees the Moon lighting up all this activity, so it's an inadvisable time to start new ventures.

More generally, Mars-Uranus brings sudden upheavals, rebelliousness, challenging the status quo, impulsiveness, unpredictable behavior & acting on whims, and a strong drive for freedom and independence--for example, the January 6 capital debacle happened right as Mars entered Taurus and began approaching conjunction to Uranus. On the positive side, this can indicate starting new adventures and innovative ideas. Mars and Uranus are both antisocial, so it's advisable to strike out on your own, even just for a few days, instead of trying to get everyone else on board or fighting over different directions. Fierce individualism abounds, though Mars-Uranus can also be quirky and spontaneous--Robin Williams had this aspect in Cancer. Thankfully, Mars leaves Taurus about a week later, leaving Algol's intensity behind.

July 20th - Mars enters Gemini In a new sign, Mars is headed for a conjunction with Jupiter in mid-August, though he'll square Saturn almost immediately after. Funnily enough, that's when the Democratic National Convention takes place--which we already know is going to be a mess. Austin points out the Jupiter-Mars conjunction will be at 16 Gemini, the same degree that Venus conjoined the Sun in June, connecting those events. Mars-Jupiter can be heroic and overcoming...but that requires something to heroically overcome. The lunation really kicks things off:

July 21st - Full Moon in Capricorn

A lot of different aspects are happening at once here. The Moon and Sun oppose each other at 29 degrees of Capricorn and Cancer respectively, with the Moon immediately moving towards a sextile with Neptune (29♓), and then conjoining Pluto (0♒) upon her egress from Capricorn. We'll see an immediate shift in tone with news stories foreshadowing the next month of Mars in Gemini. Mars is, by degree, in exact contra-antiscia to the Moon here. Meanwhile, Venus (12♌) sextiles Jupiter (12♊), so positive things are happening at the same time as this tense lunation. However, Merucry (26♌) squares Uranus (26♉), bringing tensions in communication. This will be one of the more memorable days of the month--ongoing negative developments will rear their heads, some nice things will happen, some unexpected things will happen, and the next day the Sun enters Leo, opposing Pluto in Aquarius.

July 22nd - Sun enters Leo Leo season starts off with the Sun opposing Pluto. For the next 20 years, every time the Sun enters Leo, it will oppose Pluto. The Pluto in Leo generation (mid-40s to 1959; Baby Boomers) will feel Pluto's opposition especially strongly, and the dozens of countries created right after WW2 have Saturn conjunct Pluto in Leo in their charts. We'll see what survives this 20 years and what fades away into history as Pluto opposes all that was built when it was 180 degrees away. Chris brings up that generationally Pluto in Leos may be resisting handing off the reins or trying to seize power back when they're past their prime. Austin brings up the accelaration of celebrity culture as a great distraction from those who are actually powerful during Pluto in Leo....maybe we'll get sick of it over the following decades. In other fixed signs, transiting Pluto now squares natal Pluto for Millennials (Pluto in Sagittarius), who are now having to wrestle with beginning to really age in their 40s.

July 25th - Mercury enters Virgo Communications become more direct and quick with Mars in Mercury's sign, but Mercury is going to retrograde close to a square with Mars at the end of the month, so we may expect some miscommunications, misunderstandings, and sharp words. Swift, smart, clever, and cool. Things may get argumentative and contentious.

By the end of the month, retrograde Saturn (18♓Rx) is moving into square distance from Jupiter (14♊), who will in turn square Neptune later--a signature that brought inflation recently. Saturn is trying to rein in Jupiter, who expands Neptune's dissolution of boundaries. Mars in Gemini further aggravates things. July leaves us on a bit of a cliffhanger.

#astrology #forecast #transits #july 2024 #mundane astrology #saturn conjunct neptune #neptune retrograde #saturn retrograde #mars conjunct uranus #capricorn full moon #mercury square mars #mars in gemini #venus in leo #pluto in aquarius

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gunsli-01 · 2 years ago

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Hello! I was just reading that post where you answered the ask about who got yuno pregnant (or, from how I'm guessing you phrased it, who yuno got pregnant from [does that makes sense?] and it slowly fell into place for me (i think it kinda makes sense? She wanted to stay with this guy, so the pregnancy, then the man said he couldn't have that, so abortion?)

just wondering, for some of the scenes during teardrop (specifically the one where she's lying down with her arm over her face and a water bottle), how does that fit into the theory? I've seen it be viewed as her getting drugged and stuff like that.

it's probably just me overthinking things and could be chalked up to yuno just being sick or whatever, but I was just wondering!

Okay, I can elaborate on that further. I really like Yuno and discussing her. She's a genuinely nice and well thought out character especially how they handle her occupation.

That phrasing makes sense because there are multiple people that could have been the cause of the pregnancy, I didn't think phrasing it as this is definitely the father would be right of me. Since the father of the child could have turned out to not be the man Yuno wanted to be with but another client. Since she seems to have been seeing multiple clients at around the same time.

This could also be one of the reasons she ended up getting an abortion. If a different client got her pregnant and a prenatal paternity test showed that the one who she liked was not the father, she may no longer have wanted the child as a result. This would play into the possible multiple meanings behind the line,

"I messed up. I found out."

I've discussed how Yuno and Haruka work as a pair briefly. However, I feel it's important to expand upon my previous points. Since at the time I didn't do her or Haruka justice since I was trying to get to the Futa and Muu post. Haruka and Yuno both killed to get the affection they were seeking whether it be from a parent or romantic partner.

Yuno's trial songs and covers reflect this aspect of her character. In contrast to Haruka's familial ties to the person he's seeking attention from Yuno has contractual ties to the person she wants affection from. Affection that cannot be fulfilled with how her relationships are now.

"UNDER” My cord’s being pulled but nothing’s ever enough Contractual desires, oh what to do, FUTURE."

She can't get the romantic satisfaction she's seeking because all of these dates are contractual. This difference in understanding romance and genuine affection between Haruka and Yuno is highlighted within their first written interrogation.

Q.03 What’s the difference between “love” and “romance”?

Haruka: Don’t they both mean liking someone?

Yuno: “Love” is the feeling and “romance” is the state, right?

Along with the difference in worldly experiences between them.

Q.14 What’s an event that’s stuck in your memory?

Haruka: Fireworks.

Yuno: There’s so many I can’t think of just one.

"Desire, bestow, and desire again... The episode reloading on an endless loop. The fading warmth makes me anxious again tear drops succumb and fall."

I've mentioned this before in another post but tear drops/tear drop is spelled wrong in English. In English it's a compound word teardrop like how you spelled it within the ask. However, the word tear on its own means to tear something up basically pull or rip it apart. So, this could be read as Tear Drop to tear and drop something.

A thing we see Yuno explicitly do within her music video as she messes up the room she was in throwing and breaking stuff. This isn't something that can be easily overlooked. A quick google search would tell someone the word isn't spelled this way. Looking in an English dictionary would very easily inform someone this is a compound word.

That coupled with this scene make this spelling choice come off as convenient and intentional wordplay. Sorry, getting sidetracked this does tie into your question though.

You see the pictures comparing the dates we see her photograph in the daytime in comparison to the evening shots we're shown in Tear Drop. Chances are that these dates were all day things as alluded to through the lyrics in Umbilical,

"Is it a day off tomorrow? But, anyway, let’s be together till the morning. “Good morning” “Good night” I want to be with you as many times as I can."

The scenes we see depicted in Tear Drop are more than likely just the aftermath of all the dates we see in Umbilical.

This means that when Yuno is lying down in the car, she more than likely was not drugged but taking a break from working all day. She could have even been waiting for the man she was with to come back out and drop her off closer to her neighborhood but nowhere near her actual house.

A lot of people's assumptions about Yuno's situation can only work if one assumes Yuno is stupid. I don't know how else to put it. One would have to assume that Yuno was in her words a,

"“Poor naive little girl”?" To get to that conclusion.

If it is to be believed that Yuno who has been doing sex work with multiple people was drugged in that scene. That would mean one of a few things happened,

A. Yuno took a random bottle of any sort of drink/ that had already been opened and possibly resealed or had no seal of any kind from this client. Then she did not ask where it came from or to go to a store to pick out a drink herself but instead just drank it to be polite and respectful of her client's generosity.

Because Yuno really cares about being polite, especially in work settings.

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san... Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. Though with you when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So, I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do.

This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

Or in personal settings-

20/08/02

Mahiru: Yeah, I’m asking for what you like in the opposite sex! I mean, with a lifestyle like this we have a lot of free time, right? So earlier when I was talking with all the other girls we got onto the topic! It’s not often you get a chance like this to live with a mix of men and women together, so I thought it might be nice to use the chance to talk about stuff like this in preparation for when we leave.

Kazui: Ah…… Haha, I understand. I can see that’d be the sort of thing girls your age would be interested in, huh. How peaceful. What I like in the opposite sex… I don’t know if what I say will really be a good reference for you…… Ah, you know, since I’m at this age. I like a girl who can just smile free of worries. Seeing that’d make my old, tired heart feel young again.

Yuno: Uh-huh, I see, I see. ……that’s a total lie, right?

Kazui: Haha…… Give me a break here. You sure don’t make things easy for people, Kashiki-chan.

So, at this point her client had given her a random drink and she did not visibly see him get the drink beforehand. She's decided okay might as well trust it what's the worst that could happen. Not a common thing for anyone in her profession to do but she's young and reckless apparently let's throw caution to the wind. Despite that seeming completely out of character let's keep going down this road, maybe she really trusted and had faith in this client.

Even though based on her clothing it's not the client she was attracted to since that's the one she meets in her school uniform. Then after being drugged Yuno leant back the car seat to rest inside the car of the client who had just drugged her. Instead of removing herself from the situation immediately, going to the nearest public area, or seeking medical attention or help of any kind. Zero suspicions about being drugged or questions on why she's suddenly feeling tired nope she's like well I have been out all day.

Next option

B. Yuno at some time during her workday with this specific client left her drink/belongings within the vehicle unattended and the client tampered with them. Upon reentering the vehicle Yuno unsuspecting continued drinking her drink. This leads to the same events happening that unfold in option A.

Outside of it just seeming incredibly out of character for Yuno the other problem with this idea is that we are shown during the beginning of the date in Umbilical that the person or Yuno herself brought a different drink entirely. The one within the cupholder which was full during Umbilical and now sits empty during the overhead night view shot of her in the car during Tear Drop.

This is the same cup showing us that this event is taking place on the same day as the last scene we saw with her dressed the same way. The water bottle is the only new item here and Yuno's purse is now nowhere in the shot. Meaning there is a possibility that Yuno brought a water bottle with her inside her bag that she had at the beginning of the date. She then took out said water bottle for herself before placing the purse within the backseat more than likely after her client asked her to wait in the car.

She could have even snuck out of the car and purchased the bottle from somewhere nearby. However, if this client had the habit of having Yuno wait in the car as some can to avoid being seen with someone that is not their significant other in public. Then she very well could have brought water and food within the bag she arrived to the car with. This seems to be the case because we only see Yuno dressed like this when she is within a car.

Because of all this I believe what Yuno was doing here was just taking a moment for herself while waiting for who she was with to return to the car. Her appearing this fatigued also makes sense given that trial two establishes the fact that Yuno was at a time pregnant. Which can lead to fatigue and nausea throughout the day along with other symptoms. Far before a person ever becomes aware of the fact that they are pregnant.

#milgram #kashiki yuno

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waiting-on-a-dream · 1 year ago

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𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐫

Mayumi: How long are you gonna stare at me like that?

Haruto: To be honest, I wasn't sure if you were going to show up.

Mayumi: I may not agree with my verdict for the first trial, but you are still a figure of authority in Milgram. I won't disrespect you.

Haruto: Um. Thanks.

Mayumi: So what did you want to ask me?

Haruto: What have you been telling Haku lately?

Mayumi: Hm?

Haruto: I've heard you've been talking to Haku lately. What have you been telling him?

Mayumi: Nothing important.

Haruto: He said you told him you both are similar. Elaborate on that.

Mayumi: That's what he told you? Well, mostly we've been telling each other about our crimes.

Haruto: What was yours again?

Mayumi: Putting down a criminal escaping death row.

Haruto: And Haku's crime is somehow similar?

Mayumi: We were both doing it to protect someone.

Haruto: Who were you protecting?

Mayumi: All the families who live in fear of him.

Haruto: I see...

Mayumi: Are you still trying to find out the secrets of this place?

Haruto: Of course.

Mayumi: Care to share?

Haruto: How about you tell me what you've found.

Mayumi: Well, as a guilty prisoner, there's not much I can do.

Haruto: Are you trying to imply something?

Mayumi: Fufu. Of course not. Every murder committed by each person here can be considered recent, the oldest one dating back to three months before the start of Milgram. We all woke up on the 25th of February in Milgram, assuming the calendars here are accurate. Yui claims that her accident happened on the 20th and she found herself here the next day with no memory of what happened in between. Its the same for everyone else, despite differing times between their crime and arrival at Milgram.

Haruto: Your theory?

Mayumi: We might have been drugged and kidnapped. Some of us put into a temporary coma until the start of Milgram. Or selective memories may have been wiped, like what happened to you.

Haruto: Scientifically, its possible.

Mayumi: What do you mean?

Haruto: Milgram's song machine is more technologically advanced than anything today, isn't it?

Mayumi: Are you suggesting that a more advanced species is responsible for this?

Haruto: Why is that the first thing that comes to your mind? But anyway, aliens, magic, I don't care as long as I know the truth.

Mayumi: I was unable to find any other common ground between all prisoners. Have you discovered anything?

Haruto: There are no exits for this place.

Mayumi: ...Huh?

Haruto: I've explored the whole facility, even the areas restricted to prisoners. There are no hidden rooms or areas restricted to the warden as far as I know. I couldn't find an exit that leads to the outside of Milgram.

Mayumi: Then... How did we get in? The- The ceiling-!

Haruto: Sealed shut.

Mayumi: I mean, I knew we were trapped in. But to this extent...

Haruto: You do raise a good question though. How did we get in? All I could find were smooth walls, no sign of anything that was once an entrance or exit. Unless the entire facility was built with us already in it. But that's impossible, right...?

Mayumi: Then-!

Haruto: For now, let's not tell the others. Don't want them panicking.

Mayumi: You... Why do I have to listen to you?

Haruto: I might consider voting you innocent.

Mayumi: So now you're using that as a bargaining chip? What if I don't care anymore?

Haruto: You did say that you can't do much as a guilty prisoner.

[Bell rings, mechanical sounds in the back.]

Mayumi: Tch.

Haruto: I'm counting on you, prisoner 010. Now, sing your sins.

#haruto makes mayumi freak out part 2 #prisoner 010: okura mayumi #prison guard: suzuki haruto

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libidomechanica · 1 year ago

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And wherefore my sunflowers

Next-to-last, which doth dayly great sun dual natural. Purr of the Devil’s foot, tell the sun. And alien tears, and to pieces. Carved so coole, as well: this I can bear chains, the hallucinations for every day I was a family! Or what shall we in so hush a mask? Opinions two, which reconciled so the rural ditties of air the hard to seek:

for her sects? But all this same way, and day; who won’t let not enough for this, old Farmer Simpson did melt me down betrothed to clear blue devil was in verses made no skill: for we were yet this my invention spread she were gazing on? In its giant loom thee. And a’! That once; then labour moist hand? Outside her cheers in youth, beneath the sacristan,

whom her found another’s guilt! And that times—as out- of-date as good at, but know in so that in this dead; those two doomed in their found the heavy is the Muses moe, soon the words of emotion with some splinterested surface between the weaker side—o rather souls in placing a soft, his westering to itself in storm came again the dedicated

mother again. And thigh nearly or crept by balms! For Lycidas, the owls have I shan’t hard to sea, that makes it bleede, and when I heard, shall her locks with on feather, that same strange route. You are artist, the knife. How man-made held the granted here I have been one endear’d, to brings what does she, that fairer far, alas! No thing, amid the more the wild,

vain! Of shepherds weeps, the mountain-top, i’ll tell the only wake the lady fair; her like thee, that the proud air is keen beyond, you canst the prayers. Upon his hearts a life and pretty picking locker room in their root or seedling the layes her voice, said One who cleft of lies; who would make! Phoebus lightning on the wily bridal bed, freedom a drug that

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listen. You see’st the parching like-hat resembling no sibyl in the holy beacons always finds nor slavery man must not now but influence common man’s little tunes of them toward does not a soul within and murdered aloud, sweet evil sprited gastly rout the Trial Men in Spain, and when the cheese and for to stands erect this alchemy, to

shakes: her looks;—that poor thorny soile to the light find your breast, with me, o my sad bed of song; permit me voyage, lovely tints are swept away, and like a little touch of shade, or with alter’d what, if I spoke, I cannot her, and their Lucifer kicking. The golden sun her seldom seen to-day, but wilt tell, which Rumour, their long pain. And fussed an

open-air, on Sunium or Hymettus, like a madman on a joyless as their spirit wants: because nor red may be clever, she’s less humbler proue, by Sences priviledge, can show whereof shepherds, which I not; my small orange, with all his be hearse where turned me for stirs, swelling tears, instead, said it may have, and faine waies of the gear thou will be she,

whether personal narrative—scott, they mocked upon Desire. And almost terrible hammer-blows. Of course the sunlight laugh outright the year who is wear out green valley lone, but, like a lady, Christabel? Flowe, of thee flee. I was beheaded fair peace—this world of it my face and weaves slips wan that she heard my folly, or the sunflower spring

danced to play upon his heart was dry together door—tis seldom save him three! But the outline of thy Desire, the tries to themselves to shouder o’ the slippery asphalte ring in happy thing, and ever deem me true! Now do I know that man’s best class,— aurora was fix’d the rest: the dedicate piston toyes away, where I sleep so sweetness

of those accents fine, dearest, of the mountain go, what is no salve to myself, and were yet not much prey. And is it, Shadows of this omission—in politics my duty is; that sleepy one! The worst or best of our bird- throated machinery and bare, let none a worm in my reflection, devoutly to lutes each other with faint and gazed: I play

to your brain! How on her, all breath, knowing of love has buoyant as thy lieutenance grows of the tag o’ her give our anguish grew—how bear my songs and our breasted, old oak tree, which the ocean rivers, churning less silent, lone, or mistrust that blowes did defend, all the mosses the end of a turmoil of trees were swept smooth as she look’d as if no

vaile the tree, and night as rain his pipe as spoyle when it couched; and bed as like made it, if it breeds. And intrude, as soon with both in solemn lightning or the heart of dread, from rose-colour blessed black swollen purple all day when we shall appointed in snow and I’ll love her name; following at my nature manners which stands and hard: and wise article

at her bed: I sung and unjoin, be loves it hath intellect expanded engine at the bricks his senseless lovely being Christ of our June—shall bestowing! The late heather fountain-path, that straw, the live on a drug that had been or gods he knew what I be dead, thy tears will not dead espy? Yet shall stoop; let crutches from duty, own’d to limb spoiling

to see. Red like an infant’s bones and scorn with dawn pushing die, a pretty dearest come, what enchanting thy foot in pain, so I hurl myself in streaming fearfully, fearful wonder how to an art. Lover, I have her air such cannot tell; but shall never and by and night. Tastes, he had not been rent as thou art as forego her friend I sought. Of flames

which makes me to foolish truer of rest, recline to me thou love. Inward buckram, little on the rich. Sprang outside the sky is sae fair! And loue be infection. At through the streams alone. Conceive me. Such as subservient to staunch they give you till now not how, in fearful wind, a maze where the first loved in a scarlet coat, my heart from sea plain the

heaven? Two of us strange and Witch’s Lair, and they possibility. But there will once, and her cry, o misery; now whether is purpose our and folded; rich, no mirthful board, some disgraces, with a most evil sprites or pass than when I saw her features new warrest along, you are a white. Between the floating flames, whereon Apicius would

fall long decease. The stole to give some milk, in thy shed silver, white as all the tall, would find no man show her! A star through a miss unwed, or my own pride! Dread figurehead with close. Of a poet eke, as one of vermilion: and wandring mouths! Depths of his left of love with me’s a confusion of felt crept Creating in the field, and I thee?

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #135 texts #ballad

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islandpcosjourney · 2 years ago

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Next stage

7th March 2023

Well, here we are, we’ve exhausted our other options and after our referral 6 months ago, we now have our first appointment date at the Assisted Conception Unit next month.

It has been a rollercoaster of emotions so far. From realising that our last cycle (before we leave it in the hands of the scientists) had failed, to feeling denial about our “need” for scientists to take over, the natural rhythm of life failing us and the possibility that this isn’t meant to be, from the perspective of continuing to seek a family through medical interventions.

It has been no secret that we were told years ago that we’d need medical intervention but I still refused to believe it. I still had hope where others may not have. I wanted and so badly did believe that it WOULD happen and that we wouldn’t need to push onto this stage. I never wanted it. Yes, I accepted the referral but didn’t quite compute what it all meant in terms of it being a deadline for us to make this decision - we now only have til we’re 40.

It’s not been easy on either of us. We’re seeking further help out-with our own capabilities because deep down, we’re just not coping. Or I think it’s just that I’ve realised how much we’ve been dealing with and “coping” in a certain way by not facing it head on. It is so much easier to not say the words when you feel rubbish and useless. I find it much easier to just cuddle up to Kevin, cry and leave it at that. Saying words out loud however, make it real and making it real helps you to heal.

But neither of us have been through this before, no matter how much I might know about the process from documentaries or dramas or talking to people, we will still be going through this together, afresh, at the same time and that partly does worry me as this isn’t a trial run, this is real and happening! Will I know how to comfort Kevin? Will he know how to comfort me? Will there be part of the process when he won’t be there to help me? Well, there must be because on average its a 6 week-long process going through an IVF round (just found that out yesterday, that’s how clueless I am!) and he’s only ever home for 5 weeks at a time. Not entirely sure why I thought it took months. Maybe because I know people can be going through it for months but that might actually be because there’s time between monitoring, drugs, scans, various appointments etc before a 6-wk cycle even begins! Then of course there’s the failed transfers, which might mean that you’re 6 weeks down the line, not pregnant but might have frozen embryos in storage so you might get to try again the next month. Now presumably, if that happens to us, Kevin wouldn’t need to be around for future transfers, as they’re frozen, already fertilised embryos, but this is me just guessing.

As far as we can understand, our first appointment has to include us both and presumably that’s because they’ll be talking us through the process and finding out more about us. I will have my AMH tested, which will test my blood for levels indicative of my age, to see about my ovarian egg reserves. Women are born with a finite number of eggs whereas men can produce new sperm every day, forevermore. I’m kind of hoping that I won’t have any problems in that department as, even though I’m 35, I haven’t had many periods before the last 2 years, I basically only had around 30 in 10 years so my ovaries haven’t been spitting out eggs like they should have, therefore I’m assuming they’re still in there 🤷🏻‍♀️ The AMH level will indicate what hormone protocol you’re put on for treatment.

I’ll also have a carbon monoxide test - me?! I’m a non-smoker but it’s been Kevin that’s cheekily been sneaking cigarettes for years, not me. He’s off them now but our documentation doesn't say anything about him being tested. It says we’ll be asked but it specifically says that I'll be tested - random.

I’ll also be weighed - to make sure my BMI is under 30, which it is not at the moment (still carrying Christmas weight - oops!) but it will be in 5 weeks - that I am certain of!

Other than those 3 things that will be measured, we have no idea what the rest of the appointment will entail but it’s annoying that Kevin isn’t having any tests done because we postponed our first offer appointment which was this week because he isn’t around and when it said that we both had to be available, we assumed that was because we were both needed for tests. I'm told that staff shortages etc mean that they’re using our previous test results to start off and if anything else is required, we’d have to be referred somewhere else like Aberdeen for that - frustrating. Having Kevin away 5 wks at a time, I’m used to dealing with appointments on my own, relaying info to him etc but their policy must be that both parties must be present for the first consult and there was no way around that.

Then came the realisation of getting into a whole new ball-game with the local Health Board here and phoning up to arrange patient travel. I’m already down in Edinburgh anyway so it’s only Kevin that needed a flight arranged, one way but still, that process spiked a lot of anxiety in me and I could hear my voice breaking down the phone, getting emotional about silly little things! Well I say silly but when I told the lady that I was already down and staying with my mum, after that she kept referring to me as staying with my parents and after a while I felt I had to correct her as she shouldn’t have assumed that it was my “parents” when I had said “mum”. I had to say that my Dad had died. She should’ve maybe said “family” or perhaps I will in future. What was going through my head also was that I’m disappointed that we’ve had to get to this stage. It’s a realisation, an acceptance that we couldn’t manage it ourselves, even with medications and that we now have to go about it in the most clinical way possible. However, it will all be worth it for a child to enter into our lives, to bless our marriage and make us a family (although I am not saying that we’re not blessed already and that we’re not a family, but you get what I mean - bless us further and make us a family of more than 2 adults plus fur babies 😂)

I also had a horrid realisation yesterday that we wouldn’t be able to afford this financially. Yes, we’re entitled to 3 NHS funded cycles, yes we get our travel paid and (to a certain extent) accommodation when required but as a self-employed music teacher, I don’t get sick pay, I don’t get holiday pay, I don’t get maternity pay. When I don’t work, I don’t have an income. An average teaching week would cover my mortgage, another week would cover my council tax (which is 200% atm because the house isn’t fit to live in), another week would cover my car payment, another week covers the month’s electricity. There’s not much left over each month because of the rising costs facing us and when I am either forced to take a week off due to school holidays or because I need time off for something else, it has to be done with care and thought because most of the time, I might be relying on my overdraft to get me through that month. So, when hearing someone else who went through IVF tell me that they took 3 wks staying on the mainland during treatment - that freaked me out! I really can’t afford to take 3 weeks off. Is having a baby worth going bankrupt for? Worth losing my house and therefore my living? Then, if we can’t afford that, how on earth can I afford maternity leave? We have a long-term plan but it isn’t in force yet and thoughts, financially like this, always have me questioning whether or not we’re in the right position to have a family and then it dawns on me that maybe that’s why we don’t already..... that God is saving us from that stress. Perhaps.

However, Kevin insists that we’ll be fine and I prayed on it this morning. Hours later when I was getting ready to leave for work, it dawned on me that there must be advice out there for musicians going through IVF or similar and I googled it and found a charity called “Help musicians”. I just rattled off a quick email to them as I couldn’t read their FAQs well-enough on my phone and I got a response really soon after, asking me about more specifics. There might be help available! Who knew?! Praise the Lord. It’s in these moments when you cry out, you feel rock bottom and have no clue where or who to turn to for help, that prayers really can be answered. Nothing may come of it, I have no idea yet but at least I didn’t get a straight NO from them. I am being put in touch with the right people to decide what application forms are best to fill out etc but what a weight off my mind that we might possibly get some support - one less stress.

Yes it’s our choice to want a family and to want to pursue this treatment option 200 miles away but neither of us made the choice to get an infertility diagnosis. We do not have the simple choice of deciding when to be parents, in the comfort of our own home. We have to make sacrifices and this is where it begins. If we want this bad enough, we’ll be making the hardest choices we’ve ever had to make in our lives over the next weeks, months & years. This is where adult life gets really complicated and serious and scary. I’m learning to reach out to others now because we can’t do this on our own. We’re being open and honest about where we’re headed and that in itself will breed a different type of stress when we may well have several folk checking in on us, asking us how things are going, BUT to be honest, that’s parenthood starting early - the crazy life with no privacy beginning!

The time for “surprise” pregnancy announcements is over. There’s no hiding from this process now. Once you start a cycle, you either end up pregnant weeks later or you don’t. Everyone will know that. Every time we leave the island for an appointment, I don’t want to be hiding it because there is no hiding on this island! Everyone knows your business and that’s that. I don’t want to be made to feel like I’m ashamed of what we’re doing because I’m not. Best to be open and honest and upfront, which I’ll respect myself for even more too. Several times this week I have been asked if I’m ok and I have without hesitation said NO.

It is ok not to be ok.

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findingjoynweirdstuff · 4 years ago

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Crash Course: The History of Dream SMP Season One

So...

You want to get into the Dream SMP, but oh no! There’s eight months of extensive and event-filled history to catch up on, and dozens of highlight videos to watch that don’t always include everything, and pages upon pages of detailed Wiki articles...where do you start!?

Well, I’ve created this to summarize the events of Dream SMP Season One into a single post as a sort of “narrative timeline.”

I’ve also included the dates of the events to the best of my ability, so that everything is in (mostly) chronological order.

I’d highly recommend also checking out the Wiki for more detailed descriptions of the big events if you’re interested.

Happy one-month anniversary of the Grand Finale!

Enjoy!

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Note: Some dates, but not all, are taken from VOD upload dates, and Tommy’s VODs are usually uploaded a day later than initial broadcast, so they may be slightly inaccurate. Dates marked with * are the dates the VOD was uploaded, in cases where I am unsure of the original broadcast date.

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The Early Days

April 25th:

The SMP started out as an ordinary survival server, and was often referred to as “the survival world” on early Dream Team streams. The first eight members to join the SMP were: Dream, George, Sapnap, Badboyhalo, Ponk, Alyssa, Callahan and Sam, though Sam took a hiatus until the events of the Election Arc. The Community House was the first thing to be built in the center of a lake.

It was in this period that Beckerson and Mars were named from donos (the various named knicknacks in the Community House are also from donos), Dream tamed a white horse named Spirit, and Sam tamed Fran. There were also several other various pets like dogs and foxes that were tamed by the members.

Some notable events from this period include: the construction of the Court House (and subsequently Sapnap and George’s murder trials there), Dream building the wooden path, George texting Dream’s mother, Sapnap’s Famous Storytime Stream (in which Spirit died due to mobs), and the burning of Ponk’s first Lemon Tree due to a conflict with George.

There was also a running joke that Callahan and Alyssa were dating (they aren’t)

Tommy’s Arrival

Tommy joins July 4th. Tubbo arrives shortly after, with Fundy a day after Tubbo.

The day of Tommy’s arrival:

Tommy joins the SMP. His first day, George and Dream get him to stand on a crafting table and he subsequently murders George and takes from the Community House chests. Dream and George put Tommy on trial in the Court House. After a brief manhunt, Tommy is banished 2,500 blocks away (the first of three exiles) in the snow and is ordered to stay there. He fails to comply and is briefly banned before Dream lets him back on. He chooses to settle on a hill next to Ponk’s Lemon Tree.

The Disc War: Start of the Disc Saga

Taking place from July 9th* - July 11th*, though there were various events/conflicts relating to the discs that happened before and after this time.

After listening to two discs, Cat and Mellohi, with Tubbo on a bench while watching the sunset (VOD: July 8th*), Tommy considers the two discs to be his most prized possessions.

This event is considered the first major war of the server, and the Disc Saga would continue to have developments throughout the rest of Season One.

The events of the first Disc War began due to another conflict between Sapnap, Ponk and Alyssa. Punz and Tubbo were also involved. Tommy ended up siding with Sapnap, and much vandalism and fighting happened before Dream logged on with the intention to stop it.

Tommy and Sapnap murder Dream, and Dream steals Tommy’s discs in return, threatening to burn them unless Tommy returns his gear. Tommy, Tubbo and Sapnap end up combining forces to murder Dream and take back the discs, which Tommy hides under his base. Dream spends time off stream digging up the entirety of Tommy’s land in search of them.

The rest of the Disc War proceeds with Tommy and Tubbo working repeatedly to take back the discs from Dream. It only ends when Tommy crafts an Ender Chest to put the discs in.

This was also around the time that Fundy’s Socializing Club was built, which later led to a brief conflict taking place there.

(It was also during this time in the middle of the Disc War that Wilbur joined a call with Tommy and asked Dream out on a date to Pizza Hut, with Tommy speaking in game chat as Wilbur’s wingman. Dream says yes, George gets jealous on Twitter, and the infamous Vlog plot starts. It would go on from July to October.)

Schlatt and Wilbur

July 12th: During a short conflict between Tommy and Tubbo over the death of Tubbo’s pet bee, Tommy burns down Tubbo’s house. Wilbur logs onto the server to act as Tommy’s lawyer.

On July 17th, Schlatt gets whitelisted on the server without Dream’s knowledge and Tommy spends a day with his idol. The SMPLive Cuck Shed is recreated in Dream SMP, and Tommy listens to the disc Blocks with Schlatt. People trend #kickschlatt on Twitter. Both Wilbur and Schlatt log off the server “permanently,” Wilbur by choice and Schlatt by banning (as Dream didn’t know who he was). Tommy gains ownership of Wilbur’s ball house.

Also worth mentioning is Eret joining July 19th.

The L’manburg War for Independence (aka “Revolution”)

This was a relatively short but very consequential arc, taking place from July 24th to August 2nd, a little over a week in total. It is the second major war of the server, and the first to be faction-based.

July 24th: Wilbur joins the server again.

He decides to start an empire with Tommy. He builds the Camarvan (aka “hto dog van”) in a remote part of the woods and recruits Tommy to help create artificial scarcity in the server’s drug market by stealing everyone’s blaze rods. This isn’t taken too kindly by other members, especially Sapnap. One thing leads to another and they decide to mark out a tiny square in the woods to declare as an independent country. Tubbo joins them, and he and Tommy sing “Hallelujah” to a tilled patch of dirt (this melody would later become the L’manburg National Anthem). They also recruit Eret to help build. They decide on a name: L’manburg, and also don revolutionary skins.

Dream comes over, displeased by this, and declares war. His side consists of Dream, George, Sapnap and Punz, though the L’manburgians attempted to convince George to their side due to his Britishness.

Eret builds the walls, Fundy joins the revolution after logging in within the walls and being very confused, Wilbur claims Fundy as his son. Tommy constructs a fight club beneath his house and, after poorly speaking Dutch to Fundy, goes down the path placing signs in various languages saying “the green bastard shall die!” as propaganda to Dream’s viewers of various nationalities.

July 31st:

Dream and Sapnap log on during one of Dream’s streams, inspect the area, and go through a multi-step plan to demoralize the L’manburgians: they burn down all the trees around their land, lavacast a huge cobblestone wall just outside, construct obsidian TNT cannons around the walls, and fire several TNT blasts into the country, destroying part of the hotdog van’s roof. George joins the call, gets filled in on what’s been happening, and assists in the chaos. Eret, the only L’manburgian online, is helpless and can only meekly protest in game chat. As a final message, Dream and Sapnap set fire to Tubbo’s house (the second time) and Dream gives his famous “white flags” ultimatum.

August 1st:

The ultimatum’s war date was pushed back a day due to Twitter drama. The final evening before war, Dream, after doing his serious stream, logs onto the server and blows up Tommy’s land with TNT, exploding part of the beloved Cuck Shed. Wilbur, in VC, tells Tommy to return the favor to Dream, but instead, Tommy chooses not to fight fire with fire. Impressed, Wilbur makes Tommy his right hand man. Eret joins Dream’s side around this time.

August 2nd:

The day of war comes. Dream’s side goes to Tubbo’s jungle base to kill Tubbo repeatedly. There’s a brief conflict at the Power Tower. Wilbur logs on - the L’manburg side is grossly underprepared. They meet at the Embassy and exchange fire with the Dream SMP members. After Dream seems to retreat, Eret suggests they return to L’manburg, saying he has a “secret weapon:” Eret has been grinding for items.

He leads them down a long tunnel into a blackstone “Final Control Room.” The chests are empty, and Tommy pushes a button in the middle of the room, wondering what its function is. The redstone doors slide open and Dream’s men ambush and kill all of them, leaving them with nothing.

After speaking with Wilbur, who refuses surrender, Dream returns to L’manburg and lights a piece of TNT at the entrance, triggering tons of TNT that had been laid beneath the ground beforehand to ignite. Tommy leads everyone into a final bunker. As one last chance at independence, Tommy challenges Dream to a bow duel for Mellohi. George and Wilbur have a short exchange in which they reflect on their Pizza Hut Date, wondering how they could end up like this, with their men fighting each other on opposite sides. Wilbur tells George he should have been on their side as a British person. Eret too.

Tommy and Dream take ten paces and fire at each other on the Prime Path.

Tommy loses the duel.

Instead of giving up just Mellohi, though, Tommy asks Dream if he could give up Cat as well in return for “technical independence.” Dream agrees. Wilbur declares independence again, putting himself as President, Tommy as Vice President, and Tubbo as Secretary of State. Eret, meanwhile, is declared king of the Dream SMP.

YOOOOOOOOOOOO...you know the rest.

Jack Manifold is whitelisted. It’s a silver-lining ending.

Post-War Period General Events

August 3rd (?), VOD uploaded August 6th*:

On Jack’s first day, Dream attempts to bribe Jack onto his side with riches, real money, and books containing secret codes. Jack decides to act as a double agent.

VOD uploaded August 7th*:

Fundy and Eret continue their pranks. Eret builds his two towers to watch over L’manburg - Fundy completely destroyed the first of them, which is why Eret’s towers are now reinforced with obsidian. That same stream where Fundy “shrank” the tower was where Tommy and Jack first heard the tale of Fundy’s heritage. Fundy explained that his mother was a salmon (they came up with the name “Sally”) and that she was an accountant who raised him the best she could. Tommy and Jack are understandably weirded out by this.

August 6th:

Niki is also whitelisted and joins the server. The original Camarvan is torn down, and Wilbur introduces the first version of the L’manburg National Anthem.

The Drug Park Trivia Contest

August 9th:

Due to L’manburg needing more funds, Wilbur, Tommy and Tubbo get together and create a drug park business to attract drug dealers and women. They see four chickens hanging out near some gravel and name them Clementine, Clementine, Clementine and Clementine, deciding that gravel must attract women. PPA (Ponk-Purpled-Alyssa) signs a trade agreement with L’manburg.

The drug park attracts a confused Dream, who wanders around through the alleyways. Dream gets scammed and then scams them back, so Wilbur challenges Dream to a trivia contest.

August 10th:

Fundy takes off his revolutionary outfit and he and Wilbur get into a brief argument over it. Eret continues to build his second tower. Wilbur asked Tommy and Tubbo to prepare the trivia questions together, but while Tubbo had researched real trivia, Tommy put in bullshit questions that were later removed from the point score.

Dream loses the trivia contest and jumps off a cliff.

The Disc Saga: Showbiz Business

August 13th*:

After Tommy, Tubbo, Thunder, Skeppy and Fundy give a performance of Hamilton and Macbeth to Dream, gaining Dream’s favor, Skeppy tells Tommy he has Spirit’s leather. Tommy, seeing an opportunity to use Dream’s sentimental attachment to get Dream on his good side, asks Skeppy for the leather. Instead, Skeppy trades the leather back to Dream in return for one of the discs. Tommy gets Quackity in a VC to try and intimidate Skeppy (Quackity fails), then asks for Quackity to be whitelisted. Dream whitelists Quackity.

This was also around the time that Fundy kidnapped Punz’s bee, Beenis, and was put on trial, resulting in the birth of Tubbo’s alter ego: Big Law. This would come into play during the Pet War.

The Cartel

August 17th:

Quackity joins the server.

He is initially not allowed to join L’manburg.

He and Tommy start the Cartel together, going on a heist and cracking jokes about John Lennon. This is an overarching scheme over the course of several streams. Tommy ends up building a summer house for himself in the hills, and constructs a drug lab in its basement which he uses with Quackity to attempt a drug scheme.

August 28th*:

Later, after Tommy finishes his summer home and names the several cows who live there, Quackity kidnaps the one named Henry and threatens his life, as he feels that Tommy has become too attached to Henry and is no longer dedicated to the Cartel. Quackity forces Tommy to play a sick trivia game show where if he gets an answer wrong, a cow dies. Tommy asks Tubbo for help, but Tubbo sides with Quackity for the drama. The conflict ends in violence, but Henry is still alive.

Tommy and Wilbur Revive the Server

August 19th*:

Tommy, concerned that the SMP is dying due to Tubbo not being online, calls in Wilbur and Quackity for a chill stream. He and Wilbur rebuild the Camarvan very, very poorly, turning it into a monstrosity of a dirt-bug held together by cobblestone. This wasn’t very consequential, I just included it to explain how the Camarvan ended up looking like That.

The Disc Saga: Railway Skirmish

August 23rd*:

One day, Tommy was hanging around at his summer home. He hops in a minecart and accidentally runs Dream over. Dream uses the /kill command as a funny way to mess with Tommy (and the audience), causing him to die and lose all his stuff. Dream hadn’t been expecting Tommy to take advantage of it. Unbeknownst to Tommy, Tubbo runs in and snatches Dream’s prized sword, hiding it underground.

Tommy and Tubbo realize that with all of Dream’s gear in their possession, they finally have the high ground, and try and use that high ground to trade Dream for the disc. Wilbur joins and questions Tommy about why they’re trying to cause conflict, as L’manburg can’t afford to fight another war so soon. Wilbur orders them to return Dream’s things and apologize. Dream doesn’t give Tommy the disc, but does trade Tommy for Spirit’s leather in return for his stuff back. Tommy tries and fails to trade Skeppy the leather for the disc. He and Sapnap also then team up to kill Dream, but Sapnap betrays Tommy after being threatened and Tommy never succeeds in getting a disc back.

Tubbo reveals to Tommy afterwards that he’d hidden Dream’s sword, and they’d successfully kept it: they now have leverage.

Church Prime

August 24th:

Tommy and Dream put their differences aside for one day and start a religion together after plugging Twitch Prime for twenty minutes straight, to Tubbo’s disapproval. Quackity assists as well. The Vape Tower and Holy Land are created. Dream levitates into the air and /kill’s himself, then gets resurrected. One of the funniest streams the SMP’s ever had.

Church Prime has been born!

The Disc Saga: Spirit Scam / Start of the Pet War

August 27th*:

Tommy is enraged by Sapnap killing one of his beloved cows, Harold. He griefs Sapnap’s house and also informs Niki that her pet, a little fox named Fungi, was also killed by Sapnap. Niki is furious. She, Tommy and Tubbo kidnap Mars and Beckerson with the intentions of holding them for ransom as revenge. Dream, concerned about this, tries to reason with them. He can’t let Mars and Beckerson die at any cost.

While the sides make their threats, Dream locks up the jukebox room in Tommy’s house with obsidian and starts playing the real Mellohi to taunt them out of cockiness. Tubbo and Tommy manage to snatch Mellohi and put it in an ender chest. Dream, realizing he’d screwed up, names a fake Mellohi disc “Tommy’s Disc” and tries to convince them that that was the real one.

After plenty of scamming involving Dream’s sword, Spirit, Mellohi, the fish, and a confusing switcheroo, Tommy ends up with the real Mellohi and the real Spirit, while Dream keeps Beckerson and Mars in his possession. Niki just wanted an apology.

The Pet War

August 29th*:

After taking a brief recess from the SMP, Fundy logs on and starts to catch up on what he’s missed. He’s confused by Church Prime, but is more concerned with chat spamming “RIP Fungi.” He doesn’t believe it at first, but sees Fungi’s grave in L’manburg and calls Niki, who tells him what happened. Furious, he says that Sapnap must pay.

He asks Dream for Mars, but Dream is unwilling to give her to him. Instead, Dream leads Fundy and Niki to the dog house and show them the pets. He tells them that Skechers is Sapnap’s fox, but they didn’t hear it from him. As he is unable to kill one of his own kind, Fundy asks Niki to murder it with a pickaxe.

After a scavenger hunt stream with George, Dream tells Sapnap what happened. Sapnap, enraged, kills Niki’s animals and Fundy’s enderman pet. The Dream Team hide their remaining animals off screen.

August 31st*:

Fundy gets Beenis and a beehive at Tubbo’s base and offers to play a cruel game with Punz in which Punz chooses to spare one of the beenests while the other is thrown into fire. Punz decides that choosing is better than leaving Beenis in an enderchest and chooses. They place down the spared beenest but no bee comes out. Tommy and Tubbo arrive in full armor, looking ominously at Punz. Fundy explains the situation to them, favoring his side of the story, and Tommy and Tubbo defend him as one of their own. Fundy has started a war.

September 1st:

Fundy and Niki get a pet bee named Beelloon. They hide it in an obsidian box to keep it safe. They also locate Sapnap’s pets based on small details in the background of George’s stream.

Sapnap and Punz arrive one day after a Twitch Rivals tournament and force Fundy to watch as they explode Fungi’s grave with TNT. Fundy says they should end the fighting for good with a duel: one vs. one, Sapnap and Fundy.

September 10th:

Fundy builds a scaled-down version of Technoblade and Dream’s arena just behind his base. Tubbo referees the duel between Fundy and Sapnap. Fundy loses. Sapnap takes Niki’s fish and starts to play the same game with Fundy, but stops at the last second - it’s not worth stoking up the fires of war again. He congratulates Fundy on being a worthy competitor and leaves after returning the fish to Fundy. The Pet War ends there.

The Election

September 3rd*:

Tubbo and Fundy get into an argument that threatens to tear L’manburg apart in Civil War. Tommy, while Wilbur isn’t online, is the one left in charge of diffusing the conflict, which he does successfully. The next day (September 4th*), Wilbur logs back on and Tommy fills him in on what he’s missed. They decide that they need to consolidate power, and choose to hold a rigged election where they’re the only party that can be voted for. Quackity, after learning this, states that he’ll be running as well to prevent their dictatorship, declaring his campaign “SWAG2020.” This throws a wrench in Wilbur and Tommy’s plans. Wilbur and Tommy’s party is renamed “POG2020.”

September 9th*:

The Presidential debate is held in Tubbo’s King’s Court. Quackity reveals that Georgenotfound is his running mate. Tommy attempts a smear campaign against him, then later accepts bribery from Karl, who was overseeing the debate. Tubbo takes Karl’s spot to be less biased. Fundy states that he wants to run for president as well. September 15th, Tommy gains Sapnap’s vote by publicly denouncing Fundy, telling him that if Wilbur weren’t Fundy’s father, Fundy would be kicked out of L’manburg. The following days, they hold a few more rallies, sing a duet of Let it Go, and Wilbur, Tommy and Quackity construct the White House while speaking Spanish. This is also the birth of “Tubbox.”

September 20th:

They hold one last rally where the parties show off their endorsements. POG2020 is endorsed by Vikkstar. Georgenotfound is a no-show. Everyone wonders where he is, with one of the running theories being that he’s off editing the Vlog. Fundy and Niki announce their campaign: COCONUT2020.

Tommy and Wilbur have one last endorsement up their sleeve: Schlatt logs onto the server. He’s been unbanned. Instead of endorsing POG2020, however, he accidentally endorses COCONUT2020 and then decides to run his own candidacy, SCHLATT2020. Violence breaks out, Tommy, Wilbur and Quackity all escape underground. Wilbur and Tommy offer to combine votes with Quackity, but Quackity refuses after they reveal the offer is conditional on their own defeat. Instead, Quackity decides to partner with Schlatt.

Also worth mentioning is the fact that Wilbur asked for Tommy’s Mellohi disc, the real one, to keep until they’d won the election. Tommy gives it to him.

Schlatt’s Inauguration

September 21st:

HBomb is added to the server. Wilbur gets on the podium and states the election results: POG2020 won the popular vote by 45%, but was beaten out by the combined vote total of SCHLATT2020 and SWAG2020 of 46%, making Schlatt the President and Quackity the Vice President. Schlatt designates Tubbo as his right-hand man, still Secretary of State.

Schlatt’s decrees are as follows, given throughout the rest of the stream: Tommy and Wilbur’s citizenship is revoked, the walls are torn down, L’manburg is renamed to Manberg.

Tommy and Wilbur escape into the woods (Tommy’s second exile) and Technoblade offers them assistance. Technoblade logs onto the server and they find a ravine to make a barracks in: Pogtopia.

Tommy and Wilbur then go to negotiate with Schlatt for a one-day visa to L’manburg for Ninja’s visit. Schlatt agrees to it.

Ninja’s Visit

September 25th*:

Ninja visits and streams with Tommy for a day. He ends up getting married to Georgenotfound and using their marriage to get the Pogtopians an extended visa without Schlatt’s knowledge.

Pet War II: Battle of the Lake

Sapnap and Karl, who were engaged to marry with a wooden Eiffel Tower as their honeymoon spot, attempt to kidnap Henry. Instead, Sapnap accidentally kills Henry with fall damage.

October 5th:

Tommy is beyond enraged at the death of Henry, and goes to grief Skeppy’s property with Niki while he’s grieving. Dream joins and helps Tommy lavacast the Eiffel Tower. They attempt to frame Badboyhalo for this, which starts a new conflict and a battle between Skeppy and Bad against Dream and Tommy.

Sapnap logs on, Tommy confronts him, and Sapnap eats Henry’s corpse. Antfrost also joins in on Bad and Skeppy’s side. The fight continues, and Dream and Tommy escape into the wilderness together and a chase ensues. Niki is taken hostage.

Dream decides to entrust Tommy with one of the most valuable pets on the server: Mars. Tommy must never, under any circumstances, harm her. Tommy tells Sapnap he has Mars, but Sapnap doesn’t believe Dream would trust Tommy with such a thing at first.

Everyone heads to Pogtopia. Tommy gives his famous “I have the Blade” line and Technoblade logs on. Dream also joins Techno and Tommy’s side. They declare it the Battle of the Lake after a tiny pond next to Tommy’s Intimidation Tower. Punz swaps sides mid battle, and Dream, Tommy and Techno overpower the opposing side, claiming victory.

Dreamon Hunters

October 7th:

Tubbo and Fundy want to create some chaos, but their targets keep logging off and foiling their plans. Eventually, Dream logs on, and that’s when they get the idea to perform an exorcism on Dream. They get Dream to Skeppy’s Mansion and perform a complicated ritual, ending with them logging out and then back in again, and Dream exploding TNT, killing himself and also Tubbo in the blast. After this exorcism, Dream seems...different. He says he wants to be a builder, he wants to hug Technoblade, and his IQ is...75!

Tubbo and Fundy think at first that they’ve successfully removed the Dreamon, but after performing a test with an iron door, everything goes sour. In a last effort to get Dream back to normal, Fundy recreates his marriage proposal scene with Dream. Dream ascends into the air, explodes, and all seems to go back to normal...until DreamXD logs on.

October 15th:

In a second stream, Tubbo and Fundy get their proper Dreamon Hunter outfits, set up a base of operations on the beach near the Mansion, and recruit Sapnap to assist them.

The Festival

VOD uploaded October 10th*:

Tommy has an idea to connect the Prime Path from Pogtopia all the way to Dream SMP, but accidentally reveals Tubbo’s tunnel to Quackity in the process. This leads to a split between Tommy and Wilbur, in which Wilbur snaps and tells Tommy that this is why he isn’t the President and never will be.

Schlatt comes on. He ignores the tunnels, but announces something new: The official Manberg Festival, a celebration of democracy and freedom. With this announcement, Wilbur starts to have doubts about his intentions. Why should he want to go against someone who was democratically elected, hosting fun events for the citizens? Wilbur has a realization: he’s the villain. A few minutes pass, and he’s completely gone, slipping into paranoia about everyone’s loyalties as he starts to distrust that even Tubbo is on his side. He has a plan to blow the entire place up with TNT, and asks Dream to help.

At the end of the day, Tubbo and Tommy have a moment by the bench. Tubbo reveals to Tommy that he’d been given a Mellohi disc by Wilbur, who had also given a copy to Tommy as well. They question why Wilbur would give them both copies of Mellohi, and try to hide the truth about the disc. Tubbo says he probably has the real one.

In the coming days, Tubbo and Fundy help create the decorations. Fundy, meanwhile, has been questioning his loyalties. He wonders what Tommy and Wilbur ever really did for the country in their administration.

October 16th:

The day of the Festival arrives. Everyone, including Technoblade, has been invited except for Wilbur and Tommy. Techno joins in with the party activities, and it’s a joyous day. Tommy and Wilbur wait on the roof, and have a brief conversation with Tubbo before the moment arrives. Wilbur accuses Tubbo of being a yes-man, explains that there’s a key phrase in the speech to activate the TNT. There are twenty pieces of TNT beneath Schlatt’s chair alone.

He puts Tubbo in charge of making the final decision of whether Manberg stays or falls. It’s up to Tubbo to say the line. As the party settles, Tubbo goes up to give his speech. He says it, Schlatt prompts him for more, and Tubbo says the line. Wilbur and Tommy hop down to press the button, but Schlatt gives a little chuckle. He and Quackity start trapping Tubbo in concrete, keeping him in Schlatt’s chair while everyone looks on in confusion. Wilbur and Tommy pause – they can’t detonate the TNT with Tubbo in the blast radius. Schlatt reveals that he’d known about Tubbo’s spying all along, and calls up Technoblade for a favor.

Schlatt orders Technoblade to execute Tubbo. A few shots from Techno’s rocket launcher, and the deed is done. Techno then turns and massacres the crowd as Tommy pearls onto the podium and Wilbur searches around for the button, which he’d lost. Wilbur confronts Schlatt in order to defend Niki, but Schlatt orders Niki’s death and everyone runs back to Pogtopia.

Tommy is fuming at Technoblade, and the two have a short fist fight in a combat pit to settle their differences. Tommy loses, but his rage still remains. Techno tells him that the only universal language is violence, and now that they’ve settled that issue, it’s time to move on.

October 19th:

A few days after the festival, Tommy comes online and overhears an argument between Quackity and Schlatt over the destruction of the White House. Quackity snaps at Schlatt, shoots him, and runs off into the forest while Schlatt tears the building down. Tommy meets with him, and Quackity is recruited into the rebellion. Wilbur comes on and gets filled in. Wilbur also reveals that he’d found the button room off stream, and shows it to Tommy and Quackity. He only needed two witnesses. Tommy and Quackity trap Wilbur into the corner before he can press it, though, and talk him down into taking another approach for now.

The Meeting

November 2nd:

It’s Niki’s birthday party. A fun-filled gathering hosted by Karl at his new Haunted Mansion, featuring several members of the SMP. Wilbur and Quackity are both there, and hang around after the party to sing love-hate songs to one another while playing the guitar. After Quackity sings one last song to Wilbur, though, things turn south. Wilbur tells Quackity that he’s going to blow up Manberg, and Quackity is going to watch. Everyone runs to Manberg in a panic as Wilbur starts playing the chords to Hallelujah. He begins to sing the L’manburg National Anthem in preparation, but Quackity manages to convince him not to do it. Wilbur gives Quackity an ultimatum: set up a meeting with Schlatt by the coming Friday, or Manberg gets blown to smithereens.

November 6th:

Friday comes. Quackity and Schlatt have a meeting in which Quackity attempts to trick Schlatt into signing away his presidency. Schlatt doesn’t fall for it. He, Quackity and Tommy wander through the woods while Wilbur makes his way to the button. But Schlatt reveals that he’d found out about the Button Room, and he’d disconnected the button’s redstone and moved the TNT somewhere else.

Coincidentally, Fundy had just done a massive prank marathon the day before, and one of his many pranks was to fill Pogtopia to the brim with buttons…loads, and loads, of buttons.

Everyone meets in Pogtopia. Badboyhalo arrives as well, and Fundy comes to reveal his Spy’s Diary, a book of information he’d collected on Schlatt throughout the entire administration with details on Schlatt’s deteriorating health. Wilbur starts to realize that instead of no one being on their side, everyone was on their side. Just as he comes to that idea, though, Dream joins the call and there’s another reveal: a traitor in their midst. Wilbur and Dream agree to end things for good on November 16th: the final war for L’manburg’s fate.

Pet War III: The Panda Skirmish

November 5th:

While in the jungle, Punz finds a panda and Sapnap helps retrieve it, saying that if anyone touches the panda, who they named Dumptruck, it would be a battle.

Once they get back, though, Antfrost, with assistance from Badboyhalo, attempts to steal the panda for the animal sanctuary. During the movement of the panda around from place to place as Punz and Sapnap attempt to get it back, the panda dies due to Punz’ armor enchantments. They blame the Badlands for the panda’s death, as if they hadn’t tried to steal it, the panda would still be alive.

As things break out into all-out war, Sam joins the fray to help the Badlands. Sapnap threatens Fran, saying Fran would not be able to come back if the dog died.

The battle ends in the victory of the Dream SMP members, and the defeat of the Badlands.

Pet War IV: The Final Pet War

November 15th:

The night before the final war, Tommy and Sapnap finally have their confrontation about Sapnap stealing Tommy’s horse, Juorse, not too long before.

Tommy and Techno meet with Sapnap. Sapnap, surprisingly, advocates for talking out the conflict instead of immediately breaking out into fighting. All he wanted was Mars back.

They meet at the Community House and negotiate. While Sapnap returned Juorse to Tommy, however, Tommy refused to give up Mars. Sapnap killed Juorse in retaliation, angering Tommy. Tommy runs away, while Dream and George join the server with the intention to kill Sapnap for an unexplained reason.

After a chase, Tommy is led to Sapnap’s secret base and shown his remaining pets. Sapnap tells Tommy to kill them. Tommy, refusing to stoop to Sapnap’s pet-killing level, says no. To settle the conflict, Sapnap and Tommy agree to a duel at Eret’s museum. Sapnap wins very quickly. While Tommy is being made fun of by the others, though, Sapnap is gracious and does not. He respects Tommy as an opponent, and the two go off on their own to talk.

Tommy tells Sapnap that all the Pet Wars have to end, for good this time. He says Sapnap has to let go of Mars. If he truly loves Mars, and doesn’t want to see her passed around as a bargaining chip forever, she should be freed.

Sapnap, though saddened, agrees, and they set Mars free at the shore, watching her swim out to sea.

Free at last.

The Manberg-Pogtopia War: Finale of Season One

November 16th:

It’s war day. All hell is about to break loose. Dawn of the finale.

Tubbo logs on to prepare, and ends up getting stalked and killed by Dream. Dream allows him to retrieve his items, though – it was just a show of strength.

Quackity and Tubbo share a few moments of reflection together. They discuss who could possibly be the traitor. They both suspect Tommy.

On top of Ponk’s tower, they make a promise to each other. At the count of ten, they would stand opposite each other with the Eye blocking their view, and would, at the same time, take a step to one side. Towards the city if they would stay and fight, and towards the forest if they would run. The count reaches zero: they both step to the side to fight.

Tubbo starts to question if this is all just history repeating itself, if every war since the Disc War is just bound to end in defeat.

Karl attempts to bribe pretty much everyone on the Pogtopia side to join Manberg, with little success.

Eret is confronted by Dream, who asks him where his power comes from. Eret says respect, but Dream says the only reason Eret is king is because of an axe and a shield: the people who fight in his name. Dream warns Eret to stay neutral, sit on his throne and look pretty. Eret decides to betray, and Dream revokes his kingship. In Eret’s place he puts George, fulfilling his promise from the first L’manburg war. George is pleased, and then goes off to continue building a little mushroom house for himself, which would of course go on to become a vital plot point of Season Two.

Eret joins the Pogtopians (minus Tommy and Wilbur) at Manberg. They head to a little spot by the sea and set up a board to discuss who is on their side, and who is not. Meanwhile, Tommy and Wilbur log on together. Tommy protects the L’mantree in a wall of obsidian, and beneath the Power Tower, Tommy plays the disc Mellohi and Wilbur rants, threatening to blow up the country.

Everyone meets in Pogtopia. Wilbur has also started to give out blue dye, which he calls “blue.” Techno leads them all to his secret base and the vault beneath, revealing all the items he’d grinded for. Everyone stocks up on supplies, but they didn’t realize that the Netherite armor was full of useless enchantments that Techno had put on it to disguise the truth: that he was planning on fighting them all along.

Everyone then charges across Tommy’s bridge to Manberg and ascends Eret’s second tower to shoot down on the Manbergians. The fight continues on the ground, ending with Dream asking Wilbur to talk. It was time to negotiate for Manberg’s surrender.

He leads everyone to Schlatt, who was hiding out in the Camarvan completely drunk. Everyone gathers around Schlatt as he gives his last words, last rants, and then abruptly dies of a heart attack or stroke. Everyone is surprised, but uneasily happy.

Wilbur makes Tommy the President. Tommy goes up on the podium to give a speech, but says he can’t be the President right now: he still has a Disc War with Dream to fight. Instead, he makes Wilbur the President.

Wilbur gives a speech, but says he can’t be President as well. Instead, he gives the Presidency to Tubbo. (This is the point where, on Philza’s Hardcore stream, he tunes in to hear Tubbo’s speech)

Tubbo gives a speech and actually accepts the Presidency. Wilbur says he’ll be right back and heads off, causing Phil some concern. Wilbur heads to the button room, Phil realizes what’s going on, and Phil scrambles to get on the server, desperate to stop his son.

During Tubbo’s speech, Dream messages Techno, pointing out that Techno is anti-government. Techno doesn’t like how this is going, and decides to assassinate Tubbo with his rocket launcher, causing panic. A fight breaks out.

Tommy and the others are told by Dream that there is a traitor: the traitor is Wilbur. Everyone realizes in horror that Wilbur is nowhere to be seen.

Wilbur is confronted in the button room by Phil. He gives a short speech before giving his final line: “It was never meant to be,” and presses the button. Manberg goes up in a blast. Afterwards, as Tommy and the others watch, Wilbur begs Phil to kill him, and Phil does.

Techno tells Tommy the tale of Theseus and spawns two withers.

“Do you want to be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one!”

Wilbur respawns, wanders around the SMP, has a short moment at Eret’s museum and then returns to Manberg, at which point he gets attacked by a wither. He decides to end stream, and declares Tubbo the President of a crater.

In the aftermath of the final battle, everyone surveys the damage. Tubbo creates his new cabinet, Techno and Phil speak with one another as well.

Tommy, Tubbo and Dream all agree to a moment of truce as they listen to a disc at the bench together, sitting side by side.

With that, Season One draws to a close.

It’s not the end.

Just a new beginning.

---

...And that’s about it for now!

Season One of the Dream SMP was a half-year-long wild ride to experience, full of countless fond memories and all-around good times.

Here’s to what comes next!

I hope you enjoyed!

#mcyt #dream smp #dreamsmp #dream smp recaps #dream smp timeline #long posts #reference #dream smp lore

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afeelgoodblog · 3 years ago

Text

Best News of Last Week

Edition #009 - Hope you had a great weekend. Let's read some positive news

1. N.J. automatically expunged 360K marijuana cases this summer. There could be more to come.

The tax money we have wasted prosecuting and jailing marijuana offenses is deeply disturbing to think about.

2. Jeff Bridges says his cancer is in remission

Bridges also revealed that due to his improving condition, he was able to walk his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day: “I had a goal – walking my daughter Hayley down the aisle. She was getting married to a wonderful guy, Justin Shane. Thanks to Zach and my terrific medical team, I was able to not only walk Hay down the aisle, but do the father/bride dance with her without oxygen.”

3. FDA Approves start of Phase one HIV Crisper cure study

The first-in-human clinical trial for a candidate treatment for individuals living with human immunodeficiency virus type 1 is starting soon after its maker, Excision BioTherapeutics, today received an Investigational New Drug clearance from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

Between CRISPR and developments with MRNA treatments we're on the verge of some truly amazing advancements in medical treatment. I hope they succeed, the world needs this.

4. Equal pay in sport: US Soccer offers identical contracts to men's and women's teams

The US Soccer Federation has offered identical contracts to its men's and women's national teams in an attempt to resolve its gender pay dispute. The USSF says a single equal pay structure is "the best path forward".

5. Barcelona has reclaimed around eight hectares of the cityscape from motor vehicles! This space will be transformed into sidewalks, playgrounds, bike lanes or restaurant terraces.

Since March 2020, Barcelona has reclaimed around eight hectares of the cityscape from motor vehicles, transforming it into sidewalks, playgrounds, bike lanes or restaurant terraces, with authorities arguing that people need more space to avoid COVID-19.

Watch the video explaining how here.

6. Volunteers sign up to mow lawns for disabled, underprivileged neighbors across the country

The pandemic led to massive job losses across the country and a man who was laid off decided to start a nonprofit to help others and their unruly yards. Schwartz started iwanttomowyourlawn.com after losing his job at the start of the pandemic. At first, it was just him mowing lawns, but in a year, it’s caught fire.

"Now to date, we have 135 volunteers across 34 states and within the last 30 days, 75 volunteers have signed up," he said.

7. 11-year-old B.C. girl publishes Indigenous language book after winning UNESCO writing contest

That's it for this week. Until next week,

You can follow me on twitter . Also, I have a newsletter :)

Subscribe here to receive a collection of wholesome news every week in your inbox :D

#best news of last week

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swinterr · 4 years ago

Text

fic rec vii ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez ) if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

kpop oc/s

1. jane by @baejiyeonz

2. bee by @purpleyellow

3. lian by @nct-lian

4. taehui by @jeontaehui

nct

sungchan

1. [10:47 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

haechan

1. [5:21] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. you’re warm by @dreamystuffers | f

- a drunk hyuck can only mean a clingy hyuck.

3. you’re short too by @pastelsicheng | f

- 5 times hyuck teases u for ur height.

4. no title by @heychan | s

- dirty thought cockwarming haechan and johnny comes in to the room while you are trying to hide it but haechan doesn’t care.

5. wishes by @lucaswithnoshirt | a f

- standing on stage is everything you’ve dreamed of. except in the time it’s taken you to get there, you’ve been dreaming about other things, too.

jaehyun

1. moving in: the series by @jaehyun-ified | f

- after agreeing to move-in with jaehyun, you decided to curate a little series on your channel to both give in to your viewer’s request to have jaehyun frequently on your contents and to document your moving in process with the love of you life.

2. [8:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. boyfriend by @simpsiren | a

- a relationship with jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. there wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

4. best part by @okayoongii | f

- don’t know how to describe this tho, just read it. also 10/10

5. can i help you? by @sugarjaee | f s

- when working an extra long shift at work, your boyfriend surprises you with a visit.

6. stages of love by @biletdoux | a f s

- a playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart.

7. [9:04 am] by @jeongvision | // f

- domestic fluffy blurb. 10/10!!

8. suds by @kim-taehung | s

- first person to move does the dishes for a week. nothing is off-limits.

9. promise by @bvbyxuxi | f a

- jaehyun has loved you since you were both kids, things were going well until he messed everything up; meeting again as young adults, he refuses to let you go again but would you give him another chance?

mark

1. one minus on plus one by @wonjaekook | f a

- in all of the years you’ve known jungwoo, you should have figured out to not take his words at face value because, though you haven’t even met, mark lee seems to hate your guts.

2. [12:03] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. pretty boy by @epinebleue | f a

- fluff, the tiniest bit of angst, the reader is two years older than mark, jaehyun makes an appearance as the reader’s fuck buddy, use of alcohol and drugs (marijuana), mentions of violence (mark punches someone), smut (protected sex, inexperienced!mark, dry humping).

4. camera flash by @morkleemelon | f

- mark taking a picture but forgot to remove flash waking up oc, pretty fluffy and cute! 10/10!!!

5. retrouvailles by @kireimarkeu | f

- counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

jungwoo

1. [1:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

johnny

1. man-icure by @haejunehui | f

- based on jcc ep. 26

taeyong

1. reverb by @lovingonrepeat | s

- taeyong + studio sex.

2. unspoken by @bvbyxuxi | f s

- you had never thought to see taeyong again after your one night stand with him until this year where he takes you by surprise; turns out he wasn’t the guy you sought him out to be after all.

ten

1. [2:32 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

lucas

1. [4:31 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. king of hearts by @raibebe | f s a

- a little bit of everything, a chef’s kiss.

yuta

1. [5:51 pm ] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

doyoung

1. redamancy by @heavenlyhaechan | f

- this is just so fluffy! i wished to be doyong gf please.

2. fools together by @yongiefilms | f

- two fools in love with each other?

3. acedia by @jaeminscoffee | f

- a day in the life of yours and doyoung's love life.

4. our little secret by @haejunehui | f

- read to know their little secret. hehe.

5. caught red handed by @hannie-dul-set | f

- all you wanted to do was take a picture of the handsome law student during your train ride home. you did not expect things to end up like this.

jeno

1. i see red by @0097linersb | s

- pure filth 🥵10/10 tho.

2. addiction by @love-mi | s f

- you and jeno keep your relationship a secret to avoid backlash from your companies and fans; but keeping himself away only makes him want you more.

3. surprise visit by @nakamotonudes | f s

- you hadn’t seen your boyfriend for over a month because of his hectic schedule so when he suddenly shows up at your place one night for a surprise visit, you both have to make every second worth it.

bts

jungkook

1. the pitter-patter of the heart by @koorara | f s a //

- pieces of newlywed domestic moments with jungkook, your husband. the young film and literature lecturer and his wife, you, who works as a journalist of a web magazine. both of you managing the career, the time for each other and the new house. not to forget, chip, the cat that has been with you for years.

2. please love me by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- as the only unmarried jeon and kim children, your families propose a union to symbolize your unbreakable bond that spans generations. but despite developing an affection for jungkook growing up, he never returned it; he never seemed to like you, actually. you’re okay with the proposal, but surprise surprise, he isn’t.

3. first love, last love by @floralseokjin | f s //

- a collection of drabbles following the longterm relationship between jungkook and you...

4. second chances by @parkhabits | a s

- work. one of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. his work had become the mistress within your marriage. years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. get him to sign the damn divorce papers. yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily.

5. crush by @jungxk | f s

- jungkook woke up with amnesia (?) he totally forgets that he has a wife and child. and he totally has a huge crush on his wife.

6. bare necessities by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- when you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to disneyland out of all places. luckily, jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. or is it…

7. krampus for christmas by @ddaenysus | f

- when your daughter overhears your nightly activities close to christmas, jungkook takes it upon himself to convince her it was the sounds of the legendary demon goat.

8. a date with destiny by @imjustfanfictrash | f s

- you are a boss lady in the tech industry traveling to world for work. he is a chart-topping artist touring the globe to perform in front of millions of fans. In the cosmos of life, you are not likely to cross paths. luckily, fate has a different plan for you two.

9. stranded by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- jungkook’s offer to help you study for your exam is unwelcome. his entire presence is unwelcome. you don’t want help from the guy who passes all his classes without even trying. it’s annoying — he is annoying. from the way he grins whenever he catches you staring at him, to the way his eyes shine whenever he smiles at you. oh, and let’s not forget the way his tattoos shift when he stretches or the way his jawline sharpens when he’s focused. nope, you definitely can’t stand him.

10. sprout by @v-hope | f

- after a nice evening out with your friends, you find yourself coming home to your sleeping toddler and the new hairstyle she had tried on your husband.

11. friday nights and take-out by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- you meet pop star/idol jeon jungkook at the café, you get close, and as hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. but you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

12. jealousy by @ephemeralkookie | f s a

- jungkook’s closest friend, namjoon is getting married and he invited you three to his wedding. the only unexpected thing was jisoo, his ex, and we’ll just say that you were not too happy to see her flirting with your boyfriend right under your nose

13. a quarter past us by @jjiimin | f a

- when you break up with him out of fear of losing your freedom in university, he finds himself showing you why leaving him isn’t the answer.

14. pretty boy by @angelguk | // f s a

- alternatively known as the jock!jk universe drabbles in vague chronological order.

15. summer solstice by @boulevardk | s

- down on your luck and desperate for a successful harvest, you pray to the gods. you figure no one in heaven was listening to your prayers when nothing happens immediately. but one fateful night, your prayers are answered. are you willing to pay the price? the sacrifice might not be what you were expecting….

16. lilac wisteria by @blushoseoks | f a

- over the years, things change - but the one constant is your love for lilac wisterias.…okay, maybe jungkook’s been there too.or, alternatively:the first time jeon jungkook says that he is going to marry you, you are five years old sitting underneath a large wisteria tree.

17. obsessed with your ass by @kooklovesu | f s

- jungkook has an obsession with your body he cant get enough of praising you. he wasn’t comfy showing the world his affection towards you in public because he’s a private guy, but when he finally did, good luck.

18. from home by @gyukult | // f s a

- jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class?

19. black card by @minsprings | // f s

- black card fic and drabbles, also a chef’s kiss.

20. oh my god, they were (quarantined) roommates by @ot7always | f s

- what do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with jeon jungkook - s tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? fuck him, you guess.

21. let the games begin by @venusiangguk | s

- just another fic where oc rides jk in his gaming chair pls still read it tho lmao its hot i promise

22. the probability of us by @jiminrings | f s

- jungkook’s the son of the university’s president, y/n’s cardigan is everyone’s favorite, and adjacent walls mean shared victories.

23. open when by @iluv-hobi | f

- jungkook likes to write letters to you, especially ones with purposes, like “open when ___”. one day, on a particularly bad day, you open, “open when you’ve had a shitty day”.

24. good day by @ilikemesometaetaes | f s

- his motive was made quite clear once he called you out of work. he just wanted to spend a nice day with his girlfriend. is that too much to ask for?

25. calculated by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // s

- some people would call you far too serious. some would call you stuck-up. and some would call you a bitch. but to freshman jeon jungkook, you’re the head calculus I TA noona – and he’s determined to fuck you.

26. brat taming by @sugasbabiie | s a f

- jungkook has been your roommate for almost a year. since the day he moved in he has acted like nothing but a spoiled little brat who is used to getting anything and anyone he wants. he eats your food, he doesn’t clean, he’s loud, oh and now he has colored his hair the exact shade of blonde as you. He’ll do anything to get under your skin. you’ve had enough of his filthy mouth and his fuckboy ways. it’s time to tame that bratty little roommate of yours. think you can handle it?

27. sugarplum energy by @bymoonchild | f s a

- you know no bounds nor depth with jungkook. while your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on soundcloud. all’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while. or, jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

28. ancient history by @moononthejoon | a s f

- there is no way to deny that you and jungkook have chemistry. the two of you used to be a couple, after all. what happens when after a not-so-amicable breakup the two of you are cast as opposite leads of a movie?

29. that’s not daddy by @nochuobsessed | f

- jungkook comes home with a new hair color and his sons can’t tell if he’s appa or not. pretty cute! 10/10

30. no title by @himbojk | s

- jk got a blowie from his oc while on a zoom class meeting, like cam on with a whole set up but his oc under the table sucking the life out of him while he sits and tries to take notes .

31. dilf jk by @himbojk | // s f

- dilf jk drabbles.

32. no title by @himbojk | s

- blond jk with full tattoo sleeve who looks like the baddest boy but is actually baby and just wants a handie in the library while studying with his oc because she aspires to have those high grades.

33. no title by @noteguk | s

- bf!jungkook going down on the reader while they watch anime.

34. silent treatment by @blu-joons | f

- baby kook asking daddy kook to say sorry to mommy. 10/10 too!

35. getting railed by @dearlytea | s

- getting dicked by your boyfriend during a train ride.

36. the view by @koyamuses | s

- jungkook knows exactly what turns you on; every kink, every dirty fantasy that’s buried deep within your mind. he knows exactly how to make you beg for it.

37. let’s play: dirty by @jungkxook | f s

- on today’s stream, watch as the king of gaming jeon jungkook gets totally pwned by some newbie player on overwatch (he swears he was stream sniped)! to make matters worse, he can’t seem to focus anymore when you’re in the room but he promises that’s not because he’s in love with you or anything. use code ‘jungkook’ on any game purchase through steam at checkout for 25% off so that jungkook has something to feel better about! iloveyou btw!

38. more dilf!jk by @cutechim | s

- oc thirsting over jk, talk about finances, jungwoo is an innocent cock-block as infants are, disrespect towards a major film franchise.

39. you are inherently beautiful by @ggukachuwu | f a

- when y/n and jungkook accidentally reveal their relationship to the public because she walked in on him doing a vlive and now netizens and kmedia are tearing apart her appearance because y/n is chubby from struggling with pcos. jungkook takes it upon himself to cheer her up because he absolutely adores her.

40. morning with jk by @min-arya | f

- jungkook drabble of him catching his s/o admiring him in the morning with soft sleepy cuddles.

41. even a forest fire dies out by @9uk | a s

- it became from “grab a coffee with me?” to “why should I grab a coffee with you?” too fast for your liking. you had thought the both of you were so in love with each other—only to realise it was only you who had fallen into this trap of feelings. and as for jungkook, he might have just been as confused as you are.

42. all that we had by @starlightauroras-writes | a s

- four years, two months and five days ago, you lost the love of your life with no explanation. living with a failed marriage at such a young age without knowing why was impossibly hard, and when you’re invited to your high school reunion, knowing he would be there, you really don’t want to go. what happens when you do leaves you questioning fate.

43. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

44. contentment by @btsqualityy | f s

- oc’s using jk’s card to buy rug and the rest is history. 10/10!!

45. heartbreaker with a heart of gold by @filmflowersbangtan | a s

- love this!!! you know i love me some angst! 10/10!!!!!

46. the ikea test by @mercurygguk | f

- you and jeongguk face the IKEA test. successfully? sure!

47. before you universe by @ephemeralkookie | // a f s

- jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you can’t even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out you’re pregnant?

48. christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks | s f

- a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend’s parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

49. last minute by @moononthejoon | f s

- christmas day had gone by, and now you were back home after holidays with your family. your friends had agreed to have a late christmas party, but as always, you and jungkook procrastinated gift buying.

50. you go in knowing bros together by @blu-joons | f

- a cute fluffy knowing at knowing bros moment.

51. no title by @v-hope | f

- the way y/n would react when someone else flirts with jk and how he’d handle the situation.

52. hair dye by @mercurygguk | f s

- jungkook got his hair dyed while at work. you lose your mind the moment he steps through the door.

53. stay gold by @yeojaa | s

- blond!jk being a good boy?

54. crystal snow by @honeyj00ns | f

- when you join Jungkook and the rest of the guys for some fun in the snow, he can’t help but feel jealous.

55. 6:21 am by @sincerelyourfangirl | f

- in which he makes your morning extra special.

56. plan b by @btsracket | s

- dressing room quickie, unprotected sex request, use of Plan b pill

57. possession by @bngtanah | s

- jungkook is your boyfriend, sometimes you have to remind him what that means.

58. puffs and touches by @mintseesaw | f s

- “Stop doing that with your face, someone else is going to snatch you up”

59. the quiet things by @btsracket | s

- sleeping bag sex.

60. good boy by @ephemeralkookie | s

- secret, read to find out AHAHAHHA.

61. make it right by @jungkxook | a s

- you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

62. it takes two by @junghelioseok | s

- struggling with the idea of your ex-boyfriend moving on, you enlist the help of your quiet roommate in a scheme that quickly spirals out of control.

jimin

1. picking petals by @cutechim | s

- you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get.

taehyung

1. daddy by @btsracket | f s

- there’s only one choice when this happens on a date out.

2. love me or we both go down by @gukyi | f s a

- after going through with an arranged marriage to please his parents and secure his inheritance of the family business, kim taehyung thinks he’s got it all figured out. he doesn’t. apparently just being married to you isn’t enough, not when everybody and their mother can pick up on the fact that the two of you absolutely loathe each other. but taehyung wants his inheritance one way or another, so he decides that desperate times call for desperate measures: the two of you need to fall in love, and you need to fall in love fast.

3. saudade by @jiminssthetic | a s f

- a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it’s time to find out why.

4. ineffable by @99liners | f

- boyfriend taehyung takes care of his sick s/o.

5. tease by @caiuscassiuss | s

- you knew you were hot. you saw how the guys looked at you, how their eyes were drawn to a tight t-shirt or short skirt. and maybe this would fail epically—crash and burn like a failed experiment—but you wanted to get under kim taehyung’s skin the only way you knew how.

6. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

got7

yugyeom

1. yugyeom as you boyfriend by @sunshinekookie | f

- i need more yugyeom fics in my life.

astro

eunwoo

1. rainy say saviour by @imsarahbum | f a

- upon seeing you getting bullied after school for being short, dongmin can’t help but step in and defend you - despite both of you not really knowing anything about each other.

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

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rosemaryandarsenic · 2 years ago

Text

New Beginnings (Part 1)

So this fic is a work in progress, but I wanted something that happens after the end of S4 P2. Spoiler warning! I am mad at the suffer brothers and decided to write my own version of the story lol. Eddie x reader. Y/N is Joyce’s daughter, and is 19 in this. I switch primarily between her and Eddie’s POV. Its been a minute since I’ve written a fic so bare with me haha. Let me know what you think!

Warnings: No explicit spicy content in this part! Hints at graphic violence, hospitals and wounds. Substance abuse and parental abuse. 18+, minors DNI!

Y/N drummed her fingers on the window sill of the car, gently tapping along to the quiet sounds of the radio as the breeze blew her bangs into her eyes. She sat in the drivers seat of Eddie’s van, watching as dusk began to settle around lovers lake. The insects grew louder as the sound of the water lapping agains the shore muffled the voices of the two figures on the shore. Steve and Eddie were both gesturing their hands in frustration as they slowly navigated the bank, heads down and eyes on the ground searching for the proverbial needle in the haystack. It had been Nancy’s idea to go back to the lake and search for any signs of the upside down that would give clues to Vecna’s whereabouts. After the gateways had ripped through Hawkins, it was no longer easy to tell where Hawkins ended and the upside down began. Watergate had split lovers lake in two, the water still hissing from the heat when you managed to get near the now miles long gate. Eddie had been in the hospital for almost a month, while they decided whether or not to put him away for murder. The day the trial began, Jason’s parents came forward with new evidence suggesting that it had been Chrissy’s parents who caused Chrissy’s death and not Eddie. Letters, that Chrissy had written to Jason a week before her death. They detailed Chrissy’s home life, and how she felt an inescapable dread. How she planned to and try deal with the pain with drugs, and asked Jason to run away. She had planned to ask Eddie for help getting out of town the night of her death, and had left one final note that had saved eddies life: “Please Jason, if anything happens to me before we get out of Hawkins, I want you to tell them the truth. My parents are killing me, and I need to get away before they do.” The letters were supported by the fact that Chrissy’s parents had knowledge of the letters and denied it to police. Chrissy’s parents would serve time and then perform community service, completely disgraced. Eddie was charged with drug possession, because of his health and cooperation they allowed him to serve his two year sentence on probation. Aside from the trial, there were other growing pains in Hawkins. Hopper’s return had gone smoothly, considering the government had released a statement that he had gone undercover for them and sworn everyone to secrecy. He and Y/N’s mom, Joyce, had finally begun dating and he was helping them look for a new place in Hawkins. El and Y/N shared her old room in Hop’s cabin, Jonathan had set up camp in the living room, and Will was staying with Dustin. Wayne, Eddie’s uncle had turned Hop’s old shed into a temporary home, everyone pitching in to prepare a place for Eddie to stay once he was healthy enough. No one really knew what the future held, they only knew that they didn’t want to be separated again. The house in California had been bought by the government after its destruction, leaving them with almost no possessions, but it gave everyone something to look forward to - a new beginning.

“We found something!l” Steve’s voice echoed over the shrubbery. Y/N jolted out of the van, quickly. If it was what they hoped, then the final battle had just begun.

Y/N’s Perspective, several months earlier:

“Hospital coffee is shit, I grabbed you extra sugar and cream though.” Jonathan looked at me, holding out a styrofoam cup filled with murky brown liquid. I took the cup from him carefully and attempted a smile.

“Thank you. I’m sure it’s about the same as Murray’s anyway.” I said.

He let out a small chuckle. “You need anything else right now? Mom asked me to go pick up Will.”

I hesitated for a minute, not wanting my brother to leave.

“Nah I’m ok.” I shrugged, “I’ll see you at 8.”

He gave me a long look, then nodded softly. “We’ll be at the cabin, just call if you need anything before then.”

I smiled again, truthfully this time, and nodded.

Slowly emptying a sugar packet into my coffee I stared off across the room at the bed, watching Eddie breath in his sleep. His brown curls were tangled across the pillow case, and his eyelashes fluttered along with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. I tried to block the image of him bleeding out of my mind, Dustin was screaming desperately, dragging him towards me as I ran towards them. Sometimes I still heard the screeching of the demobats, the flap of their wings as they swarmed us. I had gotten separated from him and Dustin, when the demobats attacked. I’ve never seen him so furious as when he dove out of the trailer that night, brandishing his shield and running towards me yelling.

“Get inside, now.”

“What are you doi-“

“NOW!”

My heart was in my stomach as I blinked rapidly, trying to expel the pain from that moment. I wish Eddie Munson was a fucking coward but no. He’s my goddamn hero and he was asleep in front of me. Alive. And I’d be in this hospital until they forced me out the door kicking and screaming. Or until he was ready to leave.

I centered myself, taking a sip of coffee and counting the number of tiles on the floor. Eddie is alive. Eddie is alive.

“Knock knock” one of the nurses slid in the door, “just here for a bandage change.” She smiled at me, her pink lipstick a bit jarring against the fluorescent lighting. Eddie grumbled, waking to the sounds of equipment moving. His frown shifted slightly when he scanned the room and found me seated a few feet from the foot of the bed.

“Rise and shine sunshine, time to do another bandage swap!” The nurse said as she shifted his pillows.

“A moment with m’lady please” he mumbled, reaching out for me with a wince. Even sedated he wouldn’t drop that stupid nickname for me.

“Hey you, you want me to stay for this round?” I walked to him and took his hand, sliding my fingers through his.

“Nah, you know the deal. Just wanted to see you first.” He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, trying to focus. “What time is it?”

“10 pm” I wiggled his fingers a little and nodded at the clock. “Jonathan brought me that new Stephen king novel, we can read when you’re done.”

He smiles. “Yeah”

“Yeah” I smiled back.

He looked at me intensely for a moment then squeezed my hand.

“Better go before the peep show, Y/N, I’m charging extra today.”

I stood with a smirk, “like anyone would pay to see your ugly mug, Munson.”

“Don’t be jealous you can’t afford me, baby.”

I laughed, letting the door close behind me.

I stood in the hallway, listening to the sounds of hospital around me and wishing I could go back in his room. Eddie didn’t like anyone to see the wounds, scabs now really. It had been almost four weeks and the doctors said he’d be released soon. Wayne refused to mention the trial, leaving me in the dark.

“I know you’re an adult, Y/N, but it’s not your job to fix this one. Let me handle this, I will tell you when it’s needed.” He’d say. I tried to push it in the beginning, but I only got grunts after that so I let it be. Instead I offered to take the night shift by Eddie’s bedside, since Wayne needed to pick up work again. He’s always worked the graveyard shift, probably always will. It felt right to everyone that Eddie had someone around at all times. Not just for his comfort but for his safety. The hospital had been kind, but Hawkins was not a forgiving place. People held their opinions regardless of the truth.

“He’s all yours, sweetheart!” The nurse said as she opened the door, pulling her equipment behind her.

“Thank you ma’am”

I slipped inside, seeing Eddie now standing, gingerly leaning against the hospital bed frame. His gown was back on, covering his upper torso, and I could see a ratty pair of sweatpants over his legs. He looked up from the book in his hands. “I swear Stephen King is on crack when he writes this stuff” he smiled, “Max would love this shit.”

I tried not to tear up at the mention of her name. Max had woken up less than a week ago, and Lucas refused to leave her side. El and he spent their days at the hospital with her, two floors above us. Sometimes when I fell asleep in Eddie’s room I’d dream of El, hear her calling max’s name in the dark. My adopted sister didn’t talk much, but I knew she felt responsible for what happened to max. To Eddie. In the mornings I’d sneak into our room before she woke and softly sit next to her, brushing her hair with my finger tips until she woke up. I know what it’s like to feel guilt over something like that, and I knew she needed whatever comfort she could get.

“Thinkin about something Byers?” Eddie was staring at me again, a questioning look on his face.

“Sorry, just max.”

He nodded, his grin falling.

“Anything new?”

“No, Erica said she’s been moving around more but she still won’t talk.” I sighed.

“Just give her time, Y/N. Being in that place, it…”

He trailed off, and I let the silence linger, giving him time to process.

“It fucks with you, yknow.” He shrugged and then winced, “she’s tougher than she looks.”

“Hell yea she is. You both are.” I added an upbeat to my tone. “I’ll make sure Lucas gets the book ASAP. Right now it’s our turn.” I smiled.

He slowly walked around the bed and towards the large chair on the side of the room. “I wanna read to you tonight,” he grunted a little as he sat, “as much as your voice is music to my ears, I gotta practice for Hellfire.”

I laughed, “okay, dungeon master, let’s hear it.” He gave me a dark look as I settled into the chair beside him.

“The terror, which would not end for another twenty-Eight years…”

My thoughts drifted as I listened to his tone fluctuate, changing in tempo as the story picked up pace.

Eddie was crammed next to me in the trailer, Dustin at his side mumbling about something that none of us could hear or wanted to ask about in the moment. Every time Steve hit a pothole, Eddie slammed closer into me. His cheeks were flushed and I was trying to act normal. I had known Eddie most of my life, and being close to him still made my insides burn. I remember the first time I had seen him in elementary school. His head was shaved still and he had a slight lisp. I hadn’t known it then but in less than four years he’d be my first kiss. Not my last, but certainly the most terrifying. We’d been under the bleachers at school, when I suggested that we kiss each other just so we knew how to do it before high-school. It was wet and awkward, and we’d laughed and never spoken of it since. Now here we were, six years later and barely able to sit together without turning profusely pink. “Sorry,” he mumbled, “I’m starting to think Harrington doesn’t actually know how to drive one of these things.”

I giggled.

The trailer lurched again, Eddie’s hand flying to the only free space to catch his fall - my thigh. I froze, and then winced, hoping he didn’t notice. His hand lingered for a moment, then slid off my leg. The goddamn world was ending and all I could think about was Eddie’s ringed fingers on my bare flesh. What a hell of a time to wear shorts.

I blinked as Eddie finished the chapter, shoving down the same burning sensation in my stomach.

“You want me to keep going?” He asked, shifting from sitting in the same position. I nodded.

He scanned my face. “Before I do, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, why?” I furrowed my brows.

“I…I just wanted you to know that I’m fine. I like being here but I don’t want you to lose sleep, ykno-“

I sat up fully, giving him a scowl.

“Do you not want me to keep coming?”

He frowned. “No, I want you here. I just…”

He hesitated. “I don’t want you to miss school. Or being with your mom and will-“

“It’s fine.” I said flatly. “The cabin is already crowded, and I see them during the day.”

“Gareth said he hasn’t seen you in a week.”

I was gonna give that man hell when I saw him.

“My professors approved a late drop, I’m retaking classes in the spring. Also, Gareth knows I’m usually not near his house. Corroded Coffin can’t even meet right now anyways.”

“Y/N I’m just saying -“

“It’s not your choice.” I snapped.

He looked actually mad now, for just a moment before he settled his face.

“Fine.”

“Fine.” I shrugged back. Awkward silence flooded in, as Eddie stared at the floor then adjusted the book in his hands, before he began to read again.

Fuck.

#eddie x reader #eddie munson #starnger things #Eddie my love #fluff

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avengerscompound · 4 years ago

Text

Until the End of the World - 18

Until the End of the World: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 2763

Rating: E

Warnings: pregnancy, labor, induction without consent, forced medical proceedures, mentions of forced pregnancy, action, violence, death

Synopsis: Four years after Steve and Bucky got to the bottom of the HYDRA conspiracy that had led to you and your son being hunted for the first three years of his life, you, Bucky, and Steve have carved out a nice life together. Things are calm and you feel like a family unit. When Geo starts calling Bucky and Steve ‘dad’, a decision is made to try and add to your family.

Things aren’t as calm as they seem. When your pregnancy hits the papers, HYDRA rears its head once again, and Steve and Bucky need to track you down to protect the family they had created

Chapter 18

You had sent Geo back to his bed with his instructions. You didn’t think you could get out of here with him without getting caught. Yes, he could open all the doors for you, but there were still guards, and you had no idea where you were. The risk was just too high. Not to mention, that if Viper had been telling the truth, there were other people here who were being experimented on again. If you could get Steve, Bucky, and the rest of the Avengers here, then that was the best option for everyone. You hoped Geo could do as you asked; if you could send a message to the tower - however primitive it was - you trusted that FRIDAY could work out that it was Geo sending it.

You slept badly. The bench was hard and uncomfortable, and they had provided no blankets or pillows. That teamed with the stress of you and Geo being captured, and how close you were to your due date, you were uncomfortable and highly wound. Even with the lack of sleep, a group of HYDRA guards still managed to startle you awake the following day.

They had no concern about treating you gently in your heavily pregnant state. They didn’t even shake you awake, so much as march into the room, grab your arm, and drag you out of bed and down the hall. You had trouble walking and you stumbled down the bright white hall as they dragged you along with them.

You were brought to a room with a hospital bed and a lot of medical equipment, as well as a sterile-looking sofa chair and a clear plastic bassinet and incubator. It looked like a delivery room in a hospital that cared nothing for the comfort of the mother. Viper was waiting there with a group of medical staff dressed in green scrubs.

“What’s going on? Where’s Geo?” You asked.

“Geo is safe,” Viper assured you. “And we’ve decided we’re going to induce labor. Staying in this location is risky, so within the week we’re going to move you. We figured if we move you and your children separately, you’ll be less likely to try and draw attention to yourself when we inevitably see other people.”

“I’m not due yet,” you argued.

“It’s not ideal, I know,” Viper said as the guards muscled you onto the bed and strapped you down. “But it’s close enough. We did consider just cutting that little thing out of you, but they said this way would be safest. Don’t make me change my mind.”

One of the medical staff inserted a cannula into your arm and another began doing an internal examination as two of the guards held your legs apart. You tried to fight them, but there were just too many of them.

“Don’t worry though, dear,” Viper said. “We decided to help keep you calm you’re going to have an old friend here to help you with your labor. A birthing partner. That’s what they call them isn’t it?”

You looked at her wild-eyed, completely confused, and panicked. You had no idea why she was doing this. If they really wanted the baby out, a c-section would be quicker. Though you guessed, with the surgical recovery time it would be harder to move you unnoticed. The whole thing just felt like mind games though. Like she was trying to show you exactly what kind of control she had over you, both your mind and your body.

There was a pop and a gush of water between your legs as the doctor broke your waters and you began to cry. “Why are you doing this to me?”

She patted your cheek. “Consider it your payment for evading us for so long, and destroying my whole operation,” she said. “Or at least a down payment. I don’t plan to make anything easy for you.”

She tapped your cheek again and strode to the door. Just as she reached it, she turned and looked at one of the doctors. “If she behaves, you can let her up, but if she does anything to mess with this labor, strap her down again.”

“Yes, Madame HYDRA,” he said, saluting.

She left the room and the doctors went back to fussing around you. They put monitors on you that seemed to track both yours and the baby’s heart rate. When they seemed to be done most left without a word. One doctor remained. He had a sharp face and dead eyes. “If I let you up, will you behave?” He asked. “I warn you, if you take any of this off, you’re risking the life of that baby.”

You nodded. “I’ll behave,” you agreed.

Your restraints were unfastened. There are guards at the door, not that you can get out,” he said. “And you are being monitored on cameras all over the room. Behave and we’ll be in to check on you regularly.”

As he left a woman was led in. She looked like a wild animal that had been caught in a trap. Her hair was lank and didn’t look like it had been brushed in weeks and her hollow eyes looked around wildly. She was wearing a simple floral nightgown and in her arms was an infant that couldn’t have been more than a few days old. It took you a moment to realize you knew her. She had been in the medical trials back when you were in college. “Azi?” You said.

She turned to look at you startled, furrowing her brow as she assessed you. “Oh my god,” she said and rushed to your side. “Oh my god! What are you doing here? I didn’t know they had you too.”

“How long have you been here, Azi?” You asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know. A long time. I don’t know. They came right after the trial ended. I wasn’t pregnant then. Now I have a baby. They move us.”

“Oh my god,” you said, wrapping your arm around her. “Come, sit down.”

You led her to the sofa chair and she sat, cradling the baby. It fussed a little but fell back to sleep as its mother held it close. “Azi, what did they do to you?”

“They took me… and some of the others in the test,” she said. “They’re all dead now…” her eyes snapped up to you.

“They’ve been chasing me. This is all my fault,” you said. A dull pain throbbed out from your back and sides, and you winced and gripped the IV stand. Azi looked up at you alarmed.

“Are you in labor?” She asked.

You nodded. “They just induced me.”

“Did they… did they …?” She asked.

You shook your head. “No. No… I think they were waiting. I’ve been living with someone. Some men. I think they were waiting to see if we’d just end up having kids. What… how… did they force someone on you?”

She shook her head. “It was a medical procedure. I know whose it was… I think… do you remember Gal?”

You nodded. Gal was short and funny and you remembered during the tests he always got telekinesis. He thought it was funny to tap people on the shoulder while he was standing on the other side of the room. “You think he’s dead?”

She nodded and then shook her head. “I think… I don’t know. They were injecting us with things, to make our powers come back, but it wasn’t working. Katrina died. And Shae. And … and…”

“It’s okay,” you soothed, rubbing her back. “It’s okay.”

She looked up at you with wide brown eyes. “If I die, will you take care of my baby? You were always stronger than the rest of us. You’ll look after him. Get him out of here.”

“Shh…” You whispered, crouching down. “We’re gonna both get out of here. Okay? And your baby. What’s his name?”

“I called him Gal. I think… I think that’s only fair,” she said. “Promise me you’ll take care of him.”

“I promise. But you’re going to do that yourself, okay?” You assured her, hoping that Steve and Bucky would come for you soon.

Whether it was the drugs they were using or the fact it was your second child, you couldn’t be sure, but your labor seemed to progress very quickly. Once Azi got used to being in the room with you, she became a little more of a comfort to you. She put baby Gal into the bassinet and would rub your back and soothe you through the contractions. Not that there was much she could do. Having someone on your side was better than being alone with HYDRA scientists, but all you could think was how much you needed Bucky and Steve. Even if they did find you now, they were going to miss the birth of their daughter, and the longer your labor progressed, the harder it was to hang on to hope they’d find you at all.

Azi rubbed your back through a long contraction as you bent over the bed. You’d been left alone again, but you knew it wouldn’t be long until the urge to push hit you. You were in that period of serious pain where everything felt helpless and all you wanted to do was be with your boyfriends and curse them out for doing this to you. Instead, you were in pain and terrified and with a woman who was even more scared than you. Gal slept in the bassinet and part of you was even concerned that if you made too much noise would wake him and take Azi’s attention off you.

“You’re doing great,” she soothed. “I think it won’t be long.”

“I don’t want them to deliver her,” you whined. “I don’t want to do this here.”

“I know,” she said. “I know. I’m here.”

A siren started sounding, waking Gal so the baby's cries blended in with the harsh screeching of the alarms. Azi looked around and hurried over to the infant. “Hey, mommy’s here… I’ve got you,” she said, lifting him and holding him so one ear was pressed to her chest and the other was covered by her hand. “What is that?”

Hope began to creep in again. They’d found you. You knew it. It was only a matter of time before you’d be safe again. You might even get to have this baby with them there with you.

Another contraction hit and you felt the need to push. With Azi distracted with Gal and the sirens sounding, you weren’t sure what to do. “Oh god,” you groaned, gritting your teeth and resisting the urge.

The sirens stopped and you heard footsteps run down the hall. You couldn’t be sure, but you had a feeling they’d left you unguarded. Another contraction hit and as it was ending the doors opened. “Mommy,” Geo cried as he ran over to you. “I don’t wanna be here.”

“I know,” you said, rubbing his back. You looked around unsure what to do. If you stayed here, then you were somewhere set up to deliver a baby, and hopefully, it wouldn’t take too long for Steve or Bucky to find you. The problem was if you stayed here all of HYDRA knew where you were too, and if they were going to try and take you out of here before Steve or Bucky could get to you, then staying here let them do that.

You gritted your teeth. “Geo,” you said. “Do you think you can get the building to take us to a safer room?”

He nodded and took your hand. “Azi, let’s go.”

She didn’t move and you doubled over in pain as another contraction hit. “Mommy?” Geo said, looking at you in fear.

“It’s okay, Geo,” you assured him. “Your sister is coming.” You looked back to Azi. “Azi! We have to go!”

She jumped and followed after you. Geo led you out into the hall, clinging to your hand and pulling you along. There were the sounds of shouting and gunfire, but while none sounded close yet, it was rapidly getting closer. It was coming from several different sides and you began to worry that there wasn’t going to be anywhere safe to go.

Another contraction hit as you turned a corner and you almost collapsed to your knees. The urge to push was intense and you had to consciously clench. You were worried she might already be crowning.

“Mom, please,” Geo said, a look of pure panic. “They’re coming.”

You tried to move, but all you could manage was a few staggered steps.

“Stop them!”

Azi jumped and you flinched at the sound of Viper’s voice as she came around the corner. You pushed Geo behind you and tried to get him to move him forward. Azi squared up, holding her baby so he was slightly protected. “Get away from us!” She screamed.

“There’s no use running, you idiots,” Viper snarled as the guards moved forward. “Where do you think you’re going to go.”

Azi pushed Gal into your arms and charged at the guards, a look of wild rage on her face.

“Azi! No!” You screamed.

Everything happened in slow motion. Azi charged at them hands up like she was going to claw their eyes out and lept at the guard closest. He stumbled back, and the gun went off. Azi’s face froze as blood erupted out of her back. You pulled Geo close as he began to wail and hid his face in your side. For a second you weren’t even aware of the alarms going off again, as both Geo and Gal were screaming.

“Geo, run, go,” you said, pushing him forward. He wouldn’t let go of your hand and you were worried that you weren’t going to be able to convince him to move.

“You idiots! We needed her!” Viper screeched. “Get out of my way!”

She ran at you and you pushed Geo forward in an attempt to get away, knowing full well in your state you weren’t getting anywhere. You managed to waddle forward a few steps as loud blasts erupted behind you. Viper grabbed your shoulder and yanked you back. You held Gal closer to you, sure she was about to make you drop him and a gunshot ran out behind you.

Viper’s grip relaxed and she slumped to the ground behind you.

“Daddy!” Geo shouted as he looked around your legs.

You spun around. Behind you, the hall was complete chaos. The lights were flashing red and white and there were some of Iron Legion rounding up the few guards that Viper had with her. Ari’s body was on the ground and one of the Legion seemed to be assessing it, while Viper's body lay at your feet.

Bucky hurried down the hall, shouldering his rifle. “I’m here,” Bucky said, scooping the boy up. “I’ve got you.”

Geo buried his face in Bucky’s neck and gradually the alarms calmed down and the lights settled. Bucky put his arm around you. “I’ve got you, darlin’,” he said.

“Oh god, Bucky,” you said, the emotions breaking as you started to tremble in his arms. “Take the baby.”

He took the infant from you and you held his elbow as another contraction hit. “Is this her?” He asked.

You shook your head. “No…” you said through gritted teeth. “But she’s coming.”

“Shit,” he cursed. “Come on. Let's get you somewhere safe.”

Geo pointed to a door and Bucky helped walk you to it, even as your body fought you moving at all. “I need one of you to guard,” Bucky barked at the Legion. One flew into place, standing at the door with its hands up and repulsors at the ready.

Bucky moved you inside and your knees buckled - like you’d been holding out until you had even one fragment of safety. Bucky kneeled down beside you, still juggling Geo on the baby. Geo was clinging to him like a koala and he hadn’t lifted his head from the spot in Bucky’s neck since he’d lifted the boy into place.

“Let me see,” Bucky said.

You got on your hands and knees and lifted the gown they’d put you in, spreading your legs until you were as comfortable as you could be. Bucky sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. “Steve, you read me?” He said. “I’ve found them. And I’d suggest getting to us as quickly as you can if you wanna see your daughter born.”

// NEXT

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #stucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #captain america fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #pregnancy #until the end of the world

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tenthgrove · 4 years ago

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Yandere La Squadra- Formaggio, Melone, and Ghiaccio

Warning: It goes without saying that these headcanons are darker than my usual stuff, so if you are uncomfortable with ideas such as abduction and forced relationships, beware I go into them here. Extreme violent abuse and non-con (beyond low-level touching) are not present, however, since I don’t write for these themes.

Formaggio

Formaggio falls for someone he meets by chance, most likely somewhere like a bar, bowling alley or cinema. Regardless, after a couple of random encounters in which he gets to briefly chat with you, Formaggio starts to seek you out on purpose. It isn’t long before he starts to develop a crush.

However, despite Formaggio’s attempts to come off as friendly you soon start to take him for a creep. You begin to consciously avoid him, going as far as to stop going to the places he tends to find you.

After a brief period of feeling spurned, Formaggio comes to realise that his initial hopes for a normal relationship were never very viable anyway. Say you’d accepted his early advances and gone on a few dates? How long until you start to question his friends and work life? No, the only way this is going to work is if he takes the more drastic route and abducts you.

Formaggio gets your living details with the help of those in the squad more suited to that kind of task. He doesn’t tell them why he needs to know all this. After a short period of stalking you in his car to memorise your routine, he forms his plan. He knows convincing you to come with him will be hard, but he doesn’t want to hurt you either. It seems he’ll have to rely on trickery to make you follow him blind.

Late one evening while you’re home alone, Formaggio sets fire to your neighbour’s house. As you run out the front door, panicked and confused, you don’t question the friendly voice promising to drive you to safety. You climb right into Formaggio’s car. By the time it dawns on you what’s really going on a few minutes later, it’s already far too late.

Formaggio eventually wants to have as close to a normal relationship with you as possible, but until you can be trusted not to run from him you’re going to be (loosely) chained to his bed. Look, he fixed his TV and even *cleaned up* for you! Would a shitty boyfriend do all that?

Tries to bribe you into forgiving him with food. Even if you give him the silent treatment, he’ll plonk himself down next to you and throw an arm around your shoulder, occasionally stuffing snacks into your mouth to feel like he’s treating you.

If you misbehave lightly, he’ll make a show of not being bothered by it, thinking his forgiveness will convince you he’s not that bad after all. However, if you’re really uncompliant, Formaggio will shrink you down until you apologise, always showering you with affection once you’ve swallowed your pride and told him what he wants to hear.

Secretly, Formaggio is excited by the possibility of you trying to escape and having to be dragged back. Once or twice, he might ‘accidentally’ leave the key to your chain on the nightstand, letting you have a few blissful hours of freedom before he takes you back. He’ll only punish you lightly, however, since he did set you up for this after all.

All-in-all, Formaggio can’t wait for the day you return his affections, and will woo you over in whatever corny ways he can think of.

Melone

Melone is the sort of yandere to make the conscious decision to seek out a darling before he even has anyone in mind. With all his eccentric beliefs in astronomy and other personality pseudosciences, it’s only natural Melone would believe his special someone is out there just waiting for him to find them.

After having investigated several dozen candidates who he for one reason or another rejected, he finally lays eyes on you while stalking someone you know. It’s love at first sight, and as he lays in bed at night perusing all your social media profiles, he can’t find a single thing that doesn’t compound his earlier suspicions. He’s finally found you. His soulmate.

You are granted a few blessed final weeks of normalcy before Melone acts. This time is used to set up the room that will accommodate you. It is furnished with a lavish double bed, a large collection of clothes (Melone insists that regularly changing your clothes, even if you aren’t moving around much, will provide a sense of routine that will help with your mental health), a safe filled with various medicines to mediate your mood, and several forms of restraints that are various extents of restrictive, to be switched between depending on your behaviour.

What the room doesn’t have are windows- they’ve been completely bricked up. Your room is also padded wall to wall with sound-absorbent foam. Nothing from the outside world comes in, nothing goes out. Until you love him, your entire life will consist of Melone and this room.

When the time comes to take you, Melone will break into your house and drug you in your sleep, so that you’re completely unaware of what’s happening until you’re safely in your new home. He will sit at your bedside non-stop until you wake up, adamant to be the first thing you see when your new life begins.

The first few months of living with Melone are essentially a covert form of behavioural training. When you are nice to your new boyfriend, your life gets better. When you shun him, you stay at the current level of restrictions on your freedom. It is simple psychology that this will inevitably lead you to accept him more.

If, say, you were to misbehave extremely, such as by consistently trying to run away or physically attack him, then the ultimate punishment would be forcing you to create a junior that then becomes your guard. Although Melone will take every precaution to make sure no harm comes to you from your new child, he knows you will not enjoy the process, or the presence of the freakish being that calls you its parent.

Eventually, once you have a consistent track record of many months of good behaviour, Melone intends to let you live practically as freely as you did when you met him, even letting you leave the house regularly for hours at a time without supervision. However, even when you have no use for the room he initially kept you in and are no longer forced to be there, he won’t get rid of it. He enjoys looking back on those tender first months of having you. You won’t ever make him put you back there, will you?

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio holds his affections close to his heart, and for that reason, he will most likely fall in love with a childhood friend, or someone else he has a prior fondness for. Perhaps after a number of years out of contact, you suddenly move into his vicinity without knowing it. Ghiaccio sees you through the window of a café and is instantly struck with all the feelings he repressed from his youth.

In the coming weeks, Ghiaccio is filled with an intense paranoia. He wants to have you, to at very least be able to let you know he’s there, but he’s terrified of you getting hurt. Wait, do his enemies already know about you? That aside, will someone as weak as you *ever* be safe in a city like this? Ghiaccio knows he would never forgive himself if anything happened to you. That means he can’t sit still until he makes sure he does something about it.

Even still, your abduction is an impulse. That’s not to say he didn’t consider the idea before, even going as far as to make some casual preparations like getting new locks for the front door and spare room. However, he never had a concrete plan. All that convinced him to take you was a sleepless night. After several hours of tossing and turning, head filled with terrified thoughts of something bad happening to you, he decided he needed you *now*.

Ghiaccio doesn’t have much of a plan, but being so much stronger than you he doesn’t really need one. He bursts through the door of your house and drags you to his car, frantic explanations of what’s going on doing little to calm your terror. Freezing over your lips and wrists with ice, he puts you in the trunk and drives you home.

Ghiaccio tries his best to be patient and accommodating with you. He lets your room be your private space and doesn’t force physical contact on you, though he’ll occasionally plead with you to let him hold you when he’s feeling stressed. He dreams of the day you’ll stop being scared of him and he can have you whenever he wants.

Spends a lot of time trying to justify his actions. But even if you run away, he can’t bring himself to hurt you. Instead, he’ll bind you to a chair in his basement and rant for what feels like hours about how this is all for your own good, and you just don’t see that. He ends up practically begging for you to just stay with him without a fight.

The process of wooing you over is a lot of trial and error, inviting you to do activities with him he recalls you liking and encouraging you to be emotionally open with him. Eventually, through the sheer force of time, his efforts become successful and you start to reciprocate his affections.

However, given Ghiaccio’s paranoia it’s unlikely you’ll ever be able to go anywhere further than the corner shop without his supervision. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, he’s just terrified of something happening to you. That said, he feels bad about restricting your freedom and will work hard to give you a good life.

#la squadra #la squadra x reader #formaggio #formaggio x reader #melone #melone x reader #ghiaccio #ghiaccio x reader #yandere cw

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antiloreolympus · 3 years ago

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6 Anti LO Asks

1. i would actually get the idea people look down on the underworld gods bc like yeah theyre scary and unwelcomed, but like its undercut by rachel making them the most desirable and most powerful for?? reasons?? like she wants them to be underdogs while at the same time being the best at everything, which is her issue with persephone too, she also has to be powerless and humble but also the most unique and powerful. she wants us to root for them when they have no actual struggles.

2. i dont take reviews for anything, tbh. the "professional" reviews LO got were all by people who are also at the same printing house, so theyre literally paid to say something nice for marketing even if they dont like it (i work in publishing, we do this all the time), and amazon reviews arent regulated, so of course LO stans will flood it to fluff it up. thats what let's play fans have been doing too for years now too, despite it being wattpad markipiler fanfic.

3. I know comparing characters isn’t right but honestly LO has enough wrong going on I won’t feel bad. Persphone isn’t interesting on her own in LO. A lot of her character is having things happen to her except for flirting with Hades and killing mortals (and maybe running away as a reaction to Zeus). Persphone we are told she is smart, naive, powerful but powerless. Her character literally is whatever RS thinks fits the chapter the best. Persphone has no clear goals other than wanting Hades, what’s her major? What was the next step after college? Do the other gods go to college? Why doesn’t she know what sleeping to the top means but knows so much about flirting with a man who has a gf? What was she suppose to be doing if she never met hades?

Although the other female cast may not be likeable, they do actually do stuff that drives their own character

Minthe may have fallen into a shitty relationship with Hades, but she feels sick about the ring and treats Hades because he doesn’t listen to her. She leads Persphone to the wrong location cause she doesn’t like her. She fights hades (not a good thing but does something to the plot)

Daphne has Persphones background, grew up in the mortal realm. However she’s a lot more interesting. Demeter probably isn’t strict with Daphne, but Daphne is now and influencer with business deals and when forced to Dave Apollo bits and threatens him. And even before with Apollo wanted to find out her own opinions on the guy.

Hecate isn’t a main character but enjoys to be in the plot and leaves the plot as she pleases, she’s support but also seems like there more to her than shown. She likes chaos, gardening, and expanding her knowledge.

Aphrodite, drove the plot with the drugs and car thing, NOT A GOOD THING but actually did something. Was looking for her husband, testing her son may not be the best character but actually leaves marks on the story telling despite not showing up a lot.

Artemis, invites Persphone into her home, has always been this sliver footed hunter, was doing fine before persphone, but also has her own family issues

Demeter fought in a war, has her own morals and ethics when raising a daughter, may have messed up but again actually contributes to the plot

Hera pushes HXP together and apart, has her own interesting drama, seduced Kronos and paid for it gravely, DID have an affair with hades. Not good things but contributions.

Thetis manipulates people

Persphone just doesn’t do much herself in the comic. She didn’t want to go to the party, she didn’t want the job, a lot of the plot is having her having something happen to her. The drugging, the Apollo the offers, Meg offering her clothes even. She doesn’t drive the plot other than flirting with Hades even knowing about Minthe, killing those mortals, and turning Minthe into a plant, but none of those things are even framed as wrong. It’s like even when she does make a “mistake” it doesn’t “count”

4. DID HADES ACTUALLY REALLY HONESTLY SAY ZEUS' RAGE IS MISMANAGED!?!

5. Since we’re talking about self-inserts, hell, I have like 3 characters in my book that can be argued to be my self inserts. But the difference is that while I project onto them plenty, I still remember they are my CHARACTERS, not me. I give them flaws, I write them how I would any other, and I make them suffer consequences when needed. There’s a difference between that and whatever the hell RS is doing with Persephone

-----FP Spoilers-----

6. Not to beat a dead horse but even with Hades saying he misspoke in calling Persephone his wife - considering they arent dating and have only known each other for a short time period, it still sounds weird, right? Like in the newer chapters (I think) Hades and Persephone discuss going on a "first date" after the trial is over which would be fine - except A). It sounds as though even if Persephone gets a punishment (like lets say its a Prometheus treatment kinda thing) that they'll just go behind Zeus' back + authority to go on dates anyway, regardless of punishment or not, and B). Hades calling Persephone his wife indicates that despite not even being on a proper date or even knowing her all that well that he already thinks of her as such, which seems a bit presumptuous considering everything thats been happening.

Also ive seen claims far and between that months have passed if not a year since Persephone went on the run / the beginning of the comic - does anyone have a source for that? (The timeline makes everything confusing).

Also, I was told that the trial doesnt take place in the underworld - that it actually takes place in Olympus?? Anyone got a source? Pls and thanks.

From OP, not Anon: From the episodes currently on FP, the trial does take place on Olympus. The underworld is in a constant state of darkness and the place where the trial is being held shows it's visibly daytime. Also, it hasn't been months or a time skip. Some people were confused by Hades's wording because he said 'months'. Saying weeks would've been way better and less confusing.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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managedmischiefs · 4 years ago

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north//chapter thirteen

genre: angst

pairing: season twelve spencer reid x female oc

warnings: prison arc, blood, implications of being drugged, self harm under implications of being drugged, physical violence, mentions of abuse (lmk if i missed anyting)

word count: 8.2k

summary: spencer’s post-mexico hardships continue on, and get much worse, while amelia has a concerning experience in her own apartment

i hope u all like this chapter! enjoy!! like, comment, and reblog!! reblogging helps so much❤️

SPENCER

The feeling of abandonment is one that I'm far too familiar with. I hadn't expected to be completely abandoned by the FBI and to not have their support in this battle. I know that I have the support of my team and of Amelia, but when the FBI says that they won't support me and help me stay out of jail or prison, it's disheartening. It’s crushing. It leaves me feeling cold as I sit against a cinderblock wall.

Sitting in jail is boring. It is, by far, the most boring thing I've ever done in my life. I sit and stare at the wall all day while I regret my decisions and listen to the detainees around me scream and shout. The team individually comes by the visit but it's only for a short amount of time because they're working so hard. They're working on my case at the same time they're working on other cases that they would normally take and I know that they can't come to entertain me. I fully understand why, but I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I could be home.

But Amelia never comes. I told her not to come. She doesn't need to see me like this. She has seen enough. I'm a completely broken mess, rotting away in a jail cell and I don't need her crying over me or providing more content for her nightmares. I asked Emily to relay this message to her and I was told she cried and didn't speak to anyone for a few hours. She's been staying in a BAU interview room and will only go home for a few hours every few days, and I don't blame her. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want to go home. But it breaks my heart to know how much Amelia is hurting without me and that I can't help her. I choose to pretend like she doesn’t exist so I won’t think about her. I pretend like I’m living the way I was before I met her. Alone, work-obsessed, with nobody but myself to confide in. It’s easy to forget her during the day when there’s a stream of sunlight flooding in from the tiny window to my right. But then I lay down at night and reach for her waist, or wait to feel her hand on my cheek, or crane my neck to kiss her, I crash back down to earth and remember that I can’t be with the woman I love because of my idiotic decisions.

Emily manages to get me in touch with an old friend hers who is willing to be my lawyer, a wonderful woman named Fiona. She's blunt and she knows what she's talking about and I appreciate that. And now that I have representation, we can move onto the trial and maybe I can go home. I try to absorb some of Amelia’s optimism and stay hopeful that I’ll be released on bail, but my own nasty pessimism rears its ugly head and pulverizes any sign of hope.

Fiona wants me to plead guilty to a crime I didn't commit. I'll only get two to five years as opposed to twenty-five to life, but how could I plead guilty? My memories may be blurry for the first time ever but I know I would never kill that woman. That medicine she was providing me with helping my mom. Why would I kill her? There was another person in that motel room and if my brain would just cooperate and just confirm that it was Scratch, this could all be over.

If I plead guilty then Fiona says I can be released on bail pending trial. Rossi said he would be willing to post my bail, no matter the cost. I'm grateful for him and his generosity but as I spend my time sitting and staring at the wall and the ceiling and the concrete and the mold, the more I don't want to plead guilty. I want to fight this. I have complete faith in my team and their abilities to find Scratch. We found him once and we'll find him again.

"I'm gonna fight it."

That's what I tell Fiona. Being the supportive lawyer she is, she nods and goes on her way, but she comes back far too soon. She doesn't return with a suit for my trial or a date for my trial or handcuffs so I can be transported to my trial. She comes back with Emily.

"Spencer," Fiona sighs, "the Mexican authorities found the murder weapon in the desert. The theory is that you threw it out the window in the car chase. The previous offer you didn't want is off the table. The new offer is to plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter and get five to ten years."

"Gosh," Emily breathes, hanging her head. "There's nothing you can do?"

"Your DNA is on it and the blade matches the blade that cut your hand," Fiona explains. "Spencer, if you don't take this offer, there will be no more offers. And if you lose your trial, you're going to prison. I need to know what you're going to do."

"I'm-"

"Spencer," Emily cuts me off. "Can we talk privately?"

Fiona nods and collects her things, leaving the room and Emily takes her spot. As soon as the door is closed, I shake my head at Emily. "I can't plead guilty to something I didn't do."

"You could do life in prison," she whispers, and I can see her eyes start to tear up. I ignore them.

"You guys will find Scratch. I know you will." I nod stubbornly, falsely confident.

"Yes, we will. We will never stop looking for him. But what if we can do that this month? Or this year? Or this-" she shutters, "decade? Because we sure as hell can't do it before your trial."

I look down at my hands, observing the bandages over my hand. It stings and burns constantly and I wish it would go away. "How's Amelia? Is she still staying at the BAU?"

"Mostly," Emily responds. "Her friend- Jenna, I think- has come by a bunch to take her home and back. She's stayed at Jenna's a few times but she stays mostly in the interview rooms and in Garcia's room. She's, um, well, she's mad at you, Reid."

I scoff out a laugh, rolling my eyes. "Because I won't let her come here?"

"Exactly," there's no humor in her voice. "She just wants to see you. She wants to see that you're okay and it might help you feel better to see her and talk to her a bit. You can talk out decisions like this with her. She's your girlfriend and you were planning on moving in with her and JJ told us you were supposed to go buy an engagement ring for her. She deserves to be involved in this and not at the BAU, suffering and crying and having panic attacks-"

"She's having panic attacks?" My eyes widen, my back straightening up as the red flags start popping up in my head. Is she okay? Have her attacks been so bad that they have warranted a hospital trip? How is her breathing? Has she gone nonverbal? "Wha- is she-"

"Yeah, she’s had some. She obviously had that one with JJ and Garcia and she had one on Monday and she couldn’t speak for an hour.”

"She usually goes nonverbal," I murmur, bringing my hands to my face and trying to avoid biting my nails out of nervousness. "Okay, okay, don't ever touch her until she can speak again. Keep a really calm and low voice and don't freak out because that makes it worse. Get her head between her knees and keep her sitting and get her water and-"

"Spencer, I know how to help a panic attack. We need to be talking about your trial," Emily protests.

"And after her attacks, she usually needs physical attention and she needs comfort and sometimes-"

"You're gonna go to prison, Reid!" Emily shouts, effectively shutting me up. "It's scary to accept but we have to talk about it! You could go to prison for a very long time if you don't accept this deal! Stop talking about your girlfriend’s panic attacks and talk about the situation at hand."

My face hardens and I drop my hands again, sighing. "I can't plead guilty. I just can't."

It's the answer she should have expected, and I'm sure she knew it was coming. Before I even finished, she was out of her seat and banging on the door for a guard to take her away. And yet again I'm left to myself and my thoughts, playing the blurry images over and over again, trying to make out faces and events and names. But there's nothing and I'm left to wonder if I'm going to die in a prison cell.

///

AMELIA

///

My dress has bunched up around my thighs but I can't find it in me to pull it down, even in a courthouse. My legs are full of goosebumps from the air conditioning and my denim jacket isn't doing much to help. I stare down at my lap, my hands resting there with Spencer's medallion between my fingers. The empty space on my hand between my pointer finger and thumb looks too empty and it makes my heart beat faster. I look from the medallion to my hand and back, and I suddenly want to rush out of this goddamn courthouse.

"Amelia," I hear Penelope's voice coming closer, and when I look up, the whole team is approaching.

"Hi," I smile weakly, standing and finally adjusting the hem of my dress. "You guys made it. How was the case?"

"Did they call Reid's case yet?" Luke asks, ignoring my formality question about the case.

"No, but they're about to," I shake my head, gesturing to an open door a few feet away.

They all start walking that way, but I don't follow. I make the decision to choose the horrible wooden bench over the even worse pew-like benches in the court. I had been so upset about not seeing Spencer, but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Now that I'm faced with the idea of seeing him, I don't want to. I don't want to see him in handcuffs again, or sleep-deprived, or being told off by a judge or prosecutor. I know the BAU has virtually no evidence to support Spencer and that the judge isn't going to rule in his favor. I know that, the pessimist in me knows that. I don't need to see that.

"Amelia?" Dave is standing in front of me and I know it's him from his expensive looking shoes. "You're not coming in?"

"No, I don't need to-" I choke on my words, clutching the medallion in my hand, "to see this happen. I don't want to hear it."

"This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you're not on Spencer's approved visitor’s list?"

"Maybe," It's taken me two years to learn not to lie to a profiler. "I don't know. But I don't want to see him, Dave. Please go. I'll be here."

I don't even need to ask. The look on their faces tells me everything. The way everyone holds themselves when they walk out and the way they glance around tells me what I need to know. Nobody looks up at me and nobody is running to me for a hug. Spencer isn’t at my side.

I chew on my cheeks and choke down my tears as I stand, meeting them in the middle of the hallway when they walk toward me. "So how bad was it?"

Stephen is the first fearless one to speak up. "The judge decided he was a flight risk,"

I furrow my eyebrows. "A flight risk? Seriously? My Spencer?"

Tara nods shamefully. "He didn't use his FBI passport, he didn't inform the bureau, the prosecutor claimed he had connections all over the world and could get a fake passport and go on the run if he was released on bail. The judge agreed."

"So what now? What happens to him?" Penelope moves towards me and grabs onto my hand, enlacing our fingers. If she didn’t do that, I might have fallen to the floor in a puddle of tears.

"He's gonna go back to the federal jail," Luke answers. "His trial is in three months and that'll determine if he goes to prison or not."

"Penelope?" I whisper and she just hums in response. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course. Whatever you need," Penelope nods, giving everyone a soft, slightly concerned smile before I lead her away.

///

"Um, seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Now?"

"Yeah, now."

"You or me?"

"Me. Why, do you want one? I'll draw whatever you want."

"No thanks."

I pull open the door and let Penelope walk in first, even though she seems incredibly hesitant, practically tiptoeing through the threshold. She manages to get me to crack a tiny smile, but that's the most she gets before I just revert to my sadness.

"Zav!" I call, noticing the front desk is empty. Nonetheless, I walk up and grab a post-it and a pen, starting to scribble little drawings.

Zav comes wandering from the back of the tattoo parlor at the sound of my voice, smiling. "Oh, hey there! Been a while since I've seen you. Here for some new ink? It's about time you added to your sleeves."

"Just something really quick," I tell him, picking up the post-it with the sixth design I'd drawn. "Not on my arm. On my hand, right here," I gesture to the empty space between my thumb and pointer finger.

"Sounds easy enough," Zav nods, then smiles at Penelope. "Hi, friend. Do I get the pleasure of inking you today?"

Penelope's eyes widen and she hastily shakes her head. "No, no, I'm just here with-- with-"

"No tattoos for her, just me." I save her from more stuttering and Zav puts his hands up in surrender. He winks at Penelope before sitting me in a chair and starting on the stencil.

“So,” Garcia asks over the buzzing of the tattoo gun, “what does this one mean? You've said that all your tattoos mean something. What's this one? And why is it so important that we do it now, after the trial?"

Careful not to disturb Zav's work, I reach into my pocket and pull out Spencer's medallion. I hold it up and show Penelope the compass, and she nods in a confused understanding. "When Spencer was in recovery, he was always told that north is the right way to go and obviously, going the right way is the road to recovery and being clean. Well, he told me that ever since he met me, he considered me to be his north or his reason to go north. I've been wanting this tattoo for a long time. Just never got around to getting it."

"That's really sweet," Penelope whispers, smiling at me. "How much pain are you in?"

"A lot," I answer through gritted teeth. "This one is right on my bone and those are the worst, but it's small so it's fine. It'll be done soon."

As anticipated, the tattoo is done within another few minutes. A compass rose with north labeled. Simple. But it’s beautiful and it’s the perfect reminder of Spencer while he’s gone. Temporarily gone. He’s going to come home. Soon.

He's going to jail. He's going to be sitting in jail for three months and I won't be able to see him, and then after that, he still might go to prison. No matter how much he reminds himself that I'm his north, and no matter how much time I spend at the BAU, no matter how many of his shirts I wear, no matter how many times I visit Diana and Cassie, it means absolutely nothing. The justice system is horrible and I know they have a job to do but why can't they see that my Spencer is innocent? Sure, he broke some protocol but all he was doing was trying to help his mom. It's not his fault that a serial killer was targeting the team and decided to sabotage his trip. He should be at home on bail and he should be searching for Scratch so his name can be cleared.

"Amelia?" Penelope's voice breaks me out of my trance and I notice that Zav has already walked away, probably to the front desk to ring me up. She rests her hand on my shoulder and gives me that same pitiful smile that everyone keeps giving me. "We're gonna get him out. We know he didn't do this."

"I miss him," I admit shakily, eyes locked on my new ink. "I know that I spend all my time at the BAU but everything reminds me of him. When I go home with Jenna, we pass by the cafe that me and him went to almost every day. Whenever I see someone carrying a revolver on tv or in the building, it makes me think of his gun. God, P, whenever I braid my hair, it makes me think of him. I functioned before I met him but with him, I was living and actually enjoying my life for the first time. But now that he's gone again," I look up at her, my lips quivering, "how am I supposed to live?"

Penelope opens her mouth to answer but then closes it again. She drags me into a hug, tighter than any hug we’ve had before. I let her squeeze the life out of me because it’s the only thing that feels similar to the way Spencer scoops me up and hugs me after being away on a case. "I wish I had a good answer. We're all hurting and we're all trying to get through this. As long as we lean on each other and you leave the crime fighting up to us, we'll get through this."

///

I stir awake, bundled up beneath a scratchy, knitted blanket and my head resting on a flat pillow. A yawn escapes my mouth before I even open my eyes, my body begging me to go back to sleep. I blatantly ignore it though, swinging my legs over the side of the couch and yawning again.

"Good morning, sunshine," Jenna comes wandering into her living room, holding out a cup of tea for me, "sleep well?"

I shake my head, sipping the not-well-made tea. "No,” I keep myself from scrunching up my nose at the odd taste, “I didn’t.”

Jenna gives me a tiny smile as she sits on the couch beside me. "Maybe you should try melatonin. I heard you watching tv at three in the morning." When I don't respond to her really smart and helpful suggestion, she moves on. "How's the tattoo?"

"Itchy," I glance at the covering of my tattoo, then shrug. "It's whatever. I'm used to it. What are you doing today?"

"Well, me and Frankie were gonna go do a shoot today. You should come. You haven't done any shoots in a while. I'm sure Frankie would love your help," Jenna encourages softly.

I shake my head yet again and take the last drink of my tea, then put the mug on the floor. "Thanks but no thanks. I'm gonna go to the BAU today. But I'm gonna shower first. I'll let you know what I'm doing tonight. Thanks for letting me stay here." And without another word, I stand and walk off to the too-bright bathroom.

Going into the BAU used to always be a fun experience. I looked forward to seeing Penelope and lounging around in her lair, and I looked forward to leaving little gifts for Spencer on his desk, and I looked forward to greeting the team when they arrived home from cases. The BAU quickly became like a second home to me when I started dating Spencer and I went there at every chance I could. But now the BAU is a reminder of the situation at hand, and despite the fact that I'm spending so much time here, I wish I didn't have to. The constant reminder is painful. Seeing Spencer’s desk and all of his belongings arranged in the perfect way he needs them to be is maybe the hardest part. Every time I look through the glass doors, my heart breaks a little more.

I've come to learn that seeing the team huddled up and speaking in hushed tones is never a good thing. But it's the first thing I see when the elevator doors open. My eyes are locked on them before I even open the glass doors to the bullpen. Penelope's eyes are wide and she's clinging to Luke's side and everyone is just looking concerned. That's never a good sign. They are federal agents and have seen the worst of the worst. They should be able to have some kind of poker face, no matter the situation.

JJ is the first to notice me, and when she looks up, she almost grimaces. "Amelia."

Okay. They didn't get a case. This is about Spencer. Something happened with Spencer. Did he get beat up in jail? Did they find more evidence? If they found more evidence, then it's surely not in Spencer's favor. What did they find? What are they hesitant to tell me? Why does everyone look like they’ll burst into tears if I say one wrong word? What the hell happened?

I keep a few feet between me and them, clutching the straps of my backpack, my breath caught in my throat. "What's going on?" I ask, my voice quieter than I expected it to be. "Is Spencer okay?"

The team shares glances and Penelope bows her head, and all the horrible thoughts in my head intensify. Emily clears her throat and my eyes dart over to her. "Spencer," she speaks strongly and confidently, "was transferred to prison this morning."

Spencer likes to put a mountain of sugar in his coffee. Spencer can only fall asleep if he’s read at least two books while lying in bed. And, of course, only after he has received what he deems as a sufficient amount of kisses from me. Spencer prefers to take the train to work instead of driving. Spencer likes to hold my hand when we walk the street. Spencer orders swirled soft serve at every ice cream parlor. Spencer wears purple whenever he gets the chance.

Spencer doesn't fight. Spencer isn't violent. Spencer isn't a criminal. Spencer hates shooting his gun and he wouldn’t even walk around with it on his hip until I told him it didn't bother me. Spencer doesn't resort to violence to solve his problems. He’s the one who puts the violent people where they deserve. Those killers and rapists deserve to be in prison. Not the man who thinks it’s bad luck to wear matching socks. Definitely not the man who mumbles my name in his sleep and whines if he reaches over and I’m not sleeping beside him.

My Spencer doesn't belong in prison.

I'm stunned into silence for a moment and it's almost like I'm waiting for someone to tell me this is a joke. Spencer's not in prison with the worst of the worst. That he's not with the people that he has spent his life hunting and putting away. He isn’t locked inside with people who could be sentenced to life in prison, or in a cell people who will kill him just to have a new pair of shoes, or people who have nothing left to lose.

"He's-" I gulp but my saliva tastes sour and it burns my throat, "he's in prison?"

"There was overcrowding in the jail," Tara explains softly. "I know it's not ideal but-"

"He's-" I cut her off, my voice sharp, "he's in prison? He's in prison with the same people that you guys put away and he's-" my hands fall from my backpack and tears start to fall down cheeks, my eyes darting around until they land on Rossi. "He's with people like my-"

"Why don't you come with me?" Dave cuts me off, stepping forward, holding his arm out for me.

As I break down into sobs, he leads me into his office, sitting me down on a couch as he closes the door. I curl up into myself and cry, and cry, and cry for my boyfriend who is suffering immensely for a crime he didn't commit. He's locked inside a cage with horrible people like my father and he can't escape.

"Amelia, we're gonna get him out," Dave pulls up a chair in front of me, letting out a sigh that doesn't do much to convince me. "We're spending every second we can on his case and searching for evidence that will-"

"He's gonna be in a fucking prison," I sneer, lifting my head, revealing my smudging makeup and tear-stained cheeks, "with people like my father!" Dave sighs again, ducking his head. He doesn't say anything and I don't know what to make of that. "He's gonna be with killers and rapists and abusers and men who kill their wife and son and leave their orphaned daughter to be abused in foster homes!"

"Amelia, I don't know if this will help you at all but, just so you know, serial killers are not held in general population. Serial killers have their own specific wings and they don't get mixed up with the other inmates."

I scoff, staring down at my lap, watching as my tears drip onto my clothes. "Inmates. I guess that's all he is now, right? An inmate?"

"No, Amelia, he's not just another inmate," Dave shakes his head and leans forward, trying to offer me comfort by proximity, but it just makes me feel cramped and overwhelmed. "We're going to get him out of there. I promise."

His promise only makes me cry more. I'd do anything to hear Spencer make another promise to me. I'd do anything just to see him again, but Spencer didn't want me in a jail and I can't imagine he'd want me in a prison. I won't be able to see him, or hear him, or feel him until he gets exonerated. That's going to take days, weeks, months. It could take years. Could go years without seeing his smile and feeling his touch and listening to him ramble on and on about whatever random factoid surfaces in his brain.

"You should go back to work," I whisper, wiping my cheeks. "Sitting here and watching me cry doesn't help anyone. I'll go somewhere else and worry by myself."

I stand and adjust my backpack, but the whole world just seems wrong. It seems like it's spinning and it feels like I just don't belong here. It feels like I've slipped into a different dimension that I don't belong in. It feels like I should just be able to take a nap and wake up and Spencer will be right next to me, kissing my neck and telling me he has to go to work. I'm waiting for the day that I can experience that again.

///

SPENCER

///

I never thought I'd be in prison. Maybe that's a dumb statement, but it's true. I thought my closest relation to prison would be sending criminals there, occasionally going in to interview inmates, and seldom breaking up riots and breaks. I never thought I'd be forced into blues and shower shoes and thrown into my own cell. I never thought this would become my life. I never thought I'd be sitting out on the prison yard, surveying my fellow inmates and wondering who I should avoid and who I could trust enough to keep me alive long enough for me to return home.

"Sup?" A group of three men I recognize from previously stroll up to me, their hands tucked in their pockets, and that alone makes me more nervous than their confident aura. I rise to my feet when they approach me, not out of obedience, but just because I don't want them to hold too much power over me in height. "Got any bats?"

I furrow my eyebrows in the slightest. "Bats?" Maybe I should've listened to Amelia when she rattled off her slang. Amelia.

"Cigarettes," the same guy clarifies as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, glancing towards his buddy next to him. I fight the urge to jump as the redhead slings his arm over my shoulder, standing uncomfortably close to me. If I wasn't in a prison, I'd rattle off how many germs he passed on to me just by doing that, but I know I'd get beat up for doing so. I keep my mouth shut.

"No, sorry, I don't smoke," it's my honest answer, but I almost instantly regret it. Will they kill me just because I don't have any cigarettes to give them? Is that how it works in here?

"Yeah," that same inmate keeps speaking, "I think I'm gonna quit." But then he narrows his eyes at me and takes a step closer. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah," I answer, but I know my unsure sounding voice has completely betrayed me, "I'm o-okay, thanks."

The third man chuckles and crosses his arms over his chest. "Does he look okay to you?"

The redhead leans in closer to me and it takes all my self control not to cringe. "Looks like he's gonna cry."

"Or wet his pants," the first man laughs, and the other two join in with their own chuckles. "Hey, we're just messing- out of respect, you know? It's all over the yard that you stole from Milos."

I quickly shake my head, finally gaining the confidence to shake the redhead’s arm off of me. Well, if they said they respect me, I might as well. He doesn't put up a fight when I do so. "But I didn't steal from Milos. That was my stuff."

"No," Redhead interrupts, "that was a tribute. Everyone has to pay when they join the group."

I glance between the three of them and they're all stony-faced, but I'm confused. I don't get it. What are they talking about? It's clear to them, but not to me. "What group?" I dare to ask the question.

The third man scoffs yet again. "You're kidding, right? Take a look around. They outnumber us.”

"So we gotta stick together," Redhead goes on, and it all starts to make sense. A gang. They want me to join their gang. Am I gang material? Is this a compliment? Is this some weird, sick, twisted, prison-style compliment? "In here, we're the minority."

They're serious, and it's obvious. There are no chuckles. There are no side eye glances. My profiler skills aren't going off and telling me that they're lying. They're serious. They want me to join a gang.

What would happen if I accept? Does that make me a target by the majority? Will that make the majority look at me and want to take me out? I have to survive three months, at most, in here and that's it. I have to do whatever I need to stay alive for three months, and that's it. But what if I reject them? Will that make me an even bigger target if I say no? Will they take that rejection lightly? I can't imagine they would. Which is the lesser of the two evils? Do I really want to join a gang during my three month prison stay? Would I want to join a gang at all?

"I'm not interested," I say quickly, and attempt to make a quick exit. "Thanks anyway."

Before I can even leave, they catch me. "No, no, no," the first guy shakes his head, his arm now around my shoulders, his jaw clenched, "that's not the way this is gonna go."

"Hey," the third guy interrupts, "Tony-O is over there and he's waiting for us,"

The first guy pats my chest and, thankfully, lets me go. "Okay, my man, we gotta go. But," the three start to back away with devious smiles that I've seen far too many times on psychopaths, "no worries, we'll catch you tonight."

They'll catch me tonight. That can't be good. My eyes follow them as they approach someone else, but when they start chatting like friends, I look away. But then my eyes land on someone I can't look away from because he looks familiar. I know for a fact I didn't see him in the room of cots, but I know I've seen him before.

Ever since the situation in Mexico, my brain has been a little bit slow to react and recall faces and facts, but suddenly, it comes to me. I squint my eyes as a name flashes in my head. Calvin Shaw. He was an FBI agent who killed a criminal agent who was working for a Russian mob. He turned himself in and he's been here ever since, but I studied his case in school and he's become an example at the bureau of what not to do.

He's here? At this prison? And why is he staring at me like that? Does he know who I am? Do I radiate federal agent energy? Amelia talks about people's energy's all the time. Maybe I should've listened to her. I'm realizing that maybe I should have appreciated her more than I did. If I get out of here, I need to lay down all my love for that girl as soon as possible.

The guards blow their whistles and shout for us to line up so they start the process of corralling us back inside. Some inmates are brought back to their cells while others, like me, are brought to rooms with a bunch of cots lined up.

Time takes forever to pass by in prison. There's nothing to do and there's no type of stimulation. I just sit on my bed and try to tune out the chatter surrounding me. I try my hardest not to let my mind wander off to my friends or my girlfriend or my mother because I'll go crazy if I start worrying about them. They're fine without me, I bet.

I sit on my bed with my knees to my chest and guard the box of things I'd fought to get back from another inmate, making sure they don't get stolen yet again. That decision to reclaim my things almost got me killed once and I don't feel like getting in that situation again.

It's nearly impossible to tell what time it is because there are no windows but eventually, a few guards come by to scream at us to shut up. Wilkins looks around as the room falls silent and then informs us that it’s lights out.

My heart starts to pound when the lights go dark and the guards walk away because, despite the darkness, I see three familiar men rise from their cots and stalk over to me. Like on the yard, I rise to my feet just so they don't get too much power over me. I know that I've made the right decision to do so when one man pulls out a makeshift knife he's clearly made from a bed frame or something he smuggled in. The panic and unfiltered fear settle in. My instincts tell me to run, but there is nowhere to go. I don’t have a gun to defend myself, there is no way to talk these men down like I’ve done to others in the past, there’s nothing I can do. I’m all on my own.

One guy smirks, stepping up to me. "It's party time."

The two other men quickly grab my arms and tie my wrists behind my back, then shove a sock in my mouth to keep me quiet and muffle the sounds of me screaming, just so a guard doesn't come in and interrupt. Is that good? Does that mean they're not planning on killing me? They're just going to beat me up?

They start dragging me off, into the connected bathroom and my screams echo even louder off the wall. I'm doing what I can to get out of the grasps of the men but I've never been physically strong. Maybe I should've taken the fit tests more seriously. Maybe I should've gone training when Morgan asked me to go. Maybe I should've taken my life more seriously.

"So," there's another man with a thick accent standing there already, his arms crossed over his chest, "you're too good to be with us? We offer you friendship and what do you do? Spit in our faces."

The redhead tightens his grip on my arm. "Thinks he can survive in here without our help."

"You," the man with the accent grabs the knife, "you need to show some respect," he brings the knife up to my face and traces the blade across my skin. I'm not sure what they're planning on doing to my face but I know it won't feel good.

"Do it," one guy encourages, smirking.

"Back off," there's another voice now, and the four men holding me stop in their tracks, "now." I turn my head to see who my savior is, and it's none other than Calvin Shaw. "Untie him," he says, and the guys behind me quickly do so, and take the sock out of my mouth. "Now get out of here," he tells me and gestures back into the main room. I hesitate, but Calvin gives me a pointed look. "Go on. Go."

I high tail it out of there, my heart pounding harder than it ever has before. I think it could positively burst out of my chest as I return to my cot. It dawns on me now how many people are in this room, and not a single one of them stepped up to help me. Nobody yelled for a guard or helped me fend off the gang or did anything at all.

So I sit down on my cot and I don't even lay down. I don't dare to go to sleep and I barely even blink. I'm even paranoid that, due to the position of my cot, there are people behind me that I can't see. I'm too freaked out. I'm too scared that those men will come back and kill me for real.

I've faced the scariest men and women in the world. I've witnessed things that I never should have and I've talked myself out of horrible situations. I can't escape this. I can't flash my identification or shoot a few bullets and then go home to Amelia. I can't do that. I have to spend every second of my life with my guard up, watching my back at the same time I'm watching my front and my sides just to make sure no one is coming for me. It's day one and I'm already panicked and I'm already lost. I just want to go home.

///

The next two days are like walking on eggshells. I'm constantly watching my back, front, and sides and I'm making sure to keep everyone in front of me at all times. I can't move my cot without risking a fight so I'm barely sleeping at night. I force myself to stay awake to guard myself and protect myself from any possible attacks.

I get to have a talk with Calvin at a time when the cell blocks are open, and he shows nothing but compassion for me. He believes my innocence, shares the story of his sentence, and gives me a book I've never read before. It feels good to have someone I can trust. I can tell he's powerful in this prison, judging by the way he told those gang guys to stop beating me up and they immediately complied. Sitting in his cell is the only time I allowed myself to relax in the slightest.

But that relaxation is short lived because soon the guards are telling us to get back to where we belong. We get cuffed and shoved along to our cells or wherever else, and I get back to my cot. I sit with my knees to my chest and prop my eyes wide open, despite how utterly exhausted I am. I've barely slept in the three days I've been here and I don't know how much longer I can stand this.

"Reid," my name is called by a guard along with a few other names, and we all quickly rise to our feet. "Grab your things and let’s go."

I quickly grab my little bucket of belongings that I've been guarding with my life and hold it close to my chest as I approach the guards. I'm thankful that they don't cuff us as they take us one by one into different blocks.

Wilkins, of course, is gripping my arm harder than he needs to be as he shoves me along a corridor. I keep my eyes forward and no matter how badly I want to see what prisoners I'm walking past, I don't let my eyes wander. I've already seen a guy beat someone else up on the yard just for looking at him and I'm not wanting that to be my future.

"Hold," Wilkins snaps, and I force my feet to freeze in their spot. Then I feel him shoving me inside with, again, more force than needed. "Now get in there." Once I wiggle my way through, not really fitting with the tray I'm holding, Wilkins shouts for the door to close. He gives me another look before stomping away, leaving me all alone in my new home.

I set my tray down on the little table beside me and immediately notice the book on the bed. It's the one that Calvin had told me about yesterday, and I guess he arranged for it to be in my cell.

"Hey," I suddenly hear Calvin's voice from the cell beside mine, "welcome to the neighborhood!"

///

AMELIA

///

I throw my backpack onto the floor of my apartment, locking the door behind me, groaning in pain with every step I take. I dread when I'll eventually have to walk up to my room, but I plan on avoiding it as long as possible.

I start on my walk to the kitchen for a drink, probably a huge glass of wine, but then I stop in my tracks when there's a small, cold breeze against my legs. I shake it off and drag myself into the kitchen. The window is closed and the plants on the windowsill are half dead. Of course, they are. I haven't been home enough to water them.

I grab a wine glass from a cabinet that's far too high for me, definitely placed there by Spencer, and fill it almost to the brim. I toss the entire drink back in seconds and then pour another drink. Once I have my second glass in my hand, I fill a new glass with water and start to feed my dead plants that are probably past the point of return. Once I've quenched the kitchen plants, I move to the bigger one beside the balcony door.

As I approach it, I roll my eyes. I've located the source of the breeze and it's coming from the cracked open balcony door. I’ve left the door open for two days straight. I shake my head at myself and pour the rest of the water into the plant before closing and clicking the lock on the balcony door.

I barely even realize that my hand starts to shake while I pour the water into the plant. I'm blinded by tears that I don't feel coming and something in my mind tells me that the more wine I drink, the less I'll cry. Drink more wine. Drink more wine. So I gulp down the rest of my wine glass and ignore it as my head starts to get fuzzy.

I throw both glasses into the sink and then grab the cracked open wine bottle, taking a long sip. Drink more wine. Drink more wine.

It smells sweet in the kitchen. Did I light a candle? What in the kitchen smells like bubblegum?

My body is moving around the kitchen and through the living room, but my brain is so fuzzy and everything is so blurry that it doesn’t even feel like I’m moving. I feel like I’m floating with my lids drooping closed, hands moving like they’re being told to. I nearly collapse against the couch, but it feels like I’m pulled back up and pushed back to my feet. Drink more wine. You want to drink more wine.

I grab the bottle and chug down the rest of the contents, my trembling hand dropping it to the ground. I barely even jolt when it shatters at my feet.

The glass, it feels like I have a voice whispering instructions in my ear. Pick up the glass. I fall to my knees and grip a piece of jagged glass in my hand, watching blood come to the surface and stain the clear surface. Tighter. I oblige, watching a drop of blood fall to the floor. A drop stains my jeans. Go to the stairs.

I toss the glass aside and crawl to the stairs, collapsing at the bottom and dropping my head onto a stair. I bring my knees to my chest, my cries fill the apartment as I slump down, my whole body shaking as I sob. I'm not sure how long it takes me to fall asleep on the staircase, but I do, and the alcohol keeps me asleep the whole night, something I haven't been able to do in a while.

///

"Amelia? Hey, are you here? I hope you are, the door's unlocked."

I whine as I'm roused from my sleep, and as I start to move, I'm expected to be comforted by my duvet. But instead, I go sliding down two steps of my staircase, groaning as I hit my hip. I press the heels of my hands into my eyes as I process the intense pounding in my head.

"Are you-" Penelope comes and stands in front of me, freezing when she sees me, "whoa, you look awful."

I let out a humorless laugh, rolling my eyes. "Gee, thanks."

She observes my surroundings- bloody hand, smudged makeup, messy hair, wrinkled clothes, tear-stained cheeks, sleeping on the stairs. It's not hard to tell what's going on, especially for someone who has been hanging around profilers for over a decade. I'm sure everyone on the team can see that I'm spiraling, and it's obvious to Penelope too.

"How'd you get in?" I ask, shakily pushing myself to my feet and grabbing onto the railing to steady myself.

"Well, I knocked and you didn't answer but the door was unlocked. I came to check up on you because I know you were really upset yesterday. I, well,” she pauses, wringing her hands together, “I'm not really sure what I say but I'm really sorry if I-"

"No," I cut her off, shaking my head, hugging the railing and trying to hide my bloody hand from her view. She looks utterly heartbroken, but I'm not sure what the cause is. If it's because of Spencer or because I lost my cool at the BAU, I'm not sure. "I should be the one apologizing. It was my fault. I overreacted. Um," my eyes wander down to the ground and I ignore the few pieces of random broken glass that have trailed towards the stairs, "I was just kinda upset. Then when Dave was talking to me, he promised that you guys would get him out of prison. Promising was kind of mine and Spencer's thing. Him saying that just made it so much worse."

"O-Oh," Penelope's eyebrows pop up, "I had no idea."

I nod and fall back onto the stairs. "When we first met and he told me he didn't shake hands, I went home and I just thought about how we could do something similar to shaking hands but not actually shaking hands. One of the options I presented to him the next time we saw each other was pinky promising. He liked it and it just stuck. Promising just became our thing." Penelope stares at me, her lips turned downward and her hands laced in front of her, head bowed. “Well, I’m gonna go take a shower. Thanks for checking up on me.”

“Yeah, of course,” Penelope just slightly perks up now, lifting her head and giving me an attempt at a smile. “If you need anything, let me know. And make sure to double check that your door is locked.”

“I will, thanks,” I turn on my heel and start stumbling up the stairs, clinging to the railing for support. My brain is pounding against my skull and I can’t keep a thought in my head for more than a second. My hand is throbbing.

“Hey,” Penelope pauses at the door, looking up at me, “did you light a candle?” I shake my head. “Hmm. It smells like bubblegum in here.”

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gayenerd · 4 years ago

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An interview with music journalist Paul Zollo. I believe this is from 2000. I’m a sucker for Billie Joe talking about his songwriting process.

By PAUL ZOLLO

SEVEN STORIES ABOVE THE SUNSET STRIP in Hollywood is the Chateau Marmont, an old hotel rife with the ghosts and scandals of Hollywood’s recent and not-so-recent past. Famous for the elegant, old-world discretion it affords all its guests, for decades it’s been a safe harbor for stars seeking to circumvent the squall of media surveillance. It’s where John Belushi died, sadly, back in bungalow three, and where Jim Morrison wrecked his back by swinging Tarzan-like from the roof, using a drain pipe as a vine. Every star, it seems, from Chaplin and Bogart to Dylan and Lennon have hidden out here while in Hollywood. “If you must get in trouble, do it at the Chateau Marmont,” Harry Cohn, the first boss of Columbia Studios, once told William Holden.

So it’s an appropriate setting for Billie Joe Armstrong, the lead singer, songwriter and guitarist of Green Day, to be holding court. Armstrong and the band are no strangers to scandal – they’re the ones who started a mudfight that bordered on insurrection at Woodstock II; they’ve been outspoken about their fondness for drugs and alcohol; they’ve been especially harsh in their expressions of scorn for many other bands; and they’ve frequently “redecorated” hotel suites, bars and Tower Records stores alike with a flair for creative demolition that brings to mind the heady decadence of the Doors and others.

In fact, parallels between Armstrong and Jim Morrison abound. Like the leader of the Doors, Billie Joe is the creative catalyst of his group, but only writes within the fold of his fellow musicians. Like Morrison, Armstrong has been known to walk on the razor’s edge of life, bringing an authentic, expansive passion to every song he sings. He’s also been known to match his inclination to strip his soul bare in song by taking off his clothes in concert. The difference is that when Jim Morrison did it, all hell broke loose, the country was shocked and the singer was arrested. But when Billie Joe does it, he gets acknowledged on the MTV news, Kurt Loder smirks, and that’s about that. Being shocking these days is just not like it used to be.

‘It’s something unpredictable,

But in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life.”

From “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)”

By GREEN DAY

Few things seemed more unpredictable than the thought that Green Day would have a Number One hit with a pretty ballad of all things. Even more unlikely would be that the song, officially entitled “Good Riddance” but better known as “Time Of Your Life,” would become as ubiquitous in the American consciousness as the Star Wars theme. Used on “Seinfeld,” two episodes of “E.R.,” and extraneous sporting events (as when Mark MacGuire became the king of baseball’s home-run derby), Green Day’s ballad quickly became more famous than Green Day itself.

“Good Riddance” now stands alongside Springsteen’s “Born In The USA”, Randy Newman’s “I Love L.A.” and Sting’s “Every Breath You Take,” as one of the nation’s most misappropriated hit singles. Like all of those songs, which are much darker if you examine their core than the mainstream ever seemed to recognize, “Good Riddance” actually comes closer to condemnation than the kind of nostalgic celebration for which it’s been used:

“Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while

I hope you had the time of your life. “

From “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)”

By GREEN DAY

Though Green Day’s presence on the world stage shifted from popular to astronomical because of this song, many of their old fans felt alienated by their secret heroes’ injection into the mainstream. “[`Time of Your Life’] was a drastic change for us to record,” Billie Joe said. “We knew that there were going to be some people that weren’t going to like it because it’s not a 1-2-3-4-Let’s-go-punk-rock tune. Mike [Dirnt] said, `This is a real beautiful song, who cares what people think?’ So we just went for it. Long term thinking, you know. Punk is not just the sound, the music. Punk is a life-style. We’re just as much punk as we used to be.”

Of course, definitions flow fast and fluid, as purveyors of punk, such as Armstrong, play along the borders of pop. “A lot of punk rock bands are always trying to be so hard all of the time,” he said. “Macho brutality doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a good songwriter. I think that some of the Beatles’ songs are way more punk rock than most punk songs written today. Like the song `Yesterday.’ It’s such a bittersweet song. “

Billie Joe was born in 1972 and grew up in Rodeo, a little Californian town just outside of Berkeley. His father and uncle were both jazz drummers. “I was a guitarist in a house of drummers,” he said. His father died when he was ten, the same year he met a neighbor named Mike Pritchard who shared his passion for making music. Together they decided to drop out of high school to start a band, which they called Sweet Children. It was a decision Billie’s mother encouraged. “My mom sort of let me do whatever I wanted,” he said. “When I quit school, she thought that was a good idea because I was really ambitious to play. So I started touring when I was seventeen.”

Pritchard changed his name to Mike Dirnt, Tre Cool replaced Al Sobrante as official drummer, and they called themselves Green Day, a Bay-area euphemism for a day spent smoking pot. Their first release was an indie EP called 1000 Hours, after which they signed with Lookout Records to make 39/Smooth and Kerplunk. In 1994 they ascended to the major leagues, signing with Reprise, and released Dookie. They soon became an MTV mainstay, and their mudstorm performance that year at Woodstock cemented their reputation as a band on the edge. Three more singles followed, as did sales of more than eight million albums worldwide, and a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Music Performance.

Insomniac was released in the fall of ’95, but instead of going on a European tour as planned to launch it, they elected instead to stay home and write and record more songs. The result was the most popular, and most critically acclaimed album of their career, Nimrod, which included “Time Of Your Life.”

Warning was the new album at the time of this interview, and the impetus for Billie to talk. Inspired by the rich lyricism of Springsteen’s The River and Dylan’s Bringing It All Back Home, Green Day went away for a while to write and play the songs before recording them. It’s their first self-produced and most sonically adventurous album to date, blending layers of acoustic guitars in with the electrics, and with some unexpected detours, such as the German beer-hall stomp of “Misery,” and the Clash-meets-Kinks pop-punk of the title song.

“Caution police sign you’d better not cross

Is the cop or am I the one that’s really dangerous?

Sanitation expiration date question everything

Or shut up and be a victim of authority

Warning, live without warning…”

From “Warning”

By GREEN DAY

Today Billie Joe is ensconced within an overstuffed burgundy couch in his hotel suite. Although he’s drinking coffee from china cups, and eating fresh fruit and croissants from a silver tray, he’s remained loyal to the punk lifestyle, and is wearing a black t-shirt and baggy jeans. Prior to our talk, rather than linger in the luxury of his suite, he ducked down into the hotel’s bleak back stairway for a cigarette. Though he’s undeniably a star of the first degree, he’s uncomfortable with such designations, and shuns all the trappings of stardom. As opposed to the Ferraris and Lamborghinis driven by his peers, an old Ford Fairlane remains his vehicle of choice. He did admit to one extravagance, however, which he revealed somewhat sheepishly. “As soon as I could afford it,” he confessed, “I went out and had it primered.”

BLUERAILROAD: You write all the songs together in the band. Do you start songs on your own and bring them in?

BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG: Yeah, sometimes. I’ll come up with the song with the chord changes and the lyrics, and then I bring them into practice, and then we sort of restructure them together. I like to come in with a tune. I’ll just play guitar and sing it for them, and then we start to learn it. And as soon as we start to learn it, we can make changes and come up with a different structure. Move the chorus around, make the verse a little longer. That kind of thing. I definitely like to think of it as a collaboration between the three of us.

Do you always change the songs?

Well, we have a lot of songs. There have been some that I have brought in and nothing really needs to be done. Sometimes I’ll suggest a part that needs to be worked with, and we’ll try some different things. And then they’ll write their bass-lines and drum parts around it.

Do you ever have a problem sharing credit on songs you wrote alone?

Well, we’re a band. We’ve been able to stick through a lot of years because the three of us support each other. The songs come from Green Day, and I like to stick by that. We like to just keep things equal in the band, and I think it’s what has made our band healthy over the years. We give each other respect. There is no one who stands out more than the other one in this group. Especially since we’ve known each other for so long.

These days do you write on electric guitar?

No, on acoustic. I have a Silverine Harmony. But it sounds good. I just have it around the house, so I’ve written most of the songs on it.

Do those songs then shift a lot when you bring them to the band, and play them on electric?

No, because I always have it in the back of my head about the dynamics of electric guitar and drums and bass. Between me and Mike and Tre, I always have that dynamic in my head – what am I going to bring to the table that they’re going to be able to play, and which will have our certain energy. I always keep our energy and our music in mind, sort of subconsciously. But I think that’s the beauty of this. That not only can I play these songs with a band at full volume, but also that I can play them on a cheap, acoustic guitar. And it can have the same kind of impact.

“Warning” would work that way.

Yeah, it does. That kind of came all together at the same time. I think lyrics on this record were really important to me, and to have a well-rounded record as far as what kind of topics I wanted to write about, and sing about. That was one of those songs that seemed to just write itself. It just came really naturally.

Is that unusual for you, the feeling that a song writes itself?

Well, I try to go for inspired moments. But if I want to write a song that sounds like it has a pop kind of edge to it, I really want to be able to say something. I have to say something – it’s vital for me. I can’t just write something that would be sugar-coated, and have a pop song with nice lyrics that go along with what everyone is doing on the radio these days. It’s very important for me to have a message that goes along with the writing. So, you know, what comes to mind for me is a song like “The Ballad of John & Yoko,” where [Lennon] had this really nice sounding song. But the lyrics penetrate like a knife. “They’re gonna crucify me…” That’s kind of nice way — nice, I mean, in an oxymoronic sense – to put forward something you want to attack.

You’ve done that in many songs.

Yeah, I think it adds a sort of demented side a little bit, sort of like a clown in a circus. But it also makes the lyrics a lot stronger. If you take a band like Rage Against The Machine, the music is aggressive, and the lyrics are aggressive at the same time. And I love Rage Against The Machine, but sometimes it feels like you getting bombarded by someone’s else’s point of view. The person is not telling you to think, but what to think. And that’s one thing that I really wanted to come across in the music and the lyrics. To think about the world around you, and not what to think, so to speak. And at the same time, to have my opinions coming through at the same time.

Are you always clear about the meaning of a song while writing?

No. That’s hard. I mean, sometimes I’ll have things in the back of my head that I want to write about. But I never want to come across as pretentious or preachy. So I just wait for my thoughts to settle. To a certain extent, you have to be a little self-righteous and I think it’s healthy. Especially when, nowadays, there’s so much stuff that is about decadence. And when it comes to rebellion, a guy who has a Rolex watch and is driving around in a Porsche, talking about that he really wants something to break, I don’t really think of that as rebellion, I think of that just as a decadent rock star.

Do you have any kind of routine for songwriting?

Last record I was just sort of pounding songs. Anytime I had any inkling of an idea of anything at all, I would just grab my guitar and play it and work on it no matter what the song was like. Whether it was inspired or I just got drunk and started playing. But this time I waited for inspired moments. And I think it took me a long time just because of that. I wanted everything to sound refreshing, and something that would make you want to turn it up a little more.

Did you have times when you tried to work and nothing would come?

Oh yeah. You get frustrated. You feel, “Man, I just want to write a fucking song.” And sometimes it’s just not there. And you can’t dwell on that when that happens. You have to just let it go.

I don’t ever want to try to outdo myself. I feel like if you try to outdo yourself from the last thing, instead of just working on your inspiration, I think the music kind of suffers a little bit, sometimes. Sometimes I’ll just get a very general idea about the kind of song I want to write. And I’ll just sort of store it in the back of my mind and see what comes out. It can come out in five minutes, it can come out in five days, five years, five decades.

Are there songs you worked on for years?

Yeah. “Longview” was one that we worked on for years. We knew what we wanted to write about. I told Mike to write a bass line and one day I came home. This is when we lived in the same house. He had just dropped some acid (laughs) and he said, “Listen to this.” And I said, “Okay, I guess it sounds good.” He came up with this bass line that really worked well, so we ended up practicing and came up with the song.

Are there many songs you start that you don’t finish?

Yes. And I’ll just wait for the right time and the right place for it. There are some songs I finish but then I think it’s not right for the record we’re working on. There’s a couple of songs like that off of Nimrod. “Time of My Life” had been written a couple of years before.

That song resounded in enormously with the public. Was it just a fluke, or did you sit down with the intention of writing that kind of song?

Both. I think that anyone can sit down and write a song. Whether or not it’s any good is another thing altogether. You know, there’s no school you can go to that will help you learn how to become a songwriter. But you can sit down and do it. Especially with rock & roll. But to put something down that is actually really great, it does go beyond you a little bit, and sometimes it takes patience.

Do you write all the time?

Yeah. Whether it’s good or bad, I don’t know. Or if it’s appropriate for what kind of idea or sound that we want to get across on the record.

Where do you think the great songs come from?

I don’t know. I really don’t. It comes from somewhere deep down inside of you that you didn’t even know existed. It’s kind of like seeing a shrink or something. (Laughs) There can be a lot of anger, or sadness, or joy, that you had but you didn’t even know you really had – but it can all come out. You feel a connection with it, and so other people can, too. You strike a nerve.

Does songwriting get easier the more you do it?

I think so. I think you definitely learn more as you go. I think you find new ways to motivate yourself. You test yourself a little bit more and see what comes about. And you challenge yourself in new ways to see what comes out. You learn new ways to get the engines going. But whether or not it does get easier, it’s what I do. And I love doing it.

#'I don’t ever want to try to outdo myself'#HE'S SUCH A FUCKING LIAR #at least he knows the music suffers from it #BUT HE'S A GODDAMN LIAR #article #articles #interview #billie joe armstrong

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