#its bad but thankfully it didn't effect me too horribly

[really-burnt-toast]

Personal post! I kinda wanna ramble and rant about the medical negligence I've been subjected to (also partially my fault tbf) - it also was sorta the reason I struggled so much this month

(Rambling under cut)

So turns out my doctor's office gave me the wrong medicine for 1-2 months (or more) and I found out just this week bc at the start of this month I got the ACTUAL meds I needed and then wasn't able to sleep at all for two weeks bc withdrawal from the old medicine.

Timeline is basically;

- Takes new meds for over a year now (for mental health) they are prescribed by my Psychiatrist but I can get the Prescription by my doctors office

- Those meds only exist in 50mg and then 150mg, not 100.

- I need to take 100mg so I said 100mg when asking for them to give me a prescription

- Instead of telling me it only exists in 50mg and then 150mg, they assume I mean the medication under a SIMILAR name that exists as 100mg. That is NOT my medication.

- They give me the wrong prescription and I dont notice it bc they have the same name, just with a second word added

- Proceeds to take those for a few months until I run out, dont notice anything different other than becoming really sleepy after taking them (they are for sleep problems, they work way more extreme than my regular ones) which was actually a plus

- Two weeks ago I went back for a prescription and they gave me the ACTUAL one i needed, I am mad I got the 50mg because I DONT KNOW THEY DONT EXIST IN 100

- Cant sleep barely at all for two weeks bc my regular ones dont work all at once like the others but instead spread out. For two weeks bc of that Im suffering withdrawals (and miss important appointments bc I pass out after being up all night)

- Call and explain im taking 50 double and cant sleep. The woman on the phone passive aggressively says I should "tell them when ordering that is an OLD prescription and not the NEW one"???

- Sus

- Go to get my prescription and I noticed the word is missing (finally) I asked the pharmacist if its the correct one and they said no

- Go back and point out wrong prescription

- They finally tell me the prescription I NEED doesn't exist in 100mg. I didn't know. I tell them I've been taking 100 mg ones just a few weeks ago.

- Go back home to get the package and realize Ive been taking the wrong prescription medicine for MONTHS.

- Go to the doctor and explain everything.

Sooo on Monday I caused the entire doctor's office to scramble bc we were all horrified ive been taking the wrong prescription medication. Now I take BOTH to hopefully get myself to actually sleep again. It's sorta working.

The reason it happened was I used to take the other meds years ago and they are both the same main ingredient but different doses and uses. That's why that woman said I'm ordering the old medication. I wasn't. I was trying to order the new one.

Gotta explain all that to my Psychiatrist once he's back from vacation bc he needs to know I've not been taking his prescription on accident LOL

This is all happening in Germany for context. Felt like that needed to be said lol

[meadowmusing]

my thoughts before the PJO finale

overall? A good fun show but with some definite stumbling. Faithful in a "remake" sense, but as much as a "port" would be. Still a genuinely good time with a likeable cast, gorgeous visuals, and an engaging (mostly) interesting plot.

Beware spoilers for ep1-7!

My biggest gripes

Pacing. the first episode was horribly paced. Somehow both rushed, not well condensed, and yet also failed to effectively deliver tension in important scenes it was needed in. Scenes like the minotaur felt dragged out and lacked the urgency it deserved, and the fight/victory fell kind of flat. Pacing got better in later episodes thankfully.

Sally Jackson. Yeah I know, not a hot take. She's a more realistic depiction of a mother in that kind of situation but I didn't find her likeable outside of her first scene talking about the name Perseus. She's not necessarily a "Bad Character" per se, but she is not the Sally Jackson from the books. Frankly, I didn't find book Sally all that important, but seeing this version has definitely wised me up to importance of her kindness and patience. Sure she might have seemed like a "doormat" at the beginning, but the more u learnt about her, the more her inner strength and self sacrificial love for Percy was apparent. TV Sally just doesn't have that, it doesn't feel like she has that much affection for Percy, she seems more distant and less loving. TV Sally has far too many scenes of her raising her voice at Percy and being frustrated with him, it makes it seem more like she was randomly stuck with this child and while she loves him, she knows deep down she would have been happier without him. Again, understandable but not book Sally. I feel they've sort of played up Percy's fierce love for his mum (or maybe it just feels more so because its more present in his spoken lines), but it doesn't feel as justified. If anything, id believe a more messy wrought relationship between the two. Its not a bad thing she's not the exact same as her book counterpart, but I do think it was a bad decision when they went so hard on Percy being ride or die for her, when most of her longer scenes are her being just frustrated with Percy being a child.

Gabe. ok more of a hot take I guess but I seriously disagree with his re-characterization. I don't mean to downplay anyone's experiences with toxic or abusive partners, but Gabe is far too bland and inoffensive. At worst, he's kind of annoying and maybe lazy. But he is nothing like the human sht stain that was book Gabe. Book Gabe deserved petrification and a lot worse, TV Gabe does not. The guy deserves a break up, not murder. Me and my friend actually laughed at him, because he didn't give "beats his wife and emotionally abuses her and her child", he gave "dead beat crypto boyfriend". Maybe it was the casting as well, the actor was funny and just seemed more goofy than actively horrid. "what makes u think he hasn't hit sally?" have u met TV Sally?? are u kidding me? she would have that man arrested.

Hades. I don't actually dislike making Hades friendly and more sassy. Sure its not book accurate, but you could argue its a little more mythologically accurate (maybe). My real problem is that he lacks PRESCENCE. Yes he can be nicer ect in this, but he is still the GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD. He should still be able to command a room! His words, even if they're not malicious or intimidating, should hold a certain kind of weight. I don't blame the actor here, I think he does well with what he's given but pretty much everyone else dropped the ball here. If they had supported him, we could have had a friendly Hades that was still a fitting lord of the underworld. Writers, directors, lighting, sound, ect let him down.

Persassy. Percy was great in the beginning but I felt like he started to lose that as the show went on, to give more of his lines/sassy moments to the other members of the trio. Which wasn't a terrible idea, I just think they did it too much, especially with the Ares scenes. Percy is meant to have an epic beef with Ares so much it transcends magic amnesia, but I could not believe that with the current lack of sass. Even the upcoming battle doesn't feel as weighty or deserved as it should. Again, don't hate the idea of sharing the sass around, just don't think it should come at the cost of Percy being toned down so much.

Getting into the underworld / mattress scene WHAT WAS THAT. I can accept that Percy knows more about Greek mythology because of his mom and i feel generally from just current cultural zeitgeist, but WHY THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW WHO CRUSTY IS?? and why was it so quick? there was no quick desperate clever thinking, it was like bro had read the scene from the book and then SPEED RAN IT. Also the Charon scene was far more interesting imo and I don't like that they cut it in favour for Crusty, without even doing that scene well. God that was so poorly executed.

Anyway thanks for reading my rant. Its long so it may seem like I didn't like the series but im being truthful when I say I did. I pretty much liked the rest of it, even some of the changes. I thinks a good show and adaption with some flaws, thats all. Im excited to finish up the season and im so pumped for season 2 and hopefully the rest of the series :D

[nocturne-of-illusions]

finished s.ubahibi. man. okay. like. complex feelings… (i am once again The Rambler, i just planned to shit out a paragraph or something but. this got long. ignore me~)

[cw nsfw mentions, vaguely talk around darker story elements without mentioning the acts themselves, tried to be as vague as possible but i do sorta gesture at the story structure of s.ubahibi + mentions of u.mineko and a little aside about d.ead e.nd a.egis... so a heads up about all of that!]

[guy who's only seen boss baby voice] i was able to figure out almost everything that was going on LITERALLY in ch1… and i think that's largely influenced by the fact that i read umi first and have had years to digest it. and if i had read this first i think it could have helped me solve umi! but… thinking on it… i would MUUUUUUCH rather have read umi first and made it a huge portion of my personality instead of s.ubahibi LMAOOOOO this is not a good first introduction to these concepts. i think there are some really cool ideas and themes here, and they were leading up to something interesting… and then just kinda fell flat in the last couple of chapters. it undermined a lot of the work it had set up throughout the earlier chapters, and dropped some really promising thematic threads right before the end.

this is also a game that really stretched my personal limits to their breaking point. it's grounded enough that the darker content ALSO feels grounded and more… real. tangible. which is the kind of thing that wrecks me. i am SOOOOOOOO glad that, in the second-to-last chapter, they didn't go with the Absolute Worst Possible Option towards the end. if you know, you know. i felt if they went with that option instead of the more symbolic one, i would have quit the game. like, "idc that i'm maybe 6hrs away from finishing, i'm done." i spent multiple chapters with a rock in my stomach, fearing they were going that route, and i feel like most of the Awful Terrible Horrible scenes up until then were in that area of "you're meant to sit in how horrible this is" without being… gratuitous. through focusing on the characters' inner thoughts and how THEY see the situation, it made the most disgusting scenes FEEL disgusting without showing more than needed. the single gratuitous scene was that way 1) for a specific reason, and 2) because of plot reasons the reader couldn't see it as being "as bad as it seems". i'm trying so hard to be vague sknKJNNASF.

ig i'm also mentally comparing this to d.ead e.nd a.egis, which i read… a year or 2 ago?? which had SOOOOO much potential, but it faltered at every step when it came to the darker scenes. it wanted to have its cake and eat it too, by emphasizing the horrors of state-sanctioned abuse while also making the art as sexy as it possibly could. maybe it's just the way i personally react to r18 content in general (aka i don't really play eroge with the intent to jack off KJNADKJ), but s.ubahibi rarely felt "sexy". there are SOME touching scenes, but they also have either an undercurrent of "horrible things are happening while they're off doing this" OR, wrt the first chapter, it feels so… fake. imaginary. seen from the perspective of someone who maybe doesn't understand certain kinds of relationships. POINT BEING!!! i feel like if s.ubahibi had done that one late scene the Worst Way Possible, it would have been more like that kind of contradictory vibe as opposed to the just Gross and Unsettling tone they thankfully chose.

i do still think a lot of the last few chapters were completely ruined by the. uh. "romance" it chose and the "jokes" it makes. especially in contrast to the first horror scenes in ch3????? like????? you're gonna show us THAT and show its massive effects on the rest of the story and then just????? do all of… /gestures vaguely at everything past ch4/ that????? gross. really ruined what it was going for for me. almost like that first horror scene was just accidentally horror, if they can make those kinds of jokes later on and not understand how it contradicts all of that set-up. ugh.

i'm just blabbing now jsndkfjn ;; this is all stream of consciousness, so sorry for any weird wording. i'm just coming out of this like… i can see why it made a huge impact when it first released, but i think there's a higher standard now. AND i think, while their end themes and goals were different, umi handles a lot of their similar elements in a much more interesting and respectful way without sacrificing the horror elements. i'm going to have fun watching some analysis vids and see if i catch anything on a second "read" through them (bc by god i am NOT read this a second time even if i am curious about how the first couple of chapters read now)!!! gonna seek out analysis from both people who read it at release and people who read it more recently to compare the experience. :)

ANYWAY. otonashi ayana best girl. <3 (EDIT: I FORGOT KIMIKA BC I HAVENT SEEN HER IN A WHILE! KIMIKA ALSO BEST GIRL!!) sorry in advance if i decide to go on a rb spree <3 teehee, lalalalala, ano eto bleh, etc. <333

[meditating-dog-lover]

Update (health)

So good and bad news.

I met with a functional medicine doctor today! I was able to order some functional testing that will help me with my eczema. I'm so happy and the consultation was extremely helpful and beneficial.

I'm very happy I'm in a privileged position where I am able to access and afford functional medicine doctors for my chronic condition instead of only having access to in-network dermatologist who over-prescribe steroids.

I also met with my therapist right after my consultation and spoke about some stuff and did an EMDR session (I used vibrating hand wraps for the bilateral stimulation, not actual eye movement).

That all went well. I then go home and everything was fine as well. I walked my dogs. We did have a presentation at work today and had Panera catering boxes, and I took one. I took a bite of the sandwich when I got home, only for me to develop a scratchy throat and pain in my mouth. It turned out the sandwich had hummus in it and I didn't even know. I'm more reactive to tahini than I am to sesame. I am very allergic to all sesame products. So I took Benadryl immediately, which does help me. Unfortunately I was feeling unwell and nauseous. I couldn't comfortably eat the rest of my food (I made something else to eat). I ended up vomiting (twice), which never happened to me before due to an allergic reaction. It was to the point where I was gagging and nothing was coming out because I cleared out whatever I had left in my stomach.

And because of that, I had to retake Benadryl because I assumed I vomited the first dose out. I was fine for an hour, I had some stomach discomfort and some throat itchiness and tightness, but nothing too bad and I knew it was getting better. I got sick again, worrying I vomited the second dose of Benadryl out. But I started feeling sleepy, which is a side effect of the Benadryl. So it means that I've absorbed it despite all the vomiting. My mom called my grandmother (retired nurse) for some advice and she said I'll be fine.

Thankfully my allergies can be managed by Benadryl. But I do have an Epipen and need to get a prescription for another one because my insurance didn't want to cover my initial prescription. So I'll call my allergist tomorrow so we can get this sorted out. I never had to use one, mainly because Benadryl has always helped me and I don't like the idea of sticking a needle into my skin myself. However in the event of a serious allergic emergency I will, and thankfully that was a never an issue. Even after today's horrible reaction, Benadryl on its own did the trick. Though Benadryl and any other OTC antihistamines won't help some people with allergies and they will need to use something stronger like an Epipen.

I did take a short nap, and now I'm feeling much better and was able to eat and drink water. I made sure to eat and drink enough because I knew I had cleared everything out, so I was definitely hungry and thirsty. No weird reactions from that, thankfully.

I feel great now. In general I am in great health and feel great, despite my eczema. So whenever I feel sick or something happens, it feels like absolute hell to me because I'm not used to the feeling. It really is a privilege. So when I have an allergic reaction, it does feel like hell. I'm so thankful there are medication out there than can save my life when stuff like this happens, and put me out of any pain or discomfort. Allergic reactions are so uncomfortable. I'm happy I feel better. I'm also thankful I'm not allergic to foods that are very common. Sesame products are found in foods like breads, sandwiches, trail and party mixes, and dips. But they can be easily avoided on my part. But shit happens.

I also developed a rash on my face and my hands started to itch (but not in the form of a full eczema flareup). Speaking of which, my skin is doing fine and the redness and bad dryness is gone. I do have some dry areas and tiny cuts, and the skin areas that were broken during my flareup from 2 weekends ago are healing. But they are still there and will bleed again sometimes (I applied sunscreen on my hands and face today and the mechanical force of my rubbing my hands caused the skin to break and bleed again, which is annoying). But the skin is healing and my palms completely healed. There is minimal dryness, not as bad as it used to be. I have more skin softness in areas that used to be covered in skin flakes. I am back to using cocamidopropyl betaine containing soaps, as I don't think that's the ultimate root cause of my skin issue.

My functional medicine doctor says there is a link between the gut microbiome and eczema, which I also believe in. The traditional treatment method is steroid medication, which is anti-inflammatory. Same with flaxseed oil, which is a natural treatment. Both are anti-inflammatory, but they're not anti-microbial. Doctors recommend patients with eczema to do bleach baths, and bleach is an antimicrobial agent. This leads me to believe that it is recommended because eczema has a microbial source. For example, people with eczema do have staph. aureus on their skin. In my case that could be why my flaxseed oil wasn't a perfect solution. It could be due to the presence of bad gut microbes that trigger skin microbiome imbalances (the presence of staph) and cause eczema. It's also rooted in microbiome imbalances, not just inflammation. Those imbalances do cause inflammation though. My doctor recommended I do the GI MAP test, I can't wait to test it out because I've heard a lot of people with eczema say it helped them. I also did a skin culture test yesterday at my derm office despite using some antibiotics since last week. We'll see how those turn out.

Also my dog today noticed I was not feeling well and jumped on me to cheer me up (she's so empathetic). I was feeling nauseous and had throat tightness and just felt awful in general because of my allergic reaction. In the process of her jumping on me, her nail scratched one of my skin lesions and it hurt so bad. I got upset because of the pain and felt bad afterwards because it wasn't her fault. She is feeling fine now.

I'm also experiencing some tooth sensitivity which I do experience from time to time on random occasions (usually my upper right teeth). I have gum recession and bleeding there and in general throughout some areas in my mouth (nothing severe), so this can be the cause of this sensitivity. I went to the dentist less than 2 months ago and did xrays and was told I have no cavities. And my hygienist spent an hour cleaning out my gums which was so satisfying. So I really need to stop worrying about my teeth. I have dental trauma due to bad experiences with dentists. I had a dentist who damaged my permanent molar when I was 14, and dentists who were patronizing and awful and some who recommended unnecessary procedures because "I trusted them because they're doctors and they know what's best". I feel like this harmed my teeth, and it sucks because teeth cannot heal like skin can. So any damage or procedures are lifelong. Thankfully I did a lot to improve my dental and gum care by upgrading my toothbrush and floss, using toothpaste with xylitol, supplementing with D3/K2 and magnesium and avoiding a lot of junk food, and getting a tongue-tie release to promote nasal breathing and avoid dry mouth. And I saw a new caring and educated dental team. I've healed a lot but not 100% of course. Just because I'm mainly focused on eczema, it doesn't mean I've healed from any psychological dental trauma, even if my teeth improved by the above mentioned methods and using a quality toothpaste that removes occlusal stains. It will get better with time and I know it because I did a lot to help myself and my new dental team is very caring and helpful. It's like they set a new standard for me.

I've been still intermittent fasting (not today though given the emergency I was in), but I've been doing great. Again I'm heavily focused on my eczema now, but the IF is going well. I'm eating mostly healthy and have been doing so since last April (almost a year). I used to get sugary coffees and eat chocolate and Crumbl cookies and Chick Fil A along with it, and full bags of chips. It's gotten better. I cannot say my diet is 100% perfect, and no one has a perfect diet. But it's definitely pretty healthy overall and I do take supplements to fill in any gaps. But my current diet is so much better than my old one, at least I can be proud of that. Believe me there is nothing cute about sugar addiction. I have hidden boxes full of cookies in my bedroom closet. I have not had healthy eating habits growing up, and I'm working on breaking that cycle. Whether it be overeating and eating a lot of sugar and junk. I'm eating better portions now and IF helps with that, and I do eat healthy overall. I even had some Crumbl over the course of a few weeks 2-3 weeks ago and even that was too sweet and too large of a portion. Thankfully I don't eat there that often. I did deal with some cravings recently and it could be a period thing (I no longer really get premenstrual cravings though).

Once I get my eczema out of the way, I can possibly see how I can improve my diet if really needed (I don't think it needs too much improvement). I am a picky eater though and eat the same stuff all the time. Some healthy foods I do not like, even junk foods. So while those foods may be healthy, nutritious, and filling, I may not be fully satiated because I personally didn't like them. I wish I enjoyed a wider diversity of healthy foods. That's something I can work on. I do eat the same fruit, yogurt, nuts, dark chocolate (my absolute favorite), bread, potatoes, cheese, etc... daily. Working on diversity can help a lot. But I'm happy to report my eating improved a lot. I feel like I wasn't super focused on my diet because of my current eczema mess. Though once that's out of the way, things will go back to normal. I do take supplements to fill in any dietary gaps, but I don't believe they replace a healthy diet. They just "supplement". I'll get my cholesterol and sugar evaluated in a few months when I'm due for my blood work. I hope I'm in the normal range (I already am anyways). I do want to be honest with my sugar and cholesterol levels and consumption. My functional medicine doctor also wants me to do some additional blood work, specifically for certain vitamin levels, so I'll be doing that too.

Walking is phenomenal for blood sugar too. So is stress reduction But given my poor dietary history, I want to work on my A1C/blood sugar and cholesterol, which are already in good ranges. I will continue the IF and healthy eating and supplementation to fix any gaps. This "reversal" in food perception and psychology, and how I evaluate my health results, will take time. I'm just happy I'm a lot healthier now and I love intermittent fasting.

My sleep has gotten better since I started working. I also drink a lot of water. But really, I feel like intermittent fasting and eating healthy and eating less sugary and fatty foods and supplementing helps a lot with my general wellness and my blood sugar and cholesterol. I'm someone who ate poorly growing up, so this change will make me feel so much better without feeling deprived. Even having no dental issues is something new to me, so I'm benefiting from new things in my healing journey and it's great. I now nasal breathe and take my fat soluble vitamins and magnesium like it's a daily routine (well breathing is something you do 24/7, it's just that I'm able to nasal breathe comfortably, even when I sleep). And I'm going to address my gut health of course, which will really help my eczema. And stress management helps too, which I'm currently working on and my new therapist is so helpful. Things will get better. 1 bad day of an allergic reaction won't ruin the rest of my life. I feel better now thankfully.

[idjitlili]

Hey there, Mr blue sky

Thorin x reader

Summary:Imagine being apart of the company and accidently throwing a dagger only for it hit Thorin.

Word count: 2092

Warnings:swearing.

IT was no lie that you felt immediately attracted to Thorin Oakenshield,when Gandalf had brought you to the prancing pony ,to meet the Dwarven king. However due to your luck ,he was a total jerkface straight away.  You knew your chances finding love was too good to be true ,so you hid those feelings,got on with the quest.

The company seemed to like you,apart from Thorin and partly Dwalin,you didn't expect any of them to like you,due to being a woman. Until Balin had explained to you that darrowdam,were rare ,hence making them overly protective of their woman. Which led them to be over you,you did need it ,you weren't a very skilled fighter.  The only reason Gandalf had forced you into this comapny was because apparently you needed get out of the house ,go on an adventure learn some people skills,this was a once in a life time ooportunity. So you joined ,even if Thorin did not like it.

Anways ,you became friends with Thorin's nephews,Fili and Kili pretty quickly ,and they had even offered to train you,with archery and daggers. ili would train you with daggers one day,then archery with KIli another,as the next day would be hand combat in which they both would do that with you.Over just a week you had gotten considerable better ,apparent. However throwing the daggers was not going well,that leads you to today,Fili had been incouraging you to hit the knot on a piece of fabric ,which was wrapped around the tree.

Unknowningly to you at this point Thorin had went into the forest to go for a wee ,you and Fili were also in the forest training. Throw ,after throw ,you failed to throw the dagger into the tree and for it stick into the wood. Fili had stood next to you,showing you how to do it another time,not willing to let you or him give up in you. "y/n ,just imagine its some you really want to stab,they have really bugged you, like when kili pushed you into that lake fully clothed," you knew exactly who to think of.

Thorin hadn't stopped biting at you,telling you piss home,bloody burden,damsel in distress, useless the list goes on.He really got on your nerves and words hurt ,clearly he didn't care.

He really should have thought of the effect of his words.

With Fili's words of advice ,you had launched the knife ,only for it go straight passed the tree ,landing embedded into something else. YOu had sighed in defeat ,as Fili had patted your back ,only to be interrupted by.

"AHHHH aHHH" you and Fili had looked at each other ,with looks of horror on your faces,you had hit someone..not another tree. You knew that voice..."Thorin?" you had questioned,"Don't you come over here! MY cock is out!" You didn-t listen ,you and Fili had rushed to Thorin who was 20 feet away! ONce you had reached him his cock was away thank god,but he had the dagger embedded into his shoulder. Blood soaking his tunic you had gasped,making him turn to you both with unimpressed look. "DArn y/n ,you couldn't hit a tree,but you managed to hit uncle,woah." you had coughed awkwardly,as Thorin stared daggers into you.

"You told me to think about someone who has really pissed me off I swear the valar heard me ,uh because yeah." you had tried to make a joke ,but you were completely serious,you did not mean for Thorin to get harmed,if anything it was his fault ,don't be a dickhead ,don't get karma.You had looked at Fili ,motioning your head for him to leave ,as Thorin been focusing on the knife in his shoulder,Fili had sent you a smile before leaving back to camp,you had rushed over to THorin.

"I'm so sorry Thorin,I was just trying to learn to defend myself,so that I wouldn't be such a burden to the company! I can barely get the dagger to stick in the bark,but no I fucking fucking get it stick into your shoulder,I never meant for it to-" he had interrupted ,as he pulled the dagger from his arm with ease,before placing his hands on your shoulders,looking deep into your e/c eyes,with his ocean ones.

"Y/n ,I am not dead ,It was an accident,you have no need to worry. However you need to work on your aim." you had slightly smiled at the king,"you really need to get Oin,to check that out ,you are bleeding everywhere." he had chuckled ,leading you back to camp.

He had felt more gulity than you ,he had understood what you said ,about him pissing you off,he didn't realise how you had took it to heart,he just didn't want the death of a young woman on his hands ,knowing this quest will most definitely cause harm. Bruh it just happened,poor Thorin's arm.

Soon enough Thorin was patched up,but then the teasing started ,mostly from Kili.

"Too bad you missed."

Yeah thats what the company heard,but in secret the brothers would tease you ,about your crush for their uncle,not that you would admit its true. On the walk to Rivendell ,in which only Gandalf knew ,they would purposely trip you up,or push you into Thorin.  However it horrible ,as you you pull them down with you ,it was just a mess. But they did catch you eventually ,only to fall down a hill,you got stratched to pieces.

Thorin had been at the front ,so naturally he had helped you up, and since you were beyond annoyed you had told Thorin that his nephews had caused your fall. You knew they would get in trouble,due to having Bilbo along with many of the dwarves as a witness. Thankfully Thorin hadn't gone to harsh on the boys ,but they knew what was done was wrong ,the damsel in distress act wasn't going to work.

Anyways soon you all ended up in Rivendell,your hair was a state ,sticks and muds all through ,due to your fall. Not to mention the hill was at least 80 feet and rocky ,so you were covered in cuts and brusies. You were all fed dinner by Lord Elrond,which you must of scoffed down,you had liked the elves,come on thet fed you food. After that you had been led to your room ,on a tour with the rest of the dwarves ,by Lindir ,the elf that had greeted you all at your arrival. The dwarves had refused rooms ,but you had accepted the offer almost instantly.

Soon as you had went in your room ,you began running a bath,whilst you had tried to brush your hair,you must've been trying for at least half an hour ,because you had stopped the bath ,hair brush stuck in your hair ,as your door knocked loudly. You had pulled the navy silk robe over your slip,tying it before rushing over to the door ,opening it to reveal,the dwarvish king.

"Thorin?" you had whispered after standing in the door way,as he stared at you,well your hair. You were surprised that he had turned up at your room.

"oh..I just came to check on you,that fall was harsh " thats literally all you said,you had opened the door ,to allow him in before shutting it. You had scoffed,"thats an understatement, have you seen what it caused?" you had pointed up to your hair,he had chuckled lightly,making his hair move slightly,shinning in the orange light from the sunset from your window. His hair was god damn sexy.

"would you want to brush it for you?" he had asked ,gently ,as you both stood in the middle of the floor ,not far from the door. You had nodded eagerly ,moving to sit on the edge of the bed facing the wall,so that Thorin could stand behind you. Surprisingly it didn't take him long at all to remove the brush,sticks and leaves ,before brushing gently at your tangled hair. His thick fingers ,gliding down the strands every so often ,making chills travel down your spine.  Soon enough he was down ,you had jumped over the bed hugging him ,only for him to grunt slightly as you knocked his shoulder,yet he had still wrapped his arms around your waist.

You quickly pulled away,when you had realised. "How is your shoulder?" you had questioned gulitily,he had just looked at you with the same scowl."I don't know,I didn't show Oin." he had stated simply,your eyes went wide,mostly in annoyance. "Take your tunic off now!" you had demanded ,raising your voice ,louder than ever ,bro you knew how that sounded,but you didn't want his wound to get infected and he to die from the infection. He had taken the tunic that match the colour of your robe off,in one swift motion,blood gapping down his arm ,and large dagger wound on his shoulder.

You had shoved in down on the bed,before running to the bathroom to get a wet flannel,and to your bag to get your sewing kit. He didn't have a second to protest as you were already on the bed next to his shoulder wiping away the dry and running blood ,how was he even alive? Before Thorin knew it you were stitching him up,like a tear in a pair of trousers. "For a king you are a bloody idiot," you scowled at Thorin ,who just sent you a smirk "yet ,you didn't go to Oin either ,did you?" as you finished the last stitch before wiping away the last of the blood.

"you are not sleeping outside in the cold ,your majesty,even if you are dickhead,you are going to bath,then you are going to sleep in that bed, whilst I bath ,then I will sleep on the other side,okay?" you had sassed ,pulling the king up and pushing him to the bathroom door,before going to sit on the bed and reading.

Finally when you were able bathe,wait you need to know how good Thorin had looked with wet hair,and a towel. Damn the candle light glittered a yellow light on the water driplets on thorin bare muscular chest. His hair curly ,flowing down his back like a cloak. "I snuck passed the company,and brought your clothes." you had pointed to the bag at the end of the bed,hung on the frame. "Thank you,the bath is almost refilled ,you should bath quick ,so you can get a good nights sleep." you had just sent a smile to Thorin,who's eyes softended at the sight of you,before you rushed to get clean.

You had gotten into bed in your large sleeping tunic and short underwear , a far distance from Thorin,who only wore the same. Only to wake laying literally on top of Thorin,who had his arms wrapped tightly around you ,his chin resting on the top of your head. You decided pretending to be asleep would have to do ,in hopes Thorin would just shove you off him,or something ,but what you wasn't expecting was him to kiss the top of your  hair.

In which in response to that you had sat up quickly straddling him,cupping his cheeks ,therefore leaning down to press your lips to his ,before pulling away to see the king blushing and smiling slightly. ONly to be interrupted by multiple knocks,you had mouthed to Thorin 'Hide under the bed.' indeed he did ,before you rushed over to the door ,opening it to see Kili and fili.

"Hey y/n, have you seen-"" don't you hey me so godsake ,you pushed me down the hill,trying to get Thorin to caught me,but guess what? It only caused me to bruise not only my breast ,but my bloody moose ," and with that you shut the door on Thorin's nephews.

Turning back to see Thorin,smirking from the floor.

"Just you wait until they start calling you auntie."

"dont you even."

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Eidolon 10 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:  AU: What started off as the result of a simple act of rebellion ends up causing his life to spin out of control. How will young Danny cope with the results as well as a past that has a strange habit of coming back to haunt him.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, kidnapping, and various other things

Parings: hints of Danny/Sam much later on

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr

10. Aftermath

"So… What do you think he is?" Tucker asked her as they made their way to the kitchen to grab some lunch. It was about noon, and since Danny was still not awake -or showed any signs of waking, he had decided to put food on the top of his priority list. "Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful Danny went all glowy and beat that thing, but something that weird… And you got to admit, it was pretty weird…. Couldn't have come from a human."

"'Glowy'?" Sam asked while trying not to laugh. Oddly enough, it did help to lighten her bad mood brought on by exhaustion, fear, and paranoia. After Danny had somehow magically transported them back to her front yard and passed out, she and Tucker managed to sneak back into her house while carrying him and make it into her room undetected by her parents. Tiring as that and the chase from earlier was she was unable to convince herself they were safe and began constantly checking the window for any signs of the creature. Needless to say, by morning, she hadn't been able to fall asleep.

He just shrugged as he opened the large kitchen door and allowed Sam to pass through first. "I don't know what else to call it. I guess 'luminous' could work, but it doesn't really fit either."

"And 'glowy' does?"

"Probably not, but at least it's specific."

Though she would never admit it out loud, he did have a point. When Danny had taken a stand against the monster, ghost… whatever it actually was, it almost looked as if tendrils of greenish-white energy was wrapping around him. As it became more noticeable, it gave his body the illusion it was actually glowing. Even more startling was the change in his eyes and hair color. His eyes changed to a toxic shade of green which shouldn't exist in this world, and his hair had become a brilliant shade of white with a silvery sheen. After Danny had passed out, the white color seemed to seep out, leaving behind his naturally black hair after a couple minutes. Hopefully his eyes had returned to their natural color too.

"Anyway… what do you think we should take up to Danny?" By the time he spoke, Tucker had already started putting together a rather impressive lunch meat and mayo sandwich on one of the white marble counters. While Sam could not even look at the growing monstrosity, she was impressed by the knowledge he had of her kitchen. He had been over way too many times.

She thought for a moment as she searched one of the polished mahogany cabinets for some supplies of her own. "Well… probably bland foods like toast or rice would be best. Since he tends to get sick after anything weird happens to him, those are the only types of food that shouldn't cause any problems…"

"I didn't… even think about that…" he replied between chews, much to Sam's dismay. "Whatever that power… or weirdness is, it really seems to do a number on him."

"Yeah… and let's just hope it doesn't kill him in the process."

This particular episode had been particularly bad for Danny. Before carrying him into the house, she had checked his vital signs only to find no sign of life. His pulse was nonexistent, his breathing had ceased, and his body was freezing to the touch. Both of them had begun to panic and tried to remember what they could of CPR. Luckily for Tucker -what was it with guys and CPR? - Danny let out a shaky breath even before they got a chance to start.

Unsure what to make of the situation, they just stood there, dumbfounded, for a moment before deciding to take the seemingly unconscious and not dead boy into the house. If it was any other person, she would have called an ambulance without a second thought, but there was no way such strange events could be explained or probably even treated by a doctor. Besides, if he seemed fine now, it was unlikely a doctor would be able to do anything. Originally, they decided whoever woke up first would make sure Danny was still among the living, but with her being unable to sleep she checked on him regularly. His breathing and pulse seemingly remained steady, but his body, though a little warmer, still remained very cool to the touch; Combined with his naturally pale skin kept causing her to compare him to a cadaver.

An awkward tension filled the air for a moment while they made their lunches. Unnerved, Sam was about to say something, but a strange look from Tucker stopped her. "What's wrong?"

"Sam… this might sound weird, but what if that's the point? What if this power that's taken hold of him really is going to kill him?" he asked as he put his sandwich down and looked her in the eyes. "Didn't Danny say something before about how the ghost you two saw in the cemetery said that he didn't belong to this world? And didn't it also suggest he didn't have a lot of time left? And didn't that thing that chased us last night call him 'Ghost Child'…. I don't know about you, but it just seems like, if you think about it, everything's suggesting he's going to die."

"Tucker, how can you say something like that?" she snapped while trying to prevent any emotion, save for anger, from crossing her face. During her vigil, similar thoughts had crossed her mind, but she tried to completely ignore them. She had noticed Danny always seemed drained and weak after the power manifested, almost as if his 'energy or' life was its power source. It seemed quite possible it could kill him if it continued, but the cryptic hints they kept getting suggested maybe that was what the power needed.

No! She wasn't going to think like that! Nothing as horrible as that was going to happen to Danny. They were going to somehow figure out how to help him, and she didn't need such terrible thoughts floating around her mind. She cringed as she once again tried to suppress them. Having the idea be said aloud seemed to somehow confirm it, even with absolutely no proof. "Let's just focus on finishing so we can get back to Danny. I wonder if he's awake yet…"

"If you say so… but before we do that, can you please explain why your toaster's floating?"

Sam had to chuckle as she watched Tucker begin to panic and quickly put space between him and unassuming yet levitating toaster. Glancing at it to make sure it was actually plugged in and in use; she shrugged and moved over to retrieve its contents. "It's from Denmark. This usually happens."

"Wait… what?"

….

Surprisingly, when they returned to Sam's room, Danny was awake and sitting up on the deep purple bed. He looked terrible. His blue eyes were dull, and the dark rings under them attested to just how tired he really was. His body was also incredibly sore and stiff, but nothing more seemed to be wrong with him. Sam couldn't help but be relieved. As she watched him thankfully accept the tray of food, it seemed as if there would be no lasting problems from the night's events.

After finishing his light meal, Danny hesitantly asked what happened the previous night. Unsure where to start, she looked to Tucker for some help, and within a few minutes, the combined effort of the two got him up to speed. He accepted it silently, though Sam did notice he kept looking down at his hands. It was almost as if he was checking to make sure they still looked the same. It unnerved her slightly, but she tried to push it aside as she suggested a good break from all the weirdness would be a monster movie marathon. Both Danny and Tucker gave her looks suggesting they questioned her sanity, but after a few minutes of persuasion and a mention of the room sized television in the entertainment room, they happily changed their minds.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

It was official. The best way to recover from a mysterious paranormal fight was to sit and watch movies in Sam's gigantic theater. Not only did Danny get to relax in some of the most comfortable chairs he had ever encountered, but the ability to laugh with his friends as they poked fun at the terrible effects further alleviated the stress weighing down on him. Surprisingly, they were able to get through three movies without being interrupted.

After glancing at fancy clock hanging from the wall, he realized it was almost dinner time. "Hey, I should probably be getting home soon. Knowing Winston, he'll be getting worried."

"Do you think you're up to walking home?" Sam asked as she gave him an appraising glance. "You're welcome to stay another night."

A chuckle escaped him as he thought about her parents' reactions to the suggestion. Although he had only briefly met them, something told him the couple was already not too fond of him. "I think I can handle it." That was an obvious lie. His body still felt as if he had been put inside of an industrial dryer on spin mode, but how else was he going to get home? He didn't want to impose on Sam, Winston would start asking questions, and he certainly didn't have the money to call a taxi. "Besides, the walking might help with the stiffness."

"Or it could make it worse. Seriously dude, you should be taking it as easy as you can. Kicking some serious butt can be really tiring." Tucker's tone was playful and encouraging, but Danny knew he was trying to hide his own concerns about the strange event. Judging by how Sam and Tucker were acting when they entered the room after he woke up, the two most likely had a serious conversation about what happened. Though they tried to make him feel as if nothing was wrong, he could sense their worry.

He was about to start arguing but Sam quickly cut him off. "If you really think you should leave, at least I can do is to have my driver give you a ride home. I mean, you did save our lives."

"Thanks… but are you sure..? Wait, you have your own driver?" he asked, unsure if he had heard her correctly.

Sam fidgeted for a moment before answering. "Well, he's technically one of the drivers for my family, but I'm on better terms with him than my parents…. So, he's kinda unofficially mine."

"There's more than one…? Never mind." He cut himself off after a moment. "I don't want to know the specifics." The lives of the rich were hard to comprehend.

…..

After about a half an hour, the three of them were in the back of a stretch limo complete with its own mini bar stocked with several foreign drinks. Neither Sam nor Tucker actually needed to come, but they refused to let him go home alone. Danny just figured it was their way of showing concern. Though he didn't really need it, he didn't mind as their presence made the short ride more enjoyable.

When he arrived home, he was expecting a quite scene. Winston's silver Chevy would be sitting in the driveway, and while Winston himself would either be tending his modest garden or doing some paperwork in the study. But, instead of normalcy, chaos greeted him.

Yellow police tape had been placed around the perimeter of the yard and across the open front door. Several police cars were sitting, not only in front of the house, but also in his and the neighbor's driveway. A few officers were standing in the yard talking to each other while wearing serious expressions. Another was entering the house along with a couple people in white uniforms. Before the limo could even come to a stop, Danny jumped out of it and ran to the house, only to be stopped by some of the officers.

"I'm Danny, Winston's charge," he nearly shouted after one of the officers grabbed him while trying to explain he could not enter a crime scene. "What happened? Where's Winston? Does he know? Is he alright?"

"Wait, you're Wolf's kid?" another office asked as he approached. "We put out an alert saying you were missing. So you weren't in the house last night?"

"No, I…"

"Excuse me, Sir," Sam interrupted as she and Tucker ran over. "Danny was with us last night. He was staying over my house."

"He's not in trouble, is he?" There was a noticeable shiver within Tucker's voice, but he was doing his best not to show any other sign of nervousness. "Because we can totally vouch for him! We were with him for most of the day yesterday."

The officer held up his hand as a signal to let him talk. A trouble look crossed his face as he removed his hat and ran his free hand through his graying hair. After collecting himself, he held his hand out for Danny to shake. "I wish we could have met under friendlier circumstances, but I'm Sergeant Ross. We were called to your house after one of your neighbors called in some concerns about the safety of your dad. They thought they had heard gun shots last night but shrugged it off until they realized they never saw him leave the house today. We even received a confirmation from his work that he never arrived."

Danny bit his lip as he listened quietly. Winston almost never missed work, even if he was very sick. So, knowing that, something had to have gone seriously wrong, and Danny wasn't exactly sure if he was ready to find out what.

"I hate to say it, but it was a good thing we did decided to check on him," Ross continued as he looked him in the eye. "Your dad's currently in J. Marley Central Hospital and is being treated for several severe injuries from… what we think was a home invasion."

"No... That's impossible…" Danny stuttered after a few confused moments. "Winston's an ex-marine… He would have fought back. No one could have done that much damage…"

"Son, take it easy. This isn't the time for this…"

"You don't understand! Winston can take care of himself! There's a gun under his mattress for goodness' sake! He's always been prepared for something like this to happen! Some lame burglar couldn't have put him in the hospital!"

"Wait… did you say that Wolf owned a gun?" Ross asked carefully. "What kind was it?"

"I'm not exactly sure…. It's not like I saw it every day or anything," he replied gruffly as he tried to keep his feelings quelled long enough to try and answer the question. It wasn't like the officer had anything to do with Winston being hurt, but he certainly didn't want to be answering any questions. "I know it's some type of hand gun…. Maybe it's a .28… The box of bullets was sitting in the shelf on the study."

A concerned expression crossed the Sergeant's face as he called over to another officer. "Have any of the men found a firearm in or around the premises?" When the man shook his head, Ross' expression became grim. He then told the man to grab a couple of the other officers and search the area again, as well as finding a record of Winston's gun registration. After the other officer left, Ross turned back to Danny. "Well, I can't say I'm pleased by this new information… But I'm glad you mentioned it." He gave the boy a searching look before he spoke again. "I'm going to need to take you down to the precinct so you can give your official statement and maybe answer a few questions. Then we're going to need to go through your house and see if anything has been stolen."

"Wait… now?" Danny half demanded, half choked. "You're not going to let me see Winston first?"

"He's in the hospital…"

"You told me that, but you haven't told me anything else!" He had to fight to keep his voice and hands under control. Something in the back of his mind told him the officer would not appreciate it if he started waving his hands around while he was agitated. "Winston's all I have! I need to see for myself just how bad it is. I'll answer any question you have afterwards, but please, please let me see him first!"

"I can't let you do that."

"Why? Wait… I know what's going on… You think I did this." His eyes narrowed as he pointed at the officer. "I can't believe you! You're supposed to be trying to find whoever did this to Winston! Instead, you're wasting your time looking at me. I wasn't even home last night!" He took a breath to try and calm down for a moment as Tucker put his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. With each breath, he could feel himself shaking in rage. "If anything, you should be looking at that Masters guy…"

It was the officer's turn to be suspicious. "…You don't mean Vlad Masters, do you?"

"I think so… He and Winston don't seem to get along…"

"And don't forget! He's the one who snuck into your house that one day!" Tucker added as he gave a shudder. "That's the day we heard Mr. Wolf yelling. No offense dude, but he's really frightening when he's mad."

"Tell me about it…"

"Back up a minute," the officer interrupted while rubbing his eyes. "You're telling me, Vlad Masters broke into your house. What business does someone like him have in your house?"

Could this officer be any more irritating? Danny had to bite back a sarcastic reply as he answered the officer. "He said he was checking up on Winston since he had to reschedule a meeting… with I guess one of his assistants. According to him, our front door was open, and he went inside to make sure everything was okay." As the officer wrote down something on a little tablet that was pulled out of his pocket, Danny decided he had enough. "Look! I'll answer any of your questions later, but I'm not doing anything else until I get to see Winston!"

….

After a twenty minute standoff, Danny finally got his way. An irritated Sergeant Ross had escorted him to the hospital after finally realizing he wasn't going to get any answers. After the two stepped into the waiting area, he ran to the nearest available teller and practically demanded to know where Winston was being treated. After an agonizingly slow few minutes, he finally got an answer.

In retrospect, running as fast as he could through the halls was probably one of the worst things he could do in the hospital, but he really didn't care. He easily managed to avoid any obstacle he encountered. Who knew there would be so many movable computers, monitors, and people in those maze-like hallways? When he finally reached Winston's room, he was met with a wall of people. Several doctors all wearing dark expressions seemed to be deep in discussion as they blocked the only door into the room.

Unsure how to interrupt the doctors, he was happy to realize Winston's room had a window. Peeking in, he felt his breath hitch as he realized just how serious the attack on his guardian had been. Winston was unconscious and hooked up to a respirator. Several monitors were hooked up to the man, and two IV bags, one of blood and one of clear fluid, were also put in place. What little bit of skin was not covered by bandage or machine looked bruised and swollen. The overall image made Winston look like he was fragile enough to break if he was touched. Danny had to try and hold back tears as he wondered who could have done such a thing.

"How the hell did you get here so fast?" an out of breath voice asked from somewhere behind him making him jump. He turned around to see a rather winded Sergeant Ross giving him a searching look. "I couldn't go more than a few feet without out running into something."

Danny didn't say anything as he turned back towards the window. He didn't want to have Winston out of his sight for more than a few minutes. He just had this feeling something terrible would happen if he did.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you part of Winston's family?" A person wearing a white coat came into the periphery of his vision. Curious, he turned to see a young female doctor extending her hand to him. "I'm Dr. Sabo, and I'm currently in charge of managing him while he's here."

He hesitantly took her hand and explained who he was. "How… how is he?" Even he could hear the unease in his voice.

"That's the big question, isn't it?" Dr. Sabo frowned as she looked towards the window. "I hate to say it, but it's hard to tell at this point. Winston received several odd wounds from the attack."

"Odd…? How so?" the sergeant asked, surprising both Danny and the doctor.

She bit her lip as she tried to find the words to describe her thoughts. "It's the first time any of us have seen wounds like that. They almost seem to be large bullet wounds, but the edges of them act more like burns. And, to make matters worse, we were unable to locate any residual bullets there might have been. We're really at a loss for what happened to him."

"Will he be able to answer any questions?"

"I'm not sure. Winston, although stable, is in a terrible condition. He's going to have to be watched very carefully over the next several days. We're going to do our best to see that he heals, but it will be up to his body to make sure he recovers. From what I can see of him, he appears to be in very good shape for his age, so we're hopeful… but, you can never tell."

The world started to spin as Danny listened to the doctor go into more details about Winston's condition with the sergeant. He allowed himself to slide down the wall and sit as he tried to get some sort of grasp on the situation. He never thought he would be in this situation. He had once joked that Winston was too strong to ever be taken down by anything other than a renegade bus, but this had shown him Winston was human, just like everyone else.

Danny couldn't take it anymore. In an uncharacteristic moment of weakness, he buried his face in his hands and allowed the tears to come. It was a small comfort, but if he was going to have to deal with the police over the next several hours, he was going to need to be as strong as possible.

=======================================

Anyways, a couple things:

J. Marley Central Hospital is not a real place… at least I think so. I named it to keep in line with the ghost theme of the show. Jacob Marley was the first ghost who appeared to Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

Dr. Sabo and Sergeant Ross aren't all that important. They're really only there for this section.

And, can I just say that hospitals are the most confusing things on earth? Cuz, they are. There are at least fifteen hospitals within an hour and a half of my house, and all of them are mazes. The floor plans are ridiculous. You can't walk through them without encountering workers, movable computers and/or other medical devices, and let's not forget the robots. Don't ask about that last one. It is really funny to see them having a Mexican standoff though.

[pbandjesse]

Its my birthday!! Happy 28th birthday to me. This is an especially special birthday because its 2/17/19 and I was born on 2/17/91. And it was very special because i got to spend it with my very favorite boy. I feel so loved and happy and it's just been wonderful.

I slept alright enough last night. James was accidently pushing me off the bed. And that upset me only because I was so tired but I didnt want to wake him up. And we had left the light on and i didn't want it to be anymore. I got up to turn it off and he stole more of the bed. So I had to wake him up enough to move. I slept alright enough.

He got up and went to check out the free breakfast, and I stayed in bed until like 830. I was basically dressed and ready once he got back and we decided to have the free breakfast. It was a little colder today. But no less beautiful. 

Breakfast was a waffle but it was sour tasting so i gave up on that, and we just hit the road. To Asbury Park!

A bit farther then James originally thought but thats alright. It was about an hour and it was nice. A calm drive. We Iistened to music and got to the beach around 11. 

Once we parked we went to the beach. The sand was very soft and a bit hard to walk on. We collected shells and stones. Some sea glass. Took pictures. I touched the ocean a little. It was beautiful. 

We went up onto the boardwalk and went to the pinball museum. We got wrist bands for a half hour of unlimited play and went in. 

It was busy but not horribly so. Im not great at pinball but it felt much less high stakes just being able to keep going. We played some non pinball games to. Like ski ball. And some baseball and golf ones. I really liked the pinball ones that you had to knock stuff down and the older ones that had the flippy numbers. I was the best at the golf game though and I had a lot of fun. We really could have stayed if we didnt have other plans. James had fun too. Im really glad we got to go. 

We walked back to the main street in search of food. And I got a little upset when we couldn't find somewhere without a crazy long wait. Finally though we found a french patisserie around the corner and it was perfect. 

There was live music. Everuthing was black and pretty. They gave us muffins with white chocolate butter and raspberry jam. I got a veggie buger and it was really great and i ate sime sugar cubes because I am a child. 

But it was wonderful and I felt really happy. 

We left there and headed back to the main street, to the paranormal museum. Its also a book store, so while we were early that was all good. We looked around. Watched some of thr video. And then hsd our tour of the museum. 

At first it was just us, but another couple joined us. The girl was very scared of everything and that honestly made it better. She had great reactions. I knew some of the stuff. Like the mourning jewelry and some haunted dolls.  But I learned some stuff and the place for sure had some energy about it. Im a believing sceptic if you know what i mean. But i felt very effected by the space. I got to hold one of the haunted dolls and was very jokey about it. But then I started getting hot chills all the way down my chest to my toes. And i didnt want to freak everyone out so i gently told the tour guide and she did some smudging of sage just in case. The feeling went away after that. 

It was fun and weird. There was a singing couch. And we got to play with EMF readers and i jokingly said i would check my furby and she set it out a whole bunch. So furbies are haunted just fyi. I had a really good time. At the end though both me and James knocked things over and made a ton of noise and thankfully didn't break anything but we couldnt stop laughing. 

We went to some antique places next. Toys and clothes and video games. At the secons location we went to i found a ring with a hand holding a ring and i loved it. I like hands in jewlery. And so James bought that for me. Im going to turn it into a pendant. Its from Germany and it makes me really happy. 

We made one more stops for a cupcake and it was messy but really good. And I was happy and in love and it was just really nice. 

We drove around the town and saw the big church and all the neat houses and it was just really fun. I had such a good day, a great birthday. 

We headed back to our hotel after that. It was a long drive. And we got a little turned around in the dark. James got a little upset at the beginning because we needed gas and were having trouble getting to a place. But it all worked out.

We listened to podcasts. Made one pit stop. And once we got back to town we drove around main street deciding what to eat. We chose an Italian place abd got fries and a salad and pizza, and everything was good. Service still weirdly bad in a fairly empty restaurant. But everyone was nice. And I was tired but with my boy and happy. 

And now were at the hotel. Getting ready to sleep. Tomorrow were going to walk around the town a bit before we go to the nature center and then back to Baltimore. James has given me an excellent birthday weekend. And I am so I grateful to him. And to everyone who sent me well wishes and to my family who I love so much. I hope you all sleep easy tonight. Be safe out there!

[shrimpblaster]

im so glad that visiting my grandma yesterday wasn't psychological horror but genuinely visiting my family is like psychic damage

like my gram can't really communicate very effectively anymore but she STILL finds it in her to call my mom fat at every opportunity? i did NOT have the mental fortitude to have my gram call me fat yesterday too, thankfully she didn't.

but also every time I go out I have to bear witness to my dad gradually killing himself. found out that on nights he drinks (always binge drinking) he smokes 4 packs of cigarettes, compared to a 2 on normal days. he was too hungover to see me on thanksgiving and slept the whole day. he was busy with helping random boys fix their shitty racist cars the next day.

i just. It sucks to have to witness the gradual declining health of my relatives, but especially so when you're watching your dad continue to spiral with self destruction. he looks bad, sounds bad, like he's about to keel over at any moment. since college is kicking my ass and its taking me way longer than I thought, idk I dont necessarily even expect him to be around when I graduate. It also doesn't help that my entire life my mom has been talking about how she can't wait for him to die

and like i know addiction is a disease and he is so obviously not well at any given point. just to clarify i don't hold addiction against anyone, im just ranting about my personal experiences. i don't hate him bc of his substance abuse issues, but bc hes been horrible to me and my mom for my entire life and then some. his addictions aren't the cause of his shit behaviors, but a symptom. its just easier to say 'he's a violent bigoted drunk' thank try to play armchair psychologist for a man who doesn't want help and doesn't want to change.

this is a train wreck i cant wait to start therapy this week