#its also how some people have figured out how to somehow become employed multiple times by the same company due to lack of human oversight

[thedisablednaturalist]

Unfortunately all chatgpt is good for is interview/job application stuff which I think says a lot about the hiring process as a whole

[insanityclause]

William Shakespeare’s Coriolanus, starring Tom Hidldeston in the title role, is currently streaming as part of the UK National Theatre at Home initiative.

Coriolanus is set in ancient Rome, where the people suffer from a famine and clamor for changes to the current ruling system. Distinguished general Caius Martius returns from a successful campaign in Corioles and is thus named “Coriolanus.” He finds himself caught in the middle of conflicts at home and abroad as his mother, Volumnia, pushes him to become a consul of Rome. But he is a soldier at heart and ill-suited to politics and thus, betrayal and banishment drive him to form an unexpected alliance with a former enemy, Tullus Aufidius. He vows revenge on the city that rejected him, but this final, ill-fated campaign leads to his downfall.

Coriolanus is particularly relevant in these times of social unrest and political upheaval because it portrays a a country in the throes of transformation, people demanding a voice, and the breakdown of oppressive structures and systems. The play explores the idea of power and the very pertinent question of in whom it should reside and whether it should ever be in the hands of a single person.

It also tackles the dangers of imposing inordinate pressure on an individual and how they can break from the weight of nigh-impossible expectations. In an interview with The Guardian, Hiddleston himself says it best:

“I think the play also raises another complex question as to what degree any individual can withstand the intensity of idealisation and demonisation that comes with the mantle of unmoderated leadership or extraordinary responsibility.”

Directed by Josie Rourke, the production succeeds in bringing Shakespeare’s bloody epic to life even in a confined space. The production was filmed on stage at the Donmar Warehouse in 2014 by National Theatre Live.

The closed quarters of the Donmar Warehouse always push production teams to be more creative in their execution of material and the results in this case are truly impressive. Rourke made the most of the limited space and even turned it to her production’s advantage, ingeniously giving the focus on the characters and the dialogue more than the trappings of ancient Rome, creating a truly visceral experience.

The production was stripped to its bare essentials, the set design all the more striking for its sparseness. Simple props are deployed to impressive effect and even complicated battle scenes are deftly conveyed through chairs, ladders, and creative lighting.

A particularly memorable scene is when Caius Martius takes a shower after being bloodied in battle. The shower scene is not fan service but really more symbolic of the objectification of Martius’ body by the characters, how much blood he has shed for his city and how many scars he bears as proof of his service.

Hiddleston explains that the shower scene was also a way for the audience to see how the character bore his wounds in private even as he refused to reveal them in public. He cries out in pain as the cold water seemingly stings his wounds and one can feel him buckle under the weight of so much expectation. As Hiddleston says:

“We wanted to show him wincing, in deep pain: that these wounds and scars are not some highly prized commodity, but that beneath the exterior of the warrior-machine, idealised far beyond his sense of his own worth, is a human being who bleeds.”

The performances are consistently engaging and even with the majority of the ensemble seated in the shadowy background, when one character has his or her scene, the audience can look at no one else.

Tom Hiddleston is magnificent as Caius Martius Coriolanus, giving depth and nuance to a controversial character. Coriolanus is a difficult man to root for but Hiddleston effectively captures the many facets of the character from the daring warrior, the haughty patrician with such disdain for the plebeians, the dutiful son, the reluctant consul, the vengeful exile, and eventually, the vulnerable family man.

He effectively portrays a man seemingly unyielding in his convictions and yet also easily swayed by his mother, whether she is prodding him to become consul or begging him to spare Rome. Coriolanus is constantly torn between his obedience to his mother and her aspirations for him and his own proud and brutally honest nature.

His fearlessness and ferocity in battle do him little favors when he tries to play the politician and there is a brilliant scene when Hiddleston sarcastically tries to win “votes” from his countrymen and it is obvious how he struggles to keep up appearances. When he eventually snaps and unleashes his rage against the people, one can already foresee his inevitable doom.

Deborah Findlay as Volumnia is masterful and mesmerizing, her powerful influence over her son evident from her first appearance. She is clearly the driving force behind the story – pushing her son to gain renown on the battlefield, then to become consul of Rome, and finally, to relent in his revenge plans to raze the city. Far from the traditional depictions of motherhood as full of tenderness and compassion, Volumnia’s love for her son is rooted in brutal ambition, and she values the glory he can bring to their house more than his own life.

The mother-son relationship is one of the more fascinating dynamics in Shakespeare’s plays and the chemistry between Findlay and Hiddleston effectively portrays this. For all his pride and rage, Martius can never bring himself to refuse anything his mother asks of him, even when they both know that some requests will end in tragedy.

Birgitte Hjort Sørensen as Virgilia, wife of Martius, does not share many scenes with her husband but in the few that she does, her manners and tender looks effectively convey the bond between them. She even employs some sensuality in the scenes where she tries to convince him to give up his bloody crusade.

Hadley Fraser as Tullus Aufidius gives a fascinating portrayal of a character who starts out as the lead’s fiercest foe and then somehow, becomes a powerful ally. The mutual admiration between the two warriors is evident from the moment they are face-to-face in battle.

While there are battle scenes in the play, the duel between Martius and Aufidius is the only one given complete fight choreography and it is an intense and gritty affair, both actors having rehearsed their movements extensively before the play’s run. Even as they exchange violent blows, there is a reluctant respect between them.

When their paths cross again later in the play and, in a rare display of humility, Martius puts himself at his enemy’s mercy, Aufidius recognizes an opportunity for them to finally become the brothers-in-arms they were destined to be. But the alliance is short-lived and soon Aufidius finds his rage replaced with sorrow.

Mark Gatiss gives a delightful performance and is a refreshingly jovial character in a cast of grim figures. His Menenius has the thankless task of counseling the stubborn Martius in his journey to becoming a consul and also tries his best to win the support of the people for his tempestuous protégé.

Peter de Jersey is regal and noble as the general Cominius, another supporter of Caius Martius, but one who is still unable to prevent the misfortunes that befall the ill-fated Coriolanus. Both Cominius and Menenius fail in their efforts to build Martius a career as a consul because they realize that he is a man who cannot go against his own nature.

Alfie Enoch plays Titus Lartius, a Roman general and another ally of Coriolanus. He is a brave and loyal companion in battle but he also is unable to help Coriolanus achieve his political ambitions.

The Tribunes, played by Elliot Levey and Helen Schlesinger, are as scheming and manipulative as one expects them to be, and though there is mutual hostility between them and the proud Martius, they hold the advantage because they are easily able to sway the people to their cause. In the end, Martius, for all his prowess in battle, is no match for seasoned politicians, who know the game too well.

The rest of the ensemble play multiple roles as Roman citizens and Volscians and though there are only a handful of actors, they are all still able to effectively convey the sense of a mob rising against a tyrant or an army of soldiers in the heat of battle. Once again, it is Rourke’s excellent direction that makes the most of the Donmar’s small space and allows the cast to be strategically placed in every scene. Not an inch of the stage is wasted.

The intense, intimate production brings out the character dynamics and the forces at play without distracting the audience with the bells and whistles of intricate set design or flashy costumes. The story is the star of the show and what better way to perform Shakespeare than to put the emphasis on his words.

Coriolanus is one of Shakespeare’s more brutal works, full of rawness and rage, without the customary elegance and charm that audiences may be used to with the romances or comedies. Coriolanus is a bloody cautionary tale about the nature of power, a theme that will certainly resonate strongly with audiences today.

In a time where we are all deprived of the communal experience of live theater, the National Theatre at Home initiative has provided a worthwhile alternative experience and a reminder of the excitement and wonder a well-executed play can inspire. While we wait for the worst effects of the crisis to abate, we can take comfort in the hope of a better future. In the words of Coriolanus himself:

“There is a world elsewhere.”

The stream will be available on the National Theatre’s Youtube Channel from June 4  to June 11. Watch it while you can:

https://youtu.be/XHqkEruwBT0

[space-whalesharks]

OTP Questions

Tagged by @chyrstis​ and not-so-subtly peer pressured into doing it for these clowns:

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Both of them rarely do it, but the second one will start, the other will come right back at the same level. 

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither. They’ve been through too much together already, and they know that being the resident Romeo and Juliet from opposing sides that it would end in a mess if they ever split ways, so they work through everything. 

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Neither

Who trashes the house? They don’t, the other Saints do. Comes with the territory to leave a clean house and come back to the aftermath of a wild party. 

Do either of them get physical? Also never. They leave the violence at the front door. 

How often do they argue/disagree? A fair bit. Again, as two people who came together from opposite sides of a war, there are a lot of disagreements about moral views and such. 

Who is the first to apologize? Audrey, most of the time, though Troy does do his share. Audrey’s trying to be a better good person, and she figures letting go of her pride first will help that along. 

SEX

Who is on top? Audrey, more often than not. Troy likes getting manhandled.

Who is on the bottom? See above

Who has the strangest desires? They’re both relatively simple with what they want/what they’re into, so neither. Audrey did try to get some cop/robber role play going, but Troy shut that shit down because too real, what’s the fucking point?

Any kinks? Again, nothing super special. They both like it rough when the occasion calls for it. 

Who’s dominant in bed? Troy tells everybody it’s him but it’s absolutely Audrey. 

Is head ever in the equation? Hell yeah

If so, who is better at performing it? Audrey

Ever had sex in public? Not super crowded public, but they’ve gone at it in a car in a parking lot where a few people would pass by, but a relatively safe, can’t-see-anything-immediately distance away. 

Who moans the most? Audrey

Who leaves the most marks? Troy. Audrey does, but she also knows Troy’s ability to lie only apparently went as far as him lying to everybody about being a cop and he immediately calms up and spouts bullshit if anyone ever notices her marks on him. 

Who is the more experienced of the two? Audrey. She’s had a fair number of partners, Troy only had a couple before her. 

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Either, depending on the mood. 

Rough or soft? Also depends on the mood. 

How long do they usually last? A few minutes. 

Is protection used? Yes, but with their luck the condom would break at some point. 

Does it ever get boring? Not really, or if it ever starts seeming that way, they’ll immediately try to change it up. 

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? Tobias’ bathroom, because Tobias was basically bullying Troy during what was supposed to be a nice dinner and Audrey had to distract him somehow. Troy was absolutely mortified and convinced they probably caught something after the fact. 

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children? I they haven’t really thought that far yet. If it happens, it happens, as far as they’re concerned.

If so, how many children do they want/have? One or two max. They’re skeptical about bringing kids into the Life, or raising kids around the life, if they manage to get away to raise them. 

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle? Both. Troy needs to be cuddled as much as he doesn’t want to admit it. 

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Audrey.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Also Audrey. 

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? They really don’t get uncomfortable. If an elbow or shoulder gets to bony, they’ll just adjust. 

Who gives the most kisses? Troy. Once they get together, he kisses her a lot because he can’t believe they got that far. 

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Hanging out at Freckle Bitch’s and de-stressing.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle? Troy’s living room couch. Simple, homey, comfy. 

How often do they get time to themselves? Very rarely. A Saint, former or otherwise, or Tobias, Laura are never far behind if they have a moment to themselves. 

SLEEPING

Who snores? Neither

If both do, who snores the loudest? N/A

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? Share a bed. It’s a comfort thing after a while. 

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? They’ll usually stay to their own side, but if they end up drifting closer they’ll go with it and get all tangled up. 

What do they wear to bed? Troy sticks with an old T-shirt and sweatpants, Audrey stays in one of Troy’s T-Shirts. 

Are either of them insomniacs? Unless something is going down with the Saints that has them getting anxious, they’ll sleep through the night with no issue. 

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Nope

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Either work for them. 

Who wakes up with bed hair? Troy.

Who wakes up first? Most of the time it’s Troy. It’s habit from his beat cop days.   

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Neither. They’re very much a breakfast at the kitchen table/lving room coffee table couple. 

What is their favourite sleeping position? Spooning

Do they set an alarm each night? Considering they don’t need one, not at all. 

Can a television be found in their bedroom? Absolutely. 

Who has nightmares? Both. Again, it comes with the Life- as well as the fact that they’re really not sure if Quinn’s joking about killing them as often as she does. 

Who has ridiculous dreams? Troy. His are on par with Pierce’s with the giant soda can. 

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Troy

Who makes the bed? Neither.

What time is bed time? Whenever they feel themselves starting to drop. 

Any routines/rituals before bed? Not really.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Audrey. Needs coffee or some other caffeine as soon as possible. 

WORK

Who is the busiest? Audrey, but by a hair. Both work themselves sick trying to keep the Saints out of deep trouble. 

Who rakes in the highest income? Audrey

Are any of them unemployed? ... Does being a Saint/begrudging born again Saint count as employed?

Who takes the most sick days? Audrey, because she’s also far more reckless and gets herself hurt and will basically ground herself to recover. 

Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Troy when it comes to Saints business. Very much a “Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come” deal. 

Who sucks up to their boss? They both rank pretty high, so there's next to no one to suck up to, outside of Quinn, so they really don’t. Audrey being her baby sister pays off that way. 

What are their jobs? Third in command of the Saints, and... Police Chief turned Police Consultant turned... Sixth?? in command of the Saints

Who stresses the most? Troy. Once he gets back into Saints ranks, he’s a worried mess.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? They can both slap a giant “It’s Complicated” sticker on that one. There are equal pros and cons to being a Saint and being a Police Chief who used to run with the Saints. 

Are they financially stable? They’re set for life. 

HOME

Who does the washing? Both

Who takes out the trash? Both... or they make Pierce do it once they live in one of the Saints’ cribs.

Who does the ironing? Neither. Pierce does it for them because he gets sick of seeing them with wrinkly clothes, even if they don’t wear that many things that get dramatic wrinkles. 

Who does the cooking? Either, but Troy does it more. 

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Neither. They’ve both at least got the basics down enough to not set anything on fire. 

Who is messier? Audrey. A little chaos in the living space works. 

Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Troy

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Audrey

Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither

Who is the prankster around the house? Audrey

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Troy

Who mows the lawn? Troy

Who answers the telephone? Either

Who does the vacuuming? Either if they remember to do it.

Who does the groceries? Another Saint will usually do it.

Who takes the longest to shower? Audrey

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? Not at all

How many cars do they own? Two, between the pair of them. Audrey’s got Lola, and Troy’s got his truck.

Do they own their home or do they rent? Own all of it. 

Do they live in the city or in the country? City

Do they enjoy their surroundings? Depends on the day for both of them. 

What’s their song? When they’re first getting established/repairing their friendship, Used To - Daughtry

What do they do when they’re away from each other? Whatever any of the Saints needs them to do

Where did they first meet? In the alley where the gang war went bad. 

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Audrey, hands down. She can spend into the three digits multiple times a week. 

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Audrey

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over themselves? Audrey. She figures Troy deserves it a bit. 

Any mental issues? Anxiety for the both of them.

Who’s terrified of bugs? Neither. 

Who kills the spiders around the house? Audrey makes Troy do it. 

Their favourite place? Troy’s house, the Saints Penthouse.

Who pays the bills? Quinn basically runs the big finances like that, so neither. 

Do they have any fears for their future? A fair bit, whether its their life together or their individual lives in the Saints.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Troy. He’s all for it and wants to go out of his way to do a bunch of nice things for Audrey after everything they’ve been through.

Who’s the tallest? Troy.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Troy 

Who wanders around in their underwear? Audrey. She’s got no shame with all of that. 

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Audrey. She’ll beat everyone as far as volume level goes. 

What do they tease each other about? Life choices, but they only allow the other to grill them about something so personal, and will start shit if someone else gives them a hard time about anything. 

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Audrey. As far as she’s concerned Troy is a walking fashion disaster. 

Who crushed first? Audrey, though she looks back on it like an ill advised schoolgirl crush, even if it worked out in the end. 

Any alcohol or substance related problems? No

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Audrey

Who swears the most? Troy

[sirvalrigard]

genuinely cannot figure it out. cann you please tell me what the fnaf series is about

OK OK so like we’re extremely off our shits rn but lets try to make this coherent

edit: this actually turned into a fucking wall of infodump bullshit so adding a cut lol

1970s. a gay furry dad named henry emily decides to make a furry restaurant cause he’s passionate abt animatronics and making kids happy. he opens the restaurant with a man named william afton as his business partner. henry makes animatronics and william handles idk being fucking creepy and handling money is my best guess. the restaurant is called Fredbear’s Family Diner, featuring Fredbear and Spring Bonnie (after a year or two it becomes popular enough for henry to have money to build bonnie, freddy, chica, and foxy too!) 

ok so shits fine and normal until william billiam is like ‘hmm im gonna be a child predator now’

on a rainy night one of henry’s children, Charlie Emily, is locked outside the pizzeria somehow, where william finds and kills them. the security marionette that henry built to protect his kids drags itself outside to their body, and thus is possessed by their spirit

obviously henry is fucked up but no one knew who the killer was, so henry was able to reopen another location, this time under the new name of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, with the now familiar friends Bonnie, Freddy, Foxy, and Chica to join the original two! multiple locations are eventually opened, and things are going just fucking fine until WILLY billy does his bullshit again!!

this time he lures them into the back by wearing a Spring Bonnie suit, and kills four children and stuffs their bodies into Bonnie, FReddy, Foxy, and Chica, where Marionette (charlie) finds them and binds their souls to the animatronics

but even though willish addon was employed at the very location he killed kids at, AND he was even convicted as the killer, since police couldnt find the bodies (and are useless) he didnt go to jail which is honestly so accurate its the scariest part of the franchise

so like henry at this point i imagine is like “fuck this” and sells the restaurant line to—you know what? honestly? i would love to know who runs Fazbear Entertainment. with the way help wanted was going i rlly hope we get an expansion on that with them as the villians (destroy capitalism) ANYWAY–

“Fazbear Entertainment” becomes the parent company of this mess now and theyre like :)……oh lets hire that william guy again hes fine

and at this point wwillus is making his OWN fucking pizzeria and his OWN animatronics and is actively kidnapping, torturing, and killing children to steal life essence from their souls! during the process of testing this, he gets his own ‘daughter’ Elizabeth Afton killed!! yeah im not fucking making this up!! (ppl in the fandom really defend this guy lol)

1983. so as Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzas are expanding,  Willard Afturd somehow? got himself some children. like to raise. like as a “““father”““. personally i do like 2 think a mother was involved but honestly he totally coulda just fucking kidnapped some random children to raise as his own and im starting to think thats more plausible  actually BUT ITS NOT GAME THEORY TIIME

one of these kids he is personally torturing! his own “son”! incredible! long story short this traumatized child ( unofficially named CC Afton ) is forced into the mouth of Fredbear by his brother Michael Afton and his friends, aaaand he dies ( and is guided by Charlie to possess Fredbear )

even after years of rumors about dead kids being hidden in animatronics, its this accident is the last straw for Fazbear’s Pizza and they are finally shut down. then WILL rubs his nasty hands together and tries to open his OWN pizzeria with his original OCs do not Steal™, Funtime Freddy, Bon Bon, Ballora, Circus Baby ( possessed by Elizabeth) , and Funtime Foxy and theyre all. probably possessedtoo cause theyre used 4 his kid torture fetish

uh ok so Aphton is like hey michael go clean up my child abuse for me anyway brb so his son Mwanders into his father’s Pizzeria to find his sister elizabeth . long story short…………he finds her and she does the “we’re brothers but closer” spongebob meme but also with her friends

ANd they leave! hooray! from then on the story is about Michael, whos zombified now after being used as a husk to hide an amalgamation of 5 animatronics fucking trying to find his shitty fuckass dad, and to help the anguished and vengeful spirits inside

but the first location to reopen after having been shut down, Wilson AAAAA is employed AND KILLS SOME MORE KIDS who would have guessed omg amazing..stunning.. and michael is employed there JUST a week too late like it happens RIGHT before he’s employed so Wumbo Man gets away again and Fazbear Entertainment gets shut down AGAIN, in 1987

not too many years later Fazbear Entertainment tries to open restaurants yES AGAIN and theyre still using the original animatronics that are still rotting and bloody on the inside . somehow this place stays open for a bit, and michael is employed there still looking for Worst Father Ever, and the children attack him due to rage and confusion, and when they kill another employee, the restaurant is shut down for like the trillionth time

but then for some reason Whenwillhedie Afton is like im gonna go try to dismantle the other haunted animatronics at the shut down pizzerias cause i dont actually even know i have shit for brains and also probably wanted to melt them down for life juice BUT

theyrelike FUCK OFF and the spirits of the children materialize in front of Wellington Well Done and force him into the old crusty spring bonnie suit that he’d murdured in before nd spring is like FUCKy ou and crushesAlton with their animatronic parts aand smush him. trapped now #springbonnieisgoodguy

the spirits go to rest in animatronica, the events of fnafworld happen when: 30 fucing years later in like the 2010s some jackasses thought it would be a good idea to mak e a haunted hoiuse attraction based on fazbear’s pizza and use actual shit from the restaurants and of COURSE this fuck shit up hardcore and disturbs the spirits from the rest that they were in ( until it turned intp the events of FNAF World ) and then they were ripped back into reality when Fazbear’s Fright was built

also! they found WWWacky smacky Acky all rotting away inside Spring Bonnie (now called Springtrap) and were like yeah this is good. definitely not a robot struggling to hold back the influence of a murderer predator and definitely wouldnt haev a problem with being set free

basically michael hears about this thing when it opens and is the first employee there and proceeeds to burn the whole place down as soon as he sees Willmont stuck inside ofs Springtrap

buuuut it doesnt work and Springtrap and other various spirits and haunted robots are still wandering the fuck around and Henry at this point is like Okay I Need To Do Something About This Cause This Is Entirely Out Of Fucking Hand and he reopens a Freddy Fazbear’s location himself, but advertises for a manager who wants to build their own pizzeria

you know who pounces on this like a purple cat? MIKE hes like FUCK yeah egg boys gonna kill his dad and be ann egg MAN today

with the help of Henry’s use  of luring mechanics and michael’s endurance and survival skill they gather Scrap Baby (elizabeth), Lefty (charlie), Scraptrap (springtrap, unfortunately  who has a rotton raisin inside him ), and Molten Freddy (the remaining animatronics that  had jumped into michael’s skin lumped together)

soon as theyre all there ? boom . henry lights the place on fire just like mike had and THEY BOTH JUST SIT THERE AND DIE IN IT TOO LIKE ITS SO METAL and it burns everyone else as well

and all the kids are like

uwu

owo

and drag william afton into HELL!! and they get to torture him for a while together and get the revenge they deserve hell yeah tbh UCN is so iconic

BUT Fazbear Entertainment drinks the capitalism so theyre like…. :((( we’ve been so bullied we totally didnt haev an employee who killed countless children… .pleas,e,e,, buy our mehrch, , n,,jdn

SO they employ an AU version of scott cawthon to make, essentially, the games that we’ve all been playing, but like, in-universe, – so the company in universe has fnaf video games made in order to make light of and cover up the actual murders that happened in the canon. is this too meta yet?

okay i lied this is also the scariest part of the franchise bc of how accurate it is to corrupt business hGJFSKDLHDSS

therefore, they create Help Wanted, the recently released VR game (also a game in-universe) and they use salvaged circuitboards and shit from all the old animatronics to program the game, but of course that just ends up transferring everyone’s soul into the game – the kids, the animatronic AIs, and BASTARD MAN

spring bonnie, now called Glitchtrap, is in a deteriorated mental state and is weak to Afton’s influence, and the fuck is able to manipulate an unknown amount of people into helping him out of the VR game and into the in-universe real world. one of these people was jeremy fitzgerald, michael afton’s childhood friend and a former employee at Fazbear’s Pizza during 1987.

he was involved in a lawsuit against the company making the game, and we don’t know what has happened to him yet. but he’s very important. evidence points to him being one of the kids that helped michael put CC’s head into Fredbear’s mouth, and that in 1987 when working at freddys he was bitten and is somehow functioning without a frontal lobe (but like, michael at this point is functioning with insides made of pudding and rotting skin so . basically theyre both too gay to die )

but we DO know that theres at least one person communicating directly with Glitchtrap, who he seems to have convinced to help set him free, someone whos made their own rabbit mask but doesnt seem to be willingly doing this, and might be brainwashed

also, currently, (this is really weird because we are currently living in the same time as the fnaf timeline is at right now) Fazbear Entertainment is planning on a “service program” that is basically sending personal animatronics to peoples houses and GUESS how fucking well THAT works out bc theyre STILL ALL HAUNTED YOuf g

and it seems like theyre planning on opening a new location in 2020, and that might be when we can learn more about the reluctant follower of springtrap and who has the camera while everyone moshes on william aftons corpse

basically the games are about childhood trauma, recovery, the love of family and friends, and justice against many kinds of evils

also where the fuck is sammy

[julietpeverxll-blog]

JULIET PEVERELL (ROTHSCHILD), 17

She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.

 ⚜️ THE BASICS

Nickname: Jules, but only by those that are close to her, and J by Gossip Witch but otherwise Juliet. Gender: Female Date of Birth: 16th July Place of Birth: Paris, France Nationality: French Ethnicity: Celtic Accent: English, with a hint of French although she can speak perfect Queen's English

Blood Status: Pureblood, although the Peverell line has been entangled with Veelas from many years ago which gives each descendant a slightly ethereal look but this is one of the family secrets that isn't known at all.

⚜️ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: Lily James Hair: Blonde Eyes: Hazel Green Height: 5'10 Weight: 55 kg Body: Juliet has a lilthe and petite figure, having always had a slim and athletic physique. Any Scars/ Marks?: She has a circular birthmark upon the small of her back that she was born with. Any Tattoos/ Piercings?: None.

Style: Juliet keeps up with the most recent fashions, usually wearing designer wear and occasionally mixing it up with whatever she'll find in someone else's closet. She is usually quite fluid with her style, and you can occasionally see her wear something that's more 'comfortable' rather than is most fashionable. However when she dresses for an event, she'll be dressed wearing something most likely designed custom just for her, adorned by family jewels. She enjoys wearing different rings, and most days she'll be wearing at least two rings one of which is a family heirloom with a small cursive writing of Peverell on the inside of the gold ring. In terms of other jewellery she'll usually wear different types of necklaces, bracelets or bangles depending on her mood or outfit.

Additional Information: N/A

⚜️ PERSONALITY:

Strengths:

- intelligent, idealistic, observant, hard working, charismatic, educated, enigmatic, perceptive, diligent, imaginative, protective, loyal, cultured, charming, refined, ambitious, focused, confident, perfectionist, astute, intuitive, insightful.

Passionate — For the things that Juliet loves, she is incredibly passionate about them and could talk about them all days on end. She will often talk nonsense and ramble on about random facts or things that she's discovered in the library (something that used to amuse Francois very much so), forgetting to see if the person she is talking to is even vaguely or remotely interested in the subject she will be speaking about. This will consist of Juliet speaking at rapid paces about something she finds absolutely fascinating; displaying her very passionate nature.

Intelligent – Juliet is incredibly intelligent because of the amount of education she had when she grew up which led her to be able to easily remember and recall facts. This meant that when she was to do tests, her photographic memory easily allowed her to write down all that was needed in order to pass with flying colours. Despite this, many would think that Juliet would take the easy road and decide to not study and take the passing marks, but instead she strives to push herself so that she will extend herself.

Hardworking – Juliet has never known an easy path. Growing up with her curse has meant that she almost didn’t survive as a child, and is something that she constantly reminds herself. She considers herself lucky that she is alive, and is never going to let go nor forget this. It is why she will always be driven and work hard in all tasks, never choosing to take the easy path out of anything, be little or big. She may not be as gifted magically like some of her peers, but in the end her intellect and her determination takes her far, and might be something that allows her to surpass them.

Weaknesses:

- sarcastic, cynical, blunt, manipulative, stubborn, introvert, (when her family demands it ; detached, cruel, ruthless — but she seldom displays her much darker nature)

Frail — When Juliet hasn't taken care of herself properly (which she forgets to do sometimes and that's why Alexi is such a blessing in her life) and forgets to eat or she isn't sleeping enough it can mean that she can easily faint at any second. It would be unsurprising to find Juliet laying down in one of the corners of the castle, slumped over because she hasn't done one of those two things. However her blood curse also means that she has a sickly health, and despite her enjoyment of outdoor activities like Quidditch and horse back riding, she can only often do them for a short period of time before having to rest.

Awkward — There are times when it seems that Juliet becomes awkward in situations. She is not fully in touch with all of the human emotions so she'll come off as not being able to understand other people when they come to her overly upset or distressed. Perhaps this was because of her upbringing which demanded that she become detached from her emotions but she sometimes won't understand people and their overemotional states.

Stubborn – One could say that Juliet is strong-willed and stubborn upon her ways. But this is due to her vast knowledge within many topics, and will be why she will stay stuck within her decisions. Utilising her sharp intellect, she will often more than not employ it to try and convince others to agree with her own opinion, as she ever so rarely is wrong, and therefore will often become persistent to lure others to agree with her words. She won’t necessarily start an argument – it is not within her nature to do so, but it is more of her to utilise her remarks and comments to try and influence others to agree with her beliefs.

Headcanon: Juliet has always been one that gets along with most people at Hogwarts. As a Ravenclaw it means that she isn't part of the usual Slytherin verses Gryffindor rivalry that occurs with many of the students, having befriended many students across the different houses.

Theme Song: Fight Song by Rachel Platten

⚜️ QUIRKS/MANNERISMS:

When Juliet gets nervous she has this habit of twirling her fingers or her hair, and it has become so habitual that she won't even realise that she's doing it

Juliet's natural fluent tongue is French so sometimes she'll think in French before manually translating it into English when she responds (and when she gets shocked she'll say a French phrase or two of swearing)

She has this habit of stealing her friends jumpers and wearing them

She rarely will lose her temper unless she is incredibly irate, and this will usually be directed towards people that hurt her close friends or family

Habits:

- Juliet sometimes will drift out of the conversation and will zone out of what is actually happening before being poked or prodded out of her imagination by one of her friends

- She will always carry at least one book around with her because she never knows when she'll have the chance to read and gain more knowledge

- Juliet will always have tangled headphones, spending at least a decent amount of time untangling them before she can finally use it - this is why Alexei bought her wireless headphones so she didn't have to do it anymore

- She enjoys to spend her time outside, and sometimes  will sit on the grass outside Hogwarts doing her homework, because she enjoys it, and God forbid she sometimes wander outside without shoes on

 Skills/ Talents:

- A skilled horse back rider, despite her blood curse as she grew up with a love of horses and often rode on her family's property (especially loving show jumping and cross country and the thrill of soaring over the fences despite the warnings)

- Can speak multiple muggle languages such as French, Italian, Russian, German and a couple others

- Skilled musician especially in piano and violin

- Very good memory and it seems like its photographic and she can easily recall certain facts

- For some reason Juliet is quite gifted with wandless magic and this ties into her being able to somehow do telekinesis very well although it can lead her to be quite tired after doing it for extended amounts of time

- She is also good at wordless magic

- She has a naturally very strong mind and thus has very strong occlumency barriers

- She has a slight veela allure, which will sometimes mean that people will stop and stare at her, and is something she cannot control

- She seems to have Veela abilities that have only been triggered once but means that if she is extremely angered or emotionally unstable it means that she will cause massive magic destruction and black out without remembering it (thus do not anger her if you would like not to be injured in the aftermath) 

Any mental health issues :N/A

Favorite Quotes/ Sayings that your character would use:

"Um Alexi..I have something to tell you and it's kinda important, and I dunno how to say it. So I'm just gonna blurt it out. I kinda like you." *she runs away after saying this*

"Come on, it won't be /that/ bad!" - to Theo

"I'll be fine, I promise!" - to anyone who's concerned about her looking like she's about to faint and she just wants to go to Hogsmeade

"Tu m'as fait peur!" - you scared me

"Adelaide /please/, for once can you go bother Rhiannon instead of meddling yet again?" - to Adelaide (which never works)

Additional Information: What isn't known to anyone at all except Theo and Alexi is the reasons surrounding Juliet's transfer to Hogwarts in her second year after originally attending Beauxbatons. In her first year when she received the news about Francois's death, she triggered her accidental magic which caused a minor collapse of one of the sides of the castle. She fears that day because it was one of the ones that she felt so much anger, rage and sadness that it bubbled up and caused an accident which resulted in her unconscious at the scene surrounded by several other injured students. As soon as her parents found out they immediately blamed it upon unknown causes, although the school had threatened to expel Juliet for her actions (thinking that she had done it on purpose — injuring those students because she chose to, when she would never do that). Thus her parents decided to transfer her to Hogwarts under the public reasons so that she would be closer with her cousins, when truthfully the school was going to expel her (they could have donated a library to smooth things over but they decided it was better to start over with people who wouldn't remember what Juliet had accidentally done). Although the Peverell family were secretly pleased at Juliet's actions, they were displeased that she had caused such a public scandal in France, deciding that the best situation was to remove her. Ever since then she fears the day that her emotions will take over and that she will accidentally trigger it again, and it is why she has tried to be detached from her emotions, although this doesn't work (and can be awkward at times when people become overemotional.)

⚜️ BIOGRAPHY

 Likes: flowers, outdoors, books, reading, geography, history — especially of the muggle world, jewellery, fashion (especially a set of designer heels), chanel perfume, horse riding, music, piano, violin, stars, astrology, art, tea, chai lattes, binge watching muggle shows, silence, exploring the muggle world.

Dislikes: pureblood supremacy, death eaters, slytherin propaganda, being cruel, sadism, apathy, condescension, pureblood balls, when she has to be a "proper pureblood lady", her parents at times, sympathy and pity.

Hobbies: quidditch — she enjoys playing catcher, horse riding, reading, being with friends, playing her musical instruments, learning more about the muggle world — especially reading about their history which she finds absolutely fascinating, exploring gardens.

Any health problems? (allergies, illnesses, etc): Cursed with blood malediction.

 ♣️ Family Background: A once prominent dynasty that had faded into ruins. Or so many thought. Perhaps to the muggles they would only recognise the name Rothschild, or Capetian whilst those with magical power would know of the name Peverell. The House of Rothschild originated as branch of the Capetian dynasty and it was through their varied connections that sought them to gain political power in first Paris, which spread to the rest of France and Europe – and as it would become, global domination. Controlling their city’s government from behind the smokescreen, the family thrived and it was under their power that the family succeeded in both the muggle and magical world through their deep machinations. Whilst perhaps unconventional for such a medieval wizarding family, the Peverell’s had always grown up in both worlds – both the magical and the mundane. Whilst they certainly preferred the superior way of the magical, they respected the way that the muggles were able to develop such inventions to protect themselves, developing technology in ways the magical world could not even comprehend. Thus, they saw a need to infiltrate both worlds, in order to truly reign supreme. They sought not to control power in such an obvious way like the muggle Prime Ministers, or the Minister for Magic, but rather to utilise individuals like figures upon a chessboard, moving them to how they saw fit.

The family had two branches – the magical and the mundane. For those who were born to become a squib, they were given the surname of Rothschild, whilst those that had magic were given Peverell. This allowed them to permeate into both spheres of influence, trickling in whilst no one noticed. Neither child would be treated to be superior over the other, especially when each had their own role to play in order to further the family’s power. Heeding their founding father’s words, they utilised this method throughout the centuries so that no one could truly realise how much power they held within their fingers, as they faded behind the scenes to take their place omnisciently. However, this perception changed with the birth of Juliet. Although it became evident that she had magic, it seemed that there was something not quite right with their daughter. She seemed to be rather sickly as a child, and it meant that many times she could not play with her older brother and her other cousins. She was a frail child that had to spend her times indoors, choosing to read stories from the books in her father’s library in order to create the illusion that she was outside. It was not till Juliet was five years old that Juliet’s father Nikolai realised that his daughter had been cursed with blood malediction, something that was caused by her mother’s side.

♣️ Family Affiliation: The Peverell family have always been affiliated for the Sacred 28 families, but also to Slytherin and Pureblood supremacy (that is the facade that many people see, little do they know how entangled the Peverell family is with the muggle world though.)

Socio-economic status: Richer than you could even imagine.

 ♣️ Family Members:

▪️ Relation: Brother

Francois Peverell / Lucky Blue Smith

- Age ; N/A

- Profession ; N/A

- Status ; Deceased

▪️ Relation: Mother

Rosaria Peverell née Medici / Charlize Theron

- Age ; 50

- Profession ; Respected member of the Wizarding community and believes in pureblood supremacy.

- Status ; Alive

▪️ Relation: Father

Julien Peverell / Colin Firth

- Age ; 47

- Profession ; Respected member of the Wizarding community and pulls many strings within the muggle world due to the Rothschild side of the family.

- Status ; Alive

 ♣️ What is your character's relationship with their family? Juliet is slightly estranged from her parents because they consider her to be quite a nuisance of a child because of her blood malediction curse. However she is still a Peverell so to any outsider she looks like she is a beloved child, that thrived in such a family. She rarely has any contact with her parents and is much closer to all of her cousins, especially Theo. He is like an older brother figure to her, and is one that she treasures especially.

♣️ Which family member does your character feel the closest to? Originally Juliet was closest to her eldest brother Francois, but this was until he died from an attack to the Rothschild family, as someone discovered that he was actually a Rothschild and planned to attack their side through Francois. Now she is closest to Theo in her family, and he is like a brother figure to her; and Francois's death is one of the reasons why she is so protective over her family and her closest friends. She'd fight to the death for any of them.

Happiest Memory: Juliet's happiest memory is one of the moments when she was younger which she spent with her brother. He was the one who taught her first spell which was lumos. He took the time to explain the purpose of the spell and encouraged her to take his wand and try and cast the spell. At first nothing happened, but due to his encouragement she eventually was able to produce a small light and for the first time since she had been diagnosed with her curse she felt like she had accomplished something.

Saddest Memory: When Juliet found out that her elder brother Francois had died from an owl in her first year from her parents, it felt like all the walls had shattered around her. It was the first time she had activated her veela abilities and accidentally attacked multiple students, injuring them in the abandoned classroom, when for the first time she felt such anger and rage from the news of Francois's death. It was a day that she'll always remember, and something that slightly frightens her in what could possibly happen if she loses control of her emotions again.

 How does your OC feel about pureblood supremacy?: Juliet thinks that pureblood supremacy is a ridiculous notion, partly because of how she was brought up to value both muggles and purebloods — but for a completely different reason. Her family has always been powerhungry and are intelligent enough to see how they could manipulate both sides by being entangled with both. However she doesn't see the point of pureblood supremacy because she thinks that all human lives are equal, and thus thinks it shouldn't exist at all.

How does your OC feel about muggles/ half-bloods? Juliet has always been fascinated by muggles and their technology, always having used it since she was born. She thinks that they are incredibly intelligent with their creations, and feels the same about them as she would with anyone; that they are just as important as one another. She doesn't see any difference between a muggle, halfblood and pureblood.

Does your OC think they should be a part of the magical community? She doesn't mind if they should be part of the magical community at all, but she does think that before they become part of the community that they should take the time to understand one another since the muggle and magical world have very different customs and what they are used to.

Quick facts: Since Rosalie had originally been a Greengrass, it seemed that with Juliet’s birth had meant a resurface of the blood curse that had not been seen in many generations. This meant that Juliet was something of a stain upon the family, because she could not help further the family’s cause and hindered it more as not a true witch. Perhaps it would have been kinder if she had been born a muggle instead, but it seemed she was stuck as inbetween as a frail witch. Unfortunately as Juliet grew up, she needed much more care and attention than her older sibling Francois, which resulted in a lot of irritation on her parent’s behalf. She received much unkind treatment from both her mother and her father who were disappointed in the fact that their child had something that prohibited her to be able to function normally. And although she was a woman, they knew that not many families would want to have their daughter because of her curse that caused her to be weak. After all, what pureblood family would want the chance of perhaps no heir if their mother could be quite fragile at times, weakened by bouts of attacks. Thankfully although Juliet did not receive much maternal nor paternal care, her eldest brother took it upon himself to care for his younger sister.

Her idealistic and charismatic nature softened him that the times spent with her allowed what his parents perceived as his weaker side to appear. Juliet cherished the times he spent with her, as he helped her with her first spell to bringing back different books that she had not read from the Hogwarts library. Juliet had been rather lonely in her isolation at home, and although she was taught the conventional lessons of being a proper pureblooded lady, she yearned for more. She wished that her parents could accept her for who she was, but also that she would be able to travel the world. The stories she read from the books that her brother brought back as well as the ones she read from her father’s library allowed her to discover a world she could only dream of. However this would have to wait, as she finally reached the age to attend Hogwarts. As Juliet’s name was read out to go towards the sorting hat, her fingers trembled as she walked upon the stage. She could hear the whispers spreading throughout the room as they looked upon her, having heard the rumours of the sickly Peverell girl. Just let them see the real me, she thought as her smile began to beam at the call of Ravenclaw.

She had always had the slight fear she would be sort into Slytherin like much of her family before her, but it seemed that the Hat had seen her love of books overcoming any other aspects of her nature. Although she was well acquainted with many of her Slytherin peers from pureblood balls at a young age, she had never become particularly close to any of them, apart from her cousin Theo. Perhaps this was because they shunned her because of her curse, or because she was perceived to be weaker than them but these only made her stronger. And pushed her to become the individual she is today. As Juliet nears the ending of her schooling she has heard the whispers of the different sides calling towards her. Truth be told she fears war and what it will bring. For so long she has relied upon books to create the illusions and world where she can escape reality. But this time she is uncertain that she will be able to do so.

Additional Information: N/A

 ⚜️ HOGWARTS INFORMATION

House: Ravenclaw

Year: 7

Best Class(s): Most of Juliet's classes are her best because she has always understood theory and content very well. However sometimes it can be more difficult for her to produce this practically because magic can exert a lot of energy from her. That is why it is easier for her to actually do wandless and wordless magic where she is able to utilise her imagination and not have to use a focal point in order to create magic. Her best classes would most likely be Potions and DADA, because she has always had the biggest interest in both of these subjects.

Worst Class(s): As a typical Ravenclaw, Juliet has always scored well in all her classes, but her worst class would most likely be History because she doesn't think that Professor Binns is that interesting a Professor despite still doing well in exams.

Any Pets?: A white owl named Persephone

Reputation at Hogwarts: Juliet has always been someone that befriended different types of individuals within Hogwarts. She is one of the rare students that has friends from the different houses; even if they aren't necessarily pureblood. She has a reputation for being one of the kinder purebloods despite still being close friends with many of the ones that have a more terrifying reputation.

 ▪️ Is your OC based on one of the character archetypes? If so, which one: Eric van der Woodsen!

▪️ If not, please write a 2-4 sentence tagline for your OC: N/A

Additional Information: N/A 

⚜️ INDIVIDUAL MAGIC

Wand: Elm with a core of Dragon Heartstring, Unyielding at 11”

Red Oak – "You will often hear the ignorant say that red oak is an infallible sign of its owner’s hot temper. In fact, the true match for a red oak wand is possessed of unusually fast reactions, making it a perfect duelling wand. Less common than English oak, I have found that its ideal master is light of touch, quick-witted and adaptable, often the creator of distinctive, trademark spells, and a good man or woman to have beside one in a fight. Red oak wands are, in my opinion, among the most handsome."

Wand Core: Dragon Heartstring – “As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts , though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.”

Wand Flexibility: Unyielding – “A wand of this flexibility finely tunes itself to its original owner’s preferences and doesn’t stray from those preferences, even in the hands of a new owner; the new owner will just have to get used to it. It is particularly good for combative and healing magic. Unyielding wand owners tend to be very confident in themselves and/or in the things they believe in. They tend to be intelligent, somewhat cynical, and usually have well-defined principles that they will not stray from ever. Sometimes, this combination can lead to arrogance because of them insisting on how right they  are without considering other points of view or whether or not they might be wrong. 

Wand Length: 11"

Patronus: "Raven’s are a bit like watchers of the night, quiet and observant, waiting for the precise moment to show themselves. Chances are they don’t want you to see them, then you want, as they are very good at hiding themselves. Equally, they can be incredibly charismatic when they need or want something, swooping in out of nowhere and shocking you with their mysterious presence. They have a fire to them that represents their need for freedom, and this mostly coincides with their somewhat greedy nature. They are inwardly emotional, and can turn off what they are feeling almost as a switch, if need be. The most common house for a raven patronus is Slytherin. The most common signs are Scorpio and Libra.” 

Having found this spell at a younger age than most within a book in father’s study, Juliet quickly learned upon the properties of the spell, and it was due to this that led her to seek to conquer the famed patronus spell. She had heard of it before from her brother, describing its contents and she had always wondered what it would be like to have an animal appear out of your wand, being able to send messages. It took her awhile to master the spell, unlike many of the spells she had learnt of previously – not understanding about having the happiest thoughts. Eventually as she was able to cast the spell to emit a certain sliver of silver, it was at this that Juliet understood how to cast the spell – practicing it down until she was able to get it to corporeal form. To her surprise it was the patron animal of her own house – a raven.

Boggart: Juliet has often feared that she will be cast out of her family and be removed because of her inferiority to her other cousins and older brother because of her blood curse. She fears the day she loses her last name, where she will be all alone, with no one to possibly turn to at all. The image she sees is her being cast off of her family tree — being burnt off.

Amortentia: fresh ink, old books, chai tea blend, cypress wood

Affinity to any particular magic? Wandless and wordless magic.

Additional Information: N/A

[killerqueendynamite]

for your consideration: lunar chronicles high school teacher au

Cinder: Mechanics/Shop teacher

always a mess, never dresses professionally even for meetings. astounds students when she dresses nice for special events but there’s always still an obvious grease stain somewhere

seems organized and she is but unbeknownst to you she decided to completely redo her lesson plan at 2am last night so she is flying by the seat of her pants

kids are always trying to figure out her ~mysterious~ past, like how she became friends with Miss Iko and Mr Thorne

always drinking coffee, stirs it with screwdrivers +other random objects she has laying around

fixes students’ cars if they break down or stall in the parking lot

Kai: Social Studies/History teacher

always wears a full suit, confuses people when he takes his jacket off once a semester

75% of students have had a crush on Mr Rikan at some point (taking his jacket off makes it worse, rolling his sleeves up makes it more worse)

the Most Organized™ teacher in the school, also the Vice Principal

kids know he is the easiest to distract and send on a rabbit trail. surefire distraction topics include social justice, politics, asking his opinion on various world leaders, Miss Linh

makes sassy comments constantly but only a few kids get them

Scarlet: Foods/Home Ec teacher

kind of a hardass, kids are lowkey scared of her

the best at classroom management

brings cookies and cake and stuff for her students at least once a week

brings cookies and cake and stuff for the staff at every meeting

pretends to be gordon ramsey when marking food projects. it terrifies students at first then becomes a school legend. older kids tell their younger siblings about it, younger siblings come into her class waiting for it with bated breath

wears a leather jacket and drives a motorcycle to school

Wolf: PE teacher

kids coming into his class are terrified but soon realize he’s the Softest and Nicest

the school’s version of the unexpected john cena meme. pep rallies are a lot of blaring horns and ‘NOW FOR OUR COACH, MR ZE’EV KESLEY’ *john cena song blows the speakers* he is highly embarrassed by this

his sports teams may not always win but are always the most sportsmanlike

rides to school on the back of Mrs Kesley’s motorbike

figures out when the shy kids are being bullied and does something behind the scenes to help no one ever knows its him

Thorne: Physics/Chemistry teacher

never makes lesson plans but somehow meets all his outcomes/standards

he’s the substitute bus driver and always drives like a maniac

drives his shitty but classic car to work and talks about it constantly

his own adherence to safety standards is questionable but his kids are always safe. blows things up in class at least once a week. blinded himself for 3 days once trying out an experiment

tells students embarrassing stories about the other teachers including how he met Miss Linh in prison which everyone thinks is probably a joke but Miss Linh plays along and seems serious about it???

insists students call him Captain Thorne or just The Captain

Cress: Music/Computers teacher

shorter than all her students

keeps a stash of unhealthy snacks in her filing cabinet, gives them away constantly in violation of the healthy meal policy. Coach Kesley visits her often.

“Miss Darnel, The Captain said you were a genius. Like an actual for real genius. Is that true?” Cress, completely emotionless and matter of fact: “Yes, now today we’re going to --.” they're all very intimidated

everyone knows she’s in love with Mr Thorne and that they were caught making out at the school dance once and that’s why they’re not allowed to chaperone together anymore

fixes all the computer problems. the district has an actual employed tech person but their school never calls them bc Miss Darnel can fix it faster. spends 90% of her breaks fixing the copier w Miss Linh

Winter: English/Art teacher

stereotypical crazy english teacher (chaotic good), also the stereotypical crazy art teacher

talks in riddles and weird metaphors, reads really dramatically and has a habit of jumping up on desks. assignments are sort of abstract but she grades really easily

somehow related to Miss Linh but no one really understands how?

hits on Mr Clay in front of her students

75% of students have had a crush on Miss Hayle at some point, 99% of students would die for her, a couple students have actually gotten into fights defending her honour

her unit plans look like the wall in a conspiracy theorist’s office

Jacin: Math teacher

roasts the other teachers during his classes. this is the only way to distract him

cranky and everyone complains about him but they secretly like him because he’s really clear and direct

everyone says he’s in love with Miss Hayle bc he always hangs out in her classroom but no one has ever seen him respond to her flirting? (someone claims that someone else saw them kiss, but no one has proof and no one else ever sees it, it becomes a school legend)

kids are really confused when they see their teachers in public and it actually looks like Mr Clay is friends with them???

rumor has it Mr Thorne punched him once. some say that’s wrong, it was Miss Linh. it’s a school-wide debate. they think teachers don’t know about it but they do. what the students don’t know is that Mr Clay has been punched multiple times, by both Thorne and Cinder

Iko: Fashion teacher/Counselor

only teaches one class bc ~fashion~

has convoluted mental trees of ships, one for students, one for teachers

students are always asking her where she gets her shoes/complimenting her outfits

constantly getting phone calls from parents who don’t like her advice to their kids

knows all the gossip, more than even the other teachers or the students themselves

goes by her first name

always brings starbucks for the other teachers, has memorized everyone’s faves but sometimes gets them something new and different and makes them try it

Levana: Principal

Evil™ -- everyone says she killed her husband but no one could prove it

every student is terrified of her but Miss Linh and Mr Rikan and Captain Thorne make fun of her in class sometimes and the kids are??? in awe???

acts as a sub when necessary and the students dread it. teachers avoid calling in sick to save their students from her

particularly enjoys subbing for Mr Rikan and intentionally skews the lesson to her completely opposing political views

always trying to get Miss Linh fired

Sybil: Librarian

also Evil™

wears scary clicky high heels, students scatter when they hear her coming

has been known to make kids cry for yelling at them for being too loud in the library

rumoured to have made Miss Darnel cry once, which is rumoured to have made Mr Thorne do something that almost got him fired

Miss Linh used to prank her but found out she took out her revenge on students and stopped

bans books from the library for almost no reason. Miss Darnel has a stash of banned books in her closet bc of this

Dr Erland: former School Nurse

they hire Aimery when he retires

Miss Darnel has dragged Mr Thorne to see him on multiple occasions after lab incidents, lowkey thinks Thorne shouldn’t be a teacher, isn’t entirely wrong

rumour has it that he used to work for the mob or something?

lowkey crazy

doesn’t really have a relationship with any of the kids or teachers, the ghost teacher that you only see once every two months

Aimery: School Nurse

no one admits to being sick or injured bc they don’t want to have to go to the infirmary

that one teacher that everyone has a creepy or uncomfortable story about including the other teachers

everyone knows he likes Miss Hayle and hates Mr Clay and also that Mr Clay hates him

he gets fired one day and no one knows why – he just disappears. someone says he pushed it too far with Miss Hayle and she sicked her wolfhound on him. others say Mrs Kesley shot him but they checked the news and there was no obituary so??? their next guess is that he’s in prison but someone says he’s too beautiful for prison

Kinney: Biology teacher

that one teacher that’s always complaining about how pointless option courses are

always arguing with Miss Iko but no one ever takes his side

the only teacher that never talks smack about other teachers (except Miss Iko)

sometimes has old-fashioned borderline prejudiced ideas but he changes over time. older kids who had him can’t believe when their younger siblings come home saying he’s dating Miss Iko

someone draws him as a robot once and he’s irrationally offended by it. Miss Iko frames it and hangs it on her office wall

Torin: School District Administrator

comes to visit the school from time to time, always leaves exasperated

half the school complains to him that Ms Blackburn should be fired, the other half complains that Miss Linh should be fired. he’d like to do the first but doesn’t have enough evidence, doesn’t want to do the second and therefore ignores the evidence

has known Mr Rikan since he was a baby, may or may not have supplied Miss Linh with an unfortunate baby picture which Mr Thorne may or may not have stolen and given to Miss Darnel to add to an assembly presentation

used to be a teacher and gives really good advice to the new young teachers (which is most of them)

[xb-squaredx]

Dragon Ball Super Fans Deserve Better

Akira Toriyama’s Dragon Ball series is one of the most influential, beloved and important pieces of popular culture ever made. The manga, and the anime that followed, formed the foundation of the modern shonen action show as we know it and inspired countless authors that followed in Toriyama’s footsteps. And after nearly 20 years, Akira Toriyama returned to the Dragon Ball series with a new anime continuation, Dragon Ball Super. Continuing the adventure of Son Goku and his many allies, it’s safe to say that Super is a pretty big deal…but in reality, it’s been nothing but a disappointment.

Right off the bat, I want to say that, taken by itself Dragon Ball Super is not a bad show. People love to harp on its animation and writing, and while there are legitimate flaws found within the show itself, the fact is that many of these issues were also in the original series. The pacing, the endless powerups, deux ex machinas aplenty…they can be found multiple times throughout the series. Those are not something I take particular issues with, but rather…my problem is that Dragon Ball Super, for all of the time that’s passed between the ending of Z, is still having the same problems. It is a continuation that is, quite literally, more of the same. Super feels as if it started airing a week after the finale of Dragon Ball Z, and in some respects I can applaud Toriyama and Toei Animation for being consistent…but with such a large gap in time between the series, the stagnation on display is nothing short of maddening.

“Stagnant” is really the word I would use to describe Dragon Ball Super. It takes no meaningful steps forward, and is content to continue pulling from the same bag of tricks Toriyama pioneered two decades ago. And in those two decades, the manga/anime industry has seen some major steps forward, and at this point, I think it’s fair to expect more out of the genre. As influential as Dragon Ball was, it has been surpassed in many ways by a variety of series. From world building, to writing, to characterization, Dragon Ball has been blown out of the water by the likes of Eiichiro Oda, Masahashi Kishimoto, Tite Kubo, Kohei Horikoshi, ONE, Yoshihiro Togashi and so many more.

Now, to be fair…Toriyama was a pioneer who never really intended to get into action-heavy stories. He’s a comedy writer, first-and-foremost, as the likes of Dr. Slump and his various other one-offs and side-stories can attest to. Dragon Ball started as a parody of Journey to the West, as well. It’s no secret that Toriyama often wrote by the seat of his pants, and really it’s kind of incredible that things often ended with all plot threads tied up neatly in the end. Sure, he forgot Launch existed, and it’s often said that Goku getting blond hair for his Super Saiyan form was to save on inking, but Toriyama and Dragon Ball on the whole gets a LOT of slack because of its pioneer status. It stands to reason that later series would go on to avoid a lot of the mistakes Dragon Ball made because they had a chance to learn from those mistakes. So it’s all the more frustrating to see that Dragon Ball Super hasn’t learned all that much.

All those flaws from before remain; redundant transformations and power ups, glacial pacing, plot holes you can drive a truck through—they’re back and just as annoying. Any hope of flaws being acknowledged and avoided was crushed when the series BEGINS with Goku acquiring another power up. From there, it’s business as usual. Goku is the strongest around until a NEW threat appears, where upon he must then train and become even stronger than before, and all’s well that ends well. Any REAL breaks to the status quo are usually remedied with the Dragon Balls and if THOSE fail, there are new, STRONGER Super Dragon Balls to do that. And then the next arc begins anew and the process repeats. While the Goku Black arc IS an admitted step up from the norm, the story itself is one of the most clichéd fanfic-level scenarios I can think of. I don’t expect Dragon Ball to be Shakespeare, but when something like Naruto or BLEACH is putting more effort into their narratives and characters (well, sometimes), you’re doing something wrong.

But writing was never the series’ strong suit. While I’d love for the writing of the series to be better, if it could deliver on the action I’d overlook it. However, Super is left in the dust by more modern action shows, and I find myself outright bored by a lot of the battles in Super more often than not. A lot of this comes from a lack of stakes or tension. Considering this takes place before the epilogue at the end of the Majin Buu arc of the original series, we can be assured that events aren’t going to directly contradict it. Frieza destroyed the Earth? Well of course Whis is going to undo that. Piccolo died? They don’t even wait for his body to get cold before shouting “We can just bring him back later with the Dragon Balls!” We can be assured that no matter what, Goku will win, or events will bend over backwards to get rid of the danger if he somehow can’t. It helps that he’s pals with SEVERAL deities by now.

For a while now, Dragon Ball confused scale for excitement. The power scaling went out of control years before Dragon Ball finished proper, and after a certain point, it was less about a fighter’s strategy or technique and more about pure force. And then the next fighter had another zero attached to their power level. Fundamentally speaking, just how different was Frieza from Cell or Majin Buu? They all still did the same things: they flew, they punched and kicked, and then shot an energy blast of varying colors. Sure, Frieza can survive in a vacuum, Cell could regenerate and use a variety of skills gained from having fighter’s DNA in him, and Buu could turn you into candy…but now think about how they’re beaten. Pure force. For all their formidable abilities, it’s nothing that can’t be beaten by punching harder than before or shooting off a bigger energy blast. On that same note, what’s so different about Super Saiyan 1, to 2, to 3, aside from looks? They just make the character in question “stronger.” We’re now at the point in Super where Goku is using Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan Kaioken X 20, and no that is NOT a joke. With his freshly unveiled (as of the time of writing) “Ultra Instinct” power, these power up amalgams are going to be even worse mouthfuls soon enough. Fights are decided not by tactics or any real skill, but by moving goalposts.

(That’s a lotta goalposts)

Compare this to the ninja trickery regularly employed in Naruto (at the start, anyway) or the various odd Nen techniques in Hunter X Hunter. No two fights are ever solved the same way and legitimate tension is formed when characters have to figure out how to advance past this next obstacle. And with One Piece’s author being a big Toriyama fanboy, it’s especially notable that One Piece is probably the best at learning from Dragon Ball’s mistakes. Luffy’s various Gear techniques are power ups, yes, and are even numbered, but unlike the Super Saiyan forms, there’s not as much of a clear hierarchy. Third Gear IS technically more powerful than Second Gear, but it’s also FAR slower and has nasty recoil, so Luffy has to pick the best form for the current situation. Each form has drawbacks AND strengths, and there’s no point where one technique is eclipsed and replaced by another. Things are constantly kept interesting with each fighter displaying their own unique power, weapons, and fighting styles. But fights don’t even require that to be compelling; as long as there is emotional weight, that can carry you far. Dragon Ball Super could get by just as well with Goku and the current villain of the week punching each other over and over, as long as the fight itself had some kind of emotional hook.

Refer to Naruto and compare the fights between the two main rivals, Naruto and Sasuke. The series spends a LONG time building up the tension and inevitable fight between the two and when the tension is at its peak, the fight explodes off the page (or screen). The fights become more than just fists flying; the fights tell us the stories of the characters and their struggles up until that point. The loneliness Naruto felt in life and the connection he felt with Sasuke is threatened when he breaks from the Leaf Village. The fight is then more than just two rivals trying to come out on top: Naruto wants his friend back, and Sasuke wants so desperately to prove he’s gotten strong enough to avenge his clan, all the while tempted to kill Naruto in order to gain forbidden power. These fights have deeper meaning to each other, in addition to eye-catching art and choreography. The audience engagement is magnified here, and it’s all done without either fighter having the power to destroy multiple planets in one shot.

So far in Super, with the exception of the two movie-adaptations and the Goku Black arc, it’s been a collection of tournament arcs. Sure, there are high stakes in both tournaments, but by and large the fights in these things pit the main cast against a plethora of forgettable, disposable characters that barely get any development, all of course building up to Goku’s fight with his new rival of the month, be it Hit or later Jiren. Most of these fights lack punch, and the rivalries themselves feel rather shallow. Consider when Goku finally fought Frieza. Frieza slaughtered countless planets in his galactic conquest, and just got done killing most of Goku’s friends when he arrives to fight. Vegeta swallows his pride and asks for Goku to defeat Frieza as retribution for exterminating his people, and then Frieza toys with Krillin, Goku’s best friend, before killing him. Just because he can. There’s weight to Goku’s showdown with him. Now compare that to Hit or Jiren. 

(This is the extent of their interaction prior to fighting. Two words.)

People that Goku has no prior contact with before their fight, they exist to give Goku someone to punch. His motivation is to fight them….just to fight, just to become stronger. They aren’t villains, and while losing the tournament has certain consequences, the overall tones of the arcs are still fairly light-hearted and losses don’t feel all that monumental. Tournament arcs are usually considered the highlight of certain shonen series, but here it’s Dragon Ball at its most dull.

Yet again, compare a more recent show. My Hero Academia’s Sports Festival is, after a point, a tournament arc meant to showcase the personalities and powers of not only the main cast, but a variety of secondary characters, some of which go on to be more important later on. The pacing stands out to me especially, with many matches over in an instant. In the anime, one episode is dedicated to showcasing a large amount of fights at once, while the fights that have more weight to them are usually given an entire episode. My Hero Academia knows where focus is most required, and it results in an arc filled with action with very little fluff. The tone is mostly light-hearted, as it IS a school-event after all, but there are still several fights with more emotional stakes behind them. Midoriya and Todoroki’s conflicting ideologies on what it means to be “number one” come to a head in their fight as Midoriya tries to help Todoroki come to terms with his family issues, while Uraraka’s fight with Bakugo is a lesson in how grit and determination doesn’t always win the day. 

It’s an arc wherein there are no inherent stakes, but every victory is still important and every loss is absolutely crushing for the cast. Compare how the losses Uraraka and Yaoyorozu affect them and instill a desire to improve to Tien being knocked out of the Tournament of Power. No one cares. While the Universe Survival Arc DOES have some standout moments to allow certain characters to get a bit more limelight, it’s remarkably unfocused and ultimately it’s all going to come down to Goku vs. Jiren, more likely than not. Whereas My Hero Academia is bold enough to NOT have its main protagonist win the tournament, or even get to the final round, and was a lot more even in its focus of the cast.

That’s not to say that Dragon Ball Super doesn’t have some good moments. I’ve been dancing around it, but the Goku Black arc felt like a step in the right direction. It had better established emotional stakes and spent time developing its main villain, with a climax that felt quite a bit more earned than arcs before or after it. On top of that, there are a number of one-off episodes that are often either hilarious, or heartwarming in their own way. There are some fighters introduced in the tournament arcs that DO make for some interesting fights, and it is clear that Toei Animation IS trying. But with over 111 episodes under its belt at the time of writing, I feel that’s come too little too late. At least for me.

It having so many episodes is a testament to the fact that, despite what I think, there are clearly people out there that like what they see. And I understand that. I grew up on Dragon Ball Z, same as any ‘90s kid. My friends and I would shout “Kamehameha!” at each other in the playground. We’d buy up the games, rent the movies, and practice the Fusion Dance. I’m sure a large portion of Super’s fanbase grew up on Dragon Ball and carry a great deal of nostalgia for it, and in a lot of ways, Super scratches that itch for more. It can make fans “feel like a kid again!” I can understand the idea of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” The fear that any sort of “update” or “change” from the original can shatter that which fans held so dear. But with so much time in-between the series, and so many glaring flaws that could be addressed, I’m reminded of a similar revival that happened earlier in 2017.

Samurai Jack was a Cartoon Network original show with plenty of flashy action and stylish animation. It was rather popular for a time, running for four seasons. A show in which Jack traveled the word, helping people, making friends and enemies, all with the goal of defeating the villain Aku and returning to his own time, preventing the bad future Aku had created. It ended before it ever got a true conclusion and for 13 years fans were left wondering what an ending would be like. And then we got it. A ten episode “miniseries” of sorts, this fifth season gave a definitive end to Jack’s tale and I can’t help but compare this miniseries to Super as a whole. For the issues I might have with the final ten episodes of Samurai Jack, I respect it as a series far more than Super. Genndy Tartakovsky and Cartoon Network realized after 13 years, that the series would have to update a few things and step up their game. It could not afford to fall behind all that had happened in that gap in time.

They realized their audience had grown up, and the show matured as well. Not in the “bloody, sexy and vulgar” way, but it did have noticeably darker themes in its narrative. After four seasons of episodic stories, it evolved to have a more serialized structure in order to give us a definitive end. It offered us insight into Jack’s inner struggles, and continued to show us this wonderful fantastical world that had been created. There is value to this show’s continuation. We gain closure, development for Jack, a new protagonist in Ashi, and action and style that keeps the spirit of the original show. I was disappointed by some aspects of it, sure, but I came away happy to have watched it. Happy to have that closure and feeling I had gotten something out of it.

As I look at Dragon Ball Super, I feel remarkably empty about it. I don’t care about Beerus, I don’t care about Goku finding a way to add Kaioken X 20 to Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan, and I don’t care about the Tournament of Power. I feel as indifferent to it as I did to the later movies, to GT and the countless video games that came out after the series finally “ended.” While it’s more of a rumor than it is a proven fact, people often say that Toriyama tried to end the series multiple times after a while, and really, Dragon Ball does seem like it could have ended anywhere. The infamous power creep the series underwent assures us that eventually there’s nowhere else to go. Goku started the series fighting goofy carrot monsters and shapeshifting pigs, before fighting the equivalent of Satan with Demon King Piccolo, and then his son after that. Then, after growing up and getting married, it all could have ended….except Raditz showed up. Then Vegeta and Nappa, and then Frieza. Goku could have ended the series in space, defeating the strongest being in the universe and becoming a legendary Super Saiyan in the process. But there were these Androids, you see, and a boy from the future. And then, Goku’s son seemed fit to take over the throne as the world’s strongest by defeating Cell, but we had to have another timeskip to fight Majin Buu and give Goku one last time to shine. The series had plenty of opportunities to end, and for a time it did after the Majin Buu arc. But for it to come back now, it better have a good reason to. It needs to give viewers some kind of value, and I have to ultimately question…what does Super actually give us? Another palette swap for Goku? I think I’ll pass.

Dragon Ball Super can have its moments and really, if you liked the original show, there’s plenty to like here as well. The series feels like it’s resting on the laurels of its legacy, not content to continue to take risks or at least address its flaws. Toriyama can do better than this, Toei animation can do better than this, and ultimately, its fans deserve better than this.

Until next time,

-B

[dweemeister]

The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Like a security blanket to bundle into on a cold, distressed day, the Muppets have been a force of happiness and entertainment for several decades. 1979′s The Muppet Movie had been a rousing success, as had The Muppet Show – which had just completed its fifth and final season when Jim Henson directed (his directorial debut) The Great Muppet Caper. This second Muppets movie was an attempt to steer the franchise towards its future: feature films (Caper is the second of eight Muppets films so far) and television specials. The Great Muppet Caper does not result in a sophomore slump for the franchise, but there is an important tradeoff that occurs in the film. As Henson created the Muppets, it should be no surprise that this entry represents one of the more faithful portrayal of the Muppets as characters (to an extent). However, this comes at the expense of the heartwarming humanism and messages of perseverance that one comes to expect in a movie starring the Muppets.

More than any other movie in the Muppets franchise, The Great Muppet Caper topples the fourth wall repeatedly. In fact, it happens so often there might not be a fourth wall. Traveling by hot air balloon, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, and Gonzo are commenting on the opening credits – yes you three, some weirdos out there read the opening credits (it includes yours truly, and like Kermit says, the people in the credits have families, too) – and land their balloon just outside their workplace: the Daily Chronicle. The trio are investigative reporters and are tasked with a London assignment where fashion designer Lady Holiday (Diana Rigg) has become victim to a headline-grabbing jewel robbery. With the Daily Chronicle refusing to cover expenses, our Muppet reporters fly in ninth-class (which apparently means the airplane’s cargo hold, with a dangerous method of disembarkation) and check into the battered, but free Happiness Hotel. There they meet up with the rest of tenants – which includes the rest of the Muppets, save one. That one is Miss Piggy, who Kermit mistakes as Lady Holiday and will ask out on a date.

The other human star of note is Charles Grodin as Nicky Holiday. Cameos include John Cleese, Joan Sanderson, Jack Warden, Peter Falk, Robert Morley, Peter Ustinov, and Muppet performers including Henson (Kermit, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, Swedish Chef), Richard Hunt (Scooter, Statler, Janice, Beaker, and Sweetums), and Jerry Nelson (Floyd Pepper; originated Sesame Street’s Mr. Snuffleupagus and played Count von Count from 1972-2012). One Sesame Street character makes a brief, hilarious cameo with Peter Ustinov.

There are running gags in The Great Muppet Caper that I should not describe in the slightest. In writing a movie for the Muppets, there are two formulae to choose from: the Muppets playing themselves as they look at a tricky situation through their point of view (think: The Muppet Movie and 2011′s The Muppets) and where the Muppets are playing characters that, though somewhat unlike them, retain a part of their Muppety essence (1992′s The Muppet Christmas Carol). The Great Muppet Caper is the latter (even after seeing four Muppet movies, some of the original television series, and the failed 2015 TV series, I’m not sure which I prefer; perhaps you have a preference). The most important joke running throughout the film is that the characters know that they are in a movie and the characters they are portraying are distinct from the Muppets themselves. For example, Kermit and Fozzie are supposed to be related and screenwriters Jerry Juhl (multiple Muppets movies), Tom Patchett (The Bob Newhart Show, ALF), Jack Rose (a longtime writer for Milton Berle and Bob Hope), and Jay Tarses (Bob Newhart, The Carol Burnett Show) – with their formidable, combined comedic writing experience – somehow keep that gag fresh, among others, for the entire ninety-seven minutes.

This film is clever as hell. Its screenplay lands its jabs to the funnybone cleanly, almost never missing. Yet that means as The Great Muppet Caper is reveling in its comedy, the Muppets themselves lose their trademark gentleness and belief that tomorrow is a fresh start to dream, laugh, and play. That positivity – with the exception of The Muppet Christmas Carol – is always embodied by the characters made of felt, fur, and fleece. The Muppets have become so familiar to those of us who have enjoyed their company, and that is why they are allowed to be as self-referential here as they are. Few other comedians or comedic pairings/groups could plausibly make a movie like this and inspire so much laughter.

I don’t mean to sell the writing short, so I will note that The Great Muppet Caper treats Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy with tremendous respect. These are the two people Kermit the Frog has always cared most about; through playing other characters, we see how that love is expressed.

Fozzie is not always effective in The Muppet Movie as he should be – that film portrays Fozzie’s inability to read social cues as a character quirk, not as something that brings disappointment, wrecking his self-confidence. Notice how Fozzie reacts when he believes that when Kermit is going on a date with Lady Holiday Miss Piggy – how innocent this misunderstanding is, how deeply Fozzie is hurt at first when Kermit says that his furry relative (remember, in this film, they are related) can’t come along.

For Miss Piggy, her vanity and volatility are more visible than her vulnerability. As Frank Oz (her performer) once said about Miss Piggy, “she is a seething mass of conflicts... It’s hard enough being a woman in our society. It’s even harder being a pig.” So determined is she to be successful in whatever she decides to pursue, she sometimes forgets the feelings of others she comes to care about. At a younger age, I found this behavior to be frustrating – I’m a guy, so a gendered bias is also involved. Thus, when her misunderstanding with Kermit comes, I felt a sadness there I might not have felt fifteen, maybe even five years ago. Her defenses have fallen, exposed and embarrassed. She and Kermit find a space to reconcile.

That reconciliation, and so many elements to the plot, is expressed through song. Composer Joe Raposo (various pre-Muppet Show Muppet specials, The Electric Company, Sesame Street) wrote all seven original songs appearing in The Great Muppet Caper – none of them mediocre, yet not a single one achieves the transcendence of “Rainbow Connection”. What makes Raposo’s musical score work is that – without the Muppets running around – if these songs were written for humans, they would still be as effective. Opening with “Hey, a Movie!” is a high-energy, exposition-hastening number, even if it might be a discount “That’s Entertainment!”. “Steppin’ Out with a Star” is a fun romp of what some men might do to prepare for a date – the dialogue and banter, of course, being G-rated. But the one song gifted with lush orchestrations is “The First Time It Happens”. It is played as a straight love song, with all the tenderness that Kermit and Miss Piggy can provide with their singing voices. Shortly afterward, Miss Piggy channels her inner Esther Williams in a synchronized swimming sequence entitled “Miss Piggy’s Fantasy” (complete with Dick Powell-like singing from someone dubbing Charles Grodin). Raposo’s familiarity with the Muppets pays dividends for The Great Muppet Caper.

That old saying about something not happening before pigs fly? You might need to update that to pigs performing complicated choreography in the pool. For this scene, eighteen professional swimmers were employed with all lighting, camerapersons, and speakers being placed underwater. Frank Oz had three days to learn scuba diving so that he could have Miss Piggy perform these sequences to perfection.

With Jim Henson directing, there are other ways in which the Muppet performers – Henson, Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, Dave Goelz, and Steve Whitmire – are allowed to show off. Where Kermit riding a bike impressed audiences and critics a few years prior, Henson figured that he might as well have all the Muppets riding bikes at the same time. For the musical number, “Couldn’t We Ride”, no computers were used. Instead, all of the Muppet performers clambered into cranes and rode bicycles of their own – attached to the Muppets’ bikes – while synchronizing their pedaling with the music and lyrics. Kermit’s stunt where he is riding his bike with only one hand included some complicated string puppetry. The final sequence where everybody is seen riding together saw Henson and two children (including one of his sons) riding oversize tricycles attached to the Muppets’ bikes with rods to complete the illusion.

Because The Great Muppet Caper knows that it is a movie and that it actively recalls Hollywood’s musical past, it comes off comforting nostalgia that neither alienates younger viewers or distracts older ones. It lacks that clear-eyed humanity of other Muppets movies, but this film has what one would want from Kermit, Miss Piggy, and company as it preserves what is essential to these characters: humor, vibrancy, and reassurance. Though we laugh at their pain (pain is funny), we witness how courageous they are in remaining optimistic through their struggles. As we watch the Muppets, we question if we are capable of such fortitude. I tend to think we already know the answer – sometimes, we just need a reminder.

My rating: 7.5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here. 

[lycosa83]

What is a Hero? A One-Punch Man Analysis

I’ve made no secret of my respect for One-Punch Man and its fairly recent but profound fixture in the cluttered world of modern anime.  This senin send up to the shonen superhero genre -  born from the unsteady hands of creator ONE as a webcomic nearly a decade ago - initially appeared as nothing more than a poorly drawn gag manga, and even its most stalwart fans often balk at providing a detailed explanation on why it got so big, so fast.  What is it about this bland, bald protagonist in a goofy costume and his zany cast mates that strikes such a chord with so many people - some who’d be the last to call themselves anime fans?  

Of course, there’s the obvious draw of a new massively powerful, near-invincible character fans can add to their roster of titans - a cudgel with which to play out their vicarious power fantasies.  There’s no end of the toxic hate flung about the Internet whenever someone innocently (or not) asks, “Who would win in a fight between Saitama and [X]?” - with “X” being anyone from Goku, to Superman, to God himself.  While amusing in a train wreck sort of way, these pissing contests don't help us understand the wider appeal of the series - and in either case miss the point entirely.  One-Punch Man has been called everything from a gag series to deconstructive satire - usually by people with little understanding of what these terms really mean.  

In fact, One-Punch Man nimbly straddles quite a number of genre lines - partly because ONE didn’t have a solid sense of direction after his crudely drawn webcomic found a bigger audience than he anticipated.  But the series rides on thanks to his skills as a storyteller, particularly where he manages to maintain a compelling story arc without losing sight of the absurdity of his premise - letting his fans in on an extended joke even as he (seemingly) plays typical shonen conventions straight at times.

The crucial figure in this tightrope dance is Saitama himself, and ONE expertly uses him to pivot the fraught nexus of literary deconstruction and reconstruction: the dismantling of literary archetypes by exploiting the real-world implications and consequences of their outlandishness; and the more difficult task of rebuilding them into something a bit more solid and more resilient to both past and future critiques.  

A Hero Shall Lead Them...  

A good place to start is with the the idea of the shonen hero and what he represents.  In these series the main protagonist is usually the central focus.  True, he (and it's almost always a he) may get eclipsed every once and awhile by another character due to creator preferences or fandom response, but it's still his actions driving the plot, and his growth keeping our butts in the seat.  To accomplish this and keep our interest, it’s usually necessary to endow him with some standout feature: good looks, a sad backstory, a drive towards an impossible dream, or just plain, simple badassery.

...Or not  

Saitama’s got precious little of any of that.  On the surface, he’s a vanilla, rather boring protagonist - dull, plain-looking, and lacking any semblance of motivation or ambition besides “having a good fight.”  He doesn’t have a particularly tragic backstory, or any other issue that isn’t, in some way, of his own making.  He even falls a bit short in the “badass” department, since unquestionable power and ability aside, he’s too low-key and lazily efficient to capture the attention of his in-universe protectorate.  Despite his phenomenal powers and obscene strength, despite his status as the main character, there’s nothing about Saitama that really stands out - at least, not in the way most audiences expect from a shonen hero.  He defies our assumptions about what a hero is supposed to look and act like.  But what makes this a brilliant twist instead of a recipe for tedium is the reason why Saitama obtained his unbelievable power.  No mutant bite, no phenomenal superpowered lineage; he's just a guy who trained so hard that he accidentally became the strongest being in the known universe.  If you think that sounds utterly ridiculous, well, you’re right - and you’re not alone; several characters in story aren't drinking his Kool-Aid, either.  But the consequences of his current state is where the real fun lies.  Saitama paints the picture of the quintessential shonen hero during his training - striving to be the strongest, pushing his body to the limits, and stopping at nothing to fulfill his goal. And guess what?  He succeeds.  The boring battles, easy victories, and existential ennui that defines and constrains Saitama is merely the end result of what happens when our shonen heroes take “wanting to be the best” to the logical conclusion.  Saitama woke up one day and found that he really was the strongest guy around - and without the convenient serial escalation of threats that’s such a hallmark of every other series of this kind, he can do nothing but mourn the lack of any challenge to his unwanted supremacy.      

Heroes, Inc.

Saitama’s blandness stands out all the more because he is surrounded by so many colorful characters who to varying degrees of sincerity strive to reach the pinnacle of heroic gestalt.  Unfortunately, that amounts to all of jack squat in this world.  Heroism is less a service to mankind or a motivator to help the helpless than a stepping stone to stardom, a way to blow off steam, or just a simple paycheck in the mail.  The Hero Association who employs most of these “heroes”  is a shady and slightly corrupt organization, warping the concept of heroism into some bastard offspring of a numbers game and a popularity contest.  Many of the Association's cronies are apathetic to all but their names headlining the front page news, and even those who shun the limelight tend not to hold heroism in the most ideal light.  Genos, our hero’s faithful cyborg Number Two, is a perfect example of this, especially in the beginning: the call to heroism had little appeal to the intense, vengeful youth, and even after joining the Association, he cares nothing for the hero culture it brands and advertises.  Not that you can blame him; One-Punch Man lifts the veil on what happens when heroism becomes a commodity - much like My Hero Academia at times, but with neither that show’s affirming narrative of striving for your dreams, nor its generally upbeat framing of heroic actions through the eyes of idealistic youths.

The Breakdown of the Ideal Hero

All of the above combine to drive home the deconstructive aspect of the series.  In the One-Punch universe, heroism is a public relations racket, meant to boost your social capital or that of the association who hires you.  Those few who sincerely wish only to save other people often find themselves overwhelmed by powerful foes and unappreciated by an ungrateful populace.  And when Saitama - a genuine powerhouse who, despite his laziness, does believe in the call to protect and serve - shows up and makes everything look so damn easy, both his fellow heroes and the people they watch over have a hard time believing he’s anything but a fraud.

At play here, then, is a fracturing of two of the most dearly-held beliefs of the shonen superhero genre: that pursuing power with single-minded focus - even if for the right reasons -  will somehow make your life easier or better, and that being a hero is a noble calling that carries its own rewards.  The following example shows just how ruthlessly One-Punch Man can grind down the above “logic” over the course of its run.

Case study: The Deep Sea King

The Deep Sea King Arc (for anime viewers, episodes 9 -10) is a narrative turning point in what had been up to that point a largely episodic gag fest.  Besides giving us the series’  first persistent threat to actually cause a significant degree of damage to both the image of the Hero Association and the heroes themselves, this arc also established several trends that come back to wallop the shonen enterprise at many points during the show’s run.  For one, we have the introduction and development of multiple heroes, each given a chance to shine and show how deadly they would be if they were up against any normal foe. Stinger, Lightning Max, Snake Fist Snek: all members of the Hero Association’s Class A, the second strongest; all laying out their well-earned hero cred, either here or in previous episodes.  And all fall to the Deep Sea King with little or no effort.  It only escalates from there: Speed-o'-Sound Sonic, One-Punch Man’s resident ninja and self-proclaimed rival to Saitama, fails to inflict any lasting damage on the brute.   As does Puri Puri Prisoner, the first S-Class (the best of the best in the Association) we see in action besides Genos, despite a rather impressive showing.  Even Genos himself gives a strong if futile effort against the evil beast, accustomed as he is to getting ragdolled in order to make the monster of the week look more dangerous before Saitama fists it to oblivion.

So far, this all still follows the standard shonen patterns: evil enemy appears, carves a bloody swath through a line of lesser heroes, and eventually stumbles into a final showdown with our protagonist.  Even so, One-Punch Man still has time to play with a few genre archetypes along the way to varying degrees of faithfulness: the power of teamwork, which fails miserably; the heroic transformation sequence, which only serves to show a side of Puri Puri Prisoner most of us definitely did not want to see; and even the infamous “nakarma power up,” during which resident low-ranked muggle hero Licenseless Rider gains a second wind in his hopeless battle against the Deep Sea King because the crowd he’s protecting all rallied behind him...which does absolutely nothing to change the outcome in any way.  It's at this point - with all the shonen-trope fish riddled with bullets at the bottom of the barrel - that Saitama finally steps in, annoyed and ready to throw down with the king.  

By now, most fans probably know the deal - but those few who miraculously missed the memo on what this series is all about might be expecting a decent fight for once.  And were this any other series, they’d have every right to.  Years of shonen narrative archetypes have conditioned us to expect a fight in these circumstances- maybe one-sided, maybe back- and-forth, but still, a fight.  What we get was the usual half-assed, one punch victory; Saitama drops him like an afterthought, just like every other baddie on the show. But it is the crowd’s reaction and what follows that really twists the deconstructive knife.  Saitama’s hilariously effortless dispatching of the Deep Sea King is par for the course for him, but completely throws his spectators for a loop- so much so that one particular ingrate uses it to argue against the efficacy of the Hero Association and heroes in general.

For most fans, this venom-spewing cretin should be burned in effigy.  But his arguments, on closer inspection, don't deviate much from the tirades shonen fans often level at “weak” characters in many franchises.  He questions the strength and usefulness of heroes and the hero ranking since a low-ranked nobody like Saitama can come along and end it in a single punch.  Truth be told, he does have a point about the rankings' unreliability, but when he equates strength with heroism, thus casting all the heroes who risked everything to keep him and his fellow citizens safe into the proverbial waste bin, he’s not saying anything out of the ordinary for fandoms like Dragonball or One Piece, where “weak” characters are often the butts of many jokes for the sin of not being in the top power tier.  

What's at heart here is the very nature of heroism itself, and who gets to define it.  Our obnoxious jerk lays out his own understanding: “Anyone can buy a little time, but a hero has to beat monsters.”  With that, the heckler shows his shared lineage with those who lust after the violent anti-hero archetype - the ones, like Saitama in the beginning, who are motivated more by the thrill of a good fight than a desire to save people.  These are the heroes who stop at nothing to “beat the bad guy” - collateral damage, protecting innocents, or a sense of higher purpose driving their actions be damned.  These are the heroes who own a dominant share of the current shonen market and who power the 90s Anti-hero trope so well known in Western comics.  These heroes, and their fans, hold “badassery” as the most important and defining trait a hero can have, giving lift to the most reprehensible personal and moral views so long as they have what it takes to annihilate the enemy and confer bragging rights to their vicarious backers.

Tear Down, Build Up

There are many other instances like this all throughout ONE’s webcomic and especially the fabulous redrawn manga made in collaboration with the great  Yusuke Murata.  Teamwork among these heroes is seen not only to fail, but to be fundamentally flawed when weighed against the egos and relative powerlessness of the parties involved.  The Hero Association gets rattled a few more times over the course of the series - each time revealing an even more unsavory underbelly in the process.  Perhaps the darkest manifestation of One-Punch Man’s deconstructive digs is Handsomely Masked Sweet Mask, the Association’s top A-Class and unofficial gatekeeper to the coveted Class S.  Popular, charming, and incredibly handsome, Sweet Mask harbors an almost sociopathic degree of black and white thinking.  His main quirk - aside from badgering other heroes for not living up to his ideals of “perfection” - is his relentless desire to vanquish “evil,” however he sees it.  This isn’t new, of course; hero teams across genres and cultures often have at least one moral monster to wreak havoc with the series' karmic tilt.  But ONE keeps true to his ironic bent by showing how flat-out insane it looks from the outside to idolize someone like that.  Sweet Mask will disregard orders to bring a target in alive,  threaten other heroes and even children who dare interfere with his directives, and all the while his fans cheer him on because hey, he looks so damn good doing it.  This creep's in-universe fandom love him for all the most shallow reasons, and though most of us in real life are thoroughly repulsed by him (if the tremendous amounts of hate he gets across the Internet is anything to go by) Sweet Mask slyly reveals the many illogical ways we justify flocking to characters that intrigue us superficially, even as we’d find their behavior under any other circumstance - or even if enacted by a less attractive or "cool" character - repugnant.  

One-Punch Man, far from being a simple gag series, runs quite a few deconstructive currents under the smooth surface of in-jokes and silliness.  Sure, it’s no Voltaire or Jonathan Swift, but ONE’s crafting has more than a little method behind the madness.  Indeed, you might be forgiven for assuming that the series is primarily satire - a brutal poke at the superhero premise specifically and anime archetypes generally.  But there’s another side to the story; just as the little creep in the Deep Sea King Arc made his case of what a hero is supposed to be, Saitama himself had his own answer.  And we’ll examine that in depth in the next part, along with the slew of other gems ONE throws in to veer his series away from simply demolishing fictional heroism’s house of card and towards rebuilding it in (partial) glory.

[aprilpillkington]

We’ve all become aware of new netflix show, and more so,...

We’ve all become aware of new netflix show, and more so, we’ve all most likely invested hours drew into the world of one TV show or another that comprises the steaming system’s extensive collection of material. With 75 million yearly customers, Netflix is a television powerhouse, house to some of the most high profile shows in presence. It is every television show maker’s dream to see their show sizzle in the houses of countless individuals throughout the world, and there is really no location preferred to make this take place than through Netflix … but getting this done is an exceptionally uphill struggle. How do you make it happen? It starts with the concept. You are going to need something pretty damn special, as the tv world has actually never been richer in imagination than it is today. But fresh ideas are out there, and if you believe you’ve got a good one then hang on to it firmly. You are going to have to flesh out your idea in detail, familiarizing yourself with all of the things your show would encompass, from characters to setting to style to plot. Getting your potential show out there does not mean you need to write a whole series worth of content, often you need only a terrific, well-thought out idea to hook the right people who can get you where you wish to go.

But, typically, you as the author will require to develop a coherent script for, at the very least, the pilot episode of your show. TV Production companies are rarely interested in an “concept”, as everybody has concepts. If you have the ability to swing into action and put your idea into a developed, thoughtful script, ideally a number of episodes, you are a lot more likely to catch the eye of a production business. These individuals wish to see that you have actually considered your concept and have adequate product to turn it into a possibly long-lasting television show. You are then going to want to contact a manufacturer or agent that finest matches the direction you see your show heading in. You should do comprehensive research to figure out which production companies and studios would be a great fit, who specifically you ought to get in touch with, how they like to be queried (email, fax, mail, and so on) and what exactly they are looking for in regards to material (comedy, drama, sci-fi, and so on) The absolute finest case situation is to pitch in person, if you can manage to find a connection to a producer or somehow handle to organize an in person conference– it is the simplest way to passionately pitch your show, and you will be there to be particular absolutely nothing is misunderstood and the agent/producer is clear on your ideas and visions. There are a variety of concerns you should definitely have the ability to respond to about your show prior to heading into a pitch. These include: How are your main characters and your characters’ world unique? How are these fantastic, intricate, conflicted, multi-layered, maybe flawed characters ones that the audience is able to end up being emotionally bought? Why do we care and why do we require to tell this story? What’s the tone of the show? Have the ability to compare to a netflix or movie if possible. Season one primary character arcs. An overview of the first season plot. How is this series sustainable over 100 episodes? (this is the golden mark to reach, because it’s where prod co’s can syndicate out the series; if you can’t show a minimum of a shred of wish to make 100 eps, it’s barely worth thinking about doing). How is this show various than shows of the same category that are on the air now? Specificity is essential. Who are your dream writers/directors/cast? (nearly every single tv show on the air has multiple writers/directors– so pick a few who are dealing with shows right now and think they ’d do well composing your show). Now, if you’ve got an agent/producer, preferably one who has ties with Netflix already, you are on track to getting your show on to Netflix’s radar. Your kind of representation will help in preparing your task to be pitched to the network. If this is successful, you will be able to sell your show to Netflix for a talked about sum of cash, along with work out a contract for an order number of episodes and payment as per the regards to the agreement. From there, it can take any amount of time to get your new netflix show up onto the TV screen, if it even makes it to that point. The TV industry is extremely unpredictable, with shows being picked up, produced and completely made only to be cancelled at the last moment.

How To Pitch A Show To Netflix?

Step 1: Think Up the Show. “Residue” began life as a concept in Harrison’s head. … Step 2: Financing the Show. The actual story covered by the very first 3 episodes of “Residue” is really various from Harrison’s preliminary strategy. … Step 3: Make the Show. … Step 4: Get the Show to Netflix. … Step 5: Make More of the Show(?). There are no set actions to creating a show and successfully getting it into the most sought-after streaming service. Numerous creators have actually taken various paths, as a great deal of it depends on connections/chance encounters, and what works for some people will not work for the other. It is very important to devote whatever you need to producing your show if this is something you really want to do, and following your gut and instinct in terms of picking a next action is exceptionally important. However, hopefully by following these steps you will give yourself the best possible possibility to make your tv-show deserving concept a truth. While the spring of 2015 has been controlled by Netflix releasing high profile series after high profile series, “House of Cards,” “Bloodline” and “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” aren’t the only new shows offered now for streaming. “ Residue,” created by John Harrison, premiered the other day on Netflix with 3 45 minute-long episodes. The genre series, starring “Game of Thrones” notables Natalie Tena and Iwan Rheon, tracks the aftermath of a devastating surge on the city of London and the government conspiracy that might be hiding the fact. (Netflix users might anticipate to see it as a recommended pick if they have actually enjoyed a great deal of “The X-Files” or other category programs.).

Via both phone and e-mail, Indiewire got a detailed breakdown of how “Residue’s” very first season arrived on the streaming giant, and what might take place next with the series. Step 1: Think Up the Show “ Residue” started life as an idea in Harrison’s head. He then brought it to manufacturer Charlotte Walls after a favorable experience working with her on the scary movie, “Clive Barker’s Book of Blood.” “ When [’ Book of Blood’] was ended up and launched, I went back to [Walls] and said, ‘Look, I have another concept that I truly want to do and I’m bringing it to you first because I would love to work with you people,’” he stated. And Harrison had a huge amount of product for the concept. “The thing I had actually visualized was quite a long story. The film that I was pitching them was essentially the start of the mythology, and with success we would have the opportunity to do more, so television sounded truly amazing to me, given how it has actually developed over the past numerous years– the novelization of television. Also, many of the networks are really getting creatively engaged with category product, which was not constantly real in the early 2000s and going back.” Step 2: Financing the Show The real story covered by the first three episodes of “Residue” is very different from Harrison’s preliminary plan. After optioning and establishing the product, manufacturer Charlotte Walls pertained to Harrison with the concept– and more notably, the cash– for a task that would function, in Harrison’s words, as “a proof-of-concept pilot.” “ Whenever someone states they have loan for production, you need to take it!” he said. According to Walls, “Residue” found its financing by means of International Pictures 4, Screen Yorkshire and Green Screen Studios. Due to the fact that a few of the money came from the UK, Harrison didn’t direct– they needed to make sure a certain percentage of the team was British. “We employed a really young gifted British director [Alex Garcia Lopez], who I had a great collaborative relationship with,” he said. “ [Lopez] is so key to the task, which brings his signature style. He was the hook for Iwan Rheon, who he worked with on 'Misfits,’” Walls stated. “ If we get to the next group and I’m able to compose them all and get them written before we get to production,” Harrison said, “Then it would be easier for me to drop back into the director’s chair.” Action 3: Make the Show sizzle

How do you bring on board understood players like Tena and Rheon? Harrison associated that to the script, along with its unconventional nature. “I think the combination of the product and the innovative group drew in all the talent. I believe everybody understood that we had fantastic ambitions for this also, so they wanted to get on board.” Those aspirations consisted of a non-traditional approach to the production, which caused a the project becoming both a netflix series and a film. “When we got it into post-production our supplier, Material Media, had a look at it and stated, 'Let’s … go straight to television,’” Harrison said. “So I wrote some extra scenes so we could pull, into these very first three episodes, a few of the larger conspiracy styles. We shot those and re-edited them into the 3 hours that are now airing on Netflix.”

“’ Residue’ is rather pioneering because it is genuinely multi-format,” Walls stated. “We scripted, shot and cut the project as a motion picture, which was released theatrically in the UK on March 20, 2015 on a minimal release. Whilst we were in post-production, we evaluated the product and decided to develop the three-parter as well, which was then offered to Netflix in this format particularly.” Step 4: Get the Show to Netflix How did that occur? Well, when “Residue” was completed in its newfound type as a television show, distributor Material Media brought the show to the October 2014 MIPCON, a trade show kept in Cannes that functions as a market for worldwide television. They likewise ensured that Netflix got an opportunity to see it in advance. “ That really began the sales pitch,” Harrison stated. “We had a number of entities who were interested in it, but Netflix wished to take it off the table.” The show is now offered for streaming in English-language territories; a global launch will present over the course of the year. In the meantime … Action 5: Make More of the Show(?). It’s actually just the start of the story, according to Walls. “’ Residue’ Season 1 is really an extended pilot and ought to be thought of that way,” she stated. “Netflix do not necessarily do the Amazon-style pilot season. However 'Residue’ is actually more in that design where these first three chapters are live before the existence of a full season.”.

How do I send something to Netflix?

Step 1– Improve Your Pitch For Netflix. Due to the fact that nearly every filmmaker dreams of getting a Netflix deal, there is an abundant supply of content. … Step 2– Discover An Aggregator or Distributor. … Step 3– Get An Action. Therefore the plan is to work towards a 10-episode 2nd season, and Netflix currently has the special alternative on it. Walls did clarify that since 10 episodes is a bigger dedication, there would have to be modifications. “Any full season would always be more standard in its financing as the general spending plan would be so much higher,” Walls said. “Netflix would be at the center of that financing plan from day one, for this reason the choice.”.

But independent funding has some benefits, and Harrison was happy with the experience: “It’s a great thing for someone like me, since creatively I’m solutioning to my partners as opposed needing to deal with a regular network structure. We made this without any disturbance from studios or networks. We were with the studio! That, to me, was really great.”

Four months after it was announced that Netflix would be investing CDN$ 500 million in original productions in Canada over a 5-year period, Netflix’s now previous VP of Content, Elizabeth Bradley, took the stage at Prime-time show in Ottawa to talk about how manufacturers can get their shows on the platform. It’s been 5 years because the commissioning of the very first Netflix Original series, Home of Cards, which had a spending plan of $100 million for 26 episodes. With its dependence on data that led to the show’s creation and promotion, Home of Cards marked a turning point in the way programs was made. Prior to the Canadian Netflix offer being announced, a variety of Canadian manufacturers had already had successful partnerships with Netflix. Some took the kind of extra windows for productions at first produced broadcasters while others were complete partnerships on Netflix Originals. To the latter category belong Travelers, Frontier, Alias Grace and the Anne of Green Gablesadaptation understood simply as Anne (when broadcast on CBC) or Anne with an E on Netflix. What is Netflix looking for?

When asked what Netflix is searching for in regards to category, Elizabeth Bradley replied “Whatever.”. Whether it’s sci-fi, a thriller, drama or funny or even a remake of Anne of Green Gables, she stated the key concerns writers and producers need to ask themselves are these: Why is it exciting? Why is it various? Bradley noted that once Netflix believes in the producer’s vision, the other pieces are secondary. “The package of directors and actors isn’t important to us.”. “ We can fix the cast and the director. What we can’t solve is amazing writing and storytelling.”. A story that resonates worldwide. Bradley continued: “When Moira [Walley-Beckett] and Miranda [de Pencier] concerned me with a script for Anne,” and it is very important to come with a script, she highlighted, “they had a genuine and grounded interpretation that we understood would resonate worldwide.”. And it wasn’t just the same old 1908 Anne of Green Gables. Vancouver-born Walley-Beckett came to the project with Emmy wins for her writing on the very 21st century Breaking Bad, so including some edge to the Anne character and narrative was all part of the plan. “We knew it would work worldwide,” said Bradley. That hunch turned out to be accurate. Anne with an E was among Netflix’s a lot of binge-watched shows around the world in 2017, with Prince Edward Island’s most well-known red-headed daughter winning over audiences as far away as South Korea, India and South Africa. So what does it consider a netflix original series to have an international appeal? Some believe that shooting in several locations around the globe resolves the problem, but Bradley cautioned that it’s not quite that simple. “ If you’re sitting with a good friend in Japan, and you both just get it … if you’ve got that sort of relatable story around the globe, that’s what we’re after.”. In addition to stories that work throughout cultural and geographical borders, there are logistical concerns to keep in mind when thinking about making a pitch to Netflix. For these factors, Bradley advises working with an agent, a manager or a legal representative. The value of partnering with a Canadian broadcaster or distributor.

The length of time should a TV show pitch be?

Your pitch ought to disappear than 12-15 minutes long. Concentrate on the hook of your show and why it would be a great suitable for their network. Your pitch should be as prepared as your treatment and your script, so practice it multiple times! In a January 2018 interview with the CMPA’s Indiescreen publication, Corie Wright, Netflix’s Director of Global Public law, shared a couple of more insights about working with the company that Canadian producers are most likely to discover useful. “ Many people don’t recognize that Netflix can’t make qualified CanCon without partnering with a Canadian broadcaster or independent Canadian distributor. That’s why all of our CanCon originals are co-productions with Canadian broadcasters. Other Netflix originals like the Trailer Park Boys reboot and Canadian director Tony Elliott’s movie ARQ include a lot of Canadian creativity and talent, and score high on CanCon requirements, however they aren’t accredited as CanCon since we can’t do CanCon on our own.”. Repeating the platform’s main interest in making the highest quality shows offered to a varied and dispersed audience, Wright stated this: “We attempt not to get too caught up in the labels and rather focus on making terrific movies and netflix tv show.”. TIP: Netflix and Hulu DO NOT want your “idea.” They desire your END PRODUCT. And even then, they only desire it if it makes sense for them. It resembles a book, individuals, I can not pitch them an unsolicited “idea,” since a million other people probably have the very same concept, and the last thing they want is for you to think they “took” yours, when it wasn’t even distinct to begin with. If you want to see your “idea” on Netflix and Hulu, establish a pilot, or produce a few episodes, or movie the movie. Once again, it resembles a book, the publisher wishes to see a finished manuscript, or at least some strong chapters …

We’ve all become aware of new netflix show, and more so,... published first on https://the4th3rd.tumblr.com

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

I think the anon re: memes versus left/right was trying to point out that you yourself have a double-standard when it comes to them and that you've uncritically spread right-wing ones before that turned out to be bullshit while mocking the left for falling for the exact same thing????????????? hillary death note

eh, i dont think so? I dont think it is speaking to me, i mean, it goes:

Interesting how memes mocking the left don't have to be factual, but memes mocking the right have to be backed up with a fucktinllion of evidence.

memes mocking the left are generally coming from a basis that isnt too concerned with the factual while memes mocking the right are coming from a basis that is totally concerned with being factual. I feel the right side is EMOTIONALLLLLLY invested rather than intelligently. I mean, it’s in the name, reactionary politics, as it is a desperate appeal of return to the status quo ante, which has depression and dread about the SITUATION NOW as a prerequisite. For them, it’s a terrible loss bordering on grief, and that lends itself to an outlook and sense of humour that speaks out of dark, sardonic wit. They have nothing to lose, so to speak, because they have already lost as far as they know. It’s a political rage against the dying of the light and they will be as surreal and intangible about it, indifferent to how outsiders interpret that, relishing in others’ confusion as they worship gods of chaos via repeating digits and making pee pee and poo poo jokes with icons of a frogs.

The left, however, are smug and confident in using wit and “facts”, because they are the status quo and part of what they feel and express is the “right side of history.” No matter how bad or awful they feel civil rights are, they KNOW, in their gut that they will be validated by time itself and that lends itself to a sense of “evidence is on my side” and a light wit appended to that. See: the daily show. Memeing and joking about the right wing opposition is treated like a sideshow oddity on it’s way out on the love boat ride of history, and that lends itself to a sort of sensible, condescending smugness.

to factually assail the far right wing’s memes is ineffective, because yeah, their memes tap into something emotional rather than “factual”. But the effect these emotional memes have on the left and producing real change on discourse and awareness is promising. A means to an end. It’s hard not to get excited about that, because it confounds and infuriates the left because it has the trappings of a real counter culture they have no control of. It gets the left invested in a way they have previously been passive about and that lends itself to constructive discourse, once taboos have been shed and the playing field leveled.

Unless you made that anon, maybe you are projecting your own frustration with me onto that ask?

This double standard you have ascribed to me tho, i acknowledge that.

Because for all the facts and statistics, you can have your face in the details for so long that the greater picture eludes and morphs around you and ultimately out of your grasp. The left commands power and clout the right wing can only grasp at and hold in fleeting moments. The left, for having command of the media and the “facts,” somehow inspite of that, nationalism and reactionary politics is on an incredible rise and no matter how much fact checking and dispelling of “fake news” is done, it can’t help that. So what good is there for me in further fact checking here when its done all the time on CNN, MSNBC, most news outlets and so on that you, yes you, can tune into rather than wait for me to do so. Also i have like a million tabs open and links to follow up on stories and shit ive posted before but never get around to it because i have a live and career out of this and I run this blog FOR FREE

You can use this bleg on the internet as a counterweight or barometre against mainstream news, i actually encourge that lol. Youd be figuring it out for uRSELF and forming ur own opinion, which is ideal haha. I really dont want people relying on me

I usually get the impetus to make time to post if something excites me or if its readily just there or if i find it particularly controversial or inflammatory. I find myself focused on the prevailing status quo and it’s failures more often than i would employ a general consistency to ALL.

But yeah, anyway, mainstream news (REAL NEWS™) is a tool for maintaining status quo. It fact checks the western right but is totally blind to the needs of population and the rise of the right wing among western muslims (in a way that isnt totally inflammatory, theres hardly ever a nuanced constructive look at it - only “not all muslims” or “yes all muslims”) who are a reaction to the global predominance of western culture/influence, that in turn fuels the rise of the right wing in the west because the concerned westerner’s options are either the reigning side of total ignorance/apologism or complete ethnic upheaval/nationalism as a function of western polarization because of how ineffectual the status quo (liberals) are.

The western left isn’t looking forward, it’s isnt looking in the present either, it’s looking to the past, in maintaining itself independent of the multiple trajectories and developing trends around the world, and an increasingly antiquated pipeline to progressive utopia hoping for indefinite power over the right rather than evolve with everyone else who now has figured out a way to exploit these narrow focused western progressive blinders. (lengthy sentence, take a breath, sorry lol)

It has no vision, while people are captivated by vision. Selective factchecking and saying everything is hokey dorey and praying for a large enough multicultural vote one day - because it’s been pre-ordained by Being On The Right Side Of History, because cmon it’s Current Year - to deny the right wing power isnt a platform worth being captivated by. I surely am not captivated by it, especially with how it has fanned the flames of polarization and become apologist toward awful international militarism it’s responsible for and SOME forms of terrorism that has resulted from that.

You can look at the factchecking about the economy and see unemployment in the USA has been down since 2008 thanks to obama (arguably? adminstrations generally cant effect the direction of the economy so well), and yet the american midwest is still an economic wasteland riddled with opiate addiction - that has helped push Trump into the white house. You can believe that more immigration will grant you demographic destiny and ensure the success of a truly progressive forever guaranteed slate of power where everyone lives in peace, newcomers drop their customs and assimilate into a country that becomes a mixed race nation transcending tribalism without the right wing impeding on that... except the obvious brewing timebomb of ethnic strife experienced in other diverse countries that OTHER NATIONS RECOGNIZE AND SEEK TO FOMENT AND EXPLOIT IN THE WEST, rendering that narrow utopian platform a failure in waiting when shit like this happens:

I mean yes, i have peddled things that has turned out to be bullshit, but who hasn’t? I use this blog often to speak to areas i feel are ignored and fuck around with shit i see that isnt already posted to high hell about already elsewhere. The left listens to factual contest and the right listens to gut punch populism.

what is a double standard anyway, what is the standard even? politics is the study of languages and not everyone speaks the same language. Why should i correct the speakers of hindi for not using the grammatical structure of romance languages? You may speak one language, baffled by how i dont fit in that but im plainly busy trying to comprehend languages and apply them in places where necessary.

I think i started rambling off track, whoops, ill end this now lol

TL;DR: its my blog you can unfollow if you dont like my apparent inconsistency, im not trying to appeal to your or anyone’s standards besides my own (i dont have any, really, im along for the ride). im like the facade of a contrarian on steroids and self likened political historian, observer of sorts - which is all egostroke, im just a shitposter on the internet and i like gauging reactions and flossing my thoughts by responding to things like this ask.

[yourrainycollectorhologram-blog]

Is it normal for a dealer to ask me to put car on my insurance before i purchase it?

"Is it normal for a dealer to ask me to put car on my insurance before i purchase it?

I am trying to finance a car... the dealer said i can take it home today before I get approved for credit, I just have to put the car on my insurance. I have never heard of that. Is this some type of scam thing? Like what if the interest rate is outrageously high... am I stuck with the car or something? I live in Texas

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I know that many companies will give a huge discount on your automotive insurance premiums if you supply them with proof that you drive far fewer miles than average. I understand that the best way to do this would be to mail a copy of recent vehicle inspections so that they can officially see the low mileage driven over time. However, Progressive does not mention anything, anywhere about low mileage discounts. I have been told you have to ask for this, or else you would never know it is possible. Does anyone have any knowledge, advice, tips, etc regarding this? Furthermore, does anyone know how you would go about this specifically with Progressive?""

Can I have a car title in my name & insurance in my dads?

Right now I am listed as a Second Driver under his insurance, and he is on the title of my car. Makes it so I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for insurance as a college student. 270 every 3 months for full coverage is great. I'm getting a new (used) car. I am putting down 3/4 in cash and the rest in a small loan. He is an extremely busy person so I was wondering if I could purchase the car with the title in my name and still be listed as a 2nd driver under his insurance, but the car be under his name/insurance, even though the car is in my name?""

""Is it true that the older the car, the lower the insurance cost?""

My dad has a car that is 4 years old, it is a subaru outback, with 200,000+miles on it (not a typo, he drives it all over the eastern coast). Now would the subarus insurance cost(total) be lower than if i bought my own used car?""

Car vs Motorcycle?

I have a Chevy Cobalt that get around 35mpg but I drive over 150 miles a day should I get a motorcycle to save money? if so what kind I was think about a Ninja 250 i weigh 165 pounds and am 5'10

Car insurance...?

I am thinking about buying a 1999 ford fiesta sometime. I have opted for a 5 door car rather than a 3 door car. I have heard of some people paying up to 3k per year for insurance. How much difference roughly in terms of  would having 5 doors make in stead of 3? And what would be the difference rouughly between insuring a car with a 1.8 diesel engine than something like a 1.4 diesel engine? I want to get a car when I have passed my driving test.

Does anyone know of anykind of affordable health insurance for my mother?

She is age 62, never worked outside the home, and presently does not have health insurance...""

When was car insurance for teens increased?

I was wondering how long and in what year was car insurance for teens increased? links would be very helpful... Thanks All!

Why has my car insurance quote shot up overnight?

My renewal is on the 3rd October, so I've been already looking around for the cheapest deal. It was up until today 852.09 for 3rd party, Fire and Theft. However, today it has gone up to 1433.07...which is almost as much as last year. I've also noticed that the cheapest insurance provider (the one that provided me with the 852.09 quote) is no longer providing me with a quote, and that it's forcing me to have to go with the second lowest price...but all the other companies quotes have gone up as well... My birthday is next week as well, so I'm wondering if it has gone up to take advantage of the possibility of me having to buy new insurance cover or something? Really finding it hard to find the reason how the quotes can have gone up by so much over-night with no change in my quote information at all :/ My details: 19 Years old Male 1 Years NCB Punto Sporting Thanks in advance!""

AAA insurance question! I just got my license!?

I just got my license today! I'm 18 and live in California. 1. Can I drive with people under 18? 2. My mom has AAA auto insurance for her car, and that's what I was driving when I had my permit. Is it still ok to drive the car now that I have my license? 3. I didn't understand the scoring system. I got 5 wrong, and obviously passed what is that in a letter grade or percent? Thanks. God Bless.""

Car Insurance for Tourists?

I bought a new car in Germany. It is insured through its manufacturer. I then left Germany and went to another country to work and live. Since I wanted to keep the car, I drove it to my new home! For the first 3 months (I am told) I am still insured as a Tourist. But I wonder... Say I have an accident in this new country, we exchange insurance details, etc... Where should the other driver go to get his compensation and file his claim? Has anyone ever had an accident with, say even, a rental car from another country and found out that they live elsewhere and . . . How should one deal with this situation where there might even be language barriers between the two drivers and the forms they have to fill in? Thanks in advance

Car insurance cancelled on financed car..?

So I've been looking for a way out of my car loan lately because the payments are really too much for me right now...I know I shouldn't have got into it but I was young and VERY gullible. I just got a letter in the mail from my insurance company asking for me to verify the address I have on file with them ( where I park my car at night) or else they will cancel my coverage. So if they cancel my coverage, will I still be held accountable for the car loan? Or will I have to pay the balance off? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :-)""

How much is car insurance for teenagers or New drivers ?

Hello, My father is planning on buying me a a car when I get job to pay for my own insurance. I was wondering how much car insurance would be for me. I am 16. How much would it be if I'm also on my parents plan ? You don't have to give the exact price, just a price range. . . And the car would be a regular nissan or economy car.""

Would you switch car insurance companies after 10 years to save money?

Since 1997 I've been with the same car insurance company. Have had FANTASTIC service and support with claims and general questions. I use the same company for car insurance, home owner's insurance, life insurance, and to manage my IRA. When pricing out alternatives I realize that I could save about $50 a month by switching my car insurance to esurance. I attempted to get my current insurance to match their price without success. I'm very leery about possibly loosing my excellent service and support from my current company. Would you switch to a new company, and possibly a worse company, to save money?? I can easily afford my current company, but I'd obviously love having an extra $50 a month to plan with.""

New driver needs car insurance - NOT a teen!?

I'm a 23-year old woman living in North Carolina. I'm getting my license for the first time and desperately need *affordable* car insurance. Problems? I am an orphan, so I can't be added to my parents' policy. I don't live alone, but cannot be added to my roommate's policy. Most insurance companies have told me that b/c I don't live alone, I can't get a nonowner's policy, which is fine, but the prospect of paying $5,000 for a 6-month policy is unimaginable. Does anyone know where I can start? I will get my restricted license (restricted due to NC's financial liability requirement) next week and need to get insurance and a car ASAP. HELP!""

Can parents get sued if I drive a car without insurance?

My mom tried to tell me that if I drive without insurance they would be sued because I live with them. I am 19 so I am a legal adult. The car is also in my name only. I think she was just talking out her *** personally, but now I am curious if that is even possible. Whatsoever.""

Car insurance Questions!! HELP!!!?

My wife and I bought a used car the other day. The car dealership didnt require us to have insurance on it before we left because we paid cash for it. Well on the way home she got into a wreck. It was her fault. Someone said that the dealership covers the car up to 30 days from the time you bought it?? Does anyone know abt this? Or know how I can have it covered? Thanks

Good grades for car insurance?

I was wondering what type of grade avarage that you need to have to get the good grade discount. and how much of a discount does it give you 100$ 50$ 20$???

What will happen if i dont pay my car insurance this month?

I am a student and find it financially. I recently had to get my car repaired so I now do not have enough money to pay my insurance this month (192.10) I was thinking of asking if I can skip this month and request double payment this month? What are the consquences of not paying the insurance for a month. My friend believes it can damage the policy and they may ask for the full ammount? Im with quinn direct

Can insurance find out you have a license if you don't tell them about it?

hey guys, i'm about to get my license but before i do i was wondering:can the insurance company find out if you get your license without you telling them and jack up your rates? the reason i ask is because i'm not interested in getting insurance for myself at the moment i just wanted to get the test out of the way.""

Insuring a VW Beetle?

i really want a red VW Beetle, the newer version, but not really new so it costs tons. I would be a 1st time buyer at 17/18 years old. what is the average price for that car and what does the insurance cost nowadays?""

Can i use my car insurance to pay for damage to my car?

Some idiot decided not to own up to denting my car at the weekend, so now i am left to foot the bill which judging by the damage is not going ot be cheap. The moron whoever he/she is has dented both passenger side doors. As i have never been in this situation i am not sure if i can use my car insurance to pay for the damage, especially as i dont know who damaged my car in tyhe first place. I am fully comp with Tesco.""

Car Insurance?

Ok, first does anyone know which states do not require car insurance? Second question is do you have to have full coverage on a financed car? No silliness here real answers.""

Up to how much can health insurance cost?

I'm doing a speech about why I think health care should be free, so I'm wondering whats the range of cost on health insurance?""

What happens if you lye to you car insurance company?

When I was 18 and I first got my car insurance policy my mom convinced me to set my adress to my uncle's house because it was cheaper. It is but, now that I'm 20 I'm starting to have second thoughts about it. What can possibly go wrong with this?""

Is it normal for a dealer to ask me to put car on my insurance before i purchase it?

I am trying to finance a car... the dealer said i can take it home today before I get approved for credit, I just have to put the car on my insurance. I have never heard of that. Is this some type of scam thing? Like what if the interest rate is outrageously high... am I stuck with the car or something? I live in Texas

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-car-can-i-get-cheapest-insurance-month-daniel-ruiz/"

[hub-pub-bub]

“I think fiction writing which does not acknowledge the uncertainty of the narrator himself is a form of imposture which I find very, very difficult to take. Any form of authorial writing where the narrator sets himself up as stagehand and director and judge and executor in a text, I find somehow unacceptable. I cannot bear to read books of this kind.” – W. G. Sebald

That this is the age of first person seems undeniable.  Essay and memoir are—have been for some time—culturally ascendant, with the lines between fiction and essay increasingly blurred (I’ve written about this here).  In its less exalted form, first person dominates our national discourse in many guises:  the tell-all, the blog post, the reality confessional booth, the carefully curated social media account, the reckless tweets of our demented president.  We are surrounded by a multitude of first person narratives, vying for our time and attention, and we respond to them, in our work, and increasingly in our art, in first person.

My impression, as a writer and teacher, is that over the last 10 or 15 years there has been a paradigmatic move toward first person as the default mode of storytelling.  In a workshop of 20 student pieces, I’m now surprised if more than a third are written in third person.  When I flip open a story collection or literary magazine, my eye expects to settle on a paragraph liberally girded with that little pillar of self.

Anecdotal evidence tends to support this suspicion.  A completely random example:  six of the last 10 National Book Award winners have been first-person narratives; of the 55 previous NBA winners stretching from 2005 to 1950 (Nelson Algren’s The Man with the Golden Arm), the tally is 40 to 15 in favor of third person.  This is, of course, completely anecdotal and almost certainly statistical noise, to a degree.  Still, it’s suggestive.  As recently as 10 years ago, creative nonfiction specialist jobs barely existed at the university and graduate MFA level; last year, there were more creative nonfiction job openings than comparable tenure track positions for poets.  Essay and memoir classes have sprung up everywhere.  Whether this trend is significant and whether it will continue are debatable; that it is a trend, seems less so.

It worries me that we may be slowly losing the cultural ability or inclination to tell stories in third person.  Why does this matter?  Because, I believe, third-person narration is the greatest artistic tool humans have devised to tell the story of what it means to be human.

In How Fiction Works, James Wood cites Sebald, decrying third person as obsolete following the horrors of World War II.  Wood comments, “For Sebald, and for many writers like him, standard third-person omniscient narration is a kind of antique cheat.”  The general argument, as advanced by Sebald, and more recently, by writers like David Shields and Will Self, seems to go:  Flaubertian third-person omniscient narration is a jerry-rigged, mechanistic anachronism blithely ignorant of the historical context that renders it obsolete; far from “realism,” it is almost wholly artificial, beginning in the first place with the artifice of a narrator and extending through the sleight-of-hand known as free indirect discourse (crudely put:  the blending of narrator and character perceptions).  First person narration, the corollary would go, is more immediate and less contrived.  It is authentic.

Most people seem to agree.  These critical interpretations both reinforce and describe a more popular apprehension of first-person narrative—that it is the most direct and natural form of storytelling.  In creative writing classes, teachers will often advise students to employ first person with more overtly raw or emotional material, operating on the rationale that first person has an implicit honesty third does not.  Sebald’s quote—as to the inherent (and therefore inherently truthful) uncertainty of the essayistic perspective—is simply a more sophisticated version of this position, what we might call the naturalistic view of first person.

First person, however, contains a contrivance central to its character that third person does not: audience.  In first person, someone is addressing someone else, but absent narrative framing to position these someones—a la Holden Caulfield directing his speech to a ghostly doctor—we find ourselves in an inherently ambiguous space: to whom, exactly, is this person talking, and why?  The uncertainty of this space, I would argue, is largely filled, intentionally or not, by the voice of the narrator, its presence and authority.  Even if this narrator declaims her own uncertainty, she declaims it with certainty, and she declaims it toward an imagined audience, in a speaker/listener relationship.  There are no competing voices, no opportunity for the objective telescoping of third person, and so the reader essentially become a jurist listening to a lawyer’s closing argument.

In this sense, all first-person narration is unreliable, or placeable on a continuum of unreliability.  It isn’t accidental that the greatest examples of the first-person novel—Lolita, The Good Soldier, Tristram Shandy—make ample use of unreliability and/or intricate frame narration.  The best examples of the form lean as heavily as possible on first person’s audience-related pretenses.  Third-person narration, in contrast, contains no similar inherent claim to authority, and therefore tends toward a version of the world that is more essentially descriptive in character.  A third-person narrative, whether in the form of a short story or War and Peace, is a thing to be inspected by the reader.  It is, in a sense, a closed system, a ship in bottle, and the reader can hold it up to the light to see how closely it resembles a real ship.  If it does, part of the reading experience is to imagine it as the real thing; but it can be assumed, in a kind of contract on the part of intelligent writers and readers, that the shipbuilder is not pretending his model is fit for actual seafaring.

In other words, the existence of a third-person narrator—that artificial authority Sebald found intolerable—signals the act of storytelling, and in doing so, encodes a structural uncertainty that first person lacks.  Third-person narrators no longer walk onstage and deliver monologues, a la Jane Austen, but we still understand them to be devices in service of telling a story—a contrivance that announces itself as such.  They are the artifice that enables the art, and they are truthful as to their own untruthfulness, or perhaps better, their truthlessness.  Compared to the explicit machinery of third-person narration, first person’s artifice seems covert, a clandestine operation.  This is not necessarily an argument against first-person narration—in able hands, this concealment can be a means of exposing greater truths about the subject of the writing or its writer—but it is an argument against the proposition that first person is somehow more transparent or “honest” than third.

The other common objection to third-person narration, and by proxy an argument for first person, also concerns the artificiality of the third person narrator, not in artistic but rather, experiential terms.  This is the second prong of the naturalist argument: it isn’t a thing that exists.  No one walks into a room and thinks of themselves, “he walked into a room.”  Also, no one simply watches other people walk into a room without being aware of their own frame of reference.  And this is true:  close third person, via free-indirect discourse, models human consciousness with an intimacy that strives toward first person’s access to a character’s thoughts and emotions.  Why then, the argument goes, not dispense with this clumsy intermediary and go right to the source?

Counterintuitively, third person achieves an effect, both in spite of and because of its narrator, that is more “realistic” than first.  While no one walks into a room and thinks, “he walks into a room,” it can be asserted with even greater force that no one walks into a room and thinks, “I walk into a room.”  No one, that is, who isn’t an imbecile or robot—not characters who figure heavily in the canon of great fictional protagonists.  The experience of being a human is, in fact, an experience of dual consciousness.  Human beings are social creatures, and human existence is an endless negotiation of the immediate, subjective perspective, and the greater objective context.  We constantly divide our attention between the first- and third-person points of view, between desiring the shiny object in front of us and figuring out what it means for us to take it:  who else wants it, what we have to do to get it, and whether it’s worth taking it from them.  In this sense, close third person not only accurately models human cognition, but omniscient third does as well, since, while we cannot read other people’s minds, we are constantly inferring their consciousness—their motives and feelings.  The human experience is a kind of constant jumping of these cognitive registers, from pure reptile-brain all the way up to a panoramic moral overview and back down, and human ingenuity has yet to invent a better means of representing this experience in art than the third-person narrator.  The apparatus of third-person narration, while wholly artificial, ironically enables the most authentic depiction of the quagmire of personhood.

Irony is key here, in both cause and effect.  Third person’s scaffolding of multiple, competing levels of awareness is inherently, structurally ironic; the effect created by these slightly ill-fitting beams and joists, as the demands of narrative push and pull them against each other, is a large-scale, resonant irony.  Writing about the ability of narrative to convey humanity’s huge profligacy of type, Adelle Waldman, in a New Yorker piece from 2014, quotes Leo Tolstoy’s depiction of Vronsky:

He was particularly fortunate in that he had a code of rules which defined without question what should and should not be done.  The code covered only a very small number of contingencies, but, on the other hand, the rules were never in doubt, and Vronsky, who never thought of infringing them, had never had a moment’s hesitation about what he ought to do.  The rules laid it down most categorically that a cardsharper had to be paid, but a tailor had not; that one must not tell a lie to a man, but might to a woman, that one must not deceive anyone but one may a husband; that one must not forgive an insult but may insult others, etc.

She says, “If someone like Vronsky were to give an account of his moral code, it would not, we can be sure, read in precisely these terms.”  This is true but neglects an important aspect of this rendering of Vronsky’s moral code, for we see at once in this passage a social view of Vronsky’s hypocrisy that shades toward a self-awareness of his own hypocrisy.  This shading—the ironic bounce of the repeated “never,” and the pompous “most categorically”—both enact Vronsky’s pompous hypocrisy and suggest a shiver of cognitive dissonance, of unease, that seems to come from Vronsky himself.  The point is debatable—maybe Tolstoy is just calling Count Vronsky an asshole—but in a general sense, the ironic space that third person carves out creates a productive ambiguity that deepens character the same way these little ironies of the self, the simultaneity of objective and subjective, deepen human existence the more a person is aware of them.  In this case, they suggest a Count Vronsky who is not only an asshole, but also, perhaps, very slightly aware of his own assholishness, as most assholes are.  It at least implies that possibility—a complex position unavailable to first person, in which a Vronsky POV would essentially either cop to his own hypocrisy, or strategically introduce it through unwitting revelation in the usual reliable unreliable method.

As a thought experiment, try to imagine Ulysses written in the first person, the dueling solitary consciousnesses of Stephen and Bloom.  We are, of course, embedded deep in Bloom’s and Stephens’s minds, but we are embedded there, via virtuoso free-indirect discourse rather than first-person.  It is surprising, in a way, that Ulysses was not written in first—after all, here we have the summit of stream-of-consciousness narrative, with an emotional and associative immediacy that has informed 100 years of writing all the way to the essayists of the moment.  Not only this, but the fracturing of consciousness and Dublin’s social institutions as represented in the book are (as we understand, in a somewhat trite though probably accurate sense) a cultural response the First World War; per Sebald, we would expect such a narrative to dispense with the puppetry of third-person narration.  So why not in first?  What would be lost?

Among other things, it would more or less be simply a record of human confusion.  It would be an exhaustive, exhausting trek through Dublin, unremitting in its assault on our senses.  Ulysses is already exhausting enough in this regard, but many of the moments of relief are moments of perspectival shift:  the wider view of Stephen in the classroom, for example, or the anti-Semitic Citizen throwing a biscuit tin at Bloom as he flees the pub, righteous and triumphant.  These, and similar moments allowed by the omniscient narration, crucially allow in other people, complicating the dominant note of mental claustrophobia.  I say crucially, because the novel is not, ultimately, about mental claustrophobia, about being trapped in oneself; it is about the opposite, about the inevitability and value of social connection.  A Ulysses in first would represent, in spite of its erudition and catholicity of reference, essentially a shriveling worldview, rather than the enlarging one it offers.  HCE:  Here Comes Everybody.

All of which is to say that the current critical and cultural movement away from third-person narration should be taken seriously, and to some extent—as much as such a thing is possible—resisted.  Matters of taste come and go, and it may seem silly to imagine third-person narration disappearing.  After all, it has persisted in its current form for going on 300 years.  But many pinnacles of high art recede and disappear in the face of changing norms.  It was probably similarly hard for the 19th- century art lover to imagine classical portraiture and Renaissance brushwork disappearing.  David Shields and similar critics may be dismissed as extreme, but they give voice to a larger cultural impulse, the enthronement of unmediated personal experience and feeling (as though such a thing were possible, even if desirable) as the height of written expression.  Reviewing Meghan Daum’s essay collection, The Unspeakable, Roxane Gay writes, “When it comes to the personal essay, we want so much and there is something cannibalistic about our desire. We want essayists to splay themselves bare. We want to see how much they are willing to bleed for us.”  The promotion of this kind of writing is, in turn, a collective response to larger cultural currents, among them the still shockingly recent advent of the Internet and reality television.  In this context, it is not hard to imagine omniscient third person, with its many registers of complex irony and representation, becoming the truly outmoded art form that Sebald and others would like it to be, an ornate artifact of a slower and more explicable age.

And it’s true that in a very real sense, third person is not the narrative mode of our time.  A Henry James novel is essentially the anti-tweet.  Its aesthetic roots are in a more contemplative era, an era with fewer distractions and, simultaneously, more incentive to consider one’s place in the larger social context of a world that was rapidly expanding.  Now that the world has expanded to its seeming limits, we see an urge to put the blinders on and retreat into the relative safety of personal narrative.  This impulse should be resisted.  We need to engage with our world and one another, making use of the most sensitive instruments of understanding we have at our disposal.